Iliza Shlesinger

00:00all right we're gonna go live if I do so tell me about your ball good I got here girl logic it was a different girl oh the genius and the absurdity was a different girl logic and boy logic or do you know I don't know I can't tell you exactly the way men think cuz I think if I did that if you like slow your roll this book is about me sort of noticing that women are always called crazy psycho Psychopaths psycho you know which oh she's insane we always write off women as crazy and women are expected to be so many things to so many people at once and it's these expectations that sort of we have to take into account all of this and we try to be so many things at once and we have to take in so much stimuli to process all this so our logic is sort of it's sort of this like circumlocutions way of thinking that seems insane slow that word down what was that sir commune Oh

01:02like going around in circles right again circumlocution whatever like that I mean I've never heard that before so it's like um I'd never heard of the mad cow thing you were telling me earlier and I was like oh my god are we on I was as you were talking about I was like please don't make me look stupid I don't know about ELQ having crazy brains but I just the base the boilerplate example is you know you say to a girl what do you want to eat right and that's always an argument it's like this common trope look my wife couldn't over figured oh but it has less to do with women wanting to be difficult and more the pressure on just that one decision if I say pizza am i doing a diet do I have to be in a bathing suit later did I go to the gym already am I expected to be thin in this society and we take all of this into account for every micro decision and it's all about processing how we don't

01:49let everyone including ourselves down and all the thought that goes into it well this is you specifically like obviously you're not speaking for all women I actually got the title I got the rights to it I pulled ten women they were like it's cool so certain is honoring the fact that we get painted with these broad brushstrokes and there's so many and there's just so much that go into the littlest things because we have to take into account how other people feel so it's easy to say oh just be yourself but when you're a woman other people's perceptions of you can have detrimental effects on your future on your safety on your health she seems so she deserved it she seems like a I don't want to give her a chance you know so our perception versus the way that we are we're constantly wrestling with these two sort of realities mmm yeah yeah I I've often wondered like if you could like I

02:45believe that one day they're gonna be able to you know today we have transgender people right we have people who decide to have operations decide to take hormones but I think one day they're they're going to be able to literally turn a person into a woman with like a shot yeah well not with some sort of treatment I just feel like it sounds crazy to say today people say no you can't change your chromosomes well today you can't change your chromosomes but 200 years ago the idea of sending a video to somewhere in Australia be ridiculous right right so like what we've been able to do just over a short period of time relatively it's pretty staggering and if you you look at like what they're doing with CRISPR you know what CRISPR is it's gene editing tools that they keep evolving they're they've gotten them to the point where they're starting to work on human embryos not on

03:34viable human embryos and they're they're changing the expressions of certain genes has changed genes stopping genes for certain diseases and there's urine yeah I don't like this chair I knew it was expensive fancy chair but it can drop if you want to but the idea is that they're going to be able to like make designer people sure right so this this is less this is you know you're a woman obviously with your by genetics and your genitalia but this book is all about the experiences and this is more societal base this is less about what you're born as that was that's what I was gonna say I was saying if if you could like I've wondered like if that was a possibility if they could reverse it would I want to be a woman for like a week yet for a week but let me see just to see just to play with yourself stick stuff up there but I think that like we don't we don't know about the

04:30closest you come to understanding a man or a woman if you're a man or if you're the opposite sex I think is living with one sure or having one you're having one yeah yeah that's a big one for me was having daughters and just seeing how they just interact sure from the time they're one until you know they're older it's some of its biology yeah you know this whole you know when we what I've talked about or know someone else but still the sort of what women excluding other women so this goes back to when we were hunters and gatherers if you didn't want someone to live you turn your back on them and you wouldn't share information and then you and your offspring will die right so some and you see this in little girls like they're mean they're mean to each other no and as you get older you know you're taking in all of this stimuli from society all the messages and we

05:19have to process these things and then eventually you get old enough you're like it I'm gonna do it my own way but there's still expectations place and a lot of them are conflicting like polar opposites like you have to be sexy but also demure outgoing but don't be too pushy and too pushy or outgoing their relative depending on who's in your path so and women have to take these things into account because we got to do everything second we didn't create professional sports or corporations we're late to the game for everything so it's a man's world and you do have to take into account those rules and it sucks but these are all the things that we have to factor in when we're making decisions and there's always going to be a certain amount of resentment if someone tries to do at a woman's way rather than a man's orient issue it's it's never gonna stop running you a

06:11little bit to cope much I hate when people do so much mum you yeah who knows it's so little I don't know how you get coke up there you'd have coke rocks that would get stuck in your nose holes they're still stuck up there like I've wondered like I was I don't work right I don't have a job a real job and I haven't had one in a long long time so the idea of like having a boss is alien to me and yeah a female boss is even more annoying to me sure so I was talking to someone who has a woman boss and we were saying that there's an interesting thing that happens where a woman can do the exact same thing and she's a whereas if the guy does it he's Stern sure he's a hard-ass or then it's it's all this it's a you know as women age they're gross and men are austere or the Regal no sex you know and right and that's those are kind of basic examples you know and I think we're

07:06moving away from that's more nuanced things I like you really can't identify with workplace issues I talked to some friends of mine and they're like I hate that I have to dumb things down or people are grown and in my domain like I work very hard to be the one in charge and then don't speak to me that way because they're opening for me right right right there's just I don't have that hierarchy so or they're the manager of the club or you gotta pay me anyway so but it doesn't mean that I don't have a sort of sympathy for that and that I don't understand what it feels like to be discounted what was the last time you had a job job oh my god a job job a job job was probably two thousand four five six relatively recently yeah 12 years 15 years ago yeah and I wasn't mentally present that much for it it was kind of relaxed you know but and I was it wasn't like I wasn't trying to get ahead at

07:59that job mmm so 2006 so that being 11 years ago that's like you're like a basic maybe seven years ago maybe ten years ago whatever yeah that you're like a different human right you're so like do you remember it very well like what was the job I was the last job I had I was an assistant in the marketing department of a large company that dealt with like blackjack it was like a blackjack it was like a new kind of life yeah interesting and so but this like nice Jewish guy hired me and I was just there to answer the phone if anyone ever called make some press kits like it was monkey work and you were obviously doing standing I was doing stand-up at night and I would like spend the days sort of like soliciting people if I could get a spot on the show making fliers like I just use it as my own office and I didn't have to also the environment like I could wear pajamas to work like no one

08:49ever came to our office it's barely barely a regular job yeah they're definitely I was like I'm in the workforce now yeah I think that regular jobs there's there's obviously a huge problem with the nine dynamic that men and women have in regular jobs but there's a problem with men and men in regular jobs like Pete I don't think that it's normal for people to be working on top of each other doing something they don't want to do for long stretches of time I think it's very difficult to be yourself you have all these restrictions on your language and the way you're allowed to communicate with each other and then you're obviously doing something all day that you would rather not be doing so I have two thoughts on that one it's interesting because we have this corporate structure which is really designed to minimize suing and to minimize issues but since humans aren't

09:36meant to be put in these boxes I think it perhaps creates more problems we're too confined but it's interesting I open a lot of my snaps on snapchat and you'll always get ones that are like Oh 4:49 can't wait for this day to be over hate work don't want to go into work it's all about hating your job which I don't understand because I love my job and I work very hard to have a job that I enjoy but I don't know if everybody I talk in my book about you know your passion and finding it and whenever you can find it not everybody's meant for greatness not everybody's meant to be happy and some people are dumb and I you know this sounds terrible like I'm designing some master plan but some people need to just go and do the shitty job you're not contributing issues not everybody is meant like just goes like some Hitler eugenic you made here make my phone oh oh because if you think

10:25about the majority of people you talk to like some people are not bright and no you don't have the mental wherewithal to carve out your own happiness so do you feel like that's a genetic thing or is that an environmental thing I don't know I think it's a religious thing no I don't know I don't know it just takes all kinds right it does take all kinds but I will always wonder like is it what they've experienced in their life is it the family environment they grew up in is it just their straight raw genetics some people are just dumb I know I don't know this nature versus nurture fix that well I will tell you this I do think it's more nurture than anything because I go and I read the kids at at this elementary school they're all Latino they all speaks about effort there's not a blonde kid in the group and I think it's very easy to write off minorities you know they don't

11:12speak as their parents don't speak English whatever and the kids are so smart and like they're like four years old and they're reading and they're guessing things and they speak two languages and you get chills because you're like I don't know if you're gonna have the opportunities I had and that kills me because I can see that you're smart yeah and you you want to like take one which is illegal and like put them in a good school but I mean that's just the way of the world I suppose I think it's diet - I think diet is a huge part of it is a huge part in the way a child's mind and body develops I was read this article I want to say was in the Atlantic but it was about sort of the language surrounding and propaganda surrounding clean eating and how that term shames people who are poor because you're suggesting that their food is dirty which it is - it is an extent but

12:03how clean are rich people who that's a silly way of describing it no it's not that's not what it means it means a lack of preservatives right and right and that's all in and Twinkies are affordable right are filled with garbage yeah but lettuce is affordable - I mean it's not expensive to eat Queen no in terms of I mean it's expensive you want to go to Whole Foods but well you have to define I mean clean - everyone is different right you know it's a weird term and this was just one interesting it was just one take on it I don't know if I totally agree with it but like I did the I started doing the ketogenic diet and my father isn't doing it but he takes these EXO keto Jen's I guess and he's like my mind is sharp I'm focused and I think there was a bit of a power suggestion but I definitely don't have an energy dip and I feel like my body's burning clean feels very legit I mean

12:52there's a lot of science behind it there's a podcast that I did pretty recently with a guy named Dom - Agostino who's a scientist and does a lot of clinical research on ketogenic diet and he he can give you a real raw hard data but there's a there's a big issue with your body burning off carbohydrates especially in particularly refined carbohydrates and then spikes of insulin and then the dips yeah you just feel terrible and you need a nap in the middle of the day I I had been operating that way for so long I'm not saying I'm in light now and this would be it forever but I was like yeah you just take a nap president takes a nap people most of Europe takes a nap you take a nap and I started doing this and I was just on this press tour and I went into it and this is sometimes just knowing that a change is possible is almost more important than the outcome I went on to

13:37this thing in New York and every time you do press it's like you're up at 6:00 a.m. you're done at 7:00 p.m. and it's a gauntlet and I always feel disgusting and tired and bloated and this time I was like I'm just gonna I'm gonna do the ketogenic diet throughout and I never needed a nap I didn't feel like I outgrew my clothes like I felt like a human and I felt pretty which is such a weird thing but like there's nothing worse than being bloated as a girl and it's got to be the diet because you're burning clean fuel and there's no dips and if you think about every time you reach for a snack which is so easy or a piece of candy in a green room you're doing that to your body the the spikes and that's exhausting yeah and that's why you're napping at 4 o'clock every day yeah it's not it's not good for you and we're not designed to consume food like that it's not all these refined

14:22carbohydrates it's a massive part of the modern diet and this is it's a really recent last few hundred years humans have had it in the last hundred years has changed pretty radically I am I went to this thing called the summit which is kind of like a giant TED talk and I didn't stand up there and so it's a distend about it yeah I just went how many people did stand up there it's just me Ben Gleib invited me okay and so I went what has been doing there he did some stand-up before and so I did it and then after you know it's fosters this environment of sort of open-mindedness and just Tommy you can just talk to people and I it was the first week of the diet so I had the keto flu and I had to leave the Comedy Store one night I had a second show and I was talking to Steve Simone about cheese and I almost threw up and I was like I have to go home because what my own diet was making

15:09me so nauseous because that's part of it you get sick at the beginning I never got that I just got tired I got it to the point where it was with my workouts my workouts felt flat huh but exogenous ketones are the way to kill that so I was taking those too but it's also you're kind of like you're reading stuff and you're kind of sussing out what works for you and trying to find the right balance anyways I but I was not feeling well but I was talking to everyone about this diet I was like this could not be more la I'm like hi I'm alive I'm on a diet check it out like you know on the keto diet the keto diet that's big LA and it's also like an intense thing like you're changing everything so and some when you say you have a diet people want to tell you what's wrong with it and I was like my favorite part of a diet is people telling me how wrong I am for spending all this money and doing this

15:53and this one guy came up and he's like I'm a vegan I was like okay and he starts explaining why he's basically a better person and I was like but your shoes are leather so you and I was like okay he's like you're impacting the world in a negative way I'm like okay but do you recycle no like we all do what we can and you're not a better person just because you happen to eat only herbs and maybe you don't drive a Prius like who knows where you're making your shitty problem is the the desire to project that on people absolutely I was like this I don't say I'm not telling anyone to do it I was just saying what I'm doing I mean I mean you're not saying you're a better person no but him saying he's a better person for that or he didn't say what he was acting you know I'm saying that's one of the reasons why people do that it's this moral high-ground that they take that

16:37being said that being said when I see people eating garbage I do feel superior I'm not hungry well you realize they're doing something bad with their body it's the way I feel when I see if someone smoking cigarettes great man but I'm not gonna say something to you you should walk up to him and start coughing okay can I tell you yes I was at Starbucks the other day and I just was running in to grab an espresso shot because I have one every time I work out and I are going and there's a girl there and like we're comics so a big part of our job is sort of scanning people identifying what they are making assumptions because we're usually right so his girl in front of me and she's standing there holding a snacks we're usually right we're usually right that's why were successful and she's holding her snacks and and I can see that she's kind of weighing her

17:18options right I see a couple yeah and I see her grab a banana right so to me for the most part when women do that it is about a dietary thing you're trying to lose weight she looked like she was maybe going to the gym I don't know so just trying to be a good girl to another girl I just because I thought she was making like a sugar based decision I go you know bananas full of sugar just because I didn't know that I did because someone told that to me cuz you always think of bananas healthy you put it in a smoothie shake I didn't know as so much sugar so I just said it just as I like hey girlfriend I didn't know this either means ocean and what she says she looked at me and she said something and she was and then the the barista like got it too and she goes fruit has a lot of sugar I go well blueberries have a low glycemic index and just bananas have more I just

18:04didn't know that was it I was just trying to be cool I leave I'm walking through the courtyard and I hear this excuse me and it's the girl from inside she goes did you know dyeing your hair causes cancer oh I'm sorry that was it in the place I go bananas sugar she goes but it has potassium and I go but we don't really know what potassium does do we I mean we know it's in bananas like I was just trying to be funny right I'm leave and she comes across when she goes June the dyeing my hair causes cancer she I thought she was with me and I go yeah but there's a lot of potassium in hair dye and she goes you really shouldn't tell people what they should and shouldn't eat you don't know what I'm going through and I was like I do now mmm crazy Oh crazy was that is crazy that is crazy oh for sure okay oh yeah if you're gonna like you're gonna call me in a courtyard and tell me

18:53to go myself cuz I just said bananas I'm sure she got like so offended well you're slim and maybe she was not she was fine she was fine was blonde yeah maybe she has a body image thing who doesn't my point is if you can't suss out I was just making Tom he's super comfortable his body yeah I'm pretty comfortable I'm alright but the point is again I asked everyone I was like was I wrong and sometimes you just catch someone look I've always described it this way like most people all day long if you're lucky people are at like a 2 or a 3 out of 10 on the outrage scale but you might run into someone who's out of nine they sure they might have just got dumped their car might be getting repossessed they might have just got fired yeah I just got yelled at by their mom there might be like a whole series of things and they chained her with the banana banana sugar this if you're

19:42listening which I doubt it cuz you don't seem like the kind of person that wants to be enlightened but if you're listening this is not a good apology she knows about cancer in here die and that's what she wanted to tell you well I'm not gonna not be blonde walk around with like roots just because it causes cancer maybe I'm sorry if I offended you I'm sorry banana lady banana ladies do you need a hug um does does tear dye actually cause cancer I've never read that what doesn't mmm like what doesn't involve a living in a city causes cancer for sure oh my god it's gotta thank God for you they say they say they say that living near a highway I give you live within a certain distance of a highway can shave ten years off your life I believe that not just from smog but anxiety I believe Twitter is slowly killing us mmm I really do and I have a foil helmet to

20:32prove it mmm I the amount of anxiety it causes I think the bad far outweighs the good do you do you like read comments and talk back to people and have conversation now and I had a conversation at the improv where you were frantic that sounds like like a year ago you were getting into it with someone goddamn and I wish I could remember what it was about but you were pissed and you were frantic and you'd been going at it with all these people and they were pissed at you do you remember wonder if it was meant to make America great again thing that I went through which was horrible but I could have been something about racism sounds like my running with hashtag mega maybe that's what it was but but we were in the front of the improv and you were so frantic and angry and frustrated and I said it was just don't read that stuff just don't don't don't engage like you wouldn't engage those

21:22people in real life no you're like you're right but it's tell them I can genuinely tell you this I gave it up um I had like my own thing I did this interview and some girls got like butthurt over something and it was then that I was like you know what I'm done I'm done reading all of this so I'll skim it once in a while for like like a retweet about something or if someone's posting something but I if you look at my tweets they're all just sort of self-generating there's there's no responses anymore I've just decided like you're following me for a reason so what I say is the is what I'm saying and I don't need to backtrack and that's just the stance that I've taken because it really is like screaming into a pillow that's all it is like with all and the way don't you find interesting do you find interesting things and tweet them out to people like hey look at this

22:13cool article I just read I will retweet people's things if I think someone's brilliant there's this girl jester wack who I can't stop talking about who has she's like single-handedly uh pending the Trump administration like her tweets are so brilliant in just Dweck I think it's dwe CK I think her phone she's just so good and I just believe in if something's good perpetuating it and putting it out there so I retweet hers if somebody says something funny I retweet it but and but I don't answer people de wec KD just get ready for a boost yeah they're just hot fire but she does a good job so I like to retweet it the Dweck is her name she was on a show I did last night I did a women-only invite show and she did it women only yeah could I go if I wore drag no I'm not allowed to nope cuz I'd be like what if I identify was a woman so as people ask that hmm and I

23:10was just like you can come but no one did that oh you can come if you identify if you're a trans woman I'm not gonna be the one to tell you know you just figured it out like five minutes or four this yeah but here's why you can't because it's about a lifetime as a woman so if you were always a man you probably just aren't going through the same things that a woman who's a woman was born a woman is but you can come I'm not gonna be the one to say no um what's your stance on trans racialism okay oh oh sorry no no I did together with yeah look that like the Rachel Dolezal yes I don't think it works you can't be another race well how can you be a woman then how can a man be a woman what if you really figuring how could a man feels like he's a woman why is that different than a man feeling like he's like there was one I tweeted yesterday a guy believes he's Filipino he was born

24:05what I think he's transgender as well he's got both things going on you know I think it's people that just don't like who they are and they feel like a radical shift there he is let me see Rachel man born white says he feels Filipino and by the way that makes it into USA Today dressed in scrubs maybe that's why you feel so Scrubs it's like tie-dye it looks like scrubs this is where he has purple highlights in his hair okay can I just say that it seems to be the issue is when white wants to be another color everybody has been forced to sort of take on white characteristics black girls flatten their hair right nose jobs you know about Sammy Sosa yeah I'm getting lighter do you know what he looks like now yes I do because he looks like you he looks just like any nose he doesn't have a tiny nose but he has like literally your color skin so my best friend her wife is

24:54Dominican and she posted a picture of it and she was like this is not a joke it's so sad that he feels that he has to do this yeah holy just look at that he's a fat white Gerber baby I mean I guess he got off the steroids and that's when his body sort of started getting up and doesn't work out anymore nobody he's big now nobody white is outraged when you try to be white I think people of color get angry when it goes the other way right cuz they're like you don't get to just take on our look as a costume but I think that's the social issue yeah not for sure but that's that's I guess that's my only answer right but what if that's what you really feel like you would be happy I do it privately do private where's where a Dominican Day Parade costume under your overcoat we can get away with some of it right like affectations like you can get away with like if you're a rapper you could sort

25:48of talk or MC serch I think it's like teetering on that line who's every search you know remember third base he used to have a TV show and it was horrible it was a talk show but he was going to keep it real anyway yeah it was so bad that Opie and Anthony used to play clips from MC searches show that him yes that's him is he Jewish cuz we do this we lose hip-hop yes yeah that's from back in the day I was a big fan of third base I love them as a band but his show well you know what his show here's a difference between his show and what his show could be yeah he that's awful but he he's being choked out but like he was all he was also wearing makeup and who's also being I'm sure produced yeah you gotta be yourself and you can't be yourself if you're on a network you just can't they're not gonna let you they're gonna force you into some box they're gonna they're gonna figure out a way to

26:45sell you like this is what you're gonna be you're gonna be that this guy I didn't pilot forget him hey II searched I think it was oxygen and they were like we need you to say things like keep it 100 ooh can you say that for me keep it 100 I liked it y'all keep it 100 it was a while ago but this is how dumb they are yeah people write that they don't say it no one says keep it 100 you dumb but it's always that I always watched TV and the advertising is always one step removed from what's like cool now right because by the time they push it through corporate it's too late it's like yes oh yeah like guess what no one's saying it anymore right remember was that remember that one guy that had that great video where I was like him calling his friends was uh friends late was uh it was hilarious that was like the 90s right here's another one that bothers me when people

27:36say I almost threw up in my mouth mmm you didn't invent it stop using it in commercials yeah that's not good fat yeah there's a bunch of those that they use they go ooh this will connect with the kids go to sell more things well the worst is when like execs go we want it we want to make a viral video I'm like you can't it becomes viral it goes viral will make a viral video and then what was the other one um when people it's bin jabal when I was on freeform we want bin jabal we want everyone to binge I'm like you don't decide that you're gonna binge it just cuz you put all your content out there yeah you binge things because you decide it's bin jabal it's hot it's now it's fresh oh god how can you be in that industry and keep it real that's what I want to know can you keep it real can you keep it 100 look at that lady ho what is she doing is she doing the jab

28:26or is she a baton yeah are you sure she's dab it or she just doing Tai Chi in the park no it definitely says it on her shirt I'm assured that she doesn't know she's wearing I didn't realize I can't read I just can't keep pounding have we think it's so funny when old people talk as if they were ever young and like as if they've never had sex right like that lady probably at one point Tom was a dick connoisseur no he's out there in the park not knowing what the she's wearing just so via dick connoisseur in the park that's probably the best place probably to be sampling dick probably hard to get a good one though at that age this is probably real tough cuz it's all about enthusiasm I feel like dudes are pretty down with old ladies like old dudes oh yeah well that's an issue a friend of mine come on one of his buddies worked at a old folks home and said that one of the big issues

29:21was these old guys would get viagra yeah and these old ladies they didn't give a and a lot of them are on antidepressants so they're like lalala who gives a like they're on xanax and getting STDs well I don't know was that that's something that I heard about like it's rampant because that's happening that's probably really bad when you're old right oh my god like your body doesn't heal so good no I mean if you US when you're 98 well herpes is like an attack on your immune system there it goes the new erotic frontier sex in nursing homes until recently nursing homes frowned on sex now increasingly they smile oh that makes sense why why shouldn't he have fun look at this when Aubrey Davidson age 85 met a special guy at the Hebrew home in Riverdale in the Bronx New York they did more than sit next to each other in the dining room then he invited her to his room they hung a Do Not

30:18Disturb sign on the door and at breakfast the next morning they both sported broad smiles terrible writing like that was like a fourth but also calling it what is the top say the you see the new erotic frontier you're like ooh and it's like sex and nursing homes you're like oh there goes the boner well it sounded so hot yeah that's not it's not exciting for me but there's a whole category on youporn that so yeah old people they do some people do like watching old people you know when I watched the other day I'm not proud of it but I will admit to you I watched an old thing my special for I watched an old porn stars still at it I don't care exercise this topic at the type of life when many elderly feel cold sleeping as a pair provides warmth okay that's cute look at this though go back to that relationships make people happier and the happiness reduces stress

31:15and irritability and improves mood appetite sleep sociability and immune function so do plants read that for so how dare you read the first sentence is the Hebrew home that first one at the bottom the Hebrew home does more than tolerate resident Nicky who wrote this the faculty hope probably someone who works the Hebrew home its propaganda the faculty holds regular happy hours dances and even organized a dating service for residents G date G for grandparents right I like it that's great whatever no one's getting hurt yeah cares and they're enjoying them just people fought for our country some of them probably did let me this is like an age like might been a few draft dodgers from Vietnam and that makes every what about Korea but by the way I got more yeah by the way neither one of those wars but they're really fighting for our country but no but they still

32:05went they still went so Vietnam was a draft you know it was a horrible thing but they still went they still went huh well it's not their fault it was a war it was a war for sure but it's not their fault was the most war the most war was the most was literally founded on do you know about the Gulf of Tonkin I know you know it's a false flag that got us into Vietnam it never happened this Gulf Gulf of Tonkin incident I said I'll take it a step further I think the threat of communism is something that we like to do to scare Americans and the poor laotians just got caught in the middle of all of this yeah I went to Vietnam and they still have I'm sorry I went to Cambodia and they still have like active minds because they drop we dropped you think more bombs it was like several million or something and it's still an active thing like people are still losing body parts

32:56to this shore farmers so we're just like whoops-a-daisy sorry yeah and they're not an angry people I don't know if the threat of communism was perceived as real because I think if you look at the rest of the world like we were obviously in conflict with the Soviet Union they were worried about China they you know the Marxism and Mao and all the the various issues that people had overcome I think they were worried that communism was gonna spread I think it's just one of those things where once a witch hunt stars yeah you know like the McCarthyism era that's that's really scary that where they were going after people and ruining their lives they'd went to a meeting sure like if you went to a communist meeting I mean we definitely blacklisting people yeah you know and it's it's a fine line cuz it's like well you're Americans you have these rights and then like who's deciding that line I

33:45wonder if we're kind of getting into that now with what we're able to say on line with the whole sexual predator thing which it you want to talk about draining a swamp like it's great what's happening now but then you're gonna get guys who are like I never did anything that's like well sorry now no one wants to work with you well there's people that are absolutely guilty that are getting caught yeah and then there's people for sure they're gonna get accused by people who really just want attention you don't have that too but I think you're gonna have way less of that I think you're gonna have less of that because I think the stakes are so high that for you to do that for you to be the type of person that accuses someone just for your own personal gain right I feel like it's not gonna happen as much just because it's such a serious thing right now he's such a serious thing but

34:27there's so much weirdness to it like George Takei a guy says he grabbed his dick in 1981 hey dude you let it go walk that off walk it off I'm sorry it's also it's not as damaging as it is when a man does it to a young woman person thank you for saying that it isn't though that's so true I've been saying this on stage and I have a bit I don't want to reveal it here but I there's a big difference between being threatened for your life like if you're dealing with a situation like alright this is not the throw louis c.k into the bus but someone was saying like what's the big deal if someone masturbating in front of you this is what I this is what I said they've never had it happen you're a man yep okay and if a woman was masturbating in front of me I would not be worried not threatened for your safety I would exactly yeah be like okay I you want to do that all right right but if a man is

35:19doing it and they're blocking the door and it's a man that fit look I was in the green room not the room the the bar area the Comedy Store hmm you know that little narrow pathway and this guy walked by was about three months ago and he was six foot seven 300-plus pounds and he when he walked by me I just looked at him he looked at me I got physically nervous yeah physically nerved sure like I was thinking okay if this guy decided he was gonna kill me he's gonna smash me there's almost nothing I could do about he's so much bigger than me that is how almost every woman feels around a large man this is the thesis for my last special four confirmed kills your thesis I talked about it's add at length how it all goes back to the fact all of the suppression all of your nervousness as a woman all of it goes back to the fact that men are physically stronger than women yes and

36:13my whole joke is if we were strong if women were stronger we wouldn't have waited for the right to vote would have been like I'm going to the polls out of the way Jedidiah like it just went so it all goes back to that and I think for some guys it's hard to grasp what that feels like to feel physically inferior because it's not mental mentally inferior it's not someone's funnier your life is threatened when a guy blocks the door when the guys in your weight when you're in some guy's home and maybe he doesn't want to hear no he can kill you well that's all even a guy that's not that much bigger than me is still exponentially stronger than me and that's just the way we're designed it's not every woman it's not every man but women live with that fear so it's so insane you know they're like he jerked off in front of them and at the time you know this is a very valid thing like at

36:59the time I didn't know it was happening because your brain isn't designed to handle like a famous comedians masturbating in front of me I'll file this away well not only that how about it comes out of the blue mm-hmm how about how about you and I are friends we've been friends for a long time if we were in some hotel room somewhere and I said can I jerk off in front of you you'd be like what yeah you probably would this is not like a rational request like hey do you want to get some food Hey right now let's let's go to the bar hey there's no neurological path to this or it's like I'll go to the food bar and get food you just open the door and dropped off a cliff and you're just you're grabbing on to anything so they giggle they laugh cuz that's a natural reaction you're like okay you can't believe it's happening a lot of girls like Ali Reisman just came out the gymnast her

37:47the Olympic doctor yes was molesting her and another girl as well yes the guys already in prison for child porn which is so insane I think at the time especially when you're younger I have good friends who are like I was basically raped or assaulted and at the time you're laughing and going along with it cuz you don't know like your brain is like almost shutting down you're like I don't know that it's not okay well especially if you're really young right sure I mean you're if you're a young kid and you're not exactly sure you don't have a context for this action right so so that's happening you don't know just don't you don't understand like I almost got scooped up by a child monster once when I was really young it was like I guess it was like eight or nine I was in the library and I was looking at these books and this guy came up to me and I was looking

38:37at I was in a monster books like monster movies and this guy came up to me he's like you like monster books and I go yeah and he goes I've got some monster books in my car you want to see him so okay got a monster in my pants I didn't know any better like an 8 years old so I start walking out to his car and the librarian sees him and me and start screaming she said Joseph you keep away from that man he just got out of jail I was crying and I ran to her and the guy ran away oh but I think to myself like I had no idea I didn't know what a child molester was sure I didn't understand you don't know and even if he tried to touch you you're like this feels weird I know I don't like this it's just such a gray area and our sexuality doctor right for a doctor to like abuse and you think oh maybe he's touching me he needs to be doing that I don't know what went on but your

39:25sexuality especially as you're younger is so vulnerable like if you want to up a girl's life all you got to do is go over and like grab her boobs as an adult and like that's it just go up and grab some young kids dick or like touch a woman's vagina yeah and you're like it's such a precious vulnerable thing the fact that any of us get out unscathed is a miracle I had another one when I was 14 no 13 I wasn't in high school yet no so it was like the year before high school I used to go fishing at this lake and there was this old dude that used to come by the lake he was jogging all the time me and my buddies would fish there and he was a former professor and he come by and talked to us he was always like really smart and articulate and interesting to talk to and he would sit with us while we were fishing and talked to us it was always super friendly and then he

40:11drove drive off or run off and then one day I went over his house and I didn't think anything of it because I'd been around this guy all the time and he he watched me pee in the bathroom didn't think anything of that either like grown man watching me pee he's like normal and then like maybe a week later he showed up at the pond where we'd fish and he was drunk and he told me he loved me and I remember thinking like okay I like you too so what cuz I'm fishing at the time I was like what the this guy going on about and we were in a weird area of the pond there was like no one around and it was like a lot of trees and bushes and it was sketchy and I remember he said this to me said something about something along the lines of you can't have love without sex just out of the blue yeah that's his opening yeah he said he loved me and he said you know there can't be any love

41:12without sex I said what and I had a knife and I remember I had a knife and I put my hand in my pocket I like a little folding knife yeah and I held onto it in my pocket and I told him he had to get away from me and I'm leaving and he told me I was overreacting and I reeled in my line and got out of there but I was like this guy wants to do something to me I'm 13 there's no I can't do anything I'm like maybe I might be able to stab him probably not you know it's definitely I think about that because especially as a girl and I hate to keep saying that but it really does like it does affect us the most and you know you get in these ubers like you like I'll just get in with this dude right I'll just get in this cab and I hope that he's not gonna snap today you don't even a cab it's a guy's actual car right so it's even more intimate or just walking or it's basically you're at you know you

42:01have to keep you have to be vigilant about it because like if somebody just decides this is what I'm gonna do and we're all vulnerable to agree some guy decides to take out an ak-47 or drive his car into a group we're all just sitting ducks you know and all the preparation in the world you can't fight a gun with your fists you can't outweigh a man with your body mass as a woman use a real big girl and you know I don't know we I think about those things and so that's why it's tough when you're walking and you're a girl and some guys like smile you're like I'm just trying to survive forget the smile thing that's such a bully move because those guys who do that they're only doing that because they're bigger and stronger than you oh and by the way smiling causes wrinkles you have wrinkles like anyone's well I don't know about that but if you like the reason

42:48why a guy will do that is cuz he can like a guy's not gonna do that to a bigger man I know I'm saying the bigger man walks by hey smile okay you you know I'm saying like reap you're ordering someone to do something you order it but moreover I'm just trying to I'm putting on a face just saying I don't want to be bothered because I'm scared and I'm trying to get from point A to point B yeah and you're praying on that vulnerability thinking that I want that if I want to see your dick I'll tell you if I want to talk to you I'll look at you're not thinking that you want that what they're doing is they're realizing that you don't want to have anything to do with them and by saying that they have like this power to affect you well what's scary watch smile wouldn't look like such a right and what's scary is then if you don't I don't know what wrath that's gonna incur when I say off right I

43:33better hope I'm on the other side of the street right and what's funny cuz I then I talk about something special so I'm not trying to do a bit this is such a common conversation we have this thing where a guy says something doing who's sweeter and you're like off and you get tough immediately followed by what if he kills me it's always our thought like oh my god please don't don't follow me of course we came out of this show last night there's like girls night didn't show everybody was feeling great we walk outside in this lake dude walked I was a bow to go to Lauder you're walking into a group of five girls having a lively conversation you put yourself in the middle and I walked away I go oh I'm not doing that and he like started chirping at me what's your problem who owes would loiter and my dumb friends like I think I do sir and like this is not the time to demonstrate

44:14how compassionate you are don't give him a lighter like there's no reason to pluck go anywhere else you're obviously a crazy person but that's one other instance were or instance rather where a guy will do that because he's bigger because he can get away with it guys not going to do that to a group of guys no you know I mean that's this the reason why he's doing it he's doing it because he's imposing like it's a big dog into a room in this and sometimes you know for shows like I have security there after and it's not you know I'm not Beyonce it's not like people are throwing themselves in me but I've found just having a large man even if it's a friend of mine standing next to me deters even the beginnings even the Inklings of let me step to her and see what's gonna happen just for having one there that's got to be a thing with girls that's different with guys like

45:01got people get obsessed with people guys get obsessed with girls get obsessed with guys there's a lot of people out there that are unstable and they lock on to someone they get obsessed with them sorry but if a man gets obsessed with you sexually that becomes a giant issue and there is no separation by the way you can't just be obsessed with me cuz you're like oh I just oh she's brilliant and I'm totally normal like no those relationship with you right had that happen I had a stalker it was a couple years ago and I did a show in Michigan it was at Michigan nope I was University of Delaware and I was going to Michigan the next day and and the it was a I did at college obviously and the woman working and there she comes to me she goes hey there's a guy here he says he's your cousin and I was like I don't have a cousin in Delaware so she leaves she comes back she goes he says he's a comic

45:51from LA and I'm like I don't know any comics from Delaware also and then she leaves she comes back she goes he says I go stop stop coming back to me this is obviously like several attempts and now security has to walk me out to the car so we do that and so I had it kind of in my mind like somebody did something so I'd go to Michigan and I'm in Michigan him there for a festival the next day and the secure and I I mentioned I just kind of mention I was like this happened yesterday and the security guard comes over and he was like yeah there was a guy waiting in the hallway after we cleared it and when I talked to him he kind of ran away and I kind of got his name I think he like saw his ID for a second guy was like trying to get in but he was creepy enough that security like caught it so they showed me the surveillance tape so you see nothing but a grainy

46:34face and like a black leather jacket and what they thought his name was so a couple weeks later I had I was gonna play South by Southwest so I told my manager about it so she tells security there my buddy I'm not gonna say his name because he's very shy is ex-army Ranger and works for the contracts with the government and so I told him so he called the FBI and they gave him with just the grainy photo and what we thought his name was and they found who he was just some nut who of course has guns and has a record and lives off his family money somewhere and rural whatever and I was at South by Southwest and I had given and I felt bad and this is goes to women feeling bad for taking up space there were way more famous people there than me but hear him I can't pick up my badge I had to go talk to the police like I had to have an escort everywhere I'm doing like a bar

47:26show you know I'm just there to hang out with my friends and I had to have somebody to all three shows and I felt embarrassed because I have this police escort and like huge movie stars are there and they don't even have that and I didn't want anyone to look at me like who does she think she is but I was scared and he had and so it was the last show and I thought I was in the clear and I go and I do my set and one of the cops comes over they're like he showed up and we caught him but had they not been there and they talked him I guess they put the fear of God in him because they were like she doesn't want to talk to you and he goes oh I don't want to hurt her and I'm thinking give it your version of hurt and mine are very different like I need my skin you probably don't think it hurts to take it off of me how about you don't want to talk to him period like even I don't

48:09want to hurt her but I need to talk to her like you never need now talk to something you don't need that and it's Texas cops so it's like they look they get super I figure are you in the desert and they scared him off and I've never had to deal with him but for months at the improv at the coast or we had this guy's picture up Jesus Christ and I done nothing you know it's just you decide like he goes she's communicates with me through meditation and Kabbalah I was like all right let him in jewish meditation yeah no I think Madonna was doing that for a while Jewish mysticism wasn't Madonna like busy was in which all these people that are like Cabalists that have studied it forever she's trying to like hack it yeah well she is Madonna she gets a velvet rope to the front of the line that was Janet Jackson's tour the velvet rope tour I wasn't thought you're making like a

48:56nice pop reference no saying like she gets VIP to the Kabbalah Center Reds wearing in the water what is Kabbalah like what what do you know anything about the study of Jewish mysticism right so Judaism is actually a very ancient sort of mystical spiritual religion and this kind of goes sort of back to its roots and it's something that you can't because I've always been interested in it you can't just pick up a book like it's a lot of studying a lot of like deep seeded dissecting Hebrew numbers you know it's not something you just decide you're gonna do but I don't know much about it other than is it from ancient Hebrew ancient before like it's yeah it's yeah ancient weird language I would love to go it's like I love looking at old languages because you're looking at like some weird art form anyway it was the first forms of communication like if you look at it you know ancient Hebrew or

49:49ancient Arabic or Aramaic or something like that like that just the way those things are structured it's a way the sentence is written out have this um it's several hundred years old but it's a Thai Bible and it's on my wall like I have it's written on these palm they they took like palm wood and flattened it out and painted it so it's like this really like artistic weird thing that's framed but I just go by it and I look at it I'm like this is like I have no idea what the it says but it's just cool to look at like sure sure weird way of writing and communicating these people had was also fascinating cuz like they had the urge that we do to record sure everything people are gonna look at ours in a million years and be like why are there all these eggplant emojis why is everything a peg pointing water okay why is everyone yellow yeah but they have to say

50:44I always wonder did they have I mean obviously they didn't have the same advancements but like ancient Greece like did they have like what were young people doing like was it what was your fun besides vomiting clean of auditorium in wrestling right yeah well I would just love to be a fly on the wall back then I mean when you're talking about people that had very little understanding of how the universe worked or their rudimentary understanding of science just to hear the wisest of the wise amongst them try to figure out what makes everything tick talking about how acne is the devil yeah yeah well you want to talk about how women were treated then that's what's really weird that's like women have always been treated like always it's always been some weird sort of relationship between men and women because we can get away with it that's really the bottom line about it all it's like what's

51:30happening today I think is that because of the ability to express now like it's almost like something could happen to you in a bad way and no one could know about it right but now everyone can know about it if you express it yeah if you express it everyone can know about everyone can no sure and now everybody's realizing that and there's like a shift well everybody's it's like when black lives matter really came to the forefront you know and all these white people are like oh my god I didn't realize America was racist and a black people are like really cuz we did so all these women now are like yeah this goes on all the time and I even think about in comedy you know and I went on this like Twitter rant the other day about it this idea it's a it's art comedy is art and people feel ownership over it so you get these like boys clubs you know I'm very lucky in that I have

52:23ups you know like you get like it's a group of dudes that run the show and they don't like girls whatever it is or the way a lot of guys make women feel and it's so insane I'm like so because you moved to LA a year before me and you and your friends wrote the same jerk-off jokes you somehow think you own this art form that I've always felt a connection to my whole life just because you get your camera because well alright but not only that I mean I don't mean you get it like do you understand it but I mean does it happen to me cuz it happened you know and the truth is I was able to avoid it because of what I did in my career early on because like winning a show like that makes you you get the headline so I was never respected it's not even that as much as I just was never in the trenches as much because I got to headline which is always the goal like I just had a

53:08different path how much how much how many years were you doing stand-up before you did one last comic standing wow that's crazy right so for me I'm even more firmly I guess planted in my in my convictions about sympathizing or empathizing with women who didn't have the same advantage and I wanted or anyone being bullied but I see it you know at clubs that we do and these are my home clubs and I love it coming up the last 10 years I've watched oh no he's a good guy and this guy cysts like systematically like daily harasses women and all the guys like no he's more cool he's friend we're friends with him you know it's like you've seen that I've seen that I'm not gonna say names but there are people who go out of their way to be horrific and I never see the guys around us and these are all you know contemporaries say anything cuz it's like now he's a good guy he's our

53:58friend and women will DM me female comics won't send me messages this is happening to me he said this to me what do I do and I'm like all you can do is be kind work on your jokes that guy he doesn't mean anything but it is it does mean something psychologically if you have to give love and then you see that guy if you see him right before you have a set oh my god yeah oh my god I've had you know disagreements I was nervous this isn't you when I went you and I had that the thing about your phone number I was like I don't want to run into Joe I'm so afraid of Joe and that's someone who's a friend of mine you know it's already such a weird thing to go to work but the girls who are like oh yeah I he told me I wasn't funny he told me I was a he told me this he told me I was to XYZ to this and just as if the guy owns the art form when what breaks my heart is like real comics like you or like

54:49Sebastian or like people that I or Marc Maron like guys that I look up to that I think are so brilliant they don't have time to sit there and get in the head of some girl who's just trying to make 15 bucks you know it's not your mo it's only losers well I always feel that we're all in the same boat together and that if you have a vagina and I have a penis doesn't it we're all comics I think they're really I mean that's sounds like even to be sincere sounds like such horseshit in this weird day and age because you feel like you're trying to cover up and try I'm not those guys hey not that Harvey Weinstein guy I'm different you come with me yeah I'm a sweetie we could sleep on the couch together wouldn't even bother me but you know I mean like there's but I think it's very important that all of us that work together look I could learn from comedy but from you

55:42I can learn from anybody I mean I've seen people deuce do stand-up they've seen me do stand-up they do it different than me sure we talk you've got a different method than I do there might be something you see it's always we're all peers it's art and we're players but you I feel like that with friends and I feel like that with peers and I feel like that within it you gotta you gotta be open and if you're not open you're gonna miss stuff you're also very secure and I really do believe that insecurity whether you're a woman hating another woman whether you're a dude trying to like step to another guy it all comes from insecurity yeah so when you're I run this show with my buddies or you know I've been doing three years I'm owed the world like you're told that you're that you're owed more right Oh Concord show but I should have more it comes from this insecurity of if she

56:33gets something that I deserve and it comes from this place of you think you deserve something and that was a big thing for me after I did the show the men that I had to tour with were horrific like mental scars indelible marks on my brain horrific because there wasn't this entitlement like how dare she take that you know how dare you win the show how dare you not roll over and die hmm but so I see that and I don't have to deal with it as much but my heart breaks because I wish that these girls five years later could look could realize from like a bird's-eye view when it's happening I'm like but that guy's got nothing like if you really are gonna be that mean - a fellow comic you obviously hate yourself so much yeah but you don't see that like I wouldn't see that if somebody hated me even if they were a loser when someone hates you it's sucks no no hate yourself hate seems like it

57:21we're gonna if someone hates on you because they thought themselves still suck I had a guy when I started I was doing these like comedy contests in like Orange County which were a total racket but I don't even know the guy I think he was another comic and he was like a middle-aged dad and he would on a weekly basis write me hate email calling me names that I had never been called in my life I was like 23 or something you were a like just railing on me and I didn't like someone jerking off her you don't know how to handle that no one I've never even had a woman be that mean to me and so I I took it I wrote back a couple times like what's your problem and it was just he was just a crazy person firing off at someone and a year later he wrote me an email to be like I'm in rehab now I'm so sorry I've got a wife I've got kids so you enter into this art form and into the city with the

58:11best of intentions trying to keep your soul as clean as possible and you have no control over the crazy that's gonna be in your path you only have control over how you heal from it I guess yeah and I think every comic is crazy in a certain way sure there's just no way around if you're funny I've never met a single funny one that wasn't crazy they're all crazy it's just everyone's crazy is it different crazy well here's the other side of it so you get women and and my whole thing is like you should be fired from your job for not being funny not because you didn't like someone right but I think some people take it a step further they're like more for women I'm like no no do the jokes be funny you shouldn't get the gay just cuz you're a girl you should get a chance and you should have a chance to prove yourself and not have one stand in the way but this like more

58:57women and comedy right the jokes be funny I will I will fight for you to get that chance but I'm not gonna hire you just because you're a woman yeah the more women in comedy thing is like I just want humans be good at it I want good funny people yeah and I think there are more women in comedy now than ever before but I think there's more people in comedy now than ever before so saturated it's so saturated but I think it's a good thing there's a lot of competition and there's a lot of support like one of the things that bothers me the most about any sort of weird that goes on with comedians whether it's boy girl or anything else is that there's a camaraderie that we share that it's very unusual in a fairly competitive artform competitive in that I don't think it's as competitive anymore and what I mean by this is that I don't think that the idea of like getting a sitcom or being the

59:48host of The Tonight Show or you know these these limited number of gigs that are available I don't think that's where it's at anymore I think there's more people like you that are doing Netflix specials in me and we both do podcasts like that kind of thing I think is way more open to people and it's way easier for us to all to be supportive of each other and supportive of each other in the art form of stand-up like what's important in our world is don't steal yeah don't be an to your fellow comedians support each other and I'm gonna be there for you if you're there for me I think there's two things to that I agree I think it's also easier to be supportive when someone's undeniable I think when you're first starting out and when you're kind of in the clubs and you're all kind of fighting for it to figure out what you have when someone's genuinely funny man or woman I'm the

60:34first one to be like yes love that like I visibly fell over Sebastian when I bring him onstage and I'm sure he like doesn't love it but I'm like and and you are I mean this sounds like a like I'm stroking your ego but it's true like you singlehandedly I think change the sort of landscape in the way that we consume comedy like you have this massive podcast you guys don't know we're in a studio that is at least 2 million square feet and there are stuffed animals everywhere like what once we're not teddy bears and there's elk horns and there's an interactive dinosaur exhibit like it's huge he's like a monster drink fountain it's crazy but you you know having this podcast and then people see what's possible so what's funny is you did this and you built this sort of podcast Empire and there's other big ones too but this is definitely one of the most consumed on the planet so then

61:26it sort of opens up this new avenues then you get all these other comics on the podcast too and not everybody's equipped to do it and there is I think a glorion being one of the originals because you kind of pave the way and up a lot in the beginning and got better at it sure and I was having a conversation with a good buddy of mine this morning about it and he was asking me about conversations we were just talking about conversations about letting the there's like an art form to letting people talk in a way that's easy to consume for the people that are listening we are very good listener and I think a lot of when I started my podcast I did it so I could work on my listening skills I know you were and that was so nice talk about support and you did not have to do that and I think and I I don't do a lot of podcasts I begged to do yours so it's not like you

62:11asked me I was like I'm busy Joe but I don't do a lot of them because not every comic is a good listener or equipped well we were talking to before the show started about some bad interviews you've done you know and there's there's always gonna be that it's like you gotta want to talk to people I've got yeah I like talking to people like this is one of the reasons why podcast is a good fit for me is because I'm curious you're very curious Hey yeah very curious I like talking to people I wanna like when I was saying like would I be a woman for a day I want to know how the your brain works I know I know you don't know how mind works and I know I don't know how your absorbs I'm fascinated and I think that we try to figure men and women try to figure out our interactions with each other through trial and error and when sexual harassment and sexual assault and stuff like this what's

62:59coming out in the news with Harvey Weinstein and and others and even the Kevin Spacey stuff yeah what we're starting to see the Kevin Spacey stuff is not very applicable to what I'm talking about cuz it's men doing it to men but the Harvey Weinstein thing is it's like here someone is not even trying to think about how women think no not only that he was trying to think how can i how can I do this the most he'd like a network of people helping him exact that plan this wasn't like I'm drunk touch my dick this was my assistants gonna escort you in yeah I'm gonna send spies to try to cover this up later like it's maniacal did you ever see that article from 1945 with what was that woman's name I'll send it to you again oh yeah the lady or you know her the actress that was like if this is Hollywood easy Jamie I'm a sent it to you again put this up on the on the big

63:47screen you know what I got a better version of it where it's not cut off Hollywood is probably like yeah goodbye yeah this is 1945 did she was complaining that people were trying to her all the time and she couldn't get any work cuz they said she was cold she was like in order to get work I have to like leave my husband get my kids and be just here yes Irish film star Maureen O'Hara sorry today charge Hollywood producers and directors is calling her a cold potato without sex appeals and Irish she refuses to let them make love to her says the mere New York correspondent can I read it can I read it her Irish accent I'm so upset with this that I'm ready to quit Hollywood marine says it's gotten so bad I hate to come to work in the morning I'm helpless a victim a helpless victim of a Hollywood whispering campaign because I don't let the producer and director kiss me every

64:36morning or tell them or let them paw me and have them spread words around town that I'm not a woman that I am a cold peace a marble statuary statuary good work I guess Hollywood won't consider me as anything except a cold hunk of marble until I divorced my house me husband give me a baby away and take my name and photograph on all the newspapers if that's Hollywood's idea of being a woman I'm ready to quit now crazy how good my accent is yeah it's very good but it's so real but this is what I've always said about Hollywood and this is one of the the real problems with the people that are involved in the business not just in terms of like the way it's set up but the problems for the person that's doing it that's trying to be an actor or an actress here's the problem you have to get picked so because you have to get picked you have to go into places like please like me you're

65:25already insecure which is why you're an actress in the first place play the reason why you're an actor in the first place is because you want an exorbitant amount of attention you probably didn't get it when you were younger there's something missing what about people like Daniel day-lewis oh he's a different cat yeah well a Christian Bale there's a few of those oh thanks out there like there's a few in strings especially Daniel day-lewis he's like been working the last two years as a cobbler yeah shoes he's my favorite I love that that's such a weirdo you know and then when you watch him in some movies you know like there will be blood and you're like oh okay this is like your bear you're not even really acting you just become new people yeah yeah look here is that he becomes the guy on the set all the time he's the guy all day I don't want to spend that much time outside of my body

66:07I don't either yeah but the problem that I faced when I first came here was I got first of all I never wanted to act I I had zero intention I wanted to be a comic but then I started getting these development deals I went on to auditions in my very first my early days of being an actor I got both shows that's that's I got this show called hardball and then I Got News Radio those are the first two auditions that I ever went on yeah I know I didn't I just got lucky I'm you know I got his lucky as a person can get yeah part of it was because I didn't want to do acting that is a thing and also I was coming from fighting so it used to like really being nervous for solo for you yeah so I could go in there like hey what's up hey guys doing right I was fine look is this a kick in the nose no but it's fine yeah I'm not gonna get a concussion and bleed out of my ears right this but this environment

67:06where you're always wanting to get picked that's why everybody out here is left-wing it's not even there they're really left link they have to be yeah you have to wear a pink hat you have to say you know all the things you need to say you're you're literally formulating an act and you bring that act into auditions you bring that act onto the red carpet that's why you're seeing these people like Harvey Weinstein who would donate to the Clinton campaign and and do all this what seemed to be like very left-wing stuff you know and he was the darling of left-wing babies Miramax which is like right really kind of a progressive studio I thought wow it's just a house of sexual assault I mean I think you can be a total pervert and have good politics bad politics I don't think but that's not a pervert right is it he's difference between what he is in a pervert psychopath right predator and

68:01it's interesting too because look Donald Trump's are these of these the worst that being said we're going out and we're attacking people they're people I don't speak to my parents they voted for Trump and I'm like cool well when they're dead you can you can rethink that those four years you know and we out actors like he's a Republican like what are you doing well some of them revel in it right like James Woods that guy's hilarious he's on Twitter all day long fighting with liberals but he also was not of the best moral ground here's something interesting on my book there is a weinstein logo my book is the last one to be published get the out on the back or it's in the sorry it's on the spine and what I've been liking it too and I feel like the people and now it's a like they got absorbed Weinstein books was only to women it wasn't like a huge company I'd

68:52never met him or anything I liken it to like when your grandpa comes back from World War two and he brings back like a plate with a Nazi insignia on it like because they had they made their own like Nazis had like a whole home goods line and he brings that one thing back that's what that book is like like one of the last ones mm with the W now they don't have him anymore well look before this had happened anybody would have done a Miramax movie yeah he was the guy I mean the movies that they put together they put together some of the greatest movies of all time I think it's crazy I think we're getting into a place now where we're realizing oh yeah for every everything there's an upside down ever the upside down world there's you know my whole stranger thing yeah there's an underbelly to everything every business you can think of there is a seedy horrible side of it with

69:40horrible people and most of us choose to live in the light and thinking things are good every industry has that and we're just at a place now where like we're kind of shaking out and people are coming forward but this has always existed and it's rampant in every business don't you think there's also there's like there's systems right and assist systems of power where someone gets to a position where they have this massive amount of power almost like royalty yeah and what a guy like Harvey Weinstein was essentially like a royal in some ways right like royalty massive power right massive money all these people terrified of him this big booming figure almost like a king that would cut your head off right and when you have that kind of power it's such an unrealistic position to be in that I think it's human nature to exploit those unrealistic positions that's this Maureen O'Hara article is

70:45fascinating to me because this has always been the case these unrealistic positions where someone has to get chosen yeah there's one person who is a billion dollars and makes a hundred movies a year and every when people have to be chosen to be the chosen ones to be in those movies so you have a whole ecosystem right and then you have people that are depending on that ecosystem for their own survival nobody even if they know something wants to say anything it's like well I didn't know well you can't be the first one and then get fired and then you're right that's what they're thinking sure you don't want to be the first one that's the other thing you don't want to be first because Rose McGowan was talking about the stuff forever and they're like whatever she's crazy nobody wants especially for women nobody wants to listen to that woman and historically you know like Monica

71:28Lewinsky her life got wrecked yeah and she was a young woman with the most powerful man in the world and we love Bill Clinton and she gets called a you know so it there's a paradigm shift where people are now speaking and in terms of like if you're talking about exalting one position and someone getting chosen that's shifting to people like it I got a cell phone I don't need your movie I have 8 billion followers on Instagram you know I just show my butt I'll just show my butt I'll just make a video about me eating pizza mmm relatable now and so everything is shifting everything's shaking out I don't think this is ever gonna go away because if you're the kind of guy that does that that's just something you're gonna do think you're wrong I think it's going away I don't I don't see how I just don't think you can get away with it anymore well it's for sure gonna get watered

72:17down there's always going to be some amount of influence powerful people have that are in a position where they're choosing people but you're implying that if you are that that kind of crazy were you're assaulting women that you're choosing good over evil you just do if you're a predator you prey on things right but he couldn't do that when he was 20 and he didn't have any money and you know what he might have done a different way do you think so he's just who he is I think sometimes it's who you are so this whole I went to rehab I'm apologizing I'm gonna I'm gonna listen I'm so sorry it's like it's who you are and you can maybe stop but that I do believe that that's we like to think I'll just go he'll go reflect for a little bit hmm I love that they have a rehab that they all go to if it's gonna break for zona he's right we can fix you is it Canyon Ranch right now they go for a

73:06week but I will say you know absolute power corrupts absolutely yeah so Dave Becky gave the whole gate wrote a follow-up letter to Louis CK's which I thought was it sounded very genuine and there is something to you know we have these levels that you exist on you know and you can't be aware I feel like I'm gonna put my foot in my mouth but you can't be aware of everything that's going on all the time some people think he was aware of it but when you're dealing with these high level deals and you're at a certain dollar amount and you're flying high above everyone else you genuinely might not know what's going on but you almost have a responsibility when you are that powerful and someone tells you something about your client to like maybe take it seriously if I go on a Twitter rant my manager call she's like you're acting like a maniac okay but let's let's

73:51follow that up then what what does one do so someone is a Dave Becky and you think that this woman might be telling the truth and I don't know what Louis said to Dave Becky but we know that Louie told Mark Marin a lie as Mark Marin talked about it on his podcast and he said that he asked him hey many jerk it off right girls he said no I'm not it's just a rumor it's he goes what why don't you just talk about this rumor and he goes I can't you can't do that because then it'll give it credence which I guess I I kind of understand if it wasn't true but I don't think I have an answer yeah I definitely don't I don't want to seem like I'm going one side or the other it's disgusting and it's horrible but there's also when you hear Inklings of rumors you hear like little things everybody always says like when their kid ends up killing a bunch of people they're like I didn't know and

74:41as the public we're like how could you not know he exhibited XY and Z you know he did all this he had a gun in his room he decapitated rabbits how could you not know maybe sometimes we were too close to something and you don't want it to be true well what about that Vegas shooter oh my god like that guy had nothing he had no criminal background yeah no one had any idea he gave his girlfriend $100,000 she thought he was breaking up with her and she thought he was giving her money right he was just giving her money to get while he was gonna murder fifty people or 58 people and kill himself can't apply rationale to an irrational thing right no I'm well any sort of situation like that school shooters did you see the most armed man in America peace that went out no can you pull this up there's a guy who's the most common in Colorado his last name is Bernstein so as a Jew I was

75:32like why are we profiling the one Jew that's a gun not great he lives mostar manny is like three million dollars worth of artillery you got to watch this he has several shooting ranges bernie but wait so his name bernie it's Bernie like Epstein or something it's terrible he's got tanks he's got tanks he's got some free throws but first yeah until I do one until you go in his house nope fall into that group yeah why do you think so few people have such a large concentration of weapons you get addicted to them you know catching your blood we're driving up my property now and there's all kinds of warning signs as you can see if anybody comes on your property and threatens you with bodily harm it's legal to shoot them from Colorado law this is one of the first was a registered Democrat it says he's got old cars laid out with dolls malcolm and bullet holes all over the cars remember

76:38you want to party with him yeah you'll see I do want to party with him if if you're gonna listen it's not a lot just like one night I tell you what happens at the end or do you want to watch what happens he dies no well he talks about their like so your wife died in oh Jesus he killed his wife no look at this he's got manic he's got dolls he has mannequins dressed up in women's clothing he changes their underwear when it gets cold outside Oh Mel and this guy is the most heavily armed man in America legally Rod's and do you know stuff I like I don't really care what you like because she never says nothing anyway I'm real nice to him when it gets cold you know went there I put on the way he's got a New York accent yeah he's a Jewish guy from like the Bronx or something he lives on a ranch in Colorado that's filled with bullets and guns and mannequins and he's got his own firewood

77:31his wife died in an explosion uh-huh but the way he described it he's like we was sure I think was for like a aney and the last day some they were walking through smoke and one of the smoke canisters turn into like a rocket it just went through her he describes it as if I was describing what I had for lunch he's a good one through her and they cancelled the show through it all the way not a tear nothing about the wife she's just more like an the show's over it's a crazy clip whoa that guy's probably waiting for someone to trespass like he's like putting out like chocolate and money like on a string and he's old too so he's got like not much left you know how much times you have left about his girlfriends he's got girlfriend the mannequins mean man yeah do you would you want to meet him and interview him oh how about a show on Netflix called Eliza interview

78:22Psychopaths it's just all comics excuse me at the store you with this guy you with like Preppers it would just be cut back to me just staring in him with my mouth open what is all the soldiers in plastic another video on another channel I found he just loves mannequins oh this guy's so creepy maybe doesn't like people and this is like how he sort of there's a lot of health Tory look at the size of his house it's got rocket launchers this guy's where's he getting the money for all this stuff this he sells guns - OH - whoo I don't know one of his guns he can't contribute to this oh it's too late yeah he was like in the last couple weeks we've sold more guns then we have the whole year well here's the thing if this guy dies where's all this weaponry going I guess whoop in in Colorado yeah Colorado was the wrong place to pull out a gun everybody's armed yeah everybody's armed and now

79:22everyone's high you kept airing are two things yeah he's got samurai swords Jesus Christ darts and Joe this guy interesting character yeah there's a lot of people out there like that in Texas Texas is crazy I grew up shooting not all the time but we would go my best friend's parents would do these um sort of not reenactment shootings but they would dress up in period costumes like late 19th century and we would go out to the country and they would have these like little fake towns set up and it was like time to vent shootings and they all had names like boy named Sue and they had like their cowboy names and you'd shoot you'd win like an antique coin or something but they would go and mr. Hewett had all the rifles and the guns and would shoot at you know there was like targets like that I remember one was like just the sort of outline of like a fake saloon town kind of thing

80:16and it's like time do you try to get your targets and we would just drink dr. pepper and watch but I didn't and shot guns a couple times it doesn't do much for me so my thing yeah I don't even like hunting with them do you just I feel like you are so masculine that you see an elk you're like timing and you just run alongside it tackle it by the neck and you just punch it into submission no you can't even get close to them no you can't you can't tackle an elk okay cool you can't might be able to tackle like a calf oh baby cow elk yeah do you want your something crazy yes a baby else crazy man a pony is not a baby horse it's not isn't that crazy what's the baby horse are called a foal a foal what's a Colt then a horse Oh colt is like a full-grown horse so pony is like a type of horse it's its own kind of horse it's not crazy see how it's not a pony that's right I should

81:16know that I love telling people that fact yeah I should know that pony is no baby it registers yeah you know it yeah what is so a donkey what's what's the difference in a mule and a donkey one of them is like know one of them is a hybrid like I am is a hybrid between Oh a donkey is a horse and I'm nope a mule I think I mule on a donkey oh the same thing well one of them is a hybrid and it's non-viable I know that what do you mean non-viable meaning hybrids a lot of hybrids can't breathe okay it may be you must reduce when you breed a male donkey with a female horse okay that's it no it's a mayor it's also an ugly type of shoe mmm a hinny meanwhile is a mules and ugly kind of shoe yeah for women it's like a slip-on put that up looks like a huff with the folks of Muleshoe by the way so many of your fans who like live in rural areas are like I can't believe these

82:08people don't know look at that it's just ugly but that one but but if you're really hot you could pull that off guys when you're they don't like that's a hug that's that's a that does seem like a satanic sort of a thing yeah after Park goat yeah not even cloven the reason why I know this is because we got mule come for Fear Factor it's cheaper to make people drink meal come coz mule come doesn't really become anything it's just it's not good how did you say that on the show mule emissions I think we said sperm Oh Mike I think we said sperm yeah yeah it wasn't my idea that's what got the show canceled oh I'm one of the few people in show business that has a show canceled because we made people drink calm I think the only one maybe ever I feel like there's a lot more than you think yeah this probably something behind the scenes yeah behind off camera there's no way they drank as

83:05much guarantee that all right one minute jerk-off comes me loose on the video on YouTube oh yeah mmm Jews interesting no yeah that's it that's what girls have to go through yeah well that was what's interesting what they could choose between come and urine you know drink like a vat of urine and a vat of come and a lot of the girls chose to come over the urine because at least we it's a similar beast you've been there before oh my god yeah I don't want to watch any of that day yeah amazing I love her running eyeliner that's how the show got canceled right there ladies and gentle can not kill you know I think drinking your fine no urine is nothing yeah urine is just like you can only drink your own urine I think eight times I love that she's got a hate it's like doing the acid doing a more than any times you become insane is that true oh no it's a fact about

84:02drinking you can only drink if you're like stranded you can only drink your urine at a certain amount of times before it becomes toxic did you read about those two women that got they got stuck at sea for like five months with their dog yeah the dog they had like a year's supply of food on the boat but apparently it's falling apart the story's falling apart and now people don't even believe they were really stranded as long as they were like apparently people were suspicious right away because they were too well-kept yeah so and then now there's story what I've been reading and I should shouldn't really comment on it until I see if he could find out I don't how much of how much it's falling apart because I was reading something about how it continues to fall apart the story continues it like they might have just pretended to be at sea for five months because you

84:51would eat that that you would eat that dog also like you might not if you have a year supply of food sure okay right you can have those like Alex Jones supplies those buckets that Jim Baker pushes have you ever seen that at the end times I think yeah rescued stick with their story you would say the same thing I did okay well there's an easy way to fact-check this like what port did you leave it like who's less person you saw right I guess they're having some issues there's some people that think it's they claimed daily distressed calls were unanswered and at one point tiger sharks bumped against the boat Oh might be real well you can fact check those are stress calls see if tiger sharks live in that area they do yeah that's around Hawaii that's what alibi that's one of the one of the real problems with Hawaii is tiger sharks tiger sharks are one of the

85:42most aggressive of sharks and they get people all the time I think second only to bull sharks what does it say indicating they have like an emergency beacon that if they would have activated it would have alerted this Coast Guard that would have been found really fast but they didn't but they for some reason didn't we didn't know about it NASA said there was no storms recorded on satellite images that would have I guess supposedly also is what this had caused their disappearance hmm Eliza likes to stick up for girls though notice that I have not read the story I'm just no I was just like of course the two lesbians have like a giant dog I'm assuming one of them's like 46 one of them's 25 so I think they're probably lesbians who knows but like that's such a lesbian like he's a pit mix but we love him yeah because like the big disparity in age that's like the

86:32difference between like a guy with a yacht and his hot girlfriend who knows maybe she's her instructor you know what I love most about lesbian couples there's almost always like a male and a female yeah sometimes yeah sometimes well a lot of the time my my best friend and her wife obviously they're married and you know your best friend's lesbian you're so diverse but she we've noted we were three and so she is did you know she was a lesbian when she was three no she dated like the quarterback and in high school like that's probably ruined her I think she kind of just figured it out I mean he was a psychopath but um so they're married and they want to have a baby and Michelle sorry Michelle Oh her name up we're both Jewish we're white she's half my body weight she's the tiniest and kind of sickly she has like plantar fasciitis she's got her own issues right so she wants to carry the

87:26baby and her wife is American but Dominican and like strong she's like but I want to carry the baby I'm like no no our people have liked a sax and and then like just diseases like past attack it's like a Jewish thing it's like a genetic permutation that only like Jewish babies get but the point is Jews have to deal with that I'm like her people are given birth left and right and going back to work the same day there don't carry the baby I'm like trying to encourage your I'm like let let the other one do it you know I just want to I want to go through because she's them I guess if you had to pick one yeah he's the boy but Michelle wants to do it I'm like you're gonna get snapped in half you're gonna shake yourself and you're gonna just be a puddle of Jewish skin and bones ooh let the other one do it are you gonna have babies I was thinking about that some great-- I'm getting

88:14married in May and then I was talking at your boyfriend's a very nice guy fiance he loved you he loves come in the store he's a good dude he's a good guy and I was just like I guess I said go get married we're gonna honeymoon I was like I guess we have it I was happy when you got him yeah I was like finally one good one dick this one's gonna stick it I get rid of him the Yale story and that one that was that was like three years ago that's quite a while ago that was a great story though thankful when you brought him around like wow I don't want to be too friendly with him you don't wanna warm up it's like war ya know like you know the new guy might get shot but then after a couple months it's like hey you're still here what's up man and then we became more more friendly yeah you're like I don't want to be cool to this guy she might get rid of him every time I see him I hug him

88:55yeah he loves you he loves seeing he was watching all the copy he just he's a fan of comedy anyway not in a weird way but like he listened to your podcast I think it's cool for him and he's super supportive but I was like I guess we just have a baby like well I guess you do that you're viable I don't know how many more years got I don't know my stat card you get X ray I don't have only have to once where your eggs you cook them I have one big egg one giant one like an ostrich I keep it in the back have yourself a little gladiator baby like some strongman baby I've always wanted that do you think you'll have a boy or a girl you have a feeling can I say this yeah so I didn't know job when I was 18 and which about said tiny that's why your nose is so tiny what you nose used to look like a little bump there were things they didn't shrink your nostril holes no I always had small

89:43nostril holes you can't shrink them now so you just got rid of the bump the bump it's I talked about in the book it's not like a huge revelation I'm Jewish like we do this but he's half Italian half Jewish and he's got a big nose and I remember looking at it the other day and I was like our kid had better be brilliant or amazing at sports because if a girl has a combination of our noses it's over for her mmm so interesting fingers crossed that she gets someone else's now is maybe by the time you guys decide to have babies CRISPR will be totally dialed in get a nice little Christie Brinkley nose out of that yeah maybe we'll have it be an app at that point or if it's a dude a big nose this gives you like character big nose for a dude is fine yeah and I'm praying because he's very tall if it's a girl maybe she's just like a brilliant we and then it's like who cares right

90:30but probably not gonna happen probably just be kind of funny and mark knows who knows that's the interesting thing about having children that I found is that they come out of the box their own little mind their own little personality you just kind of nurture that personality along the way but you know my two youngest daughters could not be different yeah they're so similar to each other they're so dissimilar rather to each other yeah what happens my brother and I are I don't know where he's from the planet yep you are and we just I don't know it's just my sister and I yeah yeah it just baby it's there it's a weird combination of like we're talking about nurture in nature and do you but see the thing is about a woman having a baby go on is that you especially as a comic it would be much more difficult for you to do the road I think I think I don't know anything about it I don't know you

91:25know I know that I work out a lot so obviously the more mobile and healthier are it's easier you know there's a couple months where you can't but there's also a couple months of the year where I don't do the road anyway I think I could tailor the schedule around it and we certainly could because you're successful because you make enough money to hire help and hire people to help you when you travel oh my god absolutely yeah I don't know but your whole life change I think about that a lot you know it's at night it's 10 o'clock I'm like let's go grab dinner you know you can't do that do that so I don't know I guess that's like the next step but you just adjust your life yeah it becomes so much it becomes very strange like hanging out with your own kids it's it's very odd because the love that you feel for them is so intense and so weird yeah it's like this this warm cuddly love but it's

92:17it's also like while you're doing it you're cuddling with your kid you know talking with them and while you're talking with them for me at least I'm like I can't believe you're real yeah you can't believe this is a daughter like I have a daughter and you're in charge of her forever and we're talking yeah and she's like what do you think about them like no what do you think about that and where conversation I think it'd be weird that they're thinking at all you're like you were just a puddle of mush yeah so I don't know but I'm open to I think a big problem in our society is that we expect women that you've got to have this career have this body have this family well why do we do that we do that because it's always been that way who is we right if I need this group right but how many people do that how many people do expect you to have all these things I

93:00think it's a projection obviously when you get down to it nobody cares what you actually do but it's what's put out there as what looks like happiness and I even talk about this because I never I'm not trying to pretend like what I'm saying is something I'm thinking about right now I've thought about it I wrote about it it you do have to do this digging to be like what does my happiness actually look like and it might not be the cookie cutter image that is kind of put on all of us like I have a very weird job but if I couldn't do this job I would I would be the saddest person like SAN up comedy gives me the most joy and that is a huge I'm you know in a relationship with that and I have to factor everything sort of around it yeah until I have a kid then who knows you don't have one it does change I mean I hate to say louis c.k gave me great advice once a kid which is

93:51very odd but he said let it change you and I don't know Louie very well I should say this too because people somebody somebody's give me a hard time about not commenting on it like my thought was like first of all I want to gather my thoughts absolutely and second of all I don't know him that well I don't even have his phone number I've never had a phone call conversations with him I bet we've exchanged emails maybe three times ever and he and I have run into each other at clubs and said hi we've never gone out and hung out together I'm not good friends with them yeah so when all this was going down it's not like I had information like if Joey Diaz did something up and people wanted me to comment first of all I would never say anything bad no matter what Joey Diaz did sorry that's just the way it is if there's just no way around it if you knew he raped someone

94:40this is horrible grab the soundbite so sorry that he did that but when you know I mean I I would never I would never throw him under the bus you know I think there's bus throwing and then there's bus throwing there's a comment after sort of conduct condemning it and then there's of course like there was a guy who was in that movie baby driver and he asked no it was like a like a four eight lead or something and he went on some show and just went off about Kevin and so everyone's and like it was like it looked like a way to get attention like yeah when I was on set he didn't seem that cool and it was so much in retrospect but he's not the guy that's won The Walking Dead The Punisher guy I don't know yeah when it gets that guy who's pretty successful he's the new Punisher in that Netflix just seemed very like bandwagon jumping when the Louis Leakey thing happened I can speak

95:33from the perspective of a woman who's seen this kind of stuff I don't know I brought him up twice at the store that's my knowledge of him but you get these emails from like the New York Times or like hey if you have anything you want to say or if you know any other things I'm like I don't and I don't want to attach myself I don't want to be like I didn't want to be part of that story just for the sake of it because then you look like a Fame well that's also the problem like you get caught up in something where you you become inexorably connected yeah awful event and you didn't do anything sure yeah so Joey didn't do anything it was just it's like not Joey Joey oddly enough as crazy as Joey is he's a very gentle person he's a giant Italian Rican he's Cuban sorry giant Cuban teddy bear yes cuz he seems so tough and he loves saying but he is just he's like he's just so

96:26kind and he's got these eyes like a whale like they're just ancient and big like the camel eyelashes he's got these like lovely eye and you can isse miles at you like a toddler I love him he's the best I exchanged emails with him maybe once every three or four years we've text each other maybe 10 times ever all only phone calls calls results every couple days what's up what are you doing brother what's going on it's you want to talk to you yeah Joey wants to talk to you if I ever text him it's because I have to send it in address to him you know he's got to like put it in his navigation system that's it he calls you he's lovely yeah he's a beautiful person yeah it's and and you know he and I were talking about this whole louis c.k thing he was like you know he goes you know what's crazy he was like I held somebody at gunpoint he goes he goes for armed kidnapping and everybody's like

97:22I you were crazy but he goes like this is the kind of this is the kind of thing that sticks because he did it one of us right like if you in our world like we are all the same we are all the same thing I mean there's gonna be some weird pettiness and and there's gonna be some prejudices and there's gonna be some individuals that are not supportive but overall amongst the good eggs yes the ones that you and I associate with we are all we all consider each other the same thing okay we we understand each other's hearts and we know how hard it is and what it's like and we all know that it's us even though the audience's are friends it's us versus them it's the club versus you know you're trying to do a job and we know exactly what this very weird job entails and we know the way the other person thinks like we have fucked-up thoughts yes and it's okay to admit these thoughts to each other and

98:16that's a very special bond and you can't just be like I'm a comic I get it like you have to kind of earn it and there's a respect there and so it's what he did is deplorable and it was with other comics and I feel bad because I feel bad because everybody gets so angry at women they're like why now and I'm like because there's safety in numbers and no one would listen before but people knew they knew you some people knew they knew to a degree like I knew a degree I knew the girls names but I didn't know if it was true it was a rumor right you don't know and you don't want to be the one that's running out there like with a lit torch and you're wrong no this is gonna sound up but I'm gonna take a chance with in anyway have you put yourself like I put myself in Harvey Weinstein's brain not really but I sat down and I tried to think like what what what would this guy like how

99:11would his brain work is he just like like lost in the throes of the addiction of and sex in this chase of getting all these superstars to suck his dick which is apparently what a lot of them did I mean I've talked to women that know people in the business and it was like negotiating tactic yeah he would give them roles if they did and he always followed up he always honored his words wondered about that yeah like how do you insure someone gives you the part I don't know I mean he had a reputation for doing it you know the the contract thing that he had you know this know his contract with with Miramax with the Weinstein group oh it was like a sexual-harassment like a clause yeah like hovering up to but they had it like in tears yeah like one would be worth 2/5 Canadian would crazy they knew I mean that is if that's not complicit then what is but have you Dan

100:04have you tried to put yourself in the louis ck's brain yes and no because I definitely have had this thought I think when you get to a certain level and I see there's this wasn't at that level then this is the thing true and he did well and it was a long time ago yeah let me try and forget the level I've found with a lot of male comics there's a certain like a lot of perverts whatever there's a certain set of blinders like I can do whatever I want there's almost like a lack of accountability you show up drunk or high or up and they're like oh he's so creative it's a certain allowance we give to men and then people when they get famous like you don't do whatever you want I pride myself I'm always on time I don't show up anywhere drunk like I just take it a little bit more seriously because I know I have to work a little bit harder whether being a girl helps or

100:54not at times it just depends on the day I do think that there's a lack of awareness about other people and I do think at a certain level there is a mindset of like because I've seen this in lower tiered comics she doesn't matter what I say to you when I call you a or a piece of or I harass you you don't matter because you're not gonna make it you're not gonna make it got talent you don't matter and I do I've seen this I'm not gonna go into names I've heard things that other women will confide in me that men say to them I remember starting at the store things that were said to me by men who probably don't remember they said it cuz there's like a Cavalier just I'll just say it whatever I hurt I want her to hurt you you're a your body's disgusting you don't matter your body is disgusting that's the that's the weird one right like I hurt so I want her to hurt there's a comic at

101:48the store all the guys are friends with all of them me I don't know maybe well uh he's not there ton anymore it was definitely he was definitely like a fixture there in the earlier is when I was there I we were at another comics house for a party I was standing there and he walked up to me I didn't said a word he said something rude to a girlfriend of mine because he was hitting on her and that didn't go well and he just looked at me and he went you better keep working out cuz your body's not gonna look like that forever and I was like hi and the only other thing he ever said to me was like ten years later he yelled at me because I brought my dog to the store but whose body does look like that forever but like stupid thing this is stupid and it's so it's meant for me to be like why did you say that we should go that will help and it did not have does that work it must work

102:35on the most depraved girls and he just picked the wrong one but it of course but but doesn't does that work on like the girls with the lowest self-esteem does that ever work it must they must or they might think it works or you engage and then it turns out oh he's a nice guy I don't know maybe it's like one of those hey you should smile like it never works but my souls do I think it's more of like I don't know how to talk so you start with that and then the girls like I was smiling he's ago and it's just like an opening right for someone who's not as articulate awkward opening from him I was um not gonna say the state so we'll just say it was California but it wasn't I was I was headlining a club um it says years and years and years ago cuz the club is not that great and there was a guy who was opening for me and it's weird my power dynamic is different

103:23cuz I'm the headliner I've never told a guy he has to like sleep with me to get a gig or something like that and I went no there's if you did oh my just like licking my purse left and right eat my box okay did it once okay so he was the opener and he was like oh can I show you around which as the opener behooves you like to be to the headlines like if I like you I have plenty of friends that I just take with me because they were cool so we like hung out we got coffee we just think show me around his like shitty city and then on that Saturday night I had like a friend in town it was like a guy and I left with him we all went to a bar and I left with the guy that I was friends with and this comic lost his started sending me texts like how could you I spent all this time with you do you know who I am like just losing it and I'm like and I left I was out of the city I was going somewhere

104:13else and he's harassing me and I contacted a friend of ours it was a mutual friend and I was like you better check your boy like what is his problem he's like no he's a good guy he's my friend like did nothing to defend me and this guy's just like spewing this vitriol garbage at me I think sober but you could be right I don't know and the other day I was at the improv and this piece of was the host and I was like closing the show out and I hadn't seen him in years and I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction or anything and I go on and he bomb he died a thousand deaths and I was just sitting there watching and I know that he knew that I was there and he knew what he had done so he felt like felt like and then he was on stage I'm not tell the resident no matter but he like left his phone on stage and I made him come back up and get it I was like hey he was calling himself like he

105:04had like a cool nickname for himself I called him back and had to like come get his phone and then I wrecked it but it was more like you thought I was nobody you thought you could treat me like that but why did he think that if he was the opening act because he probably thought I didn't deserve it or is a crazy person or because I was in his city but I'd never seen behavior like that exhibited by someone who was opening for me but it was just like so that's just male/female that's like he was courting you he thought that I left with someone else he thought that you and him were hanging out and that you liked him it was eventually gonna lead to him banging the chicken one last Comic Standing and despite even before I'm after it ya know I've been after uh and I'm sure that classy if you were head it was out there for sure but I'm sure that girls like I've heard you know

105:51male friends of mine like you I foe call my openers you know like guys do that I've never had the luxury it sounds like a bad practice seems like a super gross practice but I think a lot of guys do it it just doesn't seem smart I always tell guys to not well I should never say don't other comedians because like Tom Segura and christina pazsitzky they're great that worked out that worked out like Moshe kasher and Natasha Leggero that worked out I think it either works out splendidly or is a nightmare right I don't know yeah both one thing would be that the person would understand what you do because very few people do I think and I would think as a girl it's got to be hard when you're the funny one like if you're the funny one and you're dating a guy and maybe that well you're you see that's the thing is your fiance is so chill yeah like he's so funny too but he doesn't need

106:44attention any attention that's the that's the dynamic there yeah is one of us you know and I don't really seek it out outside of stand-up I'm not when you get it on out yeah you get it out of your system and I don't want to be greedy about it and sometimes you don't know you know you don't know you start dating someone then you realize oh they can't handle this oh they're gels but it takes a minute and with comics it's interesting you rarely see a super successful female comic with like a guy that's like middle at the Chuckle bucket never never can you think of one I don't know any of them I don't know any like headliners that their opening acts that are girls no and I mean maybe they do maybe no it's cool if they do is it cool I mean that's cool I think that's cool dance yeah let him know yeah flip the script yeah yeah was it like just get back to the business of

107:38comedy what was it like headlining after three years cuz I did a little bit of that but I I had a I had a manager who was like a really when I got my manager when I was about three years in and I headlined a bunch of places where I really did not deserve yeah like he got me a bunch of gigs and I but I didn't have any pressure on me the way you did winning Last Comic Standing I was just sort of just starting out so you go on this tour right after the Last Comic Standing - yeah and you're I think oh my god I couldn't been doing that much time cuz there was like four of us okay so I just closed it out um how much time you think you're doing honey I want to say 1520 right you know and so you finish that and it's interesting because you win something like that and it's like okay figure it out now right sink or swim and some people think some people swim after winning that show

108:26most sank most sank and I that being said you get some of these guys already had careers like John Heffron was Alonzo Bodden like they're good right and they were fine and they're they do find those guys I just kind of scraped together what you have even on the tour I don't know if I was always the best one of the night but people are still there to see you or their favorite one so you're just coming from this sort of scared but also you have confidence but also humble place of like I hope that I can stretch this it's enough and so you have about 45 minutes at least I did when you were done when when you're ready to headline and I think that's a lot of the energy that I put toward it was like I'm just gonna talk really really fast that way if you don't laugh doesn't matter you don't know you didn't laugh got another joke right here right and that has sort

109:13of become a style for now now it's not about a fear it's more of I'm so excited to talk we did um me and some other comics did this Ray Romano charity event a couple weeks ago and Marc Maron was on it with me and we went downstairs to watch ray to kind of hear what the crowd sounded like and so he was doing well and Marc turns to me this is the funniest thing ever and he goes there fine I go yeah they're good he goes you'll be fine I go yeah he goes just do what you always do steamroll over the crowd don't wait for applause do your voices and get offstage and I almost cried from laughing because it was like no one ever breaks my balls like that and it's true I do that and that's from that competitive situation like that sort of energy yeah well you have that hard hard-ass exterior so I don't think a lot of people take a chance on breaking your balls you know which is a shame because

110:05I think it's like the best way to show that you love someone and it's the best way to know that somebody loves you is if they do that you can tell the intention you know that shield also keeps you from getting harassed by creeps too they don't think they can get away with it maybe and that's fine I think for sure right I mean I'm sure you've been harassed but I think if you were more vulnerable you've probably been harassed more maybe I don't know I mean you try not to give people a chance you know you're at a meet-and-greet after your seeing your fans and especially after I was talking about with other comics but yeah after for sure Oh with other comics I think with other comics I you know you win the show three years in and this you're at like a certain level kind of a level all by myself I didn't have a lot of other women I related to cuz no one else was

110:51out there that I didn't know any other women right you're kind of lonely out there and so I would look up to people like you and I consider myself a colleague of yours now but at the time I was just like what how do i you're so much higher than me you know and I didn't know you I didn't know any of these guys so it's just I don't know I don't think any of the comics would step to me because they were around comics a lot I don't remember when we met I think I knew we knew each other like it took time I was always at the store but I mean I think it was just I think you were around though in the days that I wasn't at the store look at what year did you win last Comic Standing 2008 yeah see I wasn't there then yeah you weren't there yeah but obviously everyone knew who you were it's weird I was talking to like Steve Simone about this like there are people you know your

111:39whole career but you may not start talking to them until recently and then it's as if you were always friends yeah so now I consider myself like an upperclassman there I'm also I really try to just be kind to the other comics door guys younger comics I'm always give in you're like this to give someone the time of day if you're gonna be respectful and nice I have no problem giving it back yeah well a lot of those door guys like guys who started out his door guys Duncan and Arie or to my best friends they were both door guys a lot of people start his door guys Jessica Wellington is the only girl and I have her come feature for me she did in my show last night that's the kind of girl that needs a chance because she is like in a boys club within a boys club how's that work we mean she's a door guy she's a girl so it's all dudes and she's at a store at the store and I was like

112:27someone needs to be nice to this girl that's a shitty chocolate stuff yeah but you're around comedy all the time I mean you're at the world series of comedy on a daily basis I mean imagine you're a covered booth person you get a chance to sit there and watch some of the best shows holy Dave Chappelle just showed up holy and you're sitting there from that cover booth watching Dave Chappelle he brings most def onstage with him or something right I mean that happens there all the time yeah oh my god he's bringing up Chris Rock yeah your heads ready to explode and I mean there's there's a reality of working there that doesn't exist anywhere I'll go over the Laugh Factory you know you ain't getting that reality it's UCLA stand-up comics showcase night cool that place can burn I get very protective I told you wait you know you know why I say that right you know about this right

113:20well there's a bunch of I could tell you things - yeah I'm banned from there yeah I am banned from the Laugh Factory a club that I've been a regular at forever I've told you the story I won't repeat it if I don't well you told it to me but I started going there under the idea that I should support the club because I don't want it to go under and then we don't want it to go under it's so sad why I found out they record all your sets yeah I will say that I get you know the store is I always say that the comedy store the o.r in particular is like an abusive boyfriend like you're like this hurts oh my god and then when you don't go for a while you're like I need you I need it's like Stockholm Senor training it's like doing a set with a giant weight vest on it's like swinging with two bats yeah but sometimes it's great it's like if you can if you can compete or hang

114:12rather in that environment you go anywhere else you'd be killing it's so true and you know you get comics that kind of get the vibe of the store from a couple years ago when it wasn't the friendliest place and it has that reputation but I take great solace and knowing that like my home is an intimidating environment and I love whatever space I've carved out there and I don't take it for granted and I try to respect the shows and respect the audience and you know I'm so proud to be a store comic it's not the kindness of lovers all the time it's not always the most supportive but I'm very proud of that upbringing because that's that store made me the comic that I am that oh are you know um the main room where it's all Swedish tourists and you he does not want me to talk and it just makes you so you can go anywhere and comic on it I'm like you just sound jealous because

115:00you can't hang these shits on the store all the time all the time cause I don't like this comics I I didn't say that it's just regular comics you did it's just they don't like it that's because they don't like bombing but anybody you make fun of something that you're afraid of yeah well then there's things to make fun of just cuz they suck bombing there feels so good that like it's like pushing into a bruise you're like yes I need this no interesting well you got a good attitude about it I still do the improv I'm doing the Improv tonight yeah improv school the stores got it's like there's something about it though yeah there's a grittiness to it I'm very proud of it and The Improv never been anything but lovely to me it was the first class that it's still great club and the coach that stupid piano off the stage oh my god and they seat people behind it behind the pain I apologize to those

115:46people every time I'm like I someone send them a drink because you can only see my feet and what if you have to do something physical and you're doing it behind the piano wait so for the one time Owen Benjamin drops in we have a whole piano exactly so I told Owen I said you need to bring your own piano you and Craig Robinson bring a keyboard as well yeah what the it's just like one of those old-school things that nobody ever got rid of I think I mean there's a lot of things that talked him into it you think that good luck that would change the world are you something email to make the club way better I know people I got some email addresses I could send yeah well talking about this offline we got to talk about a bunch of things offline I need to remember all the different people that said up things to you you don't want to say I have a name on the tip of

116:24my tongue I'm gonna say it ii wait iliza shlesinger girl logic about available right now probably the last Harvey Weinstein approved book ever Yeah right I wrote you something did you yeah I won't read it it's very small I don't want to be yeah please buy my book to go buy our book you and go see you're on tour she's very funny and where are you at where can people get your tour dates oh my tour non-stop so go to liza calm and we just announced my fourth Netflix special is gonna be on the USS Hornet off the of San Francisco in the Bay you can 23rd stand-up special on a boat on a aircraft carrier holy well you announced it today that's badass have you ever done it before if you're performing on them I have aircraft carrier I did on the SS Dennis in the Persian Gulf on a USO tour so holy stole the idea that's a great idea to do a special there oh you're gonna wear like red white and

117:21blue bikini I think I might just wear a white body suit or a camo bodysuit yeah well no I'm talking right like that I like that I like that all right Thank You Liza thanks Joe we'll see you tomorrow you