Christine Hassler

00:04Christine we're live all right I'm ready how you doing we talked a lot before this podcast we even said we weren't going to talk we're like which I don't want to talk to you too much a lot of stuff to talk about but damn we got into everything Christy Brinkley Fibonacci Sequence Tony Robins Tony Robins we covered a lot of ground crime crime um boyfriends as dogs as protective dogs yes protective dogs um how did you get to become a life coach oh gosh that's wasn't no no no no it's just a long it's not I never planned on it and I don't really even like that that name what's a good name I haven't come up with a better name for it let's come up with but maybe by the end of the show we'll come up with something better so that that's that's your job Joe figure out my new title by the end of the show so I started out in Hollywood actually I moved out after college to LA because

00:57mainly because growing up I was teased a lot I was massively insecure and if you've got something to prove Hollywood's a great place to come do it so you came out here to like I'll show you people I'll show you yeah since I didn't fit in I didn't have a lot of friends and boys didn't really ever like me unless they wanted to cheat off my paper I became addicted to achieving and I was like what can I be I want to be somebody like if only I was somebody how old were you how old was I yeah oh gosh when it started 108 something like that that's when you started like wanting to prove yourself well that's when the teasing started happening and that's when I started to feel like I didn't really fit in and I needed to find a way to feel worth something so overachieving kind of became my way to do that and then at 10: I was diagnosed with depression and put on Prozac at 10 what I know that's we

01:47we'll bookmark that comped to that and so from a very early age I really thought something was wrong with me I didn't fit in and so I had to come up with these compensatory strategies to to feel worthy to feel validated to feel like I mattered and so I just became like straight A student addicted to achieving went out to college I grew up in Texas went to Northwestern graduated early and was just committed to moving to Hollywood and working my way up as an actor I mean as a kid I was an actor I tried that for a little bit and then I was like whoa this is way too much rejection I can't deal with this I want to go on the other side of the camera and pursue this career in Hollywood and I didn't know what exactly I was going to do I thought I was going to be a producer or something like that but I came out I was 20 years old and I applied at the William Morris agency to

02:35you know be an assistant they're like you have to go through the training program which is like pushing mail carts around and I did not want to do that so somehow I got a desk like really early and started working for the head of TV packaging and quickly learned I did not want to be an agent like I just didn't like it it was crazy long hours I was treated poorly it was just a hellish job and it was a lot of selling I didn't really like that either so I left left and actually went and worked on the man show you did I did I was thought maybe I'll like production so first season of The Man Show I was there which was kind of a blast and also just crazy it was a crazy show to work on I mean Jimmy and Adam were always like super awesome to me but I was you know a young girl pa running around the Juggy dancers were everywhere like I just I was like what am I doing here so like I quickly got

03:25out of production and then started in comedy development at Paramount started scouting Comedians and going to comedy clubs and finding people that I could represent and bring in and maybe get deals for them and that quickly transitioned to moving to another company where I was doing comedy development and then I quickly fell back into being an agent so that was like my first career was like going to comedy clubs late at night um Eddie if who I think you know was my first client that was your first client that's fine I know Eddie very well he's my very first client we still keep in touch he says hi and that was like my life so here I am now 24 25 working at a big agency represented clients I was the youngest female agent like in the department maybe even in the city at that time I don't know I was really young got promoted really really super young and I

04:15was dating the head of a movie studio and I was living this amazing Hollywood life like making a lot of money going to the Oscars and Golden Globes private jets hanging out with celebrities like I totally had it all but I still wasn't happy it was like I'd achieve one thing and then there had to be the next thing and then I'd achieve this and then there had to be the next thing you know I'd get the guy I still wouldn't be happy i' get the promotion still I was on that constant Chase and nothing ever was like doing it so about two years I did this job I'm still on anti-depressants I'm also taking anti-anxiety pills at the time and just like trying to like manage my life and I was one of those people that I could really look good from the outside like I could seem like I had it all together and the inside was a totally different story it's kind of like a duck on water you know it looks

05:03smooth but underneath it's like that's that was what I was like and you know a lot of people ask me about how did I achieve all this and still like suffer from depression and I was a very functional depressed person like a lot of people think if you're depressed you just lay in bed all day and watch you know soap oppers or something but that's not the that that doesn't you know summarize all depression like there's different ways it shows up and so I was able to live my life but I always felt like something was missing I always felt like I wasn't enough and I just had this heavy heavy energy and and nothing I could achieve was ever filling that Gap so let me keep going yeah yeah yeah so uh one day I was riding up in the elevator to work and I had basically a mini panic attack I just I couldn't breathe I got off the elevator and I just couldn't catch my breath and was

05:57looking at there was all L of weird painting and art in our office and I was looking at the weird photos and the one outside of my desk was this woman in a negl who was 9 months pregnant in this huge yard sale with a UFO light shining down on her about to take her up and I'm looking at this painting and I'm like I feel like that's me how did I get here and I just I W I went back down the elevator walked around Beverly Hills and then came back upstairs and I just wanted to quit all I wanted to do was quit I thought that was the answer it was just I could quit my job reinvent myself and start over but I needed someone to give me permission and so I called my dad cuz you know my dad is has always been there for me and I'm like Dad I really want to quit this job can I and he did a really good dad thing really pissed me off at the time but it was a good dad move you want to guess what he

06:46did he told you get your together that's what I would do close no he said I love you but I can't make this decision for you that is a good dad thing very good dad thing and he hung up and I quit the next day and that was the first really big risk I ever took why did you feel like you were the pregnant woman with a UFO about to take you off in a flying saucer that I just felt confused and lost and like I didn't fit in and like chaos and it's all wrong and how did I get here and what is happening isn't it crazy that Hollywood has so many stories I mean not obviously not exactly like yours but so many stories of people who were rejected who have decided they're going to come here to prove something or to get the love that they need and what do they run into they're in the business of rejection exactly for every most people don't really think about it because most

07:41people don't act but if you try to act you have to audition and if you audition you're going to audition with hundreds of other people that are all trying to get the same job and they treat you like hundreds of other people are trying to get the same job y it's the weirdest thing and people leave and they're just devastated they're so confused they get nervous before the thing and then they leave the thing and they feel so helpless it's the it's a strange strange business it really is and it's it's so often not based on Talent no it's so often not based on who's the best person for the job and that's what frustrated me as an agent and also one of the reasons I left I had a deal that I put together Eddie was actually involved in it and my boss made me attach a showrunner who like nobody wanted and but he needed to please that client and it killed the show and it killed these

08:28guys all the time all the time that happened to us when I took over the man show there was a showrunner that there's this this weird incestuous sort of business in Hollywood of connecting people it's almost more about being social than it is about anything else it's about making these relationships almost like politics you become beholden to these people and you get them jobs and they get you jobs and you all just feed off of each other and you all suck it it really happens a lot it happens a lot with comedy writers y there's a lot of comedy writers that are just you know there they might have even been on Seinfeld or something like a great show and there's a few brilliant writers and there's a few that are like what in the is this guy doing here well his agent is this guy's agent and that guy's agent forced this guy in if you get that guy you get this guy too

09:19and they make these deals exactly and that's what was so frustrating for me is I'd have these really talented people and I couldn't I couldn't get them jobs why did they put you on Prozac at 10 do were you an only child no no no I was the oldest you're the oldest how many kids just two and I think you know my my parents love me a lot and they just were doing the best they could and they were listening to doctors you know it was the time when if a doctor tells you something you listen what was bombing you out like like what what was it to the point where they were willing to put you on medication well I think I went from when I was little I was really outgoing and and talkative and happy and then when the teasing and bullying started to happen I completely just shut down like I shut off was a particular group of people that did it to you or one girl and then it like well

10:08she's the one I wanted to mention when I won my oscar that was the whole thing oh you wanted to get up there and say that there and this is for you no eventually eventually I got over that uh but I just I I really just shut down and withdrew and so it was just like did you move to a different school or was it just one particular kid they wanted me my parents were like go to a different school honey like and I just wouldn't I was I was stubborn and I wanted to stay and I think I was just scared you know that's the thing like often times what we know that's un that's bad is safer feel safer than what we don't know that might be better I might had a comfort zone in where I was like even though I wasn't really happy like I knew that school I knew I was afraid that if I went to New School I would just have to deal with the same thing so I was just like I'll

10:52stay where I am isn't it crazy that you could run into the wrong person when you're 10 years old and it could you up for a decade or two yeah yeah but I think we I mean I don't know any human who hasn't had something in childhood or adulthood or whatever that is we can call bad Jamie look at him it's perfect nothing's ever went wrong nothing's ever gone wrong with you just wait it's coming kid smooth and calm young Jam's collected yeah no everybody's had difficulties it it's unavoidable but the the The Bullying thing is very it's it's very strange how prevalent it is and how it seems to be a part of human nature that people have some strange desire to find someone who's weak or who's insecure or who is and then literally go after them and put yourself in front of them and with them and and ruin their like there she is let's go get her like that kind of is it's a weird

11:47natural pattern that human beings follow and I've always wondered like we need to talk to Gad sad about this like what is the evolutionary basis for that like what is it about people that makes them want to do that especially young people I don't you know and I think it's different with the way girls do it and the way boys do it how do girls do it girls it's it's a little more sneaky and I think a lot of times it's based more on jealousy and that might have like I don't know that might have some unattractive no I think that um I was I was smart school came easy for me the teachers really liked me parents liked me and so I think that that might have had something to do with it and again I don't know you know it's 10 like I have no idea why the what they did but it was more sneaky like passing around notes saying I join the I hate Christine club and like having everyone sign it and and

12:37just kind of quietly doing it behind my back and and pulling all my friends away where I think boys are just more aggressive like they'll they'll beat you up they'll put you in lockers they'll do that that kind of thing but I think it's just a a power thing and you know within every bully is a scared little boy or little girl so it's just I think how we we're always not always but so much of the time we're trying to compensate for something you know where we feel lesson where we feel insecure we think if we can just have power over something or somebody else that's going to make us feel better there's also a thing that happens when like the I hate Christine Club thing where the other girls are probably like I don't want to be on the end of that so I'm going to join in yep get you get scared that they're going to go after you next and you want to be on the mean team I think that's what's

13:22going on with Donald Trump I really do I think that's a lot of the reason why people are with him and and and for him he's he's so vindictive and mean and the way he goes after people I think you see a lot of people support him and sort of like like coward to him like even that Megan Kelly chick who's a super brassy badass ice princess she did that interview with him after they had their little thing when she sat down with him and she was she was so like submissive it was weird it was I mean maybe she was trying to keep her job maybe Fox News Right the riot act I don't know but it was really bizarre to watch her tone down I didn't see the follow-up interview she she didn't she didn't call him out on anything she just really no she was really submissive it was it was not what I expected it was it was very orchestrated I mean I think it was kind of obvious at that point I don't know if

14:15he had he was the nominee or he was on his way it looked like all the other nominees were falling apart yeah and um she did this interview where her and him Sat in some office room like sat across from a table and it was like like people are scared yeah people are scared of of you know the the strong man or the strong woman you know the the the person who's going to go after you or the unpredictable like I think Donald is so unpredictable you never know what he's going to throw at you and he he will go to whatever length he needs to go to to humiliate to make you feel less than to throw you off your game you know so she probably was just like I better just well he just he sues so many people and so many people sue him he's that's his world you know that's that's like a normal thing for him if he doesn't have a bunch of lawsuits floating around the world he probably feels like God

15:04nothing's even happening today you know I got to get something going I got to sue somebody it's just crazy but I think that that that is one of the reasons why people like are attracted to him because they don't want to be on his bad side I think people are terrified of him you know super billionaire very famous big powerful guy I think um there's a bunch of people that uh like with this I hate Christine Club if there was this one mean that just wanted to go after you there's probably a bunch of people that would want to side with her just cuz they're scared that she's going to turn on them and start going after them next I think that's probably right yeah for sure it's it's total it's it's a tribal thing it's becomes this weird like that's the that's our leader now you got to you know a lot of leaders are the most vicious mean nasty terrifying people you know look at the dictators in

15:54Russia or Putin or Kim Jong-un or what are they known for the the dictators in a lot of these Middle Eastern countries they're ruthless Ruthless People and everyone's scared of them so they all go behind them you know yep better to be behind them than go up against them to feel their wrath yep yeah I think fear is a big motivator unfortunately you know and and it I think impacts our ability to really think clearly about something because we're just so scared and so threatened that we we sto questioning wait a second like what is he really saying what is he really leading me yeah CU that's the thing with Donald when I talk to people who support him I'm like but do you do you do you understand like he would have more money if he would have just like taken the money his father left him and invested it versus all the bankrupting he's done in I mean he's there's just so much that

16:45doesn't make sense about him that I'm just like okay well there's never been a man alive that needs mushrooms more than Donald Trump if there is I haven't heard of him I mean I'm sure I'm sure there probably has been but he needs them d I think he needs to go straight to the Amazon yeah he might need to go right there but he needs something yeah it's just he's he's almost like this super impulsive hubris character yeah you know everything is like uh when Hillary Clinton says you know he doesn't pay tax just because I'm smart like you can't help like you're on you're on a debate on TV you just said you're smart because you don't pay taxes right but it really reflects I mean it's not just him like it really reflects like where we are as a society that enough people support him to get him to the place that he is I think we're so polarized right now and like look I don't really love

17:35either candidate to be honest I I just don't but I think that I hope that maybe this is just wishful thinking that we'll have four years of whoever it is I think it'll be Hillary and then in the next election we'll have people run that we're actually excited about supporting and voting for maybe but I don't see those people anywhere to be want the job exactly no one wants the job that's the problem it's a crazy job and it's a job where they try to destroy you if you run for it you know and you're seeing that with with Trump and you're seeing that with Hillary they're pulling out all the stops and by the time it's over the opinion of the commanderin-chief uh it's going to be terrible no matter who wins right I mean there I mean that crooked Hillary thing is going to stick forever hash crooked Hillary it's going to stick forever and people's opinion of him is

18:25horrible you know it's no matter who wins and she's going to win most likely but it's not good it's not good for any of us nope it doesn't represent what we think of the United States as we think of the United States as being this unbelievable place of creativity and Innovation and the greatest superpower the world's ever known and this you know this really Progressive force of for good in the world and you know I don't know maybe we need to go through this time though to shake it up a little bit maybe things need to get bad to get better I mean I see that in human psychology so much you know you need to hit rock bottom you need to go through these Hard Times yeah to have something better emerge but maybe that's just wishful thinking I don't know no I think you're probably right I think we also needed to understand because the Wikileaks um Revelations like how

19:15exactly politics is run even with the people we think that are the good folks like it's all gross and dirty and all the stuff with the Clinton foundation and all the stuff they did to Bernie Sanders and they conspired to keep that guy out there's I mean he's a Democrat too the whole the whole thing was supposed to be about who is the person that best represents the people let the people choose but no the Democratic National Committee was working to make sure that Bernie Sanders wasn't the guy yeah and they were all conspiring with Hillary and they're all pulling favors it's just like we were talking about before with producers and networks it's the same it's just using your power and your influence and all the friends that you've made and all the years and all the favors and and pulling it together but now we're being exposed to it in a way that we haven't really since

20:06Watergate I mean Watergate gave us like a little window a tiny little window but the access to information was so minuscule back then like we clung to those 15 minutes of whatever Watergate tapes whatever it was and we we like look at this I'm not a crook you know like he was doing what they were all doing he just got caught and we got a we got a sense of it now but now when you read these emails about how they really feel about each other and all the grossness that goes on I don't know I try to not engage too much in the grossness because it's just like what's the point I guess the point is to understand what the world really is about what what the structure of the government that looms over us is really all about why are certain things legal why are certain things illegal why are certain loopholes in place how did they get in place who benefits from them what

20:59is a charity and if it is a charity how come you get paid so much yeah like how come you get paid $250,000 to speak and then all this money goes to your charity but that $250,000 goes to you like you just talked for an hour like this is a scam but that's the thing like you're asking you're being curious you're being curious you're asking questions and I think that's helpful I think what so many people are doing are just getting mad and just trash talking America and the the candidates and and that doesn't do good for anybody if you want to like ask questions and get involved and start to get curious and and qu that's that's awesome that's how we change things but I think too much of this has just been so emotionally driven that people are just getting upset and not really going huh what can I do what can I learn yeah how can I shift this in some way yeah

21:48it's also people who are like super psyched to get behind their candidate their team yeah I got to tell you like there's a lot of grossness on both sides for sure there's a lot of grossness on the Trump side there's a lot of mean that have finally found another mean that's running for president and they're pumped like he's one of them but then there's a lot of men who are using hash I'm with her and they are the grossest little white Knights oh my god I've run across a few of them on Twitter what's a white knight you don't know what a white knight is how dare you you really don't know like a night and shiny nor yes a man who comes along comes along and positions him as the superior morally Superior what they call Michael Shermer calls virtue signaling someone who would would say you know hashtag I'm with her hashtag male feminist you know hashtag yeah that's real oh no yeah

22:43there there's a lot of those out there yeah they they're trying hard they couldn't get laid any other way and this is this is the strategy the strategy is to position thems as the super Progressive oh gosh yeah it's like people who don't want you to think that they're racist so they go out of their way to discriminate against white people other white people when they're white I read this thing with this woman was saying if you are a white person and you are up for a job and you are up against a person of color do period not period take that job you don't deserve it examine white privileged I was like oh my God what liberal arts college do you belong to what crazy is in your head like what I don't get it at all do period not period take that job yeah well you don't have to get it we went on a tangent we went off we were trying to find out how you become a life

23:38coach and all a sudden we're talking politics white white Knights I love it I love tents yeah and now I now I know a whole new understanding of white Knights I always understood it as you know that the man who's going to come in and rescue me that's that well they're positioning themselves as that but that you know I think we're a couple decades away from all this going away because I think technology is going government going away all all and lies this is I really believe this I think technology is going to enable just like no one anticipated you know if you can go back to the the first days of cameras if you went back in the 1800s they first had a camera no one would have ever thought that in the lifespan of just I mean what was the first camera Jamie like 1860 something like that like Civil War era was like the first cameras no one would have ever thought

24:31that in two lifespans which is essentially what it is from then to now you would be able to send video to Australia instantaneously from something that slips into your pocket pretty mind-blowing when you like stop to think about how much we've seen in our lifetime yeah I think we're just so used to it we're so used to Google and the internet and all when Hillary Clinton was uh telling like Donald Trump said something and she's like Google it Google what he said it's not true true and I was like how hilarious is that Hillary Clinton is telling people to Google Donald Trump like like that's that's how beautiful access to information is today yeah I think we are a couple decades maybe a little bit more away from a completely new paradigm a completely new way of accessing information I think we're going to submit to something whether it's a neural implant or some sort of uh

25:25augmented reality and we're going to be able to read intention and thoughts it's going to be there's not going to be any lying in in a hundred years I really believe that I totally think you're right and I think that's why we're seeing so many of these systems break down yes like the presidential election which used to be this coveted amazing thing now we're kind of looking at as like it's it's a reality TV show is what it seems like now it's all grabbing craziness oh craziness that's the I mean I just can't believe that in the first like 20 minutes of the second debate I had been out of the country for a month which was so refreshing and to come back and I watched it and the first 20 minutes was just character slams it was nothing about nothing about the issues or anything and I was just like what what's what's happening that doesn't make me happy like it doesn't make me f like if

26:12he shits on her she shits on him and she she tears him down it doesn't make me feel like she's better I liked her in one of the debates cuz I didn't tune into it until the last like hour and he was saying a bunch of crazy and she would start laughing H I was like that's how she should she should handle him like's a child like if she did that but she's crazy too so first woman president another tangent lot lots of tangents life coaching so how do you get how do you get from all right so where now mad at both of us by the way you don't know about politics yeah how about you just shut the up I will totally own that I that's not my area of expertise so guess what nobody knows about politics even people doing it that's why Donald Trump's running for president nobody saw that coming you know nobody understands this stupid system yeah but you understand life

27:06coaching yes we're going to come up with a better name better name for the life coaching yes but so the way it happened is um all right so I quit my job which threw me into an even worse depression because that was my whole identity like was my success and being an agent and so then in a period of I don't know like six to eight months a bunch of things happened I went into lots of debt I tried to keep up with this lifestyle I um was a strange for my family for a bit cuz I made a choice that they didn't really like and I got diagnosed with another autoimmune disorder on top of everything else and then I was engaged and thought Oh I'm going to be a wife like that's my next role I'll be fine and then six months before my wedding he dump me cold turkey so I in that you know I know people listening have been through worse but in that like span at 26 years old losing my career and money

27:56and family and and health and love it was kind of like this sucks like this I really didn't know what to do and I had honestly a moment on my bathroom floor which I don't know why I was on my bathroom floor was disgusting but laying there it's a good spot to cry the tiles are nice and cold you know feels very dramatic and I had this like kind of insight I guess you could say of how much I was relating to everything as a total victim as like everything was happening to me and then it dawned on me I'm the common denominator in like all of these situations so either I have just really bad luck or I have some influence over this and again like it was just a teeny bit of an Insight but it was enough of A New Perspective on my life that kind of got me off the bathroom floor and started to give me some kind of hope and started to make me realize I needed help and like I the way

28:57I was doing my life wasn't going to work anymore and so I found I thought I was having a quarter life crisis and I found a book by that name and I read it and it was fine but it wasn't going deep enough for me so I decided to write a book about like my experience and everything I was learning and um how I like was getting myself off my bathroom floor I guess and I was interviewing people for the book and they kept saying things to me like can I set up a session with you and I'd say why I got all the information and they said well aren't you a coach or a counselor or something and I'd say no and they said you should be you should be you should be you should be and I kept hearing this over and over and over again so I went to my coach and kind of my first teacher who I met when I was 22 and I was still seen and she had had a major impact on my life and I said Mona

29:44you know everybody's telling me I should do this and I've been looking for my career for you know years maybe this is what I'm supposed to do she's like yep yep that's what you're supposed to do and I go I've been coming for 5 years like why didn't you tell me this and she said you know you had to figure it out you had to find it and so that's how it just started like people kept reflecting back to me hey you're good at this you should do this and I didn't really know how or what and so then I just became I started studying it I apprenticed with her I got training I got a master's degree I wrote more books and it just sort of happened out of my own life and out of just creating things that I thought would help people and people going actually this is really helping me and can I talk to you more and that was you know a good 10 11 years ago have you pushed mic forward a little bit more it

30:28make the sound a little more consistent it's it sounds good in your ear just the recording it'll be weird got it isn't that an interesting thing that um it's often times small choices that people make that dictate what happens to them in their life but if you just decide that things are happening to you you don't take any responsibility for any of the choices that's to me the biggest difference from people who are able to change their life and people who don't is ownership is realizing that yes things happen but we're not victims and anything can happen but the same exact thing can happen to you and I and we can make different choices about what we make it mean and how we respond to it and we're going to create different results based on that so it's not what happens to people it's not just luck it's truly what are you going to choose to believe about it and that's to me the

31:18key differentiator between staying where you are and kind of regressing as you get older and just repeating your familiar patterns and and more stubborn and all those things and you know just looking for those shortterm bursts of happiness and like a trip or a bottle of wine or whatever versus like really getting clear about how you can change your life what your purpose is what brings you Joy and like who you really are there's a thing about life coaching too or or anybody I mean just forget that word but the idea that you are dispensing advice or giving out inspiration or you know WR writing things down that have affected and helped and enhanced you people want to dismiss that stuff like oh I don't need that oh that's nothing but I feel like one of the best things about being a part of a community or being a part of a culture is that you get to look at all

32:13of the things that people have done that have benefited them and all of the the the Positive Choices that someone has made and you can learn and experience those without having to go through all their yeah you know and there's a lot of things that I've learned from people whether I've read things that they've said or listen to speeches that they've given about mistakes that they've made where I've come across a similar moment in my life I'm like up I know what this is yeah I know what that is it's it I think it's one of the best tools that we have when when when it comes to improving and enhancing your own life your own individual experience is looking at all the different that other people have done and it's a it's a weird one because people dismiss it so easily they they don't first of all they dismiss it at a there's a certain amount of hubris and a certain

33:01amount of ego attached to it where they don't want to admit they have an issue or they don't want to admit they need help or they don't want to admit that they need to be inspired or they need you know some sort of motivation I think it's yeah I think it's fear back to that whole this life that I know is comfortable I may not like it but I'm so scared of uncertainty that I don't want to make the changes you know people are terrified of the unknown there's also a lot of of foot when it comes to life coaches and motivational speakers and there's a a lot of hosers like we were talking about before the podcast about a couple hosers we know there's hosers out there and th those people but it's like everything else like you know there's bad car mechanics you know they'll put a used part in your car and you over there there's bad doctors there's bad everything everything in

33:54this world has someone who's half asking it y and the problem with that whole the the idea of being a life coach or being a motivational speaker is that there's not really like you don't have to get a PhD to do it you don't have to you know you don't have to like prove yourself like Mike has opened up 15 different businesses so he's going to show you how to do a business like this guy's a successful businessman that makes sense but there's a lot of people out there that are doing life coaching that are failures yeah and maybe maybe that's not the worst thing in the world to be a failure because you've learned from those failures and maybe you're achievement or your contribution is expressing those failures and your Revelations from those failures and that could help somebody else not make those same mistakes yeah I mean I think I've had a lot of so-called failures and

34:39mistakes um did you ever have one of those like bathroom floor moments those like life pivot I'm a man first of all I'll cry like a chick on the floor what's the Man's first yeah I mean um no all aside yeah yeah there's always um for for a comic the big one is bombing ah like bombing on stage is devastating and you you start thinking like I can't I can't do this like you can only take so many of those bombings in your life it's like getting beaten up you can only get beaten up so many times before like your brain stops working right and there's that relationship breakups for sure um devastations I think are always the best for a rebirth Y and at the time they don't feel like it oh and Devastation when when anything devastating that happens to you in your life while it's happening you feel like I don't know if I can take this but then you get through it and you have this sort of enhanced

35:38perspective and then you also we live in an amazing time where you can see you know not that you should Revel in other people's failures but you could like look what most of your failure is nothing yeah in comparison to what's going on in a million like Syria or million different parts of the world that are just filled with chaos yeah most people can't see that because you see your life and your life is all you know and your life is falling apart right well and I think too you know we get so kind of narcissistic in our problems that we forget the bigger perspective and we don't a lot of people talk about being happy all the time you should be and I just don't think that that's real I think that you I I've grown and I through contrast through you know I I think I I really understand happiness and joy cuz I've really understood depression and sadness like that

36:31polarity I think is such a big part of what we're here for yeah I mean you look you could read a book about different parts of the world and what's going on if you're still happy after you read that book there's something wrong with you you know like right probably shouldn't be happy all the time there was actually I think it was scientific America or something like that that had an article recently saying you're not going to be happy all the time and you shouldn't be and there's there's a reason for it exactly Peaks and valleys in everything in life yep and that I you know for people listening that might be in one of those valleys it's like don't try to just get through it really ask you know what what can I learn from this that was my biggest thing is I stopped asking why is this happening to me and started asking what can I learn yeah so instead of painting

37:20yourself as a victim you paint yourself as someone that's present in the moment and just okay I don't want to do this anymore let's figure out what's going on exactly and we don't a lot of times we don't have the tools and that's where things like life coaching and personal development come in handy as so we can go and get those tools instead of using our old coping mechanisms by like being strong or overing overworking over drinking over you know jumping into a relationship like whatever it may be we we don't really learn how to deal with disappointment failure anger shame any of those things and so we're kind of left to these Quick Fix devices that and and I think that's a big reason addiction is such a problem is because we don't really learn how to manage emotion and how to manage disappointment and so we go for that thing that makes us feel better in the moment but the

38:06problem is we have to keep upping the antie you know the at first that one glass of wine does the trick but then you need two then you need three then you need vodka then you need whatever it may be and so I I mean why I'm so passionate about what I do is first of all I never I never thought I could be happy like I really didn't I thought that this you know I I was going to be depressed and I just was going to constantly be looking for something to fix me I never really truly thought this life that I'm living now was possible again externally things look fine but internally I'm talking about a totally different kind of experience and it's only because of those like really awful moments I call them expectation hangovers that I was kind of desperate enough to let go of of my normal coping mechanisms and my trying to control everything it was like the ultimate in

39:01surrender truly of going okay like I don't I don't know I need to find a different way to deal with this and that's really what has led me down the path that that I'm today so you know I I think that life coaching and the personal transformation industry and all that like you said there's a lot of what' you call them Hoke hokeys uh something hosers hosers hosers and Doug McKenzie I don't even know who that is they 1980s sent live character they call each other hosers they're from uh Canada oh my God hey hoser remember those guys I don't know why I came out why hosers I'm learning all these words this is great I don't know why hoser I don't know why that I hardly ever use that I don't know why it popped up I love it I want to go back to the the proac thing because I'm super your parents put you on that stuff when you were 10 years old well I think it was more the doctors okay doctors I'm

39:55sorry doctors put you on that stuff when you were 10 years old ink block tests and ink block test what do you see a demon what do you see death what do you see a skull I I don't think I I probably said things like a butterfly I don't who know that I hate from school with axe in her head so the doctor puts you on Prozac what kind of an effect does that have on you I mean it actually helped I think it really helped I think it helped me um I gosh it's so hard to remember too I mean I was 10 but when I talk to my parents about it they're like you know it did help because I really do think that because of everything that happened you know my brain chemistry did shift you know I do think that we can shift our brain chemistry with repetitive thoughts and you know I had enough thoughts about you know I'm not likable I had just a intense inner critic in my head and I do think that shifted my

40:47brain chemistry and I do think that the medicine helped me at least get to a point where you know I was like kind of awake again how long did that take I don't remember but I know that you know especially my 20s like you were still on it oh gosh I was on it until 30 yeah I was on every from every I was on Prozac Wellbutrin for 20 years 20 from the time you were 10 so all through High School you were on that stuff yep wow yep I I belied that I needed it just like a diabetic would take insulin so how long ago did you get off of it uh uh seven and a half years ago wow and and like totally I I never have any regression or dips but I did I was super intentional about getting off of it I didn't just stop like especially after 20 years it took me a while it took a lot of the emotional work that I was doing with my coach Mona because you know so much of depression is

41:49suppression so you know when all that stuff was happening I I think I was pretty angry about it but I had no outlet for that especially as a girl like boys again can go out and get stuff out but a lot of times and this is why I think so many women get irritable and and all those kind of things is because women we don't have like that outlet for anger and so we internalize a lot of that like we can do sadness but anger a lot of times get suppressed and so a lot of like me getting off my medicine and not feeling depressed was not being supressed what about exercise well see exercise is okay but until you like go back and actually process the emotion I mean exercise is good in terms of moving the energy but a lot of times you have to attach like the feeling with the movement right so like a lot of my Retreats that I do where I just bring women I facilitate like an anger burn

42:39for them an anger burn an anger burn what is that it's like a a safe place for women to get their anger out like and it's not just catharsis like there's a whole kind of process they put them through so they like you know kind of reconnect maybe earlier Life Experiences where they didn't feel protected or they felt unsafe or they felt you know abused or whatever that is because again like this is just this just all comes from my own life experience in working with gosh thousands of people at this point like I I see over and over again people that are depressed shut down have a lot of anxiety not happy with their life have some like unprocess thing from their past that just needs to move and when I create this space for people to start to move that energy it's like underneath there is creativity and passion and like Peace and Freedom from anxiety and all that kind of stuff so when you're

43:39looking at me like no no not at all I'm just listening she's looking at me like who is this girl um so when people have that space to unleash that and to let the energy move through them because I think there's a difference between emotion and feeling so feelings to me are physiological responses to thoughts okay so if I sit here and think about the future that I'm scared about I'm going to feel anxiety if I have like oh my gosh what if like someone breaks in my house tonight I'm going to feel fear you know if I I can I can feel regret because of a thought or guilt but but emotion like energy in motion if someone hurts one of your kids you're GNA experience anger you know like it's a natural response if someone close to us dies or we have a heartbreak it's natural to feel the emotion of sadness and I think that there's a lot of kind of misleading information about like oh

44:38we create all our you know feelings with our thoughts and we can just like affirm our way out of things and think our way out of things and to some degree that's true changing our thinking does a lot but with with some core emotions like anger shame sadness I think we got to feel them and I think that that's what people are really scared of is is actually kind of opening that box opening that can of worms and going back and and actually feeling those feelings but the thing is they're in there and so if you don't get them up and out in a healthy way then I think that's what creates a lot of suppression a lot of depression perhaps maybe even disease things like that because they just get stored in our body somewhere that make sense yeah so what do you do to these gals what do I do to these gals um I it's just creating a space they just scream pillow fight what do they do no

45:28it's not a pillow punching no it's not that I give them I definitely give them something to hit with like um those foam noodles you know that you you give them foam noodles I do I do and oh gosh the comments to this are going to be crazy I can't believe this but here we go so I um and I put on you know some pretty intense music and Slayer I don't even know not Slayer you don't even know I not Slayer not Slayer not that in it's more it's more like Metallica really yeah Metallica's on my playlist I'll I can pull my playlist later if you really want to see it um you have a beat the out of a foam roller playlist oh for sure yeah okay yeah yeah it's anger bur playlist anger bur playlist yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well I'm telling you let actually so one time I was doing this I rented a house actually out in near here Agora and people were doing this process and again

46:24like I pre them like you know I they they bring to mind things that they've maybe like I said like were angry about things from their childhood you know it's not just like I throw them in a room with loud music and say go after it like they're very there's a lot of processes I put them through to get them to this point but anyway so we're doing this one time in this house and there's like you know 20 women loud music yelling and um the cops show up and the guy's like um um what are you like what's going on here and I step out I step out and I explain I said you know a lot of times this is a women's you know workshop and a lot of times you know we we hold back our emotions and you know we end up getting irritable and this is just a healthy way for you know people to to heal and work on their emotions and the cop looks at me and he's like um can I have your card I want

47:17to send my wife no kidding that's what the cop said to me so there's and I've gotten lots of calls from husbands and boyfriends and even kids and like thank you because there's something about it's like pulling off our armor honestly and there's something about doing like the deeper work and kind of going to those scary places that takes a layer off of us I think I mean it's it's similar to plant medicine in a lot of ways of like going to those places where that are kind of like where you come out the other side and you have a deeper understanding of of yourself um so by doing something completely ridiculous and crazy and just letting loose and all the the madness involved with it it's almost like a reset for you yeah yeah and it's not again like it's facilitated it's not this this crazy you know people going screaming it's not fight club it's not because there's a difference between

48:17catharsis and like actual processing stuff but it's just and again I think we we don't really understand emotion to a certain level and we think that big emotion is crazy mhm and it's not necessarily I think what is crazy what makes people crazy is suppressing it their whole life and trying to manage it through their mind or through doing things or through whatever else versus actually like being willing to look at those parts of oursel cuz we're you know we're humans we have a mind we have emotions we have actions we have you know our spiritual self whatever you want to call that like something that's connected to something bigger than us and I think we need a holistic approach to really change now from the time that you decided to get off of the anti-depressants did you follow a protocol did you go to a doctor to discuss it with them did you read anything about how to do that and what

49:15advice would you give to anybody out there that might be listening that also is going through that same sort of situation um doctors told me I couldn't do it so I stopped going to doctors ever stay on it I'm getting paid exactly um so I had you know my coach at the time who was really helpful who was more than again like coach is such like a I don't even know what to call her she was how did you find her I was dating a guy who was an addict and complaining about him to a girlfriend at lunch for like the 80th time and she addict pills um pill no drugs like Coke alcohol maybe pills pills too fun times good times my Hollywood Life yeah was super great yeah I was popping Xanax while he was doing all that so anyway I um now I've totally lost my train of thought uh how'd you find your coach oh yeah yeah how to find a coach so we're sitting at lunch I'm talking about this for like the 80th

50:15time and she goes I can't I can't listen to this anymore I went and saw this kind of cooky woman go see her so and I had been like to shrinkx my whole life and I had never been to like a coach I had always been to therapist and psychiatrist and so nothing against therapist and psychiatrist they do good work um but I had kind of like reached my limit with it and so I go to This Woman's house and she's like totally stuck in 1985 like her Decor her fashion everything and I sit down and I sit across from her and she didn't even see me in her normal office I think she knew she needed to like totally get me out of my comfort zone so she put me in her son's bedroom with like these race car bunk beds and sitting there on this race car bunk bed going where am I like how did I get here and she walks in she sits in front of me and it was the first time in my life and I felt loved by my

51:04parents but this was the first time in my life I felt really seen like it was almost uncomfortable like this woman could almost see through me she could see me she could really see me and I felt zero judgment from her like zero and although it was scary a little bit because it was like kind of I felt very vulnerable mhm it there was something so reassuring about it because she was the first like practitioner I had seen that didn't see me as broken she really just saw me and she was the one that in so many ways helped me over the years get off the medication by teaching me how to release my emotions um by helping me understand that you know bad feelings aren't necessarily bad I also got very clear about my diet like I got off gluten because a lot of times gluten can impact brain chemistry um I stopped drinking I wasn't never a big drinker but I stopped drinking for about 2 years

51:59because alcohol's a depressant I'd always been into exercise and fitness and eating healthy and and everything like that um and then I also started meditating and like finding some kind of connection to a higher power I didn't really have a name for it at the time but something where I didn't feel like I was so alone because that was kind of one of the scary things about depression you feel you feel alone a lot of the time and so it was a combination of all of those things that over time and and the belief that I could I really had to change my belief that I could get off of them um so for people that are considering it um don't just stop like it's dangerous just to stop because that can really mess with your brain chemistry find somebody who knows something about this and can put you on a plan can help you you know I'm I'm not a doctor I'm not here to get me get give

52:52medical advice so you know consult a doctor um but for me it was number one the belief that I could and number two finding the people that could really support me and number three making the lifestyle changes that I needed to make to support it and being willing to go to that dark scary place that I was afraid to go to what do you mean by when you say that she was the first person who didn't see you as broken how do you what do you mean by they all they all saw you as broken well I think when you know for me when I would go to one of these doctors or therapist I mean they'd see that I was on medication since I was 10 and um they kind of relate to me in that way like as a depressed person no just more like like I had a label like this is it you're depressed and so that's why they weren't willing to consider you getting off of the medication they felt like the

53:51medication is a part of who you are you got to accept it it's a daily thing thing it's like brushing your teeth you're not going to stop yeah maybe I mean I don't even know what they were thinking I just know how I felt and I just didn't and it maybe it was because like at the time I didn't believe it yet either maybe I needed someone who believed in it more than I did do you think that also the people that deal with people every day whether you're a psychologist or a psychiatrist or whatever that you're so inundated with people and their problems that after a while you just become overwhelmed and it's very difficult to see people like and have a fresh reset every time you see something like this is a new person her name is Christine hey Christine what's going on with you yeah I think you're right I think it's therapists psychiatrists they have hard jobs like imagine your whole day is

54:34person after person talking about what's wrong with their life you know that I that can be very draining you even when I first started as a life coach and I saw person after person after person I really had to learn not to take that on and not to let it drain me um so again like I have a lot of respect for the my mom's a therapist so I have have a lot of respect for therapists and psychiatrists are very helpful to me I just think for me in my life journey and what I wanted I I just I didn't want to spend the rest of my life medicated I just really didn't so what is the difference between life on medication and life off medication and how long is the process of weaning yourself I mean I think it took me it took me a good two years to feel like was finally kind of out of my system 2 years how long was it before you were actually stopping taking it um

55:33well I gosh I can't remember exactly but I think I I probably weaned for a good six months and then it was like a year and a half till I felt like it was like cleared out of my system wow so for six months you slowly wean yourself off of it and then at the end of six months you're not taking the medication anymore but you still feel foggy like what do you feel yeah I was it was like it was like my system was recalibrating you know all my brain chemistry was recalibrating and you know that affects your brain chemistry it affected my hormones like it it just you know affected a lot so did you take like one pill and then cut it down to 3/4 of a pill and then half a pill I did consult a a psychiatrist and um they gave me like a weaning plan so yeah whatever different people like it's not a standard thing like different psychiatrists will tell you different things so it depends on what dosage

56:23you're on how long you've been on it which medic you're on what the side effects for for it are those kind of things what does it feel like when you're first day no pills do you remember that day I remember the first day I woke up and I felt clear like I felt like Scientology clear no no I don't want to get kicked out of here no um like like like it was like out of me right and I was like oh my gosh like it just felt like a fog and a heaviness had lifted it just F and I also felt like I had deeper access to my creativity my intuition and all those things were present but it was just there was just sort of like some white noise there and I also like for me depression manifested as being incredibly self-critical like super self-critical like this very very very loud inner critic and so that started to to lift too but again I was doing all kinds of other work at the

57:26same time you know I was studying with my life coach I was getting a master's degree in spiritual psychology I was what is spiritual psychology yes good question so um it's place called the University of Santa Monica and I didn't know anything about this place but I had been a life coach and I thought okay if I'm helping people with their life I've got to know how to help them deal with their past like I can't just work on present and future without like having some skills for dealing with your past and so I was researching schools I thought if I could get a master's degree in Psychology that would help me and that would be good for my career and all those things to have like some credentials so I researched and I find this school and I didn't really know anything about it I'm like this is great and the spiritual part didn't have anything to do with any religion or

58:09anything like that it was more of the premise of you know that that traditional psychology is is kind of a little bit more about like labels and and spiritual psychology is more people have the inner resources they need to to heal and I didn't again didn't know much about it show up at this school with my laptop thinking I'm going to like take notes and there's going to be lectures but it there were no desks it was a highly experiential school it's like I said a two-year program and in that I really learned how to um change my belief systems heal stuff from my past connect to a part of me because we all have like our basic self like our conscious part but I I believe we also have something deeper like we can call it our intuition we can call it our gut feeling we can call it our authentic self but there's some kind of inner wisdom that I think all of us

59:01have access to and this program really helped me get more access to that that part of me so that I could start listening to that more than my old conditioning my old belief systems my old fears because you know when we're born we're kind of this blank slate and then stuff happens and we form these stories about our lives and who we are and how we get love and how we get validation and how we get acceptance and how life works and who we are and our identity and it's kind of just a story and we have we can change that story but it takes work going back and deconstructing that story and letting go of some old beliefs that maybe we've hung on to to create a different one so that's that's what so much of my journey has been about is kind of looking at what's the story I've created about my life and how can I change it cuz the story that I had was I'm depressed I'm

59:57you know have to be achieving all the time being hard on myself is how I motivate myself so on and so forth I'm constantly rejected blah blah blah blah blah and by believing that story it was creating results in my life that align that aligned with that and so did create different results I had to have a different story to tell and so there's this shift that that has to take place and it's it's like turning a battleship right it's not it's not a quick thing takes a long time no it's it's not and I think that's another um kind of letdowns people have when they you know go to a seminar or read one book they expect to change overnight and it's a it's a process do you remember the secret I do there was a girl I've told the story before but she was so nice she's friends with my friend Kelly Kelly Kiren you know Kelly Kiren comedian funny girl anyway uh she was at The Comedy Store

60:49one night and uh she was she was talking to Kelly and uh I was talking to her and she started going on about her future all the things that she was going to do she was going to be married within a year she was going to have the career that she wants she was going to this and that and that and this and uh I was so confused and she was like um I found the secret I'm doing you know do you know about the secret I go oh uh the power of positive thinking like that kind of thing she's like it's it's not just that it's not just positive thinking it's like you do create your own future you create your own identity you create you know you create reality I was like okay like you sure and she's like yeah I'm sure you know I'm I'm positive okay good luck I'm like boy the problem with all that stuff of course if you've never heard of it is what do they what is the the the term

61:43for it that they're trying to achieve Law of Attraction yeah what what they're trying to achieve is they're trying to like you take the a photo of your Dreamhouse you pin it on your wall you take a photo of a Ferrari you pined that on your wall you're going to get those things the problem is when you watch those videos when they say you know I had this photo of my home on the wall I had the Ferrari that I wanted I had my dream wife now I have those things I I made those things happen with intention and with thought do you know how many people have a photo of a beautiful house on their wall and a Ferrari and they got no house and they got no Ferrari and they never will like you it's you you're taking it from a biased pool of successful people who will tell you that this happened to them but there are literally millions of people who think positive and nothing

62:37ever happens to them so this girl yeah who um was a very nice person uh she came to one of my shows like a year later and uh we're hanging out outside and I go how's everything what are you doing she's like well it's really a drag you know because I was convinced that by this time I would have all these things yeah but you know my dad he's still you know a up and this and that and I've got this problem and that problem and I just don't understand it I don't understand it I believed and I was so sure and we had this like re it was really interesting because she was like two different people like I'd met her twice right so I meet her this one time and she's just a glow with this delusion that now she's got it and she's got and she was she was she thought also that talking about it all the time was part of how you affirm it so she was saying you know I'm going to be married in a

63:30year I'm going to do this I'm following the secret she kept saying it and it was and then a year later she was just I don't get it it didn't work and so we had this sort of heart tohe heart about it I haven't talked to her again I don't know what the hell happened to her yeah but I'll never forget it because the two different people the the the girl who was like like kind of crazy like all yed and believing and then a year later year and a half I think just wasn't happening and life was still kind of shitty and she was she couldn't understand why the career didn't happen and life didn't happen and it's it is a it's a slow shift it's a slow shift and I think the Law of Attraction can be misleading because it's you know change takes more than I put a picture up and I do some positive affirmations if like down deep you don't feel like you're worthy um or you're

64:28you're not going to be able to attract those things you've got to like kind of go back and deal with core issues and core belief systems in order to shift things in your life I mean if it was as easy as putting pictures up on our wall everybody would have you know Lamborghinis and hot wives and husbands so but it it takes it takes more than that it takes being willing to like do some work and take some responsibility rather than just thinking the universe is Santa Claus and just was going to to pop something into your life I equate it to people that are morbidly obese that want a sixpack like it can be done can't be done but godamn y you got a long road y you know if you want to climb Mount Everest and you're starting in Santa Monica you got to get to Mount Everest absolutely right absolutely and then that's when people ask me how did you get off anti-depressant I'm not like

65:17oh well I just did this and then I did this and then I did this it was it was years of like you know deciding I was going to and having the right people around it wasn't it wasn't an easy thing it's probably the hardest thing I've done you know now what is the difference between anti-depressants and like Xanax like when you're taking you said you were taking both why do you need the Xanax if you're already pilled up on the anti-depressants I mean again not an MD so not my territory but for me like I the anti-depressants just kind of kept me steady but then with my boyfriend at the time and my crazy Hollywood life like I just just had like so much anxiety and you know you go to a doctor and you're like I have so much anxiety they're like do you want like when you say like how do you define anxiety like um worried about the future a lot like worried a lot like kind of high strong

66:06um not able to calm down um yeah just that just normal like anxiety but I didn't have tools then my tools then were medicine now I have better tools so go to those so now do you do you take anything no I mean supplements supplements just vitamins and stuff vitamins yeah I'm super like I love human hacking and human optimization I'm I love exercising I love meditation meditation I take Alpha Brain like all that stuff and you do you ever miss it like is there ever time where you're like God damn I just want to pop a Xanax and drink a glass of wine no no I will say this though one I had my eyes lasic lace you know the lasic and they gave me um volum and I was like whoa this I see why people get addicted to this this is incredible but I'm glad they did because I was super freaked out about them cutting my eyeball open and vum just relaxes you right is that what

67:08it does it felt great I mean the only time I ever did it but no I I don't miss that because what I have now is um like I'm I I feel clear and alive and you know I don't feel happy all the time I definitely have my days but I don't relate to it as I'm depressed right it's just like oh I'm having a normal like you know Human Experience not having the best day I think stories like this are very inspiring to people and I think it's very important and we don't want it's it's like it's hard for people to look at people who aren't doing well and talk to them and just go oh I don't know what to tell you and good luck let me get the away from this you know like that's how people think like I don't want to deal with her problems or his problems or I I want to I want to I want to separate and concentrate on myself s so I think when someone like you can sort of Express how you were in

67:59this really bad State and yours is a very um bizarre situation because you're talking about being on these pills from the time you're 10 right that's that's really unique but then having almost a decade off of them seven years off of them is yeah yeah almost eight yeah and it's I I honestly think it helps me help people like it really does I I had lots of training as a life coach but my own life experiences have been the thing that's really given me the most credentials I guess you can say well your credentials are that you're actually happy yeah I'm actually happy I you know I I've been able to create a life and a career and friendships and connection that you know I thought I no longer live that story of that hey Christine Club I have great friends great women friends like all of that you know and and that's I I'm no like different or more special than

68:54anybody it's just again choices and I made choices that led me to this point and everybody has that everybody has that freedom what's the book um man search for remaining have you ever read that book no by Victor Frankle he yeah he was um in concentration camps and he was actually a psychiatrist I think but he talked about you know he kept himself sane and he kept himself free through his mind and he says in between stimulus and response basically what happens and how we respond is a choice and in that choice lies our ultimate freedom and I think that that's true that's that's we all have that freedom no matter what your circumstances now when someone comes to you and they're like Christine I'm all up I need to get my together like how do you how do you uh how do you start with somebody everybody's different you know everybody's different but is there anything that people like

69:50universally could benefit from is there yeah yeah the the number one thing that where I start with people is having them really look at their relationship with themselves because when they come they're like oh I'm up or I need help they're relating to themselves as if something's you know something's wrong with them and they're being really hard on themselves and they've kind of lost hope and lost belief in themselves so the first thing is just like acceptance accepting where you are because you know I I haven't liked everything that's happened to me but one of the main RS I've been able to move through it is because I stop fighting it isn't that like in martial arts if a punch comes at you you're not supposed to resist it you're supposed to kind of move with it yeah move away from it or roll with it roll with it right so you don't like bite your teeth and take it

70:39on the jaw exactly and in life we kind of do that we're like I don't want this break up I don't want this layoff we resist it we fight it and so it's like can we just get to acceptance of like where you are who you are and what's happening right now in perspective right in perspective yeah and when you can get to that neutral place that's when you can start doing the work and that's when you can start doing different things and then the second thing is I ask people like do you believe you can shift do you believe that you have like the power to make different choices and change and you don't have to know how that's that's my job I'll help you with the how but you've got to believe you can because if we don't believe it's possible for us then it's really hard to make any kind of change in our life yeah that is that is giant but how does someone believe like how do you get someone to

71:29believe that they can make change like do they have to see evidence in themselves do is there like do you recommend like attempting things or tasks or Hobbies or right well a lot of times it's going back to a time in your life where you did take a chance or you did do something that was a stretch in some way like everybody has times in their life where they've done something they weren't completely sure they could do even if it's just a little thing and everybody has that reference point they can go back to but a lot of this show like honestly a lot of it is taking a leap of faith and I I I've taken a lot of those and I've wanted to know the answer and I've wanted to know like 100% that this would be guaranteed like if I take this leap of faith everything will work out and I they haven't always been 100% guarantees but it was in taking that s and taking that chance and having

72:24a little faith that things started showing up and things started shifting and that's what started to create the evidence and it's a tricky thing because I think people want evidence before they make change but you have to start making these little changes be to start having the evidence show up I don't know if I answered your question no that does make sense um I I've often said that very difficult tasks like uh anything that's difficult that you do it gives you you the confidence that you can overcome adversity you can you can whether it's a a martial art thing or something along those lines or Marathon running or anything when you do something like that these incremental changes happen where you push yourself through things and you especially if you can achieve a goal if you can set out to do something you achieve that goal like I'm going to run a marathon by the end of this year I

73:15don't know why I keep saying Marathon but you know what I'm saying yeah doing things along those lines they can be motivating factors or they help push you they can be the engine that starts to push things in a positive direction and you start to believe in yourself and you start to believe oh wow like I can do this I can take this step you know I often tell people that show up or come to Workshop or I'm like just that fact that you're here is proof that you believe you can change cuz like you wouldn't have shown up if some part of you wasn't you know kind of certain that you could have you ever had someone come to you you're like I can't even help this dude or girl not not yet no do you get mostly dudes or girls well I only coach a few people now um my Retreats are mostly women my private clients both and then like hes and and stuff how come you have Retreats that are all women and

74:06not well I know I know I'm going to get I'm going to do one that um will be both men and women soon and that sounds like a recipe for danger too a bunch depressed people humping in the woods or wherever you're going well first of all not everybody's depressed some people come just to grow and like and they're not we're not out in the woods I love that you think my Retreats are out in the woods I'm just making it fun I don't know what oh my God that's amazing no I like to do it in places like Bali and Costa Rica oh okay jungle super the wood let's get there with the bugs and the crocodiles and oh my gosh I finally I for people this this might be helpful some people so I whenever I go to anywhere tropical I get eaten alive like eaten alive no matter what other people have three bites I'll have 400 I finally figured out B1 vitamin B1 totally stopped it you have to find

74:58it like you can't take a b complex it's vitamin B1 huh and it's for some reason stops the mosquitoes and bug bites I got to write that down um why why B1 I have no idea I just know it worked for me does something to change your smell I I don't know it just worked it was my salvation I was so happy so they don't bite you at all I a little bit but again it went from being eaten alive to just getting a few did you ever try thermacell no what's that thermacell is a device that a lot of people take when they go camping things along those lines you um it's like a it looks like almost like a radio and it has these little pads and you slide these pads into this heating element and this very fine Mist comes out of this heating element you could put it on the ground near you and the bugs won't come within an 18t Circle really yeah yeah use it when you're hunting and you're in the woods cuz if

75:54you're if you're in the woods like especially in Alaska or Alberta I don't know if you ever been to Alaska in the summer no the mosquitoes are insane because they they're only alive for a month oh so they just go to town they're like rabid Barbarian mosquitoes like me and my friend Ari went fishing in Alaska and it was so crazy that you would get out of the car we pulled up to this uh this stream you get out of the car you open the door and then w you're hit with a cloud of mosquitoes we jumped back in the car and shut the door and we were in the car with like 50 mosquitoes we were like what in the is going on so then we're spraying ourselves with all this spray all these toxic chemicals hell then I found out about thermacells thermacells just it cleans it out totally and they're easy to travel with they yeah they don't even they're really light it doesn't even smell I mean it

76:45barely smells but bugs don't want to have anything to do with it mosquitoes don't want to have anything to do with it without thermacells like hanging out in the woods like sitting in a spot it's almost unbearable unless you have mosquito netting and and you don't want to wear like all that that mosquito bug spray stuff your skin is an organ you know all that stuff that you're putting on your skin it is just not good for you it's not I was using de my first couple days on my last trip and I started getting sick and I like I can't this is like what am I doing you're processing it with your liver it's going through your skin it gets in your bloodstream it's terrible yeah I mean I'm sure there's probably some non-toxic Alternatives but they probably don't work that B1 huh it worked for me hey B1 you hear it folks I've heard that before a friend of mine was telling me that about uh

77:31Africa that they went to Africa and they took a bunch of B vitamins and that that did it but B1 in particular did it for me find anything on that Jamie I found something that said that studies are inconclusive but it may make mosquitoes think you stink good perfect stink it up I wonder if there's like a vitamin that makes people think you smell good people or mosquitoes people because bananas don't eat bananas for mosquito season don't eat bananas attracted to it but I would think that like like there's probably like weird smells that you're not even sure you detect you know some people just give off a weird odor to people yes I mean not even like a maybe not a odor odor but like they just feel weird you know you know they said that um Chris Ryan my friend who's um um he he's an author he wrote uh sex at dawn oh yeah yeah him he's great super smart guy yeah super smart guy he was telling

78:29me that there's certain odors that human beings have and those odors enable people to understand whether or not they're genetically compatible with each other and you know like there used to be when we were kids I used to always hear about couples taking blood tests to make sure that they could have babies together really yeah that was a thing that was a thing they would they would make sure that they were compatible and I don't even know if there was it was real science behind it but they would take blood tests to find out if they were compatible there was like it was a I remember it being like really common to discuss I mean it was this is uh the 80s or the 90s or whatever the it was the dark ages of science if only it was that easy just a blood test right but not compatible obviously personality wise and all the other things that come into play but they were Chris Ryan was

79:19saying that women can smell a man's clothes like you could smell literally smell their clothes and they would know whether or not they would be attracted to that person based on the smell that a person is getting not not like oh my God this guy stinks but like literally like you your body knows what's repulsive and what's not repulsive in terms of like genetics based on someone's odor that they give off on their clothes but what it didn't work is when they put women on the pill huh so when they put women on the pill they were no longer able to differentiate whether or not someone was genetically compatible by smelling them that it gave you it fogged up your your natural senses yeah cuz I think when you're on the pill you don't actually ovulate right right so you're not in the natural rhythm of biology yeah I think there's a natural feeling that women

80:15have when they're around a guy that they would breed with or a guy they wouldn't breed with they're like okay got to go you know like that and that is probably a good thing and that people that are on the pill might be making like really shitty genetic choices like literally genetic choices a you can blame your last bad ex-boyfriend on being on the pill not being able to smell him accurately I really think you can I mean it totally makes sense I probably Chris is probably listening to us right now going you it up I probably did but I think there's probably something to instinctual reactions to people like I mean if you ever met someone you're like for whatever reason I just don't want to be around this person and then you find out like years later that that person's crazy or this or that there's I think people give off indetectable in terms of like what we

81:06classify as smells but maybe these phermones have some sort of a weird reaction to you birth control pills affects women's taste to men bam wow how synthetic hormones change Desires in women and their choice of a mate in a mate yeah totally makes sense interesting yeah well it just makes sense I mean it just can't be nor your body must be so confused like this is pregnant all the time know all the time I know that's what it thinks your body thinks you're pregnant all the time I know that's yeah the pill scares me too just synthetic hormones pumping through your system yeah can't can't be all that good to never get off but a lot of women never get off it right they're on it forever yep yeah I don't like it it makes my hair oily when I'm off it yep here he stuff like that yeah there's other ways to balance your hormones you know I'm not a hormone specialist but

81:57you know why does hormones make a girl's hair oily I don't know I have no idea how do we get on this subject smells uh Retreats you don't take dudes dudes on Retreats yeah I would think that like getting a bunch of people that trying to get their life together and then having them all together male and female you run into these weird issues where you know you get dist yeah exactly you can get really distracted and you can get like if there's some kind of Attraction you can forget what you're there for and get obsessed with someone and and it can kind of throw off the thing and there's something too about you know women coming together with women and men coming together with men that I think is important and I think kind of back to that tribal conversation we need like I a lot of women including myself have like beef with other women you know and they don't like being around just a

82:47bunch of other women like there's competition that comes up you get that uh well I used to because I was scared of other women cuz I had all that stuff happen I didn't really trust it um and so when you get a group of women together a lot of times there is that like comparison and judgment and I can't trust and d and so it's important for women I think to gather together and kind of do work separately from when there's men there because there's something that is very healing just in that and then you know it just there's a level of vulnerability that's possible when there aren't men there not to say that you can't be vulnerable with men there but it's just a different Dynamic and I think the same goes for men like I know men who do men's groups and men's work and and there's Great Value in that and that's important and I think one of the problems I see a lot in Intimate

83:35Relationships is that in a heterosexual relationship is that you expect this one person to be your everything and you're not you don't have a tribe and you don't have a community you don't have friends of the opposite sex and the same sex that are fulfilling kind of these needs that we all have we just project like this my one one person has to be my everything my soulmate and so you know having your community whatever it may be and having different friends I think is super super important to having a healthy relationship yeah having friends period is super important there was something that I tweeted today that I was reading about um they were talking about the role that genetics and family have in creating a personality and how much of an impact your peers have and they think that your peers and the friends you choose have a bigger impact than anything in your life yeah and it

84:26was really fascinating I I tweeted this morning if you find it but it's it's one of those uh articles where you read it and you go oh that completely makes sense researcher argues that peers are much more important than parents that psychologists underestimate the power of genetics and that we have a lot to learn from Asian classrooms interesting what about it what about Asian classrooms I have to go down and scroll forgot what that was about I don't know probably too long of an article to really get into it but um we'd have to read it but peers in general I think um choosing like-minded folks and choosing people that are on a good path they it it it helps support you and it supports them and you feed off of each other and when the tribe does well you do well exactly this very it's very critical and people they everybody wants to be the person that's

85:18accomplishing things everybody wants to be the one that's out there go getting it and the world it's all about me but if you do that you like it you're going to you're going to mess up the whole happiness thing like the happiness thing comes with all the people that you're around having a good time Abol absolutely yeah and and then it's just like it's endless you have to keep up being the anti and I think what we want more than anything is connection we want connection we want love we want to feel like we belong to I think belonging is a a huge huge huge thing and I think as adults we think We Belong by you know achieving things but really it's finding those people that you can just be yourself with and to have that tribe and and also let go of the people that are bringing you down like I've outgrown some people in my life and some friends not that I'm better than but I'm just on

86:13like a different different path and a different route and it's important I think to kind of know like who's the sort of dead weight in your life and what are some ship that might have reached their expiration date that you know like I love you it's been great but you know and a lot of those friendships like you're not helping them either no you and and a matter of fact sometimes when someone cuts you loose you go W what the is wrong with me maybe I need to look at myself right I mean sometimes when you enable a friend you're not only you're not doing yourself any good you're not doing them any good either exactly that was a big aha for me when um my fiance broke up with me cuz I very much like wanted to be like the victim in that but I had to look at gosh what did I like what did I do cuz everybody's like oh he's such a jerk but I really had to look at how was I showing up in that

87:05relationship that was impacting his decision cuz he wasn't a bad guy like he wasn't just a jerk who decided you know I'm going to break up with this girl like there were ways I was showing up that were that like made him make the decision that he makes so I think in any of the situations friendship or relationship you know you don't you don't want to go too far the Other Extreme and be like oh my gosh I'm a loser and and think it's all your fault but it's important to look at geez what's my part in this you know what's my responsibility because I played a role in in this whole thing yeah there I mean there's no one-way Street when it comes to a relationship and if you're in a relationship with a bad person like why why why did you get in that in the first place did they trick you you know if they did trick you how you know what did you do when you realized it was a

87:50trick did you stick around try to fix it it yeah I think that's a really good question because I mean how many people do you know that are in bad relationships continue talking about it but don't aren't doing anything about it like they're not people are brutal they're not leaving it and those people are brutal they are cuz there's you're just like why but a lot of times it's because it's familiar and it's they what there's somebody said um you know you get the love you think you deserve and it may be easy for us looking out side going oh my gosh it's so easy you should just like leave this relationship but a lot of times the person like doesn't think they can do better or maybe this is like playing out some dynamic they had with their parent or you know you you sort of need to understand why you're in it before you can actually make the choice to get out

88:36of it by the way there's a lot of delusional people out there that are like I deserve a lot more than I'm getting that's true that's not real either that's true what do you do when someone comes to you with unrealistic expectations or they don't want to see themselves like you know you you tell them what they need to do or what they should consider and they argue with you about it well I just really ask like is what you're doing working like is your way working if you can show me your way is working then great like my way is fine it's she the other people everybody else everybody else is all messed up I'm good God damn it yeah I need you to coach everyone else I know yep if we could just change other people it's everybody else's fault yep do you ever have to tell people you're not going to work with them I've had one person I had to tell that to yep just

89:28one and it was you know I think it was it was just not a good fit and she just wasn't ready willing was super committed to her story and sort of wanted me just to coddle it which I wasn't willing to do yeah sometimes people just want someone to that's what I've always wondered about therapy like I have friends that have been to therapy I'm like okay what do you do you go there you talk about your problems then what happens well they give you advice and then what happens you don't do you know like there's a lot of people that just want to go somewhere and want someone to listen to them talk right and they'll go three four times a week and they're still up y I'm like well that isn't working yeah it doesn't and I think my intention always is to really give people the tools not just advice really help them heal really give I've had amazing teachers I've been really

90:16really lucky and they've really taught they haven't just given me advice they haven't just given me motivation they've really given me tools to heal and change and that's that's what I try to do in my work with people is show them that that a it's possible and they and that it can do it and give them the tools to do it because that's what that's going to last longer than any kind of like pep talk it was funny we were talking before the podcast started about going to a seminar and someone asking how many men here feel vulnerable mhm and like no one's put their hand up how many women here feel vulnerable MH all the hands went up all the hands went up and I mean part of it I think is a little delusional because I think a lot of men are way more vulnerable than they really think they are but also there's there's just a different thing going through life I

91:09mean there's that expression the fair sex or but being a female being a woman means you're physically different yep you're around a a bunch of people that most of them could beat you up yep you know that's yep it's a different way to walk through the world that vulnerability though is that creates another level of anxiety right like walking down a dark Street you see someone and it's a man and he's walking down the dark Street too like oh boy you know yeah it's it's scary and it's something that you know I as a woman like I'm always aware of it not always but a lot of the time you know cuz I I know that like like you said I I could get beaten up like it's between me and a man he's probably going to win I mean I'm pretty strong but not that strong and I but I think what's also beautiful about women and just the feminine in general is that vulnerability but

92:07because like it sometimes doesn't feel safe I think that's why a lot of women like kind of have a protective armor and are guarded and sometimes more in they like masculine energy in the world is because on some level we feel like we have to we have to like protect ourselves and whereas that that vulnerability really is the thing that makes us women in so many ways not and I think we canuse vulnerability with weakness cuz vulnerability to me is being open being available being um soft but not weak weakness to me is more about kind of going into the vicy and going into the poor pitiful me and the feeling sorry for and on all of those kinds of things I think there's beautiful power and vulner ility but when we're talking about just physical strength yeah I mean for the most part men have the advantage on that one it's just we need all the pieces right you

93:04need the whole spectrum of human beings right and you know I mean especially in terms of you know the traditional way of looking at things you know masculine men are attracted to feminine women and feminine women are attracted to masculine men and we both need each other but a lot of times especially when you're dealing with damaged folks you're dealing with a man who has a vulnerable woman and the man's all up so he takes it out on the vulnerable woman and the vulnerable woman is like under the you know the the pressure of the relationship or the suppression of being connected to this man and so you're kind of dealing with the same Dynamic that you were dealing with when you were in school where someone's bullying you and you get it in this relation ship then instead of someone appreciating you for the difference in the softness versus the hard the yin and the Yang now you

93:58have someone who's exploiting that and you see it with women too you know you see it with like aggressive women and weak men that is to me one of the saddest things I ever see is when you you find the aggressive women and the weak men probably because I'm terrified of it ever being me you know I don't think it will be I don't think but I mean if it was nobody wants that you know nobody wants the woman who's yelling at you and and the guy like okay okay okay no but I I that happens a lot like I see that a lot and I it's kind of crazy to me because you know I see women emasculate men quite often you know not maybe on like a huge scale to the degree you're talking about but just like the little comments like I'll be out with a couple and the woman will say something and it's it's kind of emasculating but if the roles were reversed and the guy said something like that to the woman I don't

94:54know if it would go over you know guys just kind of take it on on sometimes and when I see that I'm like well a lot of men feel emasculated by Society in general just by the roles that they play in office and the just the the the physical act of going through life this civilized world and also constantly needing people's affirmation needing people's acceptance and you you sort of become what people want you to be even if that's not what you want you get in these relationships and you you see it all the time where guys sort of accept a little bit and then they accept more and then they don't want to mess up and then they I have a bunch of friends that have like really domineering overbearing wives or girlfriends and it's weird it's weird to be around them like dude you know you can leave like you just like this just a person why do you think they don't cuz

95:50they're scared mhm you're scared and it becomes their thing you know that's that's the thing this is the thing the wife I got to go home to the wife yeah you know and it's it's it's very strange it's very strange when you have someone in your life that's essentially like a parole officer yeah someone in your life that gets to tell you what to do and you're not allowed to do certain things you're not allowed to watch certain things or like certain things and they control you and they own you I mean this this and I think a lot of these people that are doing that much like the girl who bullied you or any anybody who does that to someone they they do it out of out of fear they do it out of insecurity and they also do it out of this bizarre Instinct because they can yeah I used date this girl she wasn't a bad person but she used to like to fight and I don't I do not I do not

96:38like to I don't like that kind of conflict I don't like like in a relationship conflict I don't do I don't like it I don't fight I don't argue I just rather leave I'm like I I'm I'm into discussing things but when people start yelling and get crazy I'm like this I grew up anywhere I grew up around domestic violence too I grew up with the so I I saw it when I was a kid I just I'm not interested and um so we broke up but we stayed friends and then years later um we went out to coffee I'm like how's everything what's going on oh I'm living with this guy it's not going good I'm like why she's like she's telling me how she yells at this guy and she can't help it she's like I can't help it I just yell at him and he doesn't do anything he just takes it and she's like when he takes it I just want to smash him she's like I just can't she goes I don't want to yell

97:28at him but I can't help doing it then when he's gone I'm like why the did I do that and she had this weird almost like a natural impulse to dominate this guy like have you ever seen two dogs where one dog has the upper hand on the on the dog and he'll go near the dog like and the other dog and that's just that's just their world that's just their world the the other dog never gets a chance and sometimes it's not even a size-based thing like they might be the exact same size dog just one dog just decides it's the and the other one's the Dominator and that's just how it goes right well she was in this position with this guy where she just had this compelling desire to yell at him I like what are you yelling at him for she's like anything everything she goes I just I just I want him to tell me to shut the up yeah she wanted him to outman her yeah but isn't that crazy

98:20like what bizarre instinct to like to to push like she was frustrated at herself she was frustrated at him but it's almost like she was compelled like she's being drawn to the great magnet you know it's like oh I can't help it I'm going to scream at him right well it's interesting like how we project onto other people you know like whatever something was going on inside of her that was like creating that dynamic in him and she could have left it any time but it's like she was so trying to get a reaction out of him honestly to probably see if he cared like she probably equated all right well him taking it means he doesn't care so how much can I push how much can I push how can I much can I push so that I can see that he he'll react enough because that made me you think that's what it is that she didn't think he cares or do you think she just thinks he's weak and it's just

99:08frustrating to her that he's weak well if it was just that I think she would have left a lot earlier there was something she wanted like we don't keep doing it over and over and over again unless there's something we're attached to getting like you know when we're just when we're like oh man this is stupid we we get out of there but when we find ourselves in situations where it's like it's happening over and over and over again we're continue to get frustrated but we're not leaving there's something we're attached to trying to get from our Behavior so there was something she wanted in that there was something in it for her otherwise she would have been out of there a lot sooner I wonder it was also she was trying to do the acting thing and she was constantly frustrated yeah she was constantly just taking it out on him yeah well that it was it would be really interesting like I'd

99:53watch these like almost sort of manic things like there would be these moments where you know she would be preparing for an audition and she'd be hopeful yet nervous there was a lot of anxiety and there was all this here's the thing and it's going the thing's going to go hopefully if this happens this guy's connected to this and that's going to happen with that and then boom it didn't happen and so there's this massive let down cigarette smoking and depression and you know all this angst yep and um I got the out of there but this dude got in there like and he caught he caught you know the second wave of angst when I met her she was just moving here and so she wasn't completely bewildered by the experience and the Machine yet yeah and um it's also I think for some people choosing things that you do for a living that are healthy for you I think there's a lot of people that get

100:49involved in careers that require too much of their time you don't really want to do it but you get caught up in it whether it's being a lawyer or being a doctor or being something that has a prestigious title where you feel like there's something great attack but really in the back of your mind there's something else that you probably would be way happier to doing I told I mean that was me I was going after it for the wrong reasons what do you want to do though if you weren't doing a life coach I know you enjoy doing what you're doing but you have like if somehow or another you were independently wealthy and you didn't have to coach all these crazy people anymore not that they're crazy but some of them are probably crazy I kind of do it I mean like I you know this I I love people and I love personal development even if I had all the money in the world I'd still speak

101:34I'd still do my podcasts I'd still do Retreats I I love it like I love The Human Experience I love being there for that moment where someone has a major Insight where they connect dots and it's like whoo a massive perspective shift and like all of a sudden they start to kind of move a different direction it's I can't imagine doing anything else I mean if I could sing if I had any kind of music ability I think it'd be awesome to be a rock star like just to have that rush but literally I have no musical ability whatsoever other than like listening to it I'm just do not have those well that's great so you found your thing now how often is it when you talk to people when you're trying to coach them and help them and you realize like man you got to do something else like is that is that a factor cuz I would think that the the thing about careers is not only

102:23is it eight hours of your time but it also kind of defines you so every day you're defined by whatever you do right and often times like we're talking about like men in these workplace environments they're sort of like they're boxed into this predetermined pattern and behavior that's expected from them you know they have shoes with tassels on them and ties and and they have to talk like you know business talk you know it's like you you fall into these weird patterns you do and you lose a lot of your individuality inside those patterns because office life and you know Human Resources demand certain things of you like there's a certain your your personality like when you're in an office environment anytime you're in the the corporate world your personality is stuffed into this form right you know whatever that form is whatever that mold is the mold of being

103:14a business person you know you know you're a woman you're a businesswoman you want to be respected you want to use the right words and say the right things and you know and and talk the right lingo but the like a lot of times people are left wondering who the am I right right they just get totally lost in a role yeah and I do like I go do a lot of corporate speaking and I have a lot of people come up to me afterwards and they're just like oh my gosh like I because I talk about you know how we lose ourselves in these roles and how like a lot of times our adult life becomes sort of just this like checklist follow Truman Show like one thing after the other just like follow this structure that was set out for us that we never checked in and and said do I want this like do I even want this you know and so to answer your question yes a lot of times when people come or I'm

104:06working with people it is like looking at like is this is this career right for you is this relationship right for you like what have you created in your life that just doesn't fit where you are but you're in it because you're scared to make the change and and also you know some people really can be happy in Corporate America like some people that works for them a few strange freaks I I'm I firmly really believe that the vast majority of people that are living the American dream living that life doing that 9 to5 the vast majority of them are horri horrifically miserable yeah I really do believe that I think it's it's so defining and it's so it's so contrary to the human Spirit right right and I but I think most people don't want to believe that they don't want to believe there it's possible that everybody's doing something wrong right and they don't

104:55believe they can change it yeah there's no other option they don't know what else to do especially if they have you know a mortgage and a spouse and kids student loans all that stuff yeah it's really intimidating to go oh gosh how do I how do I change this yeah I think you have to start small I think you have to start with okay I don't have to quit my job tomorrow but what are some things in my life I can start doing that make me feel alive again like is it a hobby is it like training for a marathon is it what is going to start making me feel like you know I'm creative and I matter and I'm more than just this role as husband wife mother father corporate executive what whatever it is so I think that's a good place to start is something small you can do to make you feel alive again because anybody has access to that you don't have to leave your job to start creating some things

105:42in your life that can start to shift things and then like we were talking about then it's like the gradual change you know cuz I don't think it's possible for most people just to quit their job tomorrow they don't think it's possible almost no one right almost no one can just quit and and not everybody's meant to be an entrepreneur either and do their own thing but there are always things we can do in our life to mix it up a little bit and and even to show up differently in our job yeah I just think that for a huge amount of people the amount of time that's required of them yeah because of their job is so overwhelming because most people let's be honest are not just working 9 to5 particularly most men there's a tremendous amount of overtime involved tremend I was looking at this some thing that was talking about it was an article on the wage Gap difference and what what

106:30it really is about and one of the things that it was about was the amount of the difference in the amount of hours that men work and in their ambition to try to climb up the corporate ladder yeah and you look at the the numbers that people work and it's terrifying there's no life if you're working 60 hours a week you don't have a life there's nothing left yeah if I work I'll do a podcast for 3 hours and I'll do a bunch of other stuff and you know I'm trying to fit in things in my day and I have a pretty loose schedule I mean I do a lot of things but it's pretty loose you know like today I did UFC stuff for a couple hours this morning and then I come here for a few hours then I got to work out then I'll tell some jokes but there's a lot of like movement in there there's a lot of time where I can get done yeah some people don't have any of that they have

107:17nothing so what do you think was like the made you different like back in the day where you could have done that path of the corporate route why did you make different choices it's a good question I don't know probably I don't know I don't know I mean I never felt like I could I never felt like I could have a regular job like I from the time I got out of high school I never had a full-time job I had a bunch of part-time jobs I did some full-time jobs where construction companies and stuff but I didn't last I I would do them for like a month or a couple couple of weeks and I was like this like whatever it is about and it was all it was the the main source of all my problems in high school all my problems in high school is I was not willing to do things I didn't want to do so I would barely get by through high school like I would take tests you know that would register intelligence or

108:14measure intelligence I'd be great everything's fine but I would take actual tests based on what I was supposed to be studying and I barely paid attention man I sosed through high school with like a c average in most things I barely got by and even when I was going to college I was only going to college I went to Boston University in uh or UMass rather in Boston and the only reason why I went is because I didn't want anybody to think I was a loser so I was taking classes at UMass and was it was a and I was teaching ta wo at Boston University which was like a a really good school and I was looking at all these people that were preparing for life and to me it was like you're going to go get eaten by alligators or something I was like what are you going to do you're going to go get a job you're going to be working 9 to 5 for whatever whatever up thing that was wrong in my head I would

109:04way rather get up in the morning and deliver newspapers for three hours a day or drive limos at night I I had a really unstable childhood so in my mind anything that you were locked down to was death it was prison and I whatever malfunction of my brain I figured out a way to make it work for me well that was a survival skill yeah yeah in some way yeah but also a lack of like I'm not very disciplined it looks like I'm disciplined on the outside I'm not disciplined at all I'm obsessed I get obsessed with things whe I'm disciplined with in certain aspects like with exercise and I do it when I don't want to do it I force myself to practice and I force myself to write I force myself to do things yeah but more of it it's more of an obsession thing like I get obsessed with either uh goals or um tasks or things or puzzles or games like I have a real problem like there's

110:00something wrong with me does it well why do you say that does it feel draining when you get something because like I'll play pool for 12 hours in a row okay like I I'll get obsessed with playing pool and then I think I'm going to be the world champion I'm going to practice 12 hours a day for the rest of my life I mean I have a I'm a sick person like whatever happened to me when I was young like whatever weirdness in involved it I I figured out way to manage it but it can get away from me it's gotten away from me before where I play video games like 8 10 hours a day like it can get away like I have to manage whatever craziness that makes me like focus on things I see it in my kids especially uh my middle daughter she's she gets obsessed with things and I'm like wow this is crazy this is like a genetic thing it's like watching a little female me in a lot of ways MH you know like she

110:47read all eight Harry Potter books in a matter of a couple of months she just get she just just gets into stuff and then like you got to go hey shut the light out you got to go to bed one more chapter like come on you got to stop it's but um it's not like she's seeing it in me and she's mirroring it because it's her own little weirdness you know but I think it's obviously she's got a a healthier environment than I grew up in so it's not like a a matter of like not ever not ever wanting to be connected to anything permanent cuz nothing is permanent I mean that was part of I think the lessons from my childhood like no one's here to help you none don't get locked in any job don't get locked in any get ready to move at any time you know and embracing moving like to this day I'll I'll be like like I got to get the out of La like everything's here I have to do

111:35everything here The Comedy Store is here my family's here my kids go to school here all my friends live here but I'm like this I'm going to the mountains I got to get out of here like I have this like no mad in me that I'm like constantly trying to um to uh manage so as much as people like to take credit for a certain amount of success like I can tell you all the different things that I did that led to me being successful at things but almost it's like the function of a mental issue like a big a lot of it is a a function of learning how to manage a brain that doesn't work like everybody else's brain but that's so I think common for a lot of successful people especially and the difference is you're aware of how it works and you've learned how to manage it but that you know that obsessive thing in so many ways it has made you it has gotten you a certain degree of

112:33success and all of those things survival skills compensatory strategies whatever they are they have their positives they have ways that they really help us but then they have the ways that kind of torture us in a lot of ways and I think growth is really about understanding what are the ways that this isn't doing me any good and how can I be mindful of it and also like you know how how do I know now that like that now is not then like how do I you know stop being activated by old experiences in my past and just have peace for where I am now and take those gifts from the obsession that's made you successful but not have the parts that kind of torture you at the same time well I don't feel tortured um so I I think in some ways I've achieved some sort of a victory over my whatever mental issues that I have but I can't do nothing right I don't H I like that's the reason why I have three jobs

113:28like you know I can't do if I do and I have three jobs and a ton of obsessions outside of those jobs martial arts uh archery uh reading and writing and all all sorts of other stuff on top of podcasting doing the commentary for the UFC doing standup comedy like that's the only way I'm I feel even yeah and I can't have one thing that I count on either yeah if like I had If I Only Had standup comedy or I only had the UFC if there's only one thing or only had podcasting I'd be like this is my I got I gotta I would want to quit I like I don't want to do this anymore this is my thing I'm just going to be trapped doing this thing talking into a microphone out into space for for the rest of my life I gotta go I don't even want to hear myself anymore I got to quit you know so whatever weird malfunction my brain has had I've figured out way over all the years of my life to to manage it but a

114:24lot of is physical too managing my brain a lot of it requires intense exercise like when I when I intensely exercise then I can like go all right it's going to be all right it's going to be cool but if I don't it's like pent up yeah it's like it's all built up and and then there's it's hard to enjoy things yeah it's hard to just chill like I can't chill unless I earn it yeah it's a it's probably a malfunction but it's the illusion is that it's not the illusion is that it's a discipline and that it's all it's all choices but that's really not the case maybe it's just you and how you operate your operating system are you coaching me now so what's going on here no does it feel like I am yes it does uh yeah maybe it is me I mean I think people and that's not a bad thing like that's you know I think that they're back to the acceptance thing there's a lot of ways I think we're

115:22supposed to be and we look at other people and how they do their life for whatever and we think that because we're acting this way something must be wrong with us but a lot of times there's not this is just the way you operate yeah you know what another thing is interesting is um when I was a kid I was uh not very confident and also didn't like to talk to people I get anxiety I'd get anxiety if I had to talk and I'd get anxiety if I had to like talk to a bank teller like if I had a wait in line and go to the bank teller I'd start freaking out like on my way to the bank teller and like if you talk to like people who knew me from high school and they go uh did you ever think that Joe was going to be a comedian they'd be like no like no way like I wasn't funny like they didn't I I figured out a way to be more relaxed socially and it wasn't an easy process at all it took forever to

116:15the point where now I'm extremely relaxed socially like now I can talk to anybody like I one of the things I love about doing podcasts I like just having conversations with people yeah I I I want to know like you're another organism you're another person I want to know what's going on in your head I don't understand your life I want to I want to I want to try to see what connections you've made what what definitions you've fallen on you know what you know how you've defined this world how you've how you've categorized things and how you're managing it how you how you're maneuvering through it I'm fascinated by that I'm fascinated by the the the thoughts that people carry around inside their heads yeah me too yeah I love it and whether not they're empowering or whether or not you're a wo is me type person you know and what are the puzzle pieces that have led to where

117:07you are and I love that you're sharing this because I think a lot of people can see you and see your success and everything that you have and think you were always like this and then it's just been easy because this is you know you're always like this but to know you had that background and you had the social anxiety and this is like such a stretch I think it's really inspiring because it gives people it's like oh you you can't you can no longer argue that you know you're just born a certain way and like that's just the way you are like your proof that you actually can change and you can get over things and you can create things that you know you probably didn't think were possible when you were 10 or however old you were when you were going through all that stuff yeah I think there people have different starting points you know it's like I was saying that if you want to climb Mount

117:53Everest good luck if you're starting from Santa Monica you got to walk all the way to Tibet it's going to take a long ass time yeah those oceans are going to be hard to get across but if you're at the base of Tibet if that's where you live it's or the base of the Himalayas it's way easier yeah to climb that thing you know it's still not easy but it's easier and I think there's a lot of people that start you know in the uh metaphoric Santa Monica with their life they're really far away from their goal it doesn't mean it's not possible but it means there's a bunch of steps whether they're conscious or unconscious that you're going to have to make in order to get to a position and I still remember freaking out going to a bank teller it used to happen all the time I just didn't want to talk to people I was just in my own head and I was super insecure and I just could

118:42barely get through you know and so what changed it just doing it over and over again martial arts was a big thing the martial arts was the first thing that I ever did where I was good at it where I didn't feel like a loser it was like I had done I was pretty good at Art and uh like drawing and painting stuff huh yeah and um I wanted to be a comic book illustrator and that was like a big focus of my life when I was younger but um I mean and I and I definitely took some sort of identity in the fact that I was good at that I like the fact that people would say I was good at it it made me feel good but it was different than martial arts cuz with martial arts um it was the first thing that I did where I felt like I could really be exceptional like I could be really good like and then I realized that um first of all I was gifted physically and then also this crazy brain of mine if I could

119:38point it to something like I would work out at 3:00 in the morning because I knew nobody else would I knew they weren't there so I had keys to the gym so uh because I was teaching so I would go there I'd wake up and I would drive down to the gym and I'd open it up in the middle of the night and put in a workout because I knew that no one else was doing that I knew they weren't there and I knew I I felt like it gave me an this well yeah an edge but it also I felt like there was I was getting ahead of them yeah you know like like it was was some sort of a crazy Race So for between the age of 15 and 21 I was just completely obsessed with fighting and that's all I did I just I didn't I didn't know I probably barely knew who was president I didn't know a goddamn thing about the world I wasn't reading unless it was like some Samurai book on philosophy and combat like that

120:33was all I was obsessed with and that's when I was also I got into Andy Anthony Robbins somewhere around there too but I was interested in like things that would give me an edge personal development stuff that would give me an edge and then through doing martial arts and then also through teaching I think that was a big one was teaching classes and then teaching at Buu was big too cuz when I was teaching at Boston University I was teaching an actual class what were you teaching Taekwondo okay that was at that time I was uh I had won the US Open I'd won a bunch of different tournaments and I was you know I was I was doing really well as a as a fighter as a martial arts competitor so um they had a a tawo program at bu and I was teaching it and I would have to address a whole class but I would address a whole class as something that I was really good at like

121:22I knew I could demonstrate them to them some movements and stuff like that I'd show some things I'd ask someone to hold something and I'd kick it or something like that and they'd be like holy and then they would listen like I could get I could I was confident in what I was saying there and it was like the only time in my life that I could remember being confident in telling people something it's like I would describe how you do it this is how you do it and I'll show you how to do it here but this is how it needs to be done and this is why and this is what happens when you do it and this is what involved in the mechanisms of your body and and so that that gave me the fir that was like the first feeling that I got where um there was I I knew that there was like a light at the end of the tunnel or at least I knew well at least this now I don't feel like a loser anymore yeah

122:08yeah yeah it gave you something to like like you said be exceptional at and I think that's what gives us confidence is feeling like we've somewhat mastered something like somewhat really could understand something well enough to teach it yes and without that we're just chasing it I think for and trying to get it through little things we do and I think that's why a lot of people like go from career to Career job to job or whatever trying to find that little bit of instead of sticking with something and like really focusing in on really studying it that's where I think the obsession actually served you in a lot of ways I think for sure and there's also expression that I I love to use that martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential because because it's so difficult and it's so terrifying and then the idea of competing and yeah and the physical consequences are so

122:59devastating if you get hit that you you can't you can't half asset you can't slack off you have to you have to really pursue this thing with an insanity like an incredible intensity and then through that you realize like oh I could do that yeah and then from doing that you kind of realize well what if I apply that to writing a book or doing that or learning how to do something else and for me it was stand-up comedy wow that see standup comedy seems just terrifying to me terrifying not as terrifying as working in a office wearing tassels with shiny shoes that's very stupid thin socks very true yeah that was terrifying for me too God I remember like Sunday nights I would just get knots in my stomach like just like oh do I have to go the worst in awful staff meetings on Monday mornings and just like tring sucking the oxygen out of the room life out of that's why a lot of people start

124:00taking medication yep yep that unhappiness of of just what you call quote unquote real life there's been a structure that's put in place that we've all sort of shuffled into that doesn't serve us and it doesn't serve most people like I have whim Hoff on last night know he is a yeah telling me about him he's amazing but one of the things he and I were talking about he was he gave me this number about what did he say like 7% of people or something like that do things that are creative with their their life what 7% like in the states or the world I don't know let's let's get crazy and say it's 15% that's really small it is well here's the thing 100% of kids are creative that's true like my kids they're both they're both always doing my young kids they're both always painting or drawing or doing something my older kid does music so there's like so much creativity that they they feel

124:58drawn to it and all that stuff is something that every kid does every kid draws every kid plays with Clay every kid makes stuff with Legos you all like put things together with your mind but somewhere along the line we're stuffed into this structure that doesn't serve us mhm and it we feel like we have to do it because we've been been shuffled through school and into college and then we're in debt and then we have to take opportunities and these opportunities is a good opportunity you know it's a good good career y it's horrific it is and and like to go back to what you were saying earlier like these these systems that we've built are so Antiquated and and so outdated from politics to the school system and it all needs to change yes and we're seeing it start to you know we're seeing it start to I think the the way we educate kids the way we relate to add and all these

125:52things I think so much of add is like the current system and the way kids are like confined in this classroom and have to follow these rules and sit still all day like there's no nurturing of creativity right um so I think over time a lot of this is going to start to change I hope so because we just can't s i see this you know with kids all I have three nephews and I see the same thing they're so creative and they're they're confident they don't care what other people think of them you know they don't have a lot of fear they and when they do do something creative they don't judge it and go oh is it good like they just enjoy the process and that starts to phase out as we get older and we get obsessed with other people thinking is it good enough and is this safe and will this please my parents and like will I be able to make money this way and we just get so disconnected from that

126:40childlike creativity and wonderment and curiosity and and kind of no fear and faith in ourselves that we just get stuck in in this kind of checklist tassel wearing life and I think it's another tassels tassels are our enemy I think there's another thing that we need to consider and this is really important to people that are like well this is dreamer talk listen to this because this is real that corporate world's only been around for less than hundred years this is a new thing in Modern Life and Modern Life is new in terms of the length of time human beings have been alive this is a new thing and it doesn't serve us and maybe with technological innovation and robots and Automation and all the different that's coming down the line maybe there'll be less and less opportunities for you to work a slave job and you'll have to do something creative it'll be more and more

127:35compelling but this world that we've structured that doesn't serve us is incredibly recent and it's not it's not rigid like you don't have to do it right right but it seems like you do seems like you do what's actually really cool about Millennials you know this the generation that's now like 20 to 35 36 is that's one of the things I talk about is generational diversity and Millennials and they're demanding a different kind of workpl they're more likely to take a job where they have more creativity the culture is like less cubicle based they have more freedom than a job with like the salary and the benefits and they're not relating to work in the same way they're really questioning the old paradigms they not don't understand like why do I have to be there from 9:00 to 5 if I can like get this done at home you know at a certain amount of time and a lot more of

128:27them are starting their own businesses and doing the more traditional path so I think we're already starting to see it change because we have a generation that's huge I mean the millennial generation is ginormous and they're they they're demanding different things from work and making different choices already so it's already shifting it's already shifting yeah I also think another thing that's is the amount of time that's required to make a living just to survive I mean how many people are barely being able to feed themselves and house themselves and they're giving up their entire day and their entire week and you get if you're lucky you get that Saturday Sunday off but most of the time on Saturday and Sunday if you live in an office job you have some that you brought home with you that you have to sort through yeah that it's the whole payment system is crazy and and then

129:19you see like these insta celebrities making all this money just by posting pictures and you've got somebody going to a job like 9 to5 day after day after day barely scraping by it's just I don't know well what freaks me out is people that just move money around and they make billions like think about like hedge fund people and people that like what are you doing you're moving numbers around and you're making numbers the how much how much are you extracting while you're moving stuff around it's the uh like I had this conversation with this woman who's like this staunch Republican who was telling me that the minimum wage oh was so ridiculous she was so adamant that you can't raise the minimum wage I'm like why not and she's like was because $15 an hour it would crush businesses it would do this it would do that I'm like well other people disagree like you don't know whether or

130:07not that is I go do you want to work for less than 15 bucks an hour she's like well these are entry-level jobs and this and that I'm go well you're still requiring an hour of someone's time mhm if your job if you have a if you have a business and your business can't pay someone $15 for an hour of their time your business is yeah it's or you have too many employees or you you know you're not it's not set up right but you're requiring the person who's at the lowest rung of the food chain to take the hit not the business like if you have a business you can't even pay someone $15 for a whole hour of working how much money are you generating and why do you need all those business why do you need all those employees do it yourself it's not it's not an efficient business and I wonder what's going to happen with Automation and with you know they're talking about like a tremendous amount of jobs

130:58that are being done right now by people that are going to be done by robots and it's it's just a matter of time yeah so it's even more important to nurture your creativity and know what you can do besides rely on the man or the corporation or whatever it is because I think a lot of people think that safety and economic security is in that is in working for someone else of course and working for a corporation getting a good job climbing the ladder MH mhm shooting your brains out jumping off a building yeah it's just we don't have that much time this is this is not this is not a long run it's really not it goes by really super I'm 49 and I feel like I was 20 yesterday yeah it just it just happens and next thing you know I'll be 59 and next thing you know I'll be 69 yeah you know know and then I'll be able to close my eyes and hear the yawning grave it's coming it's coming

131:53for all of us y you got to have fun fun got to have fun while you're here if in any way possible I agree I always say that I think regret is far worse than risk far like I I'd rather take risks in my life than regret play it safe or staying in situations that I knew weren't you know for me I mean it it's scary yeah and there's no guarantee but at least you do it that's where comes from though yeah exactly like that that scary stuff like that's what forces you to move and that's what gets things done exactly every two years I throw away my act and I write a new one yeah I do a special like my Netflix special I abandon all those jokes and I have to write a whole new one and it's terrifying it's the worst but I keep doing it and every time I do it it gets better if I keep doing it I keep focusing on it I'm and all that Terror and fear of taking that chance it makes

132:53makes me get better at it and that's a pretty minor thing because it's not like that much financial concern and I'll be okay but for someone to take a chance financially and take a chance of their future and they don't really know what what the future holds it's not like they have all these things to fall back on that's when you dig in that's when you make things happen like and if you don't you just you just you just stay soft and lazy yeah yeah then and you never really discover your true potential if you just stay comfortable Christine there's people out there right now that are listening that are getting fired up they're listening this right now they're jogging in place and they're like God damn it I'm going to listen to Christine I'm going to take a chance it's good right yeah it's really good it's really good but don't just like think just broke the lighter you're

133:43really into it but don't just like feel motivated like actually like commit to one thing you know what's one thing you can do to start shifting your life is it like I said finding that hobby is it like having a conversation with your boss is it going after that creative Endeavor like just start that's the other thing like people think they have to know all the steps it's like I want to get to the second floor I'm at the bottom of a staircase and like I think I just have to jump to get there no like you go step by step by step just like you'd walk up a staircase so you don't have to know it all at once it's just taking that first step and then that leads to another and that leads to another and like you said like it's those scary moments where you find your grit and you find your potential and you find out how you respond to adversity and you find your true gifts and you can

134:30only do that in uncertainty and when you're uncomfortable maybe should be a Clarity advisor a Clarity adviser like some kind psychic no no no Clarity Clarity yeah what psychic wouldn't be a clity oh this is my new chm this is my new oh gotcha gotcha Clarity advisor that's that's good I like like that it's a little wordy yeah it's not perfect it's we're getting closer a step it's a step yeah a step there's something there but right like you're you know one thing that I tell people that I think is really important it's helped me a lot is write the things down that you need to do make a checklist y as far as your day like the best way to get done is to stare at that goddamn list and say okay today did I work out did I write did I do this did I do that did I take care of that stuff write all stuff that you need to do do it at the beginning of the day or do it when you go to bed at night

135:22sometimes even better before you go to bed at night set your intention for the next day say I'm going to get all this done write out give yourself 15 20 minutes you have it y everybody's got 15 minutes everybody does yeah yeah and then write it down put it put it on a piece of paper and the next day check that off yeah do those things and if you could just get in a habit of doing that it's so easy to avoid cuz people love to just be lazy they they love the distraction of doing nothing and saying they don't have time yes and saying they don't have time but but that is one that has been incredibly beneficial to me is writing things down making a list and forcing myself to check all the off that's on that list yeah and doing the things you don't always feel like doing and and also being accountable to people like having somebody that's like calling you and

136:06being like did you do it like did you do it did you show up for yourself because it takes momentum you you know like like making these kind of changes you have to build momentum and if you have that checklist and you're doing that that one thing every day and maybe the first thing you're going to do is like commit to making a list every day that's a great step once you start showing up for yourself every day and doing that and checking things off the list you start to build self trust you start to have more Integrity with yourself you start to build momentum and then it's easy to take the next step and like do the next thing but without that momentum and without that commitment I think people just expect their life to change like this and like we've we've talked about this a lot like it just doesn't but those little steps they start to make you feel better too because you start to

136:51feel like oh my gosh I'm not doing the same thing over and over because that really is insanity wasn't Einstein who said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result I think it was like that that to me is crazy making it is and also there's a thing that people have to be aware of and that is the Trap of falling back into Old patterns because they offer you comfort that happens to a lot of people that want to lose weight losing weight is a big one they start they start off good they start losing weight they start looking great and then somewhere along the line that old pattern calls to them they say listen I'm a donut man you've you've earned a dut get a Crispy Cream just get a couple of them it's not big deal tomorrow you get back on the track and you just never do never get back on track Y and it's it's it's really common

137:40for people whether it's cigarette smoking or you know fill in the blank whatever it is old patterns are really hard they're really hard to avoid because they offer some sort of bizarre Comfort yeah they're like coping strategies in so many ways I mean so many people eat or smoke or whatever for Comfort or to self soothe themselves and so they can you know make a New Year's resolution and lose the weight and then if they haven't found another way to cope with life when things get hard or someone upsets them or whatever they're going to turn to that old coping device because they have dealt with the issue underneath what made them overeat or drink or smoke in the first place yeah and it's it's also when you're filled with angst and these all these things are up in your life there's something about those old patterns that like give you a big hug they do they're yeah they do they're

138:35like a warm fuzzy old blanket but it's really disgusting covered with bacteria it's a good way to look at it if people want to get a hold of you how do they do that how how do they go about this oh well expectation hangover is my last book Christine Hassler Instagram Facebook but on Twitter there's no e and Christine because Twitter's screwed up and they don't let you have that's not even a long name I know it's just too long for Twitter I'll take it up with Twitter so how's what is the spelling c h r i s t i n h a s s l e r okay so n no e folks on Twitter and you can find it on my Twitter cuz of this day yeah if you go to this what is today today is October 25th oh and if you want to listen to me coach people live I do that on my podcast it's called over it and on with it people call in I coach them live on the air it's fun beautiful you coach people live on the air live on the air

139:29don't know anything about them before they call in oh wow do you see them or do you just hear them just hear him you're gonna get trolled gonna get trolled trolled yeah dude's gonna after this show it's gonna happen for sure you've been getting people that really need advice up until now now you're going to get people that really listen to this podcast but thank you very much I really enjoyed talking to you I really appreciate it it was a lot of fun thanks Jo all right folks uh see you next week lots of good stuff coming see you bye