Greg Fitzsimmons

00:08Powerful Greg Fitz Simmons coming out of the gate with a orgasmic. That's Donald Trump's face. You ever see notice that Donald Trump's face is running away from his skull? He looks like he needs vaginal rejuvenation surgery on his cheeks. What happens to a person's face that it just doesn't like their head anymore? Just pulling away. Yours is hanging in, but his He's not that fat. No. You know what I mean? Like Chris Christiey's face is in better shape than his, right? Well, being fat helps because Yeah. It pushes all the wrinkles out. You got no wrinkles when you're fat. But mine, I'm Irish. When you're Irish, man, you hit 40 and all of a sudden you You turn into like a rotten apple core. All the meat falls off the bones and your your cheeks sink in and they're close to a fix for that. Really? Yeah. Yeah, they're real close. They're close to this guy, I think his name Peter Dr. Peter

01:09Welling, whatever the guy, the doctor's name that invented Regenicine, which is that blood spinning procedure that Kobe Bryant, all these athletes go to Germany for. He's invented some way to rejuvenate your body's production of collagen. They're going to shoot it into old ladies and they're going to look hot again. Bam. I'll be all over that because that's what makes you wrinkle. That's what makes your skin lose its elasticity. It's collagen. And you know, if you look at like if you go to the gym, you go to the gym, right? Hell yeah. You ever do you have like one of those older ladies at the gym where you're like, I smash that. Some lady that's in her 50s, but she's just doing squats every day just hanging on like that. You know that kitten in that uh poster? Hang in there, baby. Hang in there, baby. She's just hanging out of the curtain. Right. She is not going softly into that night.

02:02That's right. No, when you're when you're 23 and you're in shape, you can get out of shape for a few months and then jump right back into shape again. But when you're when you're hang on kitty, you take you take a week off, you almost won't get back to where you started again. That's one of them. Yeah. Yeah. This is a picture we're looking at of a cute little kitten hanging from a stick. When you when you get to be like that age, getting out of shape is really easy. And getting back into shape is nightmarish. The first day back, you're like, "Whoa, I am old." I went to do push-ups today and uh I used to be able to bang out 50 push-ups. No, because I'm skinny as and I did gymnastics my my whole life and so I just had good like muscle toweight ratio. I struggled to do 15. I was shaking. I was like what the just it really bummed me out. I was like wow. Cuz I said to myself to get back to

03:00where I was would require a lot of uncomfortable pain over a long period of time. Didn't you have like a real shoulder injury or something? Yeah, I got surgery. What was wrong with your shoulder? the cartilage can just wear out sometimes in between your uh your there's three bones that come together in your shoulder, clavicle and the whatever the other two are. And uh so they basically go in and in two different spots they go into your shoulder and they just saw away the tips of the bones and then scar tissue forms on each bone and it acts as a new cartilage. Whoa. And you know what? arm is good as new. Unbelievable. Yeah. Wow. How strange. Everything was great. Other than getting hooked on Vicodin, everything about it was very positive. How long was the hooked on Vicodin? Nine months. Whoa. It's unbelievable how many doctors will prescribe you Vicodin if you ask. Yeah.

03:54Surge the surgeon, the uh primary care physician, the physical therapist, and then I go to a psychopharmarmacologist for my other little mood needs. And I don't know why this started writing me scripts too for pain. Then you got friends. Every friend's got a medicine cabinet. Joe Rogan, let me make an announcement right now. If you're a friend of mine and you had me over in 2013, you may want to restock your uh your your barbituate supplies. Did you go to people's cabinet and just scoop a few out? Oh no. I was bad. I was bad. That was only 3 years ago. No, it was probably five five six years. Wow. Yeah. Oh my god. And I haven't drank in, you know, 25 years. So, was it a slow creepy thing where it slowly crept in on you? How did you realize it had had you? You don't realize until you stop for a few days and you go dark. You go if you don't take it for a few days, you get so

04:55psych like close to suicidal. Whoa. Because what happens is your your receptors for your uh um for your dopamine get clogged by barbituates and you can't so if you stop taking them the the dopamine can't get into those receptor holes. Whoa. Cuz they're filled. Yeah. So So you can't feel happiness until eventually those go away. And that's why it's so hard to kick. Oh my god. Yeah. So how did you kick it? Just went dark. White knuckled it like I did drinking. That is how you did I remember when you did drinking like that. Well, I met you right after you did that. I met you when I I think when I met you, you were still drinking and then like right after I met you, you quit. Yeah, that's right. That's exactly right. And I was amazed that, you know, I know a lot of people it's most people it's a struggle. You have to go through therapy, you have to go through AA, you

05:46have to go through all this, but you just knocked it off. Well, I did do therapy and also my dad was an alcoholic. So, I I had gone to Allenon meetings for probably about a year before I quit. And uh so you knew the consequences. I knew I knew the consequences. I also knew the steps. Once you learn the steps, it becomes like okay, I know what I need to do. I need to acknowledge that I have a problem. I need to work on whatever my higher power is. is like I went through it without going to cuz I went to some meetings and it was just like too many guys like you know those those old bits those guys in Boston would do about um uh what was the what was the guy's name? Teddy Berseron. Oh yeah. And he's like you see these guys at these meetings and they act like they got it all figured out. They're standing up there like and I could proudly say after 15 years I no longer crave

06:36alcohol. And he's like I'm in the back and I crack a soda. They're like where is it? Where is it? Teddy Berseron. Oh, man. How many times have we talked about him on the podcast? Oh, but he's one of not enough all-time greats that people just never found out about. Yeah. The most raw talent. Jerry Lewis kind of talent where you just go like, "Oh, yeah. This guy's special." Jerry Lewis. Well, Jerry Lewis was talented, dude. You don't see You don't see it. Oh, I mean, sure, but they're not similar. I just mean God given talent. but a weird comparison. Why did you go with Jerry Lewis? Uh, I guess just the physicality, you know, they're almost like dancers. The way they can move on stage, like Teddy would just glide around and his like hand movements and the way he'd slide. It was just kind of Well, his timing was just impeccable, right? I remember when I was an open mic

07:30night guy, like I just started and Teddy did a set and uh he did a set like, you know, just dropped in and did like 10 minutes and I remember thinking I know nothing. I don't understand anything. I barely I shouldn't even be up there. Yeah. I shouldn't even be allowed to do this. Yeah. But he the pills got that guy. I watched that. Yeah. I watched uh I remember the Matapo sit in Yeah. Do you remember that gig? Yeah. Down by Papakuri used to have that gig. Yeah. And uh he booked me and Teddy. Well, it was like a a classy old hotel. Well, it was like a kind of bed and breakfast or something like that, right? So, it had downstairs it had this little showroom and it was real tight seating and small. It was an excellent gig. Like when you got the gig, you were psyched. Great gig. And it was in kind of like a resorty sort of vacation-y area. So, people were

08:17partying, having a good time. So, it was a fun crowd. And uh I remember Teddy showed up and he was just zonked zonked out on pills and it was just so sad to watch. I was like this guy was an alltime great and he was just so out of it, man. I remember being up at the uh the Andover, what was the club in? It was Dick Dy gig. It was at a club called Chickland and uh what was it? Something Grill and um Grill 93. Yeah, something like that. 99 or 93. Yeah. Yeah. And so, uh, Teddy comes in on Friday night and he's late as I'm the feature and I'm stretching with material I don't have. I'm doing your material at this point. I got my hand above my head doing my Revier girl impression and uh, and he comes in late and then I see him talk to the club owner. He's like he's like, I wouldn't believe what happened. I'm coming up uh 93 North and this guy sideswipes me, knocks off my mirror.

09:14This is after the show. He says, "Come out and look at my car." And he we got to the car and uh his side mirror is hanging off and the guy club owner's like, "All right." So uh Saturday night comes, I'm up there. I get the stretch sign again. I got to do another half hour. Teddy shows up and he goes walks in and he goes, "Yeah, I got sideswiped on 93 North. You got to see my side view mirror." The guy's like, "Are you kidding?" He's like, "No, it just happened." Oh god. Wow. So he was so out of it. He forgot he told the same lie two nights in a row. That's his move. Just kicked his mirror. pills, man. You were you were swiping them from your friends. Oh, yeah. It was ugly. I uh Brendan Shaw, my friend, had a nose job. His nose got broken in a UFC fight. Yeah. And uh he got hooked on pain pills. He was He's Brian's partner, right? Yeah. On Fighter and the Kid. What was he hooked on?

10:07Um Oxies, I think it was. Oxy Oxies. Oxies where you can't turn back. That That's the hardcore. Really? Yeah. You start out with oxycodone. It's a little bit lighter. Then you get into Vicodin. And you know, we had those guys on Chris and Mark Bell from Prescription Thugs. It's a new documentary that's uh out now on iTunes. They're the same guys who did Bigger, Stronger, Faster and Trophy Kids. Great guys. Great documentary guys. While this guy's doing the documentary, he's doing a documentary around prescription drugs and how many people get prescribed them and how insane the business is and how overprescribed they are. While he's doing it, he has to get hip replacement surgery and he gets hooked on pills. Oh While he's doing the documentary, he's hooked on pills. Yeah. And he's got to like kind of cover it up and he's got a h he's embarrassed cuz like he's trying to put together this

10:56documentary and he's hooked on pills and then finally in the documentary once he becomes clean then he just comes clean in the documentary and he explains I was on pills. Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. He takes you out to his car and he shows you his car like how he collided into when he was all pilledled up. Yeah. And he shows all the dents and his headlights hanging off and It's dark. Well, Philip Seymour Hoffman got back on drugs because he was doing a role that was very was he on drugs in the role or was he drunk? But whatever it was, he'd been sober for like 20 years. And going into this place night after night doing this play, he started taking pills again. And you know any I just don't get why doctors prescribe pills to somebody who's a known addict. They don't give a No, they don't give a I think doctors get so used to people being sick and people dying and it's like,

11:47you know, it just becomes normal to them, right? Just it, you know, I had this uh woman, Dr. Rhonda Patrick, in the other day. She's a research scientist and she was talking about a lot of the experiments that they had to do where they had to kill mice. And when she first started doing these experiments, she would get really sad and she would cry and just like it was like it was just really upsetting. After a couple months, she's just gassing these like it's awitz. Like she didn't even care. You just get totally used to it. And I think for doctors, you're a doctor for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years. All these patients are sick and dying and all up. No one sees you if they're doing great. Everybody sees you because they got a tumor, a broken leg, and you just take these pills and get the out of here. You're just a mouse. Here, have some cheese and some pills.

12:32Chris Bell, the guy who made that documentary, just sent me a text yesterday saying that I'll send I'll forward it to you, Jamie. Um, and you could put it up here, but he was saying that there's uh a new law that just got passed. Uh doctors are urged Okay, that's what it is. It's on us USA Today. Um, you could find it from yesterday. um new guidelines for prescription uh to reduce abuse and overdoses. So, they're urging doctors to try to do something about this because they're they're finally starting to realize and I think a lot of it is just because of all these documentaries and all these internet um blogs that are, you know, that are coming out and YouTube videos and all these uh news stories where people are really kind of grasping the magnitude of this problem. I just don't understand why there's not one database where you can't have multiple doctors writing

13:26prescriptions for the same patient. I mean, if you go to CVS or write aid, there should be a listing of any time you were specifically for opiates. No. I mean, didn't stop me. And I can remember getting a fresh bottle, you know, with 30 pills in it and just holding in your hand like, "Oh, fuck." Joy. Bottle of joy. You You never took anything like that? No, never. I took one time when I had my knee operated on, my first knee operation, which was a patella tendon graft, which is particularly painful because they take a piece of bone out of your shin and a piece of bone out of your kneecap, and it's attached to a strip of your patella tendon. Your patella tendon is a large tendon that's in the front of your knee. It's this one that goes from your knee down to your shin right here, the fat one. And what they do is they take a slice out of that and then they open you up like a fish and then

14:19they use that slice and that replaces your ACL. So that becomes a new ACL cuz this patella tendigraph is really big. It's really the whole thing. You don't need the whole thing. So they take a slice of that and it creates a new ACL. And the pain was pretty insane around the places where they cut the bone out. Yeah. It was just like fire. So they gave me something. I don't remember it was Vicodin or Percoet. It was I but I remember I took it once and I felt so stupid. Like I was just like I think it was Vicodin. I was so dumb. I mean maybe it's just my own biology the way I reacted to it. I was like I'd rather take the pain. So I sold him to this dude at the pool hall. This guy named Jeff. This guy Jeff. He always he would buy and sell pills. He was a he was the pill head. He looked like a classic dirt bag from a Beus and Buttthead cartoon. He had like

15:10long hair that would go down like this and one of those mustaches that curled all the way down to like the bottom of his like his where his chin connected. Yeah. He was such a dirt bag. This guy he had a pickup truck. Rusted out. Probably had a one of those El Caminos. He didn't have a real pickup truck and he would drink beer out of the back of it with some friends near the beach. Oh yeah, definitely. He was such a dirt bag. Nice guy though. But he was uh you know just a classic classic guy. Yeah. And I was like I can't take these things. He goes you got them at home. Bring them in. I'll buy them off you. I'm like all right. So I sold him. I became a drug dealer. Did you give him the uh bottle with your name on it? Oh yeah. Who the was I back then? I stand behind Mike. I was a nobody, you know. It wasn't like me today or anything with my address or anything. I was just a struggling

15:58standup comedian who like to play pool. Selling drugs. Selling drugs to a dirt bag. laying opiates at the pool hole. Yeah, I was psyched to get that money, too. It's interesting. You know, it's interesting like what like 50 bucks is when you really need it versus 50 bucks when you don't need it. You know, money loses. It's It doesn't mean anything. Like that's why I never understand someone that like works incredibly hard, but they're already insanely wealthy and they're doing something they don't enjoy doing. you know, they're like constantly trying to conquer and, you know, build their business and keep going and going, but they already have billions of dollars and what they're doing is making them miserable. Not only that, take it to a next level where you got a guy like the Koch brothers. Yes. And they are not only working way harder than they need to. They've already

16:47covered the next 50 generations of kids to never have to work in their family, but they're killing the planet. So, if you're thinking about a legacy for your great great grandkids, they're going to live in a 140 degree Earth with no water surrounded by you know, killers. Mad Max. Do you think that's what's going to happen? I think so. Yeah. And I'm not You think it's all going to fall apart? I'm not stressed out about it. I just feel like, you know, it's going to happen. I'm going to encourage my kids not to reproduce. I think that they're going to skate. They're going to skate through. There'll be a lot of terrorism and there's going to be a lot of flooding and some crazy storms. Um, the third world countries are all going to be in an upheaval because, you know, the environment is is going to affect the poor first. Of course, I wonder how much of it is blown out of

17:37proportion and how much of it could be mitigated by new discoveries and new science and new technology. Solar power. Do you know did you know I didn't know this till Eddie Bravo came over here and I went down the goddamn rabbit hole about Rockefeller his grandson? Well, yeah. Did you know that Rockefeller made there was a conspiracy to get people to use oil instead of alcohol and that most combustion engines work on alcohol and they work just as good if if not better on alcohol than they do on gasoline. Right? And alcohol obviously you don't need fossil fuels. you don't need or whatever you want to call it. Use any kind of vegetable, corn, you know, and they run just as good on that. Yep. What the Yeah. I mean, he Well, between him doing that and then um you know, Ford didn't Ford buy up all the train uh the train tracks in Los Angeles to create a a car

18:33society instead of a train society. Yeah, there's some sort of conspiracy like that where they the auto No, I don't think it's conspiracy. I think it definitely happened. I don't mean that it's a conspiracy that it didn't exist. I mean they conspired. Oh, that they conspired. Yeah, they they they did conspire to do something like that. I don't know too much about that, though. There's a film about it. Uh the the killing of the killing killing of the car or something. Yeah. Well, that's different. That's a late model. That's who killed the electric car. That was when the electric car first See, they had electric cars a long time ago. And Oh, yeah. I went to the museum of of cars and they were the first cars were electric. Yeah. How about you know, they used to Henry Ford had fenders that were made out of hemp. That was something we covered here the other day. Yeah, you

19:12can hit them with a hammer. There's videos of him like whacking these fenders with a hammer because hemp is hemp fiber is insanely powerful and unbelievably strong and really lightweight. Like more powerful than fiberglass, stronger than I mean it's amazing amazing stuff. And so he's hitting it with a hammer and the hammer is bouncing off this head fender that he had. Yeah. No Well, back then, man, they were all jockeying for control of this emerging industry, and they didn't see anything bad about just trying to control the market. Like, these trains. Yeah. your tracks. I want everybody to have cars. Like, they didn't think one day it was going to heat up the planet and polar bears going to drown, you know? Yeah, of course. I mean, if they could have seen that a poster of you know, polar bears stuck on a on a little uh what do you call those? Ice floats.

20:01Ice Yeah, ice floats. Did you see that video they got recently of a polar bear chasing down a female and her cub and eating the cub in front of her? No. Yeah. Holy Yeah. These explorers were there. It was either explorers or it might have been a cruise. But they watched it and they were screaming. They're like, "No, no." And he just chases down the female and she's running full clip, but she's got the cub with her and the cub can't run that fast. And finally, he grabs the cub and eats it. Eats it right in front of her. You think it was his child? It doesn't matter. They don't give a Yeah, they don't give a All bears are cannibals. Yeah. You know, when there's a real problem with movies like Zootopia, which I took my kids to see the other day, which is really adorable, very cute movie. Not a problem with the movie, but a problem with what comes out of that movie and

20:47these What would you do for a Klondike bar ads and these these things that anthropomorphize animals? Here it is right now if you want to watch it. See, that's the mother and the cub running full clip. And there's the big daddy running. By the way, this will get us taken off YouTube. Right. So, we're just going to watch it on the screen. If we put it on you, can you go full screen with it though? I did. And it's not going for some reason. Okay. That's That's the mom trying to head off. Yeah. Trying, but he's like, "Get out of here, bitch." She can't do anything. He's like twice her size. If you want to stay tuned, there it is. Boom. That's what they do. It's awful. They eat them. I mean, when bears come out of hibernation, one of the first things they do is head for the cubs. Really, the male bears immediately go and kill the cubs. They eat them. The mom is trying to put up a fight, but

21:39a little bit, but she's just so much more. She's scared and she knows the baby's already dead. There's nothing she can do, so she turns and then just runs. She realizes at a certain point in time this might eat her, too, which does happen, by the way. Really? Yeah. They cannibalize each other. They they'll kill each other and cannibalize each other. Often times when you hunt bears, if you kill one bear um and you you leave it like to go back and get a truck to pull it out of the woods, when you do that, you come back, other bears will be eating it. Bears are all cannibals. But my my point was that like people have this idea of what these wild animals are that you know they live in harmony in nature and it's chaos. Smokey the bear. Yeah. It's chaos and conflict and murder all day long. and cannibalism, especially bears. 100% cannibals, all of them. Not only with when we were in

22:29Alberta, my friend who runs a hunting camp up there watched a male bear kill a cub in front of the female. The female tried to fight him off. The male bear killed the cub. She chased him off eventually and then she went, finished the cub off and ate it. Oh, no She ate her own cub. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Damn. That's harsh, man. Harsh. I've gotten mad at my kids, but like I pull up a little short of that. Well, I don't think the male was the uh the father. He might have been, but who knows? He might not even know. I don't think she probably knew either, you know. Yeah. I thought some bears were just ate berries and No. No. All bears eat meat. Yeah. Well, all North American bears, right? They don't I mean, they don't eat meat exclusively, but they're omnivores except polar bears. Polar bears are 100% predator. They're the only bear that doesn't eat anything but meat.

23:18They just they don't have anything up there. There's no vegetables, so everything they eat is just meat. They eat seals and anything that up. Yeah. When you look at the territories that certain animals need, like they were doing a thing about um about uh mountain lions in Los Angeles, and if one there was uh each mountain lion needs like 20 square miles of territory just for him. And if you get within that, it's a fight to the death. That's it. Those are the stakes. And so this one mountain lion was living up in the Santa Monica Mountains like above the Palisades or Malibu. And uh he somehow cuz they tag him. He somehow ended up over in um Griffith Park. Yeah. He crossed the 405. Did you see what he did? He killed a koala bear. Oh, he climbed a fence. He climb climbed a 12ft tall fence covered with barb wire. Got over the fence and killed a koala bear and ate it. Good for him.

24:18You know, where there's a will, there's a way. Well, they found these uh mountain lions in San Francisco, you know, because California doesn't have hunting laws for for mountain lions. I mean, they have laws against it. You you cannot hunt mountain lions, which wildlife biologists are seriously against because when you can't control predator populations, they just breed and breed and breed until there becomes too many of them. Like you, they don't have any predators other than man. So, you know, people could say, "Well, let nature balance and take it." Well, that means they move into your neighborhood and meet your friends. We're part of the balance. Yes, we're part of the balance. And we think we're not because we have the internet and a cell phone. But the reality is they don't give a about that. So, anyway, these mountain lines that they've been killing cuz they

24:59they what they have to do is when they invade neighborhoods, start killing dogs and threatening people, they have to kill them. Well, they killed over a hundred of them in the last year and or Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have to shoot them. They just do it privately. They don't talk about it. But when they shot them, they found out that their primary diet is pets. That's their primary diet. Like they were there's only a small percentage of deer in their belly in their bellies. Did you ever see any cats around your house? I've never seen a cat around my house, but I saw a cat that killed my dog in Colorado. And I saw another mountain lion in Santa Barbara on the on a residential road. Yeah. Yeah. Big. It wasn't that big. It was like a small dog, like 50, 60 lb, something like that. But it was big enough to freak me the out. Yeah. But people know in the valley, you

25:47don't leave your dog out in your yard. You just don't. Yeah. You can't. It'll be gone. Well, coyotes mostly. Yeah. But uh this the mountain line that I saw in Santa Monica or Santa Barbara rather, looked like a coyote. It was that size. It wasn't that big. Like I thought it was a coyote and then I saw the tail and I was like, "Oh that's a cat." It's Seeing a cat is so much creepier than seeing a coyote. Yeah, because you you know that they like a coyote. I'm pretty sure I could up a coyote. Yeah. You know, if a coyote jumped on me, I know I just grab him by his tail and smash his head off the ground. I'd figure out a way to win. I think I think it's because of uh Bugs Bunny and you know the wy coyote. He was such a doof. You just can't take the breed seriously now. Well, they're scary. I mean, if a coyote wanted to kill you, it would be a real I mean, if a rat wanted to kill you, it'd

26:33be a real problem. Right. But I'm pretty sure if you could snap and get into full rage psychopath mode, you could probably kill a coyote. Yeah. But not a cat. I don't I think a mountain line, you'd be 50 lb mountain line, you'd be And they sprink so fast. So fast. Yeah. They're so fast and they're so powerful. And if you look at their bodies in comparison to like they're like one of the most powerful cats pound-for-pound. They have enormous wrists and forearms and their shoulders are ripped. I try to get shoulders like that at the gym. I say to my trainer, I want mountain lion shoulders and they and so they have a machine, you know, and it's uh the shoulder machine. The shoulder machine. That's the the mountain line one. You put it in and there's little paws and you growl and uh and you put on You know what just happened? There were people dressed as animals at um I just did the Addison

27:28Improv. Yeah. Good club. Great club. And there was a convention going on at my hotel furries. There were hundreds of furries and they were fantastic. They had like, you know, one is a zebra. A lot a lot of like unicorns and rabbits. All mascots, right? Yeah. They look it looked like a bunch of college mascots. But then some of them then you saw the dark side creep in. Like some of them had little studded collars on because apparently at night gets a little weird with some of them. You know, there's holes in the costume and there's some furry sex going on. A lot of furry sex. Yeah. Yeah. But they were great. I took pictures with like a hundred of them. I just kept asking. And the thing is is there's they're really into hugging. Like the rule is if you just ask any any of them will hug you. Really? And I would go downstairs to get a cup of coffee. I'd hug like three guys. That's hilarious.

28:22Can I have a hug? Sure. They just wrap their arms around you and pat you. They all had their helmets on. Oh, they keep them on. Yeah. They don't around. When they drinking the coffee, do they keep it on? They don't drink anything. Oh, you were too. I talked Yeah, I did. But I was talking to the bartender down I was having lunch downstairs. I was like, "These guys drink a lot." He's like, "I've sold one beer in the last day to these. They're just Uber nerds." Whoa. Uber nerds. They all have like the ones I saw out of costume had like just those pale puffy faces that look like they're just the only light they've gotten is off a computer screen off the last 10 years and they're really like assbery. You know we be on the elevator and they're like uh call out your floors and one guy goes four other guy goes eight. There we go. That's so bizarre. He goes eight. Four. That's four is half

29:14of eight. We are all looking at uh Greg's Instagram right now. Did you talk to them? Oh yeah. Did you ask them what they were what's up? Yeah. They said, you know, we're we're in my town. I get made fun of because there's only two of us that do this. And then I come here and I just feel like so free and so like, you know, among friends. And there's a bunch of conventions that they go to like Comic-Con type places and they they get to know each other and you know it's like a whole community. Good for them. Yeah. You know what I mean, man? I mean, yeah, it's but no one's hurting them or that no one's getting hurt. I'm jealous of anybody that finds like you've always had things you're passionate about, you know, whether it's taekwond do or, you know, mixed martial arts or whatever. And it's like to find something in your life, no matter what it is, that gives you a community and

30:02gives you something that you're gonna you kind of grow in over time. It's great. It doesn't matter what it is. You jealous of that? Yeah. I never had that. Never had that. Well, you have interest though. I think family became the only thing. Well, standup obviously, but family is the only thing I ever got really into, like long-term committed, don't get sick of. When you're old, you'll be happy that you made that choice because there's a lot of people that made the different choice and got really obsessed with something else that led them away from their family and then they get older and they realize it was just bowling, right? Like why did I have to go bowl all over the world and missed my kids growing up cuz I got really into bowling. No, there's a dude who was a big showrunner here in LA and uh I was friends with him and he got really into horses. He bought horses and they were

30:51up in Pasadena and he would go up there on the weekends. He'd work all week and he go up on the weekends. He had a daughter and uh one night he was in the middle of dinner and he went upstairs to his room and he put a plastic bag over his head and he killed himself. Are they related? The horses and the killing himself. Well, I think he was he was away from his family. He was like with his free time. That's that's how he was spending it away all the time. And that's that's the only thing I could think of that would cause it is like you ever sit down with your family and this is the greatest guy. I mean I love this guy, but it just it made me think like the saddest times sometimes are when you're with your family and for whatever reason you're not feeling connected. You're just feeling like they're talking and you're pretending to listen but you're just in

31:36your head thinking why don't I feel close right now? And you know and there's most times you don't feel like that but once in a while you do. And that those are like the saddest moments of my life cuz it's all right there in front of me. Yeah. And I can't touch it. Ooh, that's deep. Yeah. Jesus. I mean, obviously the guy's dead, so there's no way we could ever really know what his motive was or what the what the real big factor was that pushed him over the edge. Yeah. But I think sometimes people just aren't happy. And I think it can you can narrow it down to a couple different things or it can be it could be a a group of experiences from their life that they've never gotten over. It could be breakups. You know, I know people that have been dumped like in high school or college and just really never recovered. They, you know, they had a love and then

32:28that person just left them for someone else or something like that and then they never bounced back. They nosedived, went right into the rocks and just never came out of it. never had another relationship. Yeah, dude. It's It's It's normal. I mean, it happens. It happens. And it wasn't about that. Like you said, it wasn't about that relationship. It was about what came before it. Something set the stage for for them to be that fragile. That's the best way to say it. Yeah. Something set the stage like Once I loved and it was a gas soon turned out a heart of glass. Rapture. She was the first rapper. She was. or one of them, right? Well, no, she was she was hanging out with um uh the Sugar Hill gang and all those guys. Yeah, she hung out with them. She hung out with the earliest rappers. It was like at CBies and then she'd go uptown. Wow. And uh she wrapped it out.

33:21The Sugar Hill Gang happened like it was popular when I was in I think I was in seventh or eighth grade. I think I was in seventh grade. I I'm not sure. One of those. But when it happened, I remember we were in the cafeteria and somehow or another someone had a boom box or something like that and they were playing it in my junior high schools when I was living in Jamaica plane. I went to a my junior high school was super sketchy. Like we had uh we lived in a very bad neighborhood and the uh Jamaica plane has kind of become gentrified now a little bit but when I lived there like in 1979 1980 I guess when I lived there it was Yeah. It was just it was not good. And there was kids in our class when I was I guess I like I said I was 13 and there was a kid in my class that was 17 and uh he you're not cheating off him during a quiz. But it was weird like he he was there

34:19for the first couple days and then he left and then he quit again. He just never Wow. never stuck it out with school and he was there for a little while and he bailed and I was like and I remember the the feeling of sadness and I remember a girl in my class who's kind of a hoe. She was also a little bit older. She was uh she was 16 and she was uh in the 13-year-old class, right? And she asked the teacher uh she goes, "If you're making out with someone and you breathe out and they breathe it in and they breathe out and you breathe it in, do you need any more air?" It's a good question. It's not a bad question, but I remember I remember thinking, man, this gets a lot. That's all I was thinking. It's like she's like, I'm tired of regular air. I just want air only from people who are me. Right. Right. Right. If your uncle exhales and you I mean, you know, hypothetically,

35:14not my uncle. Hypothetically, if you're in the basement and your uncle is whispering into your mouth, like what a crazy question. Like, if you could just breathe each other's air back and forth. And the science teacher who she asked a question to had to explain that you breathe out carbon dioxide. He was the first guy that really uh kind of blew my mind. Uh this I had, you know, you have those science teachers like or any kind of teacher like when you're really young that actually make an impression. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Wish I could remember this guy's name, but he was a Vietnam vet and um he uh he was a a very interesting guy cuz he was very calm, but like people didn't with him. He was he had this weird air, but he had a beard, which I always thought was weird back when people didn't have beards, like a hipster beard. And uh I remember he said, "If you really want to understand how

36:06strange the world is, just go outside and and look up and understand that there's no end to that, that it goes on forever, right? And just you want to hurt your brain, go outside and look up at the sky and realize that space is infinite, which means there's no end to it." I remember the whole class, you know, two 16 year olds and the rest of us were like 13. We're just sitting there like, "What the There's no end." Like, "How come nobody ever explained that to me?" Like, I never even thought about it before. I always knew the universe was big. I always knew space was big. But when he said that, like, no end. Like, you start thinking, okay, and then further and then further and then f and there's no there's no wall. There's no end. Yeah. So, there can't be an answer because it didn't come back. Whatever question you sent out there can't come back because it's still going

36:55out there. It's like when I think about whether whether or not there's a God, that's to me I just think of the word infinity and I just think, all right, if we can if science can ever grapple with that, then I then I'll believe that there's no God. Do you believe there's a God? Yeah. Do you? Yeah. What do you believe? Like that there's an old dude in a cloud or No, nothing like that. I mean, and I don't I I can't articulate it that well because I've never set out to make anybody agree with me. That's just my own personal part of it is I think I was raised very Irish Catholic, right? And you know, you uh you learn the ten commandments and you know there there shalt have have no other gods be before me and you know you think about this force in the universe that has all the answers and I don't know that like I ever fully let go of that but it morphed into like uh kind of a like a dowist

37:45there's an energy that flows like with nature and that all energy is part of it and that your your goal to achieve enlightenment is to just become part of that energy to let go and become part of like that to me is God is that there there is something that um has created the initial physical laws of the universe and that those whatever happens within that happens but that there was something that engineered the the way that there are physiological reactions within an atom the same way there are in a universe and I I would imagine galaxies within the universe all all behave the same way the you know a proton and electron work in a in an atom? Well, I think it's fractal. I think that's one of the things that they're starting to realize now when they they look into subatomic particles and they try to understand like what what's the relationship between atoms and the

38:39universe itself. And I think as you go deeper and deeper and deeper, it starts to resemble the universe more and more. Yeah. The universe is mostly empty space, right? Black matter. Yeah. Well, which we they don't necessarily totally understand. Yeah. Black matter is this weird thing that they're trying to figure out to try to I from the way it's been explained to me by physicists because I'm an idiot and I ask them I'm like okay try to explain this to me. They don't know why these galaxies behave the way they do. They don't know why and one of the ways they have formulated to try to make it make sense. Yeah. Is this concept of dark matter. Yeah. Again, they say with Einstein's theory of relativity that that it it is the the the black matter that has an effect on um the way light bends and the way gravity acts upon things. Physicists are listening to this right now going, "What are these

39:36monkeys talking about? We're not even high. We should get high and try to work this out." Oh my god. Yeah, it's really in it really is intense because uh you know when I'm when I am feeling down, I do start thinking about the big questions just to shrink everything the down. Well, I I don't know if if the word God is serving us very well. You're right. You're right. That's a problem. Yeah. I think it's a loaded god, a loaded word, you know. It's like uh it's got too much weight behind it. Yeah. And also it's got so many meanings that connect to religious fundamentalism like ideologies that human beings have obviously created. You know, women wearing burkas and you know, all kinds of wacky that's connected to these concepts of religious ideology. When you say the word God, you immediately sort of you have a bridge to these fundamentalist ideas. Yeah. And they're not that good.

40:32Yeah. I think it's almost like again going back to my Catholicism, I guess it just became a replacement for that that concept, you know, but you're right. I think that there's a there's a lot of stigma attached to it and um you know, trying to trying to get somebody to agree with your God is the thing that's always fascinated me. Like why why do you need a bunch of people to convert and kneel next to you and all have the same beliefs? Why can't you just have your understanding and be peaceful with it? That's how you know that veganism is a religion. Yeah. Because they're all trying to get you to do it, too, right? They're all trying to get We're gonna save the world. Meanwhile, polar bears are eating their kids. Yeah. Not saving Yeah. Right. I mean, the idea of stopping torture and stopping, you know, uh factory farming, these are all good things. The the less

41:19harm we can do is all a good thing. But there's something about that need to convert people. There's something about that patronizing attitude they have. And there's something about this overwhelming desire to incorporate other people into their group that completely smacks of religion. Well, you do that uh berrim yoga, right? Yeah. Cuz I did a couple classes and then I found out it was a cult. They started trying to indoctrinate me into these long-term contracts. I was like, can I just come and pay you 25 bucks and take the class? Do I have to agree with you spiritually also? Well, they say crazy too. like this this supports your inverse colon and okay can I see some documentation can I see some medical studies like what the are you talking about like a friend of mine teaches yoga and I actually had a conversation with her about it I'm like you know teaches berrim or regular

42:09yeah and I was like maybe some teachers should probably stop saying these things about like medical stuff because they teach you that in Berram yoga like they teach you to say that but Berram himself is a crook yeah he's a crazy con man and a cult leader and he's just got sued for like millions of dollars for sexual harassment and rape. I mean he's like I mean allegedly a piece of you know, and he's the leader of this whole thing. Somebody explained to me an instructor explained to me why he teaches berrim yoga and he's like look the method is very good. the method of doing it in the hot room 104 degrees. The the poses themselves in that order, the 90 minutes of them are excellent. He goes, "I 100% believe in the method of it." But the method wasn't even created by Beerram. That's right. It's created by another guy in the 30s. Yep. And Beerram copywrote it, but he

43:06recently lost a court case where See, what happens is people get into yoga, they say, "I want to be spiritual. I want to be healthy." And they start taking yoga. Then they find out about this beer guy and they go, "Wait the what the is going on, man? He he recently got busted, right, where they were they were like trying to like assess his assets because they were suing the out of him. All these people that he tried to or whatever the hell he did allegedly. By the way, I don't want to get sued, but he they they found he had a warehouse filled with like Rolls-Royces and Bentleys and And you know what his explanation was? He was going to start an engine an automotive engineering school for children and that's why he got these cars. That's his explanation. Well, you got to understand kids, they want to work on large motors. Only Bentleys on and Bentleys. They're into bling bling cars.

43:58Oh my god, that's hilarious. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Well, it's amazing because it, you know, yoga is it can be spiritual, but it can also be like I I used to go to this place called Yaz in Venice Beach and it was yoga and spinning together. So you'd get on a spin bike for it was perfect. One hour, 30 minutes on a spin bike and then 30 minutes of like power yoga and you walked out with like a great cardio workout stretched out and they didn't utter a word about anything spiritual because it was sort of like the antidote to like beer where they're trying to suck you into something, right? But I miss I miss that little venyasa at the end. I like a little bit of like a a meditation that's led in a very simple way because it's like you're already in that almost subrem state and then physically you can it's just so much easier to go into that mental you like you've really earned that

44:50that uh meditation. Well, it's 90 minutes too. 90 minutes is hard to do. Yeah, it's hard to do a 90minute class at 104 degrees where you're stretching out. But what I find, one of the big benefits of it, not just physical, because there's some massive physical benefits. First of all, my back feels amazing since I've been doing it. And I've been doing it like real steady every week since about August, somewhere around then where it was when I started. Do you do it once a week? Sometimes twice a week, but mostly once a week, but I'm going to try to do three times a week. What I'm going to try to do now because of uh I've dedicated myself to this new diet and I talked about it a lot. And one of the things I found out is if you talk about something like on a podcast and you say, "Hey, for the next 60 days, I'm not going to have any added sugar, no grains, no this, no

45:38that." Like, you just do it because you've already said it. And then other people hear it, you know, the people that listen to the podcast, they go, "Oh, well, I'll try that, too." And then I hear about all the benefits these people are having from the diet. And then I'm like, "All right, well, I'm going to just cuz if it was just me, if I said, "I'll give this a shot." And then I passed by some place with a chocolate croissant. I'm like, "Fuck yeah, give me that." Yeah. But I can't, so I'm not doing it. So, um, so and then these other people follow. Yeah. And soon you're going to have a fleet of Rolls-Royces. No, I'm My cult's free. It's no entry fee. You can leave whatever you want. YouTube cult. But the uh my idea is that I'm going to commit to doing it three days a week because three days a week is hard for me. It's very difficult. So, I'm going to do 60 days of 3 days a week.

46:19I'm going to see how that feels. But the tough thing is I found when I did it, I couldn't do I I had like two spots that night and I was still not 100%. I was a little lightheaded still. Well, you probably need to rehydrate. You probably needed more water. And also electrolytes. Somebody told me you got to get a lot of uh Yeah. Yeah. You sweat a lot, man. 104 degrees. You're pouring sweat by the end of it. I mean, I'm drenched and I have this huge like uh thermos that I fill with ice and water before the class and by the end of it it's empty. The the idea that I could drink that much water in 90 minutes is crazy. And the idea that it just I just go right through it. Mhm. It's just so hot in there. But the benefits for your body are definitely legit. Like my flexibility is fantastic right now. My back feels amazing. And the big one though is how just rolls off your back. Yeah.

47:15Like things don't bother me the way they would bother me if I wasn't doing it. No Oh man. Yeah. It's It's amazing. One the example I use is one this guy rearended my car, my Porsche while you're at a stoplight. No, even worse. It was a there was a construction on the highway and this guy wasn't paying attention. He was looking at his phone and he was from Mexico. No driver's license, illegal. slams on his brakes, plows into me with his Honda Civic, just wrecks his car. His car was total. My car was actually not that bad. They just had to rep because Porsches actually designed their cars incredibly well and they have this collision bar that accordions when it gets hit and it completely protected the engine. Oh Yeah. So, it was only like a twoe fix. I sent it back to Shark Works in Northern California. They they fixed it. I had it back in two weeks. Fine. Good

48:08as new. But no compensation from the other driver. Uh allegedly some insurance. So, we'll see. But most likely no. But the thing is, man, what I I saw the guy hit his I looked at him. He wasn't paying attention. I looked him look up. I saw the look in his eyes, you know, like you realize like right before he hits this guy, he slammed on his brakes right before he hit. And luckily, he wasn't going too fast cuz traffic was going kind of slow. But um I got out and it I wasn't upset. It was weird. I mean, this is I love that car. I mean, it is a rare car. There's very few of them. You can't get them anymore. Like, if you you buy them, they're extremely hard to find. And mine is really rare because it's it was done by Shark Works, who's this company in Northern California. A lot of to it. So, but I got out and the first thing I did, I go up to my go, "You okay?"

48:58And he's like, "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." I'm like, "Okay, well, we're both okay." And I swear to God, man, I wasn't even upset. I was not upset. I was like level. And it was because I did yoga that day and I'd done it another day that week and I was just I was on my way to the store. That was what I was worried about was I was going to miss my spot because uh you know I'm I usually give myself like I like to get there like 20 minutes before and I'm like this might me up, you know? But I really attribute that to just a the there's a a balance that you get from doing something like that where you're you're exerting yourself extremely hard for 90 minutes. It's so difficult. And most people don't know. You pass by yoga studios, you look in there and you go, a bunch of housewives playing with their feet. You know, they're not doing anything. But it's it's a struggle and it's a mental struggle.

49:48Yeah. You break through some walls for sure. And the thing is is I remember I used to take it up in San uh San Francisco and for year this is 10 15 years ago. I used to take it up in San Francisco. I don't know if it was Beerram back then or it was just hot yoga. But when I tried to leave the studio because I felt dizzy and nauseous, everyone in the class was like, "No, you can do it." Like they really encourage you to break through together. It's like a team effort to get through it. There's a lot of support in that because if you're by yourself and you experience that same feeling, you like, "Oh, stop right here. Relax." But you can't stop because everything's timed. The teacher is timing it and they're they're going to push you through it. And everyone else in the class is doing it. It's a 60-year-old lady right next to me. She's doing it. How come I can't do it?

50:32You know, we all experience the same thing. And you realize that's the thing about yoga is like maybe one person might be able to lift a heavier weight than this person or they might be able to run faster, but the effort that a 60-year-old person puts in versus a 20-year-old person is the same because it's 100%. You're putting in 100% effort to move your body. Yeah. So, you might be able to move more or have more flexibility than another person, but the amount of effort you put in is the same. Yeah. So, class is never easy cuz it's always 100% effort. So, it's always difficult. Well, and my friend explained to me, I didn't realize this, but that each pose is working a different organ that you're cleaning out. You're compressing. Oh, you're not compressing any organs. What are you, a machine? What are you, a vice compressing your organs? What are you, toothpaste?

51:23You're stretching and holding it. That's what you're doing. You're pushing your body. I mean, I'm sure there's some sort of benefits to your organs, you know, because there's benefit to all your muscles. Your circulation is pumping. You know, you're sweating like crazy. It's probably a lot of benefits. How would you describe the smell of a beer yoga room? like a foot underarm butthole. Little vagina and then a lot of like anti- fungal sprays and a lot of um you know deodorants and like whatever the they're using to clean it, whatever detergents. Yeah, you need to let go into the smell a little bit too at first. That's a wall you get through as well. Well, the place I go to, they do a great job of cleaning the carpets and vacuuming it and but carpets really. Exactly. It shouldn't be a carpet, right? Dang. hardwood floor, but but it's too slippery. Hardwood floors get super slippery. Yeah.

52:16And people fall and rip their knees apart. I took a shower afterwards. And uh usually, you know, I'm always self-conscious in a shower. I just nudity is was just not part of my upbringing at all. I think again, Irish Catholic shame, right? And uh but my dick was hanging low with that heat. It looked good. My balls were just swinging. Isn't it funny that your dick, especially your balls, literally stretches to get the away from your body? Like, this guy's overheating. Let's get out of here. Hang low. Hang low. There's an back there. Get away from the Yeah. And then when it's cold, it hides. It goes, "We got to let us in. Let us in." There's this one weirdo who goes to my yoga class, and he always looks at me like I stole something from him. Like, I don't even know you, man. I didn't do anything. I always say hi to him, and he's always like reluctant to

53:05say hi back. When he comes out of the shower, he cups his balls and his dick like no one can see. Really? Yeah. Like there's something wrong with this guy. Well, if you can cup your both balls and your dick with one hand. Yeah. He's got issues. I can see why he's hiding. He doesn't want you to see it. But but it's also like he he looks at other men like they did something to him. Like I've seen him when I've watched him interact with other men too. Yeah. It's like what happened to you, dude? Yeah. This guy just said hi to you and you you looked at him like you just stole your girlfriend or something. It's weird. It's like sometimes uh I was just on the road in in Addison and you know these guys from Texas, they come up and they're like they got on the crisp polo shirt and the you know slacks with pleats and tassels on there. Yeah. And they're real crew cut and they're

53:48built. And this guy comes up and he right in my face like grabs my hand. He's like, "How you doing?" And I go I go, "It's okay. I don't need to buy any insurance today." Like I get you're an alpha. You're an alpha. You're not gay. I got it. Take it easy on my hand. Nice tassels on your shoes there, fella. Slip on loafers you got there. Why are people still buying those double tassels? Like little bells. Those little weird things. What are those? The little octopuses that are hanging from the body. They don't look good. They look stupid. But they're so common. I know. It's like there's a style that like got created and just they stuck with it. Right. Right. Like ties. Yeah. Ties. The whole idea of dangling a piece of uh of material from in front of you. Yeah. There they are. Oh my god. And it's always And why is it always with no socks? I don't know, man.

54:44And it's always guys with little feet. You got to Your feet must stink in those things. They got to stink. There's no Yeah, there's no air getting into those things. Yeah. It's leather. Leather. your sweaty ass feet with no socks. It's almost like what you'd see like a bag piper wear. That's a It's a weird fetish. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. Jesus. Okay. Dork. Right now. Where are you? He's texting his girlfriend. She's getting stuffed by some other dude just gorilla by some guy she met at the gym while he's out there getting a manicure. Well, I was going to go to the gym, but my nails are horrendous. So, um I'll call you later. We're still going to do the tapas bar. And she's just getting stuff. What are you gonna wear, by the way? I want to make sure it matches what I'm wearing. Don't wear blue because I'm wearing blue. I'm dressed as Ellen Degenerous. You'll be able to see me.

55:35I'm dressed as Ellen's wife. I'm dressed as poreskinned to Rossi. Oh. Oh, yeah. That's beautiful. That's great. The um and he only her up the ass. That's That's when you got to wonder. You think so? Is there a guy like that? He's just uh really Yeah. She She's only taking up the S and he's always like got his hand in front of her and he's jacking it up and down and she's like, "What are you doing?" You're really specific. Is there an air fantasy? Is there an air that you're jerking off? I put my tassels on. I need my tassels. Wear my loafers. I want to feel like we're at the office. You don't even work in an office. I want to Don't up the fantasy. You're I want to be normal. I want to be the executive today. I'm the executive. I'm sexually harassing. I want you to sue me while I'm you. We're because I got a promotion. You don't even have a job. I got a promotion today. Stop ruining it.

56:29Promotion. You get a trust fund. That world, man. That world that most people who are listening to this are stuck in. That world of like trying to get a promotion, trying to move your way up the company ladder, going to company meetings, hundreds of people all getting together, wives and husbands and shaking hands and wearing your loafers. your loafers and trying to figure out what church you're supposed to go to to get ahead. Oh god. What country club to join once you get to that next level? Country club. I looked at houses in uh Do you know where Lake Sherwood is? No. Lake Sherwood is an area like way out near like Thousand Oaks. Really nice. Really nice place. And it's a giant country club, like a gated community country club. Yeah. And uh we looked at a house there and um when we were there it's like like what is this place? Like this is like what's going on in this place? It's all

57:22like people who go there and they play golf cuz it's like you you to sign up and be a part of the golf thing. The golf costs like some insane amount of money a year. Like really stupid money. Like pull that up. Find out how much Lakes Sh. But I think it's like a quart million dollars a year. Yeah. like something stupid. I might be wrong. Maybe it's 50 grand or something like that. Yeah. But it's something something where you're like, "What?" Well, they're just trying to keep out anybody who's not stupid wealthy. Does it say does it say how much, Jamie? $185,000. They list I thought those clubs would keep that on the down on their website. This is an article I found. $185,000 if you want to play golf. Yeah. Because think about it. If you're a billionaire, 185 doesn't mean to you except that people without it can't get in. Yeah. you know, it's not it's not

58:11affecting your bottom line. It's just an insurance policy, you know, like and then you see these clubs like there's a club in Santa Monica. I forget which one it is, but you drive past it. There's never anybody on the course. This is this is miles. Think about the real estate in Santa Monica. If you had a 3,000 square foot store, you'd be paying, you know, $10,000 a month for it. Now take that store, step it into a golf course that's square miles in that same neighborhood. What What is that possibly worth? And there's nobody playing on the course. It's insane. It's insane. And the amount of water. Oh yeah. The sheer amount of water that gets used by golf courses. Like they did a um they had a chart that showed all the water that's being used by residential people and uh houses and you know regular folks versus agriculture. And you know, agriculture is just staggering how much

59:07water they use. But the the really nutty one was millions and millions of gallons. How many millions are being used by golf courses just in Southern California? I mean, it's like a significant percentage of our water usage is golf. Yeah. Yeah. And uh they write off the land. They don't have to pay taxes on it as much as normally because they call it, you ready for this? It's like a uh it's it's considered wildlife. What? Like every city is supposed to have zoned out a certain amount of undeveloped land for the environment. And golf courses were able to loophole their way into that so they don't pay as much tax. Oh, it's a wildlife preserve, right? It's for squirrels. Squirrels with bumps on their head from getting hit by goggles. How many squirrels have been merckked by a blind drive? You imagine if you're a squirrel just sitting there a golf ball bigger than your

60:02head comes 75 miles an hour. It's like wait you in the head. Darwin didn't teach me about this. How do I react to this in nature? My friend Ryan got hit in the head by a line drive and he said he was up for like 6 months. Really? 6 months he had massive headaches. It's a hard ball, man. I know too many people that have had like significant head problems from getting hit in the head. Like people always wonder like why I'm always droning on and on about head trauma in MMA and in football and the dangers of it. It's because I know a lot of people that one knockout and they're for like a year. Yeah. Yeah. Constant headaches, constant ringing in their ear. My son just got his first concussion. You know, he plays soccer and he got uh I think he got knee in the head in a collision and he was out of school for a week. He couldn't like he'd go to school and he'd

60:53have his head down on his desk in first period and have to come home again. Wow. It was bad. And it was like man. You don't know when that happens. A concussion can last a day. It can last, like you said, it could go on and on with with uh headaches. And it's really important to recognize that because there's like a lot of restrictions they put on athletes after they've been KO'ed like uh for fighters. They'll they'll, you know, say like no contact for 30 days or 60 days or something like that. But that's not adequate because you really don't know. Each individual case of someone getting knocked out is is totally different, right? One person get knocked out and they're fine a couple days later and then another person would get knocked out and they're up for a long time. Like I got um TKOed once in a kickboxing fight. And uh I was exhaust it was the third fight of the night. I

61:43had fought twice that night before that fight and part of it was exhaustion. I did get clipped with a good left hook though. My legs gave out and I went down. I never went out. But sometimes a punch to the jaw is weird too because a punch to the jaw what happens is it's not even necessarily your brain. It's like the nerve behind like the the nerves. The way it's been explained to me is your jaw when it moves can slam into the nerve and when it slams into the nerve it like shortcircuits your system. Yeah. And your legs give out. It's weird. It's not good for you. But my point is I was fine after that. Like I was fine that night. I was fine the next day. I mean it wouldn't be a good idea if I had another fight after that. But it wasn't like I had ringing in my ears and headaches and I was in like serious pain. But I had other times just from sparring sessions where I didn't get

62:32knocked out where my head was pounding for days from taking a punch. Just from taking a punch or a kick and you don't know you don't know which which day you're going to be fine or which day you're going to be It all depends entirely on how you get hit, how your body responds to it. Yeah. What the actual damage is. And no one, you can't tell unless you get in the brain. Like they really can't tell. They don't know. You know who's amazing is uh James Bond will get knocked out like out. Somebody, you know, like a bad guy will elbow him and he'll lose consciousness. He'll get up and like drive a car, dance. Well, he gets pistol whipped too. He gets pistol whipped. They get pistol whipped in the back of their head. They go down. They wake up. Oh, you hit me. Does he just get up like it's nothing? Keep on going. That's that pistol whip to the back of the head move. It's like always effective.

63:21I know. You never kill the guy. They And and also when you're fighting a bunch of people, you can pistol whip. You got to shoot some. You can pistol whip the others and they'll go down and you just know they're going to stay down until you're you're clear till you're out of there. When was the first time you saw someone actually get knocked out? Have you saw how many people you've seen get knocked out in real life? Bar fights. I've seen tons like KOs. Yeah, I've seen KOs in Boston outside of bars. Oh, street KOs are the scariest cuz they bounce their head off the concrete. Yeah, right. There's something sickening. Just absolutely sickening about the sound of an unconscious person's head bouncing off the concrete. Yeah. I saw this kid when I was about 17. And I was at a bar in Tartown where I grew up. And this kid uh he was on he was on stair. It was this bar that had

64:10an upstairs and this one kid was coming up, other one was coming down and they had a beef and the kid uh above just clocked this guy and he fell backwards, hit his head. He was in a coma for 6 months. Oh my god. Still not 100%. This, you know, I mean 10 years later, I haven't seen him since, but 10 years later, the guy was off. Oh my god. What happened to the guy who did it to him? Went to jail for how long? It's like three months. It's not enough. Nope. No. Bar fights are no joke, man. Kevin James used to work as a bouncer in a bar in Long Island. Guy he was working with punched a guy. The guy fell back, hit his head off the curb, and died. Oo. Yeah. Just bar fight. Bouncer, drunk guy, punches the guy. Jail. Guy. Go to jail. Yeah. Jail. Massaughter. Whole deal. Wow. Yeah. Just It's no joke. People think it's a joke, you know? It's like you got all these

64:58tough guys that go out to the bars and then you know, hey, we have a fist fight and you know it's it can end very tragically very fast. Some comic at the comedy store got knocked out like about I want to say about a year ago, maybe even less. Yeah. Um he was on a motorcycle and he pulled up to the comedy store and he parked his motorcycle and um I guess he kept it running and some guy yelled at him, "Hey man, shut that thing off." off like they were having a conversation like over by the patio. Yeah. And uh he laughed at him like because the guy was like saying it like really aggressive and he took his helmet off. The guy walked over to him and just cococked him and knocked him out. Wow. Just for having a motorcycle running. Oh I guess it was one of those those loud like Harley things that people love. They love those loud, right? But they say that those are loud. That's

65:48good because it saves you from people colliding in. that. If I was a cop, you know, they have like a they have like a noise meter. That is my biggest pet peeve. You're having a conversation on the street and you have to stop for 20 seconds cuz some has got a muffler that he jacked up to make that much noise like he's Oh, what are you powerful? And you feel it in your chest when they go by. They're really loud. Some of those bikes. Really, really loud. Second only to the truck that has like that massive horn that makes your body go paralyzed for like a second. Like a like a dog whistle. Yeah. Your body just goes what? Yeah. Yeah. Those loud motorcycles though, like I guess too loud is, you know, a problem, but like a Harley like when you buy one from a store without with it, that's fine. And the but that la that level of loudness apparently prevents a

66:47lot of accidents. Yeah. Because people hear it and then they avoid you because like part of the problem with motorcycle accidents like say if you have like one of those Japanese speed bikes like they don't make that much noise. So you got to when you're next to people so they know you're there cuz people are texting and drifting. How often do you look over and you see people texting? Oh yeah. And I drive a Prius. Yeah. Cuz I'm dead inside. But people people really can't hear you. I pulled up today to to Valley Park and uh the guy's sitting there doing a cross word puzzle and I'm looking at him and uh and I I finally went, "Excuse me." He's like, "Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you." And it's like, "You feel insignificant already in a Prius. You feel castrated and a zero." Yeah. They don't make any noise. Like here's me flooring it. Then your car. You know you want to get a nice car.

67:36You've been You've been thinking about this for years. What holds you back? I need a little bump of money. I I to justify it because the college fund isn't there yet. I got to get a little get a nice little hit. Go out and buy that Mustang. Did you see the new ones? You've seen the new ones? Yeah. My friend Matt Farah back just sent me a text. Apparently the new Shelby, they have a new Shelby GT 350 and he just sent me a text about it and he said he's he's emailing everyone he knows at Ford just begging them to sell him one because Oh, they're hard to get. They're hard to get because it's a Shelby GT 350. So, they have a PR guy that's going to hook him up, but he said like literally it is the best car he's ever driven. How much is it? I don't know. Not that expensive, though. It's like less than a lot of cars, but apparently they're really hard to get. The Shelby, but you don't need a

68:22Shelby. Like a GT, a Mustang GT. One of the cool things about the horsepower wars, like here's what's all that white stuff on it. Is that just like shininess? What is that? Is that a up part about the M? It's like a artifact. I don't know. It's not on my It's not on my screen. I don't know what that is. Um, see if you find another one. It's not on your screen. No. Oh, it's only when it transfers over to the television. Oh, how weird. Weird. How strange is that? Um, there's other images I'm sure you could find. But anyway, the car is a monster. But a regular Mustang GT, the thing is a regular one, like find out how much a regular Mustang GT is. I think it's only about I want to say it's about 35 grand. They start at GT I think is more than that. I think a regular Mustang just like a baseline Mustang you can get for about 32. Really? Just don't not GT 350 Jamie. G just GT Ford Mustang GT.

69:18Yeah. How much those cost? I think like Well, the thing what I was saying is like for the amount of Look at that. 32 grand for a Mustang GT. That's crazy. The amount of power that those things have and how good they run and how good they drive. It's a bargain. It's an amazing bargain because they have more than 400 horsepower. Those things are fast as Like what is it? 430. What does it say there, Jamie? Don't scroll real quick. What does it say? 435. 435 horsepower. 400tb of torque for 32 grand. I mean, that's incredible. And the interior looks good. They have Ricaro cloth front seats. Think about what it would have cost to make a car with those dimensions 10 years ago. They couldn't do it. Well, how about this? You would you would blow the doors off a Ferrari of 20 years ago. Yeah. With this car with this $32,000 car and it sounds great. It's a wonderful American V8. They look great.

70:17I mean, I would drive that 100%. And it'd be fun. Those are fun to drive, man. It's a great car. And for 32 grand, whenever we talk about these things, people get mad. They go, "32 grand is a lot of money. Relax." I got to get some ads on my uh my ads have slowed down on my podcast. I gota I got to hook some up. Have they slowed down because you haven't pursued them or No, I think my uh people your ad people are not good. They're slacking. Slacking. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to do all that yourself. Yeah. You rely on other people to get it for you. They better do their job, right? I'll connect you to my guys after we're done here. Yeah, they're good. Might be time. Yeah, you gota The thing is you got to find something you actually like. like uh my favorite ads are like um Dollar Shave Club or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Dollar Shave Club. Legit. It's great. It's 100% legit.

71:08I like advertising that. I like uh Squarespace is good. Blue uh Blue Apron. Blue Apron's great. Yeah. less than 10 bucks a meal. Yeah. Finding stuff that you That's the whole key to it. Like I've had a lot of people try to advertise and I'm like, "Ooh, I can't get behind that." One of them was like an Uber for babysitters. I was like, "Get the out of here." Really? Are you crazy? You going to have some person come over and and watch the the the most important person in your life other than your spouse just randomly? Just randomly because it's cheaper. Yeah. Well, they're screened like what the Yeah, there's certain things you can't go by price. Yeah. You know, yeah, there's uh Yeah, there's some that uh Do you do the betting sites like uh DraftKings and all that? Yeah, I did. I had them for a long time. I haven't done one in a while. I I like I like the idea behind it, but some

72:00people say that there's issues with how you get paid. Oh, yeah. Or uh not how you get paid rather, but um how many people get paid? Like Weren't you saying something like that, Jamie? What were you saying? There's mo uh when I found out about most of it was like 1% of the players were making like something like 90 to 95% of the money. The one% again these one. Goddamn one. All white guys. Yeah, white guys that know a lot about sports, but I feel like if you know you understand a lot about like MMA and that's one of the things where um I like it. I'm like, man, I feel like you can make money. Like if you're one of those crazy people that goes on mixed martial arts.com and you're there every day and know all the stats, you know, excuse me, you watch all the training videos, you know who's training with who and what this guy's got this new trainer that's going

72:50to help him with this. I just feel like those guys. Did you have any inkling about that last fight, the two big upsets last week? Yeah, both of them. Really? You had a feeling on both of them that they'd be upsets? No, I had a feeling that Holly could get beat by Misha, but I thought Connor was going to get beat by Nate. I had a feeling I I said it to uh my friends, too, that were sitting right behind me. Uh I took my headset off as they were doing the uh the introductions. I said, "There's going to be an upset." Holy Really? Yeah. I could tell Well, we just saw an upset when Miesa choked Holly out. Yeah. And uh I knew that Misha was going to fight real smart. And the way she fought was super cautious on the outside and she made Holly come to her, which is not how Holly likes to fight. When Rhonda fought Holly was the perfect fight for Holly because Rhonda charged

73:35after her like a maniac and Holly just sidestepped her, blasted her, moved back, blasted her. She just countered her. And for a person who's a counter striker, that style that Ronda employed is the perfect style. even more perfect for someone like Holly because Rhonda doesn't kick. So Rhonda has a short range attack. Short range attack. And on top of that, her grappling is a limited attack because she only likes to tie up with the upper body. Like Rhonda doesn't take anybody down by shooting on their legs. Yeah. So I knew that Holly fighting Misha would she would have a totally different type of opponent. First of all, Miesa is not going to charge at her. She's not stupid. She's not reckless. She's not a crazed maniac like Rhonda was in that fight. was just like a maniac. She just want to smash her face in. You can't fight like that. And Misha fought like super intelligent, very

74:23cautious, stayed on the outside. And then once in the second round, Misha got her down and just dominated her on the ground. I was like, "Okay, that my suspicions were correct." Like Miesa can do this. But then Holly pulled it off for the next couple rounds and uh looked like Holly was going to probably win a decision if she won the last round. And then Miesa took her down and choked her unconscious and that was just madness. That must have been the payout on picking the underdogs on those two must have been huge. Giant. I think it was six to one with Connor and Nate. And I think Misha and Holly was something like three to one. Yeah. I might have made that up. I think if you picked them both and bet 100 bucks, you won something like 1,600 bucks together. Picked them both together. Jamie bet on Nate. Yeah. Went 500 bucks. Did you? There you go. Yeah. Jamie was there. I got a picture

75:06of Jamie, Tony, and my friend Frosty. The three of them holding up their betting slips right after the fight. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're all Frosty. No, Frosty's a sound guy for the UFC. He's a sound engineer, but um I can see Jamie taking that Joe Rogan experience money and doubling it down. Yeah, there's them. There's Tony Encliffe, too. Great. Oh, I saw a great picture of um uh who was it in the background kissing on the kiss cam. Oh, Arian Dun Dun. Yeah, it was great. Not even that before they were kissing they were throwing up Illuminati signs. They were doing like that and they waited until the camera was right on them and they turned and kissed tongue and everything. By the way, watch this. Watch this. Here it is. Like the camera's on them. And you see the grab their face like what the did we do? Oh, that's so funny. That's like Borat doing that cage match

76:15down south. No, Bruno. Not Bruno. Those guys are animals. Look at there. They're throwing up the Illuminati sign. See that? Oh, that's so great. They're probably on mushrooms, too. They get on mushrooms all the time when they do the UFC because you you could sit there for a long time. Look at that kiss. Cuz the thing about that is you do it in the moment and it's funny and then all you're thinking about is the two dudes that are sitting behind you the whole time for the rest of the match going, "Are they going to do that again? What the fuck?" Well, they were sitting in the seats that are right behind me. So, they weren't even audience seats. Those are production seats. Yeah. They're sitting in like the best seats. They're they're 3 ft from the cage, you know? They're right there. They're like literally they could touch me. They could touch my back.

77:04I was supposed to be there. We did a gig together in Vegas not too long ago with a fight the next day and I had to bail. God damn it, Chris. God damn it. No Mustang, no no ringside seats. I'm missing it all. Oh, can we plug by the way the tomorrow night? Tomorrow night. Yeah, we're we're at the improv tomorrow night. 17th, St. Patrick's Day. Joe Rogan joining once again. I believe you did it last year, too. I've done it a couple times. Yeah, I've done it a few times. The St. Patrick's Day show. We got all Irish comics coming down. Uh Joe McRogen. Uh Karen Kilgar, Mike Gibbons. We got a special guest I can't even announce. Huge name guest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is he Irish? Uh Greek. Okay, we'll talk later. All right. Okay. It' be good. Tickets. Uh some tickets left. Go to the improv. Always a good time. Always a good time. I have a little Irish. I'm one quarter Irish. That's it.

77:56So it's real. Yeah. All right. You're still you're still you're still on the show. Yeah. Yeah. And then we're have a party afterwards. Little corn beef next door and some Irish music and decorations. And I'm so glad they turned the improv around and have that bar in the front again. They had it all wrong for about a year there. Well, they turned it into like some lounge in Inino. Yeah. It was like it was white in there and it was weird decorations. Like who designed this? Yeah. And now it's dark again and it looks cool. There was nothing wrong with it in the first place. It was perfect before. Well, I don't know why they did it. I don't know what they were trying to do. You can't just leave a good thing alone. I think they thought they were going to have a successful restaurant in the front. Yeah. For some reason and it didn't pan out and the restaurant didn't work out. They

78:39didn't which most restaurants don't. They say like 90% of all restaurants fail in the first year, right? Yeah. But they got it back. It's great again. Yeah. It's back to its roots. Yeah. It's a great club. Yeah. And I like how they have a second room now. They have that lab. Yeah. The lab's good. Have you done it? great. Yeah, it's great. I did. Sorry. I did Ari when that's when Ari first started his This is not happening, the show that was on last night on Comedy Central, which is on every week now. Um before Ari had that television show, he started that off in the Improv Lab, I think I want to say like six years ago. Yeah. And his his idea was it was a very smart idea that you would develop stories better and really tighten them up if there wasn't pressure to do like traditional standup. So like he would do storytelling shows and he would do them on a theme like guys who have been

79:28arrested or people that have you know done too many drugs or whatever and you would do he would do a theme on these things and you go up there and just explore the story and if you could do that you would find the funny stuff in there cuz you it it's a different format you know it's you're kind of doing standup but then some guys would it up like they would go up there and they would just set up punchlines and they do just jokes but then like Diaz does it right like Diaz would tell you these crazy stories and they would be funny. He would find the funny in them and a lot of those like became bits because he like got comfortable and Ari did too as well. Got comfortable saying them in the storytelling format and then sort of edited it down and honed it and sharpened it and folded the steel and then it made it become a really solid bit. Right. That's where it starts. You know,

80:13I got a new bit about uh seeing a couple in the hotel room across from me. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. It was amazing. I mean, I won't do the bit. I'll tell you the the story has now turned into a bit that crushes. I mean, it went from, you know, how sometimes you get a new bit and it can take three months to become your closing bit because you're still working out. This thing raced to closing bit in like five tellings of it really. So, I won't do the bit, but I'll tell you the story, which is basically New Year's Eve in Portland. The hotel is like a horseshoe shape. So, I'm on the 10th floor and I look across into a room and the curtains are open, lights are on. Chick is on her back, legs up, and this dude who's ripped is pounding her. And I'm just standing there looking at him like like this is the greatest thing I've ever This is the greatest thing that ever

81:05happened. I got I still have my bag in my hand and I'm just transfixed. And they're, you know, they're really And then at one point he uh he he's he goes down on one knee, eats her out, stands up, keeps I'm like high-fiving the glass like, "Go, man." And then and so I had the curtain closed because I didn't want them to see me, but I pop my head through the curtain so I look like a photographer from the 1930s. Was one of those And then I start thinking about what it must sound like. And this is where it sound this is where it gets creepy creepier is I leave my room. I walk down the hall and I stand outside the room and I listen and I hear him grunting and I hear her go, "Oh, Kevin. Kevin." So I go back to my room and I call I call the room. No. And I'm just watching him waiting, waiting. And he didn't pick up. But if he did, I would have been like, "Kav, look out the window, buddy. I'm

82:09jerking off." But what's better than some free nudity? Like, you didn't earn it. You didn't have to take anyone out to dinner. You didn't have to go to a strip club. You just you just see some nudity in a window. Well, it's way more exciting for sure. Accidental nudity is way more exciting. Yeah. The voyer. There's a voyer instinct that all of us have for whatever reason. And I don't know why, you know, it's why I like like those Jennifer Lawrence leak sex pics like it like you know she sent that to her boyfriend like oh my god it's her like spreading her cheeks and like Jennifer Lawrence showing her and her and taking a thick one to the face. Did you see that one? Yes. Yes. Yes. Thick one. But I don't know, like even looking down a a woman's shirt. Yeah. My mother-in-law was doing the dishes at our house. She's wearing a night gown. Bent over. Look down her shirt. Not bad.

83:18That's so gross. Oh, how old was she at the time? 74. You know what? They were full. They were full and they weren't wrinkled. And I thought this is what my this is what my wife's tits are going to look like in 25 years. Unless she gets on that collagen, man. That's going to be great for everybody. It's going to be weird, man. Going to see 80-year-old hot ladies. Yeah, they're going to smell like 80-year-olds, though. Once they open their mouth, smell tombs of bats come flying out of their flies. Like, did I just walk into a beer yoga studio? Yeah, it'd be nice if like you had an expiration date. You work up to that date and everything worked awesome up until that date and then into the great abyss. I think there should be an option. I think that you should have total coverage for your health. You know, talk about universal healthcare. blue blue uh cross to the nth

84:24degree. Everything you need, $1 co-pay, whatever. But then when you turn 73, they just come, you're sleeping, one bullet to the back of the head. Or you get a minimal policy, a lot of co-ay, big deductible, but you get it for the rest of your life as long as you live. Yeah. But the shooting you in the head part, why do they have to shoot you in the head at 73? Cuz you you'll be a drain on the system after that. Can't you just pay more money? No, because that money has to go back into the system. Yeah, but you're earning money if you're alive. You not if you're 74. Yeah. Maybe you're one of those Warren Buffett type characters. Still out there hustling. That's true. Every hustling. You know, he lives in Omaha, Nebraska. Yeah. Same house he first had his kids in. Now, how's that possible? How's nobody robbing him? Right. He flies coach, I believe. So, or maybe that was Sam

85:18Walton that flies coach. Sam Walton used to fly coach. My only problem with that is why have all that money then? What's he doing with it? If I if I would think there's one thing you want to pay for that cost a little extra, it's it's business class. It makes a flight from exhausting and aggravating to relaxing. And like if you're in first class, you don't want to get off the plane when you land. You're sitting there, you're watching a good movie, you got some soft leather wrapped around your dirty and you just got a little mimosa. You're talking to interesting, wealthy people. Sometimes Sometimes you get your ear chewed off by a Yeah, that's true. That can happen, too. That should be part of first class is just a little like a urinal divider comes up in between you and that guy. As soon as someone starts talking, you just look at them and your eyes slowly, right?

86:10Yeah. There's some people that you sit next to. It's great. But you can't choose. I was on the plane the other day headed back from Vegas and there was a drunk guy that was doing air quotes business on the phone. And he was so loud. Tony and I were like, "What the fuck?" And he was like, "Basically the bottom line is if we get this account, we are set and he's drunk and he's being really I think maybe he was like doing it to let everyone know that he's doing business cuz he was definitely hammered." Yeah. The plane takes off and then within five minutes of the flight being in the air, he's out cold, snoring, right? Just drunk off his ass. Probably stayed up all night. Got on a flight. Pig. Alcohol. He had some runaway grinding on his to a Van Halen song about three hours earlier. That's the good part. Panama just rocked out to some Van Halen driving over here. They came on the

87:05Sirius XM and Eddie Van Halen is one of the greatest guitar players ever of all time unquestionably. He's a bad Yeah. But Valerie Burtonelli Mal prime. Yeah, that wrecked that band though. Did she Was she Did she yoko it? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. A lot of ways. Yeah. That's why David Lee Roth that's big part of why David Lee Roth jettisoned during the Prime days. Yeah. And then they turned into Sam Hagar. Didn't enjoy one of those songs. It was a different band. It was weird. It's cuz like I it was still super successful and maybe even more successful with Sammy Hagar than it was with David Lee Roth, but man, it was not the same band. Different band entirely. It was all It was weird. It was weird. It's not like AC/DC, which just smoothly transitioned. Yeah. Like you can't even tell, right? You go listen to old AC/DC and then the the new singer AC/DC. Not that's which

88:05is old still now. Yeah. But it's all AC/DC. Yep. Van Halen's like two massively different bands, right? But there's like that poppy bullshitty stuff that became massively massively successful. Well, it was like guys trying to be hard rockers. It was It was like they were playing a character. That's what Sammy Hagar always seemed like to me. I can't drive. You can't drive 55? Really? You can't? Even if there's a cop on the side of the road, you'd like literally have to speed past the cop. 55 is a speed limit, though. That's why they got rid of it. It's really 65 now. But I mean, if it says 65, you can go 74. You won't get pulled over. Yeah, you you might. Well, on a Porsche, you will. You can get pulled over. You're a You're a uh lightning rod in that thing. Yeah. In any kind of car, though, if you're going 10 miles an hour over, they can get you. Not a Prius. Really?

89:01No. They just look at you and they feel so bad for you. Bastard. His car doesn't even make noise. I can't believe he even goes. I'm proud of him. He's rolling down a hill like a Hot Wheels car. Look, he's got golf clubs on the back. How much How many gallons to the or gas? How many miles to the gallon do you get? You want to hear the sad part is there's a button that you can push on your Prius that that takes all the electricity off so that you just drive with the gas, but it makes you like way faster and I push that every time. So, I don't even really get the savings really. It takes away the electric boost. Not I don't know if it completely does, but it gives you I'm telling you it is a quick car if you don't if you don't have the electricity thing turned on because it's so light and aerodynamic. It's quick. M telling you, I line up on the at a red light. I line up against uh

89:53Mustang GTs and they just don't try to beat because you're a Prius. That's right. We we we race for pink slips. Well, it's also has no gears, right? Just it just No gears. One gear. Fast, slow, fast, slow. Yep. How like if you fill your tank up with gas, how long does it last? I don't drive a lot. I live on the west side. I, you know, I drive three miles at a time. Do you still miss Venice? Still miss being in that little tight-knit community? Well, you know, I'm only a mile away, right? But, uh, I'm I'm there. Yeah, I miss it a lot. It makes my quality of life is about 30% worse not living in that neighborhood. I used to walk my dog. I'd say hi to seven people, which I know we've talked about. You don't love that. I love that. I like to be in contact with people. I like to walk into houses. Well, I'd love that if it was like you. Yeah. If you know on my block was

90:46Duncan, Ari, you Ken, Joey Diaz, we'd have a great time. It would be awesome. We got to get a culde-sac and all buy house. Yeah. We'd have to all agree to live together. Yeah. You know, we'd have to all like find a spot that we all agree to. And but if you could engineer that, that would be Have a pool. Have have like a wreck room where there's a pool table and a ping pong table. That could be done. Steam room. What you got to do is you got to buy like a giant piece of land and then develop on it, right? Develop your own little gated community. Yep. Call it a church. Don't pay taxes. Yeah. Yeah. all each other's wives, right? What? Yeah. Yeah. That's what we do. Take acid, Kool-Aid, whatever. We got to do Beerram yoga every morning. I'll do yoga. We'll bring Beerram in. He'll He'll be the leader. Bring him put him on the hill. He'll start his automotive engineering school there.

91:37This warehouse. Yeah. Our kids will all be mechanics. They'll know how to fix Rolls-Royces. Yeah. Has anybody ever Oh, you know who's done that? There's a guy Uriah Faber who's a former WEC champion. He's fighting for the UFC bantamweight title. Great guy. Him and his uh a lot of his fighters. They have a house on a culde-sac. They call it the block. Bought a few houses in this area. It's one area cuz he buys and flips houses. Yeah. It's one of his uh side side gigs. He buys houses and I believe his dad does construction. His dad like refurbishes these houses and sells them. So, they bought some houses all on the same block. And while he was uh I think New Year's Eve, some girl broke into his house. Um all over the place, threw up like some girl that he didn't even know. Like she was hammered and she broke into his house and he like uh I think he filmed it and put it on YouTube

92:30or like put it on Instagram or something. You mean his security cameras caught it or he No, he was there. Like he was there. This girl like came into his house and she was just completely smashed. He had no idea who she was. So, he just pulled out his phone and started videotaping. Find that. Yeah. Like just as an experiment. Like, let's see what she'll do. Well, I think he was like, "Um, this is not your house. You have to leave." No She was just so smashed. He didn't know where she was. He could have been Dr. Huxable that night. Well, I think she was relatively large. Yeah. And here it is. Uriah Fabers. Oh, there's other guys there. Yeah, she locked herself in his bathroom. So, he's um he's walking with his phone to the bathroom. See if he can skip through a lot of this. They I'm guessing he's got the right to show this because uh it's his house.

93:32Oh, the cops showed up now. The cops are going to kick this Snapchat. These are all edited videos live and you don't have the good stuff. Oh, I see. I see. Do you do Snapchat? Do you have a Snapchat? I I'm not sure if I have it or not. I do not have a Snapchat, but people like that They like the Snapchat. Is Snapchat when it goes up and then you watch it and it comes down? Yeah, it like goes away after a while. Why would you want it to go away though? I'm not sure. I think you can keep it if you want. You can make it stay there and it becomes like a story or something, right? That's the new thing with all those There's too many too many options. I have periscoped. I stopped periscoping. I did it for a while, but I'm on Brody Stevens all the time. If you I watch him all the time. He periscopes everything. It's the greatest. He he puts his iPhone on a holster and

94:25like periscopes on his way to work. Yeah. On his way to the store, right? Just talking. Yeah. Well, Joey Diaz doing the morning smoke is that's the greatest. That's the greatest. Joey gets up every morning and does I think he does it like 7 o'clock in the morning. Smokes a joint and starts talking and gives you like motivation. Yeah. Motivational insight from Uncle Joey. Good morning, And he gets high, like ridiculously high. And he's doing it on camera. You just keep see him hitting it and smoking. That was one of the ones where his uh he uh explained his beef with John Caparulo. He had a beef with John Caparillo. Oh my god. Legendary. No Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It played out on Twitter where they're both going back and forth with each other. Yeah. Yeah. And then it played out at the Comedy Store where Joey apparently and him got into some sort of an altercation recently.

95:15Physical. Well, Joey spitting his face, I think. Whoa. Was it a joke thief thing? No. No. it. Um, you would have to talk to both of them for it to be for me it to be fair for me to give you a real assessment of what happened. Okay. But essentially um it was is Joey's contention that John uh was trying to control the lineups and keep certain people from performing and really that he over other comedians in doing so. John Caparu denies this and uh he says that Joey's a bully and a a prisonard and that kind of And so, you know, obviously my loyalty is with Joey D. I'm on Joey's side all the way. Always. Caparillo. I don't know. You know what that guy did to me one time? Capillo. Yeah. What did he do? He asks me, "Can I be on your podcast?" And I'm like, "All right, whatever." So, I give him a date, time. We come up with a date and a time. And then uh like it's 11:00 and uh he uh I

96:26email him like, "Uh, where are you?" And he's like, "Uh, oh, I'm on my way, but there's really thick traffic on the 405." And I look, you know, I look it up on IMAPs. This It's all green. Everything's green. It's a pasture. there's no red lines. And so I go, "All right, well, I'm here. Come whenever." And then he, you know, emails me back like 20 minutes later. I'm wasting my whole day. And he's like, "Uh, it's not geographically optimal for me right now." And uh but I'm free all day if you want to come to my house. Come to my house in the valley. I was just like, "Delete." What? What? Yeah. Hm. How odd. Hm. I don't want to feed into a beef here. Yeah. I don't think you are, but I think you're You know, there's something going on there. That's something weird. Yeah. Kind of controlling. Yeah. I don't know. It might Who knows? We could talk off air. I could speculate

97:27with you off air involving all sorts of various things that people might get really excited about doing. It's a lot of lot of speculation. He's I never have a problem with him. I never I've never had a problem with him. I don't know. No, he's a good guy. He thinks he thinks though that I somehow or another am involved in this and so his paranoia is fed into this. He thinks that Joey Diaz is my hitman and that somehow or another I'm plotting against him, which I don't even understand why I would do that. Like why I don't even I don't know why. I don't I don't get it. I don't know, man. Some people they they trip themselves. Oh, absolutely. And that and the thing is about the comedy store, as much as I love it, sometimes that that gets it gets a little schoolyardy. Not as much anymore, man. Now that Tommy's gone. Yeah. I mean, this is that is also because

98:17John was friends with Tommy. And that's also part of Joey's contention is that he pulled up with Tommy to control that place. I don't know. I don't give a I go I tell my jokes. I say hi to people like you. I hang out with my friends. I don't want to be involved. I don't give a 20 minutes early, say what's up. All that is just a waste of time. There's a lot of people out there and that are living their lives just sort of going with the momentum of all these things that people love to do, all these gossipy things and, you know, get involved and controlling this or throw think about yourself. Just think about what you're doing. Don't get distracted. And I can I think a lot of that is a distraction. A lot of the people's fixating on other people. this guy, he's doing this or that guy is doing that and man, he why you he's not even funny. Why is he getting on before me?

99:06That is all a distraction and it keeps you from thinking about yourself. There's a lot of people out there that spend a tremendous amount of time hating on other people and very little time working on themselves. Yeah. And it's a trap. It's an easy trap to get into because it's it's there's no there's no commitment to hating on someone. You don't there's no consequences if it doesn't go well. So you put your energy into that and you know almost like you're like hoping they fail so that it justifies this idea that you have in your head but you're not you're not benefiting from it and it's wasting you can waste a day. You can you can stew about something and all a sudden it's the end of the day and there was that you wanted to accomplish that you didn't do because you were obsessed with googling the person and finding out if it's a story that people are latching on to.

99:54Like this whole thing with Joey. I'm sure it's wasted more of his time than he wanted it to. Yeah, but he put it on Periscope and it's pretty amusing. Oh, he did? Yeah. And he's smoking pot while he's talking about it. Let me explain to you what that did. I don't know. It's just It is. Why do people love it so much though? I don't know. I don't know. Why do I love it? I don't know. I don't love it with everybody though. With Joey, it's just entertaining. Yeah. I don't know. Well, I love him so much when when he's involved in something, I'm involved whether I like it or not. I have to be. Yeah. You know, but it's u there's a lot of wasted energy is my point, you know. And even with Joey, he's he's done with it now. He won't even talk about him now. Bring it up now. He goes, "I don't give a I don't give a Joe Rogan, I murdered them in San Jose. Murdered them."

100:49He's just out there smashing. He's hit a whole new level recently, too. Yeah. Has he Oh my god. He's got this bit. I don't want to I don't want to give up any of the details of the bit, but he's got this bit where I just like I'm just like the the frenzy that he approaches this bit with on stage. Like, wow, he's on another level. He's like hitting new levels. Well, I I had to follow him at the uh in the main room of the store recently and he went up and he people were doubled over. They couldn't even make noise. It was it was just cruel what he did to this audience. And then, you know, in the in the comedy story, each act brings up the next act. So, he introduces me and then I come up and he shakes my hand and he whispers in my ear, "Sorry, dude." He knew I couldn't follow it right out of the gate. Yeah, man. He's a monster. Yeah, he murdered in Vegas.

101:45I was with him in Vegas two weeks ago. A theater, 2,000 people. It's droid. Yeah, destroyed. He's a monster. He's just uh he's hit this level right now where he's just so free and loose and he's concentrating on standup so much. He's really into it, you know, and he's reaping the rewards. Like finally people are recognizing like he sells out everywhere now like in advance. So finally people are recognizing how talented he is and and how dedicated he is. I mean, it's really just one of those examples of focus and attention echoing results. Like focusing on something, really honing it, and really putting your focus and your attention on something and then seeing the results of it. He's just really passionate right now about standup. He's always been, but right now because he's getting so much love and he's just he's just constantly selling out everywhere, crushing it. So,

102:40he's like really like feeling it and just energizing. I think Bill Burr went through the same thing. M he just put massive focus on, you know, he just one of those guys you, you know, he would put writing and performing ahead of other things. Be like, "Hey, man, you want to do a podcast?" I can't for the next two months. I'm just focusing on standup. Like that's it. Yeah. Well, that's the way to do it, right? I mean, you can always focus more, right? And I think for me, the balance has always been focusing so much that I lose some passion for it, you know? Like like sometimes I take a couple of days off and I come back hot and rejuvenated. Like last night was really fun. Uh we did this benefit. Brian Ken had a benefit last night we did in the main room. And so last night was Tuesday. So I didn't work Sunday or Monday. So taking Sunday or Monday off I came in

103:31Tuesday like fired up. Like it's nice. you get like so I think there's this balance of like letting it go living life and then concentrating again coming back at it like if you gr it's like grinding too much is not good either because then you lose a little bit of focus there's like this weird balance that you have to achieve there's also a nice balance between the road and in town like if I go on the road I just did three weeks in a row on the road I came back I took off like you know four four days or something and then when I went out it was like when you'd been running with weights and all of a sudden you're like doing a 10 whatever 15-inute spot at the comedy store in front of a hot crowd and it was like just effortless. It was like you were floating above the room going like, "Yeah, now I'll do I'll I'll throw this in. I'll throw like just toying with them having such a blast."

104:20Well, you know, it's also those long sets that you do on the road. That's what brings everything together. Yeah. when you're doing like a headlining set, you're doing an hour and 10 and just just sort of sorting it all out and putting it all together and you get loose and you just do it like Friday night two shows, Saturday night two shows and then it gets just so smooth. Comedy is in a lot of ways like exercise. Yeah. You know, you get in shape. You get in shape for it. Yeah. And also like exercise, you need recovery, right? When we were young, we didn't recover. I mean, I used to work six, seven nights a week, every week, year round. And you kind of need that when you're starting out. Well, we were so We were like Colts right out of their out of the hor's We just didn't know how to walk like we just needed to get on stage to get our stage legs. Yeah. Right. You know,

105:15it's uh I don't know. It's it's a strange thing comedy because you really think with after all these years that you would have it down, but you don't really. You always you're always getting better. You always you always have to stay on top of it. Never. Uh I wonder if music is like that. I wonder if I guess it must be because musicians are notorious for their practice. Yeah. You know, like that's one thing that I think I kind of envy about musicians. Like they have to be disciplined. They have to practice. They can't practice in front of a crowd. Like they can't go up in front of a crowd with a half-ass song and hope it comes together because the crowd's hot. Yeah. You know, right. Right. You can't talk to the crowd halfway through because you didn't finish writing the Yeah. Yeah. Like uh someone said something like that about Ian Edwards like uh you know that Ian like oh man

106:05he's writing. He's he's always writing. He's always putting stuff together like yeah shouldn't we all be doing that man? like, "Yeah, I guess so." He was like, "Yeah, I guess so." But I like to write on stage. Well, yeah, because it's easier that way, right? You go on stage with a a halfass premise and you're forced to kind of put it together. Yeah. It's just fear that keeps you from sitting down and doing it. I think people feel like maybe they're not that strong of a writer and they're they sit down and they're almost afraid that it won't come together, but then when you have the energy of being on stage, then, you know, you can you can use that. But, um, it's just it's slower. you know, writing off stage, it takes longer because you're just not your energy is not as high. But you can lay down the idea at least in the structure and then maybe it'll get funnier on

106:49stage. But you can't start from scratch up there. Some people can. I mean, some people do, but I think everybody would benefit from both, right? I think everybody would benefit from ad living on stage and everybody would benefit from writing more. And this is what I try to tell young comics. I'm like, man, you force yourself to write. Even if you only write an hour a day, just sit down for an hour a day. Just force yourself to go over some ideas and they will blossom, man. They will find a way to make it out to that stage. And they may not right away. Sometimes like I haven't done this in a while, but I bought a notebook about a month ago and I just started writing longhand again. you know, read the paper for a little while or just muse, listen to sets that I did on stage and maybe I started a little tangent and, you know, write that up and I just fill in

107:32this notebook and it's not all making it right into my act, but some of it is. Some of it goes into the podcast. It's kind of like just a running journal that I can draw from. But I've had bits that I've started a year before and pounded it, believed in it, kept trying it, trying it, hitting my head against well, it doesn't work. And then you pick it up again six months ago and it just click. It's like you found it. Mhm. But it has to sit latent in your brain sometimes for it to work. Yeah. Sometimes a thing can happen in life and that thing in life opens up a door like and you go, "Oh, I could approach it this way." Or, "Oh, I'm looking at it the wrong way." Or, "Oh, of course it's this." You know, and I think that's the same way with any kind of creative writing, anything, whether you're writing stories, you're writing a blog, like sometimes you just have to go

108:20outside of it, you write some stuff down, then you go outside of it, live your life, and then reapproach it. And then like every day my perspective shifts at least a little bit. You know, you have like core values and things you believe in and things you you you agree with and don't agree with, but every day like some things will happen in life that make you look at things a little bit of a different way, you know, especially when it comes to current events and politics and the world and like every day like people go, "Oh man, you were so wishy-washy with some of your ideas." Well, yeah, they they're flexible. They're moving around a lot, you know, especially when it comes to things that are happening in the world. And I think sometimes you just got to like like let those things h like let let your thoughts sort of roll around without trying to constantly

109:04define them and then reapproach the idea. Then come back to the to the to the original notebook or the original piece that you wrote and look at it again maybe a week later and go well now that I've experienced a couple things in life this week and looked at the world a little bit. Like one of the things that Tom Seagur and Christina Pazitzki do, we had a conversation, Christina and I, the other day that she said that they used to do their podcast twice a week and they decided to go back to doing it once a week. And I was like, how come? And she goes, I think it's good to live to live your life and then have some to talk about. Like if you do too many of them, then sometimes you you're just talking and doesn't doesn't necessarily mean anything. Well, especially because for them it's about their relationship and what's happened in it. Yeah. So, you know,

109:48they're not bringing in a new guest who can bring new ideas. They're they're talking about their life. Mhm. Yeah. Well, they occasionally have guests, but yeah, for the most part. Yeah. That's the way to avoid it is to have guests, you know? Like people always say like, "How do you talk to people for three hours five days a week?" Well, they're interesting people. It's not hard. Just have you just have cool conversations. Yeah. Right. You know, but if you don't if you just do it yourself, like Bill Burr is the most amazing one. Yeah. Because Bill doesn't even have a guest. Yeah. And he got he's got a couple ideas of some he wants to talk about some things that happened, but he just rambles. Yeah. By himself. Yeah. I started doing a thing. I've done about five of them now called the Sunday papers where I just I get the Sunday paper and I read it and I just make some

110:31notes and then I just hit hit record and I go for an hour about the Sunday paper. I'm going to do one. I'm going to be on vacation this week um after this weekend. And uh when I go on vacation from doing the podcast, I'm going to put up like a little Instagram question mark and I'm going to say just ask me some questions. Throw some questions and I'm going to just answer some of the questions on like bring an iPhone. You're going to be on vacation with the family. Yes, my friend. Relax. Yeah, there you go. We need more of that, right? More relax in this life. More relax. Yeah, we're going to Colorado next week. Ski. I thought you were going to say get high. Going to get high. Well, I'll probably get high. I'm doing shows, but then we're going to go uh ski after that. Which part? Aspen? I don't know. We just kind of uh rented a car. We'll go get on get on 70 West.

111:16Maybe stop in Breen Ridge or maybe go to Vale. I know Ari just went to uh Veil. He just broke his ankle. Broke his ankle out there. Yeah. skiing. Oh, really? You're not a skier? I I landed pretty hard last time I went. Yeah. A couple months ago. Not even guess a month ago. Month ago. Wiped. Boom. And that was it. You just said, "I'm done." I was just like, "This is so ridiculous." Well, I do things that are more fun. Yeah. You know, I do a lot of things that are really fun. So, skiing is like, "Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. Don't get hurt." Yeah. Here we go. Boom. That's true. It's almost like the entire the entire adventure is based on not breaking something. It's like the tension between Yeah. the scenery is nice and all that, but really you're thinking, "Don't get hurt." Yeah. I mean, I get it. I get it. And it's a fun time for me to be with my family. Yeah.

112:02It's fun. It's fun. The kids love skiing. It's a good time. I don't mind doing it, but just got to slow down. Were you going fast? I wasn't even going that fast. I go a little bit faster than I should probably. But you catch an edge. I don't know what happened. I don't remember what happened. Yeah, but I remember as I was falling going, uhoh, this one might be a bad one. Yeah, I'm good at rolling though. I'm good at like I know how to not fall too bad. So, I was fine. But I was like, oo, that was a hard hit. Yeah, I walked out of it no problem. put my ski back on. Skied down the mountain. I was fine. But I was like, people get up doing this sometimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I saw a guy get carried away, too. Yeah. You're supposed to wear a helmet. I wear a helmet. Oh, you do? No Yeah. Always. Wow. You don't? No. Really? Maybe I will wear a helmet, please. Yeah. My friend

112:51got knocked the out last year snowboarding and he was jacked for a while. Wow. Yeah. He just whoopsied landed completely on his head. His feet went up in the air and he just boom. Head first. All head. Back or front somewhere. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He went out. Yeah. Just thump. Yeah. And by the way, that thump can be thump. Snap. Oh, guess what? Now you're moving around with a straw. You have a straw in your mouth. And that's how you navigate through life. Yeah. All because you were into like a thrill. Well, what about the skiing trees? Going between the trees where it's grooves. You're going between trees and where your skis go are like deep grooves that your ski has to go directly into. And if you catch an edge, you flip over like a tree. Yeah. I mean, I get it. I get that people like it, but like um my friend Aubrey is good friends with Bodie

113:49Miller. He's that uh Olympic guy, ski guy. Just mangled his leg. Yeah. He just wiped out and crashed into something and just his leg up. They go 60 miles an hour. Yeah. Jesus Christ. But I make even guys who are that good still wipe out and themselves up. Oh yeah. It just seems like there's a lot of fun that I like to do that like that's one of the reasons why I didn't start skiing until late in life because I did jiu-jitsu and all these other things that already are dangerous for your body. And I'm like I should probably like limit the amount of dangerous Like that's why I wouldn't ride a motorcycle. I'm like, eh, should probably back off of that. Yeah, I started playing ice hockey again a few weeks ago. Got comedians got a little league going. Bill's supposed to be good, right? Yeah, he plays in it. And Steve Burn and Ian bag. It's great exercise. You know

114:37what? It's not dangerous because we don't hit each other, right? And you don't really ever up a knee or an ankle in hockey because it's ice. You slide. You don't It doesn't stick and turn, right? You just kind of slide. And so unless you trip and fall into a wall, you're pretty safe. Well, Bobby or had mangled knees, man. Did he? Yeah. Bobby or used to uh come to the gym that I worked at when I was a kid. I worked at the Boston Athletic Center. Yeah. Which is like Boston Athletic Club, I guess it was. And that was um I was uh 18 I guess 18, 19, something like that. And uh Bobby or was this legend, you know, this hockey legend. He was older by then, you know, long retired, but he would uh come into the gym and he couldn't even walk. And we would have to help him climb onto the Versa Climber. You know the Versa Climber, that thing? It's like a pole and you go

115:26up and down and up and down with You'd have to help him pick his legs up cuz his knees don't bend. Oh They don't They don't completely lock out and they don't completely bend. It's like this. So that's like the one thing he can do in the gym. Yeah. He goes like from this like I'm I'm like from completely straight. He's like 5° like bent. He's always bent. And then it only goes to like maybe 15°. Wow. Yeah. It's like this tiny amount of bend that he has in his legs cuz he's had just massive surgeries all through his knees. Wow. You watch him walk. There's his knee. Damn. And look at all the cuts on his knees. And by the way, that is uh that's back in the olden days. And look at the different operations. 73, 72, 71, right? Oh, 69, 1970. Oh my god. Yeah. You know how bad the equipment was back then? The skates were like uh saws. The skates were bad and the surgeries

116:23were terrible. They didn't know how to fix you. All right. They would fix you and you just go right. Look at Go up up above that. You could see his knee. Look at that. Yeah. Look at that thing. Jesus Christ. Damn. That is brutal. It was awful else's knee. But Oh, is it someone else's knee? Oh, his uh just watching him walk and he would play raetball and I'd watch him play raetball and he would just fall down. Yeah. He would just like try to like move forward and he just fall. Just couldn't move. Yeah. I mean, he was basically left with pegs that barely bent. Yeah. And that's how he got around. It's like left, right peg, right peg, left peg. Yeah. A lot of hockey players, they they play golf, you know, they retire and they play a lot of golf. That's like uh the the the big sports in Canada are golf and hockey. It's the same swing. Slapshot and a golf swing are pretty similar.

117:15Oh, that's happy Madison, right? Right. That's why that's right. See, there's real there's real science behind it. But uh No, I I I think that uh football players are the worst. Those guys, you see any football player after they finish playing and they're stumbling, mangled. Yeah, they're mangled. Some of them not. You know, it's interesting how some of them are really lucid. They get through it. Like Michael Irvin. Michael Irvin is super lucid. He's got no problems. I mean, maybe he's, you know, banged up a little bit, but he can walk around. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's fine. He looks great. He looks great. Talks great. Yeah, he's an interesting guy, man. Very smart dude. Yeah. Very smart guy. Big UFC fan. I talk to him all the time. I see him at the matches. Oh, no Fantastic guy. Wow. Does he do sports casting? Um, I'm sure he does. He must. He must. Does he? Yeah. Jamie's nose

118:05on Sunday morning stuff. Yeah. Yeah. With that uh with the the guy Michael Strahan, that guy from that show. Yeah. He's so annoying. Why is he annoying? He's just trying so hard to be likable. I just don't buy it. It just feels hollow. And meanwhile, I love that Kelly Lee. I could watch her all day. Oh, that's why you don't like him. You think he's sending the dick her way? But I don't like the black white relationships in general. Disturb you. They just feel wrong. I mean, I was born in ' 66 when things were uh normal. Things were right back in the olden days before the colors mixed. When a man could get water from a drinking fountain and not worry about it. Do you think he's given her the dick? I don't. But I And it's not sexual with her. It is sexual, but it's also I think that she is really No, I don't. I look at that face smile. Serious. I really don't like him, you know.

119:03Do you really have a problem with black white relationships? Not really. Right. No. No. No. But I have a problem with uh his phoniness and just that she deserves better. She deserves Regis. Regis was the best. Regis and her. That's part of my problem is Regis withdrawal. Well, Regis is doing other now. Like he didn't stop working. It's He had the life though, man. You know what he used to do to prep for that show? What? get picked up by a limo, get handed the paper, read it on the way to the studio, and go on the air. That's all he did. Just off the top of his head. Well, he was so relaxed, comfortable. Yeah. Wonder why he stopped doing it. Maybe the the grind of doing it every week. He did it for a lot of years. Yeah, but he still has a show. He has a show that he Yeah, he still has some show that I saw and it was weird. It was on like Access TV or something like one

119:52of the smaller networks. Yeah. So, I guess he's probably just doing that for fun. Wow. You know, just to stay active or something like that. Like Regis Filman's show. What? He's I'm sure he's got something. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but he um I think he decided I don't want to do it anymore. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's like uh Jay Lennena when he walked away. Yeah, but Jay's doing that car show. No, that's what I mean. And then he wanted to do a little something to stay busy. Well, he did the car show while he was doing the Tonight Show. Oh, did he? Yeah. But the car show is so much more him. He's so much better on it. He's so passionate about Well, he's he's a legitimate car afficionado and nut. He's a nut. He loves cars. So, when you're with him and you you're talking to him about cars, like he his eyes light up. He gets excited like and it's he's fun. I did a show. Did you?

120:44Yeah. We we uh drove my 65 Corvette. I saw it. Yeah. Yeah. And he's, you know, he's great. He's great. I mean, if the the public knew him as only that and you know, and he he'll admit it. He's like, that was part of the problem with doing that show. He's like, I had to talk to people, but I didn't give a about your sitcom or your your stupid album that comes out. Like, he didn't care. But if he's got you on his car show, it's because he's legitimately interested in your car. That's it. That's the only reason why he does it. He's got all the money in the world. He doesn't give a He's only doing it for his own enjoyment. Yeah. Yeah. I can remember seeing Letterman with like a country music star on and you knew that he just wanted to say, "What the fuck?" Yeah. Especially like pop country. Yeah. Some whack dude with some designer cowboy hat on and boots that

121:33he's never worn before and they're all shiny and fake and his face doesn't change. Fake rips in his jeans. When you see a country guy with fake rips in his jeans, oh, how dare you? You're not a working man. How'd you get those rips? You bought them. You bought those ripped. You Does your assistant go out and get ripped? Or or you get the uh the hipsters that go out and they buy work boots used that already are like have somebody else in them? Yeah. Yeah. You got to wear your own work boots, you Break them in. yeah. Live your life. I got a pair of Timberlands I got about 15 20 years ago. Really? Yeah. They feel nice. Timberlands are the greatest. They last. They're so good. They They were big in the hip-hop community. What is that? How'd that happen? I don't know. But I know that um when when Dom was it Don Peron? What one of the brands that got kind of co-opted by hip

122:28hop? Was it Crystalall? Yeah, it was Crystalall. And they were very upset that hip-hop had taken over cuz here they are like this elite, you know, blue collar white collar kind of a Yeah. But they started complaining about it and then the the hip-hop community rejected them and their sales plummeted. That's right. Yeah. It plummeted. That's interesting, isn't it? You got to take that money where you get it. Yeah. But you have a great champagne. What do you give a If rappers start buying Rolls-Royces, you going to be upset? Yeah. You know, come on, Even if they're spilling your champagne on the floor. Sounds like racism to me. As long as it's not spilling it with a white person. Let them spill it with themselves. It's weird how certain drinks get associated with certain races. Like creassier is a black drink. drink, right? All right, I'll name a drink. You tell me the race. Okay. Um,

123:21vodka. Ripple. Ripple. Yeah. Uh, that's black, right? Yeah. It's a wine. Manachevitz. You know how I know that? This is how dated I am. Sanford. Sanford. Cuz Red Fox used to drink ripple wine. That's the only way. I don't even know what it looks like. I've never seen it. Just know. All right. Uh, Mount Chevitz. Oh, juice. All right. Um, Bailey's Irish Cream. Irish people. That was an easy one. That was a name. Yeah. Um, Budweiser. Uh, white people with marital problems. Were they caused by the Budweiser or just plated by the Budweiser? All All the above. It's in the mix. Um, champagne. M who buys champagne other than like New Year's Eve? New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve is kind of universal, right? Everybody gets champagne. Um and celebrating like weddings. Who the buys champagne on a normal basis? French people. Really? Yeah. French people drink it. That makes sense. Well, it is tasty.

124:29Yeah. But what about Americans? White What do they drink? No. Oh, if you're a white you drink champagne, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking of one person. I won't say their name. Okay. Say it later. I'll say it later. Um although, you know, when I used to work as a banquet waiter at the Marriott in Boston, we used to do these banquetss and sometimes they'd come in and they'd they'd order um uh Don Perinion. And I'll tell you what, man, you get it's the best high. If bad champagne gives you a headache, it's nasty. It's sugary, which is usually sparkling wine. And it's not champagne actual. To call it champagne, it has to be from this certain region of France. It's the only place you can get it to put champagne on the label. Oh, that's right. And Don Peron is the best. And I'm telling you, man, that it makes you feel so good. It tastes so good. No hangover. Really? No hangover.

125:24No hang Well, not not like champagne hangover, which is the worst hangover you can get. Is there really a difference in hangovers? Oh, yeah. What's the difference? Sugar. Sugar content. Oh, sugar content. Hangovers are all about sugar. sugar, right? Well, as explained to me by Carl Hart, Dr. Carl Hart, who was an addiction specialist, he said, "What hangovers really are is your body got temporarily addicted to the alcohol. The feeling that you have, the headache and all that, a lot of it is dehydration, but a lot of it is also the compensatory mechanisms that your body puts in place to process the alcohol. your body literally shifts its sort of scheduling, shifts its uh organizing of of chemicals and all the the the that's in your brain. And then once the alcohol is not there anymore, it's not processing alcohol anymore. And then it you have this like

126:16and that's the compensatory mechanisms flooding their way through your system. That's also why people say hair of the dog that bit you like when you have a hangover and you have like a bloody mary in the morning, it helps you a little bit. Ah, it soothes you over that hump. Why? Well, because it's it's poisonous. Alcohol is poisonous to your system. Yes. Yes. It's So, it's counterintuitive that like more alcohol would help you feel better. But the way Carl Hart explains it is that it's your body your body recognizes, okay, there's this I have to process. Let's deal with that. So, it compensates for that And then that shit's not there anymore. And it's like, what's going on? Where's all the What are we doing? We We set up to deal with alcohol. Now, we don't have to deal with it anymore. I had him on a couple times and he's a fascinating fascinating guy. Very very smart guy and

127:01knows so much about about addictions and about um about uh various drugs and the reactions to the body and all the myths that people have. It's amazing how many myths that people have about like uh how hard things are to kick and you know what is instantly addictive. Yeah. So that's So what does he say? Cuz I hear cigarettes are the most addict. Not not cigarettes. Um yeah. Is it cigarettes are more addictive than heroin? Cigarettes are super super addictive. Yeah. Super addictive. Well, they they have to Did you ever see that movie with um um Russell Crowe, Inside Man? Yes. Where about the cigarette industry about a scientist that's working with the cigarettes to try to make them more addictive and then he goes out with it, which is apparently a real story, but that's Yeah. They were sued and they lost about it. You know, that's what it is. I mean, they engineered them to be addictive,

127:52right? But um pot though is not they say not physically addictive at all. No, not physically addictive. But it can be emotionally addictive. Anything can you know like a girl can be emotionally addictive. Should we outlaw girls? You know like jerking off can be emotionally and psychologically addictive. A lot of things can be psych foods can be psychologically and physically addictive work. But one thing that they say about pot is in rare individuals it can be physically addictive. But how much so is it as physically addictive as sugar? Cuz sugar is one of the most addictive things that we we consume. Yeah. You know, I took uh just a few days off of sugar and I had pounding headaches. Really? Yeah. I was like, whoa. Yeah. I don't I don't I'm completely sugar-free now. I don't eat anything with added sugar. I don't eat no no processed sugar, no nothing on this wacky diet that I'm on.

128:44But um one of the things that I found within the first few days was this overwhelming desire to eat it. Like I wanted candy. I wanted soda. I wanted something like within the first couple days like my body was I get headaches and I would think about like I could see a bag of those chili mangoes that I have back there that are covered in sugar. Like insane amounts of sugar and I just want them. Yeah. Just want and it's it's a sugar craving. It's your body. Were you a Did you eat a ton of sugar before you quit? Not a ton but more than I should have. And it was all in the guise of healthy things. Like uh for instance, I was working out with my trainer uh today. And uh he had uh um one of those protein bars and uh he goes uh I said, "Hey uh you forgot your candy bar." He goes, "It's a protein bar." I go, "It's a protein bar." I go, "How much sugars in that

129:33thing?" He goes, "Not that much." I go, "How much do you think?" He goes, "Nine grams." I go, "Nine grams." I go, "Bet? I bet it's about 19 grams." Like, "No, no, no, no, no." And he looked at it. He goes, "10 gram." And I go, "Really?" I go, "How many servings?" And he goes, "Oh yeah, two." Oh, no I go, "Those motherfuckers." I'm telling you, dude, it was this big. It was like And it wasn't a chocolatey one. It was It was had chocolate on the outside, but it was 4 in. It was this tiny little thing. And they were they were calling it two servings. Those Those That's only 10 g of sugar. Yeah. And then you look up and it's two servings. Oh. Oh, the Yeah, my kids eat granola. My wife buys granola bars for the kids and they got chocolate in them. I'm like, "Honey, these are these are candy bars." Yes. These are not Granola bar is like, you know, Nature Valley oat, you know, it's

130:23got a lot of sugar in it, but there's no chocolate at least, right? But even those, if you look at the sugar content, they're like 10, 11 grams of sugar. You're only supposed to eat 25 grams of sugar in a day. Yeah. It's stunning how much sugar is in everything. There's a great documentary called That Sugar Movie and it just details how how all this happened and how many things have sugar in them and added sugar and how bad it is for your body. It's unbelievable. It's toxic and how much worse corn syrup is than sugar. Yeah. I just did a uh a corporate event in Fargo, North Dakota for the Beach Sugar Farmers of America. And it was all these farmers, mostly like family-owned little farms around Minnesota and North Dakota. And they came in and I just I walked down and I walked on stage and I go, "Fuck corn syrup." And the place went, "Yeah, corn syrup just goes right to your ass."

131:15And it's all because they were over farming corn. It's cheap to make and it's easy. And the government was helping pay for it and they went, "Well, we're not going to stop. What do we do with it?" Well, we'll make sugar out of it. Did you see King Corn? No. Great documentary. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Amazing. It starts off with these guys. They have this project. They're going to grow corn. They're going to like get an acre of land and plow it themselves and grow corn. And they start doing all these tests and find out that their body is like some insane amount of the carbon fibers in their body come from corn. And they're like, "What the fuck?" So they get, you know, they get their their, you know, blood work done, all this stuff. They find this out. And then they start going and examining all the different food. it's in the grocery store and how much of it contains corn, corn proteins, corn

131:59syrup, corn byproducts. And then they go deep deep down into the rabbit hole, the subsidized corn industry, and how how it all happened, how it all got started. And you leave at the end of that movie like, what in the Like, we've been co-opted in so many different ways in this country by special interest groups and by people that have figured out how to generate and extract massive amounts of money from particular sectors that are not good for us. Yeah. like a this part of agriculture. Corn and ethanol. Yeah. Yeah. Try to figure out how to put it in your gas tank. Exactly. Let's do that, you Not good for your engine. Ethanol is not good for your engine. Ethanol is not good for your engine. But alcohol is like if they could figure out how to do alcohol engines like that. That Rockefeller thing. Yeah. What's wrong with ethanol? What's it do to your engine?

132:42I heard it causes some kind of backup over time. It's not Might be some jack that the oil industry tried to sell you. You never know, right? Do you know John John D. Rockefeller's grand great great great grandson now is uh heavily into uh developing 3D 3D printer meat steaks that come out of a 3D printer and it'll be using all like soy type ingredients. It' be all like you know in the printer doesn't rot like dry ingredients and you will be able to they can do it now. They can they can make steak chips through a 3D printer that are edible. Jesus. And they say it's just a matter of time until they can make actual steaks. Jesus, I wonder how good that is for you. Well, it'd be probably better than some kinds of meats, but but they say it's good for third world countries because they'll be able to first of all, you won't have to have all that methane from all the downsides of having cattle,

133:36right? You can get rid of that. And then also, you can set these things up in third world country and feed people, poor people. Imagine them for steak. What you get them to do? They churning out iPhones like a Hungry? Order steak from the lab. Rockefeller Air investment firm taking scroll down. There's a picture of a steak coming out of a printer. It's hilarious. No, there's not. Wrong article. These guys, do they just the Rockefeller heirs? Do they just get cash? How does that work? Do they just get money and they just start their own startup? What is it? What do you think that feels like if you grow up like stupid rich where you never have to worry about the future and you're like, uh, maybe I'll make a startup. That's what it should be. That's the correct use of that money. I mean, if you're going to if you're going to get rid of the, uh, death tax or call it

134:28really what it is, the estate tax. At least these people like, you know, the Kennedys are are doing stuff and the Rockefellers are doing stuff where they're, you know, they're saying, "All right, without economic pressure, let me explore and do something a little on the on the fringes that might work." And, you know, whether it's uh, you know, non-fossil energy or whatever. And uh, that so it's it's pretty cool. Yeah, it's nice if you see someone who's given this unusual roll of the dice, some wonderful hand of cards. Nice. they, you know, use it in a totally egalitarian way in some some beautiful way or they just decide to donate it or figure out a way to help or put money into something that's going to benefit people or something. Start a foundation that's just, you know, trying to create peace, which sounds so ariodite and unattainable, but to go like, "No, I'm going to work on

135:18peace." Just the concept of peace. It's just rare. Yeah. It's rare that someone just looks at it and says, "Well, hey, I have this opportunity to do something really beneficial for the human race." Yeah. Let's take this hundred million dollars that I was born with and put it to use. Yeah. Look at what Robert Kennedy's done for the environment. I mean, he he's responsible for getting all the PCBs out of the Hudson River and uh working on making safer uh nuclear power. What do they do to get PCBs out of the river? What I mean, how the do they clean the river? They got to dredge. They got to go in there and clean it out, which some people argue is bad because it stirs it up and what what is in, you know, in layers embedded in the in the uh uh bed of the river. But they say, well, if a if a hurricane or tornado or whatever comes, it's going to it's going to bring it up in a much

136:09more destructive way, so it's better to bring it up. So, they bring it up, and what are they doing when they bring it up? They're they're cleaning it somewhere. I guess they, you know, filter it, dump it somewhere. Huh. But then he also just uh closed up there was a there was the GM plant. There was a bunch of plants on the Hudson River that were dumping raw sewage in and he stopped all of those. How crazy. And now the Hudson River, you can swim in it. What? I grew up on the Hudson River. We used to swim in it and we were told not to. We were fine. But now they say, but now they literally have like little beaches set up on the Hudson River upstate. What? Yeah. Even in the city, you can take a kayak out on the west side and you can swim in it. You can swim in it. That sounds weird. What if it gets in your mouth? Then you die. You got to keep your mouth closed. Keep your mouth

136:52closed, stupid. You know, they used to bars used to pull lobsters out of the river. That used to be bar food. Yeah. It was like It was thought to be a poor man's meal. Well, in Ireland, it was. Yeah. Even in America, in the old early days of New York City, they used to just set out lobster traps and when someone would order a lobster, they would just go pull a trap out and grab one of the lobsters and cook it. No And it was thought to be a poor food. Poor people. During the famine in Ireland, they were exporting lobster. Why? Because they wouldn't eat it. They thought it was like a rat. Oh my god. stupid Irish eating potatoes. Stupid. Eating potatoes and sending lobster. Well, we don't have any Well, we don't have any butter anyway. Maybe that's what it is. They didn't know about butter. Yeah. Once you know about butter and lobster, if someone puts Hold on. Before you ship

137:42those out, just try this. Yeah. You idiots. Put this bib on. You got to have the bib. I saw on um Instagram this guy cooked a coyote. He cooked a coyote and barbecued it. Barbecued it and had barbecue sauce and and brought it to work. Pulled coyote and apparently he said it was delicious and people were were loving it. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of you can eat. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't think to eat a coyote. I saw an episode of Meat Eater, Steve Vanella and Remy Warren. They shot a coyote and cooked it over an open fire and ate it. Yeah. Cuz they wanted to see what it tasted like. There's some good If you go to a there's a restaurant called Typhoon in Santa Monica and they've got uh you can eat scorpions and uh all that would die in a typhoon, right? that you might find on the side of the beach. Yeah. If you want to play out the post-apocalypse, come to Typhoon Tuesday

138:31night special. Jellyfish. Wow. Scorpions, huh? Yeah, scorpions. Did you try it? Oh, yeah. It's great. What does it taste like? Just crunchy, you know, a little salty. Nice. Well, they must have added salt, right? It's all good protein. Yeah. Well, they said that bug protein is really good for you. Yeah. And in a lot of ways, they think that that's going to be the future of protein for the world. Like they have bug bars and are made out of like grasshoppers and things along those lines. And um it's very healthy, full amino acid profile. And a lot of people who are maybe vegetarian or vegan and have a real problem with eating animals do not have a problem with eating insects. They're like, "Well, we bug." H I have I have a friend who's vegan. He'll slap the out of mosquito on him and kill it and not not even think like Right. Right. Drop it onto the ground. Like look at

139:16the um Singapore style scorpions. Is that the uh this the menu at that place? That's Typhoon's menu. Taiwanese crickets. Stir-fried raw garlic, chili pepper, and Asian basil. 11 bucks. That sounds great. It's great. We should eat there one night with the wives. I'm down. Let's do it. Actually, my wife will slap me if I ask her to eat a bug. Well, they got normal too. They also have a pretty good sushi bar. Um, but yeah, I'll eat I'll eat anything. I mean, I've been down in Florida, I've eaten alligator. I was in Alligator is really good for you. Alligator is good. Yeah. The protein apparently and alligator, it's supposed to be insanely high in protein and very, very low in cholesterol. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the lower thing. It's like right up there. Elk and moose are apparently the lowest in cholesterol. They're lower than chicken. Uh-huh. Yeah. Tough to cook them though because they

140:02have so little fat. You got to really nail it. It's not hard. No. Yeah. You just got to learn. It's just different. It's different than I got some in the back. You want some? Want some elk? I'll give it to you for tonight. Yeah. Take it home. All right. Um, it's better. Way better for you. Higher in protein and there's zero in it. Yeah. No antibiotics, no hormones, no nothing. Wild game. And like I said, lower cholesterol than a chicken breast. I was in South Africa and we ate at a game farm, a game park, you know, but they they have to thin out the herd of different animals. And so they there's a restaurant called Carnivore right right in the park and they come around with skewers and they ask you do you want some uh you know uh giraffe and you go sure and they'll give you a couple cubes of giraffe and it was like when you took me to that Brazilian restaurant in Vegas Chuhasaria. Yeah.

140:51Yeah. And they would they came over with the skewers and they it was like that but it was like elephant you know different different kinds of gazels and They all had a different taste. You eat elephant? I did eat elephant. What does that taste like? It was great. It was a little gamey. It had a little smell to it. People right now are screaming. Yeah, screaming. You pieces. No, they needed to kill it. These are all animals that were dying. They never need to kill elephants. They should have saved him. They should have saved Dumbo. He'll always his family will always remember. What about Yogi? Don't eat the bear. Don't eat Yogi bear. Yeah. Watch Yogi eat his child on the internet. Jesus. Bears, man. Bears are some people have a weird connection with bears. Yeah. They get uh they get real upset if you kill a bear. Stuffed bears. You know, the most vicious animal out there take to bed.

141:45Well, it's it's almost like we're trying to make them like less dangerous. Yeah. We can make them cuddly. Like polar bears are perhaps the most vicious mammal on Earth. They are monsters. This guy Kevin Fitzgerald, he's a veterinarian Kevin. You know Kevin? Yeah. In Denver. Yeah. And he um we worked together once in Denver and he said that polar bears like when you have them as babies right out of the womb they're like they're trying to bite you. He goes they're like the alien you know like the alien chest burster. He goes that's what they're like right out of the world. And I was like wow that is nuts. He goes if they're hungry they will try to eat you. And I'm like oh my god damn. He's like people have this idea of them as being this like fluffy creature. It's like most people live in cities and most people who comment on animals and are animal rights activists and animal

142:32rights advocates, these people that have these ideas about the the beautiful nature that we live around like they're they don't go out in it. When you go out in it, you realize it becomes a different thing. Yeah. And you realize like, wow, there's a strange like constant conflict going on in this world. I mean, there's very little harmony. In fact, the harmony exists with beings eating beings. That's when the harmony exists. It's all things eating things and things looking out for things that are about to eat them. I mean, there's a reason why deer perk up and they move their ears and their head side to side cuz something's coming. Yeah. Always there's always something coming and that's why they run so fast. They're trying to get away from something eating them. They're not chasing anything. Yeah. Deer run fast because they don't want to get eaten, which is

143:18I saw a rattlesnake eat a squirrel. Oh In Yoseite last summer. Yeah. You saw it get the squirrel? No, I saw him. He already had the squirrel, but I saw him take the squirrel into inside of him and you saw it move a little bit down his body and then uh and everybody got close to him cuz they figured, well, he just ate, right? You know, so he was less he was a little more lethargic. Yeah, you can do that. And they crawled off. It's bad. I'd never seen a rattlesnake before, never mind eaten a squirrel. I was running the hills with my dogs and I ran over what I thought was a log, like a a stick, like a large stick. And as I was in the air over it, I realized it was a rattlesnake the size of my forearm. No I was like, "Oh, fuck." And I had to keep my dogs back once I realized that it was a rattlesnake. Cuz my dogs have been bitten several times. Dogs rattlesnakes.

144:08Yeah. They My dog Frank, he got bitten twice and my dog Lucy, she got bitten once and their face swells up like It's It's bad, man. It's bad. But they'll go and attack the rattlesnake even though they know they'll get bit. Well, they'll bark and they get near it and they bark bark bark and bark and then the the snake just bites them in the face. Yeah. Wow. They don't know what it is. They just know it's dangerous. Like something in their doggy brain is like, "This ain't cool." Like, "What the is this thing?" And they bark at it. Whereas like they don't bark at squirrels. If they see a squirrel, they chase after it and they try to kill it. Yeah. But if they see a rattlesnake, they uh they get close. And I don't know. I wasn't there when it actually went down. I was there in the aftermath. I saw the snake. I pulled him away. I looked at him. I looked at his face and I'm like,

144:53"What's going on?" I saw little holes. I'm like, "God damn it. He got bit." So, I had to take him in. One time I took him to the Well, you take Would he have died if you hadn't taken him in? Uh, probably. Probably eventually. Yeah. It takes a while, but they swell up like crazy. Like the side of their face becomes like cartoonish where they got stung. Especially a young rattlesnake. Young rattlesnakes are the most dangerous because they don't know any better. They empty out all their venom in one shot. Yeah, the old rattlesnakes just give you a little taste. It's like take that but they keep some for the just in case they have to bite you again or bite something else an hour later. Um, but one time Frank got bit and I looked at him and um I um I I killed the rattlesnake and then I looked at him and I How'd you kill it? Uh I think I used a rake. Forget what I killed it with. I just

145:43killed it. Um but um then I looked at Frank and people like why would you do that? Cuz it's in my yard. Sorry. See that fence? You get inside that you're dead. If you can kill me, you're dead. You up. I kill you in my house. I kill you in my yard. If you're in my yard, you're coming in my house. You're dead. You're dead. Coyotes dead. If I'm practicing archery in my yard and I see a coyote, yes, I'm shooting that thing. Joe Rogan once killed a bat in my apartment for me. That's right. That's right. I did that. Yep. With a tennis racket. That's right. Without even thinking about then sat down and watched TV 5 seconds later. I ran after that thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's disturbing to switch. Wait. So then what happened with Frank? Oh, anyway. So I brought him to the vet and the vet looks at him. This is like uh after like the first time Frank and Lucy both got bit and then this is like

146:40uh maybe a year later. Um, I wasn't sure if he got bit cuz I saw the rattlesnake and I saw him. I killed the rattlesnake and then I'm like, "Come here, buddy. Let me check your face out." And I'm looking at him and I don't see any marks and I'm like, "Well, you seem all right, but I don't know. Come on, let's go." And I take him in the back of the truck and I d um take him down to the vet and the vet checks him out and he goes, "Well, I don't see any swelling. Everything seems fine." I'm like, "All right." And then I take him back home. His face starts swelling, like a delayed reaction. I think maybe he got like a small dose. like it wasn't a lot but within and that he's like it's hard to tell because his adrenaline is so fired up you know his tongue was out he's like and he was like so excited to you know he like to get to get in the car and go drive around and he seemed normal but

147:25then an hour or so later after I got him home his face started swelling so I had to bring him back in you got to give him the antivenenom it's expensive it's thousands of dollars so if you're broke it's no joke so if you're broke and your dog gets bit it's a Man, you got to suck it out yourself. Yeah, you can't. That's a myth, too. The only way you can suck it out is if you get it right when it's happened. Like, right. Like, if it bites you right there, you make a tourniquet. You got to cut yourself, too. You got to You can't be shy about it. You got to cut into where that area where that snake is. Squeeze it and suck it out. And you're probably not going to get it all. You're going to get some of it. But, have you ever seen what happens to a person when they get bit by a rattlesnake? Oh my god. We are so weak. We're such we're water bags. We're just little bags

148:12of water. We're just so weak. Yeah. We're allergic to everything. Yeah. This guy um put a u website up that documents him getting bit by a rattlesnake like after he got bit him seeking treatment the the necro what what do you necropsy what would you call it? Nec what is it called? Necrosis. Necrosis. Yeah. Necrosis. when you know the skin's dying and the tissues dying all around the wound and he had to get uh skin transplants and all this crazy It took a long time and he documented the entire procedure. This is one guy that got Oh, wow. No Texas country star Kevin Fowler per post gnarly rattlesnake picture. And this guy has his hand looks like I mean it looks like he has a a globe in his hand. Like his hand is swollen and black so far. So far swollen past. Wait, scroll down. Look at that guy's forearm. Little further. Look at that. That's the one. Go to that website. Visit page.

149:21Um this is this is the very this is the very website where um it documents this guy. Well, that's that's actually one photo that's taken from the website, but there's a website where it show this is the absolute one. This guy got bitten and his skin all died. His skin died and uh I believe it was a young kid, too. I don't think he was very young, very old when this happened. And they just put mesh over it. Well, that mesh is so that his skin uh grows in place and then they take the uh graft and they try to put it over that. But it is it's rough, man. It's um it's very very dangerous. Yeah, you got to write rattlesnake. You can't just write. But anyway, um no no bueno. I was uh on that same trip to South Africa. My my daughter was probably about three and then we went down to the uh and in Cape Town there's the Cape of Good Hope. Is that the little thing that sticks out there?

150:20I don't know. I haven't been. And uh you can hike through this field and get to the it is like the southwestern tip of Europe of of Africa. And so we go down there and we get out of the car and there's all these baboons and they're vicious and they're aggressive. And the park ranger was like, um, yeah, you may want to um keep her in your arms the whole time. And I was like, why? And they're like, well, if the snakes don't get her, the baboons are just going to grab her. Jesus Christ. Imagine that Imagine watching your daughter get taken by a baboon and eaten or taken by a giant boa. Chimps take them, too. Chimps take babies. Yeah. Yeah. That would be close to up there with your worst nightmare. Top three worst nightmares. Yeah. Baboon taking your child as as they scream. Yeah. Baboon might also might even be worse than a lion. Yeah. Both would be horrific. But there's

151:14something about a primate doing it. Yeah. That's Baboons are so weird. It's like a monkey a dog. Yeah. You know, it's some weird sort of half half monkey half dog face thing. Just so aggressive. So aggressive. And their hands are just long arms and strong hands come right at you. Creepy Yeah. You ever seen a documentary they did with um they they they tamed dogs? Like baboons actually tamed dogs and they taught these dogs how to be like watch dogs. Yeah. They they took these dogs in and fed them like and they had these tribes of baboons and they had figured out Did they set this up as an experiment or it just happened? No, the dog the baboons did it. The baboons kept these dogs and fed them and then the dogs like stayed around them and when anything would come near the dogs would bark and the baboons would come out and no Yeah, they're smart as dude. Damn.

152:08They're creepy and their world is harsh and you know, so their actions don't seem like intelligent actions. you know, they don't have community and this, you know, it's not like uh they have a language and rampant use of tools or anything like that, but they're very intelligent. Yeah. In some sort of a weird way. They figure they figure out problems and then we stick them in steel cages for life. There was a an article that I tweeted today, see if you can see that. that they believe that chimpanzees and monkeys have just started using stone tools over the last 4,000 years and that chimps are entering the age the stone age like they're they are evolving. Chimps and monkeys have entered the stone age in the wild. Yes. In the wild they are actually evolving and that this could eventually lead to chimps becoming something very different than what they are now. that what we're

153:00seeing now, you know, a million years from now, chimps might not be chimps anymore. They could become Neanderthalss. They could become us. We've only been us for a couple hundred thousand years. Yeah. You know. Yeah. I'm I'm uh listening to this book right now on tape about uh you know, or like prehistoric man from like the first socialization. Oh. Uh what's it called? Sapiens. Who wrote that? Um who wrote Sapiens? You've all Noah Harrari. Whoa. What a name. You've all a brief history of humankind. And and just talking talking Yeah. It's talking about how you know Neanderthal man and um um what was the one and and Homo sapiens which is what came after Neanderthal. People think there was like a timeline because when you look at timelines, it lists one, then there's a line segment and then the next one starts. But there was a time when they were both on the earth

154:02at the same time and they were fighting and Neanderthal was way bigger and more powerful. Way stronger and bigger brains and bigger. Right. Right. Which is weird. Yeah. And they don't even know why. They don't know if the brain was bigger to control the body because they don't have one to study. There's all this speculation of how smart they were. Yeah. And it was a battle and the uh the sapiens won because they had techniques for hunting working as a group and surrounding the other ones and they they used tools uh I guess I don't know if it was rocks or whatever it is that they used that the uh Neanderthalss were not using. I think it's they just divided them and them all and then became they became us. Oh, did they? I don't know. That's my theory. My they were on top. I don't I wonder man. I mean they know that there was some inner breeding. Yeah. or at least they believe there's

154:49some interbreeding and they recently found um some a bone of an ancient Neanderl that had human DNA in it and so they're like well what the you know like yeah see if you can find that cuz I think I tweeted that recently too but just might I might not tweet but human you mean sap yes homo sapien DNA DNA I mean because I guess Neanderl are human a type of human is that what they are uh yeah I guess there's homo erectus homo whatever and then homo sapi is what's considered modern man. Yeah. They don't necessarily Here it is. Humans mated with Neandertols much earlier and more frequently than thought. This is really recently. This is February 17th. Yeah. Yeah. People will a a sheep. We'll anything. I can't believe I never an animal. You know, I was so horny when I was a teenager. I think cuz we didn't have pets. It's the only thing that stop a dog. You think you would have it?

155:47I would have my dog. Definitely. Okay. But depending on the kind of dog it was. Well, also we grew up without rampant access to pornography like these kids have today. Yeah. Like if a kid today has an iPhone, you got all the porn in the world. Yeah. I mean, at your fingertips, bam, you can watch people All I had was a sheep dog, some Vaseline. It's hard back then. Yeah. I can uh and you know the final nude episode, nude edition of Playboy is coming out. Pam Anderson will be the last nude model in Playboy history. Great. Someone no one wants to see naked anymore. Perfect. What a way to go out. Go out with a fizzle. Ease us out. Does she look good? Well, even if she doesn't look good, what you're looking at is not really that person anymore. You're looking at Photoshop elements. Yeah. You know, you're looking at Well, her you mean physically that she's not her own parts and then they'll

156:38photoshop it on top of that. Yeah. You're not looking at the real image. You're looking at some distorted like they have you ever seen what they do like they've shown like the real image versus what they do. There she is right there. Oh, she was a beauty in her day. Yeah. Time is a I'll be leaving this off of YouTube, too. that that uh please do. That sex tape in her prime was so amazing. She was so hot. Wait, these aren't the most recent ones. Allegedly. Oh, really? This was from December. Yeah. See, it's all like weird black and white, but you know, they like stretched out her ass and Yeah. Got three guys hiding behind her pulling skin right there. She got midgets. high-powered fans blowing her sag up. She's right next to the the star of Heft. I don't know, man. It's like if she was smart, she would have made herself look at least a little bit old in these instead of she looks 19.

157:35Well, it's like everything's blurry and hazy. It's like you're looking at her through the fog. Like a spotlight in a foggy room. Any shots of her feet? Just the shoes. Feet don't age. Yes, they do. Boy, do they. Okay, come on. She doesn't. Look at the hemorrhoids coming out of her ass. But that is not what she looks like. She just doesn't. I mean, that's just not accurate. That's so stupid. Look at the belly. She's had kids, right? Yeah, she's had kids, but she's also 50, you know? I mean, she's not a Cindy Crawford 50 either. Cindy Crawford looks great. I bowled next to her recently. You were bowling? Yeah. We do this thing. We help out with these um uh kids. It's I don't think you're supposed to say that. mentally whatever intellectually disabled children. It's this group that me and my son work with and uh they do a bowling thing to raise money for them and you bowl with the mentally

158:33challenged kids and uh she's really active with it and she out there with her kids. Her daughter's a model now. Her son's a model and she looked great. She's like 51. She looked 30. Yeah. Amazing. Once they hit her a good 30, too, not like some 30s, right? You know, I knew a girl when she was 19 and then I saw her again when she was 27 and apparently she had a meth problem. Oh. And when I saw her when she was 27, she looked like she had been to hell and back and she looked easily 50. Yeah. And she wasn't even 30 yet. And I was like, "Wow." Like meth. Something about stimulants, man. You that that redlinining the system. Boy, you pay for that. You pay for that one. What dries you out? Oh, she looked terrible. Yeah, terrifying, too. Her skin was hanging off of her bones. Her muscle tissue had all gone away. She It had all atrophied. So, like her like what the plumpness of

159:32youth had all been replaced by like this dead air. Yeah. And her skin was like looking for all the meat that used to be there to hold it in place and it was just sagging and Oh my god. And you know, she chain smoked the whole time. She was definitely chain smoking. She she was a smoker, but it was sad. And she was so apologetic about She was apologetic about the way she looked. It was really disturbing. Yeah. I just saw this girl that I hadn't seen in a while and she gave me a hug and she goes, "I'm sorry. I got really fat." Like, you're apologizing to me? It's like, that is so weird. Might be the same person did the same thing to me. We'll talk about it off air. Yeah. No, I don't think so. This girl was never on drugs. She just put on No. No. Different girl just did that recently to me. Oh, okay. It was at the store. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

160:15We'll talk. We'll talk. We'll talk. We got to end this thing anyway. I got to get the out of here tomorrow. Greg Fitz Simmons and I will be performing at the improv in Hollywood. Are you still doing your show on Sirius or is it only a podcast now? Uh still do the show Monday nights on Sirius. It's the Greg Fitzimmon Show on Howard 101. Then the podcast is Fitz Dog Radio. I just had uh Ari Shafir just came on. Duncan Trussell just came on. Uh Jud Appattow just came on. Those are all those will all be up in the next week or so. Excellent. And then Denver, Colorado. Can I plug that? Comedy Works. Comedy Works in Denver coming up on uh the 24th through the 26th. And then I am in uh sorry, one of my all-time favorite clubs ever. Sacramento Punchline, April 15. Another one of my all-time favorite clubs. San Francisco Punchline, April 21 through 23. And then other dates, comics

161:11in Connecticut, all at fitsdog.com. The comics in Connecticut suck can suck my dick, but the other clubs are great. All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's it for today. See you soon, you