Moment 11 - The Secret To Finding Consistent Motivation

00:06Every single year I set myself the same goal in February and the goal is simple it's to get in good physical shape and every year thankfully I achieve that goal until September and by October my motivation to work out to eat well and to be healthy seems to transform from this like tangible object that I can hold on to to sand slipping through my hands by January the following year all hell has broken loose in my diet i'm basically fat compared to how i usually am my my energy is lower my sleep isn't as good i just don't feel my best anymore then february comes around again and march comes around and i set myself the same goal to get in shape and the cycle repeats itself this has happened to me i'd say every year for at least the last five years in a row and i've not been able to understand from a psychological perspective why this is happening and with all things in life until you become conscious of what's causing you to behave the way that you are you're you're merely just a puppet and the puppet master remains this unknown force this experience you had at some point you know a facet of your psychology one that usually doesn't have your best interests at heart one that usually can't be trusted a puppet master that

01:16certainly isn't working for you he's working for your insecurities or for your for your ego or for trauma that you've experienced, the same cycle unfortunately started to repeat itself this year. I mean, I started the year fat, January time. I was pretty fat compared to how I usually am walking, can feel the little rolls on my belly shaking as I walk and I'm wearing slightly baggier clothes. By August, I was in the best shape of my entire life, right? Because of an obsessive focus on the gym. I was going seven days a week. I was calorie counting. One day I did 5,000 calories. And by September, my motivation started, as it always does, to just fall away.

01:56I noticed that I wasn't charging my Apple Watch anymore. I noticed that I'd started to miss the gym. I started to eat junk food again. This lasted for about two weeks this year. But this time, I started to be a bit more conscious about it. I told myself what I was doing. And I started examining my own psychology and saying, literally saying to myself, Steve, you're doing it. That cycle is repeating itself you're eating shit you're lacking motivation fortunately i've just written a whole chapter on the topic of motivation for my upcoming book so i because of the research that i had to do to write that chapter i understand the psychological principles and the forces at play that make someone motivated or unmotivated and armed with that and my own sort of critical self-analysis which i attained from being more conscious about what i was doing the fact that i was eating junk food and i i could feel my motivation waning i finally understood why this is happening to me. Maybe this is happening to me isn't the best way to describe it. Why I'm doing this to myself or not doing things to myself that I should be doing. And touch wood, I finally overcome it. It's November and I'm still working out for the first time literally in my life. I'm

02:59still eating well and I'm still focused on my health goals. And this is the first year ever that I can remember in the last five, really in the last decade, where I've been just as committed to working out now and to being healthy in my entire life than I was during the summer. So let me tell you how I did this and let me tell you what I understood about my own motivation because I know it's going to speak to you in your own way. Let me rewind. Every year around February, March, I say the same thing to myself and I set myself the same goal. Let's just stop there, right? And take a look at what I just said because there's a real clue in that first sentence.

03:33why does this goal pop up in March the answer quite an obvious one because summer is on the horizon and you've got to ask yourself again you've got to criticize yourself there and say well why does summer matter well because you know summertime is a time where we wear less clothes we're a little bit more vulnerable our bodies are on show more and then you've got to ask yourself okay so why is that relevant well it speaks to the nature of my motivation my motivation wasn't to work out it wasn't to be healthy because I want long-term health benefits or to or to feel great about myself. As embarrassing as this is to admit, my motivation was so clearly, clearly to look good for summer. Let's just break that down a second. Look good for summer. Looking good as a goal is measured by just one thing, the public's opinion of me, lady's opinion of me. That's what we call an extrinsic external goal. Success of that goal will be achieved when the public think I look good.

04:30The next part of that sentence, right, was for summer. The next part of my goal was for summer, which is a measurable timeframe. So once summer is over, the job is done. So the motivation behind that goal was both extrinsic and held within a timeframe. So when I dropped that social media pic of me topless in Mykonos or wherever I went this summer, Mykonos and Costa Rica, looking good during summer. And when I got the compliments, the likes, the followers, the praise, and when summer passed, unsurprisingly, so did my motivation. Job done. My goal, my reason, my why was attached to summer and also public opinion, and both had been fulfilled. So as I pulled into October and I tried to find the motivation to go to the gym, it was gone. Going to the gym suddenly felt so pointless to me and I had no idea why. It just did. Even when I managed to get to the gym, my workout was quite honestly pathetic. It was short. It was like 25, 30 minutes of me predominantly texting and I didn't know why. I just thought I wasn't feeling great. Like, you know, like a boat that had suddenly been unanchored, I was now just drifting unconsciously without intention or real motivation or without conscious realization into the winter months, into bad habits, into

05:44Fat Steve. And the minute I realized this, this year, I was able to completely reset and sort of re-anchor my motivation into things that were intrinsically internally motivating and without timeframes. I set myself the goal of going to the gym just because it makes me feel great. And because of the energy it gives me and the positive impact it has on my sleep. And because, you know, I love showing myself how self-disciplined I am. I get a real weird feeling of joy by going to the gym on a day when I feel like shit, because for me, that's kind of overcoming my mind, right? It's like beating the negative or the weaker parts of my mind that are trying to dissuade me from doing something that's in line with my long-term values. And honestly, also, people don't like to say this, but the positive impact it has on my sex life.

06:31I don't know really how to say this without sounding like a fucking dick, but I have never been better in bed. And just generally, how good it makes me feel all year round. All of these things have no finish line. They're not extrinsically or externally judged by the public. They're the opposite of the extrinsic short-term goals I set myself in March. They're intrinsic. They are never ending. They view life not just as a bunch of reoccurring seasons, but as one season. One season from now until the day that I die. The season of life. And that, that is a season that it's incredibly valuable and important to be healthy and to look good for. As James Clear says, you know, we tend to believe that we'll be more successful or happy or prosperous if we put more intensity into our lives. You know, like the intensity that I showed in March every year in the lead up to summer, you know, like crash diets and sprinting towards our goals at the expense of everything else, staying up for weeks and weeks and weeks on end to revise for that exam. But the truth is, we don't need intensity if we have a little bit more consistency. Had I just stayed in good shape in September, October, November, December and January, if I'd just gone to the gym maybe twice

07:45or three times a week throughout that period and avoided a bit of, you know, the junk food, which I binged on periodically through that period, I wouldn't even need the intensity for the rest of the year. I wouldn't need to starve myself obsessive on my diet and go to the gym seven days a week, sometimes twice a day. In fact, intensity for me is often a sign that we lacked consistency in the past. And I think, and I've said this a couple of times in this podcast before, but until you know, right, and this is not easy, I'm going to make this sound like it's an easy thing to do but it requires the same sort of critical self-analysis and that I've demonstrated that what you would have seen from what I just said is I interrogated my rationale so I said you know why does it why do I always get motivated in February and March and then I said well because you know someone's around the corner and then why does summer matter well because other you know extrinsic reasons and if you go down that rabbit hole with humility and with the attention of not defending your ego but finding the truth then you might understand what's motivating you but until you know what's motivating you, you won't know where you're going or why you're going there or

08:46who's steering the ship, what force in your life is steering that ship. And I'd predict that 99.9% of your motivations are misguided or somewhat unconscious. You don't really know why you're doing what you're doing. I think most of the time you have no idea what the driving force behind your behavior is. The same applies for me. But until you do, until you have the self-awareness and that humility you need to interrogate your thinking and the lack of ego to identify why you're doing what you're doing, whether it's superficial, driven by insecurities from your childhood, because you're seeking validation like I was, or other, you will never actually be in control of your life. Something else is. And if your goals are extrinsic, someone else is.

09:38Thank you.