Michael Schiavello (Part 2)
Guests: Michael Schiavello
Full transcript · Read the full conversation in order, with its original context.
§01文字稿 · 00:00 起
still sexual because of society because of that's why women think of women as being sexual it's like women will make out with women and party with women and part of it is because they think that guys like it but also part of it is because in our society it has been deemed that women are more sexual they're more sex objects they use them to sell watches and cars and shit like that it's like it's more natural and accepted so i think a gay guy would have way less problems fucking a straight girl than a straight guy would have fucking a gay guy you know what i mean okay so if you said to a gay guy fuck a girl he'd probably do it quicker than a hetero guy would fuck another guy in the ass even though he'd fuck his girl in the ass unless the hetero guy was in prison less and then it's a whole different ball game because guys guys will say i'm not gay
but just need to put my cock in something yeah that's a that's a strange thing isn't it how much humans adapt they adapt so much that straight people become gay while they're in jail dude if i was in jail i'd become the best masturbator on the planet i'll fucking get artwork man i saw a shank that someone made out of toilet paper. What? They don't know exactly how the dude did this, but he somehow or another created a shank and used something to harden the toilet paper. Like a paper-mesh shank. Dude, it was the weirdest thing ever. I mean, just you think about human ingenuity, and one of the things about prison is that these guys are forced to adapt and survive and kind of use their ingenuity, use their creativity, and create things. that no one that's why they develop tattoo needles with you know they take pens and they take the ink and they they'll burn things and use the the melt them down yeah
they'll like make ink they'll make their own ink out of burning plastic and burning paper and then they they figure out how to make some sort of a machine with a battery and like it's really kind of amazing some of the things that people have done in jail but this was one of the weirdest man the guy made a weapon out of toilet paper and he attacked someone with it I don't think he did I think they found it But they don't know what the fuck this guy did to make the toilet paper hard. But, you know, he had made it to the point where it was like plaster. Oh, fuck. It was like he had developed a shank, an actual shank out of toilet paper. Man, that's one place I'd never want to end up. Fucking in prison, man. I would not survive. It's a dark fucking world, man. I know a dude who just got out. This guy, War Machine. You know War Machine. Yeah, War Machine just got out like a few days ago, right? I saw him tweeting you. Yeah.
Yeah, about asking where you were playing. Yeah, he got in some sort of fight. He said on Twitter it wasn't a pretty experience. Of course not, man. It's horrible. And that's just small-time shit. That's just doing a year. You watch those lockdown shows. It's scary, man. When I was in Jersey for Strikeforce, I remember driving back to the airport. I'm not sure if it was Newark or JFK or whatever. But on the way to the airport, actually, you drive past a prison yard. And in Australia, like in Melbourne, we have one prison. We have Barwon Prison now, which is in the country. It's like out of Melbourne. We used to have one right in the heart of the city, but now it's out. So I'm not used to seeing prisoners. And like we drove past a prison yard and like, as you're driving past the fucking fence to the prisoners right there with prisoners walking around in fucking orange uniforms. And even though I was in a cab,
I sort of shit myself just not used to seeing that being from Australia. I'm like fucking prisoners right there, right near the road. I can see them walking around. Prison is a big, big, big sign. The numbers of people in prison is a big sign that this society is a mess. That's, that's if you ever wanted like some real hardcore evidence as to how much of a mess our society is our prison numbers are huge more people are in prison more black men are in prison right now than wherever slaves really yeah i believe so i might be wrong i think that's true though um and you know the just the sheer numbers there's millions of people there's more people in jail in america than all of china and that's incredible when you consider china has over a billion people there's way more people in jail here we have more people in jail than several
countries like if you you add up a bunch of different countries in a row we have more more people in jail than them. Fuck, that is amazing. Well, they make money off of it. That's the sickest part about our jail system is that we have private prisons. How crammed must the jails be though? Very crammed. And they're building more of them all the time. And they're arresting people on more and more silly shit all the time. Well, what's the one in San Quentin? Yeah. So we did a tour in San Francisco a few days ago and the tour guide pointed out San Quentin and he said it looks like there might be a possibility that's going to be sold soon. A prison is going to be sold. A prison is going to be sold. A prison is going to be sold. A prison is going to be sold. San Quentin prison, the land, the prison's going to close down. They'll relocate a prison somewhere else and tear it all down and build San Quentin estate.
Put houses on it, where San Quentin is at the moment. He says there's a really good chance of that happening. Who the fuck would want to live over all that gay rape? Dude, it is in Melbourne the same. Pentridge Jail, that's what I was trying to think of before, was in Coburg, which is in Melbourne's inner northern suburbs, which has become quite a trendy spot at the moment. It used to be just a big ethnic spot, still is, but now a trendy spot. And that's where Pentridge Prison was located. and years ago they tore down Pentridge and now it's apartments. Don't they remember Poltergeist? Poltergeist? They built those houses over the Indian burial grounds and then the ghosts of the Indians came and fucked everybody up. Dude, no way I'd buy an apartment over Pentridge. The ghosts of all the shankings and all the, just all the men forcing themselves on men. If you ever get to Melbourne,
I'll take you to the Old Melbourne Jail, which is still spelt G-A-O-L the old way where Ned Kelly, our most famous, most famous... Yeah, jail. The old English spelling is G-A-O-L. G-A-O-L yeah so Old Melbourne Jail so Gaol yeah but pronounced pronounced Jail though like misspelling goal though yeah no miss oh A-O-L A-O-L yeah so Gaol but pronounced Jail but that's the old spelling the old English spelling for Jail and Old Melbourne Jail is where Ned Kelly who's our most famous criminal of all time you might have seen movies on him he was the dude that wore like a fucking tin armour I thought Chopper was the most Chopper reads the most popular at the moment he's like the you know he's away the last 10 years or so since Eric Banner did the movie That was a great movie. Fantastic. Fucking Eric Benarox, man. He's a bad motherfucker. Chopper's a bona fide celebrity now in Australia. I like that comedian who does the impressions of him.
Harden the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. Doing the weather and that. Talking to little babies. Harden the fuck up. Well, you know, the whole criminal thing in Melbourne at the moment is really being glorified, especially our mobsters, because there's this Underbelly TV series, which I think has hit America on one of the networks, but Underbelly is into its fourth season or so now, It started off being about the Melbourne underworld, the Italian mobs and the, you know, the Aussie sort of mobs that were warring with each other over the last 15 years. And there's only a few of them left now. They ended up mostly killing each other off. But just newspapers are full of it. And Underbelly series is rated so high in Australia. There's that fascination with mobsters. Yeah. So they become like celebrities. Exactly. And then it becomes more popular. Yep. They have mob wives here. Have you ever seen that?
§02文字稿 · 06:38 起
I saw an episode of Mob Wives. Those fucking monsters. Yeah. Yeah, it's just so crazy. There's one, the fat one, who's by herself and her husband left her. You know, they're divorced but she's like a big star and she's always screaming and when there's busts on TV she's smoking cigarettes and crying and screaming. You're like, oh, this monster. How do these women end up with these guys? You know, like those chicks that go to prison and they feel like to fuck guys in prison and like have relationships with dudes in prison. Like, how does a woman get to that point? They love the strong, like the, what it represents. They like going into a restaurant and everybody respects them. They like the fact that people pick up the tab because they're afraid of these people. Date a fucking fighter. Date a fucking mis-murderer. Yeah, there's something about it. It's like, you know, I mean, it goes back to the Godfather movies.
It goes back to the John Gotti thing in New York. It's like there's this weird sort of a romantic thing of knowing someone that's in the mafia. People have weird fetishes, man. I remember watching this. That organized crime thing is a deep thing. Yeah. I grew up in Boston, and it was Whitey Bulger, that guy who just got busted. He was on the run for like 16 years, but he ran the Irish Mob. And, you know, there was a lot of... I trained with a lot of Whitey Bulger's hitmen. Did you ever used to have that Boston accent? Yeah, I had that for a while. Really? Yeah. That's a cool accent, man. It was pretty decent. I love it. It's cool. Whenever I see a movie sitting in Boston... If you're a guy and you want to look like a douchebag, it's a great accent. I love the sound of it. Pack your fucking car. How did the fuck up? I heard myself on TV when I was 19. I was in the Bay State Games, the Taekwondo tournament,
and I heard myself on TV, and it was so bad. I immediately got rid of the accent. Really? I figured out how to get it out. Yeah, I had had it. It was pretty deep. We've been working really hard, and I was like, oh, my God. I listened to myself. I was like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, it's sort of like a mix between American and British and something else that's really strange. But I love it. I like movies where they have the Boston accent, but it's a fucking hard accent to try to replicate. Yeah, people fuck it up all the time Yeah, it's a tricky one It's a fun accent It's a good accent to have If you're drinking and you're around A bunch of guys that have Boston accents I guarantee you they're going to be funnier That's probably the funniest group of humans Per capita is Boston men Really? It's a hard life up there, man Women are ugly, it's cold as fuck Women are ugly in Boston? Monsters
Like I said, it's not their fault Texas is hot women I was in Dallas. They're the hottest. Fuck. The Texans are the nicest Americans, too. I think Texas is just really polite and nice. Okay, you're only dealing with city Texas. There's a different Texas. Oh, really? There's a Chainsaw Massacre, Texas. Oh. And you've got to go out into the... You've got to go to Jasper, where they drag black people behind trucks. Oh, no. Yeah. Really? Yeah, there's Meth, Texas. Okay, I'll rephrase. Dallas, Texans? Dallas is the shit. Oh, lovely. I'll rephrase. Dallas, Texas is the shit. Yeah. Y'all. I love when they say y'all. I've got to like San Antonio and Houston. Houston is amazing. Austin is one of my favorite cities of all time. Austin, apparently, everyone I talk to, it's like one of the best cities in America. Yeah, it's incredible. You've got to go there. But there's outside of that.
The problem is you drive outside of that a half an hour and you're in fucking Roscoe P. Coltrane country. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's squirrely. Texas is real squirrely. And they've got the real conservative laws. And they can fuck you up over reefer or anything. There's speed traps everywhere. guy was telling me that make my day law we can shoot someone that comes into your house you not only can shoot someone who comes in your house you could shoot someone who's trying to repossess your car what yeah they've had people who shot people who they thought were trying to steal their car shot him with a rifle turns out it was a repo guy turned out that he was vindicated guy never did any time at all really shot a guy with a fucking deer hunting rifle that was just trying to do his job and repossess a car fuck yeah that's amazing yeah yeah you're a car thief you know that's how
they look at it it's like some true even though the repo guy's doing is legal you know the bank is repossessing its property and they hire this guy to do it what the shooter's doing is legal too because you didn't represent yourself as a repo man and even if you did even if you did he might be able to shoot you so it's not true though that if you shoot an intruder you have to kill them no it's not true no okay shoot them you don't have to even shoot i mean there's no law like it's like a deer someone told me ages ago that oh if you shoot them you're gonna make sure you kill them otherwise they can sue you for shooting them well i bet they could yeah i bet they could sue you not necessarily whether they would win but they could probably take you through the system yeah you but if you did shoot them and kill them it wouldn't no then they can't sue you obviously
no no but it wouldn't be you wouldn't be charged for manslaughter no you know people have gotten in trouble in texas for shooting their wife and boyfriend and gotten away with it really yeah it's like there's a crime of passion you come home some guy's banging your wife and you fucking shoot them you know you can get away with that there's there's some tricky shit that you can get away with in texas you know i don't know if it's a concealed carry state i don't know if it is i I don't know if you're allowed to go Wild West style and have a fucking holster. Yeah. In some places, you're not allowed to do that, but you are allowed to carry it out in the open. Yeah. So if you have like a handgun, you're just allowed to hold it out in the open as you walk towards the supermarket. Like, what the fuck, man?
You can imagine, you know, you go to the supermarket and some dude is just walking with his gun out in the open because that's how the law is. You know, the law states that. But they're saying coming to America. America is great indeed. What did you think about this whole Norway thing that just went down with this one guy? I'm just getting all the information. Dude, opened up at a camp, a children's camp or something? Yeah, killed a huge amount of children. I mean, I don't know how many it's going to be all told because there's a lot of injuries and some of these kids are going to die, but it's over 80 kids, I believe. And Norway's one of those countries that flies under the radar, man. You never hear shit from Norway. Nothing bad ever comes out of Norway. Well, my buddy Doug Stanhope just filmed his last DVD there in Oslo where this all went down.
And this one guy, some crazy, all they're saying is he's very religious and anti-Muslim, I believe. But who knows how much they even know about what the fuck the real situation is. The dust is still settling. What a horrible, horrible fucking thing. What causes these people to do this? Is it just the thing that's just being fucking pure evil? Just fucking evil? You know, who knows, man. Did you ever see the man who shot, there was a woman who was a congressman. Oh, shot in the face or the head or whatever? Yeah, she lived, Gifford. And then he killed a bunch of people else on the scene. that guy had a bunch of videos that he had put on youtube and written some things and it was just he was obviously his brain wasn't working right he had like is like he would make these who say these things are just like what they would call word salad just throw a bunch of words together
it didn't make any sense like there was obviously a disconnect he was it was functioning incorrectly and look the the human mind is a very complicated instrument and sometimes it's it's fucked up and sometimes it's off just like some people get cancer and some people get diseases some people's brains don't work some people have some fucking I was watching this TV show where this guy had a fetish for vomit he was called a it's off the Greek word for vomit I should have asked Irene but it was a fetish of his and the only way he could get hard was when chicks vomited so he would pay prostitutes to spew on him and vomit and if he went to a restaurant and he saw someone chuck he would go and scoop the chuck up and put it in a plastic bag. And they took the camera inside this giant freezer that he'd stored all these bags of vomit from over the years. And he had each one of the bags documented.
§03文字稿 · 14:04 起
So he was grabbing a bag off the- And they were frozen? Frozen. So he'd grab it, right? And he's like, oh yeah, Taco Bell, 1992. She fucking blew chunks on the floor. I fucking get turned on just thinking about it. Amenite. Amenite. Amenite. So a fucking fetish for people. fucking chucking up and girls spewing on him. The only way he could get an erection if a hooker or a friend of his would, he'd pay them to stick their fingers down their throat and chuck up on him. What? Yeah. Like, how the fuck do you explain that? Like also these dudes, you know dudes that, they're called feeders and they feed those fat chicks. They're little skinny. Have you seen that? Feeders. There's not a TV show. I saw a show again that would be like this. You got some crazy shit on TV here. These little skinny fucking dudes that look like they're 45 to 50 kilos in weight. What is that in pounds? Okay. 100 pounds? 110 pounds?
Yeah, say 110, 120 pounds, right? They have these wives or girlfriends who are fucking behemoths, like 300 pound Emmanuel Yarbrough looking fucking women who lie in bed all day and immobilize because they're so huge they can't really fucking move. And the little men feed them. And the little men feed them. They're called feeders. And they get off sexually on feeding these women and just constantly fucking feeding them and giving these women fucking fat. I can't say I'm surprised. I can't say I'm surprised. I would have been surprised if you told me that 20 years ago. If you told me that before I knew about the internet, I'd be like, what? Really? I would say that doesn't even make any sense. Why would somebody, maybe one person's into that. This other dude on the show. They have an online community of this? No, apparently it's like, I wouldn't say a popular thing, but it's like a thing.
There's like a feeder community and fucking skinny dudes are feeding these chicks, just feeding them, constantly sitting by the bedside, fucking feeding these behemoths. When those people become immobile and they can't even leave the house, you would think, well, that's the perfect time to go on a diet. Yeah. You can't even move. Can't move. How long would it take to starve someone like that to death if you just gave them water? They have so much fat. Yeah, so they'd process the fat, wouldn't they, for a while, more than a normal person. So you would die on starvation still, even if you were that fat. They would, because your stomach would start shrinking. Is that what would happen? You'd give them water, right? So they're staying hydrated. Yeah, if you just gave them water. How long, how many days? Wouldn't the body start burning fat, though, wouldn't it? I don't know. That's what I'm saying.
I don't think it's that efficient. I don't think it could just use it as an alternative fuel supply. But then again, they're not using up any food for energy because they're just fucking lying there. Yeah, but they need some just to pump blood and breathe air. They need some energy. I don't think it's possible. I mean, I know it's not possible. I know you would starve to death even if you're a big fat fuck, but I wonder how many days you would last. I wonder if you would last, like, if you had, like, a lean guy, you know, like you get, like, a fucking Kyle Kingsbury, super athlete, lean guy, and you put him in a room with some Jabba the Hutt-looking fuck. And starve them both who would die first. Who would die first. That's interesting. You would think the fat guy would have at least a little bit more energy. How does that little guy fuck the fat chick? How does he even find the pussy to fuck him?
Probably doesn't. Probably doesn't. Probably just fucking tosses off. He's happy that somebody likes him. Man. You know, there's some people out there that are just happy that anybody likes him. They'll take anybody. How does she wipe her ass? They're just broken. She probably doesn't. There was a woman who died who was like grafted into a couch. What? She was slowly, her skin was starting to graft itself to the couch. And when they cut her out of the house, they had to cut a hole in the wall to pull her out of the house. And when they cut her out, they had to cut her out with the couch. Oh, fuck. Yeah, and then she died of complications. Fuck, that's crazy, man. Yeah, well, you know what? There's, like I said, there's a broad spectrum. People can go off the fucking diggity, diggity, deep end in many different ways. This other dude on this show had an obsession that he wanted to return to the womb. Oh, whoa.
And his wife was pregnant, and he was jealous of his unborn child for being in his wife's womb. and he said that his thing was he had an obsession with needing to return to the womb. Can you imagine that poor woman having to deal with that bitch of a man and that's the one who's fathering your children? Some fucking freak weirdo with crazy fetishes wants to climb back inside your fucking uterus so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore because he's like life is home I want to be a baby again be in my mommy's tummy and be safe back in the little house on the prairie can you believe it? Crazy assholes. Fucking ridiculous. Well, we live in extreme times, and you and I travel in the most extreme circles, if you really think about it. The cage fighting commentary and kickboxing commentary and flying all over the world and being around all these savages,
and yet we're still shocked by the level of human behavior out there in the world. Isn't that strange? I don't get shocked by the violent knockouts I see and the crazy cuts and the bloodness I see. Did you think that when you were in that fight with that dude, that dude was coming at you, did you think like, wow, I'm just so used to conflict and so used to fights that it's like, even though you're not getting in them, you probably were way more calm than an average dude because you're so used to being around fights. It's just your mind. It's there. It's always in your face. You're talking about it. You're seeing it at the highest level, at the lowest level. You're just seeing it. So it's almost programmed into you. HDNet's got to step it up, dude. HDNet's got to figure out some way to get on more TVs because the programming is awesome. The shows that they have is awesome.
It's the only place to get high-level kickboxing in America. It is. You never see it anywhere else. You know, we're doing It's Showtime now, and those shows are fantastic, man. It's Showtime. There's one coming up in September. And they pay you. Yeah. They actually pay you. Yeah, they pay. Not my fucking K1, man. Is K1 going to fold, and It's Showtime going to take over? Because I've heard that. No, I don't think so. I'm told that K1 will survive, but in what capacity, I'm not sure. Not that It's Showtime will take over, but It's Showtime is going to be the one to watch. Listen, Mark Cuban's a bad motherfucker, okay? He owns the goddamn world champion, Dallas Mavericks, brought them along to that title. owns HCnet, tell them to step the fuck up and buy K1. It's probably like a thousand bucks. You'd buy K1 for their debt. I actually heard about a year and a half ago that the price tag for K1 was $30 million.
It's got to be less than that now. I believe so, yeah. Well, you know, they bought the UFC for like $2 million. But if you bought K1 for even $10 million, dude, Mark Cuban could turn K1 into a monster. Fuck yeah. You take the same level of talent, The real high-end guys they have now in K1 Max and the K1 Grand Prix, the heavyweight Grand Prix, and put those on in Vegas and make a big fucking deal out of it. And make me the prisoner of it. I'll die to what the fuck out of that. Oh, son. Mark Cuban, please. We're begging you. Step the fuck up. There's an opening to be had here. There's a product to be sold. This is a fucking strong possibility. You can make it happen, Mark Cuban. All right. This is a long fucking podcast. How long are we talking for? Hours. Hours. Fuck. This week, I'm going to have Jay Moore on the podcast. We're figuring out when to do it. I've got to call Jay back.
He's doing this thing with Kevin Smith, and we're trying to bring awareness to that. He's got a new podcast of his own. Did Kevin Smith sit in his seat? No, I only did it at his house. I love Kevin Smith. Yeah, I love him too. Would you sniff the seat, though? I would. I'd lick it. Beautiful. That's beautiful. He's a great guy. He's doing, so Jay Moore's doing something on Kevin Smith's network of podcasts, and he's also going to do some sort of a television thing with Kevin Smith. So he's got that going on. But Jay and I are going to do a podcast soon. This week we've got Giorgio Tsoukalos from Ancient Aliens. He's going to be on the podcast. We've got a lot of stuff happening. And we're also looking at the new studio space this week. We've got to figure out a new place to do this. I'm moving on up, folks. We're going to step up. We're going to also produce a Joey Diaz DVD.
§04文字稿 · 21:30 起
That's another thing that we've just decided to do. So that's all for now. September 21st in Denver at the Paramount Theater. I got also coming up the Pabst Theater in Milwaukee sometime soon. I'm not sure when that is. I don't have my thing in front of me. But it's soon. All right? The Pabst Smear? Yeah, Pabst Smear Theater. The Pabst Theater. Pabst Brewing Company. Oh, August 13th in Milwaukee. So if you want to talk to Mike and contact him, you can get him on Twitter at Shiavello Voice. That's S-C-H-I-A-V-E-L-L-O Voice On On Twitter And Do you have Shiavellovoice.com too? No, no Just Shiavellovoice on Twitter Or check me out on Facebook Do you have a website? No Just use HD.net Bro, you need a website Yeah I need to Tell HD.net Kick in Get a fucking Shiavellovoice.com I need to get one Come on, man Get in there Alright, dude Thank you very much for the podcast It's always Always good to hang with you, my friend Always
And so Michael and I are going to kick back, and we're going to have a barbecue now, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. And that's the end of this show. And thank you very much for tuning in, and thank you to The Fleshlight. And if you go to— Oh, where's mine? Where's mine? Where's mine? I'll get you one, brother. I'll get you one. Don't get crazy. Your wife's here, bro. Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, and enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 15% off. And then you can shoot all your loads at a discount. You can go, oh, that feels good, and I saved money. All right. See you guys soon. Bye. Love you, bitches. Bye-bye.