Moment 89 - The MOST Important Skill To Learn: Marie Forleo

00:03here's a mantra and I live my life by mantras they help keep me on track and here's one that really works clarity comes from engagement not thought clarity comes from engagement not thought what does that mean in this context it means that every single person listening right now let's say they have a job and they're like I am done with this job but I don't know what else I should be doing there's something in them that has an interest it could be an interest in art it could be an interest in baking. It could be an interest in music. Find a way to go take action in that direction, no matter what it is. It could be interning for someone, working for them for free, picking up a book, taking a class. Finding some way to get involved in that area will give you not only insight, but it'll start to open up creative channels. You'll start to meet people.

00:50You'll start to say, oh, this is great as a hobby, but I would never want to do this as a career. I think that all of the insight, clarity comes from engagement, not thought. You're not going to figure it out sitting on your couch. You're not going to figure it out necessarily scrolling on Instagram or your phone. You're going to figure it out by getting into some kind of action and giving yourself permission to experiment, right? Giving yourself permission to try things and it might not work and that's okay, but you're going to learn something. You're going to discover something. You're going to have a conversation. You'll stumble upon your own article where your own body lights up like a Christmas tree and you'll be like, oh my goodness, this is the thing.

01:27But it's not going to come if you sit at your desk every day, know that your work isn't right, but you don't do anything active to actually go find out what is. But you know, I'm busy. I've got four kids. I've got a job. I just don't have the time, Marie. Oh, that's not having the time is probably one of the biggest excuses that we can all use from time to time. And it really is an excuse because all of us know when it's important enough, we make the time. If not, we make an excuse. We know this. If you're spending any amount of time on Instagram or TikTok on social, if you listen to podcasts, if you do anything outside of your actual job and just feeding yourself and doing what you need to do to stay alive, you have time.

02:10You really do. You have to do some basic math. I would recommend we talk about this in the book is track your time meticulously for seven days. You will be shocked at how much time flitters away doing things that don't really create a ton of value for you, that don't give you an opportunity to even have open time where you're not consuming anything, where you're not having other people's thoughts, ideas, or agendas inject into your head, where you're just giving yourself time to walk around the outside and take a walk on the block and in nature and actually let your mind think or wonder or rest or exercise or do any of these other things that can open creative channels where you'll get a download and you'll get an idea of like, oh my God, I would have never thought of that if your face was stuck in Netflix or Hulu or TikTok for, you know, the seven hours a day that you're not working. Fine. I'm quitting my job. I'm quitting. Quitting is difficult.

03:02Yeah. It's scary. Why is it? So how do we become better quitters? I was on stage this morning and I said on stage and I said it all the time. So it's like, I sound like a broken record, but you know, we glamorize starting. It's like, oh my God, they started this thing. But quitting is the equally important thing you have to do before you start. Yes. And so quitting is just as much of a skill as starting anything. How do I become a better quitter? I look at your journey, continual quitting. Yeah. Throughout. And it's funny because that almost sounds like an insult, doesn't it? No. But it does on the surface because quitting is for losers. Yes. Well, if you believe that. That's the slogan. Quitting is for losers. Right. But if you hadn't quit, Imagine the misery.

03:39I would have been so miserable. And so I think there's a couple of things to it. One, I think understanding your risk averseness as a human being is very important. And let me tell you what that means. For me, financially speaking, I'm fairly risk averse. So because of my upbringing, because of this kind of perpetual financial scarcity that there was, I'm not the kind of person who's just gonna burn the ships behind me and say, okay, I'm quitting my job at the magazines and let me just start this coaching business and figure it out. It was like, no, I went back to bartending and waiting tables pretty much seven days a week because that's what it took to keep the roof over my head and eating food while I figured out this life coaching business. So I would say for anyone listening right now, if you're thinking about quitting, take a look inside. What's your risk averseness?

04:24You know, there's a study that was done in the United States. They tracked about 14,000 entrepreneurs and they found that those who kept their day job as they started their business were 33% less likely to fail. And so I think for anyone listening, it's like, okay, well, you may quit this job, but is there any other circumstance, whether you take another type of job, you go part-time, like what is going to be the kind of financial runway or situation that you need to give yourself an ability to see if this business could work if starting a business is what you want to do. And so after you quit, seven years doing side work.

05:04Yes. And growing and figuring out the business. When you quit, what was your aspirations for your coaching business? Oh my goodness. If I'd asked you on that day, I'm going to say, you know, how long ago was that? So that was 2006. Like 2000, 2001. Right. So that's 20 odd years ago. If I'd asked you on that day, where are you going to end up in 20 years? Oh my goodness. I had no freaking clue. I, at that moment, I was just entrenched in my coach training and I wanted to be a great coach so badly, meaning I didn't really have a huge vision because everything was so new. And I think there was so much uncertainty. And quite frankly, as a 23, 24 year old, I didn't really have the ability to have vision. Like I read so many success books, Steven, that were like, you know, and this was like a kind of a line in many of the networking talks I'd go to. It's like, well, what's your five-year vision? Right. I was like, I have no idea. I'm literally trying to just get the next three paying clients. Like I will coach your dog if you let me. I will coach. That's where I was because I was so committed to trying to be the best coach I could be. And I knew that I needed experience. I needed to work with as many

06:11people as possible. So I had no vision for where this thing would go. I just kept taking the next step and the next step and the next step and kind of doing this. It's not talked about enough what you've just said, because perfectionism is one of the things that causes procrastination. And especially as we set out to quit and start the new thing, you hear it all the time. I know you do, which is, well, I haven't got enough of this and I haven't figured out this and I need to find a mentor and an investor and this and a website name and this and that. Whereas in reality, in everything I've ever done, it's this like horrifically messy stumbling forward in into the darkness. Like, and even with this podcast, like I'll tell you how it came to be was I enjoyed doing it. That was it. That was the thesis. Didn't know how we'd make money.

06:53Didn't know how big it would get. Didn't know if other people would like it. Actually still blown away that anyone listens because it's like it's been one of the most amazing like life affirming things that people care about the types of conversations we have here yes but I think that's such an important message because perfectionism as you write about in the book you talk about progress and perfectionism and which one to choose it's such a it's such an imprisoning notion that is so pumped up by like fake life coaches and fake entrepreneurs that want to try and sell you something to make them by making themselves seem like they are super special and God gifted. Yes. Where we're all just messy little unorganized, scared.

07:33100% and so human. And so this is the other thing, like, so start before you're ready. So Stephen, I have to tell you, as a young life coach, I knew how ridiculous it all sounded. It sounded cheesy to me. Again, can I tell you my first workshop, there was five people in it. I was 24. My parents, My yoga instructor from college and one of her neighbors, actually two of her neighbors that she pulled in off of the street. And I had created a whole little workbook.

08:06I had done it with like Microsoft clip art. I stapled the little workbooks together and I stood in front of five people in my yoga teacher's basement in New Jersey and I delivered like a day long workshop. And like, I think back to that cringy Marie, but she was also awesome because she started before she was ready. She didn't know what the hell was going on, but she did it. And it was like the worst thing I probably ever did, but I did it. And then it gave me a little bit of experience to then like go do something else and then go do something else.

08:35So to your point, it's like everything for me has been messy. I'm like, I don't know if this is going to work. This sounds like a lot of fun. I have energy towards it. I want to make a difference. Let's try it. We'll be right back.