Bill Burr

00:00doo-doo-doo-doo and four three two yes Spielberg who are you fella what's going on see ya good to see you too thank you very much for taking me up on that flight I'm gonna tell you what no legitimately you changed the way I think about LA it's really small isn't it it's way smaller than you think yeah it's a different thing when you fly over it you go oh do think that baby yeah that's here this is that cuz what if it I remember when I was still getting my license and I was doing a night flight right mom which is insane totally different ballgame and uh yeah cuz when you're on the ground you like Wow be really easy to see everybody because you're looking up and all you've seen is the backdrop is of the dark sky right but when you get up there if someone's below you they disappear into the city so that's what yeah yeah yeah yeah so anyway so we were flying back and I trained down in Long

00:51Beach so we were going along the 710 and I just see like all these these lights and it was like right down like going up like was and I go what's that he goes and I got a pilot over goes oh that's the that's the fireworks from Disneyland and I was like Disneyland is right there because in my head it took like two hours to get there hour and a half going down the five but it's just like because you don't look at miles all you do is look at time when you're around here because there's so much traffic but it's literally like oh that's like 40 miles it's not even it's like from Hollywood like I would think it can't even be more than 15 20 miles away like Anaheim is so close but I just it's just hurt that you're Irvine comedy club that's all I think of it's just way the down there and then you get up in a helicopter and you're like they're in like 11 minutes going like this is this

01:42is ridiculous so yeah yeah that's awesome dude it was awesome yeah it was when you landed on top of that little hill there with a picnic table yeah dude this morning I said it down nice I was little nervous oh my god don't smoke don't this up with joe here cuz he's gonna be like a burro you know it's alright when he was flying when he was the big part when he went to land he wasn't that good but I was smooth and then the Apocalypse Now we're going through the canyon that was awesome man yeah those are I get it those are fun that's it's a it's a lot of fun and you know I fly mostly with an instructor cuz I got the kid and everything but every once in a while you got to go up by yourself just so you know you can do it but I also I'm actually over to over do to do it but I always go out and I do like the auto rotations and he'll just sort of cut I'm flying along he'll just chop throttle

02:33and like it's just it's just rolling the RPMs I mean rolling the engine now not the RPMs the engine down and then you immediately have to pick a spot you know and sometimes you know the lower you are you know it becomes literally what you the first place you look is where you're putting it it's really crazy but when you would what you're talking about you mean crash landing that's what autorotation means yeah it'd be basically if you had some sort of failure problem your engine failure whatever so like when you're flying along the engines working it's drawing air into the disc and that's what creates lift but when when you go into an auto rotation it's it's the air rushing you're using gravity bringing the the helicopter down using that air like almost like a fan to keep it going no so and there's a critical point where if you let the main rotor go too slow

03:21that's why the low rpm horn comes on which is just a nauseating sound if you let it go too low that when it gets to a point where if it's spinning too slowly no matter how fast you drop you can't get it going again fast enough to create and you're basically at that point you're in something that's no longer able to fly you're your instructor Skyler so yeah Skyler pointed out something I didn't know that they have to redo those things like every X amount of miles they rebuild every hours yeah yeah it's well they have like there's all this maintenance along the way they're incredibly maintained because I'm sure you noticed if you read the comments all people talk about is dying in aviation it's like uh that's how entertainers die it's like no it isn't they overdose if you really look at the graph there on the ground completely safe overdose car accidents there's always overdose

04:13drinking yeah and like that and it's just like that's mainly how you die like the amount of people that are up there every day and the nothing happens it's it's you know but there you know the the fly in the ointment is that this there are particularly at the private level there are knuckleheads out there like there's people like I think every time I get in I'm always thinking like am I gonna you know I don't want to die today so I go over all about a whole bunch of and you know especially if I want to fly solo I have the whole flight I have all my options on you know where I could land you know if I had a problem like that's what you're supposed to do I look at weather reports I do all of that and what happens is guys get more and more confident and their pre-flight is they kind of look it looks pretty clear and then they go out there and you know this you know this there's

05:08people who go up knowing that they can die and then there's other people up there who just like magnum p.i and they want to fly by waterfalls and I mean those guys have more fun but it's you know there's definitely those are the people that you know you're supposed to fly there's like two envelopes you're supposed to fly within the envelope of what you're flying and then you know your skill set so you don't fly in this this like you know like if it's too windy or whatever I'm just I'm just not going right even if I could handle it it's like I'm not gonna have fun up there you know riding it out and just you know let the wind do what it wants to do and don't fight it and you know make sure you know you're not flying to fail all you do is slow down you know but you know it's it's that there are elements of that but like if you look up there versus what's going on

05:55down below when you fly I always say this when you drive on the highway it's like you're flying in formation you're in the Blue Angels yeah with a bunt with nobody talking to anybody you have no idea what anybody's gonna do people are texting they're on medication they're hungover they're suicide what the they're doing you know and then the top of that you got to look out for the guys splitting lanes and the motorcycles and it's pretty amazing how few accidents are actually are there it is it is and what I fly the Robinsons they get a bad rap saying they're not safe because they look at the amount of crashes that they've had but it's because it's a helicopter you can afford so it's inherently a low our pilot and if you look at it it's most of the time it's not it's not the it's the it's the person flying it which is why you really have to be on it like

06:44you you you can't it's it's just not something I don't know how explain it it's this weird thing where your your level of enjoyment is way higher if you're if you're riding in it you know if you're the person flying the whole time you have your life and other people's life's at hand so that you're not really oh look at that oh look at that look at that yeah I'm also like you know thinking things of like you know when we were flying through that Canyon Union you thought that at that I think in that I'm looking you know knowing where the wires are and where the road is because that's all trees so it's gonna be the road so there's those you know when you're kind of going around a bend you know it there's certain like altitudes and stuff just it's it's boring but it's just stuff that you're always thinking that you know I imagine like when you fight there's that you know I know a lot of

07:32it's like instinct and stuff but this these things that you just don't do you know what I mean I don't know anything about fighting I was hurt in boxing you know lead with an uppercut it's just it's just things mm-hmm you don't you see a lot of guys like when they go to take off they do this thing like the nose down attitude like I was taught not to do that because I they do that cuz it looks cool I don't know why they do it I mean you're supposed to look I was taught you're supposed to keep it level so that way if you have a problem you know you you're already in you the right attitude to just immediately enter enter an auto like now if I'm nose down and if I'm too far to the ground I was gonna go right into the ground I don't know but I mean I'm still like totally a novice I'm coming up on 200 hours so I don't know a lot but I'm super super super super cautious and I make sure I don't

08:19go too long without doing auto rotations I used to hate them and now I actually really liked them it was sort of the way it was explained to me I didn't get it until one day I just thought about it and then I got it and I was able to lock into it because it's but it's the same inputs if you were going in for a landing but they broke it down to like four steps like it was low rpm you know lower collective gentle F cyclic you know look at your trim strings you know it was a trim state trim airspeed rpms and just doing all this and the reality is just like it's the on right pedal Jesus Christ I forgot that right pedal so it's all the same it's all the same input if you were going in for a landing so all I do anytime I'm here the low rpm is I just do that and then I'm locked into it and then I'm just watching my then I can just watch my rpms and at this point I've flown enough where I

09:11kind of know where I'm in trim which basically means you're not like crabbing and you're kind of going straight and then you can kind of like pick out your spot and then it becomes fun is what's cool is you can do like 180 autos you can turn around and what I do like about it is when you come down to the ground as you can bleed off all of your airspeed that forward motion that's gonna kill you and as long as you don't up and flare and go back up and then drop like it you know you know it's kind of like a hockey stop as the way it was described to me just level it out and right as you go to drop you pull like that and these guys land on like daisies and stuff it's it's really amazing I'm not as good as that but like I will do it where you know worst case scenario you know I might like get a little bit of a bomb yeah but I'm gonna be alright so yeah I

09:55don't know now there's probably a bunch of people saying I don't know what the I'm talking about which admittedly you know I still think there's a lot of I need to learn about stand-up so as long as you go into things like that you know well the the fact that you're doing it and the fact you learning a new thing that's really difficult to learn don't you think that that's good for your brain no I am a big believer in constantly learning it's why I like you as a person because you're constantly like you're not the Joe I knew three years ago in a good way you're like you you learn all of this you know I first met you you weren't hunting you were into Marsh that was thinking you would you a two dimensional you were which was amazing because everyone was just a community with this Taekwondo champion stand-up guy and then and then since then you've added all

10:42like the guests that you have on the fact that you're able to like talk to him when stuff is because you've continued to you know you know it's it's the same thing with like a comic who writes his first hour and then just sits on it for like eight years yeah and all of a sudden two presidents goes by and it's like why aren't they laughing anymore it's like because you're just stuck in time so III yeah I believe in that I also believe in playing cards card games and stuff is good for you and in any games if they say yeah video games you know people like the on video games but they say video games have a positive cognitive effect on kids yeah this is calculating and move it you're thinking fast yeah they're hand-eye coordination is like insane yeah I guess if you some of those games if if you play them I guess I don't know well that you think about the amount of

11:26hours they're putting into their thumbs just how often do you really use your thumb and like detailed ways very rarely but kids today ridiculous thumb dexterity I tapped out Grand Theft Auto 3 is when I stop which is about 2003 2002 or something I just think they were just too amazing and I was just like I am nowhere in my career right now and this is just dude I was walking around living in New York at the time and I would stop playing the game and I would be walking down the street thinking about it like what I could walk into the subway you know like not thinking about jokes thinking how I could beat this next level I remember I played this medal of honor game and they had this thing when you hit the sniper button like the scope would go like that and Exce would go like that and I played it one day a 1-week so much that when I walked out on the street I was looking

12:17at people across the street doing like their that X just like there's something about like I already I'm not the brightest guy you know when it comes to like school and so it's just like I was like this is doing something to my brain so I kind of remember came home and I just unplugged everything but really quickly took everything off because I knew I was never gonna figure it out and I didn't have any instructions anymore I just stuck it in the back like well that's it I did the same thing with video games with quake I had a real problem when I was playing eight hours a day ten hours a day sometimes I had a t1 line installed in my house just so I could play with a fast internet connection this is like 1998 yeah this is crazy I mean there was slow internet where I was so I said well what's the options and so one option is they chew up the street and put this

13:04crazy fat business line cost me a shitload of money and I was like let's do it so it stalled a business line that would use at the time you'd use for a large building right and I had it just for my my house and I would play video games online all the time and you could play online against people for the last 20 years oh yeah I didn't know that we play online teams we'd have teams of guys like like me and three of my friends would play against four other guys and we'd like meet at a certain server and you know you could chat talk to each other all right you ready to go all right let's go three two one go and then you know what the game will start and then we we'd have these matches and it was fun man it was really fun it was really exciting too because it's all happening in real time yeah but I reached a point somewhere around like the year 2000 where I know one day I

13:56played until it was sunlight until the Sun came up and you know I'm thirty years old yeah and I'm sitting there my hands are sweating I'm all caffeinated up I've been drinking Mountain Dew for the past eight hours and I realized like what am i doing like this is I you know I'm not where I want to be as a comic I'm not wearing where I want to be with my life and I'm just sitting here playing video games all the time and there's no future in this because I've been stuck in things where there's no future before I know what that is I felt like that with fighting I was when I was 21 there was a point in time where I was like there's no future in this I'm just gonna keep getting hit in the head and I'm gonna get dumber and more brain damaged and more crazy I'm like this is dangerous and I realized I am I gonna stop I gotta stop there's no fear in this there was no money and fighting

14:44back then either and then I got there with pool same thing with pool like my manager called me up and he said I think you play pool too much he's like he's like I think that you seriously think about pool more than you do your career and I respect him and he's a very good friend of mine so I had a really really Paul I didn't you know I didn't take it lightly I had to take a deep breath and I was like he's right right I play pool all the time was playing every day I have I have a real addictive person - I do - so I get like like how many hours I want to get flying and then like things I want to learn playing drums and stuff and then it becomes I I've had to learn to be like built these are hobbies yes yes okay dad first and you're a comedian let's go to priority the world isn't waiting for you to know how to play good times bad times yeah that can sit back a little bit but

15:39the fact that you're doing that kind of stuff I think is great I loved I really identify with you in a lot of ways when you do that well you get crazy about drums are you crazy booking up yeah everything I just I just I go down like I got to learn all about lay yeah everything came out here I got into old cars and then all of a sudden I was watching this guy eric the car guy i found him most fascinating because he would work on like cars of today will you just open the hood it's like what is everything and where the how do you get it and he's just taking off all this plastic and just digging all the way down and he's just like you know if you can't remember just videotape it just remember how it all goes together dude one time he I forget what the hell he was changing but he had to take the whole front end of this car off to change something that I used to be

16:24able to change unlike my 83 Ford Ranger I know that guy I know what you're talking about yeah yeah it's in it's McKee does every electrical he just everything and I would just sit there I watched all of that I watched all the way back to people rebuilding like flathead v8 and what made it a flathead and I never got any electrical that always seemed like magic to me like I never got into that I was scared like oh you touch it you get electrocuted but I got all into like watching like like somebody rebuild an engine like just from the bottom to the top it just wasn't a lot of stuff right it was like the crankshaft and then there was the that held on the Pistons he put the drop two Pistons in and then there was the intake was at the intake manifold and another was the the big thing the valves see gapping the valves that seemed like out man if you that up

17:17this thing isn't gonna run right and and just knowing that the firing thing and I got into like torque wrenches and I learned how to change brakes on like a like old-school like shoe brakes and stuff like that I got all the right wrenches and all that I don't know how to adjust them I know where you do this is little slit in the back of the wheel and I thought you just put them close to it you spits right up against the drum you're supposed to put them on and I got totally into brakes for a while I tried to rebuild the carburetor failed miserably cuz it was really old and I took off too many parts it was like warped and so was that you dodge the truck now for it it's good for ya ya ones afford a black it's black yeah yeah nothing was brown I don't know what years I like 60 68 who's made I looked up the VIN number it was actually made in Canada crazy and March

18:07of 68 I want to say Toronto or something like that like that I guess they had a factory up there or whatever so in March of 1968 that thing rolled off and I think it spent most of its life down south like in Georgia did you swap the brakes out for disc brakes I did i Chris Titus was the one who helped me with that he put I did one side he did the other but he did the other but he showed me I was just doing what he told me to do so I had all drum brakes and I wanted to keep it all original but you know people were pulling out in front of me like I had disc brakes I'll tell you what's hilarious when I only had drum brakes I locked him up one time in front of a bunch of Millennials and they've never heard that sound that they all went like that and all I was doing I just you know the light turn you know fast the yellow lights are out here I was kind of an East Coast mindset like I

19:00can make this no I can't and I just I didn't think I hit him that hard I kind of went a little sideways and then it was hilarious is like this outdoor cafe and they all looked over and then I just had to sit there it was almost like that Artie Lange movie when he mooned he moons the crowd and the guy gets out and just leaves in there he's like oh he was he was supposed to keep going like that's like actually embarrassed I probably waved and said sorry those brakes were terrible it's amazing nobody died or more people didn't die rather those brakes I used to have a 1970 Barracuda that had those kind of brakes oh yeah I know just 71 when I was in high school and you'd hit the brakes and they were just skid I mean there was everything locked up yeah that lock breaks one of the greatest inventions yes incredibly I mention know I used to drive my truck before I had power

19:50steering I got put power steering in an air conditioning it was just like just a basically a farm truck and it was like no power steering three on the column which I still have because I think that's cool and I used I got stuck in the teeth of the love one night like the you know traffic I always said stuck I'm driving through the teeth of it be like between five and seven I was coming from Santa Monica driving over to the Laugh Factory and I literally by the time I got to the Laugh Factory I was like tired man I know I'm an older guy but just like shifting and like you know like well yeah when you're at a dead stop and you're just turning the weight of that and this is giant steering wheel to give you like leverage that's why the thing is so big and I was just like oh my god like I you know doing a three-point turn and that like my triceps would be burning not in

20:38the best shape but I'm just saying it's like I got to make my life a little easier even my little car that little red car that I have that doesn't have any power steering and when I when I turned that thing that car is so light and tiny it's hard to turn though like when I have to pull into the parking lot of the Comedy Store and I have to back it up so that I could get out of there quick yeah it's a pain in the dick it's yeah three-point turns are not three-point turn it's like four or five points yeah I wonder if back in the day cuz those those original cars they had those little skinny bike tires on it it was it was just easier to turn and then is they got like heavier and wider well you know my Corvette has that modern suspension on that 65 Corvette and it has really wide tires he's a big ol steamrollers just for a goof I had the power steering taken off I'm like

21:21let's see what it's like to have the power steering that's horrible it was horrible like you'd get a forearm workout just driving around driving on the street yeah yeah yeah you're bouncing around it was too much I had to change it back yeah I have old cars though there's something about the idea that you could fix it you could go in there and with a good book or a good video you can actually fix it you know I know a lot of guys would fix things I know guys have changed their transmission they've gone in there and swapped their transmission out for a new one you know it's just balls to take it apart and then the patients like I don't you got to ask for help and like I just found like it was just like and like I need what tool I don't have the tool then you have to order it was really frustrating and that was a quick sort of like rabbit hole I went down so

22:10I like now that I kind of understand how the whole thing comes together but like yeah I guess that gets back to the whole going down the rabbit hole thing there's a guy who's got a great video that you would love and it's on petrol ish as' and it's the videos called I think it's called a one-car for everything and this is God mm he's a fiction writer mm-hmm Brett's like screenplays and never worked on a car in his life decided to want to buy an old Porsche so he bought like a 1971 Porsche and didn't know jack about cars so he starts learning one called car to do it all that's it so this guy puts together this car and then starts working on it and then takes his garage and turns his garage into like a professional workspace digs a hole in the ground puts a lift in in the floor of his garage like blaze cement does everything this guy married Wow doesn't seem like yeah it doesn't seem

23:11like he's gonna do with that old car what this is the car it's a beautiful car look at that thing I'd love those old and that's you know my little car is 71 that looks like a nineteen late 70s to me no it's a flat no a flat hood the the long hood rather the long hood models are like 68 67 68 - like 73 that's his name Jack Olsen it's a really cool video because this is a guy that didn't have any background in it that's his garage he built all this he built the whole garage and he just decided look I just slowly get into it and understand it and he has different arrow like see that giant wing that's arrow that he puts on only when he's at the racetrack so he can unbolt it and do it he uses this car for everything he uses this car to go get groceries yeah yeah that's that's that looks like yeah it's a beautiful car those cars are so light to their cars like mm did he he

24:09flared out the fenders all right no no the RS are from that era had no fenders yeah Wow yeah well they had to have fat rear fenders and fat rear tires because the engines in the back and those things snap around when you take in turns because the balance is way off like the engine is hanging out behind the rear wheels it's not a mid-engine car it's a rear-engine car which is extremely rare and the only Porsche really does it and so you get something called lift throttle oversteer when you're in a turn you have to keep the the pedal on you have to keep the gas going when you're in a turn if you let off the turn your rear end just pops out and you you get oversteer you spin around in a circle so they used to call the turbos widow-makers because the way they used to have those old cars they used to have those really shitty tires like that like he's got new modern compound tires on

25:04that thing so it probably sticks like glue but the old tires were they were terrible so you'd have this super powerful engine the weird dynamics where the engines hanging out behind the axle I never thought about that yeah talking so much fun to drive there's so much fun it is so engaging I love taking it to the store because by the time I get to the store like my brains firing it's like popping because I've been shift in there it's like a Nicole it's air-cool you know it's not a very like that red car is not a very fast car like a modern car you're Tesla's way faster than it is but it's what it is is it alive it's like make it feel the gears like when you shift in put that sucker in a second it's just very visceral you know yeah I drove buddies Tesla one time that was ridiculous I just asked ya know my head was tingling like I said blood rush into the

25:59back and he just had the one motor and every guy I know that has Tesla a handful handful I should say they all got invited to the factory when they got the motor on the front wheel and the back wheel and all of them said no to that car going dude I would die if I got that it's like almost like Superbike motorcycle fast yeah like a racing motorcycle level fast it's zero to 60 in like to point something seconds and then they have that new one that roadster that's coming out that's one point something seconds one point something seconds zero to 60 yeah you're in a missile I mean it's the only way to put it like God forbid somebody's foot slips off the brake the gas yeah you're gonna obliterate a street full of people that's crazy it is crazy it's bad enough somebody does that on a bike you can do that on a car with all that weight and those tehsils a heavier

26:50cuz of that battery I guess which I didn't really I think I would think cuz there was no power train or anything yeah that it would be lighter but I guess that battery is like super heavy there or and they don't make any noise yeah which is even weirder so they're coming at you you don't even know yeah they're kind of lost but I don't you know I don't like the front end there's no grill like the front end is boring it is kind of boring kind of boring I think yeah it's like the new one isn't the Roadster I've seen the Roadster can I promote another Patrice yeah yeah what it's February 19th look at this annual Tesla's new emissions testing mode will produce loud nasty farts on demand it makes fart added a fart app this week oh that's so ridiculous it's got seven different parts there are six different fart sounds than one automatic you can you can set it to like different buttons

27:36like a turn signal and so it makes sounds and then it makes smell to no smell it's that it's just the sound emission oh okay okay that's just stupid anyways the Patrice O'Neal car that farts when is the Ben Fabri wery 19th at the New York City Center and what do we got here I shut off my damn phone we got a Michelle wolf Michelle wolf Jim Gaffigan I got it here and I already forget Sipho sounds myself rich Voss it's all coming back here big Jay big Jay oakerson Gary Gulman Chris red that's a yes sir hello we're gonna try to add a couple more people to it it's at the New York City Center Tuesday February 19th all proceeds go to his family and it's been such a great thing like his you know his mom's been able to get a condo and everything just told because he was taking we basically with that thing we take care of everybody that he was taken care of because you know we you know the

28:36mission was basically all his family should have to deal with is the grief right you know I always think that that's enough and the reason why we continue to do it every year is because his family members are still you know alive and I always hated that when somebody died is to say hey we do one time right there's a sack of money trying to make this last for the next 32 sixty years of your lives you know and and then also because you know he was the best stand-up that I ever saw alive and just keeping his name you know I always think that when anytime somebody says oh you're one of the top bla bla bla bla bla bla and I always think well you know Patrice and Hedberg and all of these guys do Freddy soda what he would have done yes thinking about Freddy I was just thinking about that when you said that that maybe we should do one of those for Freddy's family yeah Freddy was like he

29:21was brilliant oh and he was worried he would imitate his dad shake garlis no it was like it was like yeah he would like hurt the crowd it was like he was a stopped guy - yeah he was every time you saw Freddy Soto he's all about hugs oh there's a good dude I'm buddy last time I saw him we were working and remember the Aspen Comedy Festival yeah I remember yeah and I didn't see him the last couple years maybe I saw him out in LA but that was the time that I remembered because we were kind of in the same group you know group group a or whatever so yeah he was walking around I think was buying something for his wife or his kid or something like that I yeah that one Jesus you know you heard so many was when I was just like Freddy yeah Freddy died I couldn't believe that sleep apnea apparently sleep apnea and pills to go to sleep you know I take ambien if you

30:13have sleep apnea and lock up and you just stop breathing sleep apnea is a real problem I have it I take a mouthpiece I put a mouthpiece in at night when I go to sleep but it keeps my tongue from falling back on my throat a lot of athletes have it the bigger your neck gets the more muscle tissue you have in your neck the more it closes off your air hole when you go to sleep like there's a lot of meat in there well stop filling the next then dude what are you doing a barbell just tie it to the side of your head effective working out you just get a big net dude you do these no one can strangle you that is what it is for real like well someone can definitely still strangle you but it helps a lot like if you get ahold of a regular neck regular necks just comply they just give you please call your next special regular neck I guarantee no one's gonna try and

31:07accidentally take that title that's true regular neck regular neck joe rogan regular neck it's hard coming up with a good name for a special are you do somebody told me you were doing are we saying that you're gonna do your next one independent you're gonna do it independent um no I don't know how I'm gonna do it I'm exploring all like the options and all of that I'm trying I was trying to figure out a way to you know cuz it's just a ton of specials out there was just trying to figure out a way but I mean the you know when was last time we filmed October 2016 so um Dom do I'm doing I'm but it's like am I do I don't know I don't know like I don't I don't it's it's what it is is the special has changed since you and I started yeah we're special was special now what it is is it's just kind of an an hour long advertisement letting people know that you're still out there

31:59and and it's like this just doesn't it documents your stuff though yeah it does it but this is just such a sheer amount of stuff to see to have like an impact the way like I was trying to think maybe the last one that really was just like whoa and I would say would be like maybe Dave Chappelle killing him softly certainly Chris Rock bringing the pain where it was just like you know I'm not saying that weren't ones that like like people talked about but like just that thing where like do you remember when we were kids it was just like you know Friday hey man see you on Monday and then somehow on Monday everybody saw delirious where everybody saw dice or everybody saw Sam Kinison on the the Dangerfield thing and it was just like no one was talking about it and then just like there was only so many channels and that thing just caught enough people's eye and you came to

32:54school Monday and everyone was just talking about it like you know I'm still getting tweets from people saying hey I finally got around to watching Breaking Bad do you know what I mean like I was talking about the wire one time they're like dude you could have said spoiler alert it's like that went off the air in like 2006 like how much time do I have to give you to watch it you know so um I still haven't seen the wire do my buddy his uh his son the number one thing that he watches is he on his phone he's watching one of these guys that gets paid to play video games he watches this guy on his phone play video games everybody does that okay sober common yes so now that's another thing to watch exact forget about online porn and me watching eric the car guy and all that trying to trying to like find like where you can like drop the pamphlets of your career basically to be like hey man i'm

33:58still around i think there's definitely more content now than ever before but for in terms of like the amount of stand-up that's available there's never been more great stand-up available to watch yeah like to think about how many specials there are now i mean it's fun it's crazy yeah really is it is it's yeah so they're not really specials they're not specials they're not specials because because it used to be specials used to be the top comics now right arguably it was basically the top light male comics so the fact that they fixed that is a great thing but now is it though I mean Chris Rock Dave Chappelle Damon Wayans yeah dude there was a lot of there was a lot of white guys there was a lot of white guys was a lot of great black guys too and really the real problem was women there wasn't very many women yeah I mean there's like women in like three

34:48stations there's Apaches there's other people out there don't stay on obsessions there's gotta be anyways but what I'm saying was but it was the best of the best where now it's just everybody it's everybody right right so like I remember when it was changing well I was doing a club and the feature rack was complaining that he didn't get a half-hour special on one of these networks and I'm thinking like you're a feature act I'm like what do you what are you gonna do you're gonna do your whole act and you're still a feature and you want to document that and it's just like they used to give out half our specials when I started out and it was to like guys who had been on the road for like 15 years and they were taken from their headlining hour they will take in half of that like the best bits from an hour and then you know and that somehow through time just became a

35:41feature going up and doing his whole act well Netflix is doing that now they have the degenerate special they have big J did one Joey Diaz did one christina pazsitzky did one I'm not saying it's bad I'm just saying it's changed right so because it's it's even changed since my last special that I put out my last advertisement that I put out our long advertising so you just try to figure out because everything's just changing so fast you're just trying to navigate like where can I put this in all of this right that it's gonna blink enough that someone's gonna stare at it and maybe like watch the thing I just noticed you lights with this guy that's pretty critical right yes well that was the company that makes those octo lights shout-out to octo lights yeah Gaffigan did an interesting thing he decided not to put his newest one on Netflix he puts it on everything it's on

36:35Hulu and Amazon you can get it on iTunes but not Netflix yeah he's a smart guy well I just took a chance I guess you know just decided to see what happens if you just make it available everywhere instead yeah like to talk to him see how successful that was yeah I'll uh because I'm still working out my stress I'll talk to you off here but because I don't want cuz it flex with my I get it ability to yeah you know make something happen so I'll tell you what my idea was but I got nixed I've thought about doing and just put it right on YouTube I've thought about doing that before not getting paid for it just shoving it right on YouTube just see what happens yeah and you too yeah yeah yeah just paying for it and just sticking it out there because if it is an advertisement what's the best way to get it out there well the best way would just be to put it on YouTube right and then to segment

37:27it into like little chunks so that people could digest it and yeah it's people wind up doing that I don't think Netflix takes them down I think when you have bits up that like from specials that that go up on Netflix I think Netflix just lets them stay up it just depends on what year what your contract is is you can work that in we did a special with Paul virzi all things coming up work we did a special with him which was did phenomenal like broke all their online streaming records and it was great because he was a guy that they don't really give special to his right right now you know who did he do this special for Comedy Central oh yeah and so the the streaming version was really successful yeah I mean he did well on well now trying to get people to actually just sit down and watch television like everybody tape you tape right that's just how it works

38:23which is now if you watch like NFL games they have this thing now where the games going on and all of a sudden the game slides to the left and then there's two boxes and the advertising box is bigger because they know that everybody's taping games and they're blowing through it and advertisers somehow can tell if someone fast forwarded through and then that they the NFL doesn't make as much money so now they're they're running like this is weird I think these two things you don't really have to look at the commercial you can just sit there looking at the game but then they're telling you about whatever at the same time yeah it's weird that's gross it's gross but is it I mean that's how you know I think money off advertising it's like my thing and what's gross is is how your what you know if you dump and in the water supply if you got like all kinds of like

39:11you know I mean I think they all have some sort of labor issues I would like that I would like to be able to pay to not have that like if I could Amazon one click them like how much I gotta give you for each game well I don't have to see that yeah but they will think but what the advertisers will do is their pockets are deeper and then they're gonna go big they're gonna find like what's funny is when the internet started out all of a sudden you just you went from watching seeing all these commercials to like nothing to now seeing way more than you ever saw yeah like my the worst is when you're watching a long youtube video and then all of a sudden it just stops and you know they try to make make a nice break and then you just watch this and it annoys me but I'm like well I do advertise on my podcast how upset about this can I get you know I you see when you look at the line and

40:00you see those little yellow lines on the YouTube video where you know that's where the ads are gonna pop up there no I didn't know that yeah isn't that how it works yeah yeah yeah I mean look advertising is what it is I mean it's either that or you do like a patreon type deal when you have people contribute like Sam Harris does that right you know it doesn't you know there's a million ways to do it but like I don't get mad at advertising because like I said a stand-up specials me advertising then I'm gonna be out on the road you say that but it's not it's entertainment it's people that watch it they can enjoy it like okay thinking about it that what there's a way also to do advertising entertainingly like way back those less filling tastes great but like a lot Miller like commercials were great funny yeah you were great and you wanted to see him and you loved him or at least I did

40:47so yeah this way is there's ways to do everything they still have some good commercials like what's that insurance lady who's always in those commercials what is that flow yeah flow she's she's funny there's some funny commercials still but it's you know it's hard I know Seinfeld was actually thinking about opening up an insurance agency at one point time cuz he apparently likes writing stuff like that and he was literally thinking Oh an advertising agency what I'd say insurance man yeah advertising he was thinking about doing that at one point in time yeah about making ads bet he's probably like wait a minute I don't have a real job yeah it's like how much mine do I need yeah guys like that make me feel normal with like car collecting like when I went to Jay Leno's place he's got 11 buildings filled with cars Mike oh okay I see where this goes yes yes he is I've

41:37never been over there but he has he has enough cars to start his own traffic jam on the he could fill up the 405 one side of it I would think he could fill up the Pasadena Rose Bowl you can fill up the parking lot it's ridiculous I'll take you you want to go yeah but I love it does he have bring your truck does he have more cars than days of the year oh yeah cuz I know he also has like motorcycles he said it he's got that hon that's another one that's another one I went down a rabbit hole is uh was it Jays garage yeah yeah great show oh yeah I loved it no I I yeah I got into all a gas monkey garage Jay's garage getting that gas monkey guy on the show oh my Richard Rawlings yeah I just got an email yesterday yeah yeah that guy's a right I love that guy ask him about my favorite episode my favorite episode of that cuz he always like I watch that show so much I

42:34knew the number who's gonna come at like they'd be like okay what do you want for this gone and he always get them to say it first maybe like I mean I was I was thinking like five grand and then he'd be all I could do I could do like 2,700 right and then the guy would then go down to four grand and he would come up like like 300 bucks and he didn't get in the car for like three grand like whatever the you wanted right so one time he went out and he busted this guy down on like a old Trans Am or a Firebird or some I forget what the guy sells it to him for like he wanted like eighteen grand or something he sold it to him for like 11 so he gets the car over there he's talking or he's gonna do a lot with it and all of a sudden the guy's brother calls up and says hey that guy didn't have the right to sell that car that's also mine you got a you know I'm

43:29gonna come down I gotta buy it back from you so the guy comes down and he's you know ask him what he wants for it and Richards just like I mean I was thinking like 20 and the guy goes he goes dude you bought it for my brother I know what you paid for it he actually got the only time I ever saw him get like embarrassed he wasn't he just went into like his his thing and like I swear to God like watching that show like you get better at like negotiating and like and I think occasionally he does like these sketches to where he he'll do like a character imitating like an old-school used-car salesman and you just how good he does it yeah cuz you know it's like he's a performer do anything how good he does is like this guy is like this is just in his blood he's just been a car guy he's been flipping cars yeah I'm trying to be I've seen the show in a minute but

44:18like he used to talk about how he you know by the time he was like 19 he was on like his 30th car or something like he was just like I'll buy this car like that one even just every month would just flip them those cars there's something about those shows that if those an auction shows or any time like pawnshop shows there's something about wanting to know how the deal plays out yeah you know that is so compelling for people there's something I like and I'm a I'll just sit there staring like how much they gonna get yeah how much they gonna get for that yeah whoo that Civil War coins what are those worth and how much they buff sat down and just like yeah I mean that guy Richards probably the best I've seen he's the most entertaining because he's like a fun guy to watch it's a performance yeah he's a oh man i mean i was thinkin oh yeah and then he goes up

45:10to and he pulls out this giant wad it's like dude you had it you had the money the other guy asked to sit there and watch it then he kind of makes fun of him afterwards yeah you know you kind of make you know in a funny like a funny way or whatever but um it's a funny thing too that how appealing that is to men like I bet if you looked at the number of women who watched those car shows versus the number of Motor Trend has a channel now they've their own channel and I guarantee that is 97 percent dudes and three percent women complaining teepees have women going what the are you watching like if you look at the actual numbers like what is it about cars like girls can drive cars girls drive cars all the time girls like cars they don't like cars away guys like cars it's just most of them generally speaking yeah I'll sound like Danica Patrick and a few psychos

45:58yeah I met her one time yes I picture with you yes you did she took me around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's no coming down that straightaway and seen like you know where they had the leaderboard and everything was iconic and I've been to that race a couple of times so it was crazy that's we going she ended all she only went like half the speed of what the car like how fast they would be going at some point we got up to maybe like 140 but we were like going around and like my face was doing this but what I loved about her was she had like test-pilot vibe yeah like she came up and was just vice-like handshake and she'd beast yeah it was pretty uh hey guys yeah she was just totally like looking look at that little difference on her sunglasses and my sunglasses I definitely look live passionately so you know what are you talking about they look the same no no no those are like

46:50right off the Delft what's wrong with your sunglasses worse or hers like you'll see it it's all in the details come on man it's like we you know I I probably you know your Crescent kick probably looks the same as some guy in a strip mall to me I mean I glare as you say Crescent that's one of the rarest kicks anybody ever pulls off it's left over from the 80s whatever but that's kind of legit Crescent kicks kind of I don't think about Meachem is after a while it just all becomes like she'll be good morons yeah yeah and hammies Hemi Cuda we got a Hemi Cuda coming up and Plum Crazy those things are too much you but you buy those things for a million dollars and when their car came out it was like 20 grand I mean not even I like I like weird yeah I like you know I want to get a 76 GMC RV that's what I want to go on the road with yeah then they had this thing

47:40was I think it was called pom pom desert green or something like that it was like this total Ron Burgundy and that thing was way ahead of its time that's not a piece of that's tremendous something you walk off stage and get on that thing you feel like a king you got a driver what do you give a you don't give a about anything I could be on the road forever in that just making eggs on that little stovetop now you're in there drinking you're doing what you want you're watching Goodfellas the anchorman that is pretty beautiful it's so blessed experience - you're riding in that thing you're that's a retro experience it's not just my truck yeah that thing I you know my wife nixed it it's like wait are you gonna put it the driver will keep it I don't need it she was right my wife's always right not always but mostly women don't like when you collect like where you gonna

48:47put that they don't like that you get too many things you know half the reason why I got this place collect here oh yeah nobody can seen nothing the spot woman says nothing no but then it becomes you spend more time down there than you do up here I don't though I've got it I got it nailed I figured it out get up early you being such a jerk that's why they don't have a point I don't actually I can actually refute your opinion your point or whatever it's so universal to all women have that response like is wrong with you yeah yeah we had a highway yeah that's it well imagine being them watching you imagine being a woman have taken care of your children you know you give birth you have this little tiny infant and then financially you're relying on this maniac it's out there flying helicopters and fixing cars and you know playing drums all day it's like what are you long as the money

49:46keeps coming in they can't say anything but they're like what the are you doing the end of the day you're married an eight-year old comedian oh Jesus Christ yeah you're lucky we got drug addicts yeah yeah no I'm I'm uh I got a I got a work on myself man I got a you know I just yeah I am a difficult person to live with evidently I didn't realize it but like I'm now looking at it honestly stepping back and look I got yeah I can see that oh see that yeah I've thought about it I'm definitely difficult well if you don't think about it that remind you about it yeah I mean I just imagine relying on me I mean I'm reliable like I'm not I want to be like if you you could have married the me that worked in a warehouse and I would have been the same thing you know and it we would be in a studio apartment here's the deal though they went to married yet huh yeah yeah yeah if you were just

50:48off never got your together you notice about lemon - is their ability to move on yeah whoa that guy though I've always said like if I ever died how quickly all my clothes would be it down at the goodwill you know and she just be like you know sell the house let's just burn some sage yeah that was interesting all right well my dust to the plate all my discussions with biologists and people who study like what's God's ads what is his discipline behavioral psychology but he studies you know his GAD sad is that last name as his fullness aad G ad that's his first name GAD aad is his last name it doesn't rhyme because it also rhymes Canadian evolutionary behavioural scientist brilliant guy he was so in Lebanon does his name still rhyme that's a good question is there anywhere he can go no me just my name is GAD said no he calls himself the Godfather he's like oh so he

51:47just steered into it he's a great guy I can't matter he's 13 but brilliant on this dad sad I don't think sad means the same thing over there you know differently but in a day it rhymes there's no country you can be on you could be on that little island where they shot that guy with the arrows and they're going to make fun of you sir probably kick you off the island yeah you can't name you keep like some of these celebrities some of the names they name their kids it's just like don't you remember school if you don't remember how mean kids were why are you giving they a point painting a buy get it you're creative yeah have a meditation room don't do that with the name well give him a nice bill named William this is folding chair Johnson people need to express themselves they do it through the naming of their children my other favorite thing that what they do is when they they

52:44put their political agenda on them like that kid doesn't even have a chance like this whole thing like gender roles babies by the way that my little experience being a dad going to kid birthday parties they those kids are not old enough for that behavior to be learned dude the kids come the boys show up it is Braveheart they come over the Hill they the girls are social they're sitting there that kind of the taking things in you know the kids boys coming they dude up we were at one on Saturday and there was this this kid who's hilarious he looked like a little Bobby Hurley he's a point guard right and he was playing this game he had like this ball and he was using his his like forums as a bat and he was hitting and then he would catch it then he would throw it between his legs he was doing all its kids hand-eye coordination was great for his age so over in the corner where I was sitting

53:39with my daughter was these like little like sort of like cushions that someone had put together like three piece thing and made it into like a little chair for someone an old person like me could sit down so I stood up because I was worried the ball was gonna hit so it's kind of guarding that so he went over and got the ball at one point and just seeing the chair there you know all built like that he just saw it and just kicked it just destroyed it and then continued on I think like why did he do that this is a boy he's a boy yeah we like ruined well you got a lot of energy little kids like need something to do that's physical their little bodies have the little little batteries overflowing with energy just saying that their was all about like grabbing throwing breaking yeah breaking yeah do you remember being a kid yeah but he did that yeah so this one this whole thing

54:28of like like well women aren't aggressive like that because you know a standards yeah I think it's they're aggressive in like I think that they literally from like just survival they're looking and like alright that's what I have to compete with and there are you see them looking at the boys who appear to be dominating and what they are is they're actually showing all of their cards and the little girls are already taken and in breaking them down knowing well I can't get physical with this person I can't like dominate this person physically this is definitely and they just immediately stuck on like that's why they're smarter than we are I think no lose you're somewhere that I don't necessarily think they're smarter I think what's going on is that men have we have different DNA and that the the genes are aggressive and men never be doing on reckless right that's I'm

55:25just saying it's not society didn't sit down until they didn't watch three cereal commercials and then be like oh I need to be this I just think that's that's just some that adults comment came up with and it's not just adults it's almost always women it's women that think that there's something wrong with the way men are raising their sons they think there's something like that this idea of these men raising these kids these kids being aggressive is because the way they're being coached that's not true it's just that's just a part of being a boy this is a but ton of studies if people wanted to actually look at the science if you leave boys alone with toys and girls alone with toys boys will gravitate towards trucks and you know things that they can hit and smash and girl sit down there with little teacups and they play with dolls it's natural it's just a hundred percent

56:16natural yeah there's a documentary on babies well you know what babies are gender neutral the raising their kids gender neutral so they don't call them a boy or a girl and my thing with that is there's no way you're not saying to your son you're sure you don't want to wear the dress and then the kid wants to and once the parents approval yeah I didn't want that football I guess I wanted the dress and it's just like like I said you know my kids barely 2 so what the do I know I'm just saying my limited experience at kids birthday parties is it's not even how it was ever even questioned that like they're too too young the year and a half two years old like the you telling me that society has already yeah they have it's ridiculous but it's it's usually women that want to push this and men who are it's like these these men that don't like are the roars they don't like aggressive men they

57:17don't like manly men and so they they push it as well no because they are aggressive and they're controlling and they want to run and that's because that's the thing where it like if you really look at their agenda when they say the future is feminine that's not inclusive and they're and they're all about I'll make this more inclusive it's like no let us in so we can take it over and then we'll push you down is is the psychology of the kind of person that goes after that someone that's after like power I'm not saying the average woman is like that my wife is a feminist and she's into like inclusive but like people who are spearheading stuff yes like those people are wired the same way like you know I mean a Dominator is yes yes and there's gonna be no room for you it's gonna be like think the way like a lot of that that so-called progressives extreme left

58:04is think the way we think say what we say or we will destroy you pull up that tweet that i retweeted today the david pakman retweet david pakman is is liberal progressive guy this woman posts on Twitter she would never vote for a man or a white white man or a white person white why is someone who's white or male he says that's racist and sexist it is so she blocks him on Twitter today she called Boston College demanding that they not have him back as adjunct faculty it's crazy so this woman post this and he points out that it's racist and sexist so she blocks him and she tries to get him fired okay that this is why that whole thing is up okay because he's acting like white people exist on an even plane which is what a lot of people try to do so it's like he's not necessarily he's just saying that what she's saying is racist and sexist yes because she's determining who she's

59:05gonna vote for based entire on the race but there's other elements involved like the level that white people not saying all white people but why people have over people who are not white forget about poor white people who they over so you understand that but they're both right but then like the fact that she then takes it to the point that because he had the audacity to have a difference of an opinion that that's the thing now we're gonna destroy you and you can't be on this thing and then the other level of that is how the corporate entities are so afraid that one nickel is gonna roll out the dough because all of this is you're just a paper tiger until you get the big behemoth to listen to you and there's all of these these things from award shows to this that someone just needs to be like listen this guy already apologized this is this is an old thing or look you just

60:00had a difference of opinion that you know this isn't the first time you're gonna say something and somebody's gonna disagree with you that doesn't mean that this guy can't come back you know and you obviously because of some that's happened to you have an extreme opinion about this guy because of the color of his skin it's like there's so many fucked-up elements to that that but for some reason you can't like if you address that on any level then you're part of the problem and that's not just part of the problem a she's trying to get him fired she's trying to get him fired for pointing out that something is racist not saying if you say what I just says try to look at it 360 oh yeah and you're as much as I can which is why I love South Park is everything that they do they do it 360 right and so I learned a lot from that show by the way they look at stuff like that because I don't

60:50know everything but even just to try to be like well hey you know you know you salted them a little bit I understand what you're saying and blah blah you can't do that anymore cuz then so I mean you're part of the problem and no it's really getting crazy got to the point like I've seen like a name names but I've seen like you know a tweet from a fellow comic telling comics what jokes you shouldn't talk about this topic it's like who the are you I say there's already enough people doing that you're gonna do like cannibalism now have you really using comics sailorman real comics yeah I mean everybody has their opinion on somebody's act but I mean yeah yeah that's ridiculous that's not a real comic um well I wouldn't say that they are real comic they just have an opinion I don't agree with they can off yeah I mean yeah I mean trying to have less confrontations of I

61:44understand in my life here that kind of drives me crazy though which drives me most crazy is this bullying like she's trying to get him fired try to get him fired for having an opinion on something that she publicly stated one of these that somebody running one of these things has to be like you know and it can't just be private it has to be a public tweet to say that this is it's just going too far and this thing where you have a difference of an opinion now and they're just gonna you know take your job away you know I ran into this you know when you know when the me to stuff first started coming out people would try to like you know you know you had to tweet the right thing and if if you said anything sort of oh let's let's look at the evidence god forbid you said that and it just became like this whole you're part of the problem then they would try to take you down or someone

62:39you were you were friends with or doing a show with are represented by they would tried to do like that pressure to try in and it was just like you know you to say I was like no I'm not doing that and then it just goes away cuz you know the leg to stand on well also the people that are doing it it's a small percentage of it's a very unbelievably small yeah unbelievably small and the in you know comics it's like we're literally running for office we're out there campaigning you're in for this election that never happens and you're going through red states blue states you're going through everything and the general consensus of people is like like dude that was crazy like that that doesn't make sense but no one wants to say it because they're gonna get steamrolled and we all saw what happened to Matt Damon right Matt Damon said we have to make a differentiation between the

63:26Harvey Weinstein's in the world and then someone who you know because he's on sorry he goes on a bad date there's a big difference between those two and they attacked him they tried to get him pulled off of that movie Ocean's eight yeah and they were acting like that like killing somebody versus stealing a car versus jaywalking like that literally the whole judicial system is based on what you did is your punishment your parents do that right yeah and I mean you bad was what you did yeah yeah that's all that's what that sounded like that yeah he's exactly we live in a world now I have to be measured in the way that I say that what he said you know affected me how I heard it and then also this is just a typical bald white male yeah and they did they go in that route it's like youyou literally sound like what the you're against and it's it's a it's not gonna last and I feel like it's like

64:24the end of the winter and people want to go outside and get some Sun on their face and you didn't like no no like taking people by the back of their neck and shoving their face in the it that you can't sustain that no it doesn't because work you don't get people to change by yelling at them doesn't work or bombing them like what the we're doing it like yeah that's not all you're doing is you just building up resentment yeah and more people want to take you down so that's like they don't understand psychology so what they think is this is their time this is their time to get back at man this is their time to yell at men this is it time to where the future is feminine t-shirts this is a time to take their stand and they did you not see the women's March saw a bunch of people walking all right listen I'm not saying the points that they're making don't need to be made I'm not

65:18saying that their complaints are not just it's it's the execution of it yes where it's like you're gonna go through intimidation and destroying people like exactly people's careers and people you have to publicly apologize it's so it's like there's all young people yes some of the biggest bullies right now I can't believe it because I'm a lefty are on my side of the fence and you know when someone's on your side of the fence and you're looking at them like you sound like a crazy person that's when you've entered like you know what was your special strange times yeah weird yeah like it's like it is strange yeah it is strange because it's it's they feel like they're justified because they feel like with a maniac like Trump in the office that they have to do what they have to do to change the world but you don't change the world by yelling at people doesn't work that way and there's

66:11this real points to be made as real points about I couldn't imagine being a woman working in an office with a bunch of guys trying to you all the time it's got to be a goddamn nightmare I can't imagine having a bunch of bosses that literally tell you you suck my dick I'll give you a raise yeah yeah that happens yes it's got to be hell I get it I mean I guess but you have to be you gotta be like 1/8 though eight on up to deal with that every day I mean let's be honest you know I mean there's really there's really six is out there this really good if you got person to him a lot got a nice ass just say you know it's just like some of that is like you know it's it's that I always viewed it like like you every watch like they're behind the scenes of like a prison and the first thing every guy thinks is how the would I not get raped in there right exam women have

67:03to think that just yeah walking down the street so that's how I wrap my head around to be like wow okay like what they saying is like cuz I I don't like like like a lot of the arguments and right like that doesn't make sense it's what doesn't make sense to me is the children of the corn torches burning and just like the way that this just I mean a lot of people like they do that with like our foreign policy like this whole thing is bankrupt at this country every August now they just shut down the government which has just become normal and all they do to to make it like okay is they just raise the level of debt that we legally can take on or whatever and it's like I let's do this for another year and if you question any of that that means you don't support the troops and you're a piece of you need to get the out of here and it's like so much stuff doesn't make sense to me like I just saw

68:05Michelle Obama they had this tweet of her wearing these glitter thigh-high boots and said sets Twitter on fire with their $4,000 boots and it's just like you know did you question where she got that money the president makes 500 grand a year she blew 4 grand on fly high boats and don't even talk to me about the book deal and all of that that guy his first like to you know public speaking engagement things were like with major banks and you go out on the roads the dock and all these guys are like all these fellow Americans are upside down in the house from those banker who did not get did not get punished in 2008 they all shaming talk about like people who should have that lives burned down those people and these guys that there and they have their faces in the same pig trough it's the guys with the red ties and for whatever reason like I don't and I don't know why

69:06like they get a pass exactly and it doesn't make any sense how much more serious like drone strikes more more innocent civilians were killed with drone strikes during Obama's administration I know that's right they're telling me you fighting terrorism while you're creating more of it because all I would want to do is just get revenge exactly and you know I have very simplistic ways of how to get the out of there how do you do it well I mean I'm not saying the air would be cleaner because I don't know what like when you throw a Tesla battery into the ocean what that does to it I'm sure it's horrible but I know that they're a one-stop shop over there in the Middle East they got oil and that's it you know I always compare them remember that kiosk in like the south shore Plaza in Boston there was something it was a place called wicks and sticks all they did was sell candles which just seemed

69:54like a really vulnerable business or pewter pot they first they just sold muffins and then they started doing full breakfast well they'd like a pewter pot that just selling muffins so if we stop buying muffins and we got enough oil here if we switch to solar power and all that hell the windmills are ugly and I know it's probably just as much bad on the environment but what it does is it gets you out of there and it bankrupts them and then they don't have the money to funnel through the mosque to to fund the terrorists well the United States is exporting oil now which is crazy I mean we have a lot of oil all right and especially through you know probably I'm just saying but if you ever suggested yeah which I think I just did I think then for some reason I don't love my country and like I'm trying to solve it I'm a frugal guy you know I don't you know I don't spend beyond my

70:43means and you know I don't like debt in that type of I don't know how the these guys I think that's why the president age is so much well then I'm gonna sleep the pressure you imagine the dead bodies everything all of that a is knowing how everything really works oh yeah Trump doesn't seem to mind he just takes an extra adderall keeps on trucking he doesn't seems like he's all the scandals that guy seems complete cause I think you he's a certain level sick mentally that it doesn't it doesn't get in I mean I because he hasn't aged at all now granted he's got all that white stuff around his eyes and you know I don't know what he's doing with the hair but the hair is usually the tell-tale sign but I go gray yeah it's one of the only presents that you know it's like half of that shit's probably from a doll like who knows where that he's got enough money to do

71:38like a transplant at this point I can't do a transplant on that thing he's never knee he doesn't have any donor area I mean he's got it all in the back though no he doesn't you ever see what happens when it flies up in the back when the wind hits it the backs all balled all because he probably did the original plugs and they didn't take who knows what he's got going on back there he's got chaos going on back there you ever seen it yeah I mean he's the resin hits it in his hair flops up but you ever seen the video of him it looks look he's a guy wearing a demon oh yeah like what even wearing his mask it's very wispy not just wispy like it's missing look like look like glob a baby do you know be nuts if he gets a second term and he shaves his head there would be nuts and he would just look like the most evil dude ever like that would be like if you got a second term

72:24shaves his head starts doing intermittent fasting lifting weights gets on steroids drops down about a buck 90 jacked yeah I mean that would I think yeah it's definitely I don't that's why I'm trying to just in my own little world I'm trying to chill out more and I'm trying not to there's just there's enough yelling I don't think that they need it from me now let's think more mocking and laughing than yelling for sure but when you see enough of those the future is feminine t-shirts and you see enough hypocrisy and you see enough people trying to take people out for commenting on what's sexist and racist and trying to get people fired like it's a time of outrage across the board and you have to respond a little bit you have to let people know hey this is ridiculous like there's there's a certain obligation especially comedians have as a social commentator you see some stupid if

73:22you're not commenting on it there's if you choose to go that some people just like I'm just gonna let you forget your whole workweek and I'm just and talk about a bunch of small stuff like Seinfeld type stuff yeah I mean some people don't comment on anything that's controversial some people they'll go their entire career but what I've always loved about Seinfeld is like if you really listen to him he has contempt I said this on the comedian's and cars he has contempt for like 90% of things this anger underneath this Bryan Regan's like that to Brian Regan used to do that bit about the cattle prod you know the walk run walk stand line on the on the the the moving sidewalk at the airport when he would act out the cattle prod that he wanted to do I was just like there it is there it is he's one of the nicest guys ever Brian Regan he is so nice he's an unbelievable just decent fully formed

74:21human being he really is a great guy he also knows when to get on stage when not to get on stage if he's drunk he won't get on stage oh yeah the other day he was at the store he was hanging around I had my show in the main room and they said Brian you want to do a set he's like thank you I've had a bit too much to drink yeah it was in the back bar a little bit lit up and he just said I just don't think it's a good idea yeah cos he's got that squeaky clean act if he goes up there this yeah hey can't you just can't I've only got twice in my life I've been on stage drunk once was in Ireland oh that's a good place to be drunk yeah and then the that's not doing the Kilkenny festival along go and then another time I had gone to a Red Sox Yankees game got drunk at the game thought it was sober and somebody text me as I got back to the city going hey you want to do a spot you know got

75:10off the subway won't do a spot I was like yeah and I thought you know you know when you're so drunk that like just drunk feel sober and I got on stage and I was just like oh and I really had to slow down I was like slurring it was going on people immediately everything I've learned it as a comedian it was like I had like opened my core energy and the whole crowd reacted that way and I had to kind of slow down and get it going I don't think I did my time I was like sweating my mouth was dry I was just like alright that's it for me that was my closing bit that's it for me yeah so never did that again yeah it's uh anything that slows your brain down it's not the best yeah but a little buzz doesn't hurt anybody just a little bit uh I don't yeah we drink you like one drink yeah drink I know you don't like anything no I don't like I have like a rule that I don't used to what right you used to

76:10have like a drink before you go forever no not even now it'll drink no never why did I think you did no confusing you with somebody maybe yeah so I know I'm like I'm kind of just I don't know I I was I drunk too much you know I was just drank too much and then I just take some time off so I'm just taking time off from boozing right now I know you got on a big diet kick for a while you got down pretty light didn't ya you go pretty heavy and then you lost a ton of weight and you developed ABS again I got four out of the eight I got halfway there it's good I got halfway there and then then I had a six-week run on the road and it just it's just sucks man I ate perfectly I wasn't drinking for like two months now almost three months and then six weeks six weeks and you just you know it's just it's just it's it's not fair it's not fair that there's no way in a

77:03healthy way to really lose like five pounds a week but you can easily put on six no problem no problem especially in like New York you could just you could do it you can lose five pounds a week if you really have the weight to lose I was gonna say like I was gonna say tenth cuz I knew you're gonna yeah that sounds rough ten ten you're dehydrating yourself but you can lose five no but I mean like not losing muscle mass by just doing it the right way and you're gonna keep it off I'm not talking about some celebrity crash diet or I gotta make weight for this fight I mean like like legit just how easy I mean Jesus New York City get a couple slices of pizza every night after a night of drinking mm-hmm you're of a certain age that's it five pounds all of a sudden you you know slacks aren't fitting with this boosting yeah yeah I do you ever do intermittent fasting you know what that

77:52is yeah you ever try that yeah it's called sleeping I haven't eaten for eight hours it's supposed to wait Cigna teen breakfast break fast yeah no I can do that that's not you know fasting isn't that hard it's just if you start at 4:00 in the afternoon and then you know by the time you wake up the next morning you've gone so long me not really even hungry anymore yeah and then you kind of find and it's just that first night and then you're all right I know a buddy of mine does it he goes dude I still work out I don't do anything goes I have this ridiculous amount of energy and all this I was just like I heard when you're fasting you're not supposed to do that he's like it's all it's all you heard when you fast you're not supposed to what exercise yeah like you're supposed to be chilling no no you can exercise you can definitely especially anymore this second

78:38non-doctor to tell me I could do that yeah so I'm waiting for someone with at least that has a lab coat Halloween costume to tell me that I'll get down D'Agostino he's a guy gets sad glad God sad we have a guy that's been smarty is asking you I'd be like I'm sorry does your name rhyme whatever yeah that is short for something like gadzooks one of the great drummers of all time Steve Gadd really mmm-hmm gadzooks is a great name now if you name your kids get Zuke's it's just it's just not fair to Joe gadzooks is not a bad name it's kind of cool gadzooks remember that people would say that gadzooks I was like a comic book type thing like when people are stunned I'd say gadzooks I would say sting I live in Zeus yeah Lebanon common male Arabic name given a means Felicity I know but the do they if your last name is sad do you have to name your kid GAD I just can't picture a part

79:40of the world where your name rhymes and you have to deal with that every time oh god say yeah I get it it rhymes can I have my falafel I don't want to talk to him huh you could do your show he'll do show he's funny guy you talked to about that I don't have smart people on their podcast ever you've never done it right why I make an exception we did it at my place okay Syd been that long yeah yeah yeah yeah or we did it no we didn't do it at my house we did it at the studio yeah yeah okay yeah I like how you do it though I keep telling comics I'm late look look what Bill does he doesn't need anybody he doesn't need anything he's got a recorder and he just rambles yeah that's great yeah that's because of my childhood the way you just said that what are you saying anybody doesn't need anything he doesn't need anything yeah that's where I went and that was my protective place I went

80:44mentally he doesn't start talking to yourself no I was just like I everybody I don't need anybody okay I don't care which wasn't true I did care right you did care but you just say I don't care I don't give a that's a pretty common thing amongst comics don't you think no I think I'm unique oh no I know I guess it is there's a few guys that are doing that now like you though like Theo von does his podcast very similar to the way you do it he just rambles you know daliyah does it very similar just rambles but that's a great it's gotta be a great way to develop material like come on I try not to take too much from there you know I answer questions and I have like my little tent poles I got to get me through it but uh I man I don't know like it just started I was a way to promote my dates and I would just talk hey what's going on I'd make a couple of jokes oh I'm gonna be with the punchline

81:36in San Francisco but boy it was only like a minute long two minutes long and then just got a little longer and long I would tell some stories I used to call in a service is how I did it and it would record me on the phone so I had my little flip phone and I remember those yeah like at an airport and talking on the phone it was like a phone call yeah and I'd be making fun of fat people and as they're walking by how long were those then those started to get to be 10 minutes 15 and then half hours to the point was you know I noticed that was talking on a cell phone like my head felt like it was getting cooked and then you know then I started like oh I need you know I'll answer questions and I had a thing for a while overrated underrated then I had a segment is it racist but then somebody said tosh point-o had something like that so i'd get rid of that yeah just

82:26kind of did that now I just I don't know I just sit down sometimes I forget that I'm talking to anybody all those years of just being on the road just talking to yourself in the car so do you talk to yourself with the road on your car yeah really I listen to music I fantasize about being in the band I listen to music when I listen to a music like you pick any song and I'll tell you who I am in the band during it like I know you're an hour Smith guy right so train kept a-rollin I'm Joe Perry okay when he's playing the guitar and then when Stephen sings I'm Stephen do the whole fantasy I'm just like jumping around like I'm in Star Trek okay and then when Joey Kraemer does the the drum roll in the middle then I'm Joey and yeah I just crush it it's just a whole fantasy of me have you ever met those guys I met Tommy Hamilton joe perry did my podcast he's great yeah

83:26yes great guy down to earth yeah hanging out with them you like forget just one of the greatest guitarists of all time yeah all the riffs syrota he's a regular dude yeah Steven Tyler I met one time yeah just all uh yeah but I I always like you know just that that whole band experience is it's very a lot like stand-up where in the beginning you're doing these impossible gigs mhm and you get like this you know you know it's it's like you against them and even like cuz you came up as an open mic or the band was kind of at the class of open my kurz and you'd go up there and you know if the crowd got the better of you you'd like if you know if your buddy told that person to shut the up or whatever I just like that whole thing you know like when I read that you know one of those Guns and Roses books about how their first gig was in Seattle and they had this this van or something and it broke

84:19down and they just kept going and they just with thumbin and they just somehow got there at the last second they just did the gig you know I just don't know so I just would think it would be all like think it wasn't those great feeling as a comedian to turn a room around yeah but to actually being a band and you know you did it with somebody else you actually share it with somebody as opposed to you know doing it by yourself and then going back to the super 8 you know I love that you do those gigs where you get together early with Dean Del Ray and you guys play music and hear things dean del rey can sing his ass off no dude he's good yeah like he's really good he has all the rock star moves and like he's he's legit yeah we had a great time the clips he was showing you that was at the Forum and then I'm singing a whole lot of Rosie yeah I was like holy yeah

85:11like that is he's got a voice on yeah man and we didn't tune down a lot of times like when you go see a band you don't really notice but like they tune down half a step or a full step and sometimes you know people can get way the down on certain songs but he they still I saw Guns N'Roses recently actually is give me some volume on yes small that's Michael Devon on bass - Andrew yeah awesome cover yeah we did it might be a little slow it's like you guys are like you're you're a fun band together but you got a legit professional singer well that guy on bass plays in Whitesnake that's Mike Devon oh she's in Massachusetts guy no he's a beast he's a piece for some reason everybody looks like they playing left-handed there I had a girl I dated once I got in a car accident with her some old man ran a red light and slammed into us and I the car got totaled sorry they're taking the car

86:44away and I have a box of my cassettes in the car and she sees the Whitesnake cassette and she threw it away she's like why you still listening to this my bladder I'll let it throw it awhile she must be beautiful she's pretty hot she's older than me it's night that's why 1988 chucked my Whitesnake checked it out so sad and because that's somebody sent me one that somebody sent me a Whitesnake cassette I got a Whitesnake cassette sitting around here somewhere someone's here dude I feel bad oh yeah those first relationships this you my you tolerate that's amazing I know yeah I know but she was a woman that was the thing I was still kind of a boy and she was a woman you know she was 25 she's on her own for quite a while oh yeah I mean when I was 23 I dated a 30 year old mmm that was not uh that was not the way to go David I think they treated you like a toy yeah

87:50and it was like you know she'd been through a bunch of relationships so she knew how to put up she knew how to post up in the thing so I was just like she was ready for you oh yeah yeah it was fun she was cool and everything but it was just like yeah then it didn't work out yeah obviously yeah I felt like I was a dog like I was a like I was a like she got a dog you know like you know chicks get a German Shepherd you know yeah you were German Shepherd psycho I was crazy back then to this house I was still fighting so it was like I was 21 and she was uh graduated from college grown woman had a job and a career at CDs no cassette tapes anything yeah I'd CDs in the cars in 88 did they know they did cuz I remember a buddy of mine in 88 a buddy of mine he had the first one he had a Volkswagen Scirocco that we thought was amazing right that was like a sports car

88:50yeah and he had this might have been 89 though 89 or 90 I came out but that's kind of a blur back then so long ago but he had like the they would like mount it like you had almost like a disc man it wasn't like in the dashboard and it would just sit on like the little console in the middle so another thing if he went over a bump it would skip you know and then they had like the big suitcase they put in your trunk and that way it holds like 18 CD CD changers oh look at that yeah is that it I tell you for whoa okay their discs in 84 Wow well we were just out of high school so he didn't have the money we thought he was rich he had a Volkswagen Scirocco well it's in his car in 1984 Wow you know they had car phones back in like the 60s that phones and cars oh yeah he had to be at the presidential level yeah super rich guy yeah yeah I'm surprised you don't have a flip phone

89:51surprise I'm going I would do it I I mean I don't write but I like I played my card games spades and gin rummy and like that whenever I'm in traffic now with the Firebird something that's how I get through traffic and I don't flip out as I just stare at my phone you don't listen to books on tape or anything like that no I can't do that you can't listen to books on tape I've never tried I just can't what would annoy me listening to the person trying to make it sound interesting you know what the inflection with the inflections and the voice and stuff no you yeah cousin hey I'm defensive oh this guy thinks I'm a that's just like and then in 1862 boo I'm just talking like that I just forgot it just read it read it like a sailor read it like a baby dude I remember you know I have that reference cuz I'm when I got busted for drunk driving the the bailiff goes this is

90:59what he said the giggle goes I pulled the defendant over approximately blah blah blah you know chasing through two towns you know whatever and which I had which was I anyways I had a 83-14 Ranger and the bailiff read the thing he said the arresting officer asked the defendant where he's coming from and he stated Boston and it was just like that's not that's what I said that's not the way I said it I was wasted he said I was trying to remember he said where'd you come from I was like Boston okay cuz Boston I want to get out of the car I was like yeah I wasn't a jerk but when the guy did the read right he goes we asked him where he's coming from he said Boston and then it looked like a like you know oh it's funny I stand there there's all like these people who mugged people and they were like laughing like this guy that's got sticking it to the man I got

91:59pulled over for drunk driving once when I wasn't drunk I dropped my phone dropped my phone on the highway reach down and grab my phone and like you know wiggle a little bit right and I wasn't even reading my phone this is my phone wasn't read my legs yeah and it fell on I thought it was gonna get underneath my accelerator and they pulled me over they made me do all kinds of crazy and I did it yeah I'm like I'm doing all of it I'm like look at me I'm sober and then they wanted me to take a breathalyzer I'm like okay why do you want me to take a breathalyzer like I don't know I don't want to wanna trust your equipment he just got done doing all the tests yeah look I'm doing I'm on one foot I'm pounds yeah what do you need me to do I can I can do it set up some cones like we do you want to know if I'm drunk you know I'm not drunk so why you want me to blow on your like

92:45what's going on here and they agree with me they'll let me go right I said look I'm a big supporter of police officers big supporter law enforcement I donate I do benefits whenever they come up and I'm sober I'm sober you know the best ones like most of my friends we all got busted for drinking and driving the best one was a buddy of mine they read his it was like you know practically 4:00 in the morning we noticed a maroon VW Fox blowing its horn trying to pass on the right we pulled the defendant over after repeatedly asking the defendant to stay in the car he got out of the car threw his keys at my feet and repeatedly stated locked me up I'm up this is funny was my buddy was a good-looking guy and the the judge was a was a woman and when the guy read that you know locked me up I'm up and he wasn't the brightest guy and he just kind of when he went like he put his head down

93:48like that he was you know a little pound puppy looking dude and she she gave him like a lighter sentence and cuz he was good-looking I think so yeah I mean it all plays in sy ugly people are complaining so much they won't take the time to develop a personality right some jobs do what the rest of us have to do like I don't get mad at Brad Pitt you know how that mean cuz he's beautiful I'm a bald redheaded male I know where I am in the pecking order and some of these people who are complaining right now who are mad that beautiful people get treated differently I understand racially speaking but you're not gonna do the beautiful thing and then there's another thing that I said well society tries to you know they're the ones that didn't like you know like I love one like there's a supermodel like this is like an impossible standard of beauty to try and live up to yeah yeah yeah

94:49that's why she's on the cover of a magazine she's that level beautiful and you're gonna try and sit there and tell me that that was learned well here's the thing that's only women because when you see Jason Momoa playing Aquaman you don't hear men say that's an impossible standard of beauty that we have to know I just make fun of that stupid to hang on to how much you can kick my ass that is the dumbest you should be on a cereal box it's a trident for years they had a problem like with Aquaman it's like he's in the ocean human beings are on earth like what do we like I have to see that movie what are they gonna be is it gonna be like Japanese people like finning he's be the same sharp he goes underwater is that his skin like well the bumps what is that is that a suit doesn't water get in the gloves I think that have to be all one piece right yeah you'd be

95:45annoying is any worse than water in your gloves well look it looks like he catches him like a water catcher like not just like water gets in the gloves is like a funnel he looks like a stripper at a bachelorette party she pays money you got a good one got dieted down for that yes he did he got all the abs so he's bees better than I am Oh his button it says this is the fall everyone yeah this is when he's in the Black Sea I don't know maybe wants to gets cold yeah did you see what's on going on in the UK the UK is banned advertisements that feature unobtainable bodies there's a reason the way they eat fish and chips over there that's gonna be most of advertising well they had these ads for summer bodies you know you see a girl in a bikini and they're now making it illegal why can't you aspire to that like I look at that Aquaman guy that makes me want

96:40to go to the gym I don't be like you you gonna fool in here look like you got to make me feel better it's because the people that complain who are the people that complain the people that complain to the people that don't want to work to be that lady they don't want to work to get that kind of a body and they want to they just want to not see it they don't want any didn't want to go to the subway and see a body that they're never gonna have yeah I saw I saw an actress complaining one time because the studio total that she needed to lose 15 pounds and like you can't drop 15 to star in a movie I mean what what carrot can they specifically carrots some veggies in your diet what are they have to dangle in front of you to go to the gym like the rest of us like I literally like cuz I would say all guys not to deal with that's like yeah we do of course yes we

97:23do I had to deal with that I have 19 20 pounds to forget about him it's just having five lines in a movie if I am north of 170 172 pounds the tweets I get hey Billy booze bag hey Billy tits hey fat freckles all of this that I get like I know like they sit there and they like it they're like they're acting like like preteens where everything is just everything's about them and the whole world gives us celebrities but their political views is the funniest thing ever it's like all you're you're not you're not making anybody change their mind politically I think I need a speak up it's like no you can't have the spotlight on you enough that's all you're doing cuz all you're doing with that is your first of all you're alienating half the people that are gonna go see whatever the you're in and then secondly you're just getting on the radar of lunatics in white vans with two

98:17seats that are looking up how to build pipe bombs like that that's that's the fallout it's like the jerk when he goes average run-of-the-mill son of a it already picks Steve Martin the idea that a girl shouldn't be asked to lose weight to look hot for a movie is crazy because that's what you're playing you're playing a hot woman and there's our table and there's millions - everybody's in shape I remember see and I still a bit about this I saw Ben Stiller in in in Meet the Fockers or something there was a scene where he had to have his shirt off in the pool he had ABS you're in a comedy yeah cuz that's because you were seeing the influence of for the Internet you know I mean it was just like you know it gets in your head people just trash and you like I already knew I was unsightly but I didn't realize how many things that people didn't enjoy about till I got on the

99:08internet I was like wow I never noticed that about myself so yeah I don't have look if some of you really has like a eating disorder you know I feel like obese I have sympathy for those people but you're 15 pounds 20 pounds overweight I mean you know eat drink some smoothies these women that are playing these roles have to understand first of all that part of the reason why you got that role is not just because of your acting ability but also because you're pretty you have a beautiful face you're born with it you didn't even work at it and then on top of that you're supposed to be playing a beautiful person in the movie they would like you to not be fat well there's also there's millions of dollars at stake that could be lost so I always feel like your job is even if you look like me is to show up on time knowing your lines in the best possible shape you could get

99:55yourself in that's that's the role that's stupid even if I'm just playing without your Artie Lange what if you're already Lange and you're supposed to play the guy that smoking cigarettes and you're the brother-in-law that's drunk all the time then your job to look that what about you jobs look that way yeah her job is look at the hot woman that everybody wants to they're telling you you have to lose weight and you're a beautiful woman it's because they want to make you more attractive it's does not like discrimination there's a reason they want a better product I don't want to make money yeah they want to try the product and I'll tell you nothing to like really but those both male and female like those beautiful people at that level it's like they're aliens like I I've done a couple of movies I did a movie one time and I remember it was a scene we were in a car

100:38and the star of the movie was holding on to the steering wheel and I was like like I never thought this ever about a woman I was like her forearms are gorgeous I was looking at like I was like those forearms are perfect but I didn't make me when I went to Stockholm Sweden how beautiful the people with it I was running down the street pointed guys with my wife Gonia look at that guy look at that that guy like he's like an accountant walking down the street like does he know if you came over here he'd be starring in movies and that's not all a Sweden by the way that's like just when you're in Stockholm that's like their Manhattan so all the beautiful people but I mean I went into a couple I went to this maggot plate one and bought like a magazine and something like that when I was over there and the woman behind the counter was like a 11 here but she was working at a magazine stand so

101:28that was her energy okay how you do I'm working in a magazine and my dream hasn't come true yet you just look at him like you you could sign with who is that big modern agents yeah like that all like Cyndi cross while them are worth back in the day the Vikings its Viking blood they the best-looking people they went over there and raped and pillaged and all that good DNA is left there they caught the best women they kept them alive kill everybody else I always had what happened oh yeah I don't know what happened Vikings like that's why they're so big beautiful oh yeah no this super trophy that's one of the funniest things ever when you go over to like the what do they call this the Nordic you see and then Scandinavia swith in the Nordic countries always have to remind myself at that like you go over there was the funniest cuz they're so goddamn tall there

102:18would be kids almost my height whose voices hadn't changed yet and they had the mentality of like an 11 year old man like except they were speaking that I said hi to change it how did what are they talking boy said and change it and I was just sitting there laughing my ass off go this is like yeah they like everybody was like like six-three six-four six-five like rail-thin with their european pants i'm actually going over there coming that's i'm stockholm next year but i'm going over europe i got that i got a run a 10 10 days over there yeah i saw you're doing a european tour when you do that doing three legs of it three legs so you do three separate trips of ten days Wow yeah just cuz I you'll bring the family do just go solo I'm gonna bring the family on one of them and then the other ones I'm only gone for a little over a week which is a really long time when

103:11you have a kid and it's not something that I look forward to doing now but it's something that it's also gives my kid a great life so right how I justified so then I also I had to move some around to work less in other areas but uhm that's a good balance I'm glad you approached it that way you know I have friends that don't they do you know they're on the road all the time and they have kids and you know their idea is that this is what I got to do to make a living right make sure I guess so but you know I gave you 30 days in a row it's kind of crazy I put my kid down for a nap and like I'll be downstairs for like 20 minutes I look at my wife I'm like dude I miss her it's just it's so quiet she's hilarious she's hilarious so it's just like you know yeah and she's a humble believable sense of humor and yeah and actually love it yeah yeah and I always wanted to be and I just was afraid of

104:05commitment and all that so I waited all right I waited too long I did wait too long so it was just why I'm gonna take a sauna with you at the end of this yeah we'll take a sauna now yeah and I want to learn off and and you know G would be really be great if there was a company out there that could somehow let me know I get a Sun in my house well sauna people out there I was working with if you get a white snake take I can get a get a sauna sauna companies contact both of us okay because I was in contact with a guy to do something in my house and this dropped the ball and is not returning emails anymore hmm so I need a new sauna company to call me a free advertising where's the sauna sauna guy get back to us no he gets in two weeks should we get back to him again I twice got back to this guy like trying to get the sauna installed in the house I love that glass

104:58stuff like that they're like comedians like they don't want a real job contractors oh yeah no the gate guy that's on a guy that this guy that guy they all got their little and then the handyman guys well I grew up with those guys because I my dad was an architect so I did construction from the time I was in high school all throughout the summer I was always doing side jobs always had jobs on construction sites as a laborer carpenters assistants I was always around those guys I tried to do that I lasted eight days I just with my fair skin we were doing roofing in July and it was just I just remember my job was I was putting in the scaffolding going around you know when you drill the hole then you put the triangle thing and then you put the bolt on yeah Irish guy kept going Billy you must look quicker you much more quickly isn't he kept saying to me and I finally stuck my head out

105:47the side of the house I was like dude I've done this for three days if you want me to go quicker you know when we would like literally three stories up and he finally shut the up he must be a non-union guy oh yeah dude I remember there was a guy on the site I swear to god he were the same jeans every day with like no underwear right I had a giant hole right here on his thigh so I'm in working in the house and I just remember he stepped over something with this left leg and the whole hole moved right just like flashed his junk I was just like and I didn't know how to stand up to people and plus else you know I was a new guy on the thing and I just was wanted to be like buddy how about you put on some boxers or something so I don't get a look at your gym first of all he's walking around like a goddamn nail gun not like boxers could stop that but any extra layer of

106:41clothing that you could have this guy's literally like his you know like an owl looking out of a tree and it's burned into my head is dead I could pick his junk out of a lineup that was the first time I ever encountered alcoholics I didn't really know about alcoholics so I started working on job sites I realized there was guys that just had a drink they drink at lunch they were just drinking all the time they were always trying to quit I remember one guy is like I'm quit and I'm done and I remember thinking that's good you can't you together you know 15 it's like oh that's awesome yeah two weeks later can of beer on the job I was like oh I just remember I could yeah I couldn't eat enough I wasn't always hungry I was I packed two sandwiches three sandwiches and he did use butter like like you were on - yeah that's what people used to do no those were like like those guys I mean I I

107:34would come home like I was like I went to football practice it was just it's just yeah I I if I stuck around for another month I could have got in construction worker shape I was but I just sucked at it I just didn't have it and that was one of the things how I was able to figure out what I was good at was one of my best attributes is I knew when I sucked at something like take playing drums that I wanted to be in a band and I think I just went to too many music stores and I see some seven-year-old kid and just him starting to play or picking up a guitar I just knew it I was just like I don't have that I don't have that gift you know even if I play better than I just the ideas that they were already coming up with I'm speaking of what you I should have called you the other day I saw Dave Navarro does this thing with this band Royal machines it's like this they just

108:22do this Christmas show every year and I went with Ben Bailey the other night at the El Rey do what a show these guys put on like Sebastian Bach came out saying highway to hell murder dude Juliette Lewis you know from American I wanted what the was that one with all the all the edits the serial killer movie with Woody Harrelson yeah what the was that after going Natural Born Killers although you know all of those move dude you know some people like I'm a comedian who happens to play drums dude she's a rock star who happens to act really dude oh my god really oh my god mushy was so ridiculous I was just laughing how amazing she was she's saying like van Halen ain't talking about love and then she sang dirty deeds it was all just in the wheelhouse of that I listen to and I'd want to say she did one more and then in the end she did like a forward somersault into the crowd whoa

109:20it was just is there video this um I don't know I was I you know they the band was so good and then the drummer's they had was josh freese chad smith and brad wilk like so you know if you're in the drums that's just racist play with everybody ever literally everybody brad wilk was in Rage Against the Machine and and Chet Smith is in the Chili Peppers and those guys were just destroying and who they had Steve Stevens for Billy Idol's band was out there all these guys it's just like wow yeah if you get a chance they were kind of talking like it was the last year they were gonna do it I hope it isn't but mark McGrath also was there who was hilarious he's sort of like the like you know well you know he sings the songs great but he's also like sort of the MC slash comedian he's a really really naturally like funny guy like he I was there with another comedian he was cracking us up he went

110:20on to be like an entertainment reporter right yeah well the thing about him is he's like he was over I feel like he was always like self-deprecating yeah like he was writing hit songs like who the can do that and he nicknamed an album like 1459 like making fun like my 50 minutes are almost up like he was like roasting himself while he was just writing one hit after another after another and uh I've gotten to meet him a couple times he's like one of the great people that I've met in this business I've heard nice things yeah dude and he's a riot he's a funny yeah so if you get it you guys like that you go why don't you just do stand-up why do you want to work these gigs working for entertainment television pretending you give a about some stupid sitcom well because how much of a chance would people give him cuz like tell your the Sugar Ray guy me probably got enough you know

111:11trying like he's just one of those really like John the bridge that was funny now Wow so there's Navarro that's I think that's brad wilk on drums whatever but he was making fun of himself before he came out there cuz I forget who's following he's going like I know I know now you got to listen to the douche from sugar so just totally make fun of his then he goes up and he murders it Wow so it's just kind of like like he just reminded me of like like a comedian or whatever so did you get to hang out with Juliette Lewis um no I I have before she's cool as I want to meet her oh she's cool we've gone back and forth online together I was trying to get her on the podcast a few years ago and I drop a ball oh alright I was always worried that people like that would worry that I just want to harp on Scientology because she's you know she's like a crazy Scientologist no

112:20I grew up Catholic but what the they did and still doing mm-hmm yeah no listen I hear you but she I think she's still active they get sensitive about that I always thinking of going back to church really yeah just in my own way how you gonna do it I'm gonna go but I'm not gonna listen to anything you know I'll stand up and sit down you gonna get mad if they use certain inflections no but I'm just gonna kind of go there it's just a place I don't know I went last year with my mother-in-law because she goes every week and when I went for Christmas Mass and they had like this New Orleans band and it was I was like dude if they had this every week cuz the band sounded great I would go but like I did it just sort of reminded me of like I used to be a better person I was associated you know I used to go every week you think you're jaded from not going to church or just I think you jaded just

113:14from knowing too much yeah and just you know no it's just certain things you just get out of control you know what it is when you become an adult you have to be your own parent which is weird like hey bill it's time to go to bed hey Bill lay off the booze and just you know just certain things just kind of get out of whack you know almost like the mixer your life you know something's up too high or too low and I just felt like going there reminded me you know sex a nice reminder for the week like hey you know how could you not be a for the next couple of days that's what I get out of it I don't get like you know this guy walked on water and you know this is the right thing you know if you believe this you gotta go to heaven and if you know if somebody believes something else they're going to hell like all of that stuff is just silly that's the way you put is a

114:03good way of putting it that you have to be your own parent when you become an adult that's a great way of putting it because one of the things you get from whether it's God or any kind of spirituality is you get this idea that something's bigger than you something's higher than you there's a higher purpose and you think about that instead of being selfish and just thinking about that's what it is you can get like you know being a comic not selling tickets is one of the most humbling things ever and then once you start selling tickets you you know you can kind of he can kind of float away a little bit and just like you know like all the that you had to go through you know finding a flight you can afford and how am I going do cat haired car they're gonna pull up in to take them to the comedy condo that was always cat hair right and then all of that goes away and then you know you

114:54just have this free time right and like what are you gonna do with it in this free time in this privilege that you have and you can really go Roman Empire with it and eat and drink and smoke and be a you know and just be a jerk or you can you know you can I don't still be who the photo be as much as who you were or whatever are trying to help somebody out I just that's what it makes me think of when when I went like I was cuz I got so caught up in like this is that never happened they made that up this is just people right in this book and I went totally the other way Sam coming in the middle like there's a reason why people do this beyond trying to control people and make money and power and all that there is there is something to it so there's a benefit for the people that yes yeah yes so that's kind of what I think I was going there it's humbling it's kind of like when I

115:48left LA never spoken to be good and then I would start going back and I felt it pulling me back like hey you know this isn't that bad I'm like I kind of like it so I went back to the church with my mother-in-law and I was sitting there going like there's an aspect of this that I liked I like the sense of community yes you know I didn't mind the little pep talk that the guy gives or whatever it would be nice if I didn't didn't think if I wasn't suspicious of them the problem with Church is the problem with anybody that gets in any sort of a position of power it's easy to abuse it so to have a guy who's a pastor that's not a creep and that really cares and is really a good person and really wants to care about the community and really write wants everybody to do better and get better with life but isn't trying to buy a Rolls Royce like Joel Olsteen and live in a giant mansion it's

116:38like it always megachurch and always goes it always goes south it's absolutely love about Joel Osteen is he's an arena act yeah yes as a preacher he's he bought the old place the old arena where the the Houston Rockets asked to play he bought it yeah that's how much money that guy has and then he fills it up yeah well that was when the hurricane came people criticized him because he didn't open up his doors to all the folks who were displaced from their home I was teasing them about that it's like you saw that electric blue carpet he put on anything what yo you guys getting it all wet no he does he has his sick ass look at that place oh maybe it's the curtain that I thought yeah I mean look at that place holy yeah that looks like a Dice Clay special and all those people are throwing down all those people are paying to be there that guy is making I want there's somebody out there scalping

117:31tickets I got two by the altar there's two ways of looking at it right one is these getting all those people together and there's a sense of community amongst all of them and two is that guys making a fuckload of money and he's got so much power you know you and all those people just at your but doesn't mean you necessarily a bad that doesn't necessarily mean he's like what what can you do with it which is getting the reason why I'm thinking uh you know stopping in every once in a while I find a good spot like they were doing that rock and roll Church thing for a while there was a I remember one of my friends was a producer his assistant was she was lost she I think she spiritually or she was lost in a lot of ways but she was doing this what's going on Jamie Oh what $4,950 yeah do you want to go what the yeah we could do that for thousands four hundred bucks

118:25no no no four thousand nine hundred fifty dollars per ticket for to take five thousand where resection for Rodi Rodi dude four grand and let that guy that's not even at this I catch the handkerchief when he's done preaching how much I get for up bro to or not available not available so now he's a resell tickets do you know what it is man they got season passes people probably buy season passes to Holsteins to this tour this was for this Florida stop well I saw there was a place that I was at that he was coming to I'm one of them one of the big spots I was at he does these arena tours and he does Vegas to he does the t-mobile arena in Vegas I want to see the show up there his eyes open and a smile and it's crazy it's a lot of money that guys make I used to say he's so full of he can't look at the crowd that's why his eyes are like they're still here how they still believe in this

119:22and when you're lying I contact is the toughest thing ever but he's making people feel good knees maybe he's in show business I want to see the show though he's in the God show biz you have this you have to respect an arena act I think I think there's something to that yeah there's something right it's uh this girl that I was talking about she was real lost and I think she was Jewish at four maybe she converted to Judaism later but anyway for one point time she was going to this rock-and-roll church she was like she was a sweet kid she was like you should go you would really like it I'm like I guarantee I wouldn't like it I'm like with some young hip guy probably sing songs probably tries to women like get out of here with that right like a yoga class it's like David Koresh right that's how Waco got started how did he get started get started with one guy with a guitar and

120:07he brought that message of Jesus and he had some really profound things to say and people really it really helped them feel better resonated with them then you start banging people's wives and that's what happens yeah well those rock and roll alternative churches there's a few they like the Justin Bieber guy you know the guy that Justin Bieber has he's the one who told Justin to get off the road laughter Oh Justin come back home to Jesus like he's gets these guys to do that wait you get a basketball player I stopped playing basketball to not uh play wait no no no no no that guy's not doing the road anymore girl's back and forth you know took a little time off yes to her cancel his tour because the the preacher told them it's well maybe he's right though let's be honest first of all Bieber probably has a billion dollars in the bank and maybe he was frayed around the

120:56edges as losing his marbles the kids 21 years old he's about as famous as a human being could possibly be only 21 there's the preacher what the dick root priest hold up what's what's going on with his shorts bro no no no no no no any guy who's showing dick root you know I mean like the base of your you're pulling your shorts down to base your like that you're doing that because you're trying to get laid stop pull your shorts up to a normal height those things should be 5 inches higher I know what you're doing your your is slapping against your thing you probably don't even have underwear on you creep Jesus does not want you dressing like that no look at him he's got abs big old handsome guy he probably dicks chicks down for the Lord right dicks dicks them down for Jesus big ol handsome charismatic guy dick it him down for Jesus apparently he's a very good hanging with Oprah so you know

122:02he's legit they're all in the same business so enjoy you're all enjoy hey maybe he's good at it you know maybe he's got something maybe helps people I'm suspicious I'm suspicious because of his shorts just that alone they should be on the wall all over his church this is me at my worst well the worst thing you do it as an adult is to go out and try and find parents again yeah that's the quickest way to end up in the trunk of somebody's car find someone to take care of you yeah well you see if you hide it see that your parents didn't pay attention to you or overly coddled you I think then you go out and you start looking for a mom and a dad a mom and a dad and a mom and a dad you just give away all this power power weight as someone who shows dick root when they pull their shorts down to the base of their like that like as far as you can legally get your shorts down

122:56without showing your dick so I was the pubes that trimmed I don't think it's okay it's alright that's interesting right he's got it he's got it damned it'll be a problem cuz gonna get chaos down there and he pulled it out you could see the chaos like basically that's that's there's a lot of pubes that you could see right there you could see a lot of pubes but if you did it would be a real issue isn't that interesting the same exact area is okay if you're only seeing skin but if you saw pubes right there you'd be like hey man what in the what are you doing that is so not acceptable in public that like that is that's almost like the male version of a thong like a guy could can't wear a thong but it's worse but it's funny though least if you have a thong on you just a freak alright I'm a freak I gotta be honest a naked guy always funny it's pretty funny Thank You Johnny it

123:47depends depends on the special guy well if you're alone and somebody jumped out of a bush I mean that's that's not a funny naked guy he went back in the day when streaking that's right when a guy would jump out and run across a football field it was the funniest it was just the funniest thing tackle the guy now he's had it they always had a silly hat and they would just start running across and would always get me the feet I would I would can sup when I'd see them tackling because I would think about his dick his raw dicks smashing into hot dirt I saw a guy I saw a guy when I was at a Boston University Terriers game they don't even play soccer anymore Nickerson Field and my fault my godfather took me to the game and we were sitting in this alley it was a bandana on and he was streaking across the field and we were crying laughing he and security was

124:38chasing him really fast yeah they had a bandana in like these like you know adidas Dragons you knows way back in the day right it ran across and he tried to jump over this concrete thing and he didn't land with his junk it was his inner thigh on the other one I was just like he got over and he and as far as I know he got away but I mean dude it was just um it wasn't even like it wasn't nice concrete it was that rough unfinished and he tried to hurtle it and he got he got his junk he got everything over and it was that other let other leg nice rasberry it's amazing how vulnerable you dick his dick and balls just just a simple simple trip with no pants on and slam down on your dick he isn't horrible I would think there'd be some sort of junk ribcage to try to try and protect it but it just a turtle shell no no it's just just out there just out there yeah it's it's a terrible design

125:41and that's why the function is I mean it has to go in you know in case you didn't notice you haven't been using your dick you know what it's for it so it's something that someone has got something's got to be vulnerable you know like a star because you're the temperature that's what it's for temperature your body heats up too much it kills your sperm so if your balls were internal and you were running around exercising you would cook all your sperm so their balls are hanging low on the outside well well why can't it go like in and out like one of those electric antennas maybe in the future well yeah yeah people keep evolving you find a way to suck it up into your body that was the thing that we'd always hear about weight Chiru guys we cheer ooh is a very particular hardstyle karate and guys would literally get kicked in the balls they would kick each other in the

126:26balls and the idea was that and under some dubious instructors the idea was that these guys could actually suck their testicles up into their body like they would train to pull their testicles up into their body and one day I talked to a doctor and he's like that's not possible no it is like no but they think they can but there's some guys can develop the ability to take a shot to the nuts like there's been studies done on it there was one of those sports science shows where these guys they measured like the amount of force that the guys throwing at this guy's dick when he punched him in the dick and they I stand in it like this just straight-up punt him right in the balls and he can take I said in effect his dad it's definitely not good there's a trick to it there's certainly a trick the trick would be that even though you are definitely making contact with the balls

127:18really the most of the force is in the taint in the back of the ass because as you know you're kicking somebody right your foot is extends past where your shin is right your shin is here your foot is here so if your foot is slamming into the guy's ass and taint it's really not really thought about this I have and I've been kicked in the balls at least a hundred times hard by grown men who know how to kick by black belts I've been kicked in the balls so many times because when you're sparring you get kicked in the balls all the time I mean all the time you probably just get used to the pace I thought before I had kids I thought I bite my balls are probably totally useless like I'm shooting blanks for sure I just thought of all the times been slammed into the balls I'm here I mean I've had I've worn every cup there is especially back when I was competing they didn't like now they have

128:10some pretty sophisticated cups with like diamond MMA as this cup that's got a compression short and it sucks down into you and it's really hard rubber on the outside and you can actually take a good shot to the balls and it's not gonna kill you but back when I was doing he would get those jocks would just be a cup that fits in a jockstrap and you pull them up and then eventually they made some for martial arts where it just curved under a little bit more and the cup went back to your taint and the the downside of that was it was there was a lot of a abrasiveness when you were throwing kicks it was like rub against your your inner thigh and there's no compression shorts back then either but I absolutely been I could bet everything I have I've been kicked in the balls a hundred times no question about it they should take like you know like they do like a mold they

129:00should do a mold of your junk custom they should know me that group uses like a mold of like all the rockstars dicks right yeah seem like a fleshlight for porn stars yeah that so they would like that's secure yeah I just yeah I get I get weirded out by yeah I get weirded out by that flashlights yeah like what's this the nonhuman element in that gay you want to this thing that isn't alive there's just something like you know yeah that's just this is my it's a rubber version of my oh yeah oh I always yeah back in the day when he had wanted to get porn he had to go into his store I just thought that stuff always it just seemed serial killer like body part type humanizing yeah it's very effective though the fleshlight was a sponsor for a while when I remember the days yeah those things were great I know I'd stopped using them though even though like I was

130:06trying to try it I had to try it after a while he did it feel listeners oh yeah that's it only for the listeners it's very effective okay so you know about this what's that it's called a pachinko what oh Jesus Christ I mean you it's a hobby one how do you not like become like how does that not do brain damage - that oh Jesus that's so disgusting can you think it's bad getting caught jerking off can you imagine it if you swam in this foot India's first of all it looks real enough that you killed somebody now you oh my god you can a whole leg that is crazy how realistic that looks it looks like she's hanging from the ceiling dude this even has like the skin of her heel looks like it's kind of mushy a little bit right like it's moving around because I want this site might get a little weird adjust as you can build your own mannequin here okay let's just get the

131:09out yeah we are we're like that what are you doing I'm in synthetics that's what that's called synthetics parachutes and stuff like that something something like that what is it everyone on our elbow you do here's my business card I don't know that's when like I think you buy that and a few weeks later you buy a giant freezer just think you're going down that road man yeah which I honestly think like there's so many people that had tendencies that never when you're just living in log cabins and like you just never were able to explore and I feel like the same way you know I can watch all these people building cars and stuff or you can tap into some dark about yourself and you know that thing opens the coffin lid and sits up and then that's in your personality now it's it's a very it's a very no yeah I try to stay away from like that well especially if your kid that's been abused I think

132:21that's the real trigger real triggers kids that get abused they get abused young and then they develop this anger this hatred and and as they get older then they find these weird outlets then they pursue them yeah yeah yeah yeah I can attest to a lot of it basically describe my life so anyways we're gonna let's go get in the sauna let's do it we'll wrap this up ladies and gentlemen Jesus Christ now you're looking at your foot when I'm in there yes please show me something else yeah prigioni of Comedy benefit February 19th an amazing line-up for the greatest live comic I ever saw big Jay oakerson Chris read cipher sounds Gary Gulman Jim Gaffigan Michelle wolf rich Voss and other people that will I'll try to talk Joe into flying out there for it in the sauna when he gets down yourself hell of a Sheldon one of these years one of these years we've got to get you out there I'll be

133:28happy to oh and f is for family season 3 season 3 streaming now on netflix damn whoo alright thanks for bank you Joe bye-bye