Moment 135: Master The Art Of Controlling That Negative Voice: Yung Pueblo

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00:29People don't understand their capacity. You don't need to hit rock bottom to be the best version of yourself. What you just have to do is...

00:41When you look at the body of work you've produced, and you look specifically at the writing and the content you've put out into the world, what mission are you on? What is it you're trying to do? What effect are you trying to have on society at large?

00:54I think the mission is really helping to raise self-awareness around the fact that healing and letting go are possible. I got into this world really early on, I think it was 2011, when I started realizing that healing was even possible. This was before wellness was even the giant world it is today.

01:17To me, it was a shock. When I grew up, I thought that if you were sick physically or mentally in some manner, you just had to deal with that for the rest of your life. You couldn't really fix that in any way. When I started changing my habits, what I was eating, reassessing my friend group, and eventually when I started meditating, the changes were so massive that I was shocked by them.

01:45I wanted to check in with myself and see if this was real. It was real. That pushed me into writing where I felt this creative pull to share the little bit that I know. I don't know everything, I’m not fully healed or fully wise, but hopefully, some of the things I’m reflecting on could inspire other people to do the serious work as well.

02:18And why? Why does it matter that we heal?

02:24I think it's necessary to live a better life. Whether you've experienced serious trauma or not, you've definitely had hard moments. Those hard moments get accumulated into the mind. The times when you react intensely with anger or sadness, that reaction gets accumulated in your mind and predisposes you to feeling that same thing again.

02:51Often times we don't quite realize that we're trapped in this tight little bubble by our past. We are thinking the same things, saying the same things, and making the same actions, and it keeps us in a loop. But if you start healing, you can basically get access to your freedom.

03:14Thinking about what you said there about your own healing journey, where you couldn't believe the results were real and true, what did you heal from?

03:30I think a lot of it was anxiety and stress and this scarcity mindset. I was born in Ecuador in a city called Guayaquil. I came to the United States when I was about four years old with my parents. When we got to the United States, it was incredibly difficult. We were stuck in the classic American poverty trap.

03:52My mom worked cleaning houses and my dad worked at a supermarket. There was no upward mobility for us. They didn't know English. We went through a really difficult time. As I was growing up, I didn't notice how that was affecting me until I got to college.

04:14I had so much anxiety and stress. I would see my parents fight constantly about how they were going to pay the rent and how they were going to get more groceries. I experienced multiple times where I was an eight-year-old child and I was so hungry because there wasn't enough food in the fridge.

04:36This all got accumulated over time and never properly processed. I didn't have access to a therapist back then or meditating; it was just coping mechanisms. When I got to university, I hit this breaking point where I didn't want to admit to myself that I didn't feel good.

04:54I was constantly trying to coat myself in pleasure by drinking as much as possible, smoking as much as possible, always with friends, and never alone. I ended up building all these bad habits where I was partying constantly and doing tons of drugs.

05:13Eventually, I hit that breaking point in the summer of 2011 where I almost lost my life. I talked to a doctor afterward and described what happened, and they said it sounded like a mild heart attack. I had taken way too many drugs one night, was on the floor crying, and praying for my life because I didn't want to go out like that.

05:41Zooming in on that moment then, when you go off to college and find yourself in addictive cycles with drugs, alcohol, and cocaine, you have that miniature heart attack. At that point, you make a decision that you're not going to let this thing kill you. What is the next step in your journey toward healing?

06:05Walking. Something as simple as that. I was incredibly unhealthy. I was definitely overweight at the time. Internally, I hadn't exercised probably in four or five years. So I knew—I took the drugs and threw them away. I’m home and I’m thinking, how do I revamp my life?

06:33I remember seeing some YouTube video or stumbling upon something back then that talked about how important it is to have more nutrition. I ended up buying a huge tub of barley grass. Barley grass used to be really hip back then. I needed some type of superfood because I knew every day I was just eating rice and meat, a very South American diet.

06:56I decided to get some nutrition, put the barley grass in my orange juice, and knock it back. I told myself I had to go outside, and I just started walking. I was so unhealthy that walking and lightly jogging gave me the worst shin splints. My legs hurt so bad I had trouble going up the stairs, but I kept going and I kept going. Even this morning, I ran four miles, no problem. Thinking about that time, I've come a long way.

07:31I was thinking as you were speaking about the catalyst of change in people's lives. That moment where they hit rock bottom and they say enough is enough, and what it takes for them to make a meaningful, sustained change. What do you think it is that starts that journey of change for people? Also, we often speak to people who have changed and the process seems really linear and quick. "I made the decision to change, then I changed."

08:04I think people doubt their power. I've seen that happen time and again where people don't quite understand their capacity, especially when the situation gets severe. Of course, not everybody makes it. Some people get destroyed by the process of hitting rock bottom. But others stand up, almost like a phoenix.

08:33I think it's pretty personalized. I really don't think everybody has to hit rock bottom. You don't need to hit rock bottom to be the best version of yourself. For me, when I was on the floor, I felt my life was running out. I kept thinking about my parents and how hard they worked. I wasn't even mad that they didn't have time for me because I understood their struggle. They rolled the dice by coming to the United States because everybody doesn't win here.

09:23A few days after I almost lost my life, I remember sitting in my room at my mom and dad’s house. I had just graduated from college and the economy was pretty bad; it was hard to get a job. I sat in the room and asked, "What's the problem here? How did this almost happen?"

09:47It hit me: it was because you didn't want to admit that you didn't feel good. Now, if that's what got you here, what can get you out of this? It’s telling yourself the truth. This was before I learned to meditate, but I would just sit on my bed and challenge myself to stay with the feelings that I used to run away from.

10:11I like to call it radical honesty with yourself. It’s not about other people; it’s between you and yourself. When those heavy emotions would come up, normally I would just roll a joint and smoke to cover whatever was there. But when the anxiety, stress, or feelings of worthlessness would arise, I would just sit with them.

10:37First it was a few minutes, then ten, then fifteen. I learned that these little storms that come up don't need to blow you over or govern your actions. If you just sit there and feel them, you realize they're totally temporary and it's going to be okay. I didn't know that before I started challenging myself to just be with that. Instinctually, I felt if I was lying to myself before, now I must tell myself the truth. A lot of the time, that looks like feeling your emotions and not running from them.

11:26We don't do that, do we? We distract ourselves.

11:31Constantly.

11:34I was just thinking how many of us really know how we're feeling? How many of us really know how we ourselves are feeling truly? Have you really sat there on the end of your bed and asked yourself how you're actually feeling, all things considered? What's out of balance?

11:57It's rare, but I think it's becoming more popular. I'm pretty inspired by what's happening now. I've been watching this whole wellness world brew, grow, and develop. Obviously, it has its downs and a lot of consumerism, but there are a lot of positives.

12:19There are millions of people who are seeing therapists now. There are millions of people who are meditating. Millions more are journaling, reflecting, and building self-awareness and language around these old ideas that have come back around.

12:38Is that also slightly concerning? Because it's a sign that there is an increasing demand, potentially. If there are more fire extinguishers being sold, there's probably more fire.

12:54It's totally concerning, but to me, it gives me hope. Of course, the world is incredibly challenging. The advent of technology, social media, and the increases in loneliness—the cause and effect are very clear. But these tools have been around for a long time.

13:21Western tools of therapy are about 100-150 years old. Eastern tools of meditation and indigenous healing practices have been around for millennia. Now that the world is globalized, people in major cities have access to them. You can type in "what can I do to deal with my anxiety?" and you have things from psychiatrists to local meditation centers.

13:51You see these two things rise together: the demand for your attention is through the roof now from media, tech, family, and friends, but at the same time, here are a bunch of tools for you to get your mind right so you're not overwhelmed.

14:12I am certainly guilty of using screens and other means to distract myself from how I'm feeling. When I'm feeling tired, bothered, or a little bit agitated, my way of dealing with that is to pick up a screen. I'll watch something on YouTube, watch some football, or scroll on my phone. That represents the majority of people; we use distraction as a way to avoid confronting how we're feeling because confronting how we're feeling can be uncomfortable.

15:03Absolutely. Confronting how you're feeling is the gateway to growth. If you're going to stay with your emotions, you either see so much that you want to keep running, or you say, "Okay, I’m going to accept this challenge and let's see how I should grow next."

15:21Is it called Vipassana?

15:24Vipassana. There are a bunch of ways to say it.

15:27What is that?

15:30It's a meditation that originated from the Buddhist teaching 2,600 years ago, where you basically do your best to see reality as it really is. It’s very different from how we normally see reality. You and I are hanging out and talking; it feels like two individuals speaking.

15:52But let's ask ourselves what's happening at the ultimate level. Diego and Steven are basically just these bundles of atoms that are changing so incredibly rapidly—trillions of times—and at the same time, it's just mental and physical phenomena interlocking at high speeds that make the illusion that we're here. In reality, are we real? Not really.

16:18Why is that an important or valuable exercise?

16:22It's quite valuable. The sense of self, when it becomes overgrown or highly traumatized, creates a barrier to happiness. What I found through Vipassana meditation was that as I was observing the truth of impermanence within the framework of the body, you start learning that everything that arises ultimately passes away.

16:47You start understanding that change exists within the fabric of every single thing in this universe, and you start loosening up your identity. It's not as rigid as it was before. It's not like "Diego always reads science fiction and always loves blueberries." Actually, that's not true; sometimes I love watermelon, sometimes I love reading fiction.

17:11This understanding of change helps you loosen up and really evolve. I've found that quite beneficial to my personal joy, happiness, and definitely in my relationships. If you embrace change, you're not going to be as attached. You'll understand that different conditions create different situations. I can have goals, but if they don't come about, I'm not going to be crying on the floor. I'll just try again.

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