Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer: #WhoIsFat - Day 2

00:01who is fat fat did you tweet it yeah we're live we're live in front of three tonino pizzas uh if you're in Woodland Hills California I highly recommend taninos get a smell off of that get a smell off of that I smell it when I came in wo they're legit as um no affiliation no sponsorship they're just good pizza all right folks this today's day two if you didn't tune in to day one Tom seura and ber ker made a the bet is whoever can lose the most weight uh over was going to be over a 3-day challenge it's been reduced to a two-day challenge thank God yeah and uh Tom got down from 267 to 2199 which is staggering so how about a nice round of applause for Tom winning yesterday and how about a round of applause for Bert 221 pretty close and staggering as well both you guys amazing job so today is day two I know you're burnt out you're dehydrated so let's just cut the and get right

01:01to the weigh we're going right to the weigh I should weigh in first cuz I have a feeling that okay don't be a don't be scared okay folks Jesus oh by the way we did the uh height tests uh because Ari shaffir who was supposed to pay if they got below 227 are we supposed to pay for their trip the loser has to shave their beard and the loser has to pay for the Winner's trip of their choice ex unless they can get down to 227 in which Ari shafir agreed that he was gonna pay but now Ari is bulking and he's saying that they have to be uh their their height has to be measured because the body mass index would indicate that they have to be a certain height or they're obese it was really weird so we we tested the heights okay um uh Tom is just under six feet tall and for all you that say I'm 5 foot two we tested me too I'm 5'8 and a hair um and B is taller than Tom so

02:01Bert's good you're about 6'1 so the body mass index I think you Dr dude you look good get on here get on here you might have it all right so ber was at 221 yesterday you look significantly thinner today I feel I'm hurting okay he's hurting let's see he's getting on the scale 220 D 220 for Bert for one pound one pound less one pound I think Tommy's got it here let's see here say goodbye to my beard say goodbye to Hollywood he's going to Paris gain please gained weight please have gained weight you D6 Tom gets it running away ladies and gentlemen we have a winner in the hashtag who is Fat contest the winner is Tom seura down to two 116 pounds outrageous outrageous coconut Waters c2o coconut Waters must be consumed now get those electrolytes in your system boys uh well done well done amazing effort it's not easy to lose weight it's really not easy to lose

03:18it the way you guys did it two days in a row man crazy that was the that that today was the hardest workout I've ever had I ran eight miles lost one pound that's crazy that's it I think my body was like in shock that's what happens that's what happens to Fighters it it shuts down so have a seat guys pull it off I've been thinking about that drink this entire day we got a beard we got a beard trimmer over there charging up you should probably uh shave your beard after you have some pizza yeah I mean have a live a little I'm going to have a hard time eating pizza with his fat face it's not going to look good how do you weight man you're not so fat yeah you look pretty skinny today man you did you do look significantly skinny skinnier today I don't know man I think you were a little distended yesterday with that pulled pork in your stomach from the night before the night before the

04:13weigh-ins weigh-in collored greens pulled pork yeah well he got you bir you know what I want though seriously what it's that long strand DNA I have like that oh you have that long strand DNA I have that Mickey Manel jeene you got that Mickey Manel jeene got that Mickey man I got to be honest with you Derek Jeter you showed a little Mickey man today how did you get down to 216 what did you do different you know it's so funny you lost another three he said something in passing and that's what I did what but I just didn't acknowledge it he goes uh should go to Burke Williams and just sweat it out in the spa that's what I've been doing for two days dick I put Alene all over my body o that's good and then I just sat in the steam room yesterday and today mhm good move yep here running 10 miles so you didn't uh you didn't drink any water nothing no I did hot bath last

05:04night I did a 2 and 1 half mile track last night oh wow then I did uh well I'm saying like that's what I I built up a sweat doing that then I recovered no water then hot bath Aline everywhere no water at all not even a little sip I took a sip before bed I after the hot bath Jesus you serious yeah but I've also had nothing but distilled water for about 6 days wait what's the benefits of distilled water minerals it goes right through your body it's easier to sweat out it your body doesn't like to retain it apparently a lot of Fighters do that before they I prepared to laugh my ass off at seeing Bert walk into the spot this morning I was I was waiting for it dude I he said it I was like he's going to be there in the morning I thought I reserved Spa time at the at Brook Williams in Sherman Oaks both days I was like you know what it's better for me to work it out like like I

05:59was like I'll be healthy I'll work it out and I'll sweat it out and then like mile five I stopped sweating well here's the thing about this whole working it out stuff you're not losing any fat over the next day you know like it's it's really just dehydration and you might be might have been better off just sweating it out than running out I knew I hit my Baseline I mean I wasn't doing this week leading up to it I just did it night before weigh-ins right so or morning before you know yeah that's the way to do it what did you what did you did you weigh your when you got before when you got to Burke Williams no they didn't have a scale there oh no but I weighed myself when I they not have a scale at a spot I don't know I would have definitely weighed myself there and then I knew what I knew what like I knew what I weighed when I woke up yesterday and then I knew what I weighed here and

06:47I knew that what I had done to cut that weight wow so I just kind of repeated W there was no way well I'll tell you right now there's I I feel I feel like I was bested all around because there's no way I could have gotten to two I would have had gotten to 214 to win yeah I could I couldn't have done that you would have to go below that yeah because you would have to lose by more than 2 lbs you had to lose more than two pounds because he beat you by two pounds yesterday so it would have to be like more than that well it's clear now because you won both there's no there's no how you feeling bro great I want to give a shout out to God without him and nothing's none of this is possible and then uh uh Jake Smith thank you Jake who's Jake uh he's a fighter who gave me all this Insight on how to prep for this oh cool Jake cool Jake go yourself Jake Smith shout out to Pizza anybody oh my

07:40God can you do this yeah I can do this do you want uh pepperoni or do you want pepperoni and mushrooms pepperoni peer all right get in there boys get in there Jesus Christ Tom you think you'd hadn't eaten in two days both of you guys hadn't eaten in well Tommy has been eating clean for a long long ass time not just two days I haven't had pizza in forever get us some uh yeah there you go young Jamie on the B with paper towels this is some legit pizza too by the way oh mhm oh yeah this one of the rare times I think it's okay to eat pizza into the microphone because uh people need to appreciate the sacrifice that you two went through as I eat pizza D the the last few hours really the worst man really like I mean from waking up I got up at first of all I woke up with cramps at 3:30 bad bad like like behind the knee here on the outside and then a little calf cramp that kept me up for

08:44like 40 minutes I considered like you know you start thinking about maybe I should drink some water and yeah it's a dehydration clamp yeah you think you know you could drank a whole one of these and you still would have won by 3 lbs well I didn't even I don't know you could have drank four of them and still one I was just like and then you go then I was just counting down the hours so I spent the you know I get my son with Christina we spend time with them do breakfast and I'd look and it'd be like 7:30 and I was like oh 8:30 9:30 just counting it down man and then in that in that Spa sweating out doing like 10 minutes in 5 minutes out 10 minutes in 5 minutes out every and then I'm in there alone and the attemp an comes in with a big glass of coal he go I thought you might want a glass of water and he handed me a coal glass of water and you look like a

09:38psycho pouring it out oh well I waited for him to leave and I threw it away like angrily threw it away just pissed like can't drink it yeah I I was Los you really get to the place like today on the treadmill I was literally chewing ice and spitting it out into a shirt and I thought I know what those people feel like when they dive deeper in the ocean to they go there's fresh water 10t below you know those people that lose their minds out to sea you ever heard of those people no what they think there's fresh water Bel yeah people who are stranded at Sea there's you always hear the guy that's like he's like jumps in and he's like guys there's fresh water 10 fet below and they dive down below and drink sea water and die and go crazy I know that feeling like I I don't know it to that extent but man I can I could empathize with it on that treadmill today I was like I was like I

10:26just want I just want to cheat I want water I want water so bad can you imagine the mind of being surrounded by water as far as the eye can see and you're dying of thirst I remember that remember I survived that that Series yeah man it's phenomenal if people haven't seen it they did a series where people who are in like extreme life-threatening near-death situations and made it like sometimes they were you know kidnapped assaulted sometimes they're an accident sometimes they're stranded at sea and there was one where this guy they were stranded off some somewhere in the co some Gulf of Mexico and boat overturns and it's just this guy and his buddy and he said like you know he's telling the story and as it progresses he's seeing his friend kind of slip away and the friend eventually drinks ocean water and he's telling him not to do it but he's so far gone and then it just

11:27accelerates the friend's death and the friend died what happens when you drink ocean water you you go crazy your body craves more water it you've just I think I think I think it makes you actually go crazy wow I've seen it well I think growing up in Florida there's you always hear stor the opposite effect you you it doesn't hydrate you so how crazy is that just a little salt anybody want more pizza you know you do get in there it's one come Tom you already won it's one day B I'm fat you're not you lost a lot of weight BT you should yeah plus you're taller yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're super tall I'll take that one thanks buddy sure piz is so good this piz really is phenomenal so how do we shame Ari if he uh decides to Welch out on this bet he will he's going he's going to you think so well I'm just going to state right now that I'm paying for it whatever um whatever the cost is

12:21for uh the trip come on man I will take care of it well you guys are on my podcast I feel like uh all oh and uh Ari he doesn't know me anything it he'll give me some weed you called me yesterday after the podcast in an Ari rage you're bringing in a ruler tomorrow well we did we measured them we already did we we filmed it we measured it we'll upload later under six feet he's just under six feet you're still you're still below overweight yeah yeah AR's crazy I gotta be honest with you when we started this I was concerned about height cuz I was like I don't know if we're like I don't know what I am at the end of the day I don't know when we're going to measure me I know that I'm 6 to1 when I go to the doctor but like I don't know what you know I don't you just get scared and then and then that difference and overweight versus obese is like 6 lb from 61 to 6 foot it's 227 to

13:13220 and I was that's what made me nervous that's a big difference but either way AR's wrong either way even at uh just under six feet Tom is uh a little bit over five um 511 and 3/4 right yeah so it's just under six feet yeah just under 6 ft that's uh I think your body I think you'd have to be like 220 to be considered over right is it no more than that what is the uh find out young Jamie the thing is if you put in 5'11 that's that's leaning the other way you know what I mean yeah it doesn't do it that's not fair okay here it goes does it do it 216 that you were right that's where yeah you were 216 so 29.3 is overweight um you put 5'11 it'll say obese though yeah five y1 yeah 511 obes wow you're like on the cusp yeah wait if you're were 5'11 you'd still be obese yeah 216 but it's all right cuz I'm obese but my point is don't get on this if you were picking if you if he was

14:24being a stickler about this you'd have to find out what it is at 511 11.8 to be fair can you type in 51.8 no can you put can you point in can you put in what are you at what are you at 6 feet you're not obese at 6 feet that's crazy that one inch you're obese and one 5'11 you're normal at 611 you'd be normal Tom so there you go whatever man but again obviously that body mass index doesn't count you you do have a lot of muscle you do do a lot of weight lifting and that's I watched a little bit of our podcast yesterday that's where I'm going muscle yeah I'm losing toenails on this running well if you put muscle on the other thing is you lose fat your body starts burning it off your body has more calorie requirements you have you have more body mass or more muscle mass um so if you actually put more muscle on you'll burn off more and you can eat more I think I'm going to start doing

15:23CrossFit pretty aggressively I'm really looking for this uh fresh face look to inspire me to work out do you did you ever watch Frac look with no beard with no beard yeah okay here we go for the information you entered 5T 11.5 in weight 216 lbs your body mass is 29.7 indicating you're overweight so even with an extra one qu of an inch against you so you're a quarter inch taller yeah than that you win so Ari's wrong again so Ari if you want to be a cheap I'm paying for the trip you so don't don't pay for it no I'm gonna let him pay for it no he's not gonna terrible that's terrible AR and I are different humans are you coming then Joe yeah I'm the exact opposite I can't why not too busy come on not going to Paris for 48 hours yeah especially for soccer off come on Jo I wouldn't go to Paris for a UFC fight really forget soccer you really wouldn't what you get a croissant I get that at

16:23Starbuck right here in good old America come on we'll go sit at a cafe and write like Henry Rollins you you you mock those World traveler people bird travels so much that like traveling to him you kids I'm so dead insight about travel he's like it's like putting gas in your car to him it's like just like oh great Burma I had a month where I went to Italy three times oh my God back and forth back and forth back and forth I was like Italy are you still are you still doing TV you're still doing any TV shows like that or are you done I'm not I'm never done I'm never done never I mean like I my relationship with travel is always open I like them I dig them they're cool to me they've always been cool to me and I'll always work for them if it's a project that we both collaborate on and want and we're into what I'm done doing right now is um is the kind of stuff where they call up and

17:14they're like we need you in Hawaii tomorrow so I'm I'm cuz I was like cuz that was really messing up my touring and I I couldn't really commit to any dates cuz they'd be like because you didn't want to turn it down you'd be in New Zealand and they'd be like hey would you go to Fiji for the for this weekend to party with this chef and you'd be like yeah cuz and I was into that at the time they're like but Hartford they're expecting yeah Hartford come on Jackie's got press lined up in Hartford Hartford too by the way oh Jesus Christ there's some places that I just don't go I don't go to Harford by the way that's the one thing I should have listened to Tom seura Tom sagur at the very when Tom Tom and I like it when I'd say we're at the same level in our career probably Tom was uh Tomy told me there's a bunch of places you should say to go themselves and he would name them and

17:56I'd be like oh come on man that's not a bad place and he'd be like no that place they suck their GM sucks their manager sucks their staff sucks the the crowd suck the Press sucks and I go and I was this company man like I remember talking to your wife about it I was such a company man yeah man I should have listened yeah I'm not a big fan of going to Connecticut I like people in Connecticut but I just feel like Connecticut has a feeling and I'm so sorry if you listen from Connecticut my one of my best friends Tommy junr lives in Connecticut I love Connecticut people yeah my cool player friend I remember that guy but the bottom line is Connecticut is filled with despair yeah it's not a real State it's a highway between New York and Boston you know it's a highway you guys put houses on a highway this is what it is it's a highway and then along the highway it's a bunch of tax Sheltering

18:46that uh that live in Manhattan and then have these palacial Estates in young Jamie digging in on that pizza can't help himself look at it so good we only crack the Top Pizza too we got two more below that one of them is mushrooms oh yeah baby sick I need to start drinking I feel sick too oh start drinking then well let's do that um there yeah there's ice we got uh glasses yeah we got the whole deal and uh bring out the Jack Daniels too young Jamie we got that that that type of vodka what is it that you like toe what is it titos titos Tios hey why are you what is it about you that is so confident to tell people to go themselves well I don't think I tell people to go themselves no but like to me and you like you know me you know you know the conversation we've had a million times yeah what is it about you that makes you go them like do you remember do you

19:39remember uh that one place in Ohio that you went to and you were just like them I'll never go there again oh yeah yeah yeah I'm not that guy I'm so the guy that you can step all over and then I go I go oh you know what why do you think that is though about me yeah because I've said I've talked about people like that and it always comes back to bite me in the ass it always comes back like I see them next time and they're like hey man it's so good to see you and I'm like wait so that's that's why that's why I stopped like having firm views about things about especially about clubs CU I was like it was a bad weekend but maybe it was me may you know like I always take the blame on me I don't I don't ever go like like you're you've always been accurate at doing that too going that club that guy him I'll never work with him again well I think I think I'm just reasonable so I I feel like you

20:24know if I if I give like a if I feel like something sucks I feel like I have a pretty good take on it so I feel the same way you know I I'm not going to be there's we know in comedy there's a lot of irrational people and there's a lot of you know comedians that are that you know about everything you know including how the show went and how they so I I I feel like I'm a realist and I have a pretty good I trust myself and you always tell me like when you have bad sets yeah like what was that thing in Canada that thing that went down in Canada I listen to that that's so good wi Peg bombing and you played that video right the audio Yeah on your podcast best line was the what did the owner say to you when you got done uh I don't he got off stage and he goes uh are you going to sell shirts yeah he's like are you going to sell merch I was like this show yeah save it buddy they

21:17uh they booed me off stage I think your your take on it was accurate though that it's you're a very reasonable person so if you like that's I always say that too that if I don't like you you're most likely a because I'm really nice I'm really nice and I give people a chance and I get along with almost everybody almost everybody do we you have any Coke Jamie or Diet Coke rather uh either way I'll take regular Coke we yeah I mean yeah if you're if you're if I'm like that guy there's no way he's pretty cool you know and the club like if I go that club I'm telling you man I I don't do that lightly that there's got to be some real egregious on their part to to earn that maybe that's it maybe that a little bit of a internal dick no you know what it is you're more of like between the three of us you're definitely more of a people pleaser and like and and that's just

22:11like a a thing about you and and it's why people like of the three of us you know more people would say like what a fun time it was hanging with you yeah retards bunch of retards B was the best he let me lick his feet was awesome I don't even know where that came from by the way that's so close to real I don't know where do you mind like your feet has been my dream I'd be like guy's got a purple bracelet on he's got a a wrist bandana he's got aand oh my God someone who leaves the house and ties a bandana on their wrist like one of those ones that people put on their dog that is so me Bert let me lick his feet you know that's going to be coming up nonstop on this tour B can I lick your feet it f i got flipflops on whatever let's do it let's do it yeah well you know you're a real nice guy Bert you know and that's why I mean you and I have had some conversations before where you've called

23:15me up and and told me that someone was a dick to you or something that went wrong and I get angry CU I know what a nice guy you are so when that happens I know well that guy's a piece of you know we know the one that we were talking about recently I was like well that guy I cut that guy off and I haven't talked to that guy since that conversation too I'm like cuz it's just if you're a a mean person for no reason it's one thing if you up something or you did something bad but there's a lot of people in this in this business and in comedy in particular that you don't get you don't get the true wire from them you don't get the it's hard to figure out what exactly went on they'll tell you something and then you got to throw it through a filter yeah you know that's the worst right like this guy this guy was a piece of and the show was going great and then then you talk to

24:02the guy like no no no he was bombing and he was drunk and he on the stage there's nothing like the the the fibbing that goes on in standup I mean there's to get an accurate thing that's you have to know that you have to trust the source you know and it's it's very that's why I've always been like how how' this your show go okay yeah I've never telling anyone I killed I don't think I've told anyone I murdered well you've told me it went great if it went great you know there's nothing wrong with saying you had a great show if it actually was it was a great set yeah yeah but for me what my my what my I usually say they're awesome cheers gentlemen cheers hey guys cheers brother hang on one second the end of the day Joe thank you yeah thank you thank you thank youen if you hadn't started fasing me I wouldn't be healthier today cheers and if if I wasn't scared that it was

24:47going to backfire horribly I wouldn't have done some work too well that's true sometimes talking makes you work harder yeah really were forced into a position where love you buddy I love you I love you too Tommy I love both you guys love you Joe love you too buddy all right now I feel the same way though anyone if I feel like if anyone is is AD dick to Bert they're a particularly special exactly because he is such a nice guy and I know people are like wait didn't you just fat shame him like an but that's I love him and it was yeah but you guys were all in on it that's the the the kind of what we talked about yesterday where so many people were like like yeah Bert like no no no you're missing the whole thing by the way some particularly mean comments that I came across over the last 24 hours too like Jesus man I'm sure look I don't even read Instagram anymore yeah really yeah because the

25:45comments there seem so much more active than anywhere else well if you go to Instagram you'll see so many people with blocked accounts that's one thing that Instagram does that I think I really firmly believe that if you have a blocked account you should you shouldn't be able to comment on other people's accounts cuz all these people have blocked accounts and then they talk mad on other people's accounts and it's just an anonymity thing because you can't lash back at them so can't believe how many private accounts there are just well someone told me to do that very early on they're like hey make your account private that way people you'll get more people wanting to follow you was like I was like uh that's a dummy idea the uh the whole thing what they're doing is there's look there's a lot of people that don't want you looking at pictures of them which is f

26:28but if those same people will go on others and start sh on them what you get a lot then you get a lot of fake accounts where you go and they have no posts no pictures but they're commenting left and right on all these other people and how many like borderline and even obviously fat guys comment about how like they're like you're fat and you go to like their profile like you're fatter than man oh and so is your mother that's in the photo with you like you're both fat Brandon sha was talking about the other day that he had some guys just post some really nasty about him and he and he went to the guy's page and the guy has a kid and the guy's like holding his baby up and he's like hey dude like you're a dad like you have a baby like you keep what are you doing like what kind of example you shed what what kind of Vibes are you putting out there in the universe that might

27:13eventually bounce back down onto your daughter I I've I've always wondered what comics and I mean I like I could probably guess them have set up troll accounts to with other Comics oh did you know that a lot how many Walsh has he said i w different but that's brenon wal's whole thing it's half as fun yeah but um there was a comic that got busted recently commenting on his own stuff about uh say yeah saying how funny he was and you know and check out his merch he up on Facebook and he forgot he logged in under the his right account instead of his troll account that's beautiful and Jamie was talking about a a a ESPN guy that got busted or a Fox Sports guy that got busted skip bis got busted doing it he did it skip bis I'll show you oh that guy's a dummy anyway because I I saw him he was commenting about fighting some MMA thing I was like is something about when guys

28:09comment on MMA MMA and they don't know what they're talking about it's like me commenting on hockey yeah I can't even ice skate well it was MMA is a weird thing because it specifically the UFC is that I I feel like I can say certifiably I was in the Zeitgeist when it blew up I was I was there when it started blowing up yeah and I and and even more importantly I was doing your podcast when it started blowing up look at this skip you are the man Exclamation point Exclamation point Exclamation point love the new show on FS1 three exclamation points and then the first comment is w a what oh my God counts I love when people write what like that yeah I love that what meme have you ever seen that what meme with the no the lady that looks like you know what I'm talking about and it just says I think it says w a t or or wut I like UT I use YouTube that one is my this is my like

29:07one of my favorite internet memes for what oh by the way I can't watch hunting shows anymore because you because every time people are glass we're glass on this Ridge I just start laughing I'm alone in my house my wife what are you laughing at I'm like ah you're not going to do you know what do you know what his podcast has done I this is very specific but you ever have like when you're made into a meme that girl is it that girl not her W up W just look up w a or wut and it it's like a woman I think uh kind of big girl yeah yeah that one that's my favorite one oh my God what what oh there's some horrible ones they're doing Ronda Rousey in 10 years have you seen the Ronda Rousey in 10 years ones is that where she's getting hit no there no there's a bunch of like really obese trashy women and one of them is screaming at some some kid to get her a lemonade give me a

30:06lemonade she do you see the Ronda Rousy radio head cover no here here she is right here got a cigarette um we don't smoke off is that real no no seems fake right yeah it's fake seems fake there's a a picture of Ronda Rousy getting knocked out and then the radio head cover and they look ien can you pull that up Jamie rough times yeah rough times in the house of Rousey I've never been that down in my life I don't know how down that she feels but I've been down Salad Days man well it's a thing when you're when fighting is a different thing like losing in a basketball game oh wow wow but that seems like she's winning there that's her laughing that's the that radio head one it's her winning there's one of her getting knocked out it's the same there's one right there there the head kick one oh god there of Christ what's really crazy is how just a year and a couple months ago she was on

31:05top of the world it's that kind of an adjustment that's almost impossible for a regular person to comprehend other than death or loss like that there's very few events in your life where your life will completely shift upside down but even in death like if you if someone you you're close to that you care about dies other people are sympathetic and they care about you and they don't treat you like you're a piece of because someone died so in a lot of ways fighting is its own completely unique kind of excuse me kind of loss because it's it's the only time where people openly mock you for your loss like I've never I've never seen people though openly mock someone as much as it seems like they're mocking Ronda in their defense in the people that are mocking first of all she had she did a lot of things that invited this like the uh if you ever watch The Ultimate Fighter with

32:01her and Mesa Tate like you know she was ridiculous in like sticking the finger at Mesa Tate and after the fight she wouldn't shake mesha Tate's hand and there was like a lot of non sport anti sportsmanship like didn't she do that on the home fight also not touch gloves wasn't that her didn't they at the center right yes she touched gloves in this fight oh she touched gloves at the beginning in the but she didn't touch gloves before the fight actually started Ed she touched gloves at the stair down M which I thought was like well that's interesting maybe her head's in a good place and then uh she didn't touch gloves afterwards but um do you think the world will turn on uh Conor McGregor when he loses for the they did the world turned on him when he did but but the world respected him in a massive way because he jumped right back into The Fray and then he won and he also was

32:49fighting that way at a way different weight right he was he was fighting in a different weight but everybody keeps chiming in on this including the UFC they say that you know Nate's a 170 Nate Diaz fought 170 twice in the UFC against dong young Kim and against uh Roy McDonald and both times he was too small and got ragall he's not a 170 the reason why he's not a 170 is he's been fighting at 155 successfully his whole career in his fight before the Conor McGregor fight he fought Michael Johnson at 155 and looked fantastic Nate is a 155lb fighter and that's what he that's Conor's right now the champ at 155 but they're different in size in that Connor can make 145 Nate can't make 145 so Connor can dehydrate himself down another 10 pounds Nate can't that's insane he probably can't anymore because Connor's put on a little bit of bulk and now he's fighting at 155 I'm sure he

33:45feels much more comfortable and healthy there he doesn't want to go down to 145 again but Nate is almost physically incapable I mean he would have to look like he's on death's door this is Brutal by the way I can't emphasize how horrible the last couple days have been and I mean this is obviously a modified version like we're not Pros we don't really know you look way better both of you do than a lot of guys do when they weigh in so whatever you drained out of your body that was so hard is nothing that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying I peed I peed in the shower and it was like modor Roy yeah like oh really it was dude it was orange it was orange and there was just like like it was like my dick spit chewing tobacco went it was and I was like there a meme right there this morning this morning and I went I cannot wait to get flu to my body and my dick go started to really

34:32uh fantasize about it too your mind really starts playing tricks on you that's the crazy thing I I watched that that Chris cyborg weight loss thing again yeah that was a horrible one and that one um ESPN covered pretty extensively Outside the Lines by the way back to the skip Bist nonsense M about that's one of the things I think about like one time I asked you like how do you know so much about about this MMA stuff and you go it's the only thing occupying that space in my head it's the only sport I follow right that's I think the great flaw of being the All Sport commenter these guys are is that they're trying to keep up with experts experts in all the sports and they just don't have like he might have a great take on maybe the NBA or something MH but then it starts to dilute somewhere you're not also going to be the best at commenting on horse racing baseball football ball college

35:27ball college basketball tennis gol like people are so then you're going to something's going to get lazy about the way you comment on it's not just even something's going to get lazy there's no room like here here's a perfect example I'm an expert in MMA but in MMA I defer to other people about certain aspects of MMA like if I want to talk about Jiu-Jitsu I talk to Eddie I talk to Eddie Bravo I say okay well like we had a conversation the other day about the Anderson Silva cha Sun fight and I incorrectly remembered it and Eddie correct me and we watched the submission and I'm like you're right you're right I remembered it wrong yeah I mean I understand setups and I understand technique and I'm a black Bel and Jiu-Jitsu under him and under John Jo Machado ghee and no gee and still my knowledge is nothing compared to Eddie BR yeah and his his is like almost just

36:16like a gift too right no I mean he's he well he's studied it his whole life he's a wizard at it Eddie's a true Jiu-Jitsu genius he's not just really good at techniques he's invented a bunch of setups and a bunch of different Pathways to techniques that worldclass professionals use and when he's I mean when he watches it he definitely sees something he might see a hair or two past what I see which is gigantic in fighting right and so then when it comes to Muay Thai I I know a lot about Muay Thai but I defer to like guys like Mark delr or Duke Rufus I'll I'll ask them and they'll give me a certain take on things that maybe's different than than than my perspective so it's like there's no way one person can understand everything better than anybody else there's too much to know there's too much even if you got a guy who's an overall like Mighty Mouse Demetrius

37:12Johnson who I think is the best fighter ever I mean I think if you look at his technique I think he's the best fighter ever there's guys that are better at Muay Thai than him there's guys that are better at Jiu-Jitsu he's just the best at putting it together in his weight class and dominating his his division but still there's there's it's too big of an ocean well that's what I was saying that very beginning of this conversation was I feel like both of us were probably here in this podcast doing this podcast when when UFC signed the deal with Fox which was I think the big blow up where it was like now all a sudden Fox was going to Brand it with with sports Talent uh hosts and it was not just you and Goldberg it was it was uh it was it was it was like I remember hearing about big Fox events where they had all the Jim Rome was going to comment on it or no I'm not I'm

37:58just saying right and that's what kind of sucks I was like I was like I I feel like you know I feel like the mainstream media was so against it for so long that finally when it push through to watch the mainstream media do this like almost like Arms Wide Open like yeah that we've always been skip give us your Insight about yeah it's it's just UFC skip give us your Insight like it's such a complex it's not just putting a ball through a hoop it's so lame what a gig that is though cuz the gig that he has is this thing that's where it's like what's your hot take on this and then those guys have to say something almost that is somewhat controversial yeah it's so contrived yeah it's very contrived it's like it's like you know what Joe I I I disagree Nate is a better 170 I I've seen it and that that's just what I think and then that's like the take is that he he disagrees but that's everyone

38:51it seems like that's everyone like I'm not like I'm not I obviously I'm not putting Amy Schumer on blast but I feel like these days Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham I don't even know if they have anything to say other than the most aggressive thing that everyone will react to and then that keeps them famous interesting it's almost like blowing air under a feather it's hot air it's like it's like uh kicking the guy out of her show for for buying tickets and liking Trump you know and then you go well she didn't kick him out of the show she just told him to get off the stage no she told them all to leave brought the guy on stage watch the whole thing I'm not yeah she brought the guy on stage but then she said if you're not voting for Hillary leave my show that's did she say that I don't think she said that I think she was saying if if you boo people are booing her yeah

39:38because she was talking about Trump I'm not I'm not trying to put Amy on blast I'm just saying like Lena Dunham I wish I had been had had had an abortion she said that she goes I wish IID had an abortion so I could be with all the girls that had had abortions I could be on your side whatever well you know she's overweight it's probably affecting her brain people say things when they're not healthy you know used to feel that's how I used to feel too but like it feels like that's way it's a business it's a it's like that's the world she's in and whether or not it's conscious or not you're you're sort of playing to those people and I understand what she's saying like if she's trying look if they're trying to take away the right for a woman to have an abortion and she's trying to align herself with those people and she hasn't had an abortion that's a reasonable

40:26thing to say crazy sounds I'm not disagreeing with what she's saying I'm I'm just pointing out that it seems to me that the way I was just coupling on what he said the way to be in the media these days is to say the most outrageous things to get the most activity on social media so that you're still in the public eye I think these guys are scrubs that's what I think it is I think that guy's a mental scrub and I think this kind of way of talking about sports I think it's Antiquated and I think it's going to go away and I think that people just they gravitate towards it because it's like uh you know it's just gossip news so awesome that he wrote to himself like such a dummy way to go you're the man Exclamation point Exclamation point I should start doing that every day good job Joe good job Joe way to I should do you know what I should do I should do like like really

41:16subtle insults you know like backhanded compliments yeah to yeah it's just the the that's that same mentality though the mentality that makes you write a tweet like that to yourself is the same mentality what's the backhanded compliment you got from an exact we were talking about do you remember that yeah oh it was like we want guys that are like not like you know really good-looking not super super funny but like kind of like middle of the road like we want to talk to you man we don't want your talent to be threatening they offer we want we want you to be the guy that I feel like me whatever regular guy I am and a regular job I have like I could do it better than you st Stars we don't want Stars we want guys that are accessible not too good-looking like we don't we don't want we don't want like a host host we want a guy that it seems like watching in TV go oh I could do

42:05that and they could like a guy that's like you're not not a lot of talent yeah not a lot of talent like all over the place not that good-looking overweight and I'm like okay I was like is this a compliment and they're like do you know what I mean like nothing glossy nothing shiny and I was like focused that disciplined easily replaceable replaceable espe this takes off during negotiations we could just kick you out and nobody will notice yeah it's like remember when they replaced the husband on Bewitched and nobody gave a yeah that's right and they both had the name Darren right no no no no they both had the name both their names were very similar in real life they replaced it it was different that dude got cocky and they outed him remember when they they did that on Roseanne they replaced one of the kids replaced the kid a VI remember Aunt Viv the older

42:52daughter got replaced they just got a new older daughter and they made like little jokes about her looking different really and then they switched her back again yeah what were the two dads dad's names in Rosanne bar doesn't give a dick York and okay here we go well be Wich witch debuted in the summer of 1964 was a rating smash from the word go the very attractive Elizabeth Montgomery was a cast was cast in the lead Samantha the witch and a skittish young actor named Dick York was cast as her mild-mannered but hapless husband Darren okay so where's the uh yor d dick Sergeant dick Sergeant so they had the same name dick so what is the difference between dick New York and Dick Sergeant what do they look like let's go Bewitched husband's dick Sargeant what a what a gay awesome steam room name dick Sergeant hey dick Sergeant there you go oh yeah the second guy was like a weaker

43:46chinned version of the first guy couldn't stand up for himself speaking of we chin when do we do this shavee we'll do it afterwards we'll do it at the end of the show um we'll take photos but about Aunt Viv wasn't that traumatizing to you who's Aunt Viv Fresh Prince I never watched that show there was two of them man I'm talking about Bewitched and I know Aunt Viv by the way I had a a surreal moment with Will Smith when I first moved out to LA yeah we were in his car and and Uncle Phil was in the car in front of him and we were and who's Uncle Phil he was the dad and uh the the the guy that he lived his uncle James Jamie's a fan and please will threw his car in park and was like I'm going to scare the out of Uncle Phil or he said his real name yeah and he got out and ran up and then and then you watch this big man in this range overover go like in the front seat

44:35and then they got out and they hugged and they talked for like five minutes at a stoplight yeah how rude that's super rude over you celebrity I thought it was so weird so weird very weird apparently that guy travels like everywhere he flies Will Smith brings like a giant box of books is a voracious reader apparently what do you what why you give you the skeptical hippo look I know you don't believe it no why not I don't believe anything why cuz I believe everyone concocts their own horseshit reality so that they sell it to the fans he's never even been to Russia you know that why do you why do you say that I don't know I mean like you're feeling cynical cuz you lost today no no that's not why I'm feeling cynical it's dehydration so badly have more coconut water can I tell you that you wanted to win so badly so badly you won yeah I really did I really wanted to be to beat

45:23you in this I mean like more so than when then uh I think you know what it reminded me of I was never super competitive like you know like I I played on sports teams my whole adolescence and and through high school and I would you know play and compete and everything but I was more competitive with family you know in stupid right like there's a new video game me and my sisters are playing it then I was like laser focused and this kind of reminded me of that of being like I think it's because we're close that it reminded me of like a sibling thing we're like I got to beat Bert at this what's our next competition oh my God Bert wants a rematch yeah it doesn't involve water I'll tell you that right now well you are the water champ is it weird to not have water while you're the water champ man like my hydration there's no explanation there's no explanation for my hydration you

46:16should be a sure there's no explanation for my hydration and it's like cutting the water was like a vacation are you Muhammad Ali this is the worst I don't know what I'm saying this is the worst a lot of frustration with my hesitation on my hydration yeah all that man I mean it really was all about a vacation and I did I followed that what I was told pretty much to a tea to Jake Smith yeah what a dick where's Jake fight let me look it up yeah look jakeob how important was it to you Bert seems like you were kind of like throwing in the towel this morning when you came here you're in pain I was well you did it differently than him he did he did the Long Haul you you did the long strand I did the Sprint the long strand I did the long strand DNA March do you look back on like the last few months could have I could have tightened this up there's a couple mistakes I made five in one Jake

47:18Smith no photo of him uh he fights in Prime Prime fighting eight and uh so he's fighting in some smaller organizations but looks like he's got a good record holla holla Jake but there's a lot of guys out there that are good at cutting weight man I've seen some dudes eliminate ridiculous amounts of their body weight there's nobody better than this guy named glacon Tau who got popped by usada he got caught with a gang of system yeah I think two or three different band substances we got tagged in a bunch of tweets yesterday that we should uh we should be helping uh some bigname guy to do it they're like why don't you help what's his name do it he must have not cut weight recently which guy by the way I can totally see that training for the fite not cutting weight and being like my bad guys well it does happen but you lose it load of money we got we got a bunch of them yesterday I can't

48:14remember his name gray Borg lost 30 he won this weekend he lost 30% of his purse cuz he was more than three lounds over so he has to give 30% of his purse to his opponent which is crazy yeah yeah when which is CRA he looked fantastic Ray Borg is a super talented guy but that's a uh that's a big amount of money to give to your opponent but three pounds at flyweight in particular that's a lot well they're fighting at 125 and Ray weighed 128 point something there's a lot of missteps I made 129 actually because they gave him a pound over they give you a pound to with because it's not a championship fight during a championship fight you have to weigh on the Nugget like if it's 170 you have to weigh 170 you can't exactly you have to we one exactly exactly exactly but at um in a non-championship fight you get a pound play with how often does it um because I've been at a

49:06number of weigh-ins with you that um they have to just lose the underwear to make weight cuz that I've seen that it happens you have wet underwear on two or something it could weigh very little but that's enough it's a tipping amount because a lot of it is one of those Balance scales just it's just a hair an ounce whatever it is and then sometimes if they if they're still over what you have an hour you have it depends on the commission it depends on how it really depends it depends on where you're at they do different weigh-ins now they do early weigh-ins the weigh-ins take place early in the morning now the day of the fight yeah the day before the fight before the fight oh you have a day to recoup you have to you have to God die they started doing that after duck k Kim Ray Mancini and duck k Kim had this crazy fight they changed a few things after that fight

49:57one thing they changed is they stopped doing 15 round fights and they brought them down to 12 rounds and another thing is they started I think that's when they started doing weigh-ins the day before but I could be mistaken because the dehydration with your brain yeah it with your brain pretty hardcore oh yeah it with your ability to move it with the way literally the way your nervous system like your body works sort of I mean obviously I'm going to this up but there's a electrical current through your body that relies on water to function at at its best I felt stumbly today oh yeah yeah like I definitely felt stumbly on the treadmill I was like oh for sure your body's not functioning correctly you know what you boys need some marijuana in your system oh my God I don't know about that definitely for sure definitely for sure what we need here going through this drinking not

50:51enough marijuana you haven't you've had pizza already vision's going this will be good well it's a good anti-inflammatory folks oh okay plus it's legal oh yeah it's very true it is legal it's a nice yeah that's right sound Connor yo I go for the green I'm Tin Cup what's Tin Cup Tin Cup he went for the green like he just couldn't stop going for the green today's the first day in uh four days where I haven't felt like I have to myself so I'm super psyched about that I had a stomach bug for the last uh four four or five since Thursday I got I noticed it on Thursday really yeah did you get that Tommy yeah how much is that Tommy can a drag you g to get another drag I don't think so last time was high for eight hours after I had a drag hours that's a crazy there 24 hours in a day bro what are you worry about what is that sound probably UFO they coming for us

51:48here H pass it to me did you guys see the stealth bomber yesterday no flying over the valley yeah it was B52 stealth bomber flying over the valley really probably those or something trumps in office I got into uh I got into uh I got into a B52 into the Tourette Gunner is that right b11 I don't know which one it is you know the one that had the little ball underneath that you not sure I got into one of those one time holy you want to talk about Panic yeah do you ever flying one of those no I flew in an fa18 once with the Blue Angels I had a bit about it did in my ACT amazing so c yeah we went seven and a half G's oh my God seven and a half G insane yeah there was some actor before me who did 5gs and I'm like that I'm GNA beat that guy let's ramp it up and so we went we went pretty deep what that feel like insane like uh an elevator door is closing in on your

52:45brain like you see the darkness coming in from the left and the right like literally you can see it you can see your Consciousness closing really yeah and you you do a thing called hooking where you hold on to there's straps like you're all strapped in and you hold on to your straps or the pilot would hold on to the handle and you go like this yeah and you're literally forcing blood into your brain to stay conscious and does the pilot do that too he has to he yeah that's crazy that there's something that the pilot could do that could pass him out no that's one of the things I'd have to go h h h if I did another one well yeah well we were we were we were flying maybe I don't know how how far off the ground but pretty low in this Canyon range that's somewhere between San Diego and Arizona is that what it is San Diego and Nevada what's there Arizona right

53:37Nevada's up yeah yeah um so it's this really crazy area where it's all this Blue Angel test flight it's like where they they practice it's this Air Force Base out there and it's where they do their test runs and they drop things like if they they test like where they would like Drop bombs I guess and you're flying through this like small mountain range it's nuts man and while we're doing it my I see the darkness on the left and the right closing in and I'm trying to stay awake I'm going and I hear the guy in front of me doing it oh is this a guy doing it no definitely not there you are yeah what is this Jamie a bunch of people this is like hilarious GeForce training buta oh yeah this is Eliza Eliza in years this is uh gForce training though this is not actually being in the the plane being in the plane like gForce training it's Bobby Kelly GeForce training it's Elon Gold GeForce training

54:39is is cool but I can do that all day just pictures of people come up and go oh cool Bobby Lee yeah uh the thing about the GeForce training though is you know you're in a simulator you know I mean it might be crazy you're spinning but you're not flying like you're not you can't look down and 100 yards below you is a mountain range no it was nuts man this guy was a bad this pilot he took me through this wild ride through these canyons and I heard him doing it too he's going hoot hoot hoot so I'm like he's experiencing it too man dude when when they hit turns that's when it's nuts man it's like there's like there's banking turns that they make where there's so much that's p just watching it dude the fact that they F spun around in a circle they fly in tandem how and they fly in war like that look how much you're moving still yeah dude these guys fly in war like this and they rely on each

55:39other yeah he's hooking right now that guy's doing that right now it's nuts bro I'm telling you it is like nothing I've ever experienced physically and it just makes you understand like the weird demands that your body has your body has like a very narrow window that it can operate in as far as like atmosphere as far as temperature as far as pressure all those things are very narrow like you're very we're very vulnerable it's one of the reasons why fighting is so interesting like you take a per like this Ronda Rousey fight for example you take a person that's obviously very physically strong right like a a female cage fighting champion and she you see her muscles and you see what she can do throwing people around but you realize that even a person that looks like that is super vulnerable all you have to do is get hit bang somebody hits you bang they hit you again all a

56:29sudden you're in trouble bang they hit you again you can't respond and then you get knocked out like as tough as a person might think they are as like in shape as a person might think they are if you get in one of those goddamn Jets and you fly at seven and a half GS you take one some crazy turns and your body is literally like giving you got you're going to go unconscious from the pressure it makes you realize like wow I'm so so frail so frail dude I was uh I I I may have told you someone about this I'm sure I don't know my body's starting to recoup back to Old Bert right now with all this want some more coconut water no vodka and that was perfect I feel really good right now guys I'm skinny and baked um uh when I when I went hell skiing in Switzerland we went up I think we went up to like 10,000 ft maybe 7,000 ft and it was uh in the mountains they

57:24took us up hell drop this off and my dad was like you're going to you can get really hurt but you're so confident like you live in this bubble where nothing happens to you but up there I couldn't even navigate like I couldn't even Traverse the mountain a little bit to get within the line that we needed to ski down like I couldn't even walk through it it was like 4ot powder so you're literally like like I mean it's up to your waist like you're stepping and it's up to your waist and you're like holy then I I couldn't even get my board on finally they helped me get my board on we starts snowboarding and they're telling us there's kasses to the right he's like okay stay within 5T from me to the right to the left and then I'm not good with accents oh my God he's like that's hilarious he's like he like what country is this Switzerland that sounded pretty good it sounded

58:13pretty good do it again do it again okay you going to stay around the me do the right to the left cage I got to put this a beacon on you and then when you got a beacon on you you're all good okay here we go and so we start going and I for some reason I can't turn left like I can snowboard perfectly fine but I can't turn left there's so much powder and and I noticed that I'm just floating to the right away from his little marks towards where there could be Avalanches or kasses dude and I'm like and I'm thinking to myself this is like real vulnerability like going like I can't I can't go left I can't I count for some reason it's too much power for me to turn left so finally I just cut it and I start cutting hardcore left I go okay time to go back right now I can't turn right and I I'm I'm facing Face Forward down the mountain cutting left and I see them in front of

59:05me and I I catch a nose and I land face first into the snow four feet and I'm under the snow I'm gone and so I go to push up and as I put my arms forward they just disappear they just nothing they don't touch anything they just go into the snow into the snow and I'm like and I immediately realize my vulnerability I'm like Oh my God man this is it I'm on I am 10 thou I'm I'm guessing I don't remember the exact height 900 9,000 ft up a mountain and I'm the last one on this line no one saw me fall when will they start looking for me when what will happen to me within that time like and I start panicking like hard as and I'm trying to move and flip myself at least over to my back and I can't I can't get I can't move at all and I hear my dad in my head go told you you're going to die and I was just like Jesus Christ dad and I was like freaked out and then and then this all of a sudden I

59:59felt this hand on the back we all had like these harnesses on with a beacon this hand pull my harness up he's like you should see your sound guy and my sound guy is upside down skis literally like he's doing a handstand in the snow gear everywhere and when they pull him up he's like this mountain let's get off this mountain right now it was but you think oh I'm a great skier I could do this and then you forget you forget you you you don't realize your vulnerability every time you do an adventure thing anything that's like adventurous and they're like especially like when you you realize how much like nonchalantly you put your life in people's hands and that thing is when it's you know what I mean like you go like oh I'm going a Paras sale or something and they're like no this place does it and then you realize it's just some guy you know who hangs out at that Pier he is managing you know

60:46he's managing your life there if you get on like a roller coaster I even think about it in in cars sometimes I know like a couple Comics that go uh I won't let somebody drive me anywhere like I know a couple guys that are like no one's allowed to drive me and I'm like why and they're like I'm not letting just some guy drive me I I won't take what if he a horrible driver and they just they're like almost panicked about it but then sometimes you feel that vulnerable like you realize it when you have a off guy driving you yeah you know like he's like what's that and like talking to you and you're like the worst when they're looking up in the rear view at you they like please don't and it's you're going 80 yeah please don't that's Uber right uberX I got an uberX go to a podcast and they were like we'll send you an Uber and I was like oh I'm just so used to taking the black car cuz

61:31that's what I take I'm used to that I don't mind having a black car driving because I feel like the G's got a chauffeur license on the side somewhere but like the Uber xit was just this Chinese guy who's like 60 years old in a Civic perfect and I was like oh this is great and he was horrible I was like I don't think he learned how to drive in his country let loone this one and he is literally just and I was like how how recently had be had been in America uh he was not speaking very good English like horrific English this is what he sound like okay I'm going to take you up on a 405 swing to the left swing to the right sounds like Yakov Yakov yeah I did an interview with Yakov on my podcast he's a good dude man he's a great dude he's a good dude he's at the comedy store all the time he's very friendly he's like his own theater right isn't that the thing he has something in Branson

62:21Missouri right I think he got rid of it did he I I when I interviewed him it was probably a year ago by the way Branson mour is pretty badass and he was getting how far is it from uh Kansas City I have no clue he's a he's a really nice guy and he's a smart guy and he's a good joke writer his jokes are funny man he's just a guy that uh you know came up during a really strange time you know Alli just texted me what'd he say you said you were 61 you're actually under six feet he's mad oh yeah he's mad yeah I wish we had a phone line to patch him in it's not do it he'll get mad we did it yesterday and it was a disaster he's angry yeah I love he's such an interesting friend to have on the spectrums of friends to have one of those yeah yeah it's just so I feel like uh I'm going to step in as his friend and pay for this whole thing because you guys did it on

63:13my podcast you man I want to why do you keep saying that yeah just let it go all right so I'm going to take care of it so Ari uh you're off the hook dude cuz Ari just I don't want to see my upset just get too mad well also like it was it might have been his idea but honestly I benefited from it more than anybody because you guys did it on my podcast it's been good podcasting it's been fun yeah dude first time ever we've never done two in a row like this yeah we' never done something along these lines Tom was like called me when he's like we're doing two in a row b you're going to have to carry this I'm not that funny and I was like it's true it's true I like doing two people podcasts hey man let me ask you this before I forget what what what could you have done to get yourself out of that snow uh nothing a lot of people get trapped in the snow like that is there a thing you're

64:07supposed to do you're supposed to move the snow away from your face you have air I'm sure there is I I'm sure you probably should start packing snow down and around you I don't know my cameraman Kendall is a professional snowboarder and he um he had a very similar re experience we talked about it that night at a bar in Switzerland and uh he was telling me he was like one time he was flying through the he was going through the tree lines he waiting for me to do an accent he was going through the tree lines and he hit a tree and all the snow that was in the tree buried him oh my God he Terri and he was upside down he was upside down and he was in I guess it's called like a tree well people who ski know more know more about this than I would but apparently what happens is no snow falls around the tree at all and then it's very very light packed snow so

64:54you can get buried in it and he was like he said he his back was up but he was trying to get out and he couldn't get out and he was like oh this is how you die I've had I've had three friends die uh snowboarding like three friends yeah three friends die snowboarding hitting trees and one hit a tree one uh skied off a mountain damn and I saw his wife recently and I was like and I haven't seen her since he died and I was like just so you know I think about him a lot you know like cuz I think cuz I went snowboarding when you go snowboard in Switzerland's above the tree line so like where you have them in your death pool isn't it weird isn't it weird that you're allowed to do some that kills people and nobody bats an eye and everybody looks forward to it you know but if you were if we were going skydiving you know and like there's a there's a place I went skiing in Aspen

65:43and I went to this place and I was like how many people die here a year this dude who lives there goes at least one or two every year I go one or two every year I go what usually happens it goes trees they hit trees they fall they fall off mountains they break their necks I go really and he goes yeah yeah one or two every year I'm like whoo I goes they freak everybody out they're like I guess keing so fun they just go it yeah no think about think about scuba diving they fly off mountains gone hitting a tree is at least probably really lights out really fast I was watching a video of uh my friend Aubry is a really good skier MH he can ski ski like I can survive but he can I've only been skiing for four years but he can ski like he gets on skis he's like first of all any human being who's using skis these days can really ski like like everyone else everyone my age just

66:35snowboarded but if you if you're a grown man and you're on skis you know what the you're doing that's how works that's not totally true cuz I learned skiing I never snowboarded oh really yeah I learned skiing four years ago like here's Aubrey flying down this hill like look see like you could tell when you look at a guy like that move like that's a guy who can actually ski I got to go skiing now that I'm skinny when I'm doing this yeah dude for sure you'll be doing a lot of things it's like taking a weight vest off but when I'm looking at him Sky I'm like okay this is a that skis so smooth like that's a guy's been skiing like a long time and he really knows what he's doing my skis are always further apart I look all goofy I'm not that like he's really good if he's tucking poles he's good and he's really good friends with that B Miller guy who's that world champion

67:19yeah that guy's an interesting guy yeah he is I mean to I have a good buddy of mine who's on the US Olympic ski team my friend Steve Graham from the time we were kids he was uh he's my friend he's an opthalmologist and when uh I was a kid I was like 15 or 16 I met him the whest ever he this guy had at at the time maybe 10 surgeries on his knees 10 like giant scars up and down his knees where they used to have to open him up like the old days when they used to do surgery they would cut you open like a fish and just Stitch stuff together and hope it hung on that but like skiing like getting really good like that like how old would you were you learned 45 shut up that's got to be yeah I've eaten hard skiing before well when I was a kid man I avoided anything that I thought could possibly hurt my legs because I was doing so much Taekwondo cuz I was you know so uh

68:16obsessed with martial arts yeah I was like and it's so dangerous as it is I'm like I'm not taking any extra danger like I'm not going to break my leg ski in or break my arm on a motorcycle or get up in that way like when I'm already doing this so I avoided all that stuff my dad said that to me we went to uh Windy Gap it was like a youth camp uh with Christian Youth Camp where you had to see Jesus by the end of the week yeah sawet him yeah I met him what happened in a shower whoa I had to tell my story to the camp what happened they were like you haven't seen Jesus yeah Bert where's Jesus and I was like and I had just taken a shower that day and I had like a cool moment the shower going like being feeling grateful for life I was 18 getting ready to go to Florida State and they were like you're 18 in this I so thought you were 11 that's so funny I was 18 there's a

69:01pict yeah yeah I was 18 I was 18 I could smoke cigarettes but you couldn't smoke there and uh and they brought me up in front of camp and I was like they like have you seen Jesus and I was like I saw I was being real yeah which is I think the the predominant times that I'm funny is when I'm trying to be sincere and I said I saw I saw him in the shower today and the place fell apart and they're like just sit down I was like I did have a cool moment in the shower where I was grateful why can't you find Jesus when you're naked why does Jesus has to come when you're in your tie with your shoes tied you should be able to be aroused and see him too I think why not you should be like about to come and you see Jesus and you clamp down on your dick like you're trying to choke it to death stop the come from coming out and then so you don't want to be disrespectful

69:45right and then you go I love you Jesus and then you let it go what if Jesus said it's okay son you can come then you'd be a big time believer would people are angry listen to talk about this right now why angry cuz you're not supposed to be talking about Jesus in pleasure yeah what if what if Jesus came to you in the middle of a massage you're lying on your stomach no sexual organs are involved but when someone has like oil on your and their on your back and they're rubbing their elbow across the spine just loosen everything up you know that feeling like H arguably there's times where that feels as good as coming right arguably right there's like but why is that okay cuz it's not sexual like what what weird rules do we have about touching each other where you could lay down on your stomach and some lady that you don't know can rub her back on like rub her

70:37elbow rather deep into your back and it feels amazing they're rubbing your feet incredible when someone rubs your feet oh that feels so good but as long as it's not that good like dick good yeah long as it's not balls good balls and dick balls in dick hey hey hey hey hey hey hey can you rub the ass the cheeks yes yeah in a dangerous massage they rub your cheeks dangerous oh they're just getting into the gluteus maximus here oh as long as it's not my hip flexors don't touch my it's right there don't touch it don't touch it so close it's like have like danger zones where you're not allowed to touch yeah why can't they touch our dicks cuz we grew up like big babies we had ridiculous Puritans who got on rafts powered by the wind they floated over to some place they weren't even sure existed they set up a bunch of stupid rules and The Echoes of that stupid rules with our dicks and

71:32today I think they you know that was the the whole the whole thing about that uh there was a Doctor Who was giving women orgasms and that was his his thing yeah do you know what I'm talking about I do yeah yeah there's been a couple stories like that where doctors start fingering their their patients to like to get them out of uh hysterectomies like well hysterical the word hysterical comes like that's the drink your drink I'm another one the word hysterical had something to do with like hcto didn't it isn't that like the origin of it it is it is and that they used to some doctors used to actually manually manipulate women to orgasm yeah back in the day back in the day before people got scared of vaginas there's a doctor in uh Beverly Hills called Dr squirts whoa that's not a real doctor it's not as real stop right now don't use your credit card burd it's not it's not the name medic

72:31squirts Dr squirts just the fact that that guy decided to go with Dr squirts but that's what the women call them oh my God and so my wife said to me her and her friend Sandy are like they heard about Dr Squirts and they were talking to me they're like is that cheating if we went to Dr squirts cuz he apparently gives you a massage and then gives you an orgasm it's like the best orgasm we've ever had that is so crazy that women are but it makes sense like if a woman was a a chick with a a good job and she's busy working her way up the corporate ladder doesn't have time to dat but she wants to get fingerbanged yeah why couldn't she just do that yeah that's uh that's in that new movie um is it yeah there there's the it's a it's like the legal thriller that's out and she's the uh attorney and she has she hires guys to her yeah she's like busy busy busy what movie is this um what's

73:26her name the red head uh I have to look it up man miss miss SLO is that the name of the movie oh yeah I know you're talking about I know it's it's not about it's it's about gun control she's a lobbyist yeah she's a lobbyist right or a lawyer for a lobbyist or something and um Jessica Chast Jessica Chastain so she plays like this really you know high power um and she gets fingerbanged she go she hires dudes to her in hotel rooms she only has like and she you know hires them for like an hour got and cuz she all she has is like you know very little free time but anyway Liam was talking about Dr squirts so do you think it's cheating would you let your wife go to Dr squirts I think guys that get paid to be able to bang chicks like that yeah like that is in in society's eyes that's probably uh way less looked to down upon than a girl pays for sex like that guy's actually a stud isn't that

74:21odd it is odd yeah like the guy if a guy gets paid to go and a girl you don't go oh that poor bastard's being exploited right you go well he's a stud right but if if it was the reverse and it was a male lawyer right with red hair couldn't get sex right cuz the beautiful lawyer with red hair oddly enough if it's a woman it's extra attractive and if it's if it's a man it's open season on jokes right ginger jokes I don't get it I don't know what the going on with that red hair discrimination we have in this country it's prevalent here yeah it's pretty strong oh but if a guy was a a male lawyer with red hair decided to get a prostitute we'd feel bad for the hooker right this poor girl yeah oh she's just gone down a bad road but meanwhile the dude with a leather belt around his dick you know that's strolling into town he's just like yeah he's like slinging dick he's just a dick

75:15Slinger yeah a't that weird and getting paid paid how many of those are there remember that was like American jigo Richard Gear out of here yeah magic Magic Mike about jigal too yeah they were they were strippers I don't know if they were girls but I'm sure they were and there was that jiggalo show it was a jiggalo show yeah on Showtime wait what was the GU name yeah man was yeah followed around real ones oh my God it's amazing you've never seen jig oh no I did I always learn about awesome things from you yeah that's all he does like I I thought about it last night I was like you know I never heard a diant word in before him oh they're the best oh but he was talking about diant word when Isa was born like you were talking about in 2006 talking about what diantward you don't even remember oh yeah yeah yeah yeah those guys are the I love them and and you were like what is this

76:05and then I watched it and then became obsessed with yoland Fuster oh they're both amazing there's Nick Hawk he also is aeran bag on the in the far right the guy in the fire R is a rapper who Ian Ian bag no Ian no so you know their names my god Tommy buns I mean there's brace he's like the the paternal of the group and this dude's covered in tattoos yeah he's like a really like sweats himself hard and does he yeah the guy on the left is like he connects with them like energy sense American Indian Native American he's um he Hawaiian half black half white the guy next to him he can he can like he can give you like that brother dick I think I sense that he would have the hog of the group like he would have the biggest oh he's got a hammer on him for sure but who's the Silver Fox on thece onece oh that's the guy I like how old's brace brace is like like as I said

77:00he's the he's kind of like that's actually their Booker the guy to his left he runs the the hooker studio and then that's a new ho on the right he's a southern ho he's like from Nashville or something so the older gentleman is he hoing as well yeah he's hoing too brace has been doing it the longest um he's he's been like he's been at it like 25 30 years he's just he's just been and then got paid cuz he was realized he looks like Rob low a little bit what looks like Rob low he in his the eyes in the eyes in the eyes you definitely shouldn't work for one of those police places and so the guy look like Rob low and this is what he sounded like and theyr this guy they just they just go what the this guy's a good guy he's been on our podcast a couple times are you me are you me Jes you guys wouldn't have me on your podcast but you had this guy on your podcast have you on

77:52anytime I was trying to promote the special you guys didn't but you had brace on I got bumped for brace wait a minute two years ago oh okay but we haven't had a guest in years Jesus BD it doesn't have to be about you buddy they talking about this hooker yeah he's a good guy I bet he is but but isn't it fasinating though that like a person who does that he's by the way he always goes out of his way to be like look dude I'm not a $2 meet me by in the alleyway ho I'm like I know but it's just fun to call a guy ho you know so yeah he's got to accept the fact you know um what I was thinking that we were talking about earlier about this uh Ronda Rousey thing why why people are so mean and I think there's a certain there's always going to be like a certain backlash from someone who tries to be extraordinary because it makes us feel like weak and and and lazy in comparison and like not

78:52as is ambitious like if someone wants to be the best right at anything if someone claims they're the best whether it's Conor McGregor or whether it's Ronda Rousey like that that rush to make it to number one scares a lot of us yeah because it makes you look at what you're what extent you're willing to go to for what you want to achieve and then it makes you go am I actually doing things like fulfilling my own potential that's what those moments do and you become jealous person to it goes wrong like way more than you want to punish anyone else for anything else that go goes wrong so then let's let's put this in perspective because I I just by the way I'm I'm talking about friends of mine I'm not calling people out at all but like I saw Kevin Hart today on CNN and it wasn't about comedy he was talking about how his job is now to inspire people to be better and I was

79:44like I was like that's odd that I would hear Kevin talk like that because he is funny as and that's what he's really good at is being hilarious but apparently he's like a fist Fitness Guru and like he's like it's he's on a different level now and I went wow is that the level where people start to like what they did with Amy or what you know like or what they did with DNE is like you see a comic get bigger than that and then all of a sudden everyone's like slip up once and we'll eat your lunch for sure there's a lot of that and it make you know it's like you want to celebrate the people that take the risk to climb to the highest mountains but you want to mock them if they they fall but it's often times not the same people that are mocking them like we're all experiencing like obviously I have zero animosity towards Ronda Rousey and 100% admiration for what she stands for as a

80:35competitor like what she tried to do and what she accomplished and the coming back thing so I don't experience it on the negative side but the on the the people that do though the people that feel like they have a free shot to go at there's there's enough of them that it makes a difference so even if all the same people appreciate you whether you win or lose the perspective shifts because so many more people that maybe you wouldn't narily be in contact with who are negative are mocking it and and and you know and really like being like absolutely vicious about the the criticism and the way like trying to knock you down when you're already down it's not just a matter of it being accurate or funny which you're going to always have that you're going to always have people that that crack jokes and make fun it's always going to exist but it's there's this there's this

81:27viciousness of attacking someone when Venom in some of it for there's some Venom in everything and that's part of what me wonders like I go is that like I've never been cool with self-promotion has always made me uncomfortable but I've seen people in our business that are very cool with it well you know Kevin Hart is a master at it you know but he he's he knows what he's doing and he's a very very smart guy very smart guy he's very smart on many Lev levels but at at the ID I wonder I think Kevin would I don't know Kevin would not say this just a he's he's aspiring to be a mogul he's aspiring to surpass not just being an Entertainer but to being a culture culture culture influencer he is he already is why was that hard to say culture culture influ influencer but he is question about it reading an article about him and he's on the cover of uh Fast Company and yeah I saw that I was

82:22reading the article cool and it's just um it's incredible the amount of things he's going to buy a studio like a big Warehouse actually uh not far from here and wants to produce you know TV shows movies like online content all within there continue to do movies obviously he has the standup he has he's an you know has endorsements from like like an athlete wood all these different he's got a shoe deal shoe deal he has an app um I think he like he a wizard yeah it's like all these different things everybody I mean if you want to be that guy you should follow his footsteps and by the way it's he's that guy that's the other thing about Kevin or at least that I I don't I only know him from when we were kid like When We Were Young starting from that time I don't know him I haven't talked to him in probably probably 10 years I did a bet show with him did you he's the greatest guy in the

83:11world he's the greatest guy in the world only met him once he's a very nice guy but he's uh he I have a funny story about him I bought a pair of Jordans one time at uh at the mall I I was going to play basketball and I bought Jordans I like I didn't know you didn't play basketball in Jordans yeah and uh they put no no that's the big thing wait a minute that's the life lesson here what are you talking about this when you're when you're black uh are you black no no but this is the rule you don't when the Jordans are not meant for white guys Jordans listen just let me back this up let me back this up Tommy stop me Tommy stop me I'm drunk already so so uh when you're when you're black you play basketball in basketball shoes like shitty shoes but when you're and Jordans are meant for like going out Jordans are like nice shoes you don't wear them on the basketball court that's

83:59the rule I didn't know that I bought a pair of Jordans thinking I'd go play basketball they're the best basketball shoes that's not the rule So when you buy Jordans they come in a Jordan bag they don't just come in like a Foot Locker bag they come in a Jordan bag Kevin Hart was in the mall and he saw me and my buddy Croy walking through the mall and I had a Jordan bag and Kevin came up and he grabbed my Jordan bag from behind my back and he goes give it him Jordans and I turned around and all I saw was his skin color I didn't see Kevin and I went help and I screamed and Kevin saw the racism in my eyes I'm went oh Bert oh my God and I was like sorry Kevin I didn't know it was you I thought it was just some black kid he was like pert but yeah is that racism or are you being robbed well yeah by someone who could probably run faster than you what the how is that racism but anyway

84:47uh he wasn't trying to say give me them Jordans give me them Jordans he grabbed the bag and shook it and I I freaked dude I jolted like a shark in the water dude if that was a Chinese guy you'd be in your pants yeah if somebody else if they had been roll reversed if you had done that to somebody there's a good chance you gotten punched yeah you would got punched or gone viral on YouTube I think that's a whole L definitely punch somebody if they don't expect it like if youat you know how sometimes you just catch someone and they're already on seven and you're like hey dude how'd you get to Seven yeah you know where what's going on a sorry man my wife just all right dude give me a hug bro did you get to seven fired up yeah and and we've all been like you know have you ever been in a road rage situation where someone cuts you off and you just get so much more

85:30mad than you normally would yeah yeah like got of nowhere you like you and you're like how did it where did this come from like I had to react obviously this person is an idiot this is a bad move but what what is it that gets you to to seven so quickly do you get that less where you live versus Hollywood no you can get it everywhere man cuz I when I drive out where you live or where I live or where Tommy lives like this area mhm it's a little Chiller like it's not Hollywood is aggressive too much's really aggressive just outside of Hollywood Hollywood adjacent where they can't quite live in Hollywood but they right next to it they work there and they get Studio City is you know Sherman Oaks is a lot of crazy drivers out there yeah teeth gritters you ever arrived somewhere at a seven like yourself you know like you're checking at a hotel oh yeah yeah I've done that where I've um

86:18you know it's a bunch of led to me getting there and then I have like an exchange with somebody and then later I'll go back and be like uh he I just want to tell you earlier when I got here I felt like I was um little short with you and they're like oh no problem you they're always very much downplaying it but I'll feel bad about it you know I had to fight with a uh with a with a car driver guy that drove me from the airport in front of my house like not a fist fight but a verbal because he was late he was like 30 minutes late to pick me up and then when he did show up he was at the wrong terminal and then when he did get me he blamed it on me for not telling him where I was landing and I was like that's not my job and then he got when I dropped when he dropped me off he got mad at me cuz I didn't speak to him the whole ride home I had headsets in and I he told

87:03you wa minut wait a minute he actually said he he would I said want talk to you man I want to get to know you he I said to him I got out and I go I gotta be honest with you man that's not the best service I've ever had and he goes well it was a little disrespectful you're not speaking to me and I was like what and he goes you didn't talk to me the whole ride that's that's disrespectful I went it's not my job to entertain you I go your job is to drive do you think I hired you to have a conversation but I realized I'm having this fight with this guy in front of my house and I don't know anything about him and I was like and then I was like and I by the way I was going to tip him in the middle of like yelling at you when I I had 20 bucks in my hand and he goes I go just so you know that wasn't the best experience I've had or whatever and then I had the 20 bucks in my hand and he was

87:42like was very disrespectful and then we started going back and forth and then I said I was like you I'm not giving this to you and then in a weird way I went ber give it to him or he's going to come back and murder your family and so I was like all right you know what take it were're even and then I had to come back and go I apologize I I and and this is the weird part about my brain that is what I started this whole talk about is is that I start going hey Bert H how important in this spectrum of life is it that this guy is thir how often have you been 30 minutes late how often have you been 30 minutes late and then maybe got an attitude because you were defensive I don't know maybe this guy was is a cuckold I don't know that's what I thought about today when you were late I wasn't late two minutes late I ran here to no Veil it was close I should had my Uber driver

88:24dropped me off in front of the place you know what man I mean I think the reality of people talking to each other is we ComEd exchanges sometimes and things get started like right away like something goes wrong with him and he shows up late and so your interaction with him is already unbalanced because you expect him to be apologetic but how could he really apologize you know you up you did so now I know who you are you're that guy who doesn't take his job that seriously and you're going to drive me I'm just going to put my head sets in and he's mad mad at you that you do that like there's a lot of things going on there man and maybe if he showed up on time the same guy and you would have had a great old time maybe there's a moment where he's driving and my headsets are in and they're really good noise reduction headsets they're molds to your ear maybe he was driving he's like hey

89:07man I'm really sorry I'm going through a lot of and he gives me his heartfelt speech and I just like this mhm right I mean I don't know there's a lot of scenarios that could have happened for sure I always you do a lot of things out of assumptions you know you make assumptions oh he like yeah but he looked like this and then the way that he looked I know that guy's an you don't know are you ready for the difference of what you look like cuz you Tommy looks different I mean I'm being serious when I say that physically yeah physically from the weight loss you look you look there was a there's a non-assuming this to you like when I watched your last special Mostly stories mostly is that the way you supposed to say it mostly stories yeah like that Kansas City improv this weekend yeah but like there is like a real cool to you like a like a Carmel coolness to you but now you look like a like

89:57like and so when you meet people do you see people perceiving you differently not really not I mean there's so most people that you know would come to my show or not those people not those I'm talking about uh Starbucks holy look at the difference between you and then holy look at me turn turn turn straight on Tom wow incredible so crazy kidding me yes so out of your mind holy Tom your neck is bigger your head's bigger your face is bigger your shoulders B your face is so much bigger so much bigger everything's bigger your fingers yeah is your ring looser yes do you feel like God's telling us we should cheat take it off you look good Tom and burnt run trains on on the road um yeah pull up pull up uh berts special what's it called sometimes no I'm not I'm only 15 pounds lighter it's not that bad you only lost and that from the special the special I shot mons ago I lost weight for the

91:02special do you got but you can no no no no you want you want to see a good one go pull up arri shafir flying dildos look at that one right there that's that's not as good as flying dildos go to Flying dildos this is when I was on a b with st he's right he's right shafir is flying dildos uh it's yeah it's on YouTube yes he is right just it just posted today go to uh video and you'll see me oh this is me just obese what about that picture right there the one with the pole not very big can't you can't you go full screen on that though no do but yeah you look you definitely look oh my god look Chinese you look a lot fatter you look so happy and you baked there what a beautiful suit Ari has on so up is that one of those Hong Kong suits Ari got yeah that's a beautiful goddamn suit the Ruffles and the collar and everything I got a couple there too it's like a fun little

91:52experience to go yeah in Hong Kong in Hong Kong yeah wow that's the only thing that's changed is this little fold right here like my belly started fold folding over I wanted to get rid of that immediately wa what size are you there like what weight are you uh probably 250 W yeah dude you you look really different well you dude you still lost 30 pounds I mean you're you're kind of down on yourself a little bit in this thing that's a giant accomplishment you know how few people have the willpower to lose 30 lbs like that and that quick of amount of time I that was a Herculean effort you guys I don't understand I don't even even know if you understand the impact that it has on people when someone does that and you see people do it there's so many people out there right now that didn't think that they had the ability inside them to do it yeah but they love you guys and

92:39they listen to your podcast and they hang out with you guys and you you know you do shows in their town they do they come to the show they know that you did it you just you did it and you there's nothing like I know you're a person you did it I'm 30 lb overweight I want to lose the weight I know Bert did it I can do it too now that's real man those are the cool tweets we get there's been a lot of really cool ones where you go like well hey man and I like when they do it and there's a joke attach too but like they go hey man this has been the coolest thing I've ever seen Cal Bell did you see his tweet yes I did come Bell was like I didn't think this would be as fun as it is this is awesome I want to be a part of it yeah he wants to lose some weight I thought that was really cool kamal's such a great guy he's a really nice guy I've had him on before he's a super nice guy super

93:22smart talking about doing another one that would be great if he wanted to do that who does he want to do it with I don't know find a buddy that want Mike lawence pick someone you hate that's what I did and yeah it's got to be someone you love so it's good natured and it's fun and it's encouraging you know and then people could do it too it could become like your own personal roast battle you know there there was shots fired back and forth from between me and Tom that was what made it fun though I think the videos that we played yesterday as a fan I would go I would have been like I like these guys this is what I'm talking about yeah yours call Tommy drink your vodka soda come on just drink it already responded on the end of his podcast he released today yeah doing to play what he says I know what he say I know what he says I know what he says play just

94:09play it I think it's better let's play it let's play it talk about him I knowa what this is that son of a Tommy drink some Mark Norman for for inviting me over to your place do the podcast I don't I love him all right all right the BET took place my favorite people ever the BET took place and what I didn't first of all there's no way in my mind I expected to lose that bet for one of them to be below obese was Beyond incomprehensible for both of them it was a sure thing for me it was a sure thing I mean it turns of bag of bets like we do on punch trunk this one a sporting event golden I I got it in the bag of course they're not both going to be under obese and I guess they are I mean I I hope I'm hoping that the tomorrow they're going to weigh in and they're going to be a little bigger and maybe maybe sagur will only be six feet tall if he's six feet tall

95:06he's right on the border right now Beast or not Beast it's that 61 thing that gets him under 6 feet he gains about a point and a half on his BMI that's that's one of my only hopes that tape measure if he's 5'11 then I'm good but it doesn't seem like people are believing that but soraa said he was 5'11 and now I got these people threatening me on social media I've got people threatening me and and telling me like uh uh to call me welchire we haven't even had the two weigh-ins yet we're supposed to have three weigh-ins but fine foro the first one the first assume they would did that one at home at Rogan second and third two days in a row they got it so I haven't even officially lost you I got people threatening me I don't feel safe they know what city I live in and then and then a these are my friends my friends are coming at me I was like all right off off chance I lose what what we

95:59all go to a Dodger game that'll be fun that'll be fun you lost some weight go no don't have don't have a Dodger Dog don't have the extra large one crer eats barbecue seven times a week how in the world dides he lose 15 lbs 15 30 yeah how does that happen and then I got my friends set hit me up for they want first class tickets to Europe I I don't know what to do I can't I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm flustered I'm flustered for sure I'm I'm afraid afraid I can't be here with this I can't be here I with with the them coming after me like this they haven't even waited the second day but it's going to happen I know it's going to happen tomorrow so if they each lose a pound unless unless Tom's 5'11 I mean that's a that's a chance if Tom's 5'11 I got a chance that would mean he'd win the bet for most loss of weight but they wouldn't both be under obese so Bert would have

97:13to you you guys you you you haven't dealt with this kind of like backlash until you've dealt with it you haven't dealt with it that guy who killed the the the the lion in Zimbabwe or Z or one of those places always uses Z in Africa just got on him for killing Chutney until you find out oh there's 80 80 80 Lions get killed every year they got to keep the population down and they start killing babies human babies but nobody cares about that so this dentist in Rhode Island has to face death threats all the time you don't know what it's like to get a e-r against you and these people are coming at me and my phone calls my my text it's you know first of all I can't text thread with the flip phone so every text comes in new they ask questions like what does that mean I have to delete my text after a while because I have to make room for old ones so you got seora

98:04saying open up your wallet you haven't won the BET yet first who watches football who watches European football I can't I can't do this I can't deal with it listen to me I'm flustered okay it's very possible that he's that he's under hype Bing that I I I don't know I can't be here for this I can't I can't be here with them coming after me I got to get out of here hilarious man I got to get the out of here and I got to get away from this until I can figure out what to do I got that's what I got to do that's what I got to do I got to get the away from this yeah yeah that's my answer yeah yeah that's it okay anybody wants to listen to the rest of it or all of it R skeptic tanks one of my favorite podcasts I listen to it all the time it's awesome I recommend the Henry Rollins one which uh Bert scoffed at I didn't SC Henry all is different than I am SC extremely dismissive of him shut

99:12the up it was insulting he's got a gang of them Dave Smith is a great one his no no the best one the best one's running of the bulls oh that's a great one too great he's got a lot of great ones Ari has a really really good podcast he's going to run off he's going to run off the map right now for a while he's disappearing good good he needs to I mean if he thinks he needs to he needs to what what I love about what AR's doing is he's living his life 100% on his terms he's not doing it by anybody else's standards and he does he's doing the exact what I think the best thing a comic can do if he makes it like once you make it like relax and just just have fun and be yourself and only do the things you want to do and don't let them suck in in nonsense but you've been on both sides of that fence yeah for sure the Fear Factor was like post I'm talking post family pre family yeah that

100:00too oh yeah that's a different thing I mean if you had a family it would be a totally different thing but he or even if he even considered having one or even a girlfriend it'd be a different thing but he's been tied down in the past and right now what AR's enjoying is like creating standup doing standup doing his podcast and just enjoying life and enhan ing his perspective and taking it all in and these trips that he goes on he's he's like orchestrating them he wants to see things he wants to he wants to absorb experiences from other parts of the world and it's all enhancing his standup too that is very that's very accurate and and I say this is I say this from my perspective um as probably an expert in World Travel I would tell you Ari does it better than anybody and I'm not even around I've done it for seven years straight but Ari went to Switzerland and and had a different life

100:51experience than I did and I went now mine was under production but like he really does it great I wanted to pitch a show so bad uh that where uh you know Ari's disappearing right now I wanted to put the show go can I find Ari like can I find him well you'll be able to find him it's social media some American he's going off the grid he's going off the grid what does that mean though he's going he wants to go where there's you know he's not bringing any laptop or anything like that he's disappearing for real but other people have phones they'll say Oh's in Sweden going Micronesia or some yeah he's trying to go off path stff get malaria yeah he takes the pills I told him to take dude do not take the pills malaria pills come on we talked about had you get the injections though I had a horrific experience what you do vaccinations vaccinations or just don't take them at all cuz you're

101:42probably not going to get malaria what I thought a lot of people get malaria no no I I've talked about to you about this on your podcast I took malaria pills and was I was right I was charts for a while my friend Justin Ren got malaria three times though three times dud malaria the Deni fever is one you don't want to get well malaria's killed half the people that have ever lived yeah but that yeah yeah yeah in the books or half the people that have ever died half the people that have ever died have died from malaria yeah but that's when before they had malaria B but they don't take them though do you understand the preposterousness of one light that up one more time Tommy let's get let's see how up we can get what come on Tommy come on pretend you're pretend you're big Tommy AR yeah AR is super happy that his Rich friend decided to step in and foot the bill yeah Hey

102:37Joe did you ever hear the ballot of big Tommy buns that was pretty fun the song I wrote I'm not gonna let you play it here but like I wrote a song about Tom and that was the greatest part of this whole thing is I really you wrote a song oh oh yeah the wrote and played and sang I wrote and played and sang a song called the ballot of big tummy buns oh how dare you and I was and my but my the one cool thing about this and this is esoteric I might as well hit this before I I don't think I've ever said anything's esoteric but please continue you never said it way before you hit a joint I never said this is esoteric this is so high I don't even think I exactly know what esoteric means I don't either Joe but it sounds good in a sentence like what did give me the exact definition of esoteric yeah pull that up okay what do you think esoteric means it's uh out there yeah

103:26right bizarre what would what does it mean here intended are likely to be understood by a small number of people with specialized knowledge this is esoteric Joe this is esoteric so this what I'm about to say ISO ter okay intended or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest or an enlightened Inner Circle Joe Rogan this is esoteric what I'm about to say and you will get this more than anyone that's a lot of pressure take hit that and then listen I think you'll get it do you know how sometimes when you work for a corporation and your paycheck is dependent on that corporation's approval not right now I'm in a middle of an esoteric statement yeah okay and esoteric and then you get out from under that Corporation and all of a sudden you are the one that kind of uh you get you you almost like feel your creativity

104:13again like you go like oh I forgot I'm a really great standup I forgot that I'm passionate about making like you know you know and you go oh I can be my own voice I it's my own ship now I forgot that when I started this business uh it the goal wasn't to get under the umbrella the goal was to be out there in the ocean by myself and sailing my own ship and and saying go take a left it right um this weight loss battle coincided with my decision to stop being under contract for Travel Channel and I was I was really lost I was really lost and I was like I didn't know where I'd where I didn't know if I should just take another television deal and or just do another deal with try I didn't know what to do I really didn't know what to do and uh this weight loss battle happened around that time and it and it and and like Bill bur says poetically I started taking on water and I felt crazy

105:04about it and then one morning I woke up and I went oh Tom is having a lot of fun with this like he's having fun him and push are having a lot of fun and I was like I'm gonna write a song and I wrote a song and I wrote this stupid song look I was like I I was but it was like I felt very creative and I didn't feel like there was any parameters on me anymore and I was like oh this is what my career is about my career is about doing everything I like and everything I like and if you like what I like come see me do stand up but if you don't like what I like like it this is what I like to do this is my this is my walk this is my walk through the woods and it was like and I I know that I don't think Tommy can attest to that as much as you can because being under Fear Factor and I don't think you ever were like under anyone's control there's definitely a a corporate umbrella that you're under

105:46where you're like oh I can't you know how long did I not smoke pot on camera like a long time yeah and so as soon as that happened all that happened I wrote that song and it was like was one of those moments where he just like oh I get to do whatever the I want to do anymore like I'm just a dude that likes for comedy the same way Ari is where he goes I'm getting off the grid that freedom that freedom man being untethered Ari and I had a long podcast about being untethered but being untethered is so cool as an artist you just get to do what you want to do you know that's why we love that's why we probably love guys like Ron White Jim Jeff these guys that are that are Bill Burr they're just untethered Ari I I get inspired by the way Ari's living I really do I really I it's it gives me enthusiasm he's having fun he's creating he's doing standup he's just

106:33he's making rational choices regardless of like how much money it'll cost him and he's like this is what I want to do for my art this is what I want to do for my standup I'm taking time off I'm just going to go experience life and write and you know people like what what are you doing where are you going and he's like just what I'm doing just stop I know what I'm doing stop he knows what he's doing he knows what he's doing it's like and for me haven't known him since he was an open micer yeah it's a lot you've really seen those you've known him you've known him in a way that I don't know him like we were talking about you one time in front of his apartment those are the best you know that we've had them too when you go to take someone home you drop him off their house but you sit and talk for 10 more minutes you had one with Bill Burr that I I wish I had yeah it's great um but

107:12Ari dropped me off and he was like are we were talking about we were just talking about intimacy levels like it's going to sound silly and I'm not going to call AR I'll say this is what we're talking about we were talking about like how much we were talking about you and then uh and I said something like oh I texted him yesterday I feel bad texting him again and R goes oh I don't want to text him too much either and I said yeah but he's our friend we should be able to text him the way we text each other and he goes I know but I don't want to like I don't want to bother him and I go yeah but he'd do it to us and we're were like yeah we're having this really kind of crazy conversation and I realized AR and I like the that those moments in life are like so precious but the I don't know where the this story was going how come you guys are scared to text me

107:52we're scared to text like Bill I do it the same with Bill oh yeah you scared to text Bill yeah I'm scared to followup like I text Bill I'll text him right now I'll text him right now and either he replies in like a day in a day are you needy no no there's got look this is gonna sound Tommy back me up please back me up on this yes yes I will but like but like like I text Bill hey man you know are we doing this thing on Monday and then he get I don't get a reply I'm not going to bother him I do the same know he's got a lot of going on and I go and I and I I have going on too but trust me like and you guys know like if you or you or Ari or Joey or Bill or any of you guys text me my first reply right like I go oh uh yep right on it like you can see my bubble come up in the bottom before you're done typing yeah it's a weird requirement right like there's times where and more

108:39so lately than ever that I've been just putting my phone in like put it in the other room and I just leave it alone for hours I think that that's that's not a bad thing to do man you know like body checks their phone during podcasts and everybody checks their phone during the movies Jam how how much yeah well I mean we have another hour podcast yeah yeah should one what you don't want to trim that beard yet you want to do it now you want to do it on the air I think yeah yeah no we're definitely doing it on the air okay do you want to trim his beard definitely yeah okay but you got to sit Sid siddle on me okay well we we that's only going to take about 10 15 minutes so we'll wait till the end we'll wrap it up with that wrap it up yeah keep people here till the end WP it up my daughters did you see the videos my daughters did on Instagram no no I go I I said something I go uh

109:23hey give me a kiss on the cheek IA wouldn't kiss me on the cheek she was just mad doged me and I go IA give me a kiss on the cheek does last cheek you might get a kiss of the beard and she goes gives it to me she goes it's wet and then Georgia comes in and then does a kiss on the cheek and then I go do you guys think I'm going to win today and they went nope and I said are you serious and they said nope and I was like are you guys ready to see me without a beard and they're like nope they saw they pulled out old wed my wedding album me and lean started looking through pictures and they're like we got to get used to it you got to give us some time wow that's so weird you're you're defined by your facial hair in a weird way do you want to keep it no you let him keep it would you let him keep it yeah yeah yeah really I will were you going to let him off the hook oh 100% hold on I can't do

110:08that that's I'm not a welcher it's not welching if the guy lets you off the hook I would let you off the hook if you want to keep it no I can't I I can't never mind by the way by the way let's definitely this is in Russia this is in Russia really where did you get this picture is this machine thread this is this is in Russia look I'm wearing an at shirt oh my God it's like the second picture that pops up are you look at that you're pushing the stomach out it's so small then dude you're tiny you look like you weigh about 210 by the way Joe what am I rocking lower that lower that Jamie lower that a fanny pack all you that have seen me do stand up and I say when I met eigor in his door I was wearing a purple Kelty fanny pack that's the pan fanny pack it's the small details that make a story and that's a and baltica in my pocket it's not qu it's a what a Bala that's their

110:53local beer in St Petersburg oh you have a beer in your pocket yeah that's is that purple or is that like a bluish it's it's a purple Kelty fanny pack that was the best if I could go back if I could find that fanny pack I'd wear it every day of my life it was the best fanny pack I've ever had cuz the way they M made it was that it it the top part was flat you know so it went out like a solid 3 in so you rest your beer on that no no no no so that when you opened it you were looking at like a portfolio of your stuff it wasn't slid in like another pocket ooh that was the great if anyone can find me that purple Kelty fanny pack so see if what is see if uh young Jamie can pict look at you you savage you you can find all the pictures of the Russian mafia what is this from is this like an article about your last Showtime special a New York Post from a long time ago

111:40like powerful that's when my book came out by the way by the way they you want to hear what a dummy I am I posed for that picture having no clue it was the cover of Van Wilder oh that's hilarious I had no clue oh really yeah he was like and I was like so they asked you to dress like that you didn't know why they brought the did a photo shoot and I had no clue I had no clue that's weird did he do the too party did you ever see Van Wilder yeah no you ever see it no uh I don't remember I really don't remember I may have it's hard to tell would you me to look up sorry whether or not I've seen it it's one of those movies like hm I've never seen it I watched a Christmas Vacation the other day so funny dude yeah that is a goddamn funny movie still full that's a good movie man it's a great movie yeah it's I mean it is a great movie but the way I'm saying it I'm like

112:34it's like I really enjoyed it wish you like that one more time God damn yeah come on Tommy drink finish that VOD up Tommy Tommy come on bird is going deep I love this feeling this could be a i if if if this if I yeah ice um uh I've never seen Van Wilder and I took a meeting with their production company they brought me in who to uh do a sitcom and they're like do you know they have my book in front of me and they go do you know who I we are I was like No And they're like we produce Van Wilder big fan of your work we want to do a sitcom and I was like okay and they're like have you ever seen it and they're like no and this is what they said they said well we should get Ryan Reynolds to come on your podcast and watch it live with you I was like cuz it's his production company it's black horse I think production company or something that that tastes like barbecue does it what that last hit

113:27tasted like no Tommy it's yours Tommy it's yours Tommy it's yours do you need me to hold you down and tickle you Tommy's good I'm totally he's reasonable and his approach we just got off a Bender bro don't you feel you do you feel like you can release the hounds now and dive back into the fold with a Vengeance simply with drugs and alcohol for a little bit Yeah but like but not not food I you know what's really crazy is that um uh I had that I don't I'm sure you felt it too cuz I watched you eat it but like that second pizza of pizza didn't work well with me like my body was it was up in my throat and I was like and I was like it was it was too much of everything at one time did you feel the same way um yeah I don't feel like good I watched you I watched you cuz you cuz you had have the pizza yeah but the pod is Flowing I have a business meeting you're going to do

114:23great you're going wait you're going to a meeting I got a business meeting at 4: oh that's plenty of time dude you'll only be slightly buzzed I used to hear stories about Chappelle going into auditions high as and I used to go I wish I had that confidence you know part of me goes that's why he's so successful is he didn't give a oh for sure yeah well Dave is another example of a guy who just does things the way he wants to do them and he knows it's you realize after a while guess when you're a guy like him or a guy like Ari that it doesn't benefit you to have people influence you and tell you what to do just doesn't and all three of us are a a great example of that like the best stuff I think that we've done is the stuff that we've done online where you just you're yourself yeah you know like your podcast with your wife that that podcast is you guys being super

115:12silly together like you always are and this all this jeans mommy talk and it's great and that would have ever happened if somebody true you know had the the re to it if there was a bunch of people that were executive producers and Comedy Central had like 10 people behind the scenes I'm not getting this jeans com like high and tight what's high and tight what's high and tight what do you mean when you're glassing when there's no reason for you to do it other than it's funny to you that's it that's it that's the only I I try to tell people I get I'm sure you get asked a lot I get like tons of emails don't you get them from people people go how what should I do to start oh yeah that's hilarious did you ever do that all you told me one time H did you ever remember you developing a sitcom and did that ever happen or did it go away it went away oh can you please tell everyone what the premise

116:07was uh Joe I'm walking through Walmart in like Richmond Virginia and Tom calls me and we're talking about sitcom talk and he goes yeah I'm developing like real serious go really what's your character and he goes me I'm a doctor I go you're a doctor he goes yeah and I lost it I go you don't look like a doctor he goes yeah I know but there was a Twist to it you were a doctor that's all it was a doctor that graduated last in medical school so he's like essentially a dumb doctor you know it was Tom going scel it's not how it went the idea of you being a doctor was the best premise I've ever heard of a sitcom ever in my life just doctor I just I was it could be a straight comedy but the look on your face is that you don't know what's going on huh yeah okay I don't think I've ever how long did I laugh on the phone really long and really hard to where I was like I didn't know what i' had

117:25done yeah oh you probably made me laugh harder than anyone person that I know really 100% I do feel like everything has to be a contest well I feel yeah I feel like this is number one you know when we do even the The Bert stuff we do it to make you laugh I feel like there's a part of me that wants to make you laugh all the time seriously there's Parts I wish I could share them on this podcast but there's part times times my favorite parts of Tom is when he is like he's like the the the sideliner that says the thing like or is affected by something like the only one I can think of that that's very uh very applicable is me and Tom did uh did when I shaved his tits we were in Hulu doing Pearl Harbor and uh the two things they the two things they said to us that were recollect would like that we remember don't make fun of the Hawaiian people and if it's brown and it moves kill it

118:24yeah that was what they said these the the if it's brown and it moves kill it and don't make fun of the Hawaiian people so Tom goes up his first joke was hey man Island life here is slow that's what they told me I didn't know they were talking about the Hawaiian metabolisms holy huge laugh but immediately it's off the like you can't it's not you're not allowed to say that gets on the set kills comes back to me Russell Peters goes on stage and you can hear the murmur in the crowd and Tom does this like snidle whitlash like gig go like and he goes he's brown he's brown they're thinking about killing it and Russell Peters does a set mediocre I would say at best and Russell murders but but it's because he's brown and at that time they were saying if it brown if it's brown and they moov kill it it's true oh it's true and then we had the um remember the the show organizer was like

119:17you guys this up bad you remember oh yes and then uh he was like he was like I told you not to make fun of the local people I told you not to I told you PG-13 you know what that means that was not PG-13 uh I told you like he's like there's children and there's wives of Admirals here it was like it was the rundown of like how we had up oh no everything yeah oh my God and Russell Peters was the coolest guy and to his Testament he like was like whatever yeah he give two have a in his gas tank no that's also completely empty he really he he whatever he wants for sure he's the best yeah he's awesome he's the best I would be the I would be like I need to have some in my gas tank do you remember you don't though I think you've been connected to this idea that you need to for so long if I didn't have in my gas tank i' you live with Mel Gibson I be me and Mel Gibson in this Malibu house

120:17doing hot shots brown brown wait do you remember the the girl that was on uh the tour of Pearl Harbor that wasn't like with us necessarily you're talking about yeah and so we were you talking about diely yeah Jo I don't give a I don't give a I'll say it go ahead Russell Peters was dating the dumbest human being I've ever met in my life oh boy and say that Russell I'll call him right now I'll call him right now he knows definitely not he knows it and he no and he knows it we've talked me and Russell have talked about this on my podcast yeah okay so it's fine trust me okay first thing before we even go on the tour I say to Russell in front of his it's me Tommy and push Leanne and me and Russell and Kimberly Timberly and I say I and then Russell's brother Clayton who might be my favorite human being in the world amazing he's awesome I love his brother comes in and sits down and I go

121:17oh hey have you guys ever seen that Indian porn star I don't what's her name what's her name and all of the sudden everyone's face is shut and she's like are you talking about serrian or whatever no they it was a shut and then you're like she's so hot she so hot I kept talking about how great this I've never been attracted to any woman this is a woman that switched my button and and Russell and Clayton are going like this like they're laughing so hard and then she goes He dated her and sier Leon is her name that you're right yeah and then then the next day we went on the cruise to Pearl Harbor go ahead Tom we're on this cruise and it's very kind of somber serious and then he goes and right now he's giving us the tour it's an admiral rear Admiral he's like we're on the approach here of where I guess it's the Arizona isn't that right that's underneath yeah and um and he goes the

122:06Arizona is up here on the right and then denly goes are we going to go under and um we're in an open boat like on the tour it's a boat yeah just a boat and like where you can see the sky and stuff she thought it might turn into a submarine yes the the just like an open air cadar like we were just going to get under right now right now too I'm I'm going to about to press the button and then by the way the best group of people to witness that statement with is Russell Peters who has his arm around her and he you watch his eyes go like oh and then Tom and push are sitting right next to her and push is like stomping her feet going is she serious and then Tom's going imagine someone thinking that technology has reached a point where you could uh be in a boat and all a sudden they press a button on a roof comes over the boat and you dive under look at the window IM being that

123:02far off that you think you're on a submarine cuz all boats are submarines right they all go why wouldn't you just go under the water if you could hope this was her first boat appearance ever how about the first guy to get in a submarine how about that no dude in Disneyland Panic they're such Close Quarters small man what talk to me dude uh first of all soon as I closed the door what you do where was it went down uh 109 no oh that's too far but it must have been 100 feet Hawaii went down what was it for uh just floating a submarine for TV you get in a submarine like what kind of Submarine was it uh just a I don't know man I'm I'm not good at details so was like a submarine one of the war submarines no sure it was touristy like you yeah yeah but you once you get in was it a boat that turned into it or was it just submarine it a submarine oh wow holy dude but

123:57getting in there is very claustrophobic same I'd imagine being into a like an F14 or something would be claustrophobic same and uh you start going down and then you realize like oh if something goes wrong everyone dies immediately there's no there's no like there's no like exit there's no they don't give you a speech at the beginning they just go everyone sit down let's hope we do this you know what would be the craziest community in the world what if you could build an underwater under Ocean City they got one I think like a like a submarine City where you literally build it into like you take a train through the ocean yeah to the center of the ocean where you have a city where you know you can't survive if anything goes wrong and you all live in this little thing where you have to keep that train path open because that's where the food and air comes comes from

124:49that's the only way other than that you're in the do you know how supercharged life would be do you know how nice people would be you'd be freaking out all the time that is a genius idea sitting in the ocean thinking about the fact that at any moment this could up so there's constant checks on all the tolerances of all the joints of the glass all the vibration and you're just sitting there just being nice to each other having martinis I'm going to go to sleep you think you can sleep I don't know what about you I don't know every day is like that I don't know and there's always enough air there's always enough air and there's always enough food as long as you keep that train open but if anybody's unhappy they just put a suicide vest on and go running in the middle of that train oh that would happen boom how quickly do people bang how long would it last no no no no

125:37dudes would close off the blockage big guys like would just close off the blockage and go all right there's a tariff being paid that's how it work yeah yeah dude I but is it but would that work work today would that work today cuz it used to work but it used to work without communication like the kind of communication that everybody has today with a smartphone you know I don't know if it would work the same way I don't think you'd be able to do that the way you can hundred years ago or 200 years ago you would have to have like a super supportive Community there's the only and everybody would have to be like treated equally otherwise if there's any disparity whatsoever all someone would have to do is point a gun at the wall yeah and it would it wouldn't last long I think having a bad day someone better suck my dick I mean you wouldn't I saw that I saw it in my in my

126:35imagination the best when you can see a joke over and over in your head you go I saw a guy with a wife beater on and a Clines with Magnum pointed at a wall the joke I saw in my head that I could never get out is we were on Catalina one night and with my sisters and we're all smoking pot and they said and there's Buffalo that roam around there so I said why is there Buffalo here and then my buddy Chris Gillan goes oh uh back in the 30s the 20s the owner of the Cubs owned them owned this island so he used to have spring training out here so he brought the Buffalo out and my sister goes for a scrimmage and I saw the owner coming out in a sear sucker shoot seeing buffalo on one side and the Cubs working up he goes I'm at the team like and I could not stop laughing at the image of him going out like with a cigar like but like the when you can visualize it is the best oh that's hilarious Tommy

127:33let's kill this vodka come on let's kill vodka you're going hard I'm going hard for Tommy congratulations buddy listen listen I I got to be honest with you I I feel personally I can't enter a bet kn I didn't go I didn't go soft today I went hard today I went really hard on the treadmill I didn't go hard not to shave your beard yeah really I'm being serious like I was like I was like that's the moment that's the moment I don't know I can't leave here without a beard I feel very guilty I feel like I feel like everyone that tuned in everyone that watched goes like goes like and man it doesn't really matter to me but then part of me goes I don't know I leave it up to you guys oh you're switching that now putting in our hands no no I'm putting in your hands I don't like I you mean that you're not owning you're not saying no you can shave my beard I don't give a

128:22no but you just said I'm putting it in your hands now and that and that like I feel guilty I my my book my my book is I got to shave this beard in your book yeah but I'm saying cuz I would have sh I would have definitely shaved yours okay I wouldn't I wouldn't have let you out okay Tommy how do you feel about this no it's just interesting that he just had a it feels like a change of the way he feels about it all together because about an hour ago what did I say oh you don't even remember seriously how up are we thank you for saying we I mean I'm loaded I I'm Tommy let's kill this drink let's just get a big sip come on buddy you think you think you're the only one that's up Tommy is not oh yeah I forgot you he's high as dude please come on man we're on another wait minut plan but you you know about the extreme change that just happened right I don't know well there's

129:15a little bit of hedging there's a little hedging going on told you a while ago that you would let me keep my beard I said if you want and you go oh absolutely not like I'm definitely losing it but then now you brought it up as if to say I won't decide you decide me having doubts about that what if we give you one of them crazy Fu Manchu type all the way down to the JS we'll still get rid of the beard but let's give you some crazy wait I thought it was Hitler stash for a week we talked about that no no no no let's give him we can't even gut a Hitler stash let's give him some Wier type what about like a Puerto Rican beard like real thin real real thin that would almost be worse than shaving it all off far worse doing that on the way how about we give you a prince fantastic I bet this kid uh this kid Carter he like my we have re season Rams tickets with us Carter Carter Carter

130:12yeah you know what I'm talking about Carter Carter no Carter Gren I shouldn't say his name is 10 he a kid I was talking about hang was with the other day Okay so he bet me some stupid bet and it was like if he if I if he won I had to give him 200 bucks but if I won I got to cut his hair and so he was like oh I'll take it done cuz he thought he was going it was about I think it was about the ram Seattle game and I won and so I got to cut his hair and I was like I'm your hair up and this is part of man he's 10 years old so I immediately I cut it to like dumb and dumber bangs right and everyone starts laughing and his dad starts going you look like simple Jack and we're but then in a weird way he changes like he goes he starts getting embarrassed and then the mom start coming in this is all boys out right now and then the Mom hey don't worry it looks good it looks good and I

131:00go that's not the bet the BET isn't it looks good the bet is it looks horrible that's why I didn't cut his hair I'm not going to cut his hair to give him a free haircut but then as the part of the human part of me goes I'm not going to up a kid I don't want to burn him at 10 I want to do the Puerto Rican beard I'm going to shave it off anyway the prince this is the prince I'm going have to sh it off I'm going just have to sh it off no you go with it just wear it my daughters are expecting me no not M the guy's doing the tiles is here oh my God oh my God oh my God what does that say comedy beards is that what that says it's my comedy beard when I do comedy I we this here beard this shit's funny oh poor guy oh the prince is beautiful yeah that's that's oh people just listening have no idea why we're laughing there's a if you Google what is the give me the black and white

132:10one Jamie that profile one it's from the cover of what album W it's one of ah it's it's uh so bad it's super sculpted and it's got like this like almost like a racetrack curve to it it's really weird it's the weirdest i' rather you sh my beard off totally can we just can we do like Puerto Rican guy beard just a line Puerto Rican guy beard yeah that so racist that is so racist comes up it came up first it said Puerto Rican facial hair oh look at this guy look at this guy that's what's up dude you're getting that this is my new favorite thing Google Google black guy being black hold on explain what we're seeing I can't talk explain what we're seeing it's a tiger he has a tiger print beard it's leopard it's a leopard print beard it's very thin oh my God this gold and black this is amazing yeah this dude has his hair bleached blonde and dyed black in the shape of leopard skin on his beard

133:22cringe P oh my God oh my God CR that was the closest I came to blacking out from laugh I'm not lying I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe is that the guy from backst street boys that like might have been the hardest that's pry close but I want to give you that might have been the hardest physically I've ever left yeah yeah yeah the MTV tattoo on his neck that is bonus who is that he was in the back street boys that guy that guy riffraff was really good on hot wings did you see that Jamie he was a hot wings is a show where they eat uh Wings you were great done that you done yeah I did it you were great on it Joey Diaz is coming up on it thank you do you want to do it yeah I would do it yeah I'd okay I'll talk to Shawn Shan Evans is the guy that does it so you just go on to get up by Hot Wings interview yeah they ask you questions progressively more questions like one of the questions

134:19asked me at the hottest Wing was have you ever talked about comics and I was so out of it I was like yeah I talk about TJ Miller and uh and Pete Holmes one time like and they were like really and I was like yeah I think I on chrisal Leah but I didn't mean to and they but you're just like you're sweating you're sweating and they're like really and I was like yeah next question man cuz you your your body goes into like it's a really great show Joey Diaz is coming up soon how much worse is dehydrating than eating the hottest Wing uh hot wings are for me are a little bit euphoric I get I get into a place where I I my brain shuts down and you start becoming Primal about it and I love it you started posting what do you mean really you're the reason I put I cook jalapenos with every meal now jalapenos is one thing though but I consider jalapenos to be fairly mild dude honestly like

135:09there's there's some stuff that I there used to be a place in Burbank not Burbank in Cino called chil my soul did you ever go there no no maybe I did Ari and talked about it we it's one of those things we over always made plans to go there but we didn't go and then by the time we wanted to go the guy had died and it was a specialty chili shop where they only sold chili and they sold extreme temperature CH chili like insanity chili where you would have like a very mild chili which was really enjoyable a little spicy and there was a whole taste grid from like 1 to 10 and I had tried like a seven and it was insane how hot it was was and yeah they would give you these little Scoops like a like a you know like if you would get like a personal size little uh paper cup and you pump the ketchup in it at the Burger Shop you know those little paper cup things they give you one of

136:01those with the chili and a tiny baby spoon and you put it in your mouth and the temperature from like a nine would make you immediately start hiccuping snots flying out of your nose I mean flying imag crying but imagine people talking during that and you having to answer questions that's why the show is brilliant it's cuz you that you are the most vulnerable and you're like I don't know man whatever yeah I hear you it's so good why don't you do it that come on no man be great on it Joe i' I'd rather not you don't you sure you don't want to go to Paris with us definitely don't want to go to Paris with you definitely don't want F change the location of Paris where you want to go that's what I'm saying Colorado and we'll get a cabin for a weekend go hunting oh something weird no no go hunting I've always wanted to kill something for real yeah dude I've talked about for I want

136:49to know the I'll cry more than The Time Traveler's Wife but you think you would yeah really I think I would like when you I heard the podcast where you talked about this kill no that probably more like that one that was the first one I no no no it's the one that didn't have the Scruff off his hair oh that one died like that yeah but no but no it's not that but it was that he didn't have the Scruff off his hair yet really upset me well it's not that Scruff off his hair they grow new antlers every year I know but regardless I heard as a newbie like I heard you guys talk about all that like it was like a baby in my a baby and I got really emotional I was like I was like oh no that's a big ass deer yeah I didn't know they grew them every year I actually brought that that up a lot the most giant of giant deer they their antlers fall off every year even if it's

137:34like a 9-year-old deer which like an impossibly old deer every year their antlers fall off and those antlers are actually Bon which is really crazy I dude I I didn't know until like really recently recited all these facts to random people they they grow new bone every year and then it falls off and they grow that stuff in their head just so that they can fight to the death over yeah that's real yeah that's really why they grow it they they kill each other all the time we we stumbled across an elk that had been killed my friend cam stumbled across one this year and another friend of mine uh stumbled across one last year in California they' been killed by another one they just stab each other in the body and like puncture each other's lungs and they go to war and then he's like I'm a now that's what they do right after that's exactly what happen that's why

138:21they grow those things that's why the biggest ones always dominate because they can stab you from a further distance like it's a benefit of having these gigantic an right some are enormous so what's the benit what's the benefit of like a like when people go I got a 10-point deer does that mean it's that late in the season no no no no it means it's an old mature smart dominant male that's probably been dominating the area if you get a big deer with a lot of of antler those are the ones that are the bigger deers and those are the ones that are the most dominant in in terms of like spreading their jeans yeah let's go hunting Tom let's go H A lot of times the the the idea behind the conservation the angle is that if you hunt an animal like that you're hunting an animal that's already long spread its genetics so it's there's no danger of losing its genetics its genetics have been spread

139:11and it's actually better for the biodiversity of the environment if you let the younger bucks start breeding now as well that's super hotly debated though because uh some conservationists feel like you're you're better off leaving them in there as long as they survive it's it's really it's a very controversial sub Hunters tend to think that the idea is that if you uh can uh get them out of the food chain the younger bucks will have a chance to rise up become dominant I don't want to do it I don't want to go it's intense I just don't want to I don't want to do something You' enjoy I want to do something that Let's do let's do a Cameron Haynes ultra marathon oh you don't want to do that no no let's see if you can get furthest in Cameron Hy is ultra marathon that's what you want to try me and Ari oh my God AR's got knee surgery he's not going to do that he's not stupid okay let's do let's

139:59let's what's our next contest we have to have another contest Ari doesn't work out man AR but AR's integral in this contest because run marathon spin out is what makes it the funniest yeah if it was real spinning out I would agree with you it's obviously for comedic effect I know Ari very well yeah um and honestly in terms of like the fairness of the competition I benefited from this thing more than anybody I didn't have to lose any weight I had two awesome podcasts with you guys by All rights I should pay for it this has been a fun so let's figure out what to do what do you guys want to do you still want to go to Paris I could do whatever uh I I could do something else whatever you want to do let's figure out what you want to do figure out what you want to do and let's do it okay no but we need to get on this right now and put it in stone right now yeah why why does it

140:44have to be right now get all nervous I've had a lot of girls say they want to go home with me and then when I go stand by the door they're not there anymore okay we got to do this me me Joe you think he's not going to make you take him on a trip who Ari I mean where you I mean I'm saying anybody like you no I'm saying like why why do you why you think do you have to lock down I want to find something I want to I want to continue this bet continue oh so you want to take it to another place want to take it to a Next Level oh I see I I see it's not there's there going to be no not even a day off bro right back the because you know what man it gives you it gives you focus right it does it does gives you focus and it I enjoy it gives you something to look forward to like taking the girls to London like I was really bummed out about Christmas and then Christmas Eve I went I'll buy a all trip

141:27trip to London right like we're too comfortable with the lack of competition aren't we yeah yeah like you guys get sharpened by this experience didn't you I think so I'm a better bird a better bird better bird there is better is that the name of my tour yeah better why name our tours i' I've never named a tour no talk to old no teeth no access by the way by the way lean goes last night I did a joey was a no show for the podcast last night yeah I was hoping he would kind of put some weight on you Joey I I I saw him I saw him I saw him on his podcast and he was so high that you know very seldomly when you know when Joey's High when he starts doing stuff like this and he drinks WD he goes yeah I caught a rat in his hands at 8:00 I was like he's not making it and like I see him with Theo and like Theo was it was it was a great podcast Joey's podcast was great last night yeah but I

142:29watched it live and I was like he's not coming over so I was like lean let's do a podcast you did so I did a podcast with Leanne last night and uh halfway through she goes I had to edit it out she goes are is this is this good and I was like I don't know podcast with guys and girls like a comedian and his wife is aren't never funny and then she goes what about Tom and push I go it's different and then I edit it out she goes oh it's different huh like wow well she's a push is a comic yeah it's different powerful bir Cher throwing his wife under the bus hey y'all ouch that's what it sounds like to throw Le on the bus oh it's fantastic Tomy let's we PE yet isn't that right you guys are amazing you're not going to pee you probably won't have to PE for a while one two three three oh my God so three bottles of water two of those gigantic c2o coconut cans I've had

143:24half this handle and I've had I've had a drink and well I'm not losing any weight I shouldn't even compare myself man I tell you what it really kind of made me appreciate water I know I really appreciate water like meaning like like I was like you know you used to say that water champ and I was like I never got it really I was like I was like oh yeah water champ like I was like I I didn't find there's a good competition for us no but now I just let's to the Pocky champ and uh that's not fair yeah a giant leg up we in for what I love you okay come on me too let's take a big St let's do time it he goes have time Jesus Christ this could be a a show that's a contest between you two every month could be the greatest show the world has ever known I I would do it on heartbeat do you should someone has to develop it for online that's what it should be yeah it should be online

144:26because yeah forget all this nonsense trying to explain it to people that give you money and put cameras on it you don't have to do that anymore and not not that you've ever had bad relationships with any of those people but you won't be able to smoke pot you won't be able to be honest you won't be able to talk you won't be able to swear if you do it online you could just be you that's why podcasts are so good but it is why podcasts are so good and that's why people really know who you are you know I mean people know you from the Travel Channel and they love you from standup but till you see you y youu y youu couple couple shots joint in we're all having fun I like y you to kind of dial back a little bit the best part the best part of this is that like and this was the defining Mo turn in me where I'm at today was like all my friends you I I just say I I

145:16say specifically you Bill bur and Tommy were all like uh travel show is great but like you're better at standup and you're better at podcasting you're better at like being you and it was like one of those things where you go oh yeah maybe I am a better like maybe it that's the cool thing about the internet is that I don't want to be like hi guys welcome I'm bird Cher like I don't mind doing that for money but like well I'll tell you from someone who did it for five years and so I I did it alongside while you were doing it too and I know it's a really great job and your job's better than mine in terms of like the fun of it like the places you got to go rather than Fear Factor which is you know most of it was local occasionally we travel was fun it was fun crazy show no no doubt about it it was definitely a fun gig but the difference between that and standup is Giant and if you don't if

146:04you don't give standup the respect it deserves it becomes dog it just does it's it's it's just too hard to not it's too hard to not happen yeah yeah you got to do it all the time you got to do it all the time you got to do it all the time and if you're doing a gang of other on top of it where it's where you can't do stand up for months at a time like you were doing you're about to do a crazy though right I'm going 18 weeks straight on the road yeah that's where it comes from we haven't named the tour technically because I don't I've never named a tour but it how about that I have never named a tour I've never named a tour Bert Cher I have never named a tour perfect it's a great you do one every year I've never named a tour two I've never named a tour three I really likeed them ho the first one I ever saw that someone named one was uh Jen Kirkman she named a tour and

146:52I was like oh badass I saw that and I was like that's the first one you ever saw did you stay offline did you have a head injury no I never paid attention I never paid attention you've never seen it before I've never seen a person name a tour The Punisher tour Punisher tour who did what was the Punisher tour car messia Punisher tour was the first one I heard that everyone like was talking about they all like oh The Punisher tour Eddie Griffin named his tours back in the 990s dude what's up with Eddie Griffin I don't know I think he's doing that uh tour with uh who is it like George Lopez George Lopez Eddie Griffith Cedric and who else is one other person yeah let me tell you something man I tell everybody there's been a few sets there's been a few sets that I've seen where you know there's people that catch genius in a bottle man they just catch genius and it might be

147:47only for a short amount of time in their life it might be for a moment oh Eddie Charlie Murphy's on it too DL huy Cedric Entertainer is that JB smoo no no man that's Charlie Charlie Murphy son of a so it's called the uh comedy get down but they catch they catch lightning in a bottle and they nail it and for Eddie Griffin there was a um what was that HBO was it de Comedy Jam yes it was a de Comedy Jam special that Eddie Griffin did and I I'm pretty sure he was wearing shorts you're right he was are you serious I know which one you're talking about and he came out and he was so explosive with the way he just every punchline he was involved in was any semi- shirtless too wasn't it there was something going on something was loose please tell me you're picking up a a picture Jamie he was so it was like the way he was moving there was so much energy this is not it no no it was

148:43another one who was in a half hour special yeah is that what it was it was might have been I think you're right I think you're right it was an HBO I think he did this and then he did that yeah well anyway when he did that special whatever that special was and I watched parts of it I don't even know if I had I think I'd started doing standup I was just like an open micro at the time just kind of just getting going and I remember thinking holy like that guy just tapped into that weird rare spot where you could never imagine yourself doing it I don't I don't know if that's either man is that what it says it is he's got shorts on it his half short it might be it the colors look off but maybe it's just my memory he did Voodoo Child too I don't know if that was before this or after no no no I'm pretty sure that was a later one he's someone I wish I had seen live oh

149:31he's CRA Cat Williams Eddie so crazy he's a real nice guy though I'm not saying like they're dead but I'm just saying like I wish I'd been at the store when they were at the store but like Eddie Griffin I've always got along with that guy he's a super nice guy what about cat I don't know him I don't know I'm a big fan though a big fan of what he does can you do you like just out of curiosity do you not reach out to them to be on your podcast no if I run into them I would love to I would love to see Cat Williams and Eddie Griffin on your podcast yeah but you know what man I would too if they were around like it's it's a matter of like if I don't want to bug anybody you know especially nobody that I like cat I don't even know and Eddie I've known forever like if he's around never wants to do it if I see him at the store or something like that i' love what about what about Chappelle I

150:15would love to do with Dave and we've talked about it but we just never did it it's one of those thingses Dave was another guy like you don't want to I want to tie tie him down I text him we talk but he's a he's a super unusual guy man he's just doing his own thing and if he wanted to do it he would ask me and then he'd come and do it and we have Hey Joe let's do it and I be like it come on he's the only person he's he's the per the only person in the world that I consider the great white shark meaning when he walks in a room as a comic there's a weird energy where you're like like oh it's dve Chelle like but that's for me me and Tom probably were the same age but like he walked into the room when I was getting paid and dating one night just walked into the room um you know when you get your check it's like closed and he walked in the room and I just out of my

150:59corner I was like what the I was like oh my God and I I do not get uncomfortable around famous people but I was shaking and I was like doing like you're embarrassed about where you're posting up a little bit outside the realm of him going like where's everyone going tonight like do any like like but like did you know I was the headliner I'm guy that I was getting paid was like but he's one of those uh did you guys talk I never spoke to him yeah and he lives around there right in Dayton Silver yeah something that is that his Workout Club where he goes to around not anymore but they said he used to stop in all the time he used to stop in all the time I think does do it anymore I don't think so he popped into all the like Cincinnati area places too you know what he does man he'll just fly into a city with no plan yeah like and like when I was in Denver I go why are

151:47you here man he goes I just decided to fly in he's like they were going to uh the um Canelo Alvarez fight who's Canelo Alvarez fighting can Alvarez is the light skin Mexican dude who did he fight recently is that who the fight was it was some fight in Vegas hey Dave I'll be at the Wilbur Theater January 21st fly in I'll party with you beyond I'd love to party with Chelle my point was he just showed up out of nowhere he just flew into Denver I saw that picture that got like something like 249,000 likes well was just the the uh the video was hilarious what that's right what's that amiran fight is that what it is oh could be back does he roll solo might have been Liam Smith it might who the knows what fight it was then maybe I'm Maybe I'm Wrong maybe it was the Manny Pacquiao fight Pacquiao fight recently yeah he did right he's gone to see him fight a few times what fight was

152:45it was wasn't that long ago was when I was in Denver he goes to watch fights yeah just flies in watches some boxing matches he loves boxing Dave CH loves boxing really yeah he's got a buddy of his that's like a a a boxer and does like boxing training and yeah Jessie Vargas on November 5th weekend I think that was it oh maybe that was it yeah that's probably it but uh he just again he's like a version of Ari does whatever the he wants definely flies into places yeah comes and hangs out that's rad I know he's done the um that club that's like his favorite place in Denver yeah and they said that um he's just been like landed been like hey has anyone booked tonight I do a show and then we'll we'll just add nights if he feels like staying that's so crazy it's so awesome though yeah what's the most important I'll say it from the other side of you two and Chappelle is

153:41that I can't imagine what it's like for him to go there like and and be like how are ticket sales like you know what I mean like there's no such thing yeah as him saying that at a club but you think he says that no really never never really I mean not in 10 plus years for sure have you when was the last time you were like how are tiet sales for like a club for anything I no I have counts sent to me when things are sold out or not sold out so I can decide whether or not I should tweet it again or put it up on uh Instagram or something yeah I just look at like I wonder what it's like to be Chappelle and just go I'll do this and in four minutes everyone in that City would want to come to see me Daniel TSH put up a tweet and in a tweet he sold out like a whole tour in the yeah within like less than an hour the whole tour was sold out unreal man you to you

154:34did a show with him right yeah it was so fun i' I've worked with him it's a best he's a dude slaughtering it yeah he's crushing and doesn't give a gu what he wants yeah it does want to do interviews doesn't want to do anything stupid he's like I don't care coming from the guy who gives a 100% I'm like I'll do everything you need me to do hang out with him soak it in Daniel TSH is a smart dude yeah but he's he's untethered also like how so he's I mean it's very easy to go I'm not doing any press when you have the number one show on Comedy Central for what eight 10 years see what you're saying it's very easy untethered meaning yeah not controlled yeah but I bet you if it was like whatever top three or something you know like not the the leading thing you'd still see him being very much who he is oh he's still yeah I I I remember we did a show together in Miami and

155:24there was a Heckler in the front row and I I was featuring for him and I came off this the two weeks after Georgia was born almost 13 years ago and I said uh and he goes that's one way to do it and I go I go what would you have done and he goes I would have kicked him out you'll see he goes go watch and I ran around to the back of the club in Miami the old Miami Improv and Daniel Taj literally folded his arms and he goes I will not start the show until he's he's kicked out he they no one knew him no one knew any of his jokes yeah fold his arms goes I will not start the show until he gets kicked out and I was like in my head I was like I was like can't you can't believe you're going to throw this show for one dude in my head and by by the way you know you knew me at the time yeah and everyone starts booing and he's like no he goes no kick him out kick him out right now

156:11arms folded kick him out right now was the people booing at Daniel Tosh at the whole idea because I'd worked through it like I had gone I worked through it and that's why and so what was the original Heckle like what happened guy was a dick he was a redneck with a mullet red with a mullet and I want to say was Patrick S in my head the guy was shirtless I'm sure he wasn't but I remember him being shirt Story You're shirtless for seven years in a row stage every show you like this piece of with shirtless need I say more and he was like he was like enough said he literally the guy was like okay here's how it goes no so uh so I'm in the back and I'm watching this and then Tosh gets into it with the guy and the guy starts going you and TSH goes no you your night's over good night have a good night you know in a very TSH way I'm not doing it right but have a good night have a good night

157:00and then the guy goes I hope you die and then Tosh as the guy's getting walked out the door goes I hope you get AIDS this is in 1999 2004 and everyone groans and then Tosh looks at the audience in a moment and goes the good kind of AIDS like Magic Johnson AIDS where he starts opening movie theaters the place goes nuts and his first joke and this is old joke for Tosh so I'll say it his first joke is now it's in by very Urban Club he goes Kobe Bryant's so good at basketball he should be allowed to rape women and the place goes bananas he goes if I was his his attorney I would simply put in a highlight reel and go ladies and gentlemen the jury it's one white chick a year and and I sat in the back of the room I was like this is my new favorite comic I walked into the greement and waited for him to come out and I was like dude you're amazing he's a funny dude man he's a

157:55good guy too he's a very good guy like you can talk to him he's right there he really is there's no weird fake going on never has been either I saw him a few weeks ago in Melrose and he said uh how's the weight thing going and I go tweet tweet bird is fat please tweet bird and he goes he goes and just walked yeah for sure absolutely I I saw him in Hollywood and he or in uh at the store him and Jud app bumped me and he and I was like it was my my first set at the store ever as a paid regular and I I 45 44 years old and I'm and Tosh she's like I I'm sorry about this you know very cool and then I said uh how's everything he goes good how's everything with you I said good and he goes I go how's Malibu he goes perfect yoga meditation paddle boarding how are the kids you see it you just see it his eyes like vacation love that guy yeah he's a good dude yeah you ready to get a

158:53Puerto Rican beard yeah I mean we could do a 5 Hour podcast and just keep drinking I'm don't mind it's up to you dude but it's about uh 215 what time do we start this pitch 11:30 yeah do we get did youing bar 15 minutes I got a little tweezer thing or a little oh Clipper right there you ready to do this Tommy yeah hold on Tommy Tommy's just decided is happening so are you going to go with there's a bunch of attachments to that Jamie depending on how close and if you want a sculptor or Contour or anything along those lines but are you g to try to do the prints you think Tommy um here's what I want to do I want to I want to bring all this out and then bring the bottom out okay right right put a nice line make it yeah line you're going to sculpt it yeah yeah yeah this is going to be a pro job okay um what about the stash that's what I'm saying I want to bring no this one this down oh

159:51what is this oh there that's right that's God oh my God it might have to be this but then but if you do that he's just going to shave that off on that looks good people that's what I'm going for just know that that's oh my God oh my God all these pictures pictures of dude's beards are so ridiculous it's a better bird there's nothing better than the Jaguar guy though or the leopard guy was unbelievable the leopard guys off the charts I got to put this on my phone too cuz I don't want to show my daughter you want me to hold it no no no no no hold on I'll just Jamie you going with a wide angle so I can move over there okay I'm G move over here you guys with a beard with my on it total gut health and oh ready I feel like I put it I should put it in like a a ram want me to hold it no I'll get I figure this out uh yeah but I want you to be a part of it I don't want you to not right here though

161:01I know but I don't want you to have to focus on me on you holding it give me that thing shut up I'm right here I'm just going to rest it right here do I have am I getting hair all in me right now Tom you're gonna get a little bit of hair on you hold on let's let's tighten this up oh you got your passwords son oh it's uh 44877 Jesus Christ B good luck finding my phone well now now it became a challenge just like the weight loss challenge want to do find your phone challeng the internet a bunch of Sy dicks hold on hold on everyone your I'm all tight up don't with my hair like my actually hair hold on hold on uh do you want to go give me portrait or landscape and which one is which land landscape flip it this way now I'm going to have to do the editing on this okay hit stop record no hit record okay we're recording right now okay hold on I'm putting this here I'm going to

161:55take a sip okay uh brick Cher please explain to the people what's about to happen and why my Beard's getting shaved because I challenged Tommy buns on a beard challenge on who lost most weight and he lost a collective like six pounds more than me I failed go ahead but you did succeed in losing a ton of weight I lost I lost uh 35 pounds I think so I I'm happy that at least I'm not as fat as I am just start what if you look better before we do this this I will not what if you look better what if you decide like I like the new Bert maybe the new Bert I doubt it maybe the new BT doesn't doesn't sabotage things maybe the new Bert with this new beard oh I'm already uncomfortable with this here we go so Tommy buns insisted in shaving a beautiful pattern worked so hard on that area you worked hard what did you do I just grew it out and I've sculpted it this is all sculpted area this is

162:59vulnerability how's it sculpted what I do is I I went to a black barber shop and I taught them how to teach my cut my beard you taught them I asked him I asked him sounded how presumptuous so high just as your laugh that I'm not laughing where's the microphone on these things I might have had my finger over the microphone on your cell phone that's okay I hope I don't no I don't I don't I'll steal the audio from the podcast and it seems like you're going really high no no it looks good so you're sculpting it you're not entirely shaving it off Tommy well talk to the microphone please I mean so far hold on Tommy why have you decided to why are you going so high that's really high that's not even jawline Tommy why have you decided to sculpt it and not completely shave it off I just I this is a guy where like I see so much potential and I just want it I want it

163:55to maximize like oh where you going where you going people your phone is exploding with text messages while I'm holding this up I can barely look at it cuz the screen keeps filling up with text messages he giving you a Hitler I'm not he's giving you a Hitler son oh my God this is so stupid what's wrong with us we're all adults what the is wrong with us it looks so cool right now oh my God B can I please see it oh my God oh my God so you're doing the prince now Jes oh my God I can't breathe out my mouth oh my God this is so stupid oh it's really high it's really high is is this the first time you shaved another man yeah but I've thought about it a lot what are you doing why you cutting that area out I still feel the same right now ha in my mouth what are you doing to got so much hair in my mouth Jamie what about what are we doing what are we doing you can't drink right now son you're in

165:49labor you're giving birth to the new bir oh do I have a rash oh this is hilarious Tommy you're an artist you know what you should do Tommy what's that you should once a year offer the sculpt uh a Fan's beard you're a goddamn artist dude does it look good Joe it looks amazing really this should be the new thing that people do go back to like sculpting beards yeah that could be a show be that could be a show amaz that's all the fluid I have in my body this could be a show you do on the Travel Channel where uh you all get up and you get someone and you shave their beard into a SC the Deep area right there oh don't go too high don't you're see you're going high what is that what was that move that's vulnerability oh you look really good actually really yeah for real yeah you're going to like this this is this might be the greatest greatest time I've ever had on a podcast

167:08we're pretty clar yeah all right so for people just listening what Tom has done is sculpt Bert's beard and what could best be described as uh a fencer from the 1600s in France a fencer yeah you look like either that or uh or someone who would lie about being Puerto Rican cuz they're really from like somewhere that no one's ever heard of and they're tired of people saying where the is that they go it's yeah I'm just Puerto Rican how's it look it looks very Spanish like but New York City fly you might stick with it you actually might oh for real he's a goddamn artist imagine if it turns out that Tommy buns is the Premier beard artist in North America I mean more people are watching this than watch the way really how many people are watching this 24,000 that's so ridiculous I feel like you might really be happy with this you're getting really close to me sorry

168:16are you going to keep this or are you going to turn toward me please huh that's actually not bad and I'm not bullshitting are you serious I'm not bullshitting at all kind of want to be surprised let me see it's not bu I'm not bullshitting you look good dude God feels you know what and here's here's the thing man look at yourself oh my God I look like I work at Planet of the Apes I look like a monkey no no I do this do not look good this does not look good Joe I think it does look good look at all the hair on me you get an earring on each ear a big hoop like a pile yeah but I look like I I feel like you rent he rent jet SK for sure I quickly you said yeah you didn't even think it's real like what a good idea definitely definitely two giant hula hoop earings oh sh take your phone buddy oh my God looks pretty good yeah oh holy can you see yourself performing like that

169:15yeah yeah of course you have to for a while right well no I'm G to shave it off tonight no no no you should definitely go on stage for the for the audience the people that are going to appreciate they want to see you knowing exactly what happened you fix he's going to fix it he's not done you know that's what's weird we never really determined when he's done so Tom can like step back look at it and decide to do some changes I see the rash oh the rash oh my God he found the rash yeah man sometimes we have rashes ladies and gentlemen it's not your fault I know you feel like you did something naughty that the Lord punished you with a rash but that's just superstitious rash is in fact oh really bacterial infections on the surface of your skin feel so weird it's definitely better now I recommend defense soap let me see I say just a mustache all that squirly little

170:08bottom hair if you want to make him keep it for a while yeah I'll keep it for a while I'm a grown man I'll go home and shave no no no mustache how about this what we get rid of all this crazy now we know what it looks like give you a goddamn police's must good man you actually look I feel like I look like a monkey for real let me see you you look like you look like a topnotch bowler from Wisconsin you're a dude who's on like World Series of bowling and everybody fears you like the Bill Murray character can you imagine making out with me in the dark and you're like what is that on the top oh this be covered in a beard what was that movie Kingpin great Kingpin movie good and he starts flirting with the girl and he goes not you yeah yeah oh IM remember when uh he had to have sex with his landlord in order to pay for the rent nothing like that to loosen up his he's throw it

170:58up into the toilet you remember that he um he has the planned like robbery with the guy and then uh sorry my face in it then he uh he throws hot coffee and that guy face because he has to act like that it wasn't a scam you know like like the landlord comes in he's like what you're here and he just takes hot coffee and splashes and they guy like screams for his life oh Jesus Christ this feels so weird this looks I can only imagine it feels weird cuz I didn't know my face would be this close to my bones well dude you guys if you just don't do it like this like this craziness but just keep going healthy style you know I mean we got to figure out a way to get you guys to not I mean let's be honest if you're not there's no way to do it like if you if you if you if there is a target weight you're going to dehydrate yourself right you're going to never no one very seldom

171:59does someone go I'll get below that you post that picture of me is it hard to talk to me right now we're going to get totally used to it but I do suggest you keep the mustache I think it's a wonderful accouterment to your face okay it helps your party man image and again you look a curling champion from Saskatchewan you look like a duck hunting guide it looks like a totally different person it's so wild should do head shot while you look like a guy who teaches people how to fly fish the guy that knows the difference between a malard duck exactly well that's a diver duck look all totally different kind of meat you look like you definitely live in your hometown you know for sure yeah and you got a penoil tattoo I like this bottom mustache how does it look good it looks really good really yeah you should see it closer let me see your Instagram I do think there's

172:59something to be said for bringing back a mustache there's a few people who do it it's a strong look no it looks good it looks like the look at yourself up there oh oh oh I need to get my teeth cleaned Jesus this just looks sad no it doesn't no it looks like a guy it looks like a guy who lost a ton of weight just not enough to win a competition got a mustache if you rock this look and you go back up to 256 that would be that would be an inter so let me ask you guys this CU we're probably near in the end of this experience yeah um how you guys going to go forth like this most of this was healthy for you Tom I think the majority of it was healthy except for the last couple days yeah the actual trying to make the weight and Bert at the very least like you curbed some of your Insanity you know you curbed it to the point where you lost a tremendous amount of weight you know I mean it's you got

173:53to feel lighter and better right so how do you how do you move forward now do you uh go back to life as usual or do you start another contest uh we can start another contest I'm totally comfortable with that it seems like ber wants to start another contest I want to start another contest I want Ari to be involved too cuz I like Ari's welin so we got to get him in like this called we should do this online I guess you but the challenge doesn't have to be wait this time it can be something be what could it be um could be anything man that's the crazy thing about the internet we could do whatever the we want right true whatever we come up with we could just do yeah no right you guys can compete in stuff that doesn't even suck right like it doesn't have to be something that sucks like trying to drain your body and person go around the world the fastest H that sounds like a

174:41Bert thing though no I'm just trying to think I'm just trying to Ballpark you guys H but a bunch of different but the idea is like a competition show between the two you guys would be amazing yeah CU it would be in the best spirits too like here's the thing about competition like this right there was there was never any animosity so after it's over we're all laughing whereas like if you have a fight for instance and uh two people don't like each other in particular yeah there's always animosity before and after people are pissed it's always chaos we should get wives involved dude you're trying to you're trying to get this personal son no our wives That's cuz that's the untapped area they're both happy this is over no I think I I I like this I I I'm telling you right now I'm not adverse to doing another competition at all and I I think it should be something crazy well

175:31here we are in January right okay this is the beginning uh first couple of days of January 2017 why don't we knock it around for a few months and we'll figure out how to finance some other competition like yeah so instead of uh well let's just figure out like what would be a fun thing to do and a difficult thing to do like right two things Parts the key factors yeah yeah like what would be a fun thing to do but also a difficult thing to do where you guys could do it as a competition it would be a big deal for you to the point where winning it would be valuable you'd want to like really work hard towards it it be worth your dedication dude we could even bring like sponsors involved I guarantee you it'd be like it' take like 5 minutes to figure out what sponsors would be interested in whatever kind of competition we figured out and we could do something really fun

176:24we could do something really fun yeah like what would you guys want to do like what seems like a fun competition Adventure what do you want to do there I don't know I just want to go there oh really yeah I think racing racing that's fun let's see first person to get across United States get the first was that a sentence no um yeah you could definitely do that uh you do like a Cannonball Run type thing I wouldn't say that one of you like you do a lot of CrossFit and you do a lot of exercise one neither one of you has like any immense physical advantages like if you started in a physical competition right now right like if you guys wanted to do some crazy you know you know those crazy Marine things they do where they climb over poles dud let's go SEAL training oh listen to me don't do that no just listen to me that's worse than dehydrating for sure I'm talking about some crazy like one of

177:22those obstacle courses we have to like swing from the monkey bars and climb on the pole and all that jazz and climb up the net the the Rope net race each other doing something like that and make a a big deal out of that that would be fun you guys would have to get in sick shape fireman training fir Training American Ninja American Ninja Matt Iceman's on that but the problem is like like do you really think you could even complete that I could get halfway through it man I'll tell you I'm not that Mick man jeene for sure I move my body pretty good and I watch that on TV and I go I I think I'd probably fall off one of those things I'll call M Matt ican right now he can get us on the course and you're tell me what you be able to get halfway through and fall down uh I can definit this is how a bet starts I can definitely get halfway through well what do you think You' be able to do I've

178:09already done the training no no I'm saying him sorry oh definitely more than half but I I think we could all so find you couldn't get past the lily pads I think the the whole thing why don't we find a course that is like what you're saying difficult wipe out wipe out they don't do anymore unfortunately that would be an easy one to set up because Matt CIT was one of the executive producers of Fear Factor oh oh really yeah that was his show yeah the people who uh created Wipeout and made wipeout in America they were uh most of them were friends of mine but like like a triathlon like something mil Triathlon would be a dude if you really wanted to do that serious commitment let's IR the Iron Man will come in and sponsor us we start TR go to the death dude I want to take it to the next level now that you have him over the Rob spur wants to go to the death he

178:55wants to drown you in the ocean he wants he wants the possibility that he'll be swimming away and he looks back and a shark takes you go to the Iron Man yeah what's the uh what is the it's like it's a a short race it's a Marathon you got to run 100 miles full Marathon you got to R ride 100 miles on a bike and you got swim a couple miles right no dude hey I know the guy at Spartan Race I know the guy what exactly are the parameters like what anything what is this Jam that battlefrog thing they show on ESPN sometimes it's like teams relay races but they could probably do it oh we could do battlefrog oh look at this you'd have to run up this thing it's like a Navy SEAL obstacle course basically it's the same what's really fascinating about you guys is that you both love each other and you're both interesting combination of impulse and discipline R ridiculous fanatical

179:47like scramble Sprint to catch up versus slow steady marathon pace and it's really funny man and laughing hard the whole way the tip of the spear who made those Graphics you don't make the tip of the spear and make it in neon green you that's not scary tip of the spear out there jabbing at the enemy with cartoon colors is that going to be our our thing then we're going to find a course no what what we should do is turn this TV show go into like Ultimate Fighter competition thing where we be both have teams of losers like us let's yeah let's bounce around a bunch of ideas and not commit to any of them let's try to figure out like what would be the best idea to have a fun competition between you guys that would benefit you cuz you guys both benefited in a huge way from doing this you both look amazing like dude I showed your video to my wife of you um joking around

180:38about the work was already done that your work was already done and she was like holy they just went holy like they look at you your skin looks healthy your your face looks thinner I was like that you look vibrant you look like your body had more energy to it thanks man I definitely do I mean it's you know it's a lot of weight to then you always think about like man I was just walking around with that every day it's too crazy and we talked about it yesterday and sometimes people think we're insensitive when we talk about this like the subject of fat shaming whether or not fat shaming is a good thing it's never a good thing to be mean to people but it might not be the worst thing in the world to feel uncomfortable about the current State you're in if you know that State's unhealthy and attaching all these like magic words to it like fat shaming and deciding that

181:20certain actions can never take place or certain acknowledgments of someone's issue with their weight can never be discussed because it hurts people's feelings it doesn't necessarily always do that person a service like we'd all be better off if we were healthy it feels great to eat Crispy Cream Donuts but you know what feels better to eat Crispy Cream Donuts after you lost 40 pounds and you know that tomorrow you're going to get back on the treadmill yeah you know and you're going to start eating healthy again give yourself reward days but don't let it control your goddamn life and don't wrap it up and wrap that criticism and protect yourself from that criticism and a blanket of these stupid rules like like don't ever talk about someone being fat or don't ever discuss it or don't don't make them feel uncomfortable about it you're supposed to be feel uncomfortable about something that you

182:04can change but if you don't is going to kill you and if you do it's going to make you feel way better like that's encouragement it's all it's the only way to encourage people about certain things that are uncomfortable is to make them uncomfortable it's there's no way around it it's no way someone's going to find out their overweight and not have it feel bad I think the uncomfortable feeling is probably like the biggest Catalyst like that's what makes you do stuff I think so too man you know it's an uncomfortable thing it's like someone being brutally honest with you about something that you don't like about yourself and then you act on it yeah dude I I I just think that we we definitely could use more nice people in the world we could definitely use each other being Kinder in the world for sure but when you're when you're dealing with certain situations like at the very least you

182:54have to be Stern with people over certain issues like if someone has a drug problem someone has a weight problem yeah I'm not looking at you ber I can't you're fine like you're doing great like you're a partyer there's a difference between someone who's got a problem whose life goes to and a guy like you Works constantly and also just lost 30 pounds as a matter of fact you might be like the perfect drawing line in the s and like here's a productive guy that's enthusiastic about his partying partying but he's also a great family man a great podcaster a great comedian you're you're having fun you're being very productive you're doing various TV shows and on top of that you're partying yeah like and this is the line you like when is it bad for you when is it destructive to you well when it's good for your life and you're having a good time as well like you've managed it

183:38correctly I think the uh oh I'm so high powerful so far wish I hadn't been that you're the highest functioning party guy i' got hair all over me that's what it is for sure I am the highest functioning Party Guy probably but but you also just lost 30 pounds like an animal dude yeah you went hard man you ran 24 miles in a day or 22 miles in a day that's hardcore yeah that's hardcore man that's not something someone who's like oh you Tommy you beat me now I'm going to feel depressed like you both of you guys are savages you guys both dug youru heels into the ground and actually did it yeah what you did is super hard to do you lost almost 50 pounds dude yeah it's a lot Tommy it's insane I know you lost like a good solid kettle bell good one of those big ass 50 I honestly want to see that picture of mostly stories again cuz that doesn't look like the same human being dude if

184:35you if your whole world is going to be a different thing you're going to be going through life lighter you'll have better ability to move through life like literally like if you if I if someone told me hey man from now on look at your chw your jaw oh it's crazy yeah if someone told me hey man um from here on out you're going to be healthy everything's going to be great you know you're not going to have to worry about diseases but you're going to have to wear a 50 lb vest everywhere you go I'd be like and then I start thinking about the pressure that's going to put on my lower back and on my knees and on my ankles and that's exactly you see from overweight people it's exactly the issue yeah if you got to live life with all that extra it it it requires too much resources but you guys did one of the hardest things that a person can do you stopped your pattern in its tracks and you turn the

185:30battleship you used your will and your discipline you turned the battleship in a competition between friends and you both got healthier because of it maybe temporarily unhealthy in the last couple of days because of the dehydration but other than that the weight L how you put on since you since we started like consuming I'm going to be 227 huh you think you put on that much oh yeah 100% 7B climb on cuz I don't want to lose the B to Hari no no no you already we in over man you already weighed in but we already removed Ari from the equation anyway you have a drink in your hand though got an idea for a challenge too uh oh Jam's got an idea how much what's the we 227 227 that how dare you how dare you I definitely have put on that's bizarre it's water weight man it's it's bizarre when you I wouldn't see what you are water weight is I mean each one of these things as we

186:24said is a pound right that's not that bad how much same amount same amount we both gain 9 lb oh my God both gain 9 lb that's insane in water weight that's insane now here's the thing how bad do you feel have a seat for a second like do you feel bad like if I feel great if you had to go on a foot race right now do you think you'd be okay dude I'm a monster right now really I feel I I'm the I'm being dead serious the best I've ever felt physically in my entire life but be but even though you just lost all this weight like dehydrated yourself that didn't what I'm asking is like how much have you recovered from the way you felt when you came in to weigh in cuz you felt like right oh I feel so much better since I we weighed in 100% right right but do you feel like you could go run not right now I'm loaded with pizza and vodka okay but if you weren't like if you weren't like you

187:12feel like physically you feel I just hydrated that that I think I think a lot of times what you're talking about fast shaming is that people don't understand what it feels like to be on the other side of that you getting more vodka you guys ever had this it's uh it's water yesterday came here like a month ago great is yeah I bought a whole case of it I couldn't find it the stores I think you can get it online where'd you get it online I did it on Amazon it's Stevia flavored soda but it's got zero sugar and it's just and Stevia is like a natural plant-based um sweetener so it doesn't with your blood sugar level taste good I still don't have to pee either four bottles of water two of these that's amazing you guys are awesome well you are the water champ though I'm going to take a picture of that before we leave CU it is quite Preposterous cuz you've had a drink too

187:57yeah so Tommy has had two these big ass cans just kill it like a grownup no that's a sip like a are 16 o cans how many ounces are in those cans of c2o coconut water these are 17.5 Jesus Christ he killed two of those and then 46 Oz Waters yeah I'm on number five by the way if you're one of those people that's like oh coconut water tastes like toilet water no tastes like jizz and it's delicious hey hey coconut you're allowed to steal that and put that in a ad if you want to get the right coconut water you got to get it from Thai uh Thai coconuts coconuts are very sweet have you ever had the tiki ones that are mocha that have caffeine in them those are really good too man yeah those are good too but those have a lot of sugar in them unfortunately I mean they're really young yummy but they they do have a lot of sugar in them you know what really is the best like there's a

188:46company that has it where it's fresh coconut water past yeah yeah yeah it's like harmless Harvest I think called that is the best the best the best the best really it's pure coconut water and you drink and it's just like your whole body just go a coffee flavored one they have a coffee flavored oh yeah that's a different one that's a different one but yeah their coconut water is unbelievable people get mad if you start talking about coconut water or kale you're the you're the person that introduced me to coconut water really interesting first good and I'm actually already used to it I'm used to it already too it's all man all right guys listen man when I was scared to shave my head I was I was before I shaved my head I was thinking about it for like a couple of days I was like should I do this should I shave my head cuz it was just getting more and more janky looking up there it

189:29was just given out I was I was you in five years and I was like it's almost over I just got to give in and then when I finally shaved it I was like God damn it what was I why didn't I shave it a long time ago this is way way better it's way easier you just look different right like and people are everyone's we're all afraid of looking different for some weird reason yeah you know but there yeah you're right unless different is better you know but I do look like I feel like I work at Deadwood but on the Southside this would be here's one of the actually the big things about how this has turned out because you've lost so much weight the impact is not like if you had been full 250 something oh my God and this it would look wor but you lost 30 some pounds so it actually you know you should keep it I think that mustache looks good I think the mustache at the

190:20very least should stay not sure about that that chin hair but I kind I really want to use a razor I haven't used razor like 12 years yeah they've been going BL up go get a real shave o yeah go to a barber and sit in the chair didn't you already say that you went to a black barber I went to a black barber but he just trimmed my beard well go there again and he'll trim your beard get a real shave yeah do you guys feel better after this is all over or do you feel physically drained today I'm really tired man I mean I'm but we also smoke the dehydration right the that was rough no that I like that what the drugs and alcohol oh yeah that's your favorite part but I mean like up until then um you rehydrated a little bit before you started boozing right didn't you yeah I drank a lot but uh I feel fantastic right now I feel really good cuz I feel like I've earned a lot

191:09of stuff like today I had two pieces of pizza this is the way my brain's working right now but I already know that I've burned um all my Fitbit I guess it's dead no it's not I've burned uh 3,200 calories already damn dude this morning wow that's amazing so um I I'm excited for like a to make I get these these stoam cups these 32 and I'm excited to make a big ice water and sit why don't you guys have a Jiu-Jitsu match why don't you guys train for three months and have a Jiu-Jitsu match do that I'm in I'll do that that's what I'm talking about wait we need coaches though oh we we can get you those okay that's good wait but but I like 150 Grand on the line we might be able to get that I'm in we might be able to get that okay is there a second place uh Second Place what a second place get second place what's the loser yeah do the loser get nothing does the winner

192:22the winner gets something the loser gets dog they get nothing zero I don't know that's usually how it works it seems exploitative oh really yeah I think the winner should get more the losers should get less but the loser the loser should be compensated just for competing yeah I got you what if uh the loser gets oh yeah the loser gets to go on the trip in this yeah well this case like it's not like you guys are betting $150,000 this is that Ari is the the the he's the uh I love my friend and I must protect him from his Tendencies so I will assume the fiduciary aspects of this negotiation from here on out thank you uh it's the what's what was John what was John Travolta in the in that movie Get Shorty he was The Vig AR's The Vig John Travolta was in Get Shorty he was uh yeah he was right he was a bookie I don't remember that movie at all why I remember the

193:16name movie came out that movie he's like I want to be a Hollywood producer and he wrote a script God damn it why am I having such a hard time remembering that movie yeah or he or he has the script he's like he's like I'm the producer of this there's a few of those movies that you loved when they came out like A Bronx Tale yeah fantastic and then you watch it on TV like why is this completely gone from my memory dude that oh and this does not remember is so funny in this movie God I got to see that movie he so what year is that 9 what was it 95 wow you remember the Jean Hackman scene with the the guy that died um cop the former cop plays that uh he plays that Miami gangster in this movie and he flies out to get his money from him from Jean Hackman look at how good damn man I don't remember this movie at all it is a high possibility that I never saw oh no I saw this movie I remember

194:08that violent scene a sequel too there he is that's the guy Dennis for isn't it man he's so funny in that oh he's funny in everything that guyy great he died recently dely Lindo is my favorite black James that they beat him up oh Jesus Christ I should watch that again yeah this is great we should do a fight companion we watch it we should watch it here yeah let's watch Get Shorty in here too man have a couple of drinks get baked and watch Get Shorty and talk and we'll tell people to SN it up let's do one hey let's do that for real I haven't seen this movie in forever let's do it I barely remember anything in this movie like I I might have seen this movie when it came out and completely forgot about it since then I've never seen it since so it'll be a total surprise if Jamie kills these previews kill it kill it previews let's do one with Ryan Reynold for uh Van

194:59Wilder do you want to do that yeah is that GNA be weird because you haven't seen it have you seen it no I've never seen it you never saw the movie that was based on a story about your life in college that seems crazy to me uh if we're going to be honest about it yeah you know I never could I never had the validation that I had now in my life where his company says that that's what it was based on right so I'd say it on radio and so I didn't want to ever watch it so I felt like I was lying did they pay you no never no so that could be fun Awkward Moment no but I think Ryan Reynolds is into it I mean his his company says he's into it I think he'd be into it into watching it live with us we all get baked and have a few drinks I I don't know I don't know Ryan sure I don't know him either I don't know why he invite him you don't even know him I like I like how you made the assumption

195:49that he'd be like into it well they said they do gets baked on the internet they said he' on my podcast oh really yeah they said he'd do it on my podcast and I was like you should definitely do that man who in who like took your story and brought it over there and profited from it uh some writer and there was it was never an issue because it wasn't really you it was based on you or stories about you that they added a bunch of um the option was made by a company uh by an agency a literary agency and they uh took it and they sold it with me and the uh writer of the article attached so the the movie had to be about a journalist writing an article about a party animal right that was the caveat so then I got I discovered by Will Smith and that deal fell apart and the oler stone deal fell apart and then one of The Producers or one of the writers who had submitted scripts or or sent a

196:41script in and and it was moving forward and they thought that was going to be the one when it fell apart he just took it and sold it to Van Wilder or to National Lampoon and they made it van water wow yeah so I I I didn't really have any attachment to any of it I never got paid for any of it and I didn't make any of it but at the same time like my my best friend in college his name's in the movie and so like like so weird yeah but I I don't I have no bitterness towards it I don't care I don't give a well that's good it's it's a little sidebar to your to your life are you put don't stop putting on I got to get going man no why where we got a podcast today yeah what you did one yesterday I'm not doing one where do you have to go where you going uh I'm just ready to go no why do you do that see I would never do that why podcast is 8 hours old yeah man what what what what time are we at

197:33right now it's um we're about 3 hours in how many minutes 10 317 oh we got to do another 12 minutes at least to we'll wrap it up to the the the top of the hour yeah top of the hour the top of the hour okay okay why how do you get like that well that's just how I am why well like you guys are funny this is like impulsive versus discipline this is slow steady Marathon versus Sprint while you're drunk yeah listen it's not both are virtuous there's virtue in both both birth strategies uh will pay dividends they both will bear fruit we should do a tour together when I get famous I love it because you guys are so uh you guys are so opposite ends of this uh Spectrum when you get famous you guys should do a tour together what you're saying that's what you're saying you're famous no you don't think you're famous you don't think people know who you are you just told me about the Rams game

198:26where some guy yelled out the machine multiple people didn't stop doing it yeah I wore my name on the back of my Jersy right uh no I no you're a good level of Fame dude F Fame I like I like uh I I'm being dead serious when I say this I love the way people that don't know that I'm friends with Tom I love the way they talk about it stand up like when we they're like there I'll say something about you and they'll go oh you know Tom skura oh my God like his standups it's my favorite it's my favorite special ever mostly stories my favorite special ever I love that that's what I like yeah it's always nice when you can tap into a bunch of people that kind of feel about somebody the way you feel about them yeah Bill Burman has been my favorite person cuz we all can agree he's maybe our favorite guy doing standup right now but man and uh I love him tomby just gave the Mets a Mets hand

199:17he's all right he's all right yeah he's definitely in this like rare group of people that I seek out to watch yeah to stand up he's tremendous man he's tremendous yeah and I think there's also like it's a really good thing like just like you guys were talking about the competition of uh the weight loss and the fun inspiring you there's at least some sort of uh unconscious competition when you're surrounded by people that are really funny yeah and like where we're at store yeah man right where we're at right now today in LA in 2017 is a really rare time where this like we're surrounded by Killers you know and guys people don't even know like Owen Smith you ever see Owen Smith at The Comedy Store it's been a while hilarious Santino you've seen San we talked about him yesterday hilarious there's a gang of these kids and and men and women and a a bunch of people coming up there's a

200:10bunch of people coming up that are really funny yeah it's uh it's awesome time man I work with a bunch of dudes that are super funny that come with me now uh Josh Potter have you done with him yet he stinks I just like I know for what it's like to be Josh Potter right now and hear your name brought up on the podcast and go and then go oh why would they on me no I where's the full charge I haven't seen him in Forever he's with me in uh West Palm keep take full with you I love take full charge a bunch he's the best full charge he's a good man Jeff Tate you've had Jeff Tate on right nope you've never had them on nope never had je t on no yeah yeah it's great there's a lot of good ones um I took Don Horton with me to uh The Comedy Works in Denver how was that great he's a funny dude man you know there also funny dude Josh Martin Josh is hilarious he's a hilarious

200:59dude I said to him was I was like hey you should do the road more and he was like why can't get off Thursdays or Sundays and I was like well that's the road like like we were just bullshitting I was like well that's the part the time I need you those the nights I don't want to do it either right oh Carlos Valencia you know him yeah super funny super funny like the the 2017 roster like the people that are coming up right now that people are just starting to get to know them yeah they're the most educated in all of like the young group of comics that are coming up all of them you know all these young men and women that are getting into standup now they've they've experienced the whole internet boom during their adolescence you know like they they grew up with it but they're comedy fans comedy fans and the internet boom has allowed them to have access to

201:48everything I when we were kids we'd have to go find a Bill Cosby album you know we we used to have to find a Kennison cassette or a dice cassette we had to go find a Richard prior CD you know yeah it was hard you to go seek it out like now it's instant the moment you get it in your head that I would like to see some comedy almost everyone has some kind of a computer today dude you know I just remember when you said that when I used to open for Bert and like really early on uh see how hard he would kill like he kills so much harder than most people can understand and I would try to mimic some version of what he was doing so you know what I mean cuz like he had such this energy energy and his the way he so I would go up there and I'd do my ACT but I'd be like like try to express like what he does and like I had a friend who was like hey man you look real crazy up

202:43there right now like he told me afterwards I trying to be like the best the best my like maybe my favorite time in in my friendship with Tommy is when uh when you bombed in Sacramento I've never enjoyed W like you know how like it's a real bad bomb too it was like what started it no uh a rape joke but but oh dude it was said nothing was it at least tasteful well it was I wasn't like endorsing it I was making it was of course it was a rap here it was you remember Hurricane Katrina right so that happened and there was stories that that I think that amidst all the chaos people were getting raped right and I opened with something like something like you know there's nothing like a floating corpse to get me in the mood to want to F somebody and then I would elaborate on the story and have jokes and it would started there and it was the early show Friday and I mean that now only did that

203:53I get a laugh and I'm telling you it's a full house I got no laughs for the next 22 and a half minutes and I know it was 22 and A2 minutes cuz I was supposed to do 25 by the way Tom had his hair his hair was long at the time it was like a combover and what would happen is slowly as he worked it would flatten onto his hat on his head on his face and just be wet and it I was wetting a lot man and then when I got off stage the lady goes I thought you were supposed to be funny and I was like yeah you know cuz you're just like so vulnerable You're like who the lady the booker yeah and she managed it and uh did you do any other sets there that week oh wait there's a 10 o00 show 10 o00 show I opened the same way and I bombed just as hard backto back 25 minute sets just as hard of like and and then I remember the host goes I've never seen a feature bomb like that like he

204:44was he was and he was the MC and then I really was like you know like having to lie to myself at the hotel I was like I don't know what the I'm doing but I was like no it's definitely you know what you're doing and and like it was it was a shaky thing and then the next day Berke goes uh hey can I tell you just one thing and I go yeah what he goes just open on a different joke just open on a different joke do exactly everything else just open on a different joke and I go okay I go out there I do what he said I have to that point probably the best set I've ever had and then I go to the manager who's behind a curtain in the kitchen and I go well and she goes well what did you do your set and I go you definitely just heard what happened there was like there's 300 people out there and she was like did it go well or was it just like last night I was like you and then I went back

205:37and and the same thing I did the same thing the second show just opened differently and I was like oh thanks BT that's the best advice I ever got for Wow through that it's hard if people don't know who you are if you jump out there and alienate them with a up joke yeah and then they tell me later they're like well you know that first group there was like a 90 Mormons that just wanted to see a like a Mormon basball team Mormon uh yeah group came well what in the is that that's what they used to do they used to sell sell out the place to a church and then you didn't know you were performing for a church Mormons would be fine if they could drink I like Mormons but I mean at a comedy show you get pills are crazy I know they do yeah I know they do I party with a bunch and you I bet you have they're allowed to God pills aren't in their Doctrine no pills they can do

206:21pills they pills they can do Monster energy drinks too but they can't drink coffee they can load up on those gigantic you know those huge cans of red bll that you look at them you go no yeah don't drink that oh they're they have all s of weird loes even Monster Energy never never they're awesome if you want to stay hey what do you like on Coke I'm uh that sounds like a guy trying to blow you no but no like like cuz I know you partied really much harder than I've ever partied but you you're so even killed even when you get high I go you're not even up wait a minute you really think that Tommy has partied much harder than you've ever partied I know that and he knows that do you think that's true 100% he's making reference to one occasion I've never overdosed yeah that's true Tommy's overdose what did you overdose on I took uh way I drank too much GHB and then I I took some ecstasy and then

207:22I had like 12 13 screwdrivers oh my God that that was a freshman in college oh my God still I had my in control that's amazing yeah wasn't good what happened um I she woke up in the hospital yeah strapped down tubes down my throat wow yeah they're pumping what's top of the hour you want to wrap this up so it was uh no it was really bad man it was really bad wow yeah you've told this up before though right on R show there's a it's a Tom sigura overdoses dude I didn't hear that story yeah it's um tell what happened when they said what did you take what did you write down so they gave me so I'm strapped down they what they do when you o OD and they catch you at that stage CU I passed out is uh this starts to swell so they thought about giving me a tracheotomy and they put tubes down there but they strapped down so that you don't pull the tubes out when you come

208:15to so when I did like your your hands are really restricted right and then they um they're trying to get figure out what's going on that see if you can help them know what's in your system so they gave me I'm left-handed for for writing and they gave me the pen in my right hand and strapped so they they write like or they asked me um what did you take and I wrote uh heroin and they were all like are you serious and like just kidding just kidding oh yeah and then I had to like write out what and then they found you know they they give you that the why didn't you write out I'm left-handed it seems like it be way quicker they they found out I'm left-handed the toxicology report they go you have everything in your system oh my God the doctor was like you have you have you know barbituates you have uppers you have downers you have uh you have opiates you have because the GHP was spiked with

209:20stuff the pill I took was spiked with stuff he's like that's the thing he goes and you have so much in you like it would have killed a lot of people like that's amazing that you're alive and I go why am I alive and he goes honestly because you're pretty big boy basically he was like you're fat and that's what saved your life D that you're 250 PBS at the time wow yeah did that change the way you partied oh my god dude yeah of course really yeah nah but you're so you're so even killed now like even still like when we go out to dinner you have two glasses of wine I just am not uh it's not from that I just um I'm not just I'm just not a big bro you love jumping up and down yeah you love the Sprint I do you do you love the we're doing it we're doing it the best is when sh comes off when I there's so many times where I've been at his place and he's like just you taking

210:10it easy and if I go like all you have to do it's like you just you plant the seed and you go uh hey you want to have a beer he go what yeah can to drink and he go so excited like the level of you did at your house you've done it before I've done it before your kid's birthday party you were like this you want to go get a beer and I was like finally you can get him every time you never go like not right now yeah no that's not who I am that's not who I am some you're on board that's one of the most fun fun things you're you're all about it yeah I like it I like the rush of it like imagine when I have you in a triangle and I'm about to is this gonna happen can I get out Eddie Bravo well what the he knows Eddie Bravo too okay Eddie pick your teams you get Jack Smith how does that work should Eddie be able to have team and you just do it at ebi or something like that Jes

211:04definitely do it at ebi looking for my teammate we could definitely do to to ebi maybe it's not fair since Eddie knows both of you maybe it's not fair that either one of you gets TR by Eddie IDE I'll take I'll take Shan sh I'll take Shan that's fine Tom me I'll take Shan shc I'll just take some Brazilian anyone who wants to help me D bong yeah one of those dudes from the jigo show Absolutely if he's like I'm Brazilian I trust figure it out let's do this I'm hey I'll teach you triangle but first I'll be right back I got to sling the dick this has been a great podcast yeah what would you do if you did do a Jiu-Jitsu match would you do like how long you think it would be like a five minute match 10 12 no bu I don't know never never seen ones long long time well yeah I think we do man I mean it would have to be one round to see who can yeah yeah if you guys really want to do it

212:00we'll bounce around I don't think there's no need to uh there's no there's not a need to come up with a a definite contest right now you guys are eyeballing each other cuz I'm thinking about cross country skiing with they have the rifles too we could do that okay oh like that bathon yeah the bathon like we do that something called the total archery challenge which like you run around the woods and hit targets and oh no I'm going I mean I'll kill that what listen just we could you guys could do a bunch of all right it really should be a show though yeah we would we should definitely do and if you if you keep it along the path that it's been on for this sort of competition this is like a super beneficial competition for both you guys yeah dude you you lost and insane amount of weight you really did I mean Tommy seriously that's the one that really like freaked out my my my sisters have

212:47never watched this podcast they've heard it before they never watched it they watched it with my wife and my daughter's yesterday yeah yeah and I came home and they were like Tommy's lost a lot of weight I was like hey your dad has two and they're like I know but Tommy's lost a lot of weight but they see you daily they see me daily but they were like Tommy's lost a lot of weight that is a problem though when people are around you all the time they get used to a certain look and even if it shifts radically over the course of you don't notice it this one's going to take a while I think for the family with the face must I'm going to trim it up I'll tab it before I go home but yes I think the I think the the bottom part is little Tad but uneven no it looks good agree to disagree if you want to trim it up that's all fine and D I'm going to trim it up a t bit I think the mustache is

213:32staying I'm very happy you made that decision yeah that's good I think the mustach my daughter's going to freak the out oh they're going to laugh they're going to be fine with it happy to see you going to be like eating dinner just I have a business meeting yeah we going to be laid for that for sure nope nope nope I'm good I'm good I yeah I cushioned it cushioning is very important Jamie do we have to leave cuz Tom's moving around like he has to leave but I don't think he has to no I don't have to leave yeah I don't have to leave either Tommy this is one of the things you get off you have a waffles date no this is when's your waffle date I don't have the time there's no time Tom just made a decision we're going to go it's a good move yeah waffles are like pure and joy there's no illusion of nutrition especially when they're crispy on the outside and you can feel jum all into

214:17something I just I go Whole Hog with butter I just kill that thing with butter too chocolate sule I talked about that last week same thing you're just making a decision to indulge yeah just party go deep have you guys ever had a caviar yeah yeah I was at uh Rod Stewart's daughter's party my first weekend name drop and I had caviar so much I couldn't I couldn't take it away B number five that they took it away they took the caviar away from you you were eating too much I was eating so much cuz I'd never had it before they took it away from they actually moved the whole plate of all the seafood and pulled it out of the table oh my God Nicole not Nicole Richie what's her name how drunk were you Kimberly Stewart not sober St sober I just never asked caviar so you were going at it so hard they decided this guy's going to eat it all in a selfish gluttonous Rampage of caviar

215:08consumption my buddy Eddie was like have you ever had caviar and I was like No And he was like dude you should try it so I tried it with like a cracker like just I was like dude you should try it so I'm it all in I was dipping into it like it was guacamole I was like and I was I was murdering it and they came out and removed the whole plate it was like a like a literally as you're scooping a 3et three foot plate they removed it back to the kitchen and I was like where did that go isn't that funny like they'll put food out but only if you eat a certain amount of it yeah they see one person is enjoying it too much they will move in will you pass me another piece of pepperoni please yeah this whole pizza killed this one's done oh for real yeah um what was this event that you were at this is the one with mushrooms you want mushrooms musroom cool that I'm

215:54cool with that I party what was the um I party what was the event that you were at where they had cavi my uh I I was at ICM at the time I guess your dad was at ICM whatever that's hilarious so they were trying to preserve the food you trying to get me fatter are we in a new he double sliced you son he gave you two slices and made a sandwich good goddamn Pizza though right that's some legit Pizza dude take that to the meeting take the Double Pizza into the meeting yeah no just take the thought of the Double Pizza the fact you uh you you came in silver in the weight loss challenge out of golden silver it's not bad it's not bad yeah it's only yeah no big deal man powerful but a contest between you two guys like every few months I think that's the still fun we should do it still fun yeah figure out uh first person let's WI a surf competition like I can't surf at all I used to Surf when

216:52I was a kid but now I feel like I can cuz I ice skated yesterday IED best case scenario someone stands for three seconds and then gets a concussion best case scenario surfing man surfing is incredible but I don't know if you guys really want to get into that for competition how do you even judge that no way how do you judge it amount of time that you're standing up how do you judge it Kelly Slater no it's uh Kelly Slater judge it yeah we can get him on the podcast he' probably judge it you should have him on the podc that before yeah we've talked about it a few times what's up dog he he uh texted me some ridiculous video things no I mean he would I the I never even saw him but apparently a bunch of good Surfers would do Sebastian Inlet which is not far monster hole Yeah Yeah by the speci inlet yeah that's a totally different type of human to get on a board and ride it on top of the

217:50ocean water it looks so cool when you see the high the high level guys do it and they have the GoPros on have you seen his new surf uh pool no I I put it on my Facebook the other day it's called Uh oh we put it up on here one time did you is it the one with the perfect glassy makes like a lake it's like the perfect wave oh it's so beautiful can you play it real quick it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen that's strong words I'm telling you well I don't know let me just uh go into the the detail right here the water champ has down five bottles of water and two coconut Waters how deep am I on this this is insane can I actually get another one yeah yeah really it's amazing oh you have a child and I haven't peed this is amazing the water champ is just breaking into his sixth bottle of water thankful look at this tell me this doesn't just wreak gorgeous to you yeah it's just it's an

218:44amazing ability that these people have riding these like this like look at this this is incredible you Tommy I'm having fun must that be yeah thrill right well he built that pool that's his pool that's a pool that's not the ocean oh really yeah that's what's amazing about this oh my God so you could learn had a surf on this yes oh my God no sharks look at her that's a pro Surfer going thank you God how do you know what she's saying what I know her she just laying down I knowy Peterson I've interviewed her you have yeah I know all these people powerful bird Cryer look at this look at this a pool we're looking at yeah this is a pool no it's 100% it's a pool oh my God where is it it's I they won't tell you because they're trying to sell it the the the you can see the hints of the pool see in the corner wait a minute oh that is that what that is in the back

219:34yeah and there's sides on it you can see the sides that's crazy see that's pool that's what size pool is this though man massive I want to say what do you do it's like a man-made lake it's not I would call it where is it on and stuff like yeah they you know the big like a wave generator pool like a water park they just have the biggest best version of that ever W this is crazy and this is you said Malaysia I don't know they don't tell you I think they also are so they can sell them wherever someone wants one they could they could take it somewhere all right boys um should we wrap this up hey for real thank thank you for for hosting it though my pleasure man it was really fun with you I'm honored for real and the weight loss CHS my mouth's full hold on one second yeah I mean it really was fun I'm glad that you when you were like I'm going to do the MC the weigh-ins it's it was it

220:23was really a fun time in oh man for me it's uh even more awesome you know I love both you guys you're both hilarious and to have you come in and do this in here it's fun and I really mean what I said that what you guys did whenever someone does something like that where they just decide to make a contest and the the results of that contest is you could radically improve your life over a short period of time radically improve your health I mean I can't imagine what it would be like to walk around 57 less pounds I mean it's incredible what how much did you lose total was it I guess 51 51 51 pounds removed from your body is an incredible accomplishment prob like 11 pounds of water at this point yeah but it doesn't matter it's still incredible even if it's only 40 like actual solid you know fat weight yeah it's amazing you look different man you do look different thanks man different too you

221:17look different man everybody can do this you know and and there's a lot of reasons why people make excuses you'll feel you'll feel so much better you really well yeah instead of coming up with reasons why you can't do it try to figure out a way that you can and it might not be today and it might not be tomorrow but there's got to be a way to improve things and to always concentrate on the reasons why you can't you're G to keep winding up in patterns and sometimes like a little competition like you guys did in fun and fairness and friendship it it's a good thing because it shows people that everybody won out of that you know even though you had to shave your beard you still lost 30 pounds man I mean what happen was awesome so it's all it's great for everybody it's great for me too I I love seeing people do that I love seeing people get their together I think

222:04it's it's this has been a blast I'm glad you got involved cuz I think it stepped it up to the next level and made it and made more fun for both of us cuz we started getting it bigger and bigger and bigger and uh I don't know man I'm ready for the next contest yeah I know you are you crazy bastard that's what Tom and I had discussed before I go you know it's just you got to deal with birds crazy yeah he's he's got that thing in him ju-jitsu I moved to Brazil I'm moving to flla you don't want to go to Brazil I'm going I'm going to just talking there plenty of places to learn right here in Southern California luckily a lot of like super high level down it he downed it again oh my God this is the bottle water has barely finished his vodka you know Russell Peters has been training with janj I met that guy really yeah Russell Peters show we did together shanj is the

222:49best you're on that show he's awesome I love that guy all right folks that's it this is over all praise be to B crer and Tom seura uh bertcast uh your mom's house uh you can uh check out birt special on show you can get Showtime online right Showtime On Demand Showtime On Demand Tom sigur of course has two Netflix specials out uh next dates that you're doing I'm in uh Kansas City Oxnard and then a big theater tour it's all at Tom you doing that new place in Oxnard I'm doing that place I just did it last I heard it's awesome yeah I'm doing the club there yeah yeah yeah and yeah I'm doing that place next lity live is that what it is or stand up live which live ber CR where you at next uh I'm in trust Factory this week American Comedy Company Wilbur Theater heli and buffalo see me in January all right you go to their websites for further details thanks everybody for tuning in this was

223:43a lot of fun for us glad it was a lot of fun for you and uh it's 2017 let's get this together come on WOW