Whitney Cummings

00:00Did you get the comedy star? Oh, no. I never cashed the checks. So, how'd you get into comedy? We're live. We are live. Real answer, bad childhood. That's everybody's real answer. If you didn't get into that for that reason, you probably have a shitty act. Yeah, that is so true because unless you unless you weren't seen as a child or heard as a child and have this like insatiable need to be seen and heard and understood. It's definitely a deficit. You can't be funny, dude. What the were you doing in Vietnam? Because this is one of the reasons I didn't want to talk to you about this before that. I didn't want to see you before this. I just wanted to get you in and I'm glad we didn't talk about it before, but I I went to your Instagram page and I saw these pictures of you working with these children that have cleft pallets and I saw all these photos of you in Vietnam. So, tell me

00:43what are you doing? Yeah. Um, so there's this charity called Operation Smile and I usually work in animal charities cuz people I think are usually the problem and I and helping people just seems to make more proliferate. And uh, and in terms of charity stuff like I think that just why I started wanting to get more involved is like um, if I'm going to be perfectly honest, I started not liking the person that I was. I started realizing I was the person who was like, "God, traffic is like crazy today." And like, "Oh my god, Starbucks is out of soy milk. What the fuck?" Like, I was just like, "Whoa, that is Did you What did What made you feel like you were going to a place that you didn't like or becoming a person you didn't like?" I think it's like um you know, doing like working with animals and like, you know, going to sort of um parts of town that I wouldn't normally go to to rescue

01:36animals and dogs. you start going like, "Oh, there's a a real world outside this Truman show that we live in of the fake sets and the fake this and the fake people and the fake, you know, makeup and the fake clothes every and I was just like, oh, like that I live in um a fun house, you know, sometimes when you're in this business. I mean, standup keeps me, you know, a real person." Is it TV shows that get you? I think it's TV shows. I think it's writing fake scripts about fake people and fake lots and fake houses and you know fake edit bays and uh I just was like really um concerned about you know and knowing you know way more than I do but then what I do know about neurology is that our brains acclimate to whatever environment we're in and I was like if I'm in this environment all the time my brain is just going to start acclimating accordingly right so it's like you know

02:27I find it in little ways like you know if I uh if I have a small purse I only need a small purse. If I wear a big purse, all of a sudden I filled it up with you know? It's like you kind of acclimate to what you have. Uh, and so I was like, um, yeah, I don't I don't like the things that come out of my mouth. I don't like my inner monologue. I don't like the fact that I get annoyed when uh, you know, my Uber's, you know, not on time. Like, I just I I was like, so I kind of wanted to get some perspective and like really get out there and not just like give money for my own selfish like guilt Like, oh, I'm just going to give money, right? Um and so I went uh to Vietnam for two weeks and did this um I went to Tokyo for a couple days before then which was actually really interesting. Uh and uh went and got to you know watch the surgeries and uh it was also cool because um I don't know if

03:18you are at this ever went through this but um I think I got sick of myself like I just kind of was like I'm sick of my voice. I'm sick of my making jokes. I'm sick of being funny. I'm sick of like and uh there's something about being around people that don't speak English that kind of strips you of your like persona, you know, of your all the things that you just because some I mean I I just I don't want to go through life like a sleepwalking zombie who's just like doing a bad impression of myself every day. Um because that's so easy to do and I find I felt like life was a little bit groundhog day. good, get up, work out, jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes, bits, bits, bits, you know, um, insecure, insecure, you know, and I got a little bit sick of that rhythm and I was like, there's got to be something more um, deeper. And, uh, you know, we're seekers and I was

04:09like thinking about my next special and the next thing I'm going to write and I was like, I don't want to just and I felt like my brain was had this there was like patterns and rhythms that I was like, I keep going to the same place for, you know, creatively and I was like, I want to go to a different place entirely. So, I got to like challenge my brain and throw some new at it. Um, and being around people that don't speak English is really, and first of all, have no idea who you are, which is another experience when you're used to people knowing who you are and having expectations of you and thinking you're going to be funny or, you know, when you're known, all of a sudden you have the power whether you want it or not in a room. You know, you walk into a room and you have the power. Whether you're interested in having it or not, you just do, right? Joe Rogan walks in,

04:52everyone's like, "Oh, Joe Rogan's here." everyone be cool and everyone's trying to impress you, everybody changes, right? So, you never get to see people's authentic self because you inherently affect them with your presence. You know, there's some I can't remember the uh term in science where it's impossible to measure the thing because the measuring tool affects the amount is Yeah, exactly. So, you never know how people really are because your presence actually affects them. But if they've never heard of you, which in Vietnam, no one had ever heard of me. Not a lot of fans over there. And uh so you're just like, you know, you can't rely on any of that that we've become used to relying on. Um and talking to people that don't speak English, all of a sudden you're like, "Oh, I can't use all my go-to strategies, charm, manipulation, jokes, like no one cares." Um and so it was

05:43really pretty pretty cool. Um, Vietnam in general we'll talk about. I'm sure you have your thoughts on Asia. Um, mine I think are kind of probably going to be polarizing and get me in trouble because I think it's a mess over there. Um, but there's also I think that when you know I mean you have kids, you have more of a insight into what's real and what's not. Like I also noticed that when um both my parents had strokes, which was awful obviously, but I liked the person I became after it happened. Like I was like all of a sudden when something tragic happens to you, things become clear. Your priorities become clear. If someone asks you to go to launch that you don't want to hang out with, you say no. You're not like sure, I guess I'll swing. Like you're just everything becomes very black and white. Do I want to do this? Do I not? Is this a effective use of my time? Is this not?

06:32Um, so I was like, "Oh, if I just expose myself to a little bit more not tragedy, but maybe, you know, um, and stop hanging out with a bunch of people with fake problems and hang out and surround myself with real problems, then maybe I'll stop thinking I have a bunch of problems I don't really have." I always love talking to you because you're probably one of the most ruthlessly introspective people I know. Really? Yeah. Yeah. You don't You don't think you are? You don't You're pretty brutally introspective. I just I thank you. I just am I don't want to be a zombie. I don't Most people are just sleepwalking through life and uh that does not interest me. Do you have you had very many psychedelic experiences? You know what? I haven't and I was going to do Iaska last year, but I had been on anti-depressants and yeah, and I only went on them. It's such a bummer and I'm actually want to

07:23talk about this in my next um special because they were they were given to me because I was having trouble sleeping. Uh, I had insomnia, which I recently learned about how insomnia sort of came about and it's actually really important. Um, and I wish that there were doctors out there who studied like that. Like insomnia, usually people who are insomniacs thousands of years ago, people in the tribes like tribal life before street lights and alarm systems, there were people who were responsible for staying up while everybody else slept. They were like called the night watchers basically. and Night Watchers would breed with Nightw Watchers and essentially So you're a night watcher. I could be. That could be my because you know there's some people who are like I just can't fall asleep till 3:00 in the morning. You know who never says that? Who? Farmers. Farmers never say that.

08:08People actually work. So true. Dudes who dig holes all day. They sleep like I know the most unemployed people. They're like, "I cannot sleep." It's like, "Yeah, because you haven't done one thing." Yeah. go work out. So true. Yeah. You have three kids. I feel like my insomnia is going to go or something. Uh I feel like as soon as I have kids or something, my insomnia will it'll probably still stay there really. Oh, I guess I'll be a mother so I'll never sleep again. It's a Yeah, that's an issue. But it's also it's a mental loop thing. Like if you go to bed and you have a mental loop like ah I got to get this I got to get my together. I really have to do this. I really got to start this diet. I really got to start this journal. There's a book that I need to write. I know I need to write it. I need to start. Should I get out of bed right now and start writing it? And

08:48then that loop will with you and keep you up. Especially someone like you who's so hyper ambitious. You always have like 15 different irons in the fire and you've got a fireplace bellows and you're stoking that and you're on the phone. Yeah. At the same time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do that. We'll definitely do that. Like you you've almost got like too many points of focus where I imagine that your brain getting down to a neutral point, it probably has a very difficult time. Yeah. And I've also done a couple things, you know, but also our brains are not designed to see the amount of light that we see. Like we're our like the screens in our phone. Like our brain produces cortisol when they see it. It's like wake up. Our brain like thinks our phone is the sun basically. Wake up. Have you seen the new feature on iPhones where it turns it down at 10 p.m.? You could set it.

09:33No, but mine is now in black and white. Oh This is going back to technol. She's going back to the 50s. I'm sure your phone black and white typewriter. What if someone sends you a picture? Adam, then it's, you know, it's going to be very artsy. Why did How did you give me your phone? I turned it black and white because How did you do that? I didn't even know that was a setting. Yeah, it's so because the colors in your phone uh trigger a bunch of chemicals to be released in your brain that actually activate you. And this is so ironic. You have a flower as your backdrop. A flower that you can't see with the It's basically a George O'Keefe. I mean, or who? Anel Adams. Is that the vagina lady? Big. Yeah, that yeah, that's a really that's an octopus vagina actually, that flower. But yeah, I'm super into uh like, you know, just if you understand how the brain works, you can usually

10:26hack it a little bit. So, it's like when you look at your phone. So, my phone I actually I used to be so addicted to it, now I just have no interest in it because it's black and white. Yeah. It's just like it's not giving me the dopamine and the chemicals that you know. Really? Yeah. Colors do. What? Yeah. Colors. So, turning your phone black and white makes it less attractive to you. Yes. Less addictive. Whoa. Yes, because I'm like phone phone and a lot of it is just the colors. It's just like oh cortisol, adrenaline, red produces adrenaline, cortisol, dopamine. And then I'm just like now I'm just like it's so So what is the setting? How do you change it to Okay, you go to I'll tell you. Hold on. I'll never do it by the way. Yeah, why not try it? Try it for a day because I have a little thing called discipline. This is what I like to do. Don't see that. This is what I do. I go

11:07like that. See, I just want to have sex with it now. And then I do that and I walk away from that Listen, I've It's not easy. And I've learned how to do it. I've learned how to do it. So, but I have rules. That might not be your what gives you dopamine. Oh, no. It is. No. Look, I could sit down there. I I get up in the morning, take a and I'll look at that thing for 3 hours. What are you looking at? My legs are going numb. Just reading. My legs are going It's nonsense. I'm I'm reading articles that I don't need to read. I'm I'm looking nonsense. Just like a I can do it. Yeah. But what I do now is if I do it, I look at the important stuff. I go over, do I have any work emails that are pertinent? I check my work email. Look at this. Look at that. Look at that. Nothing to deal with. Do I have any text messages that are that I need to deal with? Look at that. Nothing

11:53to deal with. Shut it off. Put it away. Walk away. You and I though might have a different idea of what I need to deal with and what I don't. I sometimes, you know, get sucked into stuff that's completely unnecessary and frivolous. But that's also an addiction. and I'm texting about a baby shower that I'm not even going to and I'm just like what am I doing? You know, I'm difficult to get a hold of. Yeah, you're but you're very self-contained. I'm a little more and I'm in recovery. We've talked about it for codependence. So, I sometimes struggle with the discomfort or perceived discomfort of others. So, I feel like I need to take care of people's feelings sometimes. So, it's hard. You're a caretaker in a lot of ways. That's why you love dogs and babies. Dogs and dogs only the voiceless. only people only uh like people that are uh can't help themselves. I understand

12:36if you can help yourself and you didn't that's not my problem. I've learned over the years that I only have a certain amount of not just time but a certain amount of focus and that the less focus I give to things that I'm not really interested in, the more focus I'll have for things that I am interested in. It's like a real issue with my manager cuz I just vanish for days. I don't answer phone calls. No, I just got same thing. I had the same thing just happen with a manager who hadn't heard from me cuz I went to Vietnam and I got back and I was just like I recently learned that when someone calls or texts, you don't have to respond. Like I, you know, I think we get in this obligatory sort of thing if we have to respond to everything. And it was actually interesting going to Japan because that culture is so and I'm using this word probably uh uh inappropriately, but for lack of a

13:27better word, codependent. It's so like having to take care of everybody's feelings. Like I was talking to this guy on a plane. There's so much respect for other people's feelings and status. I went um on the plane on the way over. I sat next to this super interesting guy who creates uh tools for animators. Like I know like the stuff that makes cartoons. Like I I can't even don't even have the vernacular to explain it. Um but he said it's really hard to do focus groups in Japan. You know focus groups is when you go around and say is this working? It's not that's not working because no one will respond until an elder responds and everyone just agrees with the elder. Oh, you're not allowed to disagree with someone older than you. Uh which was uh there was an article about the um a lot of the I think it was a couple Malaysian airline flights that went down. They say it was pilot error

14:14because the co-pilot was afraid to disagree with the pilot. Oh my. the pilot was wrong, but because of the inherent respect for your elders thing, he couldn't say like, "Dude, we're going to crash if you do that." And the plane went down. So, it's so interesting. And I came back and I was like, "Oh god, at least I'm not." And I mean, and I mean, I think I was a little bit horrified, not horrified, it's not the good word, the right word, saddened by this culture of like shame over there. We have it in different ways, but it's like if you disgrace your family, you just jump off a building. I mean, it's just and uh there's thisu so many people were jumping in front of trains that the only way they could get them to stop jumping in front of trains when they shamed their family was saying, "If people jump in front of trains, we're going to bill your family for the cleanup."

15:08So that got them to stop because they were like, "Oh, I don't want my family to have to get this bill because that will disgrace them even more." So they had to use their shame against them as a way to get them to stop Whoa. committing suicide. I mean, Apple in China, Apple had to put nets around the building. Yeah. So many people were jumping off it. Well, that's a real issue in and unto itself because Apple's paying these people and they're living in this building and they're paying them dog I mean, they're they don't have these factories over in China because it's an awesome place to build phones. They have these factories over there because they could pay people virtually nothing and have them work all day. China I I've been to China before just in general like and I'm I don't want to come from a judgy place because we obviously have our problems in the

15:57States, but uh it was just a really I feel like when I went over there, everyone was like, "God, you're just going to love it." Like how everyone's like India is amazing. It's like it's really poor and people die of like dysentery and malaria. Yeah. And there's you know um uh baby girls are have their heads smashed on rocks because of the dowy system. I mean it's like there's you know I feel like there's this is that real? Yeah. There's a documentary on I guess iTunes. It's about infanticide in China and India because of the dowy system. So basically to have a child is a fortune of I'm sorry to have a female because you have to pay someone to marry her. She can't work at your dad's family and she's basically just like a financial drain. Um which is just terrifying. So that goes on in China still. What terrifies me is that that's probably an ancient way of thinking and

16:53behaving. So like we look at today and we look at this world that we live in today and obviously we have a lot of issues with equality and we have a lot of issues with racism. We have a lot of issues with homophobia but whatever issues we have are nothing compared to the the echoes of our past and when you look at something like that and when you know there are hate crimes that's an individual person against an individual person that's not like an socially accepted thing. It's not like the Nazis. I'm not endorsing hate crimes, but if you know someone uh beats up a gay guy, most people think it was bad that he did that and they go to jail. But it's one person who's up, not an entire country that's like, "Yeah, that was a good idea." Yeah. It's like the last echoes. It's like the last reverberation. And not that our way is better. I'm not saying you guys have to become America,

17:45but it was just a little bit like this is like, well, I like the fact that they're not America. I like that there's all these different cultures because I think it's fascinating that there's different parts of the world where people have figured out a different way to behave and they follow this different pattern. They've carved this groove and all the young people follow into this groove give or take, you know, and I I think that's amazing. I mean, when you look at different parts of the world and you experience their culture or you look at how they're behaving and how they they dress and how they speak and how they live their lives and their traditions, it is absolutely fascinating these patterns of repeatable behavior. repeat repeat repeating patterns that exist all over the world and that they're so different. They're different in Thailand than they are in Germany. Different

18:26parts of the world are associated with like having more humor or less humor or more, you know, more discipline or more artistic freedom. It's it's it's so and it's and and then you know I mean I always forget how young of a country we are. I mean we are a minute old compared to a lot of these countries, you know. So this is they have thousands of years of history that we don't have and but it's like how can you hold on to the really cool traditions and patterns and then release the more backwards ones and evolve and grow, you know? It's like, you know, it's just wild. I mean, in Vietnam, it's like everyone's like, "Vietnam is so beautiful. You're going to love it." And I was like, "Yeah, it's definitely beautiful, but I see um poverty and air that uh no one can breathe. Everyone's wearing masks cuz they can't inhale. There's no emissions regulations. Everyone's on like I was

19:17like, "Oh, right. White trust fund kids or like Vietnam's beautiful." And they say that because they can come back to, you know, Williamsburg, Brooklyn or whatever. That's the thing that white people love talking about brown people being amazing. It's like look, I I don't like you're not a better person cuz you think Vietnam's amazing. It's amazing. like just admit that it's it's in we need to I mean I know we we it up in the a lot of it's our fault of what we did in the 70s but it was like it was um gave me a lot of anxiety you know cuz it was like I mean it was just like the hospitals I mean we were in a hospital and you know we needed four of this machine that uh puts babies to sleep. Pediatric anesthesia is very different than regular anesthesia and it's essentially bringing people to the brink of death and then bringing them back. It's like incredibly fascinating.

20:05uh uh job and they had one of the machines that they needed and the pediatric anesthesiologist like we need four and they were like we don't have them. We just don't have them in this country. We just can't do surgery on babies. It's just not in our purview. It's not our you know so so back to to the you know the kids come in with cleft pallets and cleft lips which the baby is essentially um they have trouble breastfeeding. It's um cleft pallet's just, you know, just kind of this opening here and a separation. What causes that? Uh malnutrition, uh in the womb. Yep. Exposure to genetics, uh exposure to pollution. I'm sure all that napal we dropped in the 70s didn't really help. Uh but yeah, and in America, it still happens, but it's handled right away. It's handled. It comes out three months later, it's fixed. No big deal. Over there, sometimes it's never fixed. I

21:01mean, you see adults, you see men that are 50 come in with giant giant cleft lips and pallets and they've and it's even worse in third world countries, especially African countries because there's such a stigma attached to it. Not only is it, you know, in our brains to go like, he's different than me and ostracize or stigmatize someone, but um a lot of more religious countries think you're the devil or you're, you know, you can't get a job, you're, you know, completely sequestered, you're thrown out of your family. And you know, and I think, and this is going to sound super corny, um, but I guess for me, I I connected so much to, maybe it's cuz, you know, we're comedians. I was like, look, life, if you it's one thing to grow up in a third world country. It's another thing to deal with poverty and but if you can't smile, like the basic the only real medicine we have, you know,

21:53everybody has universal medicine of like laughing and smiling. It's how we connect to people. bullets. I mean, that's Like, that was frustrating. And uh it's so easy to fix. That's the other thing that's like frustrating is it takes like 30 minutes. Look at Phoenix. Look at Phoenix. Is it That's Isn't it weird? That's a cle Yeah, he has a cle Stacy Ce. Isn't it weird that we Phoenix got it? I mean, he's like a white guy. It can be genetic. I mean, yeah, but also America has its its history with up you know. Um, you know, we're by no means squeaky clean. I mean, we're exposed to a lot of We are the best, right? We are the best. Yeah, exactly. America. yeah. Mura. Mura. Um, uh, you'll like this. Uh, oh, we talked. Yeah, we talked about this last time. Just sort of like how we essentially always had to drink alcohol when before we had potable water. I mean, it's people were just, you know,

22:47Well, that's why people drank wine out of those flasks they carried around to get to keep from getting Traveler's disease from water. That's what they would call it. Yeah. So it's completely um so I wonder why people were such They were just hammered. Everyone was hammered all the time. I mean actually when you think about it it's a miracle that someone I mean Ford built a car like it's like as if you were sober you got to be like Rockefeller. Yeah. Like I feel like the couple people who were sober just basically became like the biggest sober people who drank coffee just took over the world. That's it. Literally took over the world. Uh because I mean everybody was shitfaced. Yeah. Um but yeah, so it's it's crazy. I mean, have you ever seen a surgery? You would love it. I've never been in the room. I've had a bunch of surgeries, but I've never been in the room. I've had

23:37one, two, three, two, three. What are they for? Joints. Yeah, mostly joints. Mostly for your mostly joints. My nose reconstructed. I have had my knees done. Thank you. Well, it was in it was internal more than like I would never know. external still up. It's all broken up in here. It's like there's all these sharp edges underneath the skin. It would break open pretty easy cuz is it cartilage just on the end and then bone up here? Yeah, this is all cartilage. This stuff is all pretty much intact, but it's the inside of my nose that was all smashed and so it was all closed off. I didn't have any any breathing out of my nose. Oh no. Till I was like 39. You're like, "Yeah, this is how people live." My whole life I couldn't breathe out of my nose. No I fell down a flight of stairs when I was five and I broke my nose pretty bad when I was five. A cement flight of stairs. I smashed my nose.

24:24We got to get you an operation smile. Yeah. Well, it wasn't, you know, just my parents just like, "Ah, he's alive. Leave him alone." Like there was no doctor trips. I broke my arm. My mother didn't even believe me. I had it lifted up and it was like up and down. It was so broken. And then she's like, "Yeah, stop break dancing." Yeah. It's just, you know, back then it was just a different world. Like people were basically like monkeys, you know? My parents were like monkeys. They're like monkey people. They didn't have the internet. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch. They understand things now. Yeah. But I think there's a little bit of a pendulum swing to the other way. Helicopter parents. Yeah. Did you There was um I was reading this thing about how um this designer who's making more dangerous jungle gyms for kids because they've gotten too safe. So

25:10what daughter broke her arm at a jungle gym? Yeah, you should call this person that. And they're not they're not safe. Yeah. Like jungle gyms are just not something more challenging or something like I don't I don't remember like it was something about the real problem with jungle gyms is you need to understand what your your capabilities are. And the only way to find that out is to fall. And if you're falling on these metal bars, you could die. Like kids that break their arm easily could break. I believe kids don't die all the time. Oh, they do. No, they do. Kids die all the time. When you have kids, you sort of pay attention to that kind of and you realize like, oh, kids fall in their head and die. Like, it happens all the time. You're not paying attention and kids get they don't understand boundaries and limitations. They understand the physical as a parent or

25:57because I'm obsessed with this cuz I'm already like I'm not close to having a a child. I froze my eggs. Uh so, if anyone wants to send some sperm, Jamie, now that you're getting now that I'm now that I'm learning about your That's why I'm asking where you from. Okay. Where are you from? Slovenia, India. J coming in a cup for you. I'm really just like trying to ascertain everyone's like DNA and how strong it is. Um but uh is that um I'm reading I just read a book called The Continuum Concept, which is like a parenting thing about like babies as long they can be held by anyone. It doesn't have to be their mom necessarily, but babies should always just be being held. And like sort of we're designed to men and women kind of weren't supposed to live together. like we're supposed to kind of and then you go off and then all the women live together and help raise all the kids. Um so uh uh so

26:45there was something interesting in that because um in the first three years uh a childhood's I'm sorry a child's ability to um believe in their own faculties essentially to trust other people and to feel like they are heard and seen depends on how much eye contact and physical touch they get. Wow. Yeah. Because basically touching is going like you I see you, you're here, you know, and the less touch and eye contact they get, the more invisible they feel and the d more dangerous they feel the world is for them. Yeah. And there's this great you'll love this um John Bulby theory of attachment like when babies crawl. It's the same as um Bonobo apes is they'll crawl a foot and then they'll look back and see if dad's still looking at me. He is. I'm going to crawl another foot. He's still there. Right. Babies turn around and check in. And then if on the fourth foot I turn around and dad is

27:32looking at his phone I go that's as far as I can go and then it's dangerous after four feet that's as far as I'll go where he'll still be there for me. So then we also our sort of world and comfort zone is designed based on when your child loses your eye contact. So I've just been sort of learning about that especially in lie of like cell phones being the new alcoholism for kids. I feel like parents just on their phone while their kids are I see it on the playground. Yeah. It's it's crazy. It's it's amazing how many people just don't pay attention to anything but their phone. I mean, I I see it constantly and I see it when people are by themselves. I see it when people with their families. I see it when people with their friends. How many times have you gone to a restaurant, you see a table full of people and everyone's on their phone and no one's talking to the people right in front of

28:15them. Did have you done like colleges recently? I stopped. I stopped. Smart. I stopped more than a decade ago. Wow. I stopped uh I think I did the University of Miami was the last one I did. I did it with Joey Diaz. I think that's chaos. That is a Do you remember the my the Coconut Grove improv? Yes. I stopped. Yeah. Oh, thank God. They closed because there were so many fights breaking out. It was so bad. I I literally told them that I would never work here again. I go, "You people are so dumb. I'll never work here again." And they were laughing. I go, "You're laughing." I go, "I'm serious. This is the dumbest audience in the country." I watched a guy do cocaine. I was opening for like was it Steve Burn or some like Craig Shoemaker like someone who someone I was opening for like 10 years ago and someone was doing cocaine on the table while I was on stage. Oh, I believe it.

29:05Well, they what what happened with that place is they started giving away free tickets and when you give away free tickets you yourself. Always. Always. Um those are bad. When you paper the room you get terrible audiences. So for a while I was trying to give free tickets to people who couldn't afford them. So, I'd always say my comps, like I'd have 10 comps in like the middle of nowhere. This actually happened in La Hoya and I would tweet out like, "Hey, so if you can't afford to come to the show, send me an email, tell me why and I'll get you tickets." And I would check it myself, you know, the Whitney at Whitney, some email. And one time this guy emails me, just a testament to exactly, you know, give an inch, take a mile. And he emails me and gives me this long story. He's a, you know, a vet, you know, he's in a wheelchair. He can't drive down. He's going to have to get a

29:48cab. And he can't afford to come. and you know the health insurance the vet health insurance is a joke and all all this whole thing and I was like such a no-brainer I was like yep you got it two tickets can't wait and literally he started the email with like this probably isn't even you so Whitney's assistant like you know problem and I'm such a big fan and da da da I write back two tickets all set I don't hear back from him at all I'm not checking again right before the show I'm looking through my emails it's 7:45 the show's at 8 I get an email back from him hey babe Babe. Hey babe. I'm running a little late. I'm running a little late. And where do I park? Oh my god. It went from like ag like total like awe and like respect and agilation. You're probably not even going to check this and like I'm sure this will never h like I became his assistant. It's a microcosm of a relationship. He

30:42was courting you and then he got me and after he you, he stopped calling you. Yeah. it literally. And then I was like, "Oh, okay. You know, do you need me to come out and meet you?" And the dynamic totally switched. It's like as soon as you give someone something for free, they stop respecting it. Well, you have I mean, it's it's hard when you're communicating with someone just through email because you have to sort of ascertain, is this person crazy? Is this person super need? Is this person completely delusional? Is this email going to be received as as a friend in the way that I intended? Is this going to be like, "Hey, nice to talk to you. Glad you like the show. Appreciate it. Good. So, what do you Oh, that's cool. You do that. That's interesting. Well, hey, nice talking to you." Is it going to be just like, "Oh, I had a cool conversation with a guy."

31:28Or is it going to be open up the door to a wacky person now? The wacky person has Whitney Cummings email. Oh, he still emails all the time. Hey, let me know next time you're in town. I mean, it's like and he behaves as if I'm doing him him a favor. Um, I also had a a great um uh heckler, a guy that I got like front row seats and like paid for everything. Um, started heckling me. It's always the people you com tickets for. This was at La Hoya. La Hoya is always, you know, it's very sketchville. It's such sketchville. There's no All the uh security guards are open micers who are like 21. Bless their hearts. They're stoned out of their minds. I mean, it's just so unsafe. It's and there's a lot of tension down there. I don't know if it's cuz there's the navies down there or there's a lot of military. Is that it? There's a lot of money. There's a lot of entitlement.

32:18It's beautiful area. But for some reason, La Hoya is like always I don't know. There's always a fight. There's always a girl who's like, "Fuck you." Like a couple breaks up. I'm like, "What the is happening?" Um I always have to kick people out of there. And so this guy's in the front row and Kevin Christie is opening for me and Kevin's very incisive like he's very like he's kind he's this comic, you know him. He's like kind of quiet and and doesn't speak a lot but when he does it's just exactly it's just the truth. Like he's just so real like that. And uh he said something once because he was on the road with me for a while and like 354 minutes into all my sets at the time a guy would just snap and start yelling at me and he's like I think what happens is like they're like loving it funny female comedian funny it's funny but like 40 minutes in you just become their wife or the girl that

33:08wouldn't them or their mother or something and they just see you it's like all of a sudden you just become a woman who's yelling at them and they're not allowed to talk back. one guy just will snap. It always happens. And I had one guy like storm the stage at me once and be like, "Who the do you think you are?" Like I was like, and it didn't feel like it was about me at all. It felt like a very old wound. Uh this you're like doing the soul. I am. It was like a very dark sad and cuz I could tell right away this has nothing to do with me. And um do you remember what you were talking about? Well, uh I'll tell you. I can I do remember what the this one guy in the front row that I comped was. He's sitting in the front and uh I was like doing and I did this joke. This was like my first special. I was getting ready for my first special. I did this joke about how every guy somewhere in his

33:56house or apartment or whatever has like a jar of coins or like a bowl of coins, you know, where you guys put your change. It's like a change jar bowl, right? You're rich. You probably just have a, you know, I throw ch change away. That's amazing. I don't need that stuff. I think it's trash. Give it to my kids. Right in the trash. Throw it away. That's right. Oh, I don't even like $1 bills. My No. That's amazing. So, do you remember I mean there was a point in your life where I'm sure you had one. Oh, yeah. No. I've rolled pennies up to make dinner. Yeah. Guys have like uh you know um their change jar and so I said it and it was like whatever. And then the guy went from like laughing laughing. And then as soon as I said that joke, he just looked at me and he went, "That's so we can pay for your shit." Whoa. I was like, "Uhoh." And from then on out, it was just like everything I said,

34:56he'd be like, "Well, that's cuz you and that's cuz if he didn't spend so much money, he's heckling. He's literally he's in the front row alone." And you know that alone by himself. Alone by himself. Oh, that's not good. And you know that moment where someone's heckling and you're like, "If only I can hear them, I'll keep going. But if the audience can hear them, I have to do something. Yeah. So I finally had to. He had to go. But at the La Hoya comedy store, there's like a window into the street. So he went outside and just stood in the window and stared at me for the rest of the Jesus Christ. And I just remember he was just standing there and it was like, oh my god. You know, so I think I think comedy can really trigger trigger people sometimes. It's you're drinking, you're out, you have someone. You're talking about a guy that's willing to go to a comedy show by himself

35:39in the front row. Already a red flag. You should just kick that person out right away. This is a guy that emailed you. So you go there's a different guy. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. He emailed and Yeah. Good. So So you you have a connection with He's probably thinking he's going to be in love with you, but he's going to straighten you out. So you're a little too mouthy. You're a little too talkative. You have too many opinions. And he's like, "Yeah, I'll I know why. I'll just yell back at her." Yeah. Straighten around. Girls love that. Yeah. Well, you know, there are people that think that people need to be put in check and that people like it. You know, there's a comedian. I'll tell you I'll tell you the story now, but I'm not going to tell you who it is. Okay. Can I guess? Yes. Okay. But if you get it right, I'm not going to tell you until after. If I get it right, just go.

36:27Don't because now I'm probably going to do that anyway. Okay. Um, there is this thing I think that exactly what you're talking about. Yes, you got it. Um, I do think there is this thing the same way women sometimes meet a man and they're like, I can fix him when he's probably not broken and is happy and fine or like I'll whip him into I hear my friends say it all the time and I'm like, no, no, he's fine. He's he's happy. You don't need to fix him. He doesn't think he's broken. And uh I think sometimes guys with me are like I'll tame her like I'll break her you know like I'll um and uh there was this comedian who sent me a like a message on I guess it was when I was on Facebook or it wasn't MySpace it was one of those who I would always see around and I'm pretty elusive like you and I you we didn't get we don't haven't got to hang at the comedy store that much but like I kind of I'm

37:19in and I'm out less less so now like I would hang now cuz like cool people are there now but when you were gone it was kind uh toxic in there and intense and not like fun. Now it's a little more fun. Um and so I would just get in, do my set, and leave cuz I was trying to do a couple sets a night and um uh I would just be like, "Hey, what's up?" And we wouldn't flirt, but it would just be like, "Hey." And you know the kind of person who wants to give you like tags. Oh, they're always bad. They're like, "You know what you should say there?" It's like and I get this message that was like rage like a rage rage email that was like you know you don't know what your m like you know the basic gist of it I don't remember how it started but it ended in like you don't know what makes you come I can show you what I know like it was like I was like I obviously accidentally

38:15Did you actually say that you don't know what makes you come I'm I still have the screen grab of it cuz I sent I sent it to everyone. how do you know what makes me cry? Yeah. I don't like it was just but it was like this alpha thing like it was just like a alpha reaction I think or something like I just need to make you shame you or something. I don't know what it was. Oo. Yeah. But that's not alpha. Like what is that? What what would it take for you to say that to a girl? Well, that's a crazy person. Okay. Usually it's selfobsessed like delusional clinical delusional narcissism or something. That's true. narcissistic to just to reach out like that to you. That's you know what that is? You are an accuchment or you are like a uh you're a piece of uh like wardrobe in his life. Interesting. And you don't want him to try you on. You know what I'm saying? Interesting.

39:04Like you like he's upset like you're in my life and it's not Why aren't you doing what I want you to do in my life? my life. That's clinical narcissism is that everyone is an extension of you and if you're not doing what I wrote, you're acting out. Yeah, that's interesting. Well, there's a lot of people that feel like that. I mean, that's the classic example of why comedians don't like to work with other good comedians because they don't want anybody else doing well. Yeah. You know, they don't want any It's got to be all about them. Like, how many bad comedians do we know that take the worst people on the road with them? The worst. The worst. The worst. The worst. It's it's like it's so bad that like you go, "Okay, do you hate your audience?" Like, I bring the people I think are the funniest because I my audience is paying money and and you want to laugh, too. Yes. You want to have fun.

39:52I have to watch them, too. Exactly. It doesn't benefit me to have less talented people around me. I actually do the opposite to a fault. I feel like I try to hire people who are more talented than me in every area of my life so that it makes me look better. Well, that's again you you're weirdly introspective in that way, but there's a lot of people that get into comedy because of all the scars in their childhood like we were talking about and they don't they don't heal those things. Instead, they just find workarounds. They find a way where they can sort of express themselves and and and so it's almost like see I told you I showed the world like they never come to a neutral point. They never get over their childhood where they go okay well what am I doing? Is there a benefit to what I'm doing here? Should I just stop? If I'm healthy now, should I just stop what I'm doing? Or should I use

40:36what I'm doing and just enjoy it and have a good time and then, you know, realize that I probably got here because of an unhealthy obsession or because of a a bad childhood or whatever, but now that I'm kind of moving past that, maybe I could use this position to just have some fun. And exactly what you're saying, like you just made it so clear to me what I was not being clear about in the beginning of like the, you know, if you bring unfunny people on the road, you're really funny comparatively. And so all of a sudden, you've created this little world for yourself where you become this king of the idiots. But if you were to step outside that world, you're all of a sudden at the bottom of the food chain. Like you created a world where you're at the top of the food chain, which is like why it was important to me to go to other countries, be around people that

41:23have no idea who I am, that I don't pay, that don't think I'm funny, they can't even understand what I'm saying. It's just very humbling. And then you're like, "Oh, who am I without all this stuff, you know, without achievements and money and car or like a car, whatever it is, you know, cuz like I'm afraid that I might do that by accident." Yeah. You know, because if you have people around you who are paid, who are afraid to say no to you, that's how you stop getting funny. Everyone around you is like, "Ah, that's like I saw Chris Rock at the store once. I'm sure you have this where he was working on I don't know like not the Oscars or something." And he got on stage and he said something that was just like, "Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. I'm you know, my car was, you know, I couldn't find a spot for it." And everyone was like, and he was like, "That wasn't funny. Please

42:11don't laugh unless I say something funny. Please, please treat me like I'm normal. Yeah. He was like, that's how comics stop being funny. Yeah. Is because people enable that and you know that you when you get so big like you, it's like you know people stop nec I mean your audience I'm sure is really you know but we can all be guilty of it. You know I think just what you're talking about is like navigating all these landmines that success can set up for you. You know which are better landmines than failure but still landmines. And the landmines of fame are particularly intoxicating because when someone, you know, has a bunch of fans that say, "Oh my god, you know, Mike is here. Yay. Oh my god, it's Mike." And they go run up to you. I can't You're so amazing. Like, thank you. Thank you very much. You want to take a picture with me? I'm cool with that. You know, and

43:01it's it's becomes this thing where you you you you get accustomed to that. It gets so myopic and you forget that there's six billion people that don't have any idea who you are. And if Mike is around Tony McDickface and Tony McDickface is more famous, like Tony McDickface has a movie out now, then Mike gets really mad. Like Tony McDickface is stealing my shine. Exactly. Right. Have you ever seen those guys before? Both represented by Barry Cats. Yeah. I think Barry they just left Barry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they're doing his podcast. Yeah. They just went to three yards. Yeah. But it's but it is that sort of No, I literally found myself because it's also if you do achieve anything, it doesn't matter because you're just comparing yourself to someone with more achievements. So I I'm recreating this feeling of failure at every level of success and recreating this um unhappiness at

43:54every level where I have no real problems. Yes. You know, it's like yeah, I have my They're problems. Yeah. They're fake problems. It's like, you know, it's like, yeah, my parents are sick. Yeah, I have a lot of, you know, real things, but it's also it's like, you know, I can pay the bill to get them. Like I literally am going through this thing where it's like nursing homes and care for for older people and I'm like, how the do people pay for this? I have to go on tour to pay for it. I mean, I have to, you know, thank God I get to do that for a living and I'm doing casinos and but it's a fortune. And I'm like, oh, and my dad is, you know, is is a vet. And I looked at the vet facilities and I was just like, are you This is where vets go. The guys that lost their limbs for our country. Like, this is where you're putting them. I mean, vets are dying in these facilities.

44:41We had to do these um we did these benefits, these uh events called Fight for the Troops, and we did these for the uh um Intre in uh Intrepid Center for Excellence, which is um an establishment that they they've these facilities. They're they're creating these state-of-the-art facilities to deal with people with traumatic brain injuries. And so they showed us all these guys and it's unbelievably heartbreaking see these people like with their wives and their children and their families and they're trying to rehabilitate them and they're going through all these steps. But what was more disheartening than anything was to realize that all this stuff is privately funded because the United States government just they don't allocate enough money to treatment of these troops when they get home. They just don't. So we have to raise all this money for these people. So, while we're

45:30doing this, like they wanted us to talk about it at the beginning of it and I have to measure myself because it's on television and it's I I what I want to say is this is crazy that we have to do a fight to raise I mean we're going to give people brain damage so that we can you'll raise the money for brain damage. You'll raise the money for all the weapons, right? You that they really seem to find money for but not for the humans that use the weapons. But these guy like it's so ironic in a lot of ways because these people are fighting, okay? And if they're fighting so like a bunch of people got knocked out during the show, so they got some brain damage. Yeah. So, and I mean obviously they're competing. It's their decision. They're they're they're going for glory. They're trying to make it as a fighter. But we're the end result is that this they're they're getting pounded on so

46:17that we can make money. It's crazy. So they could help people who have brain damage. It's that's the most that is the most a Chinese finger trap. Oh my god. of a content. You know, it's like the amount of brain damage you get from MMA is so minuscule compared to an IED. But it's it's also why the do we not set money aside for this? Why? How could there be what? Find out what every congressman gets. Find out what everybody every senator gets. Chop a chunk of that out and and send it to the Intrepid Center. I mean, there's got to be a way that there's got to be some red tape and bureaucracy that you can cut and you could send some of that money to help take care of these people that you're forcing to go overseas and fight these battles. A friend of mine who was in the army, he told me that the statistic on vets committing suicide, it's insane now. It's insane. I want to

47:10say I want to say it's one every like seven minutes. Oh, yeah. It is. It's something like that. Yeah. J. Well, Jamie can look it up, but it's it's insane. It's more people average of 22 a day. Oh my god. 22 a day. Uh in 2012, more US soldiers committed suicide than were killed in combat. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like what do you I mean, it's just it's it's too crazy. And um Yeah. And then I'm like, "Oh god, where's my soy milk?" I'm amazed it's only 22 a day. I thought it was Yeah, I know. I thought it was one every like seven minutes or something, but that's an average. Maybe it is some days. I don't know. I don't like throwing statistics around unless I know. I know too many people that have served. I just know too many. I I know too much of it. I've talked to too many guys and I I've I've talked to too many people that, you know, the reality of it is so

48:00bleak. And also from what the little I know about it is that um and then the uh drone guys are is a real nightmare because there's all this uh you know normally when you are in combat and you come back you do a is it called a neutralization period like you go to Germany or some for like 5 days and like they chill you out before you go back to your family and kids after you've just been in combat. But these drone guys, not only is the technology so advanced that they're seeing all these women and children, they're not in the fog of war, right? They don't just see like threat threat threat because when you are getting shot at, a kid is might as well be a, you know, a guy with a gun. So, so these guys are seeing these people getting shot super close up. They're not able to they're seeing their own guys get shot like they're seeing it and then they go upstairs to their wife and kids and

48:47there's just no period for their brains to acclimate to it. And it's there's a serious atrophy of uh drone pilots and they're just raise the wages of it so that it'll attract more because so few people want to do it really. Yeah. to doing it in your basement like a video game just um is actually even more traumatic oddly. But also the suicide rate apparently it's even worse among the soldiers that didn't kill any anyone cuz they have guilt and shame about it. Whoa. Yeah. Well, from what I've talked to with guys that were in the SEALs or Rangers, um special operatives guys is that those guys have way less issues. Seals and Rangers. Okay. Because first of all, mentally, they're going to be the most durable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's never the strongest guys. It's always the most Yeah. Well, those guys they're mentally more durable. They have a better understanding. They have way deeper and

49:43more intense camaraderie than the average person does. And then on top of that, they're they're proactive. They're the ones who are hunting down bad guys. They're not waiting for people to attack them. They're going after them. So, it's a it's a totally different kind of thing. Like if they plot a mission and they're going to go somebody up, like they they're they're hunting. They're not being hunted. And when you're being hunted, you wake up and you're hearing things. That's where the the stress comes from. Dude, I wanted to send you this. Uh you probably already read it. It's called Sapiens, I think. And uh it's essentially it's about um anxiety. And is that the book you just you texted? No, that was a different one. I realized I've been texting you too many books. And that's Sorry. Keep keep it coming. Yeah. Yeah. It's like um Kindles can fill up.

50:30Yeah. I say most girls send, you know, naked photos, nude picss, I send science books. It's like no wonder I'm alone. Uh and uh it's about anxiety and everyone's like I have anxiety. I have anxiety and it's like anxiety is actually it talks about sort of the origin of it and there's it's twopronged. One is because I had a lot of shame about anxiety too and anxiety shame about anxiety. Shame about it. Like I'm why am I anxious? It's like we're actually supposed to be anxious. Um, you know, just by the laws of survival of the fittest. The fittest were the ones that were anxious. You know, thousands of years ago, the anxious, hypervigilant people were the ones that were like, "Oh, there's a tiger. We should move." And the ones that didn't have anxiety just got eaten alive. Right. And you're definitely one of the watchers. Yeah. I think I'm definitely You got anxiety. Can't sleep. You're up

51:13at night. That's why we've got weed. And you're Yeah. You're also a stand-up comedian, so you live a night life. Yeah. I have adrenaline. Uh people who grew up in hectic homes who produced adrenaline young usually have an adrenaline addiction. Oh, I definitely have that. Yeah, cuz your body's producing so much. A huge problem that Oh, huge. Also, to your point just now is is there was I never thought of course I hadn't thought about it. I'm not smart enough to, but I um have never known that humans are not designed to be at the top of the food chain. We're only at the top of the food chain because we have weapons. And the reason we have weapons is because we had really large brains, which was actually not helpful at all. It's really inefficient and uneconomical for energy cuz I guess our brains burn like 25 or 30% of our calories or something. So chimpanzees and apes had

52:00smaller brains. They were able to climb trees and avoid threats. Like a big brain is like a disaster except that we invented tools. So we sort of not based on merit. We superficially once we invented tools jumped to the top of the food chain. But we don't deserve to be there cuz without weapons a lot of species would kill us. Yeah. But we can figure out weapons. So of course we deserve to be there. Totally. But as soon as the weapons are gone, we're vulnerable. H. So if we're vulnerable to animals. Yes. To a lot of cuz we're not truly at the top of the food chain. We only are at the top of the food chain if we have a weapon. Yeah. But we have anxiety. So we're at the top of the food chain. It's like a turtle without a shell. But the second you drop your weapon Yeah. You're in the middle of the food. J, don't drop it, I'm not as agile as you. You keep the weapon. That's how

52:46you stay alive. That's like 101. That's the anxiety of hold the weapon. Don't drop it. And be and keep your together. Yeah. And keep on high alert cuz the second if your back is to a lion and the weapon's pointing this way, you're still going to die. Yes. You know, the lion the lions are problematic. Even if you have a weapon, it's like they eat bullets for breakfast. There's a balance of animal size. you run out of bullets, it's over. Well, you know, when when you think about what made a human a human, it's it's really fascinating because it becomes like what came first, the chicken or the egg. Like, what were we like when we were Australiathecus? You know, they have these depictions of us and what we looked like all hairy and with sloped foreheads and And we were pretty close to people, but not really people. And when you really look at the fossil record, what they

53:35understand at least, we're only talking about this kind of person like you and I. Yeah. For a couple hundred thousand years. Yeah. That's so recent. So recent. It's so weird. I still I have an extra bone in my foot. What? Yeah. I have What's your foot doing? I had this My feet are webbed. Is that a turnoff of all those foot fetishes? Um I'm You know what's so funny is that I'm wearing flip-flops today. It's a real power move. Uh, you know, there's like are you do you really have web feet? No, I don't. I'm joking. I want to see. Uh, I've never seen that. There are these foot fetishes. Hi every Hi. Hi guys. There's foot fetishists out there. And like if you Google me, I think Whitney Cummings Feet is like the second or third one, which I um, you know, I mean, that's for most people in the public eye. Like feet is always like two. Like Google Charlin, don't do it.

54:24And just see what the see what they come up, you know? Right. Um, so I'm I'm really afraid that if I admit this, although I'm going to lose my foot fetish demo, uh, but I had this pain in my foot and I think we're probably a little bit similar, you much more so, but um, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. You just learn I didn't go to doctors growing up. It's just like suck it up. That's what I caught on fire. I went to school. Like I that's basically like how my family was. You just suck it up and you um, man up. So, I had this pain in my foot or like my toe like a my big toe and then my like third toe like once every two weeks like real bad and it would be like a just a stabbing awful pain but I just was like, "Oh, that's my foot." Like once every two weeks my foot has like a spasm and it lasts for like I don't know like 2 minutes and then I get through

55:08it. And I was in a writer's room one day and my my feet were up on the table and then I was like had the pain came and I was like the and I'm like screaming and 2 minutes later I'm like anyway so uh act three what should we and everyone was like what the was that? I was like I was like, "Oh, I have this thing. I have this foot spasm that happens once every two weeks. It's just like my foot." And everyone was like, "No, that's not a thing. That's not a You have to get go to a podiatrist." First time I've ever went to a podiatrist. And he gave me an extra. And he's like, "Oh, you have an extra foot. I'm sorry. You have an extra foot. You have an extra bone in your foot between your second and third toe." And he's like, "It's basically just remnants of being anthol." Really? Yes. Now, is it uh it's not bone spurs like a broken foot or Literally just like an

55:52extra You can't really see it. It's just like an extra bone like right here. Whoa. Like oneink. H. You know, cuz we used to have more bones in our feet and you're just like, that's real. Like it was not that long ago. Why would we have extra bones though? What would It's something about the uh uh I'll find out for you. It's something about the webbing or something. My friend Steve Ranella went to Bolivia and he stayed with Chumani, the the tribe. It's a tribe in in Bolivia and they don't wear shoes and they live in the rainforest and their feet their feet are spled out. It's interesting like our feet are like this. And is that genetic or is it worn from running? Oh, it's worn worn from running all the time. So, well, it's just walking constantly barefoot, but like our feet are like this where their feet are spread like their toes are spread out. And women's in America like all mush all

56:51So many girls I see in their feet, their toes are taking left and right turns. Yeah. They're just trying to run away from each other. Jammed into these shoes that don't shape. They're not shaped like a foot. Cocktail shrimp whose feet are shaped like that. Asianbound. That's like they have to do it, right? But these Chumani people, um, he Reinella was there and, uh, he was walking through the woods with these people and he was like, "This is incredible." Because they've never had shoes. They don't have any shoes. And if you give them shoes, they try them on, they're like, "What the fuck?" And they throw it aside and they have these thick thick soles of their feet. Sure. From just constantly, but again, that's my that's exactly like you keep saying my goal like you're we acclimate to where we are. So I want to have the thick thick soul in my personality. You know what I mean? I

57:39want to be that person is I don't want to be the one who has the f is like can fall apart constantly. Yes. I don't want to be this like oh my god do you have like stevia like I don't I I started realizing I had all these needs. Don't you think those are patterns that we see around us constantly? Yeah. Because it's so socially enforced. It's so like coconut milk, soy milk, $6 latte, and it becomes normal after a while. And I was like, this is not normal. It's also comforting to like behave in these patterns that we've already seen before. Makes you feel like you're a normal person. And it makes us feel like cuz we're designed to be part of a tribe and to fit in and and standing out is like produces, you know, stress because it means we're less safe. And I was like, I do not want to like cuz you drive around and you're like, ah, this this whole And you're like, I'm one of

58:26those I've got to remove myself from the situation and go watch kids have surgery for Well, you know, a lot of that these things like the road rage and all that jazz, a lot of that goes away when you're in a small town. Tell me. Yeah, that's interesting. In Boulder, one of the things that I found um and I was only in Boulder for a few months, but one of the things that I found when I was there is like people drive way more polite. They're way nicer. Like they let people in and they they don't cut people off as much. Stone. No, no, that too. everyone. For sure that too. But there's less of them. There's only 100,000 people in the town. So when you have a small community, first of all, there's less diffusion of responsibility because you and that person are probably going to see each other again. So if if I give someone the finger on the highway on the 405, what are the

59:14odds I'm going to meet that dude again? Zero. Probably zero. Interesting. There's less like accountability. It's like we can be more anonymous. Yeah. And more you you have more responsibility as a community. Like if you see someone pulled over the side of the road, you have more desire to pull over and help them. It's like tribal. I mean, that's really like a tribe mentality. Like there was these people that were pushing their car the other day and uh they were on the side of the road and I was thinking, "Fuck, should I get out of the car and help them push the car?" And uh I think I watched them do it. I'm like, "Yeah, they're okay. They got it. It's up on the hill. They're they're it's up on the uh the curb. They're going to be okay." But I was thinking like if this was a small town, for sure I'd pull over. And I was thinking that at that moment because of the time that I spent living

59:56in Boulder, I was I was amazed at how polite people were. And also the less people like in the town, like when I was in this town in the mountains, they would wave when you would go by. People would lift their hand up when you would drive by. You'd pass each other and everybody and I got used to doing it. We all did it. You know, as you were driving this way, that person driving that way, you lift your hand up, you wave to them because there's not that many of you. See, in LA, I think there's so many people that we lose the idea of value of of our fellow humans because our fellow humans become a burden. Fight become a burden. There's too many of us. And so there's a lot of benefit in that. Like for guys like or for people like you and I, it's great because there's so many clubs we can work at, you know, there's so much variety as far as like restaurants we

60:41could eat at or places we can go and so much culture to see. But also, you're dealing with this massive volume of people and it's hard to keep your perspective. It's hard to keep your perspective just with the sheer numbers. And I think in a lot of ways it mirrors what we were talking about with even with celebrity or with fame or with wealth that it's hard to keep perspective like for people need adversity, difficult situations that we need things in order to keep our perspective. You know what's interesting? Have you been to Tokyo? Yes. So Tokyo is like hectic. I mean there's not as many it's not as much of a car culture, but there's a weird I wonder what part of its cultural and whether cars play it because it's really everything is time square. Tokyo is like a big time square, but there's like this concept of space and it's not like when I go to New York it's like you,

61:30you, excuse me. You know, it's like you're just like in a rat race. Whereas in Tokyo there was this weird harmonic sort of it's almost like choreographed. There's less of a like I don't know what that less aggression, more respect. Yeah, maybe it's maybe it is that cultural thing we were talking about earlier, but it's less of like I got to maybe it's maybe it's because we live in, you know, capitalist society where it's all like we're competing with everybody. Well, they compete too, but they compete in a very different way than we do. You know, they compete with with they have a lot of honor and behavior patterns that they're expected to to follow. It's a very different world. But I was amazed how polite people were in Tokyo. I was just lit. I got I mean I accidentally was rude so many because when a cab picks you up, you're not allowed to open the

62:14door. The door opens and it's considered rude if you open the door yourself or close it. The cab driver gets up and opens it and closes it for you. Really? Yeah. Like it's rude to do something for yourself. Huh. And it's um it's weird because I just it makes you feel like you're going to be robbed because everyone's like, "How are you? Can I help you?" It's like the service is like, you know, as you said, it's all about honor and dignity and taking pride in your work, which we're I'm all about shortcuts. It's like, how do I Well, they're all about doing something the most difficult way, like doing or the most painstaking. Yeah, painstaking. Like samurai swords. Be there. Have you ever seen an actual samurai sword? No. Oh, of course. Joe's got one in his pocket, guys. Jesus. This is from the 1500s. Okay, this is a real samurai sword from the 1500s. Like legitimately. And if you

63:05look at that blade, that blade was made by some guy who turned on steel. Pounded it, folded it over, pounded it again, folded it over, pounded it again. It takes forever. And you can see if you look at the assembly line. No. Well, that's so much more humanizing. It's like if there's just an assembly line that's making these, you know, as a human, you just feel like a robot. You feel like you are robbed of your individuality. You know, this is like you can take pride in your work. But they did it different than anybody. They did it different than anybody who's making swords. I mean, they they had sword making and sword fighting. Yeah. Got to get your core on point for this. That's the real deal. And is this to actually kill people or is this to samurai fight? It probably killed people. What do you think it feels like to stab someone? I bet it's not easy. Easy in what way?

63:57Like I mean you're way stronger than me. Like it depends on where you stab them. Give me a That's a good So if you're What's in the stomach? It's probably pretty easy. You need to create a replica of what it would be like to stab someone would be like a watermelon. No, you get like a deer. Oh yeah, get like an animal. Okay, that's obvious. But like ribs, does ribs stop it? No. Ribs can if you're weak, you know, but it depends on how how heavy the blade is. Like, does anyone ever try to stab someone? It's like the ribs just stop the whole thing from that's what ribs are for, to protect your Yeah. I mean, a weak person who stabs you in the wrong spot with a small knife is probably not going to get it in. But somebody who stabs you with that thing, the odds of that not going through your ribs, pretty small. If you're a strong person, most likely you're gonna penetrate their entire

64:48body. But it's also mirrored in uh in archery, like in bow hunting. That's like one of the most important aspects of bow hunting is to have a heavy arrow that has a sharp blade with a powerful bow so it goes through bone so it goes through the ribs because if it doesn't go through the ribs, if it stops at the ribs, then you just have a wounded animal. Where are you on bone marrow? I eat bone marrow. Me too. Love it. It's my new thing. My nails, my hair like grew. It's like that in that same book, it talks about how bone marrow um human brain growth uh exponentially um went up when humans started eating the bone marrow of because they couldn't hunt their own animals. They had to eat the leftover bone trash. Right. Right. But that's actually where all the vitamins and good is. Well, there's so many questions and so many theories about what caused the doubling of the human brain size over a

65:34period of 2 million years. It's really a fascinating subject because they just don't know. There's all this speculation. There's uh some think that it was the um the ability to throw the throwing arm because it's one of the most unique aspects of a person. There's no other animal that can take a rock and throw it with accuracy like a person can. So like ground nesting birds, things along those lines. Is that a hand eye coordation thing? Like a chimpanzeee can throw something, but it doesn't mean it's going to hit the target. Interesting. Well, it doesn't have the synapses. It doesn't have the connections in its mind that allow it to be like really accurate at distance. Like a person like think about like a pitcher who could throw a fast ball. How many feet is it to plate? 62 something like that. 62 feet. I think that's also we were evolved to see underwater,

66:22right? Like fish first started. So we're actually our vision is I wonder Well, you have you ever read the I know nothing about that theory. So please have you ever read the aquatic ape theory? Nope. The aquatic ape theory is really bizarre and it's this uh it's it's very controversial, but the idea is that human beings come out of the womb with so much body fat and we're so different than chimpanzees in that regard. Like a chimpanzeee baby is like a chimpanzeee adult. It's just little. Well, most Yes. Yeah. But a human baby is filled with fat. We're super fat. Most species are born ready to go. Ours are born completely helpless. Not just helpless, but fat. Like covered in fat. And the idea is that we were in water and that we developed and we possibly evolved around water to the point where babies like if you throw a chimpanzeee baby in the water, they drown. They just they they

67:14breathe water and they drown. You throw a human baby in the water, they instinctively hold their breath. Yeah. Cuz they're basically fish until they're born. Like the Nana cover with the baby in the water. Yeah. Dollar bill. Yeah. Like when my kid My kids learned how to swim when they were babies. That's awesome. We we taught them when they were really little. We got them instruction. But one of the things you realize like people it's it's a very natural thing to hold your breath and go underwater. They they Yeah. It's totally instinctive. And so the aquatic ape theory theorizes that at one point in our evolution, we were primarily waterbound and that maybe we went into the water to get away from predators or that maybe we figured out a way to develop in the water as lower homminids. Do so. No other animal holds their breath either. I don't know about no other animal, but

68:00I know that other primates don't. Other primates just drown. Well, if we were webbed at some point, that was Is that for swimming? Didn't we have webbed feet? Cuz chimps don't. I don't know if that's true. We might have. I mean, we certainly don't go way people every now and then have webbed feet. Yeah, but that could be just an aberration like cleft pallet. Yeah, that's true. You know, I mean, I don't know why we would have a web. I mean, maybe it makes sense. Here's a controversial thing theory. It would kind of help you swim, right? But then it would get in the way if you wanted to like do It would it would be a problem. Yeah, but I mean they weren't texting would get in the way from your Instagraming. Well, a lot of things that you do what? Climb trees. Does that get away that making tools? I think it maybe would get in the way. Makes your fingers less agile. Well,

68:53yeah, that's the thing about but not webbed hands would be helpful. Yeah, webbed feet would help. Yeah, cuz our toes can't do anything. Our toes are useless. It would be great for swimming like a flipper. But there's something about our fingers, too. If you think about like the the dexterity and the control that we have over our hands, it's so unusual in comparison to any other animal. And our fingers, the when our fingers get all uh wet and what is that? Wrinkly. Mhm. Um there was this uh interesting study about how um fingers after being in water for two hours could pick up more marbles than dry hands. Huh. Which kind of means that we must have needed to be in the water a lot. Does that what it means? Or is it just a side effect of just your fingers getting wrinkly? Yeah. But why would they get wrinkly if it wasn't useful for something? Or is that just a

69:42I don't know why why do people get cancer? You know, don't get me started. Why do people get the flu? Don't open that window. You know what I mean? I mean, is that is that is there a benefit to that? I don't know how many things are a benefit and how many things we're kind of not designed to live past like 30, right? Well, we definitely didn't live past 30 a long time ago very often, but I don't know. Does that scare you? Pushing it away. Yes. No, I like it. I just I'm so I'm such a klutzy. Like I'm afraid I'm just like dink and just like slash slice head just in half. Scientists think they have the answer why the skin on human fingers and toes shrivels up like an old prude when we soak in the bath. Laboratory tests confirmed the theory that wrinkly fingers improve our grip on wet or submerged objects working to channel away the water like a rain treads in car tires dot dot dot dot

70:29you know why it makes sense because the rest of your skin doesn't do that like if your elbows your forearm got all wrinkly. That's true. So uh evolutionary neurobiologist and his colleagues suggest that wrinkling being an active process must have an evolutionary function. The team also showed the pattern of wrinkling appear to be optimized for the providing a drainage network that improved grip. Makes sense. So maybe we were trying to get fished or some Yeah. Rocks. Well, it you know it totally makes sense. Does it that that doesn't happen when you sweat, does it? No. Unless you CrossFit sweating. I'm sure you've talked about it a lot. Um I think activity is good, right? I think exercise is good and I think you know those people a lot of them are very fit and but I think that like a lot of things when you take certain aspects of physical activity like Steve um Maxwell who's a good

71:26friend of mine and who's a strength and conditioning coach he said it best that physical fitness like um lifting weights and uh engaging in exercise activities he doesn't believe is a sport in unto itself. He thinks it's good at getting you strong for other sports. Now, when you turn into a sport like who can do the most clean and presses, who can do the most uh you know, whatever uh deadlifts in an hour, he doesn't think that that's healthy because and this is he's far more qualified than I am to answer this. So, I'm using his rationale. He thinks that powerlifting and bodybuilding movement or powerlifting and um weightlifting movements like deadlifts or like cleans and presses, you shouldn't do them for like sets of 30 and 40 and 50 and having these competitions to see who can do the most. He's like, it's just not beneficial. It's not he he's of the school of

72:20thought that you should like strength lifting exercises or or strength producing exercises should be done with uh low repetitions and you know you should take breaks in between them and it's about building the physical strength of your body. It's not about performing them in a contest. Oh yeah. Now, the the CrossFit people, I think, if I could speak for them, I think they think of it as a healthy lifestyle and that this competition, it makes them work harder and they all work out together. And I definitely see their point. And if you follow CrossFit people, it's one of the things about CrossFit people that they say like, uh, if someone's a CrossFit and they're a vegan, what do they talk about first? Because, have you ever seen that? Because it's like a meme. I think it was on like a that is it was like a chalkboard that was in front of a coffee shop. Yeah. Well, it's

73:12it's one of those things we get excited about it like vegans the most proilitizing vegans when you talk to them like one of the things I found because a lot of vegans get really upset with me because I eat meat. But one of the things that I found with a lot of them is that I'll go to their Instagram page after they on me and I say, "I just found a bacon sandwich that's four months old." So it means how long you been a vegan? I've been a vegan for three months. In these three months it's opened my eyes up. I found my favorite person online the other day. He's a vegan who believes the earth is flat. He's a flat earth. Retweet him. Oh yeah, the flat earth. The flat earth people. There is a lot of people out there that believe the earth is flat. They believe that it's all a hoax and that NASA's a hoax and that satellites aren't real and that there's uh airplanes that are flying high and

73:57that's where we're getting like Direct TV from and that it's all a giant vast conspiracy. And here's my favorite part. Gravity's not real. And that the Earth exists. The reason why we're we're staying put is because electromagnetism. I mean, I I don't I I'm not even going to I don't even know how to respond to this. That's what this is for. Just just beheadings. Think of how many astronomers and these are the people having kids. These people are just procreating all day with other people. But they think all these people are in on it. And they think that if you look at the horizon, like there's there's videos, there's like a video that shows like the 200 reasons why they can prove that the Earth is flat. And it's so stupid. It hurts my feelings. It really it it makes me So maybe it's my my Night Watcher fight or flight thing, but like when I hear that, I just feel like I'm in danger.

74:48Well, you are a little like it's just like stupid people make me feel unsafe. Well, there what it is is there's a lot of religions out there. It's true. Religion actually serves I understand the neurological purpose it serves. Um but you know don't be ignorant. What I was going to say is there's religions I mean the word religion. Let's let's ditch it and let's just what is the what's the mental pathway that one's one follows when they adhere to an ideology. And I think we're all guilty of it to a certain extent. And we need I mean and I and I think there needs to be something in place that's like don't kill people. Like guilt and shame used to keep societies controlled and have a sense of order, right? Before guns and before prisons and before was organized, it was like God's going to get you. They had to, you know, come up with something to keep people from

75:41raping each other and murdering everyone, right? And at least stopping it and then don't do it again. Yeah. Like, you know, let's let's let's nip this in the bud. and saw someone saw a business opportunity and was like, "Oh, I can charge for this." Well, you know, yeah, I mean, look, there's there's countless examples of people creating these behavior patterns that other folks are forced to follow and these ideologies, they you see the way people think. And I think to a certain extent there's a lot of like really what people call the regressive left like uh when people get mad at a white guy for wearing dreadlocks and they say this is cultural appropriation. You're taking black people's culture. Like that sort of same thing is akin to religious people that want to force women to dress a certain way or want to force gay people to act a certain way. There's

76:32like there's there's parts of certain ideologies that literally exist because someone is trying to exert control of the over other people and they think they can because it's a rule. Right. Right. Right. Like the like the it's a bad example that I used about the dreadlocks cuz it's so stupid. Because first of all, Vikings wore dreadlocks. The Greeks had dreadlocks. It's a white thing, too. It's a dirty hair thing. Yeah. You know, it's just it's a They only had dreadlocks until like the 1600s. It's so It's so stupid. But it's it's a new way that people can get upset at certain groups. And the left like especially like what people like a lot of people get upset at that term, the regressive left, but it's a good term. And the reason why it's a good term is because they're first of all, they're attacking straight well they're attacking white gay men now for having

77:18privileges. I've read this whole article about white gay privilege as opposed to black men and people of color who are gay who don't get to experience the same freedom that white gay people do that live in white neighborhoods and have you know adopt white babies. It's easier for them. I mean, yeah, it's never going to it's it's attacking this constant but we love I think it was you you we were texting about this like people love being outraged and I don't know recreational outrage love it they love complaint and I think it is a form of bonding and I think it is how people connect to each other and like you know organize and stuff people love being offended they love being insulted they love they love racism because then they get to complain about it and be they get to take the moral high ground they get to be sanctimonious and they get to be you know right and it's just

78:04like I think that sort of thinking, I don't want to call it religion because I think it's a pattern and patterns and these ideologies. I think it's problematic when you label it like this is because of God. This is but it's these these patterns that people force their mind into. Well, some people force themselves into these patterns where everything is a conspiracy. Yeah. And this is how you get to this like delusional state of mind that would allow you to think that the earth is flat or that you know the the government's run by reptilians. But to me, intelligence is kind of someone being able to go, I think this is how it is. Or not. Yeah. Or not. Yeah. Not being married to your idea. Just like I could totally be wrong. Like, you know, I think it's just like what like what is this like all my all my self-esteem and identity is linked to this lie. It's like how sad

78:56and lonely is that person that they need to attach to some idea that it's just it's just so odd to me. I mean, I think comedians our brains are a little we like I'm we can go through an hour set and say argue a point, argue against our own point, go back on and then someone heckles and like well that's a good point. Like I mean I I feel very lucky that we have brains that are able to see everybody's side and that's kind of what we do um for a living. But it's very shocking to me. It seems so suffocating and isolating and weird to just be stuck on one thing. Sure. And it's easy to be. I mean, it's so common. It's obviously easy to be because system is their home, you know. And if you think something and someone proves you wrong, you will be angry and you will defend that original idea as if it's a part of you that someone's trying to steal. It's like, yes, why are you insulting me?

79:48Trying to take from me. Yes. It's it it does. People react to it like it's it's stealing. That's so interesting. That's when you can see right away that there's an issue because people take it very personally if you don't share their belief. The smartest people are the ones that detach from their belief systems the fastest. Like doctors and scientists like mirror neurons, it was all about mirror neurons like a couple years ago, right? And then they recently just debunked that theory and scientists had to be like, "Whoops, we were wrong." You know, you know, or that's what science is all about. Friend of mine who's a doctor, I was like, cuz he's always like, "Oh, and then I'm at my practice." And I was like, "Do you guys feel like it's weird that you call it practice?" You know, do you want to call it shouldn't you be good at it? nailed it or the game time like I'm at my game

80:26time championship game and he's like no it's called practice cuz medicine is doing the best we can with what we know there's a lot of stuff we don't know you know and in 10 years we're going to be doing looking back and they were like I can't believe we did that was dangerous oh unquestionably that's like what medicine and science is like you're wrong every 5 years there's a new piece of information did you see the latest that I this thing that I tweeted yesterday that they've given approval to people to use stem cells to try to regenerate dead people's brains. Love it. What? Excuse me? Is this a horror movie? I mean, that's what everybody was like tweeting. Just zombies. This is how we make zombies. Wait, so is it to to bring people back to life or put their old brain into a new person's body? I think No, I think Well, there's that, too. That's But they want to find out. Here

81:11it is. Biotech company granted ethical permission to attempt to use stem cells to reactivate the brains of the dead to like catch their killer or like Oh, no. I don't think so. That'd be crazy to be like, "Hey, who killed you?" All right, go but go back to sleep. I want to see what I want to know what the conversation was because the the they've been granted ethical permission by an institutional review board. I didn't know there was an institutional review board. That's not a real company. Yeah. In the US and in India to use 20 Yeah. In India, they're going to take the brains of the babies. They smash inject stem cells into a lot of alive people in America. Try to revive them. Yeah. Just there's a lot of people in dumb people. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Use 20 brain dead patients for what is sure to be okay. Oh, so they're not buried. They're like in comas or comeos or something.

81:58But look what they're calling it. The reanima project. Oh Christ. That sounds like What are you doing, Jamie? The website. This is it. Oh god. A second chance at life. What? Oh my god. It's Magnolia movie. It's also, by the way, the worst thing about this is it's a shitty website. It's terrible. I know. If my if I had to do this on like a family member, someone needs to get on Squarespace. Totally. Like guys, you've got like this is like Come Central. Proven scientific concept. This is insane. Exploring the potential of cuttingedge biomedical technology for human neuro regeneration. And how much how much neuro animation neuro reanimation is? So when you see reanimator, I think of that movie. The reanimator movie where they brought the monsters they brought the people back to life and they were monsters. Remember that movie Reanimator? It's like some mad scientist movie from the 80s.

82:53Hold on. Is it Is it a private thing? Like if I'm like, I want to reanimate. I want to invest. Yeah, totally. I know that's all you're doing right now. I feel like you probably have some fighter friends who could use this. Oh, I know some we both do. I have a couple in my phone. inject some in there and fix. Well, Brian has never even been hit. He doesn't even have any real excuses. I'm sure his wife said him a couple times. I'm sure. Yeah. Well, he likes to box lately. Brian's into boxing. And I think he Boxing is way worse for you, isn't it? Well, it's all bad for you. I mean, soccer gives you brain damage. Your head's not supposed to get jostled around too much. It goes every direction except it goes Yeah. Right. Except down. Well, I have a buddy of mine who's a a professor who's 49 or 50 and he kickboxes. He sparss and I'm like, you know, you understand this like you're into this.

83:44You know, he's a history professor. like you understand that this is dangerous for your brain, but you get so much enjoyment out of the thrill of being primal and actually being in there sparring. And let me ask you a question. Did we we didn't talk about this last time that Calcioto thing in Italy once Yes, they bare knuckle football with bare knuckle boxing. Insane. Insane. So, I was going to go I was trying to make that documentary. Yeah. and Pete Berg I think ended up making it anyway, but we were like just broken up and I'm like, why am I making a documentary with my ex-boyfriend? This is really self abusive. But it's apparently the the month that it happens, violence in the area goes down, of course. Yeah. So, there's something interesting about these guys who want to go spar like maybe they're sexually harassing less women at work, maybe they're, you

84:33know, having less bar fights. This is calciotoco. So, it was invented in the 1600s to entertain kings. It was stopped because so many people were dying. And then in I want to say 1916 they brought it back. They keep it low profile because so many people get concussions and sick. Um so they're just group kickboxing. It's like I think 20 on 20. Uh the only rule is no two-on-one. These are grown men. These are not young like athletes. They're not professional athletes. They're butchers. They're lawyers. They're whatever. They just exchanged partners. Like guys just moved and a new guy moved in. They just touched hands. Like one guy was duking it out with a guy and for some reason they changed bare knuckle. Yeah. Uh it's also by by region. So it's like neighborhoods against neighborhoods. So a lot of it's like fathers against sons, brothers against brothers.

85:18They change teammates. Like two guys were fighting and then another guy steps in and takes the place. Oh jeez. First of all, these guys have dog skills. But it's No, these are not another guy just stepped in. These aren't professional athletes. These are literally guys that have other jobs. Once a year they just agree to just fight each other. It gets pretty brut Which one is this? What? What? What number minute are you in? Uh first. Oh, what? First ball, too. Here's what you should see. The ball. It actually The goal is to get the ball into the other side, but when you dog skills is so funny. I'm still laughing at that. When the person scores, they get so hit so hard that no one wants to score. Oh, that's hilarious. It's such like everyone's like, "No, you do. do it. Um because as soon as you score, people just pummel you. And then you see these guys in the corners with

86:10stretchers, they just carry people off the field the entire time. So this guy's holding this guy down. So you could grapple, too. Yes. The only rule You can bite. You can kick in the ball. You can do anything. The only thing you can't do is twoon one. That's the only rule. You can bite. Only rule is no two-on-one. You can kick in the balls. I'm sure. I mean, maybe that's like a gentleman's. See, like these two guys are the only two guys that are humping. Look at these two guys. This guy's got this guy's back and there's a lot of people lolly gagging and strolling around. A lot of cherry pickers. I'd be pissed. Like, you I think they get out there and they're like, what the am I doing? I have a family. Listen, let's knock these guys out one at a time. What the are we doing here? Oh, look at that guy. Oh, someone got smacked. Yeah. And then so he goes down. So, he's got the ball.

86:57He went down. Then another guy took his place instantly. This guy is just sort of avoiding the whole thing. Yeah, this ball guy looks gay as No. All See, there's a guy gets knocked down. But look, as soon as he gets knocked down, another guy steps in and fights the guy that he was fighting before he got knocked down. Oh, what a bizarre, stupid. So then it turns into just like a melee of madness. And it's just it's actually interesting to watch the clusters happen, like the energy going into one place. Wa, only one black guy. Yeah, I know. That's why it's so why it's so boring. That's why nobody watches. And these are regular guys. They're not professional professional athletes. Like they train for it. Like it's it's almost like a what's that thing? The Iron Man. It's like a voluntary thing that they do. It's tradition. If you do it, if your dad did it. Oh god. Yeah. So stupid.

87:51It's so ridiculous. Uh but there's a lot of tradition in it. and see everyone wears like Joker uniforms or whatever. There's two guys that are humping. This still is bothering me. Like, hey, come here. This guy's got this guy's back, but he's not doing anything. By the way, you should go out there one year and do the commentary. I'd be like, "Where are all the black people? This guy's gay." I see two more black guys. I'm getting happy now. They just took him off the bed. There's another He might be just a Sicilian. This guy's annoying. You've got dog skills. Well, it just seems like uh you mean a few of these guys got a little bit going on. See the yellow guys in yellow? That's when people get up those Yeah. They just get taken off the field and then they have to play I think it's two 20-minute quarters and then the winner the winners have to play again

88:40the next day again three days in a row. Oh god. The championship is four days later and the winning team their prize is a cow. They get a cow. They get a cow. A cow. You don't get money. you don't get endorsed. The thing I like about it that attracted me to it, there's no endorsement deals. There's no nothing's being promoted. It's just people that want to fight each other. What I don't understand is where's the leg kicks? Do you guys not understand about leg kicks? They're Italian. Yeah, but they're not There's a few kicks being thrown, but no one's throwing any leg kicks. They're standing right in front of each other, but there's no takedowns. There's no takedown attempts. It's just shitty boxing with the occasional kick. It's this is it's basically just like a giant street fight, right? But these guys have a little bit of skill. Like I'm looking at the way

89:26these a lot of the like see here's a takedown. Look at this. But nothing happens. So you can take a guy down. But look at the way these guys are like standing in front of each other like juking. I think they probably get out there and like are like wait what am I doing? Let's just like pace around and see if we can just get through this 40 minutes without It's so It's so weird because they just exchange partners. They move back and forth like they they they square off and then they decide I don't want to fight you. I'm going to fight your friend. Well, it's so interesting because think about it. It's like these are not trained guys. But it's like if you put 20 people fighting, there's no pressure to do it right away, you know? It's like when do you decide it's time to take you down, you know? Oh Jesus. There's This is really weird. Is this guy the guy with the balls going to go through?

90:06He's got to get through. Yeah. And then they're just talking I like that. Oh my gosh. Like see, look at that kick. Like how do you Does no one know how to kick? No. I think most people unless they're in Thailand probably don't. I went and saw those fights in Thailand. Those Shut this up. This is I had to watch those. But the point is I'm a purist. There's less violence. So maybe your friend who is getting brain damage at his gym who has no business. Oh well Brian's Brian if Brian didn't get boxed I would be terrified at the things he was doing in this city. I think he needs to be in a gym getting punched in the face a couple hours a day. It's good for him. So, I think the people at CrossFit No, I I mean, I'm not I'm not negative about CrossFit, but the kind of people who have to get that energy out, I worry where that energy would go if they weren't getting it out in competing or

90:55fighting or boxing or whatever. That's valid. I think people feel better for sure when they have that sort of a release. And I think there's a cathartic release in any sort of like severe exertion, but I think you can get the same cathartic release from yoga. I really do. I really do. I mean, it's not as viscerally exciting and for a man, it's not as satisfying. It doesn't give you as much adrenaline. Doesn't give you the confidence. Like, jiu-jitsu is my favorite because jiu-jitsu, you can go full blast and you get injured for sure, but it's not the same kind of injuries that you get usually from like kickboxing and stuff. Like, kickboxing sparring to me is the most problematic because I've seen how hard some people can kick. Yeah. And I just know that if you zig when you should have zagged and someone decides to kick you hard and that shin bounces off your head. No,

91:40I just know what can be done. I've seen too much. So like when I see that I'm like you are you're BMS BMX jumping with no helmet. Okay. Hopefully you're going to win. That's the thing with the jungle gym. It's just it's not about if, it's about when. Yeah. Well, especially kickboxing. Kickboxing to me is like I feel like even boxing is more if as long as you're sparring with people who you know are not going to hit you hard at least you've got a little bit more control of this situation. I mean I don't know it really resonate or like was profound to me when you said that you know you have to fall to know your not your limitations but you know don't know how far the ramifications you have to understand that when I broke my shoulder it changed my life like it was actually something that needed to happen because I pushed myself way too hard. I had no respect for my

92:27body. Like I just routinely abused it with every in so many ways. uh the people I surrounded myself with, the things I ate, the way that I lived, I didn't sleep, and it was like I needed to be proven the fragility of my body. Yeah. Vulnerability. Yeah. Totally. And being able to go, you know what? No, I don't think so. I think I'm going to like try to think like more than two hours ahead right now and not do that dangerous thing. Well, think about your body as if there's this long-term thing. And people have given me a hard time about that, too. Like like especially like lifting weights. I've been wonder why your body's so up. public because I'll put like a video on Instagram of me working out with my trainer. But that the only way you can keep your body from getting and it sounds so counterintuitive. The only way that you can prevent certain injuries is by

93:12making your body strong. The only way you can make your body strong is you got to lift heavy things. I'm also Do you have any interest or in hyper mobility? Yes. Hyper mo. So, I was hyper mobile, which I didn't know, which means I lift things, everything from a weight to a coffee cup with my joints, not my muscles. So, I was pretty using the term wrong then. So, I No, maybe I am too, but it's um so Western European trash, which is I am basically just like alcoholics with joint problems like a lot of uh Western European genetics means you're hyper mobile, which is so you're picking things up, putting a lot of strain on your joints instead of using your whole body. You know, pick something up. It's my knees and my hips and my lower back instead of my thigh muscles and my glutes. Well, that's one of the best things about kettle bell training in my opinion is that they're so awkward, but it

94:02forces you to understand how to use your body as a unit. There's a lot of people that do bodybuilding type workouts and the isolation exercises although they make your muscles bigger. They don't allow your body to synchronize and use itself as one individual unit. Interesting. And that's how you get non-colision injuries. Like when you hear about people who are 50 and they're like, "I sneezed and threw my back out." That's cuz they've been putting like, you know, pressure on their joints instead of their muscles for the longest time. And I didn't have an ass. Like I never used my glutes just walking around and walking upstairs and picking things up and whatever. And uh and then I had to like relearn how to like walk and I had to go to this like Pilates thing and like so boring. This was like three years ago. It was a nightmare. Somebody's talking to you, Whitney. You don't know

94:52how to walk. You need to relearn how to walk. And you're like sitting in bed. You can't sleep. I need to learn how to walk. I'm going to do a documentary on how to walk. I'm going to write a book. I'm how to walk. I'm going to learn how to walk. I'm going to get I'm going to get awesome at learning how to walk. I'm going to teach people how to walk. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to China and I'm going to teach kids how to walk. Shut up. By the way, that's my schedule for tomorrow. Thanks for reminding me. I mean, you are one of those people like when you call me up and say, "I'm doing a documentary. You don't know how to walk." It's very alarming. Well, that's horseshit. You walked over to them and they lied to you. I know. You don't know what it's like to be a woman. We believe lies. I don't know what it is. Guys believe lies, too. Listen, the world is flat.

95:32Holy Yeah. The world's flat. Your dick is huge. There's a lot of lies going around. Yeah, that's it. But someone telling you, you want to know my favorite? I was in a writer room once and I was like thinking of this like story where this these characters were going to have sex, but then they didn't. And I was like, "Oh, I have an idea. what if the guy is allergic to spermicide? And everyone was like, "Huh?" And I was like, "You know how like some guys are allergic to spermicide, so they can't use condoms." And everybody looked at you like, "What?" I was like, "Yeah." It's like half of the guys I've dated. I was like, "They can't use condoms cuz they're so allergic to it." They were like, "You are the dumbest." I was literally like as I was saying it, I was like, "Oh, wow." Well, I believe that some women are allergic to spermicide. Not only that, but I've

96:18heard that some women are actually allergic to different partner sperm. Interesting. Yeah, I think that's true. Please Google. I'm allergic to sperm fertilizing my eggs. Well, what about the frozen eggs? Do you feel like I have this really bad reaction? They're cooler somewhere. My frozen eggs are living an amazing life in Hermosa Beach. They have a great view in a vault. Yeah. Like they How do they keep them cold? Uh, I guess it's cryofreeze. I should probably just keep them down. What if the power goes out? I think about that all the time. The grid goes down. Is that one of those things in the middle of the night? I love that. No, they explain to me the generators and all this stuff. All I ever think about is when I'm in a hospital is what if the power goes out? How old are you now? 33. And how many eggs did you store away? 18. Your eggs are still good. Yeah, they're really good. I

97:02You're good for like another six years. I am so a semen allergy ruined my marriage. Holy 14 months after we were married, I was diagnosed with human seminal plasma hypersensitivity, an allergy to semen. Oh my god. I met Simon at a girlfriend's wedding. Name changed to predict identity. The faithful day changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. So, I wonder if she's like allergic to some dude's loads and not everyone's los. What's it where's it land in her is the allergy happening in her vagina or in her eyes? Good question. I heard just the fact that someone's allergic to chemistry. But I just am curious where like is her throat get itchy? Well, I wonder like what allergies guys have. Are some guys allergic to eating Okay. Sperm allergy sometimes. Semen allergy. Seminal plasma hypersensitivity is a rare allergic reaction to proteins found in a man's

97:52semen. Mostly affects women. Burning sensation in the vaginal area. Oh, that's not good. Pain, itching, and a burning sensation in the vaginal area. Oh, that's awful. Yeah, it sounds not good. Oh, that's a bummer. Mostly affects women. Why? Cuz mostly women catch loads. I wonder. Yo, am I right? Let me ask you something. Well, I'm always like, what's the evolutionary purpose of something? I mean, there's got to be an evolutionary purpose to every allergy. Is it Is it just to like eliminate people? Well, that's what I'm saying. Maybe evolution doesn't want this woman to procreate. Maybe she has doesn't really work that way. It's random mutations and adaptations to environmental changes. It's Yeah, but what if this if if the uh Yeah, hold on. So, they don't prove like So, for example, right? So pherommones, if your pherommones smell good, that means we should procreate,

98:40right? If they smell bad, it means we're probably related somehow. That's when So to have a vagina flare up when sperm goes in it, is that nature's way of being like, "This woman has garbage genetics." Maybe that dude has weak loads. Maybe if a man has some like stout loads, he would get in there and your vagina be like, "I'll take this. This is good. This is good. Hey girl." Maybe. Yeah, maybe it's just bad loads. I'm gonna That's your area. I don't know. I'm gonna not Who was it that was on the podcast? Was it Chris Ryan that was explaining? Please write a book called Lowe's. Stout loads. That's going to be my new podcast. Forward by Brian Gallen. I'm just going to talk about loads for three hours twice a week. Yeah. Stout loads. I'm really interested in loads. Yeah, we should. I have to do my first sex scene. An actual sex scene. Actual sex scene

99:30next week. Yeah. And we're and literally there's so much time and energy has gone into where does his dick go, where does where does everything go? Is it for a sh TV show or a movie? It's for a show. Okay. So, it's going to be a lot of people on the set. Yeah. I mean, they'll probably minimize unnecessary people that day. Like, I had a dude who I was friends with who did a sex scene with a girl and they're making out and she goes, "If you want you could go ahead and me." And he was like, "Nope." It was like the moment you said that the type of girl that says you can me in a be movie. It wasn't even a be movie, you know. It's like some no-name nonsense production and they were, you know, making out and she just said, "You can go ahead and me." He's more he likes them to say no. More of a turn on him. He was like, "You can't me. Please let me in there."

100:19Well, I bet he's probably terrified of not being able to get it up in front of all those people as well. Well, yeah. That's I mean, we were kind of trying to figure it out cuz we're like, "Okay, there's going to be an erection. Do we just keep There might not be. You say there's going to be, but there might not be an erection. If there's not one, you'll be super excited. I will cry. I will be crying so hysterically that he will get one cuz guys are into that. They're into crying." Yeah. Yeah. I did a different strokes episode with Chris about this. Um, one time I was crying and the guy I was crying to got an erection and I was like, "R flag. you like weak, sad women. Um, well, there are some people that have a hard time with someone who is not insecure if they're insecure. So, if they're insecure and the woman is confident, they panic and then they could get they could have a problem

101:09getting an erection. But if the woman like all of a sudden needs comforting and she's insecure, then they assume he gets to be the elf. Oh, yeah. Interesting. So, I should be really insecure. I will be anyway. Well, I don't know. Like, what is like I was thinking about this the other day that there's two voices that are just absolute that just don't work, but we we know them as archetypes. And one of them is like one of them is like the spooky voice. Like, no one's scared of the spooky voice and no one's scy suck my You know what I mean? like that that Please guys don't ever suck on anyone's Suck it. I like it. Everyone's different. But you know what I'm saying? It's like, you know, hey boys, what are you doing alone right now? Like that doesn't work on anybody. I think that's so men can do it. So men can so that men can pretend to be I mean like I don't know any women who

102:09are like, "Hey, but you know what I mean? Have you ever seen those commercials? those late night, you know, like I think it's the kind of men who call late night commercials at 2 a.m. are not guys like you. They're guys who probably are more suscept who are beta males who need someone even more beta than them. So maybe that's why they have to be like, "Hey, but it's the naughty girl voice. Do you want to call Ashley Madison? Come on." Yeah. It's like, "Why are you whispering? Don't you want to be naughty?" Well, maybe it's cuz they know that the wife's in the next room. Like you're whispering. Ew, that's so creepy. You are bad. It's so scary. I know. Well, I sound like Franusher. I'm like, "Hey, just call 999. Suck my pussy." Already, guys, that's not sexy. 999 suck my What the is wrong with you? Why haven't you called me? It's an AR. There's like other

102:59archetypes, right? Like the strip club DJ voice, the top 40 DJ voice. Those are archetypes. The politician voice, that's an archetype. Right. The annoying wife. Yes. Voice. Sure. I find myself and I stopped doing this cuz I realize I'm exacerbating the problem. I get very triggered and annoyed by stereotypes. Like the stereotype that guys are dumb really annoys me. Uh most guys are dumb though. I don't think guys are dumb. Guys are you're designed to only Most people are dumb. I just mean like in terms of why didn't you remember my friend Audrey's name? You've met her three times. It's like guys are only really remembered designed to remember things if there's like some kind of threat attached to it. And it's just your brains are cuz like we're designed to sort of in a team way for me to be hypervigilant and be like there's a lion and you go there. You break down everything to like some

103:45primitive tribe that is worried about an invasion always. But don't but don't you think that people find things memorable because they're interesting and they're fascinating people things that are totally unthreatening. But is Audrey interesting or fascinating to you? I don't know Audrey. So maybe she is maybe she's cool as Yeah, maybe Dr. Audrey, PhD, but I just mean like some benign friend of your girl or whatever. Um and I mean and then cuz it's also that's something that I love about my a man. Like if you're fixing something, I want you to only be focusing on that. Guys don't multitask in the same way. You know, I just think that calling guys dumb it just is glorifying like a neurotic multitasking, you know, overworked or glorification of busy type. That's the new thing. Guys that are just like simple and you know I just People are so varied though. I I'm

104:34really more hesitant to generalize the older I get. Yeah, but I mean men are cra women are crazy, men are stupid. That thing is just to me so um general it's it's generalization that I think is really um uh not helpful. Yeah. At all and annoying. It's well it's it makes people comfort. It gives them comfort to sort of classify people. Yeah. Like you don't have to like look at it, oh what happened with Debbie? She's a crazy You know, it's like it's easy to say she's a crazy instead of say, well, I was raised kind of up and I really don't get triggered by women like her because and she wasn't heard. Plus, I'm insecure and she's a little stronger than I likeed and it's just it's get I like to be the dominant one. She's smarter than me and it doesn't work out. Yeah, that's too much. But wait, why did we get on that topic? There was something Oh, the beta males loads.

105:23We're talking about stout loads coming in hot loads. No, it was something about the beta males. Uh oh, and the archetypes. Yeah. Yeah. The like dumb cuz Oh, this is it. I found in my stand up. I'd be like and then my boyfriend was like, "Hey, what are you doing?" And I'm like, "Guys don't sound like that, right? What am I doing?" You know, but it's funny. You know what? Point taken. Never mind. Yeah. Like sometimes, like sometimes I'll put a girl on my be like, "Oh my god, is that what you want? Oh my god. Is that what you think I'm here for? I know that girl exists somewhere. What I sound like drunk, so it's Whitney. I just feel like we're primal species under attack. I don't know how to walk. I don't I'm walking wrong. I pick things up with my joints. You guys, one day I'm going to sneeze and my back's just going to like break in half. I found an extra bone in my forearm.

106:26Oh my god, I'm allergic to that seaman. Get it away from me. Ew, disgusting. Get away from my frozen eggs. Or please freeze them with my eggs. I need Yeah, freeze it alongside just in case you can combine it in some sort. Is that all you need is And eggs don't need to be. Ideally, you want to freeze an embryo, which means the uh the sperm fertilize. Say, "Hey, Joe, can I have some of your sperm? fertilize my egg, then put it in the freezer, and then put it back in my body. That seems so creepy zombie to me. It's total science fiction. An embryo gets frozen, and then you could turn that into life. But it only works. It's a healthy choice dinner. Yeah. Yeah. But it only works like if Okay. So, an embryo will eventually become a human being. So, that little embryo is already fertilized. It's the egg that's fertilized. And you can freeze that, but you can't freeze a 13-year-old. Nope.

107:17You know what I'm saying? No. Like there's a cut off period. I'm sure we could at some point, just not yet. I think we could. I think it's going to happen. I think these reanimate guys, these that are shooting stem cells into dumb people's heads, those they're going to fix it all. Like I know a lot of people who need that. But um yeah, that is uh I mean I I mean I imagine it's because it doesn't have a brain or blood. It doesn't have to be warm. Like embryos don't have to be warm. Humans, I guess, have to be at a certain body temperature. I mean, it's I mean, that's like some Austin Power Well, even a cell to me, I mean, if it was an individual cell, like if the the egg had been fertilized and it created one cell, the idea that you could freeze that cell before it divides and becomes a full-on human being. The idea that you could freeze that one cell and then regenerate it, that's crazy.

108:05I I I honestly I don't know how people do like it's so I guess that's why I tried to read so much because I'm like, I don't understand how I can't even understand what these people are doing and I'm not even doing it. Well, it's so standard today, too. I mean, which is so really fascinating because if you brought this concept to someone 200 years ago or even a hundred years ago, they think you're out of your mind. But it's it still sounds crazy to me. I just had it done and he's like, I'm sucking them out of your ovary. I'm like, okay. Do you remember John and Kate plus eight? Of course. Yeah. Remember that they that crazy lady? They shot the those chemicals inside of her body to make her more fertile and she gave birth to six kids. Yeah. Yes. Octimom. Yeah. What the Octim forgot about Oct. You have to have a lot of money. I think the only reason I remember that is

108:52because I People on Twitter say I look like her. Uh when they're just being mean. Rude. Um Um but uh yeah, it's I mean it's a it I've never felt like more of a science project, you know? It's like the human body is a kind of a miracle, but when he's this sort of intersection between technology and life or like mother nature is so weird. It's like he's in there and he's like with a wand and show doing this. It's like you went this with the soul and now you're going in here. This is what a the Yeah. It's not a very sexy or romantic process. It's very clinical and sort of rough and he's in and you're my ovaries are on a high def television. It's just like that for those two things to be in the like intersect is just so weird. and you're just looking at all your follicles. And I was convinced for the first like couple sessions that it was just like a feed. Like everyone saw

109:42the same feed. So I was like, there's just no way you can see inside my body. Like I I mean I I just I it like this is just a videotape you put in, everybody comes in, it's the same thing. There's just no way you can see inside. I mean, my body's dark on the inside, obviously. Like intellectually I can't fathom it. Yeah. Like it's it's just too I'm too obtuse obviously. And then Well, everybody is. I think it seems like he's pointing out my follicles. He's like, "This one's a different size. This one I'm" I'm like, "How the do you know that? It looks like a haunted house to me. I can't understand anything. It looks like paranormal activity. I mean, it looks like a nightmare." And uh and then I go and then I'm sure enough I'm You get like four I looked like I was like four or five months pregnant, you know? And I'm doing these shots every day and I'm like I like I was like this is so

110:26crazy. So it makes your stomach stick out more. Yes, cuz I had 18 big swollen eggs. Wa! You're huge. Yeah, I have a picture of it somewhere. Um, I'll send it to you. And I look like 5 months pregnant and it's just like, whoa. You know, it's usually cause for alarm. So to spend money to look like that and then uh Yeah. And then you go in and they suck them all out. Now, what made you decide to do that versus like one day have a kid? I am going to one day have a kid. What he said to me was this. He was like, look, look, cuz I was like, I know my next year and a half, two years is going to be a little bit hectic and I'm probably not going to have a kid. He was like, "This might not be for your first or second kid. It could be for your fourth, like when you're 44 and you're like, you know, I'm going to have one more or like I'm going to have a surrogate, you know." Oh, Jesus.

111:10Yeah. It was It's literally just like an insurance adopt. Uh adopting it depends. So adopting is a kind of a nightmare. A lot of my friends have been going through it. You sign up for it and you're waiting for the baby to be born and the mother might change their mind. So the mother has, I think, two days to decide whether she wants to keep the baby or not after she gives birth. And that's of course when her brain is bathed in oxytocin after having it. And a lot of couples go down a ninemonth journey and don't get a kid. But if you do it from a different country, it's a little difficult. I have a couple gay friends that uh hired a surrogate. What is it? A surrogate? What is it? Yeah, surrogate. Even for gay people. I guess they use their own I don't know. I think they cooler. They both shot it into a turkey baster mix. It had to have been one or the other. I don't think

111:52I think they shook it up. I don't think they knew. I don't know. I'm guessing. But anyway, they paid this woman for like a year. It's like 150 grand. They paid her for a year and then when the baby was born, she decided to keep it. No, that's that's their lawyer's fault. There must have been something. She decided to keep it. I don't think you could force a woman to You might be able to force her to give the money back or some of the money back or you could sue for the money back. But I I don't think that you could take the baby away. That's insane. In California, the mother has I think all the rights. Yeah. Well, I think once the baby comes out of her body, she's probably like, "Listen, that's my baby. I'm going to make this work." Yeah. I mean, it's really a total chemical bonding thing. Well, also, there might have been like some severe desperation in her life that

112:37made her take this position as being a surrogate mother in the first place. And the money that they gave her might have alleviated a lot of the problems that were causing her to be so desperate that she wanted to have a surrogate baby. That's very interesting. It was dark for them. It was like really heartbreaking. It was heartbreaking, but it was also like wow. Well, it's also this is her baby. I mean, she grew it in her body like biologically. I also have, you know, friends with surrogates and and you it's very stressful because you want to micromanage what they're eating, if they're sleeping. But something that was helpful that I learned was that if a baby's not getting the nutrients it needs, it will take it from its mother's bones. Whoa. So, if your surrogate is eating McDonald's, your kid's going to be fine. your the m the the carrier is the one that's going to suffer.

113:22Little parasites. Yeah. Just sucking suck calcium out of your bones. Babies totally they suck uh brain cells from the mother, too. I mean, they're vampires. Women get so dumb when they're pregnant. I think they lose like 10% of their No, they're just tired all the time, I think, is what it is. they're duplicating. I mean, it's like it's a metamorphosis. It's like a It's a lot of work. What a nightmare. Yeah. It's just crazy that that's taking all their energy. Well, it's the ultimate biological trick. The thing that we look forward to the most, the thing that sells cars and TV shows, long legs and sex, and hey buddy. And what is it really? It's about coming in someone and making a person in their body. Yep. I mean, it's really like this ultimate biological trick of replication. Do you uh have you ever heard of this book called It's a stupid name, but

114:11Cupid's Poisoned Arrow? It's about what orgasms do to your brain? No. And the whole sort of theory is to not have an orgasm unless you're going to actually procreate because of the chemicals that are released. It's it's I I don't know. I don't Who wrote that book? What kind of monster kind of Yeah. sex addict? First of all, that No, that's the best way to clear your mind is to shoot a load. I know. But it's something about jerk off and like your your thought process is so much clearer. Like there's so many times that I've told my friends like, you know, I don't know what to do, man. She's pressuring me. Jerk off first, then think about it. Just go jerk off. Yeah. And then tell me after you jerked off if you want to deal with all this emotional that's being thrown at you. Um, hold on. Will you I'll send this to you. I remember reading it and while I was reading it, I was like, "Yeah, this

114:55makes a lot of sense." I mean, I don't want to live like that, but it makes a lot of sense. Well, it's something about how if you want to stay in love with someone long term because if you have too many orgasms, your body uh you produce dopamine and then after cuz essentially we're designed to procreate like you said and then the female starts producing oxytocin but the male starts being less interested and the brain is like okay now you go procreate with someone else cuz our brain doesn't know that there's six billion people on the planet and then we don't need to procreate with a lot of different moms. Uh so it's something about if you want to be in a relationship for a long time. Wow. So, it's like a tantric type thing. It kind You know what? I'll send it to you. It's like It's basically about I stopped reading after like four pages because I was like, I'm never going to It is.

115:37It's about keeping oxytocin, the bonding chemical, alive with couples. Oh, that's crazy. They're try They're trying to hack couples. Yes, they are. That's ridiculous. Now, how about find someone that you actually like? That's too easy. But it's kind of in LA. Is that possible? It could be done. Of course, it can be done everywhere. You should date. Who do I think you should date? I don't know. We'll find you somebody. We need to find you somebody. I'm dating somebody. But it's not working out. Obviously. I'm just curious. That dude's at home going, "Shit, who do you think I should date? I thought we were dating, bitch." No, I'm curious. Like, I'm cur I'm just curious. I'm curious. You're uh You always have interesting opinions. Um I think the person I'm dating is a good idea, but I'm just You're a lot. remember. So I think and I mean that in the best way possible,

116:25but you're very smart and you're very ambitious and you're you're interested in a lot of different things and you have to have someone who is similar in some ways or is that a nightmare in other No, someone I I honestly believe that in order for someone like you because I think you're an outlier in a lot of ways in that you're I'm a liar. That's for sure. Out liar. No, that outlying aspect of your personality because you're you're I think so you have to someone has to be an outlier in some way of their own in order for them to appreciate you because otherwise they're just going to think like I can't keep up with this crazy This is just too much. You know, she she doesn't sleep. She gets up in the middle of night, starts writing books and learning how to walk again. It's like, you know what I mean? She's like I'm like the guy the grandpa from Charlie in the Chocolate Factory

117:13getting out of bed. Well, there's a lot of benefits to your type of behavior. Obviously, that's why you're so successful. There's a lot of benefits to the way you think. But the the negative the the the side aspect of it, the the where I would say it's going to be problematic is someone has to like for companionship, someone has to be able to keep up with you or understand you or accept you. And what the way you think and the way you approach life is extremely different. It's it's not the way most people do it. and not the way most women do it for sure. And if men are used to the certain type of patterns that some women follow and then you have this pattern, you know, they're going to be like, "Oh, just I I don't want I just want to grow complaints about Starbucks, you know, like they ran out of soy. I feel like almond milk or coconut milk, camel milk.

118:10What are we doing? Goats milk." I think, you know, when I hate saying stupid that people repeat, but I think this this repeated thing is when you're ready, you'll find someone. Yeah, that's Yeah, you're right. Because I and I think there's like I think a relationship really doesn't work unless you yourself are ready for a relationship, too. That's a really good point. And you have to be someone that someone would want to be in a relationship with. I say that all the I'm like, "How about stop focusing on the other person? Would I want to date me?" Right. Once I get in a point a place where I would want to date me or marry me. Yeah. And people think they're going to find someone, a person's going to calm them down, and then they're going to be someone that's worth dating. Yeah. That's often times calm yourself down, solve your own problems, and then Yeah. totally. So,

118:58they put on a song and dance for the first couple weeks of the relationship until like a buddy of mine had this girl that he was dating for a while and then um his car broke down and he needed her to help him. Like he his tire blew out and uh I forgot the whole story, but she helped him in some sort of a way like she came and got him or something like that. And then she stayed over the house and then the next day she texted him like five times in a row and he didn't text her back. And then she left this crazy message about now she's going to need therapy and she has trust issues. And so he was like, "What?" Just what the I'm He was working all day. He's like, "I was working all day. I had one day where I I tried to put my phone aside and concentrate on my work and you're just blowing up my phone and I didn't text you back and now you need therapy." Like there's certain people that you

119:48enter into any sort of an intimate relationship with them and you're taking on the burden of all this psychology, which is I think exactly why I all this self-aware Maybe it comes off super masturbatory and like narcissistic, but I was like, I am done being crazy. Like it's it's not But you're still crazy by saying I'm done being crazy. Like that's a sign of being crazy. But here's the thing. I don't It's cute in your 20s. It's not cute in your 30s to text a guy five times in a row. That's That's lack of awareness. I do not Exactly. So, I want to be able to go, "Oh, this is my This has nothing to do with him." Like, I have abandonment terror and da da. And like solve my own terror. Abandonment terror. It's called abandonment terror. I've heard that expression before. I had infant maternal disruption. So, I have abandonment terror, which means I didn't hit the brakes.

120:34I feel like we're always in here and it just as soon as we start winding down, I throw out some like that. like sperm allergy, inventory disruption. Yeah, what's going on with your foot? Nice talking to you. I can't walk. I'm going crawl out of here and get my Tesla. Get on my segway. I can get out of here. Um, no. Uh, when you didn't get enough eye contact as a kid, basically you have infant maternal disruption, like you weren't able to get the connection. So, when um when you don't get a text back or whatever, it starts triggering really old abandonment terror. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, that girl Terrible. That girl is broken. Like something happened from the ages of 1 to three that now is manifesting in five text messages, you know? But you have to get control your own You got to clean up your own yard. You got to fix it. That's why I'm in 12step programs. I'm in I do EMDR.

121:22I'm in a I'm on all sorts of cuz I'm just like I'm not going to just be a puppet of this what happened to me when I was three for the rest of my life. And I'm not going to punish the guys I date for it. It's not your fault. Yeah. But even talking about punishment. Well, I don't. So in pro in I know that we're not even dating and me talking about it's like punishment. It's not punishment to me. It's not punish. It's like so in program we don't go to the problem for the solution. So it's like if the problem is you're not texting me back, I'm not going to go to you and say, "Hey, text me back. I'm going to go figure out the solution and then take the solution to the problem to the relationship." Yeah. Well, I'm a big believer in the path of least resistance when it comes to relationships. And if someone doesn't want to text you back, you probably shouldn't be hanging out with them.

122:04It's pretty simple. So like to like chase after people. I don't ch I'm not Yeah. It's an instinct people have it like god why didn't they call me back? But a lot of us how come you didn't text me back you Back. I guess we're not texting back now. Yeah. A lot of us seek invis uh seek people whose approval we don't have or whose attention we don't have cuz we didn't get it or Well, I think text messages and even voicemail messages in a in a way are weird in that like you send somebody something and then you wait for them to respond and you hold and you're like, "All right, come on. What do we got here? What do we got here?" It's like send a raven, you know, you got to scroll. It's also worse now because it's like if I text you, you don't text me back and then I see that you posted on Instagram, there's this whole new thing, which did happen the other day, Joe. Um, it didn't.

122:48No, I'm joking. But I mean, there's this new thing of how I can see all the other things you're doing on your phone instantly. So, I'm now all of a sudden like, well, you responded to these these tweets, you know, from Rhonda, but you didn't text me back. It turns into that Rhonda. Yeah. So, I'm not going to start a beef with her. She love her very much. Which Rhonda are you talking about? Oh. Oh, cuz you have the doctor Rhonda and you have Ronda Rousey. Oh, I was doing Ronda Rousey. I thought you were just making people's names up. Oh, no. No. I just was trying to think of someone who you might tweet with. Right. I get it. or tweet about or something. All the above. Um but uh but yeah, so now like I think with all of these other things, it makes things it makes it harder to just solely focus on the purity of did he text me back or not? It's like he didn't text me

123:35back, but he did all these other things on his phone. This is human beings enter into relationships, even friendships. Like, and when I say relationship, I don't mean sexual, just like any time you're relating to other people. It's the person that you're hanging around with, they change how you are. like you you are who you are. You have like this base and then you might be lighter around certain people or friend. Totally. There's like a chemical reaction that you have to people's personalities. I instantly when I see a comic I stop trying to be funny. It's the best thing. Like I I'm not like don't ever make jokes but as soon as I'm in a comic I'm like I don't have to try to make you laugh. Oh okay. So you feel like when you're around people that aren't comics like you're almost obligated because they know you're funny. Yeah. It's like your thing of like it's

124:21just different reactions. Certain people trigger different things and it's like is that maybe your own expectations of what you think people want from Could be. Could be. Or it's like the performance or the show or the costume I put on to avoid intimacy or to having to really connect to somebody. Do you think that like with every day and every hour and every time you obsess and all these things and all these different paths that you go down like every day gets a little better? Every day get a little better at it. Get a little better at life. Yes. Yes. And if I haven't, I'm like, you know, but and it's it depends on also what comes up because it's like, you know, sometimes you're like, I'm nailing it. And then a trigger comes along that you're like, I didn't even know that was a trigger. That was weird. You know, or like a totally new stimulus dynamic comes along. Instagram

125:04is invented. Like I'm nailing it with guys. They can they don't have to text me back. I feel great. And then they I'm like, "Oh now Instagram was invented. And now I have to see what they're doing." And that I have to compare, you know? So, it's like it our environments are changing so fast, it's hard for our sort of emotional and mental progress to keep up with all these new sort of curve balls. Unless you turn your phone black and white, shut that off. Just I like how you have a problem, too. You have like Oh, yeah. Dude, I have to put so like a chassity belt on my phone. I like it's I I have to protect and I when I drive, I have to put it in the back seat cuz I will text and drive in the back seat. I put it in the back seat because I don't trust myself cuz I I literally will just look I'll just be driving and I'll look down and all of a sudden I'm on my phone. I'm like what

125:47the This is so dangerous. Like it's you go unconscious. Yeah. Yeah. And I rear ended somebody like and it wasn't like email. I literally just looked down at my phone. I was like pulling up to a stop sign and I thought I was stopped and uh you know they say that um uh uh texting is now worse than drunk driving. More people die from texting and driving now than drunk driving. What? And I don't even think it's I just real Yeah. I just think it's not going to happen to me. I don't know what magical addict thinking I'm doing, but I literally will just like look down at my phone and I reared this guy and I was like, "I'm so sorry. Totally my fault." And I was like, "That's going to be my rock bottom." It wasn't bad at all. It was like a little ding. And I was like, "Okay, that needed to happen. I need But don't you think that your ideas of what is going to happen are based on

126:29what's already happened?" And nothing's happened yet. So you assume, well, I'm in the car. I'm driving. Nothing happens when I'm driving. I'm driving. I live in the valley. What's the what what am I going to die in a car accident? I mean, it's like that's not the story I wrote for myself, but no one gives a about that. No one has that script. Everyone isn't, you know, everyone isn't running around, you know, trying to make sure I stay alive. And that brings it all back to like you going to Vietnam and you experiencing another possibility that like you or I, we're both really lucky that were born in America. We're born white wealthy people in America to I mean, not born it, but you know, I wasn't born it. Yeah. I wasn't either. But you're we're lucky. We're lucky as Like this situ this situation wasn't possible if you live in Vietnam. I feel like what I I realized is like,

127:15you know, because when everyone's like this, I'm tired. Like everyone's like this just like people love being sick too. Love it. They love it. I don't feel good. I have a headache. I have this I have uh thyroid thing. Like they brag about having sicknesses. They're just distractions though, right? I have Lyme disease or whatever the Lyme disease is real. If you really have Lyme disease, I'm so sorry, Tim. Tim Ferris, so sorry. Uh, but I mean Tim Ferris has lyme disease. He had it. Yeah, it was like I think really bad. Um, but like I mean everyone's like, "I'm tired. I think I have Lyme disease." I'm like, "No, people really have Lyme disease." Or people are like, "I'm allergic to gluten." like, do you have celiac disease or do you just need to be sick because it gets you attention like you know and then you go to a place where people are actually sick and

127:57actually uh have problems and it just it just really changes uh your perspective. Did you ever see that Louis CK bit about being white? Uh probably. But it makes me think of the one cuz cuz I was thinking this isn't a bit I do obviously but I just remember after being in Vietnam I was like we should just walk around all the time and be like that's awesome. This is so cool. I love it. This is off. Look at this. Like we should it should just constantly be like, "Oh my god, this is water in this bottle." Louis has this amazing bit where he's like, "You could go back to any time in history and it would be amazing." He's like, "That's the thing about being white." He's like, "Being white is great." He goes, "You go back 200 years ago. You don't have to worry about being a slave." Yeah. He's like, "Well, white people, Irish people didn't have it so good for a while."

128:43Well, there's definitely some I mean, it's a joke, obviously. I know. I know. I know. But take that, Louis. What about the Irish people? Found a little debunking your bit. Um, but he also had that thing about everything's amazing and all we do is complain about the about the flying and people like my flight was 45 minutes late. I went on this uh hunting trip in uh Prince of Wales Island which is in Alaska and it's unbelievably rainy. I mean, we were just drenched for 6 days and I just thought in my head for some reason that you'd be dry when you get in the tent. I'd be like, well, once you get in the tent, you'll be dry. But you never really get dry because the air is wet. There's mist everywhere. So everything's wet. Your sleeping bag's soaking wet. The only thing that saves you and keeps you warm is the fact that you're wearing wool because wool uh retains body heat even

129:27when it's wet. Unlike cotton and a lot of um uh synthetic fabrics don't do it very well. But wool is amazing. It's an animal, right? An animal's hair. Exactly. So like when you have wool socks on, even if your feet are wet, you're still warm. Yeah. Wool is the so important for like uh people that are in the outdoors like wool under dead probably. I think wolves get them more than the cold. But I mean Oh, good point. Okay, got it. Sorry. I was like I thought you meant wolf hair. I was like wolves have wool. W That's their their hair is wool. Sorry. My point was that um so six days in this soaked environment just every day just being just completely wet. Everything's wet. Everything you do is wet. Your face is wet. has like a sheen that you could feel it on you. It's like you're just wet and cold. Yeah. And I came back and it was sunny and it was 80 and I was like, "This is

130:19amazing." And I was driving around in LA and I'm like, "I love it here. It's so" And I called my friend Steve, same guy, Steve Renella, and I called him up and I go, "Dude, I am so happy. I've never been this happy, but it's because I was miserable for those days." Yes. It's so important to have adversity. Appreciate it. Yes. It's so I was in in Vietnam, like I said, they wear masks. I went for a run with this who back to your point about flat feet. He's like the marathon guy who's like you're supposed to run barefooted, right? So he's barefoot run guy and this was the first non- barefoot run he's done because it was in, you know, Vietnam and there's just like you should not everywhere. Yeah, he's a nightmare and just dead animals. Um it was dysentery just babies. And by the way, also just kids everywhere. I'm like do you have a parent? Like I mean there's just kids

131:04like three-year-old toddlers just running businesses. I mean, he's like, I'm literally like, "Excuse me?" Like, "Do you work here?" Like, you literally will just I'll send you some of the photos. You'll see a kid just in a store alone and you're like, "What is happening? It's so dangerous." And uh and everyone's in masks. They can't breathe the oxygen there. And we went for a run and I came back and I felt like I'd smoked four packs of cigarettes. And I came back to LA and even just doing that was like a little mini miracle. Did you ever see that? There's a a a story that was written about Mark Zuckerberg. He was in China and he went for a run during like one of the worst days, one of the worst pollution days and he's out there jogging around and you know you look at the air behind him. It's like you're just you're jogging into like an exhaust pipe. H could he then he just doesn't see I

131:52mean it's it's hard because you can't maybe wanted to experience it because yeah, you know just to know I mean he's an interesting guy. I mean, he's obviously very thoughtful guy. And I think that maybe he wanted to experience it just because when you have that much money, you're like, I can pay for it. Whatever happens to me, we can get new lungs. I'll just get some stem cell shot. I won't the regeneration people reanimate my lungs. But uh but yeah, I mean and that's I think and I also like once you see that kind of pollution it's like you know because there's so many charities and there's so many problems you can't try to solve all of them or be you know such a small part like but I was like oh this is the first time that I was like I I need to like only buy you know there's like carbon neutral companies and companies that you know put less emissions out and stuff

132:37and you're like yeah I should start voting with things I buy and you know it's the first time I got this app that tells you what companies don't emit as too much pollution, you know, stuff like that. And I'm like, I never really thought about that before until I was breathing in like viscous toxic air. Well, it's interesting because just being a human being, just by nature, this the nature of our existence, we consume constantly and we're constantly using things that are detrimental to the environment. And people will concentrate on certain things like, "Hey, I ride my bike everywhere, so my carbon footprint is less." Yeah, but you're still using plastic, Yeah, like that goes into garbage. Like the waste refilling, what are those called? They landfills. They go into landfills. They wind up getting into the ocean. Like all the stuff that we do has an effect. All of it. 100%. Like this

133:29idea that you're immune because you ride your bike everywhere or because you have an electric car. That one drives me crazy. Cuz by the way, those electric cars, those minerals are in those cars. The batteries apparently cause uh they're not recyclable, right? No. Well, not only that, they're conflict minerals. A lot of the batteries, they're getting the minerals from places that are like there they're there's a real issue with where they're getting this these minerals to to make these batteries. Like that's one of the big things about Afghanistan. Like one of the big things about Afghanistan, they found trillions of dollars worth of lithium in the in the mountains. And they believe that's one of the reasons why we're there in the first place. There's there's all sorts of there's all sorts of natural resources that the Soviets wanted out of Afghanistan. the natural gas pipeline.

134:13It's one of the main reasons why they believe that some of the neocons were very interested in protecting and invading Afghanistan is not just the poppy business, which is huge, right? Look, it's a giant business. And the idea that, well, we wouldn't have anything to do with that because it's not illegal or because it's illegal. Well, that's not true because if you look at what happened in Vietnam, Vietnam, a big part of the reason why people were in Vietnam, why some people supported being in Vietnam is because they were profiting off controlling the heroin trade. That's a fact. There was a a trillion dollars made during the Vietnam War from heroin sales. And where it was made and why and who got the money and where the corruption took place and where the money was being handed out, that's all open to speculation and research. Maybe someone will eventually have it all figured out

135:01one day. But the reality is there was a massive amount of heroin that was being moved. Whoa. Jesus Christ. I'm getting crazy. I know. So into this heroin thing, but nothing happened. I got lucky. Um, dude, I also like that your coffee is so made of like coconut oil and butter that it's like white. Barely moves. Your coffee is like it's like it's like lava. Yeah, I just knocked over. Um, I mean, it's thick. stick like my stout loads. But um my my point being that these batteries that they're making these car batteries out of, they're it's like Afghanistan sits on $1 trillion in minerals. You're telling me that they're not there partially for that or that someone is not looking at that as saying like, "Hey, maybe we should figure out how to suck those minerals out of the ground and make a trillion dollars." Like the idea that we're not is crazy. The idea that that's not a

135:56part of the equation is utter complete nonsense. Craziness. And I think that the amount of minerals that are in these car batteries is something we really need to look at because I was reading this whole piece about conflict minerals and how non-green electric cars actually are. If you stop and look at it like yeah, as far as like our environment, yes, for sure they definitely pollute our environment less. But if we look at the actual repercussions of creating these things like how are these minerals being sourced? How are they making these batteries? What what are the what's the adverse effects of creating these batteries? It's not clean and free. So people run around saying I drive my electric car and you know and uh I only eat organic and so I'm free of any impact. No, you're free of guilt. You're free of your own your own Fake guilt cuz Yeah. But business being a human.

136:51Being a human, you're using things we're consum Yeah, we should all consume less. Most certainly, but like even people who only eat vegetables and grains. God damn, large-scale grain operations destroy massive amounts of wildlife habitat, displace animals, kill those grain combines are completely indiscriminate. They chew up rodents and deer fawns and ground nesting birds. And forget about insects. Don't get me started on the bees. Well, bugs. Just bugs alone. I mean, what do we have a hierarchy of what we will and won't allow being killed? We we have these ideas. Well, well, like animals exhibit fear and emotions and react to our environment. So, we shouldn't kill them. But bees or like an insect, like a mosquito. Well, that's a different thing cuz that's life. But it's not But there's no animals without bees. It's like bees source of everything. Yeah. But like mosquitoes. Mosquitoes.

137:47Oh, yeah. Mosquitoes just carry diseases and they check the Yeah, they mosquitoes make sure the population stays low. But arguably like insects are probably one of the best sources of protein that we could ever get stalled. I felt like there was an insect protein movement happening and it just sort of went away. Well, I think it's a perception issue because I think a lot of people have the idea that vegan grass when I was in Mexico recently, they uh they serve crickets. Like the hotel we were at, they were they have these like they look like they're stir- fried crickets and they left them in our hotel room. It was like a snack. It was covered with saran wrap. Nobody ate it but me, of course. I ate like a fear factory guy. It was a prank eating bugs. Yeah, you've seen all that But they all ate them like regularly there. They were eating these like Well, cuz it's like we'll eat snails,

138:35we'll eat frog legs. It's like there is a very weird line. Very weird. And our line is different than like the ulin dog festival line. Don't we can't you can't talk about that. It's fascinating. Um but yeah, but when I was in uh yeah in Vietnam, this stuff that they was like jellyfish and squid, it was a lot of I guess what's available in that region is probably 100%. But yeah, there were so much more uh we like the idea of eating a jellyfish were like to them they're just sucking jellyfish. I know. Well, bugs to me are really a fascinating thing because one of the things that we found out when we were doing Fear Factor is that allergies, like if you have an allergy to certain shellfish, you also have an allergy to roaches. Huh. Yeah. So, uh, we found that out the hardware. Oops. Lawsuit. Um, but bugs are an excellent source of protein and people don't have the same

139:26emotional attachment to a bug, but we have a a visceral negative react like repulsion to them, right? But if it's ground up eating something, but if it's ground up in some sort of a protein powder like Cricut protein is real. You ever cricket bar? Cricket protein bars. They're good. Oh, here we go. Look at this. Exo crickets. The future of protein. Soy, dairy, grain, and gluten-free. Paleo and environmentally friendly. Yeah, you eat these. I'll eat the out of some crickets. Do they taste like anything or just It just tastes like soy protein or something? It's not like you're eating lobster, but it's it's not like you're eating You should do that cricket bars. I mean, it's not like you're eating lobster, but I wonder it's not like you're eating because there's the the ultimate debate. There's a lot of people that are like uh really strict vegetarians and they're

140:17into eating vegan because they want to leave the least amount of footprint possible. I totally understand all those, but I wonder how they feel about crickets. I wonder how they feel about I think it's just like a perception issue. Yes. you know. Well, it is and it isn't. You know, I mean, we perceive dogs to be cute and cuddly. We perceive So, we don't, you know, we perceive crickets to be like gross and dirty. Yes. But like, but it's not cows are gross and dirty. They're in they're still alive. Would you be willing to eat a bug? Like, if you're not willing to eat like a a deer, would you be willing to eat a bug? You know, gets a live bug. No, dead bug. Dead bug. like someone like maybe someone who's vegetarian and they do it for ethical reasons or they have a concern. Here's the thing about bugs. They don't have a lot of meat. So, I feel like I'm

141:02eating just little skeleton. I feel like it's eating skeleton I feel like I'm eating a skeleton and not like a meat that I can sort of disassociate from their head. It's far away from their head. When you grind that up, it's actually pretty high in protein. Yeah. No, it's bone. I mean, yeah. But there's something there's something just kind of ooly about it. But I also think that we're sorry to bring this back to the way we're designed. I think that we're designed to squirm at bugs because everyone squirms at bugs because I think they carry diseases. They poison more than diseases. So we've evolved to go like to bugs which has probably saved a lot of our lives, you know, that we're not running around eating them since they're other than Lyme disease and malaria. Malaria is a giant one. Of course, what else do mosquitoes carry? Bugs. What other diseases do bugs? Well,

141:47a lot of people are allergic to bees, wasps, stuff like that. Um, there's spiders, black widow spiders. Sure. Those are poisons. Uh, oh yeah, sorry. But like diseases like Lyme disease is a big one. Malaria is the biggest. Malaria's killed a fuckload of people. Yeah, I have a buddy who's got malaria right now for the second. What about like Zika and Not Zika. What was the one before that? Zika. Yeah, Zika. How do you say it? Do you say Zika or Zika? I whatever it is. I watched, you know, saw it on Fox News. I have a friend who wouldn't go to Mexico because of it. But then scared there's what's the other one that was before that? Not anthrax. It was just hap Ebola. What was that? Was that from spit? Is it from monkeys? Somebody a monkey. Someone That's right. Always monkeys diseases. Oh, here's the diseases that come from bugs. Oh, boy. There's a lot.

142:33Yeah, it's not. Oh, of course. Like foot and mouth or what's um uh look at this one. Chaga's disease. And look at the vector various assassin bugs. Fever, lung, heart, or mucous membrane symptoms. What the an assassin bug? Uh, have you ever heard of an assassin bug? Can I eat one? But look at this. Mild symptoms, then chronic heart or brain inflammation. What the It starts out relative of the ninja bug. Whoa. Play flea is subf family of uh trito tick. Oh, ticks are Tick Ticks do not give a Well, they're the biggest um biggest argument for decreasing deer population. Yeah, cuz they and also intro reintroduction of predators into summer areas. Like some people are talking about like bringing in coyotes and wolves into certain areas. Well, there was it like saved Yellowstone, the reintroduction of wolves, right? It didn't really. That's a very controversial uh decision.

143:38Well, it said it changed the shape of the river. Yeah. That guy that that said that that guy who made those amazing videos, the wolves change the course of videos. That guy, George Montibot, I think his name is, I forget how to say his last name. He's crazy. Really? Yeah. Well, well, in a good way, but this is like when I found out the con guy was like a pedophile 2012. That that crazy guy here. that guy he was super depressed and was like suicidal I guess and was was in his midlife and was like wondering what's the po purpose of life and got fascinated by the the concept of reing. So he got fascinated by this reintroduction of predators keystone predators into areas like Yellowstone which they definitely have their purpose and they're definitely important to the the health of the environment. They kill the uh the weaker of the the thing. The problem with things like wolves is they

144:31can get overpopulated as well and someone needs to manage them and that's where things get weird. So wildlife biologists have established these guidelines. And who managed wildlife biologist before humans though who nobody killed wolves? Chaos. Chaos. Bugs baby. Well first of all there was a lot of different animals here. We're talking about like 10,000 years prior there was all these different kinds of animals like the shortfaced bear shortnse or shortfaced bear. There was an enormous bear. There was a step lion that existed in in America like a long time ago that was way bigger than the African lion. There was all these birds and crazy predators, terror birds. So when you go back thousands and thousands of years even like millions like when the the when wolves first and there's a bunch of different kinds of wolves and some wolves like the grey wolves they left

145:20and left North America and migrated across the bearing straight and then the red wolves and some of the other wolves stayed. That's why those wolves those are the ones that interbreed with coyotes. But coyote is actually a wolf. A coyote is a kind of wolf. A coyote is what's called they used to call them prairie wolves. Okay. It's uh there's a guy named um uh Dan Flores who has this amazing paper that he wrote called Bison Ecology and Bison Diplomacy and um really groundbreaking paper on bisons and livestock and wild animals rather that live in um North America or lived in North America. But he wrote this new book on coyotes, coyotes and just what the planes used to be like. this well, this George guy, this Montabayat guy, whatever his say his name is, the wolves change river guys. He wants to reintroduce megapauna to Europe like lions cuz he's saying that

146:17at one point in time lions and hyenas used to live in Europe and that we could use these large segments of unused land and let these animals loose and reintroduce them to this area. He's out of his mind. That sounds like a horrible idea. Well, it's it's it's engineering. So he doesn't want to just take an animal that was extrapated because of human intervention, right? Wolves were taken out of the wolves were poisoned. This is what they used to do. They used to take a carcass. They would shoot a buffalo and while the animal was still like barely alive, they would inject strick nine into its its uh its arteries. And that way it would the poison would get through all of the meat. Then they would take a wolf that they shot and they would rub its scent all over this carcass so that the wolves knew that other wolves had been there so it was safe and they knew it was dead. It was a

147:07dead um carcass so they would eat it and they would kill them. And they almost extinguished wolves almost like came really close to extinguishing wolves in North America. They couldn't do that with a coyote though. The coyotes are too smart. They're too clever. And because so clever. Well, it's because of wolves. It's because the greywolves when they returned to North America, they were killing coyotes. So the red wolves were interbreeding with coyotes, but the greywolves were killing them. So the coyotes learn to adapt to the greywolves. So they learn to move to the furthest areas. They also when you hear coyotes yell like they're doing a roll call. They're trying to find who's there. And when they find out that someone's missing, it triggers the females to have larger litters. What? Yeah. So I had You got I want to send you this podcast. It's this podcast with Dan Flores. It's

147:55going to blow your mind. I had coyotes burrowing in my yard and I have dogs. Yeah. So, I had I I mean I woke up Yeah. b they had dens. They made dens in in the back of my yard cuz I have like land and then I have this part up top that I don't really go up that much. And my dog used to just come back with like half bleed. I was like, "What is going on up there?" Attack by coyotes. I think what she did I think that she's a I have two now. Um one's even bigger but one's a pitull. I think what she did was she would chase one and then it would go under the because you realize they're vampire. They can fly. I mean they can they can clear. Do you realize to get a coyote fence in your yard? It has to go three feet into the ground and 7 feet tall. They can they can jump six feet. I've seen it. Coyotes stole my chicken and I watched them jump over the fence with a chicken.

148:37A coyote stole a baby in I think Arizona off of a porch. I mean they're barbarians. Yeah. And uh my two encounters, one time I they were drinking out of my pool and I came outside and I literally opened the door and they just looked at me like what? Whoa. I had to chase them, okay? And I saw one jump over my fence. It was like I mean it's got to be five six feet tall. I mean it's tall. They just go boing. And I literally It's a cartoon's wy coyote. And then I was like, "Oh god, I got to call animal control. I'm going to have this dead broken coyote on the other." And I go on the other side. It's just gone. It just flew off. And oh, they were explaining to me. I was like, "Well, look, if there's a coyote, I'm going to hear them, you know, killing my dog. I'll be able to hear it. You know, I'll just leave the door open." And he goes, "Oh, no, no. You don't understand coyotes work.

149:18Coyotes are so cunning. The way that they kill a larger animal is they befriend it first. So, it'll play with your dog for 45 minutes and then the other five will descend around it. So, it ingratiates it. It knows I need to ingratiate myself with you first and then kill you." Yeah. And they tire them out. So, this happens a lot in Running Canyon. people's dogs. They'll just see them chasing a coyote and then the coyotes will just run and run and run until the dog is tired and then everyone will descend. They're and they're hungry and they're desperate and they're do not give a A friend of mine up Dhini was walking his dog like a small dog and uh saw a coyote face to face and picked up his dog and the and like had to like flex on it to get it to run away. Started walking again back to his house. He was like 20 ft from his house. He turned around. The coyote had come back

150:04with four other coyotes. Jesus. Like they are just fearless and they live amongst us. They're these creepy little monsters that live amongst us. I mean, I have like compassion for them. If it's between my dog and a coyote, I'll, you know, kill a coyote with my like hands. But it's it's really sad when you're like, "Yeah, dude. I'm so sorry. This was your house." But it's not. It's never been. No one owns it. It's just constant domination. The rats didn't own it. They were killing rats. It's the rat's house. The coyotes are killing the rats. They're stealing the rats. was trying to convince me that rats are really smart. Rats are pretty smart, but coyotes eat them. If we didn't have coyotes, we would have way more rats. We would have a huge rodent problem all throughout Los Angeles. I have rats in my pool all the time. My dog, there's a balance. There's a balance

150:48that has to be achieved. And that's why wolves are really important. Like the people that think that we should re-extrepate wolves and wipe them out, definitely not. But if you look at some of the things that have happened, kill coyotes. Yes, greywolves do. Grey wolves. Grey wolves don't interbreed with coyotes, but red wolves do. So grey wolves kill coyotes. So where they've reintroduced wolves, that's another interesting thing about Yellowstone. They reintroduce the wolves to Yellowstone, they dropped the coyote population down 50% because the grey wolves were killing the coyotes. But because when you kill coyotes and you do the roll call thing, the females have larger litters. They rebounded and now are more coyotes in Yellowstone than were before they reintroduced the wolves. They're so adaptive. They're amazing. And well, I mean, I also just love that

151:33dogs were wolves once and just they just And coyotes survive. Yeah. Survival. Coyotes can still breed with dogs just like wolves can. Yeah. It's just survival of the friendliest. They realize like, oh, and then so wolves evolved to be dogs and then realized to protect us, they could survive and now they protect us against wolves. Yeah. How the did that ever happen, too? Like I I saw there was a Neil Degrasse Tyson did in his cosmos. He did that thing about it that was kind of short but sort of. But I mean, you're still like, "God damn it. How did it become a poodle?" Yeah. How the did the wolf become Why does it have an afro? Like, how was It was like a genetic mutation that we really latched on to. Well, I think it's also the cutest ones are the ones that survived, right? Cuz they're the ones Yeah. cute, sweet, and the ugly ones are the ones that got, you know, weeded out.

152:18Yeah. But the balance that this George Montabat, I think that's how you say his name, like his his take on Wol's journey, like the people love that video because he's English and he's got a beautiful voice and it's a fascinating story it up and puts Yeah. Well, there's a lot of truth to what he's saying. Like it's important to have keystone predators because they keep the populations of these game animals or, you know, like wild undulates. They keep them healthy. Yeah. Because they control them. But when wolves get too populated, they get crazy and they do what they call surplus killing. Like they killed 19 elk recently in Wyoming and they didn't eat any of them. They just went on this butchering run and just kill they if they come over the top of a hill and they see a herd of elk. Have you Have you ever seen a herd of elk? They're amazing. Sometimes they're huge.

153:07Sometimes a herd of elk will be hundred 200 strong and it's amazing. You'll come over a hill. I've only seen uh maybe 30 of them together, but it's quite a sight. It's amaz like you're like, "Wow." In Colorado, I saw 30 of them together and we were we we came over the top of this hill. We were like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, look at that." And there's this herd of wild, you know, 500 to a,000b forest cows that are wandering. Look, there's a there's a good I saw moose in Jackson Hole and I was like, that's rare because those are all bulls. Yeah, I was going to says there's females amongst them. You saw wolves. I saw moose. Oh, moose. And the guy the the guy that was we were doing a little thing on the it's called the Snake River. I don't know. Jackson Hole was explaining how moose kill bears. They kick them. It's so up. I think he said there was a video somewhere of it. I I I'm too

154:02terrified to look at it that they wait cuz they obviously can't fight the thing. They wait till a bear is Yeah. running up on them and they just wait at the last minute. Just basically knock their head off their bodies. 15% of all wolves that die get killed by moose. That's amazing. Yeah. 15%. That's the the mortality rate of wolves. That's crazy. Yeah. Moose don't give a They don't give a I also didn't realize how big. And I mean, they're just like tanks. Yeah. Oh my god. And they're fast. Yeah. Oh, they're huge. Yeah. You're just like, "What is that?" The first time I saw one, we were hunting them in BC and we saw this female and it was like that scene in Jurassic Park when Jeff Goldblum sees the dinosaur for the first time. Hey, we were like maybe like 5 or 6 hund yards away from them and we opened up the window, looked outside, we went, "Fuck, they were huge. They were just wandering

154:52through this field." And you know, they're living in a dark dark place where we found one that had been killed, a calf that had been killed by wolves and it would have been had been killed hours earlier. It was fairly fresh and it was a crazy scene. I put it up on Instagram and it's such a strange scene because there's this carcass, but there's hair everywhere. Yeah, like everywhere they they just in movies they never they never show the hair. See if you can find it, Jamie. It's like uh probably a year old. It's an old Instagram picture, but the the picture was it was when we we got there because we saw these um these crows circling. It was all crows and they were squawking and we we walked up on it and we found this thing just devastated. But it's so eerie to think that there's these wild roaming p and the Canadian wolves are just wild as They've never been

155:39extrapated. They've these are the same wolves that they brought into Yellowstone were actually Canadian wolves. The gray North American uh United States grey wolves were actually smaller than the ones they brought from Canada because mammals when mammals come from colder climates they have larger bodies. That's why moose. By the way, again, this is bear. That's gangster. Gangster as There's barb wire on the fence. This thing climbed at 12t high. They don't know how it did it. climbed a 12 foot high fence. Got Can you imagine being that koala bear? Oh god. Just what? Seeing that thing cl like, huh? I thought I was in the zoo. I thought I was safe. That thing should be in the zoo. Like, why is that thing out? Like, so it got out. It didn't get out. It got in. I mean, it lives. It's a LA celebrity even be before becoming a lead suspect in koala killing just a month or so.

156:33Someone told me it got poisoned. No, it's pretty recently. Just scroll back. Is it Does it have a collar on track? Because they're tracking it, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's got a collar. Yeah. Yeah, they they are tracking it. His name is P22. Maybe this is a give a name like he's a prisoner. How about give him a name before I Oh, god. Don't they discover one of their oldest koalas was missing? You're sad that the mountain lion killed the koala. Koala bears. They're not even from the same continent. Bears are a bunch of rapist though. Yeah. Yeah. But what if Can you imagine? He's never ne This call has never seen a mountain line in its life probably. Oh no, definitely not. And it's like what the Well, he probably saw that one. That was like some Game of Thrones Yeah, exactly. That was But um before the fake poisoning of it, maybe I'm conflating it with something else. But

157:22there's probably other ones that have been eating poison or something cuz they were saying stop putting poison out on your lawn because you know, you're going to kill monsters. Yeah, you're going to you're going to kill these awesome uh drunken murderers. Um, is that uh Okay, so a friend of mine was hiking in Gravit Park and her dog came back like covered in like inards of it like deer inards like like I mean like literally had like like intrails like up like wrapped around it nose and the mountain line had killed deer and the dog rolled around in it. Oh, okay. Why does a dog roll around in a dead animal? They always do that. They'll find a dead squirrel and they roll my dog the scent on it. I'm not really sure because it actually makes me think it would make another animal want to attack you if you smell like blood and deer in her. I think they know you're not dead.

158:10But I do know my dog another look at him. I'm just going to pretend like I'm a dead body. It's awesome. Same outline. It's It got poisoned but didn't die. Okay, so I'm not a total poster cat for California's rat poison problem. Well, you know, there's two options. You poison the rats or you invite more coyotes to live near your your house. You know, they say when they eat dogs, catch 22. That's also in the Dan Flores podcast. He talks about how when they eat dogs, they're not really eating dogs because they want to eat them for like a meal as much as they want to eliminate predators, like competing predators, especially like cats, because the most of what they eat like coyotes eat like a lot of bugs. They eat a lot of grasshoppers. They eat a lot of rats. They eat a lot of rodents, rabbits. But the the cats compete with them because cats are murderers. I posted this about how many cats.

159:02Do you see that off my Instagram page? This article that I posted about how many birds and mammals cats kill in the US alone every year. Just house cats. House cats. Yeah. Billions. There's those billions in the bee. Look at this. Responsible for the deaths of 1.4 4 to 3.7 billion birds and 6.9 to 20.7 billion mammals every year in the United squirrels. Rodents, squirrels, whatever. When I was a kid, I had this cat and uh he um he killed a squirrel and he was walking he we lived across the street from this park and this cat killed this squirrel and had it in between his he had it bit he bit it on its neck and had its body underneath his body. So he's walking with it like this like weekend at Bernie like dragging it but he's holding on to it and like having to walk around the O to Yeah, we called it Kitty. Like my cat was named Kitty. Like that was his name.

160:01Like we I had a name for him. I named him like Conan the Barbarian. The comic books had like a a lion that he is or I had a jaguar as a pet. I forget what his name was. I named it that. My parents like shut the up. So So they No, no one in my house called it that but me. So I became his name was Kitty, but Kitty was like this. I had a big black cat. Cats are sociopaths. He was a murderer. Did you ever see when when Tippihedrin came out? Cuz remember she like raised lions and Melanie Griffin grew up with lions and in the house. Oh yeah, I heard that. Google Tippied lions. Yeah. What the And she recently came out and was like, "That was a horrible idea. That was a mistake. That was super dangerous." Like one of them, I think, cut uh Melanie Griffin had to have surgery on it cuz one of them pawed her. Like Yeah. So, she grew up with these things in her house. That's Melanie Griffin.

160:48Nope. That's Tippy Hed, her mom. What? What kind of What kind of crazy has a pet lion? No, she had tons of them. Here, keep go keep going and you'll see more and more. So, how do they do that and not get killed? These Well, you have to raise them from infancy. Look at their I mean, they have a tiger. Well, cuz they're part of the a pack or like a pride, I guess it would be. But what if they just decide to play with you and just get mad at you and swap you at any moment? Look. Look at him pawing on the kid's head. They could and they did. So they try to make a movie out of it and one of the cameramen got his face like ripped off and they were like never mind. Gives me anxiety. Look at this. I know cuz you know that they're sociopathic. I think if you Well, they're not sociopathic. They're just natural. That's the Look, they have all of these reward mechanisms that are

161:34built into their DNA. They feel good when they chase after things and kill. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. They need to hunt. That's part of the problem with zoos is that these things it's like it's like extracting a guy's you know, through a straw. Yeah. You know, like, oh, I know you need to get rid of your com. So, we're going to take it through, but you're still horny. Does that make sense? It's part of the Yes. It's part of the like hunting and Well, you got to I I'm with you. I'm actually with you on that. This is crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. And she came out recently and was like, nah, never mind. I really don't endorse doing that. How did she get rid of the lions when she still has them? Um, you know what? I um was trying to organize going to her because she has like a sanctuary and she tries to raise money to save lions. I mean because you know now like in Africa

162:17there's more animals in captivity than there are in the wild. Like it's such a problem. Well yes but but that captivity we're talking about high fence operations there sometimes 100,000 plus acres many many many square miles. So you look at the actual range that a lion would inhabit and often times it's much smaller than what we're calling captivity. So I don't see captivity as like a pjorative way. It's like they're not safe. Well, they're fenced in. See, one of the crazy catch 22s about Africa is that Do you know Louis Thuru? The documentary I've listened to him on your show. Did you watch his his documentary on African hunting? It's crazy. But many of the animals that people hunt in Africa were at very close to extinction just a few decades ago when they put value on them and they set up these hunting camps. Now they're in abundance. They're in higher populations than ever before,

163:13but they're in higher populations cuz people go over there to hunt them. So they have these places where you go and it's kind of up. Like there's a water hole. You sit in front of a water hole. They have a blind. You hide in the blind. Animal comes out. You shoot it. and and they're all it's all trapped in a Well, I mean, it is and it isn't, is it? I mean, it is and it isn't. It's certainly not like that's target practice. It's more that than anything else. So, it's is it is it better to go and get a steak from an animal that lived in captivity or is it better to shoot an animal as it goes to get water? Well, it's not as good as going to the woods. Like, you go into the woods, you go shoot a wild elk, that elk doesn't might not even know what a person is. and hopefully doesn't even see you coming and you shoot it and kill it. That's like the ultimate goal is to

164:00instantaneously end this wild existence that if you didn't kill it, it would be killed by bears or killed by wolves or something else. That's the idea. But or they freeze to death or they kill each other. There's a lot of killing each other. These the these antlers, they're not like for digging for fruit. They stab each other. That's why they have them. Handing each other grapes. I mean, that's why they have them. I mean, you see this deer? That's why he has it to kill other deer. So he can get all the That's literally what it's there for. It's a knife that grows out of your head. Yeah. So it's not that. But what's crazy is these animals were worth nothing and they were being slaughtered by poachers. And then you go, "Well, these poachers, man, that's up." Yes, but they're really poor. They're really poor. So what do you do about that? Because you have these people that are living

164:48over there that they have to risk their lives to try to poach these animals for meat, for food, and then there's the the horrible trade like rhino. But it's also it's like you can't just say stop. I mean, it's like it's like, you know, saying to a drug addict, stop doing heroin. It's like we have to replace it with something either narcotics are anonymous or another drug or something. It's like you can't say stop poaching without like okay, there's no other way to make money. Exactly. The the poverty is insane. I have had friends that have gone over to Africa and one of the things that they say is you just don't like my friend Justin Ren who he goes to the Congo. He stays there for months at a time and he's building wells over there. He's amazing guy. He's a guy who just got malaria for the second time. He's like you don't even understand what poverty

165:29is until you see how these people live, these poor people. So I don't blame them for poaching. I mean and if it becomes if it goes if it's between selling a rhino horn and feeding your child Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like them. And they're not online like looking at the statistics about animal like they're literally it's just kill or be killed. Yeah. It's they're barely making it. They're barely making it. I mean I am 100% against killing rhinos for their horns. Make no mistake about it. I think it's horrible and it's disgusting. But these people that we're calling poachers, you know, you you you add that, you know, you you give them that label and you take away doing that if they could do like they're poor people. They're desperate poor people. Yeah. And they're not making that much money. The people actually kill the rhino, they're not making much money. They're

166:17making a few hundred or whatever the they can get. They're selling it to someone else and that other person is making a fuckload of money. And it's all gross. It's all gross and it's all scary. But the Louisu documentary does the best job of highlighting how it is over there. And it's one of the things that the guy who runs the the camp says to him because Louis is like constantly pastoring him, badgering him. is like, "What is why why is you doing?" And he's like giving him all these questions and finally the guy snaps and he's like, "Africa is You don't understand. Africa is fucked." He goes, "If these animals are not worth something, they'd be gone. Do you understand this?" And it's like this really crazy moment where you realize the problem is not as simple as why do people want to go over there and hunt. The problem is this breakdown of what we call

167:08civilization in this area where you have people that are impossibly poor and they're surrounded by animals and the only value around them is those animals. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. So crazy. So it's either it's you're involved in the tourism business that has people coming to look at these animals or you just have to kill them, right? And by the way, the tourism industry is not as profitable as the honey industry. It's just not because if you want to go over there and kill a lion, it cost you $50,000. And what's really up is these lions now in Zimbabwe where that Cecil the lion was killed. They're killing 200 of them. They're just going to poach not poach them, they're just going to assassinate them because they have too many. And now the lions are destroying all the undulate population. They had a balance that they had created through hunting.

167:55So are lions down there like coyotes or w like here? Well, they're lions, you know? I mean, look, they're amazing. Lions are incredible. I'm Look, I saw that thing you posted of the lion. Look at my phone. Like um jumping off that thing. But look at this. This is my phone. Yeah, they're I got a lion on my phone. I mean, so we you have to go to Tippy Hudrrons. I'm fascinated by them. I don't think anybody should shoot lions. I don't want to shoot a lion. I don't think I don't think it's cool, but but they're a car with teeth. They're terrifying. There there was a beautiful article that was written by this woman who lived in Zimbabwe um right after the the ceilion thing and it said in Zimbabwe we don't cry for lions and it was explaining how they terrorized her village how they killed her loved ones and how people were when they would go out into the bush there

168:48would be a very real concern that they would be killed by a lion and it's not that the lion is bad it's just that that's what lions do that's what they do and you can't have too many of them. You can't you can't have too many of them. And the only way to control their population is human beings. And so well, and it's also Yes. And that thing back to like we are not the top of the food chain. We're just not. We're not. Very simple. But we are. But we are with a with a weapon. We are with a caveat. Yeah. With a huge caveat with a you have to be able to first of all know how to shoot a like me and that machete or samurai sword. I'm not the top of the food. I don't know how to use most of the weapons out there. You could you if you had a a drunk person who wasn't couldn't walk that good, you'd them up with that. You know what I mean? It's all depending on what's the level of the

169:34lion since I have no ability to even understand how anxious it would make me to be in a room with a lion. A lion is probably faster than me picking up a gun and shooting it. Oh yeah. I'm dead by the time I pick it up. Well, you would have to first of all not just know how to shoot a gun. You would have to have experience shooting a gun under pressure to manage your anxiety and to shoot it. I went to a shooting range and I was like gk like I could not even I was like it was ridiculous. That's the best sound effect. It starts with a g a g. I was so bad. I was like shooting guns is really hard. You have to be strong and you have to focus like well you you have to it's a skill. You have to learn how to do it. Totally. So it's like most of us don't have that ski. I mean a lot of people but even that skill you're shooting at a piece of paper that's not going to move.

170:24It's not going to attack you. This is a thing that wants to kill me. Exactly. But and that knows how to get around my gun. But I'm going to go to an intermediate place, go from the piece of paper that's not going to attack you and try to shoot a wild pig that you just you're going to eat. Like it's nerve-wracking. It's like there's what they call trigger panic where people get on the pig or target panic where they're they're about to shoot and they can't keep their gun steady. They can't keep their It's even more difficult with bow and arrow. You you can't keep it steady. It's like it's and you don't know. You're like you just want to get it over with. You just want to shoot it. What was that noise? Dunk. Dunk. And the two of us together. We're going to start eating my lions. Dunk. But there's this this panic where you just want to get it over with. You're so

171:13overwhelmed. You can't breathe and you just want to pull the trigger in. And most people miss. like the vast majority of people that I'm sure bow hunt miss or rifle hunt miss it's a matter of controlling anxiety and I'm sure that exists in in that's way in the Navy Seals one of their training is you know they put a bag over their head and take it off and disorient them so that they can quickly focus their eyes because when something's moving around it's just like it's a muscle to be able to you know well just dealing with adversity dealing with anxiety dealing with the moment is here now you've been training you've been preparing ready pressure on. But you see that with fighting all the time. There's guys that look amazing in the gym and they get to a fight and they can't perform. Well, you can't really simulate that experience, right? There's no way in practice to really simulate it.

171:59Even in practice when you have like you go live like you have simulated fights. Is that why Mayweather would have like an audience and shoot his practices and talk a lot of Talking puts a lot of pressure on you too. That's a big thing. Wow. Like guys do that. Bow hunters do that. They talk to each other while they practice. It's a big thing. Like they'll have competitions and during the competition they're talking to each other. And the idea of it is you're just trying to disorient the guy and it helps them like guys welcome it because it actually helps them concentrate on blocking everything out because the moment when you're actually having to shoot an animal. So your heart is pound. You can't get any air in. You freak out. So it's nothing like that for someone to talk But at least it's better than give you anxiety and uh poker players do that. Oh, do they?

172:49Yeah. They get like with each other and, you know, try to throw each other off. I guess that's probably not the same thing, but it's more to like, you know, distract them and get in their heads. Pool players, they call it sharking. That's what the a real A shark is not like, you know, people think, oh, he's a pool shark. So, yeah. That's not what it means in the world of pool players. A someone who's really good at pool, you would say someone who hides it, they're a hustler. Someone who doesn't hide it, they're a player. But what a shark is is actually a dishonorable thing. A shark is someone who with you while you're shooting, tries to get you to miss. Like they might do things on purpose like drop their queue as you're shooting or they might um they might make a noise to try to distract you. That's what's called sharking. Like just to try to psycho him out. Is

173:31that legal? I don't even know. I mean, you can't control someone's vibes where you agree or not agree. But some people just do it. But in tournaments do that sometimes. I feel like they'll like right before you go on they're like weird crowd. Well, you're talking about Dove David off of Mark Mer. Well, yeah. Jesus Christ. Or that or um the worst is when they're like great crowd. So if you go on and do well, it's not because you were good. It's just the crowd was good. Well, sometimes it's a good warning though. Like Delia came off stage at the improv the other night and I and he was getting off stage. I was walking in the room and he came up. He gave me a hug and he goes, "Dude, worst crowd ever." I'm like, "Really?" And I was like, "Maybe for you, bitch." Yeah. No. And I went up there and they were terrible. Like right away. Weird when crowds are weird. It's such a

174:14testament to our group think for a whole crowd to unify as shitty. It's just Well, it was really warm in the room first of all, which is always bad. Never good. Yeah. It's like something about hot that makes me like uh What night of the week was it? Wednesday night. Yeah. Wednesday night's weird too cuz it's late. You've got to go to work. It's you've been there for it's that comedy juice show. It's always going on at midnight. No. No. Yeah, I don't go I won't go on past 10:00. I will not go on past 10:00. It's good for you, though. I cannot do it. No, I No, it's just I know what this is. Everyone's tired. They want to go home. They're looking at their check. I'm just like gh They're good. I think those experiences are good in the beginning for eight years. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. Like bar shows. Yeah. Like I I paid the I I mean know I used to do standup at Lucky Strike on

175:04Highland and I'd have to time my jokes knowing a bowling ball was about to hit some pins. I'd be like And anyway, so then he called me and then I never called him back. Like you had to time your jokes. I did a road gig once at a restaurant in Massachusetts where the intercom that the restaurant used to call people's tables was the same system as the microphone that I used on stage. So I'd be in the middle of talking about something. Johnson, Party of Two. Your table's ready. great. It was the only time they ever did comedy there. It was I was the only one. It was like a oneperson show, too. I just went up there. I was like, "This is There used to be." Do you ever Do you remember Miyagi's on Sunset? Oh, yeah. You literally do It's a sushi restaurant. It's not there anymore. You would do There was like a stage like a pink taco now. There was Exactly. And there was a stage

175:52and then there was a bridge with like a creek. Yes. Like there was literally a fountain between you and the and a bridge and like a koi garden like a little Chinese garden and then a bunch of people and then they always had MTV Jams on television. There were televisions on every wall and people were just watching MTV jams and then you're just yelling. I remember one time Duncan Trussell got on there and we couldn't even we didn't even know if people could hear us and I was like I don't think anyone could even I like did we are we bombing or can they just hear us and then Duncan Trussel got on stage and started basically yelling the most offensive things imaginable and nobody responded and we realized like oh they just can't hear us like he was just like yelling he was like just like yelling the and everyone just kept eating. What's crazy is Miyagis is across the

176:39street from what used to be Dublin's which was like an amazing room. I wasn't I didn't ever that. I remember that was like the pain. It's already 4:30. Yeah. I got to I miss my thing already. I mean you have a thing. I have to get my hair back to brown. Why? Because it's for your sex scene to real. Yeah, exactly. Is that what it is? I don't want to distract anyone. I don't want to become a sex symbol. Uh I don't need that stress. You don't need that pressure. No, I have to go back to brunette. This was just sort of a just because I'm working on something and they just don't want it to look blonde, I guess. Yeah, I know. them. But this is I'm bl I'm not a blonde. That's not my brand. What did you do in the first place brand? I did it um this is going to sound weirdly narcissistic. I um for some reason went through a little spurt where I was getting recognized a lot. I was and I

177:29was touring and I was like, "Let me just dye my hair and see what happens." And nobody had any idea who I was. As soon as you went blonde, you just As soon as I went blonde. That's interesting. I was just completely invisible. So, you have uh a lovehate relationship with being recognized. I don't not like it. It was literally more like let's see what like a lity thing. Yeah. It was like a It was like a This It does. It doesn't annoy me. It doesn't bother me. I'm super grateful. I see people that come up to me in airports as like my boss. Like they're the ones that Don't say that. The guy who sent you the email is going to show That's right. That dynamic waiting outside the window. Probably he's going to hear about this. the people who I'm sure No, I think he's He remembers me. He's an Amy Schumer fan for sure. He's done. He He thinks I sold out years ago when I did a sitcom. Oh, you did.

178:15Yeah. So, I just I was like sold out. I was just stressing out. It was causing me anxiety cuz I never feel like I'm able to give people what they need. And I just, you know, and I was like, I don't know. I'm going to airports and I was just like um and I was dating somebody and I was getting recognized when we were on dates and it would just like make things weird. And I was like, why don't I just try this? like, and I don't I'm not working on it. Let me just change it up. And that's it. And nobody recognizes me. And then I'm like, "Hey, I mean, excuse me. I don't know if you know me." Like, it's totally having this special. I know. I'm like, "Hi guys. I don't know if you do have HBO Go." I just um So then it was interesting what happened when nobody recognized me and then I felt invisible and I was like, "Oh, this doesn't feel good either." You know, it makes you realize when you get

178:55accustomed to stuff and I was like, "God, how much attention do I need? It's so embarrassing." And on that note, on on that note, glunk go I'm going to go cry in my lithium battery car. Oh, this was a lot of fun. You're the best. No, you're the best. It was really great. Enjoy time. You are. I always have the best time with you. Always a great time. We sit three hours. I'm always so flattered when you want me to have around you. My friend, it's always a good time. Always good time. All right, We'll be back tomorrow with uh UFC bantamweight champion Misha Tatea. See you.