Ron White

00:04Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. TRAIN BY DAY, JOE RON White has brought a wandering puppy into this studio and she's tangled in the wires now. Yeah, you know what? We can just put her out there. There's a They got new puppies out there. Let's just put her outside. She doesn't need to be around these wires. Let's have her do that and play with the puppy. Yeah, she'll do that. How old is she? 6 months? 6 months. She's adorable. What's her name again? Maddie. She's like a rug that shits. She's That's what she is, man. She's a little adorable little She's a cutie pie. golden doodle micro golden doodle is what they're calling them. Micro golden doodle? Yeah, so that's about how big she's supposed to be. That's it? That's as big as they get? That one's supposed to. I hope so cuz I got to I still got to cram them on

00:57planes and [ __ ] when I would travel. But they those things all came from wolves. Did they really? Yeah. I don't know anything about where she came from. I I got her from a breeder. All dogs came from wolves. They did? It's just incredible they can get a dog down to that. That they can I mean even a German Shepherd, imagine turning a German Shepherd into a Chihuahua. How? How do they do that? I'm glad I'm not not the one they're asking how to do it because I I would have to say I have no idea, dude. I don't even think they know how people did it. You get Chihuahuas and let them bang. That's the only That's the boss Chihuahua. I wonder if you can go back up to a wolf. What do you do? Take Chihuahuas and make back just reverse DNA those things back into a creature. Yeah, make it harder for them to live. Is it hot in here? No. It's not?

01:46No. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Then I miscalculated something. I got a miscalculation going on in my head. No, we're good. It's like what is it in here? 70? It's cold as [ __ ] outside. Yeah, it is. I'm I'm up in the air on the 22nd floor. I'm still living in the condo. It is breezy up there. Yeah, boy, you open up that sliding glass door, you get a taste of reality. You know, a couple days ago we could barely shut it, you know, or or open it. It was just so much pressure against it. We're in Midland on Wednesday or Thursday night to do a show, thanks to you. If you'd have just let me retire, I wouldn't have been in Midland in a But I'm sitting on my bus, my 60,000-lb tour bus and it is shaking in the wind. It is blowing so hard and I've owned that bus 17 years. I've never felt anything like this and it's just shaking and that bus

02:38driver had to drive it from there to Houston for the next night's show and he got up at 10 hours later of just wrestling that steering wheel trying to keep that thing on the road. god. His shoulders were killing him. His back was sore. He looked like he'd been in a fight all night long. 10 hours. What a a bus is such a big target for wind, too. There's so much surface area. big old sail. Yeah. And uh but luckily they weigh a lot. So they're 60,000 lbs and and uh you know, so it's pretty stable compared to a trailer, right? That that somebody's pulling. There's no weight in that. All that weight's right here. That stuff really blows around worse than we do. Yeah, I would imagine. We have got weight distribution. Just the whole trailer thing can get about this [ __ ] If you want to know any of it, just ask me questions. Okay. All right. The hinge

03:28something. between the two trailers, if something goes sideways, I would imagine that would be a lot harder to get back on track. I don't know jack [ __ ] about that. In fact, I don't I don't In fact, I've owned my bus for 17 years. I've never driven it 1 foot and if you held a gun to my head and said, "I'm going to kill you if you don't move this bus." I'd say, "You're going to have to kill me, dude, cuz I don't even know how to start it." I've never been curious. I'm not that kind of person. I don't I don't own a jet for years. I never went in the cockpit. I couldn't tell you what goes on up there. I didn't I'm sure the people up there knew how to flew a plane fly a plane, but I've never started it. I've never moved it. I've had cops bang on You got to move it. You're blocking an alley. I'm sorry, dude. You got the

04:09wrong guy. And the guy that's the driver is asleep right now cuz he's got to drive tomorrow night. So it's kind of sitting where it's sitting unless you guys want to tow it. You've had that happen? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, I had uh Yeah, cuz drivers can only drive so long. Yeah, they Well, you drive 500 miles and then you're then they go on overdrive. So they make the same for the next couple of hours that they made for the whole day. So they like that. But you but there are laws against how much that they can run without without needing some rest. And we run that bus at night. So, you know, they got to sleep during the day. You're banking on people being able to stay awake. People fall asleep at the wheel sometimes. Yeah, you got to go you got to go with super pros and pay them well, you know, because those guys understand the the how important it is, you know, that you

04:53got everything on this thing. Yeah. You know, my life, my friends' lives, you know. Yeah. Uh and my family, you know, that's who I've spent the most time with in the last uh whatever, 30 years. And um you know, they So you get a pro that knows how to sleep, knows how to do it, knows how to work it, knows how to work those hours and you know, I got a great guy now uh that I just picked up. Name Steve who used to work for Prevost fixing them. And uh Fred the patch who used who built the bus. So I got the bus covered, man. That's nice cuz you got like a little traveling apartment. Yeah, it's a spot. It's the greatest. You got to get one. I In fact, I was looking at them the other day for you. I'm not getting one of those. You got to. No. You got a place to store it? No. Park it in one of your gyms? No, just the thought of traveling around

05:47on highways while you're just kind of you're hoping all these other people around you can keep their [ __ ] together. Right. Well, you have regular people, not pilots, Right. driving multi-thousand-pound machines on rubber tires weaving in and out of lanes. Yeah, you you can't ever come on my bus with thoughts like that spewing them out there. I'll never sleep again. Some guy just cut in front of me the other day, didn't see me on the highway, I don't think. I think he just cut right in front of me and I was like, "Wow." Never saw you. I don't think he saw me. I think he just turned in my lane. I think you know, it was a left lane thing. He was going into the left lane. I just don't think he saw me. I you know, the the problem with that with that bus is that you get so used to it and you're so used to living on it when

06:35it's moving Mhm. and uh you kind of forget that you're standing there, but you're really going 70 miles an hour. So if something happens and this happened one time. We were in Orlando and it was actually a cop that did it. Cut in front of the bus. I'm standing there washing dishes or whatever I was doing and then Pat had to hit the brakes and turn to the left from going for I'm now I'm going 70 miles an hour. I'm still going 70 miles an hour, but he's going 52 and going that way and I'm going 70 miles an hour this way and uh I landed on this chair which looks padded, but it doesn't feel padded when you hit it and uh I thought I would never walk again or breathe again and after I just walked away from it. I wouldn't even hurt, but uh you got to sit down and remember, "Hey, this thing's moving, right? So if something happens, you got to be ready

07:20for it to happen." Yeah. And I sleep like a baby on it, so. Ooh, that's crazy. In fact, I spent too much time on it. I got to hire somebody to shake my bed when I'm at home just a little bit to so I feel like I'm moving down the road. wanted to look at the bright side of human beings, highways are a pretty good indicator that people for the most part keep it together. For the most part. I think that's really how you can really tell when you're back in America and how good we are at at putting a country together, you know, is how good our roads are compared to you know, you It's really funny if you cross the bridge from Reynosa, Mexico to McAllen, Texas, which I used to do all the time. It was a joint project. So the US built half the bridge, Mexico built half the bridge and I'm not being a racist and I love Mexican people. I just got back from Mexico City,

08:10but our side of the bridge is smooth as silk and as soon as you hit that river, But that just goes to what you just said. It's a it's a mark of what you've achieved as a as a as a civilization, the kind of road work that you've got and you get back to Texas where we got those U-turn lanes on the freeway. We got it figured out here in Texas, man. We got the best roads It's just just counting on all those people to keep their [ __ ] together all the time while you're driving on the highway. And most people do it. Most people, the vast majority of us keep our [ __ ] together. That's why I think bus drivers should make more than pilots because there's way more [ __ ] to run into Oh yeah, way more. than there is up there. things that can make mistakes that are all around you. right. The things that are completely

09:01out of your control. That ain't going on up in the sky there. There's also people play stupid road games. I'm sure you've seen those. People get aggressive with each other on the road. When when you're in a car, and this was explained to me, I forget who told us. Who told us this with with the reason why road rage really exists at such a hyper level is because you're really tuned in because you're driving the car. It's an extraordinary thing. You're you're really you know, you know things are happening fast. Your mind's tuned in. So any little thing like, "What the fuck?" Yeah, right. You're already at like seven. Right. And so when you're already at seven and something happens, it just it freaks you out. It's you know, it's amazing how how even-headed I think I am, but what really little it takes to set me off, you know, I like to think I'm a step

09:48above all that stuff, but I was in Mexico City the other day and this guy I needed to find something um a a pharmacy and and then so this guy was a It's in the nice Beverly Hills part of Mexico City and this guy's walking. He's got a business suit on and I literally I don't look that great. My hair is all over the place and and I said can you tell me where a pharmacy is and the guy didn't even look at me he just kept on walking. I said please could you just tell me where a pharmacy is and the guy didn't even look at me I said [ __ ] you know I went off on the [ __ ] guy you know he was just trying to get where he was going and didn't want to be stopped by some big hairy drug addicted looking thing you know that was coming at him for some question. a little sketchy like if you were asking for where the pharmacy is and I don't

10:30know who you are. Right and then and I'm and I'm basically wearing pajamas and you know the wind's blowing and but but that's how far I am away from really snapping I don't know what I'm I'm not way up I'm not hovering above every anything I don't think. There was always the joke that you'd go to pharmacies in Mexico and just buy anything. Is that true? Cuz people would always say that they would call them like Mexican I was always calling them Mexican supplements. Yeah. Like steroids and things that people get over the counter. know there there are some things that you can get like valium and stuff like that but you can't go down there and get like opioids or I don't think so you know I don't know I don't know I'm just I mean according to a few TikTok videos I've seen you can walk in and get lots of like steroid type stuff for sure. I'm

11:15looking online like for some good Yeah you can get HGH and stuff like that but that's not what you're talking about. I'm talking about everything like what can you Yeah yeah now I don't think it's really that open a book. I know you can get cheap dental care down there. they decriminalized a lot of things in Mexico fairly recently. I haven't seen anything that crazy you can get that stuff here. Lexapro so you could just go in with no prescription and buy Viagra. But but the weird ones like Lexapro isn't that that's like an antidepressant right? I have no idea what that is. just go buy penicillin. Yeah and why not I mean why should you have to go through it if you know if you need penicillin your dick's dripping you know get some get something for it you know go down there and patch it up you don't want to you don't want to admit it to anybody.

11:58That thing is a Viagra it's a blue pill itself. Oh look at the dick on it. What does it say macho caliente? Very hot that's what that means very hot. It's a pharmacy with a dude with a boner. He's got he's got abs too you know he's got a little gut but he's got it's like a mix between me and Rogan he's got a big old [ __ ] upper body and then a gut hanging down there. It's a human Viagra pill with a boner at a pharmacy. It's a sombrero. Yeah I don't it's too bad you can't see this or I guess some people watch this on television right? some of them too young. Isn't that that thing from like the ancient times? Yes it is but it's also I think it's a sleeping pill. Right there it's right next to a bottle of shampoo right or that's just lotion body lotion right? Isn't it kind of ironic that so is soma is it sleeping medication? I don't know what it is.

12:50Cuz the the original soma was like from Muscle relaxer. So the original soma they don't even know what it was. They've just there's all sorts of questions as to what it was they think it had something to do with mushrooms perhaps but it might have been a bunch of other psychedelics too. They don't know what it was. I still don't know what it is. Have you heard the term? No. You never heard the term soma? Uh-uh. It's like an ancient term for like some sort of a magical elixir. Am I saying that right? Yeah I mean this when I Google it says that it itself is also a god so I don't even Some drink is most famous I want some. Yeah ancient Indian drug soma. Oh this is right down my alley. Made from a plant called soma is a god and a drink that was used as an offering to the gods in some Vedic rituals. Soma was celebrated at an early period as shown

13:42in the hymns of the Rigveda. Wow. From when? really oh [ __ ] thousands years ago. When was that? And they still use this today? No it's just it you know it's Now it's more of a term. like a term as like a soma is like a thing that cures all a soma is a thing that clears minds. This doesn't say it's just a Some you know there's various interpretations to what it does. But it's kind of crazy that they they named a muscle relaxant that like how brazen how brazen. I bet you do feel better though overall. Yeah my muscles are pretty relaxed all the time yours aren't you you need a muscle relaxer. What do those do to you they just conk you out? me play better golf cuz it takes the tension out of my shoulders and my swing yeah a lot of a lot of golfers use all kinds of meds to get loose or or they actually go down to stretch lab and

14:38and get those muscles all stretched out so you can play. I've I've heard with pool players Percocets is a big one. Well that's all nerves right I mean if you can't Is that what Percocets do? Well yeah I think so you know calm your nerves or deaden them or whatever you know. I've never I've never taken it. I've been watching this this there's a pool player that comes up on my feed now and he's like an old kind of chubby fat Mexican looking guy and he's like the greatest pool player that ever lived you know. Efren Reyes. Is that who it is? From the Philippines. [ __ ] man. Yeah. I've been watching that guy play a little bit once I once it gets on my TikTok it starts feeding to me if I know I eat it you know they'll they'll here have another one have another one but I liked watching the guy play [ __ ] pool

15:22I'm just like god he's he's fearless he's got ice water just pumping through his veins you know. He's a wizard man like a real wizard he does things on a pool table there he is. Yeah that guy right there that guy's all over my TikTok feed now I can't get him off. He does things on a pool table that are like magical. How old is he? Well he's older now you know he's probably in his late yeah like 69 says. And do you still still play? He still plays all the time they live stream videos of him playing people down in the Philippines. what I'm getting I think. Yeah so they have these setups like Efren Reyes is you know really arguably the greatest pool player in the history of pool players and he's now still playing all the time online and he plays online and he's not as good as he was when he was in his prime because he's you know he's 69 years old

16:15it's a young man's game. Look at that. I know I played pool my whole life we had a pool table at my house when I was a kid and uh so so I I always like watching you know trick players and people that could uh you know run run the table and do weird shots and stuff like that. This guy changed the way people stroke the ball. He came along and he had this very loose and relaxed hand grip on the cue. Right whereas some of the American players they were a little too tight with their their hand on the cue and Efren came along and it was like this flowing sort of like almost like he was playing a musical instrument. Right. And the way he did it is so relaxed that his stroke like the way the cue ball would dance around the table was wild to watch man. Right maybe that's what I'm so intrigued about because I I don't know exactly what I'm seeing but it when I was

17:06watching it on that and you can see he does have a different motion into the ball it even looks like you know with that. Well you've played pool before. Yeah. Right so if you played pool before you know like when someone looks like they're good like oh that guy looks like he could play pool. You watch that guy and you're like oh this is like a completely different kind of thing. And then you would guess that that I I would guess if I saw him on the street that I could beat him at pool and and then he would have all my money and I would go what the [ __ ] happened to me just now. They brought him over to America under a fake name to hustle with them. They brought him over as Caesar Morales so these backers they came from the Philippines these dudes with big money and they came to America and they brought that dude. No [ __ ]

17:49Yeah that's their killer and they brought him the pool world is so sneaky that they brought him in under a fake name because they didn't want people to ask around back to the Philippines like people to make calls to the Philippines hey who's this Efren Reyes guy and then everybody would just say oh he's the best he's the best so instead they just came up with a name Caesar Morales. And he won this giant tournament as Caesar Morales it's like a famous No [ __ ] I have a I have it on a t-shirt that Morales stuns field at Reds. So they just bring him in to like the biggest pool tournament in the country and this guy's just robbing everybody. Just robbing everybody just just getting out in ways that people are like oh my god like his stroke his knowledge of where the ball's going the creativity. He's just a genius. Genius genius a virtuoso. Yeah.

18:41Well I actually knew nothing about him because I cuz my phone figured out that I liked watching him. Right. Yeah. But you can still tell you can still even though you don't play a lot of pool you look at that you can tell you're like wow. That's wild. Yeah I never played a lot of pool I was never good I never had a good eye for the for the game I played a lot so I could play you know I could beat my friends Yeah. but if somebody came in it's like ping pong I could beat I beat the guys on my block pretty bad but if somebody came in that was a player they could just push me around and shove me out of the door. I've had a couple fun opportunities to play like real pro pros here. Like this guy Fedor Gorst he's the probably number two or number three in the world. Incredible player. And me and him played for hours here and we're playing it's just it's wild just

19:28to watch him in up close do things you go what the [ __ ] like how are you doing that so effortlessly? Yeah it's like watching a professional golfer when you play golf you know. The smoothness and the precision it's just like [ __ ] man. Yeah that's that's why I watch the pro golfers and I get to play with them every once in a while and and it's actually kind of like that guy's loose thing you know that's how that golf swing is it's really loose and it's and it's and nothing's really connected hard to anything and it's just the way it comes through the ball and just some something magic happens. Yeah, it's a I'm trying to strangle the club and beat it to death and it doesn't work at all and uh I'm writing a book right now, 50 years of bad golf, how I did it and like I had a plan to do it this bad for so long. Tony says you play good. No, I

20:18you know what that I'm back like I'm like I was at anything. I can I can beat guys my age if you don't know me and we're playing golf together, I'll kick your ass. But but am I a player? No, there are guys 10 years older than me that could beat me to death on a golf course, you know, any of those old pro guys that I hook up with every once in a while. Daily can still beat me like a drum but uh Isn't it interesting? It's like there's a control of a game like that. What an extraordinary talent because it's all it's so variable. There's so many things going on. You you you you you you literally do never do the same thing twice the whole time you play golf your whole life because something's going to be different about the wind and the way and the where you want the kind of lie you got on the ground, what club you need to get to that and

21:07it's all a game of questions and you and you rarely have the answer. Even Ben Hogan who was arguably the best ball striker ever said that in an average day of golf he hits two shots the way he wanted to exactly. And the rest of them are close to that, you know, so his misses are really good. So if I hit one shot a month that I about that I'll go that was perfect and that's that's about how often I can do it. Everything else is pretty good. It's such a fascinating game. Yeah, you don't have the time. You don't have the time. Nope. Nope. I don't. No. I'm scared of it. Scared of love it. You would and but you've always had that position, right? You've always kind of looked at golf that's a that's what people that want to get into golf they think about starting it's a waste of time and money. You need to understand that going into it. More

22:03time than you can ever imagine and you have to settle with how good you want to be because to be better than that you got to spend hours and hours but you can just if you can want to just rake it around and gamble with your friends, you know, you don't have to practice all that much. quite a few comic buddies that I think lost a little inspiration in their career because they were spending so much time playing golf. Yeah. Well, that's how I killed my days and I I still do to this day, you know, when I was on the road like you were. I don't know what you were doing during the day but I was I was trading tickets for for free golf moving to wherever I could and So you just play everywhere you go. Yeah, we still do, you know, that's That's nice. We travel at night, wake up in a golf course, crawl out you're in the parking lot, you know, it's like you

22:48were FedExed over there. That's great. Crawl out of the box and play some golf, you know. Kill another day. Kill another day. You're over here building an empire I'm killing another day. Yeah, but killing another day is sweet. Yeah. To be able to do it that way. I mean, what is life? What is life if not enjoyment? It's all about love. Yeah. It's all about love. How much do you love? How much care you loved? You know, outside of that nothing really means much but uh Yeah. But that's you know, I it's a waste of time or whatever. I can do charity events with golf. People like to see me, you know, shake hands and I like doing that kind of stuff. So you know. Well, you just love the game. I do love the game. I watch it. I you know, it's because I play it, you know, it's like like you in fighting, you know, exactly because you know exactly what that is

23:38that they're doing. You can't even hardly explain it to me uh even when you're trying to to make me really understand what's going on exactly when two guys are on the ground and it looks like nothing's happening and then you're losing your mind because there's so many things happening. That's a hard one to explain too because I'm trying to explain it while it's actually happening so I have to have the path carved out in my head. Like especially on like some transitions that guys do when they go in mount to rear naked choke and I'm I'm I'm trying to like set up what he's going to do while not stepping on what they're doing. You know, and then it's like this weird dance with the description of what's happening in real time. Right, that's why nobody can ever take your job. God, a lot of guys could do that. No, that's not true. guys could do that.

24:22That's not true. No, these guys are awesome at it. If Rogan doesn't say it, it doesn't get said and that's true. That's how people feel, you know, sit around waiting for you to tell them what to think and do and as far as fighting goes, That's ridiculous. No, there's there's guys that are better at it than me. Like Dominick Cruz is better at it from a technical standpoint than me. You know, he's he's he was a UFC champion. He's had a [ __ ] ton of fights. He knows a lot about the technical details and explain things. he's not Joe Rogan. So it's not it's not fun to hear. Yeah, for me the fun I get it but for me the fun is the fight. The fun is the you know, the who the [ __ ] knows what's going to happen. You can tell that. You can see the joy in your face that it brings you with you know, with all these

25:07these [ __ ] events. Well, you get into see the literally the greatest fist fighters of all time. The greatest stand up ground fighting MMA fighting warriors of all time. They exist right now. That's pretty exciting. And I get that and I get that it's the ultimate sport. Okay, I'll fight you. You know, that's how war should be decided. One guy and one guy instead of we're going to take our lower middle class, put them in a field with your lower middle class, they're going to kill each other. Now you ought to just fight me in the [ __ ] alley. That's too difficult, Ron White. So they'd rather just fight you with narratives. Right. Fight you with mandates like the golf. I won't I won't listen to their narratives. Yeah. That's how I defend myself. I don't I'm really careful about what information I let in my head

25:56because I don't know what's going to stew around in there. I hear you, man. I hear you especially in this day and age and also there's like there's so much to worry about. Every [ __ ] time I get on the news and I start reading what's happening in the world every day. It's something new that's insane that you have to worry about. I know and that's why I'm just real careful about what news I let in my head, you know. Don't let it in. And I've got you know, I've got news feeds on my phone that are these are news organizations that I trust that if something wacko in the world's going to happen, it's news and they're going to pick it up and but if it's something completely unverifyable that I don't even need to [ __ ] know, they're not going to pick it up and so but if I know when people go down that

26:42[ __ ] dark road in the web, they come out on the other side and sometimes they're you can't get them back. You know, they're full blown I got friends that when I came back full blown QAnon, they believed it. Satan they're Satan worshipping cabal of Democrats that eat babies. I'm like, where are all the missing babies? You know, you how many babies does it take to feed all the Democrats? If they're all drinking the blood and the babies there's going to be some missing babies, right? Somewhere? No. No, yeah, there's they're from overseas. They'll they got some answer to anything you throw at them. Tom Hanks I'm like, THAT'S NOT TRUE. TOM HANKS STILL MAKING MOVIES. TOM HANKS DIDN'T eat a baby. Yeah, he did. And they believe it. Where did the Tom Hanks one come from? I don't know. It just straight out of QAnon. It was it was their basic doctrine in the

27:31beginning was all these bizarre claims and I I got a friend that says well, you met her and I'm not going to say her name but it's I mean she believes this with all of her heart. Right. All of her heart and there's nothing I can do to to to say, you know, I nothing I can do. Nothing you can do to change her mind. I think at least a certain portion of that is other governments [ __ ] with people in in these these chat rooms. Absolutely it is. Yeah. And you can sway the uninform They're not uninformed, they're misinformed. Yeah. They're informed, you know, they're taking in information but but but it's just the wrong information and you can be easily manipulated by that kind of stuff. I mean, the human nature wants to go where it finds comfort, you know. Yeah. And if somebody's feeding you what you eat, you you'll go that way, you

28:28know, even if it's not good for you. And people have a very strong desire to like uncover mysteries. Right. You know, very strong desire to get to the truth. Yeah. Because in in important situations like so if there's something real going on, that's that's a good quality. It's a good quality to have. But if it's, you know, they're eating babies. It's like okay. Right. What what's the benefit of eating babies? Like why are they doing this? Oh yeah, it gives them gives them some kind of superpower, you know, it's so bizarre and so off of any what I would consider realm of possibility of even part of it being true. But you know, people go down there and they'll see just a path of things that lead them, you know, some of it true, some of it not true, not true, not true, not true and they'll head off down that direction. They don't come back, you know.

29:17They're you know, it can separate families, man. You know, they don't talk to grandpa anymore. He's gone off the [ __ ] deep end. And you know what's really insidious about that? Is that the more crazy ones that are out there and the more people start linking them all together, the more real conspiracy sneak through. Because if you're if you wanted to hide a real conspiracy, I would hide it in a bunch of other [ __ ] conspiracies. I put a bunch of [ __ ] ones out there and But make it so that morons believe that Michelle Obama has a dick. I would just pump it out everywhere. I'd make fake videos. what that's exactly what's going on. That's what's going on. And But if you did that though, then you could sneak in some real conspiracies and that otherwise people would think, well that's outrageous. That kind of

30:08corruption would be uncovered. Right. That kind of corruption would be prosecuted. And you're like, wait, no one's going to anybody's getting busted for this? This is what? Right. And nobody is. Right. So it's not really happening. It's bananas. But in and also people want to you know I I I know because somebody that has no formal education, right? I don't have any formal education. I didn't make it through high school. Uh my my favorite joke that I ever wrote was I do have a GED and if you don't know what GED stands for, you probably got one too. And that's one of my favorite jokes. But um you know, they they they would love to have the answer to a question. You know, they would love to be able to make a point of some kind. You know, they would love to but they can't cuz they're you know, they're just sitting around watching other people do it and I'm

30:52like, I wish I wish I could think of something to say and I I can't think of anything. Well, if there's somebody feeding them something to say, now they get real loud about it because they have a point to make even though they don't understand it at all. They just know how to sound like they're making a point like Lauren Boebert or you know, or Marjorie Taylor Greene or whoever. Uh they that's who they were and now they feel like they can make a point so they'll be a real [ __ ] loud about it and and but if you've actually been around a while, you just sit around and shake your head and go, you're a goddamn idiot. But all you got to do is be the smartest person in your region and boom, you're in Congress, you know. They think she's smart as [ __ ] down there in that one little section of Georgia where Marjorie Taylor is at up. It's

31:38The problem with it is like how many people that you know want to run the government? How many people do you know? How many I mean how many people that you know that are like really healthy clear thinking business-minded people that have been successful that want to run the government? Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. So you're not getting any of those folks. No, you're not. And what you're going to get is you're going to get their money to influence things in the direction they'd like to see it go without them having to be there doing day-to-day stuff on it. So they can have influence on it but they don't want to they don't do they want to be the president of the United States? have it set up like a minor league? Like they groom politicians, they get them to a position and like I like how you stand on this, but maybe if you stood a little

32:25bit further on this line, we could support you on this. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Grooming them for the big stage. Just like you would do with like regional plays and then all of a sudden you're on Broadway. Right. Well, that's you know, that's the religious right, you know, they're you know, they wanted they wanted somebody they want to get rid of abortion. So what are they going to do? They got to stack those courts. There you going to do. You're going to Okay, we got there's a trillion of us. And we'll put you in office and we'll just be but you got to you got to put this judge here and this judge there so what our thing comes to pass. So that's just the way it works. I'm even more cynical. I I just can't believe that human beings as a whole haven't resolved a bunch of different things. There's a few there's a bunch I

33:08don't I don't believe are really coming back around. I think people are making this argument that they're coming back around and they're highlighting moments where it's coming back around. I just I mean I think this is one of the weirdest times ever for human beings to communicate. And I think because there's so many of us and there's so many people that are talking and there's so many voices and it's happening on everyone's phone and it's happening all over the [ __ ] world all at once. Never been like this ever in ever in the history and it makes you wonder where it's going. I think it's short-circuiting everything. I do too. It's short-circuiting our government. It's short-circuiting It makes me nervous. And one of the things that makes me nervous, this government that we have, it's complicated. It it is complicated. So you just can't be some

34:04douchebag on the side going, "I want them out of there." You got to have a plan cuz this thing's got to work. You you want you don't want church separation of church and state? Well, why don't you just move to Iran then? Because that's what happened over there. The religious right took over. Now our laws are your laws. That used to be a pretty normal place. People don't believe that. But Iran used to be [ __ ] strawberry rivers and [ __ ] and normal people with jobs and Ron, there were people that were willing to laugh at people's deaths because they didn't want to get vaccinated for COVID. There were there were people like that at the same time thinking they're good people. Yeah. All on the internet. I know. I know, you know, when when it came to all that stuff, you know, me, I don't talk about politics on stage and I never

34:55I never knew and I never will. And and and it's not and you know, you just want to be able to sell tickets to both people but no. I want stand-up comedy to be a place where we can laugh. And I'm going to do what I you know, I so I'm not going to take a position I never did. If I was a political commentator before, okay, that's fine. If I'm not Bill Maher. So I don't bring it into my show because I want us all to come in and just be able to [ __ ] laugh together and find out how much that matters. And at the end of my shows now, I'm reminding people that no matter what our differences are, we just still came to this room and we all laughed at the same thing and we laughed hard and we loved each other and we had a great experience. Let's remember that. Let's try to get back to that. Right. You know, instead of all this all

35:34these stupid little things that makes it look like we have it's like fake rivalries almost. It's like it's not like you know, Texas and Oklahoma. They're you're you they're the same place. Exactly. There's no difference between those two places and they act like, well, we're Oklahoma. You're And somebody put that in their head, you know, and What I was getting at was that if they're willing to do that over just some issue of whether you want to or don't want to get a vaccine, what would they do if they really believed that God was on their side? What would they do in a really bad Anything they could. when things go really bad. Anything they could. power goes out for a while. Anything they could. Yeah. And and justify it. And and I and that's what's dangerous is they genuinely do believe That's what yes. that that we would be better off if we

36:26did things like this Mhm. for sure under these laws of God in this book. Uh the Bible and Jesus when you get back to his basic teachings that I really dug, you know, which is love each other. Love love love. And wait a minute, that was Lennon. The But still, Jesus was singing a similar song about, you know, uh and and with a good positive message and that message was always of love, you know, back when I went to church and uh you know, my uncle's still preacher to this day, Dr. Charles Pirtle is still preaching to the American Indians out in Farmington, New Mexico for no money, you know, has 23 people about it every service and then he goes to jails and and he's 90 years old, you know, still working to this day. Still knocking it out for the Lord. And uh and he used to be the president of the Southern Baptist Convention. Uh my my uncle did. So that's a very

37:19powerful position and then he fell out of favor with them cuz he just didn't believe in some of the doctrine and and then he started he showed up at my grandmother's birthday party on a Harley with no shirt on. I'm like, oh no, John so he went down to Corpus, I think it was and he started this kind of like gospel according to Charlie thing and and then he was just a kind of a phase he went through and then he, you know, but now he he he's uh still believes in in that basic doctrine and and I love him to death. He's one of my favorite people. I'll talk to him all day long, you know, I just he's a treasure. He really is. And he's just a sweetheart of a guy about all about, you know, love and sweetness. That's awesome. His wife died and and I asked him, I said, "Did your knowledge of of God and Jesus and did that help you with her death?" And he

38:18goes, "Nope. Not a bit. It hurt and it hurt and I hated and I didn't understand it. I was like everybody else, you know." Yeah. Didn't even help. So now but that's just how honest he is. So Uncle Charlie. Isn't it fascinating how much religion's practiced by so many different people in so many different ways? And yet if someone tried to start a new one right now good [ __ ] luck. Good luck. The the the feds would investigate you. Immediately. If you start If you start your own religion, if you bought some land out in Bastrop Right. and the the Ron White Church And you're already thinking about doing this, aren't you? You're just putting my name on it. I know what you're doing. I'm not interested in any of those activities. I'm not either. But if you did I would get my uncle to come run it. They would but you would 100% get

39:08investigated. Hell yeah, I would. But if you wanted to open up a Catholic church if you said you converted to Catholicism and you wanted to open up a Ron White's Catholic Church Right. With a mission Respectable position to take, Ron. Good good for you. Congratulations on converting. It's hard to get new money. It is. Yeah, you can't start you can't have a be a startup in the religion world. I think that's what I generally found out. It has got to be a hook to a brand of some sort. You have to be in business with the big guys. You can't you can't I mean like Scientology, that's you could you could you can get wild and go with them or you know, Mormons, you get wild go with them but if you just want to like go like straight Christian is like a very acceptable pathway. You yeah you you and you and I can get along with you if if

39:55you're Scientology that was really hard for me to swallow but it it is just difficult. Let me ask you this like what are the standards like say if you wanted to start a church? Like if you were legitimately committed to the Bible and you became like a Bible scholar. really done is write science fiction novels. No no no no that's that's that's that's that guy that's the Scientology guy but I'm saying if you wanted to start a church like a church a Christian church. What would be the requirements? If you just say you know I've been studying the Bible for 10 years I want to teach at a church. Could you just open up a church? How does that work? I don't you're you're you're asking me this like I've done it but Stop I'm trying to get you to do it that's the next thing I'm trying to get you to do it. Yeah I know what you're up to. That's how you

40:39manipulate people Joe. That's that's how he built his empire by the way. You look like a Jesus type figure. What are the requirements Jamie if I if you wanted to start a church of Jamie? question for chat GPT I thought so I asked chat GPT and there are 12 steps it gave me. 12 steps. Determine your purpose and beliefs clearly define the purpose and beliefs of your church this includes your mission vision and core doctrines. Two legal structure choose a legal structure for your church options may include becoming a non-profit organization establishing a religious corporation or forming a religious association. Consult legal experts to determine the best structure for your situation name okay so it seems like you just have to like get a legal thing you know like you would like some sort of an LLC or something whatever. do you want it you what you want is a

41:25tax exempt status and the rest of it doesn't really matter get that tax exempt status then you can start hoarding wealth in the name of Jesus Christ of the latter-day saints or whatever and you can hold all these billions of dollars in real estate holdings all under that tax exempt status. If they start you know the this is the only thing that gets me going is big church big church. We need to tax big church and and and and those pastors those mega churches they need to be looked at under the biggest brightest light you can look at Joel Osteen [ __ ] you Osteen. I tried he said it right here first that to me if you want an example of how Christ wanted us to live it would be Mattress Mack's and not Joel Osteen. I don't know who Mattress Mack's Well he's the guy that bets a 10 million bucks on the on the Astros every year and wins

42:25he this is how he got famous that's Mattress Mack's right there. He during the big floods in Houston that just a few years ago when there here's two things that happened. Mattress Mack's people were literally dying in the street Mattress Mack's owned these huge furniture stores. Come up here he opened them up sleep on them couches I don't care and I'll find a way to make food for you guys and I mean people bringing hot dogs and [ __ ] down there making everybody food sleep just make sure you're comfortable make sure you're safe. And and look at this this is it all these people over at Mattress Mack's furniture store he brought in everybody he could. But Joel Osteen wouldn't even let them in the door because they just had the carpets redone at his cathedral church and he didn't want people to track and [ __ ] in there.

43:14Didn't he eventually give in though and let people stay there? I don't think so. I thought he did. I don't think well if he did he did it for the wrong reason right Mattress Mack's did that for the right reason these people needed to get in out of the cold and the wet and whatever. There he is. There he is. He defended not opening Lakewood Church in Houston to Harvey victims he defended it. Yeah yeah because of that carpet was just cleaned and look at him. Bro that's so crazy. It's so obvious like doing something like that is so obvious you have a private jet that's it's so obvious you have a mansion it's so obvious. How much is that watch this is so obvious what you're doing is so obvious this this is not He did eventually correct. Wait do you see him weeks after that post? The super duper rich church guy it's the [ __ ] crazy thing. I know

44:15and you know that I could do it. I I could totally do it that would be my calling and That's what I'm saying you should do it. And I'm not going to mean I should do it. Yes listen if you do it we'll all join we'll all get a nice tax free something we'll work something out. Right and it'll just be us. And that's But we got a great [ __ ] we can we bring the 11 million people that listen to your show under We got everybody under one umbrella. Come on guys come on get behind this we don't even know what it is yet but we're going to let you know. That's the thing you could never do today. Like imagine trying to start a new country today [ __ ] you we would never let you. No uh-uh. Never. No we'd thumb you. Yeah get the [ __ ] out of here it's like just like you trying to start a new religion uh-uh. Nope.

44:58Nope no new countries no new religions. We're not hearing it. Religions have to be old as [ __ ] so they might be true. Right or at least have some kind of connection to some really ancient text. Yeah or or this you do the Scientology one they just threatened to sue. That was a genius move what they did was amazing. They they threatened thousands of lawsuits everyone was going to file a lawsuit. They're all lawyers and the same with those [ __ ] latter-day saints guys those are you got a bunch of lawyers. You got to give it up to them I mean that's pretty ball pretty ballsy. Yeah and and you're selling a something that's not easy to sell you know they got to that story I mean none of it is you know the the stories I believed well that's why I wrote that beautiful joke that and about the Christians and the lions

45:49and the and let me break that down for your listeners. The cuz I'm writing apparently I'm writing my worst stuff right now cuz I've now I can write stuff that nobody will laugh at out of 250 people 250 people don't laugh and but when I was a kid I was raised in the Baptist church Uncle Charlie my preacher when I was little and so but there was a storybook wasn't the Bible but it was just something we got in Sunday school or it depicted Christians being fed to the lions which always stuck in my craw that that was a big story a big deal I mean you know I don't I know we've all been oppressed but feeding them to the lions that's pretty big deal. And I really thought it was universal knowledge so when I we're looking for a new name for the Washington Commanders I suggested the Christians because when and and and I thought about this joke for three days and I thought

46:36about the build-up of laughter was going to get it was going to work so well and they were going to end up changing the name of the comedy club to Ron White's mothership because of this one joke and how well it worked. But the way that it was going to start the rumble was going to start as I just said when when Detroit comes to town they're going to make the connections of Detroit lions lions Christians my storybook from my childhood and that's what that's the rumble of the really hip laughter. And cuz when the lions get back to the that's the next laugh was going to be when the lions meet the Christians on a plebeian playing field where you know so none of it got a laugh and none of it none of it worked and they were stared at me and they were a good crowd too they were waiting for the next funny thing that I said. And and that was it and I really was

47:20expecting it and it just I was never been so wrong about a joke. you're just old enough to where you're like over that curve where the Christians and the lions were more recent than they were? Yeah I just don't think everybody got that storybook. Nobody gets that anymore. No I didn't well obviously I got it I got Christians and lions. Yeah. I got that connection I don't think kids get that connection. would have told me not to do it which was a lie because you would have told me to do it cuz you want me to try new [ __ ] Always wanted to try I just I was joking around when I said don't I would have told you not to do it I was joking. You would have told me to do it and you would have been wrong. But you told me it bombed before I even found out about it. I did bomb so bad it was so laughably I laughed so hard at how wrong I was. That's how little

48:05you [ __ ] around and find out. Isn't that the truth? That's how you I mean bits are fascinating they change they change their structure like on stage. do five minutes now on why that joke didn't work and but that would be way more entertaining than the joke ever was you know. Show up Tuesday. Dude I was watching a video today of this lion gone wrong situation in a a circus. Woof. Oh my god. These people this lion attacked this dude and they're hitting it with a hose I mean this guy's getting [ __ ] up by this lion and they're spraying it with a hose to get it off that's what they get it off with the water hose. And he gets away and then a lion gets him again and the lion gets him again and they're water hosing it and they're beating him. footage of this? Yeah there's footage of it it looks like it's Russian.

48:55Um if you don't find it Jamie I I'm 99% sure I saved it on my phone cuz it's so [ __ ] up. But I'd have to go through it that would be some dead air. Russian hose. I forget who sent it to me. You don't edit these things do you? No I got it. The podcast no I wanted to be like this. Right right right. Yeah I want I like a little dead air this is it so something happened. Oh it's a circus thing. Yeah something happens this lion just I mean this thing just jacks this dude. that's what happened to you know. And see they're spraying him with a hose to try to get him off and this guy got That is so scary to have a thing crazy. That happened in that room that I played at the Mirage. That was that that was their room, man. That's where that whole thing went down. Yeah, it dragged him off. Bit bit him by the neck and dragged him

49:59off. In front of a live audience. It's all a speculation to why it did it. All the specu- No one knows. Right. No one knows. It just decided I'm going to bite this guy's neck and drag him off. There was a thought that it was afraid of some woman had feathers on her hat in the audience. And that it threw him off. And I'm like, you really think that [ __ ] tigers are scared of a lady with feathers on her head? That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I think it just decided to bite that guy's neck. But I'm not a tiger. Maybe that guy would have been a was being a prick. You know, under the guise of being an animal lover, but at night he was like going, "Don't give him the expensive food." And you know, Well, maybe it was It was probably punishment. It's probably what they do to the tigers to get them to listen. Right. You know,

50:43like what did they do when they were training them? You know, did they ever cross the line with a tiger? Always remember the time you hurt it and then it lashes out at you. Yeah, I'm going to find a [ __ ] opportunity. I'm going to sit here. Yeah, you'd think the tigers don't have memories. be served cold, baby. It's going to be served cold. It seemed like for the most part they got along with those tigers for a long time though. That's what's weird. at their house, right? Siegfried and Roy, they lived at their house. They were at one with them. They [ __ ] cuddled them and loved on them. And they do say that tigers, when they protect their cubs, that's that's how they do it. They grab them by the neck and they drag them off. But he's just too frail for it to do that, too. It just [ __ ] him up. Yeah, right. No, and and that

51:23those were big men, big strong men. I mean, he was a you know, these guys were weightlifters and circus saying people, but nothing compared to that [ __ ] lion. You're not a cub. A lion cub, like the way a lion picks up the cub, it has all the skins. So, it grabs all that extra skin. You don't have any skin, so it just grabs your [ __ ] neck. It's It was a shame that he, you know, he lived a long time as a as a crippled person. He did. He lived several years, right? So, it was just a horrible story, man. And that they the show was shut down. Cuz like that's the reality of having tigers on a stage in front of a bunch of people. Like you just don't know. It's just for one reason or another, some crazy person could stand up and freak out and yell and the thing could just launch itself at them. Is this it? The question is Oh, don't

52:16you show it to me, son of a [ __ ] What could go wrong? Everything. You got to ask yourself that question. What could go wrong? Cuz that might Oh, he said this What do you mean he was saying something about his diminishing relationship with that lion? Or tiger? from 4 or 5 years ago. I was trying to see if it had an answer to all the questions you guys are asking. But it said something about his diminishing relationship with it. Oh my god, he rode it like a horse. There's speculation on from someone they asked on this Yeah, like an ex-employee or something. I think I saw that. He was going The tiger and him were not getting along? I That's again, it's a speculation. This is says new allegations about the attack, which is This would have been like 15 years after the attack even happened. Dude, almost nothing scares me more than animals.

52:59Right. I'm so scared of them. That's why, you know, that's that's why you go out of your way to to kill them when you can. And Well, those are I'm not scared of those. Although You should be. You boars? Don't you hunt boar? Yeah, I do. Yeah, those things can kill you, Joe. They definitely can. Yeah. They can. I'm thinking elk more. The the the boar thing in Texas is [ __ ] bananas. I just love it when they catch them all in them cages. That's And and then what do they do with them? They Can you eat them? And is it just pig meat, right? Yeah, it's pig meat. It's just pork. You make really good bacon and [ __ ] out of it. Why are there any homeless hungry people It's a good question. those wild boar all over the place? Wild boar are very good. Very good. Um there's a guy in town Jesse Griffiths. He owns Diep Duy

53:44restaurant and he's like a real wild game cooking expert and amazing chef. Yeah. And he has wild boar dishes at his He even teaches people how to hunt wild boars, cook them, and and how to hunt them down, how to fire rifle, the whole deal. Takes them through the whole thing. Butcher them, skin them, eat them, [ __ ] them into their commode. [ __ ] with me. He's like, "They're delicious." [ __ ] with me. But it's also it's it's a not just a renewable resource, but you really we have an obligation to kill them. There's too many. Yeah, they're they're [ __ ] up land and Oh, there's an insane There's millions and millions of them in Texas. And they keep They have babies three times a year sometimes. They can have babies when they're 6 months old. Can I tell you a story about a frog? Yeah. I lived on a lake, like LBJ, in this

54:31house and there was a frog, big bullfrog. And he was lived by my pier. And I would go out there and I would see him and he'd always jump in the water. And and then but he was that's where he lived. He was always a big old fat thing. That this big biggest bullfrog I'd seen. And I'd go down there and fish and then I'd come back there and then one night he didn't jump. He stayed there. And I'm like, "Oh, he's not afraid of me anymore." The next night I brought a net down and I caught him and I killed him and ate him and I [ __ ] him into my toilet. And and the other frogs went out and told other frogs, "Don't go near there because that's what's going on. He's He's just waiting for you to be still and he's going to kill you and eat you and [ __ ] you into his toilet You think they figured that out? I think they did.

55:15I didn't see any more frogs after that. After the missing of that one frog. Yeah, I bet if you started feeding them, they'd be hanging around. But if you start killing them, Yeah, right. Right, they're they're going to they're It's not going to catch on. Do you think they do a roll call? Try to figure out where everybody is? Cuz some animals do that. Do they really? Yeah, maybe that's what frogs are doing. They're Greek Greek Greek Greek. Greek. Uh-oh, where's Toby? Yeah, what are they doing when they're doing those noises? Those noises are cool as [ __ ] by the way. If you ever buy a lake at night and hear frogs making noises, Oh. So cool. Really? We had those little frogs where I lived in Atlanta. You know what we did? We would gave They were with a mouth that big on a little frog barely that big, making this big old

55:55loud noise. It bugged the [ __ ] out of me. And you could They were easy to catch cuz you go there with a flashlight cuz they don't know that you can see them, you know, and they're making all that racket. You can just pick them up, put them in a can. And then we would take them to this guy I didn't like, had a pond right behind his house and we'd go dump them all over there and he's like, "I don't frogs around here. They're [ __ ] all over the making all this racket." Yeah, I don't know. Not over at my house, they're not. Yeah, that's that one of those little This is night music, Ron. Uh that's not the ones we had. We had ones where Well, you just need to put together a better band. Yeah. Well, they're going to put that band together over at that pond behind that guy's house because that's where they all live now. Think about frogs, like

56:39they're very predatory. Like frogs, you ever seen frogs in like a cage with mice? It's one of the most disturbing things you'll ever see in your life. No, I've never seen that. giant Asian frog. I had it on my Instagram. Um it's on YouTube. This is giant some kind of Asian frog. That one the second one down. Yeah, this the The the yellow where is yellow? Watch this one. This one is [ __ ] insane. This frog's insane. So, they put these little rats. I can't tell if they're mice or rats. Those are mice, right? Yeah. Mice. They look like mice. Okay, so they put these mice in this [ __ ] No, those are rats, man. Those are little rats. Yeah, those are rats. Yeah, okay. And then they put this giant frog in there with them. And I don't know why they all They're trying to jump and get out and all of a sudden the frog just decided to start

57:28eating them. I think I think they're trying to just trying to get out. But look what he does. It's He's a monster. This is like a Star Wars monster. Oh my god. Oh, dude, he He eats them all. Jabba the Hutt. Yeah, exactly. He He eats them all? This one's not effective. I've seen I think he's probably already full. They probably Look how fat he is. They probably filmed these all day long. God, how cruel. But he the one that I saw, he ate them Has anybody tried to put a stop to this? Nobody's putting a stop to it. Nobody cares about the rats or the frogs. Rats or frogs get no We'll make that part of our religion. Isn't it funny though, like if the rat was eating the frog, I'd be more disturbed. Oh my god. Look at how gross that thing is. Yeah. Look at it. Look at how big it is. I've never even seen a frog shaped like that. Oh, look at it.

58:22Slow motion. Yeah, come on over here. Yeah, let me tell you something. I got a little story for you. It seemed like the rat ran right in there. Like, [ __ ] it. Let's just get this over with. Oh my god, what a way to die. Your your balls hanging on the chin of a thing that's swallowing you. Look OH, THE LAST DYING QUIVER. OH, BRO, he's going to stay alive inside that thing's Do not let your children watch this. This is really really gross. Yeah, I've I'm trying to unsee it and I can't do it. I can't do it. That's what happens. That's nature, man. That's part of the Joe Rogan experience right there. That's nature. That's why you shouldn't have crocodiles in the street. That's why you shouldn't import wolves in your neighborhood. That's right. That's why you shouldn't bring grizzly bears back to California. My mother Slow

59:12down, everybody. My mother wants a uh you know, and you know how low things got with mom. Now, I want a cat. And I'm like, "No. Mother, you can't have a cat. Genie's allergic to cats." Now, I want one of those Bengal cats that are hypoallergenic. Oh my god. For my mother, my nice 90-year-old mother. And yeah, I think they're pretty good-sized cats, like 15-20 lbs. And I'm like, "No." She said, "I want you to get me a Bengal cat for my 90th birthday." And I said, "Mother, number one, I'm not advancing you any more birthdays. You got to show me the number. You got to get to the number before you get your 90th. I'm not fronting you any 90th birthday, but I'm not You have to get to that number to get that present cuz you already got them, you know, you already advanced all you can. So So, if she Once she lives to be 90, she might get a Wow. Just a few months away.

60:02Am I thinking of the same kind of cat? Like which ones are the which ones are Bengals? It's a horrible idea. There's some of them that are they're basically like a wild cat. Yeah, well, they're not very many generations removed, I think, is the problem. And I think they're perfectly good cats, but they're really big and they're really a lot of energy. I thought I think they're kind of different cuz you can take them out on a leash and stuff. My mother didn't want to do that. She I'm like Take it on a leash what? Or something. A little lap dog. She wants to be Am I [ __ ] this up? Is it like Is it the same thing? Is a Bengal the same thing as those other ones that like I think they're called Bengal kittens, you know, they Yeah, that's it right there. Bengal cat. Okay. Yeah, so they're cool. So, that's a regular cat. So, I'm

60:43thinking of that. I'm thinking of a serval. Oh, yeah, no. Okay. So, what is a Bengal cat just a cat, right? Is that just a cat? Yeah, but it comes from the Bengal tiger. And you know, they're just a handful. You know, it's not like a big old floppy lap cat. These cats, you know, they care They're big tiger killers. They got to be involved in stuff. They got a lot of energy. They're big and strong. So, they're up to like, you know, 15-20 lbs, I think. Look at the description. The Bengal cat is domesticated cat breed created from a hybrid of the Asian leopard cat with domestic cats, especially the spotted Egyptian Mau. Mhm. So, that Yeah, there you go. I was In my head, I was like, I think I [ __ ] up and it's the wrong one. That one is crazy. I've seen people have that one as a pet. There's You have? Yeah. Yeah. Did Jon

61:34Jones have one of those as a pet? That's just a lion. Didn't he have a crazy cat? I think he's got one of these. What does he have? Oh, yeah. What What kind What kind is that? That looks like that Bengal cat. Yeah, it does look more like that than the serval cat. It says serval, though, doesn't it? I typed that in. I don't I was Oh. What kind of [ __ ] cat is that? I don't know. Does it have a jacket on? Yeah, it's got like a [ __ ] leash. That's a big ass cat. Yeah. Bro, I would not Donald, careful Donald. Mother's Mother's 90. That's not what she wants. And she's cuz she can get so stubborn. It could be awesome. I want a cat. It could be awesome. It could be the greatest cat of all time. Or it could be it decides to [ __ ] you up. And when you get into it, yeah. You know, she couldn't defend herself if it went nuts on her. That's

62:19what our story was earlier today in the episode. Yeah. People getting eaten by tigers. Mhm. First responders when they find bodies after people have died in a house with cats. It doesn't take long for the cat to start eating. They don't give you a whole lot of time for they start eating you. Oh, mama. Yeah. Dogs will wait. They will. Yeah, dogs will wait until they're starving to death or dying. They don't even associate you with the you anymore. You're just meat and they have to stay alive. Cats are like, "I'm hungry. Yeah. I'm going to eat Ron's lips." Right? Getting eyeballs, nostrils. It's a fascinating relationship that we have to these small animals. Like I was saying about your beautiful dog that you you If you trace the lineage back of that thing, that used to be a wolf. Somehow or another, they went from wolves to like more of a floppy eared animal to

63:16more of an animal that was like smaller that hung around and then they figured out how to All the way to a rug that shits. That's what I own. That's a rug that shits. Like how the [ __ ] did they do that? So, if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast, especially a cat. Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours. Wow. OH MY GOD. WHAT KIND OF LOYALTY? THEY got over all that love quick. That cat never loved you. Oh my god. If they can eat your head in 24 hours, that cat never loved you. It was just a I need food. I'm going to be nice. He had a corner on his watch. you to [ __ ] die. I think I explained it to him. Oh, the corner was telling him? Yeah. Like the Yeah, I think he has to like what kind of [ __ ] up [ __ ] have

63:57you seen? He's like, "Animals." Well, did you play that? Play that right where he's saying that. It will remove your head within 24 hours. It was right before that. And back it up before that. Back it up before that. Well, well, so if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast, especially a cat. Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours. And I'm not talking I'm talking literally hair on the floor, no head, and nibbling into their chest. Even cats that were loved by their owners or is it just cats that you think were had something with the owner and they're and they're going to say, "This is my time." Yeah, no, they're they're absolutely feeding on you. You know, I don't care how much you love that cat and that cat loved you, he's going to eat you.

64:46And I just never never imagined that they could do that much damage. You know, smaller dogs. Now, a lab a lab won't A labs for some reason don't eat their owners, you know, unless they're locked in for months. I guess they would, but I find it more weenie dogs, small dogs, and cats. Cats Cats don't They don't wait. And how how soon after I don't know. I don't know if I believe the guy now. Why? Cuz I bet he has a lab, so he had to say labs wouldn't eat you. I mean, what what makes a lab different than my sweet little Maddie? He's saying Maddie would go after you after a little while, but but the lab Come on. Yeah, why would they think that the Maybe he means like Chihuahuas or something like that. Like or little Jack Russell terriers. They'll [ __ ] you up quick. But like what is what's the the data on that? Do the labs really eat you when

65:35you die? I think he's going off of his experience. I don't know. I was trying to I don't know where he gets his expertise. Yeah. I'm not I'm not seeing this on NPR. This is not coming on on my newsfeed. That's why I was also kind of making that point. When I Googled that and typed it in, it gives me like a TikTok fun fact. Like that's the fact that Google gave me, which was a fact from Theo's podcast. And that's like the top result. And then they're calling it a fact? I I mean, well, I do know for a fact that cats eat people. Yeah, that Well, that makes sense. I mean, that's happening all the time. I know people who have found people that where they got, you know, where they're cops, where they found people that were partially eaten by their cats. That's 100% real. That was a fun show. They did that show for the cops. Man, that was so much fun. Three cops got

66:18thrown out. That's right. They came to party, folks. They came to have a good time. They did come to party. That was a lot of fun. That was a good [ __ ] time. And those people don't get appreciated enough and No, and that's the truth. They don't get appreciated enough and if things go south, they're going to be the first people you call and you've been disrespecting them for so long and not appreciating how hard it is what they do for so [ __ ] long. And that doesn't That doesn't excuse the bad ones. That's not No, it doesn't. It's just you can't lump everybody in with that same group cuz most of them are great. You You got to have these guys. You got to have this team, man. And it ain't the greatest job in the goddamn world. It sure is dangerous. And some of them thrive on that kind of environment and that's great. I don't.

67:05And so, I need, you know, and it was it was just it was so cool to be able to make them laugh that hard cuz, you know, we had the death of that cop not too long ago, you know, that That's been a pretty dour place to work. That's what the guy was telling me, the chief of police. They said, you know, they hadn't been laughing, you know, they hadn't been That's really got everybody down and kept them down. And so, that was cool. That was so much fun. Yeah, it was fun. It was a real fun to do. Yeah, it's it's you know, We should have started a church that night. We could have started We had a place to go. We got to plant these seeds carefully. And this is what we're doing today on the podcast. We're planting seeds. You can't just go out there and just dig a trench. Then the government starts getting involved quickly. You got to like slowly plant seeds. Based on a a

67:50story of love. And mutual respect. It would be great if we could buy into a franchise like Chick-fil-A, you know, or something You know what I mean? Close on Sunday. Just Just buy into something that's pre-existing. You know, doing church Our challenge is going to be starting from scratch. Yeah, just the the church of Ron White just from scratch. It's going to be It's going to be under a lot of scrutiny. No, dude. It's a It's a Joe Rogan Ron White church. I ain't doing this by myself, man. But it's kind of funny. It really is kind of funny that if we did just both of us become Christian and then open up a Christian church, no problems at all. You know, I got like 3 million followers. I wonder how far they would actually follow if I started leading a church. You don't even want 3 million. If you get 300,000 to move into a a town

68:36that you've created in the middle of the desert. Right. Right. I mean, there's that Portland movie, the the the Netflix series Wild Wild Country. They They literally bought into a town. AND IT WASN'T THAT BAD. YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I think it was you that said that. They always sound pretty good. You know, YOU'RE LIKE, "I CAN DO THIS." And then you know, then it gets soaring. You I can't Nobody can handle that kind of power. And that kind of focus of energy. And we Yeah, you're the guy You're the guy without It corrupts. It corrupts. They're They're literally bestowing the word of God and the the meaning of life and the meaning of the universe in front of their loyal following. Right. This guy's got 31 Rolls-Royces, by the way. And they're just happy when he gets another one. He was funny, though. He was the funny funny dude. He was. He was You

69:28know, I would have listened for a while, you know. You ever hear that thing that famous thing that he said about democracy? You remember? It's by people but the people are [ __ ] So it is So you get this [ __ ] guru. You get this guru tell saying that everyone's [ __ ] You got to see this. This was the dude. This was the [ __ ] dude. of the people And he works slower than I do. He does but it's good. I would listen to that. These people are [ __ ] Yes they are. Yes they are. No, he goes on even further. This is a small version of it. He continues on. It's the government of the [ __ ] Oh for the [ __ ] And this is the guru that was running that town up there. That was the guy. And he was the guy with 31 Rolls-Royces, right? Yeah, he was balling out of control. He was balling out of control.

70:45Going nuts. He probably would have pulled it off if it wasn't for Sheila. Sheila was so ruthless. Right. She's terrifying. She was the one that got the guns out, right? one that poisoned the whole town. Oh she got in the town Oh the the city. Yeah. Not them. No, they poisoned they poisoned like a salad bar or something, didn't they? I don't know. something like that? they blew something up. They did a bunch of [ __ ] They brought in homeless people for votes. I mean they they went wild. They went wild in the end. They brought in homeless people in buses so the homeless people become part of their community and they would have more votes. And then they took over the [ __ ] town. And then they're like adios homeless [ __ ] And they kicked the homeless people out. I mean that dude believes what he's saying. Democracy cannot be

72:00the highest possibility man can attain. He's just blinking for the first time. I was asked if he hasn't blinked. Wow. Yeah, he's probably the real deal. He's probably the real deal but he had Sheila behind him and she just got crazy and started killing folks. Rolls-Royces to keep it out of the news, you know. You got to get a couple of them, man. 31 But if you're the real deal, if you really are a super guru and you want 30 Rolls-Royces, I think you can do it in that space. Yeah, in that space. space, I don't think so. They're doing it. They got you know Gulfstream 650s, you know, you you can buy 30 Rolls-Royces. I'm just saying it's very it's harder to connect with the message. Cheaper, right? There's something about that dude, the way he was willing to talk. Like that guy Osho, his book is really brilliant. He there's a an audio version of one of

72:54his books that I got into. It's interesting, man. It's his thoughts are very interesting. 93 cars. He had 93 cars. It's only 93, Ron. 93? had 93 cars. So he had a nice fleet of He loved his Rolls-Royces. He did. Yeah. But right, you know, if he's the guy, you want him to have everything, you know, if you believe he's the guy and You can be this is what I believe. I think you can be both. I think you can be this crazy 93 Rolls-Royce having [ __ ] lunatic who lives in a castle that's made out of diamonds in the sky. And you got money from your followers and also to be tuned into the real thing. To read the real energy of the universe. I don't think you can. I think you can. I think you can dance. Power corrupts absolutely. For most people. For most people. But if you're a real super guru, like a hedonist super guru. Cuz one of

73:47the things about a lot of those like like crazy super guru type characters, like there's always some sexual aspect to it. It's always some sexual freedom and sexual expression. And they [ __ ] hook, line and sinker believe in that [ __ ] guy that owned that building that you almost bought for no reason. Exactly. Exactly. The Ron White recommendation. Ron White recommended that I buy a cult building and I listened to him. Yeah, see? See? It would have worked. It would have worked. It would have worked. That was a cool building and it would have worked. You would have made it work, that's for sure. And we would have all supported it and it would have been fine. It wouldn't have been as good though. Location wise wouldn't have been as good. This This is This turned out to be heaven. So we can't second guess anything that went

74:30down before it or after it or whatever. I feel like it lined up in the exact correct order. Like the universe opened up all the doors in the exact correct order. Like I feel like the failed experiment with that other place or the you know the frustration in having it not come together was a good like a lesson a good lesson in like how like real estate deals can go and how you know all the issues with property Right, how careful you need to be. a lot of stuff going on when you're buying stuff. And sometimes you got to experience a failed deal and go okay that didn't work. Maybe this maybe this is better. And you were kind of impetuous so you needed something to slow you down a little bit cuz you were going you were going pretty nuts. With with decision. I mean I talked to you one day, you were thinking about moving to Austin and the next day you

75:21lived there. You had a house on the lake. You moved your studios. Like god damn this guy moves. Yeah, I'm not I'm not interested in half-assing things. No no no no. I went right along with it. That's what's the fun part about it. It's like a change like that is a big deal. Well, if you it really if you look at it and I'm pretty emotional about the mothership but if you look at it it was it was the only thing that could have got me where I am today. Nothing no other vehicle would have worked because I wouldn't have been interested in it. I would have been interested in me being alone and isolating myself and all those things. But the mothership was that thing that was so delicious and so perfect for what I needed at that point in my life. I think the universe used you just to get me back out of this [ __ ] hole that I was

76:16in, you know, you know where I was at. You know I was in a shitty [ __ ] place. And I needed I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I didn't I didn't know what to do with my emotions. I didn't know what to do with my you know, doubting everything about my talent and all this stuff and yeah, so nothing else would have got me where I am today. No other combination of things. There wouldn't have been an open mic night in Webster wherever that I would have gone to and with any interest at all and really started to fall back in love with the art of doing stand-up and be able to do all those reps. You know, that doesn't exist anywhere else, you know, that's that's what happens at the mothership. That You can go in there and sharpen the [ __ ] blade. You ought to see what I'm doing to these crowds on the road. I'm

77:01beating the [ __ ] out of them. I'm having a blast except I still hate to travel but you know. We're real lucky. We're real lucky. And like I said, I feel like the universe opened up all the right doors at all the right time. Yeah yeah yeah. And and put it all together in this perfect way. And we all benefit from having all of us here together for sure. It's 100% benefits your acts. 100% benefits your joke writing and the amount of fun that you have in life. And how hard we laughing in that green room and uh you That's what I'm saying. The amount of fun you have in life. It's the most fun. And the and and the best thing about the green room is how restrictive it is, you know, that you just can't go in there, you know, you're just not you got to earn that spot in the treehouse, you know, and so anytime you open the door, you'll see

77:50you know, some of the best comics alive sitting there talking about stand-up comedy and you know, writing jokes and laughing and having a good time but you know, that's our [ __ ] little space, man, and it is the greatest thing on earth. The one of the worst things that happens in green rooms, what Ron's talking about is like you'll be in a green room and a bunch of agents will walk in and start talking. Especially in LA, used to happen all the time. They all wanted to go in the green room. So they'd go in the green room and I I've done shows before like at these big theaters and there's people I don't even know who they are. They're all hanging around the green room. I'm like okay. I don't even Who are you guys? Like doesn't happen so much anymore but in the past Oh when I played big venues out near California, the guys I didn't even know from APA and

78:36CAA or whoever the [ __ ] I was with. Yeah. And then people from my office that I didn't even know, they're all back there in the green room, you know, you know. Trying to get a little by trying to prove to me that they're earning some kind of [ __ ] money I'm sending them or whatever but that doesn't happen at the at the comedy mothership. It's just us talking about it. Really nobody knows much more about the business of this than we do, you know, the collective group that gets We feed off each other. Yeah. It's like we 100% feed off each other. And this wasn't designed to be a commercial for the mothership but it sounds like one. Yeah, but we're we're both super lucky. All of us are. Not not just us in this room but all of us together that we're all in on this together cuz that's what it is. It's like we we got a spot where we can all

79:22[ __ ] around. And we have a lot of other spots in Austin now because of that. And and along with that Right. They basically that makes the mothership very proper name for that place, for that club. Yeah. Because everything else kind of feeds off of it, you know, of That was the That was the idea Well, there was a bunch of other names that I had for but that was the idea What what What I liked about that one is that we all do travel and we're all stuck, you know, in this thing if you're if you're a stand-up and you, you know, you want to go on the road, you got to go places. But you got to have a place to go back to where you can keep your skills without traveling. That's what doesn't exist anywhere else. Well, that's what made me realize what we were missing when we came here. When we first came here, we were at the Vulcan. It was

80:06great but it was It was a great place and love Nick and everybody that worked there but it wasn't set up perfect. Right. Right. hard to get around. You had to go downstairs to get on stage. It was like There was a lot of annoying [ __ ] about it that was like kind of goofy the way it was set up. And it's a great room to perform in. Like the acoustics are fun. It's rattles, you know. But I was like we but it's we need the setup to be correct. And if we get the setup like completely correct, just do it absolutely the way a comic would want it to be done. Just do everything the way the com- It make make it everything so it's the like the [ __ ] easiest ride ever for the comics. They come in, wee, go through the back, yay, up the stairs. That's right. Yeah, it's just easy, fun. Everybody's going to have a good time. Let's go have

80:48fun. Let's have fun. And that's what we needed cuz we were on the road all the time. When you're on the road all the time, it's like you're in these places you're only going to be there for a couple of nights. You're doing your stand-up with a couple friends you came with and you go back home and then you wait till you go somewhere else again. You don't have a home base. Yeah. Touch in like Ron White, I was in Cincinnati, you know, like those those Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the [ __ ] man. They are. They're the [ __ ] They are and you know, it was kind of like it was at at this store for a while. Yeah. You know, when we were all supporting it at the same time and you know, the crowds were you know, it was always packed cuz they knew they were going to get a show they couldn't get any other time for any price. That does

81:29That show doesn't exist anywhere else. And you know, the other night we did a show and it was me and you and Shane Gillis and Jim Norton who's I That guy makes me laugh harder than anybody. Oh, he's hilarious. Theo Von came in. It was all in one night at the at the Comedy Mothership. Crowd didn't know. We don't even know. You know, you don't even know who's all going to show up on that night and but there's always room, you know, if you're you know, if you're one of the big kamaia maias, you know, There's always someone coming by. They'll There's We'll always make room for you. And it's just fun. It's just a real fun environment. It's a real fun place to [ __ ] around. You know, and now that we have that it makes it easier for us. Makes it easy to you for you to do this tour you're doing. Makes it for all of us. It's just a place to keep your chops,

82:18you know, and it's all and I don't care if you're doing short sets or long sets. You need to be doing sets. Because it keeps that familiarity with you and that audience and keeps keeps that all secondary. Yeah. It's something that you don't even think about. It's what you do it every goddamn day and that's what you should do and then it doesn't matter if you're on the stage for for 15 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes. It's just that you got to get on stage and talk to those people and just so it's second nature Yeah. And cuz if you don't do it for a while, it's not. You think about it, you know. We don't think about sets before we walk on stage at the Mothership, you know, cuz it's what we do all the time. So But you remember what it was like when we took all those months off for COVID then you did stand-up again. horrible. I couldn't believe how bad I

83:00was and I didn't even know. That was the big question is for me it was I didn't know what I was so good at that made it special to watch, you know, I didn't because I was just doing an impression of myself and that I didn't have that confidence and all those things that I that come from knowing what's going to happen when you walk on stage. set back at the Vulcan. You [ __ ] killed. [ __ ] it was awful. You [ __ ] killed. You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. You got big laughs. I think it just didn't feel comfortable for you. I think you didn't feel like you were killing because it didn't feel comfortable because you just haven't done it in so long. I think that's all it is. But the for the audience member And if you look at that set versus my Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, listen. 15 minutes set that I'm doing now. It's What you

83:46were talking about the other night, that that timing and that all that stuff is back to sharp. You know, how I got here stuff, you know. And that's all growth that comes from [ __ ] doing reps, you know. It's definitely It's It's a gym. That's for sure. And if you work out you see the results and if you don't, you don't, you I think it's just like golf. It's just like everything. Yeah, well, it's it's something I understand and I love, you know, and so I you know, so I can appreciate with idiots Right. you know, you never [ __ ] really learn to play golf. yeah and then you'd be going, I'm so great, you know. It's It's better that you hang out with guys that can hit the ball further than you, you know. That's fine. That's fine. Cuz you can still beat those guys. If you're lucky. If you're smart. Yeah, well, that be There's always in groups

84:33of guys There's always the one guy who's the dominant golf player, right? Yeah. Yeah. And that's that used to be me all the time but now when I play now I've got these friends that, you know, that are [ __ ] Is that a reps thing? Is that a just a reps thing or is there a certain characteristic that some people have that makes them like really good at golf? I think that some people are are born with a with a innate ability for athletics, you know, and some people aren't and you can you can try to get to that place all as hard as you want to like John Daly, you know, he's a gifted athlete, you know, and he would have no matter what he had done, he would have been great at it. Yeah. But he chose to do it with golf and and his situation home was real [ __ ] up. Abusive father. Horrible [ __ ] Just horrible [ __ ]

85:18I know a lot about him. I've spent a lot of nights drinking with him. And but he had these hands, man, and this this ability to turn his back to his target and just keep going and it generated literally no one had ever seen anybody do what John Daly did when he first started hitting when he first came on the scene. They other pros were going out to the driving range going, "Watch this." And he's hitting the ball 75 yards past everybody and hitting in the middle of the fairway with it. They're like and but he was so self-destructive that he he he couldn't he he could manage it to some point, you know, I don't know and John doesn't know either, I'm sure, but you know, he won two majors which you know, most people that have play professional golf will never win one and or never win a tournament. That most people that have a card to play on

86:10the PGA tour never win on the PGA tour. So he didn't do earth-shattering stuff like Tiger did as far as the numbers go but, you know, he he just had that natural ability and and his son is just like him. Which is kind of a weird thing cuz that father-son thing doesn't mesh up and then who knows if it ultimately will. But his son's got a pocket full of money bets with everybody there. He's about 16. No, he's in college now. So he's quite a player and he's got his dad's backswing and you know, it's uh Damn. So it's genetic. Well, some of Some of it's got to be, you know. Yeah. And then you Man, I would imagine he is right there. That's who I play golf with. When there's [ __ ] belts Yeah. They won the father-son tournament. They beat Tiger and his kid. Bro, how good are John Daly's pants? Yeah. Yeah. Look at those pants. Those

87:00are so classic. Yep. And you can Little skulls all over them. And his green alligator shoes. He's one-of-a-kind. That's for sure. One-of-a-kind. One-of-a-kind. How many Diet Cokes did you say he drinks a day? He Well, he drinks Oh, boy, he just drinks so much. But he drinks Diet Cokes and chocolate milk and he doesn't really eat. And then he drinks vodka by the gallon, you know. Diet Coke and chocolate Chocolate milk. If you go cuz we the Look at him. I've stayed in the same house with him before and he's also, oddly enough, he's a neat freak. He gets up in the morning and he'll make breakfast for everybody that's in the, you know, the golf [ __ ] complex there like four four rooms or whatever. He's up in the morning vacuuming, shining stuff up. It's not even his job to do it. And but he's a neat freak and he loves to cook for people and and at

87:52night he'll sing songs and play guitar until you're so bored with it you can't stand yourself and you know, but it's a hoot. It's a show. But in the refrigerator, gallons of milk and a chocolate Hershey's chocolate squirt bottle. He makes it up himself, you know. And and then his own chocolate milk. He stirs it. And then Diet Cokes and then cigarettes, you know, one after another. back up, Jimmy, with that the the statistics that you were showing. The statistics he was just showing about how many cigarettes and Diet Cokes he drank in one game. daily diet. I don't know what it says. that one image that you had on the other page there was uh you had it There it is. John Daly smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke and no water at a PGA Tour event. John Daly once smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke at a tour event with no

88:47water. The controversial golfer is known among fans for his somewhat different style to to today's fitness-obsessed stars. So if he drank 12 Coca-Colas though, you do have to think like that is a lot of energy and a lot of sugar. Yeah, and then and this guy doesn't practice ever at golf. He doesn't He Really? No. He'll go out there and he'll hit sand wedges and he'll hit maybe four of them and and go straight to the tee box. Whether he's playing a professional tour event or playing with a guy He's and he tells me, "Just hit some sandwich. You got to hit that solid. If you can hit that solid, you can hit them all solid. Just do that. There's no sense working your way through a bag and spending all goddamn day. You know, just get do cuz that you're trying to get loose, not better. We're playing, right? You don't have time to get better. You just got time to get

89:33loose. Get loose with one club, so. But it it uh But that's just how much ability he's got. And most of these guys, you know, they they take this [ __ ] serious every goddamn day of their life. Hours and hours and hours a day go into nothing but preparing. He spends no time at all. And and he he and he doesn't win very much, but you know, he makes a lot of noise and he he lives life the way he wants to and he's so unapologetic and And he's kind of a hero because of it. He is Yeah, yeah, he's he's totally a hero. And he should be. He he is a living legend of of athletic [ __ ] superiority. And there he is, Hooters. There's his endorsement right there. He loves Hooters. Yeah. Yeah, for years and years I'd go to the Masters and I'd park my bus right next to his bus at the Hooters. Hilarious. And go down and watch the game and and

90:29he would make a fortune because people go to that tournament to see golf, right? And uh but those golf those guys aren't available. You know, they don't come they don't stick around signing autographs and do [ __ ] like that. John does. So, he's got a merch tent set up at the Hooters and he'll do $400,000 worth of business in a week. Jeez. Just sitting there signing stuff, flags, whatever, taking pictures. He hustles that parking lot and does it every year. He's always out there. He'll you know, he's nice anyway and he likes fans and he'll talk to you about anything, anybody. Wow. And you know, if he's in a good mood. If he's in a shitty mood, maybe not, but he still gets it, you know, and cuz he didn't he gambles a lot, so he never has I don't think ever had a big surplus of money. It's a big deal from Callaway but

91:19I think he you know, he's playing slot machines a thousand bucks a pull all the time and so he's always had to hustle on the side, you know, so but he but he gets it done, you know, now he's got a vodka drink kind of like the Arnold Palmer except it's got booze in it. It's called the John Daly. Selling [ __ ] out of it. Yeah, what is the John Daly? What's the mixture? Arnold Palmer is lemonade and iced tea, right? you add some vodka, I would imagine. what it is? John Daly, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, vodka. [ __ ] yeah. Yeah, him and you know, I I quit drinking you know, that about three years ago and and but and Kid Rock hangs out up there all the time. They're really good buddies and he plays golf. It's just not a great golf course either. It's just a fun we all go to and you know, it's got good greens and we have fun time out there.

92:06And they'll be banging on the door of my bus. We're going to the titty bar. Come I'm like, dude, what What part of I don't drink anymore do you not understand? I'm no, I'm not going to the titty bar with you and Kid Rock and watch you guys jack with strippers till dawn and Hilarious. So, now they don't talk to me much and uh Those [ __ ] guys when they sober up the party's all gone. Right, that's right. Yeah, I read something the other day said if you quit drinking that does not automatically make you no fun. That's a separate decision you have to make. That's very well put. Yeah, right? Very well put. I know a lot of comics that stopped drinking. Like Dave Attell, I think is the best example of a guy who stopped drinking and just got way better. Like he was always hilarious. He was always an amazing comic. He's always been fun. But I think

92:59it was just taking a toll on his body. And then when he quit, it's like all of a sudden he had energy again. He was writing a a [ __ ] ton of great material. I think he's at like his highest level ever now and he hasn't drank in a long time. Yeah, a long time. He just keeps getting better. And but you know, he was out of control though. I mean, he was for a little bit. Well, he had that show. Insomniac, right? And that was true. I mean, that's what he would do every night. I worked with him ended up doing a bunch of I went to the Montreal Comedy Festival and he and I we didn't know each other and we were doing a bunch of shows at the at the dirty show or whatever it was. And there were like 12 shows in a week and so we met. That's back when he drank and I drank and and so we were fast friends and I thought he was funny as [ __ ] I

93:48didn't you know, I had never seen any of it. And I just [ __ ] loved Attell. He's so much fun to hang out with. best of all time. But he would come through town and and boy after the show he's gone, you know, he goes into a dark netherworld of you know, whatever's going on down there. He finds it and you know, so but he didn't do anything. I mean, he quit he quit everything. He got sober when Yeah. when people go, how did you quit getting [ __ ] up? I'm like, yeah, you heard it wrong, you You just quit drinking. than one way to skin a cat is the way I the way I look at it. I think the way you're skinning it right now is the best way. [ __ ] yeah, I think so. It's the best way. Makes for the most fun. I don't you know, I I feel pretty good about all the decisions I made that got me to where I'm right this minute, you know, as far

94:34as liquor goes. I didn't you know It makes for the most fun. This situation we're in right now is makes for the most fun. If they would just hurry up and decriminalize mushrooms and things along those lines. Yeah, yeah. Cuz then we'd start doing mushrooms. But as long as they're against the law, we don't do them. Exactly. We're against it. That's what I'm saying. We put a we put a stop to it. We're In fact, we're part of the mechanism. Imagine if it's the only thing that can really get us out of this, but we're all in so dismissive of it. Sounds like Looney Tunes, right? But if you could give mushrooms to every living human being on this planet all in one day. Right. That's that's That's what uh Hicks said it was our accelerator pad to our evolution, you know. Well, he was a big Terence McKenna and he quoted Terence McKenna in his act. And Terence McKenna

95:20was the guy who came up with that theory that the reason why human beings evolved is from mushrooms. Oh, okay. the Stone Ape theory. It's a crazy theory. What is this? Federal scientists recommending easing restrictions on marijuana. Oh, I did see that. Yeah. They want to make it schedule three. So, it has some medicinal uses. Shrooms or weed? That's just weed. That's weed first. Oh. It'll dis They're never going to give it to you all at once. It's just too revolutionary. Well, Texas, you know, we we still don't even have mercy weed, you know. get weed if you have cancer, if you're dying of cancer? think so. Not in Texas. There's no medical weed in Texas at all? a very It's like 0.3% you could get if you have like if you're dying next week or something. Right, which is kind of weird because you know, not that I you know I mean, you can buy the edibles that you

96:08can buy are THC edibles and and they they but they got it that that law passed because they didn't understand the law. Because they were going by weight of something and but they didn't realize that there's okay, these gummies are 14%. You know, so they're trying to fight it now, but right now it's legal to buy that, but and then something that's just like pot like 1 mg or whatever off, you know, they sell that and Delta 9. I don't smoke it because you know, it's classified as marijuana and I would never do anything that I thought illegal. Well, I witnessed Brian Simpson take a few of those gummies. Yeah. And Right. And they're supposed to be very mild and he was very upset about how [ __ ] up he was. He was very upset. He said, "This is outrageous." He was he was he was shocked. Does that Do smelling salts wake anybody up out of that? I've never tried.

96:56Ooh, that's a good question. That's a solid question, Jamie. What was the question? He said if smelling salts wake someone up out of like a weed stupor. Yeah, it will because I've used those ones that are on the table in the green room to Yeah, you ever get too stoned to do a set and then you just pick up one of those salts and just jerk you right out of it for a minute. you've only taken the ones we have at the the mothership then. The Yeah. The The what? You've never had the smelling salts here. No. Oh, this is significantly stronger. Here at the Well, the stuff that we have here in the studio versus the stuff that we have in the green room. The stuff we have in the green room is kind of old. So, when you open it, you really got to get your nose in there. Oh, that feels Really dig in. This [ __ ] will knock your dick into the dirt. This is

97:40What makes you think I want my No, I wouldn't say you do. Dick knocked into the dirt. It's worth experiencing. All right. It's so potent. It's shocking. Wait a Let me get ready. Do you have a fresh one or Yeah, you got any freshies? There's still four of I think fresh ones here. Well, let me see how bad What's the Do we have these in any chronological order? All right, let me grab one. I'll see I'm sure that's definitely going to do the job. All right, we'll see what's up. He's got frogs in here. Let me see what's up. Here we go. You'll know which one's stronger right That works. Wow. Wow. This one's fairly legit. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to do it. No, no, no, no, no. You need to. You need to. I don't want to whatever it caused you to look like you just looked like you're about to I feel great now. Give me a minute. All right. [ __ ] I'm

98:38here doing the same thing. Woo. I don't know if that would Yeah, I think it would help. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, that dude you don't have any This IS THE GLOVE. OH. OH. THAT'S WHAT I'M talking about. I don't like when people talk [ __ ] about how easy smelling salts are. Like oh, you've never had real smelling salts. I've never been this awake in my life. I'm saying. That's what I'm talking about. Oh man, I'm going to do one up on the other side. Shout out to that dude Juju Mufu, right? Am I saying it right? Shout out to him for creating the the greatest smelling salts in the history of the world. Did you go in for a second? I did. Oh my god, you [ __ ] animal. got it in one side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It only went up one side and I'm glad he didn't get I thought he was going to I was worried you were going to get mad and leave the show.

99:25That was like meth. That's very potent. That's what it feels like going down. Well, this guy who created this is like this crazy powerlifter dude. But there's no aftereffect of it, is there? No. I don't think you should do it too often. I just did it once every 10 seconds, you It's not making me any smarter. Yeah, okay. All right. Well, I don't have any I don't have anywhere to go but [ __ ] up. All of us have nowhere to go but up. That's what AI is all about. But I think it's probably not good to do that. That's the guy he created it. Look at the body on that son of a [ __ ] Look at the crazy [ __ ] he can do. Full splits in between chairs while holding up like Josh Blue. Yeah. No, not in that picture. I mean, the dude's a crazy athlete. Like that is that is absolutely ridiculous strength to be able to do that. And that's

100:14preposterous. So So they a lot of those powerlifter dudes, they take a big blast of this [ __ ] before they lift. Okay, I let's say I want to look like that, but I'm 67, right? Yeah. How many hours a day would I have to dedicate of my life? No [ __ ] I mean, of course I could never get to that. No, you couldn't get to that. But no [ __ ] you could change your entire body with weightlifting and steroids in a year. We would get you to a Russian scientist and they'd hook you up with the latest [ __ ] greatest top shelf like if we had a project. Like did you ever see that documentary Icarus? It's a great I think so. Yeah, it's Bryan Fogel's Is this right? Bryan Fogel's Why did I freeze there for a minute? Bryan who also did the dissident which is another amazing documentary. But Bryan did this race. He did it completely

101:18clean and then he was going to get this Russian doping guy to tell him what to take and then he was going to do the same race the next year juiced up. He was doing it for a documentary to show what the difference is. All right. He's not competitive like he could win. He's a very good cyclist though. So in the middle of this process of going through this thing with this Russian guy Right. it comes out that the Russians cheated in the Sochi Olympics. And so when they cheated in the Olympics, they used piss that was like fake piss. They like smuggled piss through a hole in the wall and this guy was a part of the whole program and he's in this documentary. And these were while this is all happening they were cyclists? He's a cyclist. He gets doped up for this documentary. This is what he's doing. And so in getting doped up with

102:06steroids and EPO, he's talking to this guy who's the head of this Russian anti-doping agency who's really just they're just Russian doping. So they just everyone's doped. This guy tells him everything. He spills the beans on the whole program. And now the guy's in like the [ __ ] witness protection plan. They've got him like shuttle all around the country to keep him alive. They want Russia wants him dead. This [ __ ] guy spilled the They they juiced the whole Olympic team. And this guy Bryan got very lucky and caught it in the middle of it happening. So it's just dumb luck that the Russians get busted for for doping while he's doing a documentary on doping with the guy who did the [ __ ] doping. And he didn't have anything to do with the them getting exposed. No, not at all. It was what happened was

102:52they used these jars that were supposed to be impregnable, right? So there's these jars you would urinate into the jar and then once they had your sample, it would be sealed in a way that no one could open. Well, they found these micro scratches that were all over the inside of these supposedly sealed jars that led them to believe that someone had figured out a way to hack into that and open these things. And they realized that the Russians had figured out a way with a new piece of equipment they engineered. They got their own bottles and they got they engineered a tool that would allow them to open it up and then they'd put it back on. So they would go and they would take the piss out and they would bring it in with a new bottle and the new bottle was filled with clean piss. And so there's literally they had a hole in the wall.

103:34Literally had a hole in the wall where they were swapping out the clean piss for the dirty piss. Look at this. They have an official urine sample room, hole and storage space. And in the storage space is where they had all the clean urine. And they got busted while this guy was doing it. So if we got that guy, that Russian guy, to turn you into a [ __ ] stud Yeah. Just we need about 16 months. We need about 16 we really need a Ron White that's all amped up on that? don't need that. No, we don't need that. But if you ever want to go that way No. You don't need You don't need that. But just like, you know, you don't need to play golf. Yeah. Well, I'm the one that asked the question, right? No, no. It's it's a fair question. It's like how long would it take? I mean, you're not obese. You're fit because you walk around a

104:19lot. You're doing a lot of golf. You're playing a sport all the time. So you're active. I stretch for that for that game. So I'm pretty I'm pretty limber for a, you know, That 67-year-old. That game looks like it would really benefit from like rotational work. Yeah. Do you do like you ever do with a trainer or do you do like cables? No, I you know what I do everything I do in my golf swing right now I do to avoid two tears I've got in my shoulders. And but for the most part it doesn't hurt to to make that as long cuz everything stays connected. It's it's when I do like this that that they really hurt. Have you ever done stem cells? Yeah, well, with the same guys that with the Waste of Well folks. And and it's better than it was because before I couldn't do that at all and now I can and that and it doesn't it doesn't really hurt that bad. But before if I

105:08got it to there and just pushed it back a little bit it not only hurt, it hurt when I quit doing it. And still it you know, it's not it's not exactly right, but I'm exactly right. I I have a plan that can help you tremendously that I use for my shoulders. I have no affiliation with this company. It's called crossover symmetry. I bought it I bought it online. I think I bought it on Amazon. I had I had one at home and one at the gym. It's a bunch of different cords that attach to posts and they have these cables and some of them are like 10 lb, some of them are 15 lb, some are 25 lb. And they give you a plaque. And the plaque has a series of different exercises for your shoulders. All for shoulder strength. It makes a giant difference. A giant difference. So you use these cables and it's not hard work. You're not like lifting heavy weight or

105:55anything like this. This is like rehabilitation and strength work. So you're on the last ones you are getting like a good pump, but it's very controlled. It's very controllable. And in the process you're strengthening your shoulders. You're strengthening all the things that are not that strong which is why you're probably getting injured in the first place unless it's some sort of a catastrophic situation. For the most part people get injured because their shoulders just aren't in good condition. No, I fell when I was young off a cliff into a pool. It was 78 ft. Hamilton's Pool right over here in Austin, Texas. And I landed not like you should land. Okay, so it was catastrophic. And it it ripped everything. I sprained both wrists and and my shoulders, but I never had it looked at. It was just bad for a long time that I had it just a few years

106:44ago in Beverly Hills. I had them do a cat scan or whatever the [ __ ] MRI probably. What did they say? They said they got tears in both of them. That's where I fell, right here. It was 78 ft. Oh my god. And it was I was standing at the top where people were jumping off and I was really drunk and and I didn't really jump off. I kind of tripped and stumbled and then just went, oh well, I'm going with it and fell off and And and I just landed like I was sitting down with my arms kind of back and it was just How deep was the water? Well, it turned out I wasn't very deep into it. It's pretty deep pool, but I don't even know, but I was this far underwater cuz that's how flat I landed. I didn't even go underwater. And uh Oh, no. That must have sucked. It knocked the breath out of me and people were like, are you okay? And I'm like,

107:31at which they they took that to mean I'm fine. Yeah, don't do a thing. But even if you have damage to your shoulders, that shoulder strengthening program will help you. If you it'll help you retain range of motion because you're doing it kind of slowly and if you just stay persistent with it and consistent and just do it every day. And if you're doing it every day, you're not even going to doing it like that hard. It's not like a thing where you're like killing yourself. You're doing like eyes, wise, and tees with like little dumbbells. Do things like that. And do just do like easy things that strengthen your shoulder. You'd be amazed at how much more shoulder mobility and strength you'd have if you just strengthen all the connective stuff. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure that doing anything would be more than I'm doing now which is absolutely nothing.

108:17Yeah, get a [ __ ] trainer, Ron. Get some You know what? I tried to get I I used to have sassy young lady that's going to crack you into shape. I I used to have my yoga instructor would come over to my house every day or 5 days a week and she was beautiful and smart and funny and she was great and I would it was basically a yoga nap. It was so easy. Breathing and then you know, with smells and she was all mystical and [ __ ] and I like it. And but my girlfriend was like, eh Yeah. And I don't I think you Good call on her part. Right, right. Yeah, she was all over me. She's never wrong. She's got this intuition that she's never been wrong. Yeah. You don't want that around your man. That's them yoga freaks. Yeah. They're a little bit more in tune to sexuality and in a room it's 94° and they're all sweating on top of each other. Yeah.

109:06Yeah, it it has a lasting impression. up in the air. I mean, everyone is a little But it was still good for me. It was a good way to start the day. Oh yeah, that's great way to start the day. I used to love doing it that way when I lived in California. I used to do the Bikram style. They changed the name after he got busted a bunch of times, but it was it was Bikram's when I first started and it was that series of poses which I think he just popularized. I don't I don't believe any of them I I don't even know if he put them in that order if they were already in that order that people do them, but whatever it is, that order forget what you think about him as gross as that guy is, that That guy is he's very funny. He He wasn't all that gross. 1 million dollars for one drop of my sperm. You ever see him say that? You ever see him say that? A million

110:00I earned that. I mean he's a a psychopath. Yeah. Wild man, but that guy That's where you really can't start [ __ ] your followers cuz it's just going to He seemed to be doing it seems like a good idea at the time, but yeah, he was getting a lot of He's a cult leader. I mean I think it's just like any other cult even though it does provide the benefit of the yoga. So the thing is like whatever it is like you take him out of the equation cuz it's not they're not his exercises and I I don't think they're his order. Can you find out that's true if you put it in that order? If he invented the order? But whatever it is, if you just follow those exercises in that order, it's awesome and you do it every day and there's no variation. I love variation in your yoga class. I love to be able to go to yoga class and doing different

110:48stuff. It's fun. But I also love going to this class where it's a 90-minute class and there's a specific number of movements and you know what they are cuz you've done this over and over and over and over again. It's a [ __ ] challenge and you're all in there gutting it out together. Like that's a real human struggle. I know it sounds ridiculous. Was nothing like that. This was a guy I'm on a a little thing stretching my back while I'm laying there breathing in some incense. That's good too. But then yeah, doing some breath work. Listen, that's good too. Just breathing and no grunting. Well, with the the 90-minute one, you got to be hydrated. You got to be prepared for that. You got to get some electrolytes in your system. Yeah, I went through a hot yoga one time and and I literally threw up in the parking lot. I just I was in there it

111:34made me sick and I'd eaten, you know, whatever I guess you shouldn't eat and I think they do it at 104. I think it's 104°. Bikram Yoga also follows a sequence of 26 postures. Students improve flexibility and circulation through this sequence with the high temperatures allow them to enter each pose more posture more easily. The poses were chosen from Choudhury from classic hatha poses designed to systematically move fresh oxygenated blood to 100% of your body to each organ and fiber. So So it was him? He came up with this sequence? I think he hacked it, right? I think he hacked it. finding anything that says he didn't. Cuz he made a bunch of claims about winning yoga tournaments in this country and they're like we don't have yoga tournaments in this country, so It's a yoga kumite. They meet in the woods and yoga to death. Okay, hatha yoga studio practice

112:24different types of yoga most of us try to keep their hot yoga classes anywhere from a balmy 75° to a steamy 95°. Elevated temperature help I think they do 104. Here it goes. Since we practice Bikram Yoga, our goal is to replicate the environment found in southern India. Our yoga teachers set the thermostats from 103 to 108°. Let's go. Now that's hot yoga. That's what Tony does, right? He does that every week to Pink Floyd music. Yeah, they have yeah, that's he says it's a really good class. He loves doing that hot yoga. It keeps Tony normal. It helps him with his evil brain. Yeah. His evil brain needs a touch of the divine. Yeah, he needs to be connected. I love him to death. He's the best. He sold out the [ __ ] Madison Square Garden three hours. Two Madison Square Gardens. They're killing the game. They deserve everything they're getting.

113:17know what and that just when he came up with that idea that didn't sound like a good idea to anybody, I don't think. You know, that we're going to get guys that suck for sure and they're going to do a minute and we're going to make fun of them or whatever or try to help them or you know, but but it's such an engaging amazingly great idea and know what it is? It's an idea that was developed entirely by Tony and Redban together over years. So Tony comes up with the idea, he partners together with Redban, they figure out how to do this slowly over years. So they're doing it in the belly room of the comedy store in front of like 50 [ __ ] people. There's no one there in the beginning. They're doing from that to selling out Madison Square Garden in three hours in like 10 years. Right. Which is but Yeah, you can question it all you want to, but

114:08leave a great comic alone and let him come up with his own thing and then figure out no one's better at hosting a show than that guy. Oh, nobody. He's the best. You know, he cuz he's into wrestling. So everything he announces, it's hard to follow the [ __ ] credits that he gives you when he brings you on stage in that thing, you know, if you're one of his regulars. You know, you think this guy sold out three nights at [ __ ] Madison Square Garden. You got to go follow that intro. Right. But you know, yeah, nobody could do it. Nobody else could do it but him. He's so quick. He's so quick with like roast lines. Like when him and David Lucas go at it, I swear I don't think I ever laugh harder in life. When him and David There's there's some videos of him and David Lucas going at it where I'm red like a grape and I can't breathe cuz

114:56I haven't I haven't taken in a breath in 30 seconds. I'm just laughing. I'm just dying. They're so good at going back and forth with each other. They're so good. There's a [ __ ] ton of videos. We don't have to play any of them, but there's if people are interested in a [ __ ] ton of videos online of Tony and David Lucas. They're like I've been telling these [ __ ] dudes since the beginning of time. Not like Tony needs anything else now. If you wanted to do another podcast, the podcast is him and David Lucas just talking [ __ ] and reading the news. I'm like you two get together and just talk [ __ ] about the news and start ragging on each other. It would be immensely popular. Right. Immensely popular. Those two dudes have magic together. There's something about those two characters

115:38when they get together and start talking [ __ ] to each other. They're both laughing when they get each other. There's no hard feelings at all. Right, none. Not at all. Not at all. When Tony gets David hard, David is the hardest laugher in the room. He's laughing harder than anybody and he's enjoying it. He doesn't feel bad at all. Not even a smidgen and neither does Tony. When Tony When David gets Tony and Tony goes, you son of a [ __ ] You son of a [ __ ] You got me. You son of a [ __ ] He starts talking about his bald spot. You son of a [ __ ] You son of a [ __ ] He's just what It's they have so much fun. It's amazing because it's just such a well-oiled machine. It's just been running so smooth for so long and then the New Year's shows just took them to a total totally different level.

116:22You know, having Jelly Roll come out there and sing to open up the show. What the [ __ ] man? Yeah. What the [ __ ] Everybody wants to participate, you know. Oh my god, it's so special. It's [ __ ] awesome and it's I tell everybody it's the cornerstone of stand-up comedy in Austin. It's the cornerstone. Because it's a place where people can get their first time ever on stage and you can do it in front of a million [ __ ] people. Yeah, I don't know. I was pretty nervous and it was like like 85 people and uh Yeah, but it's okay. Like do you want to do this or not? Oh, you know what? It's and that's not you, but you know what I'm saying? It's the most amazing thing. People coming up. Because it it does send a net out there to find talented people that they might not have seen that avenue to get to where we are

117:11another way, you know, but they're fans of that. They're like I could do that and then they do what it takes to get in it. And also it encourages the spread of other rooms around town. You got enough talent that they get together and then a guy says, hey, I have a room. Do you guys want to book a room? Do you want to And then you always get that from the more industrious of the comics. They'll like figure out I got a bar over here. Tuesday night comedy night. And so the amount of work that folks can get around here is crazy right now. You know what I used to do? I used to go to hotels that that had a a restaurant in them and I'd have set up a comedy competition where you won $25 and a meal for two people and then I would only invite comics I knew I could beat because I wanted that money. I needed that 25 bucks and that free dinner for

118:02two. Me and Lori, Marshall's mom would go down there just happy as we could be eating our free food. I want another one, you know. Why ain't John McDonald eating? Well, I couldn't get a hold of him. That's smart. Oh, yeah. What a great way to A little stage time. Nice. That's a good scam. Free food. That's a solid scam. Yeah. Yeah, when I lived in Boston, we were real lucky. There were so many road gigs. There were so many gigs you could do on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You could almost work 7 days a week if you knew enough booking agents and you were willing to drive. You had a reliable car. You could go to New Hampshire one night. Next night you're in Billerica. Next night you're in Rhode Island. Like you're moving around. Well, you know what I did was which was pretty smart. And I never accused myself of

118:47being smart very often, but but I noticed that that really your master of ceremonies, you're not the opening act. You know, the your biggest job as the opener was to be the MC, you know, and so if you did a really I noticed everybody was doing a really shitty job. They had a crinkled up notes in their pocket. Next week at the thing, and I was like And uh I'm like, I'm going to get good at that, you know, so and on my act too, but I'm going to do a really good job. I'm going to study the notes. I'm going to know them. I'm going to make it look like a show, you know, I'm going to do a better job at being a host than those guys are. And then I had a There were four clubs in the Dallas area. I worked one of them once a month as the opening act. So I worked every goddamn night nine shows a week. And uh but you know why? Cuz I was a better

119:31[ __ ] host, not cuz I was funnier. I would just I made it look like show biz. That's nice. I made it look like a slick [ __ ] deal, you know. Yeah. That's what Tony does. He makes it look like a look like a [ __ ] the right kind of package, you know, it's done the right way. But it's also wild, too. That show's wild. Some of the [ __ ] they say is so wild. It's so they so go for it. Well, that's why you know, that's what I love about it cuz you don't know. You don't know. That deck ain't stacked, folks. And I let me tell you something. I tried to stack it one time cuz I my banker wanted to do stand-up, and I thought I could just slide him in. They were like, "No [ __ ] way. They do Those come out of a hat. We don't know who they are." It's the only way to do it. uh and and and you guys explained to me,

120:09and I'm like, "Of course that's right. Of course that's right." biblical law. Yeah. You know, like you you you have to just really reach in there and really get a piece otherwise you're lying about the whole thing. Right. Right. And I'm telling you folks, I tried and uh and I was shot down. No, it's it's uh it does show crackles. It crackles with I had to go back to my banker and go, "Yeah, I can't do anything really to help you." That's hilarious. Your banker is going to give you an interest rate decrease. I'm sure he's hilarious. I wonder if the world's missing out on something big. Maybe it'd be fun to watch him bomb. But you know what? You The thing is you can come up there and with a recommendation from me, you can do 3 minutes on Monday night, you know. you can do an open mic night. Open mic night. So that's then that's what he

120:50did. Well, that's a great way to start. That's how you want to start. You don't want to start on Kill Tony, but a lot of people have. Well, yeah, right. That's what I mean. That would be a hard place to start, you know, right? And especially if you know, it's a million [ __ ] people. But also like amazing thing to document if that really was the first time and you actually wound up going on from there and having a career. Yeah. And you'd have you'd have good footage of it, you know. Yeah. I mean, look, it can be done. It can be done if you're funny. There's There's people out there that are you We all know people that are so funny that for whatever reason never decided to stand up. For me it was my boss. I was uh working for a private investigator at one point in time. And uh he lost his license drinking driving, and he put in an ad

121:27for a private investigator's assistant. It was really just someone to drive him around cuz he didn't have a license. And so I was looking for like unconventional ways to make money while I was doing martial arts. So that was what I decided to do. I started working for this guy. When I was doing stand-up comedy or just started. I was just like one open mic two open mics in. Like I just started. And I met this dude. And he was absolutely the funniest dude I'd ever met in my life. I couldn't believe how funny he was. Funniest than any of the comedians at the clubs. Uh totally natural laughing about everything. And the guy [ __ ] went cold turkey. No AA, no programs, no nothing. Crashed his car, ran from the cops, got busted, and he's like, "You know what? I'm [ __ ] done. I'm [ __ ] done." This guy was a

122:12character, man. He was a [ __ ] character. His name is Dave Dolan. He used to call himself Dynamite [ __ ] Dave Dolan. He's one of the funniest [ __ ] human beings I've ever met. him around? He was Drove him around for months cuz I I forget how long he lost his license for. I don't know what it is, you know, when your license gets suspended for DUI. But he lost it for quite a amount of time, and during that time I was making my transition from stand-up from fighting to stand-up cuz I was I was in the middle of both worlds. And it was wild I was working for him Were you still playing pool at the time? Were you No, I wasn't playing pool at all. No, I wasn't playing pool at all. I didn't start playing pool until I hurt my knee. I mean, I played a couple of times here and there with friends, but I wasn't

122:54like really into it until I tore my ACL. You know, if you have an ACL injury, it has to be diagnosed, then you have to schedule an appointment, and you have to get surgery. So So it was a long time where I couldn't I couldn't do any martial arts. It was just too unstable. It was really [ __ ] up. I had a badly tore my ACL and tore my meniscus. It was like real wobbly. So I really couldn't do martial arts. I was only just like lifting weights, and I was looking for something challenging to do. And me and my friend would go He got a job, my friend John, got a job working at this pool hall, and he and I would just go there and just knock balls around for free during the day because he was working there. Right. So he'd be like working behind the counter, and we and I just got obsessed with it, man. And I just happened to be

123:33around all these people that were like really good players. Like high-level professionals would come in from the road because it was a gambling pool hall. It's called Executive Billiards in White Plains. Is this Boston? No, this was New York. Okay. So I was I didn't really get into pool until I was like 20 three? 24? 23 or 24. That's when I really started getting into pool. And that's before stand-up or No, I was in the middle of stand-up. It was It was a problem where like my manager said to me, he goes, "I think you care more about pool than you do your career." I was like golf. It was like your golf. I was playing every day. Eight eight 10 hours a day. No [ __ ] Every day. Every day. I was traveling to go play in tournaments. I was going to tournaments many nights of the week that I could have easily been doing stand-up.

124:16I was going to play in tournaments. I'd go to Connecticut to play. I'd go to Jersey to play. I'd go to West End Billiards and watch the killers play. Wow. West End Billiards was this place in a real sketchy part of New Jersey. Ooh, it was sketchy. And uh it was this place where it was world-renowned as being like a player's pool hall. Like Hawaiian Rodney Morris was there, and [ __ ] Mike Sigel played there. Like the the greats of all time. have Do they even have places like that around here where It's not that many of them. There's Hard Times in Sacramento. That's still a big one. That's a big one. They stream big tournaments from there. Yeah. That's That one's legit. That's a legit like real player's pool hall. But there's uh there's not a lot of them left in the country, unfortunately. Cuz the game is not very publicized

125:09except it's got more of a following now because of the internet cuz people are watching those clips. Right. Watching And they realize real high-level pool, you know, like Joshua Filler. Watch that guy play. My favorite is this guy from Taiwan. His name is Ko Pin Chung. He's my favorite. He's so smooth. When you watch that guy move the ball around the table, it's so effortless and precise, and his cue ball control is just magical. Magical. He played in the US Open and won 11 games in a row on a 4-in pocketed table. If you if you knew how crazy that is to run those kind of racks on a 4-in pocketed table, it's like almost unheard of. was a four? I don't even know. That's I don't even know what a Okay. So if you buy a Brunswick Gold Crown stock from the factory, it probably has 5-in pockets. If you buy a Diamond, it has 4 and 1/2, but you can

126:06get it all the way down to four. And they got it all the way down to four. Four 4-in pockets are [ __ ] small. Yeah. They're small. And this [ __ ] dude ran 11 games with 4-in pockets. He he went through the entire ran 11 games? I mean, like the other guy didn't get a shot? Either the guy Either the guy had a shot and missed, and then he ran out, or he had a safety. He made a safety, and the guy had a kick, and then he got the ball back. But whatever he did, he just played like perfect pool for a number of games. See, if you watch the guy play, man, if you really know how to play, like it's just effortless. There's something about the style and he he just keeps getting better, too. Like every time you see him in each tournament, he just gets a little bit better. These guys all stopped playing because of the pandemic. So for for a couple of

126:59years, they couldn't play internationally. Right. So they kind of fell off a little bit, and only the guys who were in certain tours where you were allowed to still play, guys were playing with masks on. It got like real weird for a while. And some of the guys since international travel was limited, they didn't get that high pressure, you know, going to the US Open in Atlantic City. That was the big one where he was at. That's like a big That's where he was in while that was being shot. all the killers from all around the world gather up in Atlantic City. Do they know who's going to win before they go into it? You can't know who's going to win. They're too good. I mean, do they So there's not a number one that's significantly better than everybody else like there was in golf for years with Tiger Woods. There's a guy named Shane Van Boening,

127:41and he's won more than anyone, and he's won the US Open He's tied with Earl Strickland, who's another one of the all-time greats. I think maybe Strickland has more. Strickland might have more. Who won Who won the most US Opens, Shane Van Boening or Strickland? Either way, this guy wins everything. He's won World Nine Ball. He's won the US Open multiple times. He's favored to beat most people, but that doesn't mean he's going to win because a guy like Ko Pin Chung could just run out. And you don't even get a shot at it, right? Okay. Earl Strickland and Shane Van Boening, both from the US, share the record for winning the US Open Nine Ball Championship the most time, five. Strickland in '84, '87, '93, '97, and 2000. And then Van Boening in 2007, '12, '13, '14, and '16. He's evil. He's evil on the table. And when he plays, he shuts his hearing aids off. He's got

128:30hearing aids. He shuts those [ __ ] off. He needs in a world of his own, man. He doesn't hear any cheering. wizard. He's the pinball wizard. Yeah. He's the pinball wizard. Yeah, he's a monster, man. He's a monster. One of the greatest players of all time. Like if you have a list of the top five greatest players of all time and you have Shane Van Boening on that list, we're not having a conversation. This is you're a silly person. And what's his mothership? Where does he go to hang out and play pool? is where he started out. They call him the South Dakota kid. He had a table in the basement that had really tight pockets and he would practice his break on it so much that the center of the table was just white from being compressed from the cue ball smashing into the rack and then slapping down the same spot over and over. He broke so

129:14much that he created like a white cloud around where you rack the balls cuz he's just obsessed. And like universally regarded as the one of the greatest breakers of all time. If not the greatest. are on some spectrum. 100. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, right. Cuz it's kind of matter. You have to be. Yeah. You have to be. You want to compete? Yeah. You go get vaccinated. You We need you. We We need you in a [ __ ] different realm. No, there's a lot of guys that are like super normal that are high-level competitors that are just like normal guys. Like you could hang out with them. They're cool as [ __ ] It's just an obsession that they could have been doing that with anything else. Could have been disc golf. Could have been frisbee. Carpentry. Whatever it is. These are just obsessive people that are fascinated by the game.

130:03It's a crazy Tiger stat I just saw over the weekend. Over a 10-year stretch from '99 to 2009, Tiger was more likely to win 34% than finish ninth or worse 32% for 10 years. That's insane. Yeah. Yeah, he's a monster. Yeah, nobody ever racks up those kinds of numbers. You know He's a monster. You got 150 people every week so you should win one one out of 152, you know. Uh and instead of 25% of the worlds that you [ __ ] enter, it's just crazy. Yeah, you have to be. That'll be done again. I I'd like to think. A mad genius to pull that off. And a mad genius raised by his dad to be that from the time he was really young. You know? Yeah, you'd have to have a springboard. Right. Yeah, I mean that's what he was. Right. And also like if your dad plays golf, man. If If someone in your family plays I really really wonder this. If you

130:56Are you transferring some of your comedy into your kids? Are you transferring some of your They've said that even bad ideas, like even racism can be inherited. There's There's like a speculation. I forget how they ran that study, but they think that there's some aspect of thinking and of life and of experiences that somehow or another gets transferred to your kid. Which makes sense because the the big ones do. Like fear of spiders, fear of like monsters under the base under in the in the basement. There's all those fears that kids have. You think they come They come from memories of being eaten by cats. Almost entirely. It's thousands of years of proto-hominids being slaughtered by cats. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's why we're scared of monsters. doesn't bother me. Well, it would if we were outside running wild and you heard something.

131:47feel safe in here. I I feel safe in here with your big frog burps. Yeah. Big frog burps. We have to have protection from the animals, folks. Don't get cocky. People are getting cocky right now. They're getting cocky talking about bringing grizzly bears back. Shut your [ __ ] dirty mouth. Yeah. grizzly bears in Beverly Hills? What are you going to What if they're going to be fully protected and you can't do anything about it? Are you going to count on the wildlife people to be able to get the grizzly bear? And you Yeah, and you got to invent Before it eats you. I'm going to tell you right now if that grizzly wants to [ __ ] you, just let him [ __ ] you. Let him [ __ ] you. That's the best case scenario. Don't Don't Don't fight back. Don't argue. Push back. Yeah. Push back. Make Make all the right noises.

132:28Do whatever it takes. Pretend like you love it. You love it. [ __ ] love it. You love living. Let that bear [ __ ] you. Yeah, you imagine the kind of VD you get from a grizzly bear. Oh my god. You think that's what's going on after that? Yeah, I think so. Well, that I think we tried to make that connection with syphilis. I think someone had told me that there was two It was a [ __ ] really smart guy. I forget who it was. But it was someone told me that there was two different strains of syphilis and one of them seems to have definitely come from North America. So like sailors came over in the 1400s with like the Pinta and the Santa Maria and [ __ ] When they went back, they brought syphilis with them cuz it seems like there was a different strain of syphilis that ran through Europe during that time period. The same

133:14place where these people had just got back from So they picked it up from our locals. Yeah. And took it back with them. Well, that's what we did. We gave them horrible diseases. They gave us a few make [ __ ] holes in your face. The syphilis one was a wild one. That's a wild one. I got a lot of guys, babe. Ooh, killed a lot of people. of guys. Killed Al Capone. That slow brain-rotting [ __ ] nothing you can do about it. Isn't it scary that the diseases like that come from sex? So weird. So weird that nature is like so concerned that we're going to overpopulate Yeah. that it gives you diseases that you only get from sex. You have to live in fear. There's the scariest ones, syphilis and AIDS. What scares you more than syphilis and AIDS? If you get a prescription Doc, I'm not feeling so good. Syphilis or AIDS?

134:00Either one and you're like, "Oh, shit." Syphilis, I guess. I don't know. It's a [ __ ] problem. Magic Johnson's doing okay. Yeah. As much [ __ ] as people talk about like pharmaceutical drug companies or drug or medical science in general, I am so thankful they exist because if it wasn't Do you know how [ __ ] we'd be? And I know people are saying, "Oh, people are abusing antibiotics." They are. They are. Yeah, that's true. But isn't it great that we have antibiotics? Yeah. Because if it wasn't Half the [ __ ] people would be dead. Right. Not half, but you know what it's like. Back in the day if you got a staph infection, that was a wrap. That was it, buddy. That's right. It's going systemic. It's taking over your blood. Yeah, and if you had breast cancer, you were done. That's just from poor decisions. Bone breaks.

134:50That's a wrap. You're losing that leg. Yeah, teeth gone. Done, you don't eat, you starve. You can't keep up. There's this tribe that I was reading about. I forget whose book was it. Uh but it was about um what happens with the older women in this tribe and it's horrible that the younger males when they realize the older women aren't keeping up anymore, they'll sneak behind them and bludgeon them over the head. And What's not keeping up? They don't keep up because they're they're nomadic tribal people and it's you know Oh, you mean they're like lagging behind the group as it moves. Exactly. Exactly. what happens to them? They get killed by the younger males. So they have a fear of the young males and they have a fear fear. fear of them. Yeah. Well, it's it's supposedly accepted in the tribe because it's understood that at a certain time you're

135:39not you're you're putting them in danger. You're putting them in danger by slowing them down. It's really dark. It's really dark. I think Was it Malcolm Gladwell? I don't remember who who No, Killers of the Flower Moon was the um I know it's I I googled tribe young males kill older women book and that's what's popping up. that as well? It's just that book is popping up. They might have talked about it. They might have talked about it. They might have I didn't see that movie yet. I heard it's awesome, though. Have you seen it? Killers of the Flower Moon? No, I haven't seen it. You see it, Jamie? I didn't watch it last night. Just didn't. Well, Jamie, where's your report, please? What's it on? Your report? It's uh still available for rent. It'll be on something Apple or something next month. I don't know. I think it's on It's on iMovie right now.

136:20on everything to rent and buy. Like it's just not available for free streaming, I should Oh, I see. I got money. He's got money. What are you saying? Why are you trying to say Ronald? Yeah, it's $3.99. Come on. It's $3.99. Do you want to buy it? Do you want to rent it? I'll rent it. I don't have that kind of money. I'm not going to I'm not going to buy it. an option to watch it over for the rest of your life? Right. Well, sometimes they take that [ __ ] away. They do? That It's happened. Even if you buy it? Do they refund your money? No, no, I mean like if you don't buy it. Oh, then you can't get it again. Can't get it when you want it. Ooh, that's interesting. So is that like they have long-term deals? Like Apple would have a deal I was buying stuff on iTunes and it's just disappeared. I mean things I bought, you know, are just gone on

136:56iTunes. It now says they're not available in the country that you're in. I'm like, "This is the country I bought them in." Yeah, that's weird. That might be a glitch. I don't know how that works. I don't know. Um but I was reading something very bizarre about Google and their terms of service and what they're going to do to adjust something for a sensitive event. Did you I could send you the article, but it was one of those ones where I I read it and I was like I read like one paragraph into it and I was like, "Jesus Christ, this is starting to make me angry. I don't want to read into this." I don't know. I don't know where my phone is, but I wanted to ask because it's something literally if I go to Allman Brothers There's an article from Forbes that says and and go to I want to listen to a song it says no longer available in the

137:42country you're in and that's iTunes. And then I can But I can push the button and say play uh the Allman Brothers Band and it'll play it. It'll play it, but it But I don't have it at my command on iTunes like I did. I don't know where it went. I thought I was buying that stuff. That's what I meant. But I don't know Apparently I wasn't buying it. Right. I just thought I was buying it cuz it isn't there anymore. Yeah, I don't know how that works. They must have some different licensing deals with certain songs. Jamie, that's not it. It's something that was real recent and they were talking about what they would do for a significant significant cultural event. I see Let me see if I can This says yeah, new policy going to affect February 2024 clearly defines what constitutes a quote sensitive event for purposes of prohibiting certain

138:26exploitative or insensitive ads and content. Yeah, that's it. Well, Google already had policies in place for ads and YouTube monetization. This expands the restrictions to Google's publisher network as well. And so there was It was defined in a certain way. See if you can pull up what it actually says cuz the way it was defined, what disturbed me was that it's very blanket. A sensitive event is defined rather as an unforeseen or unexpected situation that poses significant risk to Google's ability to provide high-quality relevant information while reducing insensitive insensitive content is that I have concern with that. Well, yeah. Insensitive content in prominent and monetized features. Insensitive content to who? Exactly. So open is subjective. Now listen to this though. Sensitive events include those with major social, cultural, or political impact such as

139:21civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crisis, terrorism, conflict, or mass violence. So what they're saying is you must be sensitive if you're going to discuss civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crisis, anything with a major social, cultural, or political impact, terrorism, mass violence, you must now be sensitive. The thing is like whatever they're trying to say, whatever they're trying to do to make the the the online world a nicer place. It's You got to be really careful with saying things like that cuz sensitive is a weird term. If someone is violently opposed Insensitive to who? Right. Also what what someone is violently opposed to something that's happening. Like think about one of one or many of the military conflicts around the world. Don't pick a side. What if someone is violently opposed to these people dying and losing

140:11their lives and they're talking about it. Is that an insensitive piece of content that can now be censored by a new policy? Is that what it is or is it just going to demonetize it which they've kind of always done? I think this was talking about people who are making ads using their platform not people who are hosting content on their platforms. I I guess So say it again. What is So say it again. I'm a little lost on this one. I think I think I see So if any of the listeners out there are also a little confused as the No, it's about them having the ability to censor you. So if you do the Ron White Show on YouTube which is owned by Google. If they decide that this something of whatever you're doing is in somehow or another offensive want to edit it. I don't know what they're saying they can and can't do. I think it's making ads. I don't know if

140:55it has to do with the content that again that's on YouTube. I think this policy content change is for people who use the Google Ads platform and create ads like this one I'm showing you right here so that you can't abuse it. You can't monetize it. But look how it's phrased, please. Go go back to the top sentence. So look at Which one? It says the updated policy provides practice including price gouging, misdirected traffic, and victim blaming during sensitive events. I'm with the first ones. Price gouging, misdirected traffic, I'm with those. But victim blaming during sensitive events, that one gets touchy cuz like what do we It's just using the ads though. It's like making some weird ad to pop up to get you to click on something that's going to pop up on content that might be about that event or anything like that. But victim blaming, the thing about

141:39victim blaming is you can do it both ways, right? Like victim blaming like with Hamas and Palestine and and Israel, you could go you could victim blame on both sides. You could say the Israelis were doing this and that's why Hamas had to attack and you say Hamas attacked and that's why the Israelis are doing this and you [ __ ] people should have known better and you [ __ ] people should have known better. That's victim blaming. Sure. You got to let people talk. Yeah. And if talking looks like victim blaming until people work it out then why not let them just stop people from talking. So what are we saying? Are we saying that it's just they can't monetize that? Well, then what happens is if you're not monetizing stuff, you let people know that unless they self-censor, it's going to cost them financially. Even if the ads like like say if the

142:25represents a company that is actually interested in this discussion and wants to know like what is the right what's the right perspective on this? Who's most informed? Who's looking at this the most correctly? If you're a company and you're why wouldn't you want to advertise on something where people are just talking about what may or may not be happening in the world? And if you're going to do that on YouTube, then you have to worry about you're losing your ability to make a living now. It's like ooh. Is that what happens? I don't know. I don't know. I mean is this this is just a blanket policy in in case of the most egregious offenses that all people agree are terrible and should probably not be okay? But then who gets to decide that? What happened to the frogs eating the mouse and [ __ ] like that? Ron White, this is

143:12the future of people being able to talk [ __ ] All right. That's what it is. No, I believe that you know It's kind of the future of people being able to talk [ __ ] cuz this is how it goes away. Right. It goes away through stuff like that. Sure. It goes away through people deciding that something's insensitive which is like 98% of all jokes. Right. Yeah, you don't want to come to my You don't want to come to my show. I'm saying. Here's their examples they give. Okay, here's some examples. All right, violations this Okay, what is examples non-exhaustive? Ads that claim victims of Oh, ads that claim victims of sensitive event responsible for their own tragedy or similar instances of victim Okay, ads. So it's just about ads. least for now it is. You know, maybe they could switch it and be like now all content but Well, that's completely

143:57reasonable. If it's just about ads, that's completely reasonable. Right. Yeah, I guess you should want to be able to control how [ __ ] up the ads are. Cuz that's kind of Well, is it? It's just ad. They're just like you you can still use other parts of the internet that can still be used for advertising. You can't use Google Ads which is the biggest part of the internet advertising world. Right. They shut you out. Do it somewhere else is all they're saying. Right. Cuz that's seems reasonable. Yeah, that's pretty reasonable. As long as they're not doing that with the actual content of the the the podcast cuz I do know that they demonetize. They demonetize people all the time if you talk about certain subjects. It's It's always been a problem. Is And they they don't do that to you, do they? They used to do it. Yeah, they

144:39used to do it up until the time when we switched over to Spotify and they stopped doing it. This is specifically under advertising policies. I think it's kind of it to anybody or they No, no, they do it to other people. They do it to other people all the time but they stopped doing it to us for like 3 months. Like where they didn't give us anything. We're doing the same show. Right. know any other way to do this. You got to sit down and talk [ __ ] It's the only way to do it. If I change that for somebody that's going to censor something or I'm going to lose money, like what are you talking about? Like I can't change what I do. I have zero interest in doing that. You know, and if I don't think it's offensive then that's it. That's the end of the conversation. you're pretty sensitive. Yeah, I'm sensitive. I try to be sensitive about

145:19these kind of things. It's just you got to let people talk and just because people disagree with you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. Did you see that clip? He was the way he was phrasing it was actually kind of funny. He was talking about white frailty or white anxiety that it's a public health crisis that white people who vote Republican, it's just like an opioid epidemic. This guy was comparing the two. Here, I'm going to play it. You going to listen to this, Jimmy? I don't know where this is. I don't know where he said this. I just saw it on Twitter. And I'm like, man, you got to get out of the house. You got to go hang out with some different folks because they don't have an opioid epidemic. There's a lot of people that are the conservative people that are like really clear-thinking people. Absolutely. Yeah, they just they don't they think

146:10there's a this is a mess and they want things to change and they want the rule of law put back into place. Doesn't mean they're on opioids. This is so crazy to say that everybody who doesn't agree with you is on a drug. Well, you know, and that that gets fired back both on on both sides just of It's Yeah, because you're going to now you're in a stupid war where you're like you're stupid. No, you're stupid. You people are on drugs. Who brought back name-calling? Was that I don't know. If you had been taught equality from the beginning, you wouldn't be flipping out but that's how hegemonic dominance works and so I think that's why it happens and we have to be willing to talk about that because it's really unhealthy. This white anxiety is a public health crisis in that regard and that's why you know, not only we were talking about in the other room a

146:52minute ago before we came in here, you know, that that it's not just the opioid crisis that we think about with folks killing themselves disproportionately increasingly white working-class folks who are um you know, using heroin or using over-the-counter opioids but they're political opioids turning to a candidate who says you vote for me and I will take away your pain. I will bring back those jobs. I will make your life better. That's a form of an opiate as well. So we got to be honest about about the dysfunctionality and the real danger of the front slash backlash, whatever we want to call it even for the people who are you know, thinking they're going to benefit from it. What you see right there is a wild instance of someone that's used to being around like a certain type of people that think a certain type of way and think it's okay

147:37to say it out loud. Everyone's going to go along with this. And you put that out there to the world and the whole world is like, what the [ __ ] are you talking about? What are you talking about? They're not on opioids. What are you saying? Someone's going to make dressed like that? You shouldn't My god. That doesn't bother me at all. It does. He's He's dressed like Idi Amin would dress in a casual uh setting. Let me see it again. I didn't even think about how he was dressed. I just thought about what he was saying. That he he just dressed like a regular guy. No, it's No. Yeah, it is. It is. It looks like a car heart shirt. That's No. That That guy doesn't look paramilitary at all. Ron White Maybe I saw it in his eyes. I don't know. No. Well, it is kind of it's kind of a Very very fascist. It's Castro. Come on. No, it's just a shirt with two buttons.

148:28It's just a guy with two buttons. good. It's like the guy's got suits on so why not wear a suit? Um he's probably casual guy. Casual guy tuned into the younger people. Casual Friday. You just like that that's a crazy thing to say and it's it's also it's not a nuanced perspective on the whole race issue in this country in this world. It's a silly thing to do to say that all people that are Republicans, that are these white people are like on opioids and they want someone to rescue them. It's so silly, it's so stupid to lump them all into white people, first of all, because there's a lot of people that are Republican that aren't white. There's a [ __ ] ton of them, man. Go down to Miami. Those Cubans are all Republican. Right. They're all Republican. There's so many Republicans down there. It's a silly thing to say. And it's also a silly

149:15thing to say that the people that oppose you politically are just wrong, so wrong that they're looking for a drug to rescue them. And that like someone who comes along and says that they can do a better job is offering you heroin. I think both the both sides have a really difficult time understanding the perspective of the other. Yep. You know, there's just a big swing and a miss and you can butt heads all day and nothing budges. Yep. And you know, I know some real smart, wealthy guys that disagree with me 100%. And uh so when we're around each other, guess what we don't do? Talk about it. Right. Uh because there's so much more that there's so many connections that we do have. Yeah. You know, why I let that political thing get in the way of friendship, cuz it sure can if you let it, you know, it but Here's the problem. This is the number

150:06one problem. People attach themselves to their ideas and they attach themselves to a party that their ideas most likely have been adopted from. Most people's opinions politically are conglomeration of a group of people's opinions they've adopted. Whether it's right-wing people, extreme right-wing, I mean, I'm saying most, what is it? 60%? How many independent Environmental productivity. So lot of people that are not independent thinkers, is my point. Everybody almost. Most people. Right. So when you get connected ideologically, very personally, to a group of opinions and then someone opposes that group of opinions, they're attacking you. They're attacking you. You take it very personally and people are upset about the way they phrase things in order to try to win and it's entirely because their self-worth is connected to this verbal jousting that they're doing,

150:56which is both productive and unproductive at the same time, cuz it lets you find out things are [ __ ] But it does allow you sometimes to find out if things are [ __ ] But on the other hand, it's not smart. It's not a smart way to communicate because most people are in the middle on everything. Most people just want the world to be a safer place. You want your kids to go to nice schools. You want your neighborhood to be safe. You want people to make money. You want the economy to do well. You don't want any war. Yay! That's That's the most important [ __ ] And we want it to be balanced and we want it to work, you know, for as many people as possible. Leave me the [ __ ] alone. Don't tell me what to do. You know, have laws in place to keep people from getting [ __ ] over, but take your [ __ ]

151:35hands-off approach. But as soon as what people don't understand is as soon as you start developing all these different areas of business and of life that have to be adjusted, you have to be adjusted. And that's like, you know, putting like DEI initiatives and doing these different things where you're not going to hire the most qualified people, you're going to hire people you want to hire a certain percentage of people from this part of the world and a certain percentage of people from that. It's like what you're even if you think you are doing better for the world, what you don't recognize is that this is a pattern of control. And this pattern of control that can be used to manipulate people to thinking they're doing something good socially, which they may very well be. What it really does is allows control of businesses in a new way and it allows

152:22control of public perception in a new way that can be manipulated to get you to do certain things and get you to allow certain legislation to get passed that has the government have much more control over what you do or what you say and how much money they get and money for programs and it's you're locked into a system now. And if you want to be a good person, you have to follow this pattern. Sure. That's where things get squirrely. And so as soon as people start telling people how they can and can't talk, this book's got to be gone. You can't say that. You can't teach this. As soon as that happens and the government steps in, we're [ __ ] We're [ __ ] cuz if they step in, they're not going to do it for you what's in your best interest. They're going to do it in whatever way makes them the most money or cost them the least.

153:06Well, there you know, there something's got to keep this herd going in the right direction, you know. And uh That's what I thought. Let's just go back to that answer. One day. One day. Mushroom off for the whole world. Oh, yeah. Well, eventually that organism will just take over everything. It's really grows well and it it'll be it'll just get in your shoes and and it'll balance everything out. Everything will make sense. Yeah, you know what'll happen? It'll get airborne. The spores will get airborne. Start getting people high all over It'll problem we've ever had. That's what we need. That's what we need. Ari Shaffir created Shroomfest and if he was more ambitious, that would be the number one festival in the world. If he was more ambitious, I would have heard of it, for sure. It's just an unofficial thing. I'm joking around. I'm all for it. July of every year.

153:54There's places now where you can go where it's actually legal. Especially if you Colorado, right? Is it? I believe Colorado decriminalized it and I think Portland essentially decriminalized almost everything. Yeah. I think or is it Oregon in total decriminalized almost everything or is it just Portland? There's some the gloves are off in Portland. You can whatever you like to Yeah. Some ladies Some lady who was uh she's either running for office or she's uh Oregon's first-in-nation law decriminalized possession of small amounts of heroin, cocaine and other illicit drugs in favor of an emphasis on addiction treatment is facing strong headwinds in the progressive state after an explosion of public drug use fueled by the proliferation of fentanyl. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be it's got to be legal and free. That's that's the only answer. It's got

154:51to be completely legal and it's got to be no cost to you. And that's the only thing that's going to make it less profitable, which is what drives the whole thing anyway. You got to give it away. You got to do what the Japanese did to us with television sets. Flood the [ __ ] market. Choke them out. That's what you got to do. You want to die over to heroin over to [ __ ] go. You go, buddy. We're We got too many of us anyway. [ __ ] take You make the decision. Not a lot of people make the decision to [ __ ] do it. to run for president? I'm not. I'm not and Listen, once you become a pastor, people believe you more. Right. I know. I know I know I'd be good at it. I know I could do it. I'm good. Start pastor. When you're you are a goddamn spring chicken compared to Biden. We can trot you out in a couple

155:34years like fine polishing. Right. start we start the Christian not church. Start the church. Get that all sorted out. decided Christian. We just said we're going to do a big I think Scientology. That's what I was going to say. Ron? Get him involved. Look, I'm down with your craziness. Just let's be friends. I could be you. Right. That's right. And that's the way it really works. Comedic Tom Cruise. I can hang in there for you. I can say listen to need celebrities. That's for sure. it sounds crazy on paper. Cuz everybody believes it. But once you experience it and you realize that Thetans are real. Have you ever seen the South Park animation of what Scientologists believe? Yeah, I think I have. I had the you know, those guys just crack me up. Nobody laughs me makes me laugh like those guys. They are the tip of the spear in the culture war. South Park is

156:20the tip of the spear in the culture war. They go after everybody forever and they can get away with it cuz it's a cartoon. Right. And it's a super unrealistic looking cartoon and they're grandfathered in. yeah, there's no way you could ever think it was real. And they're genius and the characters never get old. That's the most amazing thing. Best. I watch it all the time. You When you have a cartoon that doesn't even look remotely real, that character could be that forever. There's no timeline. They're in They're in school for the rest of their [ __ ] lives. That's the only constant in my life is South Park. I can get 24 hours a day and Fear Factor. Fear Factor comes on my television. Every time I turn it on, it automatically goes straight to Fear Factor. And and you have to turn it off before something happens that you go oh

157:08That's hilarious. But and I don't know why. Is it a deal they made with Samsung on these TVs? But that's what it goes to and no matter what you were watching before whenever you turn it off, turn it back on, Fear Factor. Yeah, I got a Samsung TV in the gym and when I turn it on, it goes right to Hell's Kitchen every time. It's always Hell's Kitchen. why mine's I don't know. Maybe it's like if you set it on a channel at one point in time, it just goes back to that channel. Maybe that's what it I don't know, but I'm on the Hell's Kitchen channel where Hell's Kitchen plays 24 hours a day on my Samsung TV. As soon as I turn it on. Before I go to ESPN Plus, it goes right to No, that's what mine does, but it does it with [ __ ] Fear Factor. I would have like such a a terrible opinion. I just sit around thinking all those girls were pretty hot, but

157:52I mean, that the Fear Factor like everyone of them would look good in Do you jerk off while you're watching Fear Factor? I don't. I don't. Don't be I don't want to be involved in this. I don't want to be involved in this. Not every time. I got to be in the something else had to have happened and then, you know, Fear Factor just got in the way. Gordon Ramsay, if I didn't know any better, I'd think he's the meanest guy on Earth cuz every time I turn on the TV, he's yelling at somebody. Right. Every time. Every time. He's [ __ ] screaming and yelling at people cuz that's the stick. Like you could develop a very bad perception. but he's not like that in real life. Do you know him in real life? I don't know. Can't be. Someone would have beat the [ __ ] out of him by now. Right. I think people have. I think he's a prick.

158:26I think you know, that's I think that's the word on the street. What's the word on the street? He's a prick. He's kind of a prick. I think to be great I've never met him either. The guy could be the nicest guy like a plate of butter. I bet he's a nice guy. Yeah. He's a great chef. Great chefs are wild people. Like people that create great food or they're they're like great musicians or great comics. They're wild artists. They're different kind of person. It is an art. I didn't really appreciate that until I met Bourdain. When I when I started talking to him especially when after I watched his show, I think that's when I first realized. I was like, oh, this is an art form. I was just to think of it as just good food. And you know, that was a guy just I always thought I would be his friend someday. You would have been his friend. You know, I just

159:10always thought God, you know, I just I could watch that guy. He just seemed so so honest and genuine. He I just I I was into his life, you know, and you follow him. That was great. I didn't I wish I would have could have set that up. I wish I could have got you guys together. He's a great guy. Well, it's too late now, Joe. Yeah, man. Do you know I found out? Uh Maynard from Tool text me. He goes, I guess the celebrity jiu-jitsu match is off. And I was like, what? Cuz he used to joke around about like having a celebrity Maynard's really good. By By Excuse me. By the way, Maynard just got his black belt. So, congratulations. Maynard Keenan from Tool, he's a legitimate black belt. Oh, wow. Yeah, like really good at jiu-jitsu. I watched him train in here with with John Danaher before we did a podcast. He trained right next door at

160:00the gym. But uh you know, he's like like a really legitimate jiu-jitsu guy. There he is. That's him. Oh, wow. So, Ron White, that's your next move. Jiu-jitsu? Jiu-jitsu Ron White you. Ron White jiu-jitsu. I want a band. You want a band? Do you? No, I don't want a band. No, you know what I want to do? I want to besides the religion Can I ask you? Did you ever do the the show in LA, the Grand Bam Comedy Jam, whatever it is? What is it how God damn God damn comedy jam? Josh Adam Meyer show? What did you sing? Uh give me three steps. Here's a great you know, they had that electric violinist doing lead guitar stuff and it was fun as [ __ ] and and uh I think Bill Burr was that night playing drums. Bill is a really good drummer. Yeah, he was I was [ __ ] shocked. Bill Burr is a really dedicated drummer. And and I and I got to tell you I killed

160:52it. I I I practiced it, you know, at the time I was with a with a I was with a singer. So, she helped me get the beats on it and with the the thing that don't get outside of that cuz you can't get outside of that. You got to sing it under this. I got to So, I thought, you know. Nice. Nice. I impressed the chicks, I think, that night. Yeah, you did. That's a great song, too. Any Skynyrd song. That's a wild band, too, right? Think about those dirty white dudes from Florida. Yeah, I saw them in concert when I was a kid, you know, at the In fact, I think it's the same place that Olsteen preaches at now. It was Really? It was uh What was it? The Houston uh I can't remember the name of it. Something dome or something. Coliseum. Where's he at? I can't think of the name of it. Isn't that wild you bought that for Jesus? What a giant How many seats is that?

161:45It's like 16,000, you know. 16,000 for Jesus. But I don't know. That's 12 million. Joel Olsteen Houston's Compact Center. Yeah. Wow. No, this was another step. Well, the church spent 90 million to renovate it. They spent 90 on it. They got it for 12 and they spent 90. How dope is it? No wonder why they didn't want the refugees in there. I don't want to got to get to let them in. 90 million dollars for the refugees. No way. And and he literally said something about they had just Look at this. And these people And you know, he basically preach preaches it's okay to be it's okay to be rich. And these people in that thing, they're like that's what I want to hear. I want to hear it's okay for me to have my hunk of the pie. And I don't have to feel guilty for it. And by God, I'm white and I don't you know, and not that they're all white,

162:36but What are you saying, Ron? I don't I'm just saying that that that my my religion is going to be different. What are you going to do? You going to be poor? No, I'm not. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like maybe you could be the guy with 90 cars, but still be delivering the real [ __ ] That's the thing. Yeah, I don't have 90 cars. You don't need 90 cars. I got three cars. 90 cars is like 90 cars you have to keep like fixed. You keep changing oil and [ __ ] up. on them. I got to That's too many. It's too many Rolls-Royces. But if you're just going to be some high baller guru type character who really is connected to the God force of the universe. That guy used to He used to have it all. He used to give people orgasms by touching their foreheads. Didn't he give people orgasms by like touching their temples and [ __ ]

163:25He could do some wild If somebody could do that to me, I would follow them anywhere. I think he could do it. If you could [ __ ] I would I wouldn't care who it was. If you could do that, I'd be If that frog could do it, I would follow that frog. That the the cult that you made me buy the building, that guy did that to people. He gave them orgasms. He did? Yeah, yeah, the guy was he was a hypnotist. It's a great documentary. It's called people Yeah, he hypnotized them. And then uh He changed his name. His name was Jaime Gomez. But that was like Nobody's going to go for that. like a boxer on a undercard of a Canelo fight, right? So, he changed his name to Michelle. And then he changed it again when he moved to Texas. He moved to Texas because the Cult Awareness Network already on his ass. on his ass. And after Waco, they were

164:17cracking down. Like eat [ __ ] enough of this [ __ ] After Waco, they were like, this is crazy. These people have guns. They're just [ __ ] everybody's wives and they're stockpiling food and preparing for a war, a Christian war, and shooting at cops. Yeah, nothing scarier than that crowd. That's scary. When you get that apocalyptic preacher guy laying lying there with a bullet singing a song for everybody. He really believes in that that's a death cult. He wants to go down in a blaze of glory. He wants to be martyred. That's the scariest. There there's a scaringness to that, for sure. That's a weird thing, huh? So many people go down that road of either starting one or believing in one. It's like a natural inclination that people have to just follow them. Yeah, all you have to do is look at what Jim

165:01Jones was able to pull off and and there are people complete complete complete control of all those people to the point where they killed themselves. I thought that was the case. I think some of the people were forced into it now. Now now that I read into it more, it seems like some of the They were forced. They weren't forced to go to Jonestown. No, but they didn't want to die. I used to think they all just died on purpose. But now I think a bunch of them were forced into doing it. Um you know, there's probably when it when there's a mass death, there's probably got to be a few reluctant people. Yeah, right at the end going, yeah, I didn't know you were But this dude serious. This dude, when the Cult Awareness Network was after him, he moves to Austin and then has his followers build him that theater so he can dance in front of them. The video's

165:44online. I know that. I saw the video. He's a really good dancer. Better better than me. He was really good. He's beautiful, too. Just wanted his robe. Yeah, good-looking guy until later when he had all the surgeries done. That's what got weird. He started getting old and he couldn't couldn't deal with it. You got to let age come, man. Well, are you a guru or are you a dude who's hypnotizing people and butt [ __ ] them? Well, this is how we find out what happens when you age. Right, which is legal. He was doing everything above ground. I don't know if he had to pay taxes. Like that's the question. Were they an established religion? Cuz the only person that I know of that it's actually I I know people have done it, but the only person I personally know of is Alex Grey, the visionary artist from New York. Do you know who he is? No. He

166:28actually put together a real church. It's a church of his art. Is it the Was it called the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors? What does he call it again? Is that it? So, he has this insane art structure that's in the woods in upstate New York. And Alex I know you've seen Alex Grey's work before. I'm sure I have. I'm sure I have. visionary, psychedelic, DMT type things like that. Like this is his work. Show his building, Jamie. Cuz the build No, no, I'm saying the outside of the building. Because the outside of the building, like the front doors are all 3D printed works of his art. That's the inside. It's [ __ ] incredible looking. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like on the outside of it. I mean And this is also 3D this is This is the Yeah, this is the CGI. But it does look like that now, right? Outside this is a picture of that with

167:18that thing on top. Right, you see I would I think there's some other perspectives. Maybe there's some other photos that'll show different There it is. Like this is Oh, no, this is the [ __ ] version, too. Yes, this is just what the front of their website I think there is some imagery somewhere of the front. But whatever it is, like this guy has a legit church. So, he has actually gone through all the steps to create a church. And worship him? No, no, no. Well, then No, no, no, no. They just worship his art? I I would be speaking out of turn if I said what they worship. I think it's more of the psychedelic experience in its most uh pure and loving form. If I had to If I had to like boil it down to what they believe in, that's what Alex Grey believes in. And all of his art, this is all like these sacred tryptamine type

168:08images. I mean, it He's like the only guy that I've ever seen that captures like certain aspects. this guy? Yeah, yeah, he's been on the podcast before. He's really cool. No [ __ ] Yeah, really cool guy. And his wife is really cool, too. She's been on here as well. And look at all of his work. It's like It's amazing stuff. But he's got a real church. This is the only guy that I know that's actually made a real church. And I'm like, oh, I believe him. I believe him. That's not a guy who's trying to Joel Olsteen in. He's not trying to buy 98 Bentleys. Right. That's really who is. He's just a real fascinating artist. There's a bunch of people that have Alex Grey tattoos. It's probably like one of the most common. Yeah, the grey haired guy with the ponytail. Sweetheart of a guy. Wow. So that's an example of like tax status down there at the church of

168:55It's a good question. All right. I think he got it through. I think it's a legitimate church. Non-profit organization formed 1996 to create a permanent public exhibition of the sacred mirrors. Um but I think they got like a tax exempt status. Yeah, file No, established in 2008 as an interfaith church. Wow. Yeah. So from 2008 I guess they established it as an actual church. Well, here it is. Well, what it said I'm sure they do. I just don't know what it is. Uh provides unique creative events and workshops in a spiritual context. Like what is there um what is it Do they Does it say what they believe? I'm on their vision page and we're just Right. What is it? Okay, scroll down. What are we? Quote Scroll above that so I can read the text above it. I would join just so I could hang out there, you know. It's a place of contemplation worship

169:43for community honoring the practice of art as a spiritual path. Wow. Cosm site and structure provides a living model of the ideals expressed through the inspiring artwork of the collection and the exhibitions, the writings of the founders and invited contributors. So they just take cool artists and their art and they show it to people and their their spirituality is based on creativity. Ah. And it's amazing art, man. This stuff is fantastic. And where is it? New York, somewhere in New York. Um like New York state. Uh Wappingers Wappingers, New York. Oh. Yeah. I think I'm in Syracuse. I wonder if it's anywhere near that. Well, just go there. Maybe he's got a course how to start a cult. I got a bus. Yeah, just go down there and go look I'm going to start my own thing. The you know, chapel of sacred heehees and hahas. He may have classes.

170:34Isn't Isn't like comedy kind of a form of religion in some way? It is for us, Joe. It is. It is. You know, it's uh you you you you find I I mean just making people laugh is a good thing to do. It's a great thing to do. It is. It's fun. And I can't tell you how how grateful people are, you know, that just how hard we make them laugh, you know, that they it's just so much fun to do. If you can even remember to be somebody that wasn't a comedian watching a comedy show and how hard you can laugh at you know, at that experience when you know, it just jar I I remember I saw a Seinfeld one time and uh in a comedy club, you know, and he he had full-blown chops and it was all never heard it before. He beat me to death. I mean to death at the uh uh whatever the improv in Dallas, Texas and I had this table right off the It was my birthday. I'd only been doing stand-up

171:28for about 6 months. I wasn't in the show. They just gave me the chair. He was making 25,000 for the week and WE WERE LIKE, "NO [ __ ] WAY!" WHO NOBODY MAKES that much money in the world. Yeah, doing the stand-up at a club and this is the '90s, right? The '80s would have been '86. '86. I saw Seinfeld for the first time in '88 before I did stand-up. Like right before I did stand-up. I was probably maybe '87. I It was at the Paradise which was a comedy club in uh it was like a It was a big place that was connected to Stitches. So Stitches was the comedy club and that was small. I think it seat It would seat about 150 or so and then the Paradise which is next door was bigger but it only sat like maybe 500 people. I'm just guessing four or 500 people. And so Seinfeld was there. And I took him with this uh girl that I

172:21was dating and just [ __ ] cried. Couldn't believe how smooth he was. Yeah. So smooth. So fun to see. Back then, you know, he was doing Yeah. all those sets, you know, all those sets every night. He's the one that said, you know, a comic should be on stage. I heard him say it every single day. And and that you know, Yeah, he's got a crazy work ethic. That's the reason I tried to stay on stage every single day was because of what Seinfeld said. Yeah. There's something to that for sure. But I remember back then like thinking about doing stand-up I'm like, "Oh my god, I could never do this." And then going to an open mic and go, "Oh, I could do this." Like the difference between like watching crazy people bomb. You're like, "Wish you Jenny said it best." He said terrible comedy gives people inspiration to try comedy. That's what this the purpose it serves.

173:09I can for sure do that. He was a guy I got to see live uh quite a few times. But I got to see him before I Maybe I'd just done an open mic or two but I was sitting front row at Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge and he was doing the weekend there. God damn, he was good. There was nobody better than him, I don't think. At his peak it was just so much power and So much writing and so smooth and so many tags and just like just a consummate professional. Consummate professional. Like he was a just a joke writing machine, man. He could take any premise any premise and turn it into a closing bit. Right. It's crazy. And it was that's what it was like It was like watching somebody that had nothing but closing bits, you know, and that's how hard you laughed at the show. I've told this before but I'll tell it again just cuz it's so crazy. East Side Comedy Club

173:56in Long Island um I had I went there the I don't know if I was there on Sunday or I was there after Jenny shows were done. So when I got there the [ __ ] host was depressed. And I'm we were all talking like, "What's the matter?" He was Jenny did a different hour every show. He goes he did two different hours on Friday and then two different hours on Saturday and he [ __ ] killed. And the guy was like, "I want to quit comedy. Like what am I doing? What the [ __ ] am I doing? This guy just did four different hours and murdered." That's crazy. Crazy. I should quit. You watch something like that like I mean he was like he just people just forgot. That's one of those ones like I know Chris Rock gives it up to him. Some Some people, you know, they inspire people to quit. Yeah. He He definitely would raise the bar. He

174:41definitely would raise the bar. His I saw him kill at the Comedy Works in um Montreal. Remember that little room? That little tiny room upstairs? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I saw him kill up there talking about buying a Corvette. How do you make that funny? How do you make buying a Corvette funny? I have no idea. It was hilarious. He was murdering. He was a murderer. He could anything any subject. He could find it. He'd find the angle. Yeah. I remember the one thing he did it it was just about a look in his eye that whenever he it's all he did was move his eyeball and he and he would show you how far he moved his eyeball and that's how the fight started with his wife and but it was just it really insightful and they it was so subtle that it you know, it was just so expertly [ __ ] done that it just killed me. Yeah, he's one of the greatest.

175:28killed me. Yeah, he's one of the greatest. I got to write something down before I forget. Yeah. It's It's just so interesting to think about the guys that inspired you when you first started doing stand-up. You know, when you first started like what that was like to see someone who was really good at this thing that was just like it was just a weird foggy dream in the first couple times you go on stage. Like how does anyone ever really become a professional? And then you watch a master go up and murder and you're like, "Holy shit." And then you realize he's nobody. Yeah. there there are guys that make him look like a you know, like he doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah. But you know, I there you kind of have a realm of comedy of what you can see in in in in Boston that would have been a much bigger glimpse than you would get in Arlington,

176:22Texas. You know, you you got whatever headliners came through the Funny Bone chain and they were all great, you know, they all killed. Everybody in and nobody really went on to do tremendous businesses at Laugh Boston and me and Dan and Yeah. the blue collar boys and there wasn't a lot of guys guys opened the door for a lot of new guys that came after you though. A lot of guys were inspired by that for sure. I hope so. But it's like you need a community. You know, and Boston had a crazy community. They had a community of assassins that were local guys and then new people were coming in every week that were like big national headliners. So you'd have all these murderous local guys and then Don Barrera would fly in for a weekend. You know, Bill Hicks would fly in for a weekend. They had all the like road killers. Like whenever a

177:10big national act was killing it on the road they would stop at Nick's Comedy Stop and we'd all watch them. So they had the whole thing. It was like a a perfect training ground for learning how to do stand-up. Yeah, they never gave a [ __ ] about me in Boston until I until I got bigger, you know, then Yeah, but that's always how it is. There was too many people there. Yeah, they they that's what they had guys. It was like Denver. You know, you Denver never gave a [ __ ] about me but I would look at their list of headliners and go, you know, you got Louie Anderson. They got all these, you know, big name [ __ ] comics and I wouldn't a big name [ __ ] comic and I didn't I didn't belong on that list. Yeah, it's just it is what it is. But you have to have a scene like that. You know, that's where that's where like

177:49talent emerges from and that's what's been really [ __ ] cool about being able to do that here. Is that to take this place that had a scene There was an Austin comedy scene. It's the reason why I came here is there was already a club here. It went under during the pandemic but it still existed. Sure. And it was always a fun place to work. And then to have a all of You were here first. So you were the one Before I the pandemic even hit, you were already here. And you were telling me I [ __ ] love it. I was like, "Damn it, Fron White loves it. It's got to be something to it." Right. And you were like, "Isn't this [ __ ] I [ __ ] love it. I [ __ ] love it. Not too big, not too small. Everybody's cool." Like god damn it. And I had already thought about it before because of Onnit, you know, because the

178:29the business is here. Is I'd have to come down to do stuff occasionally anyway and I was always coming down to do stand-up anyway, and I always love being down here, but it wasn't until the pandemic and it wasn't until you getting on stage, that one time when you get on stage and you haven't you hadn't got on stage in [ __ ] forever and you grabbed me by the shoulder. You grabbed me. You go, "We are going to [ __ ] do this, whatever it takes. You can open up that club." Right. I meant it, too. I know you did. I meant and still do to this [ __ ] day. I'm behind that 100%, you know, my effort and I talk about that club on the, you know, on the road in my shows and just how much it, you know, how much it means to me and how cool it is. It means it to me, too. It means it to me because you're there, too. It's it's

179:11everybody together in this is a a really exciting camaraderie. a It's a great tribe and and when when we're That's we're blessed to have it. Yeah, it's very cool. Very cool. But you saying that to me that day, I mean, I was going to do it anyway, for sure, but that was an extra [ __ ] turbo gear. That was an extra kick in the pants. I was like, "Let's go." I made it some extra phone calls, tried to close it up, figure out what the problem was. It was just we had a big adjustment from moving from the old place to the new place. That was a big pain in the ass. Because we had spent a considerable amount of time and effort, you know, architects were involved in drawing up plans and people who'd gone to look at it and then and when it all fell through, like, "Fuck, we got to start from scratch." Yeah. But And everybody blamed me. Ah! Well, people

179:54didn't believe it. That's what was funny. But that's also what makes it more fun when it does open. Cuz people are like, "He's never going to do it." Like, "Okay." Just sit back. Yeah, right. I've got some crazy plans. If I If I hear you say you're going to do something, I just got to go, "Yeah, how long is that going to be? It's going to happen quick." He just I would have hap- It would have happened quick. We would have had this place open probably inside of a year. was perfect the way it did happen. A lot of anticipation from all of us. It made us all nervous, you know. The fact that even with all that anticipation, it still gets an A. Right. It still gets an A. Like we It does. I know it's my place, but shut the [ __ ] up. Yeah. That place is perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. That place is perfect. We made it perfect. And we got lucky that we got

180:38the right people and the right architect. Shout out to Richard. The people that put it together did an amazing job, and it's also like the vibe there is so strong. It's very fun. It's it's real positive. Well, you know, we all feel like it's ours and even though you you pay all the bills and [ __ ] you know. Well, it it pays the bills now. They out. So, and you know, people don't know know that 80% of the door from the goes to goes to the comics and so there's also no opportunity for a comic to make money that kind of money in a local gig at home, anywhere on the [ __ ] planet Earth. That opportunity does not exist. Well, it's not I would never do it if I was going to do it for money. I would never do it that way. That's crazy. Right. It wouldn't make any sense. You're making less money. I decided to get in the comedy club business.

181:24Oh, wow. I didn't get in the comedy club business. I got in the the business of making comedy and and having a place for comedians. That was the business was My idea was set up the ideal spot. And what's the ideal spot? Well, the ideal spot was that the comedians would get the bulk of the money because the comedians doing all of the work. They're the ones who have to come up with the jokes. They're the If we don't have the comedians, we're just selling drinks. Right. Like this is nonsense. So, like it's obvious like what people are there for. I knew that when I started to getting a percentage of the door. I knew how it works, but like that should be that way regardless. Like that's the real relationship. You're selling what we do. Right. You shouldn't be getting 80% of the money. 80% of the money should be going to the comedians. That's crazy.

182:09There's so much money from booze. You sell money and alcohol. You sell money and There's still money. tell the guy that owns the place didn't give a [ __ ] about him turning a profit. My idea is just don't don't lose money. Just break even. Yeah, you know, I'm a I'm 100% on a board. You know, it's great. how it should be. And it's it And if you do it that way, then it's really like deeply in There's a commitment to this idea. Like we're all committed to this idea. Just making the most fun possible, the most comedy possible. Do our best, have a great community, have a great tribe, have a great vibe. We're all feeding off each other and talking [ __ ] to each other and having a good old time in the back, and then it fuels us to go on stage. We're watching each other from the balcony. It's exciting. Yeah, it is. It's very exciting. It's

182:52fun. It's It's the funnest thing ever. I'm very happy you're part of it, my brother. hey, brother, thank you. Thank you. It's It's great. I love being part of the [ __ ] team, you know. I love you. Having you here, man. I love everybody. I'm going to In fact, I'm going to headline the room Tuesday night, I think, the 10:00 show. Beautiful. Are you doing the 7:00 show? Yeah, I'm doing the 7:00 show. I'll come do it. Okay. Beautiful. All right. I'll see you Tuesday. All right, love you, man. Love you, too. Bye, everybody. Bye. [Music]