Moment 119: How To Figure Out ANYTHING In Your Life: Marie Forleo

00:02In the book you talk about these, the three points of philosophy that oh. the three rules. the three rules, yeah, that underpin this figure outable mindset. Yes, what are those? So. rule number one is that all problems or dreams are figure outable. Rule number two, IFA problem or a dream isn't figure outable, it's a law of nature, right? So death. Maybe taxes rule number three you may not care enough to solve a particular dream or reach a particular goal and that's okay, find something that you do care deeply about and go back to rule number one and what that does is it creates a container, a container for us as human beings to be honest about what we care enough about to go figure it out because in in my life, there hasn't been one thing yet that I have truly wanted to either understand achieve transform.

01:00Do you know what I have some different relationship with that when it was true in my heart that I haven't been able to figure it out, and if I don't. Want to figure something out, like I can get real at myself, like I don't care enough about this to go figure it out right now. That's super important. Point number three, it's the one we don't talk about. Yeah. because we'll all have goals in our life that we um. We think are important we we think we want to do I wanna to, you know, I want to become a DJ, I want to start working out and get a six pack. I want to be an artist. They, they, they often don't happen and we, we end up thinking that they haven't happened because we are an unmotivated person.

01:39So we say you know if we start beating ours ourselvesf up I'm unmotivated I'm a failure I'll just keep trying at it. We very rarely pause and go do I actually want it and there's this weird thing that I that I noticed which I won't name the person, but they know who they are because I know they're listening. There's this weird thing that I observed which taught me a really important lesson. It' is sometimes like we want to want something and the way that I just laughing the way that I described that is like. We want to want something. We want to have the motivation to do the thing. We want to want it yeah. we want to want it. I think we should want it yes.

02:14so we so we go around saying we want it so like I wanna, I really wanna to go and lift weights I might say Stephen, I really want, you know, I'm saying to the world I, I really want to go and lift weights but it's because I want to be the type of person that wants to be that, that wants that yes. so. I go around saying it but I don't actually want it, I just want to want it. yes. I had this same conversation with my best friend, and we were laughing about this because I have put so much pressure on myself at so many different points of my career because I think I should want something, yeah and I'm like, but if I okay, for example, I think you'll appreciate this because I think you and I share a similar philosophy perhaps about social media, for example.

02:55So I suck at social media, right? I'm never on it, I don't put any attention in it. I actually had a colleague of mine say to me like, Marie, you're so good at what you do, like why aren't your numbers bigger and it was like one of these, you know, like when someone makes a comment and you're like, oh, that kind of feels like a punch in the gut and you're just like, oh, oh, I, I don't know and anyone who knows me, my friends and even my audience, they know I'm like very transparent. Like I don't spend a lot of time on my phone, like I'd prefer to write books, I create programs, like there's other things and then I I just want to live my life, like I feel like I'm like oh there's like oh if I was really committed to being a change maker, then I would be making videos and I was like what the hell is that. Philosophy like I remember torturing myself, I should want to want that. exactly.

03:41but the truth is I don't. exactly and that's the hard part to admit. yes, yeah. that's really hard part to admit that we just don't care enough we just don't want it. It's someone else's. it's someone else's and I think that just having this conversation because I would imagine there's folks listening to us right now, that think that they should want to want something and they don't.

04:00and then what happens? So you know I failed to go to the gym to get that six pack that I had tell myself I want, or I fail to start that business because I don't really want to, but I want to want to start it and then I use excuses and the number one excuse is I just don't, I don't have the time because that's a cloaking of, as you said earlier, that's a cloaking of your true priorities. Yep. It's a way of saying so it's not my fault, it's just a lack of uh, time in the day there's only 24 hours but really as you've said, it's actually that the how you use your time is one of the clearest demonstrations of your actual priorities. of your values. Yeah, 100, % 100% the the way that I always like to keep myself.

04:36Honest about like what I want and and to call myself out on my own excuses. This is the the two word distinction that has helped me the most understanding the difference between can't versus won't. So anytime that I'm about to say oh I can't do that, I can't do this, I can't get up earlier to work out to get those six packs, I can't um, write my next book, I just don't have the time uh, for me, uh, learning Italian. I can't learn Italian. I have so much on my plate right now with my business, so. 99 not 199 % of the time when we human beings say can't it' sa euphemism for won't and what is won't mean won't means we really don't want to, we're not willing to make the sacrifice.

05:18It's not that important to us right now and so I always encourage myself and other people to play with this, like anytime you're about to say the word can't try on won't or try on, that's not a priority for me right now and see how your body feels going back to this body truth, something in me goes, you know what, I actually don't want to learn Italian right now, you know why? Cause in my free time I'm watching the house of dragons, you know what I mean? I'm watching this show or that show or I'm hanging out with my friends or I'm doing this, I'm doing something else where I could be dedicating that to my Italian studies but I'm not, you know why? Because that is not my priority right now that is so much more honest and it's so much more freeing, and then all of a sudden I'm not a bad person, I'm. Not not ambitious enough, I'm just me. 啊？