Andrew Schulz

00:02ready headphones sir oh yeah do i have to um they're better you lock in are we live hey andrew how you doing i'm good how are you i'm good man what's up chillin man thanks for having me thanks for being here dude hey i like what you're doing thank you i like a lot of things you're doing first of all i like that you're you decided to put all your on youtube yeah it it look it's hard look there's about a million comedians today right there's more comedians now than ever you don't yeah i'll lock in don't worry there's like a million comedians today yeah and a lot of these companies are overwhelmed they have no room for all these and coming guys that are coming up yeah and you know some some guys like you are really good and thank you there's they're looking you know like how do you how do you get your out there well just put it out there on youtube exactly that huh yeah i mean

00:55everybody just said no to me that was a thing so i didn't have a choice well a lot of people that's happening to brian cowan right now right and then he just did his right yeah i posted his thing but uh but he's releasing it on itunes he's releasing it on all the other platforms but there's no room yeah it's it's a weird thing because uh i guess for me you know the stand-up industry wasn't really inviting to me even from the beginning so uh a couple years ago i filmed my own and especially i did it in new york and i did five clubs and i did the cab rides in between and the idea was all right if you don't with me at least you can appreciate you know this part of stand-up that is being a new york guy did you do 15-minute sets in each place oh wow that's cool yeah so it's like i was like if you love the game yeah you at least will take a look at this and maybe support this right and

01:45everybody said no like ceso said no whoa and i had a show with them like like bro it was bad like humbling you know and uh but i just believed in the project and i thought it was dope so i cut like a i cut a 15 minute version but i'll tell you why i did it because uh you can learn everything you need about stand up from asking people who don't do stand-up really yeah like i asked all my friends and just people i would meet i'd be like who are you watching you know these days and you know they'd say the names we all know and then they'd always say this they'd be like uh yeah it was funny man but i didn't finish it everybody said that right and i was like all right so it's too long yeah so i cut it down to 15. i did like a 15 minute version of the special i did four clubs and i just put it right on the youtube and um it was weird i like sold out shows that weekend in san diego and i

02:35was never a sellout guy you know i have a few guys come out from the podcast i do and that kind of stuff but it was never like a like a sellout you know right and i was like well that's kind of weird and then i did a show in like columbus ohio you know the what is it the funny bone out there yeah a great club great club and um i think we sold like 1600 tickets and i was like what the is happening like i was nev not in ohio you know and like people are coming out like i liked your thing i was like oh maybe people are are watching this and i started to kind of like sit back for a second i was like why are people watching man maybe it's short and i was like all right it you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna put a joke out a week for a year you know i got another 45 minutes left of the special and i could probably produce some more stand up i'll just put a joke out a week there was this

03:24singer who was doing that and like he just put a song out a week his name was russ and i was like all right that's he's a worker i can i can at least control that i can outwork somebody so i'll do that and uh i put the joke out for a week and the joke started to go and like someone would go viral and i was like yo this is crazy and people are coming out to shows and then my youtube guy hits me he goes yo something weird is happening i go what's up and he goes when people watch a clip they'll watch for two hours like what do you mean like they'll just get lost in a wormhole and i go so wait a minute so people aren't watching an hour of stand up on the networks because it's too long but they're watching two hours of mine i'm like why the would that happen and we figured out that it was you made the choice when you're in control of your destiny right you'll invest as much time as you

04:16want it's hitting snooze on the alarm clock it's alright i'll take another eight minutes i'll take another eight minutes i won't set my alarm clock for an hour later yeah that would be irresponsible but i'll snooze snooze snooze and when people make their own choice it was like it was just crazy to see what happened man it's also the platform the platform i mean people on their phones uh netflix told me that half the people that watch my special watch on a phone of course absolutely so people that are watching phones they're they're you're you're on that goddamn thing all day long and it's way easier to flip a channel it's way easier just you got that remote in your hand anyway when you're still playing yeah that's a really good point when you're on your phone you're going full screen you gotta like tap it move it and you don't know what's next i know if i turn

05:01this channel as espn2 exactly i don't know if i leave this video what i'm gonna see next yeah hundred percent so a little bit of that there's a little bit of phone addiction that contributes to a lot of views yeah but people love youtube i mean youtube never ends you could be on it for the rest of your life and not put a dent in the content yes on there yeah i mean it's space yeah especially if you have like me i got a lot of weird interest like you look at like what it suggests for me yeah it's like on the cosmos muscle cars professional pool matches mma yeah it's chaos yeah archery it's all elk hunting and it's crazy like i could never leave my house just sit with my phone plugged in the wall and just keep suggesting to you right oh yeah and then you're like yeah i do want to check that out as soon as they did that i i saw this when back when there

05:50was no suggestions remember those days of course the dark days yeah well as soon as they started suggesting i was like oh my god that's a that's a game changer yeah and then the next video just automatically plays like oh you got us yeah so it's over it's like it's just right there you have all your access points to it you know i mean that that was the beauty of it i found it's like you know with a special your fa your your maybe the best joke that you have on your special to someone else is 33 minutes in right so that guy's got to wait 33 minutes hoping you're gonna hit that joke right on youtube like if i had your special and i cut it up to jokes on youtube what topic not you know everything under an umbrella you know and you have an access point here you have let's say six different access points with the new special i have out now right it's it's six different pieces so

06:39it's a different access point every single time some people might come for a trump joke some people might come for a joke it doesn't matter right so it's not the situation where you have to go okay maybe i hit 37 minutes in this bit that i love no you're going to get that bit right away and then you're going to go back to the beginning and go okay i'm going to watch this all the way through hmm it's the music model like for me i didn't invent anything i just stole it from music right it's like musicians put out a single for a reason yeah i i kind of i'd like that if you're thinking about marketing yes complete completely like you and i are in way different places with stand-up right like you're one of the most famous people in the world right so you don't need to find new people to see you people are going to watch your stand-up because they're like all right i have an intimate

07:25relationship with this guy i listen to him eight hours a week and i just want to see his stand-up right i'm still in marketing phase i'm like how can i get new people to see me there's five people that should have comedy specials now that's more than just five hey send jeff out to get lighters time to go get some letters um rock chappelle louis burr that's it everybody else should be an acquisition face why i don't know about that man i don't buy into that i don't first of all i don't think that way i never worry about what other people are doing i just don't i don't think about it and then two all i concentrate on is doing my best that's it right and once i got to a point where i was successful enough where i didn't have to worry about money it was a huge relief and honestly i think i started doing my best work of course because then i wasn't thinking i

08:17didn't have any resources that were dialed into how do i promote this and how do i get that going all my resources like this bit needs something more i gotta figure out how to really sell that and i gotta put maybe if i switched it around and so it's all about alchemy yeah you know it's all about adding and trying to make gold all i'm doing is like stirring in the lab trying to make goals because you love creating though yeah well i don't have there's no thoughts on marketing now like but that's you found out you love creating yeah for sure success love creating but people some people don't know that like some i feel like success teaches you exactly what you wanted like these people who blow up with stand up and never do it again yeah they never wanted to be a stand-up right right right right it's like yeah if you blow up and all you're thinking about is how

09:02do i make this toe knuckle hair joke better right right you love the game yeah you're like i don't know the greatest thing that ever happened for me was i stopped desiring things i couldn't control right like i realized oh i don't care about a special on hbo or netflix i just wanted people to see it right and if they see it and 10 people see it that's cool because i just loved making it and if a million people see it that's also cool but if anybody sees it it's gratitude right you see what i'm saying like before i was just this void like so many so much of us are like comics i was just like trying to fill up you know like i'm sure you get you know people asking to be on the show and all that on it all the time and like it's just comics trying to take fill themselves like and i was an entitled little brat probably why don't i have a special why don't i have this

09:48a lot of that going on it's useless bro but i couldn't you know how like every rich person goes uh money doesn't make you happy and every poor person is like man when i'm rich i'm gonna be happy yeah it's i feel like it's like that like i needed to get a certain amount of success for me to realize man i just love making these things yeah everybody does it's like it's everybody does and if you don't if you don't i mean you're either blessed or stupid like one of those things it's it's either hey that you're this guy that's just pure or a woman who's pure right from the jump and you just you're just all about creating but it's it's really just about you know i was talking to shaub about it that we were at the comedy store we're about to go on stage i'm like how fun is killing killing's the most fun i don't understand how people could quit this yeah he quit doing comedy man how do you

10:44how why would you like out of all the that i do if they said you could only do one i'd be like a comedy question everything else i could just pretend i'm doing you know whether it's a ufc commentary i just sit at home and watch tv and just talk about what someone's supposed to be doing you can't fake it right can't fake comedy you can fake literally everything else everything else you can't fake killing yeah you and i could have the same conversation we probably would if there was no cameras no if you and i were just chilling in the main room green room with the comedy store we probably have the same conversation facts 100 yeah but when you go up there that is a that is a precision art form that requires calculation and also zen-like smoothness and alpha flow you got to be in the zone you got to be in that flow state yep you got to be happy yeah but you also got to be focused you

11:37got to be having a good time but concentrating on these people and and projecting to them and you want them to have a good time you know the whole deal is one of one of the best things about this job is you're making people feel good yes you're they're coming out of their house to see you and they come out of there feeling better they have a good time yeah if everything goes right they feel better they and my mom my mom said the exact same thing that you're very lucky uh you get to make people feel good for a living yeah you have like an ethical job yes like how rare is that imagine one of these like insurance guys that has to like tell people they can't get their bills paid from their car accident because it was their fault or imagine if you're like uh one of those big tobacco guys you're driving around your rolls-royce knowing that someone's on an iron lung

12:21somewhere yeah you know where's the lighter yeah knowing someone's drowning in their own fluid yeah you feel like and you just fly me to the moon let me play among the stars dude is the best it's like it's bull fighting yeah that's what we do my buddy said it so so well he's like because people used to always make the boxing analogy and i hated that because i used to box a little bit and like i never at all felt that it was similar like i've never heard a boxer go yeah this is just like stand up it is like a martial art in that the truth is what works i'll go on that because in martial arts if you like the particularly in martial arts not just in boxing but boxing is a martial art but the only stuff that works is the stuff that works and if you hit a guy and he goes unconscious it doesn't matter one of the things that i used to like about fighting was that everybody could hate

13:19me and i didn't care i didn't care because when i got in there yeah i'm like i knew that i was going to that guy up it doesn't matter what his friends think doesn't matter how loud loud his parents cheer i'm going to kick that dude in his head and i'm going to separate him from his consciousness meritocracy that's just going to happen yeah and there's nothing and you could hate me all day long it doesn't matter but then i had to switch gears 100 into comedy and i thought they were so different and then i realized because in comedy you have to get the people to like you right you can't just have these ideas and be unlikable can't you get them to respect you yeah but they gotta like you they i mean you can get them to respect even respect is liking you like you have to be someone could say one thing like there's like the late great brody stevens who just passed if you looked at brody's

14:06material on paper some of it wasn't funny and when you looked at it in real life it was some of my best material that i ever ever saw anybody do right because brody's personality was so likable he was so funny on stage that you just wanted to laugh at him it just he he figured out authenticity yeah it's yeah and when i was starting out i didn't have that i was i couldn't i didn't i had a hard time making that switch then once i get better it's i got better at stand up i realized like oh there's it's so similar because either it's funny or it's not funny like either it works or it doesn't work and your job is not like some comics get they get caught up in their image they get caught up in how they want the audience to think of them yeah and they dress a certain way on purpose because they want to project this image and they'll even say things on stage that are kind of gross yeah

14:59that they're they're only saying it because they want the audience to think they're cool right and it gives you a little like ew but maybe they're good enough so that you still laugh not everybody yeah it is authenticity illuminates all those comics can't follow a real comic right have you ever noticed this like when you see someone who's being truthful he might not even be as funny he might not be killing as hard but it's so authentic that when the comic comes next it feels like they're reading jokes off a paper right right right and it's our bodies are keyed into like comedy's reptilian if you do it right right you know like a lot of times people ask like why like old women can laugh at the same jokes that i'm telling that like these young people can laugh at and then my response is always it's not their choice like i'm not telling your jokes to your choice like the daily

15:48show trevor noah is jokes about how you want the world to be right i'm telling you jokes about how you deep down feel it is yeah you're going at your gut it's reptile yeah so it's like if it's in here already right you're gonna laugh regardless how old you are regardless of how you were raised this is how you feel and i think it's why you guys love um diaz so much yeah you know what i mean it's like he doesn't know how to not be himself right he's he's like uh like he's like uh what is he latin what kind of language he's a cuban larry david yeah do you know what i mean it's just like like what is larry david the whole show is what if someone was authentic 24 hours a day right what was patrice raw authenticity 24 hours a day and we're drawn to that in its worst form in its best form but we're drawn to that and like there's something beautiful that like

16:42that's why i always use the bullfighter analogy it's like the bull for me is the premise it's not the crowd the crowd is still the crowd right it's like how close can i get to this dangerous premise right and i don't want to box with it i want to dance with it right i want it to put my his nose up against my nose and then i want to secure it but before i skewer it i want to do that where i click my heels and i do the little cape and i want to entertain the out of the crowd right with this dangerous substance you know that's what the we do that's why we roll our eyes when we see the pandering we're like what are you wasting this for exactly that's a superpower well i think we're in this weird time period you know there's an ebb and a flow to comedy and right now it's the weirdest ebb because right now you have this weird comedy that it's people are saying things that they

17:39want the crowd to hear rather than saying things that are funny they're saying things to hit all these checkpoints of progressive thinking as a cis white male yeah i believe i don't say that word do it i mean this it's like it ain't real it's not real like the special that i have now is called views from the sis yeah it's a playoff a drake album called views from the six but the idea is just like yeah these are straight guy views yeah yeah this is what the world needs right now well you know the world needs authenticity yes whether it's authenticity from a trans person or authenticity from a straight guy the world needs someone to go out there and and say what the they really think and have a a well-measured take on things and that's what i see you're doing what you're doing is you're you're going out there you're expressing yourself and the great thing about being

18:30turned down by all these platforms is they can't censor you yes they're not gonna tell you hey andrew we really like you but um we can't have tran you can't say that and then you go why not and then yeah well i was like how come you can say cabbie but you can't say tran granny yeah granny the joke i have is transgender grandmother granny it's yeah how is this bad right how what is happening where it's kind of cute bro it's we do it out of love yeah if we shorten something and add a why it's affectionate sort of what's not uh if you pull your hammy talking to someone and call them shorty hey shorty ready yeah that's longer shorty is longer yeah if you add that's why blackie's wrong right right right so it's like the logic is there it's impenetrable right sort of yeah this is what's trending what about it that's not good but jappy's cute are you talking about japanese people oh

19:35you call them the japs yeah that's how uh first of all the first two knees yeah why is that bad well it's bad because that's how the soldiers used to talk about them and the people just talked about them during world war ii when they were at war with them so here's my question what if somebody was like you know who has one of the most refined cultures and delicious cuisine that i've ever experienced these jabs that's right it's not bad you can't say that you know dance is the best the spicks so i was talking to this there was a um there was a there's a trans chick that got upset at the joke and she was like you know she basically said to me she's like how you know you probably wouldn't like it too if as you were walking home at night someone called you and then threw a bottle at you and i was like i'm out respond to you know the negative comments but all i'm thinking is

20:35if you were walking home at night and someone said transgender and then threw a bottle at you i think it'd be equally upsetting yeah right it's not what the word is it's like there are certain words that are made to make you feel bad yeah the n word is made specifically to make you feel better unless you're a black guy right now you're using it with your friends right and even then it is like you can use it however you want but the designation of the word right is to make you feel but that's what it's designed for that's what wasn't made up it was designed for but i think black people have successfully taken a word that was negative and empowered sure to the point where it's laughing fun absolutely good times and bad times and you could use it to describe a powerful person yeah you could use it to describe an amazing artist an amazing athlete yeah you could use it

21:26it's all the ways yeah it is it's the most fluid word it's unbelievable it's an incredible word in terms of like its ability to be used on in it's almost like the word right like you could stub your toe and or you could see a ferrari go yeah it's do you know in brazilian it's the word come they use for that wait what yeah it's poha poha okay so like you know like someone will catch a guy in a choke and go pull ha like that's a good thing oh you up yourself you're like ah i forgot my keys in spanish yeah which means like mother yeah it's like it could be a good thing but that makes sense like mother god damn it but come doesn't even make any sense like i was trying but my feeling of it when you come it's like that is the sensation like that was so good watching you do that almost felt like me nutting and it could be bad in that like your dick tricked you into

22:24this girl you've been trying to avoid and then you come and you're like that is there's regret water everybody every women will never understand post nut syndrome do not describe post syndrome because this is something exclusive to us yes well like i don't know i like you until i come yeah it's true right yeah yeah you do not know and it's and that's why it's so up like when you know women think we're boys or pieces of as dudes it's like you don't get it i think i like you right everything i'm saying to you i believe right and my dick is just like yeah we're gonna find out we're gonna see and there are times where you nut and it's like damn yeah you realize you made a mistake especially if the woman is really into you and you're really not into her and you're like oh i've made an error and then you do feel like an yeah but if you say that to them they're like yeah i i'm like i'm just

23:16being honest with you biology i got tricked by genetics yeah why can't that be my biology why can't i feel so for women let me explain what this is like yeah you have this it's like finding out your guy was poor this is what it's like this is how i describe it having an erection and getting excited is like sitting in the back seat of a really long bus okay and there's some other guy up there driving the bus most of the time you're driving the bus not when your dick is hard when your dick is hard there's some other guy driving the bus and all the windows are rolled down there's papers flying around the horn's honking and you're looking at life taking place through a dirty windshield 100 feet away from you and you're like do you even know where the you're going we passed the stop and your dick's like just shut the up and calm down i got this and then when you come all of a sudden

24:06the fog parts and you're at the front of the bus holding the wheel and you're like what what am i doing here yeah how'd it get here ah and you look down at your dick you bro it's it's being a werewolf yeah it is being aware of right like isn't that what it's a metaphor for oh yeah you're this ravenous creature you're running around doing crazy and then you wake up in the morning naked you're terrified covered in blood yeah well sometimes sometimes yeah yeah god damn it what did i do what did i do who am i i got to turn myself in yeah it's uh it's terrible but that's one of the reasons why you know it's so hilarious when you see someone who is a stereotypical male feminist because you know they barely have enough testosterone to keep their heart beating and they probably don't get post-nut syndrome because they just want everyone to love them yeah and

24:57they're in this weird state of you know benedict arnold they're being a gender traitor that's really what's going on yeah it's a lot of what it is like there are men that want women to be valued trying to get man that's what they do there's men that want women to have all the same all the same opportunities and equality and they want they want to value them as human beings and that's all real though that is real but there's way more sneaky weak that are pretending they think like this because they know that women go good good you're on our side you're an ally come over here ally you're a male ally and they're always these like weasley little dudes with tiny hands and or even if they're big they're like they're awkward and they've had a hard time with women and so they just on these men who they feel they're in competition with it's a complete hater move absolutely

25:54you've seen everything you see in comedy it's like oh i can't do that type of comedy so i'm going to make that comedy radioactive so that this is the only type of comedy that's allowed yeah you know what i'm saying hey that comedy is so for example like it doesn't have to be comedy it could really be any kind of situation and so you're just trying to carve out the market share right like ooh that comedy's dirty that's edgy that's sexist that's bigoted censor it censor it all that's saying is i don't want to compete with with those guys it's a little bit of that but it's also like the same thing you see with the right versus the left like there's a lot of people online from each side that want to censor the opinions of the other people for sure instead of having a better opinion yeah they want to shut that opinion off exactly yeah so it's like and when they

26:37don't have a better opinion they just make you radioactive so they don't even have to talk to you yeah you're racist yeah hey joe rogan you're racist and you're like what do you mean let's talk about you're like i don't talk to races yeah that was clever what you did yeah you see what i'm saying like i went through that like the second i had an opinion that went against the grain immediately i'm labeled as something that they don't even have to have a dialogue with right they just shut you down yeah oh you're a white supremacist exactly oh you're all right yes oh you're this you're that yeah it's it's it's a simple weak way to end a conversation but all it does is it it only works it's like it's like a magic trick it only works if you don't know what they're trying to do so how what percentage of the population knows it right that's that's the question i've been trying to

27:22wrap my head around is like like you and i can sit here and and see this all day but i think most people are seeking confirmation not information right like most people like they start out their day going i feel this way it could be right left central it doesn't matter and then they're seeking out information that confirms that right you know what there's a parallel to that with what we were talking about with stand-up comedy in your career because the reason why those people seek out confirmation rather than information is because they're insecure they're not at a good place yes but once you're in a good place like everything feels good like say if you're in a good relationship and you know you have a good woman in your life and you're happy and everything's going well then you see a lot of things for what they are versus if you're in the hunt you're trying to get people to love you you

28:10know what i mean you don't have any excess it's like i mean this is a weird like segue to it but like i i tried i've never did a lot of drugs but i tried molly at burning man right and um it was the first time that i experienced maybe outside of like comedy but first time i experienced having like extra love yeah right so instead of operating on a deficit and like trying to make you laugh so i filled a void or like trying to say something interesting so i filled a void i had extra and what i did with the extra without even realizing it is i called my closest friends and my parents and i just told them how special they were now i didn't realize that until years later that that's what you do with excess yeah right so how do i get to excess without drugs right the question for me was also how do i find fulfillment in that is not in other people's hands so much like when

29:03we when we were talking to the comedy store like what i love about the la scene right now is that comics have control of it right so it's like comics are pushing the comedy culture right now and it's because they're empowered you guys have money you guys have sustainability with your fans you're not going am i going to get another pilot with comedy central am i going to tell you i'm going to get here of course when the industry ran it comedy sucked you guys were talking about unicycles and right and that's why and that's why no it's true and and and look we would come out in from new york and we would come out and we'd be kind of disillusioned at the comedy scene back here and maybe that was like some new york west coast east coast beef or whatever and but what's funny is how the ecosystem always balances itself because as soft as comedy was out here

29:48all of a sudden out of nowhere this show called roast battle pops up right this is the hardest show the heart the hardest show bro like wild right insane but here's a perfect example comedy central took that and they they half watered it they cut it like they would sell cocaine yeah right you're not getting a pure no i'm not getting it from colombia not even remotely they took all the juicy stuff took the authenticity right out but it was real for me you can go there still on tuesday night and that place gets wild i get sad what do you mean i feel sad for some people that get toasted up there i saw a joke there was some kid who's not but what is it cerebral palsy yeah yeah yeah and um and and he's up there with his palsy and the other guy goes uh he goes he goes you look like your arms drew your legs oh jesus christ bro i howled we weren't he's up there shaking

30:52no he looks like someone put your voodoo doll in a blender oh my gosh bro it was so ruthless but that's what it needed to balance the system right well it definitely helped you know there's a bunch of factors but what what rose battle is first of all there's uh the there's good things in bad things about first of all brian moses the guy who hosted is one of the nicest guys on the planet earth and that helps and then also he says you know it never gets physical at the end we all hug like there's good in that of course you know and then when people go after each other like there's a guilty pleasure to it that doesn't exist anymore it's like there's a guilty pleasure to that kind of humor it's very hard to get if you're a fan of that kind of vicious awful comedy it's very difficult to get anymore because people don't roast each other anymore no they're free yeah they're afraid

31:43and they're soft like these like these kids are soft man and and it's we gotta stop blaming kids we just gotta start blaming parents like my parents were hard maybe my mom's immigrant maybe that's what it is she's scottish but like my parents were tough like my mom let me punch my brother in the face once because he like pulled my backpack or something like i remember like he like pulled my back when i was like mom he pulled my backpack can i just punch him she's like once she just let me punch him right and it was like for her when she grew up that's what brothers did yeah and like people always do you know i know you have some guys come on the show and they talk about how like it's happening at the college level like we're entitling these kids it's like no it's happening in elementary school it's when these kids what happened my boy marco pointed this out to me both his

32:29parents are uh teachers in rhode island he's like what happens is these these kids complain about their teacher in school right and when you and i were in school our parents would go well yeah sometimes your teacher don't like you so figure it out yeah and now these kids go well mom dad the teacher doesn't like me well let's switch you out of this school let's switch your teacher let's get your teacher fired so they start thinking the world bends around them right yeah and then now this with the colleges it's like i can't get into usc and say oh don't worry we'll figure out how to get you into usc that that college thing is nuts but we'll get to that but i want to know what do you think is the root of the softness like what is the parent why what's the i know exactly what it is um you know when uh power is taken it's not given it's taken you have to take it you have to rip it out of

33:23somebody's hands power right yeah and after you take power out of someone's hands that's the last thing you take it's give right if you have the right constitution you have the right constitution for power what have you done with your power you've uplifted a comedy scene you've you do these shows or you host them at the improv right that's not for you right that's for comedy okay you're hosting shows at these different places you can sell out arenas but you're choosing to do shows in this city i'm assuming because you understand the value of giving you're operating with excess and you're talking about that but honestly the shows are for me to work out yeah to work out but you could do an hour you don't have to put other comics on it yeah that's right yeah you don't have to say schultz can you come and do the show tonight you know what i mean like at the improv on

34:09hollywood yeah which is sold out i already sold out i was about to try to help promote and i was like does he need me to help but it's like so so what happens is if you have the right constitution for power you take and then you provide for your people you give back it certainly helps it helps you dude people don't realize like how helping is addictive yeah that's we can get to that in a little bit but like once you realize the value you get from giving as long as it's the right person yeah then you just can't wait yeah it's a trick to think that you should keep it all to yourself because when you keep it all yourself you feel like yeah you're a piece of then you become that weird old miser that lives in the mansion on the top of the hill and no one could talk to him and you're miserable yeah and you can't go anywhere no it's uh yeah and everybody looks at

34:52you like oh it's that guy's got all that money i got to figure out how to get his money who do you want to be you want to be ali yeah ali walks around any neighborhood he wants yeah he's dead but whenever when he did no security now he can knock anybody out but at the same time if he just goes hey guys give me a second i know when he was older and he could barely walk he would just go everywhere anywhere you loved him because they recognize man we want to follow but we want to follow the worthy so we'll test worthiness yeah you know what i'm saying so what happened why these kids are so soft is the the king takes power and then raises a bitch-ass son because he never had to take right right and he doesn't want his son to go through what he went through right he's like you know how hard it was to take this power i'm i got one foot yeah you know what i mean i lost a foot in a

35:37power struggle and now this this son is everything's given to him it's like the spoiled prince in every movie you hate that prince so i think the generation that's raising kids right now spoiled princess the generation before that vietnam right you know what i'm saying like they understood sacrifice war yeah they understood the investment in the country and then the generation that came next was just handed yeah hey everything's good we're not oh we're not going to oh war is just handled over there i don't got to get drafted and yes it's like no i almost think we should all be part of it bro it's like a regret of mine that i didn't do some sort of service because it's like how do you complain at all about the country that you didn't put your life online there's a lot of countries that have mandatory service yeah they have extreme levels of patriotism and

36:25yeah like south korea for example they took uh uh dong young kim was it uh yeah no who was it samsung jung that's who it was the korean zombie that's right that's right he took him out of his prime and he had to do two years of service in the korean army david robinson basketball player had to do that navy time really i show yeah like you understand because we're so detached and i don't hate on people for not realizing it because we are detached it's what we do like little you know some child slaves make the iphone and you know we like i just go you can only really be connected to what's in your world direct world i'm cool that's life it is what it is there's really no good or bad things just are you know what i mean so it's like that's something to get to but it is what it is right but they were trying to do an ethical phone remember that phone what was that phone call again

37:18they were they were they're putting together some ethical android phone man come on fair phone yeah it wasn't fair nobody bought it that it was expensive i don't think it's more expensive they have a fair phone too pull that up let's see what we got let's see if it could with so i'm trying to get off the apple tip i told you i got this galaxy note now you're gonna come back bro you're gonna come back bro look how beautiful that screen is look at this oh sweat yeah this is look at everything it's always freezing the picture's all pixelated that's not true that's not true come on i got a pen this has a pen a modular phone that's built to last what does that mean that you can like attach it to it a modular phone that's built to last oh yeah so you could add little things yeah oh that's gonna break and definitely that can't be waterproof it says batteries are those batteries

38:14you can replace the battery yeah that's ridiculous remember we used to be able to replace batteries you just pop out the back your phone batteries got a samsung galaxy like 7 or some removable battery android 7. this motherfucker's got android 9. you need to catch the up nah bro what else fair materials look there's a white lady in the front how fair three black guys who are working for her what the is fair about that picture if you're gonna have fair materials how about you have white guys in their 50s working in a factory and not chinese babies yo right what the is this we do have to acknowledge though that like do you know me yo i mean make it fair make all these people all these people who want to buy iphones and you want to have your iphone built by some asian slave yeah how about you work for a year in a second army you want an iphone put the time in right but we should

39:09acknowledge that white women really kind of are superheroes in that way white women yeah how so cause like they're the only people who care about the environment the only people who care about animals only people who build wells in africa like they're really my friend justin wren builds wells in the congo he's a six foot three he's a bellator top 10 heavyweight ask him who's who are the people helping him it's rebecca no no no no man phyllis no no phyllis mikey got a lot of women that do work for him but a lot of men that work for him too this is dudes they're getting hard right now because i think they're tired of coming at white men so they're looking for the next you know when the grease is boiling you gotta throw someone in it but like when you want to talk about humanitarians right like who gets by more races than white women true like this is really true true except

40:03who gets the short under the stick there is that a penis-sized joke no asian women no i'm sure asian men probably the the smallest percentage of different races right yes in america at least i don't know how they rock it 100 yeah yeah they do the yeah i think they have like some like tinder they did some like tinder study that showed that that is a weird thing yeah because to asian women no problem at all but uh other ethnicities it's weird that it's not made to size right how so like like you would think that it's made to scott like lego little tiny women would be into uh no just like vagina would be like you know i don't know i've never i never thought that like asian was that much smaller than like everything i've done research you know i have empirical evidence you know yeah well you know this doesn't make 100 sense okay but i've met girls that were tiny that you

41:03could not hard enough yeah then and they'll just open up yeah but not not just that it's just like they want it like that they want they want savage they want to get smashed because i think they realize that they they're tiny they have small genes so they want to get savage genetics inside them so they have survivor children i really believe that i think it only makes sense some of the horniest girls i've ever dated in my life weigh about 104 pounds and these big brand of tarts chicks want it real soft they want to because they know that those other little girls are giant dudes they're going to make a normal-sized kid and they're going to keep going it's a never-ending battle for genetics dude it really it is it's 100 it's a never-ending battle of genetics and if you're so there's one of these girls these like beta dudes man they're not they they do they

41:55do it for a little while they barely them they always say they have headaches listen i i know a lot of babies who has yeah they don't want to the guys dude i had a friend of mine who was dating a guy like that and she goes i really like him i just do not want to him i was like wow because why would you like that is rough i'm like what are you gonna do just don't him dude it's it's dude it's insane man it's like i see this all the time like these like hardcore perceivably hardcore feminist chicks yeah you know they'll hear my comedy which could be the opposite of that right and they're in the dms right saying i don't know why i'm here i swear to god i swear to god it's a trap house exactly it's like what is happening it's like because i think feminism in general is a direct result of a failure by men to be fair and by a failure by men to be actual men and to raise actual men who treat

43:00everybody with respect when men are abusing women those men are bullies they're they're weak men the kind of man that would do that to a woman that would like physically abuse a woman that's a weak man right right that's the type of man that would beat up a smaller man or take someone from someone with force it's insecure he needs to feel powerful he's a yeah he's a right the the antidote for that is to be a strong man right like the one of the things i've been telling people like this is how you fix bullying in school okay teach them how to fight not the bullies i mean not just the not just the victims but the bullies themselves teach everyone how to fight when they feel confidence that they can defend themselves they don't have to nicest people in the world yeah martial artists you go and go to martial arts gyms go to a jiu jitsu gym i'll take you they're the nicest people

43:48hugging everybody and friendly and they're gonna choke each other half to death in about five minutes and before that they're all fun happy playful yeah they're so secure and outside of there they're so secure and relaxed they're a different type of person obviously not all of them i mean there's people for the most part yeah we vary wildly right but almost always to a human the mean ones whether it's mean women or mean when male or weak mean women women will tell you this yeah they work at an office yeah and they've got a female boss that's a yeah that is one of the worst because you can't even her there's nothing you can do there's nothing you could do to make that happy she wants to take from you she wants to squeeze your blood at least if you're cute and your boss is disgusting and he's a you could flirt with him a little bit and you could like maybe get him to like

44:42you more yeah don't do it obviously don't do that but with the female boss you have to have a personality shocking what the female boss not even that a lot of women don't like women right one of the things that i love more than anything is when i talk to women and they'll do this thing where they look around to make sure no one's looking no one's around and i go look i would never say this publicly but some benches are crazy that's what we do with like racist didn't burr have that bit about like us yeah you look around and then you slide it the thing about these yeah yes well this women feel like it's they've got momentum in this little war of ideas right with the metoo movement and bill cosby getting arrested and kelly getting arrested harvey weinstein in my opinion and i bet you think this too these are good things yeah when shitty men get put away or they get

45:36arrested for abusing people whether it's they're physically abusing men or physically abusing women it's always good you shouldn't be physically abusing get him out of here yeah we used to beat those guys up yes i mean this is handled in the community when we were younger teenagers hey blah blah you know was rough with this did whatever who was rough right and we went over imagine if you were married and harvey weinstein tried to your wife and she went in on an audition and you knew that there was all these security guards and all these levels before you got to him and your wife got into that level and he was treating her like and being mean to her and telling her if you want to work in this town you got to suck this little fat dick you'd be there it's over very very it's over angry yeah i'm shocked like someone saw didn't brad pitt try to step to him

46:21or something like that he did step to him and did he swing on him i don't know what he did because you guys right like well that's the other thing that's up about this is like there's gonna be wine scenes yeah like these people are gonna exist well listen man they still exist yeah they still i was hearing about one last night someone was i can't tell you comic because i don't know he's a television personality who's apparently a closeted homosexual oh and he's out there and he's out there like dudes yeah just that guy going homeless him i don't know he's trying really trying to make him uncomfortable really really how how well known i don't know later we'll talk later but what i'm saying is they exist you want to tell me so bad yes go talk to them afterwards crazy out there they're still rolling it old school yeah they want to get caught in the culture brad pitt threatened to kill

47:14harvey weinstein yeah but you got to swing man but you got to swing on them bro you got to leave some marks i believe it so what depends on what harvey did versus if he grabbed her or did anything to her physically then you got to swing on him but if he just said something creepy and you tell him okay then we have words take your life yeah yeah yeah i'll take your life well i think the issue with these things is like we know we're gonna have weinsteins but the people that protected weinstein yeah like the second you complain about a guy for groping or doing something crazy right mm-hmm you that woman is doing exactly what she's supposed to do right she experienced some you know sexual assault and she's telling yeah right now if you silence her and shut her up that's where the system falls apart right right right so whoever is protecting him throughout

47:59he got they got to go too right because she that woman did exactly what she was supposed to do right there's going to be weinsteins throughout life unfortunately real question what about the support staff all that many people son all them are almost they're not worse because they're not doing it but they're so bad because they stripped the person who was assaulted from eq like not only equality but like they stripped her from from life in a way like they made that person go oh life isn't fair and i don't have a shot do you know the expression diffusion of responsibility it's it comes when there's large groups of people that watch something they feel like someone's going to step in it's like that lady genovese or something remember that there was some woman who was getting raped in queens and she was screaming for like 40 minutes and there was all these neighbors around like yeah

48:49i heard it but i thought ted was on it oh jesus you didn't hear about this no i think katie genovese or some it's an old story but yeah everybody's like oh they'll get it yeah it's the same kind of thing it's like well it's just how corporations work so if you're working for a corporation the corporation's dumping pollutants into the river you know you feel like well it's not my responsibility i just work here in accounting you know like somebody else is gonna handle this right yeah this is and i think when you if you were working in like the weinstein company and you knew harvey was out there slinging dick first of all in their defense you probably didn't know the specifics right because it's like oh harvey's a dog he's always out there trying to yeah well that's sort of normal yeah like a lot like people have to understand this why does a guy like that get rich why does

49:39he get rich is he like some patron of the arts who loves creating maybe there's a little bit maybe he likes power yeah if you like power why do you like that power what are you getting out of that power once you have a ferrari once you have a mercedes once you have a mansion what are you getting you're getting posted baby you're getting and it's not even about the right it's about power right it's about power so much of this like even these pedophiles i don't even believe anybody's attracted to kids well they definitely are i don't believe it i believe they're attracted to power and they're so wildly insecure that they need to be looked at like a god and children when they look at you somebody that they admire something they truly look up to etc they can look at you in that god-like state and so i don't think it's a physical thing like i was watching that abducted in plain sight mm-hmm

50:29he he gets whacked off by the dad right what you didn't see this abducted in plain sight bro oh my god bro this guy this this pedophile destroys the whole family bro to get to the daughter he the mom and dad who what is this this is insane is this netflix yes you've nev and they center comedy can you imagine that imagine jokes well they don't censor comedy though who knows they they don't they they haven't censored mine not you know what i'm saying they're they're like but it's like and we're the bad guys essentially but like my point is that is a crazy story it's the dynamic of power like like people say the catholic church makes these people pedophilia uh pedophiles no they have that thirst for power and they're going who in my community has that amazing power where they're looking at him as this god-like figure oh it was the priest at our catholic church that

51:23sounds like an evil choice let me give you an alternative perspective from psychologists okay there's a thing called imprinting that happens with young men in particular sexually it happens with young women as well but one of the things that can happen is young men can be sexually molested by other men when they're young and they develop this imprint the the vast majority of people who are abusers were abused themselves right and there's some horrible hijacking of the psychology of the person when you're a six-year-old boy and some grown man has in your ass there's there's something about that that it with their head especially if it happens a lot and it becomes a part of your life and the guy's nice to you as well and buys you things and does things for you and then you get older and you for whatever reason perpetrate this same horror on other kids this is

52:17something that happens what is i don't know what i think it's maybe maybe it's a combination of both right maybe you have that imprinting right and then it creates this massive void that you need filled like i think so much of everything that we do everything that people do is about filling the void and what is it that you need the void filled with dictates off how often if you're evil sometimes if you're good there are some people that are addicted to working out right there's a void there they need it filled some people addicted to eating those are the same addiction essentially but one is a lot better to have than the other you know it's like even with i mean there's even with kanye right like i see kanye as like this guy who's just wildly insecure and he's trying to justify his coolness constantly by taking things that are not cool at all and making them cool within a community

53:14within his community right so it's like everything kanye does like down to like it started with like the wasp culture i'm gonna take like preppy new england you know polos that are pink and and i'm gonna make that cool now before the hip-hop community i grew up in new york we were like yo that's some gay bro what the is that now kanye wears it's like nah you gotta look fly in this these pink waspy things in my khakis whatever then he takes grunge culture right this have you seen the right the rip sweaters and all that kind of that's seattle nirvana but he's like yo i bet i'm so cool i can make it cool right they take dad sneakers i'm so cool i could yo you think my community loves cool sneakers i'm gonna make dad sneakers cool and then what is the most uncool thing to his community what trump yeah and what does he try to make cool it's selfish is all about him

54:05all he cares is about proving that he's that dude and he takes the most uncool thing and puts it on his head and he's like yo i'm gonna make magga cool and that's when people are like at least his community was like now we're not gonna we're not gonna play with that you know what i think i think uh you know how like you have something that's supposed to take like eight volts you have like a charger yeah it's supposed to take like when you go to europe and you plug this right well like when you plug something in the wall like we have alternating current like you could have something that takes way more amperage right i think kanye has the wrong plug to the universe in in a good way okay with that motherfucker's getting like 100 volts all the time yeah so he wants to do you ever talk to him no i talked to him on the phone and it was a stream of consciousness that was so intense i was

54:55like okay now i get it i kind of go we had a long conversation he's a very nice guy yeah we had a long conversation for like 15 20 minutes on the phone which is a long conversation these days on the phone yeah who the talks to the phone anymore he does yeah but you're here i think he's getting 100 volts bro okay he's got design going through his head and new song lyrics and new fashion and all this and i think he's just catching whatever he can and holding on to it and wading through the waves to fill them yeah but i don't know joe to phil there's a little bit of that but uh with him it's almost like affirming that he's okay because he's so much different than everybody else like elon musk like a lot of other people sure what's up when he used the confederate flag do you know about his statements on that he he said that like he he used this in a quote what does he say oh react how

55:48you want any energy is good energy the confederate flag represented slavery in a way that's my abstract take on what i know about it right so i wrote this song new slaves took the confederate flag and made it my flag it's my flag now what are you gonna do now what are you gonna do right how can i take my equity and see if i'm so dope but that's also his recognition that you can take something like the n-word and use it as a positive you could do anything i mean look if if black people really decide i used to do this bit okay go ice's bit about uh do you remember when the duck dynasty guy was he was talking a lot of about gay people it's like i don't understand it i don't understand and i was like look i don't understand yellow cars what the is this if you understand it why are you wasting all your time yeah you better be nice because i go if you keep with

56:41gay people they're gonna do something and they're going to do something and you're not going to be able to take it back like what if gay people decided to take over camo and the bit was like look what they did to the rainbow they own the rainbow i go you can't wear a rainbow shirt anymore everybody's like it used to be leprechauns and pots of gold now it's dude's butt all they would have to do is start off every gay porn in a duck blind there's two dudes two dudes in camo dynasty and you get the gayest black guy in the world and camo's like something about duck hunting make me hollery yeah and some dude just drops in out of nowhere and pulls his camo down starts sucking his dick if they just had all porno in camo that's it it would turn camo into a gay thing and if black people just just went whole hog on the confederate look at them they got camo wallpaper son absolutely that's like

57:38some annie leibowitz though that's like some vanity fair cover nonsense you know that's like some organized shoot very meta those are weird they know what they're doing though these guys are smart they're by the way that's a pattern that's a bad camo pattern oh ducks the gay is like you know it's just it's not the climate for it i feel no it could be don't you remember deliverance yeah but it's square like a pig yes remember that yeah but that was that was rape yeah yeah that was game rape yeah yeah everybody says rape is not sex it's about power well then they didn't do it right they also didn't get raped again i mean power is a part of it for sure but they're just gonna them you're getting like this ain't sex bro just so we're clear bro that guy is you this is about sex and power i get it you're not gay but it still sucks people want it man that's the

58:42thing i don't know i think the kanye thing like he's just a guy who thinks way different like for whatever reasons the connections that's one of the reasons why i think this kim kardashian relationship works so well okay is because like i bet she just handles normal regular stuff and he could just be kanye yeah i mean like it seems like they're does he think that differently yeah how different no death difference different you're telling me convince me because the music is phenomenal outside of that okay it's real simple yeah have you ever been locked up at a mental institution no he has yeah they don't just lock you up bro they never locked me up yeah you know my wife never i never came home my wife has some two gorillas that are in uh those uh lab suits that are staring at me i'm like what's with the big guys oh these big guys are going to take you

59:32to a nice hospital like sir we'd like to handle this quietly what yeah yeah the i'm not going to some hospital you know i can't stop you you don't just go to the mental institute bro they they velcro you but the mental intuition doesn't mean that you're genius there's a lot of crazy people who are just crazy yeah yeah well he's definitely crazy sure but he's also but he's brilliant too see the work that comes out of that crazy is genius work right so what is it about him that allows him to be so prolific as an artist do you ever notice how prolific he is yes the guy's constantly music constantly banging out songs con he doesn't have bad albums no he's he is phenomenal at music without a doubt phenomenal at music but this is all from this energy that's inside of him he figures out how to channel that energy and put it in good ways but occasionally like it's not also it's not a

60:27coincidence it's not a coincidence that when kanye was on stage i think it was in san jose yeah and he said that he didn't vote but if he was going to vote he would have voted for trump and the crowd went crazy and they booed the out of him and then he canceled his tour and then he went to the mental health institute right all that happened together because he felt the pain of this then his response to that was to double down his response to that was to attribute qualities to trump that he doesn't even really have right and so trump in his so in a lot of ways very wise the way he handles things socially he let kanye come into the white house where that maga hat and just rant up a storm yeah so kanye could define who trump was he could define what loving trump meant sure he could define why black people should it should embrace trump he could define all this in his head to sort of justify

61:17what went wrong with him right and then trump just sits there and goes like this and lets him talk and then he leaves and trump goes what the orders a pizza gets a dick this right here that's what this is now look at that white lady with their arms crossing the back like what the look at her face look at the blonde chick right there in the center look at her face she's like okay what that's her face says okay what and kanye's like showing donald trump his phone donald trump's got his lips personal phone um amazing kushner show me some lyrics look at a devious smile on kushner's face right there dude look at that how about that dude how about the black dude sitting there like i can't believe i have to listen look at that dude's face he's like what in the do i do when i get fired from here because i know it's coming i know it's coming oh god how about the dude in the back with the

62:19beard look at the brother in the back he's like man yeah he's up you gotta be shitty ryan gosling with the boom mic oh look at that guy yes magga all the way he's like we made it i can't wait to get on gab and talk about this amazing meeting of the mines has trump reached out to you look at his face has who trump reached out to you no i'm friends with his son though like text friends really yeah he's a nice guy he's a hunter we know each other through mutual friends and one of our mutual friends who committed suicide oh so i was like you know but uh he's a nice guy i mean i don't agree with a lot of things that a lot of people that i know agree with yeah i think i think we're allowed to be reasonable and cordial with each other yes what's the matter what are you laughing at what is this jim brown was also sitting at that legend you know jim brown used to do the early

63:14commentary for the ufc really yeah man he used to wear one of them africa hats those like traditional yeah he was like he did my job for the ufc like ufc like one and two is he mma savvy no he's just a dude who knows how to people up that's true he's jim brown man yeah there was this guy yeah there look at him now the guy on his left uh our left to our left is bill's superfoot wallace okay that's a world champion kickboxer from the 80s he's a legend in the kickboxing world there he is jim brown i just started uh uh taking a couple kickboxing yeah classes trying to learn you got a good frame for it yeah i use the box right so it's like the the most hum first of all it's nice to have something to like want to get better at that has nothing to do with career sure that's really fun you know but uh the the interesting thing about the kicking aspect of it is uh

64:07when i when i would see guys learning how to box like the hook is a tough punch for people to get right because it's something you almost have to kind of like pop right and people try to throw it instead of let your body throw it and that's who i am with kicks i feel the like the exact same person i've been trying to teach how to throw it's just my body doesn't want to let the legs go does that make sense yeah yeah i'm not sure whipping yeah you know um i can help you yeah yeah i used to teach yeah i see that you do a lot and i could definitely help you with that yeah you know what the thing the way to do it is you do it slow right yeah you do it slow and you don't try to hit anything hard yeah when you try to hit things hard then you tense up and you like yeah everything's all herky-jerky and goofy yeah the key to learning how to kick is to do it slow

64:56slow it's a big part of it yeah yeah yeah it's a you don't try to smash you just try to like get your torque right right in your body right make sure you're pivoting off your bottom foot you know the support foot has to pivot almost with every kick basically yeah with every kick your support foot pivots support one is the one that i'm standing on yeah yeah yeah that standing foot has to constantly it has to go you have to be you have to be planted right but you also have to be able to move with it it's like a coordinated dance yes that's why timing and kicks is so difficult because you gotta you gotta time it and then you gotta twist your body in right at the same time but everything's gotta work in in coordination it's got to work in concert such a cool i i think kickboxing's got to be the worst marketed sport in the world i know that's what i say do you it's the greatest sport it's me

65:46it's like for stand-up fighting yeah it's the best of what there's a company called glory okay and i've been trying the japanese one no no they're american all right uh i'm sorry uh from the netherlands i think they're from holland um find out where they're from okay but they're international they do a lot of events here in america right but they're on ufc fight pass and i think they're on espn too what the headquarters are in singapore singapore oh that's interesting that's new they might have got bought out could have moved there too okay so they're trying to do it some of the best fights you'll ever watch in your life i watch on i have a in my studio in my gym i have apple tv and i'll watch um glory on it's like an app okay ufc fight pass okay and i'll watch it and some amazing fights so why can't they mark most people don't know because dana white has a really good point

66:34in the 1980s where that bill superfoot wallace guy was fighting he was actually before that he was in the late the 70s and then into the 80s there was a thing called pka karate and it was on espn and it was terrible it was uh kickboxers who were basically like not the best kickers and not the best boxers and then it was like kind of goofy and clunky there's a few guys like rick the jet rufus and some really popular guys who are really good that were also doing it at the same time but for the most part it was just terrible to watch right it was boring as and then you'd watch boxing you'd see mike tyson at the same time all right so mike tyson's on tv marvin hagler's on tv and you're watching these guys and these guys are like out of shape and yeah so he tainted the well a little bit you're saying a lot yeah a lot yeah it's and muay thai for whatever reason i mean

67:27you go to muay thai events and uh they're rabid and it's like a very deep community of people that really understand and appreciate the sport yeah they'll play the thai music and the world of hong kong on their head they bow to their trainer and they got their biceps throwing elbows and smashing and kicking legs and it's amazing to watch the same thing as kickboxing more or less more the hardest it's the hardest of all of them more elite version of kickboxing yeah because it's elbows and knees and a lot of clinch work and a lot of dumping where they trip you and slam you to the ground and and they kick you on the way down too they'll like if you're go they'll throw you into the ropes and if you're still on your way down you're getting punted in the head yeah yeah i mean and it's legal it's a hard sport man it's just you feel as hard as it comes i don't know you

68:16feel like we could get people to get behind i mean even for me you would have to have some sort of an epic change in the way we view things but to me it's way more exciting than football like if those football players all decided to do muay thai it would be better for their brains right believe it or not to be a fighter and two you would see these elite athletes smashing each other so let's talk about the incredible i want to talk about because i was talking to brendan about this and then and izzy uh izzy came on uh one of my podcasts um and we were talking about when when are the illegals is he uh out of sonia oh yeah yeah yeah yeah oh style bender yes taliban shot the style vendor man that's my guy man i love him he's the he's like beast he's a perfect example of of the style that is so exciting to watch his opponent he's fighting this dude yeah kelvin gastelum who is one of the

69:10elite of the elite out there as well wrestler short stocky blasting striker good wrestling these wrestlers have tough power in the world they're tough as but they have power it's it's a unique thing because sometimes the jiu jitsu guys don't have power with the hands but these wrestlers it seems like they all have power and i was asking uh some folks around and they were like it's core everything some of them yeah some of them but like ben askren who's probably one of the best wrestlers in the sport doesn't have any power nothing does he even try yeah but he's just about getting you to the ground you up right he's just he just has such unbelievable confidence and he should he's undefeated in his wrestling yeah that he just concentrates on absorbing whatever he can and grabbing you what is his i mean like maybe i'm just such a you know uh newbie to this but like i don't understand his

70:09his leverage point like what his his skill is is he's he's so strong that his is it his grip like what is not doing physical strength it's technique it's an understanding of it you got to think of wrestling the same way you would think of chess like if you only know a few moves you're not going to beat a guy who knows all the moves he knows all the moves so once he's locked with you you defend and you think oh i'm gonna stuff i'm gonna dig in my hooks i'm gonna pummel under here and i'm gonna defend he already knows you're gonna do that so he's so he's shooting waiting for you to pummel as you're pummeling he's switching to the inside he's tripping you he's grabbing all your legs in this really awkward way he's rolling back because he knows your weight is going to be going in a certain direction he's anticipating several steps ahead and he has international wrestling competition

71:01experience which is just next level he's wrestling these guys from russia and iran and some of the best wrestlers in the world he there's levels to this thing levels his levels it's in a but the same you could say about stylebender see the thing about stylebender is he's an elite kickboxer he lost the glory middleweight title in a very controversial decision to jason wilnes who was one of the elite of the elite one of the best guys out there so stylebender competed at the highest level of one of the most difficult combat sports in the world and in that world he's known as a precision artist right in that world he's a technician he's not like there's some guys that are just thugs they got a good low kick they get a good shell they throw bombs they're willing to brawl they know a few things they know how to pump the double jab and lead and get that inside leg

71:55kick in yeah style bender's a different animal he's switching stances on you yeah he's hitting you with upward elbows setting things up i notice him with the faints dude he he people up there's a video of him the the one when he went into god mode that i had on my instagram that lawrence kenshin broke down dude he people up man yeah yeah yeah and he people up in an artistic way too the way he picks his shots yeah he just knows what you're going to do before you know what you're going to do and he has several steps so he has that same level of skill that ben askren possesses in wrestling he has in kickboxing what is more valuable on in an open business right here like you stand in front of this dude watching he's setting him up looking for the moves waiting to see how the guy responds and then hit watch this slam send it and he walks away the walk away ko one of the most devastating

72:49psychological maneuvers of all time yeah he's a special guy but there's no one thing that's better that's the most effective form wrestling because of the best wrestler can dictate where the fight takes place the best wrestler can get a hold of a guy and drag him down like khabib nurmagomedov who might be the best fighter in the world he's the ufc lightweight champion and what stands out about him is that he can get a hold of guys and once he does they can't do jack about it he's not the best striker in the world but he's good enough so you have to be scared of him on the feet because he dropped conor mcgregor right i mean he's he can tag you he can you up he's got power he's not guys out but more importantly that's to set up the clinch and then once he gets to the clinch you're his that's it then you're going for a ride you're getting slammed and then you're getting the beaten

73:39out of you on the ground and you're getting strangled and that's just how it goes but he has he has the full skill package like he can strike with you he can submit you but his grappling is what allows that to take place now with stylebender stylebender's grappling allows him to stay up on the feet see he's a very good grappler in terms of his ability to get back up and his ability to stuff the tape he's got the sprawl he's got whatever yeah not just sprawl but he gets the out of there he pushes your head he pops his legs out he kicks back and then he punishes you on the way out take that with you yeah great distance yes it's a different i know this is different like with the the the sports that involve legs but like you guys fight it at a further distance of course you have to yeah and but it also makes you you know susceptible for counters in a way like like when when conor was

74:32fighting floyd my biggest concern for conor was not speed or counter punching it was the distance that you're gonna be able to counter and when when conor caught floyd he caught floyd a couple times in the beginning i think one was a left uppercut he called floyd that was shocking to me because i was surprised that he had boxing counter punching speed the distance is half yeah compared to a kick sport yeah i would say if we're standing what two three feet away from each other in kickboxing it's one and a half in boxing right so to cut that distance in half and still have the counter punching ability was impressive yeah i mean well he's doing a lot of lower level boxing in the gym when you get up to that level it's a different game floyd mayweather's on a completely different planet than anybody else he's the greatest great of all time yeah that's what meaning like i think he's better at

75:29boxing than stephen hawking is at astrophysics ah you might be right look he's 50-0 the connor it does count even though it probably shouldn't right i mean it was a real boxing match but it was a guy that had zero professional boxing matches uh but he did get tagged conor ken punch he's a good fighter he's a very good mixed martial arts fighter but the thing about floyd is that floyd is the best at not getting hit no one's better so i've been tagged really tagged like three times four times in his whole career i can name him five times yeah it's sugar shane mosley yep my donna the end of the fourth round yep um the other ones are earlier right hook was a wicked man he was great his dad was a kickboxer that's right he came from that uh what is his name something something dude i forget his name but all guys yeah and then uh demarcus chop chop corley oh that's right i forgot him oh

76:20yeah yeah it was um yeah yeah my my pops was like a massive boxing fan he used to like go to ali's uh he was a journalist back in the days to cover like ali in his fights and so like that's why i kind of came up you know generationally watching boxing so that's awesome yeah dude it was like i mean some of the best moments you know what else floyd has going for him that uh the best jiu jitsu guys have going for him is that he's not physically powerful like the best jiu jitsu guys are smaller people right because the smaller people learn how to use leverage and technique and they can't muscle things whereas if you're like a 250 pound gorilla you're somebody getting a football player dude and you're like man i want to learn some jiu jitsu yeah like you don't ever have to be on your back right now like i was talking shop about that because shops thinking about doing

77:04jujitsu again yeah cause i was telling him i got back into it recently i'm really enjoying it and he's like i don't know i go just roll off your back man to be a big guy with a guard no big guys have guard it's so rare right because big guys just get little guys on the ground and they they have a nasty top game but then when they find themselves on their back a lot of them are turtles right they don't know what to do yeah it's it's a technique thing a little guy has to learn perfect precision technique because they don't have that exercise like a point guard in the nba floyd has weak hands he's broken his hands many times and even though he's capable of knocking guys out it's with precision decisions he's not gonna knock you out like a john the beast mugabe would or a francis and gonna would or a a a real power puncher joe smith there's guys who just get you to the

77:54cage or in the in against the ropes and just smash yeah uncanny some of these guys it's just raw power and it's yeah he floyd is all precision and he's all like one of the most fun things for me is watching floyd in the first round and watching him take away your life yeah like i like to see him take away a fighter's confidence yeah right like he knew that moseley was gonna get off with the jabber at least he knew mostly thought that he was gonna get off with the jab and there's a moment even in the first round i know he gets tagged with that overhand right but there's a moment where mosley mosley pops the the left jab and floyd sees it steps back slightly and then comes straight over the right and that moment you could see shane know that there's nothing he can do because floyd has timed the jab and countered it directly so now your jab is done right now i've lopped off

78:53one of your arms i've literally just cut it off now you got to open up with the right you're not going to do anything to me just straight right i mean i got the philly shell it's over yeah it's like seeing him take pieces away from a fighter it's i just i love floyd man well he learned how to i'm the biggest super young age too and his dad was a wizard his dad when he was young fought sugar ray leonard in a very good fight when sugar ray was in his prime good pedigree man yeah comes from good pedigree they know how to do it they're smart fighters uncles roger mayweather black mamba yeah you know his brother was a man i used to love watching his brother fight back in the or his uncle rather i still love watching his uncle fight he would fight on like abc like whatever television shows were having boxing on television during the day yeah maybe it was abc i don't remember but yeah

79:39like that family he grew up boxing and he also got to see the things that people do wrong you know and here's another thing that floyd has gone for him conditioning unfathomably he's always in tremendous shape always just always in shape i think it's a hustle when you see him eating the the mcdonald's and no he's that he eats that you think 100 regularly 100 you can eat that it's just carbohydrates it's just the thing about that like either eating sugar or uh like he'll drink a soda after a workout he's working out for two and a half hours so you can take some sugar dude not only can you take some sugar there's an argument that that kind of sugar is not bad for you after you have a brutal workout dude when i was we did this sober october challenge yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah sorry man dude already looked phenomenal so funny i saw him in new york i was like dude you had absolutely nothing

80:29ari was going to be my biggest competition too because he looks so tired in his face like his head is just exhausted yeah he's like yeah so tired of this but his body was short shredded yeah yeah what is this chad johnson he always eats mcdonald's he's doing it while he's working out right here yeah yeah dude you can do that yeah it's all in how much you exercise now that's not all he eats let's go chad obviously he's eating healthy food on top of that yeah but if he feels like off and getting a big mac he can do that and there's no no performance benefit right no no penalty yeah yeah you can do it so when floyd does that he is doing that yeah he really is eating that nonsense is chad still working out it's his comedy what does he do with himself these days so what he'll do is i mean he'll like play guys and like play guys in fifa online he's a great follower on twitter it's hilarious oh

81:26yeah i follow him it's like hit like a girl will post a picture and then he'll say what's wrong with the picture like it should be smoking hot be like yeah but your shades are 30 dollars like you know don't put so much money into your outfit when the blinds in your house are 30 like he'll just nitpick little things like dude he's hilarious but his um my guesstimation is um this is his comedy like remember you're saying yeah yeah he used to sleep at the arena or at least at the stadium he when he played he was obsessed with it he loved the sport he was talking about fighting anderson silva at one time no no he's crazy yeah he's talking about crazy fighting that's football player anderson when he was in his prime i think he has martial arts skill though i'm not used to the box yeah nice little southpaw is actually he's great see how do you find him hitting the pads or hitting the bag

82:18yeah because i think he has real martial arts skill like legit martial arts well that's the questions like when are these elite athletes going to enter mma damn well they are but in small who's the small numbers well jon jones is absolutely an elite athlete but he's got a 20-inch vertical uh yeah how elite he's got small calves but the fact that he has those small calves allows him to be six foot four and 205 pounds right you're saying if he was bottom heavy he'd be 250 yeah he'd be a different weight which he could be by the way he could be a heavyweight he could bulk up and go up to heavyweight but he's got like weird calf genetics his calves are tiny but the thing is you don't have to jump that much in mma and he can hit you in the face with a flying knee right but the what he knows how to do and what he can do physically in terms of his wrestling right and his

83:10ability to close the distance and smash guys and time people he's an elite athlete i mean i think he could he could have done his his two brothers play nfl here he is there you go here's chad sparring a little but he's in blue right yeah still can't be touched he says well he's a southpaw yeah so let's see this good head movement yeah for sure i like the way it moves hands down though ridiculous see the duty sparring though we don't know about him that guy might be terrible yeah you know i mean the guy didn't once try to go to the body he didn't duck in you know when someone's moving their head around like that just smash their ribs you go right after go out through the arms yeah hit those arms that's what they try to do with floyd man yeah good luck yep no flaws in the game no no no no you can't point one thing it's like we're talking about with ben

84:12askren that when a guy is a super elite wrestler yeah you think you're going to do something but he knows you think you're going to do something so he does it you do what you were going to do he anticipates what you're going to do he has an answer to that and then you have to regroup and he's already moving on to step three like there's too many steps that he's ahead of you can there be a guy like with him that you don't engage on the ground like you just kind of jab stay on the outside right now yeah for sure look robbie lawler uh almost took ben askren out in his last fight it wasn't ben's mental toughness and his ability to endure punishment most guys would have probably gone unconscious there yeah but stylebender like a guy like stylebender would be one of the worst nightmares for a guy like ben askren right because he's super difficult to take down and on the feet

84:58he's not going to do anything stupid right you're going to move forward and try to grab a hold of him and you're just going to eat knuckle sandwich after knuckle sandwich and he's going to slowly chop at your legs whack yeah and you're going to feel that low calf kick whack you're gonna feel the inside of your thigh yeah you're gonna try to walk off the pain you'll switch stances because it starts to hurt whack he didn't recognize you switch his stances he attacks the other leg now both your legs are up yeah he he comes down the middle with a knee to the solar plexus now you're hurting trying to play it off it's just a matter of doing his game in his in stylebender's game his game is keep the fight standing right you up and then ben askrens it's grab a hold of you you up right drag you to the ground you up it's a matter of like who who's better at the weak aspect of the other person's

85:50game right yeah yeah how can i take advantage yeah it's a great and no one could be the best at everything so some like mma math is a notoriously difficult thing to do like say say if uh if jamie beats me but i beat you but you beat jamie yeah like that happens but that's that's mma math it's crazy but we always say that with like you know fights yeah but it doesn't work with floyd see in boxing that styles make fights only go so far with mma it's it's because the sport's more comprehensive because there's more skills there's more different things happening it's football compared to basketball right it's like there's more there's more tools that can be used in here that can offset what's going on whereas basketball the warriors are going to beat any team four out of seven games that's just gonna happen i don't know about basketball or football so i'm

86:45just guessing you could be a superstar like there's no one position in football that can change the game um there's so many yeah no i think the quarterback is overrated and to be honest with you i think the most important position is offensive defensive line well i'm always amazed at tom brady's body how regular it is super super eggs super regular but they get it that whole that team gets it they like like i think tom brady is like 15th highest paid quarterback in the league it's like right but if you look at a elite athlete's body right i want to see a dude who's built like camaro usman yes the ufc welterweight champion yeah that's an elite out you look at him and go oh he's not an elite athlete he looks like a ufc champion he's not illegal when you hit well greatest quarterback of all time whoa and that way to see this guy without yeah i mean what makes that guy so

87:45special that's the thing it's like sometimes you know sometimes going on yeah he's up here and i think you know he's got a lot of it up here and he works hard it's like you know sometimes the greatest aren't putting a picture of him next to camaro usman you know you know what it is it's like sometimes having all the natural tools is a to your detriment yes look at that yeah bro come on simple yeah like a leopard yeah he's ready yeah ben askren's similar too yeah he's got a little muffins he's got a little muffins ben askren's got even worse pull up a picture come down and wait ben askren because he doesn't want to and he's got it like that i don't give a hey he feels like he's so much better as a wrestler that everybody else is give me an image yeah go to like his abdomen yeah look at that i mean he's got abs he's got leslie underneath that uh that's from one fc he looks even worse now

88:49yet winning yeah there he goes i mean that is not that's tom brady man the ideal male combat body you would think that's not what the ideal combat body looks like but he'll up there's a picture of him with camaro usman there but he's got a shirt on yeah usman is lucky lucky for him but like this is just some guys that like okay francis and ghana is a perfect example yeah some guys look like a destroyer yeah they just look like a destroyer yeah and ghana was like six five two hundred maybe more than six five sometimes those guys like i think you were saying earlier about the about the uh jujitsu right like and it's not just in in this it's in anything like sometimes the guys with all the natural ability they don't have the the work ethic to be the greatest because it comes so easy yeah you know it's like like we we all know comics that are like so funny hanging out and

89:46they're okay on stage yep and it's i think it's because comedy comes so easy to them they don't hit the gym yeah you know what i mean like maybe it's you need that like jordan almost like sociopathic approach to it yeah where like like we were having this conversation earlier is like huh like do you think jordan's happy i don't think he's happy remember when he was inducted abducted abducted inducted into the hall of fame i thought you about to tell me he was an abducted in plain sight and i was like bro if this guy from jordan too he is the goat do you remember when he was inducted into the hall of fame and he was talking about writers yeah he was talking about writers yeah he wasn't thanking his coaches and his teammates and it's been an amazing ride and i feel so blessed and fortunate no he's still like you remember when you said that you 1993 your sports illustrated issue you said

90:44my shoes look shitty yeah well that's his furnace some people have some people need that as a furnace like they need that that competitive drive you know and like i feel like i feel like that happens when you don't derive joy from what you do you know like you derive joy from that outcome you're obsessed with outcome you know like at least for me everything before was outcome right it was like i'm good if if i get a special i'm good if right i'm doing these things or i'm good if i kill and the second i i was stripped of the opportunity to do those things i actually found like i loved creating more and then whatever the outcome was was extra does that make sense right yeah i think it's a happier path i think so too but i don't know if it's the path to greatness as much as the path of the psychopath especially when it comes to competitive sports 100 something about

91:48the best athletes they all miserable how they they have a self-loathing they and they also have an ego and they have this this anger towards the competition yeah like if you beat them but they they would say that if you beat jordan in the game yeah anything hate you playing again yeah but he needs it right it's because he operates on i'm not good enough and if i beat you then he goes all right i was good enough i don't even know if it's that he thinks he's not good enough is that he knows he can get you don't quit i'm going to get you why does he need to get you i don't know he needs to because it's like he needs to confirm something maybe right i need to confirm it's constant confirmation i need to confirm confirm that great confirm confirm where it's not that he doesn't believe he's great is that he wants to confirm it constantly it's a little shadow of a doubt he's

92:37like i'm great i'm great he's walking around great and there's a little voice in his head that's going hey you might not be that great how about when he played baseball that wanted to prove yeah you know the hardest thing in sports hitting a baseball it's the hardest thing and he just jumped from basketball to baseball and was people act like he was trash he wasn't even that bad he hit like 250. no no no no no no no no no no the baseball card i'm looking at says he was 302. not that maybe what it might be for that's for none 185 out of 6 15 at-bats bro we're talking about the hardest thing in sports is hitting a basement the fact that he i mean there's a bunch of rumors and why he even went into baseball in the first place but like that's it's that psychology mentality right that's something people say is gambling some people say you know there's there's a bunch of

93:33different things i don't want to you know put out there because i don't know but like it's one of those i think there is a balance man i think that you could i think if you truly love what you do like if you love the creative aspect and then you have high standards for yourself then you can achieve both yeah i think that achieving quote-unquote greatness um and living with misery i don't think that's worth it no i don't think that's worth it for you it's like you got one shot at this man like this this life man like you got one shot at it try to figure it the out and it takes time to figure the out but it's one of those things you can't even really explain to people but if you can i'm approaching this point in my life where like yeah i think i i get it does that make sense like how old you know 35 yeah and like it's like my buddy explains it like this he's

94:26like there's these different phases in life he's like there's none of them is better or worse than the other but you know there's this vegetable phase where you're like just going to work and then you're coming home right and uh you don't think about anything then there's a why phase right which is what gets us into comedy a lot of us we start asking why it's about stupid like why do i have to have breakfast in the morning or like whatever it is which is why and then there's the phase which a lot of the discussion is on on this show and a lot of comedy operates is which is everything is and isn't not everything is or isn't right right right it's like what where you operate and why people are drawn to this right and why people are drawn to maybe my stand up and other things is we're shaking the foundation of the world we're showing that the world isn't

95:12one way you're not either good or bad right everybody and everything is both the maga hat is so offensive to women right because it stands for these offensive things it's like well what about the viking helmet yeah like they did some up to women didn't they right we wear that every sunday for vikings games and then people go all right so two things can be true or two things can be false you know and like that that place where like comedy nuance where comedy lives and the conversation lives you know yeah that is an amazing place that not everybody gets to well that's what's so offensive about progressive fake comedy is that they're pretending the world's binary it's one and zero and you have to punch up all comedy is punching up i had a conversation with this guy who wrote a book once because there's no gray there's no right it's it's black or white right so

96:03without gray they don't even believe there's great like you and i take for granted that we understand there's gray yeah we truly understand it we truly get it like and that's why we can have a conversation about maybe some of the most vile things and try to put context into it or nuance as you were saying yeah you know what i'm saying yes that conversation tons of people are going to write comments are you of this yeah and then the other side is going to go you are there yeah it's so problematic that you're talking about yes so why why can we do that what makes us able to do that what do we understand about the world that allows us to do that and how do we you can't tell people things you have to show them how can we show that humor i think that's it i think that's i think that's why we're the first person's killed when a dictatorship takes over the comedians yeah the philosopher's

97:02comedians like anybody who goes hey look at the world this way like get them the out of here right stop mocking stop making people think a little bit well also the thing about comedy is i've always said that if you can make someone laugh about something you force them to think about it if you're just on stage spouting your opinions like one of the real problems that i have with a lot of what they're calling comedy where they're just waiting for applause breaks when you say something bro claptor intersectional you know ideas must be approached with the same they're abusing congress i know what you're doing yeah that they're doing is they're doing it's their time well they can do whatever the they want with it but i know the difference it's it's a it's a hack they've like they've figured out a way to like make a shortcut but it's not stand-up it's something else

97:48it's like you're just expressing opinions but if you're just on stage saying your opinions on things i can be in the audience going well i don't agree with that i have a different opinion but if you're on stage saying something that makes me laugh even though i don't agree with your philosophy bullfighting yeah that's that's when it gets you like if you're a hardcore republican trump supporter and someone does a joke about trump that makes you laugh you're like god damn it he got me it's god that's the game the second you tell me i can't joke around about something that's what i want to joke around about yeah now you just gave me the bull and there's this thing in bullfighting where if you put a little bull out there the crowd booze oh right because they want a dangerous bull yes it's not fair and that's how comics feel when we see you doing easy jokes

98:38we're booing we don't we don't say it out loud but in our head we're like yes they're all gonna laugh at a joke about how women are smarter than men yeah because there's a bunch of dudes trying to get that are at that show with the girl they're trying to get for exactly exactly yeah you know so it's like how do you it's putting it's it's that world where it operates in and then the next thing is i think which i'm not there yet but i get glimpses and it's like from nothing comes everything you know like for me i remember for the show in the comedy store in l.a when you walked in like that was crazy for me because obviously any comic you're you know watching this show and you're seeing and you're like man it would be so cool one day to be on joe rogan's podcast right and then but it was nothing i would ever ask for because i stopped asking i stopped feeling entitled to anything

99:35i just decided like when you walked in i was like this is awesome because i never expect see what i'm saying i only do the that i want to do because i can control that and if i just worry about expecting or wanting that i can't control be miserable right so and you walked in and you did the show and you're like you're like hey i heard some good stuff i want to check it out and i was like that's unreal and i was overwhelmed because i never expected and even in that moment i wouldn't ask you to come on and i didn't care if i didn't come on i didn't give a because i was so grateful that that had happened it was almost like i was just true to comedy and all i wanted to do was good comedy and the that's how it opens up the universe's that's it that's it that's it if you especially in this world the world that we live in if you're doing real people find out about it

100:30i hear about you i heard about you through several people and i was like really oh okay cool let me check them out and then i saw some of your online i'm like ah i could tell there's people that are doing the real thing they're out there really doing comedy and they're trying to make things funny and they're talking about controversial subjects and talking about different things and their perspective in life and they're not worried about the industry's opinion of them and what you said was so true that in the day everybody was trying to get a sitcom man and that's all they were doing they were doing these acts like you would get actors who would get into comedy just so they could put together a seven minute set yeah so they could get a sitcom off of it and then they would stop doing stand-up it was a lot of that but that world dried up when the sitcom dried up

101:16yes and it happened right around the time that fear factor kicked yeah because when fear factor kicked in reality tv show squashed all these sitcoms yes you know which was really funny because some people were it was i had an argument with a comic about that and he's like man i just think it's up that you're you're doing a reality tv show and supporting reality tv i go why he goes because it takes jobs away from comics that write on sitcoms i go hey man i go first of all they're not writers on sitcoms they're taking a job writing on sitcoms while they're doing stand-up comedy they're comics okay i'm taking a job making people eat animal dicks while i'm doing coffee right the difference is i'm still doing comedy yes and these are just looking for some sort of gravy train to ride off into the sunset right there if the show was good people would watch

102:06it instead of these reality shows simple and then it wouldn't exist anymore but there was so many bad sitcoms that it opened the door to real housewives and all these other things and the next thing you know name me name me three said comes go that are on right now oh can i take it one step further yeah there'll never be another hit sitcom again it probably won't it is over it's probably over and i'm walking around my the agency that i'm with uh yesterday and i'm talking to people and they don't get it no bro if i felt like christian bale in the big short i'm just walking around are you it's over it's over do you guys not know like we need to write a show around you i'm like guys guys guys there's no more you know what's really over go you ever look at the ratings for late night television oh okay it's done it's crazy bro this is why this wife's pushing like

102:56you just put your clips up put your clips up instagram everything look everything that i've that i've done it's for comics like don't think that like you're copying or anything like that it's for you look at the blueprint yeah copy it improve it tell me how you improve it but empower yourself that's what this is for the bloopers putting things up on you putting things up youtube instagram twitter like any and like i have a lot of comments to reach out and just ask questions about i'm here as a resource for you comedy is at its best when we are helping each other and new york doesn't get that right now just yet well there's less opportunity that's that's it you know what happened in l.a but the sitcom you're yeah dude it is so done this is how you know you know how i know it's done what is your favorite scene in a sitcom or what top five scene just a scene you loved in a

103:44sitcom even though i was in a sitcom for five years yeah i never really watched them sure okay fair enough well i watched unbreakable kimmy schmidt yeah that's a single camera that doesn't it's a little different because there's like no audience but like here anybody's listening right now right like you can think of one of your favorite scenes right try to think of how that episode began you don't know try to think about how it ended you don't know right because the narrative was never important the narrative was to fill 30 minutes of time the only thing that was important were the five sketches that filled that 30 minutes of time 22 minutes or 20 22 yeah exactly so so it's like those five sketches don't have to have that narrative right right so right now you really just need four or five friends that are doing the same kind of funny we're already seeing the new sitcom

104:29right now it's already existing well on instagram it's just not a good art form you know if you watch like the big bang or two and a half man or any of those and those are grandfathered in right it's like that came from the time when it was there but like they weren't they're not entertaining they certainly don't stand up like that's also why netflix kicked in with a lot of their dramas because they can get away with things on stranger things or on ozark they can get away with you just could never do on regular television it's way more wild it's way more raw it's like you're watching a better movie they not only does because it used to be that if you did film you didn't want to do television because television sucked right like television you're doing airwolf or something like that you're doing some terrible drama it's it's obvious you see it coming a mile away yeah it's made for

105:16morons yeah right yeah or you know you did film and if you did film boy you had a chance to work with some of the most amazing directors and do these incredible pieces but netflix came along and and really was before netflix sopranos laid the blueprint exactly soprano yeah the wire i didn't watch the wire but it did the same sort of thing right they created a new movie every week and it all went together and it lasted a hundred hours right and so you're like oh my god well regular movies is so shallow i'm not even getting into the characters right yeah this guy's ten years later you see him ten years later in the same movie right and he's got a beard now how the is this this is terrible and and why is it because movies got so expensive to make you couldn't take risks on stories that we didn't already know about yeah movies became 200 million right 100 million now

106:09if i go to you and i'm like okay give me 200 million to make a movie about it's this uh mob guy and he's kind of got like some anxiety you're like are you out of your mind right exactly but if i say give me 200 million to make a movie about marvel it's like oh that is an existing fan base yeah is it based on a book or a comic so right now the only movies we see are either big budget that have a built-in audience or three million dollar comedy yeah right that middle ground right there that used to be awesome movies tv yeah so now tv is the it's all these dope stories like breaking bad should have been a movie right but they turned that into a tv show way better way better yeah and they were restricted because it's cable it wasn't hbo right and they had commercials and all that stupid yeah i mean what happened was with comics was the internet came along and all of a sudden

107:01there was these this wealth of avenues where comedians could show their work whereas before you were limited by the gatekeepers yes the gatekeepers were either sitcoms and the sitcoms was what everybody wanted to get because if you got a sitcom then you were all set you were jerry seinfeld or you were roseanne and then it became something along the line russell and you like both guys russell peters in particular yeah became gigantic selling out arenas from youtube that's where it came he put little clips of his came up and if you ever met russell he's one of the most generous guys in the world super generous i know 10 comics whose rent he's paid he's the best he's just such a great guy but he's also a guy that recognizes that you got to give some back you got to be and this just has his personality he's just a gregarious outgoing guy all these podcasts that popped up people

107:55realize like hey you know we're not in competition with each other like jay leno and david letterman were because everybody wanted the tonight show spot right now there's a thousand tonight shows and if you have the tonight show and i have the tonight show i'm like hey you should check out andrew's tonight show it's great like this is okay this is the tonight show you're carson but we figured out a way you're carson now do you know that right that's the difference that's the shift that's why netflix can't even compete netflix is done they're not done done what are you talking about you see charlie wilson's war no movie about uh tom hanks movie about america getting involved with the afghan conflict i think the afghanistan war doesn't really matter but the idea is this they're fighting the russians the afghanis right so the americans go okay boom give them a 5 000 rocket launcher and

108:42they're going to shoot down a 5 million dollar helicopter and eventually russia just won't be able to compete right netflix pays a hundred million dollars to aaron sorkin or whoever to make a tv show right right that distracts you for two hours right youtube pays zero million dollars to joe rogan and jamie to make a podcast that distracts you for two hours every day netflix cannot compete but it's a different animal you gotta realize first of all they have way more people than just me they also are putting together something that requires a lot of money to create so if you enjoy films yes or if you enjoy a show like ozark sure stranger things long for narrative it takes a lot of money to make those things or special effects there's camera people and makeup people in here there's a lot of lock on short writers directors and producers and actors and it's a giant

109:38tent filled with people but people aren't watching it you know what they're watching a lot of people are watching that they're watching friends no no no no no no no dude there's a reason they friends is terrible bro it doesn't matter if it's terrible as jamie the most two most viewed shows on netflix right now netflix doesn't own okay netflix isn't even trying to make money anymore they're getting bought out it's facebook uh amazon up by who they want to that's the goal the strategy now they're 10 billion in debt there's no way they can make money they're 10 billion billion billion but they make hundreds of millions of dollars a month like how many people do they have on board how many subscribers do they have that are paying nine dollars as far as i know they don't share that information they're killing it in terms of subscribers but they're 10 billion in

110:18debt they just took on another 2 billion right when i say netflix is done i'm speaking when any time i make declarations i'm speaking in the future right i'm like we prepare now for the future right so it's like well how are they here it goes netflix will keep friends through next year and 100 million dollars 100 million dollars right for one year of friends and then the office too you know what that is though that's like nostalgia nostalgia right yeah so all viewing right now is nostalgia not all viewing no if you look at tv right what did great this these this past years in tv right the oj trial and fx what is that i remember i was when the oj thing came out did that do that great killed it really won all the awards everything uh the versace story which is another thing like what am i that out of the loop i'm just doing 39 million 139 million subscribers paying 10

111:05a month is that what it is how much degree something like that maybe even more maybe 11. how much does it cost uh i just bumped it up to 12 i think 12 bucks a month sure that ladies and gentlemen is a load of income sure so they got a lot coming in but they're spending a lot too because they're trying to 130 they're trying to overtake all the others and then they got jeff bezos you know captain money bags up there scrooge mcduck right he's trying to do the same thing facebook should buy which is where i saw you right on uh yeah i was like andrew but that's the thing bezos can lose money on this because he's making tons of money on paper towels i wonder how much he is losing because he's got a lot of series that ain't nobody watching on that i put it out there but he's doing something that's even more weird okay because there's no one watching those shows yeah there's a ton

111:49of shows on amazon that no one's watching yeah i would like to see their numbers because i bet they have some shows they might they might have spent a million dollars to make and have like four viewers yeah there's no one watching these shows they were just going after awards their thing was we're gonna make the artsy as hollywood's gonna give us a grammy or something like that and then it will like qualify our platform it's a smart approach like youtube's approach was the exact opposite right we're like we're just going to create the stuff that we think people want to watch well youtube doesn't create much they did a little and they took down the paywall like my thing my guess with youtube is they're waiting for netflix you know that scene in the movie where like that somebody's caught in like um enclosed space and water starts coming in and the water gets right up to like his lips

112:36you know he's like he's trying to breathe a little bit more and i think youtube just is gonna be the one to pour the last drop of water well i think it's such a different thing i think you're talking about two totally different things because netflix is never aimed to be a user-created content streaming site right right they're not but at the end of the day it's just distraction i think i think that's what we got to start looking at content as right is just raw distraction and netflix occupies a space for distraction that's smaller than youtube so i can watch a two-hour thing on youtube at home on my tv i can watch a two-minute thing on the bus says i'm going to work on youtube you know i can watch a 15-minute you know peace like vlog or something like that i can watch all the whole spectrum netflix i'm really just watching at home or like if i'm on a trip

113:24you know what i mean it's really i'm not watching a two-minute thing on netflix right you know what i mean it's it is the for now don't get me wrong it's absolutely the for now right but if i was being if i'm putting my money on it i would say if i'm facebook i buy it and then imagine having your facebook feed you just watch the show and then you get to share it immediately on your facebook if i was facebook i'd be super careful about buying anything because i think the government's been thinking about breaking them up for a while and elizabeth warren is already talking about that that's one of the parts of her platform and running for president is breaking up apple breaking up facebook breaking up twitter she wants to break up all these things she thinks are monopoly what's your feeling on that get the out of here with that she is goofy man she's goofy as

114:13what's up the uh disney takeover of 21st century fox takes place i think next week the 20th yeah they're gonna put out their own streams everything they've just they've bought like everything except for fox news and fox sports yeah took over all of their production movie facilities like 5 000 people might be losing their job because but all that content is coming off of netflix all those marvel shows all that is going to come over to them really so now they're going to have a nice man wonder why if that's why they've been cancelling all these marvel shows why would i keep investing in something that right you're going to take off like i'm going to build up a brand and then you're going to remove it right you own it so they got all the kids movies you're a dad yeah what i mean dude i go to disneyland twice a year at least what you're gonna not have a streaming disney program

114:58apple's also starting their streaming service soon right isn't it like tomorrow or some no one knows when but there's a bunch of tons of rumors are coming out today yeah you know what it's like you know the perestroika like what happened in russia like where the overnight you know it fell and they sold off the state assets like a few people and everybody came billionaires right that's what's happening right now in entertainment dude people don't realize it but like it's done like the days of the days of like fame being about distance are done distance distance like i'm johnny depp i'm gonna go to way to my like little home somewhere in the alps and you will see me twice a year you know and i'm weird oh marlon brando i'm i'm out here i'm weird i'm different you know it's like now it's proximity there's a reason why no value in being weird anymore bro

115:43marlon brando tyler perry has an island bro really that's interesting have you been invited no no that's up i don't want to go i ain't going to anybody's island what about that's my rule bronson somebody wants to ask bronson the virgin dude richard bronson whatever his name is branson branson yeah i ain't going this island i don't want to hang out dude with branson why why when i could jet ski with joey diaz listen i ain't i'm not hanging out with any dude who has an island get the out of here why i'm not going to your island because they always want you to go to their islands like i ain't going to your island why can't we just go to the diner no what are we going to do with the oahu who's that eddie murphy eddie murphy has an island yep what the bahamas would you get a addies i might go to eddie's you got to go i like eddie i met eddie and i was good friends with his brother and

116:34good guy charlie was the best charlie was the greatest guy of all time yeah uh i met eddie when uh when i met amy murphy i met eddie murphy and maui and he go the first words out of his mouth he goes you're a funny i was like god damn yes this is recently no years ago maybe more than 10 years ago yeah like 2007 something like that that would be unreal yeah it was crazy funny in hawaii with my family i'll say thank you like what do you say when eddie murphy says you're a funny i'm like holy wow felt great you know did you look at your wife and like see chuckle every once in a while my honestly at home i'm not that funny my wife cracks most of the jokes really yeah i'm not i don't have to be funny like i don't need it you know it's one of the reasons why i like to hang around with joey diaz because he's always funny yeah and he's always the funny guy you know i like it

117:37it's uh you know i like being around funny people man i'm not there's a thing about comics especially the needy annoying ones in the early days like early days of your career they have to be the center of attention yeah the is really annoying yeah and one of the things that you learn for sure about hosting a podcast is you don't really want to be the center of attention you just want to facilitate a conversation right you just want to make the best creation what's the best creation the best creation is let this guy rant you got to let them rant get out of the way if the best creation is you rant with them and you jump in together and you go back and forth like a game of tennis then you do it that way right but you have to be able to feel the vibe yeah and then some people are not going to like it that way they're going to want why don't you let your guest talk like

118:21people love to say like that yeah yeah like you know why are you interrupting his rants yeah they love to say things like that so you're trying to make a creation yeah yeah yeah there's a comics are not great listeners some of them are and well the ones that are are great at this yeah right and uh the ones that aren't it's tough for them to do this and people know man they figure it's it's how how comfortable is it when it gets in through their ears yeah like is it getting in easy or is it like oh this guy is annoying yeah yeah yeah i'll bring on a guest here i'll hear the guests say something and i just cringe because i anticipate the comments i'm just like dude you're about to get crushed by the weight of the world will you like will you quiet somebody no i mean if i have to i try not to if i have to correct them like if they're saying something that i know to be inaccurate

119:13if it's in my wheelhouse like sometimes people say something and i'll just say that's not that's not true here's why that's not true yeah you know i've had people say some goofy and it just happens to be something i know a lot about and then i have to stop it yeah okay that makes that makes sense yeah it's just but for the most part i just i want people to just be themselves i got to figure out how to get you to be yourself that's what a lot of this is make you comfortable make you realize that i just want you to do great i want everybody to do great are you ever intimidated by a guest yeah by their intellect yeah like elon musk was intimidating yeah talking to him because you realize what a champ you are did you feel that way oh yeah i'm a dummy man but like talking to this guy i'm like i'm a chimp here's a question he's just kind of laughs yeah so you gotta go to mars huh cool

120:07want smokes weed rockets into space right he's drilling holes under the ground you had to dumb them down solar cities it didn't even didn't even work but so here's my take on it right i'm watching musk right and he basically is opening up to you about how he's not happy yeah right there's this moment where he's like i think he says something to the extent of you wouldn't want to be me yeah he's just his exact words he wouldn't want to be me he wouldn't want to be me so that means he doesn't want to be him i think on some level he doesn't want to be him right yeah and he's so with these guys that we admire because they're so brilliant they have all these brilliant ideas and we're we're put in this matrix of we're all in the success matrix on some level right where it's like get things done good don't get things done bad right i wonder if if he's chimpish in that he's

121:21potentially wasting his life being upset or miserable when he could be focusing on things that would give him joy i think that being is that being a chimp is being so smart that you don't even try to just be happy and focus on your happiness i don't necessarily think he's unhappy but i do think that he puts himself into situations where the amount of stress that he absorbs is almost unfathomable like when he was trying to get the tesla model 3 production schedule ramped up he was sleeping on the floor of the factory and working literally working like 19 20 hours a day that that's untenable you can only do that for short periods of time right but i think that what i was saying about kanye west applies to him tenfold he's he's got a power output that's extraordinarily different than the average person and that's one of the things he was talking about when he was

122:16young i mean you could probably put him on some sort of a what i don't know what the super genius spectrum is right like like what is you know what's what's albert einstein right what's what's this guy what's that guy he's in there somewhere in this crazy realm of the way a brain works like i think that brains are like all other body parts some people are born with little tiny dicks and some people got giant hogs and that's just a fact and i think that dude has a giant hog of a brain and it just works better it just it just is operating on a level that you and i can't we can't comprehend like i never vetted a goddamn thing in my life but i'm driving around elon musk's car you know that made a car and that's like some he does on the side you know his car thing is like after he invented paypal yeah and he's by the way while he's doing the car he's shooting rockets into space and

123:15drilling holes into the ground he's trying to move traffic underground he's trying to he's making solar cities like he's he's hooking up australia with these massive solar panel power battery plants that fix their energy needs he's he's on another level no doubt on another level it's a different thing but so is he happy joe i don't know and and that's a nice guy that was hanging around with him he seems happy yeah yeah i mean yeah there is what is happy right is it is he happy and bursts well i guarantee you when i saw him and he was shooting his flamethrower in my my foyer he was happy your foyer yeah right out here man right out here yeah yeah he had a flamethrower he was tapping that when he walked into the door he's unboxing it in the middle of the this hallway out here he's got flame there's a picture of him standing in front of the freak party sign yeah yeah blowing flames out

124:1315 freely i mean guy's a maniac look at the smile on his face you can't tell me he's not happy bro you know what look at that smile he's happy as it's because he's he's a kid man yeah we're in a lot of ways dude there's this there's this uh guy i forget his name is his doctor uh rap repair or something like that he's like this french consultant he's like some genius and he's like decoded cultures right and uh every culture he's decoding he people hire him to consult right and like america's code is uh it's uh the verb is to do and the time is now right and we're just kids at the end of the day right it's like everything we have big tits in america right big most popular plastic surgery is big tits and like france most popular plastic surgery is getting tits reduced right everything about them is like precision and like the food on the plate not really their most popular plastics

125:05that's what i was talking about that's what he said and maybe it's changed to like lips or something more common now but maybe the one you have to go under the lips are a dark one don't with your lips later oh i like it when they get a little lips if they have no no if you have a beak but then you have a little something you see the the thing in there it's like it like lets you know they're extra needy there's like something going on they wanted they wanted their lips to be you know there's like a symmetrical proportion that your face is supposed to fall into this fibonacci sequence right numbers like if you get a nose job i look at you and i go what's wrong with his nose like something is wrong it registers wrong in my head because your face so like ahri perfect for example yes you've already got a nose job you're like what the is happening here yes what's wrong with your face yeah like

125:50you've already had like a small irish person's nose you'd be like what is happening here this doesn't even make any sense yeah maybe not for his face no right for his face it's there's a sequence like your lips match your face they they match how far your eyes are apart where your nose is when you see a girl in this little tiny little skinny thing with little fingers and all of a sudden she's got this yes these big weird lips but don't we like things that like stand out like we like skinny with big tits we do we're drawn to it right things that are abnormal we do nice big butt it's a trick the big tit one is a trick because it represents like where sexual viability it represents your ability to breastfeed a child right which is attractive to your jeans doesn't make any sense yes that you would know that there's a bag of water underneath her skin that she had a tube down her throat

126:41taped to her face yeah she's half dead they're cutting her open with a sharp knife yeah and stuffing this bag of water under the meat of her breast tissue yeah or they're cutting her nipple off and opening it up like a manhole cover and pumping that in there it's crazy like we know that that's what happened and we still think it's hot all those things are nuts reptilian bro yeah it's in here we can't help it but like it bothers me when it's a butt when it's a fake butt it bothers me like if there was a way that a girl could lift weights at the gym and make her tits bigger and she went and got fake tits you wouldn't like him as much wait a minute wait a minute oh yeah yeah yeah like knowing you can earn it yeah you could earn i might yeah it's lazy the blood thing is lazy yeah yeah the butt thing is it throws you off if it doesn't match the legs like if a girl's

127:32got a big butt she's got some legs like damn this is dead lifted yes you know like that's hot yeah it's like i've never said that in my head but i know what you're talking about you never said this is deadlift you never said no no you see a girl with big big hamstrings this could squat that doesn't i say that all the time i just don't work out enough i guess i like girls with legs that look like they can carry yeah it's hot yeah do you like to carry like no i'm heavy if the girl's carrying me around she's gonna get tired but if but i like girls that are athletic they have power you know i like it it's hot so if a girl's got a big ass because she's squatting that's hot yeah but girls got a big ass because she went through surgery i'm like you're going to get cancer yep yeah like they're going to use this cancer now do you know that yeah wait yes from the implants from implants yes they're

128:24starting to see cases of butt cancer whoa jack that's what you know what i'm talking about son bro that's power that's too strong for me oh don't be scared i'm i'm afraid of that that girl hurt you she will yeah that is that's like trying to a crossfitter's fist you know what i'm saying like the power that she must have in that bro look at that leg dude that's just a hawk outstanding i mean the butt cheeks it's the thigh that's too much she's an athlete i like it yeah i don't know i like that if that girl's in a mini skirt if she's not flexing she probably looks hot as so you're into a very strong yeah i like good jeans there's gotta be other ones jamie i mean this girl has a mask stacked that girl's stacked the only problem with those gals is that there is a reality to certain levels of musculature that most likely they're only achieved by injecting male hormones

129:21so the clit's kind of get big or whatever a little bit have you ever never seen that are you allowed to like around what's your relationship with your wife definitely not no no okay okay how long you've been married ten years ten years close yeah okay and then how do you yeah how do you navigate that no yeah can you please explain to me how you do this masturbation training jack off exactly how does it work okay yeah the this this level of uh athleticism i was saying yeah like there's like a certain line that there are they are crossing right most likely is because of male hormones yeah i can't get into it there's there's some level to that do they grow some hair jiu jitsu girls there's a lot of jiu jitsu girls that are competitive jiu jitsu girls that start doing a little bit of steroids they start taking a little bit of testosterone like a friend of mine's

130:07wife was doing that and i was like yikes you saw he was like yeah she's really getting into uh jiu jitsu she's competing and she's uh starting to take a little bit of testosterone i was like okay you know what happens though they get horny really like a dude really yeah but they got this big dangling clip no no it only gets big when they go whole hog like when they go bodybuilder how do you a bodybuilder wait have you been big back in every day way back in the day no you've never never a girl with a bodybuilder never once never no girl was like like very fit and strong but she had a normal vagina normal totally normal clothing yeah though it's kind of weird okay yeah it's a little too strong it's not feminine it's not it's not feminine but this clip thing fascinates me so the it just is there like is that you can't put a picture of that up can we look at that no no

130:57can you pull it up well that doesn't you know what it is a little dick it's like a little dick that's what i'm wondering does it have like the head and like the wrists yes oh yeah yeah you never see it here bro are you saying you've never looked at in large clits you've never done that that's exactly what i'm saying hold on you've never done a google search i looked fake i looked up like but i didn't look up and those little it's not good what do you mean the training what do you mean they're not good like they it's not good it's not real yeah i know it's not real but i you want to be able to tell can you tell no but i feel like oh bro there's a dick going inside a nut look at that one down there bro that's nuts yeah that's what happens that's not real it is real it is real no way no no it isn't there's no way how about that one in the lower right hand upper right hand

131:46corner no way the dark one jamie no below that that one pow how you like me now that's a dick she has balls yeah no no that's balls bro that's not that's not a girl that's lips doug okay lips now that one down there what about the giant one below that jamie did the one in the middle what's happening there no bro that just looks like a witch finger that is gnarly yeah i think that that's photoshop that has to be photoshopped dude this is on my beard well when girls take a lot of testosterone they do develop in large clits there was a uh a show on hbo back in the day i think it was called private dicks but it was like that girl's jacked you're into that though no that's a little much yeah that's like dillashaw yeah that's lara she's pretty looking though she wasn't flexing i tell her to eat a couple sandwiches all right anyway let's get out of there that's

132:53that's enough we're gonna start vomiting dude but anyway there was a show on hbo called private dicks okay and one of the people on it i think that was from that show but anyway there was this lady was talking about she became a trans man okay and by through taking massive amounts of testosterone her grew she said to the size of a thumb yeah because they're taking i don't even understand very high levels of testosterone to sort of achieve that the they get hair on their face their voice deepens yeah you know they get broader and thicker and they keep a lot of that too i i don't get it i don't understand so your is just it's just a essentially right well not really it just resembles one i mean if you looked at that if my dick looked like that i go right to the doctor i'm like which one the long one that we were looking at the witch's finger yeah with the joints

133:46yeah it seems like a joint it seems like a with no skin or a dick with no skin it has been skinned yes bro bro that made me feel uncomfortable to look at it it should imagine pulling a girl's panties down she showed that thing it happened to a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend okay a friend of mine who i used to work with on a television show her she was telling me story about her ex-boyfriend met this girl and they're fooling around and they get back to her and she was pretty feminine but she had a like a pinky the way he described it and then he pulled her pants down and then panicked and then said oh my god i have to pick my friend up at the airport i can't believe this and he just died that was his excuse panic man the dude panicked he went into a full-blown panic and just ran out he couldn't deal with her i mean it gets to a certain size where that's like yeah look if it's wrapped

134:41around her leg and tied in a bow you're like oh you had to like kind of like push it to the side to insert you know what i mean like you got to hold it like a handle while you're back it's a joystick on a horse like you're hanging on to it where you're banging her it's like just the the random shape of the human body and how we've decided that this is what's appealing right hourglass figure yeah the ass comes out the tits are here it makes it look like she's like sexually viable and she'll be good at like the big ass and all that fat around that area means she's got a plenty plenty of nutrients for the child like wide hips it means a baby's going to come out easy all those things are like directly connected to fertility so we're not objectifying them at all well we are but it's nature that's caught like there's a reason why the standard that men are after when it comes to women's

135:39purpose directly connected to them we think you're gonna make some kids yeah so me thinking that you have great you know hips or tits or something like that is efficient yeah it's not sexist it's not hateful it's not uh in any way objectifying or maybe we're supposed to objectify to create people um i think there's that too but then there's also like if a girl's in really good shape one of the things that you admire is that that girl's got she's got discipline and power like a girl is hitting the gym all the time and working out that's a girl gets things done like if you see a girl and she's lazy and her body is just like soft doughy she's like skinny fat yeah yeah yeah like like oh you're gonna complain a lot you're gonna need a lot of naps yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean you're growing up after this you're not getting after it yeah you're not out

136:26there getting things done yeah you know you're gonna want to be you're gonna be sad you're gonna want to complain you're going to want to stay home and stop but is that biological or is that being smart do you think it is yeah there's something biological to it your body rejects that because you know that this girl like if the hits the fan and a apocalypse comes you got to take your children and go to the mountains right this girl's gonna be tired all the time she's gonna complain she's gonna weigh you down she's not gonna carry her own weight i like a gal who can carry her own weight right and you can't do that if you're carrying a big old all day babe hurry up you're dragging your all over the rocks we gotta go you got leaves stuck to it and cause it's sticky like a dog's dick you know what a dog gets hard bro no that's what it looked like oh no imagine if women

137:16had dicks and men had and we were just really into big dicks just as possible absolutely i mean they're called gay guys but not just no the arbitrary they like you know this is strange yeah we got streams seahorses right isn't the male seahorse have a well the male sea horse accepts eggs from the female there's actually video of it sounds pretty gay to me sounds pretty gay bro i don't know if you accepted eggs yeah he she pours her eggs into a sack in his body it's very strange and it looks like they're kissing while they do it it's really weird all right i'm okay with the thing oh you got a video of it oh yeah here it is it puts it in perspective when you look at the weird animal a seahorse is anyway yeah like what a strange little creature it's so weird i think that's why we like nature stuff because it like it puts in perspective how up humans are look at that he's just

138:11busting off dude that's that's her him is that him giving birth dude that's how i come with kick back oh look at that kick's a shotgun dude i come the opposite way i go forward i don't one of those ones get stuck in there one of them little baby seahorses was like ah i'm in here forever because these the last of them is like the last is like one or two at a time see like yep digi one guy it's the last drop dude he's just he keeps pumping but there's nothing coming out okay those are babies or those are sperm babies so we didn't see them like uh have sex with each other baby hatches inside of his body yeah that's crazy dude thank god we don't gotta do that imagine all the what a drag did you did your wife do natural no see oh no no no no no no just how did she get it out oh i mean natural like yeah c-section yeah yeah yeah epidural man the c-section thing they

139:15have i mean with some women it's imperative they have to do it like maybe they have small hips right you date one of those like a little girl date one of them big giant dudes a gorilla you you know what i mean and then you got a giant baby inside you and a little tiny i could tell you love it i don't i am fascinated by it when like have you ever seen that guy um the guy from uh game of thrones the the guy with the mountain the mountain is all tiny she's talking get the mountain up she weighs three pounds let's see later she looks like a chick she's smaller in comparison to him than my eight-year-old is in comparison to me no yeah look at that oh he is smoking that dude how is that humanly possible that that works she's just beautiful a little tiny creature and he's one of the biggest human beings do you think that he's packing i don't think he's packed what

140:08are you talking about do you think he's got a big piece he's got a dick like everything else you see on him if he didn't have a dick like that you'd be stunned the size of his hands his shoulders he probably has a small seal in his pants he's got a t-shirt that's a strong don't be like uncircumcised yeah big giant anteater yeah elephant trunk that's that's oh wow i don't know i don't know if he got the piece man why would you get that big if you had a piece cause he's a savage she's from iceland that's what they do they're different humans out there man those are vikings yeah there's a reason why he's that big no that is viking dna it's just the best thousands of years ago guys like him would be on a boat with a dragon in the front of the boat and they'd have a sword and they couldn't wait to jump off that boat and start hacking people to bits yeah that's why that guy

141:08exists that's why he's so big yeah yeah and you just took the best genetics from wherever you stopped that's why iceland device did a whole piece on iceland okay about all the strong men competition winners that live in iceland okay they're all vikings man it's viking dna really a hundred percent okay but isn't viking dna okay we went to italy we raped some chicks in italy we bring them back yeah they bring back the best women but they're the ones who survive all these battles this is yeah that's true these guys are so big man you you got to read this article that vice did on these strong men in iceland okay it's crazy bro yeah there's a whole country filled with gorillas big white gorillas that are just smashing and lifting weights and throwing beer barrels over the top of chain-link fences that's huge there's a apparently there's an app in iceland to make sure you don't your family

142:12member dead ass bro because there's only you know there's only like 300 000 people right on the island right so everybody everybody a lot of people are very related so you can like type your name in and it will say oh jorgensen uh jorgensen ah we're second cousins maybe not oh that's how i would come with a drum by the bed i have a dude beating a drum to give me a pace boom give me a pace to go to yeah damn that's a crazy crazy race of humans man you ever go there i said no no i'd like to go i'd like to go there just to see the northern lights it's one of the things that i've been thinking that i need have you been yeah you saw them i didn't stand up there what is it oh you did yeah yeah i saw normally in alaska it's harder in the city when you're in the city but uh yeah they love stand up there i think like i think they're their president or something was like a huge stanhope fan

143:06they're like good stand up too yeah yeah make sure i'm not misquoting but like apparently i think he was a wow like a massive doug stanhope fan and um yeah they were good man they like know english they're like apparently the kfc there they're like kfc they've one kfc ah and it's popular as well the rules for food are super like high so it's like the best chicken tenders you've ever had oh because they don't let processed none of that right but it's still kfc so you could do that when you have a country that has as many people as boulder colorado right that's the thing people don't get like when you got to feed 300 million people it's like we're going to gmo some bro yeah like we're going to use corn 300 million people that's a lot of people yeah it's like like when a mom has nine kids it's like there's gonna be some grits yeah you're gonna be like yeah mcdonald's is gonna work but yeah

143:54iceland is a in the northern lights you look at northern lights and you're like oh i completely get why people believed in god oh yeah like you can't not does that make sense sure you look in the sky and it's painting itself yeah you're gonna believe what did they think it was back then it had to be the gods dancing i wonder what they thought i wonder what explanation they had for the northern lights how do you not like years ago i i don't know man sometimes the more i like look at i was raised without any religion but like the more i look at it now i think it's just people trying to explain it was like there's like people jesus look at that is that a real color it's from minnesota yeah yeah you can see it wow but go to another one for me i didn't experience it like that's novitskiy it's more just like that name dirk nowitzki you're probably thinking no i've heard that name too travis

144:44novitskiy is he um what does that guy do is he's just a famous photographer perhaps yeah photography by travis novitskiy yeah i think that's what it is i think i think i've seen his yeah i think he does a lot of nature yep how could you not dude like how can you how do you blame anybody for believing in something bigger oh just a lightning storm man yeah you know a hurricane like yeah we live in big cities this is not real you live in the bahamas and you see the power of a hurricane it puts things in perspective like you know how important we think we are that goes away when you know at the blink of an eye your house everything you work for is gone because of wind wind and water holy that right there look at that pig that's where it's crazy wow it says northern the lights now appear in central europe this is because of climate change well isn't it supposed to get hotter

145:45i don't know what that means like why is it saying well go to that article why is it saying that um northern light now appear what does it say go scroll down roll scroll down uh no it says europe much of the us central europe and much of the us i didn't know that much of the u.s northern lights you can see them in ohio sometimes alaska you can see the north you've seen it i have not but um i mean the other picture you sure are minnesota you ohio people doing ass in the parking lot seeing lights in the sky yeah there's that big storm is hitting central us today right they got like in like denver what are they calling a bomb why are they called a bomb cycle click bait marketing marketing it's a good marketing is it a bomb like why are they calling it a bomb you're gonna read articles as a bomb yeah right bombs are scary dude marketing's everything i thought this like like

146:38when we were just talking about the uncircumcised like like that even that term is so dumb right it's a normal dick yeah yeah that's what it is it's a dick why don't we yeah why would we even use that yeah right well what's crazy is it's more common to be cut you're d it's more common that a dick is sliced off when you're a baby yes they take the cap off than it is and then when it's not we're like what's why didn't your parents cut your when you were born what about that why do you have the blanket over the top of the head cut that off expose that dry that head out yeah it's weird yeah it's marketing man you get people to believe anything it's like you've got to grow it into them you know it's there's this uh i feel like i tell a story every single time i'm talking on a podcast but like there's this this great thing about how nest cafe broke into the japanese market

147:30have you heard about this and it's like they went to this consultant they're asking him how do we get in and he's like you can't get in and they're like what do you mean he's like it's gonna be 15 years right what are you talking about he goes well they don't know what the coffee is over there okay you're trying to be t you're not t so what you're gonna do is you're gonna make a cartoon and you're gonna spend some a few million on that and then you're gonna make a candy based on the cartoon and then that candy is gonna be flavored as coffee and when these kids grow up they're gonna have this memory of coffee and the flavor of the smell of coffee and i think last week they just opened the biggest starbucks in the world in tokyo and these people devour coffee like no other and the idea is like the takeaway for me the reason why i tell the story all the time is like

148:14change comes from underneath you know so is this how they approached it they actually did it that way that's that's that's the same guy the consultant repair i think his name is and he's a book or something i'll call the culture code my buddy's doing like a series with him trying to break it down but the the idea is like if you want to change any it's the same reason why i did my on youtube it's like if you want to change any industry or something like that it's never going to come within the traditional structure you know i mean it's like i would never be able to do the type of jokes i was doing on on maybe you are and the bigs can but me they'd be like i don't that jokes about you know trans people you can't do that etc so it's like if i want to make it okay i got to do it outside you know i have to go a little bit outside of the industry and make it okay and the

149:00way they were thinking was hey let's get underneath and just grow these ideas in i feel like that's why we fight wars over ideas all the time right it's like people understand oh if people start believing in socialism or whatever the new thing they want us to be afraid of now they believe in it and it sounds good enough they'll want it so we gotta nip this in the blood in vietnam yeah you know there's a little bit of that i mean vietnam was super complicated depending on who you ask most likely it was about heroin a lot of the whole war you think a lot of it yeah a lot of it was about the heroin trade billions billions and billions and billions of dollars controlling the heroin trade really yeah more so than than the spread of this afghanistan is about the heroin trade my understanding was yeah i understood that heroin ramped up radically look there's all sorts of positive aspects

149:48to uh most of the ideas that they push right right there's positive aspects of trying to stop terrorism there's positive aspects to trying to stop radical fundamentalists from taking over parts of the world and radicalizing segments of the population and making these terror cells and attacking cities and doing a lot of things that we know really do happen that's true but what's also true it's a hotbed for heroin so it's a win-win there's a geraldo rivera segment on fox news where geraldo rivera was talking to soldiers who were guarding poppy fields and they were explaining that the u.s soldiers had to guard the heroine because this is how they got these afghani farmers to cooperate against the radical fundamentalists that were running these religious sects watch this put the headphones on look at this in some ways fighting the opium trade executed invasion of marjah this town in

150:51the middle of hellmann province was the easy part the hard part now is governing this province the province as you suggest that has become addicted to opium in many many ways that is the principal crop that is being grown here uh the taliban lend the farmers the money they are indebted to the taliban they have to grow the opium now the marines in their success are in a sense a victim of their success because now the population is uh you know they have these opium fields and we are tolerating it we are tolerating the cultivation of the opium because we know that if we were to destroy it now the population would turn against the marines and it would be a real security risk let me introduce lieutenant colonel brian christmas here the commanding officer of the third battalion six marines uh really a wonderful group of marines here to play on youtube or is it going to be a problem

151:43let's pull this now stop now because so but they're getting heavy with heavy-handed against copyright so violation this is interesting because this is this is this is the gray area we're talking about this was early in the war i mean this is like what was that from i want to say that it's probably from 2005. yeah dude this is doesn't yeah this is the gray right this is hey this is how a country makes its money there's it's not just that someone's profiting there's millions for their gdp some one is profiting i do not know where the money's all going but there are billions of dollars involved in heroin right billions people are buying it all over the world 90 something percent of it comes from afghanistan do the math just do the math we're still there i mean sturgill simpson wrote a bit about it or wrote a song about it and they played that song on saturday live

152:43and i don't even think they knew what the the song was about right i mean he's up there playing a song about the government being involved in the heroin trade i mean it's does there's something to it there's some and you say oh it's conspiracy theory stop stop there really is billions of dollars in heroin being grown in afghanistan the production of heroin really did ramp up considerably after the us invasion um is it possible that this is their commerce and country singer goes on snl exposes afghan heroin trade and no one even noticed that's my boy but is it simpson what that this is their commerce in the same way like some communities fish this community plants poppies and they perhaps what are they doing with all that money that's the question there more goats are they getting what are they doing afghani go to delusion i don't know what they're doing i don't know i just can't imagine

153:42someone is not getting a cut of this and i can't imagine that there's no might as well there's no mainstream investigative work that's being done to sort of expose this i don't know i mean i might be getting the cut why why not maybe these farmers are not making all the money maybe the money's all going to drug dealers and we let that happen that'd be up it'd be cool if it'd be cool if they got it but like look the world is bro like this ain't peaches and cream man it's like every time i see one of these stupid senate hearings where they're like did you do some bad things in south america it's like yeah yeah bad happens when trudeau was involved in that thing in like uh what is it libya you know like when they were bribing you hear about this trudeau from canada yeah there's this big scandal up there in canada because he was involved you know with this

154:30company which is a quebec company that was that paid like 36 million dollars to bribe the libyan government for like some contracts and it's like well yeah that's how gets done over there you bribe the government for contracts and these people in the canadian government like how could he this is against his policies it's like no no welcome to the real world you're operating in the one percent of the world which has these rules we just made the up of fairness and equality and equity and all this it's like the real world is hey i'd like to do this can i give you some money and we make it happen the real world is geraldo rivera walking through heroin fields talking to a general that's the real world yeah there's a lot of that yeah i mean it would be nice if everywhere was like america but i don't know if it that's what's really up right like with this fair phone i don't

155:22know if that gets done i don't know if i don't know if you get an iphone unless it's getting made by someone who's making five dollars a week i just i don't know if you do and if you do get it how much does it cost tons what is it like three thousand dollars how much does it cost who's gonna pay like you you're already struggling you already got two kids right i mean like your bills to pay like you're gonna spend three thousand dollars when you're already struggling we're operating from a place where we have some access people are trying to make it every day here yeah they don't give that's why the election is so simple to me like the democrats are gonna offer money and republicans gonna offer jobs and you see it happening right now it's like every platform for the dems on some level is here's some money hey we should look into reparations here's some money

156:08your boy yang who's on here i don't want to just give everybody a thousand dollars here's some money yeah just giving money right let's break up facebook and well that's one of the reasons why for hardworking people the republicans are so attractive even though a lot of people they fall into a lower income community like that they're not these rich cats they would think they would be looking to have like big business succeed but the message is that you roll up your sleeves and you get to work and that you work hard you don't get a free ride and they like that that's also one of the reasons why people that are republicans are more likely to be involved in churches and a lot of church-going organizations because that's where their community comes from the community support instead of getting community support from the the government yeah they get community

156:58support from local churches that's a good point yeah so you have your support you have your we all need that man yeah that's something that really is missing with atheists yes community yeah and they're miserable yeah they're i've never met this happy atheist it's like they're vegans it's like stop convincing me that god does don't if you believe it we're good yeah you don't need to convince me right if you are trying to convince me it's because you don't believe it well it's not that they don't believe it it's just that they're violent they're overzealous dude what do people who are overzealous are over compensating for something right a lot of times what are you overcompensating for with god because you know is bigger than you because you look up sometimes and you're looking at the stars and you're like something's up i don't know what it is i don't know if it's god i don't know

157:49if it's aliens i don't know what's going on but you are minuscule yeah and that's hard for people to take man it's like but you think that's why they're really into pushing atheism i think it's because the religion that they they see is so offensively stupid i mean look there was a funny thing that happened the other day where pete davidson did a joke on snl right about the catholic church and the catholic church demanded an apology right forgive him yeah you're the forgiveness people why do you need an apology how about he made a joke about child molesting and you guys are the number one kid organization in the world how about stop worrying about jokes and paying attention to the fact that you basically run a kid organization that also sells jesus kff get factory bro that's what it is man in a lot of ways and but at the same time there's the gray area because they do a lot of

158:40good yes they save a lot of people's lives they feed a lot of people right yep so it's like they they give people community to give people a place to connect yes yeah we're in the most connected time in history and we're the most disconnected think about that we've got a million friends on you know facebook and all these other things and people are lonely because we're connected with electronic devices and we're not that connected with life right and and we're connected to outcome right we're connected to oh did this picture i post get enough likes yeah right that's where they really people with likes once they figured out how to get people like supremely addicted to interactions and exchanges and likes man dude you know when like you know movies in the morning you wake up and you smoke a cigarette right like that was what the movies we watched coming up that was the first

159:30thing that the badass or something like that did in the movie wake up roll over undo the pack you know whatever it will be look at your phone's mentions there's gonna be some of that that's gonna be what these characters do yep yep so it's like what do you do you got kids do you take do you say no how do you how do you teach your kid i don't have kids i don't know but like i think about this all the time how do i teach my kid to not put his whole value in the hands of get him involved in sports because you learn yeah you learn reality you learn reality yeah you if you don't get that ball in the net it does not score you know there's no points for effort yeah there's no you don't it doesn't work that way you got to learn what real life is and you got to learn that there is it feels uncomfortable to fail but that uncomfortable feeling that you get is fuel

160:26and then it will let your kids fail will you let them fall in their face they fall in the face all the time my kids do sports you know they've been involved in athletics in some form whether it's martial arts or gymnastics since they were little they do things that are difficult we do stuff as a family they're difficult we do like escape rooms we play games we do things that are hard i don't let them win yeah i mean my little one i let her win sometimes and stuff like we play carnival games against each other or something like that carnival games yeah like go to like circus circus like when i was in vegas i was in vegas for this thing that my daughter was doing so i took my youngest daughter circa circus playing these carnival games okay i let her beat me a bunch of times shh don't tell her but that's we're having fun we're just laughing and being silly talking trash

161:14to each other too yes she high-fives me and stuff it's fun but uh i i think there's value in learning that it sucks to lose because that makes you reassess like what you did that the other person did better and how do i beat them yeah it's like we were talking about weed about weed making you nervous and makes you paranoid like i like that what i like is look i'm entirely too successful i i like i like to feel vulnerable i think there's it's a lot of good to that you know like legitimately i like that feeling because it makes me um it makes me more connected makes me more humble what do you mean you're too successful well you can only have so much success in this life before you start thinking that you're different than other people you know it's you're thinking that you're something special no it's you look if you're on a path right if everybody's on a path and you start off

162:05here and then x amount of years later you're way away yeah you can start thinking oh i'm better than all those but you're not you're just you just have been on this path longer and you haven't fallen off of it you've figured out what you need to do to stay on that path we know a lot of people that were on the path at one time in their career and then something happened they lost their enthusiasm or their body wasn't as healthy or whatever the happened and they dropped off i'm still on that path why because i figured it out what is it keep going keep going don't be a keep working improve objectively analyze your performance look at what you're doing wrong treat everything with respect treat all of your endeavors with focus and intensity and intention look at what you're doing and and pay attention and do the work do the goddamn work do the writing do the

162:56performing you'll see me i'll do four or five sets a night in l.a i'm doing 15 20 minutes half hour i'll do an hour here i'll go down the ice house i'll do an hour ice house i'm doing two shows the ice house tomorrow night right and i'm i go i go there's no excuses i go you know it's like and to me the way i've got it set up it's great my kids go to bed by the time my kids are in bed i leave you're out you know i say good night i tuck them in i'm out the door i'm headed to the club i'm home in four hours you know and when i'm when i'm done i get in front of the computer and i write i write i get up in the morning i see him off to school go back to sleep or i go to the gym i get things done keep moving yes you got to keep moving shark my job is the task it's like my job is i'm trying like right now it's the most exciting time for me uh in my career arc

163:48my uh my comedy arc because my comedy arc is put out special it's very exciting when you're putting out a special but then the most exciting time is you know my special came out in october yeah so then those months afterwards where it's this mad rush to create create a new hour yeah and solidifying perspectives and honing material and uncovering new layers and looking at it and re-analyzing it and stepping back and listening to it drunk and listening to it sober yeah and and and and smoking weed and going over it again and just spending time mashing the keys spending time looking at the notes you can you can type your stuff oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it's very valuable to be able to type because you can get out your thoughts way quicker than you can writing yeah writing makes you remember it better though right yeah remember it better when you write it down physically on

164:41paper yeah so if you look at my notebooks i'm like a maniac i write the same thing over and over and over again because i'm just writing down my sets yeah writing down my bits and the key parts of the bit so that i have them solid in my brain yeah but my writing in terms of like my most uh prolific creation of things that i never thought of before comes out writing with a keyboard writing on a computer but can you write how you speak no but i don't have to so it's just i just have to come up with gems so the gem is here and then form if i was going to write a bit about geraldo rivera and the poppy seeds right i would smoke a joint right and i would sit down and i would just go rauda rivera with his porn mustache strolling around these train killers in afghanistan wearing his goofy ass tie right i wonder how those dudes think and then i start thinking what do those dudes think about

165:38strutting around puffing his chest out hanging around all these guys been blowing people's brains out for the last six months protecting america while they're also simultaneously protecting heroin like what the kind of feeling is that when your boy gets shot protecting a heroin field and it doesn't even make it into the paper and then i'll just start going and going and going and going and i might type out a few thousand words and then when i go back i might have two lines right or uh or a seed then i'll take that seed on stage and then i'll try to see if i could water that or if it's toxic right i don't know you don't know how long will you give the toxic bit depends depends on the bit some bits are just juicy right out of the box some bits you just start them up and you're like oh we got one kid yeah yeah you know and what about the ones that like

166:26what about the ones that don't work but you know there's something there how long will you seed it how long will you watch depends on how how intense it is it depends on what's there for me like uh i had this bit about bruce jenner like what really happened like with bruce jenner okay you know and i had to try to figure out how do i make fun of this guy becoming a woman how do i do this yeah like how do i how do i figure out how to do this and the way to do it for me was to make fun of myself living with all women because i have a wife and i have three daughters and it's like this all this feminine energy around me and like that they they diminish my manhood so that i had this like that i've never been happier but yeah i've never been more of a in my life and i had this whole long path and then it got to you know i've never been more of a in my life but i'm telling you this i'm

167:17not going out like bruce jenner boom and the whole thing was yeah yeah and people were like someone's got to say i go yeah everyone's like oh he's a woman trapped in a man's body i'm like maybe maybe or maybe if you live with crazy long enough you come off then i got into this whole bit about the the kardashians becoming like these gargoyles and hovering over his bed and talking to him while he's sleeping but i had to figure out a way to do that bit right it took a long time yeah there's a uh that's something i would love people i would love for people to know i mean i do this i do this show called inside jokes where i just get comics that come and we we take our most divisive premises and we work it out together yeah and um that'll be so cool to do it with you man we'll do it i'll definitely do it chris rock went through that with his probably one of his most famous

168:11bit right his most faint one of his most famous bits is i love black people i hate n-words so that bit is one of his most popular all-time bits he told me he bombed with that for a year of yeah a year yeah said he couldn't he couldn't get it to work yeah but chris is a workhorse some people don't know about chris man like it's a great story that exposed everything about him he was filming his special at the apollo in new york and um there was an after party for his own special that he left so that he could go work on that set at the strip wow so that's work yeah that's what you got to do man the guy didn't become one of the biggest stand-ups of all time but it seemed like the kevin works yeah kev is out there what is his instagram it makes you tired exhausting yeah yeah we get it you can jog yeah yeah it's like with him it's like he's like a joke version of the rock you know

169:04you know what i'm saying like because you never never ends it's all private jets and hitting the gym yeah and concerts in front of 50 million people he's it's the same man like this isn't an accident now the ones who would when it is an accident they get exposed the ones that are faking the funk boy that's the reason why netflix took out the thumbs up thumbs down you know all that remember when they they're like because there was a few of those specials that look there's there's specials that have been on comedy youtube is interesting because they still have this thumbs up thumbs down you know which people do game but the reality of that thumbs up thumbs down is you get to see what the people really think absolutely to a certain extent you think i think it's 100 at this point at this point it was useful it was useful but now back to your like point that you have

170:02you have a whole bit about how many thumbs up and thumbs down have you ever clicked on zero right yeah so a certain subset of the population is thumbs up and thumbs down it's like well it's like people who leave comments yeah yeah or write reviews for food right i think you've heard of madrigal's bit about that no does that make a good bit about it i forget wait i don't want to butcher it but it's something about like someone left like a like a three out of five review and it's like who the are you like i get if you loved it right or you hated it right but the that's good to write about some people fancy themselves to be like foodies and a journalist you know exploring subtle nuances of cuisine if you're hungry it's good it is but when you see a guy like andrew zimmerman traveling around the world and doing that or you see anthony bourdain or a lot of these people

170:54i wanted to build a lens for culture though yeah right it was like it was more than just food it was like what does this food say about the people some of the other guy like like i mean i don't know zimmer what is that the weird food guy yeah i mean first of all he looks like a salmon and it's just weird to like just stare at this guy dude i mean like it's just odd it's just the whole thing is when you look at them right yeah it's just he's making his way up a fish like he's trying to get he's trying to get off the stream yeah he's a serious problem i would say a tuna okay he's got a little tuna in him hmm handsome fella gorgeous could be on a bill um anyway yeah i don't know why the they're leaving these things but it's you know they got people they invested so much money in certain things that were getting down likes and i was like yeah yeah like i guess they were doing it

171:46with stars right was it stars with netflix yeah yeah they pulled the star system too bad i had a lot of stars yeah people are gonna watch your people gonna watch yours regardless i think you give them an ad an added value because there are certain people that give netflix the added value and there's certain people that want the value from but it's also they're documenting some of the greatest stand-up specials in the history of stand-up there's like the chappelle specials the recent ones that he did they're putting that stuff out there and they're they're doing it in a way where no one else would do it like hbo which was the gold standard for the longest time yeah they would never do two dave chappelle specials at the same time netflix is like okay dave's like i got this new i want to do i'm going to do it in the belly room yeah the comedy store you know and

172:32dave was so ridiculous about it i dave and i were downstairs yeah while he was doing this while he was filming this we were downstairs uh in the smoking area of the comedy store getting high as yeah and uh he was so casual about he's like hey man you want to do a set like you you did a set on that i did the birthday said no no i just want to watch i said no no i did three sets tonight i'm just gonna chill and hang out in the back of the room but he's so relaxed like during his special being taped he's offering me a guest set he's like hey man he won't do a set you know he still shows up he'll fly to places and show up and just do guest sets yeah i was in denver i come out the green room it's friday night it's chappelle's there and chappelle's in the green room and i go hey man he goes hey joe what are you doing man i just feel like coming to denver i go you want to do a

173:21set he's like oh yeah it so i bring him up on stage the audience is leaving they're leaving and i said come back yeah dave chappelle's here and they're like what yeah everybody comes back he does 40 minutes yeah it was amazing because it's but he just that's how he's doing it he's like he's doing it for the art he's not doing it because he's making any money he loves it he did a free 40-minute show for these people that came there to see me yeah he loves it and it loves it and it's it's like true with him man he's a perfect example of it just being true he'll show up monday night at the comedy store in front of 13 people yeah and he'll go on stage he'll do a half an hour in front of 13 people and he'll drink and he'll smoke cigarettes and he'll talk and laugh at his own jokes and everybody has like one of the most magical experiences as a as a audience member you could ever have

174:09i was young comic in new york and there was a place called the comedy village which was the boston yeah do you remember sure so it became comedy village when did it become the village uh it's done now but now it's like a japanese restaurant uh japs restaurant now got it jamie cut it no but uh there's a um uh and this is i'm young like barking asking people to come in off the street right and um how old were we when you started uh 23 23 23 yeah and um and chappelle comes in and when he gets on stage there's probably 13 people on the crowd right and the word gets out and you just see people start slowly grabs like goldfish you know what i mean when they can send some little or ducks or something like that when they sense the bread's coming in the pond and the place was packed within like 20 minutes wow people outside it was just everybody texting their friend oh my god chappelle

175:00is here today it was so crazy and he did six hours what bro unreal dude there were there were girls like falling asleep or something maybe four hours maybe four hours something like that it was one of these long ones it it it was jazz right it wasn't like it wasn't like i'm doing bits and i'm murdering the whole time he has this ability to make the audience comfortable intention so that it is not anxiety-inducing right what what he can do is talk to you for five minutes straight without a punch line yeah but as an audience member you're not going oh my god is this guy is this guy not funny well that was when he was he was doing that for a while and where he wasn't doing scheduled shows all he was doing was these pop-ins and not only that but he brought a speaker and set up a microphone in the park in seattle outdoor outdoor you know he did that early on yeah i was there i watched it

175:58we watched him do it in montreal new york i saw him do it in montreal we did a set together at club soda and after we got outside we went outside and dave just said gather round people gather right he started doing stand up to people in the street and they were like what in the he was probably like 20. so do you know william stevenson yeah comic recipes yeah i just died and uh yeah he was one of the original like comedy in the park guys doing stand-up well charlie barnett was here barnett yeah barnett and and dave would go with those dudes yeah yeah and like can you imagine a more hostile environment for stand-up than new york city in new york city park you compete with guys doing front flips yeah over swedish taurus yeah and then there's a guy just with jokes yeah hand hanging on his you know handling his own mm-hmm it's like then you put him on a stage with lights and mike and

176:49his seat and some cigarettes yep that's yeah it's strength training it's like running with weights on so how do the question is how do we do that like how do you find that the the more successful you get when you have people that are coming to see you no matter what where do we get our strength training where do we get smoke weed and get paranoid that's what i'm saying bro i feel vulnerable that's how i got it you got to get involved lose control you got to feel scared yeah i feel nervous i like it i really do i do it all like i joke around on stage about how i take edibles when i go to the airport because i like feeling i want to know what the really bothering me but it's really true i really do do that i take it edible when i fly just so i can freak out because you're too comfortable with this weird yeah i get something out of that freaking out like i'll find out where

177:41the holes in my game are i'll find out where my mental game is lacking what's really bothering me and then things that freak me out that i i don't like about myself i work on them i fix them like i visit the wizard you gotta visit the wizard i wonder if this comes from having a fighting background because the one thing about fighting is if you have a hole in your game it's exposed in the most brutal way yeah right everything else in life you can ignore the holes in your game yep you can just be like oh i'm not a bad storyteller they were just busy i concentrate on my strengths boxing or fight whatever it is it's just like i better keep my hand up yep you better patch up those holes maybe that's what it is with stamina yeah i think that's what it is with me um just that's my formula i mean i don't recommend it to everybody because everybody doesn't have the same

178:36personality like you might not have those same deficiencies like it actually might be psychologically damaging to some people to get as high as i get you know like it might with your head too much where you don't come back from it i come back like a nicer person but i'm in the same throws of agony that a lot of people are when they get too high so you're purposely yeah shock in my system yeah i purposely freaked myself the out yeah and you don't think you'd be able to create without it oh it definitely could but not as good i don't know if i can as good but i know it works i like doing it i like doing it because uh i always benefit from it i feel like i come back from those little paranoid journeys like a little bit of a better person and i think it's been responsible along with other psychedelics and becoming a father all those things may be a better person maybe a nicer person

179:32maybe more compassionate more understanding more friendly yeah more understanding is the big one more more just i get it i i don't want to be confident all the time i don't want to always be successful like like you know what i mean this is like people listening right now that like that's all they want but they haven't experienced the other side of the coin yeah do you know but when people get too confident and then they have an audience right if you have an audience that's part of the problem is we've all seen this when comics become really successful they they work to their own crowd and they don't do sets yeah they don't do a set like i'll do at the store or you'll do where there's like 10 people on the line right right right right and they're just they might be there to see dalia yeah they might be there to see uh eliza they might not be there to see me

180:20at all right but i want to hit those i want to hit them hard and they want to go oh look at this meat head you know look at this chimp looking dude what's he going to say like you you can't be smart and funny you can't be interesting whatever their biases is i got to figure out a way to sue that over and the best way to do that is you got to perform in hostile environments occasionally yeah you know that is this is all so critical man so critical have good openers like yep killers i bring murderers with me on the road only way to do i bring joey diaz on the road with me man i brought brought joey diaz in the road for years i would tell people they would get white in the face they'd be like what oh who opened for you in dallas oh diaz did joey deal they'd get nervous like you brought joey diaz in front of 6000 people joey diaz opened for you yeah and you ain't seen

181:08murderer you ain't seen i've never seen joey diaz at the chicago theater in front of 3 700 people yeah and the lights are dimming yeah like the lights are shitty he's crushing so hard people are falling down yeah they're they're in pain yeah in pain yeah you've never seen him live never seen him i really wanted to when i was in l.a let's set it up how long are you in town for i got to go tomorrow you leaving tomorrow yeah is he around tonight i'll find out i would love to he might be he might be doing a set at the store tonight i'll ask him man he's the goat in his opinion really yep whoa i never seen anybody funnier whoa he's he might not be the best writer he might not have the most consistently crafted hours but in terms of the highest highs that breaks through the magnetosphere and he wiggles out into the outer atmosphere of space like no one he hits these highs where like

182:03comics comics work are crying like holding your stomach crying and he's screaming and yelling and it's like you ain't seen nothing like it man he was on stage i wrote about i put it on my instagram the other day he crushed so hard and i can't even say what he was talking about i don't want to butcher it he crushes so hard yeah and with such controversial material so unapologetic good push yeah and at one point in time people were like what the he goes what do you want from me i'm almost dead you think i give a and people were dying i mean dying i don't think there's ever been a person i've seen everybody dude i've seen everybody from rock to chappelle the louis ck i watched sam kinnison when he was alive i saw bill hicks when he's alive i opened up i follow i had to follow prior when he was dying when it looked for five weeks in a row but i saw a prior live i've seen everybody live i

183:04saw martin lawrence and he's in his prime people forget how funny martin lawrence was he was just drawing i saw him back when he was wearing leather jump suits he was going to take realized man leather jump suits and smash smash and i was trying to go on after him but i never saw anybody like joey joey's on another level who's who's your toughest follow joey without a doubt yeah man you gotta you gotta ride that wave but that's what's good about it is like if you're if you're funny and you're working on your stuff and you're you enjoy comedy you go on stage already laughing so you go on stage already in a good mood like that's that's what's up like part of the being a tough tough follow is two things one you're used to going on after scrubs and there's a lot of guys that are good comics but they like to bring scrubs on the road with them and then they get settled in in

183:58that easy sort of i'm gonna save the show exactly yeah there's a lot of guys that do that man they'll take guys on the road with them that really are barely professionals and these guys are filling theaters and they're bringing weak acts and they force this audience to sit through a half an hour of before they go on stage and then there's guys who don't do it like that they they just look i don't know i don't know who was doing it that way before i was doing it but my thought was i like if a guy makes me nervous when i go on after him that's gonna make me ramp it up like i don't i don't walk on stage cold i'm backstage throwing punches and doing jumping jacks and i'm doing breathing exercises when i come on stage i'm guns blazing man that that that's and if you go on after joey diaz when he hits that crescendo we better be ready when you came into the store i remember

184:53i was about to ask you something and you were on the wall and then you just folded in half and touched your toes and i was like what the is go i could barely touch my ankles all right this is ritual i'm gonna let him do his thing before we go loosen up yeah i get loose and i figured out that over the over time you could just walk on stage and everything will be fine yeah or you walk on stage with the already you got some intention yeah sometimes i got to remind myself of certain things to get up there i know the the most important thing i learned is reminding myself that this crowd wasn't at the last show yeah like sometimes you would take that energy from the early show and you're just bodying it and you're like oh i got this let's go let's just walk ahead they weren't there they see you killed you can't do that run it back yeah you know you gotta you gotta always always

185:41appreciate the audience's attention span and that's something that i've really learned from boston in boston it's cold as the women aren't the prettiest in the world and people are angry yeah and they got to work in the morning you better be ready i tuesday night i did this i did this thing and it never uh i got picked up but i put it out as part of this like uh series essentially it's like i emulated bourdain's thing i want to look at a city through the lens of comedy instead of food right and i the first city i picked was boston because all my favorite comics are from boston and i'm like why the has this city produced so much funny savage immigrant people is that it yeah so they they but they matter what type of funny patrice o'neill's my goat right so it's like but patrice but he's one of the goats for sure you can do billboards about the region that no matter what style you see

186:46you're funny come from here yeah where you're from uh area what part is it newton newton boston you're actually yeah yeah so it started in boston i knew you started there but i didn't know if you were from the city or whatever i was born in new jersey but uh i lived all throughout my high school years and everything i lived in boston so it's like what the and i what the is it about this city or this yeah but there's something there so it's too cold uh you need to be warming up to like talk to people yeah you need to be warm enough we go outside also well you know it's a scene it's like a scene has to be established too because boston does not have the scene it used to have in the 80s right but la has a better scene than ever yes and scenes are fluid they come and they go you know like denver has a scene and they have a scene because of wendy who who owns the comedy company

187:38but there's there's different places that have scenes and barry crimmons and lenny clark and steve sweeney and don gavin all those guys that were part of the ding ho in the 1980s and steve was on my podcast i saw it yeah those guys created a scene and through that scene and because they were all competing with each other for spots on the tonight show and all these different little venues they they created a monster dynamic where all these young guys were coming up following these killers and i was very fortunate to be one of those guys and that's why i wanted to talk to steve and tell him that on the show it's like i saw that guy i saw that guy murder murder to the woman no and nobody was watching in terms of like the national audience it was just boston but he would go on stage at nick's comedy stop and level the crowd leveled it like a hydrogen bomb dropped in the

188:31middle of the room just boom so you so you learn what killing is yeah like i feel like one of the toughest things about the alternative scenes and i'm not knocking necessarily the comedy but the the litmus test for murdering is different you know when i was coming up in new york and i had to follow you know rest in peace mike de stefano you know greer barnes guys that maybe are not household names but people don't know greer green is a beast greer and i did shows together we did colleges together back on the road way in the 90s if yeah if you want to know at least for me if you want to know what chappelle is chappelle is tony woods and greer he is a tony what's another beast bettony is unfathomable but like he is the gremlin that popped off of both of their backs like if you could mold them together like everything that is amazing about tony and amazing about grier well i mean

189:23that's how it is with music that's how it is with everything we need each other you know that's why when i see a guy like you coming up i'm like oh good thank you i'm happy you're around i'm i like it i like comedy yeah if i stop doing comedy tomorrow i want more comedy to watch i love a lot i love laughing yeah i like that's why i tell you i sit i sit down and watch joey diaz i love comedy yeah you know and the thing about joey is joey has new material all the time you go see joey now and you see him four months from now you'll see a whole new set yeah i got to see joey while i'm out here he's the best man let me know if he's doing this watch him i'm gonna try to see if he's where's he yeah you guys have a show i think so maybe i'll maybe i'll run over comedy store what time eight o'clock show oh he's on the eight o'clock now yeah maybe i'll find out when he's up yeah who

190:15shows tonight at the comedy store he's on the show a year before before the eight o'clock version of the schuyler's show oh am i on that tonight 10 o'clock i think i am well that's what it said okay oh yeah i guess i am all right i forgot well i know i have a set at the store i guess i have two yeah i just got to see him let's wrap this up yeah andrew thank you here we go scarlett stone oh look at that i'm on that okay interesting all right beautiful cool all right that's it uh tell everybody where to find your oh uh youtube youtube.com the andrew schultz you check out uh the andrew schultz yeah andrew schultz was taking no t in shows and then twitter and instagram just andrew schultz and um yeah check out the special man if you love it and you know if you like it share with your friends that'd be awesome if not you know i appreciate you even just watching so

191:08thank you so much for having me man this is brother great comment thanks for being you i'm excited appreciate it i love it love seeing guys like you come up i appreciate you all right bye everybody we'll see you soon you