Bert Kreischer

00:00yes dude I love the video that Tommy made Oh Tommy are the animation where is it at now where can you live where can you get that animation Oh Todd guarantee on Tom's Instagram is it available it's amazing to me last night at the Ice House it's amazing so whoever did that is really talented it's very funny his fans are the most creative fans ever dude he's got fans in Indonesia who teach English to children and all they do is teach them how to say Berta's fat and jeans and jeans jeans hide tight oh so strange he's got a really weird niche like him and his wife together on that podcast it's a weird like silly show we should the for the six of us should go out to eat one night because watching the two of them interact is there it's just inside jokes between the two of them always and it's so much fun to be there really are one of the funnest couples that I've ever

01:07been friend in my life it's weird that it works so good it's like every comedian couple when there are two comedians like it's like a bomb like you just standing next to it I gotta get out of here before this thing blows yeah but with them it's like it just works he's it's so funny too because he's known me probably 15 years and the other day we're hanging out there's just me and him and he goes he's got two kids he's you their house you can tell they have two brand-new kids Ellis is running around like a lunatic with a balloon running into walls that kids are wrecking ball the other ones an infant and he looked at me goes I can't believe you did this with no money it it'll work out Wow yeah that's true right how old were you when you first started having kids 32 I think my daughter's 14 and how long in the comedy were you then like I started 26 so eight years Wow

02:01maybe yeah eight years probably six years someone's better than me yeah so it's six years and like that is not a good time as a comedian six years in is rough I was featuring Georgia was born on like Oh on like a Tuesday and I had and we induced labor so that I could go feature for Dave Attell on Thursday oh my god and I was so excited to work with Dave Attell I was almost as excited David tell us they have a kid were you working Miami I worked that that's stress that what terrible place to work dude I was just in Miami I was in Miami a few months ago and I did that cell phone bag thing because I did it before I fell my Netflix special yeah I did it for a while where they'd have to put their phones in the bag then I stopped doing it it's just it's complicated it's annoying it takes especially when you're doing two shows it's a giant space in between channel but never have I seen a crowd

02:59like cuz you use your phone you got to get out of the arena and then come back everybody was just constantly going out they were constantly getting up I mean it was just it was like I was doing stand-up not in front of people sitting down but front of people in a constant state of moving sitting down and getting up that's insane just constantly moving like no place I've ever been they have zero attention span I've always said if you want to starve to death open up a bookstore in Miami these they just do coke and each other and party not everybody I know I'm generalizing if you like bro I read Billy Corbin loves Miami so bro I so I started headlining Miami is one of the first clubs to let me head like side handle the room they just like take a white guy and he got anyone dude I had I had the most crazy experiences I've ever had there one night it's me and two other

03:56comics I'm headlining right it's Sunday night and I say to the manager I said it seems pretty rowdy are they heckling her and then I was like yeah it's pretty bad there's gangbangers in the front row I was like who can we escort them out maybe he goes I think they have weapons I'm not comfortable with that I was like so what are we gonna do and he's like I don't know tried lightly I guess feature act goes up this is a hundred percent swear on my children true story feature act goes up they destroy him he comes back oh my god thinning hair matted sweaty to his head and he's like it's not good so I go out and I do an old Dave Attell trick it's it's I mean it's a comedy trick but I watch Dave do it where he would ask the audience a question that he had the joke for so he'd asked them to set up what's the best way to please your wife you know and then he had the joke what's the

04:41best way to give a world sex to your chick and the guys like and then the guy would tell his joke and then obviously the better joke she wrote it like only what you do is you put your lips around or entirely and go oh and so I do that with these gangbangers for like 40 35 minutes and it's killing the whole crowds like finally we're all I'm fun I look off to the left and all of a sudden one of them a darker guy names ray gets up on stage and he's like yeah on stage there's no stopping this with you with me it's like use a real right here there's a real you know a real getting a 305 pulls his pants down and shows his dick and it is massive massive and dark like and everyone's silent I'm like okay ray thank you very much he's like show yo son I'm like not now so yo son show yo son I was like not gonna happen now not gonna happen now I go you know you might want to leave I'm sure

05:36they're calling the cops and he's like good lookin out and he leaves right so I'm like I have nothing to say I have nothing to say I'm like oh I'm like how do I follow that all son lighter skin dude face tattoo dreadlocks stands out real slow and I'm like oh my god please save another dick gets on stage and just goes there's a real you know real getting the fire 305 pulls his pants down and he has an equally almost like lighter two-tone dick like a purple ring around the like and the place is going bananas so like oh my god oh my god I go listen brother I go there definitely call the cops now you definitely want to go catch up with Ray and get a ride home thank you so much for the you know and he's like good looking out good-looking he gets off stage right hi Joe I swear on my children's lives I swear on my children's life you man I weren't there there with a hairless albino girl or guy

06:34guy and I go so funny man the only dick I ever wanted to see what years and the quiet audience quiet he slowly stands up and everyone's like no please don't having gets on stage drops his pants and it is huge no hair it looks like a lighthouse just I just dropped the mic ago that's my show and I just walk off nice it was the that way that club was insane sane insane you know what happened they started giving out free tickets yeah and just went off the charts like no one was paying and it was all just like young kids and I remember I had a joke once where I said something about I think Oscar De La Hoya it was like a joke about boxing about like you know taking a left hook from Oscar De La Hoya and someone yells out him Fernando Vargas and then someone goes him so Chavez and they just started debating about what my guys this is a joke has nothing to do with the boxing even what the but

07:32it turned into this like gigantic argument over like which Latino boxer is is better Oh craziness I've never been to a club that was more out of control and I saw it get out of control because when I first started working there it was fine yeah it was fine I mean somewhere along the line it just went to chaos they started doing just rowdier and ratty racks so that getting more and more young kids and then sometimes you would go there in the whole audience to be like 18 oh yeah and and and not everyone spoke English that was another real problem in that Club dude you never saw anybody kill like you see Diaz do Spanglish in front of those people oh my because he came up in that Club well he was always there yeah yeah I think him and Ricky Ricky Cruz all those guys had all worked that Club and just worm job that Joey murder dirt I worked for Joey there are a ton of times but

08:27you know Joey and I we knew how to work together like it worked and I'm you know from doing the comedy storm so much I'm just used to chaos now you get used to chaos I like playoffs yeah it's fun it's fun sometimes you know as long as you're not filming special but it was just a show it's just a show and it's chaos it's fun but those my first taping in Philly Phil is wild last place to thank at Carla called Tommy goes that's why we taped to brother have good good luck on the next one yeah yeah I did for now I do I do for now dude that is genius it's a way to do it I really should do six Chappelle did nine just the way to go it seems like it's not but the thing is like you want to make it the most like a regular show but the ironic thing is most of what I use I use from the first show because I'm so loose because I know I have four shows it's like it's different it's it's it's

09:23when you're when you film in one show like I always remember seeing Bill Hicks relentless which is the one he did in in the UK he's a big theatre in the UK and it's a duster yeah giant production he comes out to like a jimi hendrix song and his fire behind him and all this and you could feel the tension like he's got tension because he's got one shot at this and he did a great job but it was stiff it's just stiff and like I was dating this girl at the time she's very smart then I watched it with her and she's like he's interesting but this is not funny no way she said that I was like wow like I was two meals giant Bill Hicks man I was like hurt like I wanted to argue with her but I was like I can't argue with her yeah she's kind of right it wasn't I didn't laugh when I like I was such a fan that like watching him was like important to me like I'm wanting to watch it like

10:20because I felt like he was a very important figure in comedy even though Ari Shaffir shits on him relentlessly but I was when I was watching him but when I was watching that I was thinking she's right it's not really making me laugh at all yeah but I know the materials well thought-out and it's very good but um it's just I recognised it it's like that one show thing you're filming one show your one shot in it see I um I think because I come from like a baseball sports background I like having pressure on me I love that feeling of you got one shot so affiliated to and the first one it rained the generator went out and we had to hold the audience in the rain for an hour and a half they lost their buzz right there soaking wet they finally come into the show they're in the show they're trying to catch a buzz again and it was a bad show like legit like legit

11:16I didn't even do well like I remember telling my buddy Tony who produced it I go oh I've had bad shows we're like when you're moving you accidentally stand on the mic and you go to move and then the mic moves away from your mouth my wife who's there I go if I flub a word like just write it down so I can pick it up clean in the second one she walked into the greenroom all my agents all my managers producers with the notepad goes I don't even know where to start so I get so I go I got one more shot I got one shot and in my head I have that high school Bert Kreischer like you said you like pressure let's go you got one show like it's all I'm getting chills talking about going let's go you're not up one word you're having to show your life my buddy Tony Hernandez who produced it comes over when he goes let's get a coffee and back in high school you've been like bum coke but it's like let's

12:07get a coffee we're grown-ups had a coffee went on and Joe I swear to god him the best show of my life the best show of my life to the point where I was like I even I around a little bit on stage and I just kept it in a special I was like and I think if I did nine they'd be sloppy if I do too and I go I got one shot I got a guy got again this tonight I feel like you really go this is important to me I mean I'd love to do four I think yeah I think you do as many as you want honestly you know it's just a matter of like that that pressure of that second show if for the first show I think that's what I mean I was talking about this with Chuck Palahniuk yesterday that seasoning right dad for sure Pollan how long i Palahniuk Palahniuk bar like terrible moments on stage i think like the best thing ever for your act like eating eating shits the best thing ever figure out because then

13:04you you recover from that you're like oh I don't want to feel that again ever attained type feeling to its the worst and you you bounce back you figure out how to how to tighten everything up you figure out how to just even a bad moment a joke that doesn't work you know like the joke said don't worry I've got some new stuff man that is just not that good with some new stuff that's just like it's it's it's in its infant stage where it's just like wobbling around every now and then I'll catch it I'll catch it perfect and and it's like cuz I've only been doing some of them for like two or three shows you know so they're like wobbly that I don't know where I'm going with them and I'm trying to figure it out on stage and around with them that's like the whole purpose at doing all these shows in town especially and but those those haunt you in the ride home that's why that's why

13:54I'm grateful I worked at the store oh yeah right am i special my closing bet I do on the show on the special the closing bit i sat with you for a hour in the back room because I took it up in the main room following like D'Elia and I just said here we go and I man that Club can really let you know where the silence is yeah and you go alright and then you're like oh I've been lazy I've been performing to fans who will give you the benefit the doubt I love you yeah yeah and they want you to succeed but when you do a Netflix special you need it to be to put strangers need to like it mm-hmm that's the the old Louie quote that I used to hang my hat on they were like why don't you work at UCB and he goes anyone can make them laugh who's like I'm famous like it if I go in like that's like making your friends laugh that's why this is why I do the road is you the art form is to make strangers

14:42laugh yeah and I was like yeah it is to make strangers laugh yeah well it's it's also you don't want a delusional perspective and one thing that does happen to some comp like Stanhope lives by it like he's like why would I go and do someone else's audience he goes it took me 25 years to make my own audience okay I get it yeah but I really feel like to develop material to really do it right you got to do it in front of just regular people people that aren't necessarily there to see you and the beautiful thing about the stores if there's 15 people in the lineup or 20 people in the lineup whatever it is how many other see you ten percent thirty percent yeah twenty percent like you know maybe they're there to see you and alia and also you know Tom and also Christina like it's they're just comedy fans they're not Bert Kreischer fans yeah yeah and that that's giant it's

15:32giant because those guys they like develop like that I've seen a few people that develop an audience and that's all their audience and there's they just get real complacent real lazy that's the does it I mean I I've I said light leaks there's some internet comics meaning like YouTube comment people that do comedy now and some are good some are good and some are developing I don't know I was saying that to be polite but like that one guy got booed off stage in Montreal because he's been performing to fans oh well here's the other thing about that guy that guy goes up on a show where the Aussies are the comedian's on and then at the end of his set says that comedy shouldn't be about about preaching it should be about making people laugh right it shouldn't be about ethics or morals sexuality or race sexuality or race it should be about making people laugh people pay to

16:27forget about that stuff you are on stage not making people laugh that is what you're doing yeah you silly it is one of the silliest things I've ever seen in my life it's like this is and he's essentially a beginning comic oh but open mic he's and maybe been doing stand-up three years so he does like videos and the videos are very popular and they're funny yeah if you're from the South they're really funny just unless someone's doing your unless they're stealing or stealing from somebody else just do your act unless something happen before you that's so egregious and ridiculous that you feel like you have to address it when you go onstage cuz it's just sitting in the room yeah and you just try to do ever notice you know when you pick up your phone if you just try to do that and everybody's like what the you're not gonna address what just happened sometimes you have to address

17:19what just happened yeah like sometimes someone will go on before you and just eat so much that you have to say something you have to say something yeah you have to yeah but what that guy did was ridiculous it's to tell someone what comedy is and what isn't I'd said I had read an article about that this I'm assuming she's a gay woman wrote about like trashing Hannah Gatsby and going hey we're gay and we're doing stand-up comedy we're not we're not just preaching we're doing stand-up comedy talking about her trauma and it's working you just don't see us so don't write us off and say comedy is dead because you don't see us I don't think Hannah Gadsby saying comedy is dead I think journalists are saying comedies dead and I think we're all buying into it because these people were writing these articles they're not even in comedy they're just comedy fans or fans of her and what I think she did

18:09and I've only seen part of it I saw the whole thing I'll tell you right now let me have one joke I like a lot it's whatever she did is fine here's the thing it's her artwork this is what she's doing it's fine like it's it's if people enjoy it that's great but the problem with comedy is that comedy is one category it's just comedy but comedy could be Cat Stevens it could be Guns and Roses it could be the ghetto boys you know I'm saying yeah it's like when you go to see music there's a very distinct genre there's no there's just comedy comedy is just comedy like you could go see a folk singer and what they're doing on stage like really slow and quiet is music but then you go to see Led Zeppelin and you go okay well that's music too how the is that music - you know how is Motley Crue the same kind of thing as Cat Power how is that how are they how are they the same well they are

19:04both music just like we do comedy and she's doing a version of comedy some of it is really funny and some of it is her just talking about stuff and like a very serious way that's fine yeah that we're not against each other this is what's crazy everybody's like you know this is deconstructing comedy call me dead now like what are you talking about that's crazy no she's doing what she's doing if you enjoy it and that's what you want to see more of go see that yeah that's what she knows that's great she's a great joke about unicorns that I giggle about once a week and I'll tell her jokes it's hot on Netflix you can see that and when I was growing up I knew more facts about unicorns than I did lesbians she goes look there are no facts about unicorns I was just like that's a good that's a good joke that is a good joke yeah I mean that's her experience right she's husband it's hard

19:57it's hard out there for a pimp I get it it's like where we will I think people create unnecessary and artificial adversaries I really do and I think this is one of the ones that's going on right now in comedy and I see it all the time with this Nanette thing it's like stop stop with the art I mean I I fall into a - I buy a note - and I read some of these articles like comedies not dead the are you talking about doesn't make any sense you read the article and you start thinking she said it like the way they exactly you're like oh yeah she's telling us I can't do comedy anymore she didn't say she just did something and someone interpreted it that way and if she says she can't do comedy anymore that's fine - yeah she could just - like now she's famous right she could just do one woman specials or one person specials or one entity specials framing I wouldn't say it Jo like she doesn't

20:52think genders off off subject you can't it's a it's off limits gender I mean you a kid if somebody came up to you one day you're gonna have to ask someone whether they're a boy or a girl and it's gonna be very delicate you're gonna have to ask them what their preferred pronouns are you'd be like what yeah yeah yeah it's coming it's real soon like 10-15 years and then everyone's gonna be this is gonna be a lot of ambiguity and ambiguity that's weird word ambiguity how often you say that word I'll say ambiguous but how often you say ambiguity I'd never have said it that's a weird one right away from a lot of people especially after coffee ambiguity yeah but nobody would have ever anticipated that there would be debate about Jen gender Oh my daughters we're outside of like one of the progressive bathrooms where it's not matter it's just a bathroom and my daughter's saw

21:46her first dick that way just pushed open the door because it's no man or woman and then she's like uh-huh and I was like it's better she goes I just saw a man's penis that's like why didn't the guy lock the door sometimes you don't I've done it you walk in and you're not thinking and you just don't lock the door so was it at any sex bathroom or was it at any gender bathroom I don't know they have I don't know you know I was in a restroom once a restaurant once and I was waiting for the bathroom it's a long wait man and finally the door opens and a chick comes out the men's room yeah and she looked at me like like yeah I was in the I was in the men's room like what if I was in the women's room taking a what if you were in there I'm doing that a big steamer I did that coming off from a plane from Atlanta I was going to the women's room Ireland to Atlanta

22:39boozing on the flight this is a while ago headsets in hoodie on bout to take a I'm like it's on creeping out my pants and I walk into the bathroom start headsets Dillon listen to music start sweating a little bit so it's a hot in there take the hoodie off take the headsets out me hear women's voices and I'm like oh my god I'm in the woman's bathroom I did that at The Comedy Store once I took a leak in the women's room I didn't realize it when they put those new bathrooms in the side hallway yeah because for a while it was it was like a men and women's bathroom and then they open up the men's bathroom over there and I walked in and there was girls in there like yo it's crazy we're all here together because generals are involved right you could be standing next to those same people in an elevator it would be fine hi guys doing everything's fine but if you stand next

23:34to the same people in a bathroom you're like oh no oh no private parts naughty parts poopy peepee yeah you know like there's something dirty about even if everyone is just washing their hands close to each other in this sink it's like everyone's creeped out I can't wait to get the out of here the tension so thick that's in the bathroom weird it's crazy that you can't just in piss in front of people no you can't you can't see we grew up where you could in front of dude it's like we used to in front of dude it's like if like and I'm still kind of like this but like if me and you were talking I'm like hey coming in I gotta take a I would have shot and you would have stood there and I would have finish telling you much I think Joey Diaz is that kind of guy do Oh Joey's taking horrible shits in front of me I saw already knew it online remember that but you clam video yeah I was there

24:18oh my god I remember seeing that I was on the road in a green room and I saw someone's like if you see Nori's and I was like I have not yet he had a hemorrhoid problem and that's to put it mildly he still has them problems he still do when we were we when when we were in Atlanta he was like how much blood should come pee in a toilet after you go to the bathroom a lot can you imagine Tom's face you know Tom so dries are none don't put that up don't put that up don't put that up don't put up I was just telling Jamie back like before you got here how important those videos were all the videos you shot with Brett with red band and Ari and Joey the Joey karate video all the stuff you guys used to put online that's so important to where you are today in my opinion what do you mean all right man that I found that stuff when used tubes started blowing up that stuff was in such heavy

25:20rotation for comics like you'd look for comics and you were recognizable because of Fear Factor in the news radio but I've I got to those videos and I probably watched every single one of the videos you guys shot as did all of us Tom did all of us just because it was like it was the content we could find that's what we're talking about with twitch it's like get on Twitch down start uploading content because one day someone will see it and go oh I know that guy and and I really believe that you guys were so ahead of that curve where people like I'm not I don't even know how to upload a video yeah you guys had edited great content Heckler and columbus re dealing with a heckler in DC the feminists arguing with you that guy you choking that guy out the store like those were videos we were like I'd watched him four or five times there was a lot of those but you know what what

26:11was really good about it was red bands editing he doesn't like to do that though it's too much too time-consuming and he's too lazy he doesn't like to do video but he's really talented like his video editing skills like that Mencia video that was part of why that video was so popular because the long-ass video but his editing skills were so good what was the music played an intent an ant an intent and intent and pennant yeah if the music was perfect yeah it was the whole thing was you know it's he's a really good editor he really he's really talented at it but it's so time-consuming it drives him nuts that he'd rather just around and do podcasts and have a good time but when he was doing it like when we were going on the road together and he was filming a lot of stuff and splicing things together would make a video every couple months or something like that it

26:56was really fun it was it was an interesting experiment you know just just just to around I got into when I got into vlogging and Jamie was like right there when I started vlogging so we were both found Casey and I started to think at the same time and I got really into vlogging and I loved it man I think I maybe did like 40 episodes and it was just fun but then it's I started realizing it was in cannibalizing my life to a point where I wasn't living an authentic life at all right I wasn't writing any material I was just shooting everything everything was shot like if I saw you I'd be like I wouldn't be like oh cool I get to hang out with Joe I be like oh hey guys I'm you know no that is the trap that the people fall into you know I mean if you look at some people's Instagram stories like what are you doing man you have a million dots your Instagram was like little tiny dots like

27:44your old day your whole day you have just a phone in front of you what do you just have like constant battery chargers and you're just constantly charging up your phone and filming video this is crazy I do it this way I look at Instagram I do it I'll do those stories aggressively if I'm running the triathlon running a marathon doing a big event and I'd and that's I mean not to tip the hat or whatever tell you guys my business plan but that's what I do like I like to do big things and then that's how my stories and then I'll around on the weekend and I'll put up maybe like three stories a day five stories a day and I'll show you my life a little bit but for the most part I like I try to I try to distance myself from it for two reasons number one it with my eyesight like if I'm on my phone a lot oh yeah my eyes are yeah and number two it does cannibalize your life

28:30but what I would like what I want to do I think the next level is businesses is honestly like a going backwards and doing what you and Redman were doing with those videos but getting yourself out of it and having a guy like Reb in who that's his job it's hard though see the thing is with a guy like red band it's that job is very hard to do like you notice gets like brian is uniquely talented at that you know I think it's like his greatest talent he's really good at making videos but he'd like I said he doesn't like to do it and a lot of people don't like to do it because it's time-consuming so you could just take stuff and just you know cut it and paste it but he did more than that he had special effects and music and you know what he was doing was he was figuring out a way to make sometimes mundane situations interesting and interesting situations way more

29:19interesting yeah it's hard to do so like for you to like say you know you want to get you like you'd have to find a guy you'd almost like you have to get Brian to start doing it again I'm definitely with Jamie never talking about this uh my next step is doing what you're doing on a much smaller level like getting an area getting a space doing my podcast on my solo podcast out of there but then creating content what is your solo podcast you have a solo ones yeah I do a solo podcast I'll talk to yourself no it's called open tabs so I go through out on the weekend like when I'm normally killing time looking on the internet and I just leave all those tabs open on Safari and then I go in and I just go through and close them and tell you what they are and show you the video I was watching oh that's like it's a lot of videos of you like and like all my friends because I watch

30:07all my friends do like if Bill burr kills it on some interview I show that or if you like like a lot of I mean a lot of them are like the interviews you have with these guys like David Atia and and campaigns a campaigns is like all those all those like really inspirational guys I'll pull up videos of them and then I all sudden I'll get obsessed with flash floods flash floods are scary dude there's this guy no joke like I think I'm a good comic this guy's better at what he does but he tracks flash Bloods and he's like he's like on camera like okay I'm in this valley see this cloud over there it's raining over there it should be to us in 15 minutes all right we're gonna stay with it and this guy finds a plot of land where the flash photo run and he can chase it and almost follow it follow bit hop up on the bank and then cut a corner get in front of it again this guy's so

30:55good at following flashfloods there's this girl this is what I find on the internet because like I get online there's this girl Kimmie Warner okay this girl is the best I'm obsessed with spearfishing right now and I'm never fishing never done in my life obsessed with spear i watch spearfishing videos go maybe eight hours a day wow dude like when I'm in bed and you know when you're killing time Kimi Werner to pull up Kimi Werner this woman is amazing this is a picture of her swim with a great white shark dude I've got a spearfishing woman coming on next week who Valentin Thomas I don't know her I'm googling the at her Google Valentin Thomas she's coming on next week she was a lawyer who quit her gig and became like a very active and active on social media Spearfish she's beautiful where she out of Florida Keys she's in Florida something yeah yeah on the west coast of

31:54Florida is a big spear fishing community shooting a lot of hog head groupers by the way this is the way I talk about something I've never done we should do it I'm in I'm in let's do it I wanted a spearfishing apparently it's like hunting underwater dude it and seen out now are you ready for this this is what is wrong with me is that I've watched so much beer fishing I'm gonna talk about it intimately the thing about shooting out on the west coast of Florida is they use a lot of Hawaiian slings alright very different than a rubber band with us a pointy stick but like when Kimi Werner goes she's got like string like she'll shoot a tuna and it'll take off and she'll hold on and ride with it oh Jesus yeah it just ride the tuna I think it's just based on the depths of where you hunt so when you hunt over on the west coast and now I'm talking out of my ass

32:47do not listen to anything I say man but it's a lot of shallower shoots it's like 30 feet a lot of reef shoots out in Hawaii Kimi Werner goes down like a hundred feet and chills whoa and just chills and I heard feet is deep hundred feet me and you would be good in the Bahamas yeah do Bahamas six feet that's what I'm looking at just over your head you can feel Sam if you're getting crazy get down nine you can push off the bottom and pop back up again bro I'm obsessed with Spearfish I subtly oh it's such a cool way to live your life Aubrey's done a bunch of it yeah I would I would love to try it it looks like fun she invited me Valentin invited me to go next week but I hung out at the time she's gonna go to San Diego they're gonna go tuna spearfishing really see you in San Diego those those the Pacific Ocean spearfishing that I think is a little bit of a sports sport

33:40like because you got to really know how to hold your breath for a long time it's different I think so I think only because of depths like everything is pretty shallow out on the west coast and the East Coast on the East Coast everything's pretty shallow every like all the keys you're you're doing like 15 feet mm 15 20 feet tops but uh but element West Coast everything is a tad bit deeper huh at least from what I've been watching with Kimi Werner there's a go-to Kimi Werner and there's a video of her no hanging out at a hundred feet just with the spear just she's waiting yeah she's got four and a half minutes to kill why not four and a half minutes she's holding her breath today she can own about she's free diving Oh tanks no tanks oh all free diving in like kneeling camouflage camouflage not afraid of sharks love sharks well you know you know what a heck suit

34:28is you ever heard of a hack suit uh-uh they got this suit called a HECS it's like a suit that there's some it's based on something I think it's called the Faraday cage and what it does is it hides your electrical signal and one of the things about fish is it fish apparently they read your electrical signal like they like you you can take there's certain machines that like you could hover your hand over them and it'll register that an electrical signals coming off of your body but then when you put this hex suit on you run your hand over the same exact machine it shows nothing really yeah so this this suit is something that it's very controversial in the hunting community because some people don't believe it really works because there's no real clear absolute studies that it works on animals but there are clear studies that it shields your body's electrical sick

35:20and but it works pretty unequivocably on fish on fish it's crazy you gotta pull up hex suit HECS suit video fish so you basically roll into the water like predator put yeah you put gloves on you put a suit on and they can't see you like they for whatever reason you can get right up to them it's weird man but yeah you get right up to fish right up to like corals they get right up to coral reefs see now here's the thing I don't know how much of this would happen exactly the same way if this guy wasn't wearing this suit because I don't really I don't really have that information yeah but I do know that people that spear fish and people that like are involved with you know underwater diving and they swear by these things they they say it absolutely works and they had it on Shark Week - they were using it on Shark Week there's something about those suits yeah I don't

36:18yeah Ari and I were tell I was gonna go out to the Great Barrier Reef with Ari if Tom was going out there at the same time we're all three gonna go dive at the Great Barrier Reef well do a live aboard Ari and I are actually I've been talking back and forth about finding a place to do a live aboard and go live aboard the other coat we stay for like four days you do two dives a day do like him yeah Wow yeah ours is adventure Ari's all about living life and if I can move fold that into my family and let my wife understand that like you know once a quarter I got to do something crazy mmm you know then and my wife's like ah she's cool with it we talked to what's the ultra marathon runner that you had on Courtney dill Walter nope Zack bitter Zack bitter is that bitter me and Ari we're gonna find a International Marathon to do together like find an international really 26

37:10mile yeah regular man yeah ultras that's breaking down your liver where you piss diet coke man yeah let me tell you something I I've always had respect for like I've always had respect for cam never never anything shy of that but when you run a marathon the respect you have for campaigns and guys like David Goggins it enters a new stratosphere yeah I can only imagine you're like well like when David Goggin says embrace the hate embrace the suck just just just decide not to quit that's where my brain when I went to marathon I was like decide not to quit and at 22 miles both my calves just seized up my quads went to my legs and the woman in front of me her pants and I was like you watched her I watched her her pants a grown woman like an executive her pants went down one leg and up her ass well and I went did she stop nope she kept going gangster but like that did it

38:03smell that's when I started running past her I was like I was like please let her be an exec from a fax or something dude like those guys like when I watch cams videos now of him running in the afternoon and running he's doing a marathon a day his speed he's running and the way he's talking as he's running is inspirational beyond measure from a guy like me where I go I want to get there like I want to get like he's I I can't I can't I can't I can't put it into words yeah he's an alum and he works a full-time job that really blows me away yeah are you not drinking no for how long I just haven't been for how long not I mean I will but on stage no I mean I'll take a drink with me at the end of the night like you know when I tell the Machine story on the second show I'll have that drink that's it yeah what's going on nothing man cleaning it up no I'm just I don't know

39:00I don't know growing up no I know I still party but like yeah like if I saw you at the store tonight I still party and smoke and but I just I don't know there's no reai died this is what sucks about being me is like people to go which out what's going on are you sick there's someone wrong you're like no just I'm also regular yeah it's fine yeah nothing wrong with that yeah I'd you know i did the triathlon and I didn't drink leading up to it and I did it and I felt really good I just felt really good and I thought and you know you know and you have friends that I'm 45 and so you start saying seeing friends that that lifestyle starts to affect in different ways you go okay I want I don't ever want to quit drinking I'll never want to quit smoking weed I'll never want to do with our en run a marathon and then not do mushrooms with them in cimbrone s eries I want that to be a part of my

39:50life but I can't have that if I'm going at the pace I'm going at like I can't I can't have both well you started to rely on your body a lot more like what you're doing with all this running and you know these the what was that one that you did where you have to do all the obstacle course race Spartan Race doing a triathlon you relying on your body yeah like part of your recreation now is relying on your endurance and when you're doing that and you're drinking at the same time you're just shooting yourself in the foot yeah I mean I'm still like I said like we did the Spartan Race and right after you sit up in the stands everyone has some beers that's right a couple beers yeah yeah maybe a hit of a vape pen and then you just go home you get a good night's sleep but you're right I think for me training for the triathlon was just it I couldn't do both I just was not be able to do

40:39both and then when I got done I just you know I think a lot of like I was thinking about last night I didn't drink I didn't drink last night obviously and um and I was like I was in the shower today I had a really hard time sleeping last night I was up all night I've got I'd just been doing a lot of press so you I think you empty your serotonin because you're giving everyone and everything yeah and I was like and I was up all night with like a little bit of panic attacks and I definitely would have drank less when you get a panic attack what does that mean like what happens for me you kind of get blinders on and for me personally I will start saying the same phrase over and over in my head again where I can't get it out like think right like like my brain will go satellite of love satellite of love satellite of love satellite and then I'll start going like last night I had a

41:35phrase going through my head and I was like the alarm on is the alarm on and I get up and I go check the alarm and then I get in bed and I go I should check make sure all the doors are locked and then I go check all the doors and then I get up and go did I lock the man cave I got to get up and I lock the man cave now normally that's where I will start like if I have a few drinks that does not happen you know what's weird what Jamie was talking about this - it's at night yeah at night when you get weird out it's like when you're getting ready to shut off it's like can I shut the body off yet is everything cool I think meditation might help me because I can't just I can't shut my brain off and then I'm like and then I go a tank for your mancave I would take off all of my mancave it's like an office right it's like half of this probably you fitted tank in there it would be really

42:23big in my man cave it'll be really big in there you don't have to get one that big they'll have us they have a smaller one um they have like one that's like 6 by 7 or 4 by 7 4 by 7 see I I would rather probably I'd rather sauna I love saw I love those infrared saunas I love those saunas great too yeah yeah yeah I was thinking about I was thinking about it this morning in the shower and I was like you know what man the sober October we did was so helpful because I learned how to cope and go to bed just with nothing yeah and like with nothing no nyquil no nothing I was super up low and then I learned little tricks like drinking on planes I still may have a few drinks before I get on a plane or a couple drinks on the plane but the difference is if it's an early morning flight I don't need a drink to get on the plane you don't need I don't need it right for where's of ways I just said I

43:16guess you got to do it you know it was helpful for me too you know what's really interesting is it made me realize what what's happening to you dreams when you're smoking pot all the time because as soon as you stop smoking pot and then your dreams become super vivid like really vivid like excruciating ly vivid and strange bizarre you're like oh what am i doing to myself with the weed all the time yeah like that's probably not good for my dreams I want those dreams the vivid one of the crazy ones you take alpha brain I did I told you go to bed I took out my wife and stop cuz I was I was a lunatic on Alpha brain you have to feel it really immediately if you take it before like I took a double dose so like if I'm like these packets you supposed take one packet I'll take two of these packets with some water before I go to bed and then you know it made an

44:08hour before you go to bed and with no pot and alpha brain you will have lucid in hence dreams oh yeah they're intense they're in they're durable like you realize you're a dream and they they don't wake up like they're they get lucid and you're in the middle of them you know the way I described lucid dreams like lucid dreams are like a delicate bubble that a kid would blow it and you can kind of almost catch it on your hand and then pop it pops these were like basketballs like they weren't popping yeah I could be in the middle of a dream like oh I'm gonna dream okay now when a dream let's just keep going and they it wouldn't knock me out of the dream by recognizing that I was in a dream which ordinarily would immediately do it ordinarily I'd be like oh my god I'm dreaming well I'm waking up yeah and then you just wake up I could keep myself in that lucid dream state for a

44:58long time a lucid dream naturally and I have in I have I'm an - OH - Comedy Central based on my dreams I've been insane dreams you should try do you know what piracetam is you heard that stuff it's another nootropic it's a real potent one of the interesting things about nootropics is there's a ton of them there's a lot of different ones one of them they found recently is creatine they found that creatine boosts your your your mental performance yeah really yeah creatine is got a lot of benefits mint because you think about it right creatine makes your body retain more water as well right it's one of the things people don't like about it kind of gives you like a chubby face like you get a little a little bloated on it but what that's doing is just retaining more water right but if you have more water it also makes you stronger like it ABS proven like over time taking creatine is

45:53a supplement it's very effective it really does make you stronger it makes you bigger so you got to think like all that is like all this tissue and all this water it's like it's probably just everything's healthier right and probably the flow of everything is healthier to the conductivity of it all obviously I'm not a scientist yeah but I would think that all that makes sense like you're like your brain works terrible when it's dehydrated like have you ever been dehydrated and try to think yeah it's your brain is so weak it's incredible how much dehydration affects the way your your brain performs but on the other side it should be that well if you're really well hydrated your brain would probably work better and the only make sense it's amazing how important water is ah now everything I got this nutritionist when I started doing the triathlon like men's health covered it

46:47like they they're doing a documentary on it what are they doing what are you the whole triathlon they hit me up and they're like man this guy Conor Reed really cool guy he's like he's just a fan of what we do he's like man I love sober October I love you and Tommy's bets you know like there's a lot of people as bizarre as this sound whatever we decided to do with these competitions that got inspired and lost a ton of weight and yeah I've seen a lot of that it's often amazing man like husband and like guys who hit me up and they're like I'm running my first marathon i'm running my first Spartan Race I'm me and my buddies are doing it when you're in Columbus can you come hang out with us and and it's it really is I know Tom and I have talked about it a lot it just definitely was not our intention like we just wanted if we were around and then when we all did

47:32sober October right there do they're people that come up came up to me at the triathlon with this guy Willie Nelson's his name and he's like he's that bro he's like holy the machine I didn't sober October with you guys I was like for real he's like dude no booze no drugs you believe it and I'm like yeah I'm right like we shared the same month I'm doing it again I'll do it again I'm gonna do it every October I'm just gonna make it a thing yeah we should do something else too like right now it's almost September does it like to 20th or something what is it 23rd um it's not a lot of time basically have a month to figure it out like what you mean add another thing inside to AB rocktober yeah I mean we could be sober and we could do the yoga classes we could do it again not getting time to do those yoga classes amazing that that was also amazing I did nine in a

48:21row I did nine days in a row just to whack it out yeah and when I did that I was like it's amazing like if you just know that you have to do it you just do it yeah but if you don't know you have to do it you find all sorts of reasons to not do it like I'll just go lift weights oh yeah just go for a run yeah I'll just go do this but if like I have to get seven more of these things in in the next 14 days I'll just do them right now yeah you know it was cool about them is that it's this sounds silly but now I have hot yoga in my you tell utility belt worth of workouts where I go sometimes I'll go like like I'll come off the road and I'll be like Carmina maybe I booze that weekend I'll be like Monday I'm doing a hot yoga and I'll go do a hot yoga and and I know how the poses I don't have I'm not embarrassed I know I've got the mat like though doing your first hot yoga is

49:10embarrassing a little bit but when you go back in it you do it again and you just pour sweating you're like I'm coming back tomorrow and then you of course you don't but it's it's courageous when you see people go into those classes that are like really obese and they they just take that risk of being almost naked in front of these people you got shorts on and some lady just did it the other day her first class and I was like that lady took a obviously she's not physically fit she's not that active this is probably like super nerve-wracking for her to do she took a ballsy chance it's a it's tough to do it's tough to do anything it's tough to you know it's tough to take a you know a kettle bell class shoes off you got in there it's weird you get weirded out when I started when I started the training and I had to go to a pool and swim and get my speedo now

50:01I wear speedos all the time but for real to wear one like for real yeah for real for real like to deal and now I do you have to wear one what is it that much better than shorts oh my god the drag is like it's you glide like a dolphin really you ever jack off with too much lotion and you're like I don't even feel it I need to dry some of this off Wow that's a bad example splitting it's super specific to me but you swam in the ocean recently I was in Italy last week and I was swimming in the ocean I was realizing wow it's so much easier to swim in the ocean oh yes so water to float yeah it's so it's so it's like way easier yeah not a little easier it's like way easier open water swimming in in salt water in like like the Malibu triathlon is coming up that one's it's it's tough it's a half mile swim but you're in a wetsuit and you're buoyant and you're also swimming near great white sharks

50:53yeah I'm doing Malibu here white sharks they're everywhere but when you're in a pack like that oh well what's the odds you get bitten just get into the center yeah Center that's what they go right for the middle yeah he shoot up just that movie the meg is supposed to one of the worst movies of all time Brill you seen that movie it's a they say it's doing great of the box off because this where everyone's an idiot it's supposed to be so bad it's a big shark just nobody saw before hole here it is it's doing as good as crazy rich Asians Oh crazy rich Asians killing it oh good rizz it's killing it yeah yeah hilarious I want to see it the Meg what's it got 91% like this movie 47% Rotten Tomatoes 6.2 on IMDB mmm that's not bad like what's the what is the worst will receive movie recently there's been some really really bad ones right oh I got this I could I could come up with this

51:58cuz I there was one that came out recently and everyone trashed it no well I'm not going to say that's it yeah the Gotti movie he's writing it down let's see I judge a movie I liked and everyone trashed yeah yeah it's that's that's a business I don't want to get into I don't ever want to do that I see Tom doing it now he's doing some movies I'm like yeah good luck you know it's nice to see him blowing up but that movie thing is a trap you get on those sets for 16 hours a day and everyone's depressed everyone's tired and everyone's on antidepressants everyone everyone oh my god yeah but our movie set you talked to actors about what they're on well you know my my wellbutrin wasn't doing it for me so got on lexapro and I'm on Zoloft and I really find it just it's really balancing me and I started taking this I started taking that and xanax a little here and

53:12a little bit like whoa everyone is on something dude that you go to Colombia for eight weeks and you live in Colombia and do the Mambo I know Mark Wahlberg did that mile 22 he just lived in Colombia for eight weeks that have much rather just do stand-up yeah I wouldn't mind doing I'm done I'm even joking I would let my dream now my dream is doing what I'm doing right now like I like to expand that if I could do my own thing and expand that that's my goal hmm but if you said part of the business easily like a news radio like a like an ensemble cat that was hard to men I would love a multicam well it's fun if everybody gets along but you got to rely on all those other people to keep their together and you know it goes sideways yeah and then on top of that the sometimes the scripts don't work and sometimes when the shows not doing well then you have executives to chime in

54:07I honestly think they're like what you're doing with like something's burning yeah like that kind of that's way better man like you're the thing you're doing with all things comedy like the like it's cooking show yeah that kind of fun where there's no real bosses is way better for a guy like you or a guy like me great podcasts the kind of thing you're never gonna be able to be really authentically yourself with all these executives and producers and network notes and all that they don't know what the they're doing man that they just don't yeah occasionally you'll get good advice but when something gets through with that that sort of system and becomes a hit it's almost by luck it's almost like wow what are the odds it's like a salmon making its way up a river like it's why would it go upriver the are you doing this is a terrible way to go you gotta jump over a waterfall that is so stupid

55:02makes no sense it's so dumb yeah but the one that makes it and spawns like look this is our system it works like okay I guess this is it but it's almost like that it's like you're doing something that's like so counterintuitive you're doing something creative and you're being judged and and ordered around by people who have zero creativity they're not funny yeah if there were funny they'd be comedians they're not funny but yeah they're telling you what to do and then you have to think about their notes and you got to bring in the gay roommate and the the black neighbor and the hot chick on the street that everybody wants to and everyone's like tripping over yeah it's like I don't know thanks man so we went into only one and did that first something's burning it's me bill and Tom and I walked on set and I said I'm super difficult to work with just want everyone to know that don't anyone

55:52stop me don't anyone do anything I'll let you know when we starting to let you know when we're done and they're like okay I should just cover everything don't ever ask me to stop and do anything just cover everything that's a problem when they go stop we're gonna rewind say that again what yep no get a camera on me and stay out of the picture just leave me alone yep they don't understand that every time you break that momentum now I'm thinking about you and I'm thinking about that camera and I have to reset again yeah as we did it we did me and Tom and Bill did that first one just one take both money both Tom and Bill were like I got 45 minutes I was like perfect we should we got it all they got up I think they're aired almost all of it and then everyone loves it and then Dillion bottom Bobby Lee came in same thing I was like no one say a thing you're the best ones sha'ban bryan

56:39callen to me are my favorite because you see Brendan Schaub in a pull he is so funny and that very funny dude he is so funny in that that like I would you guys cook oh my god Joe we cooked crab but we had to kill them on air and you have to kill him in a humane way what yeah in order to do it you have to kill min a main way I mean in order to do it in order to kill a crab legally especially on YouTube you gotta killing it you main way what yeah so you gotta it's got to be within six seconds dude I shot an elk with a bow and arrow on YouTube go watch watch an elk get shot through the heart with a bow and arrow don't even him to be careful with a crab all I know is that the one note we got wouldn't even have senses I well Bryan Callen did he he was so funny how do you kill it as you start by lifting up their dick and put I think so I think that's what it is and

57:34you jam it in and then what ham it in what is it the knife Oh what the how about you bring that up yeah dick can you jam it in I'm thinking you're jamming their dick in where are you putting it no you take the knife you lay the crowd welcome to death bro you lift up the dick you pop the knife in and then you've got to hit the other side of it within like six seconds and that's a humane death for the crab otherwise they're suffering so I show that to Brenda and Brenda's like no bro I'm definitely not doing this and Bryan just goes I'll do it and literally like the Barber of Seville goes through and kills 20 crabs like this I'm a dumb cioppino and they neither of them thought they'd like it and they loved it what's cioppino that's like a soup it's like a yeah it's like here watch Brian Brian he's house why is that humane like what a weird thing like you

58:28have to kill them humanely as opposed to boiling them alive is it the idea yes I guess I'm not sure with him alive but like with lobsters they always boiled them alive yeah and they'll tell you you're supposed to boil them alive but I'm always like well what do you mean supposed to like says who like what happens if you don't boil them alive like what magic doesn't you know what magic leaves their body where they don't taste as good if you don't boil them alive yeah I don't know about the come you can't just cut their head off and then they're dead and then you throw them in the boiling water like what is what's happening here why do they need to be kept alive that's a well what you want them to be fresh right yeah like there's a big difference in seafood seafood and freshness though that's huge like you don't see dry aged seafood you know like if you get a if

59:13you get a piece of beef from a restaurant like a steak a lot of times its aged because the bacteria on the meat actually starts to break it down and it makes it more tender and it actually gives it a lot of that mold that they cut off of it you ever see try aged beef before they slice it up no oh ready okay show him be serious yeah yeah there's a guy that I follow on Instagram that was doing something insane like I think they had like 200 day dry-aged be which is just like you even hearing about that you're like what in the hell no that's what it looks like yes that's what dry-aged beef look like it looks like it's rotten like rotten meat and you lose some of the meat I mean it's really wasteful in a way because the outside edge that black they cut all that off so you're losers yeah see we find a video Jaime of trimming just Google trimming dry aged beef and look

60:14up YouTube you the guy that turned me on to the guy that had his own fridge and was doing in his own fridge in his garage oh yeah I know a bunch of guys who do that yeah it's like I think he's doing with elk right you know maybe yeah yeah I know quite a few guys do that so this is dry aged meat so look at that takes the outside look it looks rotten man it takes the outside and you you cut into it and then he I guess he's gonna cut all the fat off and he's gonna turn it into steaks I wasn't gonna do with all that fat that's interesting it's throwing it in the garbage so this fad is he when is he throwing that away so he's just got a it seems like he's throwing that fat away so he keeps a lot of the fat on and the fan on top yes dry-aged so we lose any beef on top he's just losing this besides well yeah you're losing the outside edges in this particular cut but on some steaks you

61:12know it depends on how long he's dry-aging it to like when some people go really ham with that they'll you know like I said they'll dry-aged for hundreds of days there's a lot of experimental stuff they're doing now where find this dude on the Instagram do you do that with elk no I don't know I gotta get you in camo and something's burning yeah we'll do it I would love that cam can't cook though you know Dudley Ken Dudley can cook his ass off I I'm the cook I'll cook for you guys yeah you know do you know how to cook yeah I know how to reverse here but have you ever around with wild game I'll give you some today and you could around with it and then if you get it right you know we'll figure out a way to do it I'll give you some recipes and stuff but it's not it's not that difficult but it is it's it's more tricky than beef beef is hard to up especially like fatty beef because

62:05there's so much moisture you know whereas elk is basically you're you're basically eating a body builder yeah you're eating an athlete you know and it's just a richer darker meat and has very little fat in it but if you do it right it's fantastic if you had it before I've had I've had your ground elk that's that's good but that's hard to like the right way to do it is to do an elk steak I gotta set up that goddamn grill out here but we don't know how to have proper ventilation I got one of those yoder pellet grills in the back there but we don't know how to get the proper ventilation we might need to get some sort of a permit put like a vent like they would do with a kitchen goddammit I can't find this guy's is this one um no rare gourmet meats ooh what does he get going on see if you find like just google try 500 day dry aged beef on YouTube holy yeah these guys don't around I tell you

63:12one of one of the coolest things you turn me on - what Adam green tree he's an animal due to his instant stories like I get bummed when I when I skip him any when he's on one of those epic hunts ya know he he does not around dude that guy he goes out by himself by himself months at a time extreme age steak was it saying that 420 days yeah this one oh go to 400 let's see what that looks like it probably looks terrible when they start cutting it up so you back it up a little bit so we're gonna just saw this online the other day like I said I saw this and I didn't click on it so they it's real weird man I mean you're basically letting it rot and you're relying on the bacteria to not completely flourish like you have to have a certain temperature I think they keep it somewhere around like 40 degrees or something like that and it's dry like look at that it looks

64:09terrible that looks like a rotten piece of meat you're supposed to he's gonna eat that you're not gonna eat the out of it look at that that is so weird dude that's so weird it doesn't even look red anymore I mean it's white and I think that's that's why GU why'd he say it why'd you why'd you what's the other word for that there's another word Oh Kobe yeah is he eating so keep it going so he's uh he's he's gonna sear it I guess yeah and that throws some time oh and then he's gonna Suvi ah you ever sue thee I have it takes forever to Suvi eggs does it an hour really for soft-boiled eggs yeah I love soft-boiled eggs su v--'s interesting man because you could have something and cook it like say it 125 degrees which is like where you want your steak to be and you could have it in there for hours what you do is take your steaks and you've got a vacuum-sealed sous vide them

65:11and then you can just let them sit you're not gonna overcook them and then sear them soon with some butter and garlic yeah or with a blowtorch I do a blowtorch sometimes Wow yeah they have sous-vide torches look at that that guy's got the butter and the time oh sweet baby oh Jesus what are you doing here you look at him with his camera slicing it open that's 400 day dry aged meat looking at meself in a mouth chasm Oh foodies are such dorks they just they just get so into it they just get so into it man when you go travel and you go to like Thailand and stuff do you get foodie and go and try to find something dangerous and crazy or do you just pretty much stay I didn't eat bugs but I ate some really hot food yeah yeah no bugs they try to serve me bugs my I hosted Fear Factor for six years get that out of my face wrong guy yeah not interested in your bugs not only that doesn't gross me out

66:05at all like nothing grosses me out like eating bugs or anything throw-up I remember your wife threw up in her car one time I think I was I came either I came over there and you were cleaning out your wife's car so we doing you're like I my wife threw up all over car one of those green drinks and I was like bring up like surah in brought up throwing up the other day just brought up throwing up and I started gagging on his podcast yeah I'm immune I saw so many people throw up I've seen hundreds of people throw up right in front of me and I had to talk to them while they're puking and this is a learned skill because when I first started doing a show I would gag when I would see other people do it yeah but then after a while it just went away like that part of me is dead it's dead so when my wife threw up in her car oh so like I'll clean it and give a that's why I clean it I cannot do that I

66:57can't even with my kids throw up I'm like I'm sorry you're on your own yeah I clean up all the puke if my kids puke I am the designated puke cleaner Oh 100% of the time 100% of the time someone throws up in the bed or somewhere else I clean it up dude I came back from Utah one time and I was I was firing hot and I'd had a crazy weekend and I just did wasn't feeling right and I can we went need a big dinner and I don't feel good I'm in bed I'm in a robe I'm in the Yankees robe that and I get up and I'm like I'm not feeling good going to the bathroom and I go to but I start throwing up before I get and I sit in the road and I in the robe and throw up on my lap and my wife's a thug she went we got this let's get you in the shower I'll take care of it yeah that's a good woman right there yeah man I like literally unless I'm out of town my wife does not clean up puke

67:52she would tell me that the kid puked they're not cleaning it out really yeah because she'll start throwing up and I won't at all does she takes care of the chickens oh yeah sometimes you know um we have a guy that we hired to that take care of the chickens sometimes like especially when we're not there yeah he'll handle certain things like you have to chickens are a little bit of effort you know you got to hook up the cage you got to collect the eggs every day we had some squirrels stealing eggs we had a real issue with that I got a squirrel that I have to hose out of our chicken coop yeah well Marshall took care of that marshall the fox cub squirrels dude Marshall is the sweetest dog of all time unless your squirrel then he's the devil I mean I never seen a dog so determined to kill a squirrel it's crazy he goes out now and he looks for them he runs to the chicken coop and then he

68:41circles the chicken coop look and see where these get nearly see if anybody's around there see if anybody's slipping but I was on the road my wife sent me a picture of Marshall with a squirrel in his mouth and she's so happy cuz she doesn't like squirrels because squirrels are up all the they steal all the chicken food yeah I like I like squirrels I think they're cute so like for me I'm like so what they steal the chicken food get make more chicken food but then they start stealing the eggs I was like you can't steal my food that's my food you can't steal the eggs let me find this for our chickens our family members yeah they are right yeah I came home when it was like humor was like 120 and all the trees were dying yeah and I walked in and LeAnn had the chickens in the house she's like they can't be out there it's too hot yeah but they do they have to be out there oh my god yeah

69:32he's all happy oh this is this is ingrained in his DNA soft so he doesn't like he's like I want to bring it back to you fully intact so that you can't so that if you need this is that blood his chest yeah yeah well he brings things to you always cuz he's a retriever like he has a little box of stuffed toys that he has in the house and he's the only dog that I've ever had that doesn't man go every toy you give him cuz I've had pit bulls and Mastiffs and you give them a toy they just they just start tearing apart he just carries him around he carries him around he brings to you so like when I see him in the morning I'm like good morning sir good morning and he's wagging his tails happy and the first thing he does is run over to his pile of toys grabs one and comes over with it brings you a present yeah well he has it in his mouth he always he's a retriever like if you see retrievers

70:25running a lot of times they're carrying their leash in their mouths as they're running they love to hold onto things in the ALF weird does he dive in underwater oh he swims like a dude dude that dog is always in the water he just he will die from the deep end of the book if the kids are playing in the pool he I'll let him out the door he runs to the pool stands on the edge and then leaps into the water and splashes how loves it does he dive underwater though a little bit that's what we used to have a I just have a black lab and you could throw one of those rings underwater and she'd dive to the bottom grab it and pull it up oh he doesn't do that oh I guarantee you he will I guarantee you he will I bet he would if I taught him how to do it but he swims like those those dogs not my Bullmastiff I cannot get her in the pool really she looks at me like like it like

71:13you're trying to pitch anal sex to your wife's like come on this is gonna go no one's gonna be happy yeah Johnny Cash and people always asked me to have pictures of my other dogs they're actually both passed away now I had to put them both down both people masters in the English the English bulldogs she Bellino mix they were there both 13 years old and Johnny couldn't walk anymore it was it was really rough the last few days of his life I would try to bring him in for dinner and when I would try to bring him in he literally couldn't make it there's a small yard with where he was at we're talking about like you know 15 yards he couldn't make it 15 yards to the house he would like take a couple steps in his body would shake and he'd take a couple of steps and he was just sleeping all day and he was also having a really hard time and he would occasionally in the house like he

72:19couldn't hold his bowels and he couldn't go outside when he wanted to look you'd see him trying but his his body was so old for a mastiff 13 years old is crazy old like a lot of him died like eight or nine and he was 13 and he was a sweet sweet dog up in to the end but he just he was you know he was suffering it was it was hard it's hard when you know them when they're a puppy and then 10 years later like you're kind of the same and they're not man they're gone you know it's like I think about that with Marshall cuz he's only a year and a half and he's so full of life and he's so fun he's so silly and playful and happy I'm like man there's gonna be a day where Marshall is this old old old dog and I'm gonna have to put him down too you know it was depressing and the other one Brutus the Shibui no English bulldog mix he was better than Johnny for a long

73:18time still I've known for the last two years that they didn't have much time left you know they were they were both struggling hard but Brutus took a real hard turn over the last few months where he wouldn't even come in like I'd try to get him to come in like come on buddy you want to eat I tried to put a little food in front of his face and he would try to stand up and his legs he'd be shaking and it's just so hard it's so hard watching them fade away you know and then also watching them suffer you know a lot of the last the last days where you have to decide where you know me and my wife have conversations like look we have to do something like this like one day we're gonna come home it's gonna be a dead dog and it's not like they're having a good time like this is a this is a horrible suffering slow demise so did you have someone come to the house

74:12what did you take them yeah those are off dude it's rough yeah Priscilla's seven and I mean I got her when I first started doing this pottery 140 yeah big dog he's had five knee surgeries oh my god yeah that's expensive to do have an idea yeah I had a female pitbull that had two ACL reconstructions she had her both of her back legs done yeah she blew one out I got it fixed blew the other one out I had to get that fixed too and with a dog they shaved the bone down they don't like reconstruct it where they add like another ligament they shaved the bone down so it doesn't so it like sits on it differently so it locks in place so it doesn't pop off and and and go like out of socket or whatever the it is but yeah that's like ten grand a pop right oh it was I mean I'm not gonna tell everyone how much cuz I would stop liking me in a minute they'd be like what kind of

75:18Hollywood idiot are you just kill a dog like that but she got one ACL and then we fixed it then the up then while this one's healing is turning good the other ACL goes out so we fixed that one when I got were done and then as this one Zealand this one goes out again and they're like and that's when they're like you want to put it down I'm not sure I'm like nah man I'm it was like five grand a pop I think and then and then it's it even adds up more because then they're like we should keep her here while this small she's healing to do it and then and eat her diamonds yeah and then they realized as they're doing this one that something's wrong with her kneecap and then they realize she's got you know it's over breeding in her Brit in her breed that her kneecaps about so they fixed this one this one replaced both your kneecaps and then one more goes out and they're like all right

76:04good man shake hit that dog is the greatest dog now stiffs are amazing they're some of my favorite dogs ever they're so chill dude the sweetest don't let gets up in bed with you in the morning and just puts her face right up on you and just does one of those big Cal brass like and you're like oh I'm here they're so relaxed too they're just a different kind of dog very relaxed and and I feel comfortable when I go on the road I feel comfortable knowing there's a hundred and forty pound animal that would give its life for my daughter's yeah it's one of the one of our dog sleeps in one of our daughter's beds one of our dog sleeps Priscilla sleeps in George's bed and I go I'm good no one's coming in anywhere no one's breaking in anything yeah I got a buddy was a German Shepherd a police dog and it's uh it's it's one of those dogs that he has to be with all the time and train all the time

77:02yeah but this dog it's it's a disturbing thing to have because you basically have an assassin that lives you there's just waiting for orders just waiting yeah my buddy's got a German Shepherd that he hasn't quite figured out yet and and you can't work a full-time job and just leave that thing alone in the yard you just can't is it their intense dog their intense and their smartest so in a weird way it's like dealing with a complicated chick you're like like I know your daddy issues my can't really figure them out and I'm not spending a lot of time enough time with you you can't fix them you could train a dog yeah try training a woman get out of here you can't if you meet someone I don't hear a woman or a man you meet someone who's completely crazy you got to get out of there you got to go you can't just look I'm gonna fix him we know a lot of people who try to fix

77:52him like Brian Cowen when I first met him it was always trying to fix these crazy girls I was like dude you got to save yourself you got to save yourself man you can't fix someone you can't I remember the day I decided I would never fix a chick again there's a one night stand and I came in like 15 seconds and she was she and I told her I saw I came and then I was about to say give me a second let me reboot I'm gonna go back at it but she was on top of me she goes are you kidding me and she punch the wall she goes you got to learn how to I learn how to you need to read a book get online and learn how to and I gently rolled out of bed and I was like I think you need to go home I was like I'm not happening anymore and then she was like excuse me and I was like listen I'm not your boyfriend and I'm not your husband and what I just saw I'm not gonna be able to help and she

78:44was like and then you can see in her eyes like I gotta get on a train and go to Brooklyn she was like it and they started getting this kitchen now in New York condoms still on I go to the bum this is how it tapped out I go grab a beer out of the refrigerator still naked condom on start drinking a beer my roommate we chill walks out he's like what the I go I got it handled don't worry about it walk her to the door walk her to the door this might be the most beautiful moment of month walk her to the door and she's like are you serious are you sitting like in my face and she goes you're pathetic you and like tries to humiliate me and I go listen I you Akane I won and she looks at me he goes like this and I flinch so hard laughing immediately and then she just smiles and goes it's 4:00 in the morning in my apartment building and she goes Bert Kreischer can't it starts banging

79:43on doors I'm like alright this is over why the charge what a good catch Facebook usually check in and see where she's in jail one night like I jacked off in front of her like not in the Louie way but like we both we both masturbated in front of each other in my apartment I think we were doing coke and like candles lit and glass of wine and she's like I just wanna like school is playful and fun and we get done she's like hey just so you know you can't tell anyone about this and I was like nope she knew a bunch of comics in New York I go home say so I won't tell soul she's like promise I gotta swear to God next day nope the next day I'm walking to the boston comedy club and rich bosses out smoking a cigarette I go what's up and he goes heard you've jacked off in front of Jennifer last night I know I was like when he goes me too she needed a ride home for Brooklyn

80:47one time oh it boss oh that's hilarious yeah oh god those are the days would you would you if you could go back to one point your stand-up career for one year you got to live one year in your stand-up career you can't pick right now where you are right now but you got to go back to one point when one year every day you show up it's either like the store 97 when you're meeting Ari and everyone and you and Duncan dung is live them on your couch or what I don't know what year that was but around then or you go to the part where it's that I mean probably one of the more interesting parts is like when you get banned from the store from them and see a and you're like literally like it like I'm a man on a mission like that's one of the more interesting parts in your story on your life in my opinion is when everyone backed out on you and you were like no I don't go on like that

81:41motherfucker's and you just start building what we hear would you pick I would pick the early days I pick like when I was just starting to get work Austin yeah I was like a middle act yeah I picked those days doing weird erode gigs you know early 20s careless no no responsibilities no worries no nothing didn't even have a credit card had nothing yeah those were the good days in a lot of ways it's not that today's not awesome today's way better sure but what was good about those days is that there's so there's so much wild and free Ness there's so much you know like I remember one time I did this gig in Maine and then after the gig met this girl we had a couple drinks were hanging out we're both like the same age hmm I think that was probably 20 to 23 she's probably somewhere around in the same age 20 to 23 and we're just young and it's the summertime and we hung out and

82:43we wind up banging in my car I had like a Honda Accord one and we didn't even go in the backseat because it was really barely a backseat right we like folded down the front seat flat and then the windows rolled down we're just sitting there hanging out and laughing and I remember having this unique moment where I realized like this is not gonna be my life forever I'm never I'm not gonna be 22 years old with like a hundred dollars in the bank not knowing what I'm doing not knowing where I'm going not knowing what the future holds but yet okay with it like you can only be okay with that for a certain amount of years when you're 45 and you have $100 in the bank and you don't know what you're doing and your career is not really established you don't really have a clear path that's scary that's dangerous it feels like you're a loser you know you feel like you feel pathetic you feel like you

83:38haven't done what you need to do there's like a certain amount of discipline that you haven't taken part in and because of that your life is chaotic whereas when you're 22 and that's happening this it's like that Bob Seger song you know like what was that Bob ramblin man no um I don't remember which one you know he's got a lot of songs about Night Moves he was like like a rock maybe it's Night Moves but the idea of that you're recognizing that this is a unique moment in your youth that it's all like who knows what can happen I mean you might Dinah Carson and tomorrow you know who knows you might never make it as a comedian you might take a job somewhere and you might always have regret but right now you're having fun right now you you're basically just a couple of years out of high school and you know you're in you did a comedy gig and now you meeting some pretty girl

84:33and you guys are laughing and you're hanging out and you're having a good time and it's summer and the windows rolled down and the air is warm and it's just there's something it was something amazing about it those days were fascinating men and Greg and I Fitzsimmons and I did a ton of gigs together we we worked together a lot back in those days because we started out within a week of each other we were open mic errs at the exact same time and we did a ton of gigs together yeah we basically we traveled all over the place together we did a lot of gigs in Rhode Island and all over the place all the Massachusetts hell gigs we did all those things together and what we we still to this day will look back and laugh at those days hey Jamie Jerrod Carmichael is at the wrong spot tell Jeff to get on the ball those days were they're just they're just real unique in

85:29that you really have no idea you have no idea you have no idea what the the future holds it's a completely different experience like your life is a completely different experience than it will ever be ever again and I just remember that I remember that moment I don't know why it's that one night with one girl that I never talked to again you know because back then you'd have to call someone they'd have to be home like in in 1990 they had to be home yeah you called them on the phone if they weren't home you're like well I guess they're not home you know it's like it wasn't it wasn't like today you know you could text someone or you can email them or nope yeah call them at their house there's a few of those a few those that I remember yeah you know yeah those the the idea that you didn't have phones like I'm using I remember road trips with Tom and we just would talk for

86:22hours right hours we talked to hole we talked we drove to Sacramento one time talked for five hours there five out ten hours you spend with a human being no one's on their phone yeah there's something real about that right yeah I think we're definitely missing something we're definitely missing something with these phones but they were gaining something too we're gaining a lot more information I'll tell you what my kids haven't Litton anyone on fire like we did that when we were kids there's no phones was it a kid on fire one time just because we were bored yeah yeah yeah I don't know man there's good and bad it's like it balances out I guess but if you had to go back to any time in your comedy career when would you go when I just want to write when I first started headlining like right what like that first time I just had kids they were young I was making 1,300 bucks a week on the road

87:14and I was so passionate about stand-up I was kind of pretty happy I bet but like I just would give everything every night I mean they do do six shows Thursday through Sunday and I'd fly in early for press and I get excited to do press and I come in and I just be like and I have my notebook with me all the time and I was like I just every idea was like a brand new field like you felt like you were really just felt like you just discovered the Internet and every page had so much to offer and then and then I think I got into when I got oddly enough when I got into Travel Channel stuff I kind of just kind of kind of took a second backseat and i was headlining I was like yeah I can do this confidently and I think I'm there now like right now I feel like I'm back to this place where I go like I'm ridges writing so much where I'm like oh God like everything like I feel like everything

88:04that's the thing that happens when you have to do a special every couple of years when you're filming the one thing that definitely happens is you're forced into this creativity you're forced to whereas we're both aware of those people that don't write and they sit around for a long time with the same material and then it goes year after year after year and then it gets stale or and staler and flatter and so they're kind of people that write the exact same joke next year their hours the same hour it's just as they say it differently mmm that's like that was for me I took this hour so seriously I took it like I was saying to someone the other day I did a hundred and fifty sets I performed that hour 150 times before I did it on Netflix or before I did it in the truck I did it 150 times I did the math I went wow man I thought I liked and I rearranged it like that working an hour

88:57and figuring out where to place stuff and figuring out why where stuff should go oh I'm obsessive about that where'd you film in the Trocadero two shows it was it was I mean the second show was a dream that's a great spot I lowered the stage so that I'm in the audience I put a half moon in there so it wasn't just a little plank no smoke machine I'd seen everyone had smoke machines I'd want a smoke machine and I think it really paid off this sounds silly and you won't notice this when you watch a special but because that place is so old there's a little part of dust everywhere and you can almost see him in the back it looks like it's like little stars in the back I love it I love girls of dust really yeah it looks badass it looks badass what is your writing process like do you write stuff out on paper do you write it on a computer how do you do it I write I don't sit and longhand

89:45anything anymore because it just it I end up losing so much I just it just doesn't help so what I do is if I see something or if something has it's usually something happens to me and then I go oh that's the bit and I'll write it in my phone and I'll just put it in my phone or I'll write and I'll also write at my book because I bring my book with me onstage and I'll go to my book and I'll see the one more thing about and you know I say I tell stories and I know I'm known for telling like 12 minute stories but like most of my stories are a little tighter now and what I'm writing is a little tighter so I kind of work it out onstage mostly but I record every set I then go through the recordings got writing a lot on stage and I'll write down I'll like that's funny like even stupid silly lines and I'll and so that's the part where I and then and then once I get it like that then I just

90:33then I record it again and I find the parts where the silence is or where I'm lazy where I go oh I need something I can't just go suck my dick and then right and that's the punchline but yeah I record it I write it but I don't longhand right it just doesn't work for me so when you say you write it like how are you writing a just writing like bullet points yeah so I'll write I'll write bullet points like I'm trying to think of the Pope okay so like I have a the joke up my best joke I'm telling right now without a doubt is about it's but kind of about you but it's it's not about you at all but the opening thing was just some and I'll the only part I'll tell you is I went into a Starbucks and I thought I was getting recognized the young black kid behind the counter came up to me he's like dude like oh my god and I'm like yeah and he's like I'm a huge fan of Joe Rogan's I was like oh

91:20and so then so then me and him had an interaction and I made him laugh and I went oh that was funny so then the next day I came back and I made him laugh again and I went oh I know where this is so then I write it out and I figured out and then I and then I the next data Elder interaction was so big I realize oh I need three of those so then I'll punch it out but I and I and I find the things that make it rhythmic and the things like for me things that catch an audience is like I go and then he fell down and then when he when the moment said something he gets up leans up like it's almost the rhythm of the way to say it for me before along with the joke that makes it definitely it's the case like if someone's a really good storyteller it's like there's a whole thing going on the physical thing going on there's a rhythm thing going on like Stanhope is really good at rhythm like

92:12when jokes he says like it's easier for me to talk about Stanhope than about myself but like when he goes when he's talking about Isis and how they recruit people and it's identical hat to how he recruits people and he goes I'm working this corner like that phrasing a good phrase for me bur does it amazingly bur does it amazingly what does he say he does it similar to Isis the they were he was watching a video this is on his special so I'm not putting any jokes out this is on this special he talks about how Isis goes online and finds like pathetic young men who can't get laid and have drinking and drug problems and and then they bring them in and they show them a good time and they get the drug and he's like that's that's how I recruit people and his deadline is so great he's like Isis I'm working this corner such a great old Barker's technique he's got the weirdest life ever

93:08I mean he's basically got a little cult going on and he wants to do so rocktober what come on yep he's gonna take yoga classes yeah you should make him we should rent a house for him in LA yeah so we give them incentive to come here I've been trying to get him to move back here forever I'm like what are you doing with your little cult down there come on man come hang out at the store cuz he hung out at the store a couple nights he's like is the place is incredible it's amazing I go it's amazing I go this is Valhalla this is the craziest like it in terms of what I've experienced there's a crazies era of standing up ever and the store is the epicenter I'm like you should be here all the time he's a guy what do you mean you don't know your Doug Stanhope get in here man go just get an apartment near here he'll be great if he was here for all October God would you just talk him in a state

94:00I'm like why don't you get a place here and there you're a wealthy man of leisure do whatever you want he is he I called him up one morning or one night it's like five o'clock at night and I was like and I go which up to and this is why I love Doug because I'm having a grapefruit and vodka having a cigarette trying to think of some goofs I go what because trying to rework knock-knock jokes I'm trying to make knock-knock jokes present like like let me run one by you and he tells me like his version of a knock-knock joke and it's so funny and I go I go talk how to use like 4950 and go and you're just sitting in your pajamas writing goopes he goes that's our life I was like yes you know that's his life my daughter's will see me doing it where I'm like we're out to dinner and something will happen and I'll just be like like mouthing to myself and I'm working the bit yeah and they're like

94:55are you writing a joke right now and I'm I guess sorry I get up and run I get out of the room okay right back right back right back oh really leave me alone yeah no I have an idea if I have an idea and anybody gets in there the ideals escape it'll slip away if I have an idea especially kids like young kids they just start talking like they just start and then they demand your attention and like you have to for to capture a bit you have to have silence like you can't have people talking at you or you'll consider what they're saying like oh really yeah and then also just thinking of it'll go away yeah so I treat those things like they're gold like if I have an idea and it's a real idea like a real idea where I get excited I'm like oh I run I get up I get up off table grab back right back gotta go got an idea and you know people were not into that and don't

95:44get creativity and don't write or don't do stand them it'll weird them out oh yeah and you have to come back and apologize like sorry I just had an idea and I had to capture it in the moment I just have to write it down oh I don't show it to them on my phone like I'm a daydreamer I literally I literally will sit and just talk in the middle of dinner with my family and just talk something out just be like so you can hold it while you're talking to them about other oh I don't know I'm tapped everyone out I tap everyone out I tell my you burr drivers hey man I'm not crazy I'm a comic and I just sit and I'll work a bit out like this like look I got high as the other night I got high I got high as the other night this is my is before the triathlon because I wasn't smoking pot up and no nose before the triathlon I walked in and I walked in the house I was way too

96:31high a car was coming back from the store I guess and I walk in the kitchen and my Bullmastiff is putting away the silverware what yeah he's got elbow on the counter putting away the silverware putting away the silverware that's what I said and she looks at me like you gonna help and then I realized oh she's eating a cake on the counter but I was so high and then a dog was eating a cake on the counter I'm just up on that with hand stabilizing and just one and I started laughing so hard that my brain thought it was similar then I was like oh I walked right out to the man cave and Joe I must have stood there for an hour trying to write that bit like just going did you take the cake away from the dog it was a it was a coffee cake we were fine actually I went up and helped treat it a little bit she's like we're doing this together I was like you ever run a train and

97:21so but I went into the man cave and I just was talking to my wife came back and I'm I'm standing in the man cave just going like just hands move in like like my wife's like or what are you going to bed and I was like I'm sorry I'm in the middle of a bit she's like all right he just left yeah I'll jump up in the middle of the night yeah if I have a bit and it's in my head and I'm in bed I've said to myself before I'll remember that and I never long and remember ever never occasionally one out of a hundred times I'll be like taking a leak and I'll go oh yeah and then I'll remember it yeah does Joe those jokes are slippery like Neal Brennan said it best he said that he thinks of his notebook as like a net for catching ideas like ooh I like that yeah it's a good way of looking at it you've got to have you got to have something on you at all times because something happens all the time yeah

98:12where you're like well the phone is the best man I don't know if you use the dictation feature No no no no with notes oh yeah yeah yeah yeah just talk and it'll it'll voice-to-text on the plane last night or wherever I was yesterday night I was trying to type in white supremacists and it came up white supreme hoodie and I thought oh that's funny that you try to like I wanted order than a white supremacist hoodie on accident like I need something you just right there's nothing to it right now when I wrote it and I go all right what we got that in the pocket yeah I got them all you never know wipe the up I just heard someone say never I have hundreds of them that never did anything so I'll go over through them like sometimes if I'm stale I'll just go scrolling through them I go what I got here what do I got here what do I got here oh yeah I never tried that

99:02and one of those I never tried I tried last night huh ice house and there's something there there's something there it's not it's not good yet but there's a seed jumped in there and you got a water those seeds and you got to take chances with them and you got to know how many of those dud seeds you can plant in a set while people are sitting there paying attention but you got to give them real bits to grow but you got to also have like last night anybody came to the show hope you had a good time but I had a for at least four solid duds in there just trying I don't know where I'm going with them yeah then I go places like Jesus what are you even saying like why so extreme that's why I will go at the end of my so like I'll work everything that's working like right now I got about 52 new minutes and so everything that was quick when from when I start my special how many months ago

99:53shot in February Wow yeah I got 52 minutes know that I am why are they spending that much time before they show it I don't know that's a long-ass time February March six months I guess that's right yeah Elijah's a little shorter but not much but just like a month maybe we shot us on the same day and so like that's great though the your attea of fifty minutes I just I'm back like I'm I'm just in it I like it I mean where I'm at I mean it's also my thing it's like the only thing I got that's what's making me money so yeah that's where my eggs are so much better than working for the Travel Channel you have no I remember when you were doing it I was telling you like Burt you're a funny guy man you you you you could be making a living doing comedy and not not having these bosses and be on rollercoasters every weekend biting your tongue remember I used to smoke weed in here

100:46and you guys have to move the camera yeah hide the weed yeah remember that god that was so crazy but that's what happens with one of those gigs yeah Howie Mandel went onstage at the Laugh Factory once and he was talking about how scared he was that he could say something on stage and someone could tell his bosses because he does a family show and that he'd get fired it was like wow like you're a comic like he's Howie Mandel dude when I was just coming up just starting he already had specials and they were really funny he was really funny back then man dude back in the day some of his early CDs really hilarious but and he's still funny yeah he's still funny got he's always gonna be a funny guy but when I was watching him say that I was like that is the craziest thing I've ever heard he's worried about getting fired for saying something on stage like saying in his act or

101:47talking about something in his act that someone deemed too inappropriate for a family show when he can lose this gig like America's Got it was he on America's Got Talent is that what he's on the wall or so imagine wanting that gig yeah I can't I can't I traveled the channel I mean I'm not Travel Channel came back very recently and asked me if I'd come back oh and they're like what it tell us whatever you want to do and part of me was like I think I'm doing it like I'm I have a Netflix special on my podcast I have a solo podcast I've got something's burning I was on the road doing stand-up yeah I love writing I mean I'm writing I'm writing faster and better now than I've ever written and and this special I mean the best compliment I've ever gotten is Tom watched it and was like I had tears in my eyes and then to you you you it's not this is you it's who you are and I was

102:38like I was like man and I I wish you worked for the New York times like that is the great is coming but yeah like what am I gonna I mean I talked to Jamie about it after that I was like I wouldn't I don't mind shooting content making free content putting it out on my own watch like going to swim with orcas in Norway and me shooting yeah and doing it rain you going spearfishing in Miami yeah and covering it and shoot it and editing it so that's badass music and and I don't even care if it's monetize but it's something that people watch it like that's badass I don't mind doing any of that but to do something with someone else giving me notes and telling me how I should behave well not only that the Travel Channel's super conservative right well they got bought by Discovery so they're loosening up Allah weren't they owned by like some Christian yeah at work or something the

103:24previous owners were scripts and they were very faith-based faith-based and so like you know I think that's a good fillet they're owned by chick-fil-a man so yeah it's nice to know that you go like you say something up on stage and you're only repercussions is the one chick that's like that was up yeah I know I took a chance yeah I rolled the dice I don't know what I was saying before I said it no it's beautiful to see you working so hard and getting things done and also doing that with like your you're running in the marathons and and the Spartan Race like you rock you're doing man you're getting after it it's a great man it's great to see you know it's great to see you put together this special and work so hard at it you know it's great I mean we're in a real cool time right now like everybody's kind of killing it I think so I look at what everyone's doing and

104:17they're all doing it on their own pace yeah it's awesome like you look at Ari and he's like he's like texting me and big Jay and Sal and he's like yo you guys want to go skiing and do a show to pay for it and then we're all like yeah he's like alright these are the dates yeah just so you know we will be watching the Superbowl together ya know he's killing it in his own way you know everybody's killing it in their own way it's really fascinating it's it's it's interesting you know it's true autonomy it's what you know it's like you know we all started doing this podcast with you and showing up at your house the little things you'd see we'd be like like I remember Tom was saying something about never sitting on that couch yeah he's still in the couch be back in it and you'd be like sunken and high as her terrible couch for the podcast that was Ari's couch at his

105:05house for a long time yeah I gave it to him yeah after I got it out of my podcast studio I had shipped over to Ari and then he used it as his couch and I think he sold it online really sold it online right there's parts of that old podcast I missed you remember your landline would ring all the time I love that how about my kids when they were real little when they were like - they'd be screaming in the background like someone would stub their toe yeah they'd be crying you were here at the background that was up to evolution time man I had a lot of people come to my house though and it was weird like it was cool like Bourdain was over or you know Jim Jefferies is over but every now and then I'd have someone over I'd be like I don't even know if I like this guy in my house some weirdo I brought on the podcast and now they've been to my house it's like she was too

105:55intimate that's why my podcast is still in my house and we're talking about i thomas doing it i'm and he's like you know i can't just have these people in my house right and so i might want to get a studio what's time gonna do he's I mean I don't want to tell everyone Tom's business but I think he's probably pretty open but he's gonna like he's going out he's going big he's gonna do what you're doing on this probably smaller level he wants to start shooting stuff and making like his own branded content that's just Tom Segura his sense of humor him and push do their podcast out of there do her podcasts out of there make shows as you should do is we should get another space and build it up just like this space and have one that's got like four Studios in it and a bunch of us can use them and you just pay a certain amount of rent per month man that's where I'm at

106:39I look at and Jamie and I talked for a little bit before you got here but like you know men's health Coverley this but I shot the whole thing like I shot all of it I shot the Spartan Race and edited it and it's fun for me like I shot the whole thing I just went around and set up a camera go do the event grab the camera set up the camera do the thing give him camera mic bartolina do the thing and I did that with the marathon covered the whole thing on my phone it's like if I could get myself a junior editor bro I'll put up yeah every day throughout the bat-signal put your Instagram just say you know you're good to do it out don't do that but you really want to make sure they're not crazy part yeah because you get some dude integrated into your life they turn out to be insane cuz didn't David Spade his guy he had an assistant as assistant tasered him and in the middle of the

107:31life who did that someone else did David Spade girl he wanted their assistant son guy got broke into David Spade's house and taser him in the middle of night how bad must he be to work for I'm not saying that it was justified I'm not saying that oh but you know when they were doing the break I do I love David Spade I'm not on him but you know when they were doing the breakdown the police officers were talking about they're like he did nothing huh like how many does he pick up your laundry working for you how many how many coffees do you drink a day yeah well what was it that you said I love the desert take away a home run I gotta wrap this up unfortunately because I got your rod here let's wrap it up with this Bert Kreischer secret time this Friday is it Thursday night at midnight Thursday night at midnight August 24 midnight viewing party that's tonight you so tonight at midnight

108:43it airs secret time on Netflix or low the up I'm in a vine this weekend or next weekend but yeah check out secret time thank you Joe love your brothers thank you man Bert Kreischer here we go this is so funny about to pass out that's actually probably better than anything they're gonna come up with how much money is he have that he's making his own trailers hauling thanks brother