Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00PR going no seems like we were now we are you gonna go cans or no cans what are you gonna do I'll I'll go with you I'm GNA go no cans you're a animal Jesus fit Simmons let's just connect man let's mind meld I think you mindmeld more with those things on really yeah in some weird way yeah yeah you're in each other's head I just hate my voice I sound like a woman you definitely don't sound like a woman whenever I call for like support I'll they'll lead me through the first few steps and then I'll be like all right and then I hit delete and they'll be like no ma'am what you do is and then it's like it's too far into it for me to correct them because it feels too I'm too embarrassed to correct him at that point so then I just I just let him assume I'm a woman for the rest of the call and and it's weird because then you see what it's like to be treated like a

00:53woman like he talks he I find that they talk down to you more well like especially I bet tech support right oh yeah a chick on a computer they treat you like you're a baby and now is the screen blue take your little mouse why why is there a difference in like Tech stuff like why are men more attracted to Tech stuff aren't aren't we more mathematical than women boy that's a weird thing to say I mean there's ma all I would say yeah men are much more mathematical than women but I'm not mathematical even slightly so what am I a woman huh you just said that like you were gonna kick my ass what am I chick what do I read chicklet I'm a skirt I wish I was man they got a made right now women got it made how so well because there's you know there's this sort of like postmodern femin is M coming back where you know with this with the lean in and the the like you

02:03know women really they really are going to start getting I think they're still making like 80 cents on a dollar do you know that's all I've heard you say that before and I wanted to correct you you know that's not true it's not it's not true no you know what that means when they say women make 80 cents in the dollar it means overall women make 80 cents compared to the dollar that men make but not for the same jobs right when women and men are Mak making the same when they're doing the same job the the the with that statistic is it leads you to believe that a man and a woman are working alongside each other doing the exact same amount of work with the same amount of hours but the woman who makes less it's not the case and the same job there's a lot of Executives that's been that have been found out to be I know a couple that that are Executives that were doing the same job

02:46leading the sales team and making less money Perhaps Perhaps there's a few exceptions right but for the most part when you're talking about overall jobs like it's it's pretty statistically proven that like lawyers doctors like whatever the the job is when they're working side by side there's very little disparity yeah very little podcasting the thing is women take time off for work uh time off of work for uh maternal leave of course if they have babies but also they tend to work Less hours men tend to be more ambitious more driven work more hours and they get paid more because of it yeah that's what it is it's one of those weird ones where you're everybody says it even Obama said it you know the the wage Gap the income gap like what what do you mean like why are you saying that you're you're talking about you're talking about it as if there's some sort of

03:33discrimination when in fact there's a natural tendency that a lot of women have to choose different jobs like as far as like nursing like overwhelmingly uh it's predominantly women so you're saying if you take the total amount women make versus the total amount men make that's where the 80 cents of the dollar from difference but it's the job choices you're saying that exactly job choices men are much more likely to die on the job yeah um men men are much more likely to take High paying highrisk jobs like mining things along those lines yeah so that's what that is it's one of those weird ones where you repeat it a lot of people repeat it and they think it's right they think that men and women are working alongside each other making the same amount of money yeah the other thing about Executives is and this is something that no one wants to say because it sounds sexist but it

04:20might be that the men are earning more money like it might not just be that they're making more money it might be their actual performance as an executive is better it's it's TI entirely possible it it is possible but I can also see um like if I hired a man and a woman I would pay the woman less just because you know men are just they just better looking you know you want them around more women are gross how dare you they have periods who want like literally if you're why would I pay somebody who's bleeding on the job as much as a man I don't think you're being serious I'm glad I never have to have a Workforce I mean what do you got what do you got one guy you got you got a few people working for you yeah but they're guys all guys sexy guys too now you're a good-looking guy yeah Jamie's not a badl looking dude did you play sports what' you play I played in high school I

05:24played basketball for four years for three yeah you got a lot of I bet how old how old were you when you lost your virginity uh oh 17 slow a little slow on the uptick there uh yeah 17 you want to Choose Wisely how old were you 16 15 like almost 16 maybe older woman I bet no I got molested by a girl when I was 13 and she was 21 yeah yeah but nothing really happened it was one of those weird ones like she was grabbing my dick and I was all confused and I made out with her but I was like oh what the hell are we doing here no so confused had you hit puberty yet I mean I guess so I was 13 when do you hit puberty I didn't hit it until I was I was beting I wasn't beating off at the time I actually had sex before I beat off no yeah that's an accomplishment well I was just I didn't once I figured out beating off though I was like oh I'm a slave like I'm a slave to getting rid of this

06:28yep like oh oh no and then I realized like once I beat off I was like oh I can do this myself and then I'm I'm not so needy and weird I remember the first time I was dating this girl the first time I beat off and then I was like I don't even want to call her yeah like I don't want to hang out with her like this is annoying yeah like and I realized like oh it it wasn't so much that I was attracted to her was that not that I wasn't attractor it wasn't so much that I I enjoyed being around her it's I wanted to have sex with there and then once the sex was taken out once I get rid of the load I was like oh I don't really want to be around her this is just some biological trick yeah like my body's tricking me into wanting to be near her and hang around with her yeah was weird yeah because teenage boys and girls have so little in common nothing all you care about is sports laughing

07:22trying to get up well you didn't really do that but like we did and then uh and girls at that age are just extremely social beings they're very much about um their Social Circle and um you know establishing who's in the group and who like I'm just talking about my my daughter is like this and I think that they're much more like in line with what school is telling you to do you know they tend to do better in school because they're a little bit more linear and they uh they they're self-motivated more than boys we we just we're just distracted too much I think boys also have like a serious problem with authority yeah and when a teachers are telling you what to do you automatically don't want to do it that's just a natural inclination that people have do you want some of those no I'm good thanks scared yeah it's legal now you can blow it in my face though no problem with that yeah

08:14it's totally legal I got a total secondhand high in the uh Green Room at the comedy store the other night holy that was like there was a cigar going five joints going Ron White doesn't play he pulled out a joint yesterday we killed a joint and after the joint he pulled out one of those vape pens those big gigantic robot dick puns yeah I'm like Jesus Rong I go is that weed he's like oh hell yeah it's weed like good Lord so he's got a cigar going he BR brings his own tequila because he's has his own tequila company no he doesn't yes he does so he has it's number Juan tequilo Tequila so he brings this bottle of tequila it's really good tequila and then he's smoking a cigar he's passing out shots he brings cups back there handing out shots of his tequila Ron White is a goddamn walking party he is a walking party I drove him home the other night cuz he doesn't drink and drive and

09:08you were there which I admire he goes to me he he goes uh hey you want to just drive drive me home in my truck and then take an Uber back and then get your car and drive home I'm like yeah that's not happening I go you want to ride home and he's like uh yeah I'll take a ride home I'll leave my I'll leave my truck here so uh so he gets to my Prius which immediately he gives me for the entire way he can barely fit in it and uh and we we get we're and I'm going down Sunset yeah go down this way so I'm driving down all a sudden we hit like Beverly Glenn and I'm like where's your house he goes where are we I go we're in like B air or something and so he's like no no no go back so we go back all the way to The Comedy Store and start from scratch start from scratch take a right down there and then I'm going down a Cannon or something and he's like uh no no he went too far I'm like how the

10:00did I know I was going too far what was far what was the spot and then I can't make a left so he goes just make a left I'm late my wife is going to be I told her I was going to be home at 10:30 I'm like look I'm not getting a T the middle of Beverly Hills where you get ticketed for picking your nose I'm not making an illegal left he's like no make the left I'm not making the left so I go past it and I double back and then I get I get to his place and you know his place is a hotel yeah did he talk about this on your show yeah well I want to like out his personal uh no he he definitely said the name of the hotel but he he had a a water problem in his house he talked about that right oh yeah he he spent like I think more than two years building this house he told me five years yeah but he bought it and then they had to get the plans approved and then the building yeah so it was a total

10:54process of about 5 years right so I but I think it was two solid years them building this house right so he goes out of town and a water faucet broke and the whole house from the top floor flooded all the way down to the bottom floor all the walls have fungus and mold in them and it's a complete tear down have you ever had that happen you ever have like a fungus or mold issue yeah we did and um it wasn't lethal we got to test it it was a mold and my wife's very sensitive to it so she was getting all kinds of like allergies from it and they came in and the testing is expensive and it was just you know it was just a leaky pipe under the house and you know it's in Venice so it's it's kind of moist down there and uh they just you know they they shaved it out B so no no big deal no but if it's the wrong kind of mold I mean it can cause like your brain can go crazy do you remember

11:47that Tom leus guy remember Tom leus radio guy very nice guy great guy Tom leus Jo your tits Tuesday he was crazy yeah what do it whip him out Wednesday wnes said you're supposed and Anthony had one Opie and Anthony had whip him out Wednesday right all and Tom had like Flash Friday yeah where you're driving down the highway of the road and you show your tits to guys and then they call in and then you know Opie and Anthony got mad because they thought that Tom Leica stole the idea from them and I'm like listen boys it's just tits the more tits come out the better don't stop not encouraging people EXA what are you doing every Radio Show in the country should have a day where women show I mean it should be just a part of what people do I was doing uh you know Bubba the Love Sponge right down in Tampa that dude is out there as we know because his wife had sex with Hulk Hogan

12:42and there was a videotape of it going around which he basically got a web what's the website they got shut down because Gawker folded because of that lawsuit yeah from Bubba or was it wait who did the lawsuit Bubba or Hulk Hulk did oh Hulk did it so I go down to Bubba's place and it's so weird because Tampa is a Eerie mystical place anyway and so they picked me up to go to Radio and we're going down these like back roads through swamps and and we pass a Girl Scout uh camp and um and then all of a sudden there's this long driveway it's like a picture like you picture like the Almond Brothers must be making a new album at the end of this this R this Shack and you go back there and you go go in and they're like all right this is Bubba's place and there's a there's a on a couch in the waiting room and he pissed he had pissed the couch like they got him drunk

13:39on the show so drunk that he that he pissed himself in the studio so they put him out on the couch oh my God and he was angry like he was angry at me and I'm like dude I I have no idea your situation I just I'm next and so I walk in and everybody's drinking paps blue ribbons this is like s o'clock in the morning everybody's drinking paps blue ribbons and they say give me this joint to smoke which I didn't expect it to be that strong and I I was I was ripped out of my mind so I go into the studio and Bubba has a 12 gauge Israeli handgun which is a monster like like a shotgun handgun something like that he pulls it it's huge 12 gaug is like a shot gun he said it was a 12 gauge maybe I got it wrong but it's huge okay it's huge pulls it out and he's like my phone just started Googling um did you say Hey Siri I didn't now it's doing and um so he pulls it out he's like no no no it's cool and

14:41I'm like well then why did your entire staff just run out of the studio and I'm the only one in here and I'm stoned in 7 o'clock in the morning and so he's waving it around and then he starts taking calls because he send he sends this van out they call it the hand job the hand job van and they pull up to Office Buildings and they entice guys to get in the van with this hooker who gives them hand jobs live on the radio before they go to work and that goes on and then a call comes in from a guy who's about to rob a bank in Michigan I guess the show syndicates to Michigan and so he's talking this guy out of robbing a bank the guy was for real oh my God and uh and so and this all goes on I mean this went on for like two and a half hours and then all of a sudden it just ended and I walked out I felt like uh I felt like what's his name in in in Training Day uh Ethan Hawk you know after he'

15:42just tripped and been LED through this Gauntlet of and uh and I I go back every time love it yeah I did it once he was fun yeah it was a good dude I the the the morning radio thing that can that can get you yeah I was just thinking what was that guy who was an athlete that shot his driver do you remember that story he was a radio guy no he was a a professional athlete and he pulled out a gun Jason Williams is that who it is is that his name dou check um but he had like a uh limo driver and apparently he pulled out a gun he was like playing with a gun and accidentally shot and killed his limo driver and it was like whoa wow like what the so was Jason Williams he's a a basketball player like Pulp Fiction yeah I mean that kind of stuff happens imagine if you got shot by Bubba the L Bunch like that's how it ends I know that's how you go into the next stage of

16:42life you got accidentally shot by Bubba yeah dude here it is Jason Williams I was a coward for covering up the shooting of the limo driver I mean is he free now uh see spent 26 months in prison starting in 2010 so yeah maybe battle with alcoholism well here's the thing incredible oh he shot him with a 12 gauge shotgun yeah that's but here's the thing say you kill a guy by accident with a gun you then have a choice to cover it up or come forward and say I did this holy now existentially is it so wrong to cover it up I mean you're going to feel bad for the rest of your life you don't really need to be punished it's not going to change how his family feels about it just say somebody else shot him that's a deep argument a deep argument about ethics because you're gonna you know you're gonna face a hail storm of ha of hate right no one's going to believe

17:55you if you say it was an accident people people are going to absolutely assume that you murdered them you know they're going to pursue it that way but on the other hand you did kill a guy all right what if here's a more innocuous situation you're driving down an alley late at night and uh homeless person walks out in front of your car and you hit him and he dies you can either just drive away wash your car and know that a homeless guy is no more or you can go get the police and say I was speeding and I killed a man it's like that Johnny Cash song isn't it fascinating that when you say that story when you you give that scenario that a homeless person in some way or another makes it like less up no I just mean in terms of like the family blaming you for it like nobody's going to blame you for this but but even even so like it's not as bad a scenario as hitting a nice

19:03person that's got their together well it's like if you kill somebody and you get sued by the family depending on it like if you if you kill a child and you get sued they're not you you don't have to pay a lot of money but if you kill a guy who's supporting his family they they'll take everything you got so that life in the in the eyes of the of the law is worth more how strange is it that we put like a monetary value on actual life itself wow it's a just such a strange strange concept yeah did you see that guy accidentally hit that moose with his car no holy Jamie pull that video up I I tweeted it this guy's driving down the road like somewhere probably near where they kicked you out of that club that one night and made you drive home even though you're not supposed to drive home at night because of moose they kicked you out Greg was doing a gig it was supposed to

20:03be a clean gig he gets up there he starts swearing they kicked him out they kicked him out they had it bags pack by the time he gets off stage you're supposed to spend the night at the hotel after you do the gig and they five hour drive whoa yeah it's crazy damn crazy everybody else slowed down all these other people slowed down because these moose were out and these people had seen the moose and they were kind of checking it out but look this guy hits it full on and sends that thing flying that was like an Olympic tumble you got to wonder like is that moose dead now I'm surprised the car wasn't trashed more do you think that moose is dead it got up and walked away a little bit oh Jesus look at that that is insane flew off something flew off him he lost a hoof or something you ever hit an animal no no not like that I've hit squirrels and rabbits I ran over a raccoon once a big raccoon oh

21:03Jesus made a big thumping noise under the car I was grossed out for hours just Disturbed boom look at that that thing goes flying that's a huge animal yeah they're dangerous in that sense yeah no I think moose are dangerous in the wild they can be they're one of the few deer species that'll go after you yeah probably probably the only one I mean maybe an elk would go after you maybe but it's it's pretty rare like you have to up to get an elk to attack you yeah but if you're too close to a mama moose and she's got her babies near her she'll just you up yeah there was this kid that got killed I want to say it was on a a campus somewhere in Alaska and apparently someone had been throwing snowballs at the at the Moose and they had agitated the moose and this guy just wed walked in wrong place wrong time and the Moose just started stomping the out of them it's really hard to

22:05watch CU this guy just gets stomped and stomped and stomped by this huge animal I mean it's enormous and she's rearing up and trying to kill him and keep stomping on him it's just horrific he's just bang bang bang just getting pummeled by these I mean this thing is a th000 lbs and it was because they were throwing snowballs at him cuz somebody else apparently had been agitating the Moose before this guy got there yeah don't with wild life man not that kind not that that's a bad one to with you know you got to think in their environment they're fighting off bears and wolves and they're just constantly like kicking at things yeah yeah have you ever been not attacked but have you had an animal like had you lined up in the crosshairs when you're hunting or anything not that I know of you never had a bear like come at I've had a bear I've had a bear like encounters with bears it's

23:05weird you see them but most of the time they just run away yeah like uh I saw a grizzly bear once that was a weird one because they they have a different way of looking at you as opposed to like a regular bear does like a brown bear is a more aggressive bear in terms of like it's more of a hunter whereas black bears they're they're kind of hunters but they're more I think they tend to eat more berries and things along those lines but those big ass brown bears they have to be like really aggressive because they're so big like you got to feed a th000 PB Body or whatever the they eat meat oh yeah what do they eat bears eat a lot of crazy man they'll eat like a beached whale they'll camp out on a beach whale and eat that thing for days while it's rotten and disgusting wow that's one of the best places that people find them if you want to go bear sighting you want to go

23:56looking for bears and and spot those those big Kodiak bears uhhuh they go to places where bears would find like a dead whale it's like almost a guar yeah it just gets rancid and disgusting and they're still chewing it up but they they just have to eat a lot you know what's your uh what you you usually kill something for the winter to eat right usually an elk is that we going to go for what I've been trying to I did I got one already this year got one this year oh you did okay is that the one you were carrying um when did you show me a picture of you carrying an animal on your back that you had killed I think that was a different one yeah you can't carry an elk on your back it's way too big yeah an elk is like 1,000 lbs so you cut it up out in the wild yeah and you put in coolers or something I did it at this Ranch and they have a bunch of guys that uh work at the ranch

24:50that just drag it into a pickup truck and then you take it to like this cold storage area and the cold storage J they break it down yeah but what you do is you just cut the quarters off you cut the legs off and you break it down just like a butcher shop does it's really very um it's very weird to see man because it it becomes meat like it starts off an animal and then it becomes meat as opposed to just seeing meat uhuh like once it's once it's down and it's you know you start breaking it down it's it's like a Sober Sober reminder of what meat actually is yeah one day they're going to have that um lab tube test tube meat that they're working on you know that stuff they're doing one day they're going to have that that's going to be like fully fully available and there's going to be no more last night I was talking to the uh the chef at the Laugh Factory or The

25:51Comedy Store you know the cook back there guy that just Smiles all the time if you want some good energy man just go go back there and talk to that guy for a little while and I'm like so what you what' you eat for Christmas what' you make and he goes I take the turkey I cut it up I put it in the blender with a little bit of oil and I chop it up put it on sandwiches with some lettuce and some tomato I give it to my kids I'm like you blend turkey meat oh yeah man wow I go what else do you put in the blender he goes just a little bit of oil maybe it's good it sounds like U like a chicken salad type thing chicken salad's good and you and that would keep after that I mean we have so much goddamn turkey meat in our fridge we got turkey and ham meat cuz we did a couple of different dinners do you do the uh deep fried turkey no I heard that's the way to go it's the way to go you have a

26:47fryer yeah you get a like a you could buy them where you you stick the turkey uh like uh like like these prongs stick into it and then you just sort of lower it into this this vat for like 20 minutes right yeah it's like there's a certain time per pound of bird like however big the bird is but it's so good dude cuz you cook it in peanut oil and it's just Juicy and Delicious and crispy on the outside it's my all-time favorite way to get a turkey yeah yeah but man turkeys that's a all that factory farm is as I get older is freaking me out more and more it freaks me out like buying chickens in the store freaks me out because of the way you know there were treated or 100% yeah chickens for the that's the big one that freaks me out cuz there's something like chickens and pigs cuz there's something that we do with chickens where you would you can't really do with a cow we stack them

27:40on top of each other just smush them all into these places where they can't even move they're just stuck there and and then they they wait till they get to a certain size and then they kill them and it's like what what B I mean they're like a it's like they're a human or Not Human a living organism that's that's a battery it's like a power as they're doing it they're popping them full of chemicals that make them get fatter and is that true I don't know I know they definitely have used chemicals on the birds I'm sure but I don't know if they use on them on them all the time I think the thing that's going on with those birds is genetic selection yeah where they've just genetically made certain Birds breed with certain Birds they've like established this Gene this uh this uh genetic selection where they're just like super plump and like ridiculously big breasts and then they

28:35they get those to do that in a very short period of time and then they kill them and they can't walk because their chests are so big they fall over forwards yeah well it's like what they did with Bulldogs like how the did they make a bulldog out of a wolf yeah how' they do that who the did that's why they can't breathe yeah yeah Pugs that used to be a wolf sad that's so sad that was a wolf they made the face smaller because they wanted it to be cuter yeah a cute a cute dog is having a asthma attack his entire life dude how strange is that yeah but the chickens and I think the only criteria for the chicken pen is that the chicken has to be able to turn around in it that's it that's how big it has to be that's so crazy and they're getting on by all the chickens above it their whole life Jesus Christ yeah I know is that really how it works how many do they

29:29stack on top of each other 12 for real no I don't know but a lot say 100 you should went crazy 100 oh Jesus imagine 100 Floors of chickens this place yeah but that's like taking an organism and using it as cells in a battery it really is it's like you're taking like these chickens and you're you're literally compartmentalizing into a specific size like a cell and the mitochondria of the the cell is this chicken and you've got hundreds and hundreds of them stacked into this place and they're like these living organisms that you've you've got locked into these clearly defined spaces and you're extracting energy from those chickens you're taking you're extracting food from them yeah they're just protein they're protein bars yeah I mean it is bizarre it's a bizarre practice wow even when they're not in cages they have them so smoosh together they can't even move yeah it's not fun they're not

30:33having a good time but it's it's not the only way to raise chickens that's the problem I had this guy Joel salatin on the podcast a while back really really interesting guy and he runs um what I think his Farm's called polyface polyface Farm um but he's into he's got these things that he does with these chickens where he puts them in these giant like chick houses that are on Wheels and you like roll them into an area and then you just let them out and they run around at the end of the day they go right back in because that's what they do they go into their nests again then you roll them down the hill to another place and then he has these pigs he takes pigs and he puts a fence around the pigs a movable fence and the pigs just stay inside that fence and eat whatever the they want and then the next day they move the fence and they keep doing it so he's got these animals

31:22like that those chickens they're living like chickens they don't freak out they don't freak out when he comes near him and this guy is like a the prime example of what you would think of as an like an intelligent an intelligent take on ethical farming practices because that's that's I think when Pur and a lot of these houses buy from you you have to use their cages and their feed and their it's it's a franchise like McDonald's like when you raise when you raise livestock for a lot of these you know aggro these what do you call it uh um Big aggro it's it it's specific they want it done a certain way and if you don't they don't buy from you oh wow very hard to be independent like that so oh that's interesting so like if you're a poultry grower you uh like if you want to work for Purdue you like grow chickens for them they you don't you don't think they

32:18grow their own chickens like how's that work no I think you get a contract with them and they they come in and buy your stuff but it's all got to be done how it sayon contract poultry farming read that out there Gregory Tyson Foods is one of the leading supporters of American agriculture paying more than 15 billion annually to Independent farmers who Supply us with cattle Hogs and chickens we depend on more than 11,000 independent Farmers across the country this includes more than 4,000 pulsy farmers who contact us to raise chickens now wow that's that's their website it's uh it's it's all done with a lot of Leverage and you have to do things exactly the way they want you to I think I think was it food ink or something that did a documentary about it I was watching this um documentary today that was on um dig uh I found it it was about this guy who's like this super badass sushi chef

33:16in Japan like the best sushi chef in in Tokyo right now I guess they were saying and uh it's really interesting like watching this guy acquire the the fish and how it talks about how he ages the fish like I didn't know that did you know that when they catch tuna they'll often age him for 5 days and then yeah and then they age him a lot of times at the fish market before he takes it or he takes it back and he'll age it another five days more huh so they might you know they might keep for like two weeks before you eat it to make it more tender W he's he's doing that with tuna yeah I was watching this and I was like wow this is when Jamie and I were talking about it we were like how what are they going to do when they kill all the fish like how long does it take to grow a tuna that big this guy has tuna right and they're sawing it with a giant Paul bunan saw it's a huge tuna the video is

34:03really cool and the people who uh made the video are like obvious like serious Sushi dorks so they're like super amped up to be getting some sushi from this dude but all I could think of was like how many fish are there like how many days can we do like every day they're just sucking them out of the the ocean every day every day and there used to be areas where they uh they restricted how much fishing went on and now it's like it's a freefor all well under Donald Trump we're going to fix all this thank God I've been I've been pulling for Trump since I was a little kid just the concept of trump I've always been really into I like when I remember studying the Constitution as a kid and thinking this is we need a guy who's got some balls who's going to come in and get around all this liberal I'm just kidding I think the apocalypse is upon us I really think it's over I mean he

35:03hasn't even taken office yet and he's already alienated China he thinks he's friends the best part is he thinks he's friends with Russia that's like that's like hanging out with the school bully and thinking you're safe until the one day you say something the bully doesn't like and he cracks you in the face and you realize he's just a broken child how much you know way more about this than I do because I've spent the major of my adult life ignoring almost everything about how the system works you win but how much power does he really have if the president yeah how much power does he really have in terms of decisions to be made for things like like any sort of a military action well what you've already seen is by by taking a phone call from Taiwan a simple act that he didn't think twice about that opened up the floodgates to China saying that we are recognizing Taiwan as an

35:59independent state which has been uh there's been a one a one China policy going back to Nixon which basically ensured that it put it clamped down on the Cold War and it said we're not going to keep we're not going to keep building up against each other and uh part of that is we're going to live by certain doctrines like the one China policy and when he takes a call from Taiwan something as simple as that all of a sudden China's talking about a nuclear buildup it's that simple it's not about what laws he enacts it's about him as a spokesman for our country and what messages he sends out I mean it's like Obama did it with Israel I don't know what I don't know why but in his 11th hour he has soured relations with Israel to the point where you know um even though he's he lame duck president on his way out it's it's it's it was a destructive thing he did I don't dis I

36:53don't know if I disagree with it what did he do well the UN had a resolution that was saying that the um Israel has new developments in the in the West Bank and which are illegal according to un previous un resolutions and so uh I don't know what they're calling it but it's illegal what they've done and and the US signed they signed on to it so they they set up these settlements in Palestinian territory is that what it is well the disputed Palestinian territory and they just decided to start building there they've been doing they've been building there for years and they put it they put up like 600 homes but but they're planning on putting up 5,000 in an area that you know peace the the the there is no peace over there but what's keeping it from being all out war is that area that is that is supposed to be kept neutral for now or and and now they're building on

37:51it and why would someone want to build is are they running out of land like they can't build other places no they they don't recognize uh the Palestinians and so they don't they see that that's all their land still and so they they won't stop they will continue building and pushing out I mean the tide is turned on Israel from what I can tell and I don't follow Israel very closely at all except for when I hear people yelling about it at parties that I'm at because I have friends that are like hardcore zionists and I have friends that are hardcore anti-zionists and I they're totally rational people and they can joke around about talking about your mother and blah blah blah but as soon as Israel comes up gets real and they talk about you know um I think the tide is turned there's a lot more people that are seeing Israel as a terrorist State whoa wow they're very aggressive

38:49Netanyahu is just a he's a bull what's the right resolution what's the right resolution because what how much is in dispute like how much territory I don't know this seems like a small place doesn't it seems very small I mean isn't Israel like the size of like Connecticut or some like that like how big is it I don't think it's very big but it's where it's located so let's find out how big is Israel it's just a hotly charged subject yeah it's one of the most charged subjects in all of about the Holocaust Survivors basically yeah yeah and you're talking about people that are right next to each other with opposing ideologies and various reasons for being righteous well and Iran Iran looking at Israel corrected that I said it right right is it Iran I think it's Iran yeah I would saying that they don't have a right to exist and that they're going to throw a

39:55nuclear bomb over there did did you see that what the guy from Pakistan who was it Jamie that uh got duped by a fake news story Jamie M no not that guy B oh yeah I did see that and the guy got he got duped by a fake news story and you know said some inflammatory about causing a war and all of a sudden it's like whoa like you guys got got all up in arms about a fake story yeah like what in the is going on how what do you think was the first fake news story because you go back to you know um I was thinking about was an old fake news story was uh fake news stories have probably been around for a long time well the Bible was a giant fake news story how dare you they did their best they did their best to remember the stories trying to find a good map I think part of the problem too is the arguments over the maps and oh I see right right right this is just one I I'm does it say

41:04like I just want to know like I'm too stupid to know what that is so why don't you like ask ask Google compare it to a state because I think there was a there's a simple comparison I just don't remember what it is it's like Connecticut or something like that or maybe Massachusetts size comparison map Israel and USA anyway what were we just Israel and USA size comparison Israel and blue fake news yeah there you go New Jersey okay yeah so it's basically the size of New Jersey and New Jersey is building a lot of homes it looks a little better bigger than New Jersey but look at that it barely it fits in Lake Michigan you can stick Israel in Lake Michigan what the how big is Lake Michigan holy yeah isn't that insane I know a giant ocean of water you could surf on Lake Michigan what's the one that's near Chicago Lake Michigan that's Lake Michigan um I used to date a girl and when she was a kid

42:11her um you dated her when she was a kid no dude a story she told when she was a kid how dare you when she was a kid uh she was in a uh a storm on Lake Michigan where they had to turn into the into the waves like over and over and over again all night like they were not safe like they were in danger of being capsized by the waves on a Lake it's amazing and I think it was their stepdad I forget who who was steering the boat but was just wrecked by the end of the day like his arms were falling off like he he barely could use his arms cuz he like he had to keep turning the boat all night long they had to strap everyone down to the boat on a on a Lake yeah on a lake not the ocean yeah I don't care where you put a boat in you got what you got whatever's coming to you is that Lake Michigan yeah oh my God look at the waves5 foot waves on Lake Michigan it says 25 foot waves on a lake that's so

43:11crazy it's all that wind that comes in it's just a immense puddle yeah that used to be a Glacier glaciers that are in some places as high as 2 miles miles high and they became all that stuff it's nuts man I have a buddy of mine who lives uh in Wisconsin in the driftless area it's like the area where the uh glaciers didn't hit it's really kind of cool cuz it's all these Hills and crazy like uh beautiful topography the rest of the place like a an eraser came along just flatten that out just from the weight of the glaciers pushing down in the land the the glacier just pushing forward and crushing everything in its path literally like God a eraser and that's when the wind whips up because there's nothing stopping that wind nothing I mean I remember driving through I think it was North Dakota it was North Dakota and I was driving from I think Iowa or Nebraska into North

44:11Dakota was doing a college gig and the gig was that night and it was like a good 4-Hour drive and they told me look this is a single Lane Road the only it's the only way there and it's flat as and it's windy out so be careful so I'm in my rent to car and uh and snow snow starts as I'm driving and the snow is just going just vertically across the road and it starts to build up it starts to build up there's snow on the road and all of a sudden I'm like halfway there and it's white out conditions all I can see is the light the snow in in my headlights ahead of me and for a long time I was just looking at that looking at the line on the road and following that line disappeared oh oh and I freak out and so I just pull what I think is to the side of the road CU I don't know where I'm driving right and I wait and all a sudden I see headlights coming from behind me

45:1018-wheeler barreling down hopefully hoping he sees me oh my God he passes me and I immediately get behind him and I Rod that for two hours whoa to get to the school shaking shaking and I got to the gig and it was like these kids it was like Jesus Christ had shown up in their town they were like you made it we have no life this is our only entertainment all year and so we did a we did a show and so many people came that they added a second show but half the kids stayed for the second show so it was definitely one of those your material got told that night Joe Rogan I guarantee you that yours Don Gavin Steve Sweeny Todd Parker I'm ripping every joke out of my ass I can think of on that second show they paid me double that's hilarious and I couldn't get out of there for two days afterwards we were snowed in yeah oh my God yeah there was so much uncertainty

46:15in the winters in Boston there was like you weren't certain if you were going to get home yeah like I think that right I think that's important for people to understand that don't live in a place like that like if you got hit with a big January snowstorm and it hit while you were at work if you got to work you first of all there'd be warnings everywhere there'd be warning they'd cancel school before the first drop of snowf right they would freak out about like big blizzards but if a big one hit and you up and you weren't paying attention you could get stuck wherever the you are yeah highways just stopped for days yep it takes forever for them to chew all that snow away and if it stays cold in Boston I mean it will stay cold for a long time remember those black piles of ice ice that had just gotten Road Grime and exhaust on it but it was too cold for it to melt so it just push that

47:10to the side it would narrow the highway yeah right yeah they get out there with those uh those trucks throwing the salt and the sand down I mean they they' be out there before the snow even started they were laying down salts yeah that was why if you got an old car you wanted to get a California car well they didn't they didn't use salt on the roads if you got an old car in Boston the fenders were all rotted out everything rotted out because of all that salt and they to constantly reup the uh the highways yeah oh yeah that's right it's just chewing through it but isn't that kind of the only way to ensure that shit's going to melt you kind of have to Salt it yep salt it and S I think they sand it more than they salt it now they probably I you know where they get this they get the salt from like on these giant barges from South America salt Wars like the

47:57old days is that right no but imagine they used to go to war for salt Oh you mean like Way Way Back salt it's amazing that we give it away for free because if you really think of what it was worth like 5 600 years ago salt was incredibly valuable right why cuz food was so Bland no to preserve food oh yeah they didn't have refrigeration so like their meat if you cover the outside of it with salt the bacteria can't eat the meat uhhuh and it slows the decaying process you could dry things out and salt them and there a a way to preserve food like an important way to preserve food I think you know I don't know how long you could have a piece of meat and just cover it with salt and leave it laying around at room temperature but I think it's a lot more than it would if you didn't have the salt and I think uh it's one of the reasons why it was I mean it was one of

48:50the most valuable things in the world at one point in time which is crazy now yeah when you think about it yeah and everything you ate must have been salty as people must have just gotten used to the taste as salt do you remember when everybody was thinking that salt causes high blood pressure and then it do remember that one oh no it's a mineral yeah I mean it's like you're not supposed to have too much of it but like that's not what's wrong like what else is going on and then there was this uh study that came out recently uh a paper that came out recently that was pointing to the sugar industry accepting bribes or are giving bribes to scientists in the 1950s and 60s did you see that to to push the blame away from sugar and on to saturated fat the amount of heart disease that it causes yeah sugar is has become the new salt it's become the new cholesterol it's become to new

49:43everything it's everybody's saying everybody's fear yeah it's everybody's fear now what what how do salt and sugar prevent microbio spoilage it says that they use sugar and salt that's way to prevent oh sugar too yeah interesting well it would taste better that way probably okay so it says protection of foods from microbio spoilage using salt usually sodium chloride or sugar usually sucrose has ancient roots and is often referred to as salting salt curing Corning or sugar curing pieces of rock salt used for curing are sometimes called corns hence the name corn beef I was wonder why they called it corn beef no here what it does fascinating okay where's it sh uh sorry where does it say where it goes several ways here micob several ways in which salt and sugar inhibit microbial growth most most notable is simple osmosis or dehydration salt or sugar whether in solid or aquous form

50:51attempts to reach equilibrium with the salt or sugar content of the food product with which it is in contact this has the effect of drawing available water from within the food to the outside and inserting salt or sugar molecules into the food interior huh the result is a reduction of the so-called water activity measure of Unbound free water molecules in the food that is necessary for microbial survival and growth that is fascinating that is I never thought about how cuz I always think about when I put salt on my food it seems like especially with sea salt where they so big the particles that you don't just get like that it doesn't spread but then when you eat the food like say you put it in your mashed potatoes right it spreads really evenly throughout the mashed potatoes I don't realize there's all that chemical reactions going on between all the cells

51:44and the uh potatoes and the salt It's Kind it's flowing back and forth yeah yeah it I mean think about how difficult it must have been to get fresh food to a city in 1700 throwing salt on everything and packing things in salt and taking them down the road on the back of wagons being pulled by horses like with M out of control mosquitoes and flies on everything wow that was for so long how people lived for so long open wagons there was no like airtight compartments no I mean I I bet Kings had some pretty dope compartments yeah like in Game of Thrones they was like sitting there like just chilling how long is this ride the horses are pulling their wagon along they're Fanning themselves and that had to happen too that was like the real pimps like if you were a dude you could pick a chick up and take her to the back of the The Carriage she'd be like oh my God you have your

52:46own Carriage yeah yeah baby got my own carriage and you have your own hepatitis look at this did they have hepatitis back then when you think the first VD came to play um well syphilis was probably the first one I mean you read about it in the bible really yeah syphilis was all over the place I think uh you know what did they call it I think they call it syphilis really didn't theying the clap I think I think syphus is the clap like how do you think that do you think that happens in animals do you think animals give each other herpes I never thought about that my friends got a herpes blister B it busts out like every couple months she just showed me this morning like come on give me a kiss thing's the size of a dime was it on her lip yeah I used to get those it's such a shame cuz she's beautiful she change her diet is not koalas have chyia right or do they

53:40they're known for having why do you say it looking at me like of course you know like you knew it doesn't count if it's a stuffed animal like KOA he's looking at me KO koala you know all they they don't all have it but it's like a it's a thing I thought I heard like they spread STDs well it looks like this article it says koala cyia the STD threatening an Australian icon wow well didn't AIDS come from a monkey or is that a uh is that a myth that man I wish I could remember exactly how to answer this because I listened to a Radio Lab podcast called patient zero I think it was that was all about this they were trying to figure out who was the first person that contracted the HIV virus and it did have something to do with someone who was tending to um meat that he had killed of a a chimpanzee and maybe perhaps had an open cut yeah that was one of the speculations which of course

54:37turned into somebody a monkey that's just the American translation of facts it's the natural one with people ah some dude a monkey how else do you get an STD from a monkey you got to it did you ever see that Chappelle bit yeah oh my God Chappelle had one of the funniest bits of all time he goes do you know how hard it would be to a monkey and it's like once he said it I was like I never even saw that imagine the battle that you would have to go to to actually a monkey yeah and you just think it's a given like you know hey I'm GNA have some dry days I'll go a monkey dude not so easy yeah I I do a bit in my ACT that's true about my cat biting me in the hand and me getting pissed at him I'm like what the dude and he's looking at me and his ears are pulled back like that's a cat is that's a powerful little animal but it's nothing compared to a monkey yeah

55:38monkeys throw themselves through the air oh yeah little tiny body swings itself through the air catches itself throws itself through the air like they can do ridiculous with their bodies and you got to think they get a hold of you if that thing bites your face if it gets a hold of your neck it might look little you know especially if it's a chimp like uh like a little baby chimp we had on the set of news radio and it was like a 2-year-old chimp and this thing slapped me in my back like dude like it kind of like you you let him climb on you he kind of does whatever he wants cuz he's a baby he wasn't trying to hurt me but first of all he felt like he was made out of corded wood just like it was like a wooden animal like his he might have been like this big like you could kind of pick him up and carry him but he felt like like nothing like a person feels

56:28like nothing he was just solid muscle yeah and he just just slapped me on the back and and all I could think of is like a big one of these a real full grown one of these things and they get aggressive around people yeah when we were down in uh we were in South Africa in Cape Town and we were taking a walk down to the the Cape of Good Cape of whatever at the tip the very tip of South Africa and there's a field that you walk through with a path and the the Rangers came up to us and my son was about maybe about 3 years old and they said to us yeah you're going to you're going to want to hold him the whole time and we're like why they're like chimps will chimps will take them they'll just come down and grab them yeah they'll steal your kid and eat it yeah yeah that's real can you imagine that you go on a trip with your kid you come back with no kid and you watch your kid get taken off by a

57:20chimp where's your son baboons too they're another animal that do the same yeah they'll go after oh wait you know what I might be thinking of baboons oh that makes more sense I think it was baboons that makes more sense but there have been stories of chimp's doing it too yeah look man well who's the woman who got her face bitten off by a there a bunch of people but the one woman who was uh most recently her friend had this pet chimp and she was giving it Xanax and wine and maybe sucking its dick maybe why did he need Xanax if if she's sucking his dick what the hell does he need could you IM being so crazy that not only do you have a 200 lb chimp living with you but you give it Xanax do you think she gave it to Xanax so that he'd be more pliable I think she was just banging this monkey I think she lived with this monkey and she was banging it I really I really think that

58:14because I shouldn't say monkey it's a chimp whatever she was living with this chimp and banging it and so her friend came over there was a chimp chimp used to dress up in human clothes that yep was the lady no way that was his girlfriend man who do you think initiated the first time her look you think yeah she got a pet chimp she raised it it's a boy it's got a dick she's like look this is my new bodyguard and she's got this chimp and she has a couple of glass of red wine the chimp wants a her he's she's like who who's going to know she lets that chimp her a couple of times and then he keeps slinging dick her way and that's his girlfriend now and this lady came over and she interrupted his fun time she was she was blocking and he didn't take too kindly to it so he did chimp to her just ripped her apart yeah tore a face off they bite your fingers off he's huge he was 200 lb

59:09big overfed chimpanzee super ridiculous ungodly strong no foreplay oh he probably Bobo wanted to you got you get you get out of the shower naked Bobo's going to you you have your period forget it try to keep that chip off you while you're menstruating a police officer who responded to the scene of the attack shot and killed Travis when he clawed open the cop's Cruiser door and flashed his bloody teeth oh my god dude he opened the door the cop was shooting it as it was pulling the door open flashing its bloody teeth looking to tear him apart too holy holy imagine if that was you and you didn't have a gun and you weren't a cop you just pulled up and you saw some chimp tearing apart a lady and you're like what the and the chimp just goes running towards you and decides he's going to open up your door now and he's flashing his bloody teeth after he just ate some lady's

60:16face man where was this I love this part investigators later speculated that a dose of Xanax caused the chimp to go berserk oh look at that that's what her face looks like now oh my God this article actually says that her face transplant was being rejected oh my God she's more surgery oh my God does that mean like she's going out to meet guys and she's being rejected no her body rejects it face transplants any kind of transplants are notoriously tricky apparently poor lady God poor lady so wait where does it say that she was them um that's mine part I added that Oh Oh I thought you were serious I don't know what they're doing I mean it's totally plausible it's completely plausible but I absolutely made it up for regarded as her son okay maybe she didn't it do you think a woman could get pregnant from a monkey depends on the woman and depends on the monkey yeah some super smart

61:18monkey and really stupid person who knows yeah no um there's some hybrids right that uh that wind up being viable that's how like new species get developed sometimes but most of the time it doesn't like a liger they can't make babies you know they can you can make a baby a Lon and a tiger can breed and make a baby but that baby can't make babies so I I wonder man like what was it if you believe in evolution of course what was it in history like what was it like when there was a bunch of different species of humans because they think there's a bunch now they've documented how many things they've documented now because they they keep finding new ones like they found some new one in Russia recently oh by the way all the people that uh that tweeted at me and uh sent me messages that I up and said vasili lenko is Russian he's actually from the Ukraine I apologize I am a

62:11American who anybody who's over there in that spot who talks like that I go that's that Russian dude yeah but that I understand Russia take over the Ukraine though doesn't that give you an out no because I had a buddy of mine growing up who's Ukrainian he always regarded himself as Ukrainian he never thought of himself as Russian so I get it I get it it's like if we were America you like North America Canada and and and Mexico we're all just one thing oh you're from that spot no no no I'm from America yeah I'm from this spot well as far as the cavemen go yeah they they didn't used to think that Neanderthal man and uh sapiens existed at the same time they like when you look at a timeline of cavemen mhm they make it seem like one ended and the next one just started like in the year you know 3000 BC all of a sudden they just changed 3000 BC 20,000 BC how how I

63:06think it was a lot more than that I think when they're talking about people living alongside neander I think they're talking about like 40 or 50,000 years ago yeah so there was like you said they coexisted and they say that the fights because Neanderthal man was a beast totally different kind of person totally different and then sapen came along and sapen was much smarter and that's the only way he was the one that survived over Neanderthal would show me that again they were able to they were able to out hunt and out kill or we them all and then we inter breeded with him that probably might have happened too so what does it say Jamie it says a guy is trying to make a hybrid between a a chimp 1924 whoa uh let me guess German a wild group of 13 female chimpanzees to bring back to Primate Research facility in s sakumi the female chimpanzees were repeatedly injected with human male

64:04sperm but none became pregnant it was rumored that Ivanov used his own sperm or that of his son but few people believe it son can we come downstairs for a minute well where else is he going to get come he tried to go the other way around hard to get C he tried to get uh female volunteers to get injected with uh male chimpanzee sperm and how many did it he rumored that it only happened once but apparently he got arrested and sent away to work in a Veterinary uh station in Kazakhstan and died two years later but rumored no no pregnancy actually happened but maybe he actually did do it who knows the rumor was the pregnancy actually did happen did not did not no pregnancy resulted but it rumored that he did actually inject a woman with sperm this story the story of this was like the beginning of like some crazy superhero X-Men Type R of some new some new uh instead of

64:58Wolverine some man chimp some hybrid like Wolverine looked like he was kind of a man champ hybrid the real Wolverine like from the comic books he was hairy looking half human looking person well the Nazis did all kinds of like that yeah taking heads off one animal and trying to put them on other animals but how many uh find this out Jamie find out when did human beings and neander TS coexist how long ago was that or how about this how long ago did neander TS go extinct because that's that's what would tell us a lot if you had a guess what are you gonna guess Greg I'd say yeah 20,000 sounds bad I'm going to say for oh I was right Neals went extinct in Europe about 40,000 years ago giving them Millennia to coexist with modern humans culturally and sexually new findings suggest the research also suggest that modern humans did not cause neander TS to rapidly go

65:59extinct as some researchers have previously suggested I thought they killed them yeah there was a lot of people that did there was one guy that had a crazy Theory that's probably absolutely not true but his theory was that they didn't look like people his theory we we don't know what their soft tissue looked like so his T he had this idea of a really intelligent aplike creature because he compared what do you remember that whole guy his whole thing he made like an animated uh video of what it would look like his terrifying like gorilla looking thing that's like heavily muscled because they were only like 52 or 53 but they were like 205 pounds with giant like Boulder sized bones in their body they had way different bone structure than we do and they were supposed to be like freakishly strong yeah but I think they were sort of like on all fours and standing

66:54upright but then really sapiens stood up right is that true I think so I know there was a difference in the way they moved that uh the sapiens were faster but they weren't as strong so if they got into any kind of a battle they were dead right H that's interesting I read a book called sapiens yeah this is uh what they absolutely think that they looked like the neander TOs looked like but there was a guy had some crazy alternative theory that was probably horseshit that I want to focus on it's probably totally fake but it was like his theory is like what if CH what if neander T didn't look anything like us like what if neander T like had gorilla like skin and was just just hulking scary looking fanged up you know jacked humanoid kind of ape yeah who knows man there was definitely like a bunch of different kinds of people though they keep finding more more and

67:55more evidence so like they'll find new teeth and right but the evolution was so slow like we think about things the way Evolution happens for us today is technological so we see happen from decade to decade oh yeah Neanderthal profile was super Predator so in this video when you're looking at neander he's got like black gorilla looking skin with these big crazy eyes and it's a terrifying looking Beast as opposed to the way we always project him and he and he bases it on like the shape of their head and like what what a gorilla's head looks like Jaw yeah I mean it's crazy like you cuz we don't know what their soft tissue looks like but if you give them a gorilla nose instead of a human nose they look way scarier uhhuh and his argument was like we have no idea what their nose looked like why are we giving them a human nose I wonder if that flies I wonder if

68:48anthropologists are getting angry right now there were some vicious look at the way that thing looked if that's what it looked like like what the oh no he looks upright no I guess they were they were partly on all fours and upright I think they were upright I think I'm pretty sure neander TOS were completely upright oh no yeah yeah yeah because they they were a type of human yeah they just weren't hobo sapiens right yeah so I'm so stupid to have these conversations I'm so stupid because I read an entire book about sapiens and this whole transformation and I just the problem is I I read when I go to sleep and I don't I'm so tired I it all goes through me the next night I can't even find out I can't even find where I left off on the book isn't reading at night like the best way to fall asleep like it makes you go to sleep so much easier yeah like something about reading I'm just like

69:36conk dude my wife opens up her book at night every night and she she does not get to the second page and she's sitting upright and I can hear her breathing change and she's asleep wow I can't I take a sleeping pill do you every night take a sleeping pill you taking uh Lunesta any side effects I think a loss of memory oh that's not good I think that's what it is I'm taking the sleeping pill and then I'm reading and uh nothing sticks but otherwise I can't sleep my mother and brother the same way we cannot sleep we just our minds race and I'll lay there for hours and nothing happens so I huh I'd rather be a little groggy in the morning than than be exhausted and have you tried any kind of meditation or anything to calm your mind before you I started meditating but i' I only started meditating like two years ago and I've been taking the sleeping pills for probably like four so I should

70:32try to get off of them it's stupid but I think if you get off those things that's where it gets hairy really yeah so if you start going crazy call me up so I know I'll know C's just say just say hey I tried going off these sleeping pills I'm like okay gotcha Phil you know where you're at need you to do my 1020 spot at the laugh Factor tonight D they when you get off those things like sleeping pills have they have a real bizarre reaction some people have to them where they'll do things and wake up in the middle of doing them like driving down the highway in a shootout with the cops like that kind of like you like you wake up in the middle of an act going what the am I doing you're saying while you're on sleeping pills yeah while you're on certain sleeping pills yeah ambient is crazy like I ran out I took a friend's ambient recently and I had the most insane

71:20dreams oh I've heard I'm terrified of that stuff yeah I know lot of people who love that stuff I don't know why ambient is prescribed it's the same thing with opioids it's like why are they still prescribing this when it's so addictive and so dangerous because people want to be able to make their own choices you know and if you could go to a a doctor if you're informed correctly and you go to a doctor and you go look I don't give a what they say I want a ambient I know it's not good for you I know it's bad for my sleep I don't give a I need to go to sleep if you're a grown adult I feel you should be able to make that decision you could how come you can make that decision and drink a bottle of uh of um Ron White's tequila in a night if you so choose to why can't you decide to take an ambient it's true is it is it really worse than getting hammered and everybody gets hammered and

72:11there's a lot of people getting hammered well it just seems like with all the options like I know with Lunesta I don't have these side effects oh really yeah I mean no it it's there's no side effects with Luna I'm not a paid spokesman for LUN esta by the way but I just found that I did take ambient and it was crazy it was like tripping so Lunesta does it for you Lunesta Works Joe Lunesta works for me have you ever done anything like uh melatonin or tried have you tried like a melat works it's good does it yeah yeah yeah why why don't you just try that then since it's a natural because I'm Irish and we like to get addicted to things you know I quit the boo so now I drinking what is this you gave me caveman coffee Nitro good man it's got little kick it's got a hell of a kick it's got a hell of a kick it's a weird taste to it it's kind of manly because it doesn't taste

73:02that good right right it's well it's like black coffee yeah exactly like it when I say it doesn't taste that good I mean it doesn't taste like a caramel macchiato you know that's that tastes good that's like with every slurp you're like this is delicious but it's filled with sugar this tastes like uh we were calling it like a a Guinness like the Guinness of coffee it's got this weird sort of acquir taste a little fizziness to it which is nice nitrogenated I don't know why I don't know if it works more gets you more up I don't know but it's got 270 milligrams of caffeine yeah I'm a caffeine freak I drink a lot of caffeine yeah but that one's manageable that caffeine never really derails your judgment it's a manageable addiction if you got like a legit addiction caffeine's not a bad one yeah that's that's one you can kind of you can skate by with that one cigarettes is going to

73:56get you that's the one that's going to get you cigarettes probably the worst thing you can be addicted to then heroin it seems like pills might be worse than cigarettes because you can make rational decisions when you're on cigarettes the problem is though the health consequences of cigarettes are almost inescapable we've just made an irrational decision if you're lighting a cigarette yeah so it's got you in a point of addiction where you are literally killing yourself slowly it's kind of amazing that it's still around it's amazing really but again I'm 100% in favor of people doing whatever the they want to do if you are informed and you go I don't give a I want a cigarette you should be able to do it yeah so by that hand if you could do that with booze if you could do that we I think freedom is best it's best to have people figure it out on their own

74:45it's best to decide for people what they can and can't do that's never good I think it's the same with raising a kid you know I try to give my kids a lot of free freedom you know I inform them I rein them in I try to Shepherd them but I don't ride them you know and and when they make mistakes I don't I don't overly punish I just try to I tell them I'm disappointed and that means a lot to them but I think that you know the this your your kids are they need to internalize responsibility and the earlier they do it the better because then the process of internalizing responsibility should start as in in whatever ways you can parcel it out from a young age that's how you got to do it cuz by the time they move out you know it's like you're not going to be there to make these decisions for them yeah yeah the the the task of raising a human is probably one of the most

75:41important things one of the most impossible to correct once you it up and it's put in the hands of everybody who is most likely raised incorrectly themselves mhm well the hope is there's more therapy than there was today there's more literature there's more studies and I do think we're more informed about what we do I think we're more Vigilant about it I think men the fact that I just said that to another man that wouldn't have happened 25 years ago no guy would talk about parenting in any deep way to another man no it was kind of almost gay well yeah it was it was not it was not your role to do that and now parents it's a partnership the mother and the father because the worst thing and I I know a couple that's like this where they're never on the same page and their kids are all up and neither one of them is a bad parent they're just doing it in opposite ways

76:36what's the ways what's the he's very like you know uh checked out in some ways but like in the way not in the healthy way I describe hands off is still caring and controlling and supporting his is a little bit more a little bit more like I can't handle this hers is she's super A type personality and she's trying to drive the kids to be you know the best their best potent which is good A little bit of that is good and a little bit of what he's doing is good but they're both Polar Opposites and not really handling their strategies well either but I I really think that the the main thing is that your kids can't feel like they're getting two different messages at the same time from Mommy and Daddy it can't feel like they're being smothered either right you know it's one of the things about kids that you find out real early is if you tell them not to do something that's what they want to

77:28do they don't want you telling them what to do because they're little people and even though they might be five or six they're still little people and people don't like you telling them what to do you got to explain to them it's much better to explain to them why it's important that you do the thing that you don't want to do and why it's a good thing and you got to change the way you think about it don't think about it like oh it's this chore think about it like this is just a thing that I have to do right now and I'm so lucky in so many ways and that's how I should look at life and that don't don't don't just get annoyed at things that you know you I don't want to go to bed you got to go to bed listen you got to get sleep I know you don't want to go to bed I get it I feel the same way all the time but as a person who's in charge of your biology I know that you're not quite wise enough

78:17to make these decisions you want to be healthy your little kids need to get like 10 to 12 hours sleep and you got to tell them give them the association that they're making choices and that their choices have ramifications you're going to wake up you you sometimes it's hard for me to wake you up and it hurts in the morning well that won't be that way if you go to sleep now you'll wake up and you'll feel good yeah yeah that's man that is the biggest difference when when I had day jobs and um you know like a lot of times I was uh like for years I had sleep deprivation because I was getting up in the morning for deliver newspapers and I was trying to go back to sleep but I always stayed up at night because I was doing standup and like for the longest time like I was like really screwed up and then once I quit doing that once I just started doing just standup and I I started

79:05getting sleep like I'd go to bed after the clubs and I would get up at 11: I would wake up and I felt so good I was like oh my God like everything feels great like I don't feel like I'm constantly out of lack that feeling that you have when you're tired all the time when you work too many hours you don't get enough sleep is that feeling like you're always at a lack there's always like a a hole in your your your biological game as it were you're I'm just you you're just trying to be left alone yeah just you just don't but if you can get that solid 8 to 10 hour sleep that goes away yeah especially if you can get 10 if you but if you can only get eight it's worth so much oh yeah it's so Val you throw throw a 20 minute meditation on top of that the next day around 2:30 in the afternoon when you're crashing out after lunch if you can do that that's a good move yeah if you can just sit down I

80:00mean the the meditation just the the word meditation is so loaded you know because it it has like there's a sort of like a a lot of us I think have this idea about people who meditate is like oh you know he's just trying to find some spiritual peace and this is like some masturbatory weirdness and you stand in front of some incense and pretend you're from a different culture and but I think that just being alone with your thoughts and just your thoughts and just concentrating on just thinking about as little as possible just thinking maybe even just about breathing about breathing in and breathing out just that alone is a form of meditation yeah I mean it's like a it's it's a guided sleep think of it as taking a nap you know eart tol talks about you know with with meditation it's just really it's reminding you to not think about the past or the future for a little

80:54while while it's about just thinking about the breathing that's happening right now or the Mantra that's happening right now and when you come out of it you're not going to stay in that state all day but you will have brought yourself back to that point if only for 20 minutes and that will sort of that will guide you for the rest of the day yeah I think the momentum of most people's lives is is so strong mine included I'm sure yours included that often times you just get caught up in how you're thinking or how you're behaving or what you're doing you just get caught up in it like it's just like w it's like pushing you from behind and if you can just stop as often as possible and do nothing for an hour and breathe just do nothing but think and breathe you come out of it with a more balanced perspective you make better decisions you're not reacting to things

81:48exactly you're not you're not being pushed from behind by the momentum of everything you've experienced over the last you know amount of months you get a a fresh restart to contemplate Your Existence well you know we can't do anything about the past but here's where we are right now and this is what we okay now I've decided that you know instead of concentrating on that I'm going to concentrate on this and give yourself like a chance to almost give yourself a little personal seminar give yourself a little like okay are you happy about this like like if you were giving yourself advice it'd probably be way different than what you actually do right like I was you know I mean I've always about that if I was given myself advice like how how brutal would I be with myself how honest would I be with myself well that's why you're supposed to set goals because goals are you

82:33sitting down in a cold calculating way and saying where do I want to be in a year what are the steps that I need to get to that and then setting small goals to get you there because dayto day you're reacting to people are codependent with their wives or their kids and so they're reacting to that you're wondering if your phone's going to ring you're wondering what people are saying on social media there's so many dynamics that have you spinning around and not in your own space so that that's what I love the beginning of the year I love sitting down and setting up some new goals I mean you and I just talked a couple nights ago about that like your goal is to sort of try to not get off social media more not answer your phone all day my yeah stay off my phone for many many hours at a time yeah that's the big one and I'm just thinking about the amount of time that I spend just

83:19looking for something interesting looking on Twitter feed looking on um uh Facebook or um Instagram just looking for something interesting I'm just flittering through pictures of oh look another car oh look at that lion that's crazy you know after a while look at that chimpanzee attacking a car well that video that I showed you today that's how I found it the lady that hit that or the guy that hit that moose I don't know if it's a guy or a girl whoever hit that moose but I'm I'm inundated by that and people keep sending me these videos of these Russian crazy like acrobats doing flip on the top of buildings mhm you seen those guys those Daredevils these Russian daredevil characters they go on the top of buildings and do like handstands and lean their feet off the edge you can't watch it man it's it's too hard to watch it's too scary I mean it's terrifying and some of them get

84:11up on top of them with those hoverboards those little wheelie boards and they go like to the edge on the H board back that that makes me uncomfortable you just describing it and they spin around on the edge of the skyscraper look at this this is in Russia this I don't know where this one is but they do they do these all over the place I think this is Dubai this guy is on the edge of a crazy skyscraper like what is that a 100 stories high holy and he's doing a handstand and he came down backwards oh oh my God that was terrifying I just hurt my elbow what do you do after that what I just hurt my elbow reacting to that I I whack my phone that's hilarious oh look at this guy he's got a helmet on and his underwear and he's walking on a bar oh my God that is so crazy these kids are nuts man oh Jesus Christ This Guy's doing a balance beam over a it looks like uh a harbor I don't

85:23know how far down it it is but he's way the up on some c o rig it look like oh my God this there's a kid here that's jumping off stuff uh yeah I'm I'm I think I'm gone I'm done I'm done yeah I'm done I used to do crazy my friend I my friend lived on the fifth floor of an apartment building and there's a picture of me when I was about 14 hanging off his balcony by my knees oh my God I well I was into gymnastics I did gymnastics pretty hard for like six years so I would hang off anything I would do I would do flips off anything anywhere yeah dude I got sweaty hands just looking at that I really did sweaty hand oh don't show me this Jamie God damn it that guy jumped off the roof into a pool I mean how many stories is that six stories easy six to eight shut this off I can't do this anymore oh my hands are sweaty man there're like soaking wet feel them feel them Jesus yeah mine

86:22M wet too soak and wet um hey can I plug some dates come on everybody I got a I got my big winter Comedy Tour coming up I'm coming to your town Tacoma Washington February 9th first so everybody knows where to get all fog.com for tickets Portland Oregon uh February 16 through 18 Oklahoma City one night uh February 21st Austin Texas February 22nd to 25th Fort Lauderdale in March Burlington Vermont in March Houston in March uh check it all out at Greg Fitz show and uh Fitz dog radio that's it that Irvine Improv the new Irvine Improv is awesome have you done it huge right giant I did it once and uh I just remember I didn't uh I didn't fill it I'll tell you that by no means that I fill it it's a very big place yeah but I'm doing it then I've got two St Patrick's Day shows uh which you've done I think the last three years you've done my Patrick's Day show at the

87:25Hollywood improv I have to support the one quarter Irish that I am that's right I get in there for that that's always a fun show though isn't it yeah we pack it out we get all Irish comics on it yeah throw a black guy in there just to keep it keep the PC police off my back get Ian Edwards on there yeah that's a fun show man yeah it's good Joey Diaz I did it one year and it was um it was all the cool comics and then Joey Diaz it was like Zack alak and Sarah Silverman and you know Andy Kindler and they went up and they they didn't know who Joey Diaz was and uh I had him go on like second just to just to raise the bar on everybody else and he went up there and he's doing this whole bit about having some chick piss in his mouth in a bathtub and I'm drinking it like a soldier and uh and the place they don't know what to make of him at first it takes him it takes him like a good two

88:24minutes for them to just pick their jaws up off the table put them put the jaw back in their head and then start to laugh and then you just saw them convulsed destroyed and in the back Sarah and all them they're going like who is this guy what what is this I go this is Joey Diaz they didn't know they didn't know him when how long ago was this two years ago wow how did they not know who Joey Diaz is because he doesn't work I don't think he works The Improv does he yeah but every comic knows like you hear about like a guy like you always hear about some like I heard about Big Jay oakerson before I saw him people like you got to see this guy he very funny I think maybe there's there's you know splintered comedy world like Zach doesn't do a ton of standup and I think uh you know Sarah Sarah works The Comedy Store sometimes right yeah sometimes I've seen her there a few times not as

89:15often as she should what are you judging well she need she needs that you know I think some Comics they work they'll work Largo a lot and uh and I think it you can you can draw your own crowd but she's like a real comic she can play in a room like the store where they didn't all come to see her and she can prove something to people that maybe don't know what a good comic she is yeah well I would agree with you that I think she's one of the best Comics alive for sure she she killed at the Comedy Store last time I saw her which was I want to say it was quite a while ago it might have been a year ago as a matter of fact sometime between now and a year anyway she destroyed and I was laughing really hard like there was some funny in there but on the other hand she's obviously got money and she's obviously comfortable so she should do whatever the she wants I mean right

90:07I mean there's guys like Paul F Tompkins that dude I haven't seen him in a comedy club in 10 years but he does his show at Largo I don't know how often and he does he'll go to San Francisco and sell out cobs the guy's got his circuit he's got his crowd I think he makes a very nice living and I think he does the style of Comedy he does which is a little bit more storytelling it's a little slower a little more esoteric may not work in the other kinds of clubs so yeah maybe it Fosters his ability to go deeper into what he's doing by playing select clubs yeah I mean I guess it's all in whether or not what you enjoy doing whether it fits in with clubs yeah because some people it just doesn't some people they don't enjoy just always being you always going for the laugh always you know like like our style Boston style like Boston style is like punch line set up punch line set up

91:02punch line and they try to build punch lines and some people have like they they want to tell you a story that happens to be humorous they don't want to be confined by this idea that it has to be set up punch line set up punch line so it is sort of standup in a lot of ways but in a lot of ways it's not it's like you're you're you're being an orator a narrator you're telling stories you know which is cool too you know like there's a lot of people who like Henry Rollins is a great example you wouldn't say that necessarily what he does is standup you would say it's a spoken word thing right but what is he doing he's telling stories you know I mean they're just and they have punch lines they have like very clear setup and punch lines in them like it's obviously he knows where the funny parts are so he's kind of doing standup yeah but he's doing it his way

91:50like if a lot of people really like that is what my point is like and they don't want to go see him try to do a 15minute set at the store it can change like I find that if I go through a run of clubs that are bad um like say Florida it changes the way I'm doing standup because in Florida you've got it's just a skitso crowd you've got rednecks mixed in with old people mixed in with Latinos mixed in with Spring Breakers or whatever it's never one crowd you have no idea who you're playing to So you you're up there for an hour and you're just it's a drunken knife fight in the alley you're just trying to keep you're spinning plates you're trying to keep this guy happy this guy's heckling they're not paying attention and I find that like it makes my ACT worse because I'm not getting in the pocket and doing what I want to do I'm pleasing because I'm trying to survive right right and

92:47then you go to a club like Austin Cap City in Austin Texas and holy man you just kick back and they come to you yeah I just did Madison Wisconsin they came to me oh Madison's a really cool Town yeah it is really interesting yeah like super open-minded liberal Wisconsin Town yeah with a great theater there's a theater there too what the hell's that theater there is it Acme theater no did I make that up no Acme is in Minneapolis Oh AC is the comedy club in Minneapolis right what's the theater in Madison Orum I don't know I had a point but it's lost there is an Orum there there's an orium there maybe that's where I went yeah it's a great little city it's a college town see if that's where I went good food it's really only one block though yeah it's not a lot it's like there's a block that goes from the state house to the university and there's not much off it

93:47and again it's one of those places where people that are living in a place where gets really really really cold theater it's the rum that's where I was those people are heartier like that thing that we're talking about this idea that you might not make it home tonight like there's a goddamn blizzard you might get stuck on the side of the road and you see flashing like a light on the side of the road like someone's hazard lights they pulled over like a lot of times people help because that might that person might die like there's a difference between like if you see somebody on the 405 and they're pulled over do you ever even think for a second of pulling over and helping them no no but if you were driving down a Snowy Road in New Hampshire and you saw someone pulled over the side of the road and you start thinking what if that's a mom with her kids what she think and that's great it

94:34totally Fosters Community when you live in harsher weather you have a trust and there's like a symbiotic relationship with your neighbors and you know I I think that like you think about people that live up in Alaska and how they share supplies and in the spring help rebuild a barn and you know that that's Community that's living I mean in LA our needs are so easily met yeah it just we don't have any our our roof doesn't go bad because it rains three days a year and you know you can take an Uber here and you can get a Yelp review on the sushi Play It's All easy it all comes to you there's no sense of yeah I don't need to help you I if I hang out with you it's because I want to hang out with you there you hang out with your neighbor because you're surviving together we were all hanging out in the back of the comedy store last night and we were all stoned and we were all

95:21laughing and giggling and joking around and I was thinking boy like what a great place this is to be like at the sunset trip in Hollywood in 2016 and then all I could think of because the pot probably was like What if an asteroid just not even a big one but a pretty big one just slammed into downtown LA right now not enough to kill me but enough for me to just feel the impact see the thing flying through the sky and hear the people scream and run for the Hills and realize at I realized at that moment cuz I was so high I was like how fragile is this existence that we think is so concrete we think it's so locked in and permanent and secure and all we take is one rock that comes hurling from the Sky boom in the downtown La Kill a half a million people and then the rest of us would be just in our pants and Terror one Highway goes out in La we're F we cuz

96:25there's only two roads downtown there's the 10 and the 405 and if those go either one of those go the city shuts down dude this is such a stupid place to live there was three earthquakes last night too yeah yeah three earthquakes a pretty big one on the Nevada border 5.7 it's a pretty big one it's not a you know a one like the 1990 whatever the it was one which was a a lot higher that was like more than seven but this was uh that's a sign ific earthquake 5.7 is a pretty good shock it's well that's what's so weird about I mean you talk about it being tenuous and all that is that that can things up bad and people go oh we're do but we just elected an earthquake we chose a tragedy to happen and if you're a trump supporter go yourself you us good night thanks for coming these liberals in Hollywood that think they can talk down to you the good people of trump landia you just watch I am not on

97:28his side I do not support any of his statements and I think it's about time we showed a little respect for the office of commander-in-chief maybe he will rise to the job yes he could maybe maybe we can get him some mushrooms maybe he will have a a revelation while he's in office that this has achieved the highest achievement that any human being can ever attain that he has won the race and now and maybe he will change his entire cabinet appointments that he's made over the last month and like Bill Gates dedicate the remaining years of his life to philanthropy work yes you know Joe my attitude towards this year was supposed to be positive and you just saw an example of negativity come out yeah you go a little negative I I can't do it I can't go negative on it I I can be vigilant I can keep an eye on what he does my wife has this app where every day she can call or write a congressman

98:23or a cause or a place you can donate money so that you feel like every day what's the app called do you know no I'll find out I'll find out let Jamie can find it but it's a way of not feeling alienated and not feeling isolated and and like you're doing something whether or not it makes a difference maybe it does well if everybody reacts that way it makes a difference it's it's really sheer numbers it's like I've used it as an example on the show before but you remember when the United States had that um the president had the press conference where Obama was saying saying that we were probably going to go to war with Syria and America was like you it was a unanimous across the board right and left like when he said Line in the Sand about if they use chemical weapons we'd go to war yeah there was something along those lines but there was a blatant rejection by the

99:10American people was very obvious it was very V vocal and no no commentators no right or left we're saying this is a good idea like this is a terrible idea you want to go to another unwinable War this time in area and so it stopped yeah all the talks stopped I mean obviously it's a terrible place and you know that ter videos that are coming out of there every day civilians just being wiped out it's insane it's insane I I don't think I mean it's hard for us to even imagine what it would be like to be living there living over here in Los Angeles where everything's perfect imagine what it's like to be someone who just by a bad roll of the dice you were born over there about parts Africa you know South Sudan and Congo and places where places where people are giving their lives in the street because there were voter discrepancies yeah that you know ideologically are go are are letting

100:07themselves be shot in public squares because they're demonstrating that's intense yeah it's incredible it's I mean there's there's pockets of the world that are living a sophisticated version of the way people were living 6 700 years ago they're just Del living a more sophisticated version they're using cell phones and technology but they have almost the same mindset as people who lived hundreds and hundreds of years ago for good and for bad they found an an uncontacted tribe in the Amazon oh I saw that I saw the pictures holy we were talking we were trying to figure out we're like imagine if there was a way where you could infiltrate those people but they wouldn't you would have to they would not the only way to really know how they lived would be to become one them like you really couldn't figure out how they lived by you going in there as Greg fit Simmons CU they would go oh what what

101:00the is this you have clothes like what's that thing on your wrist it tells the time what why do you need to know what time it is like it would be it would be amazing but you would be too affected like you you would you would affect them rather whereas I think also you might kill them because very often people people anthropologists try to go in there and study and they give them a disease and they wipe they've there's been cases where they wiped out entire tribes yeah there's a guy named Dan Flores who's um he wrote a paper about um the the bison and uh it's bison diplomacy bison ecology I think it's called and one of the things he was talking about was the amount of Native Americans that were wiped out just because of diseases by settlers and it was some insane number like high 80% oh down in Mexico that was I don't know where it was but what what percentage of

101:54Native Americans Google this what percentage of Native Americans were killed by diseases from European settlers because I know the Spanish when they when they came into Central America they so many people died from diseases well he was equating it to the Boom in the buffalo herd sizes oh no he was say yeah he was saying that when the Native Americans contacted the Europeans they got these horses from them okay what does it say here 90% holy no when Europeans arrived carrying germs which thrived on a dense semi-urban populations the indigenous people of the Americas were effectively doomed they had never experienced small poox measles or flu before and the virus has tore through the continent killing an estimated 90% of Native Americans holy holy sh 0% and then we went to war against remaining 10% holy just located them and pushed them around holy God damn and we wonder why they drink

103:04well I mean the same thing that I said about those that that tribe that lived in the jungle like I would have I would love if there was a way where you could somehow or another be amongst them without them knowing it so you could really truly see how they behave and exist un affected by a person like you or a person like me that obviously doesn't does wasn't born there there was this documentary about this guy from the from Greenwich Village I think he was a gay guy and he went down to this Village in might have been Colombia and he lived with them on the river for 20 years and they were gay the tribe was not their tribe wasn't gay but they didn't delineate between gay sex and straight sex it was just all kind of fluidly would happen and so he had this boyfriend basically but the boyfriend had a wife and kids but he slept with the guy for 20 years and then he left

104:03and he was gone for like 15 years I forget why he didn't go back um I think he didn't go back cuz like they eventually attacked him and they were going to kill him he realized one oh no I know it was one night he realized that they were cannibals they went and they attacked another tribe they all of a sudden one night it had never happened before in all the years he was there maybe maybe it was only 10 years they all put on paint and they went to the next Village and they killed and then they ate flesh and the guy just went I'm out of here where's my where's my return ticket and he left holy and so he came back to the village and he wrote about it and he lectured about it and then he went back like yeah like 15 years later he goes back finds the dude and this is like I think that I think the movie might have been called keep the river on your right and he went back and he found the dude

104:52and they like rekindled their relationship oh my God it was incredible keep the river on your right I think so I'm writing that down I need to see that what the dude yeah I didn't know that the incidences of uh cannibalism were so prevalent among Native Americans like they would occasionally do that like the Nez purse apparently they would occasionally catch people and kill them and eat them yeah especially like white people like they'd catch you they'd eat your brain right that eat your whole body yeah but probably eat your brain too but think about it I mean it's very like symbolic you conquer and you consume yeah but it's it's the thing that freaks us out the most the idea being just reduced to meat yeah right yeah and by someone just big with a bigger Tomahawk you know some meaner dude who got to you before you get to him there's no like real serious

105:50weapons yeah other than bows and arrows and Spears and and it's really a fight to exhaustion it's who who lasts the longest or they capture you if you're trying to get away from them but in their case I mean do you imagine if you and your people had lived in this one patch of land for 10,000 years then all of a sudden these demons carrying death in their breath in their very touch like just getting in contact with them makes all of your relatives Wilt away mhm kills 90% of the people people you know just them being around not forget about all the they killed with guns all the people they probably shot and killed just emanating evil and death think about and then they round you up like cattle and they rape your women Jesus I mean enough can't be said people go oh what he liberal worrying about the Native Americans it's pretty bad well I didn't know how bad it was until

106:47I read a priest's account of Columbus's men interacting with Native Americans and it is horrific yeah this uh religious guy went with them on one of the Voyages and wrote books about how they would hack off guys arms and they would tell them to bring them gold they had to bring their weight in gold and if they didn't do it they would hack off one of their arms and they do it in front of everybody else to freak them out and at first the natives were very friendly and once they realized that the natives were friendly and the natives were sort of weak they they started taking advantage of them and brutalizing them and uh getting them to acquire gold and they would smash babies on rocks like this priest wrote all about this oh it was horrible horrible horrible damn this priest wrote about this so we when you know we think of Christopher Columbus we think of this Noble Spanish

107:37gentleman who came over and landed in America and you know looked Regal as he got off with rosy cheeks and walked amongst the people and declared this American all that and made friends with the Indians but they were a horrible band of monsters they also stopped in the Caribbean on the way here and they literally committed genocide on an entire island of people they worked them to death same thing like a lot of these people gold didn't mean anything to them like it was something that they used you know to decorate or whatever but there was no value the way there was in Europe so they gave it to them they're like yeah you want the gold it's right over there grab the gold and then when they and once they took all that then they made them start working for it and it seems like also like these tribes that they encounter they don't these they don't have any

108:23concept of large scale slave labor like the Europeans did like the Europeans were like oh we'll just get you to work for us or we'll kill you like that I don't think that was like a thing that Native Americans were known for you know so they probably they're probably like are we what are we doing here why we keep digging for gold like what the is going on here yeah like they they had weird Concepts in in terms of like what is possession like they didn't have the same sort of concepts of like this being yours like if you left something there he would just someone just take it mhm they would they think well that's a thing that I want it's right there I mean I'm just going to take that it's not anybody's nobody owns it so it confuse the out of them when they would get accused of stealing like there was a whole different in in many of these encounters apparently there was a

109:07whole different like not just a language barrier but a culture barrier like understanding what these crazy white were doing and the whole concept that you still see in in a lot of like Middle Eastern countries which is the the idea of giving to as a host you know when you come uh when you come to somebody's home you give them your bad and you give them food and they you would never ask them to leave as long as they want to stay and it's all about generosity and with the the Western mentality is more about collecting and owning yeah it's interesting and isn't that um also what we were talking about before that a long time ago is a lot like living in a place that has unbelievably harsh Winters a long time ago you faced with danger all the time and you had to make bonds they had to be important so like if you came over to my house i' I'd have to think hey Greg you

110:04know the sh the might go down one day if the goes down I'm here with you you're here with me we're going to break bread we're going to sleep you sleep in my bed I got you bro you're here so like there was like this intense need to form these Community bonds that today nobody even knows who they're neighbor is do you think they lived like that a thousand years ago you for sure knew who that guy was you for sure knew who that guy was and everybody would be on the lookout for some people that we didn't know that might be sneaking over the top of the hillh there's none of that anymore it's gone so now when you talk about gossip you know small towns from a long time ago people go everybody was gossiping yeah you know what they were saying that guy's a rapist watch out for him or hey this guy I can vouch for he's a good guy that's what gossip was yeah and you

110:53needed to know you need to know who's a freak who's who's crazy who's doing weird who's jerking off in all the girl shoes in the middle the night who the did you find doing it yeah the girls who like it you got to set separate them they need their own Hut with a loose door send them to Vegas just people like what we've become right now as the people that are living here in 2016 it's a weird process that's been going on for hundreds and hundreds of years and we we're just at the end of it we're obviously not at the end end but we're at the front of the line as far as all the history of it all pushing behind us it's hard for us to appreciate how weird it must have been to be our parents or to be our parents parents or to come here from another country or to to to be someone who existed back when you only lived 30 years old and you die of old age you'd have a heart attack at

111:4730 or you'd getat a disease or someone would shoot you in an arrow that was like a giant your brothers and sisters died from like small pox or and to have balls get in a boat and leave Spain and head across the ocean and land in the Bahamas those were Mor those people I just think about Landing even even you know later to like you know the beginning of the 19th century when people were um or the 20th century when people were coming over from Europe you landed in the in you know Manhattan you got a burlap sack with some clothes on it and an address of a second cousin out in Brooklyn you don't know how to get to Brooklyn you don't speak the native language wow you're speaking Italian Italians are hated when you land you're nobody wants to help you people don't realize that today cuz that stig's kind of gone away my grandfather used to talk about it all the time CU you know he

112:46came over from Italy and my grandmother came over from Italy on my mom's side and uh they would talk about it all the time how hard was kids would call them Guinea wops you know that you would be you would be treated as like uh a lower level person you know because you're Italian but then suddenly it went away it's weird Jersey sh brought it back a little Real Housewives they're Guinea wops yeah they they're the real housewives in New Jersey holy yeah it is funny because like the the Italians are in some ways you know you think about the Holy Roman Empire I mean you and I were both in Rome this summer and it's mindblowing that you know irrigation started there every major thing started there democ well I guess democracy was Greek or Roman yeah I think right didn't they have that first or who Who had who who created democracy I think it was the Greeks I

113:43think that's a Greek word but uh Dem just what you get blown away by what the Italians are capable of you see the craftsmanship of marble work in this country that the Italians brought over and the the the Opera and and then you see Jersey Shore it's such a weird dichotomy of Italians can be so dumb and materialistic and yet they are the the that high point of culture and civilization well in some ways but they were also kids yeah right like that's a big part of what they did too yeah they did that along with make incredible architecture unbelievable art incredible buildings filled with statues that are just beyond compare this in incredible artistic expression but rampant kid right yeah and they and they we both grew up Catholic right yeah I mean we we knew Catholics our families were all Catholic everyone around us was Catholic yeah we we all knew a priest that tried to a kid or a kid

114:52well you heard about a priest who a kid yeah or my my friend was um he went away to some camp and this the the priest like climbed into bed with him and was trying to grab his hand and shove it down his pants and he was like literally fighting the guy off and running away from him like it was a crazy story I was like what yeah the Catholics I think there's a work ethic that comes with it and a service of God thing and a Christian Soldier thing and then there's also all the repression and shame about sexuality the it plays out the Irish are the same way the Irish have you know they saved the Bible there's this book called How the Irish saved civilization and when the Roman Empire was being destroyed they were burning every single Bible in Europe like they literally destroyed all the Bibles and in Ireland there were the monks that were like you know the uh the

115:43uh what are those Scrolls called in Dublin um the whatever they're called but they were handwriting Bibles by the thousands and that's what saved Christianity wow and so and then then you get into The Poets you know Yates and Eugene O'Neal and and you think about what the Irish have offered to this place but the same thing massive kid yeah it's the the the number of people throughout history that were kid that's what was really weird it's like if you go through history and you know what would you call it pederasty is that what you call it is that the technical word for having sex with an underage boys but it's really common like like throughout human history throughout Rome and the Middle East and there's so many instances of Great Men through in like wasn't Socrates a kid oh yeah yeah yeah I mean like how many people quote Socrates and then have that caveat

116:43but he also kids you know that's not that doesn't you just you give them a pass on that they didn't know you weren't supposed to kids back then cuz people a lot of people probably them too MH it was probably sexual exchanges where like we had a much less rigid idea of what sexual exchanges were acceptable that's not that long ago you know it's weird that hundreds of years ago people were just kids I'd an animal before I'd a kid there's a lot of animals I think that would probably be good to I think a horse would probably fight back the least I don't know about that I wouldn't a horse because if they kick you you're dead that's true they decide they're done yeah you know they're not going to be cool about it they're not going to be like all right go ahead finish no they're going to kick you off them you want a fat lazy animal yeah you don't want death by female horse or male

117:33horse if you're into that kind of probably a sheep seems to pretty popular be the one yeah that would definitely be the one you know it's weird that it's illegal to kill animals when you uh are going to do anything but eat them like um and it's it's illegal to animals like you can't them but you can kill them yeah you can eat them but you can't them yeah so you can't do a dual purpose you can't kill them them then eat them because then you're a dead animal and that's gross you can't might be legal I think it's more legal to a dead animal than a live animal that makes sense because what are you doing then you're really just masturbating because there's not a living thing in your presence it can't be raped if it's dead but you notice how there's like stages of like how you feel about the dead animal there's like one stage one is the live animal right if you're a live

118:27animal you crazy what are you subjecting that animal to stage two you're a dead animal like what is wrong with you like why why do you want to this thing like forget about whether you should be able to do it but if you kill it and then eat it right everybody's fine with that because that's like what you're supposed to do but you can't its body but what if you just jerked off with a chicken cutlet what if you took a chicken cutlet you wrapped around your dick and someone came in the room like what the are you doing Greg like dude I'm telling you it sounds crazy but it feels so good and I just clean it up and then I eat it it's no big deal I still eat dinner takes a bite what's this nice cream sauce how dare you now that you say a chicken cutlet it's all I can think about because it's slippery slippery it's soft one those GMO chickens it would wrap right around your

119:14hog hell yeah and it's a breast you're thinking about it being a you're tid it you know what you would do you would take a bag like a one of them Ziploc storage bags you put the chicken cutlet in the bag and then heat up some water to about uh 99° and then you dunk the chicken cutlet in the water so that it heats up it gets you know like a body skin temperature then you just cover that with KY just lather it in there and then you put an oven mid on so you grab a hold the cutlet you wrap that cutlet around your shaft oh crimes against humanity never felt so good and and you can eat it you're going to eat it you're going to cook that because you've tenderized it especially like you don't have to use inedible oil you could jerk off with a nice avocado oil orive oil you you know avocado oil has a high flash point it's good oil to jerk off with yes cuz then after you're

120:17done as long as you don't come on your chicken oh no you pull out that's gross you don't want to come on your food but that way it would be like really green yeah multiple uses I love it but we can't accept the fact that we would we want pleasure you know that we want pleasure from a flesh light is gross oh you want to that thing ew that's gross that we want pleasure from uh a chicken cutlet so using an animal's flesh as a masturbation tool but we'll eat it we'll we'll sink our teeth into it and swallow it long as you in we'll eat cow milk there's rules weird here's the rules according to section 69 of the sexual offenses Act of 2003 69 commits a person commits an offense of intercourse with an animal if a he unintentionally performs inally intentionally excuse me performs an act of penetration which is penis B what is penetrated is the vagina or anus of a living animal so so are are

121:19free so that's not intercourse with an animal and are free but notice how both of them are he yes you know they're referring to he doing it they're not referring to a chick a horse a chick a horse seems totally legal wouldn't that be a horse a chick though not the chick no that dirty she she shows that horse what's up she backs up to him keeps him stuck in that stall he can't back up or go forward it's totally against his will this article that has to do with uh David Cameron and the Prime Minister I think what the UK or Britain uh this just talking about if he could have got in trouble something happened there's some allegations of something and some memoirs about something I'm not reading all of the article I was just reading about the law he put his penis in a dead pig head he did that's what it says yeah right here that's the allegation while he was in uh University oh so but it was

122:12breaking down if what he did was actually illegal or not and you it has to be a dead animal or this was a dead animal in this court in this case so if it's a live animal it's sex with an animal animal yes so if it's dead animal it's no big deal and then it broke it down that it would have mattered where it happened and if someone would have taken a picture of it if there's no picture you're fine if it happened hilarious public you're also maybe okay that is hilarious how weird is it that we have rules on what we allow you to but you can kill them and eat them but you can't just kill them you can only kill them if you're going to eat them like you can't just shoot a cow in the head and leave it there to rot even though that's like the natural process is an animal falls down crows start eating it rats eat it the the the grass devours it it gets you know it decays and goes into the ground

123:02but you can't do that only shoot him if you unless you strap a bit in its mouth sit on it and whip it around a to death oval track you do that and then he breaks his leg then you can kill him shoot him in the head then then it's fair yeah we got weird rules with how we interact with animals not and definitely not saying you should go around animals I'm not saying you should able to I'm not saying you should I hope nobody interprets what we're saying as that I'm just saying it is is weird that we make rules about things like that like who was these animals to the point where like we got to write this down I'm surprised there's not more animal because think about how horny people are and you think about people that can't get laid oh yeah and I just it seems incredible to me that that you don't hear it all the maybe it just does people don't find out out maybe there's

123:52more animal going on than we really are aware of many if you see a guy who lives alone with a giant dog yeah like one of those big sheep dogs MH that's weird that a guy would live with that cuz he's it oh Greg that's so not true sometimes they just have a nice pet dog and they love him and they give him a kiss on the face and they throw the ball for him and he's a wonderful companion but at least a few guys are out there right now while I'm talking there's 300 million people in this country plus Mexicans what's that number 350 whatever it is we don't even know what the number is right and we don't when I say plus Mexicans I'm not trying to be racist you're welcome here I say he could stay that's what I say yeah let him stay just don't the animals but what I'm saying is out of 300 plus million people there's at least one person right now who has his balls

124:44covered in whipped cream his dog is sucking on his balls and he's jerking so many more than that yeah at least one though super confident like if I had if they said Mr Rogan would you like to bet $10,000 on that being true yes one person right now out of 300 million has whipped cream on his balls and he's jerking off while his dog's licking his nuts and then the map the show the spots on the map where it's happening and it would be like those Trump States just like you know when you like I can't believe they're all red it'd be like that's what it' be like like like the sky like a constellation the entire country would light up it' be like 3,000 people at the same time that's too much right well that's probably not happening I it says right here that the there's beastality is legal in Kentucky Montana New Jersey Nevada of course Ohio Texas Jersey does permit civil unions you can

125:40marry an animal you can have a civil union with your animal 55% of the states wherein beastiality is legal same-sex marriage is not oh my God that's hilarious insulting that is insulting the states which do not criminalize Beast theology yet banned same-sex marriages are Kentucky Montana New Jersey Nevada Ohio Texas Virginia West Virginia and Wyoming holy they don't criminalize beastiology but they have a ban on dudes marrying dudes it's just a misdemeanor in most a lot of other states too what if you you're a gay for a male dog right how's that work I think think you can't do it so if you're allowed to marry a dog you could it for sure right no they don't have problems with beastiality in those States right oh no Jersey Jersey allows for a a civil union amongst people who are gay they don't allow for uh a civil union amongst you and your animal how dare you interpret it that

126:48way but you know I mean how can how can you say that it's okay to animals but gay people can't get married that that is the way the fact that we let that stay on the books like everybody needs to sit down and go what are we doing like what's this what is this you think it's okay is it okay to your sheep dog but you these two uh lesbians that can't get married get the out of here man get out of the way boy is that insulting get out of the way but now it's National now gay marriage is legal in all states correct is it I think so I mean it'll be challenged once Trump comes in is it legal all states federally I think it is right I think that was uh a year ago I think it's ferally legal but it's the states that have issues with it that's interesting so it's like the opposite of the problem with marijuana marijuana being legal in a lot of States but federally

127:35illegal a weird system I never get it I think that was the issue with that lady in Kentucky she wouldn't she wouldn't personally wouldn't issue the marriage license and that's why oh that's right you're right Jamie you're right yeah that was that that crazy lady for Jesus Jesus don't want no queers sucking each other off on the power of my government who and they brought her the convention the Republican convention she was a hero she was a goddamn hero around I you know what I love is the Trump's inauguration you see what he's got lined up for the talent so far Mormon Tabernacle Choir and some of the Rockets a bunch of them won't do it yeah I'm sure meanwhile the Democrats I heard I don't is this confirmed that the Democrats are putting on a uh concert that same night and they've got Springsteen Lady Gaga uh Jay-Z and Beyonce like literally like 15 of the biggest

128:29names in entertainment and Trump is such a this is killing him how weird the Democrats are doing something on the Inauguration night like that why they do maybe it's not that night but it's around then maybe they're trying to with them oh yeah it's totally with them right I think it's raising awareness that we have to stay vigilant that you know I don't think we should shut down government but I think that we should uh make sure that the constitution is being honored that's a big question right now how how does a guy go from being a reality star to being the president I mean it's almost Beyond imagination like the fact that it's real and I keep go opening up CNN every day going oh yeah every day every day I'll go to cnn.com I'll go oh yeah yep he's he's the guy MH oh yeah oh yeah he won no that bit you did about it last night about how we just wanted to with

129:27stuff don't give my bit away I'm still working on supposedly this was called the we of the People concert but I'm not seeing uh there's no tickets for sale right now uh uh we the people for Trump no this uh the Democratic concert supposed to be held in Miami supposedly it's there's rumors that a promoter was going to book it is it called a clock of cucks clock of seag this is according to Politico going to happen but cucks there anybody who supports Hillary a cuck is cuckold like a guy who uh I mean it's not just that it's like white nights you're a cuck if you're uh if you're white nighting you're a cuck like it's it's new alt-right speak no yeah it came out of the originally from the porn uh phrase cuckold and which is like a guy your wife in front of you and you're like like some guys like like watching oh no cuckle goes back to Shakespeare yeah but they

130:22they changed it but how is it that they're maligning her for her husband cheating when Trump has had three wives but wait a minute first who's who's they the all right but isn't that a big generalization well they went after they brought they brought out uh all of all of uh Clinton's ex- mistresses yeah at the Republican convention well wasn't that all people that he allegedly sexually assaulted that's a little stronger than just Mistresses right um I think it's probably a combination it's the best of I think they were all stars they were women that were accusing him of rape weren't they oh were they all I think so isn't or accusing him of sexual assault like weren't that wasn't that what the big deal was it wasn't just that he had affairs with these women yeah it was that there was like some allegations right it's all yeah I think that's what it was but it is amazing how much that

131:14was against her list of sexual advances and things like that sexual advances is in my opinion very different than sexual Soul groping to groping okay forcibly kissing So when you say sexual advances like it's always like what does that mean do he talk to her probably like grabbing oh how dare you how dare you yeah what is weird is that you know without permission and again I'm not defending Trump on this one but the first move your first move you can either go you can go hard or you can be Johnny gentleman right you know and not too many guys are saying may I kiss you you usually just go in and try to kiss somebody which is what he did not only that can you go in and grab a woman's vagina as your first move can you cut to third Can you steal first and second and go right to third who says you can't well if it worked it would be a bold move didn't he

132:13say they let you wasn't that one of the things he said yes talking about crazy groupies I don't want to defend it because a way to do it like if you're sitting like I remember when I was a teenager there was a girl driving a car and I didn't know her that well but uh we were like 16 or 17 and while she was driving I put my hand there were like three kids in the back and everybody's getting high and I put my hand on her knee and I kind of worked it I worked it down the thigh slowly slowly is it okay not saying it but it's it's dark it's quiet and I got I got to her I got to her vagina and I massaged it while she drove whoa and then we got to where we were going I got out of the car and I never saw her again whoa was that in fact Joe Rogan immoral not in my eyes um girls like boys and boys like girls that's right and she might have called her friends

133:07over and G dude check this out this dude fingered me all the way home was awesome and I went home and finished W maybe she you know she finished when she got home that's this that's the grab him by the posty quote what he said your girl's hot in the purple says Bush now Coast host of NBC's Today show I got to use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her Trump says and when you're a star they let you do it Trump says grab them by the Trump says you can do anything he's being funny you know it's unfortunate that that that's you know people like making this this thing about it being uh locker room talk is inexcusable you can't say it's locker room talk like you you can't expect someone's words when it's two guys talking to each other like that to be transferred literally onto like a like when you're reading it you're reading it out and you're not taking

134:02into account they're two guys sitting next to each other on the bus talking being funny and that one of them is a renowned Entertainer and his whole thing is about him being this like braggadocious winner and uh he's he's obviously playing it up and he's playing it up to an audience of one not the audience of 80 million or however many people found out about it or more or whatever the hell it was that read that but can you see that as a as sort of an insight into his character in terms of seeing women from a power structure of him having the power and them not and will that affect how he leads the country for sure that is absolutely a way to look at it another way to look at it is he was used to groupies that wanted to do it and a lot of them probably did I think when you're a billionaire when you're powerful forget the money yeah but he's also a multibillionaire he has many billions of

135:00dollars the type of gold digging hoes that must launch themselves in his Direction and he must be like they must have to fight them off yeah like like the The Horde and Lord of the Rings just I mean he's worth a lot of money a gal could just sneak in and take a piece of that you think he's peeled off a million here in there for women I think it wouldn't hurt them I think it wouldn't hurt them baby take get something nice go down the gift shop get yourself he does not he's not a Marauder a business Marauder because just because he likes money like he likes the whole thing he likes all of the above that's part of all the above of the massive success he can do whatever he wants he flies in his jet he's got billions of dollars he's got this super hot wife he's like he's he's the president of the United States he's doing what I mean that's like standard for his operational

135:54procedure he does whatever the he wants well it's kind of animalistic because if you think about it you know the the re procreating is the most important thing and you get to do that as a male when you are the most powerful so in the animal kingdom all that everything translates into being able to the female and so for a guy like that you know to be the most powerful man in his own mind means this the spoils yeah the winner goes the spoils plus he's heterosexual just that boils it down a heterosexual man with a massive amount of money and power and you know and now he's the president what the we'll see what happens it's going to be interesting the the interesting thing to me is now there's a guy who has been literally paying off politicians for the longest time right giving massive campaign contributions now he's the president himself what's he going to do

136:50when he gets in there I mean he he's even talked himself about how the Electoral College is stupid and he's like yeah well we probably should go to the popular vote he goes uh that would be a different race though I didn't try to win the race like saying that she won the electoral vote or that she won the um the popular vote but he won the Electoral College vote and she won the popular vote by you know many hundreds of thousands three million is that true three or four million so that's the case like he was saying but that's a different race like you could do a popular vote he goes it actually be an easier race but it's a different race like if you want to win the electoral college you got to win those States it's just how it goes and he figured it out and he did it and she even avoided those states to Bill Clinton's angst apparently he was Furious that there's

137:35some story that he threw a cell phone down he was yelling at her you got to go to these places you got to campaign he she was like those aren't my people like too many liberals thought they had it in the bag too many liberals thought well everybody thinks the way I think and everybody I know thinks is Trump can't be president there's people just all throughout those cornfields just so happy so happy when he got in office man there's a lot of Instagram posts that I follow Instagram Pages you go to people's pages and it's all Hash magga Hash make America great again yea here's my pickup truck my make America great again I want to talk to every one of those in two years I want to talk to all of you face to face and have you account for yourselves don't say that because then they're going to blame the Liberals and you're a part of the liberal conspiracy the reason why

138:21Trump wasn't successful is because the liberal back Congress try to interrupt the power structure liberal don't back Congress keep Trump listen man I know how it works I go on infowars.com I'll tell you right now the Republicans have the right idea if he is not successful he's got the Senate and Congress and the Supreme Court and the go the gubinatorial control he's got it all that's crazy a doesn't go through he cannot blame the Liberals for it I am hoping with great sincerity that we slowly phase out the idea of having one individual president I think it's ridiculous and I think it goes back to the ancient primates and their alpha male king I think especially when you start see families occupy that one Throne yeah too many people too many bushes too many clintons just stop stop and what if Donald Trump wins and then you know few years down the road as sun gets in what

139:22if they're the next Empire that easily Could Happen yeah you know you never know it's the idea was great when we first started the idea was great to have one person who was really exceptional and have that one person lead but I think at this point in time the Collective Strength of human beings has been demonstrated really clearly in this world the Collective Strength is far greater when everyone contributes when it's a collective group of minds thinking and communicating about things people go oh well you know everybody's going to want their way and we have to realize like what's the right way like there's too much debate back and forth about what's the left and what's the right and what's the healthy way what's the what's the correct way for like the society to be even and smooth and your kids be able to walk to school in the morning without worrying about someone

140:10taking them and eating them you know like there was this guy Jordan Peterson that I had on recently who was talking about these posters that they put up in Russia in the 1930s saying don't eat your children dude yeah who's talking about Marxism and you know communism and where where it can go awful and where a lot of these uh ridiculous posturing intellectuals that claim to be Marxist they don't understand the consequences of Marxism and he does really really well and so you know he talked about the gulak Acappella and reading about all the different things that had happened to people that had become you know indoctrinated into these ideologies and then started carrying out these horrific crimes in the name of them and it's terrifying find out all the people who died because of Communism like like you look human history it's just a bunch of people getting jacked well wait so

141:00you're saying that there shouldn't be a strong leader or there should because Marxism is without a strong leader then well I don't think there should be one person I think we should figure out who the top Minds as far as the people that want to contribute who the top minds are and vet them out and have a whole goddamn panel of people like you know like what what superhero movies would they go to like a like Captain America a Council of Elders or some right you know always have they always have a bunch of wise men sitting around they would be glowing from behind like some Thor type right that's literally what we need but the elders is the problem because a lot a lot of times these oligarchies become old people like like Congress before before Johnson came in Congress was literally seniority every committee in Congress was based on seniority the oldest ran

141:54things it's so crazy and it was crazy and it and it totally backlogged any legislation and he came in and he he broke that up so he's alive the longest he knows the old ways right right he knows the old ways we will continue the old ways yeah put your powdered wig on how long are we away from that how long ago was the powdered wig 200 years ago what was the day where they were like what the are we doing I'm not wearing the wig bro I'm not wearing the wig like what day I should bring it back it my hair fell out I'm going powdered wig with you I'm me and you you and me Fanny Pack wi yeah Fanny Pack's right here dude sitting right there on that that's right I I wear mine all the time and my son gave me about it and then guess what six months later he's like Dad you still got that fanny pack everybody's wearing those I'll get him one yeah yeah I've got some my higher primate ones The

142:48Roots ones I gave you one of those didn't I I wear it all the time that's what I'm saying all all praise be to Dice Clay clay told me about it yeah well I always wore fanny packs I've been wearing fanny packs forever but they were crappy and then Dice Clay came in I went what is this exceptional piece of Hardware you have around your waist it's like oh you like this it's the best oh yeah it's from Roots Roots makes Lea fanny pack and it's beautiful the way it Clips together it's like it's perfect size or I hate in my pockets it drives me CRA look at me right now phone is here glass there I take everything out of my Pockets wherever I go and I lose bro I'm wearing shorts check that out there's nothing in my pockets my little man bags right I wore a fanny pack this morning I got a sports one cuz I ran o those are good and I put it around my waist little Sports ones oh yeah oh by

143:38the way my pants while running this morning no did you not hard just uh it was a shart I was coming up a hill I was I was in mile four had nothing left and I and I thought I had to fart and just bam Shard of my underwear I did that the other day in my house yeah just a little squirt I went Jesus Christ feels like such a failure but I had some good farts before that that's the problem I got motivated because I had some rum you you were on a roll I had some Rumblers like Jesus and it was just me I was I didn't have to cover them from nobody so I was pausing and leaning into them and and then it just a little like a that's a shower that's a shower but it was interesting because as soon as I got on the bowl all of a sudden I had explosive diarrhea I'm like where was this like I had no idea that some diarrhea was looming me Holiday eating that's holiday eating probably

144:37yeah well creams and well also I go off the diet and I start eating like pumpkin pie and ice cream and all the cream yeah with a lot of bread I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich last night m but that is the ultimate failure because your job as a human is to provide for your family and not your pants you think about it all the time every time you fart you you there's a little moment where you weigh in on it you feel it out you feel your intestines you feel your anus you make a judgment call and you let it rip what's interesting if you think about how tuned in you are to the sensations you get from your inner colon because there's times you know like oh no I'm about to my pants there's like a there's a certain alarm that goes off like when you're like oh no no we're clinching a little too hard here okay we got a problem here boys we got a runner we got

145:27a runner it's like just we got a runner it's like you just barely keep it in there close the gates close the gates and you're just clamping down and it's the same exact feeling that you get as when you're trying to hold cing you know that Jesus don't move yeah like I'm super bad at clamping everything in like that I always say one day I'm going to try Tantra I'm going to learn how to like completely like guys say that you can have like an internal orgasm or you're you're contraction is so long that you come but no come comes out your body just reabsorbs it and it makes you like super san power yeah I've choked one back wow just got to grab the base right before impact and squeeze really hard it's got to be long enough where it begins but not so long that it comes out and I've pushed it back in again but what if you uh cause an injury yeah that's the problem what if you get crazy

146:19and just really grab it that's why I've only done it a couple times if you broke your own dick cuz you grabbed it too hard God damn life would not be worth living can you imagine that not having your dick come anymore for the rest of your life and knowing that what percentage of your life revolves around getting rid of once a day okay but once a day so if it's once a day if it's even 45 minutes of your time the other 23 hours and 15 minutes are you're thinking like this is what I can't lose I can't lose all that other stuff embarrassing myself he said to a lot of guys like if you had to choose between being blind or having your dick break where your dick can never get it up again oh no question what would you say give me the stick in the dog give me the Stevie Wonder glasses no Very Superstitious and he's getting laid after the show man I was uh driving last

147:29night and I was listening to that song you know sometimes you go through your phone and you're uh looking at iTunes like recently added like oh yeah I forgot I bought this and I listen to some old school Stevie Wonder I listen to that Superstitious song I listened to it like three times in a row last night coming home from The Comedy Store I was like godamn that song's good yeah he made some of the great I mean just anytime somebody can take soul and Funk and bring it together that to me is like we were talking about it last night I was talking to Dean Del re about soul and Earth Wind and Fire and uhh who' I listen to yes so Sly in the Family Stone when you got them when they're pounding that Bas and get a little little fast guitar going yeah man there was a amazing time of Music in like the 60s and the 70s like sometimes I I wonder if we have so much music that

148:30we're constantly cranking out like how many people go back and check out some of the old Stu how much great just got kind of Mis misplaced what his name bro Mars is bringing back that sound a lot he does some cool that's got that sound he's got some great the Childish Gambino album I think I mentioned it to you it's almost like a funk Al album now really people are expecting a hip-hop album from cuz that's what he does usually but it's it's a lot of like Funkadelic what you're basically what you're describing you liked it yeah it's really good were you sober that's the concert I did the 1,00 MGs of Edibles for but I I got the CD recently I bought it for my mom for Christmas did you understand what he just said 1,200 milligrams of Edibles he did how much how much is a gummy bear 20 I like 20 I like 30 shut the up had old brownie that was a th cuz I knew it

149:19was going to be crazy concert they did this 3D experience so I was I was going to go in I had a friend dri you fight at any point or it was all I was waiting for it to hit it never hit see here's the deal Jamie has some weird Constitution where edible weed doesn't work on him wow yeah leg never hit I don't I don't think so oh he was he's always a little high that's the problem cuz like his his Constitution is like a dude who's on a low dose of Edibles all the time so I think when you give Jamie a high dose of Ed his body goes I know what to do with this and your body just clears it out of the way interesting thing it doesn't work on him he's an alien huh I don't know what to do you'll be fine you take more than Joey Diaz he's given me plenty and I've done it like I he gave me 800 during a show when he was on here and I didn't I whatever nothing happened yeah

150:09he never like gets too high but here's the thing he gets high when he smokes it oh yeah super high do you have to smoke a lot to get high no not necessarily no it's totally normal in that regard yeah like normal like if we were all sitting around passing the joint he would hit it the same amount as everybody else and be just we'd all be looking at each other like there's been many of podcasts we've done including the beginning of this one where as as it starts out you're like whoa I don't even know if I should be talking right now like I'm barely holding on to the words as they're coming out of my mouth and forming them in the right way it's like they're little clay kids that are running out of my mouth and I got to like form all right put your hat on sure go so Barbe C why are you upside down this new weed it seems to be getting stronger this uh LA Speed Weed like

150:57since it's be I want to know what's going on like since legalization hit it feels like the weed went up a bump like pum recently asked for less less than strong weed like I wanted back in like whatever I was getting back in Ohio like middle mid weed what we used to call mids I just wanted to go back to the middle mid he just gave me something that was like $5 cheaper I was like no that's not what I wanted I wanted I wanted your shittiest basically yeah they don't even have it no you you just got to take little baby hits but the problem is everybody likes taking a couple hits like that's part of the fun you take a hit take a couple hits but like last night at the comedy store I went way too far way too far how many hits is that I only I never get I try not to get too high before the show like I never get as high as I got before this show before a standup show I like to be

151:42like right where I am now where I was high a couple hours ago and then go on stage like that's the way the best way to do it but afterwards everybody was just passing joints around it's just since it's legal now everybody just goes out and they're all just passing joints hey man you want some of this well no it and Ron White with his Contraptions he's got the pen he's got a joint he's got his own tequila and a cigar it's hilarious who drove him home I don't know somebody did I don't know what happened last night but uh he was talking about how he left I just left my truck back here came back and got it it's an animal we need more people like him last of the micans you know Constitution my dad had that Constitution you know they John Wayne apparently would be the last guy drinking then i' be and they drank whiskey and he'd be the first guy on set and he was on point for everything and

152:35if you were late he was like what the I got a buddy of mine who's a Firearms Enthusiast in Vegas my buddy named Justin you know Justin Justin's a legit giant he's like 7 feet tall like 300 lb and a gun nut wow and he can and put the booze away like nobody's business first of all he's a legitimate 100 lbs bigger than me you know so I can't compete with him just liver wise just like volume wise he's just way bigger his body just burns through it come on dude we're drinking he just he's uh just he's way too big and experienced he just puts it away what does he drink um makers and Coke always makers and Coke always makers and Coke you know what to get him you don't have to ask there he is right there and if he gets a meal CF wow godam he legit giant he's the sweetest guy in the world too super super good dude so he's he's in for two Entre at a meal oh dude we feast

153:29in Vegas you go to that place what's the place you told me the the Brazilian place you took me oh fog Chow did you guys go there we've been to Texas brail yeah we go to um there's a bunch of good steak houses like uh craft steak and strip steak one of them is the MGM and one of them is at Mandalay I always forget which one's which craft steak is MGM right that one's the there's one at the Palm I think called Nine so good yeah yeah that place is amazing that place amazing big UFC this weekend dude I'm leaving tomorrow oh are you UFC yeah UFC this weekend New Year's Eve no it's the day before New Year's Eve to not compete with New Year's Eve it's the 30th so it's Friday night which is super super rare and it's the return of Ronda Rousey wow yeah she fighting she's fighting the champion Amanda Nunes very intense matchup Ronda Rousey has been training like a demon man it's

154:24it's crazy it's kind of frightening so are you doing a show while you're out there no not this time this time uh hanging out just gonna hang out with some friends they're in town I don't want to always do shows like uh tomorrow night I'm going to work out with Mark deig gratte it's a a kickboxing trainer that's a real good buddy of mine who works for the UFC and he's going to be there so we'll do the weigh-ins go get something to eat and go to the gym go whack some pads around it's fun nice just relax you know take the weekend off because I I come in to read the weigh-ins on the one day which this way usually it's Friday but it'll be Thursday now and then the fights are on Friday night and then do do you do much prep do you have to like review stats and stuff most of the prep I do I just do naturally believe it or not because I'm just curious about the fights

155:09because I know they're coming up so like we did a breakdown show on um Monday yeah on Monday we did a breakdown show we went over the card and I'll do more of that on my own but it's not like anybody asked to do it and it's not like um I'm doing it because I want to do it I do I'm doing it because it enhances my appreciation of the fights find out a little bit about each dude watch a few of his old fights go oh I like how he does this or look how she does that or oh this guy's got a good one good position like if you get he gets you in this position he finishes guys like there so it's fun to do it from that perspective like so then when I'm watching the fight I'm I've I've got a kind of an understanding of how at least how they used to move you know six months ago or a year ago mhm people get better quick too it's that's the weird thing about this world the MMA world is

155:52changing so fast the like the level of athlete is moving in such a fast Direction these guys keep getting better and better and better and better and better and they're all getting better so it's hard to tell but when you compare like a top level athlete of today versus a top level athlete of you know 20 years ago that's when you see these Stark gigantic differences you know when the UFC started in 93 in comparison to 2016 just Stark crazy differences you're not going to see guys stay at the top as long you think well some guys can or some girls can you know depending on how good they are some people just have massive advantages that are very difficult to overcome like Anderson Silva when he was in his prime Anderson Silva had a massive advantage in timing and speed and creativity and striking whereas he could defend himself on the ground he was difficult to take down and

156:40when he got him down he's pretty good defensively with his guard but standing up he's a goddamn genius he was a virtuoso and he would just like move on you and do weird you and then blam catch you with a front kick to the face or something and just he would time you figure you out find your distance and then land some crazy on you and you up and he did it to so many people so when a guy like that is at the top he's so truly exceptional at one particular aspect of the of the game a lot of times they can go on a good run you know so it's it's hard it's hard for people to go on a run like Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson's probably on like the longest run as a champion now I think is he on the longest run the most most wins as a champion I think he's he might be like right up there with uh Anderson in the most wins and then maybe Jon Jones is in there too what weight is

157:27he he's the smallest guy he's 125 he's the flyweight Champion but he's a in my opinion he's the best pound-for-pound guy because if you look at like he's definitely smaller than the other guys he can move differently because he's not so weighed down by gravity so it's it's very difficult to like look at his movements and say well you could compare him to a guy like Fabo ver Doom was 240 lbs like Fabricio is just more hampered down by gravity like his his body just has to push around so much more there's no way he can move with the kind of fluidity that a guy like Mighty Mouse can and what's the biggest guy that Mighty Mouse will fight Anderson Silva 10-fight win streak and Demetrius Johnson is at eight right below George St Pierre which is at nine he's at nine now I think this is as of July oh okay so Demetrius defended his title again recently so he's tied with George St

158:13Pierre for second place so that's you know like a guy like Anderson perfect example super tough Jon Jones another one perfect example J Jones is a ridiculously talented athlete so like when you have these like really really talented guys like extreme outliers they they tend to be able to go on roles also because when you fight them it's terrifying cuz you know you're stepping in there with the alpha you're stepping in there with Anderson Silva in his prime and he bows to you and you're like oh my god what the have I gotten myself into you know yeah you can pump yourself up for it and get yourself thinking like I'm the man now but like when you're actually across the street from the man and you're looking at each other eye to eye and you realize like that's Anderson Silva I'm about to step into the ring step into the Octagon rather with the best ever you're doing a hon on the edge of a

159:01tall building so it's hard for them to get over that it takes a super strong mind just to be able to fight at your best whether or not your best is even good enough that's another aspect of the fight whe whether or not your best is good enough is really secondary because you're not going to be able to be at your best you're gonna be so freaked out and so nervous your timing is GNA be off your adrenaline is GNA be pumping through your veins you might get an adrenaline dump so you might tire out in the second round like you got to manage your resources you got to manage your anxiety and you're facing a goddamn ninja like a real live superhero character and he's seeing all of those weaknesses in you he sees everything he sees everything too when you start moving around when you would move around with him he'd move around with you and he would see how you move

159:49with you move slow like he would take his time he would take his time then just open up on guys it's fascinating to watch him man because he would dissect guys you'd see him dissecting guys he'd be bouncing around and moving he would change his footwork he would like throw a little fake your way and see how you react go I could have hit you right there okay I see what's going on here and then you do some stuff at him he's like no not today not today with that and you would see him doing all these calculations in his mind and setting up traps and then somewhere in the second round he would attack attack and when he was in his prime it was just stunning to behold here he is right now look at he standing in front of this guy hands down and he just barely moves his head out of the way he's like just timing him just trying to figure out then plop pops him with a jab and drops

160:34him I mean you're watching all this in slow motion too unfortunately but this was when he fought yushin Noami I mean he was just an assassin back then he was so good that's when he was the middleweight champion and he was just lighting people up in there man if get because he's better on his feet he didn't give a dude go to Anderson Silva highlight reel see if you can find that he didn't he didn't give a if you were on your feet like you were G to get knocked out against him in his prime that's it was his attitude he would stand with anybody I mean his standup was so exceptional but he's still fighting yeah he's still fighting but he's 40 40 or 41 now and that's the only thing in the world that's undefeated his father time man just check this out this is him when he was in his prime okay he just slides out of the way and drops that dude with a punch I mean he just had a way of

161:26moving let's see just see if you have like a highlight reel not just this one fight is oh it's highlight tribute oh okay I see but it's just the same fight a couple times in a row this guy had a real good chance to get some Travis lutter this is a bunch of people that he fought they're showing he was so goddamn good that's Travis lutter caught in the Triangle getting elbow in the head he just was at that time in particular he was the next level of striking because we had never seen anybody who had like real worldclass striking skills in the middleweight division like Anderson did he just had especially in particular MMA stri just grounded his balance is amazing well he was just exceptional truly exceptional and physically strong for sure but the the big thing about Anderson wasn't like how big he was it was just how how technical he was and how uh how

162:24brilliant his uh ability to uh figure guys out was this was a guy he fought named Lee Murray and Lee Murray is a guy who put on the biggest bank robbery in the history of the great of Great Britain that guy stole hundreds of millions of dollars allegedly from a bank and's in jail I think in Morocco now because of it but uh he was an assassin too and they they two met up and Anderson Silva lit him on fire yeah just him up just stood right in front of him leg kicked the out of him beat his ass took his best shots he was so good so are you friends with Silva I know him I see him he doesn't speak English that good but I always give him a hug when I see him he's a very nice guy yeah and again he's the greatest of all time if you're a fan of the sport in my opinion like that guy when he was in his like whatever there's like a fewe period where someone can

163:11exist at the highest of RPMs and when he was in the highest of RPMs the argument is really between him and maybe Fedor million Eno who who fought in Pride um I think Fedor is a real possibility like I could I definitely could see the argument that he was number one instead of Anderson but it's really like who the knows they fought different organizations they fought different people you know I think the the talent level was probably a little bit better in the UFC but it's arguable that it wasn't because you know he was fighting crocop in his prime and noera and his Prime and Fedor fought some of the all-time greats at their best and beat him so it's it's arguable that he fought a tougher range of opponents so maybe it's arguable that fedor's accomplishments are more impressive because of the the opposition he fought was bigger more dangerous you know he

163:59fought crocop when crocop was just an assassin just smashing people knocking everybody dead and he walked him down and out kick booxed him mostly that's mostly what the fight was about so when you get to know these guys like I'm sure you're more friendly with some than others do is that hard to affect your the way you call the fights in terms of uh being critical it can be I try not to make it though I try really hard to be uh as objective as possible about what I'm saying and sometimes people get upset like that I'm friends with because I'm talking about things that they're doing wrong or things that are going wrong for them and so they'll think that I'm rooting against them and I'm like look I'm not and they'll say something to you about it yeah yeah I'll have conversations with them I'm like dude I am not rooting against you like this is what I'm seeing I'm seeing this like I'm

164:47seeing you I know you're thinking that you're winning this part of the fight or you're thinking that I'm being hypercritical but I have to say it if I'm seeing it and I'm I try really hard to have a point like I don't I'm not a critical person I'm like mocking someone for no reason or uh talking in a negative way about their technique for no reason it's only because it's not it's not happening and I want everybody to know the momentum of the fight and also I want to know what's going on that's wrong like so cuz your your job as a commentator is not just to to say what's happening and talk about what's happening but in MMA it's also to explain things like I have to explain certain things like that are critical in a fight like like say if someone gets kicked in the leg really hard a few times you see them start to limp on it I have to point out that I see him limping

165:36now this is going to be a huge issue if he tries to shoot in or if he wants to move away it's going to hinder his Mobility it's very important so then the people at home now they go okay well that makes sense oh yeah look that guy is limping oh he got hit in that same spot again now he's on the ground again oh my God he can't get up like I see it now so you know you know patterns you're a Storyteller yes you're also you're you're talking about a mathematical problem essentially a problem that's being duked out like there's literally like force problem it's like the this versus this and you're trying to get there faster you're trying to hit harder in the better positions so like the geometry of the human body you're trying to accelerate towards the the vulnerable areas and do it better so what are the the best ways to do that and then there's a science

166:21and art behind doing it in the best way and it's my job to explain that science and art to the best I can live in motion while it's all happening I I can't be biased I try very hard to not be you know because it's really important that I point out both sides and sometimes people accuse you of it and I swear to God if I if you do feel that I'm doing it it is absolutely not intentional I try very hard to try to be as balanced and unbiased as I can explaining exactly what I see playing out even with my friends like I'll see my friend getting up and I'm like he can't drop that right hand he's dropping that right hand the guy stepping to the right and he's going to catch him and then boom when they catch him you're like like you see it happening sometimes before they can see it does that ever affect how close you let yourself get to a fighter no no no I respect them all

167:11very deeply you know and I and I I'm really good friends with a lot of them and I I want the best for all of them and that sounds contradictory it sounds like impossible like someone will think like if they fight that person and they hate that person and you like that person but you like them like you're you're a traitor or something or like why how can you talk to that person how can you talk to him he's my mortal enemy but look man I I hate the fact that you guys are enemies I don't know how much of it is real how much of it you're doing for press but I'm I'm not happy with it but I like the guy he's a good guy like I I can be friends with somebody that you're not friends with like if you have some guy that you don't like you would have to have a good reason you know like somebody you over it couldn't be like a competitive reason like two guys who fought and

167:53they're bitter about it you know what I mean like if it was like if you told me about some guy you over in a business deal or something like that I'd be like oh well that guy you know that's that guy did something wrong but if it's just a competitor like that guy I tried to follow him in Miami and I bombed him you're like oh that guy kicked your ass yeah you know and that's with a lot of Fighters they developed these like very these like deeply uh sort of conflicting relationships with with fellow Fighters like you can't get too close to them cuz then you're going to have to fight them or yeah some guys don't give a some guys become friends with guys then wind up fighting them oh yeah is there any any stories of that happening a lot of guys a lot of guys have done that a lot of guys they started out friends and then because they had to fight each other like Jon

168:36Jones and Rashad Evans that was a big story like Rashad Evans was like Jon Jones bigger older brother and they were real close and then uh when JN fought for the title he fought for the title cuz Rashad was injured and John won the tile John stepped in on short notice won the title and then it became a possibility of one day Rashad fighting for the title and then they wound up getting like super bitter about it and not liking each other anymore it's really really interesting to watch but that's just one example there's a lot of guys who are close close guys they're they're buddies with each other and they get in there and they beat the out of each other yeah it's crazy how do you not get close it's like with comedians you know you talk about hanging out at the store it's like I can't talk like so somebody was telling me about like he hates being called a legend who said

169:21that I'm not going to say who is he a legend yeah oh Don Gavin no I I mean and the point was like you tell me well I gonna know just tell me it was Ron White oh oh he is he's a legend legend but I think he got he got an intro of being a legend the other night and he was saying to me I hate that because you know I'm in here scrapping like everybody else you know these lineups are killed like the lineup the other night was like it was like deah and you and him and Jess Nick and Spade and it's like on any given night you don't want to be called The Legend because that just immediately puts you on a shelf instead of in the fight and so anyway he said that to me and the reason I want to say it is I can see somebody taking that out of context and going like oh you hate being called a legend but it's like I can I've been called that by Young comics and it's like don't call me a

170:16Legend because I first I didn't earn it and second of all like I'm still playing the game I'm still on the roster here yeah you have to be but I was just thinking like you can't have that conversation with somebody who's not doing what we do because it it would almost sound like uh like you're full of yourself MH and the same thing with Fighters it's probably things that they can only talk to each other about that they could never talk to straight people about because they just haven't been there oh for sure so how do you not get close to other Fighters that you might have to have to fight one day especially when there's a lot of guys in the same weight in the same camp which is very beneficial because if you get a bunch of like really good guy like Team Alpha Male is a perfect example of that there's all these guys that are around the 135 to 155 PB weight class bunch of

171:01like really Elite guy and 125 even but a lot of elite guys in the lower weight classes and they all train together but they never fight each other yeah then they had a big falling out because TJ Dillashaw won the title and then he left Team Alpha Male and went to Denver and now they don't like each other like there's so much camaraderie and and and team and and like there's this weird sort of tribal bond that goes with teams you know the teams that compete against other teams they're like gangs in a lot of way a lot of ways but you know they're not they're not criminals they're just a bunch of dudes that are bonded together and women too a lot of serious hardcore women in the sport now like there's like Amanda Nunes the world champion she's the first openly gay MMA uh fighter who's a champion rather first openly gay MMA champion and she's the uh women's 135lb

171:50fighter she's the one who's going to fight Ronda Rousey where's she from she's from Brazil but she lives in uh Florida she trains at American top team it's like the big Camp it's like there's a few big camps all throughout the world but when it comes to like Elite level MMA fighters like who's got the biggest amount of them it's between Jackson in Albuquerque New Mexico and um Miami American top team they just have so many Elite Fighters must be tough for her to train with people if she's that good to find somebody who's AER no she she fights with dudes that's what she does spars with dudes I'm sure a lot of them do almost all women spar with dudes at least somewhat and that's the most of the dudes at at least in high level camps are very respectful like they're not they're not going to try to hurt a woman they they the best people in the best camps now realize the uh the

172:42damage that you take in sparring it's like a frequent conversation now it's like to not Spar hard like sparring should almost be like Technical and playing and like very light so you're not damaging your body you're not taking unnecessary shots kick people in the leg well you kick them a little bit in the leg it's not bad but the problem is the head that's the real problem you know and and even kicking them in the leg there's no no reason to kick someone full blast you know you kick the bag full blast you don't need to kick a person full blast and so these big teams the the more Talent you get in like one weight class the more you get a bunch of shark circling in the same seal or whatever the you whatever the analogy you would want like you get better more competition you get better interaction as long as there's a good camaraderie between all the fighters but

173:29it's so hard to maintain they almost always wind up getting mad at each other somebody hit somebody after practice and some you know it's always some thing where they're gonna have to fight some days so they they talk to each other and you know well also I mean I'm sure you know a lot more about this than I do but the the people that would be drawn to a sport like this might be contentious people they might be people that have pretty good siiz Egos and are maybe confrontational and so those people aren't going to necessarily always interact that well with others quite a few of them for sure but you'd be amazed it's one of the more fascinating things about MMA you'd be amazed how many college educated very reasonable rational people just view it as the ultimate extreme Challenge whether it be you know riding a snowboard off the top of a mountain you get dropped off in a helicopter and you

174:16go down the side of a cliff those kind of people like those kind of extreme athlete people that might have gotten into BMX riding or might have gotten into a lot of things that we don't think of as being like uh violent aggressive but they're Ultra risk-taking Sports and the reward that comes from doing like a flip when when you're you know BMX jumping and you flip through the air and land on your feet like that's a I'm cheating death thing and those same people I think a lot of like Elite ones are getting they're getting interested in possibly competing in MMA and taking that risk and challenging themselves in that way so you're seeing a lot of like very smart people man it's and I think that at the highest level you have to be smart like if you talk to a guy like Jon Jones he might make some poor decisions with his life because he parties a lot and he's kind of crazy but

175:04he's very smart when you talk to him and you look in his eyes you know whether or not he has access to the same vocabulary as Christopher Hitchens did no maybe not but he's a genius in fighting he knows how to figure people out he knows how to fight under pressure as good as anybody alive and when you talk to him he's very engaging he's not in any way stupid he's a very smart guy he has his interest and his focus and if he is his focus and his interest were in intellectual Pursuits If he if that was really what stimulated him and made him want to uh you know to follow through on something like that I'm sure he'd be really good in that too I think it's really easy for people to sort of uh discredit someone in someone's intellectual capacity just because they're I wasn't talking about intellect was just talking about in terms of alpha status that it is hard to put a bunch of

175:52alpha people near each other without a little bit of uh you know banging elbows yes but my point is that less than you would think it would be much more camaraderie and much more social like very reasonable interaction gentleman interaction than you would imagine there's much more of that yeah but the problem is a guy like Conor McGregor comes along and he talks mad and he lights the world on fire and everybody wants to talk now and I get it I get it I mean it sells it sells pay-per-view it's good for the sport watch more money if they talk right dude they just released this thing on uh someone did it on how much Conor McGregor he sold more pay-per-views in a year than the entire roster combined wow you compare all the other fights of like I forget how it was done but Brendon sha sent it to me did he send it to you Jamie no but I I saw it I'll try to find that and what kind of

176:47money are we talking I got it right here I don't know what he gets paid I don't I don't know um how much he gets per pay-per-view but look at this the entire roster Drew 3.3 to 3.2 oh 3 to 3.2 million in 2014 Conor McGregor Drew double that on his own in 12 months while GSP holds the records for the most pay-per-view Buys in total because he had a lot of pay-per-views more than Connor Connor holds basically every other pay-per-view record McGregor has drawn an insane 6.85 million Buys in just 15 months holy wow Drew twice as many Buys in one year than the entire UFC roster in 2014 just his fights so where's uh what's he making well that's a good question like um he was saying recently that uh he wouldn't fight unless it's uh well actually Nate Diaz was saying that he wouldn't fight rather um who was his uh opponent in uh the last uh not this last fight which is uh Eddie Alvarez but the

177:54fight before that there was a rematch with Nate Nate beat in the first fight and then uh it was a real close fight in the second fight and Conor won a decision and Nate's saying that he won't fight unless he gets 20 million bucks and a lot of people say well that's too much he's not going to get paid that I don't I don't know how much like how much money is there like let's look at it this way 20 million in purse or in endorsements or in well it's all going to be purse and pay-per-view is separate than purse right well no no no pay-per-view is based on purse or purse is based on pay-per-view right like you get points or you get a piece of the action or you can get a guarantee right so if it's going to be a guarantee like say if if that's what he said and obviously I'm not a mathematician we know this right so if he said 20 million bucks that's what he wants to fight for

178:37if pay-per-view is what $60 how much does it cost let's say it's 60 and they let's say they sell a million pay-per-views which is an excellent number that's $60 million right y okay so $60 million wants a third of that right off the top and then you would got to think well if he's going to fight Connor Connor's going to take a third of that too right at least he's going to he's not gonna take less than Conor what's that Nate and he's gonna fight Conor so if he's gonna fight Connor Connor's gonna take probably even more than that right so it's 20 and what 25 so there's less for the UFC than those two guys well that's how it is in boxing that's how it is in um like if you look at like the purses for like a lot of boxing matches the way they have it described as like the big guys like Floyd Mayweather get a lion share of the purse and then everybody else gets less including the promoters

179:24like they ticket sales which is probably just couple million the ticket sales are probably pretty substantial depending on where it is 205 it was 17.7 Million so there you go 17.7 million in mass and Square Garden right and then uh what about that giant Vegas place that um the uh T-mobile arena in Vegas that's a lot more people when that sells out what is that wa you're saying 17 million for one fight for one night in ticket sales Square Garden holy yeah so then you got merchandise right but that's theirs right CU it's about the UFC it's not about the fighter like I don't think I mean maybe if the fighters selling if they're selling Conor McGregor merchandise that's a different story yeah then they should definitely get a giant chunk of that I don't know how much they get and then this isn't including sponsorships well there's no sponsors right the UFC has some sponsors

180:10in the Octagon I mean they have some movie sponsors and stuff but as for the fighters there's really no sponsors that they carry into the octagon with them the only sponsors and some people have a deal with Monster Energy drink again yeah see guys putting hats on after they win not always in the UFC most likely in bellor or unless they have a Monster energy drink deal which the UFC also has a deal with but it's it's it's real it's real weird for the longest time they did they add it all over their shorts they would wear whatever they want they would wear t-shirts coming into the octagon based on but then they signed this deal with Reebok and a lot of people are upset about it they have to wear rebok stuff now okay it's a hot point I'm sure that's a lot of money yeah it is for a lot of Fighters for a lot of Fighters it's like it was hundreds of thousands

180:52of dollars so um so it's in terms of like how much money is left then like how much does it cost to run a global organization like that how much does it cost to keep the infrastructure alive how much does it cost to upload everything to pay-per-view how much does it cost to hire all these people how much does it cost to put that production together advertise right so if it's only 60 million bucks and then 15 million bucks from obviously I don't know and there got to be International too because they sell it internationally all over the world I mean the UFC is everywhere so a big fight like Nate Diaz and Conor McGregor doesn't just sell in the United States it sells everywhere I don't know if that's all included I don't know how they work that out but my point is when someone says he wants $20 million that might make sense or that might might not make sense like

181:37I don't know what the numbers are and also you got to pay taxes like if you're making all that money if you're bringing in all that money you got to pay taxes on that money who pays the taxes does the UFC pay the taxes first and then pay the fighters out of what's left do they all act as private contractors that's a good question but I don't know but as far as like how much money they making I think for a guy like Conor McGregor the correct answer would be a fuckload yeah he's making fuckloads of money what's that five fights a year he's not fighting that often but he's he's probably fought in the last 24 months how many how many how many times he fought in the last 24 months he went on a crazy run beat Aldo he beat Dennis C Aldo and then the Nate Diaz fight Eddie Alvarez 2015 so one two three times in 2015 three times in 2016 yeah so that's about right that's a lot of fighting by

182:32million a year every four months like that is very hard on your body very hard on your body J hard to do but some guys like cowboy cowboy Cerrone he lives off that that's what he loves think about it if you break down the numbers though and granted NFL or NBA has a lot more Revenue coming in but you're also paying and you know NFL you got what 44 guys on the team it's interesting the Traders all that you should look at the number put up the number of Revenue the the amount of Revenue that they bring in versus the UFC it's hilarious like the NFL's like 375 billion the UFC is like two yeah I mean like the difference is Preposterous yeah like find out there's a chart like a graph that they can show you that somebody uh put together that shows you the NBA the NFL Major League Baseball and MMA is like below hockey and you know that porn used to beat all of them

183:29put together NBA NFL all of it and CBS NBC and ABC as well and all the major movies all together dwarfed by porn and now it's gone now it's all gone I mean the AVN Awards at its height I hosted it when there was 7,000 people in the audience on show time now it's like 200 losers in a room with an open mic or hosting it wow yeah it's over whoa I shouldn't say that I don't want to disparage them let's just say it's smaller than it used to be I just think they're doing awesome craft work now now it's they're doing it for the love of the art I think so it's different I mean I for me it's all about Japanese hidden camera massage porn that's your yeah because it's real I got to see that's real casting couch guarantee that a lot lot of that is real that's what you like I like to see real nerves I want to see the girl a little bit nervous a little confused I want to see the transition in

184:27her eyes from I'm auditioning for a pajama commercial to I'm taking it Taking it hard on camera yeah I don't want to see two people that are you know too into it I want to see I want to see somebody get taken for a ride somebody just get Hoodwinked yeah like the massage thing they're getting a regular massage from a woman and it's a good massage you can tell that these are like practice masseuses and then all a sudden they just get their they're they're on their stomach and they they get up in that ass crack a little bit and they get down in the valley and you can see and they've got a camera on the woman's face and above and below and usually somewhere else and they keep it on the face so you can see the eyes open and kind of look around and I'm telling you Mia faroh who's a great actress uh Jane f couldn't portray the about F dunway fade dunway could not portray the subtle

185:24nuances of coming around to being suddenly fingered by a masseuse whoow so you think it's real I defy anybody I will I will send you clips that are undeniable I think you should take that and run with it just don't look to anything that points to the contrary right why would I why would you what is life is perception it's not reality it's not empowering to think that that's staged and you're just being tricked by some unenthusiastic people that need the money no you want to think that this is a real massage absolutely that guy's fingering her woman fingering her dick oh woman no I don't watch those you don't watch those because that seems rapy rapy but if the guy's laying down the girl just starts sucking his dick if he get M from a girl a guy gets a massage from a girl and she just starts blowing him well she you know a woman is pleasuring another woman okay I see what

186:18you're saying so you like it yeah cuz it's yeah I enjoy it I like to see everyone had a good day everybody had a good day you know the masseuse is getting paid handsomely she knows she's on Camera Plus they're lesbians I think most women are they don't get a chance to explore it as much WoW strong words throw some hidden cameras in there we see what really happens I can't believe you're saying that I believe that all women have the propensity for lesbianism because it's soft they're being touched in a gentle way not the way I do it I do my lesbian stuff lesbian biker Style yeah that's my style hardware what kind of what style of do you employ with I'm like a lesbian biker that's my I'm like how a lesbian would you if she was mad with a strap on yeah she was mad angry boots on you were flirting with a guy at the pizza font so just out of you talking to the

187:15enemy yeah she's got like a strap on with like little like a dog collar with those little buttons those little silver snaps it pops in place pop pop yeah big green dick that's what I think yeah she probably Heats it up in the water just like that chicken cutlet trick I told you earlier I can't wait to get home honey what do we have for dinner tonight Greg for Simmons let's play some pool um tell these people where to where to uh get your tickets one more time fitzdog dcom also check out the the podcast fitzdog Radio uh numbers have been shooting up the last six months I've doubled my downloads I don't know what the happened podcasting is super popular right now it's getting big man you're due to come back yeah it's going to make come last time you came on was New Year's Day 2016 yeah let's um let's do it soon yeah I'm I'm around for a while do it soon yeah your podcast is

188:06awesome is it still on um Sirius as well I'm doing the show on Sirius Monday nights at 5 o' PST and uh and do they are those shows ever available online or yes they're on the app they're on the serious and then also they're letting me release the old serus episodes now on the podcast so I got um I got Brian Wilson from The Beach Boys coming up nor McDonald bunch of bunch of great that's so cool I'm glad they do that's a very powerful move by Sirius good for them congratulations s that's a great company man that's how it should be done that's a very cool thing that they did I've been there for eight years I've never gotten one note about do this different I'm writing a note right now tell stop talking about cutlets Greg Fitz Simmons are you at the store tonight uh I'm not uh New Year's Eve at Cobbs that's my San Francisco yeah that's a godamn that's one of

188:58the great clubs that's one of the best it's a fun one all right thanks brother love you man thanks man bye everybody see you next week no ads today it no ads before or after on it.com use the code word Rogan bye