Tom Segura

00:00Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! Oh, sweetness. Tommy Bunz in the fucking house, ladies and gentlemen. It's good to have you, buddy. We're about to just talk nonsense and go through a commercial, and Tommy Bunz hits me with, Do you believe in evolution? Oh, I do. I like throwing heavy-handed questions at people, man. That's a fucking right-hand bomb to open the round. Well, it's just funny to me, because I was watching this thing about, and this guy was like, This guy fucking believes that evolution should be taught in the classrooms? And it was like a political ad like that, and I was like, What the fuck? Like, that appeals to somebody that's like, Yeah, fuck that guy. He thinks evolution should be taught? This guy's a fucking asshole. You're like, Really? There's that? There's actually enough people that believe,

01:03like, I'm not a science expert, so I don't want anyone to think like, Wait a minute. Oh, you're about to do it. You're not a science expert? I know, I mean, I know. At what point do you become an expert? Because if you were just you, and you lived in the 1400s, you'd be a fucking science expert. You're probably right. They'd be like, Electricity is God's way of showing you his anger. You're like, Well, no, actually, it's just some shit that's formed by the clouds and the atmosphere. And my president. You'd be a fucking scientist. You could explain so much shit to these people. Well, actually, I would just know it and not know how to explain it. They would just be like, No, no, you'd draw it. You'd draw it. No, the earth's round. And they'd be like, How do you know? I'd be like, Because I've seen pictures. You would work with those people for a couple days, and you'd be so annoyed. You're like,

01:47Listen, you have to listen to me. I'm your new king, and I'm going to show you how to build an airplane. They'd be like, An airplane? What the fuck are you talking about? Get some wood. Get some wood. I'm going to show you. You need, This has got to be straight like that. Think like a bird, but then with a tail up in the air. There's airdraft from above and below. People would go, Where did you get this idea from? I don't know, man. They just come to me. They just come to me. You draw like bows and arrows for them. Does that mean like Da Vinci was like from the future and went to the past? I think Da Vinci was. He had too many ideas. Yeah. You know what people love to say when there's a guy like Da Vinci? What? They go, and I wanted to just say it, just out of instinct. He probably had like Asperger's or something. Oh, like autistic. They always want to say something like that, like that there's no way you could be.

02:27Something's off with that guy. That brilliant and not be fucked up. Yeah. Like I'm not willing to believe it. You know? I don't think that, I mean, I almost agree that like, I don't think you could go up to Da Vinci and be like, How do you like your eggs, man? And he'd be like, You know, I think he would be talking about all kinds of weird shit. He would be like thinking about what you would look like if you cleaved you in half and pulled you out. And could he draw those two sides? Do you want to donate your body like today? And you're like, No, I'm not dead yet. Did you ever see that exhibit, that Body Works exhibit? Yes. Where they take human bodies? We went together. Yeah, that's right. That shit is creepy as fuck, dude. And they were stopping us from taking pictures, remember? Yeah. They told us to put our phones away. I had to take camera pictures on the sneak tip. Yeah. Yeah, with like no flash. The horse.

03:10Remember the horse? They had this like real horse that had been like modified. Well, what was fucked up was that if you did this, if you haven't seen it, folks, the Body Works exhibit is an exhibit where they take a bunch of dead bodies and through some new method of somehow or another coating them with plastic and infusing plastic into the muscles, it doesn't change the appearance, but it completely stops them from decaying. So it's really creepy because it's an actual... And they give you different layers. Yeah. So they give you like full muscle. They think they have an abortion cut in like seven cases. Yeah, that's what's really fucked up is the clinical aspect of the dissection of the bodies on display was a little disturbing because it was almost like butcher-esque. It's like if this was a guy's basement, you would want him locked up forever. Okay? This guy would be one of the most horrific serial killers

04:01and twisted fucks ever. Ever. Even if he was a grave robber and he did this, you would want this motherfucker locked up forever. But you can do it and somehow because you've involved plastic, which means that it's been like government sanctioned or something, now you can just display these dead bodies and people can come and pay. Like, where did you get these bodies exactly? I mean, it's not even like under like heavy scrutiny. Yeah, some of them had like bullet wounds or something. Some with bullet holes. Is that exhibit even still around? It's got a smell by now. The one that I saw, I saw it in Vegas. It was at, I think it was at the Luxor. Yeah. That's like the, wow, you saw it in Vegas? Yeah, and at the end. That would be too much sadness for one of the day. Right? That's depressing. At the end, they said that all the bodies in that exhibit were from China. Yeah. Wow. They were all Chinese. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That's scary.

04:52Because when you're, when you're from a country that has been known to do some really horrific things to like prisoners and shit and pretty questionable track record when it comes to human rights. Well, there doesn't seem to be that there's that many of them in China. And so it's, I mean, or rather that there's too many of them in China. Yeah. That there's so many people that in some areas the overpopulation has gotten to a point where they've sort of devalued life in a lot of ways. I mean, when you start hearing the stories about them, you know, forcing them to only have one child and so there's terrible stories of families drowning Chinese girls. I mean, it's really horrific because they want a boy. Yeah. I mean, it's just fucking crazy. And you know. I don't know if that's propaganda though so I really honestly shouldn't be repeating that. Well, I know outside of like, outside of the major cities there's a lot of like,

05:45like out in the countryside which is hundreds of millions of people there's extreme poverty, there's extreme literacy, there's, you know, there's not any healthcare or anything. It's just hundreds of millions of people outside of the major cities. Yeah, it's weird. When you, I mean, that kind of poor, I mean, we have, we just haven't figured that out yet. I don't, I don't think most Americans have really like put that into their head. Like that level, the level of poverty that exists in other countries. We have extreme poverty but it's, you know, it's not like really what you see in third world. We have horrific poverty but even just existing in a welfare state is way better than a giant chunk of the world has access to. You know, if you think about like what it would be like if you just had a shit roll of the dice and you wound up in Nigeria. Yeah. You're a baby in Nigeria and it's just flies and mosquitoes and malarias

06:39and a dude's got a hyena on a chain and you're like, what the fuck? Would you? Most of Africa is fucking crazy. Really crazy. It's a wild, crazy place, man. I just got back from there. Did you really? I was just in South Africa. Oh, that's right. You were doing gigs out there. Yeah. It was awesome. Was it? It was so cool. People were so nice. Yeah. Crowds were fucking awesome and then I met other Africans that were in South Africa and I learned like that's the destination. Like if you live in Botswana, Mozambique, Namibia, you go like, I want to go to South Africa. That is the crown jewel because that's the most developed like by far. By far. By far. And like when I was in, I was in a casino walking through it with this comic who was from, I think he was from former, what is he from? He was from Nigeria or somewhere. I don't know. Mozambique, I think. And I was like, so what's like, you know, your country like? He was like, man. He's like,

07:37you know how you picture Africa? And I was like, yeah, he's like, that's what it's like. Like it's fucking open terrain and animals and tribal shit. And he goes, this shit right here, the casino, the only thing like this in my country is like where the king lives. Wow. Like that's it. There's no shit like this at all. That's gotta be so weird to have one city that's like on top of the ball and everything else is just just barely keeping it together. Barely keeping it together. Yeah. It was, but it was, it was an awesome experience. People were so good. What are the crowds like? So good. Very like mixed crowds and just juiced for the shows. I mean, I would say out of 15, 16. How'd your black jokes go? Fucking killed. They understand American black humor? Totally. Really? They got it. They totally get it. They got everything. They got everything, man. Wow. Did you find, did you find them to be like into like harsh material? Are they just,

08:36it was interesting. All the local guys, we saw a bunch of, some South African comics and a lot of them are, have very political material and because it's a very politically charged atmosphere. You know, you think about that like they got democracy in 94. So it's kind of like us, you know, you just fast forward, like, you know, like the 60s and 70s were really politically charged in America, right? Right. And then, you know, theirs is like, it's fresh. So that's what everybody talks about. They talk about politics and things going on, but it's like South African politics. And then we go in and we'll talk about the mundane, like just silly, like observational shit. And some of the local guys were saying that like, that's so unusual for them, like to, that somebody would just talk about some like small observation they made because it's all about making an impact with like your observation about what's really going on in the world

09:32or in the country right now. you know? So everybody's a preacher? I mean, there's a lot, he said that like, you can go to like, you can do, go to a standup show in South Africa that's all locals and they'll all hit on political shit. He said that's not uncommon at all. That's interesting. Is it funny? Did you find it funny? There's this guy, David Cowell, is a South African comic and he was fucking tremendous. Yeah. I didn't even know what, like, he was like, you know when somebody's really good and you don't necessarily get the reference and you laugh anyways, like, you don't even, you're like, you don't know, like, I don't even know what that was. Right, right, right. But you still laugh. Just because he's just timing and he's just funny. it was like that. Wow. And he fucking devastated the place. Wow. Yeah. I mean, he was so, but he was all, like, it was all about South, like, current shit in South Africa. Wow. And it was like, it was,

10:22I wonder if that would translate. Like, if he did the US. I think it's, I don't think it would. I don't think the act would, but I think he's good enough where he would just need to come here and just figure it out. Well, that was something that never happened with the Boston guys. There was a bunch of guys from Boston that, Boston, like no other place, does, like, local material. Like, my first 20 minutes was all local material because you knew it would work. It was like, almost like, it was, first of all, there was a lot of really funny shit about Boston and people from Boston love laughing about Boston. So that, like, everybody that was, like, really strong had such a Boston-centric act. Steve Sweeney in Boston, I'll put him up there with the greatest stand-up performances of all time. I'm telling you, Steve Sweeney in Boston in the 80s used to lay them down, dude, just boom, like he was bowling strikes,

11:17crushing with this Boston material. And he's just such a funny guy. He's just such a funny guy and he had been through like the hard Boston club scene for, you know, over a decade before I ever saw him. Yeah. You know, I mean, he was just a bad motherfucker. Yeah. And that guy, you know, when he would go to California, he would lose, like, a big chunk of his act. Sure. Because he couldn't talk about that shit anymore. It was so frustrating to me. It was like, man, you could do that about anything. Yeah. If you could hit that level of comedy, he could do that with anything. Yeah. That's the thing about that we all, everybody thought this, by the way. We'd all, because I was there, Christina was on the show too, Finesse Mitchell, Ian Bagg, Mitch Fatale, Brian Hainer, and we all watched David and we're like, he just goes to the States and fucking, like, you know, he'd need to work like kind of week after week. Right. And just, if he did that

12:11for just a few months, he would put together a stellar fucking act, I'm sure. Well, I think now, especially because of the internet, the guys that are coming up over the next 10 years, there's a lot of good guys. Yeah. And I think that a lot of these good, young, up-and-coming stand-ups, the stand-ups, they've had a chance to see so many good acts online, so that even if they're in their area and their area's not so good, you know, like, there's all, I'm not mentioning names, but there's some places you'll go and like, oh, he's the funniest local guy, you should have him open for you, and you have the guy open for you and he's fucking deaf. Yeah. Just nonsense and just bad hacky tricks and you're like, oh, Christ. But if you're in that community, all you really need is stage time. Mm-hmm. If you've got, like, access to, you know, you can watch the Kinnison archives, you can see Bill Hicks stuff, you can see Stan Hope,

13:01you can see David Tell, you can see Norton, you can see all these different comics online, you can sort of get into, what do you enjoy? What do you enjoy? I know you don't enjoy what that guy's doing. Right. So it's, instead of thinking about, like, the hacky stuff that's in your neighborhood, you have access to all this stuff. Whereas, like, in the 80s, when I started out, there was no access to that other than, like, CDs and cassettes. It wasn't as immediate. Mm-hmm. You know? I think, because I always feel like I'm only as good as the guys that I see around me on a regular basis and the guys that I perform with on a regular basis. Yeah, so if you were stuck somewhere where you don't see a lot of good shit, it definitely would affect your game. Yeah, because, like, when I see someone really good, like, when someone Stan Hope's in town or when I see Diaz go up and kill or, you know, a tell or something, you know,

13:56someone I really respect when I see their act, I get so charged up. It gives me energy to go make things. it definitely is. Yeah, that little juice, that little squirt of, just some push to get you forward. Mm-hmm. You know? That's, like, so important for us. There's nothing like seeing great stand-up. When you're a stand-up, you see somebody great at the show you're at and you're like, fuck, man. I'm not a fan of watching stand-up. Really? Like, when I'm at the comedy clubs, I try not to watch anybody. I don't watch a lot of stand-up, but I do, like, if I know there's somebody either I want to see, you know, or somebody I know, and I'm like, oh, like a friend of mine or somebody who's, like, you know, this person's really good. Yeah. I don't sit through whole shows, but I'll watch that person and sometimes it is like, man, that's fucking so exciting. You get pumped up about it. You're like, that's awesome. You get, like,

14:47it makes you want to work. I could watch Joey Diaz do a thousand sets in a row, probably. Well, yeah, there's definitely certain people, but, like, if I'm, like, you know, at the improv or whatever, the ice house, and there's, like, all these comics going up, I would not, I don't like sitting there watching them, because it seems like, to me, it's just, I'm too scared of going there and then having that, like, something in the back of my head from somebody else, or, it seems like that's really easy to do. I get bored, and I get anxiety when I sit around, I'm just watching, like, just comic after comic who I'm not. You get anxiety? I get, like, man, I can't sit here right now. What? I just get, like, I'm like, I gotta get up, I gotta, I can't sit through this. If I think it's like, if I sit, and it's like, I'm a minute in, and I'm like, oh, this is not gonna be, this is not good, I have to get up and leave. You can't watch bad stand-up,

15:35is what you're saying. I can't do it, man. So you can watch, like, Louis C.K. For fucking hours. But you can't watch a bunch of, like, I won't say any names, but there's a certain group of people that, you know, you've seen them do stand-up, and you're never gonna understand it, but yet, they're still bumping around, and you might, like, be in the back of the room one day, and they're on stage, and you almost have a heart attack. Fucking up and out. You gotta get out of the room, or they'll infect you. I think, yeah, they will. Well, do you know, there's a real thought behind that. It sounds crazy, but it's, there's a, in schizophrenics, something happens to schizophrenics, and I believe it's called allophrenia, and it's a, a very rare situation where people will go to visit crazy people, and become crazy while they, they visited them. Really? Yeah. And, um, they don't know, they don't know exactly what it is,

16:28and they think it might be hormonal, it might be, um, might be something in the way you, you interact with this person, but it has happened before, where people have gone in to visit people who are fucking crazy, and they, all of a sudden, people are like, we're gonna have to keep an eye on you, and then, boom. So it's just like, almost like the association with that person. It could be that they were just always crazy as fuck, nobody just pulled it out of them. Right, you're with them, it's almost like when you, what's it called, when you, like Stockholm Syndrome, where you start to, you start to sympathize with your kidnapper. But I mean like, it's like you, there's a certain exposure to that person that starts to affect you, like on a deeper level. I don't know enough about how humans affect each other to really. When I was, when I was in college, I was in Psych 101. Our teacher one day, we were talking about, you know,

17:17you're going through all the basics, and then he gets to schizophrenia, and he's like, okay, he writes it on the board, and he's like, schizophrenia is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. And then this kid in his class, in our class, raised his hand, and he's like, yep. And he's like, I have schizophrenia. I don't think it's the worst thing that could ever happen. And we were all like, oh, you just pissed off the schizophrenic guy. Wow. And then he's like, well, what I meant was, there are different stages of schizophrenia, and that the worst one is the worst thing that could happen to you. Which one do you have? Like, do you have, and he's like, I have like a less, like, you know, severe. He's like, oh, yeah, that's not what I meant. But, it'd be really bad. Nice backpedal. I'm trying to find the name of this, this thing that, that, where it's happened before. So, the rare case of people who have visited schizophrenics,

18:10but I can't, I can't seem to find. So, I might, I might be talking a little bit of shit because I'm just repeating some things that I think, it was, I think it was Terrence McKenna, Terrence McKenna lecture. But, the idea was that one of the, the things that they think about some people when they start to lose their mind is that it, it becomes, a pheromonal problem when they're giving off this weird smell to people like this, this, you know, this, what is a, how would you describe a pheromonal, hormonal smell, I guess? And people treat them weird. It's offensive. People treat them odd and they start thinking, like, am I odd? Am I crazy? And that, that tipping point is like really not that hard to do on some people. Yeah, because if you think about how you interact with people, I'm sure you've had times in your life where you've been, uh, socially awkward or you felt like real weird or felt like real vulnerable, especially when you were young.

19:06Brian, you barely, you barely, you barely got one correct sentence yesterday with Kat Von D. Come on the arm. I looked over, he came in his pants three times. He's like sitting there. How are you doing today so far? I keep on thinking about it. She's beautiful. I meant with Mia. The picture of you hugging her was just like, you were just in bliss. You're like, you look at Von D. He was like, I'm actually touching her. I like girls that think like that. Like the energy thing she said about, you know, I love girls that think like that. She's a very nice person and she's incredibly artistic. She's a badass bitch. So many fans. She's really nice too, man. She's really nice. Like legit nice. Like not a bullshit nice. Just a nice person. Yeah, it's nice when you see someone that's trying to do that. That's trying to do the right thing. Yeah, it's rad, bro. Where'd you get that from? From Kat Von D. Is that how she talks? I think so. Wow,

19:57what are you trying to say? Do it again. You don't think Kat Von D is hot? Are you saying something? I think she's hot. I watched her show. You don't like the way she talks? Every episode of her show. Like, yeah, man. Look me in the eyes. That's not what she sounds like. That's not what she sounds like to me. Do it again, but look me in the eyes. I want to play with your dick, Red Band. Is that your impression for everybody? What's Spider-Man sound like? Oh, it's sticky in my head. That's a sucky impression, dude. That's terrible. I thought that was fucking spot on. Really? Yeah. Do Bert Kreischer. He's so silly. Oh my God, oh my God, that's how you guys about to tie it? No, I'm a big fan of Cap-On-D. I watched every episode of that show. Really? Absolutely. Did you see Eddie Bravo episode? Probably missed that one, but the other ones I caught. Why? It's me, man. What's with me, the ringtone fucking AT&T commercial?

20:53You gave me shit about mine, too, because I have it on that. I have the same thing. Why? I don't change my ringtones. Anything you want. I just want to know if someone's calling. Okay, that's all I want to know, Brian. I don't really give a fuck what it sounds like. Cap-On-D, I love you. Just listen. Whoa, Brian. Hey. Stop him. He's taking your girl. That's not cool. He just said, Cap-On-D, I love you. That's not cool. That is so not cool. Listen, you don't understand what it was like for Lil Bri yesterday. Really? You don't understand. It's adorable. You want to hear my new ringtone? Is it Cat? Yes. Okay, stop that. It's terrible, man. You really, I need to find out what happened to you that froze you in 12. Did you spend some time with a schizophrenic person yesterday? There was some strange moment when you were 12 and you just stuck there emotionally. It's better than that ringtone. How do you even know if it's your phone if it's ringing?

21:46I don't give a fuck. You just check. How about that? How about I don't give a fuck? You should sell ringtones, man. Because I was going through the ringtone store and the top 10 ones are so dumb. Like Space Unicorn was the best one and I was just really stunned. But there's like one that's just like a black guy going, yo man, answer your phone. Answer your motherfucking phone, motherfucker. That's what I want. I want a white guy doing a bad black eye. How is that bad too? Just if you're in like a really black area and you hear the phone going, answer your phone, motherfucker. Answer your phone. Pick up your phone, bitch. You don't think my impression of a black voice is good? That's a good ringtone. I think it was okay. It was okay. It was a little racist. What? Jesus Christ. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding completely. I only said that because it was the funniest thing to say. I don't think you're racist

22:36by any stretch of the imagination. But I did, I put myself, I put what some people thought was a racist tweet the other day. I wrote, I saw a black guy with a Mitt Romney bumper sticker on his car. I go, the minds were right. This fucking thing is over. Yeah. Like that's ridiculous. This black guy had a racist piece of shit. And all of a sudden people were saying I want a racist piece of shit. How is that racist? I don't know. I don't know enough about Mitt Romney to know if there was a joke in there about him and black people. Well, my question is what black guys are relating to Mitt Romney? Well, that's going to get you some more tweets. I need to look, I wish there was another alternative because I'm not really happy with either one of these guys. It seems silly to me. I mean, I feel like socially Obama's way better. The way he communicates is better. He's way smarter. He's way more moderate. He's way more reasonable.

23:29I'd rather hang out with him than Mitt. Way more impressive. Fuck yeah, I'd rather hang out with Obama. But what bums me out is that it seems like fuck, look at all the shit that got passed while Obama was in office. I don't know how much of that had to do with him. It's so hard to believe that a young guy just a few years older than me would be so willing to give in to this ridiculous idea that giving the government more power over the people is necessary to keep us safe. Yeah. Because I think that's just total horse shit. I just think they want to lock it down. And they're slowly eroding our rights. And they're doing it in a very unconstitutional way. And that's not the way to do your job. Your job is to do it within a constitutional way. And if you can't keep us safe in a constitutional way, it means you suck at your fucking job. You need to get better at that. What we don't need to do is look at everybody's fucking email

24:21and listen to everybody's voicemail messages and track everybody's movement through GPS. And you don't need to do all that. This is crazy. Because who decides who has access to that information? Who decides? You know, people could harass you because you have different political beliefs than them or you're, you know, interrupting their campaign. You know, there's a lot of different things that someone could do if they have influence, if they have enough power over you by being able to track your whereabouts and listening to all your phone calls. That shit is ridiculous. And the fact that that's happening in America, man, that's what we always used to make fun of the Soviet Union about. That, you know, everybody was being a spy and spied on. But we never thought that shit was going on over here. But meanwhile, the government just opens up the floodgates and it's all of us. I know. It's so gross. And didn't you retweet that somebody,

25:13I didn't even know about this, and it amazes me that this happens and nobody knows? That they audited the Fed and that they found out that the bailout amounts were not even close. It was trillions of dollars in secret bailouts. And that certain companies were getting trillions. Trillions. Not even like what we were told they were getting, let's say, 50 billion. You're like, Jesus, you got 50 billion? No, they got like 1.3 trillion dollars. Yeah, it's insane. And that was like, it was in the news, but I feel like nobody really, they were like, oh yeah, that's what happened. I don't get it, man. I don't understand how any of it flies. I mean, the whole idea that you, first of all, the whole idea that the only way to fix all this shit is to take more money from us is fucking berserk. Yeah. That is so bonkers. That's the stupidest idea ever. It's like, you're telling me that you just have to, no matter what, keep these defense budgets

26:11the way they are now. That's what they're saying, essentially. They're saying, look, we're not going to shrink that, so let's just concentrate on moving along. Whacking some things off and some other, it's this giant chunk of money is being thrown at this ridiculous situation, this horrific situation, rather. And no, I can't fix that. That is just what it is. We'll cut that a little bit. We're going to cut that a little bit. We've got no money for pizza in school, though. Yeah. You know, it's the idea that, you know, when you're going to need a little bit more from everybody. No, no, you don't. You need to stop spending money on shit that we don't want you to spend money on. What the fuck? Where's the money going? And nobody, the thing is, like, not only defense, but nobody is ever really willing to make concessions. Nobody wants to give up whatever their causes, whatever committee they sit on, just go somewhere else. So you end up

26:58finding, like, a group of people that are all agreeing to not make any deals. Like, no, just take from somebody else, just not us, and it goes around the circle, and then you're like, all right, that was fun. Fucking nobody made any concessions at all. First of all, the only way we're going to fix this whole world problem is we're going to have to be able to read each other's minds. People are just too full of shit. Language is just one step on an ever-ending, or never-ending, rather, process of, of getting closer and closer to each other. Language is the ability to do it in expression, and you say what you, you, comes out of your mouth. I know what you're saying. I know who you are. You talk. I know who you are. We're going to be able to get past that. That's what the next step is. The next step is we're going to be able to read each other's minds, and until then, we're going to have a really hard time with this fucking thing,

27:46because people are full of shit, and people misinterpret people's words, and people are touchy, and people don't know why they're really mad, and, you know, there's a lot of the problems throughout normal human communication, and part of it is I can only gauge your intent by guesswork. I can only gauge your intent by how you respond, guesswork, and then, you know, you put it into the computer that is your brain and try to figure out if this person's good for my life, is this person bad for my life, is this person my friend, are they looking out for me? Eventually, we're going to just read each other's minds. That's all going to be bullshit. You're going to know who's a cunt. Cunts are going to know they're cunts. They're going to have to straighten up. It's going to be like a beautiful moment. Yeah. But you're also going to know, you know, all the creepy shit about people. We're going to definitely get past the idea that the only way

28:36I can communicate is through some noise, some mouth noise, and some text messages. Just looking at somebody, you think? Well, look at the interface of text messaging. I mean, look at it. That's already, you've already got this new way to communicate with people that are nowhere near you. Yeah. So you're getting a little bit of their information, a little bit of their personality, a little bit of their mind, this little text that's coming in on your phone. Yeah. Well, eventually, that's going to morph into the next thing, whatever the fuck it is. It's going to be people that let you ride along where you can tap into their consciousness and you can walk around with them and shit. Yeah. I don't see that being outside the realm of possibility. I think that's totally possible that you could eventually get to a point where a person interfaces with some sort of an internet connection in maybe something that you would wear in your head

29:28that stimulates various parts of the brain with electrical impulses or something that can trigger certain experiences. If they figure out how to really wire that, maybe they'll actually have to fucking drill some holes in your head and shit and put little conductors that you have to screw shit into. But people would totally do it if you could actually work that out. Probably. And ride along with each other. Yeah. Like you could go if you were a real freak. If you were a real freak. You know, like those dudes who like watching their wives fuck other guys. Yeah. They could like be their wife while she gets fucked by this giant black guy. Yeah, yeah. Why does it got to be black? Because that's the scariest. Big guys won, but big black guys is the scariest. Or that's maybe like what is the thing? Isn't that like cuckolds? Is that what they call them? Yeah, yeah. Guys that like watching other guys fuck their wives in front of them.

30:15That's interesting. That's to me. There is. And that's the real fucking, that's the exciting point for them. Like, this guy's about to drill my wife. This is fucking awesome. Oh, that's so crazy. Yeah, yeah. And they want her to get fucking hammered. But how can that end in anything other than murder-suicide? Can it? I don't know, but I was just thinking you could never switch it. You could never fuck a girl in front of your wife and she's just sitting there brushing her hair really, you know, slow and... I don't think so unless she was crazy. But it's not normal that a guy would sit there and get off on that either. Hell no. It's not normal at all. Yeah, some guys are just real freaks. Yeah, but there's everything, you know? Yeah. I mean, shit. That's well put. There's everything. That really is what the answer is. And we didn't really know that as much when we were kids. That's why you were subject to get accosted by, like,

31:07some predator. Yeah. Because you never knew any predators. So we didn't have access to nearly as much information. Yeah. The internet really exposes you. Fuck yeah. Every kid knows about pedos now. Yeah. They got a pedo bear. You know? I mean, pedos weren't something that everybody talked about when I was a kid. It was like, you keep away from that man. He's a bad man. Yeah, yeah. And you'd be like, who's the bad guy? That bad guy over there? Why is he bad? The guy by the park. I don't understand why he's bad. Nobody understood why. Now kids know about pedos. You understand how many kinks there are. Like, there's all these, you go online, there's these subcategories of shit, and you're like, that's a thing? Really? Yeah. Oh my God. You're just exposed to it all. And so we're like adults now, but you realize that, like, if you look back on, like, fifth grade you, he's aware of that. Ten-year-olds are online. Well, there's all these,

31:53oh, there's this shit? Okay. There was always specialty things. There was always, like, but it was hard to find them. Like, if you were going to be into weird freak shit, like, some dudes are into feet. Yeah. They were actual feet magazines. Yeah. Nice. I found a feet porno magazine with my friends. Can I have it? In the woods. Oh, okay. Can I have it? We were wandering through the woods, and we found a pile of magazines, like, in a plastic bag. Yeah. And if you found them in the woods, they were almost, 60% of the time, they were porn. Right. Right? If you found a dude who went to read magazines in the woods, there was a lot of people that would go, and they would just go beat off in the woods, man. That's so great. I love that. Dudes that go to read magazines. Yeah. In the woods? And they left their stash back there, so we would go find their stash, and so it was me and my two friends, and as they were opening the pages, my friend,

32:46there were two, one dude was from Argentina, the other dude was from Cuba. Yeah. And we were in Florida, and we were peeling back these pages, and this kid stops, and he goes, man, I think this shit is just dicks and feet. That's the quote of the day, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, and it was one of the first times I had ever saw anybody so clearly say, what the fuck, when they don't really want an answer. Right. You know? Yeah, yeah. That, you know, when you say, like, what the fuck. Yeah, you don't really, yeah. It was just like, what the fuck? Like, he knew, I didn't know, I knew, he didn't know. We were 11, and we were looking at, like, dudes jerking off on feet. Yeah, it's like, I guess the whole thing? I've been wanting that to be a thing. I didn't know it was. I found the creepiest new fetish out yesterday. It's called belly punching. Oh, no. It's just guys and girls punching other girls in the belly really hard. Really?

33:48And they get off on it. Don't do that. I don't want to watch that. Yeah, and the videos are just really disturbing. It's from Brazil. Don't get off on it. Please shut that off. That stuff bugs me. Yeah. I don't get off on it, but I've seen it, and it was like, it was so extreme that I was like, in tears laughing. What was it? Of the ball kicking. Oh, Jesus. So I saw one, and I was like, oh, that's clearly, that guy has a cup on, you know, like you can tell. But this one was genuine, and she was like, she was kicking like 50-yard field goals, like lining up and teeing off, and he was like, ugh. His legs were shaking, and then she's like, yes, suffer, suffer, and like fucking. What the fuck is that about? I don't know, man, but somebody's like, somebody's not watching that like to laugh. They're watching that. That is the most erotic, arousing thing. I got kicked once so hard in a tournament. I've been kicked many times,

34:38but I got kicked once in a tournament where my cup slammed into my balls, and it was, I was fucked up. My balls swole up. They were purple, and they swole up. Like, it swole up like twice the size of normal. Do you have any photos? What I don't understand, I don't understand how the guy can physically take it. Do I have what? Do you have any photos? I would have taken photos of that shit. I was only like 16 or 17. How do they physically tell? Because like that, obviously, were you like, oh, it was fucked up, man. I've been kicking the balls, and it's like, I can't even, I wouldn't be able to, like if there was a second kick, I would just shit myself. I got a boner on the way home, though, so I was happy. I was happy that it still worked. It was almost like my body was letting me know. Because that was when I was like, when I was like 16 or 17, I would get those random boners. I could be walking, and I would just get

35:25a complete heart on, like out of nowhere. It's like, what the fuck is this doing here? It's cool, too. You didn't know. It's like giving a blind person a gun. You know, you're like, what is this, a trigger? You don't know what you're doing when you're a 17-year-old kid just walking around with a boner. I would crank out so many at 17. Fucking unbelievable, man. It's so ridiculous. You're always horny. Yeah, and like that chamber is fucking reloaded immediately. Yeah, immediately. And what's really fucked up is that that is probably like one of the biggest shifts as a human being that your life makes from no sex at all to boom, having a girlfriend when you're in your teenage years, which is confusing as fuck. Yeah. I mean, your teenage years are a mess. And in that, you're having relationships, you're making out with people, and your penis is going into a girl's vagina. It's the best you've ever felt in your life. Yeah.

36:21And she's on the pill so you can squirt it in her. You get so confused. You get so baffled. You're so fucking twisted, just so absorbed in that person. And that's why you see so many people that age like throw everything else away for that relationship because they can't, it's all so... Attic behavior. Yeah. Yeah. We've all been guilty of it. Attic behavior is not just physical addiction. It's just like squirrely thinking. You know? Attic behavior is like some, there's a lot of like different activities that shouldn't really exist for our shitty minds. But they do exist. Mm-hmm. And people can't help because of the fact that they have access to casinos. There's certain people that cannot fucking help it. Yeah. Yeah. They're drawn in there and they want to gamble. They want action. That's what they live for. It's, it's, I've seen it. It's craziness. And they'll go on these programs and I'm not gambling anymore.

37:19I'm not doing this anymore. I'm done. The next thing you know, I'm just going to try a little. I can handle it now. It's all about management. Boom. Back in the slide. Crazy. In debt. Never get. And it's not, there's no, there's no drugs. There's no dealer. There's no, there's no poisoning. There's just fucking, this weird idea that you need to fucking pull that lever and see those lemons. Lemon, lemon, lemon, can we do fucking money? I'm so glad I don't have that. Oh, and then they take that money and go right back in. It's fucking horrifying. There was a guy named White Plains Charlie when I was a kid and I used to play pool at executive billiards. He was the first guy that I ever met that was an absolute 100% gambling junkie. This guy didn't do a goddamn thing for a living. He lived off of handouts and games and hustle pool. He slept in like homeless shelters and, you know, in different people's houses and, you know, had apartments

38:13in like real, real squirrely situations and he would just come down the pool hall and go to the racetrack. And that's all this guy did. Yeah. That's all this guy did. He was always in action. He was always in action. He was fucking ponies. And he was a sad guy because he was in his like 70s, you know, and he was like, you know, just a really tiny, tiny man and people would yell at him and they'd fucking treat him like shit because he was always broke and he would yell at them and he would always lose his money. Shit. Those guys? I almost had those motherfuckers. I'm supposed to have 775, you know, and have some number problem that went wrong on him. Of course. You know, that would have paid $2,000. $2,000. Can you believe that shit? I can't tell you how many conversations I had with White Plains Charlie where he would come in there and go, Joe, you ain't gonna believe this. They got me at the track again. I'm down there

39:02and I was like, at the time, maybe 22 to 23 years old. Yeah. So the whole thing to me was just completely baffling. Yeah. I was like, wow, this guy's out of his fucking head. For sure. This is crazy. Like, he just can't stop gambling. I've never seen anything like it. I know a poker guy like that who just can't stop. They can't stop. Can't stop. They get sweaty hands. I was completely addicted to playing that Quake game. You were. 100%. 100%. I loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Hours and hours a day. I didn't, if you were talking and I was listening to you talk and you were boring the shit out of me and be like, why am I spending time doing this when I could be playing Quake and my time would be awesome as always? Really? Yeah. I would not want to talk to people. I would want to just sit in front of the computer with the headphones on because you can hear like, who's walking on the right hand side? You can hear like,

39:50footsteps on the right or footsteps on the left. Yeah. You have to, you have to creep because if you walk, you don't make any noise. But if you want to jump, if you want to strafe jump, if you want to run, you make noise. Yeah. And I would get addicted, dude. Wandering down hallways, rocket launching, people in the heads. It's fun as fuck. I've been lost in video games before too. It's addict behavior. Yeah, totally. The real problem is it doesn't make you ultimately feel like you got anything done. Like, if I put the same amount of effort into making podcasts or the same amount of effort into like doing stand-up, I feel like you got something done. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. But if you're just out there fucking throwing squares with numbers around, you know, what are you doing? What are you doing? You playing cards? What are you doing? There's nothing actually happening. Yeah. You're playing Quake. I fucking killed everybody.

40:38Nothing really happened. No. Okay? You just got jolted. Nothing was really created. And eight hours went by. You basically gave all your time, you know, to this artificial experience. And, you know, you got an adrenaline rush out of it. It was a lot of fun. It was great. But ultimately, nothing was created. Whereas, like, if you took that same amount of time and you decided, I'm going to draw a picture or I'm going to paint something, I'm going to write a song, an actual physical thing manifests itself that people can enjoy. Or, fucking rocket launchers. Lightning bolt guns and shit and gunning people down. Halo. You don't get anything out of that. It's weird. Is that your game, Halo? Used to be. I tried to, I step away, I literally force myself not to get on game systems that much anymore because I would do that and I would do Madden and NCAA. Madden's supposed to be awesome. I heard Madden's just so addictive. The college one,

41:34I would play, because I like college ball a lot, I would play, you could create a player, you start your team and then play a season. Did you make white guys win? I would make, I would make fucking Tom run a 4-3-40. Yeah, of course. You'd give him ridiculous power. Absolutely. I'd be like, Vikings. 6-3-2-30, just fucking yoked. Yeah, absolutely. Just Vikings. Vikings, An army of Brock Lesnar's. I would play the full, I would say, I would play, I would do the spring thing, spring ball, and then play fucking 12-game season, the conference game and the bowl game and then recruit players because you can recruit and recruit them for the next year and fucking, I'd play, you know, 14 games in a row and I'm like, holding on for the next season to start and this is like, in one sitting. Wow. Yeah, it's hours and hours. It's not good, man. Well, that's the same thing with poker too, right? I mean, when people start playing poker, don't they disappear?

42:30Absolutely. And the guy that I know that does it the most, like, not only does he disappear doing all that behavior but he's also fucking losing his livelihood, you know, like, shit, we're fucking down 500 today. It's hard. It's hard to make a living playing poker. I mean, you gotta be super good. I mean, all props to those Daniel Negrano type characters that have been in, Phil Ivey and all these guys that I hear about. I don't play it. I don't like cards. It's not that I don't like cards. It's just, it's not something that I'm interested in doing because when I was a kid and I would play pool, the card games would always interrupt the pool action. Oh, really? And everybody would be like, Jesus Christ, is this a card place or a pool hall? Yeah. Like, guys that you would normally get bets with, they wanted to go gamble because that's all pool halls were about. Yeah. All pool halls were about was, like, hobby people who were into

43:19just knocking balls around with their friends who never got good and then either tournament players or gamblers. Yeah. And so, the tournament players are usually both tournament players and gamblers. So, there's always gambling unless some asshole came around with a deck of cards because you can't, you don't, you can miss when you're playing pool. Yeah. You know, you can miss. You can play on a gaffy table where the pockets are weird and this guy might know the table better than you do so he knows what spots to avoid. But with poker, you can't, there's no missing. You're just, you're really gambling. You're just gambling. You know, you're using your intelligence but you're also gambling. I don't get poker. I don't have the mind for it, man. I'm really not. Powerful CTO, coconut water. Thank you very much. I'm not into it, man. I'm intimidated by numbers and I'm intimidated by, just like the game itself, never been.

44:05Seems like an awesome game. It seems like a real absorbing game, though. It seems like a very, like you have to really be a bad motherfucker to understand the in and outs of poker and to have like, you know, years and years of intuition. I mean, those are special dudes. They obviously have special minds. Just for me, my, I was always so absorbed with things that required execution, physical execution as well as like mental and that's why I liked Quake because it was like this hand-eye coordination thing. That was what, I was getting my rocks off on and that's the same thing with pool. So to me, it's like, it was always a physical thing as well as a mental thing. I felt like the real, the real thrills to me were when I could combine the two things together. When I could combine a physical experience and a mental experience. That's why I like jujitsu. That's why I like playing pool. So the card thing

44:55was lacking the physical part. There was no execution. I didn't have to execute. So that was, it was like way less exciting. I was like, you can't compare. The difference between when you're watching a guy gambling and he's gambling for $10,000, a set of nine ball in every fucking pocket. He's putting his hands on his shirt and blowing on his hands and putting talcum powder on. He's sweating and he's trying to keep it together. You're trying to like really gently control how a ball spins and collides with another ball and, you know, make sure that you hit it just enough so that it lands perfectly for the next one. All while you're gambling. You know, I mean, that's what's exciting. When you're sitting there with cards and you know what card to pick stupid. Just pick the fucking card, dude. It's like you win or you don't win. It's like it's not the same loss. Right. A guy shoots your nuts in in a game of pool.

45:46Like if you're playing 10, you're playing a race to 10 and he breaks and runs out 10 games on you, you lose. You don't even get a chance to play. Like that can happen. That has happened. Has that happened anymore, really? Not to me. No. But it has happened in the past. 10 in a row. Just run the whole thing. It's happened more than once. Wow. There was one guy who did it for a million dollars. Yeah. They had an insurance policy to see who could run, if you could run 10 racks in a row, which had never been done in a competition before, you could win a million dollars. It had only been done like a couple of times. Like Johnny Archer ran 10 and out on Francisco Bustamante. They were gambling. And that was like a legendary story because Francisco Bustamante doubled the bet after Johnny Archer ran 10 and out on him. He was like, this guy can't keep this shit up. Yeah. Doubled the bet in the next game, which is really nuts. Fuck.

46:32And then the other one was this Earl Strickland guy who they had this 10 rack thing where they were insured for a million bucks. But the insurance company didn't want to pay because they couldn't believe it had been done. They couldn't believe like they found the statistics. No one had ever broken and ran out 10 racks ever in any modern nine ball tournament that they could have on record. So they said, listen, I don't think it's much of a gamble. We'll bet a million dollars. If someone does it, they win a million dollars. Earl Strickland did it the first fucking tournament they had. Jesus. I think it was the first. It was either first or second. He broke and ran 10 racks like a demon, fired in combinations on the nine ball. I mean, it was ridiculous shit. It was like movie shit. And they denied him. I think he wound up settling, but he never got like the full million bucks. They denied him, really? I think he only got

47:20like a quarter million bucks or something like that. I hope I'm wrong, but he's like one of the greatest players of all time. And he gambles too. He does like those action challenges, those action report matches where they have online, they'll have like just two guys playing for like 25,000 bucks. They'll both like put up the money and then they'll have like a gambling contest. You ever played, what's the other one called? Is it Snooker? Snooker? No, I've never played that. It's the same principle, but smaller. Well, it requires some incredible fundamentals. There's more room for error in a game pool than there is in Snooker. First of all, because in nine ball, like the chosen gambling game, nine ball, the balls are all wild. So what that means is if you miss the one ball in the corner pocket, but it spins around and lands on the side, it still counts. You just, you keep going. When Snooker, I don't think that would ever count.

48:14I think Snooker is like very precise. Okay. I think, and you have to move balls. I don't really totally, completely understand it and the table's fucking huge and the balls are tiny and the pockets are tiny as shit and there's certain ways where you shoot it, it doesn't accept the ball the same way it does in a pool table. Like, I don't think you can cut a ball down the rail the way you can on a regular pool table. So it's a little bit of a different sort of a game. But Snooker players notoriously are good at pool. They, like some, like the top world Snooker players like these English guys. Can kill it. Steve Davis, yeah. These guys are awesome Snooker players like world, you know, world champions. They come over to the pool and then eventually they start, Ronnie O'Sullivan, eventually they start fucking up the Americans. Really? It takes time. Yeah. Well, the Americans, there's like a few high level guys but the European guys

49:05have such a strong team. Man, it's like, there's so many guys. Like the Americans might have like the best guys of all time like Johnny Archer, one of the best guys of all time. Earl Strickland, one of the best guys of all time. Shane Van Boning, one of the best guys of all time and one of the best guys right now. But Europe is like, there's so many fucking players that are killers. Really? There's so many. Pool is huge over there, man. It's weird how many good guys. In Asia, they say in Asia, like there's parts of Asia where pool is fucking enormous, the Philippines especially. It's enormous. Like you go there, it's like one of their most, their like number one, behind soccer, I think. I think it's soccer. Are the Philippines into soccer? Does that make sense? Or is it baseball? Am I making this up? Cricket maybe? No. We're just making shit up. Bocce? No, well I mean, orange chicken. I'm amazed by how sports like culturally evolve.

49:57Well, also how certain places like so love a sport and do not give a fuck about another sport. Yeah. Like cricket would be a great example of like, it's big in some of the islands. It's huge in India, Pakistan, Australia, some of the things. I mean, that shit is like, Is it a gambling game? Is that why it's big? I don't know if it's a gambling game but like you watch it and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck's going on and clearly nobody in this country who's not from one of those countries, like nobody gives a cricket. I don't know the rules. Yeah, it's, I think it's difficult to follow. Like you see the number, you're like, what? And it's like a five day game. You know, you don't understand why they're celebrating. I'd rather do cocaine. I just, I can't get into it but you know, it's so silly. Billiards, soccer, football, like those are, it's very regional, specific. Well, I think you get into a game and then once you get into it

50:51you understand the skill behind it and then that's what you, you know, look, it's so weird and people are willing to fall into things so odd. Just look at the way baseball uniforms look. Like, what the fuck are you dressing like? Why do you have to dress like that for this stupid game? You're dressing like you live in a different century? What kind of stupid button up shirt are you wearing? What the fuck is with your socks? What the fuck is with your tight pants? If you were just a regular dude walking around with those pants in the street, I'd say, get the fuck away from my kids. But because you're playing some silly game, you have to dress like a pilgrim? This is ridiculous. This game's retarded beyond belief. Yeah, I know. It needs to be revamped. It's like one step away from a pirate's fucking outfit. It's ridiculous. And it's a ridiculous game. It's just fucking boring as shit. It takes too long. I can't do it.

51:39I've never liked it. I can't do it. I liked playing it when I was a kid. And when you like playing it, you understand what the skills involved in hitting a 94 mile an hour fastball. That's fucking really skilled. Yeah, catching a ball that's like over the fucking top of the wall. Yeah. But who cares? Yeah. I don't like baseball. I like football. That's by far my favorite sport. I like women's softball. Sports are awesome. I'll tell you what, man. Anything that's hard is awesome. Anything where you get into it and you try to express yourself and show your ability to concentrate and focus through a ball or through whatever the fuck it is that you're doing in any sport. Yeah. I love watching it. I love watching competition. I love watching people pay off. Like hard work paying off. Sure. That's like, to me, I want to see that shit all the time. Even tennis. I don't give a fuck about tennis,

52:29but I watched some tennis the other day. I just watched it. I was like, whoa, that guy's really trying to hit that ball and he's really trying to get, oh, he's really close. Impressive. I don't really give a fuck what's going on because it's not my thing. But if I was a tennis head instead of a pool head, it's the same thing. It is. I could have easily gotten hooked on tennis or baseball or golf. This is a fucking era, a golden era for tennis too. Is it? There's some bad motherfuckers playing. Really? Fuck yeah. Who's that guy? The guy that beat Serena and the other one? What is the other Williams name? Venus? Yeah. Venus and Serena. He beat them both. Really? A man? After he played golf, drank beer, and then played one, seven to one or whatever the fuck this was. Really? Yeah, beat them both. I don't know. I don't know about that. I'll do it. I'll pull it up. It's a famous case. Federer is, you know, like just amazed.

53:23Like if you look at his career. He's like one of the all-time best right now, right? Oh, by far. Yeah. And Nadal. They say that he's like, they could put him up there with McEnroe in his prime. Oh, guys, guys. he's devastating. Incredible. He absolutely dominates people. That's amazing. And he's been doing it consistently now for just years, man. And Nadal's also up there. And what's his name just retired? Roddick. And everybody was like, if his peer class wasn't so good, he would be, he would have won so many more titles. But he just happens to be around in this era of like so many just absolutely dominant tennis players. Yeah, I don't follow it enough, but I would assume that that's just the case with everything right now, right? I mean, isn't the case of basketball teams? here's an example of one where it's not. Like the heavyweight boxing division. So people say this is just the, an era where it's not as, as competitive and as big.

54:23There's not as many big, exciting fighters. So, you know, we don't talk about right now as being the most exciting time. And I mean, you know, boxing in general has taken a dip, but like people have always been drawn to the heavyweight division in boxing. You know, it's the most, it's the one that people always like big, you know, so the heavyweight boxers right now, you know, I guess you could, the Klitschkos. The Klitschkos pretty much own it. I mean, part of that you could argue, hey, they're not American. So Americans get excited about American heavyweights basically. And those guys have been dominant. They're not American. But, you know, the division pretty much has a lot of journeymen and they go up and they give it a shot and sometimes the belt switches hands, but it's pretty much Klitschkos to run through and people don't talk about this as like, wow, this era right now, you know, heavyweight. Yeah. Boxers are like, it's not a great era.

55:16It's not a great era. No. It's not like a Holyfield or Lennox Lewis type era. And then like another guy would pop up, you know, Bo would pop in and you'd be like, oh shit, who's this guy? It's weird that two white guys are running shit. Running, yes. Two white Russian dudes who are doctors are running shit. Did I tell you, I went to this boxing gym in Glendale and there was a guy there who's like trained a bunch of them and he said basically like those guys, they train like, all right, a thousand right crosses. Yeah, they're willing to do some shit that Americans are not willing to do. they're like, start that shit over. And so like technically, every punch is always exactly like executed. Yeah. Like never off. You watch them, it's just like, it's perfect execution but it's not exciting. Before anybody has a chance to get good, they nip them. Go get them quick before he gets, as soon as the guy becomes even remotely into contention,

56:10go get them. And the guy, the trainer guy was like, he's foreign so he has this heavy accent and he's like telling me about like different, he's like, now if you ever fight with a Mexican, you know, they're like dogs, they're just going to fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. I'm like, okay. I was like, do you tell everybody that? But it's such that foreign mindset of like this is, this is how it is. Just racism is a big deal. he's like, you gotta take a Mexican down because they'll never stop fighting. And I'm like, Jesus Christ. And then he's like, the blacks, oh, please, just great. And you're like, okay. That's great. What was he, he liked fighting black guys? No, he was like, they're just, you know, like he's like, he was talking about Floyd and he was just like, you know, technically, just fantastic puncher. Oh yeah, Floyd Mayweather does everything perfect. Perfect. But on top of that, has out of control, uh, reflexes, skills,

57:05improvising skills. And he's trained perfectly. I mean, his brother, Roger, you know, I mean, his uncle, Roger, Roger Mayweather was a fantastic boxer. His dad was a good boxer. Fuck about Victor Ortiz. Yeah. That was the best soundbite ever from 24 seven. That thing was so ridiculous. I love that shit. That fight was so ridiculous. He sucker punched that dude. Yeah. The guy's looking at the referee and he's like, bitch, we're still fighting. Crack. yeah. Blam. That was weird of Ortiz though, too. He's a silly bitch. That was so, and then, he kind of gave it up. But then like, we talked about, what's his name? I like the way Victor Ortiz fights, man. That guy's crazy. Yeah, he's a tough guy. He just messed up. He just made an error. Yeah. You know, what's the Filipino? I can't even think right now. Do you know what I said? Who's the? Manny Pacquiao? Pacquiao. How dare you call him the Filipino? One of the greatest boxers

57:58in the history of the world. I just blanked on his name. Maybe the greatest. If you really think about accomplishments. But he, you know, like he leaves the ground. Yeah. Oh yeah. He throws his legs and his punches. And it's fucking powerful, He hits so hard. A lot of his power comes from his legs. He's a powerful dude. Manny Pacquiao's a fucking murderous puncher. When he fought, what the fuck's his name? Um, the dude, he broke both his eye sockets. Shit. Margarita. Yeah, Antonio. Margarita, right? Yeah. The guy who was disgraced for using plaster in his knuckles. Yeah. Yeah. Boy, he paid that price. Karmically, he paid that price, man. Because Pacquiao beat his fucking eyes in. He beat his eyes so bad they had to replace the lens in his eye with an artificial lens. Oh my God. Yeah. Did he ever fight again? Yep. Fuck yeah, he did. Yeah, he got back in there. Jesus Christ, man. He got back in there and fought Miguel Cuoro. And Miguel Cuoro

58:50was one of the guys who he beat where they suspected he did something to his gloves because he's fucked the dude up. Like, murderously fucked him up. And he never really did that with anybody. Like, he was just knocking motherfuckers out cold. Cuoro? No, no, Margarita. Oh, Margarita, before they found the plaster in his gloves. Because he did it to Cuoro, though, right? Yeah, he did. He did. He did the first time, but the second time, Cuoro stopped him. Yeah. But it was, I think it was like a cut or some shit that stopped him. But Margarita couldn't really hit his heart after they caught him with the plaster. Yeah, that was, that's scary shit to think that a guy was like making his career putting rocks in his gloves. Like, what a mean dickhead. Yeah. Yeah. He's not, he's totally cheating. Yeah. And getting away with it. And giving you, like, definitely fucking more aggravated brain damage than you would be getting. You know what I mean?

59:42He's hitting you with fucking casts in your face. Yeah. Like, that's really shaking up the inside of your head. There was a fight during the, I think it was the 80s, where a guy had pulled, Panama Lewis had pulled the stuffing out of a guy's gloves. Yeah, I remember that. And it was this kid, I believe the kid's name was Louis Resto, the boxer. And then the other one was Billy Collins, I think it was. I forget, I forget what the guy's name was. But the poor kid had like ended his career. And the, because he just got bare knuckled in the face. Well, he crashed into a tree. They think he committed suicide. And the guy, Panama Red was, Panama Lewis. Lewis was, was, was suspended like years. The fighter, I don't think he ever fought again. And he denied any, you know, wrongdoing until a few years ago. And he, he gave it up on camera. Really? Yeah. Yeah. The boxer. Which fight? About the, the fight that you're talking about.

60:43But they found that right away though. But the box, the guy that was guilty of like the guy who Panama was training. Yeah, I believe it was Louis Resto. He, he denied it. It was like, I didn't, I didn't know. That he didn't know. Exactly. Like it was an accident. So that's silly. And his family, his family always had his back. Like they're like, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't on him. And then on camera with his family there, he was like, no, I know what I did. Oh, they're just devastated. Yeah. That's a terrible, terrible, terrible thing to live with, man. That's not just cheating. That's like, oh, that's horrific, man. Yeah. You basically, you know, you ruined a guy's life. Yeah, you did. Ruined a guy's life. A guy who was really good at competing under a set of rules and you just fucking totally hijacked the whole thing on TV. You stupid fuck. Yeah. On TV, beat a guy up with no padding in your gloves. That's unreal.

61:31So you just bare knuckle. Crazy. You cheated. You cheat an asshole. Isn't it crazy that you still get all these guys every single year in every sport that all still cheat. Cheat. And, you know, the Olympics, they took some, I forget, somebody's medal was, you know. One guy had marijuana in his system. Oh, really? Yeah, the motherfucker. Had weed in his system? Yeah, some skier or some shit. That's not, skier, I can see. Someone got kicked off the team for weed. Was it judo? Oh, there was a judo guy. Yeah, there was a judo guy who got kicked off. But you see the performance enhancing shit and you're like, how are you still, like, you know they're going to come after you, man. There's a lot of different shit that people are doing that they've got away with in the past, I think, and they're slowly starting to clamp down on that thing. And fucking Armstrong. He's crazy. Well, the crazy thing about Armstrong is he's only done by this one, like,

62:25it's an American thing that's gone after him. United States. Anti-doping, whatever the fuck it is. Yeah. But that has nothing to do with the Tour de France. So when they say that he doesn't have the eight Tour de France, notice I say France. Yes. Sophisticated. I've been to the airport in Paris. But when he, they're saying that I thought they did have jurisdiction. They do? I thought so because, I mean, everything that I saw was he was stripped of his second titles. I've heard that he was stripped by these people that they don't recognize it. Yeah. But I don't know if he was necessarily stripped by the, whoever the fuck puts on the Tour de France. He definitely did what they said he did. You think so? Look at you. Tommy Guns is throwing him in. 100%. I do not believe in these witch hunts for, for like people that are essentially like heroes and super, like nobody accuses, you know, Michael Jordan of having done this. Nobody accuses,

63:26you know, Joe Montana of having done this. They do it because it's there. His teammates have all come, come clean about it. They've all said, we all did this shit. Everybody, and then when you finally have your chance, you finally have your chance to be like, this is the last, he's like, you know what? Enough's enough. Really? Enough's enough? That's the, I'm just tired of fighting this fight. Well, you have a chance now. This is your final, this is the like, the final lap of the race. This is when you go, I'm just, you know what? Man, at some point, just say that. In his defense, he's been defending it for years. But you give up and let them take your name and ruin your name? Well, do you know that he has passed, and I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but do you know that he's passed like 500 drug tests? I do. I do. But why is there a witch hunt to get somebody like that? I don't, this is what gets me. You ever see a dude

64:20who's like killed his wife and he's on the news and they're accusing him of, you know, like, why'd you do it? Why'd you do it? And he's like, I didn't, didn't do anything. And you're like, that is not how you would react if your wife was killed and they were dragging you off and you were innocent. You would be freaking the fuck out. You know, what happened? You lost your loved one? You're a crazy person. You're a crazy person that they caught doing something. Yeah. So, but like, you think that they would go after him though if he, if there wasn't any evidence to support that? I don't know, like how? No, I'm saying like, do you, like for Lance, right? I mean, I don't know what they can do. I mean, I think once he's passed the drug test, he passed like 500 fucking drug tests. But they're claiming, but here's the thing, where's the evidence? What do you have? Do you have any of his blood and you can run it through a machine

65:10and find some shit that we didn't find before? Is that, if you don't have that, then what are you doing? I think they do have that. They probably have that. But if they do have that, that would be, no, they would have said they had that. If they do have that, they would have put that shit on the news. They would tell you what it is. It's not something that you can keep a secret. They have some sample, because some sample was referenced. Was some sample referenced because he tested positive for EPO? Was it that? I feel like he tested positive for something. But whatever the fuck it is, you should have either got him back then, or you need to let it go and realize that now with your new, super sophisticated methods of testing, he might not have passed those tests before. But guess what? He did. Let's fucking move on. Yeah. Well, leave the guy alone. They're going in. ruin his life because he did exactly what everybody else did.

65:54He just was better at it. Because that's what happened. So, but if they were... After him, you gotta be, you have to assume that he's a real motherfucker. Here's my question, one man. Why does he have to tell anybody that he was, if they were all doping, okay, and that's what we're assuming that's the case. We're assuming that everyone at the top of the list, and by the way, a lot of the doping does not necessarily even have to be unhealthy. Like the blood transfusions. That's not unhealthy. Blood doping is not unhealthy. It just is an inordinate amount of blood in your body. You have a much more easy way of producing oxygen. You can process oxygen better. That's why being dehydrated is so bad for your cardio. It's like one of the most important things for outdoor exercise. Well, that was, I think, that was, fuck, how would they describe it? It's, I just don't think any of them can achieve the highest level without doing

66:54at least some of that. If it's not blood doping, if it's not taking EPO, if it's not taking, you know, some fucking roots that boost your testosterone that are legal today but won't be legal in six months from now when they find out about it. There's a, it seems like if everybody is doing it at the very top of the list, if all those guys on his team got busted, it can only make sense that he could do it too. Right. So I just think that, for me, the assumption that I make, and again, I realize that I'm not privy to any of the like evidence or information, but the assumption that I make is if all these guys say he did it, that he worked with, all his former teammates, coaches, associates, everybody says it and then the, the doping organization, agency is so adamant about pursuing it. Like, what, why? Why would you do this if there's nothing there? Why are you trying to get there? Like, generally, that doesn't happen. People don't go after

67:50somebody just because. Do you think that's because like prosecutors sort of get a wild hair across their ass and like, we're going to go get this guy and then it becomes like a competition? It could be. That's definitely possible and they get, they get, you know, they, that, that obviously happened like in that Duke lacrosse case where the, the, the prosecutor there was like, he made a fucking show of it like we're gonna, before even like reviewing what, like the information and the evidence. Right. And then he paid a huge price because he was boasting and trashing them before they even got in a courtroom and ended up fucking losing his license to practice. But I think part of that, what he did before was from that charge he got of like, I'm gonna put these, these rich entitled kids fucking in their place. Watch this right now. And then it came back to bite them. So yeah, I think there is probably some of that people

68:40going after the big name, but I just don't see, I don't see them trying to do this to him for no reason. I just don't see this. I agree with you but I don't know what the reasons are. Yeah. I feel like if the guy passed that many drug tests, Yeah. I mean, and if everybody was doing what he was doing, if that's what they're saying, what's he just, was he just better in spite of the doping? Yeah. If everybody was doping and he was the best. He's the, he's a super talented athlete. Yeah. Clearly he's unbelievably disciplined. Yeah. So if you're telling me they all doped, Yeah. Is that, isn't that not a level playing field then? It's like the baseball argument. They're saying this is like the asterisk, whatever era. Yeah. Because like at first it was like a few guys and then a few more and then you're like, hold on, did everybody just juice for like this five or ten year period? Right. And it's looking like a huge percentage

69:29where it's not even news anymore. Right. When you find out that like all the big, all the big superstars did it, you know? Yeah. All of them. It's crazy. All the home run records were broken in that era. When you look at Mark McGuire now and you hear him talk about it and you hear him, you know, he just like broke down when he was describing what he did. You look at the best is when you see like when he was like an Oakland A, Bash Brothers era and you see him and he's like, you know, he's like 6'4 and he looks like a fucking pencil. Dude, I did a TV show with him. Did you really? He was on an episode of Hardball. Back when he was really skinny, man. Super thin. He was young. This is the pre-HGH days. He turned into a gorilla. He just went crazy with that working out. But look at the dividends, man. All of a sudden, he's just pulverizing balls. Just boom. And but Bonds too and you see Bonds in his Pirates uniform and you see him

70:21in his giant shit. It's fucking ridiculous. Do you remember how big Canseco was? Yeah, he's a monster. Dude, I was walking, I was working rather in the Boston Athletic Club when I was 19 and Canseco was in town and he needed somewhere to work out and they must have been staying close to the Boston Athletic Club so they came down and worked out and that guy walked through the door and I was like, Jesus Christ. Like, on TV with their silly 1860s outfits on, they don't look that big. Yeah. But when that guy walked through, I'm like, he's like 300 pounds. He's fucking huge. I mean, he might not have been 300 but he was like well over 250. He was enormous. I remember the first time when I was like, holy shit at the size of some fucking humans was I was in high school and I played in high school football like two hours north of Miami and I went with a friend of mine on a recruiting trip like his trip down to the University of Miami

71:16and we're standing on the field and the players run out of the tunnel and I'm looking at dudes in their chest like I'm standing there looking at the numbers and I'm like, holy fuck, I could never play against guys like this. Like dudes that were like 6'6", 330. I was like, these are fucking animals running around, man. Did people like that exist 100 years ago? I don't think so. One of the reasons why I think they might have like every now and then, there was a guy that was the heavyweight champion and his name was Primo Carnera and he was a like legit giant. He was fucking enormous. But like the best guys, let me see how big Primo Carnera was. I think he was the biggest heavyweight champion ever. I think. Up until like at least like modern times because I think there was some fucking giant Russian dude recently that was even bigger than that. Yeah. but I think this guy lived in like the the 50s. I believe it was. Yeah. He lived until 1967.

72:24So he was 7'1". Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Okay. No, this guy's 6'7". The Russian guy that I was talking about is 7'1". His name Nikolai Valuev. He's 7'1". Holy shit. So these guys were giants back then but Carnera was only 6'7". That's still a big motherfucker. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, up until that time he was the tallest heavyweight in history. And I think today like what are the Klitschkos? They're like 6'6". Yeah, they're like the same size. Big fucking dudes. Yeah, they're like the same size. So this Primo Carnera back then he was like a freak. Yeah. I did what was it? I did this fundraiser. He was 275 pounds this guy was naturally. And he that was like by the way the biggest size of any athlete through like the 80s. Like in the 80s like I remember that like linemen in the NFL were 275 280 and every team would have like a 300 pounder and you'd be like holy shit they got a 300 pounder on the team. And now the entire line. What the fuck is that?

73:45Is that human growth hormone? What is that? Is that steroids in the beef? I don't it's something. Is that what that is? It's standard now. Everyone's 320, 330. But what's happening? Is it selective growing? What is it? Cell phones. Is it this is the first couple of generations where they really understood nutrition and made sure the kids have vitamins growing up and they grew to their full potential? Is that what it is? Part of it is that. I bet that has to do a lot with it right? I think that is part of it. Yeah. And also but now you have this thing where it's like you're they are like there's more education on just you know like for instance in sports everybody has like you can be like hey I want to be this weight and they're going to program you need fucking 300 grams of protein a day and you need 5,000 calories and you need to do this type of workout and you're going to fucking swell up you know you can actually set that goal

74:34and somebody can tell you pretty much manufacture it like in knowing their their science this is what you need to do if you want to obtain that so you can execute that you know right but back then they'd just be like I don't know yeah there's definitely that like you definitely put on more size now than ever before but what I'm saying is that the actual number of giant humans has increased it's not just like the ability to put muscle on it's like the size of people is just it's more common to see these primo carnera guys in athletics today these 6 foot 7 just naturally gigantic human beings huge like that's that's more common today it just is so what the fuck is that why is it more common why is there two klitschkos there's two giant 6 foot 6 guys who are boxing everybody up these two giant Russian dudes you know just think about how many of those guys exist today how many giant human beings are out there there's a dude who fights in the UFC

75:29Stefan Struf he's fucking 7 feet tall man 7 feet yeah I don't even think he's 25 7 feet tall you know the world is not designed for you when you're 7 feet tall dude he's giant semi-schilt he's another one 7 feet tall giant kickboxers Jesus Christ where the you know this and I guarantee you kids that are coming up today the kids that are growing up and are gonna be you know coming to fruition or coming to a full height rather within the next decade they're gonna be even more giant it's like people are gonna get bigger and bigger and bigger till we like start morphing you know we start super giants we're gonna be giants there's no doubt about it man as soon as they figure out a way to engineer the body selectively we're gonna figure out what's the optimum size you can be and people are just gonna grow to that size you know you're right that like a hundred years ago there was not a fucking bunch of 6'6 300 pound people do you know how much

76:27the average soldier weighed in the civil war how much 125 pounds yeah they were tiny little dudes that's Tommy as a 5th grader yeah that is not the same type of human being that we have today because people were malnourished everybody's catching fucking diseases there's shit all over everything babies are dying nobody knows how to wash their hands right it's a mess that was a mess those are tiny ass little people those people who lived in the 1800s they're tiny ass little people now we just have gargantuan people and they're getting bigger these Shaquille O'Neal dudes I did Fear Factor with Shaquille O'Neal and I have I stand dick height on Shaquille O'Neal he's a he's a grown man I'm a grown man his dick is in my face I mean he's just so different than me that's a great quote by the way yeah I'm standing next to him and we do a countdown it's hilarious because it's me you know I was like Shaq count him down he goes 3 2 1 go and you know

77:27the people go and do their stun it was really cool because he liked the show so it was fun like having him co-host with me for a day sure but it's just so ridiculous I'm like a little child standing next to this giant super nice guy though by the way Jonathan Ogden offensive tackle 6'8 like 340 played at and his hand he just like he just held two of my little fingers and was like nice to meet you and like just squeezed a couple fingers and I realized my hand couldn't even like get around like even simulate a handshake and he also like had a conversation with somebody like as I was talking to him like down here I was like yeah so it's cool to meet you he was like yeah man so this other thing and I was like I'm down I'm like down I was like hey man like a kid like when your kid walks up to you and they're talking to you and you're talking to another adult and you're like just hold on and you're talking to the adult and they're like but daddy

78:17and you're like just hold on and you just talk over them he did that to me like I was a child and then I just looked up at him and I was like it's nice to meet you and he like patted the top of my head yeah man go about your business it was not like a human though it was like a fucking super human yeah it's amazing the variance you know how much people vary in the height and you know size like that but yet we're still in the same species yeah but a guy like Shaquille O'Neal it's like it's such an extreme version of it fucking huge he's a friendly guy though super super nice guy yeah Mike Goldberg did a whole season of Shaq verses with him oh yeah he did a bunch of different shit like he was cool box Oscar De La Hoya and you know it was kind of funny he did a bunch of different things I am do you know do you know the comic Bruce Bruce do you know him yes he's a big dude big enormous guy not that tall but probably like 300 plus pounds

79:09right I sat next to him on a flight did I tell you this already no and I'd never met him before and I recognized him so I was like hey man like you know I'm a comic and he was like oh yeah he's super fucking nice and he's just this big giant looking dude can I guess where this story goes where sleep apnea no okay no it's so you know 10 minutes into the flight he's got braids so we get delayed and first of all we're flying LA Atlanta and then I'm going on to Lauderdale he's staying he lives in Atlanta I guess so everybody that comes on the plane who's black says something to him and I'm like do you like do you know these people he was like nah man like these people just they're just fans and I was like like everybody on the plane has stopped and they tell us there's a delay you can get off the plane if you want and some girl walks by and she's like do you need something he's like ah I'd love like a candy bar and then she's like okay and I'm like

80:13who's that he's like I don't know so that lady's just buying you candy man he's like yeah yeah pretty much I was like okay whoa and sweet like I can't tell you how sweet a guy he is we get delayed the girl comes back gives him candy and I'm like just I love you and he's like thank you sweetie she goes back we take off we start talking comedy and he's like I'm doing this tour with you know I'm touring with this person I'm doing shows with these people and I'm asking him like oh what do you think of so and so and we're talking back and forth about people and he's like I'm doing this show right now where I'm you know I'm doing some theaters with Mike Epps I'm opening like for him at these massive theaters and I was like Mike Epps is a funny fucking dude like just a naturally funny guy because we're just like talking shit he's like oh yeah yeah I was like you know that guy just turned any situation funny he's like yeah but uh ain't no motherfucking

81:02funnier than Andy Griffith and I was like what like what'd you just say and he's like Andy Griffith I was like are you not Eddie Griffin right are we talking about Andy like the whistle shit yeah he's like oh man and I'm like are you serious right now he's like you ever been to Andy Griffith museum I'm like what kind of question is that man like what what what kind of question is that and he's like oh man they got the like the the car from the from the show you can you can sit in the car they have like a set like with the kitchen they used to show the kitchen you can go there you get all the Andy Griffith shit you ever want I'm like are we in the real world right now he loves Andy Griffith man he I was like I don't think I like anything as much as you like Andy Griffith he's like I love Andy Griffith and I was like clearly and he knew he was like uh you know I'm not exaggerating he was like you know there was two uh black actors that ever appeared

81:56on the Andy Griffith show and I was like wow he's like one was uh February 8th 1963 what by the role of Tony are you saying the right date or are you just making up the date no I'm making up the date but he knew the date let these people know alright he knew the date they're gonna fuck this up in Google he knew the exact date and he knew the role and the episode and then he's like the other one was April 19th 1968 and that was when remember when they couldn't find the mail I'm like I have not seen these episodes what the fuck remember when they couldn't find the mail I was like I swear to god and I was like holy shit Andy Griffith is a shit man I was like Andy Griffith really Andy Griffith he fucking loves Andy Griffith man wow there's a lot of people that pay homage to the classics yeah like there's dudes who really get into like old movies and TV shows and I mean and I've met like super fans of some things that you don't expect but that for me

82:49was so out of left field I saw Carol Burnett the other day you did? yeah she looked good she looked good I'm telling you man I mean I think the lady is in her late 70s she looked very healthy smiling laughing talking to people she that show was great yeah it was a great show it was interesting we were talking about this the other day like there was like a big wave of woman run shows back in there in the day where the woman was a star there was Laverne and Shirley there was Marilee Tyler Moore there was Rhoda there was Maude remember Maude you know and then there's Maude and then there's Maude right on Maude you don't remember that that was a that was a show that was like a big popular show and then there was the older lady who used to be a model ran the newsroom the fuck was that oh yeah yeah yeah boring ass Murphy Brown Murphy Brown that boring ass hypnotic what did they do to get people to watch that show for all those years what kind of

83:52hypnotism program did they run Rosanne 95 yeah there was a gang of them but I mean that the era of Carol Burnett was like there was a lot Lucille Ball there was a bunch of them there was a bunch of them like really strong women comedian presences yeah it's like that has changed quite a bit now like the role that women have on these like you know you have like girls like Chelsea who have their own show you know but it's like her personality it's not like a like her being the head of a sitcom right and then there's Whitney Whitney who had a show that people didn't respond to that well but then people said well it's gonna be tweaked and they're gonna figure it out but she but genuinely people seem to like her she just has to find like the right vehicle right right but how many of them are there these days it's not it's not like it used to be yeah especially well also where they need to you know where they're getting their shot

84:44you know what I mean like you know like how many how many people are getting the opportunity to have their show you know because the talent there's still talent there's a bunch of talent out there like you know there's definitely talented comics female male comics out there but they have to get a shot to get their show that seemed to be like that was an overdrive in that era that you're talking about yeah like if you were of women yeah of women but also I think just comics too like there was there's an era of pushing the comic to get the show and here's the thing that's funny that you when you're like why how come not that many stand-up let's say have a show right now right like how many where it's like an extension of the the comic you look back on that era and all of those shows were hits like the stand-up where the comic was elite a lot of those were hits man yeah there was a few bombs though I was there for a few yeah but there's

85:35I watched a few I was a part of a few I was I had my own sitcom you did pilot for NBC once yeah it was called overseas I don't even think it ever aired anywhere even as a pilot you shot the pilot yeah it was a super expensive pilot but the the thing about like those development deals they try to do at stand-ups is that they would just throw a bunch of money at a comic and then get a bunch of like you know writers that supposedly had some success on other shows and throw as much shit against the wall and see how much of it sticks yeah you know and I think that it's it's real hard for you to take the one thing that you're fucking awesome at which is stand-up the one thing that you really can completely express yourself you're uncensored you're producing it you're directing it nobody's interfering with your vision of how the joke should play out and there's a big difference between that and being on a sitcom set and that difference is it's really fun

86:41being on a good sitcom it's terrible being on a bad sitcom it's terrible and it's not as it's not as much fun as rewarding as doing stand-up it's just not you know for me at least it's like it's fun doing like a cool sitcom but if I had a choice between watching like the best sitcom ever or watching Richard Pryor do stand-up I want to watch Richard Pryor that's the best stuff the best stuff is stand-up so it's like you do shit that's not as good as the best stuff and it's just because they're paying you to do it that was how I was feeling about it and that thing that you don't really love to do and that they're paying you to do takes all day and then you don't have as much energy or time left over for the thing that you do love to do I can see that so the only reason why you should do it is to give exposure for your stand-up yeah which I hear like I mean some of the comics that really like doing comedy doing stand-up that's you know

87:33generally what you hear them say is like it's just gonna drive more people to see my show yeah that's how it should be that's how it should be man that's how it should be it's uh the art of stand-up comedy didn't get any respect for a while in the 80s I think as a as an end destination because everybody was like you gotta get a sitcom you gotta get a sitcom that's what Jerry Seinfeld did that's what this guy did your pilot your pilot in terms of like your career I did it in the middle of news radio oh in the middle while I was doing news radio yeah because it was the same producer so see and that show spoiled the shit out of me man because they were so good the writers were so good and they were crazy they would they were so nuts they wouldn't even start a script till like 2 o'clock in the morning sometimes and they would show up and it would be like tape day or rather rehearsal day and we would get like the first 30 pages

88:20or the first 5 pages or whatever it was they were like we're gonna give you the rest later and then scene 2 would come down at noon and they would shuffle down barefoot and slap it down they would go back and they would get to this state of sleep deprivation and come up with this really silly shit and I suspect it was because nobody had informed them about the benefits of weed really? yeah I think if those guys were stoners they weren't stoners if those guys were stoners what they did sober was brilliant if those guys were high they could have come up with the most silly and ridiculous show in the history of the universe how many seasons was that show on for? 5 seasons 5? yeah that was longer even no it was just too short of syndication like the normal syndication length oh man it is in syndication oh it is in syndication but it's 2 episodes short we only did 98 instead of 100 you're supposed to have 100 so that they can sell it yeah

89:13but it didn't become popular until after it was cancelled really? yeah it became popular when it would air on TV during like regular TV time like 7 o'clock and 8 o'clock and late night and shit like that when it was syndicated and then people were like this show is kind of fucking funny yeah it just got monkeyed around back then man back in the day when news radio was out nobody knew where the fuck you were if they moved you from like Monday to Wednesday you're done kid nobody knows that's the other thing like more to your point about the you know when you're just in charge of your stand up yeah with shows man you're talking about so many people are giving their input you know like the executives the producers the writers it's so many people we should really do this we should really lose that we should really do this well I don't like it when you come out that way I don't like it when you do that I don't like it when you oh stop

90:00please I don't care we can only do this one way yeah you know and the only way I'm gonna get advice is from funny people I can't get advice from someone who's a business person it's like I just gotta tell you that I think that approaching it this way when they give you a comedy note that's just like I had a conversation with a guy and he was talking about a podcast he goes you guys have really nailed down your brand and I'm like ew ew you're gross yeah that's the last thing we've done nailed down our brand ew yeah he's like you know I go what do you mean by that it's like well you know people know what kind of you know what you're putting out there it's like you know you've really like well defined your your brand ew why my brand what is that yeah what the fuck are you talking about you silly bitch it's like showbiz talk well we're trying to right now we're working on his development deal but we just don't want to sign with anyone

90:59we really want to work on developing his brand yeah can you get my brand are you are you a bottle of ketchup you fuck define him why do you need a brand who are you you silly bitch yeah it's so ridiculous if you're that defined then you become immobile you become locked into an emo phillips type character oh yeah imagine going to see emo phillips and he tries to do straight stand up you're like hey hey fuckhead why aren't you acting like you're poison weird it up man weird it up weird it up shithead what's this you just standing there telling me about butter okay get a move on I came to see your fucking funky act I love it man well if you're not going to do it where's judy tenuda I want to see your weird shit yeah I'm here to see your did you ever notice how do you go from doing that to trying to do just regular stand up I only give him shit because I know he tells his opening acts not to swear oh really yeah I've heard from dudes who

91:57I don't know exactly I wasn't really there they could have been a bunch of bitter twats yeah but uh I don't remember who it was they said he got harassed for being too dirty opening for him man that sucks it might have been Hefron god I wish I remember who it was what happened to Hefron I've had it gotta get him back in here man I've had it said passive aggressively I love Hefron before to me you know opening for somebody like say fuck a lot huh and you're like do I and they're like oh no no no it's not a thing and you're like you just made it a thing because you just hinted that it is a thing in Boston they used to like always decide like headliners would decide who would owe for him and they would you know they'd get him out of here breaks the fuck meter it was like that was like the big thing they didn't want to go on after anybody dirty yeah because if you wanted to have any sort of shock value to your comedy whatsoever but that just means

92:47your comedy's not that good yeah that's how I always felt sure the best guys can go on after anybody it doesn't matter always yeah it's just especially when people know who they are like I got a chance to see Hedberg a bunch of times and I saw Hedberg in front of people who were fans and I got to see a Hedberg in front of people who had no idea who he was and there was a big difference