Erik Griffin

00:00you don't want me to know boom and we're live Eric Griffin so we were talking before this podcast how you mix it up with the Android watch but the Apple phone it's very curious well see I used to be all Samsung I love the Android and the watch is great I love how it interacts but then I get a girlfriend who has an iPhone she's like I want to FaceTime with you so why don't you tell it to get Skype yeah Skype app you're married you understand what you can't anyway I got that standard well hey I'm not right but then they have like a app they had this app on the Apple now called gear which lets you hook up your phone but you can't really interact with it you can't like talk or anything but it's actually kind of nice you just want to know stuff's going on it's probably yeah we were saying that's probably better that you can't interact yeah because Jamie was

00:54telling me that they you could do walkie talkie with your iphones now yeah that's still being announced right now so i don't know all the details but the Worldwide Developers Conference is going on the WWDC so they're announced new operating system the new Apple watch and the new all good like automatic workout detection walkie talkie mode and something else there's just too much I have Apple watch - I love it you can leave it at me at least sometimes I leave my phone I don't bring my phone with me you know cuz you could not do you feel weird when you do that yeah here's what's happening now though like okay I found my watch like some right when you look at your watch what is that cue it cues like you want to go or you're missing out a scent or I have anyway no now when you do that it's just because you're looking at a text message so now it's just as rude as yeah it just no we're not

01:40this isn't helping no it's not helping when I go if I'm looking at you were talking and I go like this I looked down and you think I just get to go someplace yeah no no I just got a text too much right yeah it's got a tweet I got a retweet I can looking at you know what are we doing what are we doing I have no idea you know what's really weird about all this stuff the phones and how we talk everybody wants to text like you know you can't get people to call you right you can't get people to now and now they're putting a little emojis right all right and then from the emot-- now they're putting like gifts of real people so this is how I feel so we're going in a circle because we want human interaction we want connection we want to see people so now we're putting they're putting a celebrity up like this is how I feel today why don't you put how you feel

02:23today right not Chris Pratt Pratt right right we're on a garbage can yeah this is my mood all right word we're slowly getting back to where it's gonna be we're gonna actually be talking to a real person you think so yeah come all the way around I think it's gonna come all the way around hmm what this is this same the new thing they showed it's you're making a emoji of yourself called me mochi they already do that with Sandra Samsung this is I couldn't wrap them off this is what I'm working together or something this is what I'm saying we're searching for trying to find ways to be more ourselves you don't need an emoji of yourself just do be yourself either going against each other oh thanks on samsung AR emoji yeah they ripped off the idea cheap hey Kunal isn't that funny ripping people off not they were first with the iPhone the iPhone was the first of these kind

03:15of things the first iPhone but androids are real close now they're real close I mean it's it's very debate but everything after that they were late like like on Android you could copy and paste on an Android three years before you could do it Apple so you've always been an Android yeah I've always been Angela I know it'll be me giving by her name is there anything native to Android like uh like the the FaceTime thing there's something that's on the well they do they have like they have like their own version of that they have their own version of that but I don't think people really use it they have their own like Samsung video but Samsung has one but it's like what if you have say like a Google pixel phone yeah that's they might have but I don't think enough people have a Google pixel phone to make that even a thing oh really yeah I thought those were

04:09really popular are they who do you know if they mean one person you know that has a Google pixel good call yeah me I have one you know you do not have a Google page do have one but you use it yeah okay so you were given a Google not one why because I wanted to try it out but here's what happened um I couldn't get text messages to work this is the scam because you are hooked up to this I what do you show me James they do have it it's with the pixel too or somebody oh maybe it's Android video calling it simplifies Android video calling oh yeah look at that so does that only work with Android Android Android really hmm okay I don't know why they don't just work together why does an apple exactly we'll just work together well they don't work together with text message see this that point is like really annoying the iMessage thing is what me because Oh everybody knew that I had an

04:59iPhone so they would send me because they have an iPhone they would send me an iMessage and so I was sending people text messages like I'm not getting it I'm like send me one and they would send me one and I wouldn't get it and so then I went online and looked it up and it said you have to disable iMessage okay so I disable iMessage then you have to call up you have to actually call up someone I'm done in Apple yeah at that point you have to call up someone and tell them to take your email address off of the i message database okay so I do that and I say take this email why are you doing that sir because I switched over to an Android phone that's like pause like I just killed the point one of millions of people out there you don't know anything about me why do you care why why would you give a of AI but they like they literally the guy on the phone felt bad that I was switching over so

05:55then it still wouldn't work I mean it didn't work for Dell get like one out of three text messages and it all happened while I was on vacation I just figured I'm gonna try this phone while I'm on vacation around but you can't they got you roped in with that goddamn that iMessage no yeah that's that Apple stuff yeah no matter where you are in the world and all that I think Samsung has taken over in terms of life for Android you know they make good phones they make great phones the difference between the androids though is that Samsung does not update their software very often their update the update security patches because they don't need to but Google pixel phones get the latest software right when it gets released and so like when Horry comes out and 8.1 all these different operating systems come out they're better supposedly yeah for look for how long a week I mean what no it takes a

06:49long time before they come out on st. on Samsung phones a long time like six months sometimes oh really yeah it takes a long time well there you go you heard you break breaking news right here now that maybe that's what the problem was yeah but it also Samsung puts their own over Android yeah the real Android dorks want pure Android and pure Android you really only get with the pixel unless you can are you do you know about how do you do it like can you hack them you can hack them right we like how you used what did it colored you don't you know break your they've made that just common now yeah because it used to be they they they would lock it down where like let's say you had Verizon so you could only use this phone on Verizon with Verizon stuff and then you would jailbreak it then you can like open it up to like all these other types of apps this is if they would stop being

07:38greedy flunks just stop being so greedy let me use my phone however I want I'm still gonna be on your system I'm still paying your you know $200 a month for your stupid phone or service and then but you I can't do a little a little extra little extra little extra don't get me started on can you start it is weird though man it's like it's weird there's only two that's also weird there's only like two operating systems and that's how eating side to side but that's how we are in our country we can only Republican or doing that Apple or do you remember Windows Windows Phone wasn't bad was it I wasn't that bad I had a friend with a Windows Phone I was like oh this is kind of cool it had tiles it was like Windows 10 you know how Windows 10 works with tiles that's like I came and went nobody cares about that and when look at you yeah it's just like I can't I can't do

08:36what I don't want to hear what you everybody's trying to get into the phone game right crazy is how many people have Windows computers it's amazing that Windows had a phone and people like nah yeah what cuz they know other problems they had with their with their computer yeah I stopped when I can't even remember the last time I had a Windows computer i strictly went Apple because it's just so easy to use bright and it's still not easy to use you know what's not easy though Apple does not have good keyboards like if you have a desktop keyboard at home and you can add a second keyboard you know like by a mechanical keyboard oh right if you're a writer if you like to write did the problem with Apple keyboards is there's no key travel it's very very shallow so it's like just a tiny movement click click click click click I use a think pad and then one of the reasons why I use a think pad is

09:27there's like travel to these keys like this these keys have motion to them ok like if you just you're old-school yeah well the thing is you feel where the keys are you feel like so as you're typing I can just look at the screen and I don't have to look down at the keyboard and they've depressed with your fingers like you've you have there's motion to it so there's no accidental pressing of the keys did you take typing in high school yes I don't remember any of it though yeah me too am i at my high school year was the last year that they had typing at my school really yeah I remember they think that's they were saying like this is no longer because they had a computer class that they were starting I just thought damn like I look back on this things and I just go wow the how times have changed our generation is this like generation that is like we went through the first

10:19of all of these things I had a Commodore 64 did you yes I remember the first Apple laptop I remember I remember like when game systems changed and color TV and call-waiting and like all the things that we you know they're answering machine answering machines and they know more answering machines and nine seven six numbers and you know like all of that stuff was live sex lines yeah yeah yeah I'm good call I got I got in trouble one time like thank God I was calling a Christmas I was gonna call the Christmas one first and then I was gonna call the sex one and then I called the Christmas one first and my mom picks up the other line and I hang up and then my mom's like but Erica are you talking to Santa oh how old man I was like 13 doesn't like that you know they just get into your you know so like even just even how we find porn is different now like yeah you know it's so like well I'm

11:13like I'm thinking about you talking about this keyboard it still has a little bit of old-school to it it has an old-school feel to what you're saying you know you still have a anytime somebody's using Windows I know it's like oh they're connected to the Past still well I just switched over to a recently when I around with a think pad one day and I was like wow this keyboard is so much better cuz I have a MacBook - one of them new MacBook Pros you just you just can't handle just actually not good yes it's not a good keyboard it's it's not just bad it's it's and there's no option it's like if you want a laptop they don't give you options for keyboard you can't customize them yeah and you can get a different one like if you want Windows you can get an Asus you can get a there's a ton there can get it down well you desktop though I have an iMac yeah look up Shore yeah with a

12:03desktop the problem is most of my I go on the O third class action lawsuit over MacBook Pro keyboard alleges flaw fraudulent concealment this guy's a Research King right here see but look at that keyboard look how shallow those keys are that's what's to keep it thin man but it doesn't matter that's bad for a writer if you're a writer that's a shitty design your mouth fictive yeah but make it a little thicker Jesus Christ who gives a if it's a extra half a millimeter if it you have good keyboard feel I mean it depends on what you're doing if you're the type of person just writes an email every now and then but I right I need a keyboard I feel you need it so I suppose I could take a beating - yeah I still around with that when I you know I still have it so I around with that if I if I travel if I go online if I'm just just web surfing it's fine for that

12:53mm-hmm but it sucks a fat one deals with I'm already getting like you know messages about this you know it's coming to the phone my phone's gonna like but the only time my phone is blown up like this before is when a Justin Bieber posted a picture with him with you yeah on his Instagram and then my phone was shaking King for a month straight and turn on the node of a sail you guys nobody believed me let me turn under notifications and I put it down like this and it's just like I'm talking about Dagon thousands of notifications that guy could topple the government if he really wanted to like if he got political that's a problem I mean that's what we're dealing with with Trump a famous person who becomes the president I mean this little kid is only 24 right what the app is even 24 yeah just turned 24 yeah okay yeah Jimmy's hey thank you a good kid you know he really

13:47is well if I gave you one if I gave you a hundred million dollars and no parental supervision you'd do some dumb to do way worse yeah but listen right now I would do a lot of dumb if you gave me a hundred million dollars just out of nowhere I don't know where yeah he's done well for what he is you know they're kind of famed that that guy possesses he's off the charts famous yeah yeah yeah but did some was so strong Trump was yeah famous super super famous yes this is why we can't get rid of an electoral college doe by the way not to get political but does help but I mean he rigged that I mean but you can't make it but play the game well I just can't have a popularity contest but here's a popularity contest no matter what even with the electoral college you just have to be popular in Iowa popular in Ohio no other do that just go over there and talk about Muslims shrink your fists

14:35why don't we I don't understand why we don't just have online voting or like or like or with their phone like you have to have a fringe then you register your phone so that I am ie number that your phone has is strictly for you you they they already have what do you call it like facial recognition software you could go there phones have fingerprint so there's like three different ways to like register and then we'll you'll get everyone's vote I always say vote should be like the Columbia DVD house remember Columbia DVDs they just so use your you're a Republican right yeah then your vote goes to the Republican until you go I don't want this from another what the numbers of people that if people don't know we're talking about with Columbia DVDs were old but back in the day you would sign up for like a set tape yes and they would send you a bunch of cassettes like you

15:28- yeah dude that - but they would send them to you but it was only like a dollar and you'd get like 15 cassettes you didn't get like Aerosmith and was it still check it out they finally made it so they don't just send it automatically because people work people were quitting the service yeah but they would just send you so you would pay and you had like say three days and if you if you didn't send it back they would charge you to nine dollars right so that's what I'm saying about voting this is how we should vote five dollars like that's Paige right there he's showing us should be like all your candidates for Democrat and if you don't need him you have three days to pick and if you don't pick your vote goes to them that's how you should do it show me we just showed me what are you doing would you show them like on the details what does it say it says it's $35 for like to sound like that

16:16okay free shipping is only eligible for orders of two or more DVDs with a subtotal of $35 pre-orders are not eligible for free shipping okay so they say that's free shipping but it's not free shipping is that what they're doing and they say it's not a live each but free shipping please free shipping on two plus DVDs but the DVDs are 995 so two plus is what four because it has to be more than $35 you crooks they're all crooks the record companies are so gross dude I've been talking to people I had Steven Tyler and here was explaining what happens now with streaming so that was great by the way oh thank you he's great right yes fascinating fascinating mean you want to talk about a guy who's seen it all I'm never surprised when a someone like that with that type of personality I'm not surprised did you see the kind of life and career he's had yeah those people

17:09aren't there no they're not above the norm yeah he's definitely a notch above the noise super sweet guy - nice - everybody just hugging everybody real free at this time of being like yeah I'm sure there was a time it's a super dick you don't get that famous and at the time when people are treating you like just a god you know everywhere you went I mean Rockstar that was the pinnacle rock star write a list so a list actor professional athlete that to order but do you think they have to be dicks no no you think they become dicks but just because here's my theory about that is that the the fame that level of Fame is overwhelming people grab it at you all the time so you just develop this Dickey thing just to keep people the away from you yes like if you get to that I would imagine like that Michael Jordan or even Bieber I mean that there's a level where you can't go anywhere

18:06listen I've been I've been around Bieber yeah what's it like he's done and I don't he's never alone he's always got somebody there but I don't think he trusts anyone and that level of Fame where you're just also used to you know he gave me a water get the car right I want to go here when you get used to that becomes normal just telling people just telling people what to do becomes normal listen dude I was at I was at a party and he was he was there and he's he's like playing his music for his new album and he just looks at me he says hey can you give me a can you give me a vodka he says give me a vodka thing and then I went I was like okay yeah and then I when I gave it to him I thought I should have said no dude same thing I was at the Laugh Factory and he was there he was watching and then scooter who's a buddy of mine Scooter Braun you know scooter comes down you know when he says

19:20hey yeah Erica Justin would like to see you and now at first I was like you know something a Walkley you summon me and I was like I realized like cuz i'm gonna i'm a nerd this way I mean I like I'm a fan of all types of music so I'm I think the kids dynamic I think I hurry talent I don't think it's a surprise that he's just famous I don't mean people get on him you know just by the way in defense of Bieber real fast you can't tell somebody if they're great since they're eight years old right you can't eight years old you're great you're great when he's nine you're great when he's 10 you're great when he's 11 you're great let's think about that then that 13 is probably when he first went well am i yeah but you know and then 15 he was like I'm not great I am great at 18 oh engrain now and then when he finally says it then that's when everybody goes whoa bro

20:15tone it down it's too late the monster has already been let loose lizardy mature right he's already become an actual adult and he probably has no come left in his body at any given time no dude all day long it's just a recovery time for him he's got if he tweeted I need some tonight oh it's out of control it would be like American Idol auditions would be crazy than that but if you've seen that of Guatemalan volcano or eruption have you seen that where people are running from the smog it's crazy only girls guys you know like that much coming down the mountain headed towards you it's it's that Guatemala RUP ssin is scary man there's nothing like that in in comedy other than that D'Elia yeah he's close but even most violent eruption in more than 100 years 25 people already dead and just I think it just happened yesterday it's a crazy man dozens of people have died after erupting on earth

21:19who's getting back at it dude that's too right Hawaii and this one I mean we gotta be real careful surprise New Zealand hasn't had a couple of do they have like a live volcano in New Zealand I just know that I think fat check this but I think New Zealand has the most volcanoes in the world what yeah really yeah yeah I was just there tours and they're like you know what you do over there well I want you to Cook Islands ooh Captain Cook yeah the Cook Islands maybe Pirates showed up yeah beautiful vacation and there's no Americans which is what I love you know I can't get I can't stand going someplace and it's just all America like I don't go to Ensenada and you know go to Venice Beach you know I don't want to be around at the same time how he is yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna basically Beverly Hills expect to get Beverly Hills Gun yeah volcano map of New Zealand Jesus Christ

22:12yes it's one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen volcano is that right look you can't lie on this show because this guy's gonna fact-check you right away that is insane but I'm telling you right now beautiful vacation oh I bet I didn't like actually like New Zealand like I went to Oakland I thought I'm driving around downtown LA Oh like see ass or something I didn't like the city I'm not a city guy I like this kind of like some outdoors nature beaches yeah well the nature they're stunning I want to look out my hotel window and the sliding door and like this sand and then Mike the waters like right there or mountains yeah exact something rainforest yes something something something that's different from this urban jungle that we live in all the time yeah been in Costa Rica I have been to God just went to

23:06Costa Rica with my girlfriend we just started to get together and it was it was good it was it was it was too soon it was maybe like four or five months you know but it was like Christmas time and I'm with her I'm like let me make this special so we go to Costa Rica you know I do it up and she went Kristen with you not the family yeah what she's Jewish so girls Jewish beautiful family so she was like I don't care about Christmas anyway so let's well I don't go see my mom who moved to my parents just moved to Malaga where's that in Spain oh so like a southern tip of Spain you know they went on a cruise one day stopped in Malaga and then my mom's like we got to come back here cost of living is so low like they're living like kings over there like it look a great two bedroom condo with like a Malibu type view six hundred euro a month what yeah dude it's up I'm telling you what you

24:15got to look up the cost of living in Spain it's crazy that a lot of people from Britain they retire in Spain because our money goes a lot further I've heard that I've heard that people go there to avoid taxes from France yeah it's a lot of stuff man so I take so we go to Costa Rica and it was fine it was great it was one of these resorts where like you could get room service 24 hours order what you was all covered in the thing but I got sick Joe oh no I knew it was eye areaa sick or what kind of sick it was every hole in my body something was coming out of it okay and then I was in bed I've toned I said I don't feel good and I'm it and there's a comic you I'm making it I made a joke at her that she didn't appreciate she was mad at me about this joke so I'm also telling her like look I'm feeling well and then it happened I get up and I'd like to vomit and there was

25:03nothing I vomit in my hand and it's just like it's coming out of both holes like just and this is going off for all night I'm just I'm dead and the way she was acting oh my god she how she acted she was like you're ruining the trip so at the time I was like ooh but we weren't as close as we are now we've we've since resolved the issue and but at the time I was like I can't be with somebody now it's not coming right she ordered room service while I was gonna go ahead cheeseburger then that was making me more sick the food smell so I'm also I'm outside but then she was like I was mad at you for your jokes and like a no I always I always tell her she goes she said to me one day you know my brothers they used to tease me all the time when I was growing up I said don't let you get with a comic yeah something's going on you know how we say we get with our mother you know you know

26:06woman where would the qualities are something whatever whatever you're close to in your life though she's accustomed to people giving her a hard time no she didn't like it yeah we're trying to balance it out you know this guy be compromised you got a meet you know I mean if she's here ever is when you just start dating someone and you go on a vacation with them and it goes sour and you're stuck with them for like five days in some spot and it usually happens by the way on the plane ride over oh there's something on the plane where you're like oh I don't like you and we're gonna be on this plane for six more hours and then you know you got to get to this hotel I mean that's what you have to be compatible with somebody before you travel make sure oh yeah you have to make sure like things like like I want to go out and do things maybe if you're outdoorsy person and you want to like

26:55leave the hotel or maybe you're not maybe you're a person that like wants to take advantage of everything in the hotel or you're on vacation and you want to chill that has to be established or you're gonna be in a situation when you're like what are we still doing in the hotel right or the other person's like I don't want to go are we going out I like margaritas too baby margaritas so and then fall asleep in here the way we survive though we survived it you know we made you change your phone though it's made I know that was the cop soon as it's over I don't know if it's gonna be over we're coming up on a year you know what it is you people like you it's your fault it can work you're on stage talking about your great family and and just I want a family and how you deal with it you think about these things man how old you know I'm 46 so you're thinking about shooting live

27:50ones in there make them I'm thinking about like you know what maybe it's time you know what it is it's like once I'm not super successful but I've enjoyed my career and now I'm like oh I enjoy this I'm gonna share this with someone that really cares about me and and one thing I'll say first she she I feel the love you know that's awesome yeah I really do feel the love she's a very loving woman very beautiful and so she got used to you after a while and understands you're joking this and right right shades you knows you're a good guy I'll tell you what something that she did that this is why me have been talking about her right now something that she moved me Joe oh the other day we were having like a little fight little fight a little fight and then it was obviously I was like we're not communicating I told her you know what she did she downloaded communicating with your

28:35man audiobook and she and we sat and listened to it together and it was like that's why I quit now but check it change my phone number through my phone it was like it was like it was like the guy that wrote the book was talking about her it was like it would be like something like you know you know what you shouldn't do with your Manas don't have a look on your face of disgust and when you when you're mad it was like all these things and then it was one more I'm going like this I had my hands in the air and it was like if your man's body language if he has that's your time to back off and I was like this did you date this guy cuz he's talking about you right now you don't know but I thought that the gesture of being like hey I need to improve I need to like change how I feel or like you know maybe look at his self self reflect the view that the act of

29:32that self reflection with her that that was that's like speak volumes for her and her character it really made me go okay you really want to you want to make this work and that's awesome yeah so I said okay I want to make it work how old is she 29 okay yeah so she's at that age I should not have said that I know so much trouble why not supposed to tell I'm not supposed to tell her like she want yeah well the cats out the bag now so far but no but she no cuz she she doesn't want people to know right so she wants she wants people to notice think she's 23 so I so I said hey that makes me look like a creeper a creeper even though even this age difference is a little iffy right so it's like it's weird how we just make rules as to how old someone can be to be with someone else but it changes after a while right like once you get like if the dude is like 980 and the woman's 50 we don't give a

30:39whatever I always say to me it's like it's got to be 30 like you know like she's at the cusp of it I think that I think once a woman gets to like 28 29 30 in that age range then this other part it doesn't matter depending on what they got going on in their life but age it's not about the age it's about experience level it's about where are you in your life so then one thing I struggle with is that like look I'm knee-deep in my career but I remember what when I was 30 I wasn't doing this I was bad I just started you're hustling I was hustling at so I go I had to remember that this is her hustle years so you started doing standing up to 30 yeah yeah yeah that's that's that's a late start right I started I went to a comedy class when I was in my early 20s because my mom was one of those supportive women I said hey mom I think I want to be a comedian next day I'm

31:28signed up at UCLA Extension you know with a notebook in my she's like here's nobody that's on my mom if I said I want to be if I said I want to be a rock climber my mom was like okay she goes she would have bought ropes and like hooked me up with because she wanted me out of the house one of me like when I was young you know so I went to the class taught by sandy shore oh Jesus yeah I was a I thought I thought this is gonna be it her mom owns the Comedy Store I'm gonna make it yeah that was the advice Dave look at you wow this right here I really I need I suggest to anyone if you want to be a comic go to one comedy class just for the comfort of the environment and the support go to one comedy class but after that you got to get out there to the open mikes and you got to do it on your own but I suggest one comedy class there's nothing wrong with nothing wrong with this so I went

32:32and I loved that and then the by the way the odd showcase for the graduation was at The Comedy Store in the loire so the first time I ever did stand-up comedy was in the o.r at the Comedy Store yeah you know it was it was like 90-something man it was like 90 to 93 and I you know what I remember specifically it was like after our show they just rolled into the Oh wash Oh first guy on stage Carlos Mencia Wow he goes on and at the time he was like you know he was like Taco Bell you know who that is hilarious I think I can do this you know cuz that might had a great set had a great first set you know you know how that goes it's supportive people in the crowd and I'm you know I have my funny hacky jokes that I was doing at the time just my new what I thought was new I remember one of my jokes was like I was like how come you can't recognize Superman and then I

33:33would take my glasses off you know like I'm Clark Kent take him off man you know that was like I thought that was hilarious at the time no black people on Jeopardy there was another one of my jokes that's a good one yeah so I had like you know I had black categories on Jeopardy you know blind singers barbecue holidays you know I had I was killing back there with that right so I saw it brutal though when you go to a real show yeah with that and you just it's crickets but you're like but an open mic night it's weird right like there's open mic night material where it does okay on open mic nights and you're like this is some good material I just got to develop it I don't even think it's even open mic I think even worse is doing it in front of a crowd you know this is what happens to get the wig inside track but I love it you know when you're when you go into

34:18middle America when you first were coming up and you were still a major headliner and they're like the local guy I'll be there right that local guy is now gonna be on Joe Rogan's show in Iowa and he's gonna be performing in front of two or three hundred people right that type of hacky material is gonna kill with those people then then that person now thinks that this is how you do it and they bring that to LA in New York hmm and then they're like how come this isn't work and then they're seeing like a thousand other comics doing you know talking about the same subjects and then they don't realize how they had to find some originality and what they're doing yeah and that's the hard part that's the hard part we there's not a lot of subjects to talk about you know you're not the first comment to get married and have daughters Brian but this experience that

35:03you had is is is personal to you and conveying that is the hard part right you know and so people kind of go just surfaced with their material it's hard to delve deeper you know it's hard to have the confidence to drag a subject out to like when you first start out like you your premises are so short and then you go from one short premise to another short premise and then it becomes a it becomes a bit hmm the bit becomes you know a set there now you're talking about often tell comics like that that it's like music you know if you heard a if you heard like a Neptune's beat you could hear it from a mile away you can know when you hear it you go oh I bet you The Neptunes produce that track or premiere you know the DJ premier right he would produce a beat you know that's a premier beat your comic your comedy is the same way when you're working on things you work on it

36:01in your way that if you looked at all your material you might now see the common thread and that's how you put together an act right 30 minutes 40 minutes that's how you're able to talk about a subject for so long because we've now woven together these thoughts that we don't think are connected but when we look at them we go oh which I'm actually this subject actually flows into this and it connects very nicely so that's what was going on so I'm watching again I'm watching Mencia at the time that I'm just young kid I don't know what to do next I just had a great set I thought and now I'm looking at these professionals and I saw Mencia and that day at a particular time I was like I saw him and when he talked about Taco Bell and stuff I thought you know I think I could do this you know and then he brought up Chris Tucker and and Chris Tucker went on stage and I was

36:52thought to myself I don't think I could do this just the way he was so like what is voiced man you know just Tucker was on fire back then yeah just his whole persona and I thought I didn't know and I didn't know what to do so I floundered around I did open mind he's getting nervous when you saw Christine yes I do so powerful it was just so it was something special about what he was doing and I just thought I don't know if I don't I just misguided to have it at that time man I was so just nervous and scared and arrogant too because I was a funny guy so then I would go to open mikes and then the same people doing the same over and over and over again then I wouldn't go to another open mic for another four weeks then I see the same people and I thought well how do you get from here how do you get on you know just knowing I didn't there's no mentors right there was no

37:36people going like let me help you with this you know you couldn't even talk to someone like of your stature at all I can at the time you could just be some open mic er and I by the way they shouldn't do that you know what I mean like you know he only the Comedy Store and some dude comes up to you you're just kind of like what do you want to talk to me about right now dude you just started I always approach I think especially when they work there's door guys I feel like everybody's just a comic that's different that's different but like there's is a sort of but even still like it's like I don't know if it's so appropriate for a door guy to come up to you and be like yo can I open for you at Irvine you know I know some guy just did that the other day friends I used to do that they sure yeah I used to do that I remember Johnny no Johnny Sanchez sure first was coming up I went to Johnny

38:27over for you I'm a juggernaut I told him I was a gem I said I'm trying to bury these headliners man that's what I was trying to told him yeah that's what you thought you were supposed to do I'll check his watch oh look at the time yeah so he's teasing me ever since there's a 22 no 15 years later he's still teasing me about it but you know so I didn't know I didn't know what I was doing you know right I didn't know how to well what are you supposed to do man now there's no clear path it's not must be a doctor there's no right or wrong way either you know I didn't know it's true too especially I grew up in LA I was born and raised in LA so I'm in LA trying to get on a stage where I go to the laughs like I was telling you earlier I saw you at the Laugh Factory with hair you know and just like man you onstage like I'm not like you were just giving it you there's a certain energy

39:22you had about what you were talking about that I was like damn what happened to this guy like I was like man some woman hurt him I don't know if I've tapped into that yet I'm gone at the time I don't know if I've tapped into that so it took a long time for me to realize oh no this is what I want to do in life right everybody's different you know I tell people go up there and they're excited angry and some people go up there and they're mellow and that's the funny part there's no punchlines you know but even if you like Segura Purvis X just could tell a story have you captivated yeah there's no anger yeah there's no no like screaming emotions Segura's just chill out but don't you find yourself have you ever gone have gone up in a bitter because you have a way of performing like you know you have you know it's gel mode you know you're on there it's gonna be

40:19powerful and you're gonna you're like really and then have you ever just gone on and kind of like not done it that way but then now you get laughed at a completely different point and you're set with new material for sure yeah because you're trying to find the you know you're trying to find the beats III set material up to fail sometimes like I'll go into a bit slower and I'll go into a bit more casual and try to ramp it up rather than like try to make it like sometimes when you get a new bit especially when you first start out you like this bit shaky let me just get it out of the gate with a lot of momentum so that I can kind of coast with it sometimes I'll say alright well this bit might be all just or what Tom calls Tom Segura calls them dance moves I used to call it English English on the cue ball because sometimes you just you're hamming it up what you saying

41:09you're doing that thing that you do that no makes people laugh yeah yeah it's really difficult as it's really difficult for me because I'm just a funny looking guy you know except you know I'm not a looker you know I mean I'm cute I know my qualities right but I know that like that I could do a thing that they're thinking are they laughing at what I'm talking about like are they with me emotionally are they with me intellectually or are they just going like oh this guy's funny right and it's it's hard to recognize that hmm yeah right like what do you want from them do you wanna do you want to connect with them do you want them to laugh do you want both do you want them to appreciate you they just you just want them to have a good time or do you even want them to laugh at how you are connected to what you're talking about because that's different too

41:59like if you're a political comic people might laugh that like how passionate you are about being a libertarian or how passionate you are about you know being an atheist maybe they don't agree with you or maybe they do agree with you but they just they're laughing at how you are connected to what you're saying and I think that that's another element that's an us a whole other thing you know I look at all my friends you know we have a lot of peers or our friends that we just go like they all have something different yeah in that way yeah you know and it's um it's it's an amazing thing to watch it's a crazy art form because nobody can tell you how to do it it's not like any other art form yeah it really you know like if you went into music or I went into music like we could be like you could be in a rock band or you could be in a blues band or you could like

42:42country music and everybody would be clearly defined yeah but you just do stand-up yeah it's just stand up I mean there's no there's no categories you know what's funny about that though is I know that there's no categories but I do think that it is similar to music in that we're not gonna change the rules of communication and I think that's where people get in the way so like when you're on a piano you're not gonna make new chords it's still gonna be a B C D G you know what I mean and that certain chords when they go together are not gonna sound good no matter what you're not gonna reinvent the wheel so I think the baseline of comedy is like just being able to communicate your points and I think when you're a person that can communicate your points and they're solid and clear then the jokes on top of that are it's gonna what the entertainment is gonna be

43:29but you still gotta like you know when somebody says they're telling the story and nobody says anything and then they go well you know you had to be there well that's a horrible storyteller that's that's what that is you'll never hear Joey Diaz say that never had to be there like that would be like well I don't know if I want to be there bro you know yeah you had to be there means you failed in communicating so I think that on that level even though all comics are different in its it's weird but that level of like well so when you say set up that is important it's not going to reversal to all of us you have to set this up yeah maybe that's just the case with all songs and everything too but their Styles you know if there's certain styles of yeah I guess there's styles of property very so much there's no distinct style like if you heard like example Hank

44:21Williams jr. like well that's clearly country you just hear it you know right away you hear yeah yeah there's some twangy about it that's country yeah something bout to story I love country with a good story you know doesn't even have to have like music behind it you know what he's sad your comedy at the time it was to country music of comedy I think you misrepresenting it was a story you know you know you felt that the anguish are you trying to look back isn't it weird though you had hair it was a different guy yeah you know you weren't this you're a solid muscle now like I don't know if you have what's your body fat count right now I don't get it checked okay that's it that's poppy better it's probably better to think that it's better than the property is I think if you win that you might be disappointed the last time I checked it was 10% oh god not very low I'm probably like 30%

45:2335% body fat that's crazy yeah but you know what it is I but my blood pressure is good that's good yeah cuz I you know I still mera boxing I'm trying to box me so I'm working out I'm once it I'm going to the boxing thing and it's like I go to glove works glove works in Century City it's holding the thing in and there's something that tricks you with that though so you know I've done it a few times I'm walking around a public like I wish somebody would test me like they're gonna hold up their hands and fight me like this but you know what's something about going to boxing has changed my perception of women women in the boxing thing like they really that's just they when you see a you know I'm working with five people and then the woman goes in hey guys hey come on you know and she's like damn this is she's this is great I'm later you can handle yourself all my preconceived notions of

46:28like and it's something stupid our stupid male thing is to see a woman fighting and then her first thought is oh yeah somebody hurt her you know you got a lot of that in you yeah yeah this is like therapy it's coming out maybe I was hurt laser disc you little what yeah what is this but the boxing's been cool I like it's fun workout you know angry women are weird though yeah is weird somebody sent me a picture this MMH and choose there's this woman who's down and she's I don't know who the lady is I'm not familiar with her she doesn't fight in the UFC but she's got blood on her and she's going like this and she's standing up over this chick she's powder she's like this I can't do those kind of I can I don't like male UFC I don't leave it's just too violent for me I just can't have you been live you know do you want to go I would go I was watching the other day and I heard your

47:44voice just one in LA in August I wanna go I want to go I could consult a good seat it just seems so like by the way I find it like I I don't like watching women hit each other you know I just don't like it I don't know maybe that's my male thing you know but I think that like how can we be in a society we were talking about no violence against women what unless is pay-per-view no no violence against women by men okay Jones violence against women well in competition do you think that that woman that beat up Ronda Rousey Amanda Nunez do you think that I fight better than her no she'll you up she will me that's Amanda Nunez okay but if I hit wanna Rousey in the face right like her and I go out on the date we have a little something happens we have a scuffle and it gets on video that I punch her on to Rousey interface I'm now a pariah in society for the rest of my life

48:38but this this woman who trains and it's like a beast will beat her up I just I can't get the disconnect I can't there's not a disconnect it's a competition it's a sport so I don't understand what are you missing the connection there's such a big difference between I guess Eric Griffin first of all Ron ain't going on a a date with you it's be honest hey you don't know that is Brown he's a killer okay well maybe they have another us Brown so they have a tough patch that we're she's going out to get some strange and I what she went economy laugh I'm tired of being with a killer you know she was she wants somebody cuddly soft he or she wants to be soft and squishy and then we go out on the date no you wind up punching her yeah cuz she does that ever happen I don't know have you ever punched anyone your life a girl no when I was in the sixth grade I think I had a fight with a

49:35girl one time and that's the first time I learned you're not supposed to hit a girl oh she was a bully right she was a bully and she was pushing people and active is she does something to me and I punched her and then no matter what she did the whole yard win huh you know like you don't hit a girl and I was like oh but remember everybody hated her like a second ago then all of a sudden so I knew in that when I was like oh you can't do that I knew I knew there's some kind of difference I learned it then yeah that's a good way to learn it before it gets ugly before I guess ugly yeah yeah it was like it was probably younger than that break anybody's job right right and you know what pissed me out too she I'll never forget this is so vivid in my head that she emitted immediately went from bully strong like I've run this courtyard to house like what just happened you wanna look her up yeah I

50:30know just what the she's done to her a disaster of her life it was like that would be crazy she's angry at you for punching her all this time Syrian but I'm saying it could happen okay I'm with go back to the the difference between you punch in Rhonda's that would be the last punch whoever through I guess lip you on your head on the concrete smash your head open stomp you into a mud puddle people call this on video all they would say is air Gryphon hit domestic abuse wrong strong woman I don't why first wean that and Rhonda is a professional mixed martial arts champion she's a champion and one of the greatest female champions of all time I didn't like seeing her face look like she shouldn't have thought that woman I didn't like seeing it I got whatever what I'm saying there was I couldn't I didn't feel any of that I didn't feel any of the oh it's the competition and

51:31she changed no what I saw is a bruised and battered woman that's what I saw well and a be my problem okay so you must be talking about the Holly Holm fight because that's when the one she was yeah that's when she got head kicked and she's bloody in her just 48 seconds of knuckles in the face yeah that was a quick fight she just got the beat out of her in that fight but but there's lessons in that see you can fight in MMA and there's there's danger and there's consequences but if you're in shape and you're prepared correctly you can fight but there's a lot of women that weren't prepared correctly and Ronda them up that's just how it goes that's let me sometimes with a neighbor so like sometimes you the hammer sometimes you the nail was also hot pumpkin evening it was great marketing to she only hears a lot of me I mean I pumped her up me doing a lot of the but it was based on

52:27what she'd been able to accomplish it wasn't based on it was based on her actual performance inside the Octagon against people like cats and gaw no against people like Sara McMann mean she what she had done was supremely impressive but you but but we love a champion mmm-hmm we love undefeated we love being the best ever right we will we get behind that right and that's what was behind her going into that fight right and it didn't look like that well doubt what that shouldn't have been behind her going into that fight maybe the Holly Holm fight the Holly Holm fought even the Holly fight she was under massive amounts of distractions she was under she was they were and they were gonna do Roadhouse remember they're gonna do a Roadhouse movie yeah she's having meetings with agents and and they just thought she could up anybody on the plan that's what I'm gonna say the problem is unless

53:17it didn't 100% all in with your training and your learning and your development your making sure that you've got the right training partners and the right coaching and the right staff and nutrition all these different things if you don't if you have any any part of that missing then the people coming up who have all those cup bases covered they're gonna surpass you but see you're talented too and that's what happened with her you're knee-deep in the world you know everything about it okay as a lay person right just looking at them standing next to each other I was like oh she'll get her ass beat so you looking at Rhonda standing next to Holly Holm yeah I thought the rod was gonna get her ass beat yes I when I saw it I was like how it's gonna work why did you think that I don't know Roxanne I test she just looked hot very physically she was bigger she was fitted

54:02she was physically bigger than this person neither I seen Sara McMann no Rhonda stop Sara McMann in one round Sara McMann was an Olympic silver medalist in wrestling and she's a tank I wasn't into it like that maybe if I'd seen that I would have been like well this is gonna be a good fight but that was my first time and I'm just looking at it I was like just doesn't look like this is gonna be a good fight that's just you know it's just I just didn't I just didn't think it was gonna be a good fight and then I went you didn't you hear just you hear you guys talking you hear like the guys gonna get all that Holly Hope said she's a box or in this and then I'm like oh wow this isn't gonna go well and then sure enough it didn't go well so then that made me have like is the respect level for female you know fighting if I'm just coming in like at that time you you know it was like Ronda

54:48Rousey's everywhere she's in movie she's in like you know and then you're like oh wow this the greatest fighter ever right here this is the this she's the the attraction of a lifetime and then you go okay I I'm gonna check it out let me check out wow that girl looks big I don't think this is gonna then she gets demolished and you're like why is this a sport I think that was a big blow for female fighting what are you talking about those like one of the best things to ever happen if him joining yeah okay well we're different in that way I think she should have won whoo been the best thing no no no it's good to know that anyone can lose even the greats even the Great's they get to boxing too much is what it is boxing has got to be yeah be undefeated you know boxing we love undefeated one blemish on your record in a head it does something yeah it doesn't work like that

55:29right because an MMA there's so many different ways to win the only one who's really undefeated at the top of the food chain is well two guys khabib nurmagomedov who's the lightweight champion he's undefeated period mauled everybody except al Iaquinta we went the distance with him and you know but still beat his ass still beat him but John Jones is really undefeated John Jones has won loss in his career but it's a disqualification he's he's a guy that's been disqualified because he was well he got caught with some in his system that he shouldn't had in the system and how did he get in it in his system we don't know it was only in there for a very short amount of time there's a lot of speculation we don't until that gets ironed out by the way one of my good friends in the whole wide world is Erich Koch he's also a UFC MMA fighter you know Erich Koch from - crew physician

56:16yeah Eric yeah it's a good but we played you know how I know him we play video games together oh no he really is he's a crazy dude now I know that if I'm in public and some is about to go down I checked people's ears oh that's a good move yeah yeah but his ears look yeah but some beefs out there that wear ear guards yeah but no but Joe I'm not gonna fight anyway I know but don't one more year boxing I might I might be like no can't say one quick the first time I ever boxed I was like I went with Craig Robinson no we were box with each other but Craig was starting to box and he took me to the gym and I was this old black dude he was like in his 60s old-school black jersey so I got into the ring with him the guy he was like hi come on in the ring you know so I'm in there and we're boxing he three minutes I have so much more respect for boxers after doing this so he's like you keep

57:13hands up keep your hands up you know what I'm like all right and then he hit me in the head Joe and I was like he actually hit me twice something locks in man yeah oh and then it was like 30 seconds left and if I and he put his hands if he was like finish the fight like you own the street the street and I kicked him in the nuts off and then box again for a little while until recently so that was one time it was once it was so hard it was like that three minutes I was like how can these people throw 50 punches well you got to build up to it everything I'm going to me I come here I need to I want to you know I mean I need to work out I need to he's laughs you know he's laughing like you can't do what a Jill Rogan workout the key is top I thought about doing one a while ago but yeah I do too many things publicly I'd rather do someone I see just myself

58:15this is a man who has a family now has a bleep has reached a level of success if he is comfortable and now you're starting to see like not everyone needs to know everything it's not just that there's value in doing things just for you no no no no just working on stuff and doing things just for you don't do things publicly like everybody in this day and age everybody does everything on social media and I've done a bunch of things put them on social media but I think there's real there's a benefit like why do you do the things you do like Wow well I do the things I do for two reasons one either I enjoy them or I think they make me better they make me a better person like okay I'll be on your tape I do a lot of yoga like I did yoga today and I do it I do it a lot and one of the reasons why I do it I think he makes me a better person I think it makes me more mellow which i think is

59:03good I have a tendency to not be mo mellow it makes me more friendly I think it calms me down and I think it's very good for my body so I do it all the time but I'm not about to do some yoga video I think I do stand up for that reason yo Comi calms you down yeah yeah that's interesting yeah I do stand up to like it does it calms me down if I something happens to me I go directly to the stage that's a great way to work on it though I can develop material no that's well that's why I even if it's something that's like silly like if I see a movie that moves me I might go on stage be like did y'all see this movie alright where are you working out now I know you do the store and I know you do the factory but do you around like go to haha the Icehouse yeah my start was I when I when I knew I wanted to do this I was going to open mics and then I went to Long Beach they had just place

59:51Queen the Queen Mary and they had a laugh as hope this guy Steve Kimbrough had this really shitty Club on the Queen Mary we did fear factor in the Queen Mary I was right down there and I remember they had it there someone was doing a room there that's the room you're talking about so I went I did that and then I started doing the Icehouse the annex this is a good room and they had that three shows on Friday shows on Saturday so that started doing that from there I went to the haha then I was like hosting on the weekends and then Terry luck Terry from the ha you know glob bursar so ed what are you doing Wednesday night Wednesday night I'm around you want do the ice house yeah let's do 10 p.m. tip yeah that's house I'm with Joe Rogan Tony so then I went to the I went to the Ice House then I started going to haha and then I got a showcase at the Comedy Store

60:39you know and Mitzie didn't even look at me didn't even look I didn't even talk to me what year this was it was a year Jay Davis got passed so I wanted to kill myself so we're showcasing the same day right and she passed him okay and then didn't even talk to me okay so I was in watching she did what she watched me and I went down I was like I said she didn't like it that's what I thought which really pissed me off dude this must have been 2000 2003 ish so this is when Jay was on tourgasm with Dane Cook yes Dane was supposed to showcase that night too but he refused to come because he was Dane Cook and I get it so that's what I hear I shouldn't even say well that was an OD but I had you had to showcase where I know louis c.k didn't get past it I mean Missy's line she got her old there so I get to showcase my then friend I met amid is set up to showcase that night and I didn't get

61:51past so a year and a half later I had to had to deal with Tommy you know and listen as what people get on him and I think Tommy's out there thinks I hate him but I know there was a method to his madness you know and maybe if he didn't even know it it worked for me because he was my villain he was my enemy okay so I had to get past him he was the gatekeeper I had to get past so it took me a year and a half of like doing belly room and and then just hanging around and people keep saying to him hey you should put her at Griffin you know so then I got another showcase it was in the main room during one of those bringer shows they were doing the showcases during those and she was there they had her in her booth and I didn't my set I ran the light too you know as I this this is like like a year later so it's like 2005 you know 2000 by 2005 2006 and then they around I

62:45don't know just around that time 2004 5c I'm not sure when it was you know and then as I'm leaving they're they're bringing her through the the main room and they're you know they're helping her through the hallway to go to the kitchen and she stops and she looks at me and says you were funny oh those are the only words she ever spoke to me that's all you need that's all I needed and then Tommy comes over he's like wow she passed you you're in the belly room mr. mouth right and then he told me I had to be in the belly room for a year and I knew that was a lie past me so I did but I needed that I needed to challenge you know you know one of my best moments for me personally yeah because Richard over at a cardia magic you know and I love to I love Richard so I tried I tried to showcase for Richard's are the nicest people out there sona they treat comics is that ass yeah JC

63:43you go there you go there not to do comedy you go there to get food hug hug people hang out with good people man for real so I remember I tried to showcase for him I sent him a tape and he was like I get too dirty and all this stuff and he wouldn't pass me so Maz Jobrani this is a years later now Maz Jobrani is doing a show and he says Eric you won't be on my show so I'm standing in the hallway before I go on with the emcee and then we're joking about being clean and I say you know go up there and pull my dick out a guy in the suit is walking down the hallway this guy the students walking he goes hey please don't do that and I go you know I'm just kidding and we laugh a little bit we laugh a little bit I go on stage I murder it and then I'm headed to the greenroom and that same guy in the suit comes running at me and it's Mike it's the owner oh that's hilarious and he

64:28says hey he goes man you're hilarious why aren't you working at my club why don't I know you at that moment Richard is in the hallway and then I look at Richard and I go yeah Richard why am I not working here you're dirty I was like I can play clean I play churches I played cruise ships I'm a professional comedian my point about this is that moment of him squirming and like being like okay you're in you know and after that I was in that was worth waiting for as opposed to like trying to bully my way into places right like I felt like I earned that yeah and I and since then rich and I were friends you know it's like but I had to I had to earn that yet I earn it I had to like find the right moment I had to like you know what I mean could I have been on the Wednesday night I saw a show with Joe Rogan before possibly do you know like you had to get into these situations Joey can't work

65:24with me at the Ice House the one place they won't have them too dirty what'd he do he went up he went up be talking about sniffing his balls and one too many too many doing the pigeon stick his nose up girl's asses down you don't mind I do the pigeon and they would just it first of all he was murdering to the point where like drinks were falling off tables the lights were dimming they're shorting out and Mike was like you know Mike's the sweetest guy in the world he goes I love you I think you're amazing I goes but I can't have you in this club she's like look he goes I understand yeah Joey wasn't mad at him you know he's like one of the only guys that told Joey that he can't work but Joey was already successful by then he just would work you know Joey always works with me so he just didn't want to do it just you know Joe Joey called me you know what I

66:16gotta say like one of them one of my favorite phone calls I've had is Joey Diaz calling me the other day you know I don't do this you know I don't you were you were really good on I'm dying up here and he just given me complan oh that's beautiful and I just don't know and I was like when this comes from someone that you've believed is 100% genuine yeah and then there's a way the way he was talking about it I thought I was like oh that's great that's what you want that's what I learned when I got back into it later too by the way when I was 30 I knew that you had to get the respect of your peers these people that you do this business with have to think you're funny because those are the people they're gonna get you work well they have to like you so like YouTube yeah that's a big one like you have to be a nice person and you know what you are a nice very nice

67:01person but one of the things is nice about the Comedy Store for sure is that I think and this is I attribute this to the internet because I think what's going on with the internet now is there's so many opportunities for the community for comedians now that we're not in competition with each other anymore I don't think we ever been they we used to be like that man in the 90s in the 90s everybody was like doggy dog it was different like there was a lot of people back then that felt like to say if you got something like you got a TV show why didn't I get that show because people that thought there was a limited number of things it's what I call famine thinking mmm you ever heard that expression yes I know it's like that expression is a deadly it's just a poison to your life and the way you think about the world that a lot of people have that problem that famine thinking I think

67:43people still feel like that now and but I always always liken it to golf you know I think that we're on a leaderboard but we're still fighting against ourselves no golf course competing you're still competing for the championship there's no competing at the Comedy Store stand-up comedy today I think there's so many opportunities there's so many places to work so many stand especially you do in the road there's so many theaters so many comedy clubs somebody but there's still only 52 weeks of the year think about that how many does that mean how many headliners are there and do you think real ones 300 not joke okay well in that case maybe worldwide well there's only folk eh well the natives arrested because there's like how many how many do you think there are how many like MIT is are 500 there might be 500 well let me say that a club though only 52 weeks right look for wine github

68:38but that's one club so there's nervously you travel right there's there's hundreds of cities well I mean it's still it's still it's still fight out there man dude all that thing for the good weekends what we get July 4th weekend week is I get I get Mother's Day Father's Day July 4th did I get those too I do those weekend yeah you can't like them you're doing the you kidding you're doing what's the last time you did a Thursday night at a club I don't usually do Thursday night we go sit in the store so I'm saying you don't do Thursday nights on the road what I'm saying like you got there was a time when you got to a point where you were doing Friday Saturday and you're out yes right at clubs clubs yeah you know so there's still that was just because I just got tired of the rind yeah you know what got me more than anything is doing morning radio where you had to get up early in the morning

69:31and then you try to get some sleep and you never could and then you just wrecked and then the only time using radio you're working it doesn't say any more but back in the day it did you they still make you do it they're crazy they're crazy that's a waste of time you know and it's always the same thing as a guy there's something yes I kick it must work in some place must I don't know I mean I'm talking out of my ass if I die I sometimes I'm gonna go on when I go on stage ago who heard me on a radio buddy no meanwhile you were up at five o'clock in the morning I'm exhausted yeah that's the thing is like if you don't get good sleep and that's a problem with doing three weekend three nights in a row in different places when I tour I'm just in New York you got a third night well three nights in a row if you've just seen Caroline's that's okay because you're getting up in the

70:16morning the same hotel room but when you get up and you have to go to the airport and then fly oh right right right take a shower go to the gym try to wake up that's where it you up three nights in a row by the time the third night comes around you're like damn I'm kind of worn the out well you just said something that's not even a part of my thing like you know you you just you use you said like get up go to the gym like I gotta add that and I fly somewhere if I fly in I put my bag down i unzip it I take my shorts out I put my running shoes on or whatever I'm gonna wear I go right to the gym Riley right to the gym I don't around because if I don't I'm not gonna do it I feel you if I'm if I'm staying in a nice hotel and they have a 24-hour gym that's my favorite I'll just put my headphones on and just whatever I don't know what to do in the gym get on a elliptical machine and do a half

71:11an hour just make it make it work make yourself sweat you know what I like to do this is gonna sound crazy but I love doing those like journey off insanity with that that's what I would fill that spot with take my shorts off get my one sock ready supposed to simulate some sort of like a flashlight with you on the road you're a creep yeah because yeah the moment that they go through your bag that they're you know at the airport at the airport Stanhope did that once right after 9/11 he traveled with a briefcase no not a briefcase a suitcase filled with dildos and and they can't say because sex toys aren't outlawed have you seen how crazy these sex robots are looking yes I have I mean yeah I think we're you know how this feeling we have about self-driving cars mm-hmm there's a there's a fear out there about self-driving cars we're not there yet it's not gonna be our

72:37generation that fully embraces it we're 1015 years away from like this is gonna be a normal thing right this the same thing with the sex dolls I think you're right when I see them I have a disconnect of light I can't I would never I just that they just look you say that now but if it gets to like ex machina style oh wow I mean jail that's come they gotta be self-cleaning they have a life-size sheep I googled sex rub on the Sheep come you got that bookmarked no I know is this one on the left for pedophiles I don't know it's type in sex robot it says girl mannequin with realistic features what whoa that is creepy as I don't know about that one right there dude Jesus Christ that is creepy that one on the left what's the one the real that is a little kid that's what I'm saying yeah that is creepy well I guess that's one way to you know Jamie don't click on that display it's not a sex

73:40robot I don't know why it's popping up there yeah then why'd you click right on the cop good but hold on a second but that's under but you in the first thing shop for sex robot on girl mannequin with realistic features that's gross meat harmony the sex robot at least a grown-ass woman sex robots at her go fullscreen nope let me see this this is one I've seen Iceland it's always some oh my god well that's what she looks like yeah she looks that good yeah we're getting there oh there's still something that's not he wanted to with the head covered just to ask oh god that's even weirder look at that hole where the neck is yeah so damn that is unbelievably lifelike though that's crazy like come on man this is a scene in a science fiction movie if this was like 1960 this is a science fiction movie oh she can blink slowly and seductively she's blinking like if this

74:50was a science fiction movie from like the 1960s and they had this we'd be like whoa this is crazy because it would be so far removed yeah so far-fetched there's no way that this is good uh but look at what they're doing but this is not far-fetched this is the clothes you know you know what I think that this is gonna be bypassed by is virtual reality like brain links some sort of thing we're like you you can stimulate the mind in a way that you think things are happening yeah I think that's gonna bypass all of this technology I think it's gonna be both but I think I think you're right that that's coming too I think but I think this is coming too I think this this the ability to have like a real realistic robot that'll you that's not hard because you just think about all the moves that it has to do and it's not a lot of moves I think you know also be they'll be quiet you

75:39know you I think also a good thing if it's possible is have a move have a robot like that to practice martial arts on I have a robot that throws punches and kicks let's see now you see now you're thinking about improving society not just for sex so you can have a robot teach you to play piano teach you how to do like I'm just talking about a robot that you can up like leg kick is a training thing yes yes yeah totally possible yeah just have it like a robot in there cooking how it doesn't you know it doesn't move quickly but it moves slowly so you can just work on drills and is there to have one oh no no no don't know they don't Jamie this is just a punching bag that moves back and forth that throws like throws back it yeah I want i person this is like but this is good for is hyperextending your elbows yourself honestly I think your idea about having a so as to take instead of

76:39having a sex robot that same technology used for farts yeah training yeah because I have a dummy that I practice jiu-jitsu on but it's it's like this it's called a Bubba dummy it just lays there like this and but I can practice arm bars and triangles I can right right but it's not as good as doing it with a person but it's hard to get a person just stand there and let you do choke them over and over and over I'm saying but a robot a robot could you could get us male sex doll you get a you order it specifically I want the butthole sealed I want to hold on hold on why does the butthole need to be sealed so you don't want to be tempted can accuse me okay it doesn't even work bro I'll show you take the gear off Joe why just a butthole still work specifically called and said no why is this so large or your eyes it glistening why does it smell like strawberry yeah should always be dirty

77:44to clean the news you keep the plastic on it like a phone you know when you get your five but those those real dolls they move like a real person like you if you didn't mind practicing on the girl real doll you would order the girl real dog with like small breasts you know so like the breasts don't get in the way and then you could work your mount arm bars in new triangles and then when you're done you oh there you go yeah so it's probably like dating you know no it's very different than dating oh I'm talking about if you date the UFC like do you think Ronda Rousey and her guy do they have like they get excited like that when they're like fighting each other I doubt it or they just stay away from that completely I'd I bet they'd do that I bet they don't even train together well she's done fighting now she just does WWE which is great yeah I think that's great for her well she's great at

78:40it she's very good at it she's a decent decent enough actress he's an entertainer she's entertainer yeah anyway so I'll entertainment right it's like what is it for it's just to distract you and give you something fun to watch but we're so close to Roman times we're like mmm you know we want someone I mean you see that bare-knuckle boxing event they put did this past weekend no sec could I can't with that man I just I just not into like watching violence like that I have a problem with it you know could they because you know why it's like like Muhammad Ali like how he was and his later in his life I go why would anyone do this even when I watching professional athletes like oh my god this is what I'm saying like I can't Wow they did it in Wyoming legalized bare-knuckle boxing that just looks horrible well the idea is you can't hit people as hard with bare knuckles so you're gonna get

79:35cut up a little bit but you're not you're not sure the same kind of head trauma no room to do didn't know man what about what's-his-name to hit Rudy Tomjanovich the coach old coach from Houston remember when he was playing in the NBA that they used to fight in the NBA in the 70s this fight faced a fistfight I used to have real fights and somebody got 77 clocked in the head and he he broke his orbital bone so it's like this was no real things man it would just fight oh you know what I'm talking about he found it see yeah you got to see the replay yeah because he came you know so what what's happening here it's hard to see what's going on Rudy comes and this guy clocks him in the head oh well I was looking at the wrong dudes yeah yeah watch here he comes he's just coming in to like like stop the fight and this guy thought he was coming at oh and he's running right towards him that ruined

80:33his career did it yes well that's an orbital fracture and that's real common in MMA it happens all the time but like I imagine with knuckles no I do so you really think that this is not as bad I'm telling you you think you know with gloves just were just as bad I could hit hard or trust me you could hit someone harder because it doesn't hurt your hands there's the gloves are not protecting the opponent the gloves are protecting your hand well I get that from doing this boxing I take it out these gloves and my fingers are killing me right take take no no gloves and go over to my heavy bag because that heavy bag is stiff go over and start punching that I get the same with punching a person 14 ounces 16 ounce I'm not sure which I don't know what I feel but sometimes when to 14 ounces I feel like oh this is a little more speed I got a little more yeah yesin yeah well

81:22these are zero ounces MMA therefore they're four ounce oh I couldn't even that listen that looked terrible those guys faces that can't be you could break someone's nose dude everybody's nose gets broken in the UFC everybody everybody's face gets broken orbital bro this is your world man I get it I hear you I turn the thing on and I hear your voice on FX I was like oh that's Joe Rogan and you're just going in you sound like a totally different person it's crazy no you get like you're like like you're it you're in a whole different like in that mode too you know you just sound like if it was like rocky a Rocky movie you know and then you hear the announcers that's you right there you got it down so but that's your world so I'm not trying to disrespect your world it's just too violent from that what that you seen with that punch that was 1977 and they probably didn't know how to fix those

82:21things back then but now they know how to fix orbital fractures and things along those lines it doesn't make it okay but I'm telling you it's not if that guy punched that guy with gloves on it but just as bad no unless it was boxing gloves boxing gloves he probably wouldn't have got hurt as much because Europe dealing with a big thick heavy pad yeah you know box goes eight ten ounces depending on the fight okay you know I'm just yeah I know what you're saying it seems like it seems like it's bit what you get mostly is cuts like you see those guys were all cut up because the knuckles the bare knuckles are hitting skin yeah this is this feel what I would I do this and I'm knocking on I just feel Wow I just feel how that would be like oh yeah well it's interesting because a lot of people I was saying for the longest time you shouldn't have even raps on your hands because it gives

83:11people an unrealistic idea of what you could do with your hands and why are their pads on your knuckles when there's not pads on your shins or pads on your knees or pads on your pads on your elbow because you're smashing people with elbows this yours there's way more power that you can generate hitting someone with an elbow with a bare elbow than you can with a bare fist because a bare fist have you hit someone in the forehead or even in the cheek sometimes you break your hand yeah not with the elbow the elbow you could hit foreheads and face you could hit everything good headbutt - it was a Jamie I'm gonna have you pull something up because I sent this to shop there's something that give me one second here and I'll find this because Josh Emmett see if you could find just Google does Josh Emmet details hellish road back to hell following Jeremy Stephens ko MMA that

84:04stuff you got over there yeah that's alpha brain it's a cognitive insurance right just a limitless pill I'm good after this now if we're gonna be talking about science and so this dude I can't even open it I didn't know that dude got kayoed by Jeremy Stephens who's like one of the most ruthless knockout artist in the UFC and he's got major facial fractures major his like orbital was fractured his cheek bone was fractured his nasal cavity was fractured like everything is fractured and he just had emergency surgery like the second surgery he went to Orlando where the fight was and they either misdiagnosed him or they missed some of the injuries but he was still up they didn't catch a lot of things he says and then he went to another doctor and got an MRI and they immediately took him into surgery like doing a hole head is broken so I'm saying yeah I don't get

85:08what this is legal here's my have you fought yourself you fought writing this stuff not there was no MMA well fighting I kicked boxed and I fought in a lot of Taekwondo tournaments you never does know there's nothing in you to know right now I'm 50 years old the am i doing doing that they don't like a 40 to an overly there are some guys that are in their forties that still fight but it's just it's a young man a young man's game right what see it's also a young man's game because by the time you're 40 you got to think you've been doing it for a long time which means you've been absorbing a lot of punishment for a long time which means you're probably you should probably done yeah like if you want to live into your you know 70s and 80s and be able to hold your bowels in and know where your keys are yeah you know there's a certain point in time we can't get hit anymore do you look like

85:57even other sports you notice how you ever see these old basketball players how they can't walk yeah it's crazy yeah yeah they just they're like jock Doc Rivers I got Clippers tickets so I'd see Doc Rivers he's on the sideline he can't even he's also really tall guy and that down alone those leverage points yeah and all the impact the constant especially I mean a lot of guys they didn't understand overtraining they over trained they had injuries that just toughed it out and work through them you know back injuries weird spinal issues that's why I think they should let every professional athlete for like there's a week period where they get to take some steroids and recover a week it's not enough okay don't you know about you'd have to be on a cycle you'd have to be on a cycle Wow great weeks in the offseason you get that six to eight weeks of like that creme steroid cream right and

86:49cryotherapy you know well they can do the crime to get your body like now I agree with this doctor gives you the doctor gives regular people steroids to recover from certain injuries sure and then we're paying these people to entertain us whether we should allow them to take a moment to like okay well here's my six week period I'm gonna get my steroids in and get myself back to normal then we'll start training camp I agree the problem is when you go on a cycle like say if you want our steroid cycle your endocrine system shuts down and so then when you go off the steroids your body has a normalization period and a lot of times I don't know the hard numbers but I think what they try to say is it's 50% of the time that you were on the steroids so say if you're on steroids for three months you would need a one and a half month recovery period before your hormones normalize oh and

87:37sometimes you need help getting your hormones don't normalize there's a bunch of things called clomiphene there's a bunch of is that although also illegal stuff yes all those are illegal oh there you go depending on what you know what the regulations are what what sport you're in but in MMA you watch football basketball that you just strictly I don't even know the rules I don't know what's happening when I watch a football game you literally a cave just don't have any room I look i watch professional pool okay I'll tell you one of those I got you you must love going to Canada you go to Canada and they turn on their ESPN in Canada snooker and it got like they got darling they got curling they got stuff like oh we would never show this you know it's can I get a Kleenex man yeah for like I'm nasally and we just ran out over here there you go nasally yeah I so it's not

88:28that like I don't I'm a caveman this is I like what up Jesus are you doing that on mic microphone yeah but you're blowing hard with that schnoz oh you going deep son you just made people throw up those people listening to the it's funny of the fluid coming out of people's nose this is so vile a sound you know like when something like you're on a basketball court or something like that and someone does us you see it this from the guy that wants to watch blood on people's face I don't want to watch blood on people's face I just think that it would be I don't get a stick you don't get a thrill out of when somebody gets punched in then they turn around and they're just like they're just like no I don't get a thrill out of that alright I get a thrill out of knockouts for sure and and worse guys hitting people with big shots but it's like not specifically about blood in fact I think

89:26I don't like blood because it gets in the way and it stops fight stops to fight yeah that's the argument against elbows actually said the cut stop good fights but they also knock people I don't know how we got from robots you go from like oh wait how do I get there we don't even know well I guess I should probably also you know plug my you know my new specials coming out oh is that why you're here when is it coming out in the fights at home get it June 8th on Showtime American warrior I sent you a clip but I think American warrior as long as America well with the American just there's Erica's in the name American right and so I have I just spell it with a cage Oh American yeah Oh like oh look at that America on Showtime like it that's actually who did that looks cool I like the background where'd you film that in Portland at the Star Theatre in Portland oh yeah it was great

90:55and I and this one my first special to ugly truth that I am I was talking about kevin Christie true that for me did it really is amazing Kevin so talented I wanted to be on a road and then like have a chicken next to me with like grenades on it that's a great picture though really he did a great job that looks amazing yeah so I just in this one I really go for it on this one man you know I'm talking about Ward's show protesting I'm talking about that's kneeling for the national anthem me too Tiger Woods I'm going in on this Owen Hart you sure you're happy I am happy with it because the thing about like one thing that's weird about specials now that you know there's that's me you could tell all they film that a year ago or two years ago and it's like we're not allowed to like you know topical should do topical stuff and like because there's so much content out there right now it's like

91:55get it out there I wouldn't know like for me like I want to know what Joe Rogan thinks about you know the stuff that's going on I want to see you talk about it for 30 minutes on a national scale and we just don't do that and we got to do that now I think we should be doing that because they're putting out stuff so fast anyway then it's like it's not like it's not special anymore that you need to stop calling them specials what is the name for them if they're not special it should be like our conversations so this is an air Griffin conversation of Rolling Stones don't put out a special they put out of that they put out an album like what do we did we put out a special they were special because it was only five of them a year right and you had to be a giant to get one and it was like and it was like it was like a celebration of your career in your fans it was like I've made it

92:39here's this so your fans could go yo to not fans come watch this this guy's really funny and you now were introducing or ovum in a career a career yeah I just this is my second one so the first one was not long ago no it was last year I came out last year but I taped it a year before so took a year to come out it took a year to come out because they wanted it to come out with the show I'm dying up here Sunday's on Showtime they wanted it to come out with the show and so the same thing happened this year I'm Dinah piers out you know if someone doesn't have Showtime can they watch it on eventually they'll be able to but to Showtime anytime at okay Showtime any time and yeah you can watch it there and I just think that we need to I want to here with all this stuff that's been going on especially with Trump in the Trump era I imagine like you see what he said today

93:36well they thinks he keeps Martin himself dude there's always he wrote pardon and he keeps harden himself wrote pardon in all caps in all caps he wrote pardon like this is like like we did this well people did it I did very Johnson he was on my podcast yeah yeah so we'll see well that's a vote for Trump really in this day and age how dare you I'm just saying not because it's California and California won for Clinton anyway but because the electoral college yeah but by the way if they took if they got rid of the electoral college and the Republican candidate would come to California they'd go up to Northern California and they'd get 1015 million votes right for them anyway so nor than get Northern California so anything between San Francisco and front and you know all the way down the five to come into here - not just Northern California cause people think in Northern

94:27California as being like San Francisco but no no no no hours driving above San Francisco can't drive for eight hours and still be in California yeah that's all for news a day drive yeah if you go from Mexico mayor all the way up to Oregon it's a day at least people to live on the East Coast and Midwest you know they they could in two hours they could go through four states yeah you don't mean when they have it's not us man movie your guess what stuff - well that's why they want to change into like three California's have you heard that I don't want to do this they're talking to put it on the ballot or state it wouldn't be good because la would have all the button yeah you know I mean it would be la San Francisco and then farmers yeah then they just want to you know it would be another what would they do to that what would that do to the electoral votes

95:13second question like we have 55 now so then it would be like what 20 like the the main epicenter well wherever there's urban ethnic people though they're gonna not they're gonna draw those well would it Jamie California is the fifth largest economy in the world in the world Jesus Christ yeah take that or agua feed out the whole over the UK we beat out the United Kingdom yeah United Kingdom is Scotland - right that's not just England Scotland all who else is it Ireland is that the UK I think so yeah Christ so that's a big place isn't it like 20% of the entire population of the United States live in California 13% or something like that something silly percent it's like one in people we don't know the real number I thought I thought it was way more than that it's limitless oh there was more before I thought they think there's 20 million people here I don't think

96:05they're counting oh did you ever get does anybody count you did you get counted yeah yeah yeah ain't counting anybody that especially all the people that are here illegally how many people do you know that are here illegally I don't know too many people that are illegal I see no a lot of people in a daeun I'm just so bougie now that I'm not even around people that we're where would they be they don't we don't run the same circles actually the lady that cleans my house she might be legal I'm saying I'm just I just bum weird about it I'm just moved because I always feel like this job I'm in now is the last job I'll ever have and I'm gonna need my money well let me stop you right there you're a funny dude you're always gonna do well but I still I want to get the house I want though I'm gonna get the house I want to die in do you have a podcast no I don't Oh time to get a bus

96:58the next thing I'm working on it where are you good at this yeah I perfect at it I know I'm gonna you know what will be will be competing right see I have everybody on my podcast on people that be supposedly competing but I want them to do well I think there's enough out there for everybody I really do I think that this is Apple's own personal time anyway when they watch they listen to your podcast and then a listen to the next one it's not like it's like it's not live anymore nothing's live anymore that's true I don't I don't even know when my favorite shows come on I just put them in the queue and then I watch them all my shows come on on Sunday night that's how I look at it right because that's when I watch TV yeah that's uh that's an unique thing and most of the I watched these days is on Netflix yeah it's all streaming yeah what a juggernaut they are huh I don't think

97:46it's sustainable that can't be sustained why is that because and so well yeah but here's the thing if I drop 60 million dollars I'm Netflix I dropped 60 million to make a project right and you watch it in ten hours then you're like hey what what's next the I bet you I I guarantee you in a couple years necklace is gonna stop this the whole show comes out in one sitting they're gonna probably do it in chunks why would they do that because you want you anticipate anticipation you've wondered would it just do your brain of the boardroom as soon as you walked out of the come on I'd be like fire him no man rid of him he's this man have any idea what he's talking about nope anticipation psychologically feels just as good as actual achieving their thing that anticipation you feel like waiting to see what happens that's why you're on a Showtime show I see it burn on this right here I

98:38see what's going on you're trying to like justify being on a Showtime show it is a good thing it's a good thing you could bid you at the end of the season before engine you can still burn but this model obviously is uber successful like one of the most accessible things ever then why are they talking about they're losing money all the time what are you talking about they had an article about look it up definitely some money Netflix made their success but hundreds of millions of subscribers I know but they put out pay $10 a month there they make more money than anybody but then also putting out money if they're giving stand-up comics 20 million dollars to make specials comics what they put out 52 specials even if they let's say they paid a hundred thousand which I know they didn't they pay him way more than that for each other that's still a lot of money right there man yeah I like how

99:29you didn't even bother counting the worst at doing simple math 500 bucks they make stranger things stranger things is an expensive show a damn good show there people watch it in one week it's over there but then you're saying as a Netflix person hey what's next yeah but millions more watching that week no I guess people are justifying that billion dollars a month that they spend that's why they have their contacts constantly coming in it has to keep Netflix is really close to surpassing Disney's valuation do you know how crazy that is Netflix I did a special by the way in 2005 oh yeah oh gee original was oh gee son are you mad you twenty million dollars off well I'm happy but that that's showing you that you're incorrect now Netflix is making tons of money no no just because they're valuable doesn't mean that they're making a profit taking on debt so like they're playing a it's

100:33business so but how much do they make overs evaluation was they took on like another eight million err excuse me eight billion dollars in debt so what does that mean when I do that but is it based on their earnings like cuz they if well aren't they making billions of dollars a year and they're making money and then they took on more debts there's two reinvested it back into the company I'm not really interested in turning a profit may be for 2017 they're looking more in tech 2025 that's what I'm talking about you do you know what you're saying did you guess it's not sustainable but how much do they make let's find out instead of just guessing not that I give a but obviously Eric does because he's so invested in show time this guy's model of what is show time due to you that time I saw you Netflix special that I've did in 2005 we actually sold the show time

101:22see I got the rights to it and how you going back to Netflix good well one of them licensing deals well now I my licensing deal was just gonna have enogh what its gonna be I don't know my first special I did with rooftop which was now owned by Amazon so I think you can get the audio it's good you can get the audio on I think Amazon is gonna buy Netflix watch what Showtime has done for Sebastian so I'm saying it I mean it's not a bad place if Showtime wants to be in the air Griffin business I'm all about it yeah no I hear you man you know this show times great I'm actually wrong so my special comes out on Friday but only 10 minutes at a time so the next week next week that might be the new model man we gotta come up with dude you got to come up with some kind of gimmick so there's like there's so many specials I just keep swinging that's what I'm doing man look it's just me on stage

102:24there's no skits in the front or that back-end there's none of that it's just huge just walk on snow somebody introduced a new is just walking on stage oh and that's you how you doing it just turns on okay that's gonna be the next one no introduction I did introduction last time I like you know that's a waste of time it's like especially when you have to cut it down I had to cut out 9 minutes yeah it's tricky right 9 minutes people don't understand how long nine minutes is on astana in for comedy yeah that's a long-ass time shooting babies man is you film I did twice twice as good yeah if I had to do it again I would want to do it four times that's what I do and I would take the two second shows me the one mmm you know well I did for um last time in San Francisco my last one and sure this one in Boston I did for two but you got for money yeah I mean yeah you gotta pay

103:16more because you did that for money but you know what for me it was like that's why I know you want to be loose yeah because of that I was looser in the first show I've ever been cuz I knew I didn't just think I had two barrels my eye was tight as first show crowd was you know so it's like these liberal pretentious white people talking about I'm talking about all kind of it was man and you own it when you talk about this stuff you got to own it you do have to own it unapologetic all right yes how you have to do it so the second shot was so loosey-goosey and you know I thought I think I captured something here yeah Portland's an interesting place because it's it's Berle to the point where they go so far left that they're like militant in a way yeah yeah but had a great time there man I was I had a great time there last time I was there I was there like six months

104:07ago I loved it do you find it like out there it's you know in this Trump era I find that comedy has been challenging its differently it's not just the Trump era it's the era of outrage yes yes yes but then what I'm saying is I find that Trump people are angry winners you know they're angry winners like you won yeah you guys in office they're gloater just gloat and then like you say anything and they're just like if you say anything bad about Trump it's just crazy I have Rd they come hard and I get it I get it that's your guy that's your guy that's your guy get it think of the have never been represented before yeah well I don't know I think there's no for real if you not by a politician who's over Italy ish and he's there definitely what has that ever happened no no never and he's in I'm a very stable genius yeah call yourself a stable genius do that tweet is dark where he says I have

105:07every right to pardon in all letters in all capital letters myself I look at that this morning and I got sick to my stomach just a guy that doesn't know how to do the job and it's not his fault that he was given the job like well he was he went after it I know but he said it's not his fault he was the best candidate in the Republican Party like they should be the one that should be ashamed of themselves I was watching the Trevor Noah show and Easter was so shown this clip of Trump at a rally this is not he's already won and he's up there saying you know I they told me to say drain the swamp right I didn't like it he's saying this I didn't like that but they said it would work it's like he even has contempt for the people that believed the that he was saying he has contempt for them by just going like you know I said these things just to get elected and it worked

106:03and like these other people they just were horrible candidates come on Christian and so he was Chris Chris Chris I said Kevin Christian yeah he was on my mind the guy that drew my awesome artist the awesome artist yeah so you know Kevin Christie's right now listen to this great here so why wouldn't he be an why wouldn't he be like a sore winner you know I mean he's a gloater I get it but it's the age of outrage and this is like what we're seeing from this Roseanne stuff look dude I've been called a racist more times over the last few days for defending Roseanne oh I'm saying that I know her she's mentally ill and she's on all kinds of pills I don't think she's a racist I listen I'm gonna say this too I think that this is a just because you can doesn't mean you should situation can I tweet something inappropriate of course you can should you when you have all of these things

107:03that you're responsible for sure you're the lead of a show you you're you know it's a show a family show you're on a family Network you have a lot of people's jobs that are depending on you and I think there was just a error in judgment Oh 100% I do I think that she's a racist I think that I think that if she had just called the woman just ugly she said and and talked about her her job what would this have been the same thing but you you add you know it's like if you call somebody a okay there's a probably people can have a problem with that you call somebody a black and all of a sudden that changes it no yeah if you call somebody a black monkey then you're like okay where is this coming from well perfect example is Samantha be calling the vodka Trump a feckless and she said it on TV she something that was prepared like someone wrote that out there's a part of her monologue she set

108:01it on television and then they apologize like I shoulda said it I know the end TV I was like we're good but the advertisers are not good they're pulling out left and right but here's the thing with roseanne she's not well this is a fact like I know I've talked to her she's told me I've talked to other people who know her I talked to people who worked with her she's mentally ill but he talks openly about it second she's on a host of medications she's on antidepressants she's on ambien she's drinking she's smoking pot she's 66 years old she's not she's not well she smoked cigarettes she's out of it like she's got real mental issues now here's the thing if she had problems with her lungs and she was smoking cigarettes and coughing up blood what would and doing stupid like trying to run marathons would people go hey you know what the is wrong with you you

108:58know you think you could run a marathon what do you wouldn't you were you stupid no they wouldn't because they'd go she's got an illness this is why she can't run this is why she's coughing up blood she's got a mental illness she's mentally ill this is a fact that's why she's on so many different medications but just mental illness what if you were starting to get mentally ill are you saying that like saying like sort of overtly racist things first of all she didn't know that lady was black that have you've seen that woman she does not look black she thought that lady was Jewish when she said plan of the AAP she said it because of her haircut cuz she looks like that lady from the plan of the Eames she swear she swears and she swear to me on the phone this her exact word she goes I would never say that you think I'm so stupid that I would call black lady plan of the age she goes

109:42I thought she was Jewish she goes look at her she doesn't look black well that makes it okay she said it doesn't but she's she's Jewish too I mean those other things someone said but look she did this she dressed up like Hitler and had Jew cookies and she was bacon and back in the day yeah she's a stirrer by the way she's also Jewish you know I think she gets a free pass on doing that but I think that when you make a mistake this is what's missing from our society now she made a mistake you should be allowed to apologize for that mistake right live with the shame and then you move on but what we're trying to do now is remove people yes from society altogether like I don't want to like sit I'm not gonna we're not gonna excuse her behavior we're not even gonna say that there's you know a reason even whatever the reason is all the mental illness and all

110:29this kind of stuff it's still a mistake what happened she's well enough to work on a television show so I'm saying she made this mistake and I'm not with I'm not with saying that she's a racist either because when I even when I read that I thought it I don't I'm just saying as a comic we say things that a regular person is gonna translate the math into like well this is because you don't like black people or women or you don't like Jews you don't like that's not how we operate you just trying to be fun we just trying to be funny and I think that she comes from an era where this is what you would say to be funny and biting yeah and I thinking when she looked back on it she went oh I didn't know this person was black now the people out there listening you couldn't believe it or not but at the same time the Susan Rice comment from a long time ago is way worse

111:16because she Susan Rice is clearly black and she did a comment a long time ago I think it was like 2013 but she said Susan Rice is a man with giant swinging 8 balls that's what she said now that is way worse that's way worse and that is a woman who's clearly black I mean you look at Susan Rice there's she's not racially ambiguous at all this other woman Valerie I don't know her name Jarrett she's she's got straight hair she's got light complexion she's a film it's all about intent though what you're talking about right well it's it's her intent was to be funny she is obviously not doing but first of all she was drunk and on ambien and ambien is a class Hamilton Morris sent me an email about this he was explaining it to me and then I talked to a sleep therapist about it there there's a type of drug that ambien is that's called a hypnotic and this is one of the reasons why ambien has so

112:15many weird side effects associated with it um my friend Kevin James Kevin James got up in the middle of the night cooked a meal went to bed got up in the morning and he had like his wife I confronted him like did you do that he's I didn't do that she and she's like no the foods in the trash like you cooked it you ate it he's like I did not I did not eat that and she's like okay if you didn't do it who did and like he had to like come to grips of the fact that he was on ambien he got up cooked a meal for himself had no recollection of it went back to sleep my mom was on ambien she got up in the middle of the night and drew on the shag carpet she had a white shag carpet in her bathroom with lipstick and with with nail polish like a little kid she was I don't remember doing it at all she's a it's scary I know a bunch of people that have had weird experiences on that

113:06stuff but if you staying at somebody's house and you were on ambien and you messed up their shag carpet you'd apologize that's to apologize for it but this is what I'm saying with it may be saved she's also she's also drunk on antidepressants which you're not supposed to be and then she's smoking pot which I'm sure you're probably not supposed to do either when you're on those things and she's an older lady who just got off of an exhausting schedule that almost she in her words almost killed her she was she had bronchitis when she was filming I'm saying she's not doing well she made a fucked-up mistake and she apologized but everybody wants to bury her right and that and I'm not with it I'll tell you with you it's like you can't that but that's the society that we live in right now that's just like wild outrage right now but not just outrage but we want to end your

113:54career yeah like why do we want to end someone's career for up like it's one thing like here's the thing like if she was not mentally ill there was nothing wrong with her like say if someone from let's just pick a sitcom Theory you know let's say the guy first on Stevie Stevie Stella what's on TV right now it's just evey different yeah it's on CBS or just it's a new one that's on TV what's a new one like it's alright it's a big bang oh it is okay alright Big Bang Theory if what that pretty is a pretty blonde girl on the Big Bang Theory yeah what if that girl gets on TV and she's or she gets on Twitter and she says something totally racist throw some n bombs you know like and there's nothing wrong with her she's like this is just how I feel and then they come after and they go we'll this she shouldn't be on television she's racist she doesn't represent how America views people in 2018

114:54she's archaic get her off the air this is but this is you can't get away with this anymore this is 1920s this is 2018 that would be acceptable I understand that if you found a real hateful person she secretly has like a swastika tattoo somewhere and she's she's an evil person this is not the case with Roseanne there's just not it's just not the case she's an older lady who's mentally disturbed and on a host of competing medications for her consciousness well that should be the reason why she needs help yeah we got to get her some help but he's a crazy thing is like she was America's Sweetheart just a couple of weeks ago I know that's how quickly everybody hates how quickly and people are calling me a racist for saying what I said right there this is not this is not an unusual thing in our society like we disco this is this very much reminds me of the Salem witch hunt you know this is the

115:46same kind of thing a little bit you know it's like The Scarlet Letter like how old it is The Scarlet Letter and we're still doing that Karthi ism yeah this is something that we're prone to it do you think it's because people are scared that they're gonna get called out on it themselves so when they see someone who's doing something wrong to go after them attack them with everything they have to almost to divert any sort of it because people are scared that people gonna turn on them especially in this day and age when the people turn on people for like you know the Garrison Keillor story mm-hmm he's the saddest story is this me to stuff because Garrison Keillor is a guy who had the Lake Wobegon Chronicles as this PBS show his radio shows ongoing for decades and he's a writer and he hugged a woman she was he was consoling her he hugged her and apparently while he was hugging her

116:33his arm went down her back on her back and he apologized she pulled away he apologized you sent her a letter he apologized you know he said I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that she says don't work no worries don't worry about it years later when all this meat to frenzy she brings us up he gets fired they pull his name off the show for touching a girl's back it's crazy like the frenzy was so hot they didn't want to be accused of not doing anything so they pulled this guy and and you know there's the worst side of it right there's the Harvey Weinstein's of the world there's the there's a people that are absolutely monsters right there's those people but then there's people that just got caught up in the wave of outrage and it's just it's a strange a strange time like that does there's no balance - well the pendulum is gonna swing swing until you know our attitudes balance out I mean

117:26this the fact the meet the me - movement is not a bad thing because it's bringing up some serious issues that we've had it's it's a great thing to happen so well in the meantime there's gonna be collateral damage for that until we now get back to a time where we can like men will act like gentlemen and we'll be able to have interpersonal relationships with women at work and in a setting and make it professional but at the same time we also don't want a sterile environment you know when you go to these like seminars because like even for our show now because of all this you have to have like a sexual harassment meeting before you start well they had those in the 9th exactly I went to those four hardball show that I was on in 94 but one of the things they always say cuz you can't define this right you know it when you see it well that's what they used to say about pornography but that's

118:13what we've lost that ability to understand that like I think that that applies early that's not a good definition it's but that is the definition it's the same thing that goes with over sensitivity I think that - right we should know what when we see it and we're not we're not recognizing that it's like you know you're acting this is a bit much right now sometimes did you hear about the two college kids that got drunk and had sex and the boy upon waking up and sobering up decided to preemptively accuse the girl of sexual assault because he was intoxicated so he filed and went after her she got suspended from school they had to do it because the otherwise you know they would be sexist because they do it all the time if it's a boy and a girl it's always thought that if a boy like you know the Occidental College story mm-hmm some pretty famous story from a few

119:00years back where these two kids they were in college the guy caught a text the girl you know I'm coming over she's like you have condoms he says yes you know like so clearly intent has been established right goes over had sex with her her friend convinced her because she was intoxicated that it was sex under the influence it was rape and so she goes to the university officials and they they suspend the boy he Sue's and wins and the whole thing is the whole thing's chaos because this kid gets kicked out of school and actually did he win I need to know that if he won yes I think yeah let's fact check that occidental well now you gotta happen now to even interact with me when you have to have a notary well that's what they're saying people video I consent to you know so here's where it gets even screwier there was a real article the other day that was saying is it physically possible for

119:51two people to simultaneously sexual assault each other and they're they're debating this in college because they try to figure out if two people are both drunk and like they get together and they're both sloppy and hammered and they decide to have sex dude they both sexually assault each other isn't this really about choices that we make well it's also about taking responsibility for your actions if you're an adult if you decide to get in your car and you're drunk and you plow into a bus and kill a bunch of people no-one says Oh Eric was just drunk he is not responsible for his actions you're responsible for your actions if you're drunk if you're drying a car and he kills somebody but the idea is that if a girl comes over your house and you're drunk and you know you're not responsible for your actions then especially if you're a girl and you're drunk you're not responsible for your

120:38actions then if you're having sex with a guy but you're definitely responsible for your actions if you're a girl and you get in a car and drive and hit someone but at the same time though like girls a girl or anyone should be allowed to be with her friends or with his friends and you get sloppy drunk and protected you should it's not okay that somebody decided to like go shorter with it well you know well the most egregious case is obviously cause because that was his thing I mean if he did do what everybody's accusing him of doing and we have no reason to think he didn't he was taking people that thought of him as a mentor and thought that he was going to help their career and that was his hustle and he would just drugged them and they'd wake up with her sore and their pants off and not knowing what happened and be super confused it's horrible that's that's the worst that's the worst

121:30version of it and then it but then it's like you know this is one of those things around say it's like this that is hard to define there's no like real definition you can't put it down in writing to say like this is what this is because then you got a situation where you're out on a date with someone things are going well you think it's going well you get into bed and then that person in what for whatever reason decides I think we should stop I don't want to do this anymore and that that that could be that could be that on the same level as drug and somebody Aziz Ansari case clubbing them on the head that girl writes that crazy story to five thousand word story that is easy the sorry thing is just about him not being a gentleman right that's all that was not just dad but she was just grossed out by it and decided to go after him but you know I know I can understand being in a

122:19situation like like you know people got on the woman cuz they were like you know what hey you still blew him three times right yeah but I understand that being in a situation where you're like you're this happened to me alright I I was at a comedy club you know I told this girl this is a years ago I told us it she was like I'm coming back to your hotel like no I don't think you should I didn't watch it I wasn't like I wasn't she forced herself on you it wasn't explained imagine you were a girl that's where it gets really scary first of all everything she's saying to me this whole night up to getting to my hotel if I would have done that to a woman is alright assault abuse like threatening from the jump so we heard Ali Wong talk about this I mean no but this is what happened so I get I say to her I was like I don't think I said I wasn't really into her at the time I wasn't I

123:06was like I don't know if this is a good idea you know I think you should go home you know and then she's like no I'll walk you to your hotel cuz we were hanging out all this day everybody's hanging at this place after the Sunday night show you know okay we get to the hotel I go well thanks for walking me but I think you should probably know you don't clean you didn't know you know it's like I'll give you a massage it was all this kind of stuff I think you should go I'm not really and then my ego kick sings I'm like well you know all right you like me like this okay so we get up we finally get upstairs I still I'm like maybe we maybe we shouldn't do this you know and she starts to like oh you're oh it's because you're not into me it's because I'm I'm hideous or whatever so now I felt like I have to her I gotta do this it's like I had to do this because

123:58I don't want to become a cause like I'm you know what I'm saying about the reason how I apply this to the Z situation is the fact that this girl is in a situation where she feels like I guess I have to do this like I may not want to do I know we're speculating necessarily want to do it but I felt like the social pressure of like well may I have to follow through with what I'm doing right yeah I know I get it yeah that's definitely pregnant in the morning I had to fly when we're not even in the morning I said I finished and I'm like I said hey you know you gotta go because I got a pack and she started to cry and I thought if this was happening now this could be a situation it could easily be somebody she could tell her story differently so we don't know that's why there's no rules what this lady did was she was aggressive and flirting and she wanted what she wanted

124:47and she got it you know so that sometimes it's okay depending on the person that you're dealing with but that same situation with someone else right could be no this was horrible right IIIi I felt I felt intimidated I felt you know it's all on how you interpret a tit well interpret it yeah it's definitely it depends on who's talking and yeah whether or not you're tracked like here's a perfect example if you and your girlfriend decided to get drunk and your girlfriend was drunk and she called you up and said come on over you know you know I'm horny I want you to me if you went over and did it you would in some people's eyes be guilty of sexual assault because she was drunk and she couldn't consent and this is why I never done that by the way mom one of my ex-girlfriends was like that she wanted to get drunk really she was I just want to have sex when I'm drunk you know I just couldn't

125:37do it nervous about it it wasn't but it just it was just me personally I did I don't drink oh you don't drink I don't drink at all so I always felt like if I'm not drinking it just feels like what if she says she wants to do something right like she doesn't normally want to do right she's gonna get sober and be like why did you do that to my butthole or whatever but you said if she gets because they'll always come back to well you know I was drunk right I didn't really me I didn't you know now I'm like okay I don't want to be the choice maker and it was actually it's the best thing about not drinking right in that situation if you don't drink you never have to think like that but that's why sometimes I want to hang out art sometimes I don't want to hang out with people that are like they get bright dumb drunk you're out then it then I become responsible oh well it's

126:25the worst when you're sober yeah their behavior is so gross gross yeah you know then you see your friend especially if you have like a female friend you're not you're not like that with them but then you're out and then she's you know her skirts coming up and you see the creepy guy you see the guy that she's like oh man what do i do right now look like if I don't stop her from going and then something happens that she doesn't want to happen is if my you stop her and she's like your hater okay and we were gonna have an amazing time and you hater this all this Harvey Weinstein and all this kind of it's set you know it said ugly dudes back like 20 years all my advances that I've made with hot chicks has just been like I'm so kind of like you know it's not about ugly it's about Harvey Weinstein being in control of a studio exactly and scaring all those girls into

127:21him and allegedly raping some of them you know I mean I don't know what he did or didn't do but he definitely did a lot of I wish I just wished it a lot of these people walk I wish it's to maybe now people will have the courage to like come out because this is a certain cuz it sucks to hear about like you know this happened to Angelina Jolie and then like oh so then she there was a certain time when she was like right the most famous woman in Hollywood and she didn't say she lived in a black ball I know it sucks if you live in a culture like so that may be what that's why some innocent people are getting getting caught in the crossfire so we can obliterate this sort of behavior and attitude from our culture but in the meantime while we're going through this there's gonna be some Keeler's and there's gonna be some people that yeah I'm gonna get caught in the crossfire

128:06did you ever drink No never no no no I never I never wanted to when I was in high school and I had you know friends with drink and stuff and I just it was I don't like to taste you know okay I have a had half a beer at a party one time when I was like what this is disgusting you know and then it was you know what really decided it for me it was like the 1999-2000 New Year's like going into you know y2k going into that I was at a party that I was like I never want to be like this people hammer just that was a weird one right everybody was super drunk on y2k they thought it was taking care of somebody's baby well you know yeah cuz at this party I had a baby who the gave you a baby no I was taking it because they were drunk every minute yeah how was that I got a drunk and left you with their baby I had the baby come on yeah it was a crazy partner these people with a baby and I stand

129:02that and there's a husband he's 18 years old taking care of people then I you hear these room you hear these stories about people die because they're choking on their own vomit so like there's people that are like passed out like this so I gotta turn people to their side oh geez and I said I never want to be like this you were turning people to holding a baby holding a baby party man and some of my friends I was it clear I was the wolf in this dude I was the wolf so if you're having a party and you think it's gonna get crazy you call Eric Griffin and I'm gonna come after that I knew I didn't want to so I recently I went with a buddy of mine to long vacation you know and when we went that deal was he was like come on man you gotta have some drinks so I I had like a head like a banana daiquiri honor on him you know and I was like this is okay and then I

130:01had you know when you go to like you're gonna resort vacation there would always be like a special at the bar you know like hey have today's drink I said I'll try it I had like 15% of that thing and I was loopy yeah I was ready to you know tweet racist so I was like I was like nah not what about we know we'd either never never never my current girlfriend she loved we so I tried one time yeah it nervous I just I was like yeah I was like I don't like this I was like how do you can't be like this you know that's what if I didn't have Joe if I do ever have comedy what would you do I'd be a crazy person well you're a crazy person now you're just calming it down with comedy hey you're a good crazy person you're a very nice guy i legit need comic this sounds like one of those cliche type of things but I I rely on it I go to therapy you know I go to therapy that's been great for me you know it's

130:59really been grad love going to therapy I love because I feel like I can talk to somebody and then intellectualize things on a level that like you can't necessarily do with regular people and sometimes human nature someone yes yes yes they go over oh yes why you did this or what what was the insecurity that triggered that and I've learned things about myself I'm learning things about like like I was the only child you know single mom so there's all these things I've learning about like why I interact with you know my girlfriend the way I do because of my mom and like you know my friendships and why get angry about certain things applies to things on stage like you know so I'm really why I have so many these types of relationships in my life where people are like you know needy you know like I find myself being like the one that's trying to help I don't have a lot of

131:48equal relationships I learned all these things ibly felt vulnerable as a kid and when you see vulnerable people you want to help them yes you can relate and my mom - my mom went through a lot to get to the states you know she was from you know Belize you know in Central America and like just coming here and hearing her stories and like you know having having to like be somebody to take I was 15 years old having to take care of my mom like you know you know her emotions were and so then I that had an effect on me you know but I didn't learn this until I was able to go talk to a professional are you close were you dad I had never met my dad you know single parent you never met my dad so thanks for bringing that up I don't know mine either mine's name is Joe Rogan he's out there someplace he's out there yeah I've never met my dad and then I thought people did you ever want to meet

132:35your dad did you ever see you know what's funny my mom when I met him I knew him until I was like six oh that's worse I never knew so I think that that's when you if you know him a little bit and then they're gone that sucks but the thing is it made me realize that you can't count on people but you you can trust issues become someone that people count on right and count on people that's what you do I have a tight group of friends like me and my friends are very close I get it I would do anything for my friends and family to see I have a certain there's a certain level loyalty that I have because of that kind of that yeah will you understand it where someone who grows up in a big household filled with people and the family was always there and everyone was there you might take people for granted a little bit you know whereas for me camaraderie and closeness and all that

133:24that means a lot to me it's very very important I remember asking my mom about my dad when I was like I don't know 17 18 you know and she got really offended you know she was like I raised you and you know and that made me think like I was like but women have their secrets like they had their things and I didn't want her to I never I don't regret your cry I don't want to pry and I didn't want to find out like maybe he wanted to be in my life but my mom was like no who knows you know she my mom she could have been vindictive like that but I don't know but I didn't hold it against her but she told me his name and she was like if you want to do this on your own you're that kind of thing and I had the name for like a week and then I forgot it and that told me that it didn't matter so I had ever since I never worried about it good for you yeah it's there's some people it bothers

134:10them for their whole life like one thing I don't know when you have kids your bond with your kids it's like it's I mean I would assume that everyone's bond with their children is very tight because it's a an unbelievable love connection that you have with children it's your true unconditional love it's not just true unconditional it's like they they're a drug like they give you they give you love to the point like my daughter my youngest was we were playing the other day in the pool and there's a point in time we were just laughing about something together just laughing looking at her face and she's laughing and I felt like I was on drugs I was like love that I have for these people is so it's so intense it's it's it's and it's also I didn't get that when I was kid I didn't know exam and the parents might you know my mom worked my stepdad was a really good guy but no one was

135:00ever around you know it's just there was no and when they were done work and everybody was tired you know I was a latchkey kid you know when when I was like 7 years old I live in San Francisco I would go out and do a magic show on Fisherman's Wharf by myself just wander around the city just they would open the door you just leave 7:00 I can't imagine that I spent a lot of time by myself too because my mom was working and myself trying trying to like trying to make it trying to make sure that I had a good life by myself you know Eric if you have kids with this young lady or another young lady your connection with that kid will be it'll blow your mind change who you are I feel like that's what I've been lacking that's why I've been more open to you know thinking about these kinds of things you seem like a dad yeah Wow cuz I'm writing I'm picturing you a dad right but my whole

135:46life I've been like you know I've been my that role for so many people in my life right now we're holding a baby and it's crazy so that's why we still like I always feel like you have already had one of my best friends in the world is like someone that I that's like I've had to take care of you know he's had a little drinking problem and yeah but I've been there the whole time and I and even though people would be like you know you you you have to like you know that people that think that you know yes I'm hit rock bottom and get but I'm just not like that yeah I've been through that too I had a very good friend of mine that's my best friend who died of heroin and he was always up there was always something it was always he had a crack problem for a while and then he got on pills and it was he was either snorting it or it was like he already lying very much reminds me of this guy and Joey

136:38Diaz did a little bit too when I first met Joey it was like right after my friend Johnny well is right before Johnny had died Johnny was still alive but I'd known people like Joey because of my friend Johnny but you know it's just I always was there for him I was always trying to take care of him I was I was trying to help him but it's just he was always there was always something going wrong and it never in but there was these brief moments man where he'd be fine and we'd be laughing and we'd have the best time and that's why you fight for it it's those times because I was always I was always thinking that one day who's gonna get it together I had the same thing with my friend is like there's still going on with me right now it's like you know when you have when you deal with someone that deals with depression real depression you know lost his mother and you know

137:23and then how that affected his whole life and it's like so I'm there and he's younger than me so I feel this mentorship and I just feel like a loyalty that I just can't shake right so I you know so that's that and I know when I said when I go to therapy I I want to ask why am i this way right you know and then I realized that comedy has been dampering my own depressions or my own feelings because I feel like I'm dealing with it in some way so while sometimes I go and talk about things and I talk about things in a way I just no holds bar because I want to I want to get this out right hey I feel like this you know or if I don't like something and and then combine that with we live in a society right now where people don't want to necessarily hear an opinion that is not theirs well there's definitely a little of that right and so then therefore we get this like it

138:11becomes it's tougher and tougher to do what we do but it's not gonna stop me from doing it but that's it's sweeter and sweeter when you pull it off you know especially controversial yeah I'm just gonna navigate the waters and it's exactly what I feel like I've been I've been doing it I think I did it with this special I think I tried to talk about things in a way where I was like okay you may not agree but you don't have to vilify me you know you don't have to like you know you know but anyway it all goes back to like you know like who we are as people because of like our parents you know you know and it's like I my I love my mom I love my stepdad stepdads a great guy I'm glad he's in my mom's life you know they're off in Spain right now they moved to Spain like I say like a year and a half ago and so they're there you know and I'm happy that she's happy in the later

138:56part of her life that's awesome you know yeah that's mean look man at the end of the day it should be just about enjoying this experience just having time with people you care about and enjoying it and it's hard to figure out what I mean we're very very fortunate in a lot of ways but one of the big ones is that you and I found comedy and yes you imagine I mean don't you get all the people sometimes I go how the they live without telling jokes when I see some happen on TV I know that guy needs to go do an open mic set you know you need to go get that out man go get that out well you know that feeling that you get like Friday night and the Ori just smash and you get offstage like tell me there's a better feeling it cuz whatever I was feeling it all goes away yeah or but that's why I feel like I do think though that sometimes we're like putting a damper on it and that's

139:49necessarily go away but we found another outlet to get it out well you just got a little hiss intoxicated you taking a little happy pill yeah but you know like there's happiness and all sorts of things that you enjoy doing I find I've I try to fill my life up with in activities that I enjoy doing but family's a big one too man family is it's a it's a different thing man it changes you you know and I'm all I have all daughters it's all my house is off it's so feminine everything is female so I mean I've talked about it on my special about you know the Bruce Jenner thing about you know like that uh my last special the one before this one that it's just that if you live with crazy long enough eventually you become one yeah that's like I am becoming you were the more feminine version of yourself oh my god I'm so much more feminine than I've ever been ever so much more in tune with how girls

140:43think so much more tolerant of like nonsense talk because you're talking nonsense talk it's just different but it's just like you realize like if you and if I'm around like women when they're talking together and I'm gonna observe her and I wash them they just talk about different man I mean there and then when we've just talked about different for like two hours yeah but with you like try to interject interject and go hey you guys see that bare-knuckle boxing fight that was awesome like ugh let's get away from yeah yeah like for them what you're interested in is stupid and for them you know they want to talk about whatever the they want to talk about that they're - at the moment whether it's shoes of the royal wedding or wishes relationships have been in a relationship for this long now has taught me patience patience is taught me patience Tommy like you know the debt to

141:32accept the double standard that that things aren't supposed to necessarily be equal that they're supposed to be like that it's like one of those scales you know and you put stuff in the scale on this side and she puts different things but that's how you balance out mmm but they don't have to be the same thing you know people don't give love in the same way so you shouldn't accept you shouldn't expect it to be the way you give it but that becomes a problem you know that becomes a problem I had a girlfriend once that she's she didn't express love in a way that was like hugging and she didn't want to do it that way she wasn't affectionate she was an affectionate she liked you buy me a TV or something you know but it's so weird and I understood though because it was because her family wasn't like that Dave Warren wasn't hug they weren't a huggy people but I was there feel sad for people like

142:20that yes I do we need human interaction we need the connection we need to you know we need to feel you know we need to feel that and then we also need smiles we need smiles from people I always tell my girlfriend like you know the but you're the most beautiful when you're just like happy and smiling because the moment she isn't it's like what did I do if she's mad and she is she mad I know she's mad what did I do or well what did she think I did pre-emptive yeah if I do that will she get mad oh my god I know it's like a Da Vinci Code man we're just trying to figure out now so I'm learning with her but I remember I was I was with a girl that I was dating at the time I was in my 20s I was very young at the time and I was with a couple of my buddies and we were talking and this guy was he was bringing up that this guy was having some crazy problem with his girlfriend

143:19and I said oh yeah I go she's I go she's crazy em here's the problem he don't want to get rid of her cuz she's hot yeah and I go she's like who's that girl from real housewives not real housewives desperate house Terry what Teri Hatcher this was back like she was in one of those movies one of those summer movies way back in the day you know Teri Hatcher's a few years older than me so this is like well I'm talking this we're with this conversation took place in the 90s so I I think the way I described it then I said like a young teri hatcher and this girl got so mad at me she got so mad at me that I used teri hatcher a young teri hatcher to describe and I remember sitting there going what yeah what I just yours you you're such an and I'm like what did I do I was talking about this guy's got a girlfriend who's hot she's hot like a young teri hatcher there she is oh yeah

144:23dude she's stupid but she was in like some movie where I forget what the the premise of the movie was but there was a guy in the movie that couldn't you couldn't deal with the fact that she was confused anyway my point is this I didn't get it I was like what did I do wrong of course she was mad that I didn't use her as an example of someone really hot Oh God sometimes she was you know what sometimes I know now here's a promise comics like we were like you know we like to think in logical ways but we also like to analyze things yes so like you know so like she asked like if I feel ugly here you have to be like you have to know at that moment Oh is she fishing for me to say compliments compliment more more if like or like she just woke up and sometimes you just you you have to just be like oh you look so great today I think you got to preemptively just throw those in there

145:26just just just decorate the plate with it here's a nurse Lee and you know what's weird she knows you don't believe it up no I'm saying she's gonna know now don't me I think they know when they just need it and they know you know they want you to know that they just need this right now whether you want to or not they just know they they know that and then that's what they're really connected to oh he's doing what he he's doing that thing for me right that's all that it is do this for me and some girls don't need that at all some girls just don't need it like hey those who doesn't need something else yes you know it's you know getting the girl in their 20s is is you know that's why I have to start doing boxing cuz you think you got 15 I'd like the things I have to do have to like work magic you know yeah man because in a few years I mean that's the thing is like there's a definite

146:42deterioration of your physical being as you get into your 40s yeah if you don't keep up so if you keep I know I'm not look at me if you keep a notable fun cuddly guy but I gotta get I gotta get there and so it's in my pot I put I put on weights I walk by a donut shop and I'll gained like two pounds what do you eat I just a horrible you eat horrible yeah that's the thing yeah sure you die it's not good not die I gotta get not dying in gear when I don't ma I don't mind eating wild no money my problem is this if it's in front of my plate if it's all my plate I'll eat it so I have to cut down on what's on my plate well when I met you you were thinner yeah but I my weight is always fluctuated you know why I I'll never forget this we both a good friend Ari Shaffir I'm in the hallway at economy store I just got back from the Middle East so I was eating like a Arab Prince over there just it's

147:31just a fat when I came back I'm in mid conversation with Ari and in conversation he leans over Witten and he grabs my cheek he grabs my cheek and he goes like this he squeezes it and he goes hey what's going on let me say something let me say something I went to the gym the next day and I signed up with with a personal trainer like that next day because the way he did it mm-hmm I was like oh it was like I forgot so I had to just get back to it I've just been comfortable well he's a comic yeah you know he saw ulnar ability oh yeah yeah yeah attacked like the devil that he is but the thing is man I'm doing a boxing man I just started to boxing no kidding you can get someone to do like meal plans for you I know there's a bunch of those companies that will make you healthy just keep it yeah you keep him in the fridge I see I I want to just do it I know I can because I've done it

148:33by your own yeah I did I was vegan for a year mm-hmm you know cuz I did oh my god I was crazy but you don't want to mess me up as I did at the end of the year I did that Master Cleanse what's on Master Cleanse remember the Master Cleanse with cayenne pepper and and a maple syrup and that's all you ate for a week okay okay that I did it for exposed over 10 days I got to day five then the two days of here to let your body get used to like having saddling a soup and then I had a fat burger ooh like I was bad went from not eating meat from a year but you know what I learned from being vegan for a year is that the meat is not necessarily the main course it's just a side dish with everything else so if you have a good thing a broccoli a good thing corn a good thing of mushrooms and then you have a good thing a steak then it's you don't have to have the steak and then

149:22had you could have some great side dishes okay well there's a lot of people that eat carnivore diet now so a lot of people that are eating just meat very interesting I think it's all about moderation man I don't know it's different people but you work out you a workout guy you got it work you got monkey bars out I try to worry I've been working out twice a day well there you go my main thing is one hard workout a day and one less less hard work out of there now if you think if you didn't do that that your physical your physical physically change okay I would diminish for sure yeah cuz when I take time off if I take time off I noticed diminishing maybe but maybe that but also let's say a proper average health or even above average health is here maybe what you're doing brings you up here so that diminishing you're talking about it's just gonna bring you to a more average normal level

150:18but still in great shape yeah maybe or maybe you're overdoing it I'm just wondering I was doing it because I'm on être everything I'm making sure my health is good and my body's in good shape but I just know that if you don't use it you lose it there's just a fact that and when I say a workout twice a day what it means is usually I'll do yoga during the day and I'll lift some weights or I'll run the hills and then at night I'll lift some weights you know doing a navy seal workout twice a day no no no one one of the workouts is like pretty calm the weightlifting workouts are almost always pretty calm unless I'm doing like a cardio kettlebell workout or something intense at this gym they have you could do the boxing and then another days you can come back you could do like weight training act active weights and stuff so I'm going to start doing that one - I

151:03bet a big thing with you is just what you're eating yes bro yeah the animal cookies this the circus animal cookies I have in my kitchen right now good it's not good good but they come in these little packs but I have a pack of 50 so every time I have one I think well I'm only have it you know so I have to I'd love to eat just two but the weight get goes on me so fast it's so annoying that it just sits in my gut area especially as you can shake like an ostrich it's hot that's why you keep up that's the whole thing oh man you gotta maintain my comedy you have to work on my physical at the same time you'll feel better I want to feel that way more energy cut out the sugar yeah here we go with the sugar is it cut out sugar in grains you lose 30 pounds cut out everything that is delicious just eat salads and fish eat healthy have some red meat but in moderation

152:03honey crazy I'm going on the fries a lot of cheering a lot of fries drink a lot of water okay fries are we last time you had some fries today yeah exactly but you just can't can't can't have it all the time I know I'm saying stall moderation Saturday night a nice Italian restaurant it's a hostel a sausage some shrimp it was delicious we just had the same meal I had that last night yeah Sean that valio Duval Oh world emergency Diablo yeah I like it tastes good but I just don't allow myself to do it very often most of the time a real clean good for you I'm trying to get there buddy you could do it I know don't get defensive you know I'm saying I've done it I'm in your corner I'm not defending mad at me because I know I should be doing it a run out of here go right to the gym I'm just gonna I'm not gonna leave the building plenty of equipment we could have work out side by side I know I

153:13should have brought my stuff got stuff for you of course this is just me trying to get out of it already Joe I got my shoes I had to bring my orthopedics I think the comics it's like it's it's it's important to alleviate a certain amount of angst you want to go on stage with a certain amount where you're upset and you know you're like pissed off at but you don't want to go upset on stage hating yourself right you know this is same please I don't like comics that go on stage drunk right I don't like how they they need this alcohol or people to think we'd like you know people to think we'd like out am I saying weed makes you lazy mmm but lazy people shouldn't smoke weed right I know what you're saying well as a person who smokes weed it really bothers me because I'm not lazy at all and I just I hate that connection between lazy people and weeks I don't think that's I don't think

154:04that's what makes you lazy no no I agree that's why I'm saying I'm not saying it makes you lazy no but if you're already lazy and then you do this it's not gonna be a winning combination it's not just that it just looks bad yeah and you blame it on the we look at jr. Smith I think I think that was a weed situations Jerry Smith from the front of car you know you don't even know clearly kelgarries jumps into press the microphone you did something really stupid it was like - it was like three four seconds left their their tie ballgame right one of their other guys is at the free-throw line he misses the free throw Jr Smith grabs the ball instead of putting it up to win the game he dribbles out because he thought that they were up and the look on his face was like that kind of like I've seen this hi look I'm not saying but stories he smokes a lot of weed so and I'm

154:59saying like those weed people out there like there's an example of it there are brilliant people that smoke weed they're successful look at LeBron that's the look LaVon had on his face first of all how Jack is LeBron look at those show six nine to fifty probably six percent body fat the shoulders on that 33 years old - and he's getting better yes assembly's shoulders are epic yeah man there's another picture of him like straight on where he literally looks like an Avenger like he could be like some sort of like keep him the away from Jeff Novitzky you know look at that picture look at the picture of them right there that one word Jeff's mother smiling that's and I think the owners understand that other stoners I think he got like he had a little Blaine a brain slip I guarantee did you know when war paying you 17 million dollars that's boom that's him yeah but there's plenty

156:03of pictures of me that look like that to where I'm sober they catch you you could just look blanking you could just look up Jerry Smith hi I'm sure there's a website so he smokes a lot of weed yeah there you go well dissing doesn't it like one of those things the NBA has it in their contract so they don't test for weed they do test but it's not as stringent as every word test for weed but these guys are all getting high yeah like it's that locker room here's Dan for pool for well you know I told you I play pool pool marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug 100% it makes my game I don't believe you you don't have to I'm telling you does not make your patient baby better it does it's actually more sensitive trust me oh the reason why basketball players find it better too it puts them into some sort of a zone now are you saying that LeBron James knees we'd know like there's a lot

156:53of pro pool players who are top of the food chain who don't do anything right but a lot of guys who like it say that weed bumps their game up quite a bit and I'm one of them it makes me play better I'm telling you you don't know because you don't smoke weed I did experiment okay I want to experiment you to play you're gonna you are you're gonna play pool you play no you gonna play pool sober okay okay and then you're gonna see your results and then see the problem is if I'm sober and then I smoke I smoke pot and get high I will have been warmed up for either playing pool sober and I'll definitely play better hi in separate separate days days is have to your body has to be like perfectly in tune I'm going to get real accurate results because one day I could have lifted weights which up your pool game like nothing here we go telling you just pick two my best games

157:44I was medicated Matt Barnes on his game day use of marijuana Matt Barnes who will not be in a Hall of Fame who no good player he's alright I want Michael Jordan to come out and say that then I'm gonna be like whoa wow you know I want someone like that I don't know go don't do this the role players let's see you're saying this those a guard doesn't smoke pot I'm telling you live before jiu-jitsu for jiu-jitsu it's a huge part of the jiu-jitsu were a lot of people get high in sand and then to jiu-jitsu and they say it makes their game better what's the practical use of jiu-jitsu well if you and I were in a fight that would kill you that I think you would kill me anyway but tell me the practical okay so it's just for that moment but and well no no it's not just would you want to be high if you were like walk into your car late at night and then three guys came at you

158:39and you would you want them to be ask you what's the perfect circumstance then you're it's late at night you're headed to your car I don't think you understand marijuana I'm just saying what you want to what would you prefer would you prefer to be sober or high it might be the one we fire you fine with either one yeah that depends I mean I'm not gonna be able to do anything different if I'm sober or high I'm fit we're not talking about drunk now if you said what I want to be drunk or sober yeah I'd want to be sober oh no I'm not I get it if I'm worried about getting hit and I'm not so sure about reaction time or one of the things about pot is it makes you a little bit paranoid so it puts you on edge it makes you aware of okay the other thing is it focuses you like very cleanly on what you're doing it's like if heart is not here just drawing if you're drawing or music or something

159:28along those lines we're really trying to focus a lot like writing a lot of people really like it for those things because it makes you really focus on what you're doing but then I know vision but then I think what happens then is that that's whatever they were doing on that they don't apply it to cuz I know a lot of uh I have a lot we both have a lot of pot head comedian friends yeah but and there's some of them I know that when I started with them I know that they're not doing what they're doing now then that they're that they didn't keep going they exceed their expectations big and I know part of it was because of the pot I don't think it is I think the pot is just common denominators is an excuse it's not the common denominator is no work ethic a girl my denominator is it didn't help the work ethic I don't think it hurts or helps I think it's just know

160:13it's a factor study on this yeah I mean the study would be skewed because a lot of failures that get high all the time would be in the study right but a lot of winners that get high all the time don't want to talk about it I think that and I by the way I'm with you 100% on this I what I hate is that the people that don't have any work ethic they look at somebody with a work ethic that smokes weed and then say well look they made it because they smoke weed and I'm like no they would have made it without the weed yeah they would have made it without the week that's what I'm saying before I ever smoked weed I was already on television yeah he had a Warner Brothers CD as know start smoking weed until like 2000 I'm not I'm not listen I'm not anti weed but I just think that with anything there should be moderation yes no I agree like one of the best things I did last year was re

161:02and Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and I we did this sober October thing whereas I saw its no booze no pot and we had to do 15 hot yoga classes in the month and I learned a lot in that month I really did are you different are you a different person because of it no it was good you gotta get out of here I have yeah up yeah no I have another really yeah Jesus Christ 220 bro yeah I'm doing another one I'm gonna see Barry Katz okay if you can believe that congratulations baby cats is a podcast that's gonna be a interesting day for me we just Oh about the pot but I want to forget what was going to say stone the thought no it's not uh-huh it's not whether or not you smoke pot it's whether or not you get things done and whether or not you write out what you're supposed to do whether or not you you actually try to achieve goals whether or not you're you're actively trying to

161:55improve whatever you're doing whether you build cars or make competent cabinetry it's just about whether or not you're working towards succeeding and improving and I agree listen I agree that I'm not anti pot I'm Rob not I should but I grew based on evidence love the people that are around a lot of us we should be anti pot I should be anti pot dude I know a lot of people that were there were made me sad like I'd run into him at the Comedy Store and they'd be like bro you got any weed on you man yeah and I'd be like you're not doing anything you're not doing anything with your life and you want some weed go get a job it's a meat yeah but then you also see guys like Ari who get high all the time and they're constantly working or Doug Benson who's like the most functional pothead I've ever met in my life I all day he's a weird one or Snoop Dog yeah so there are people but these

162:44are people that are they're the exceptions not the rule I wonder there's a lot of people on Wall Street that get high there's a lot of people that are involved in like the tech world that get high a lot and what what people think about it is that look it's like everything else man it can be good for you or it could your world don't you know I mean moderation I think there's some benefit to it and what the benefit is vulnerability creativity makes you feel vulnerable it makes you re-examine things makes you look at me people call it paranoia I just think it broadens your your awareness I think it's a stand-up you already have a level of vulnerability just going on stage and talking about things for sure so that's like my sure that some of that I just felt that's my drug there's a good drug I mean it's it's definitely not one that's gonna ruin your life hopefully yeah unless you

163:31tell about Planet of the Apes I hope she bounces back but I don't know if she will has anybody bounced back from this new era of hate and anger no one has bounced back well I don't think I don't think like Aziz wasn't taken out well I think it show was cancelled or anything I didn't have a show except the Netflix show and he didn't do anything to the point where it was like a crime but a lot of people went after him like that Sam Samantha bee lady went after him and oh she's going hard yes yeah it becomes a stick at a certain point you know it loses credibility sort of if she means it she means well it's important voice the problem with going hard on a person is you're only getting one version of what happened you know like you're not talking about going hard on a person who committed a crime you're going hard on a person that's involved in an interaction

164:36with two people what I would like to see though is like someone like Samantha B to like ask Aziz to come on her show and him do it no but that's what I'm saying is well that's why that would be you wouldn't she's already attacked it's all entertainment I mean it's like isn't that the whole point of it probably hurts for him well and that's he can as he could handle himself in that forum I would like to see that it's icy even that I think those forums are hard to do you know I did a Ben Shapiro's podcast that just aired yesterday and he is a Sunday special thing that he does and has an hour long and every 15 minutes he stops the conversation does a commercial and while I was sitting there doing I was like I really liked guy I really liked talking to him brilliant guy but this is not the best way to stay loose and have a conversation I guess you this is the best format yeah

165:29it's kind of conversations that we've had over the past three hours is the best format you just talk nothing nothing interrupts you there's no sensor there's year there's no thing you have a data type please don't talk about this right and also like it's best with friends like you know I care about you you know your friend you know we're gonna have fun and there's no I'm not looking to get you be weird with you gotcha gotcha pakka I'm trying to have fun with you and we had fun you know and this this is like the best format to get to understand people I think what we're missing today in this world and this is this is just an open thought people need more opportunities to be cool with each other and less it take advantage of less opportunities to attack each other and I see a lot of attacking lately and I don't know if the attacking is because there have been so many egregious crimes

166:23that need to be corrected like Harvey Weinstein or like you know fill in the blank or all the other monsters that have been out there it's late I don't pick on people cute I keep texting you yeah your phone's your watch it's different it's all the time so is changing you hit the X and then it just goes to whatever else I think somebody's listening to our podcast right now and somebody texted my girlfriend and she's like actually just send me a text message right now you better not be married I'm hoping that it all balances out I hope that it comes back around and people just I think there's value and in just be nice to each other lead by example yeah that's all it is it's a hard thing we have to lead by example and that's why I'm saying these issues that men as a man what we're having out here is we forgot how to be gentlemen we've been and I think that if like say they're in

167:21the Z situation if he had just been a gentleman I don't know he was trying to get with her you know they were texting back and forth and it was like yo yo yo he went to dinner and they ended up at his place and it was you know it was like maybe you don't bring a chick do you barely know to your place now maybe there should be as different times better for sure right if you're too but if you're a guy like that means you know if you heard Tony talk about women throwing themselves at you all the time what are you supposed to do act like a gentleman is what I'm saying get up fashion executor the excuse shouldn't be is like you know like that's like a man way to say it to be like you know you got all these hot chicks like you know what am I supposed to say no these hot chicks mmm yeah maybe you should Wow look at you being all judgmental here's a guy who had the

168:07girl come back to his place and she was no to her I should have that's my wait I should have I should have like started but I let my own ego get in the way I let my own like you know insecurity of being like well this girl really is into me so let me let me go through getting the hey just because you can doesn't mean you should let's end with that I think we should and when is our special what is it soon ace show time test yeah that's this weekend Friday June 8th Friday night but I'll also be at the Irvine improv on Friday so yeah oh we can all be at Irvine if you want to come see me there and then Showtime I'm dying up here is airing right now on Showtime episode 6 will be next sunday eautiful you know so check me out at Eric Griffin I love you beautiful weather appreciate being on I will you be on I'll be on it my first guest at Eric Griffin pocket