How She Built Her Confidence, and Then an Empire with Krissy Cela
Guests: Krissy Cela
Full transcript · Read the full conversation in order, with its original context.
§01Transcript — part 1
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Honesty really, really matters. And I think much of the reason why I started this podcast was to give the world the much-needed honesty it needs, but often doesn't get. You hear success stories that are glamorized and that are oversimplified, but that's rarely, rarely the case. This week's guest will give you exactly that—raw, unfiltered honesty like you've never heard it before. And in some points, honesty that might make you a little uncomfortable. It made her uncomfortable; it made me uncomfortable.
This week I'm joined by Krissy Cela. She's an unbelievable and, in my opinion, heavily underrated entrepreneur running multiple multi-million pound businesses. She's one of the UK's number one fitness creators, athletes, whatever you want to call her. She's an author; her book is coming out in January. She has a remarkable story, one that starts from very, very humble beginnings as an immigrant that was bullied on the playground in the UK. And what you'll find out about her is inspiring. It's captivating. It's real.
This is one of the most amazing conversations I've ever had on this podcast, and I'm so glad that we can bring you her story in this way, told with total honesty. Without further ado, I'm Steven Bartlett, and this is The Diary of a CEO. I hope nobody is listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself.
As I did a little bit of research on you, and I got to sort of uncover your story and I got to stalk you a little bit on social media, the more and more that I observed and sort of looked past your Instagram feed, the more I saw a pretty remarkable entrepreneur and business person. And one of the thoughts that came to my mind—and you know, this podcast is all about speaking your truth and being honest—was this question, which is: do you think that you get the credit you deserve?
As an entrepreneur?
That's the question.
It's not about me. I haven't built a community about me. I've built a community about helping other women. And I think that it's never fully been about me, and the credit that I get is seeing other women thrive and succeed and come together. And that for me is enough credit. I don't need an award; I don't need someone to say, "Oh my God, you're the best businesswoman in the world." For me, when I see or when I read another woman's story, that for me is enough. I don't need anything else. So yeah, I do.
Because when I was watching some of your stories on Instagram, you run an office of people, right? You run multiple businesses, right? And I typically think that people are very, very quick to arrive at judgement when they see a pretty young lady who's worked out on Instagram, who has a big following. And they tend—and this is just being completely honest—they tend to come to judgements very quickly.
A conclusion.
A conclusion, yeah. And that conclusion, and that narrative or that image that they form of that person, I've come to learn is usually severely wrong.
100%. It is. And you know, it's funny you say that because I've also been on multiple dates with people and, you know, they see my Instagram following and they automatically assume that, "Oh, it's because you get your ass out. That's why you make money," or "It's because you get your ass out, that's why you've built what you've built."
And the truth is, if I did that and if that was the fundamental reason, then I wouldn't have a team of 30 people in one company and be building another company that sells out every time we restock. It goes past being a pretty face or a pretty picture. It goes past being a nice body. It's about the message that you have. It's about what you want to truly, truly put out in the world. And I think if people make that conclusion, it says more about them than it does to me.
How does that make you feel, though? And I want you to be really honest here. How does it make you feel?
I'm going to be completely honest. I think it's one thing to be judged, and it's another thing to be judged as a woman. Okay, so why is it that when you see a handsome man, you don't come to the conclusion that he only got what he got because he's handsome? Why is it as a woman I have to justify myself more? I have to explain myself more all the time? It's draining.
I shouldn't have to explain myself. My face, my body, all of this stuff is just external, you know? And I think that... Can I swear on this?
Of course.
I swear on my YouTube all the time. Some people get offended and I'm like, "Listen, this is who I am." No, it pisses me off. It pisses me off, but at the same time, it's like it feeds me. You know, it feeds me. Like, piss me off even more because that's how I thrive.
You saying to me I can't do something, you saying to me that I only got there because of this and that, it pushes me more to achieve more. And yeah, I mean, it's their problem, not mine, I guess.
There's a lot of, you know—let's just for a second imagine that judgement of you was correct and that you'd got here because you were pretty or whatever, or you have a great physique or whatever it was. What would they be missing? What is the truth? Why did you get here? Because there are lots of very pretty people out there, right? But for some reason, you made it here. And I've seen your businesses, I've looked into them, you have pretty phenomenal businesses and you're running big teams of people in big offices.
What is it about Krissy Cela that differentiated you, your approach, your message, and the way that you connect with people from all of these other people that are trying to do what you're doing?
I think in all honesty, if I'm answering that question from a personal perspective, I've always been 100% honest and transparent with who I am. You're not going to find a hidden secret or some nasty surprise. This is who I am. You literally either take it or you leave it. And I'm not going to try to be anything else to fit in for anybody else, you know?
And for me, when I started my fitness journey, when I moved countries to England, I never felt like I had a sense of home. I never felt like anybody understood me. So to be blessed with a platform where I can build a community and bring women together globally—this goes beyond me. This is about bringing women together that have been abused, that have had mental disorders, eating disorders, such bad things you couldn't even imagine what women have gone through and have told me. To bring them all together and to create this tribe, that for me is what people see. And I think that's what people believe I want to do because I genuinely do want to do that.
You know, one of the things—sorry to interrupt there—but one of the things you said was about you being yourself. And I asked you that question actually with a bit of a preconceived idea of what the answer would be. And when I watch you on Instagram, the feel that I get from you versus pretty much everybody else—other than one other person, I've got to be honest, and he sat in this chair and he's actually coming back—is Joe Wicks.
Like, when I met Joe Wicks, he is the guy you meet off-air or whatever is the same guy. And he's so fucking genuine, and all he cares about is genuinely helping people. But the reason—I said to Joe—I said, "I think the reason you're so successful is because you are yourself and you will share it all." And when I was watching you on Instagram and watching some of your videos, you cater to the 99% of people's lives, which is the real shit.
I saw your video this week you did on your story, waking up and you saying, "Listen, I don't want to wake up today." And most people don't admit that because a lack of perfection is sometimes perceived as weakness. So I wondered how that resonated with you in terms of the importance of your success originating from Krissy Cela being her truest self.
You can only be the best version of yourself, right? And I think if you start trying to be something else, soon enough it will come out, or you'll start to fall through the cracks, or it will slip—something will slip. And you can only uphold that image and that presence for so long before it really just fucks up. So the only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself.
And this is what I tell people all the time: it's never been about other people's perceptions of you. It's always been what you think about yourself. And if you truly, truly believe in yourself, you won't want to be anybody else. You won't want to be fake. You wouldn't want to be trying to please everyone. My job isn't to please everyone.
Were you always at that point?
No.
Tell me about that.
Oh my God, no. I mean, I remember when I was in a relationship at 16 years old. I was like, "Oh my God, I'm going to marry this person. I'm so in love, like, this is it." And then he cheated on me. And I was like, "Oh, shit. This is not it."
What's his name?
No, he does not deserve the airtime, I'll tell you that much. But I was heartbroken and I was trying so hard to please this person. You know, I was trying so hard even in school—I know it sounds petty—but I was trying so hard to fit in all the time.
This is not cute on my end, I'm going to be honest with you. I remember being at school—and I'm foreign, okay? Like, I'm Mediterranean. We're hairy, okay? And I had a mustache. No, I had a mustache, and the girls used to rip me for it. And I was so sad. I was like, "Oh my God, why am I not like these pretty English girls? Like, I don't understand." I used to feel so shitty about myself, constantly trying to fit in. And then when I got cheated on, I was like, "Oh my God, it must be because I'm not pretty enough. It must be because I'm not sexy enough." Fuck that. That's draining.
What do you mean I constantly have to be something else for someone else? I'm never going to be happy. And I wasn't happy for such a long time. So yeah, I just fully exposed my mustache story there.
That's fine. So let's take us from mustache to self-confidence. What was that journey and what changed your self-esteem and your self-confidence? What helped you get back confidence in yourself?
I think for me it was... Can we just—I think that should be the podcast title: "From Mustache to... something."
No, seriously, even Sarah doesn't know that. I used to have a—no guys, I'm going to be honest with you, okay? I don't give a fuck. I had a mustache growing up, okay? And all the girls used to rip the fuck out of me. They used to be like, "Ugh, you're a man. You're a boy." Like, honestly, bitchy shit, man. And I ate my school dinner for six months in a toilet because I didn't have any friends.
Do you think that experience is part of the reason you are who you are today?
100%. Like, honestly, it's pretty impossible to break me. And when you've broken me, understand that you've really, like, broken me down. Because it takes a lot now.
We talk about the mustache thing as if it was this sort of trivial thing, but I'm guessing what you're saying is you were bullied in school.
Yeah. But at the same time, it's not like I was constantly bullied. Like, I think, I don't know, a lot of us go through awkward stages in school trying to make friends, trying to be with the cool gang, trying to do this, trying to do that. Then you almost become like mean as well because you're so hurt by everybody else that you only... yeah.
So I think, you know, like, I remember walking into sixth form one time and a lot of personal things happened in my life and no one wanted to be around me at that point. And I just hated everyone around me and I was full of anger, constant anger and hate. You know, and I didn't want to be that person anymore, especially after being cheated on. I didn't want to be that person anymore.
And I remember being on the train one day—because I used to work in Potters Bar at the time, in this little men's boutique, like retail shop—and I was coming back home. And I remember the penny dropped and I was like, "I can try so hard to be sexy and cool and all this stuff for other people, but I'm not doing anything for myself." And that's where the quote "Do this for you" comes from.
Because I signed up to the gym that day, and then I walked straight back out and didn't go back for two months. I'm not going to lie to you. I signed up and I was like, "I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, I know what to do." Signed up, didn't come back for two months. I was like, "Fuck that shit, I ain't going back. I don't know what to do."
Why didn't you go?
Because I was scared. I was like, "Who do you think you are, Krissy? Trying to be like a fitness girl? You don't know what you're doing," you know? This was like six years ago. "You don't know what you're doing. Go back home, relax. Right, relax, chill. Go to work, study, relax."
At some point, you must have changed your mind.
Yeah, I did. I did. Evidently, I did. And I was like, "Okay, no, I need to do this. Like, what am I doing? I'm so lethargic, I'm tired all the time, I'm not strong." I was never like overweight or underweight; I was just tired all the time and drained, especially mentally. So when I got into the gym, I remember looking at the leg press machine and I was like, "What is this transformer? I don't know what the fuck to do with this machine."
And everybody else around me seemed to kind of know what to do. And then there were like men there, and the women were on the cardio machines, and the men were at the weights. I didn't care about the cardio machine. I was so intrigued by the weights. I was like, "Why do men go there? What is it about men that go there and women go there? I want to go there."
And I didn't know how to use weights. I didn't know what I was doing. I was training... I didn't have anything. Like, no one was on Instagram at the time, no one was teaching the way. Social media has literally opened up a book full of information and free content, and we didn't have that at the time I started, you know? I didn't know what I was doing.
So how did you learn?
I learned. I just learned. I just was like, "You know what? I'm just going to do this." And I kind of got addicted to the feeling of how completing a workout made me feel. And I started going again and again, and I started learning because...
What was it doing for you, going?
It was giving me my therapy.
Therapy from what?
From life. From my reality. From the fact that I was so depressed with who I was and so angry at the world, and everything the world had done to me. And the only time I felt like I could escape was at the gym, which is so crazy. Because the gym is like a chore for people. It's like, "Ugh, I've got to train today." But I went there and I escaped. It was therapy. And no one could take that feeling away from me—not an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me, not a mean girl at school, not a horrible boss. No one.
Isn't it funny that so much of, you know, when you speak to people that have achieved great things, it all seems to have been sparked by an earlier catalyst of being bullied or feeling insecure or inadequate in some way? I see the same in myself. The reason why I am successful, without a shadow of a doubt, is because the feeling of being broke and inadequate in the area that I lived in, and having all the windows on my house smashed for a decade, and the grass being six-foot high, but living around all these white people... Zero black people at my school other than my brother and my other brother. That feeling of inadequacy put pressure on me for like 15, 16 years. And so my obsession, as I wrote in my diary at 18, was: "I'm going to have a million pounds before I'm 25. I'm going to have a Range Rover, it's going to be my first car," right? Couldn't even drive.
That's so funny, I did the same.
Right. I swear. And it's so funny you say you were the only black man in your school because I was the only foreign girl in mine. I was trying to contend with this whole idea of having curly hair, and I started relaxing it when I was 12 so it would be straight. And I look back and I think if I hadn't have gone through that in the way that I had...
You wouldn't be where you are today.
Not a fucking shadow of a doubt. Not a shadow of a doubt. And it's like that pressure releases at some point in different ways. I could have ended up in prison, right? My best friend said to me at 18—he said, "Steve," and I remember where I stood when he said it, he said—"You're either going to be a millionaire or you're going to be in prison." And it hit me like a ton of bricks because he was telling the truth. I cared so much about escaping from that pressure and from that life that it was going to channel itself into something. So tell me about your diary. What did you write in your diary?
Oh God. I remember—it's so funny, right? I remember I wrote down—and I will never, ever forget—I wrote down, "I'm going to be someone one day." I wrote that down. And then I remember, you remember you had like Blackberries? Back in the day. And I used to write in my Blackberry. And I just believed it.
And anyway, when I went to the gym and kind of figured it out along the way, I fell in love with someone at the gym that I was going to. He's now my ex-fiancé, by the way, everyone. We're no longer together. But he is a very important person in this story because when I met him, I was at rock bottom, but I was also trying to find my feet and I was becoming more confident in myself. And that confidence did grow and attract the person that I was supposed to be with at the time, right? Because I do believe your vibe and energy attract the people that you have around you, right?
And I remember he was driving me to work one day because I was waitressing. And I looked at him and I said, "I don't know why I started Instagram at this point." I had like 50,000 followers. I started Instagram, in all honesty, I started it just to see how I looked doing exercises. And Holly would record me, and I was like, "Oh my God, I look like I'm going to break my back. I don't know what I'm doing. I need to fix my form." But somehow people started loving it.
And anyway, he was driving me to work and I go, "Jack, I don't know why, but I feel like we're going to achieve something by helping women." And do you know what he said to me? He goes, "Yeah, whatever man. Get to work, I'll come pick you up." I was like, "No, I feel it." And I started crying. Crying, streams of tears. He's like, "What is wrong with you?" I was like, "No, I believe it. I don't know what it is, this feeling I can't explain." Never had that feeling before. And here we are today.
What do you think that feeling was?
Belief.
Where did that belief come from?
Me. I just believed in me so much that no one, not even the person I was with, could sway me another way. And I do think a lot of that comes from persevering in the gym and growing that discipline.
And growing evidence, right, that you could, right?
Yeah. Because when you start doing something good for yourself, training was good for me, you start to build these disciplines and habits and consistencies. And they transfer in other aspects of your life. It's like a domino effect. So I started becoming more disciplined at university. I didn't need 10 cans of Red Bull to stay awake; I was focused. I would excel all the time. And it wasn't because I put in extra hours; it was because I was so hyper-focused where I was, with who I was. I was present. And if it wasn't for the gym, I wouldn't have been able to do that.
So your ex-fiancé, Jack. Do you think you would have met him had you not built the confidence within yourself, or started to build the confidence within yourself, that the gym had given you? Do you think you would have been "ready," quote-unquote, to have that relationship with him at that time if you were the old Krissy?
No. And if I did, if I was with someone at the time I wasn't so confident, it would have been the wrong person. Because you attract the energy that you have. You attract what you believe in yourself. If you're constantly negative about yourself, if you're constantly just trying to make yourself believe you're just not worthy, you're always going to attract that.
And don't get me wrong, there were like dates in between Jack—obviously when I wasn't with him, by the way. I mean, after the guy that cheated on me, I had like, I went through a phase, I went through a phase of dating, and it was always the wrong guy, it was always the wrong guy. And then I realized it's because I'm trying to find happiness in other people. Constantly trying to find happiness in other people. And then when I started focusing on myself, he came along.
You know, a lot of women when they're in this situation where they're lacking confidence or self-worth, or they're feeling like something is missing, will—and this isn't just women, this is people—they'll think that the answer is a romantic solution, right? Is it?
No, it's not. I've been there, I've done that, and obviously I'm speaking from personal experience. You could find someone that really helps you, you know, you could genuinely find someone who inspires you, motivates you, pushes you, and that's so remarkable. And if you do find that person, don't let them go, you know?
But unfortunately, if you have so much self-hatred, you are never going to be satisfied in the relationship that you are in because you constantly have to find that person to give you that happiness. You're constantly waiting for that person to do something for you. It's unstable. It is a lot of dependency. And I think that the most important relationship you're ever going to have is going to be with yourself. Because when you go to bed at night and you're in your own little thoughts up here, right? That's you and you. That's you and you. So you've got to fix that up here first before you go trying to find a person to share your life with, you know?
And, you know, so you end up—Jack ends up proposing. You build a business together, which is a topic in and of itself, which you're still working together with him on now. And then at some point you both decide in a very—and I've listened to your stories—so you decide in a very amicable, mature way that this situation isn't making both of you happy. And there was a sentence you said where you said, "You and Jack grew apart," which I found quite curious. And I find it curious because on this podcast we've been talking a lot about monogamy for whatever reason. And this idea... in fact, the last guest we had on, Dr. Aria, people have been really, really blown away about him—he was cheated on by his partner and he found out in a really horrific way that she was pregnant with another man's baby.
Yeah, I listened to that.
Okay. And so on that sentence about growing apart, this makes me ask you the same question about monogamy. If it's possible for you to meet someone and grow apart—especially because everybody's growing in some way—what are your thoughts on monogamy? Having been almost to the altar with someone, what are your thoughts on monogamy and...?
I... Can I be honest? Please. I never have to ask permission again to be honest. I've never said this, ever, and I'm a little bit nervous to say this, but I... When I was with Jack, I thought that that was my person. And I genuinely felt it in my heart, in my soul. I never questioned it once, right?
And we grew apart, and that's because a lot of people don't know what was going on behind the scenes. Last year when I launched Tone & Sculpt with Jack, we had a lawsuit against us, you know? No one really knew about that. You know, 50 grand in lawsuits trying to get our app that we built just to be ours, and then build it from the ground up. That's why we had to refurbish and relaunch the programs, because everything is now built homegrown in our offices with our technology, right?
And do you know how much pressure that adds to a relationship? I can't imagine. And you're going home and you're like, "What do you mean you didn't do this? What do you mean you didn't do that?" Hating each other, resenting each other because you think they're to blame. He thinks you're to blame; I think he's to blame, right?
And it's going to take a very, very special person to fit into the shoes that Jack left, you know? He is such an incredible man in every aspect. Works hard, is caring, is loving, is ambitious. He's everything a woman would want in a man. Unfortunately, we grew apart. And it is unfortunate because I genuinely loved him and still do love him unconditionally. I'd give him my kidney if he needed it. And it would take someone very, very special and confident to fill that space up. And I'm not going to hold my breath. Does that make sense? I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm going to, you know, just see where it goes.
Do you think it's possible?
I think it's possible. I think anything is possible. I just think that it's going to take someone with a hell of a lot of confidence and someone that understands that I don't need anything else but effort and time from them. I don't need your money. I don't need your gifts. I don't need...
So you're saying you think that Jack's shoes will be difficult to fill. And it's almost like you're setting his shoes as the standard of what you're looking for in the future. So it kind of begs the question: well, you've got two feet that fit those shoes perfectly. Jack's. So why isn't he filling those shoes?
I think if anyone turns around and says to you that, "I work with my partner and we run a company of 30 people and hundreds and thousands of subscribers and an ever-growing company, and we're so in love," I literally will look at them and be like, "How did you make that happen?" Working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult. Because let me tell you something: when you come home from work, you're coming home from work with the same person. What do you think you're going to speak about when you get home?
Work.
Work. What do you think you're going to speak about after you have sex?
The work.
The work. I'm being honest. Like, you live and you breathe your company. Jack is an entrepreneur in himself. Jack is a co-founder; Jack built this with me, right? So if I'm going through all those things as an entrepreneur, as a co-founder, he is as well.
I don't know if you're answering the question, Krissy. But I am answering the question: it doesn't work. It doesn't work because you work together. Yes, it doesn't work. And if you didn't work together, it would have probably worked.
Isn't that a shame?
When I first met Jack, I have never felt that way about someone before. And I never once questioned our relationship, or I never once questioned whether I didn't want to be with this person. And it's funny because when we hire new people at Tone & Sculpt, they obviously know mine and Jack's relationship, and a lot of employees tend to get a bit nervous. They're like, "Are the co-founders going to be bitter? Are they going to be nasty to one another?" And do you know what they always say? It's insane how much respect and love they have for one another. It's actually a bit worrying how much respect and love we have for one another. And had we not had Tone & Sculpt, we would have 100% be married by now, probably expecting our first child.
Is Jack in a relationship?
I don't know. We don't speak about stuff like that. I don't know if he's in a relationship. Okay, so here's another thing. Jack's made it pretty clear, he's been like, "I don't know who I'm going to find that's like you."
And you've said the same to me today.
And I've said the same thing about him. And another thing is, I've been with him for five years, right? I was with him for five years. I still work with him. In a normal situation, you break up and you go separate ways. You don't speak, you don't see each other unless you're stalking each other, which I would because I'm a weirdo, so I'd stalk you for a bit until I got over you. But what I'm saying is, I see him every day. So it's like, how can I ever forget about you? You're always there. I speak to you every day, I'm on the phone to you every day, we make executive decisions together every day. I still go to you for advice every day. But why is it I don't look at you and want to kiss you?
Do you?
No, I don't. I don't. Not right now, anyway. But I don't. To be in a relationship, you have to have that flair. Come on, you have to have that spark, that "ooh," you make me feel some type of way. And I know over time it will pass and whatever. But it sounds so weird, but I see him almost like a best friend. But then everyone always tells you to marry your best friend. So maybe have I got relationships all wrong? I don't know. I don't know. But all I'm saying is the person that I'm with and next with or whatever, they don't necessarily have... they're not competing, because that's horrible. You don't want to compete.
Kind of somewhat unavoidable, though, especially in Krissy's brain.
But at the same time, it's like Jack was, is the most genuine person. Like, would always take care of me, always listen, always put me first, would always want me to succeed... it was every check-check-check-check-check. But why are we not together? I don't... me myself, I still don't have a fundamental reason as to why.
And you know, I read the comments and people were like, "Of course you would leave Jack. Now she's got like millions of followers and has got money, of course she was... she's going to go marry a rich Arab man." I was like, "What? You clearly don't know me. You clearly don't know me." But I don't have a rich Arab man as a boyfriend, by the way. Just want to clear that up. But I don't know if Jack's dating, I don't know what he's doing. All I do know is that I want him to be so happy.
Could you imagine life without him?
Oh no. That question just took my breath away a bit. No, I couldn't.
If he turned around tomorrow and said he's leaving the business, he's moving?
No, I'd be absolutely heartbroken. I'd be... I'd be absolutely grieving. I couldn't imagine life without Jack. But then again, don't they say the most important person in your life as a business owner is your business partner? You almost speak to them more than you speak to the partner you go to bed with.
But it's also... and the reason I ask that question is I remember asking myself that question about my business partner many years ago. And I thought to myself, "What if they died?" And it was like, "Well then, there's no point me doing this business anymore." Which was a really weird thought I had. I thought, "Well then, they were such a fundamental part of the purpose and the journey." And it made me question, you know, why I'm actually doing this.
I think with Jack, I think it's probably true that a huge part of the reason why you do this business is because of him. You've been through so much together.
Yeah. I couldn't imagine doing it with someone else, but I also can't imagine doing it without him. And you've been through hell and back together with Jack, correct? So much. Been through so much with Jack. You do five years with someone, shit's going to happen, shit's going to hit the fan.
Is it a possibility to be back with him?
Like I've always said, you can never say never, and anything is possible. However, if Jack was to find someone, right, and say, "Oh Krissy, you know, out of respect," he would have to sit me down because we work together and be like, "I'm with someone now." And if I see that that girl is treating him so well and looking after him, in all honesty, that's all I hope.
Would you be a little bit jealous?
Probably. I mean, I'm not going to lie, probably would. But why wouldn't you? And would you then start to question the decision? Oh no, I'm not the type of person that if I can't have you, no one else can. Do you know what I mean? That's just weird. But I mean, you'd go home that day and start thinking... Oh, I would go home and be like, "Oh, like, damn." You'd set reminders off, like alarm bells will start going off.
I absolutely don't regret ending it. I've learned more about myself in the year and a half of parting ways with Jack than I did in five years of being with him. Facts. I don't regret ending it. Would I feel some type of way if he were with someone else? You'd be absolutely lying to yourself if you said no. Come on, mate, like we were about to get married, we own a company together. Of course you'd feel some type of way. But would I be jealous? No. Would I be happy if he was happy? Hell yeah. I would because his happiness makes me happy.
Is in the future a possibility of me being with him again? I don't know. How can you possibly answer that question when the possibility of me parting ways with him five years ago was not even a vision? I can't answer that question, but if he was to find someone and be truly happy and in love and she was a good egg, I'd be happy.
And it's possible to be happy for someone but also for it to suck at the same time.
100%. But that's only because you just feel some type of way, but deep down you just want them to be happy. I think he will find someone. I think he's going to find someone who's really genuine. Why are you smiling?
I wasn't smiling.
You're smiling!
No, I wasn't smiling. I think you were smiling. I think you felt some type of way by saying that.
No, I really do. I swear. Bloody hell, I've been honest enough now till now to like lie. But when he does, right? When he does, which he will, I just want one thing from that girl. If you're listening out there to Jack's future wife, I just don't want her to sway his mind on our business. Does that make sense? Like, "Oh, leave Tone & Sculpt, you don't need it anymore." That's horrible. Like, don't interfere. Don't need to get involved, love, alright?
Oh, look at you.
But it's true! Like, I'm sorry, but when I'm with a guy, if he starts telling me what to do with my company, or if he starts telling me it's me or Jack, I'd be like, "Get a grip. It's Jack. If you give me an ultimatum, I don't want to be with you." All this stuff.
You know what? So I was thinking about this earlier and I've got some friends—I wouldn't call them necessarily friends, but people that I know personally—and they would hate, because they're so insecure as men, they would hate the idea of dating someone as self-made and successful as you. And it's a certain type of insecure man...
I'm laughing because I already know. I've already been there.
Really?
Yeah. A certain type of insecure man that really is seeking to control, that would not like a Krissy because you can't be controlled. You can't be controlled through gifts, through X, Y, or Z. And you've been there? Yeah, I've been there, I've done that. Like, you know, I remember one time...
Go for it.
Hold on, Sarah's like, "Yeah!" Sarah's my PA, she's like, "Yeah, open up." But I remember one time when I was speaking to this guy, you know, after Jack, and I was going to LA—this was one of the biggest photoshoots for Tone & Sculpt, this was to refurbish the entire app and everything, like brand new look, brand new everything. So much money went into this, I think nearly 90 grand in production.
Shit ton of money.
Shit ton of money. Could buy a house with that.
Yeah, I mean, I can put down two mortgages for that. So as you can see, when we do things, we do things right at Tone & Sculpt, and that's facts. So I remember he sat down and he was like, "I don't know, I just feel a bit... you going?" I was like, "What do you mean? What do you think I'm going to do? Go and, you know, go crazy with other men in LA? I'm going to work." "Oh, I don't know, I don't know, really insecure."
And I found myself thinking it was me! I was like, "Wait a minute." And then I sat back and I was like, "No, that's you. You're insecure. That's a you problem, that's not my problem." Went LA, had the best time ever with my team. We had the most incredible time, met the most incredible people, came back, the most incredible campaign, and I felt good. But had I let that man sway me... maybe I may have been a bit vulnerable at the time, and let's say he did sway me, what if I changed my mind and didn't go? That could have happened.
Was he intimidated by you and your success, do you think?
At the beginning, yeah. 100%. Let's be honest. I'm 26 years old—oh my God, I'm 26. I still think I'm 24. I'm 26 years old and...
You are killing the game. I'll say it because I know you're too humble.
No, no, no, no, no.
I said it, it's fine. You didn't say it. You say what you want, but it's not even that. It's when you're 26 years old and maybe you have a few things, people start to obviously feel a bit like... Do you know what I think it was? People start to feel like they should have those things.
Can I say something? When you talk about your success...
I get awkward, don't I?
You're super awkward. And can I just say an observation? And I think this is a society problem, not a you problem. Men aren't like that. Men love coming up on here and saying how much money they're making and how they're killing it and how many X, Y, and Z they've achieved. You don't seem to be as comfortable talking about your success, and I feel like that's a reflection of the society we live in.
Honestly, it's not even that. It's me. I'm very awkward with stuff like that. Like, can I be honest? I don't even check my bank accounts. I let my accountant deal with it. I really don't. I think for me I stay so tunnel vision in the vision. So I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is check my mentions and DMs and go on my community pages in-app forum. That's literally the first thing I do. And if I start thinking about, "How am I going to make a billion? How am I going to do this? How am I going to do that?" I don't know, it becomes a bit suffocating to the vision that you have.
And I was really number-driven at the beginning, not financially, but on Instagram. "The more followers it means I'm amazing, the more likes it means I'm fit enough to be here," you know? And I got so obsessed, I used to almost like not think I was good enough unless I got a certain amount of likes or followers. And I completely lost sight of why I'm doing what I'm doing. You know now I don't even check the likes I get. I don't even check my statistics; my team do. I don't check it because I don't care. What I care about is that comment that a lady saying to me, "Oh my God, this has helped me so much. This has made me so confident." That feeds my energy. If I start thinking how am I going to get 100 million, how am I going to do this... that will come. I'm confident it will come, but it's not my fundamental, you know, reason.
And it's going to come by you focusing on something else.
Yeah, I'm focusing on something else. And it's not that society has made me feel uncomfortable to talk about my success, it's that I've... you can speak to any of my team, like I just don't care about it. Can I be honest with you? Like I am not thriving to... I don't know, I'm not thriving to have the biggest house or the fanciest car. I mean, I even said to you, like I don't have a fancy car—a fancy house, by the way. And you were like, "I don't care." You know, like I don't really care about stuff like that. I never, I never have been like that. And it's not that I'm trying to be humble; it's like I literally don't give a shit. I don't care about a fancy car. Never have done.
On the things that you do care about, you talked about these comments and these DMs you get. I imagine...
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You get a lot of DMs as well.
You get a lot. Not a couple; you get a lot.
And how does it feel to have that sort of responsibility when someone messages you something so deeply personal and they're seeking advice or guidance, or they're just sharing a problem with you? How does that feel in terms of...?
Well, how does it make you feel?
Confused sometimes. Why? Because I'm not qualified to deal with certain situations. But at the same time, the contradiction with me is like I just want to say something and I just want to acknowledge the person. But I know I can't solve it and it would be almost irresponsible for me to try and solve their problem.
100%. You're not there to fix someone's problem.
Yeah. But I think the value that I can bring is just by like listening and acknowledging. But you know, there's a spectrum, right? So you have on the one end, "I love what you do," and the other end you have people that are suicidal or that are, you know... and it's sometimes it's a lot. I had this one video go viral, 30 million views and it was about depression, and I got 8,000 DMs that week from people on that spectrum. And I just didn't know what to do. I was like, because when you read them, some people are really, really suffering. And they've come to me because clearly, in some cases, one girl that said she'd barricaded herself in a room in Egypt and she was on the verge of suicide, like, she didn't feel like she could speak to anyone else. And sometimes a stranger is the most safe place to, you know... How does it feel for you?
That... I don't know, it kind of made me emotional. No, it did. I can... the fact that I remembered that instantly, this girl barricaded in a room in Egypt who'd watched this video and had reached out to me for me to give her the answer she's looking for in her life, which I'm not qualified to give, right? All I can do is be a friend in that in that situation. But I'm sure you get messages that are, you know...
Yeah, I get messages every day, thousands. And so there's two things that I've started to do. One of the biggest teams we have at Tone & Sculpt is the customer support team, right? And by the way, this isn't because we get influxes of emails; it's because we have a person for each social: Facebook community manager, Instagram, all of this stuff. And the reason being is we don't need them; it's because I want every single person to be heard. And what you just said there is exactly what I think as well: you want to be a friend. I call my community *familia*. I always use that word. I always say, "You're my sisters, you're my familia." Because at the end of the day, I'm not here to fix your problems, but I'm here to listen to your problems. I'm here to be the friend that you may think you don't have in in your reality. You can't fix someone's problem. You can't offer, you know, mental health advice because if you say something wrong, God forbid anything happened. But you can listen. You can make feel make someone feel like they're part of something. And that's the best thing I can do, you know?
Before you came here today, there was a question I actually wanted to ask you about yourself. And I only ask questions because I am curious myself. And I'm trying to find similarities in some way between, you know, a person on your journey and a person on mine. The question is: are you hard to date?
Um, oh shit, yeah, I think so. I think I am. I'm not going to lie. Like, okay, so here's the thing, right? I'm super loving. When I'm with you, I'll do anything for you. Like, I'll look after you, I'll make you feel special...
Here comes the "but." It's going to be like, "But if you fucking cross me..."
No, no, no, no. Like, honestly, like even Sarah, my PA, will tell you, like I fall hard in love. Yeah, I head over heels for someone, I'll fall so hard for you. But I also fall so hard out of love for you. Oh, shit. That's the issue with me, and that's facts. And I hate that about myself so much. It's the one thing I hate the most about myself. I'm a switch. You do something to annoy me, or you do something to kind of like... it's bad. It's not healthy. Like, I... people think I'm Superwoman; I've got my own problems, sis. Like, I've got my own issues. I fall so in love with someone, and then if I don't see that same level of love back, I'm like, "Fuck this shit."
Self-defense?
Yeah, I do think in relationships I'm really, I'm really defensive. And you know what? I can't believe I'm admitting all this, but yeah, I would say I am. And I think that...
What are you defending yourself from?
I don't know. Okay, why are you—are you hard to date?
Yeah.
Okay, so so are you defensive?
Krissy, this is all about your diary. We'll come to me. No, I want to know what you're defending yourself from. Because you literally said, "If I don't get the same type of love back..."
Okay, okay, okay. So, you're obviously very motivated, you're very inspired, you're very like driven, right? Thanks. You're welcome. I'm the same. Like, I just want to keep going. I want to grind, I want to grind. So if I see someone kind of just not doing the same, it infuriates me. Like, I'm almost like, "How can you not have passion for something? How can you not have a drive for something?" And then it leads me to believe that, "Hold on a minute, if I did have the same person that had the same level of drive, would we be compatible? Maybe I do need someone a little bit more like low-key, because then it will make me feel a bit calmer when I'm home." It's all over the gaff. I don't know what I want. Women don't know what they want. Stop asking women what we want; we don't know what we want! We don't know what we want.
But what I can say is, I think sometimes when we overthink things, especially me, I overthink relationships all the freaking time. I think sometimes it's a good idea to just take a step back and just relax a bit. Because if someone is genuinely there for you, willing to listen, willing to take care of you, and willing to always, always put effort in... stop being a bitch, pretty much, you know? I me personally, I'm I'm difficult to date. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I don't even feel bad saying that; I feel quite free saying that. Like, I am, and I feel bad for the guy, but ugh.
So I really want to dig into that, because I can really, really relate. And that's why I started laughing, because I've gone over the same predicament in my head thinking, "Maybe I need someone that's super ambitious and has loads of passion and is a philanthropist and blah blah blah." And then I've thought, "But then maybe they'd drive me crazy because we're all, you know..." and so I flip-flop. And usually when I'm with one, I think I want the other. And then yeah, and then when I'm with that, I'm like, "Nope, I need..." yeah.
Same! That's literally me. Yeah. Maybe we can figure this out today.
I honestly can't. And I think do you know what it is? I think it's because we are people that are constantly switched on. Yeah, like neurotic, obsessive. Obsessive, like with work, with this, with that. I'm not obsessive in a relationship. Like, if someone tries to tell me what to do with my life, I'd be like, "No way." And I couldn't imagine ever trying to tell someone what to do with their life. Like if you want to do whatever you do, whatever you want to do, that's your life, you live it the way you want to live it. So because I'm obsessive with my life and my career, I'm constantly switched on. So if someone around me isn't, I almost feel like... I don't know, I... do you know what?
You'd call them a bum?
Oh my God! I think that's true! It's true!
Yes, I know.
It's so true. And then do you find yourself feeling a bit lazy?
Yeah. But also, I'm like, "Steve, don't tell them because you're passing your own worldview and your own values onto someone else who doesn't want it." Yeah, and you shouldn't be trying to change people out here. You accept them or...
Oh my God, that is me. I'm literally like, "What do you mean you don't want to be ambitious in life? What do you mean you don't have a passion? What do you mean?" And I go crazy in my head. And this is happening in my head whilst I'm looking at the meat. Do you know what I mean? Like, let's say I'm—let's say we're at dinner, I'm having a full-on blown conversation in my head like, "What do you mean you're not ambitious? What do you mean you don't want this?" And he's just chilling, you know, not doing anything wrong. And then I have to literally take a breather and be like, "What am I doing? I can't push that onto someone. I can only push that onto myself. I need to chill out."
Connected to this, maybe, maybe not. Your parents. Hardworking?
Oh my God, so hardworking. Um, came from another country. Came from another country, immigrated at the back of a lorry. You know, I immigrated at the back of a banana lorry. Wow. Yeah. And I remember we landed in France and my family got arrested because we were immigrants. And they separated us. So they put me, my mom, and my brother in one room, my dad in another room. And you could see him through the glass. And I remember crying and crying and crying like, "Dad, Dad, Dad," I didn't know what was going on. I was four years old. But I still remember that; I'll never forget the prison room was turquoise. I'll never forget that.
And when we came to this country, my mom and dad worked hard. My mom worked three jobs, my dad worked as a HGV1 lorry driver every single night. You know, every penny they had they saved, they saved, they saved. Um, my dad had a pretty bad gambling problem, I'm going to be honest. My mom was constantly trying to like fix that problem. And I've never actually mentioned that ever before. Ever.
And as much as I love my dad with my entire heart and I want nothing more for him to be happy, it caused a lot of strain on my mom, like trying to feed her family, trying to work hard, trying to save, trying to take us on holiday, you know? Um, so to save money and then to have the person you love gamble it away, it's like, "What's the point? Like, I don't understand why I'm with this person." But in my culture, you don't leave the man you're with. You're stuck with them.
But my mom, even though he was like that, my mom loved and loves my dad so much. It's pretty bizarre because that would be enough to take anyone off. But she just believed in him—he doesn't do it anymore—believed in him and nourished him and loved him so much. And together they grew better. Um, so for me, if I have a man and he like places a bet on something, it triggers me to think he's going to be gambling. And I'm like, "Oh my God, no. Sorry. Out." He's put one bet down and I think he's a gambler. Do you know what I mean? It's crazy.
So I ask that question for a reason. Because we've established that we have very similar traits in relationships, that we tend to really value hard work and ambition. And it tends to be the case that the value we attribute to hard work and ambition probably comes from a childhood where hard work and ambition were the thing that might have got us out of some bullshit.
Let me tell you from my example, alright? So very much the same as yours, but switch the parents. So I came from Africa, was born in Africa, came to the UK. My dad had like a pretty good job, but my mom—you could call it a gambling addiction—she had this, she has both a gambling addiction on one hand because she played... there was probably a thousand lottery tickets. If I opened any drawer in our house, lottery tickets, right? But on the other hand, she couldn't stop starting businesses. To the point that the reason why we were so poor we never had birthdays or Christmases or went on holiday at all ever, period, was because my mom spent all the money trying to become a millionaire by starting these businesses. They'd all fail within six months because she can't read or write. And my dad was the unconditionally loving, calm, supportive, won't leave you even though you're an absolute asshole parent, right?
It's always one.
Yeah. So in my house, when I think about why I am the way I am now, I think money was such a big problem that in our house it was the cause of so much pain. Same. That I grew up valuing it so much. And the thing that would get you it, which to me would be like, you know, my what I thought was happiness, was like hard work, ambition, hard work. Like my parents worked so hard that they wouldn't even be in the house when I went to bed or when I woke up.
And so I value hard work and ambition because my parents taught me it because it was the cure to our problems, right? So and especially as immigrants, right? There's a different—there's like an immigrant vibe.
I get you. Yeah, we don't even have to talk about it; I just get you.
So like this is part of the reason why I think in relationships when someone doesn't have those values, when they don't value hard work and ambition, I'm like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" But it's probably something wrong with me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think I'm not going to sit here and think there's something wrong with me.
§02Transcript — part 2
Not wrong, it's like it's the result of my traumatic childhood experience, maybe. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Do you know what it is? I swear to God, I think it's the fact that... okay, so a lot of people, when we moved to England, I was never allowed to like go to stay over other friends' houses. My dad was super strict—like I couldn't even wear skirts around him. Absolutely not. Forbidden. And so when I did used to go to my other friends' houses, like English culture, it was a completely different vibe. Like their family was different, like their moms and dads were different. And then when I'd come to my house, it was different. And I didn't understand it.
So my dad has always wanted me to marry an Albanian man. It's like his dream. He's like, "Please marry an Albanian man, you two together will be amazing together," like this. And I'm like, "Dad, I don't care what he is so long as I'm in love." And it happens to be that the guys I've been with have been English. And the cultures are completely different. And it... I don't understand, like sometimes when they do things I don't understand.
Give me examples.
Like, okay. So in my household, Mediterranean: loud, proud, like very ambitious. Super loud, I'm super loud. I love it. But you know, you come to my house and my mom will have dinner ready for you, and my mom will buy you slippers to make you feel like home, you know? And she'll she'll welcome you, hug you, kiss you on each cheek.
But then when I'd go to Jack's family's, for example, as much as they were so loving, so caring, it just wasn't the same. Like you'd have dinner at different times or... and I didn't understand it because I've been brought up in a family where everything's together. Like togetherness. And everyone's got each other's backs and everyone's solid. So to have a different culture thrown into the mix, sometimes it does clash. Yeah, and it does, like cultures are different. But that doesn't mean one culture's better; it just means it's different.
So it's up to you whether you want to learn both cultures and and meet in the middle. It would be easier if I went for an Albanian guy because their culture... the culture's the same. And I've been brought up in that culture. But obviously Jack's culture's completely different. So I've had to kind of like, you know, find the middle, find that middle ground, I guess, I don't know what you call it, but find that balance.
Are you scared that you might not ever meet the right person?
All the time. I'm all the time scared. I'm 26 years old, and as women, we're told we have a timeframe. If you're not 30 and have kids, you're too old. If you—if you have kids at 40, what kind of mom are you? All this bloody shit around us all the time. Do you know how much pressure that adds as a woman? All the time. So much pressure that you've got to get married, you've got to have kids, you've got to be a mom, you've got to be a mom before 30. Oh, just want to like breathe out. There's so much pressure.
And it petrifies me. It honestly petrifies me because a lot of people around me in my industry are married or have children or have like a fiancé, and I had that and I almost think to myself, "I had that and I let that go."
And does sometimes you think, "Do you know..."—and this is probably I'm asking this question again for my own reasons—so do you ever consider the fact that you might be too busy being "Entrepreneur Krissy"?
No. You're never too busy for someone you love. I don't think that's the case. I don't think, um, I'm too busy.
Do you think that what you're doing with with your businesses and as an entrepreneur might prevent you from being aware and forming a healthy relationship when the prospect arises?
Do you know what I think it is? When you have a nine-to-five, you clock out. You come home, you switch off. You don't clock out. You're working constantly. Even if you're in this room, you're still at the back of your head thinking about your business. You're thinking about something you need to do, something you need to check off, something you need to approve, something you need to expand on. So it's—it's so guilty for me to say this. Like I feel bad saying it, but I could be in a room with you and I'm thinking about my companies, constantly.
And someone who has a nine-to-five doesn't understand that because it's like you're switched off at 5:00 PM. And sometimes I feel bad saying I do kind of wish I can switch off at 5:00 PM, but I just can't. And I think it's not necessarily that I'm too busy, it's that I'm constantly thinking. Even if I'm in the room with you, I'm constantly thinking about what I have to do.
And you can make someone feel pretty lonely just by being even though you're sat next to them. You're off in, you know...
Yeah. I often say, I say like when I'm with somebody, my aim isn't for them to ever understand me; it's just to understand that they don't understand. Yeah, it's true. Because I think I'm like too difficult to understand. If I'm quiet for an hour, it doesn't mean I don't love you, it means that I've just got an email and it's just fucked me. And I actually don't want to always share things at home because...
You're offloading.
Yeah, offloading. And I don't want to be like that... because I could offload 24/7. Oh, trust me, so can I. Sarah is always like, "Oh, here we go again." But it's true. Like, you know, your phone is buzzing off constantly. You could get a DM by someone, you could you could get a message, an email, and it's like, "Oh, fuck. Really?" And then you're just sitting watching a movie with your partner.
Tell me about that part of being an entrepreneur. And I think that's why I really started the podcast in the first place was I want to hear about the bullshit of running a business—the unexpected, unpredictable, life-shifting bullshit that happens.
Yeah, your life is you breathe and you live your businesses. I think this is something people don't understand: you live and you breathe your companies. They are your babies. No one and nothing can get in the way. And no one understands that. They see the money, the success, the followers, the this, the that, the blingy cars, whatever the hell you want to see. And let me tell you the reality. You don't have much time, you suck at relationships, you don't have many friends, and the friends that you have, you don't really see them. Um, when you do have time to yourself, you never switch off—ever. You are the biggest self-critic ever. You constantly think that you could be doing better, and that pressure is insane. Mentally and physically, it drains you.
And um, another thing is that I really just want to say: if you think a life of an entrepreneur is so glamorous, this is the first time I've put on jeans in I would say... I feel blessed, I feel privileged. I don't know how long, but I don't live in jeans, I live in sweats and sliders.
So if it sucks so much, why do you still do it?
It doesn't suck. And you know what I'm trying to say.
Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying, but I'm also here to to try and help people understand multiple perspectives because people say, "Okay, so you've criticized, you know—you've talked about the downsides, right?" Why do you still do it? Because you could just say, "You know what? I killed it. Hang up your, uh, your gym, your activewear clothes, or your shoes, I don't know what people would say. And you could say, 'That's it, I'm done.'" Why don't you?
Oh no.
Why not?
God, the feeling I get when I when I see someone's transformation—nah, that fills me up. Like, that fuels me. When I see a transformation, when I see someone who had um a mental a mental health disorder or an eating disorder and is now thriving... Do you know that is so unexplainable that nothing else matters? I'd rather not have a relationship, to be frank with you. I really am not that fussed, so long as I can continue to help as many women as possible. For me, that's enough. And that's why I don't stop.
Is there an endpoint in all this?
I hope not.
Okay. There's no like mountain top, there's no...?
No, I think that, you know, you're told in life that you need to go to school, you need to go to university, you need to achieve this, right? So then you achieve this and you are not satisfied. So you need to achieve this, and then this, and then this. I don't have goals for financial status, for awards, for anything like that. I had maybe two goals, and I've achieved one of them—which I won't share because it's actually very top secret, but you'll see it next year. Okay. Um, but if you have these um tangible goals...
I'm thinking now what it is. I'm like, you finally married an Albanian man. I'm like, "What's going on?"
Oh no! Yes, Daddy, I did! No, no, no, no. I didn't, I didn't. No, I'm not married. Nope, that's actually very depressing, thank you. Um, but no, it's like it you goals are like you know when you wrote in your diary "I want a Range Rover." Right, you got a Range Rover, what then?
Just total anti-climax. Yeah.
Right? I want a million-dollar house. Cool, what then? You're lonely in your house. Your house is so big, you don't even know what to do with it. By the way, my house is not big; I don't know what to do with it, I need more space. But do you see what I'm saying? So I don't have those types of goals because they're not attainable.
Is there a point in when you were building the businesses you run where you had your worst ever day? Because I can think about the worst days that I've had in business. What was the what was the one that sprang to mind straight away?
Oh God. Um, okay, so I'm a woman in tech, right? So with an app, there's complications that you are not even prepared for. There's maybe a bug, maybe this, maybe that. So obviously when this lawsuit was happening to get my app back from the developers—from the old developers, it was a third-party company—yeah. Um, when we transferred it to brand-new servers that are obviously, you know, pretty much ours, um, because servers are just so huge.
But um, I didn't know anything about tech when I started. Now you speak to me tech, I know tech language. Okay, so it's actually I'm very proud because for someone who literally didn't understand what the hell a server was—I was like, "What's a server?"—the first time I heard there's a bug, did you think about Ladybird? Honestly, don't, like it's embarrassing.
But when the transition happened, the whole app went "pssh," shut down. Right. Shut down. And imagine when you know even Instagram shuts down, people are like, "Oh my God, Instagram sucks! Like, F-U Instagram." Okay, but this is my company now. So when it shuts down, it's like I can't I can't I can't pay for my employees, I can't pay for my office, I can't do this, I can't do that. When it shut down, my whole face shut down with it. I was like, "Shit, what do I do now? This is it. We lost 10,000 subscribers in one day." Fuck. You times 10,000 by 13.99... yeah, that's a lot of fucking money.
It's a lot of money in one day gone. Gone. That was probably the worst—one of the worst days. And I just sat back and I looked at Jack and I just said to him, "What the fuck do we do now?" Jack being Jack, he was like, "Don't worry, we'll gain them back on. Don't worry, why are you stressing? This is what happens." "What do you mean why am I stressing, idiot? What do you mean?" He's like, "Chill out." But um, yeah, that was probably the worst day.
And I just remember I lost so much weight. I lost, I would say, I was 56 kilograms, I went down to 49 in like 56—yeah, I went down to 49. So can you imagine? In what space of time? Oh, um, three weeks to four weeks. I couldn't keep anything on. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I lost everything. Then me and Jack parted, so... and I was still producing videos, still producing content, still... How long was the app down for? It was down for three days. Wow. Three days. And I was still producing content, going on Instagram, "Don't worry guys, like we'll still get it out there." I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, wasn't doing anything. I'd just broken up with the person I was going to marry. I was in a house with my dog, the house that I built with the man I was supposed to be with. I didn't know what the hell I was doing anymore. At that point, I thought I should give up.
Really?
Yeah, I was like, "This is it now. No more... I'm giving up. I've got my law degree, I'm going to go back to doing that. This is just too much stress." And then I didn't and I just kept going. Just kept going. Something inside me was like, "You just have to keep going. Please don't give up, please don't give up, Krissy."
You talked about um your own battles with mental health over the years. And I think I think I read that you you said you'd suffered with depression at various stages early on. Can you tell me about that?
Yeah, huge. Like, um, a lot of people see a very picture-perfect image on Instagram, which I'm to blame. Just like everybody else, you want you want to showcase the best bits of you. Nothing wrong with that. You keep doing you if that works, you keep doing you. But I have been in such dark places that I couldn't I couldn't picture wanting anyone to to feel what I felt at those places. Even someone I resent—not that I resent anyone, but I wouldn't even want that for them.
These dark places suck you in so much that you honestly start to contemplate whether you just want to stop feeling that feeling, period. Like just be done with it. And I'll never forget. I was laying in bed one day and I was so depressed, so depressed that I just thought to myself, "It'd be so much easier if I wasn't here. Be so much easier if I just quit, just leave." And I cried myself to sleep and I woke up the next morning, and it almost felt like in my dream I'd made it happen, if you know what I'm trying to say, without saying it. And I just thought I need to stop because I cannot go on like this.
And I think when I try and explain to people that I I know those dark places, I've been in those dark places, they don't believe me because they see me for the person I am today. They don't see the person that fought so hard to be where I am today, mentally. Not even about the success, the businesses, mentally. That's the most important thing up here. This is the most important thing. You can have all the money in the world, you can have all the businesses in the world, you can have 300 employees, multiple companies... who gives a fuck about that if you up here are so not okay?
So yeah, I've been through dark places, but I've also picked myself up multiple times and I've had to brush my shoulders off and get shit done. And that's why I keep saying to every single person out there: you have to do this for you. Do this for you. This is the the biggest and most important thing I can say to you.
And now that you have, you know, you've built this empire, this little fitness empire which is rapidly growing, do you ever find yourself in those dark places even today?
Yeah. Not as bad. Um, but I find myself um wondering if I'll ever have like a somewhat normal life. So like what we discussed: will I ever find someone again? Will I be in love? Will I get married? Will I have children? Like I want children. I want to be married. I believe in those things. I want those things. But sometimes I wonder if those things are going to happen for me. And I do wonder I just maybe need to stop overcomplicating things in my mind, but I can't switch off. And maybe the only way I know to switch off is just to quit. Do you see what I'm saying? It's a vicious circle. But then if I quit, I'll be so angry at myself for quitting. So it's like ongoing, it's constant, it doesn't stop. So um...
And do you think part of that fear comes from the fact that you believe the way you are now, and how you live and work now, and how obsessive you are now, is probably not like conducive or um it is probably not going to allow that other all those other things you want to come true, right? So like you think, well, something's going to have to give at some point. Is that...?
I do. I'm not going to lie. I literally think like that, I'm not going to lie. Like so when when Tone & Sculpt was built, um, we I didn't I honestly didn't realize it would grow the speed it did with little to absolutely no marketing expenditure. So everything's been hyper-organic. In the space of 12 months, we now have a team of 22 people when it was just me and Jack 12 months ago. 22 people, an office in in London... we know what the rent is like in London, it's off the chain. Um, 120% growth, you know, month by month. It's rapid growth.
We've just launched a brand-new trainer, um, who is like insane. And um, I keep saying to myself, "Okay, when I get to this point, I can I can relax." And I say that to Sarah all the time. And I keep saying I keep mentioning Sarah but but because she is the one person that knows me probably better than my own blood, because she's with me everywhere I go and she is the person I speak to about a lot of things. So I always say to her, "Okay, when I get to this point with Tone & Sculpt, I I can breathe." And bless her, she's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." But she knows in her head I'll want more and I'll want more. But it's not that I want more, it's that I believe we can do more and I believe we can do more and strive for more. So when does it end?
When does it end?
It doesn't end. That's what I'm trying to say. So you have to make peace with it. You have to make peace with the fact that it's not supposed to end. But you also have to make peace with the fact that you need to make maybe some self self-adjustments and and be a bit critical with yourself. Because if you're going in a relationship and constantly thinking that that person should be on your level, that's that's my problem I need to deal with, that's not their problem, you know? It's not fair on them.
How do you deal with that?
I think it I think it takes time. I think... you're not sure, are you? No, I'm not sure. I can tell by your body language. Oh God.
Um, and and it's okay. It's okay to not have it figured out, right?
I don't have it figured out, and I'm someone who doesn't like not having things figured out, right? Yeah, I get that. But I do think I need to stop being so mean.
It's this balance, right, between trying to figure it out now because you kind of want to be able to have a plan and have a, you know... but then also realizing that you shouldn't overthink this thing and that you should maybe just... You've literally made me feel in this podcast like I'm the most impossible person to be with.
I've not! I'm just asking the questions.
Oh no, no, no! But I can't lie! I'm not going to lie just to make myself sound good.
No, it's it's it's a very important part of being a successful person that has this crazy neurotic obsessive brain. Yeah, I do. And is super ambitious. And that but also has these other things they want. And life is—it drops at you, you can't have everything at the same time. So what we're talking about now is like compromise and how you reach that compromise in your life if possible. I'm in the same place. I have no idea how that's going to happen.
But do you do you want kids?
I do want kids.
Do you want to get married?
Um, I'm not so concerned about the concept of marriage, but I want to have a long-term partner because I want to have kids and so I'm willing to commit long-term. If it's a marriage, if it's signing some other piece of paper, if there's no paper, I like don't care too much about the whole marriage thing. If it if it matters so much to to the partner, I'll do it, but I don't I was saying on the last podcast... No, I see what you mean. I don't have a great case for why the law or or a religion should be involved in love. I don't think it has a great track record with love. Yeah. So I'm like, I think that's an idea which we all as a society need to just reconsider and think... I see what you mean.
Look, I'm going to my closing statement on this point is: we are all so different. You are different from me, only a little bit. But then like you're different from your assistant and I'm different from mine and from my friends from school. So logically you would think the answer to how we form our romantic connections would also be unique and different. Like and I think at any time in life where the script tells you everyone has to go through this door, when you are a different shape. It's like putting a a triangle in a square. Like of course.
And I think that's when you have to question things. So I got kicked out of school because I just stopped going, dropped out of university after one lecture. And I've tried to navigate my all my way through life just rejecting the things that I'm meant to just accept blindly. And marriage is one of them where I'm like, "Can I achieve all the things I want to in a relationship without that piece of paper?" Yeah. And I put it on my LinkedIn last week. I said, um, I basically said to the world, I think marriage is a concept we need to reconsider for everyone. Sure. Someone prove me wrong. And one guy commented, he said, "I've been in a relationship in a marriage for 45 years. We love each other, we've done this..." I said, "Could you have done that without the marriage?" He goes, "Yes." Okay then. Yeah.
But you would do it if she or I don't know he whatever.
Maybe. But then I need to be honest here because you know, if they really wanted to get married...
I'd ask them why they really wanted to get married. I'm not going to lie, I am the same. Like for me, a piece of paper doesn't define my love for you.
Okay, let's talk about this then. So why do you why do you want to get married?
Do you know what it is? Like this is me being a woman. I just really want a dress.
We can do the wedding! Like that's marriage is different from a wedding and a ceremony. Someone said that on my post.
Yeah! I can have a party! Yeah. I mean look, my my dream wedding would genuinely be like on the beach having like burgers and beers with the closest friends and family, running in the ocean... I don't want like a big fancy party.
I feel like you just described your dream day.
Yeah, literally. If you could do that like this weekend... But if I said to you, because you're so busy, if I said to you what's your what do you want to do right now? I bet any money you'd say, "You know what? I'd love to be on the sofa and just eat my favorite food with the people I love."
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Over going out, getting smashed.
Of course, yeah. The funny thing is, my brain actually goes like, "Go on your laptop and check your emails."
See, that's what I mean, because you're obsessed.
Because I love it, you know what I mean?
Yeah. But what I'm saying is, to other people they want a big wedding, a big big fuss. I hate fuss. I absolutely hate fuss over me. And it's so funny because like even my team surprise threw me a surprise birthday party. I was so awkward. I was like, "Don't ever do that again." I hate all eyes on me, although my business is built on all eyes on me. Do you see how that's so contradictory?
It's the same. I used to my previous assistant, um, who ended up being my girlfriend, long fucking story which we're not going to go into. Whoa! It's filling the tea. I don't actually know if Sophie—so my current assistant Sophie's been with me for four years—I don't know if she knows this, but Sophie, do you know this? Do I have I ever said to you when it's my birthday or when it's like Social Chain's anniversary to not make a fuss about it? Yeah. And the reason why I say this is because I have I get so much attention as it is, and so much fuss for like being the founder, being the CEO. The eyes are always on you...
You just don't want it. You're like, "No no no no no."
Yeah. Same, right?
I'm the same and I always just feel like, oh I don't know. So that's why my dream wedding day, if that day will come, is to just oh my god 20-30 people max, closest friends and families, my dog there, and just to have the person I love. And I always say I want to be in a room full of people and look at the person I love and just me and him understand each other. You know what I mean? That feeling where you look at them and you're just like, "I get you. I get you." And that's that's what I crave. That's what I want. And you're right: a piece of paper doesn't define that feeling, only you define that feeling and that person. So I don't need a piece of paper, you're right. Um, I guess I just want the concept.
Are you scared of death?
Who, me? No, not at all. Who do you think I'm talking to? Who, me? No, I'm not. I'm not. Are you?
No, I'm not, no.
I'm not, like um...
I'm scared of not living.
Yes! I'm scared of like... I really want to do things. I want to explore, I want to do things, I want to... you know, my my dream vacation would be to not have my phone there. I don't care about a selfie, I don't care about this, I just want to be present in the moment.
And if I if I told you that you were going to die a week from now, what would you oh so much! What would you regret? So much. Tell me.
Not living. Just working.
There you go.
Not living. Like, as much as I love doing what I what I do, I'm not going to lie I I've built what I've built telling people to look after themselves, and I forget to look after myself. And that's why when I do train and when I exercise, it's the only time I do feel like I'm doing something really special for myself. And I've like I do a lot of skipping, right?
You're amazing at skipping, by the fucking way. I watched you the other day and I was like, "Oh my God." Did you see? Like, I thought I was a good skipper. And then I saw you like dancing while skipping, and I was like, "Oh, shit. Of course she's doing like a double crossover." And I just I started to feel really inadequate and insecure as a man. It was like... it's fine. So I just had to delete my Instagram.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But you know why I skip? Why is that? You have to be fucking present. Because if you're not present, you get whipped, right? And when I'm skipping, I literally feel like I can't think about anything else but the rhythm. And for someone who's always on, switched on, someone who's always doing things... You know, people always tell me go go meditate, do yoga. Can I fuck? Can I fuck? I'm like, I literally go to meditate and I'm thinking about my my to-do list like... yeah. But when I'm skipping, I'm so engrossed in it that I'm literally so present in the moment and it makes me feel alive. Same thing with training, I'm so engrossed in training. And that's why so many women when I say to them just train, you're a mom, you've got to think about your children; you're you're a student, you've got to think about your studies; you're trying to trying to make money because you don't know when you're going to pay your your rent. Just train, it's the one moment that you can ignore the entire world and do something for yourself.
So I really want to loop back round to this point about if you were to die next week. Oh, you were trying to avoid, huh?
Yeah, I was because you know the answer.
Yeah, but I want to hear the answer. Because I'm asking this—I would feel the same way, right? It makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable, right?
It does, because I love my job so much. Like, I love what I do. It I thrive off it. But on the flip side, I do wish I was stop being such an annoying little bitch and just take some time off for myself, you know? Like stop being so annoying to yourself, Krissy. Just take some time off, it's okay. It's okay to go do things you love doing, like traveling. Obviously right now it's pandemic, but you know what I'm trying to say. Like travel, like maybe take a week off and just breathe. But I can't. I can't. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just can't. Are you the same?
I'm the same. Is there something strange about that where you feel like you're saying you're saying, "I can't"? It's like you don't have a choice. But at the same time, you're telling me that if you were to die next week, you would regret not living.
Yeah. Oh my God, this is such a heavy-loaded question. Um, I feel like I feel like this is the therapy session I needed. I'm joking. But it's so true what you've just said. You've literally just you've shut me up. You've shut me up because I can't... you're like, "Thank fuck, I've shut her up." But it's true, like I can't stop working because something keeps telling me I can't stop right now. Not yet. But on the flip side, if I was to die next week, I'd regret not taking some time off for myself to do the things that I love doing. I love going to museums. No one knows that. I love I literally love looking at things.
But you think that's a waste of time.
I do, right now. Right now, yeah. And time is every entrepreneur's biggest asset. Time is everything.
How can it possibly be a waste of time if it's the thing you would regret? The the reason why I think this death question is so revealing is they do all of these... there's a lady called Bonnie Ware who was um she worked with um I think it's called palliative patients, which are people that are about to die. They've gone home to die. And she asked them the question: "What are your biggest regrets?" And she wrote it down. And she was doing this for years, and she wrote a blog about it. And there's a certain sort of retrospective clarity you'll get in that moment when there is nothing going forward for your life about how you should have made your decisions. In that moment, you can imagine only the things that matter. No people—what that girl said about your hair—none of this shit will fucking matter. The playground shit, none of it will matter. You'll just be left with the things that truly mattered. And so putting yourself in that mindset—I call it like "deathbed thinking"—allows you to look at how you're living your life now and see if it's in accordance with the things that will matter in that like final moment.
And so I ask this question because I think the same about me. I'm like, "If you told me today that I had four days left to live, I'd be like, 'Why didn't I have a better relationship with my family?'"
Yeah, I don't have a relationship with my brother.
Well, you know... I have a shit relationship with with my mom in particular. Yeah. I don't see my niece and my my two nieces enough, but I've probably seen them I don't know three or four times. She's maybe three years old; she's only two hours away. And so I think these things about myself and I think, "Okay, so but what are you sacrificing?"
But have you made a change? Because no one's ever asked me that.
I've tried to. But it'll always be there. But it won't be.
But no one's ever asked me that. So now you've got me thinking, "Ah shit, I need to get Sarah to put me a holiday because fuck me, I need to live my life." But it's like in all honesty, I'll probably leave today and keep doing what I'm doing. Day in, day out.
Until at some point you'll learn this lesson the hard way.
Facts. And you know, um, recently one of the most important people of my life passed away. The woman that gave me a home. You know, um, you know, my my best my best friend Holly, who is literally my sister, her mom gave me a home when I was homeless. And you know, she didn't once mention the months she left let me live there, the food I ate, the hot water I used. Not once. Ever. Bought it up.
And I saw her on her dying bed, right? And I held her hand and I just kept thinking to myself, "Nothing matters at this point." And do you know what Holly said to me? She goes, "I would have called you sooner, but I was scared you were doing something." And at that point, it it hit me. Like I looked down and I went, "Never say that again. You call me when you need me. I'm always there for you." But it's the fact that we—the people around us know how busy we are—that they sometimes feel like, "Ah, maybe I just shouldn't."
Because you've made them feel that way.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm to blame. 100%. And you know, you have to take a step back and you have to realize what matters in life. And that for me that moment there, I just realized to myself and I I messaged every single person I love the most and I said, "I don't care how busy I am, I'm always here for you. Always."
So that's a real personal moment for your best friend. And I imagine—you said earlier that you don't have many friends.
Um, I have acquaintances, but like my friends. You know, like friends. No, I don't think I don't think a lot of people do, though, if you really like ask them.
Yeah, I don't have many friends.
Yeah, like I have people that are there like acquaintances, and I have people that I would genuinely die for. Those are my friends, you know? And I can count them on my hand. Holly is one of them.
Other people have more friends? Is that a fair statement? Typically.
Yeah, sure. But I don't really care if you have more friends than me, to be honest. I'm happy with the people I have. Because you have more friends with me doesn't make you more superior or make you a better person because you have more people around you. It's just you know, I'm only 26. I don't know how many friends I'm going to have at 62. So I have friends... you see what I'm saying?
Probably less.
Maybe. Yeah, according to the data, you'd have less, yeah. Maybe. But at the same time, I couldn't have asked for better friends that I have now. And the friends I have now would protect me and look after me and they know I would do anything for them. That's what matters. Not having 100 friends; I want one good friend, not 100 random friends.
So I I ask that question because I think I've definitely struggled to make and to hold on to friendships because of the way I've been over the last decade. In the same way as relationship—normal relationships—I found that I don't invest enough in my friendships as much as I probably should.
Okay, I'm going to be completely honest. Um, people come and go, right? People come and go. And it's so bizarre because I know it sounds crazy, but I've pretty much built a virtual community, right? And I feel like that's my team. Even though I may have not met these women physically, I feel like they get me more than the people in my own life.
Is that weird? Do you think that's weird? You think it's a bit weird, don't you? Be honest.
I don't know if it's weird; it's unusual. It's a very curious thing you've just said, yeah.
Like I speak to people... Like you should I don't know if you've ever seen, or maybe not, but when I go on a live workout and I workout with with with hundreds and thousands of women, I don't see them, they see me, but I feel the energy. I I can't explain it to you. I I sound crazy right now and people will probably think I'm an absolute crazy psycho weirdo, but let them think what they want. When I'm like reading a DM, right, or when I'm going live for workout, or when I add a new workout on, and when I repost people because you you see I repost a lot of people, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And half of the time I don't even tag Tone & Sculpt; I just repost the woman with a sweaty selfie or whatever.
And that to me, I almost feel like that's enough friends. Like I have friends for life. This is my familia, my unit, my team, my tribe. And as crazy as I may sound, I feel like that tribe understands me more than the people in my life. So that's why when I go on social media and you see me, understand that's me, because I feel like we're friends and you get me. And it's crazy because they do get me, and I get them. They get my sense of humor, they get me trying to dance on camera and be stupid. I don't care. I sometimes forget I have 2.3 million followers and I come... 2.3 million friends! Well, I sometimes forget, right? Have you seen that I come online and I don't have makeup on? I forget. I genuinely forget and I'm like, "Ah shit, my skin's a bit crusty right now and I just posted that to 2.3 million people. What's my crazy ass thinking?" And I sit back and I'm like, "Ah, fuck it, I don't care."
But the nature of the internet is that you would... of course, you've got 2.3 million people. There's a lot of people in there that are hurting themselves and that want to make you feel like shit too.
Can I be honest? I'm very lucky. Really? Yeah, I'm very lucky, man. I don't get much negativity. I don't. And when I do, um, if like someone's been horrible on a post—because I have I have a big insecurity about my boobs, alright? Like they're saggy, I'll say it. And cool. I've always had a big insecurity about it, and I remember this one one girl just ripped them to shreds. She was just like, "Ew, like they look disgusting and saggy." I didn't even see the comment until I started seeing the community members reply back to her.
Now there's a difference between replying back to someone and being like, "You need to stop, that was hurtful," and then replying back meanly. If you're replying back meanly, that's not nice. Like you don't cure hate with hate, right? So if I see someone being really nasty, someone I don't like that. Like I'd rather you not defend me; I don't want that. You don't know what that girl's going through. Just because she's being mean to me, you don't know what she's going through, the pain she must be in. You don't know. But when I see someone like, "Hey sis, like you need to chill because that's not nice, you don't know what that comment could do to someone," that's a team. That's a community. That's a family right there. So I'm pretty blessed. I don't get as much negativity as maybe other people. I'm pretty, pretty blessed, touch wood that doesn't change. Um, but listen, I I don't know how to explain it to you, and I'm going to sound hella crazy right now, but the community I have, man, it's something special. It's something that is unexplainable, the feeling they give me. And that to me is my friends. As weird as I may sound and lonely as I may sound.
So some of the things you're working on, right? So you've got a book coming out.
Yes! Which is exciting. Tell me about this. So exciting. So I'm officially an author! Oh my God. Um, so my book *Do This For You: How To Be A Strong Woman On The Inside And Out* is not your average fitness book. So I'm pretty sick and tired of 20-day challenges and kind of telling women that, "Oh my God, do this 20-day challenge and you're going to lose 10 pounds." Ah, shut up. It's draining, it's jarring, stop. I'm going to teach you how to create habits, discipline, consistency, longevity. That's what it's about. You know, all the programs on the Tone & Sculpt app are some of them are year-long. Fucking hell. Yeah.
That doesn't that kind of goes against the typical sales script of something with Status Quo? Like small effort from you, big results. That's what sells, right?
Yeah. Five days, you'll lose 100 pounds. You know?
But that's very honest of you and I think that's real, right?
Yeah. No, you're going to lose weight, of course. Of course you're going to lose weight if you're doing stupid amounts of cardio, cutting out specific food groups, and you are literally depriving yourself. Of course you're going to lose weight.
Not sustainable.
Is it sustainable? No. So the way I always say it is, funny enough, in a relationship, if you're constantly just like horrible to someone all the time, is that sustainable? Not really. You have to nourish, you have to love, you have to care, you have to show effort, consistency. That's what works. Same thing with training: it's the constant effort you put in day in, day out that will make a difference.
And so it's all about disciplines, habits, consistency.
Yeah. And it's a book that—do you know what, in all honesty, it's a book that I know when someone reads, they're going to pass it down. It's one of those books. You read it and it gets you thinking. It's a thinking book. So I did the audiobook for it as well last week. And when I was reading it, I was like, "Damn, that was that was good!" I was like, "Damn, I know someone's going to read that like, yeah! Or listen to it like, yeah!" And it's true, it's a thinking book. I ask you what your why is. So if I say to you, what is your why? Why is it that you want to train?
Uh, I've been over this a lot, but I mean like the thing that I keep trying to get myself away from is having a really extrinsic why that's like "I want to look good for summer." Because when summer ends and I look good, that shit is done.
There we go! But that's a lot of people's whys. "I want to lose weight for my wedding dress," "I want to lose weight for this," for an occasion, occasion, occasion. The occasion comes, what then? You fall off a cliff. Yeah. It's not a sustainable why. So I teach you how to gain a sustainable why, which is fundamentally the most important foundation you need for fitness. Then I teach you habits. You don't think twice about brushing your teeth. Why think twice about your health? Why think twice about your health? Your health is the most fundamental and important thing you need to live.
Only get one of them as well, right?
And why are you thinking twice about it? Why are you viewing fitness as a chore? You're viewing your health as a chore? That's a shame. Your body deserves more. Whenever have you heard people speak about health like this? In a society where women are driven by fat loss pills and quick-quick fad diets and intense workout sessions... it's time to stop. It's time to tell you that you need to calm the fuck down, remember your why, remember how important your health is, and understand that if you have a bad day, it's okay. It's okay to have a bad day. So that's what *Do This For You* is all about.
Sounds amazing. I'm going to read it.
Thank you.
Um, we'll we'll link the pre-order as well in in all of the in the podcast and also on the YouTube video. I wanted to ask you what other things you're working on. I know you just launched a an activewear line that looks pretty awesome.
Oh God, has so many issues with that to begin with, but we got there in the end. Oner Active. Oner Active is fundamentally I was actually building the mission and the vision for it last week. Um, and one of the things I said is that I don't want it to be a trendsetter.
Why?
Because I don't. I don't want my brand to be something that people just kind of like buy because it's trendy and that's that's that. I want Oner Active to be something you go back to time and time again. So all of our collections have certain names, like the first collection is called "Classic" because you're always going to come back to it. It's designed with specific material that you always come back to. The next collection is called "Timeless." And then our winter collection is called "Effortless." So it's designed to have a concept that it's your best friend forever and forever. That it doesn't matter what year it is, you're still going to love Oner Active. Because trendsetters, they come and they go. You have your 15 minutes fame and then it goes. Yeah. But I want something to be sustainable. If you look at Nike, Lululemon—the biggest brands in the world—they don't have fancy stuff. Some of the best Lululemon leggings are the most simplest ones you'll ever find, but they're trusted and they're loved. And that's exactly what I want Oner to be. I'm not here to start trends. Sorry, I'm not here to start trends. I'm here to ensure that you pick up your leggings and you trust this product. That's my goal for Oner Active.
On to the next business?
No, Tone & Sculpt is Tone & Sculpt is still like obviously my number one baby, and then Oner Active of course. But what we done with Tone & Sculpt, um, we launched a brand-new athlete, Danielle Wilson. I don't know if you saw.
I saw. I clicked on her profile; she followed me. I was quite uh...
She loves you! Oh my God, she's going to be so excited. Yeah, she's like, "Oh my God!" She always reposts you and I was like, "Yeah, he's alright." I'm joking! She's like, "Oh my God, I love him!" I'm like, "Yeah, he's alright." Um, joking. But now she is very special. Um, because I approached her—and the reason why I want talk about her briefly in this in this podcast is because I think it's very important. She's a 200-pound African-American woman, 5'11", not your average fitness guru, right? So why would Tone & Sculpt want her? If she's not your average fitness guru, why would you want someone who women are scared to think that's what fitness looks like?
Let me tell you why. Because fitness for such a long time is not about the way it looks, it's about the way it makes you feel. She trains because it makes her feel alive. She's an athlete. Yeah, she trains athletes. She is an athlete. She's built like an athlete. That's what I wanted for my brand.
So when I approached her a year and a half ago—I slid into her DMs and I was like, "I am every day inspired by you. And I didn't really think I want trainers, other trainers on the Tone & Sculpt app, but I want I need you. I need you on this app." And she was like, "What? Are you serious? Like you really think I should be on the app?" And I was like, "Hell yeah, you need to be on this app. You inspire me, I know you're going to inspire thousands of other women."
And it's funny because when the whole Black Lives Matter thing happened, five other companies approached her in that month. Five other fitness brands. And I had a FaceTime with her and I said, "Listen babe, if they're offering you more money and you think it's a better opportunity for you, I understand. Business is business." She goes, "Hell no, I'm married to you. I'm not going anywhere, I'm married to you." She goes, "But how funny is it that it took something happening for them to approach me?"
I don't say anything. And I said to her, "I'm going to let you answer that question yourself, for yourself."
Oh, that week. Oh, that week my my emails were blowing up. Right? Black Lives Matter week, I had more speaking requests, more invitations to campaigns than I've ever had in my entire life. You know what it is. But I'm going to be honest: I'm going to take the bag. Do you know what I mean? Yeah! If you're if you're approaching me because um you think you suddenly have had this revelation that you need a black person involved, fine. Fine. I can't find uh, you know, what am I going to do? Say no and then like they're going to have to go somewhere else to find someone else. Yeah, they're not. And in this country when you think about young, black, successful entrepreneurs, it's me and Jamal Edwards. There's and the guy who who made SBTV, who's been on this podcast. There's fucking no one else. Like it then are you going to have to start looking at footballers if you want young black and successful? And so yeah, fucking and also I can use that platform as a as a way to inspire other people to change their opinions, in the same way Obama inspired a lot of naive Americans to think that, "Oh my God, a black person can be smart and intelligent and clean and..."
Don't, please, I can't just...
So yeah, I took the bags. Every single bag. All mine.
And you know what? I and I'll keep taking them. Yeah. No. Hell yeah! Like, are you fucking joking me? I said to I said to Danielle on the on the FaceTime, "It doesn't matter where you go, it matters what you're going to represent." Yeah, yeah. Do you understand that you're going to change a young girl's life by being somewhere, being present, being vocal, being ambitious? Do it. If the platform that's offering you more money is bigger, do it. She was like, "No, I want to be at Tone & Sculpt." Of course, because you... yeah.
But that's just loyalty, that's just her being loyal. But it goes beyond bringing another trainer onto the app. It's about representation. It's about I'm sick and tired of fitness having one status quo. Fitness is not one status quo. It's about helping people mentally and physically. If it wasn't for fitness, I would not be alive today, and that's facts.
So what's next for Krissy? What's next? When you think about the future?
Personally, I don't know. Business... amazing. Stuff that are coming up beyond. Um, but from a personal perspective, I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know what's even happening tomorrow in my personal life.
Are you happy?
In what sense? That's the question. For what in what sense? In in your life, are you happy? Um, I would say I'm really happy in my career, and I'm really happy in my community. Um, from a personal perspective, I think I need to just take a breather, and I would say I need to work on my happiness on a personal perspective a little bit more. Yeah, for sure.
Are you going to do that?
Ha! See, you're funny because you ask me the questions and then you ask if I'm going to do it, and then I don't know the answer to that question because I don't know if I will do it. So I don't know, I think I just need to be a bit more patient with myself and a little bit kinder to myself, and less self-defensive.
Listen, um, I've I've taken up a lot of your time and it's been a fascinating conversation. I've learned a lot about myself as well. Really? Yeah, it's like you know on many of these issues, they are they are issues that anybody in the situation, you know, both me and you find ourselves in in life where we're running businesses and we're very busy, but then we're also trying to fulfill all of our personal needs at the same time when one of those, you know, facets of our life is so all-consuming. We feel the same things, and we're confused by it, we don't have the answers.
And as much as we want to have the answers and have control over everything because we are used to that and we strive for that in our business, you know, sometimes we have to relinquish control in order to be happy, and maybe that's a lot of the answer. But thank you so much for giving me your time today, but more importantly for giving me so much honesty. Um, and where can where can people find you? I mean, you're everywhere, so dumbass question.
Yeah, my business is everywhere, I'm just... But like every you know you've got your book coming out, you've got your app, you've got your activewear line. Um, I'm sure people will find you.
And I just want to say thank you because there's very few people out there that are a willing to be honest. It takes a certain vulnerability to be that honest, but it does so much for so many people. And um, on behalf of your community, on behalf of entrepreneurs like me, on behalf of all of the aspiring female entrepreneurs that are following in your in your footsteps, a huge thank you because what you're doing, it's costing you a lot, but it's giving the world even more. So thank you.
Thank you so much.
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