Steve Hofstetter

00:01you know on Tinder the whole time we're live we're live you can't talk about Tinder dude shut it off don't swipe right Steve hoper ladies and gentlemen how bu um that was at the same time uh I'm good I'm excited to be here I'm excited to have you man I I love the video there's a video I found out about Steve because a video of some hecklers why do they still exist do people out there do you not know that when you come to a comedy show it's like going to the movies you shouldn't try the ego and alcohol you're right that's that's the answer I asked a rhetorical question yeah and I got a definitive answer it's a was a great video though cuz you handled it so well I don't even remember the subject what was uh what was she uh heckling about uh it was about I was talking about how parents think they're special and they're not that's right and then she yelled out and then walked into two

00:53minutes of material that I already had written about the subject if I had written what she was supposed to say it wouldn't have been as good as what she actually said yeah it was like a setup and sometimes those things happen and people accuse people of doing plants I've never heard of anybody actually doing a plant though of you other than Andy Kaufman no like not even not one time but people some times people look at the world and they go well this is too good it can't be real it's like well allow for some magic to happen sometimes little comedy magic yeah I mean there's so many videos of hecklers you would think that they would learn like there's is there ever a video video of a Heckler winning I I mean there there are definitely videos of people who are like I own this Heckler and then you're like n not did you did you looks kind of no not really sometimes yeah but that's not

01:41the Heckler winning that's the comedian losing right there's there's a difference you know and there are um there are times I think when you know com there are comedians you know this there are comedians who can't add lib who are brilliant at material but it do not add libers that's weird isn't it like the people that only want to do like monologues and if anything goes off the line like they ignore it and they just keep going and they hope that the someone takes care of it well I don't I don't understand that like that that's part of people sometimes will be like why do you have so many hickler videos It's like because most of them start with me going what' you say because I don't I don't let it go because I don't want to lose control of the crowd I don't want other people to be like oh well he talked I can talk and also I you know I just I can't concentrate on this

02:28you know bit I've done a, times if in the back of my head I was like wait what's happening right now in the back of the room yeah well sometimes people just start commenting like they'll like be right in front of you too which is crazy like in the front row going no it's not true no you can't say that don't say that or or they even go yes that's true like even when they agree with you it still sucks but what about yeah and they want to put their own spin on it like it's a conversation confusing sometimes like I I try to tell people I'm just like look comedy's evocative you're going to have a lot of thoughts and that's okay have the thoughts hold on to those thoughts later after the show release thoughts in the wild but for now it's okay to think of stuff and even if you see me out in the lobby and you want to have you got a question about some of the material let's talk

03:17yeah that's a time to talk absolutely not not why you're halfway into the setup yeah it is it's such I mean part of why I say it's ego is because if there's hundreds of people this show and they're all quiet and then one person thinks they're all doing it wrong yeah like they're just sitting there be like wait no all these people are wrong they they we should be interacting I need to show them it is kind of funny that alcohol is what they serve at comedy clubs cuz for I guess for most people it's a good thing for most people alcohol is a social lubricant relaxes you you start laughing a little bit more but for some people the the wheels come off and they just want to chime in and yell out well if you're an alcohol just makes you more of an yeah absolutely so I think I've had this theory for a long time that a lot of people will blame being drunk oh I was so wasted like but that's

04:12you you were still in there there there isn't some magical like you know Jackal and hide thing that's going on you peed on someone's truck cuz you wanted to pee on someone's truck right alcohol just gave you the excuse there are people that are alcoholics though where a switch goes off do you know anybody like that uh um I I don't you know what but I can introduce you to a few fair I was like I have a feeling I know who some of the people you hang with uh I guess I don't hang out the store enough that's the store is the Grand old Opry for hecklers yeah I mean it really is there's there's something about that place because there's no real Dorman everybody's a comic it's Comics working the gate or Comics work in the door Comics work in the cover Booth Comics working the the room it's only comics comics work in the back parking lot it's all comedians so when you're there you're you're under

05:03the hands of people who really don't want to be doing what they're doing they don't really pay attention so you have to learn how to deal with hecklers plus it's a hangout so that place is there's people packed in that place from 8 p.m. till 2: a.m. and everybody's hanging around drinking and so there's a lot of Alcoholics and so you just get used to those dudes that have shark eyes their their eyes glass over and they're gone you look in there you're like oh Bobby's not hearing there's no Bobby it's just I I didn't meet people like that until I was like 30 when I when I was 30 I started to meet like real alcoholics where they'd have one drink and then they were gone they were just Off to the Races but do you think so do you think that they are a completely different person or do you think that the alcohol just allows who they are to come out completely

05:51speculative cuz I don't have that genan whatever that wacky Jean is where you have a couple of drinks and you just go off the rails I don't have that I'm a happy drunk like when I get drunk I like to laugh and hug people I don't I don't understand the go blank make a malov cocktail throw it at the cops wake up in jail what the what happened I did what the weirdest drunk to me is the is the crying drunk like the drunk that gets super upset because then it's like why would you why would you give yourself the ingredient that you need to cry in the corner right like if you know if it's the first time it ever happened I get it okay but if you're someone like I have a friend who every time he gets drunk he gets like super sad and I was like stop drinking like why are you drinking if you're this upset I feel like with people like that there's like patterns that are deeply carved into

06:40their their psyche from childhood like maybe their mom cried a lot or their dad cried a lot and they got used to it it became a comforting pattern but yeah those things are I mean people say oh what are you going to do man the guy's sad why the did he get sad he's lived in America he's got two feet he doesn't have cancer the is he whining about there could be a hundred things wrong you're a young white person in America you shut up I I actually don't drink anymore I've been sober 12 years damn and it was cuz it was really my first year on the road when I realized like how much of a problem it could be oh you did it wrong so you did it as a preventative measure I did it yeah it was something where I didn't go through a program and I found by the way that like people who have gone through the program are like you're not really you're not really sober

07:26that's hilarious and to me I'm just like you needed a program you have no willpower you know so it's a bit of a dichotomy there the idea that someone could tell you after 12 years of sobriety that you're not really this isn't even consistent yeah you don't you just choose not to drink and like yeah I do choose not to drink but it's hilarious yeah I haven't had a drink in 12 years it was uh it was one of these things where I mean you know this it's free on the road MH you know and everybody wants everybody goes oh let me take a shot with you afterward and you be like there are 30 of you I'm going to die right you just do the math on that and you're like I'm going to die and I started realizing you know what I don't have inhibition that alcohol changes like that same year I done I done some show in Bloomington Indiana and we went to a bar afterward and there were a

08:09bunch of hot girls dancing on the bar and I went up and I danced on the bar with them and I wasn't drunk I just wanted to dance with the hot girls and there are all these like there are all these drunk people you know below the bar like all these loser guys just kind of like nursing their beer and looking up be like I wish I could do that and be like well then get the up on the bar why if you want to do it do it can anybody Just Dance on a bar because that makes me reconsider all the times I've like touched the bar and then touched food and then like put my phone up there and touched that and then touched food my the bottom of my shoes are not clean Joe nobody's shoes are clean how are you just allowed to is that that's got to violate Health codes right it was uh I just figure there were enough hot girls that it was okay that I was there too that's a good call like the ratio has to

08:54be there have to be still be enough hot girls now did you hook up with one of those girls afterwards uh oh no I was a pathetic sad loser but the point is that that I I didn't need the alcohol to at least start the process of getting rejected that's you you have that's you have the unique personality trait that allows you to get crazy and dance on bars that that is a strange thing though about the people that are in those 12 step programs because they really do get super attached to the idea that that's the only way to be sober yeah and it's not it is a way and if you need that okay more power to you and I I you know I do not I I I don't want to take that away from anybody but we're all different and everybody's you know nerve endings connect differently whatever the hell the biology is of it and I didn't need a program especially because I would freak out if they were like and

09:40this is about Jesus and I would be like go yourself give me a beer so I you know I wouldn't I wouldn't be able to be comfortable there did you did you um ever do a program thing did you like go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or did you just stop no I had uh so so I had there were a couple times where I was like all right I need to I need to quit I need to quit and that never works and then there was one night where so it's it's the first real time I'm on the road I was terrible with women in high school and college and then suddenly I hit the road as a comic and they're everywhere and they're interested and life is different and so there was a show I was doing a show for a sari and usually the sororities that sponsor comedy shows are like the philanthropy sorority and they're all terrible uh no these girls were all hot just just dumb rhes the whole chapter just full they

10:31had like one ugly friend as as the charity but they had just gorgeous girls and my opener goes up and bombs and then I go up to a standing room only crowd and crush and so now it's afterward we're hanging out there's like this after party thing that they put together for just them and the two of us one of which they hated cuz he bombed and like they're just these eight hot girls surrounding me one shouldered another one out of the way to sit next to me I was like this is this is i' like nothing I've ever experienced and then they took us to another party and I'm pretty sure someone put something in my drink not in the way of like I want to this guy in the way of like this is a guy getting all the attention away from the other guys and I think one of the other guys with my drink really yeah because I got super violently ill very quickly like very very quickly and I spent the whole night

11:21I was supposed to stay at the sorority house like I the plan was I was going to stay in the guest room so I didn't even have to do the whole excuse of like hey can I use your bathroom can I come in for like I just I was supposed to go back there with them and I spent the entire night just just vomiting it was terrible wow somebody spiked your drink and then I lost a gig the next day and at the time it's my first year on the road I lost a $1,500 gig the next day because you were so sick I I couldn't do it I was we were driving it was the middle of winter but I was wearing like two pairs of pants like two sweatshirts and in a sleeping bag in the car with the heat on full blast and I was shivering the whole way like I was up it was bad so you sure you didn't have like the flu or something that sound the flu it it went away like 6 hours later so it could have been it

12:03could have been a a very temporary flu a well time flu I don't know but that was the night where I was just like I can't keep doing this have you ever heard of a drug that does that like a drug that makes you get have the chills mean mether probably is out there I mean I might just be wussy like no it doesn't sound like it that sounds like you got something happened yeah it was uh I I it was just very very bad and so uh I realized that it was it not only a chance at like a three it was a chance at like a ninesome so you're like all right I got I was like I no more drinking yeah none of that wow that's a that's a wakeup call that's a wake up call the world hands you Four Aces and you just throw up on them yeah what a hand of Co that you ever heard of the term dry drunk no what's that dry drunk is what uh people like to say people who are alcohol who aren't drinking but aren't

13:00in a programar they're dry drunks and so you still have all the mental issues that a drunk has you're just waiting to go off you don't really have the St stability that a 12-step program provides that sounds that sounds right yeah yeah I mean for some people for sure but a 12-step program is weird because it doesn't it require belief in a higher power it does they you there's a lot of God stuff in there yeah and like I believe that there's something but that something could be a life force it could be an energy I don't know what I believe it's very possible there's something yeah I don't I don't believe that there's a I don't believe that there's a bearded man and wings and all that bullshit' be dope if there was though imagine that if you got up to heaven and you realize that it was all true you're like what amazing that's so crazy was just a marketing thing no idea I just

13:55listened to a radio lab the other day about addiction and they said that 95 or sorry I'm going to start that over of 100 people if they started at a AA on January 1st as of December 31st of that year only five would still be in the program basically saying like it doesn't work but there's a lot of factors that could be uh that could mean that or why that could happen because some people could start a different program they could go to the the meeting next door but they're saying like only 5% of people will stay in the program through a year through some certain statistics that's a retention right yeah it's really bad but that was uh that that Radio Lab goes into this uh pill that can uh cure addiction I think well they've had ibaan forever ibigan is it's a drug that it's from the aboga plant and it's supposed to be fantastic for people that have heroin addiction

14:47alcohol addiction even addictive personality disorders gambling problems things along those lines it's supposed to be this ruthlessly introspective psychedelic experience that brutally breaks down down um your Pathways uh your thinking Pathways and and shows you why you keep going into this self-sabotage mode and it's apparently unbelievably uncomfortable to go through psychologically physically it's not it doesn't feel good but when it's over the the rate of retention of retention of sobriety the rate of uh sobriety that people retain afterwards is staggering it's like in the 80s the high 80% it's better than anything ruthlessly introspective it sounds like the a great name of a comedy album it does right yeah the there's a there's a treatment center on the 101 like they cuz I passed by and I like it looked like a college campus almost and I was like what the

15:41hell is that and I looked it up and there's like a it's like a treatment center like an inpatient and you like cut out everyone in your life kind of thing it's one of those it's one of those like yeah it's one of those like you know you're not allow to talk to people for 6 months but when I looked it up I found it on Google and there were reviews and one of the reviews was of someone who was about to go into the treatment center and he gave it one star like he was reviewing his own life like he was that messed up but he like reviewed he's like well I'm about to take the the journey the first step to the journey of sobriety and it was one star and I was like onear I think you may have misunderstood how this rating system works buddy you might be a dick yeah how can you give something one star if you haven't even tried it I love when you ever just read Yelp reviews yeah I

16:24do unfortunately I get mad at myself I no but I love when you learn more about the person than the restaurant yeah of course yeah like there was one I saw in New York where uh this girl like she opens their view like so i' I'm back dating again I'm like that's not tell me how the pasta is yeah like I don't I don't need to know but she like uses it her as her own blog it was fascinating that's good though because then you get to know should I listen to this let me let me see what they have to say about dating why is it that men these days don't want to open up a car door don't want to open up a door for a lady get upset when you're Ed to pay and don't understand that you do want your own career like and as it turns out the was fantastic yeah you're just annoying yeah there's a lot of those I always go to someone's bad review I always go to their page and see what they think about

17:12other stuff yeah just so you can figure out it's also tough like using Yelp sometimes in the middle of nowhere that's really tough because then you're like these don't know Sushi like what what do they know sushi in South Dakota yeah exactly like where you getting your fish man yeah yeah it's um Yelp is tricky because it's it's like YouTube reviews and a lot of other things you're relying on random people you know like like if I call you up and I go hey Steve what do you think about this well I know Steve's an intelligent guy he's going to give me a really nuanced thought out opinion of whatever we're discussing but if you don't know a person you're just reading their type their type could be I mean when they write write things down their the printed word could be just as valid as some psychopath printed word I mean you don't you really don't know you don't you got to go deep deep deep

18:04into their their paragraphs and you got to really try to decipher like how nuts is this person I have a the I have a theory that the way we make online tolerable the way we make like you know online not be this you know just I guess Bastion for angry thought is everyone's not name but everyone's job should be parenthesis so we know what people do for a living that would help and like how many stars your co-workers give you yeah usually own yel you get yelped before you're allowed to Yelp you know that guy with one star I bet he gives out a half a star I bet all the people that work with him they give him a half a star and he puts one star in for the the drug review place and probably one star for his mom you up mom there was an app that came out that was like a Yelp for people and everyone got really upset well was a Yelp for dating it was oh so it wasn't

19:03just okay because it was people you've dated cuz I thought I thought the idea cuz there was you know the reviews of people and people getting upset and I was like the only people who would get upset at that are the people who know they're going to get two stars well it's people can just stalk you someone who's like a shitty coworker who has it against you can write a bunch of mean about you and then every time you pull up your name you see this mean written against you yeah you you need to I think for the way that to work for the way for that to work is you can only review someone if you both agree to review each other I was reading this thing about this guy who's getting uh stalked online by this other guy and uh they uh found the person and it was this 17-year-old kid that was the son of one of his friends and had no real beef with him but was just doing it for sport just

19:50for the fun of it just cuz he knew he could with the guy and scarum and he did all this Holocaust Jew stuff and all this anti-semitic stuff really really crazy stuff like sent Ashes to their house and left ashes at their front door like uh just a total psychopath a kid a 17-year-old kid and it apparently had haunted this guy for a long time and he was trying to figure out who it was then he hired someone it's pretty easy to find people once you hire someone who's an expert they found the kid like instantly and they realized it was this high school kid that was the son of one of his friends and they all had a sit down and he they printed up all the stuff that this kid had written for like a year and handed it to him and the kid started crying and I don't know why I did it and I got addicted to it I couldn't stop and like addicted to it well you're playing

20:42a game yeah you know and if you're not there when the person is reacting especially when you're 17 and your emotions maybe they're not so complex or they're not so rather formed they're not they're not mature you not you're not maybe completely aware that every action has a reaction action on the other end whether you see it or not there's uh uh you know that movie the the button or whatever it was where like someone would like press a button and someone would die in the world I heard about that I never saw it I I didn't either but there was I think it was an SNL sketch about it where they were like they explained the whole premise they're like you press this button and somewhere someone in the world die and the guy just hits the button and they're like you didn't let us finish like we would give you a million dollar and he just hits it again because we're we're that like inhuman

21:29and impersonal like if you just tell me that someone somewhere else in the world died like that doesn't really affect you yeah there's too many people anyway yeah hit the button let's clear off the 405 yeah I guess it just depends on who yeah I so if you don't feel it it's like that's the problem with drones right I mean they say that drone Pilots what is this oh is that the that they say that uh drone Pilots suffer through a lot of like severe anxiety when they're done and like it's apparently incredibly psychologically stressful because you're doing this weird thing or you're sort of sending this robot and they're doing it from Nevada right so the robots are in Afghanistan or Pakistan or Yemen or wherever the hell they are and they're launching missiles from these Sky robots and it just feels so detached and creepy to the people that are doing it well it's the same I guess the same

22:29psychology of like why you're able to get into such credit card debt but you wouldn't do that with cash cuz like you were you you see it as just some mythical thing right and then afterward you realize oh this is real like would you would you be able to would you be able to kill someone if you knew that they were like a bad guy yeah and would you feel bad about it no that's what I think too yeah I don't think I would I mean if some like Hitler character yeah I don't think I problem doesn't necessarily have to be Mur rap I mean you really went to the end of the scale immediately yeah that's how I'm extremist I was yeah I was going for like no just the idea of like someone is going to kill someone that you care about yeah and you kill that person yeah because there are all these like there's this Trope in movies and TV about you know like a cop shot someone that they

23:19had to shoot in the line of duty it wasn't you know like just killing some kid it was you know shooting a bad guy and then they have to go to therapy over it I feel like yeah no have you ever talked to uh soldiers about that I haven't the real PTSD with soldiers is things they can't control that's what really with them like worried about being attacked worried about being blown up worried about driving over an IED the soldiers that are proactive like Rangers Navy Seals guys who go in and Hunt people down they don't have that much PS PTSD they're they're different types of people I mean some of them have just been through crazy firefights and they wake up with horrible nightmares but a shocking amount of them realize they're doing the right thing they have to do this this needs to be done and they're the man to do it yeah they're trained for it this is their job and

24:09they're all together and they're like a family it's it's they feel more superheroes yeah so when you see like a guy a cop in a movie that feels bad that he had to shoot a bad guy that's like the writer that's the writer if the writer was a cop yeah you know or maybe a cop that maybe shouldn't be a cop which there's definitely some of those out there or a writer who shouldn't be a writer or right yeah well you know I mean those movies like so how many of these movies have like these like we're talking about the grooves that are carved in that uh some people have that get depressed very easily or behave really like really uh sad really easily like those those grooves those psychic grooves that they think that they're supposed to behave like that those are carved into tropes and storylines and plots and there's so many plots there's so many movies you watch like you didn't

25:01even write this okay you knew what has already been written about these subjects and you just sort of repeated it with different words yeah like this isn't really a story you wrote Because this story has happened a million times in movies well and it causes those stories existing then cause people to act like that yes like oh yeah one of the most fascinating interviews I ever saw was you know they interviewed the guy who was you know all the gangster movies in the 40s that see huh see like all that and they said how did you get the accent so perfect and he said I made that accent up and then all the gangsters wanted to be like the gangsters in the movies and so then all the gangsters started talking like that because of that because of those movies like James cagne yeah wow like that was they just told the act like they just started doing it life imitates art right

25:51yeah and then it's you know it's uh and then people feel like oh well this is normal because that's what we're shown on television well that was the argument against gangster rap that the argument was that they were forcing kids by you know making this music really popular they're forcing kids to accept this type of behavior as being normal and even exemplary like exemplary of a bad you're shooting people and you ever go back and like listen to like the old NWA oh yeah I actually grew up so I grew up in Queens New York and I was a big fan of old school hip-hop now I didn't like I I was never big into the NWA stuff I preferred you know the I preferred the lyrics about how great we are at rapping not how many we've killed like that was the that's kind of the line in the who are your people who' you like uh trb call Quest I was so sad when F died yeah sucked those guys are awesome uh

26:47Black Sheep um uh I loved uh Pete Rock and seal smooth were you a De La Soul guy too yeah D Soul's great I got to when I was 21 I think I covered I I was uh in college during the Seinfeld sendoff party and the place where uh like the Tom's Diner where monks was based the exterior shot was like a block off my campus so I made up a fake press pass and I went and I covered the party and I got to meet D Soul was there and it was like it was so great that's nice yeah you know it was a sad time for me man when MC search got his own daytime talk show oh my God Third Base I used to love Third Base the end of Goes the Weasel cuz the weasel Goes Pop Mr Grassle my eye someone hit my eye but if you watch the MC search uh daytime talk show you're like this can't be real he's punking us this is a character he's playing he's doing that walking Phoenix thing that Wen Phoenix did for a year

27:47it's that it's that same sort of thing when all of a sudden all the adults were talking about the Facebook and I'm like well Facebook's done now right you know this isn't this isn't going to be fun anymore it's research is done because he had the most Preposterous daytime talk show did you ever watch it I know I knew about it but I never watched it oh it was look at search and you know I mean he's like I'm a dad now but it's like play the beginning of it because the beginning of the show see if you can find it cuz the beginning of it is so Preposterous when he explains how we're going to keep it real we're keeping it real oh there's no such thing thing as that like when people say we're keeping it real that means they're just they have no other words that they can think of it's Madness it's just it's it's a dangerous way of talking I was at a uh I I did a bunch of extra work when

28:40I started out and which that's so much fun that's oh my God extra work is the best because you get to see just the worst in humanity right in front of you with extras lot of them are crazy they're absolute just bat and there was too right extras in between going back and forth from extra work to open mics that was my that was my day I would just go I would just go just watch like just watch people desperately need attention and do nothing of quality to get it so there's this one woman they put out the craft services and this one woman goes up and she loads up like two plates and then is putting stuff in her purse also and I just she catches me looking at her and she just goes I'm just keeping it real and I go well uh if you want to know what's real they're going to refill this table later so you can just come get seconds if you don't have prob wanted food to take home

29:29though well in the purse I understand but just the idea of it was just but it was like the start of like a 14-hour day I was just keeping it real I'm like that's not keeping it real just say like hey I'm really poor and I'm hungry right now like keep at me dude yeah also that but you know it was something to stare at it was very weird that's a minor infraction when you think about the world extras and open micers in the paid Furniture world that's one of the keeping it real things about The Comedy Store you're constantly around crazy people people open micers especially they're always hanging around you know cuz it's kind of like a hangout on top of being a club what's the craziest Open Mic you've seen oh God I mean open mics are Madness I mean there's CU anybody can get on stage a lot of times that's one of the things about standup is that a lot of people don't see themselves the way

30:20other people see them yeah and that gets exposed when you get on stage because you realize oh this is how people see me people see me as being being an obnoxious really annoying person that thinks they're funny I see myself as being this really funny person and then they have to work that out over the I mean it's almost like a a self-improvement course on communication skills yeah because you're brutally reminded of how poor your communication skills are when you don't get the laughs and you're like God what is wrong with my thoughts is my thought how come my friends think it's funny like what is it that I that's only someone who knows going on right the crazy people are the ones that going this crowd doesn't get me this crowd sucks yeah this crowd's I I mean how many times have I heard that just like every crowd I've ever played to they all suck none of

31:08them understand buit bro the worst thing that can happen to one of those people is some one day they'll just catch that Magic wave where you know there's this one crowd where almost anyone can do well yes there's there these weird crowds that are just so good and so hyped up that someone with like really shitty skills can get up there there and just make it happen and they chase the ghosts of that performance forever here's a great story that I've told before unfortunately for people who heard it but Joey Diaz was the early days of the comy store there this one woman who was insane I mean completely insane just there was nothing remotely funny about anything she ever had to say she was brutal and she would go up and every time she would go up everybody would have to get out of the room it was just like what what is happening here how is she how did she even get spots it

31:53was during the '90s um when it was easier to get spots and so Joey Diaz goes backstage behind the O there's a curtain and he goes backstage and takes his pants off and every time she hits a punchline he opens up the curtain and shows the crowd his balls he's got no pants on so every time she hits the punch lines he's doing this and she's killing I mean killing and you see The Confident look in her face she has no idea what's going on behind her and the stride and her Swagger and she hits those same punchlines and all of a sudden Joey comes out with his balls and everybody's crying laughing and she she never knew she never knew she had no idea did any no one ever told her I don't think so if they did she would have never believed it I was killing yeah like she was just insane I tell I tell young Comics um that the you don't you don't exist in the world how

32:50you see yourself you exist in the world is a sum total of how everyone else sees you that's that's who you are yeah and that's true on stage also you exist on that stage as the sum total of how the crowd sees you right your actions your what you wear how you stand how you speak those can all determine that but your thoughts of how you want to be seen the difference of how you see yourself and how everyone else sees you that Chasm is delusion yeah and so the shorter that Chasm the more self-aware you're going to be the funnier you can be the bigger that Chasm the more likely you're going to flip a table on a reality show yes like and that's the difference that's a very good point it's a very good very good way of putting it and it goes back to what we were talking about earlier that stand up in a lot of ways is almost like a vehicle for introspective observation like you're

33:37you're almost forced to examine yourself in a way that very few people do because people like to put up blinders and that's why people like to drink you just kind of like push it all away and ignore all the faults and press on and when you're doing standup I mean you really you can't do that because bombing is so unbelievably brutally painful that you you go okay that can't happen again if you know you bomb though like I so the when I was first living out here uh I would hang out at the there were shows at Westwood bro all the time I don't know if you ever did those Adam Hunter shows no no but I know Adam very well they were uh so I would hang out there all the time and there was one night where a bunch of comics had done a show in Long Beach on the Queen Mary and one by one they were all getting to Westwood and every one of them man that show is terrible the Queen Mary's a boat by the

34:27way for yeah oh yeah not an actual Queen giant yeah I guess if people yeah are unfamiliar it be like they all performed on this one lady and she's a queen what's she a queen of well it's on the it's not even in like in a bar called the Queen Mary it's on the Queen Mary what are they talking about yeah they just standing on this lady named Mary and so one by one they would all show up and they'd be like there were like 12 people there and it was a nightmare and everyone is talking about how shitty it was and how everybody bombed and the night was terrible then one comic gets there and doesn't know that everyone had already done that and the first thing he does yeah I just got back from Long Beach man I crushed that that was such a great show everybody was going nuts and just going on and on about how great it was and the rest of us are just being like oh oh you've never killed cuz if

35:10you think that that was killing you've never killed you've never had a good show if you don't understand what that feels like or you just lie and tell everybody all the time you have good shows but it's terrible delusion yeah well they maybe just doesn't understand himself you know I mean how many guys have you met like that that like are that around girls or around a job opportunity or around anything they think that they're way more qualified for something than there are like I'm going to go get this vice president job bro I'm going to go get it I'm going to run there's a lot of people are just completely crazy yeah well there's the I I like to tell people you know follow your dreams unless your dreams are stupid yeah good advice if you like if you quit your job to work at America like to audition for American Idol and you've never ever been paid to sing anywhere you're a idiot well

35:57American Idol is a really good example cuz if you watch that show the best part about that show is the beginning where you're just watching mental illness that's that's what they should call it mental illness SL shreds of talent you know because American illness yeah for every one person that you get that gets through the entire like who's like the bigname stars that have gone through American Island K those those two are huge there's the guy who went a little crazy the young country music gay guy a yeah what happened to him uh I was actually in His True Hollywood Story I'm glad you said True Hollywood Story CU if you said house the other night no I was just and uh he was the guy who got me violently ill I no clay aen drugged me I was uh I was making fun of him to a producer on the show oh boy like she just told me that she was working on that show right and I

36:51I was just like what it was a friend of mine I was like what are you up to she telling me she's working on the show and she goes yeah you know we we're doing research on he used to be a boy and I just go oh so he started out with him and never quite made it to hers and then she she just goes you want to be on the show I was like what so then I that line actually got cut by the lawyers what yeah I had a I had five jokes that were in the script and three of the five of them got cut by the lawyers lawyers man that's why lawyers you can't have podcasts no you can't you're not allowed you like a lawyer podcast they can't come on them they can't you can't have a lawyer telling you what you can and can't say about podcast you just you're not laughe loud because this the this is the last place the last Bastion of free speech and as far as like just expressing yourself in conversation

37:35there's no you there's the only one left they're easily tricked though I used to be a I used to be a segment producer on a show and we would always put in stuff we didn't want to use so that they could come in the room and be like no no no you have to take that out you have to take that out and then leave in the thing that we thought they would take out well I'm sure you've seen the scene in Team America World Police where they the sex scene between the two puppets they made like 10 minutes longer than they wanted it to be where he shits on her chest or she shits on his chest they pee on each other not both they went nuts and the reason why they did it was because they could cut some of it it would still be Preposterous which it wound up being yeah but that that's a common strategy that we did that in the 90s with news radio we had an episode of news radio where Phil Hartman said penis

38:23on the air uh on the radio show and then it was through the episode he said penis like 20 times and they they were like you can't say penis more than eight times and they was like eight times yeah who makes that yeah it's who decide what America is willing or not four yeah I'm crazy Rebel bro I think it was four times but they uh they didn't air it so it didn't air they the episod at all no it had to air in like season 2 or three like whatever season it was maybe it was season 2 I don't remember what season it was but it it had to air like the next season or the season later and like we were told hey the penis episode's airing tonight we were all like what it's still that never aired never air I love so much that there's something called the penis episode yeah by the way good bad name the penis episode yeah it's good bad name that would that would totally

39:16yeah play at the whiskey yeah like a punk band the penis episode penis episode yeah so it's part of the patriarchy yeah uh yeah I I think that uh I used to call it a March of the Penguins cuz all the suits would come down the hallway and try to ruin our art uh but the idea that someone goes well it says specifically eight times you can say penis it's so arbitrary it's totally arbitrary and there's no rules anywhere what happens on the ninth time like Beetlejuice comes out yeah every penis juice comes out SE Satan comes through the floor there's a way to uh to do art and it's definitely not by having a bunch of people that have money invested in it looking at it going okay how can we maximize this how can we make this as sellable as possible that's just it's the opposite of the kind of mentality that you need to make something good and if just like you were talking about with

40:10comedy where people don't see themselves if you don't see yourself how other people see you it's not going to work and it won't be funny well that's kind of the same thing with art if you produce a television show or uh whatever it is and people don't enjoy it well it won't go anywhere it'll fall off and then it's not good anymore but to have someone come in and say oh you got to do this and you got to do that cuz we know better because we're the ones with the money that never works but every time every time I think that I remember that According to Jim had over 100 episodes over 100 episodes but that's there's a there's a style of Comedy had over 100 episodes ja I remember Jag That Jag was on while I was on news radio and we were always like what in the is going on how is that a real show if you ever watched that show nobody watch that show and the people did watch that show

40:59it's like they were sedated it's like it's a hum and under which like subliminal messages were played in the background about like Bush being a great president or something like it didn't make any sense it didn't make any sense that it stayed on the air do you watch any of the csis or any of those or the oh you know what the one I'm thinking of NCIS no so I I saw an episode the other day I get transfixed with bad television like I never put it on on purpose but if like someone if I'm in a hotel room or something I flip it on or whatever it is like it takes me a little to just shake it off because I just want to be like how is this made how is this possible you know and so I was watching it and I was thinking like the comedy in it was so bad like the jokes were so terrible that I almost wondered you know how they hire people for punch up yeah did they hire people

41:45for punch down like did they hire people to be like water down these good jokes well that's that Chuck Lori guy he knows how to do them he knows how to do that drone that that one style of comedy like Two and a Half Men yeah he did a bunch of those the white noise machine he just does those things like no that for people that are all just like exhausted from eating carbs and sugar all day and they just sitting in the couch just melting and then the dumbest humor plays out in front of them and it's just enough to keep them P paying attention so they watch those Toyota commercials I I was you know very often I wonder about like how does this get made how is this why does anybody like this Etc and I was at like some truck stop in the middle of nowhere just getting gas and getting food and there's a there's a TV playing there's like a little lunch counter there's a TV

42:39playing and there's a commercial and there's this guy running around it's for blinds but this guy is running around he like tries to open his blinds it kind of has nothing to do with it and then he runs outside and he gets sting by a bunch stung by a bunch of bees and he's like fighting them off and I'm sitting there thinking like oh what the fck who the would do I can write commercial like who would do the and there's a dude sitting next to me just going he's he can't get away from the bees like just out loud to Noah to no one just be like the bees all over him the bees are all over him and I'm just like this is who it's for I was at my friend's house once and uh her friend and her mom was over and uh they were watching like some uh Spider-Man movie and Spider-Man got bit by a spider and she just goes he got bit by a spider I'll never forget that just I just never forget her going he

43:31got bit by a spider like I got to get out of here just one of these things like do you think the rest of us didn't see that it's just something about look man I just think just like you can buy a Prius or you could buy uh a Shelby GT500 you know one one has 100 horsepower one has 500 horsepower brains are like that too they just have to be there's just no doubt about it and there's a lot of those little Prius brains out there man and if you put on a show for Prius brains you will attract them like like metal to a magnet just they find it those those the Duck Dynasty shows you ever watch Duck Dynasty I have thankfully not even seen a clip you should watch it for sure just to understand that there's people like that out there that look forward to it I got the DVR said you know I heard what today they're going to do shoot some ducks you want to shoot you some ducks there's a duck show

44:23there's a duck and they shoot they don't even shoot they hardly shoot ducks show is more about like horrible people hanging out doing really boring and then be they're all down home they're down home they're country well that's that's why that's why the people who like when the people say like oh you know I I voted for bush cuz I can you know he reminded me of me and I'm like well then you're a also like you're also they like to think he reminded them of them yeah yeah was your dad a multi-millionaire did you grow up in Maine and pretend you're from Texas like what about him what about it the fact your dad was your dad in the CIA too well you see you see that with Trump now where people are like oh he reminds me of me and I'm just like he's the furthest thing from you he's the he's the I grew up in New York City and so like I remember I was a kid when it happened but I remember the

45:14Central Park jogger when Trump took out four full page ads in different newspapers calling for the death penalty for these black kids who didn't even do it and he was just inciting a riot basically he was just trying to race and get attention and like that's the guy I remember I don't relate to that guy yeah he's a real tough guy to relate to I don't think people really do relate to him I think what they relate to is the possibility that he may win and they like to be on the camp of a winner so like a football team that they can get behind they don't really give a about the players they just decide we're going to win we're winning we're winning we're Trump Trump's winning I'm Trump I'm winning all those yeah they but they ALS so say the things like you know like he speaks like I do I'm like that's I I don't want a president who speaks like I do I'm a fairly intelligent guy I I want my

46:05president to be way smarter than me I would like a really articulate Obama type guy but that didn't work out yeah the uh Obama type guy was like what we were hoping for like when when Bush was in office Obama was like the recipe man we want a black guy who's super articulate really intelligent and we're going to relax everybody with all this race look clearly it has nothing to do with race it's about culture and circumstances and where you're growing up look at this guy he's black he's smarter than all of us we're good look he's liberal he's going to fix everything he's going to relax everybody he doesn't want guantan Bay wants to get us out of Iraq we made it through this bush thing we didn't civilization didn't collapse and then he's in office and it's it's kind of the same he talks better but it's kind of the same is going on I think the biggest problem is that he's too

46:54reasonable like he's too and the people who disagree with him are being completely unreasonable and you can't just be like well let's look at both if one side is being a dick right you don't look at both it's like CNN will do that where they're like well let's present both sides of this argument here's one person against pedophilia so let's talk to someone who's for pedophilia and it's like no don't give that guy airtime right don't ever talk to that guy yeah so so the people who you know who want to take rights away and and who want to convince poor people to vote against their own best interests like don't give them equal time but they do well the problem is it's you're you're dealing with right and left and then again people get really tribal yeah when they're on a team they get super tribal like I I told this before but it's it always struck me as being really bizarre I was with a

47:41buddy of mine who was a writer and he was talking about the election he's like we have to win in Idaho if we win in Idaho or Iowa if we win in Iowa we got it wrapped up I was like what is this we like what is this we he's like the Democrats I'm like okay you're on a team right you're on a team you you're this is the Mariners this is the Mariners versus the Raiders you got you're you got this weird team mentality and I think that's entirely one of the things that is real comfortable for people to fall into when it comes to elections and uh it's one of the reasons why I think we need like way more parties at least at least that way we'll have more teams because this one this two team option is like if every year was the Celtics versus the Lakers in the NBA Finals wouldn't you be tired of that after a while well that's I think how America feels about the

48:30election that's why the ratings are down that's why people aren't really paying attention that much it's why people are so frustrated by the choices like you can't you can't have just two choices well I used to be you know I'm very politically minded and and active and I used to do a lot of like everybody should go out and vote and then I talk to more and more people and then I'm just like not everybody yeah well it would be nice if we didn't have a representative government yeah it be nice first of all if you didn't have like one like super delicates what is that what do you mean you don't have to vote for the people that your state votes for superdelegates were basically to keep Jesse Jackson out of office like that's that's how they started really yeah when Jesse Jackson was starting to get some heat and I think it was 1980 uh suddenly There Was 80 or ' 84 I forget

49:18but it was uh suddenly super delegates came out but good job super delegates kept that demon out of the White House not only superdelegates though but even the delegates of the Electoral College they don't have to vote the way their constituents do in fact there was a time when one of them I think it was in Minnesota accidentally wrote down the name of the Vice President in both slots for President and Vice President so his vote didn't count and that was like 30,000 people that he was representing whoa and just because he was a idiot and like you you can actually if you're now obviously people wouldn't do it for the most part because you'd think oh well then the lose the ability to do it and that's all the little power they have in their life is to be a delegate at this convention but the fact of the matter is that like New York State can vote 100% for a Democrat and then the

50:05Electoral College can go and just vote for a republican it can just they can do it if they want to or vote for a different Democrat they can write someone in if they want to it's a ridiculous idea that was conceived back when you would couldn't communicate with people easily yeah it's that simple it was the point of it was that like you not everyone was qualified to vote because you didn't hear things yes and so they would be like here's the representative government they'll you know learn from what their people want and then they'll take that over there and it was a wonderful idea and now it's yeah it's ridiculous and it's time has gone I mean we if we this is the a point that I always bring up if we didn't have a system of government in place we had all these people we all just woke up today who would say we need one person to run it no one who would say that we need one person to be a

50:50representative of the state because the people can't tell everybody no you have email now we have Twitter we have Facebook we have polls we have there's ways to find out what people want and people don't want representative government in 2016 is like writing with feathers it's like some old stupid that we don't need anymore we should make them right with feathers we should make them wear powdered wigs too those yeah be like you want this office well it comes with a couple of things yeah I mean if you want to be like one of those people you should dress like one of those people that invented it then there'd be no Hillary email Scandal because it would just be like maybe she wrote on the wrong kind of parchment yeah she wrote on actual animal skin and said we don't do that anymore Hillary you're doing old school she's doing old school with her non-encrypted

51:32email right yeah have you talked about I assume you've talked about the gorilla already yeah yeah we kind of talked about it a little did we I think we did yeah it's up yeah it's up for the zoo the zoo up you shouldn't make it so goddamn easy to get in the gorilla tank yeah so on this one I don't know exactly what happened on this one because I'm I'm trying to kind of block it out I saw the whole thing so the the kid kid fell in was it was it like a kid falling in where the parent was at fault or was it a kid doing something they shouldn't have done well the the kid was doing something it shouldn't have done but the parents weren't watching the kid yeah look the zoo made it way too easy to get into the grill enclosure the kid got through the fence fell down into this water the gorilla came in scooped up the kid arguably saved the kid yeah um but was handling it in a way that it could

52:22handle a gorilla baby but a human baby you just rip the arms off the kid could really it could really hurt it and I just don't think a gorilla is even aware of how fragile a three-year-old human being is is a post to have you ever had a three-year-old champ or three-year-old gorilla near you uh I can't say I've ever had that experience I was on a TV show it was on news radio and uh they brought in a chimp for a scene and this 2-year-old chimp with diaper on was like I was holding it and it was was beating on me like hitting me in the back like playing around with me they're unbelievably strong seny like a little tiny bodybuilder like they don't feel like a baby like I have little kids and when you pick up a little kid they're all soft and they feel like little kids they're they're mushy this this chimp was not mushy and I think this gorilla probably had no idea how to handle a

53:13baby softly you know probably or a toddler really didn't didn't know and they panicked and then they shot the gorilla but it seems to me that there's got to be a better way to do that but I could see the parents being like that gorilla shoot it shoot it I want my kid back yeah but I could see the gorilla being like those parents yeah but I like people more than I like gorillas I do and I love your joke about team people yeah and it's it's I mean it's a it's a bit I I enjoy but there was a there so there's a bit I used to do there was a story in Chicago like 15 years ago where a woman was holding her baby over a gorilla pin oh yeah I remember that like holding it straight up and then dro the baby and on that one the gorilla saved the kid and picked it up and and kept until the Zookeeper could give it back to the mother the joke I used to do is be like I'm sorry

53:58give it back like at that point a gorilla is a better parent than the person who once you voluntarily dangle your baby over a wild animal it's that's you giving the baby away well we've made it way too easy for people to survive people survive with very little adversity we we survive with it's easy access to food easy access to employment if you get fired you get to sue if you're incompetent completely you can claim that you were harassed at work there's there's so many loopholes and it's so we're so nerfed every sharp edge is covered with foam and everyone's wearing a helmet the nerfing of America yeah and this is what we've got left we've got these idiots we've got a bunch of really dumb people that are allowed to and have kids and you can't stop people from having kids cuz then someone could try to stop you well I don't like your believe Steve hofstead

54:51you're a crazy liberal you think you should have you think you should be able to have a a nation that's not God and you're going to raise your children without God that's child abuse and then you know were you at my show the other day no could have been been to many shows but this you know this just I just think you human beings need a certain amount of adversity we need a certain amount of difficulty to overcome to learn those lessons to filter that experience down into your behavior and when you don't learn those lessons and you just live this muted nerfed up world then you're holding your baby over the gorilla tank cuz you getting a little thrill I I can't believe I'm doing this I'm holding the baby I love the baby but I like gorillas too and whoops I'm dumb I drop the baby just like you drop your cell phone just like you drop your keys in a drainage ditch you're a dummy you drop

55:42you're a stupid you're not supposed to be alive you should have been eaten by Wolves hundreds of years ago if if the world was safe you would have been the one who walked off the trail I'm going to go find a better way to the castle and the Wolves would have eaten you and no one would have heard from you and that's what supposed to happen to those kind of people supposed to happen Dar Darwin I'm big fan big fan of Dar he had some good ideas Chris Bowers is a I don't know if you know him he's a comic out of uh oh you've worked Morty so uh in Indianapolis yeah Chris and I are two of the owners oh you guys own Morty yeah no what a great Club that's awesome man it's even better we had a new location now oh no you guys moved uh yeah we have uh like balcony and everything now it's it's great it's like a looks like a small theater oh that's terrific man that was a great love yeah

56:27that was a fun one everybody loves that place that's cool though I didn't know you own that place good for you you entrepreneur well uh so Bowers has a great Theory where you know the the way to I guess prevent the stupid people in the overpopulation is if everyone is basically sterilized and you have to take something in order to be able to be pregnant but the only way you get that pill is you have to take that pill every day you don't take a pill to stop yourself from being pregnant you take a pill to get yourself pregnant so you have to take that pill both Partners would have to take that pill every day for six months because if you can't commit to taking a pill every day for 6 months you can't raise a kid yeah but it's so easy for people to just do that that's not that's not enough of a task it's a start it should be like one of those crows have to get a a

57:15crumb out of a tube and they have to use one tool to get the other tool to get the third tool in order to get the food that's how it should be it's too easy just take a pill you should have to do a puzzle every day they should give you a puzzle and if you fail thez you don't get a pill so you get 6 months of correct answers to puzzles to get your pills that's the only way you should be able to get your pills I think that's how Chipotle gave away a free burrito once on their their annual their anniversary if they did it that way for people the 405 would be a breeze yeah it would be nobody just be a couple people waving at each other we made it you ever watch uh you ever watch like period piece television where they like run into people they know like like on Mad Men they would always like run into people at the restaurant that they would know and part of me is like oh well

58:02that's convenient and then I'm like no no there were fewer people there were way fewer people then it was it seems it seems possible it's definitely possible it was possible in the90s when I moved here in 1994 there was half as many people I wonder what the actual statistic was but I'm pretty sure was half as many people like when you would get on the highway You' get on the highway and the traffic would be bad but it wouldn't be that bad it would be no big deal I remember people talking about getting from Santa Monica to the valley in 10 minutes what exactly 10 minutes that's what what they drive a DeLorean just drive a regular car just get in your car and drive and this back when cars were slow as and the brakes were terrible there was no traffic you just get around it's only nine miles no problem they just did it it's the same as uh you know planes I mean I've only

58:50been flying about 20 years but 20 years ago and now that's part of because they do this spoke garbage now where they you know you have to fly through Cincinnati to go to Denver or whatever it is but it's everything's full every single flight is full like the idea when someone doesn't have a seat next to you on a it's a Christmas party oh yeah well how about when they say we've oversold this flight we're looking for volunteers like what do you you're selling some you don't even really have they absolutely do that but In fairness we can do that with comedy clubs too cuz there's always a percentage of no shows so there's do we do you do that at mories uh We've we've done it but it's not by a high percentage It's like because usually our no-show percentage will be like 10% so we'll oversell by like 5% yeah cuz people if you have 100 people 10 people won't show up it

59:38depends on the price of the ticket it depends on the act like with with a celebrity no show percentage is virtually nothing but with like a typical day you know in a a typical like uh we call it a just funny you know someone who's good but no one has heard of them right you know plenty of time someone will be like oh yeah let's get four tickets to the club and then they only have one friend like that happens all the time babysitter cancels that's true you know it's too rainy out someone doesn't want to go out there a ton tons of reasons but you can't over the people that actually paid and actually showed up we've never once okay so how do you do that you have extra chairs you just shove them in places in case everybody shows up if we have to but what happens is on the ticket it very specifically says like this is good until Showtime oh okay and so what

60:22happens is even if there's even if the no- show rate is way less than it is even if there's weird anomaly where the noer rate is like zero there's still people who come late right and you can't come late yeah if you come late like you might get turned away and we tell everyone that even if you have a ticket we tell everyone that if you come late you can get turned away what if you get stuck in traa well you can call you can call and say Hey you know we're on our way and please hold a seat that seems reasonable I accept that think about it this way with Broadway I mean with Broadway the door is close okay first of all Broadway all that nonsense musicals and plays okay we have movies now I want special effects I don't want you talking loud I want you I want you miked up I want you to be able to whisper and I want to hear it crystal clear and I'm giving you no leeway I'm giving you no

61:11leeway because the costumes are nice yes I want plot I want writing I want a I I want new too I want some old that that doesn't apply anymore I'm okay with musicals I don't you know I can just suspend my disbelief and go okay everybody's singing fine not me but it's got to be a good song it's got to further the plot it can't just be something that they know is going to sell well yeah I went to a musical well I I should take that back because the Book of Mormon is amazing yes that's a musical that's what I mean but those guys are just they do everything right they just do everything right but that was also Bobby Lopez who did avue Q I don't know who that is I don't know what that is you don't know Avenue Q nope so Avenue Q is the other good Broadway show of the two uh Avenue Q was the one where the they had songs uh The Internet Is for Porn and everyone's a

61:59little bit racist oh okay oh so it's a comedy okay long as it's a comedy wasn't it with puppets yeah it was with puppets it was like a Broadway show with puppets it look like Sesame Street on Broadway hey whatever happened to the Spider-Man Broadway show where people kept falling on their head did they abandon that think so uh it yeah eventually yeah Spider-Man turned off the dark eventually turned on the dark cuz they were like people were dying right didn't people get paralyzed and people fell so my my uh my wife worked uh at uh audience Awards which is like uh Frequent Flyer points for Broadway and so she would go to all these shows and so she went to Spider-Man like during the previews and she texted me and she goes one of the actors has been stuck for an hour like just on the Rope oh my God and she just said yeah he's been stuck for an hour and I was like I bet you know

62:51how he feels like it's just it was Terri she would go to all these shows and eventually like I wouldn't have to go anymore cuz she took me to American Idiot did you ever see that the Green Day one no I'm not I like Green Day how dare you I I enjoy that song specifically I wish Joey Diaz was here right now he would he would murder me choking you well I Green Day I like I like the song American Idiot because it caused people who it was about to to enjoy it without knowing it was about them right I like the cers of that but musical was it was like what I was 30 seconds in before I was like oh this show it was like watching the best painters in the world try to play football it was horrific cuz like that's a funny way of putting it well I know that I know that like green day isn't like real you know punk punk but at the same time that's the movement it came out of and it it's supposed to be

63:45anti-establishment and the whole point of the show I mean the Broadway of it basically made it like everybody's just with jazz hands to Green Day it was ridiculous well it kind of showed what Green Day really is is all about look at this that green day was it's it's a manufactured outrage fake was so disappointing because afterward I was like I can't believe they lent their name to this and then I looked it up and I go oh no they were in charge it's like that's it that's the end of it for me well that's why everybody was correct and I think that's one of those things where like PE look at the look on that guy say is that Jared from Subway like who is that uh no it's pen gillette's younger brother doesn't it look like it's and and that wasn't even a mation joke how about the guy on the far right with the two-tone hair and the conveniently placed tattoos I bet he's

64:32annoying yeah I bet I bet in his last play he played like a Salesman how about the guy with the flannel shirt is that a flannel shirt or a jacket it's a Blazer it's a flannel blazer day he's the drummer for Green Day that's Christ take that picture off JB take it off yeah yeah man there's a lot of that stuff you know it's like it's it's like what we're talking about we're talking about suits coming in and telling you what you can and can't say I mean they're doing they're being their own suits they're trying to formulate something that they think America is going to absorb and then they're thinking about buying Yachts so avue Q is a great show but the most fun part of watching it was watching the old Broadway people thinking that they're super naughty for going to the show just like these like 60 70y old women who like just couldn't believe like they

65:18said masturbation like just oh God yeah that was kind of I I had fun watching people watch it well if I was going to go to Broadway that would be kind of why I would go I would go to people watch the really Upper Crust Rich crowd of Manhattan nights the people that have homes in the Hamptons like those people that go to all those Broadway shows and that's their social life that's what they do they go to parties they dress really well they eat really well and they go to the finest restaurants in town they always get a table at the finest restaurants and here they are it's like that's like their hobby is being rich and doing rich people things and and if you want to be cultured you have to read the New York Times you have to read the New Yorker and you have to go to these musicals when they come out and you have to go to Broadway when it comes out there's a new play are you

66:06going to be there yes we are we have season tickets to the Broadway whatever the they have season tickets to Broadway yeah they can't they do they do they're like multi- ticket packages there's uh those people have to do everything they can to be cultured except actually talk to human beings well they talk to a few human beings who are exactly like them yeah they don't talk to anyone who you know I mean they might they might know their Gardener's name well there's a bunch of people that are like that that are just completely locked up in consumption and that's the only thing that they can discuss I had this this neighbor I used to call him bling bling um because uh bling bling always had like everything was shiny he always had like expensive watches and he always had like the nicest cars I couldn't talk to the guy about anything other than like cars and houses

66:53you know like I would say hey man how you doing and good good good see what that guy did to his house looks like what year is that car like that's all he would talk about all he was into was consumption what was good for the property values uh where did you get the watch oh nice nice watch like that was all was into like acquiring items moving items around fixing items making items better but this was he was the American Idiot I mean this he was locked into that I mean I knew this guy for years I mean literally that is why I called him bling bling we never had a conversation about anything other than objects that he wanted or objects that he saw that he liked I mean it was really weird but I think there's a lot of people like that out there especially really rich people yeah the uh when people make this argument about like oh well you know we have to allow the rich to be able to

67:45spend their money because it's for the economy and that's why they shouldn't you know we shouldn't have higher taxes on the rich I'm just like do you see how they how they spend it do you see the the ridiculousness that that it's SP like it's the problem with higher taxes on the rich is that like what what what is what's going on what is capitalism like what is it is it a game are we trying to I mean if one person Works harder and they make more money and one person uh is more Innovative they're more creative they figure out a way to extract more money from the system should they be penalized I mean aren't we all trying to do that are we all trying to acquire money in some way shape or form and who is to say that one person some Bill Gates Type guy is better at it so they should be penalized like it seems like you're trying to rig the game because someone is just way better at it well I

68:34I think the problem is that it's not I don't have a problem with the people who are better at it I have a problem with the people who are the grandson of the person who was better at it exactly was just just the idea of like oh you know my uh my father's father's sperm was real Innovative the Hines account has always had good Merit here yeah yeah that kind of stuff I yeah inheritance moneyy is uh that's a tricky one cuz I think it's bad for the people too they get it yeah I look at the uh um I look at the people who there's that quote that I forget where it's from but that quote that America is a nation of temporarily embarrassed millionaires that like everyone thinks that they're a millionaire they're just going through hard times right now oh I get it yeah yeah well that's one of the reasons why poor people vote for Republicans yeah they really think well you need business

69:21you need business I mean who is more anti- poor people than Republicans but how many poor people wind up being conservative it's like what I want to say to those people is like I get you know we all want to be millionaires we all want to be successful and that's wonderful and we need a path to get there and that's fantastic but tell me this when you were 55 and you were working in Applebee's what the is your path where from here to there you tell me you tell me what app you're going to invent you tell me what you know you're going to win on American Idol as the old lady like you tell me how the are you going to go from the lowest tax bra to the highest one when you're already 55 and your dream has gone but it can happen see to say that is kind of silly because we've there's been a million stories about like someone who writes a book in their 50s and they become rich I mean all that

70:11stuff has happened it's just a matter of you but you have to do it whatever it is you have to do it if you're actually just taking all your time and you're staying at alabes and then you're drinking and then you watching TV and then you're falling asleep and just keep that pattern yeah if that person said to me well I've been working on this novel for a very long time and I have a lot of faith in it I've sent it to a lot of Publishers and you know what I've been rejected a lot of times but I'm not going to take no for an answer I'm going to pound the pavement I'm going to find it maybe I'll self-publish my you know and I'll and I'll walk around and I'll go to libraries you know what and I'll I'll get my book in libraries and and if they said all that I would be like you know what don't pay taxes yes vote Republican yes but if they're just like well you know my my brother's got this

70:50idea right my brother's got this idea now it it he just needs a little bit of seed money it's a little bit of seed money that that person I'm just like I don't understand why you're voting against your own best interest well I don't think they think they are they think the people are lazy I work hard there goddamn lazy people they want that welfare money they're going to take that welfare and just spend it on the cigarettes yeah well the the uh I loved during during the uh debt you know the recession the collapse when everybody was talking about like I don't like how the government spends my money they're like the government spends money on things they can't afford I'm like you just lost your house in your car because you bought something couldn't afford yeah but they thought they could afford it they're just stupid like they the problem with those goddamn mortgages man

71:32that was the craziest Ponzi scheme ever that you would have someone with an adjustable rate mortgage and all a sudden the rate gets jacked up through the roof and you're paying three times as much like what did I sign up for wait a minute I was only paying $1,500 a month and now I'm paying 15,000 there's there is a great deal of deception and fraud and and garbage that was done from the bank and from the people in charge but there was also a great deal of people just didn't want to do their homework and they just they heard something too good to be true and they didn't know the lesson of if it's too good to be true it's not true yeah definitely it's the same people who like they'll open up the email they'll be like what what do you what do you mean I got this email where all I I get all this money I just click on this link right here from this person I never met

72:17yeah like how do you not know the first time I saw that I was like this looks wrong well you're a smart guy Steve but that's what I'm saying like a lot of people have they're dumb it's so difficult so lonely at the top of Olympus well one of the things we were talking about earlier about debt and about people with credit card debt that they don't realize it and if you had money like cash money and you wouldn't you wouldn't be so likely to go into debt with cash yeah well I think that's the same thing with the environment I think the the environment is almost like credit cuz it's we're like throwing garbage out the window and no one's thinking about it we're just burning fossil fuels and spray and hairspray into the sky no one's thinking about what that's doing because we don't feel it instantly and immediately we don't have like a a vault we open up I'm out of air yeah you know I'm

73:07running low we're running low on there no fish left we don't feel it so we continue to act in the exact same way because we're not really getting the feedback you know you watch An Inconvenient Truth you well that's kind of up oh got to go to work in the morning click shut it off go to bed beep beep beep up wake up keep going and that's a pattern that just kepts keeps getting repeated and repeated and we're not feeling the feedback of the negative actions I was uh I was flying and it was during that crazy winter with the polar vortex stuff where it was like -2 de in a lot of places and it got down to like -20 in the midwest what year was that uh two years ago I think 2 three years ago yeah it was uh I I know in La we're just like yeah it got all the way down to 55 it was terrible and so um I yeah I got woken up by the bells of the ice cream truck it was really

73:59difficult winter but the um but so I'm I'm flying somewhere and there's this guy you know going through uh in front of me at TSA and you know he's taking off his coat and all that stuff and TSA got a cold outside isn't it one of these small airports where they all went to high school together and uh and the guy goes so much for global warming and I I need to leave well enough alone I need to learn how to do that but I was just like I was like actually you know global warming Al makes it colder in the winter oh look the Jews got an opinion he knew right away and uh yeah he just immediately he was he just what he his reaction actually was one of my favorite things anyone's ever said he just goes that's what they want you to believe oh like they do because they're scientists and they want you to believe them well Sam Harris was talking about this yesterday

74:45that Trump is a global warming dener yeah a global warming denier is really close to being the president of the United States he is not only is he a global warming Den but the good news is if he felt he would make money off of it he would believe in global warming oh yeah for sure so there's no platform he can't believe in I wonder what the thought process behind that is just plow straight ahead and just do whatever's good for you and don't give a or is there like it's narciss artists will figure it out yeah for sure right that's really what it is answer my own question I I think it's I think it's a yeah it's what you were saying the idea of like plowing ahead and not knowing like I have this thing where it bothers me when someone unhappy like gen when I can see unhappiness whether like someone's mad at me about something I did or just someone's sad like immediately I'm like

75:32I I have to fix this you know like I and I don't know what that's from I don't know how I got that way and I try to get over it to a degree I I like being compassionate but I also don't want it to like totally ruin me and I think that there are people who are wired in completely the other direction who they can walk by someone bleeding to death and just be like GH the sidewalk used to be so much nicer yeah yeah I guess that's probably like the type of person that you don't want in office yes right yes it's the exact type of person you don't want in office but you also don't want a type of person in office is constantly worried about people being sad cuz then you'll never get anything done because there's 300 million people and at least 30 million of them are sad as right at least I can look at statistics being sad all day with no problem Oh statistics don't

76:23with you it's actual human it's it's the interaction with humans what about puppies kittens and I'm a big dog rescue guy oh me too so I actually go to the I can't go I'll take them all dude on this past on this past tour I did in 10 days in 10 days I stopped and got four Strays I didn't keep them but I like helped rescue four in 10 days just driving around you found them on the street four Strays in 10 days how do you know they were actually Strays how do you know people don't just like let their dogs out and the dogs come back I used to have a dog like that well one one of them was if if it hadn't come back I mean if it was let out it had been a couple days like it was like matted up and everything um one of them was actually someone who like was someone who just keeps their door open and then their dog was just playing in traffic and but thankfully it and he

77:14comes out and he goes I've been looking for him and I just go where all around bathroom taking a where's the dog uh the third one was one who was I don't think she's ever been owned it was just on the streets of Louisville and just walking around near the airport and then the fourth one was actually one where this was the one that made me the most upset because leash and Coller right outside of a dog grooming place so I'm like oh one got out and so this is in Phoenix and I'm running around it's 95 degree heat and this dog is fast and I'm like running around trying to chase it and finally there's like this Al Cove in the shopping center where it goes in the AL Cove and I'm like great it'll be cornered I'll finally be able to get it and so so I go in there and there's like a woman with a stroller and I go hey do you see a stray dog run by here and then

77:59I see the dog in the corner and I go oh it's right there and she goes that's my dog go that's your dog I've been chasing it for 20 minutes through a parking lot it almost got hit by three different cars and she goes oh did it like yeah that's what happens when dogs run around parking lots when people have strollers they don't give a about their dog they're like I'm concern concerned with this little baby this dog and go itself I just think like how hard is it to take that leash and just tie it to the bench that you're sitting on it's hard for some people just like it's hard to not hold the baby over the gorilla enclosure it's very difficult something that compation is real the struggle is real be like I you know I really I really don't want to let this dog go one of my favorite dogs ever I got a call from these people that I knew they were uh dog watchers and uh they

78:45found a dog in their neighborhood they knew that I had dogs and they knew I love dogs and this dog had mange she had mange all over her body she was really sick and they were like we don't even know if if she's going to be able to make it like she's like she's so like opened scabs because of it she was so beat up it was so sad and so they had washed her up and they had fed her and she was a really sweet dog and I'm like look I I'll take a chance let's see what happens yeah within like a week her mange had grown back it was crazy she just needed food she needed to be cleaned and needed food within a week almost all of her hair was like it wasn't fully grown it was all growing back and she turned out to be the greatest dog of all time but I can't go around those dogs I'll have a house full of dogs I'll have hundred dogs the one I have now I did not plan on having him I saw him in

79:35a shelter and he was just the cutest thing and and I I fostered him and two days in like we were someone like messaged me cuz I made like an Instagram account for him so that like maybe we get popular and people someone would adopt him yeah and then someone messaged me and immediately I get the message and I was thinking like don't you take my dog like it was already it was mine so he's he's a staffer bull terrier which is basically like a like a look like a Pitbull yeah it's like a I call it a pitbull face on a pig's body it's like he's adorable and he like what's crazy is so that breed if you were to buy one they're $2,500 and that's one without training without anything like and he was just sitting in a shelter and so anytime someone's like oh well you know I got to go to a shelter cuzz I need a really spec or sorry I got to go to a breeder cuz I need a really specific dog I'm

80:25just like but they're out there yeah there's find anything you want every single kind of dog is out there in a shelter he's my mascot now I take him with me to comedy clubs and everything really yeah cuz he doesn't bark at all I've heard him bark maybe like 10 times oh that's awesome and so I just he hangs out in the Green Room uh he like he'll find like whatever comic like left like a box of like merch like sometimes someone will like ship merch or something he'll just find like the box of shirts and just like use it as a bed he's great he's smart he knows they're useless yeah yeah man um shelters are tough it's tough it's tough to go there it's tough to see that it's just the people are so irresponsible they're so irresponsible with pets they get them we can't have this dog dog in the house like you got to teach him to not in the house next thing you know

81:10they just give him up and leave them in a cage and out of sight out of mine go on with their life what Disturbed me is when I found out how many animals Peta kills every year oh I got into it with the Peta uh spokesperson on Twitter did you oh I her up good I was pretty happy with that it about um so she followed me on Twitter and I just write back and I go hey I'm I'm so honored for the follow since you're the Peta spokesperson um could you let me know why Peta has a 90% kill rate and so she starts doing you know the standard PR thing of like well you know people bring dogs to us that you know don't really have much of a chance elsewhere and so you know we're kind of a last resort and I go oh well uh that's actually not true because I know of shelters that are like that and their kill rate is one10 of yours so if you could explain and I just kept hammering her about it and hammering her

81:58about it hammering politely um calmly I wasn't like shut up like cuz that gets you nowhere right you know I was just trying to outwitter and it was uh it was a lot of fun and eventually then she's like look I don't speak for PETA and I was like well in your bio on your Twitter it says head of communications so uh you do and now you're speaking to me is it a resource issue does PETA just not have the money to take care of them it's actually a Batman issue um you know how like Rael ghoul pause yeah you know you know how how the idea of like in uh in the first Christian Bale Batman uh Rachel ghoul was kind of like who's that okay so the the bad guy in Batman they were like we need to save the City by destroying it right like the humans are destroying themselves so we're going to wipe this out and and so that'll prevent the problem and that's what it is PETA is

82:51basically like there's a problem with like we love these dogs and so to stop them from overbreeding we're just going to murder a lot of them like that's where they go with it well the head of PETA when you get to the top crazy person it's well it's am I going to be murdered for saying this no you shouldn't be if they do they're rude animal Liberation Organization the and the real the at the very head of a lot of these really radical animal rights movements and by the way I love animals right so I get it I get the wanting pets to be taken care of but they don't want pets to be taken care of they don't want pets they think animals should be free all animals should be free all livestock All Pets none of that should be real all animals should just exist in some sort of a wild State they also uh she's gone on a record many many times talking about how you know P

83:45should be eradicated yeah and you know and and like things like that and the idea are they are dangerous I've had them they just are you know know they they've thousands of years of breeding to fight each other and if you're irresponsible dog owner pitbulls can be dangerous yeah but at the same time they say that about my dog about my staffy yeah but Stafford sh's Terror that's ignorance they're not the same breed see there's a genetic to law they are yeah but that's not it's not right the law is incorrect this is some stuff written down on paper when you deal with the actual genetic lines of the dog I've had dogs that were they were their line was from fighting dogs and they were possible you couldn't take them to the dog park couldn't take them it didn't matter how much I trained them didn't much how much I was with them all the time when dogs had bow up around him he

84:33would get aggressive and he'd want to fight well I I agree with you on a lot of things but this is this is one where where I have a completely different line because like I have a dog who is Chihuahua basset hound and I can't bring her near other dogs but that's an exception to the rule pitbulls are kind of the rule the problem with pitbulls is if you get it's a very dangerous dog they're super powerful they're really aggressive and they don't they don't respond to pain the way a lot of other dogs do cuz it's been breed out of them like if you follow the way they breed dogs for fighting when dogs fight if they back away if they cower they were killed that was the whole Michael Vic thing is that they had killed all these dogs that quit in fights so when you have all of that reinforcement genetically and you're dealing with a breed that's been raised like this for hundreds and

85:26hundreds of generations you're dealing with an incredibly aggressive draw dog with a really high kill drive and when these dogs with high prey drives are given to irresponsible people that's when you're getting all babies getting killed little kids getting killed dogs getting killed I mean it is breed specific but I mean that's also the same train of thought that people you know if you can put on a powdered wig and say that about quote unquote the Negro no you couldn't I no because they weren't bred for fighting and killing if you bred a bunch of people just for fighting and killing yeah you can make that distinction but pit bulls were bred for fighting I mean that's that's what they were bred for that's why they looked that way I mean this is a thing that's been done that's recent though they used to be hundreds and hundreds of generation it's not that recent no I

86:15mean they used to be you know the pit was America's sweetheart it was during World War I yeah the you know py from The Little Rascals had the P you know whatever it was but the was almost America's mascot by the way before the eagle yeah the I and I think the problem is also is that if a dog looks like a pitbull because pit actually isn't even a breed it's uh what is it American something Terrier um is the actual breed that people are talking about well was an as American bulldog mixed with a terrier Terriers are more aggressive and then they made the New Breed yeah and then but if you get a bloodline from one that is a fighting dog and this is not someone I love pitbulls I have friends that have pit bus I love them they're the sweetest most friendly dog but if handled correctly they still have a problem being aggressive with other dogs a lot of them do yeah and they're really

87:06powerful dogs and in the hands of the wrong people it's we're not talking about Labs okay when you have a lab labs are like universally loving and nice you can get the exception to the rule you get a bad lab but overall Labrador retrievers are really friendly easygoing dogs so when someone has a lab you go oh he's got a lab when someone has a pitbull there's a reason why people go oh great he's got a Pitbull yeah because a lot of them are crazy a lot well there and I I think it I think it boils down to who is handling the dog and the idea of if you I like I hate when someone is like I'm thinking of getting a pull it's like well either you need to know everything about it and you get one or you don't well you have to have a yard that can contain that dog for sure you have to be on top of it when it comes to training it you have to really be aware you have to read books

87:55on it you should probably uh seek help with a professional the behavioral specialist with dogs but even then if some dog threatens your dog or growls around your dog it's likely that your dog's going to clamp a hole of its neck and that dog's going to get up but that's also why I'm a huge proponent of leash laws I think by the way if La these parking tickets leash laws like you you enforce leash laws and we will we will have more money than any city in the world right yeah well I guess I mean how many people really walk around with their dog without a leash is that really a problem I I couldn't I I don't know if I've ever walked my dog without running into someone who had an offleash dog yeah that's irresponsible unless you're on a trail or something like that I had but even then I had uh so I was walking my dogs on this Trail on a leash Park in I think it was Fryman

88:44and uh these two huge dogs come bounding at us right and now look maybe they're playful one of mine's not one of mine is Terri when it comes to other dogs and so immediately we pick them up and this lady starts lecturing us about how you're not socializing your dogs correctly and they'll never learn and I was like well if you want my dog to bite your dog I can put her back down if you'd like but like that's why never learn yeah people who whose lives are a mess always love correcting people yeah you need to get your together I call it uh incorrec incorrec it's like thanks for incorrec me yeah that you need to socialize your dog well first of all it's a little dog that you can pick up and big dogs are running around yeah you probably should pick them up yeah dogs like to bite little dogs they they do it all the time it's theong kind of like yeah especially if it's the wrong

89:33kind of dog you know like huskys huskys or aidas you know like real aggressive dogs there are so many people there was one in my uh in my old neighborhood we're walking our dogs and all of a sudden this dog comes charging at us and it was like a little dog and so you know we pick our our dogs and uh my wife heals leas your damn dog and the guy goes this is a public space and I go yeah that's why you leash your DG but where was this just uh this little lawn of an apartment complex oh yeah like just a just a place where people walk their dogs all the time do you do you believe in leashing your dogs on trails and stuff too like when you're in parks and uh I mean if it is a non- leash place then that's fine if it's a leash place the problem is is that if someone's dog is leashed and someone's dog isn't leashed that's a bad way for them to meet right cuz one dog feels

90:19trapped and so it's about expectation so if I know that they're going to non- leash dogs there I'm fine because I know and I'm prepared and I'm ready you know and the and the dog is prepared and Etc but if like all of a sudden a dog just comes out of the woods like that's not yeah that's not safe yeah that's true they're not robots right you know they're they're not well there's so much Variety in the way dogs behave and the way dogs treat other dogs and other people it's just it's always a you like what's this dog like here comes a dog what are we dealing with yeah exact yeah I have no idea and I know that like even when I stop for them on the road I know that dangerous to do cuz you have no idea yeah if that dog is going to like try to bite you but have you been bit I haven't um yeah I keep a I keep a slip lead in the car um you constantly keep a

91:04I just have slip Le to my trunk wow I've seen so many of them and I can't tell you how many times I'm like I wish I had something to put around this dog and when you capture them then when you put them in your car what do you do you just bring them right to a shelter or uh well so far I actually have not had that happen usually it is either like one time there was someone else there that happened to work for rescue that also stopped uh you know one time there was a like a pet store right nearby so I kind of like brought the dog into the pet store and like they were able to hold him while uh while you know the owner came huh so I actually haven't but oh no you know the one time yeah I brought I brought a dog to in Louisville I brought a dog to a shelter uh the one uh this past week where like I you know put her in the car and then I had to be super careful and like disinfect everything CU

91:47you never know what the dog has and I have a dog and so yeah I just basically I had my buddy who cuz I had my dog with me when I saw the other dog so I had my buddy uh we were like half a mile from the hotel so he just walked back to the hotel with my dog and then I just you know drove the other dog to the shelter and there I mean then you just hope someone adopts it you just put it on social media and you hope yeah if you pick up a dog that has fleas and the fleas get in the carpet of your car yeah well but but that's the thing I've given up on flea prevention really like it's something where I give my dogs the medicine for it but like California has such a flea problem that there's nothing you can do like after a certain amount like every every here has flee really yeah it's it's some some react to it worse than others my dogs don't have flee but there's look you live in a special

92:34place would you live in a magical cloud above Los Angeles magical cloud of Fess yeah the the Peta killing thing is um they that always with me it's amazing to me that people will justify it also there's video of them going to a porch and like Le eading someone's dog off their porch yeah and taking it and killing it within a couple hours yeah and why do they do that why do they lead it off the porch again they want to eradicate it they just don't want pets they just don't want pets yeah so they think it's better to kill the pet than allow the pet to be with the person that they love and to to lead a life of slavery so bizarre just that kind of radical thinking but that's just the case with everything right I mean you have your reasonable people and then you have your people that take that to the utmost and take f f the like you're King all the dogsure one of my favorite things that

93:32I've seen was uh John Stewart showed a video of people merging to the I think it was like the Holland Tunnel or Lincoln Tunnel or something and it was like one car one car one car one car one like you're supposed to do with merge and every now and then someone would drive up on the shoulder and go around all of them mhm and just be like everybody but me you know yeah and that that is who creates terrible policy that is who shouts from the rooftops about them like that is who most of us will just drive one car one car and understand that that's what you do cuz that's what you want to have done there's always that one guy that's late for work every day he's like I saw a guy do that the other day he um he hit the breakdown Lane uh near a light a light was about to turn green and he got into the the side lane where people Park and just gunned it through the

94:19intersection almost plowed into people and then you see him speeding up ahead cuz he was probably late for work it was early in the morning you know there's so many people that every day they barely make it to work on time and it's it's like there's Adrenaline Rush they're addicted to they don't even realize it they're supposed to leave at 710 but meanwhile it's 7:15 it's 720 and they run out the door and it's that's the race that's the that's where they're getting their Char they're not getting chased by saber-tooth tigers but they are getting their adrenaline fix because that's the danger another thing that uh uh that another Chris Bowers story another comic was asking him about because he drives around to gigs all the time and someone asked him about like because he said oh yeah I never speed and he's like what what do you mean you never speed how do

95:03you get there and he's like well I'm in my 40s now so I wake up 15 minutes earlier and then I still get there cuz that's all it is like at the same time it's it's hard not to speed because when you're like when you have these straightaways when there are no cars near you and it's like why the is the speed limit 60 here are you kidding me easy but at the same time the idea of like well just what are you going to sa unless you're doing like a 10 hour drive you're not saving anything significant right but then there's the idea of the man telling you how fast you can go him man well I think you should be able to to unlock levels like on your driver's license that's a good idea like I could I could get a 75 mph speed limit I'm I could easily drive at 75 with no problem right if you're like a race car driver if you know how to really drive and you're super responsible with your

95:55choices of Lane changing and things along those lines yeah you should be able to drive faster the problem is how do you enforce it you have to pull the person over and then maybe you get a sticker on your car something right that's good I'd even drive an ugly car like I would drive like I give me a purple Fender you know give me give me something ridiculous that the cops can easily see then go okay that's a 75 M hour guy and if you text in your car if you text while you're driving while you're actually I mean how many times have I looked over and I saw this car acting weird and they're texting you should just you should lose your license for a week here's the better question when do we pee on this show oh you have to pee go go pee now all right cool we're going to wrap this up soon anyway I got a boogy soon all right I'll pee quick go ahead go pee Steve Hoffer

96:34ladies and gentlemen if you want to see that video you can find it on his uh YouTube channel actually if just look up Steve hoffet destroys a Heckler you'll find it easy to find but he's uh he's got a couple multi-million view Heckler videos wow maybe it's him maybe he baits these people we don't need to watch them but okay yeah he's probably baiting these good dude though but crazy traveling around with leashes yeah kidnapping dogs and yelling at Peta people young happened to me one time when I was walking around running uh I was just I had my headphones on a dog just came running up behind me yeah it's just it scared me I like whatever just a dog and then I kind of like Get Away dog get away Sho Sho kind of thing and I knew there's a girl behind me but it came back like five minutes later was jumping at me and barking and then I was like get the f I

97:24kind of got pissed you know what I mean it was like since she was taking her dog and picking up and get mad at me cuz I got mad at the dog but well people get mad that you don't know their dog is cool yeah like how do I know your dog could be a Maniac crazy I don't even know her I'm talking to her she's really here like what but what do I do if it I kick it and I'm an now cuz your dog's going to bite me I got to take a bite well that's also the problem with running with headphones on but running with headphones on is so much more inspirational than running without headphones on I just found out too there's a cool thing on Spotify you can have it set to your uh your your pace your your beats per minute and it'll play like uh symphonic movie like action theme song stuff so you're running you're the best sort of like that it'll play that kind of stuff nothing going to ever keep you down

98:09talking about running with headphones on a dog came up to him barking at him and you know that that is uh disturbing happens yeah it can if you're in the wrong place the wrong time and you know obviously people do get bit you know German Shepherds man those little my dog got bit by German my daughter rather got bit by ger German Shepherd recently these people have this dog and I'm like uh this is not a regular dog you can't just have this dog in your yard you need to teach this dog and they're like oh well she's a little rambunctious and it's like I go no this is a working dog this is a working dog do you understand like this is a really smart dog it's going to figure out a way out of your yard and when kids are with it's going to bite them just what's going to happen unless you teach it like you have to take this thing now when it's 8 months old and you

98:53got to to really train it because it's already 70 lbs it's already a big ass dog like you're going to you have a responsibility when you have a dog like this this is not this is not like a a bulldog that'll just sit there and is happy to just drink water and chill out this is a Super Active really aggressive dog yeah it needs to think it needs to you need to give it puzzles May you get you get the birth control pill this is sort of the same thing along the same lines we were talking about with pitbulls like these animals are bred for a very specific activity in order to discourage that activity boy you're going to have to throw a lot of tennis balls you're going to have to get this dog a lot of exercise you're going to have to give this dog a lot of a lot of activity a lot of stuff that they can occupy their mind with you it's like humans being bred for office jobs yeah

99:39exactly it's dude you just nailed it Steve Hofer we got to wrap this up I got to get out of here but um if I knew that I would have held I would have held the pee for a little longer B deal dude this is a casual show yeah but um so uh where can people see you where they see you live where could they find your Twitter is Steve hoffstead yeah H FF St h f s TT R okay sorry uh that's okay it happens all the time um my YouTube is uh just YouTube the hoffstead but you could also just Google it um and I do I have a podcast called Major League podcast which is where I interview baseball players oh you're baseball fan yeah huge baseball fan oh cool cool cool I'm doing a thing now where I'm throwing out first pitches is like a thing oh nice like my favorite thing to do well listen man you're funny funny dude I love the Heckler video it's awesome I love that it's blown up for

100:28you and you're getting all this attention and all this cool shit's happening for you you're part of that man and uh you know you Tweeting out life has changed for me from six weeks ago it's crazy it's awesome I love it I love it congratulations and more success to you sir thanks for having me on all right my pleasure my pleasure all right well that's it for the week you so uh we'll see you soon we'll be back next week and uh much love to all thank you bye h