Orion Taraban: Most Replayed Moment: What Women Really Want In A Man! Don’t Do This On A First Date!

The excerpt opens with the host asking what actually produces attraction, the outcome the guest says the pickup-artist community concentrates on. The host says that whenever he has asked women how to become more attractive, the answer has been some version of wanting a kind, loving man they feel safe with. He describes the frustrated man who hears this, decides he must not be kind enough, and leans even harder into niceness.

The guest doesn't say women are lying. His argument is that they leave out a crucial qualifier, and he says one of his most popular YouTube videos is about exactly this. In his words:

women do want those things that they list off when men ask them that question. They just want them from the men that they're attracted to.

So kindness, generosity and safety are things a woman wants from a partner she is already attracted to. In this account they don't create attraction: "But it's not like being kind and generous and making women feel safe is going to lead them to feeling attracted to you." The guest calls men who miss this distinction naive but good-hearted. They are trying to give women what women say they want. He concludes that it is "better to be attractive."

He then lists what he sees as the practical payoffs of presenting yourself as more attractive in dating: more opportunities to choose from, better arrangements when partners negotiate, and an easier time holding onto a relationship over the long run against competition. He adds that everyone can become more attractive than they currently are.

Asked what men should actually do, the guest names four things.

Learn to dress better. Take care of physical fitness. For some men, start with basic hygiene. Learn how to talk in a way women will listen and respond to.

Of the four, he puts the most weight on conversation. He says a man who learns to talk in a way women respond to will be able to "do all kinds of things and have all kinds of relationships." He frames it this way:

The most vulnerable organ in a woman to seduction is her mind, is her brain.

When the host asks what he should say, the guest rejects the idea of a script. He says it's "a lot about vibing." He then contrasts two styles of communication. He calls them masculine and feminine, but he explicitly says he isn't dividing them strictly by sex, because "obviously men and women can do both."