Moment 65 - Jimmy Carr On Knowing You're Enough

00:02You said something which is, you know, find that thing within you that you can be the best at, the thing that you enjoy, etc, etc. When I say that to people, they always say to me, but Steve, how? How do I find the thing? How do I find my purpose? Is it just I sit down with myself and make a list? Do I meditate? Yeah, I mean, I literally went through, there's two books, Zen and the Art of Making a Living, I would recommend to people, are still available. And there's a book called, um, What Color Is Your Parachute?

00:30They're quite corporate, both of them, even Zen and The Art of Making a Living is quite corporate, but it's basically you write essays about yourself and you, you, it's a workbook. It's like a big chunky workbook. I did both of them and it kind of, and for me, I kind of then slightly threw it away and went show business, baby. But it's interesting of like knowing yourself, like who really knows you your friends probably know you ask them ask them what they think that's it's an interesting sort of process to kind of go like and you could be a ripe old age and this would still apply like do you know who you are how you're perceived and who you really are what you feel like um because it's it's that thing where you got like those personality tests online are not dumb to do you know that there's that um what's the no no there's a jordan peterson one understanding myself like 100 questions and it tells you things that's that's worth i had a crack at that recently and really enjoyed it like because you get the results and go i agree with that so that's surprising what you know it's it's interesting it's almost like a um a um a horoscope like everyone likes their horoscope right because everyone's a little bit egotistical

01:39and like oh i wonder what it says about me and i think those personality tests kind of can be very very useful for going well how are you going to find your edge what's the thing you enjoy is it being with people is it on your own are you introverted extroverted that myers-briggs thing might lead you in a direction of going well i can't be i'm not going to be a salesman i'm going to be and these are jobs we're talking about as opposed to um something beyond that like a purpose a career an entrepreneurial spirit um people find that so i've done the myers-briggs i've done this I've done the Jordan Peterson test.

02:11And it's clear that my passion is X. But I'm in that job unthinking, as you describe it. And I've got mortgage to pay. I've got, you know, bills. Well, I mean, that thing of like, I nearly fell into that trap. I was like, the things you own end up owning you. Like there's nothing you can buy in the mall that you give a fuck about in five years time. There's nothing. Like in the early phase of your life, you don't fucking buy anything. because it's like, you know, the things you own end up owning you.

02:42Like the payments on a sports car nearly stopped me going into comedy because you go, well, what ties you down? If I'd bought a house in, you know, the 90s when I was, you know, working for Shell, it would have been a great investment and I never would have left because you're paying that mortgage, you're doing that thing. What do you need? You know, what do you need the money for? What are you using the money for? You know, when you take away the commute and you take away the lunch that you're buying and the night out, the weekend and a couple of drinks to, you know, because you need some fun.

03:08It's amazing how little, when I, first year in comedy, I made literally no money. I mean, literally nothing. First money I got was 80 pounds in cash for going to, driving five hours to Plymouth and back. But I had a little bit saved. I had this like five grand from Shell and I was living at my mum's initially. So it was like, it's fine. I had enough. You know that amazing story about Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller? No. They're at a party in New York and the party's fucking incredible, right?

03:38So it's in the Hamptons, right? So the guy's, he's married to a supermodel. He's got Warhols. He's got Picassos. The house is unbelievable. Like the Wolf of Wall Street party. That incredible, amazing party. Everyone's there. And Kurt Vonnegut, incredible writer, says to Joseph Heller, this guy made more money one day last week than you made out of Catch-22. Like, loves him. And Joseph Heller goes, yeah, but I got something he'll never have. Enough.

04:05What's enough? What's enough for you? What's enough? There's two things going on, right? There's safety and security, right? There's our caveman thing of like going, right, we need to be secure. That's about a bear not attacking, right? We feel pretty secure in our worlds, right? And then scarcity is about, it's another caveman thing of like going, okay, so we need to collect some stuff because winter is coming. So we need some, we need some coin, we need a little bit of gold to take care of us. How much is enough? I mean, there's going to be a trillionaire. Next five years, there's going to be someone's going to be a trillionaire. It's going to be in the news.

04:40You know why? Because a billion wasn't enough. And the millionaires and the billionaires, trillionaires, but they're working for money. The money is the important thing. It's the, that's what, that's the whole center of their being. It's interesting because as I reflect on my childhood, I was clearly the, one of the big drivers for my success was insecurity. Broke family, black kid in an all white school, parents were never in the house. I'm going to school every day with fucking stained trousers and stained t-shirts and no money. So like this, this deep insecurity must've been like sort of burnt into me that like, if you get money, Steve, then you won't feel ashamed anymore.

05:22It's interesting. I think it's a really interesting point because as someone that lost their faith, I think fame and fortune are the secular heaven like we get rich and famous and everything's okay yeah there's no problems when you're rich and famous that's what I thought everything's fine well of course because it is like a if you think about like legacy now becomes the afterlife yeah and fame and fortune become uh the recognition of people that we don't know becomes a type of heaven so i think that's a it's a perfectly rational thing to to you know are you moving towards something or away from something well in an ideal world it's kind of a mix of the two and at what stage do you personally and i think probably if i was i'm not a psychotherapist but i would say you need to build some ritual around it and i'm sure you did when you sold your company or left but build some ritual have a trip do something shamanic and go we did it we're okay we have enough and now focus on towards something.

06:25But that's like, that part of your life is kind of over now, right? It's like, what was that thing for you? What was the- Trying to escape pain and get to a point of, I guess, freedom. And freedom is a very psychological thing. It's the freedom from shame, freedom from not being able to, freedom from having to do things you don't want to do. And I think really freedom from shame. I think that's probably at the very heart of it. I think that's what it is.

06:52It's very deep, man. Because it's that thing where you go, I feel empathetic towards the younger you. That's like a tough thing to have to go through. But you go kind of great, kind of great. Look at how far you got away from. Yeah. Without even the towards, without even the amazing kind of, you know, and it's like, well, what next? That's a sad story. but then you look at people that got given everything and have done nothing because they had no sense of purpose.

07:27They had no fire under them. They had no, I think, yeah, it's kind of an inspiring story. But then it's, you know, there's no, I suppose it's like, what's going to motivate you next? What's going to be the thing that you go, you know, what do I want to do? And this is exactly it. So you think about how important purpose is for people to feel stabilised and fulfilled, et cetera, as we've talked about earlier. And then you think about these people that are, they're striving for a million, a billion, a trillion.

07:58Well, think about what a midlife crisis is, right? So I talk a lot about midlife crisis in the book and you go, well, midlife crisis is someone that's found their purpose and they've done their thing. And then they've gone, is this it? Yeah. Is this it? And then they want something like excitement. So what do they buy? Sports car. Is it exciting? I don't fucking know. I mean, maybe. I mean, if you're super into cars, I guess it's good. But like, it's all advertising speaks to this, right?

08:21I know I'm right because all advertising ever is about, it's no longer about the functionality of the product. It's about the, well, what do you want? You want to feel like- Self-esteem. Like self-esteem, great. Rolls-Royce. You want excitement? We've got Ferraris for you. You want to get your dick sucked? We've got a Porsche. Whatever the thing is, you know, you've got that kind of, there's a different one and they're playing on different emotions.

08:46and I think being aware of, I mean, I come back to it all the time. What do you want is the fundamental question. Like in any scenario, when you sit down to eat, what do you want? What do you want from life? What do you want? What's the thing that you want? And often it's often asking that question multiple times because the first answer tends to be- Bullshit. Well, I think wishing wells work, right? But they don't work when you think they work.

09:15It's nothing, there's no magic. The magic is, if there is any, knowing what to wish for, knowing what that thing is. Someone says, I want a million pounds. You go, you don't know what you fucking want. You want tokens for things that you might want in the future. What do you want? What are you doing? What are you trying to be? Who are you trying to become?