Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo (Part 2)

00:00out there have the answer a real solid answer for the chael sunnens for isn't that weird that bj would would not have a guard like that that he wouldn't have this ninja assassin guard like shimmy aoki yeah yeah yeah yeah like you know why because he didn't i and i and i would say this i mean i've told this to bj too i'm like you know what if you stay at 55 there's really no reason to master any kind of guard just get back up you're fucking everybody you're better than everybody standing up nobody at 55 can take you down even big wrestlers can't take you down i even thought he doesn't need a he doesn't really need to focus on his guard i thought he didn't need to develop and i really didn't even you know he uh it was interested in the rubber guard and he fucks with it a little bit you know what i mean but he i'm sure he felt like no one's gonna put me on my

00:45fucking back but maybe now now that he knows like shit these fighters are getting so much better and there's so many wrestlers out there you really have to have the answer for chael sonnen and for like Frankie Edgar and for these elite wrestlers, like what he did to Florian. He took them down and got on top. When they talk about your guard, the only answer for the elite wrestler, and they're all over the top 10 of every UFC weight division, the only answer, or one of the only, there's only a couple answers, and one of them is having, when they talk about your guard, they don't say that it's just, oh man, he's got an okay guard, it's a decent guard. They have to say your guard is a fucking amazing, Like, don't go on his guard. Your guard has to be like Ryan Hall. Your guard has to be like Shinya Yoke. You don't want to fucking be. You're afraid. Like Anthony Pettis and Shane Roller.

01:34When Anthony Pettis slapped on that triangle. Exactly. You have to have a super dangerous guard. If people don't talk about your guard like it's amazing and it's fucking crazy wicked and it's one of the best guards in your division, then you're not good enough. You don't have the answer for the elite wrestler most of the time. Sometimes you throw up a pop triangle and it lands. Like Anderson Silva made it work in the fifth round. Chris Lieben made that pop triangle work. And, you know, the Noguera style of triangle, it worked. That works. It does work, but not at the highest rate. You know, there's a lot of other things that you could do as well to add to that already game, you know, to those Noguera triangles. You could mix it all up. There's a lot of things you can do. Just look at what Shinya Yoki has done. Look at what Dustin Hazlett has done. look at what Matt Horwich has done

02:23just pay attention, it's out there you can watch it on YouTube you can do it too, you need to have the answer for the elite wrestler and man, having a crazy wicked guard can be the answer what do you think about James Toney? I ran into James Toney at the gas station, it's amazing that you lived in the same hood you know, I was pulling for him at first, were you? I thought that these MMA guys really didn't know. When you're a boxer and you're that high rate of a boxer, you really don't know. These guys can hit in their hands and their timing and their weights and shit. When I watched the countdown was when I was like, he didn't work. He didn't work. He got a great opportunity to represent boxing, but he didn't work. You don't think he worked out? Lost a lot of weight. He lost 15 pounds in five months. If you're rolling, Eddie's student lost 60 in a couple months.

03:17If you're really fucking rolling, and let's say you take this guy on. You got four months. The first month, all you're doing with him, you're not working his hands. They're already there. So you're basically working him getting up and just rolling. Little things. Surviving on back. Right there. All those things. All day. You know, when I used to go to judo when I was a kid, I was skinny as shit. Because the hardest thing about judo isn't flipping. It's every time you get up and fucking down. You get up and down 50 times a day. You'll get skinny. This guy didn't do that. He got some guy from the FBI to come in and train. You know, what the fuck? Did you see that shit? You know, I'm in Hollywood with Liddell. I'm rolling. I'm rolling with Einstein. I'm learning the basics. Bro, how much can I learn in four months to get me out of a mess? That's what I'm learning. He didn't know any better. He didn't know.

04:04He didn't know when he got a guy from the FBI that God knows that they fucking paid him. When was the FBI? You ever seen that guy who trained him, the Kempo videos of him online? Doing Kempo? With who? Where guys come behind him and cut his legs and stuff. James Tony? The guy who's trained James Toney? Yeah, it's on the underground. Is James Toney actually doing it? Well, I mean, look, the guy set up a program for him, but what does the guy know for real? What he really needed to do is go to Colorado Springs and train at the Olympic Training Center. He needed to get a guy who's a fucking jiu-jitsu master to come with him. Okay, these guys are going to take you down. You're going to do your best to stop the takedown. Then once they get you taken down, then you're going to work your guard. That's what you need to do. That's it. Get taken down and try to submit those. I got a guy from the FBI, man.

04:42He's from the Federal Bureau of Instigation, man. He takes down motherfuckers all the time on a daily basis. When I watched the Countdown show, what was very clear to me is that the guys he was working out with were letting him do things for the camera and that they weren't elite grapplers. They were letting him do things. The guy was like, ah! They were like, it was a demonstration. Like, any time James rolled over, like, oh, I can't believe he's doing this. It's like they were letting him do it. They were putting on a show and letting James throw them around. I was like, this is silly. He might not know anything about grappling.

05:11Yeah, there was this dude that fought Javi Vasquez back in my first King of the Cage show in 2000. He comes out and claims he's a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. He's this French karate guy. And he thought back then, he just thought it was 2000. Like, you could just say shit like that. And so Javi said, he said he's been training jiu-jitsu 12 years, and he's a black belt under Hoist Gracie. That's what he was telling Terry Tribblecock. And Terry's going, I think we got a live one here. He calls up Hoist Gracie Academy. They never heard of the guy. The guy's bullshitting. He's trying to scare Javi into going to the ground with him. And Javi was a purple belt, but a mad destroyer on the local Southern California scene. He would go up to Santa Cruz as well and smash. He was the fucking destroyer of the purple belts division. And there wasn't very many browns and blacks at that point.

05:54And he was going to go against this guy who claimed to be a black belt. Dude, Javi took him down. And the guy had no training, dude. Zero. He just laid flat on his back. And he tapped really quick. Javi pounded him a couple times. He just tapped and it was over. He's like, what the fuck was that? that's an interesting story but a much more interesting story is the other guy that we know that claimed to be a brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt that really didn't know anything that turned out to be a murderer yes yeah there was a dude we knew his his fake name was rafael torrey yeah but his real name was his real name damn i don't remember but he told people he uh he taught karate he did karate his whole life and he taught karate and he told people he was a black belt in brazilian jiu-jitsu but this guy eddie was hanging around with this guy you were you were he was He said he was half Brazilian.

06:39He was doing a website, right? He was a writer. No, he was a writer. He was probably one of the most popular journalists back then on the underground. I mean, Rafael Toro was all over the underground. It was 2000. It was still in the dark ages. So it was easy for a guy to bust up. And he was on speed all the time. I didn't know this until years later. So he would work hard. Dude, he would always have shit. And Pride loved him. He always had reports. He always had interviews. He was always speedied up. Oh, dude. He was probably one of the top three writers of Alabama. Well, I remember he was very productive, and he was doing his version of gonzo journalism for MMA, like asking MMA fighters if they like anal sex. He was being real crazy. Yeah, that was my shit. So it turned out that this dude wasn't really a black belt at all. And he wasn't half Brazilian. Yeah, it was all crazy.

07:27We were driving, and Eddie had this confrontation with him on the phone. To make a long story short, homeboy winds up killing some dude, strangling him to death. The husband of this chick that he's banging, and he winds up going to jail for it. I mean, he was a murderer. He got this guy. For insurance money, dude. Yeah. Really? Yeah. The wife of this guy that he strangled, they decided to set this up, and he choked the guy to death. Yeah. Killed the guy with a rear naked choke. How ironic is it that his black belt wasn't legit, but he killed someone with a rear naked choke? Yeah. You know what I mean? It was legit. Poor guy. He killed. Did the job. You know what I'm saying? Poor guy he killed didn't train at all and probably didn't even see it coming. He just jumped him and choked the shit out of him. Can you imagine that, man? Your fucking wife is banging some other dude and that dude comes to your house

08:16and kills you. He didn't go to his house. He lured him into... To his gym. Yep, to his gym. Yeah. Fuck. I testified on that trial. Did you really? Yes. You had to go to court? I had to go to court and just finger him. They called to me. They called me. The cops called me because I called Gerald once and when I was talking to Gerald on the phone, the phone was being tapped and gerald and i are talking about you know his uh you know possibility of him fighting the ufc who's he want to fight this and that blah blah blah and rafael tory's name comes up and i'm like what's going on with that dude and so gerald was like being tapped and he was like talking all these different people about it and then you know they everybody that he talked to on the phone they had to talk to the cops but i i didn't really know anything i didn't

08:55know the guy i just knew the guy through eddie yeah fortunately i don't want to fucking go to court about that yeah so what'd you have to say yeah that guy's fake he's a liar basically he's not rafael torre yeah i forget the questions they made me ask but dude i hung out with that like he was always brought in on whatever show i was commentating whether it was king of the cage or pride or even a too hot to handle he was always the reporter who's gonna blow up he's not too hot the handle was in holland right yeah that's the one i talked about with the boss dude and and he He was so busy. He was so amped up on speed. He always had articles. And to blow up shows, you bring Rafael Torre, and he'll blow it all up all over the internet. Always on speed, huh? Yep. How'd you find out he was always on speed? It came out later. In the trial. Do you know Ari took a, what is it called? Adderall? Took an Adderall.

09:44Says it's the fucking greatest thing ever for getting things done. He said he just cleaned out his whole house. It's like speed, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Why does speed help you get organized? How does that work? How does it give you fucking energy? What the fuck? You feel like you could do anything. You just want to paint the fucking house. You want to go to college. Let's drive to fucking Louisiana. You know what I mean? Is it bad for you? Is it bad for you? Come on. It's got to be. It's got to be, right? It's got to be. What comes up must come down, right? Dude, anything that speeds you out has got to be bad for you. That's like super. But it's not just super speeds you out. It makes you really organized. Robert Schimmel told me once. He took one accidentally, and he said he just started organizing all of his notes. That's what happens when you do speed, too. You work.

10:22You would think that you could use that, though, as a tool. if you could really make sure you didn't do too much of it and didn't fuck up your whole system and short-circuit everything. Like every now and then when you need to... But the problem is you come down so hard that you want more. Do you come down hard from Adderall? I don't know about Adderall, but anything speedy usually comes up. Anything that goes up comes down. Oh, yeah, hard. I have a buddy who's on it every day. Are you? What does he say? I have a buddy who's on it and he says he loves it and helps him organize, helps him work. And he's pretty fucking ambitious. He's a hard worker, but he said he was just really listless and couldn't get anything going on, and they got him on the Adderall, and then, bam! He just couldn't focus and concentrate on things. He just had a hard time committing to things and concentrating. Who knows?

11:02Maybe it works different than speed, because speed somehow, I don't know how it works, really. Well, caffeine is speed, and that's the fuel of the capitalist society. I mean, look, we're the people who drink coffee every day. In every union contract, they negotiate a time where you could take a drug. There's a fucking coffee break. and union contracts have coffee break time. What is a coffee break? Coffee break is when you're at work, it's fucking 11 a.m., it's not quite lunch yet, coffee truck pulls up and you get a chance to take fucking five, ten minutes off and fuel up on some stimulants. It's good for the company. You come back all jazzed and charged. And you feel better, you work harder, you feel better and you feel like you got another little break. Union things is one thing they figured out that was smart. Look, everybody doesn't have to be a slave. People will go against unions,

11:48say unions fuck up business and they don't work hard and they make too much money and blah, blah, blah. They make work easier, and that's good. It's not good to have people work like fucking slaves. Wouldn't it be better if they got a little bit less done but everybody was more happy? Wouldn't that be better if they get a nice coffee break and get to relax for an hour for lunch where they don't feel like they're getting tortured all day? Maybe if they have some shit to do during lunch, they can go somewhere and fucking pay a bill or pick up a fucking thing that they were supposed to buy. How fast do those hours go by? God damn, the hour break? our breaking shit. We're talking about coffee break. Is it smoke break yet? Is it 420? It's 420 on the not, bitches. We gotta get the fuck out of here. It's 420 on the dot. It is. That's how Joey ends it. I don't fuck around. He said, Joe Rogan, this podcast, 2 to 420.

12:31That's the move. 420, we gotta do it. 420, we gotta do it. 420, I got shit to do and people to see. You know what I'm saying? Are we doing this next Wednesday? You know what? I didn't even fucking thank the fleshlight for sponsoring this. Are we doing this next Wednesday, though? Fuck yeah, son. Next Wednesday, doing this as often as we can. that auto-focuses. So there you go. You've got to move before it goes into focus again. Hey, we'd like to thank the Fleshlight. Don't fuck your hand no more. Fuck the Fleshlight. You know what I'm saying? Why fuck your hands? They're worn out after 18 years. Give them a fucking break. Work your muffler with that and you can fuck the Fleshlight straight up. It comes in colors. What's the website, Joe Rogan? Fleshlight.com. And listen, Joey's not even speaking to the voice of experience. I personally have fucked one. I've never fucked a Fleshlight. Fleshlight. Fleshlight.

13:16Eddie Bravo's fucked one. Yeah. I've had one for a while. But I've had like a fake flashlight. I've had this thing, the tarantella. When you do it like this, then you roll it like this. It's kind of like a fucking flashlight. So send me one, cocksuck, and I'll use it on camera. That's how I roll. And yes, people on Twitter, please stop sending me the video of the chimp fucking the monkey like it's a flesh. Or the monkey fucking the frog. A flashlight is probably better than a frog. Yeah. We need to get those chimps frogs. Dude, what if the frog feels awesome? Would you do it? No. Come up for the show? No. No, I don't want to fuck a frog. But it didn't die. It's got to kill the frog. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe it deep throats it. Have you seen the size of their fucking throats? Have you ever seen that? There's a girl, iDeepThroat.com. I think her name is Heather.

13:55She's like famous online for her ability to swallow cock. It's always her husband's cock. It's always like he films her sucking his dick all over the world, right? In bathrooms, everywhere. And she just goes straight down to the balls. These guys got a big dick. She goes straight down to the balls and just licking his balls while his dick just disappears in her mouth. But the problem is you see a girl like that on video. Totally sets up your expectations. Way too high. how many chicks can do that? Is she sponsored by Fleshlight? No. That's the bits that should be sponsored by Fleshlight. No, she's a human Fleshlight. She can't get to anybody until she gets to your town. Use the Fleshlight. That's right. What? Love you, Copsuckers. Anyway, if you go to Fleshlight.com, there's a link. If you go to JoeRogan.net, supposedly, if you go off that link, you get 15% off, and it really is better than beating off.

14:41That's my point. You know you beat off. I do, too. You know we all do. Just stop being shy Get one of those It's excellent $60 well invested You'll enjoy your Your nut sessions They need a To the The creators of Fleshlight You guys need to think of a thing That where you can just You can close it up And then throw it into like Your washer And it washes through On it's own It's the cleanup Take notes It's the cleanup that sucks Yeah It's a little annoying But it's worth it You can put it like in a dishwasher You know what I mean You can't be lazy bro You can't have a self-cleaning Fleshlight The last thing I want to do After a nut from a jerk-off session is clean some shit up. Is that my Samurai DVD? Samurai CD. Yeah. We didn't give him a music video this week either. We'll give you one next week. That's on Musashi. I love you, cocksuckers. Miyamoto Musashi, a film by Hiroshi Inagaki. Hey, 10th Planet Cush 19 is up right now.

15:33Just went up today. Go watch it. 10th Planet Cush 19 on YouTube. Thank you, everybody who came to Boston this week. We had a great fucking time at the Wilbur Theater. That was awesome. Thank you, everybody, that tunes into the podcast. I love you, bitches. and we will continue to provide free entertainment to you as long as it's fun and it's fun as fuck so we're going to keep doing it. Thank you very much everybody Love you