Eddie Huang

00:00Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Join my day, Joe Rogan Podcast, my night, all day! Powerful Eddie Wong is in the building, and that's H-U-A-N-G. What's up, motherfuckers? For people searching W-O-N-G, like us silly, silly, uninformed Americans. It is funny that, like, they have to change those characters and translate your name into English and put it into a sound, and different people have disputes on how you should do that. It's fucking crazy, because it's like taking a photo and being like, how's that photo sound? Wong. Right. You know, like, it's pretty impossible. Yeah, well, the way you said that, it's like taking a photo, because the way you guys look at, like, language, the Chinese characters, it's totally different. It's a different way of looking at the whole world. Yeah. That's a mind-fucking-half right there. It's kind of caveman steez, because it's like,

00:57all right, I want to say this, I'm going to draw it out. You know? Kind of. But it's cool. It's very, like, it's an artistic fucking language. Yeah. I definitely like it a lot. Well, it's good. It looks good on people when you tattoo it, too. Yes, yes. But the funniest shit is, like, white boy Asian tattoos. Like, I remember seeing one dude, he's like, hey, what's this saying? I'm like, motherfucker, that says energy on your arm. Like, you're like a Red Bull ad, bitch. You wrote energy on your arm. But that's what I am, man. I'm all about energy. Fucking good energy. I'm all about positivity and chi. I'm all about putting out my consciousness to the universe, the Chinese tattoos. Yeah, man. They say that the Egyptian language of hieroglyphs is an even bigger mindfuck, because they see everything in these, like, these symbols, you know? And that the way Americans and people who read English language,

01:48the way we look at just even, like, the way you look at sentences, it's completely different than if you tried to read, like, hieroglyphics. Yeah, I mean, I don't read hieroglyphics, but I heard that shit is mad hard. They needed the stone for it, the Rosetta Stone. Yeah, they did. Like, yeah, hieroglyphics is some shit. That's even more caveman than Mandarin Chinese. Like, Chinese is almost, like, refined hieroglyphics, but it still makes no sense. Well, the fascinating thing about the hieroglyphics is that they depict all of the pharaohs, and they depict them from, you know, this whatever dynasty the, you know, the last pharaohs existed in to what gets into, like, fiction, they think, like, 30,000 years. Like, then they're living, like, hundreds years long, and they're fucking 10 feet tall. It gets, like, real wacky. Like, as shit gets, like, super, super old,

02:41you know, the stories got, like, more and more screwy before anybody bothered to write them down. So it makes you wonder, like, man, how long has that hieroglyphics writing actually been around, you know? Yo, man, salad-tossing Yoshi did give me the heads up. He was like, Joe Rogan reads a lot of books, motherfucker. Joe Rogan is a smart motherfucker. Well, I'm just fascinated by weird shit, like the Egyptian culture. Yeah, no, the Egyptian culture, that's the cradle. You know what I mean? That's where everybody came from. Supposedly, yeah. I mean, the only issue is that there's some new shit that they've been finding that's even older than that. The real question, when it gets to, like, something like, Egypt or anywhere, we've got some really, really old shit, is, like, what happens if you find shit that's way older? And what do you do then? Like, you can't say that Egypt was, like, the oldest, like,

03:31really advanced culture when you find, like, Gobekli Tepe, which is in Turkey, which is 14,000 years old. It's so much earlier than Egypt. But not earlier than Africa in general, like the out-of-Africa theory, right? Well, Gobekli Tepe is, right now, the oldest known complex structure that a human has ever built. And they know that it's at least 14,000 years old. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, not only that, they know that it existed for thousands of years before it was intentionally covered. And they've only, I think as of right now, they've only uncovered, like, 5% of the entire structure. And it's enormous. And there's a series of circles and stones. But they've done, like, whatever they do, you know, with radio waves or whatever they do to map out what's going on under the surface. And they've determined that it's massive. That's awesome. Yeah, 14,000 years ago. So that's even older than Egypt, you know?

04:26That's insane. Yeah. That something was happening in Turkey before that. Something huge. Not just something. It doesn't, like... 14-foot stone columns that have been cut and moved, hundreds of tons of stone. I mean, these are, like... This is advanced construction. It doesn't dispel out of Africa, though, right? It doesn't necessarily, no. No, because 14,000 years ago, it still ain't shit. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about human beings coming out of Africa and migrating. It's like millions. Yeah. It's like, what is a human? You know, it gets to... Is it... You know what I mean? Which different... Australiopithecus? Like, at what point in time do you decide that it's an early human? Because at one point in time, it's like fucking amoeba. Yeah. Okay, and it goes from amoeba to being a lower primate... Yeah. ...and to being a higher primate. When is that? That's true. Yeah. It's all how you frame it. Yeah.

05:13Because the people... You know, you wouldn't want to hang out with an Australiopithecus guy. Those fucking idiots. They're going to be like a monkey man, eating his own shit and fucking trying to kill your cat. And that's not a human. You know? It'd be like almost a human. Yeah. You know, but I think civilization in Mesopotamia was like super advanced. They know like 6,000 years ago. And Turkey now being 14,000 years. Still, it could go back to like 30,000 years and that ain't shit in terms of like the history of the earth. Eons. And that would be insane for us to think that 30,000 years ago they had like complex cities. But it's super possible. Yo, I was talking to someone this week at Ted 2. She was a cosmologist. And she was telling me that life can survive on Mars. Yeah. And that people, you can actually, if you're willing to commit, they will take you to Mars and you can be part of the first...

06:05If someone was saying, Joe, I could put you on a space shuttle and you could go to Mars and you could be part of the first colony and you could basically be the fucking Genghis Khan of Mars, would you do it? No. It's stupid. Because Mars is just like a shitty apartment on Earth. That's what it's like. It's like a shitty apartment that you can't get out of. Once you get there, that's where you're stuck. You can't go outside because there's no oxygen. You got to tear a form, put a dome over it. No, she thinks that life can survive out there without that shit. Well, she's not. There's parts of Mars that she believes can sustain life. No, she's silly. That's not correct. But hypothetically, let's say it's correct. Okay, hypothetically. Let's say it was correct. You could be the Don Dada of a planet. But it would have to be a very small area because most of Mars doesn't have – is it possible

06:51that the atmosphere would vary that much where one part would be sustainable? It's all alien to me. Are you sure she wasn't talking about terraforming? No, she was talking about Mars. She said life can sustain on Mars. Right. That's what she was telling me. But as it is. And then she showed me a meteorite. I was like, okay. I kind of got fucked up by the show and tell because the show and tell kind of fucking threw me off. I was like, damn, you got a rock from there? Terraforming means when you go to an inhospitable climate and you set up machines. Like in the movie Alien, right? Yeah. I don't see how there's any other way to live on Mars other than that. I don't think that atmosphere is thick enough to sustain life. And that would be so scary if those machines broke one day or something. Oh, yeah. Everyone died at once. Oh, yeah. And died slow of asphyxiation when the air slowly gets eaten up by you. Yeah.

07:36If someone told me you could go to Mars and there's everything you need and it's terraforming and Con Ed was in charge, I would never fucking go. Listen, man. Even if it was. You don't have Con Ed in L.A., obviously. But in New York, Con Ed fucks everything up. We have the same thing. It's like all municipalities. I don't even know. Who fucks shit up out here? Who fucks shit up? Who's your electricity dude that fucks shit up? Edison. Yeah. Oh, the motherfucker. Well, they had to L.A. was famous for the brownouts back in the day where they just started shutting power off. And basically, they didn't have to do it. They were doing it. It was all a greed thing. Somehow or another, they were making a fuckload of money doing that. I don't remember what the scam was, but people, I believe, lost their job and even went to jail for that shit. Those brownouts. Yeah, no. But Mars, I was thinking. Fuck that.

08:19Man, I don't want to go to Mars. She said, you can go, but you can never come back. I was like, hell no. Okay, let me ask you this. Would you go to the desert? Would you go to the middle of the Sahara where there ain't shit and it's dangerous and you could die out there for no reason? I would go to sea it, but never to go stay forever. Hell no. But that's Mars. Yeah. Mars is just like going out into the Mojave. Yeah. There ain't shit out there. Yeah. You know what she said, though? She said mad people from her classes and the other professors she knows wanted to go. They were all wanting to sign up to go to Mars. I was like, you got to be an egotistical motherfucker to be like, I want to be the first one on this bullshit planet. Well, some people are silly. That's a silly thing to do. To go to another planet where you can't get back. Fuck that. Especially if Lance Bass is going.

09:01Isn't he the one that's out in space and shit? The Backstreet Boys or NSYNC dude in space? Is he out in space? He's tried? He's tried. He was one of the first ones. Oh, he has done it, right? He did it with the Russian cosmonauts, right? I think so, yeah. Yeah. No way. If they were like, you got to go to Mars and Lance Bass is there, I would not fucking go. It would be horrible. Lance Bass gives good foot massages. Oh, really? He's cool to hang out with. Oh, you got a foot massage from Lance Bass? I said maybe. Maybe. I'm just saying. I think you're honest on it. You know, it could be something better than, you know, going by yourself to Mars. You know, maybe Lance Bass is a hell of a conversationalist. And halfway through the six-month trip, you're like, you know, this guy's starting to fucking grow on me. He's like the white Lloyd from Entourage. I never watched Entourage. They kind of got like the same hair.

09:45It was a horrible show. I only watched it once. I just watched to see what happened to the Asian dude. And I don't know if it was a fair representative of the show. I only watched it once and I was like, okay, what the fuck's going on here? What are they watching? Wasn't the Asian dude gay? He was mad gay. He was so funny. Mad gay. He ate a lot of Kung Pao. Yeah. Yeah. Would you go to Mars? Would you, if you knew it was dope, if you knew it was like Alaska in the summer, just beautiful, green? Like they have the Bush Company? I would go, you know? No, if I could go to Mars and come back, hell yeah, I would go. If you could go and come back. What if you could go and come back, but it was only a 90% chance of success? Success meaning like life coming back? Yeah, like 10% possibility that there might be a fucking solar flare while you're in the middle of the flight back and everybody in the plane gets cooked.

10:35I would need 100%. Like I'm that dude that, I won't even get laser eye surgery because it's like 200%. Like my brothers all got laser eye surgery. I was like, you Chinese, you should not be fucking with your eyes. You already fucked up and now you're going to introduce this new element of surgery? Hell no. Well, they supposedly had it down pretty good. What level would you be willing to do it? Like 200%? 200%. Yeah. I don't think that's, how could they do that? It doesn't even make any sense. Like there's a 200% chance. No, it would need to be 100% that I would come back. But even if the air flight, air flight's not 100%, you know? Come from New York to LA, you might as well. Look. Yeah. All right. If it was at 97%, I would go. I'll deal with a 3% like plus minus.

11:19I would imagine that if people keep going the way we're going now, in a thousand years from now, getting to Mars would be just like going to New York. Oh, that would be awesome. If we don't blow each other up in a thousand years, just imagine what we've done in 200 years. In a thousand years, there'll be plane flights to Mars. That would be dope. It'd be so fast. Like five hours later, you're on Mars. Did you say your percent was 7%? 97. Oh, nice. Yeah. I would love to go. I would love to go. I just want to see that shit. If you had a choice between going to another planet or going back in time. Oh, that's a good call. Because going back in time, you kind of know what you could see. Yeah. But man, going back in time. Well, I would probably, you know, I would want to go to Mars because going back in time, the other times we've had, it's like less amenable. Do you know what I mean? Like there's more diseases.

12:13Right. You don't get killed as easily. Like you get shanked. You know, when you die back in the day, you get shanked. Right. It's not like a bullet in the head. You could die easily. Now, I would rather go to the future than go backwards. For safety's sake. Not just safety's sake, but I want to see the next shit. Right. There's not really. Yeah. I'm not like Woody Allen where there's a period in time where I would love to be in 1920s Paris. You know. Woody Allen. You know, would love to be a 1930s Italian. You know, like. Right. Hell no, man. Like motherfuckers didn't have AC. See. Well, I'm with you. I would way rather see the future. Like a peek at the future than a peek at the past. Yeah. But if it had. If I had to choose between going to Mars or going to the past, I'd take the past without a doubt. I would love to see how people live thousands of years ago. Yeah, man. To just peek in on Genghis Khan. Oh, hell yeah.

13:01How dope would it be? Yo, you would get fucked up so heavy going to see Genghis Khan. Like that's. I thought about it. I would ride with Genghis Khan. I'd be. Motherfucker. I ride for you. Just pull up in a tank. Yeah. Pull up in a tank. Light these motherfuckers on fire with machine guns. Okay. They won't know what's going on. And you would be the king. You would be like. Oh. Okay. Oh. You have to suck my dick in front of everybody. Oh, see. I want to go back in time with a fucking like iPad. And be with Genghis Khan. And a lighter. And just be like. Yo. You're the original Rough Rider. You're like DMX before DMX. Motherfucker. You're the fucking chinky eyed DMX. I want to film this shit and make a Rough Riders video. With all you Mongolians on horses and fucking crossbows and shit. He would make you eat your own calves. Yeah. That's what he would do. And he would like. Saw your calf off and make you cook it and eat it.

13:41He would rob me from my iPad and throw me in a pot. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Chilling with Genghis Khan would suck, dude. He would either fuck my mom and be like. I want to genetically duplicate myself and your mom. Or chop me up and put me in a pot. I've been listening to Dan Carlin. Dan Carlin. He would Mongolian barbecue my ass. Dan Carlin was the. Our guest on Monday. And he has a podcast called Hardcore History. Yeah. And right now it's all about the Mongols. That's all he's been talking about. I love the Mongols. It's like the illest civilization ever. Crazy. Great barbecue. Yeah. Listen, man. Their style is like meat over fire. Because that's what you do when you're raping and killing people. It's that baby corn. That baby corn that Mongolians have. It's so amazing. Baby corns. What is it about baby corn? It's so much more exciting than regular corn. That Mongolian produce. That fucking baby corn.

14:36The story of the Mongols and how much they accomplished. And they took over countries. And then they would force the people in that country to go with them to war. And they would become soldiers. Like they would invade Poland and steal Polish people. They made French people fight against other Europeans. They just. They go, bitch. You're coming with us. And you're going to be us now. Yeah. What are you going to do? Are you going to fight for us? Are you going to die right now? Yeah. I'll fight. And they just start fighting other people. They would incorporate them into their army. Like they had crazy strategy. And everyone joined their crew. Everyone joined their crew. They had to. And it was like. He was basically Drogo from Game of Thrones in real life. But even more fucked up. Because after you would conquer. Like the people that were left. They would say. Okay. Congratulations. We won. There's no one left to kill.

15:26So you're free to go. And then the three miles later. They'd fucking run them down. And hack them to bits. Oh wow. I didn't know that. Dude. This Dan Carlin guy. He's a trip man. He's a serious historian. And especially this whole period that he's going over right now. It's fucking great to live in 1200. You know. Yeah. Jesus Christ. The nutty shit that that guy was going through. Just. They said that some insane percentage of the population of that area has his DNA. Oh. He's the most duplicated man in the world. Ever. Ever. Ever. Like if there's one person. I love myself. I'm not an egotistical dude. But I do kind of like myself. If I could be any other man though. It would be Genghis Khan. No doubt. Like I wouldn't think twice. Genghis Khan is the hardest motherfucker ever. Yeah. He got a lot of pussy. But you wouldn't want to be so mean. A lot of pussy. He was so mean. Yeah. He was like David Cho with a crossbow.

16:21If you went back in time like that though. You couldn't be that mean. You'd be like. God. Why are we torturing everybody? But that's so much pussy Joe. I mean. That was tons of pussy. Well. It was. Constant. It was constant pussy. Yeah. Yeah. They would like steal each other's wives and shit back then. Like dude. Dudes were just. It was. We were like chimps with swords. You know. That's what human beings were like. If you could give chimps a bunch of swords. They would do terrible horrible shit. You know. We don't think about human beings as being capable of doing terrible horrible shit. But. Even today. If you look at some of the accounts of what's going on in North Korea. Oh my God. Like those North Korean. Syria. Syria. Oh man. It's bad. There's parts of the world. There's always going to be parts of the world where it's terrible.

17:06And people are capable in those parts of the world of doing shit that you only read about in history books. It's going on right now. Do you see Dennis Rodman going to North Korea? Yes. Insane. Yes. I tweeted that today. Is he out of his fucking mind? I don't know man. They're not going to like him in North Korea. I don't think he understands what North Korea is. He's going over there to do some sort of a Harlem Globetrotters thing. Oh yeah. I don't know man. Americans can't really wrap their head around how fucked up North Korea is. Right? It's fucked up. It's Nazi Germany. Yeah. Just like Nazi Germany. Exactly. I was going to say that. You're walking into like Hitler's country. It's crazy. It's crazy. The whole country. Anyone trying to leave they kill at the border. Oh yeah. And there's so many slaves. Yeah. They have so many slaves and they have these slave colonies where they're making these people

17:51work for like half a bowl of rice a day. They're starving to death. They keep them just barely above starving. They beat them to death constantly. They feed them to dogs. Like people that have escaped who have told stories. The human rights violations that we're hearing from North Korea like all that shit about going to Iraq because we're going over there to fucking protect lives. And enforce democracy. Yeah. If we really wanted to protect lives we would be in North Korea right now. We would be in North Korea. We'd be in Syria. Yeah. You're right. That place especially North Korea. I'm more familiar with that than I am with what's going on in Syria. But North Korea is a crazy mess right now. Yeah. No absolutely. Our country is not a country that's out there benevolently in country. It's just really to protect the business interests at hand. And like that's one of the things.

18:39Like you know which movie did you want to win the Oscar? I'm curious. I don't give a fuck about the Oscars. I think that awards for art are some of the dumbest things. It is. Yeah. To judge art. I think it's so dumb. To judge art. I'm interested though just because I'm like will they pick the right one this year? You know what I mean? I'm only curious to see if one day they'll do the right thing. Because I was like Django was the best shit out. Yes. Django was the hardest movie out this year. It should have won. Yeah. That was a great movie. Great movie. And it was three hours. It never lost my attention. No. That movie kept me going the whole time. And like to do Argo right? You're just basically recreating some shit to happen. Zero Dark Thirty. I don't believe it. But see both of those movies. The problem with those movies is they're based on real events and they add a bunch of bullshit. And it's not real. Yeah.

19:18Yeah. They add a bunch of bullshit to them. And when you add a bunch of bullshit like the woman that like was responsible for everything in Zero Dark Thirty that made the whole thing happen. You're going to go kill him for me. That bitch didn't exist. No. She's not a real human. Yeah. You can't do that. Yeah. It's like you can't just add people to historical movies. That's crazy. Plus if someone was going to find Bin Laden it wouldn't be a ginger. It might be. They're good at finding dicks. Oh. Yeah. I mean look. The lady was a great actor. The movie was very well done. But I call shenanigans. You can't just create a fucking fictional character that figures it all out. And there was no George Bush. Like you're going to do the whole fucking movie with no dumb ass George Bush fucking it up? The whole thing was weird. It was weird. It was a weird movie man. It was a very weird movie.

20:05But I remember watching Django and I was like if this shit doesn't win the Oscars it's bullshit. Like the Oscars is. And it is. Every year it's a crock of shit. It's bullshit. It's ridiculous. Look Titanic was not a good movie. No. It was not a good movie. It won the Oscars. You know what's good about Titanic? You know what's good about Titanic? Special effects were fucking incredible. It was amazing. It was a vehicle for showing what's possible cinematically with special effects in 19 whatever the fuck it was. 90 something. I don't know. Far from the path when it comes to like a storyline. But he provides you with the state of the art shit. He takes the bar and just blows it through the stratosphere. Yeah. No one came close to Avatar yet. That movie's insane. The visual experience. Especially if you go to IMAX 3D. Motherfucker man.

21:20Just when those dudes are popping out of their little sleep tanks and floating through the air. You're like this movie is badass. Yeah. I remember when I saw Up in 3D and I was like this is the worst use of 3D ever. Like it just made the Asian kid chubbier. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's some movies that don't really do a good job with it. But Avatar was stunning. It was like. Yeah. It was more than just a movie. I mean two best movies this year was fucking Django and Wreck-It Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph was one of the best movies of the year. I don't know what you're talking about. I just re-watched that. I don't even know what you're talking about. You gotta watch Wreck-It Ralph. Yeah. What is it? Yo. You would love it. It's all your favorite characters from fucking video games in a video game world and it's an animated feature about all your favorite video game characters.

22:00He might not like it because he's not that big into the video games. Wait a minute. This was a release in the film? Yeah. Disney movie. Sarah Silverman is in it. John C. All that. Hey. Yeah. Wow. Yo. It's good. I never even heard of it until just now. Yeah. God damn it. There's too much to know. Walk it. Watch it. Too much to know. Watch it with the chick that's the closest one to being like your best chick in your stable. Like that's the one you should watch it with. You know? I would recommend watching it with your kids. They might like it. You think so? Yeah. For real? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Wreck-It Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph. Because it's all. It's got car racing in it. I haven't even heard of it before. Oh, it's on iTunes right now. That's crazy, man. When something is badass and you haven't even heard of it before. I mean, Bison from Street Fighters.

22:42And yeah, that's the best is when you're like, wait, that missed me and now I have something to do this weekend? Fuck yeah. Who were we talking to recently that never heard of Grizzly Man? We're like, what? What? I don't know. Have you heard of it? The documentary? I have not. God damn it, son. How could we? But I'm also Chinese. When was this? Grizzly Man? Fairly recently. Oh, I kind of missed certain cultural things. Six years ago, maybe? Something like that? Yeah. Grizzly Man is a movie about a dude who lived with the bears and got eaten by the bears. Yeah. People told me about this, but I was like, I'm not interested. It wasn't in the World Journal. Dude, listen. You need to smoke a joint and watch this and laugh. He got eaten by a bear? Laugh your dick off at this silly, silly bitch. This guy might be the silliest bitch to ever go camping. And yeah, he was crazy. And the bear ate him at the end of the movie.

23:30It's fascinating. Because it's not meant to be funny. It's a Werner Herzog film. Oh, okay. It's not meant to be funny. Okay. But it's just funny. I mean, it's like the perfect Coen Brothers movie. You know how like Coen Brothers movies, it's like- Yeah, dark and accidentally- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, accidentally funny almost. It's like Fargo. Fargo's a funny fucking movie. Fargo's amazing. But yeah, I didn't even understand Fargo until I was 20. Because when you're younger and watching, you're like, what is going on? Why? Why do they do this? And then you're older. You're like, yeah, I fucking hate people. I hate you. Die. All of you in the woodchip machine. When you get used to people being bullshit artists, that's when the salesman and his fucking true coat become so much more entertaining.

24:15When you run into like one of those bullshit salesmen is just trying so hard to sell you this fucking bullshit that you spray in the bottom of your car. You hit 19 and then you just want to see people die. Then you want to see them die. It's so unfortunate. Why is that? Not all of them. Just the concept of the world. Just some of them. Just the useless fucks clogging it up for everybody else. Yep. Yeah, but that movie, Grizzly Man, is a must. I watched that. It's a must. Is there a must that you would like to recommend to people? Do you have a must that you tell people? Like you have to see this? Man, I mean, this year was Wreck-It Ralph and Django. But before that, I mean, hmm. It's been Grizzly Man since I saw it. That's all I recommend to people. Man. No, those are my ones this year. But no, yeah. I don't have like a go-to must movie.

25:01Can you imagine how big a grizzly bear is compared to that werewolf out there? Do you know a grizzly bear? Yo, that werewolf would fuck me up. Spirited Away. It would fuck you up. But a grizzly would eat that werewolf. A grizzly would be like, bitch, get the fuck over here. Really? The grizzly is bigger than the werewolf? That werewolf is big, man. That werewolf is fucking big. The werewolf is like, that's only like seven feet long. Have you seen Spirited Away? Why don't you tell me what that is? Spirited Away is an animation. The Japanese animated film. Yeah, and it's really, really trippy. And it's a real cool animation to see while you're really stoned. How old is this? 2001, I think. Oh, okay. I think I have seen that. Is that, what's the guy's name? Heomiyaki or something? Something like that. It's a good movie. Is it Spirited Away? I do believe I've seen that now that I think about it. I think I have.

25:52It's with the little girl and the big cat and the weird faces and stuff. It's really cool. Yeah, I do think I've seen that. Is that yours? That's one of them. That's one of them. I have movies that I can watch over and over and over again. That's one of them. That's relaxing. It can't get annoying because it's so relaxing and calm and cool. That's the opposite of Grizzly, man. I thought Tron was pretty cool too. The new Tron. Did you really? You would recommend that? I wouldn't recommend it, but I think that year that would have been in my handful of movies. I just thought it was trippy to watch. Well, I think to you it represented the old days, the old Tron. I was a huge Tron fan. Yeah, if you're a Tron fan, I can see it. But it was a piece of shit. Yeah. It was cool to watch. The special effects were weird. It was so obvious it wasn't really a young him.

26:39It was like they did something to his face and turned him into a young him. That was creepy. I mean, I guess the one film I recommend to everyone is Kill a Season. Kill a Season? Kill a Season? Cameron's Kill a Season. What is that? Juel Santana's in it. All the Dipset dudes are in it. It's like the worst made film. That's the best of the Dipset dudes. Oh, you don't listen to the Dipset? Oh, shit. Does anyone here, am I alone in knowing what the Dipset is? Yo, y'all don't know the Dipset? Y'all don't know the Dipset. My grandfather's rolling over the grave. Oh, man. I told you these fucking kids today. Y'all don't know the Dipset. Did you just ask my grandson? Y'all don't know the Dipset. You son of a, pull your fucking pants up. I just put you on to some shit, Joe. What is it? Because you need to get Diplomatic Immunity 1, Diplomatic Immunity 2. Okay, I'm writing this down. And then watch Kill a Season.

27:22What am I talking about? Kill a Season has Dominican women shitting cocaine out of their asses. It's awesome. Did you guys, I was going to bring this up yesterday. Did you guys hear about this guy who got arrested with 100 bags of heroin up his ass? No, 100 bags? 100 bags. It was a traffic stop. Is his asshole a sinkhole? You have a sinkhole in your pants, sir. It's 100 bags of heroin, man. Yeah, 100. The man, oh, oh, Jesus. Oh, my. Okay, I look, I look. This. Kill a Season? No, no, this one. Okay, this guy just had one. Okay, the other guy had it in his ass. One guy just had 200 bags. I'm like, did someone just take it to the next level and go 200 bags? Oh, there we are, Hellrell and Jewels, right here. This is from Kill a Season. I'm talking about watching my bag every second right now. And this is a movie? Yes. I got a new white shit that's moving. Yeah, this new white shit is killing the block right now.

28:19I love that shit. I love that shit. This is so amazing. This is a terrible movie. I don't know. This movie is amazing. You already know, my nigga. Wow. You got to watch this shit. Spock. Woo, that's what it is. Woo, that's clockwork. Here you go, my nigga. That's what I'm talking about. Go ahead, nigga. It's PayPal here, baby. New white stuff, man. I know. Yeah. This is like that ASAP Rocky song that they're playing right now. Yes, they are all from Harlem, all these dudes. Wow. You got to watch Kill a Season. So this dude gets busted on the Palisades Parkway. They pull him over in his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer, and he's acting real weird. And so they decide to bring him in. So they bring him in, and they open up his ass. They just gave him a cavity check. I mean, the guy didn't do anything wrong. Yeah. I mean, they pulled him over. He just looked weird. He was tweaking out on his own. Something was going on with him, man.

29:19He was pulled over. I mean, routine traffic stop. But they detected a smell of marijuana, and that's where they got him. And they brought him in because they smelled marijuana. That's it. And he had 100 bags of heroin up his ass. And you can't put 100 bags of heroin up your ass while the cops are going from their car to your car. You can't do that. So he was driving around with those packed up his ass. What an idiot. Why would you drive around and smoke weed with 100 packs of heroin in your ass? Well, I think he's just one of those guys. That's his move. Maybe it's like how Russian chicks would put Benoit balls in their pussy to tighten up their fuck muscle. Maybe this dude was just exercising his ass storage. Starfish. Yeah, he's just working out that starfish. Or maybe he didn't trust his roommates. Like, man, if I leave this 100 bags of heroin later, well, these motherfuckers are going to sell it.

30:10He went to the gym. She was like, man, I can't fit it in my pocket. I can't leave it in my dash. Let's work out that starfish. The glove box is full. Maybe I just stuffed this up my ass. Can I fit 100 bags? Well, let's see. Five, six. Wow, am I really going to get 94 more bags? Have you ever put anything up your ass, like a pill or anything ever? Like a nickel? Washcloth? Washcloth? Yeah, finger on the end of a washcloth. Oh, I've never done that. Yeah, clean it out. Make sure you get the end of it. Oh, wow. That doesn't seem like a good idea. Inside the rim. Oh, my God. Like an ass manicure? A little soap. A little soap, a little polish. Oh, interesting maneuver. Yeah, I've never done that. No, have you? No, I've never even taken a thermometer. A thermometer, yeah. I had a doctor stick a finger up my ass once. Yeah, I had to, like, when you're a kid, when you have a fever,

31:08they fucking put, like, Advil in your ass, I think. Yeah. I've never been into the girl putting a finger in my ass. No, no, no. Never had that happen. No, no. But they say it's amazing. It's so, I just, I don't want to go there. I'm not going to open that box. It's supposed to be amazing, though. It could be amazing. It's supposed to be, like, a prostate massage thing. And you shoot, like, a fucking broken fire hydrant. Joe, I think you're pretty much saying that you've done it. No. I would admit it, man. So the third sponsor of the podcast is Fingers in the Ass. It's Fingers in the Ass. So, guys, go to forward backslash Joe Rogan, fingeruptheass.com. 10% and get a pinky. Don't ask for the... Use the code name, don't ask for the third finger. And you can save yourself 10% off embarrassment. Yeah, because a girl, like, if she's like, you want me to put a second finger in? And you're like, yeah, yeah.

32:02What about a third? Okay, no. No. Third? No, you're fucked up. What's wrong with you? You want three fingers? You want to be three fingers up his ass? Oh, you need to get out. You need a better man in your life. You ever had a piss break real quick? Go ahead, go ahead. You've never had a girl try? I've had a girl try. A lot of them always try, like, jokingly. You never let it happen? Oh, no, no, no. Never, never. That tickles and makes me feel gross. I'm one of the people that believe or subscribe into the thing that you're not allowed to look at it, you're not allowed to see it, you're not allowed to smell it, you're not allowed to touch it. I don't want anything around my asshole. Nothing around your asshole. I don't know why. Hey, man, whatever. It's good. It's probably a mess. I mean, I don't see you, like, grooming. Yeah. I don't see you, like, getting down there with a fucking mirror and a Bic 3 blade.

32:49Who has time for that, Joe? Polishing that area up nice. Cleaning it up for company. No? No. But meanwhile, if a girl's going 69 on you, her eyeballs are, like, fucking inches away from that dirty disaster of an asshole of yours. Do you let girls eat your ass? Do you let them toss your salad ever? Have you ever had that? I've never had that. I've had girls get to the balls and the taint, but I've never had a girl just nom, nom, nom, nom, nom on your ass. And you eat ass, right? I've seen it in porn. I've seen it in porn. I've seen it in porn. Look, there's certain things we can't discuss in this program. What? When I eat my wife's ass is one of them. No, I mean, in the prior. That's even less likely to be brought up. Chicks don't want to hear about that. So it was okay to eat ass before we were married. I didn't even know you. I didn't know you existed. I ate a little ass before I knew you existed. Whatever.

33:43You couldn't have waited until it was the special one. You couldn't have waited. Eating ass is something that came later to me in life, like, you know, like, blue cheese. Like, you don't like blue cheese most of your life, and then one day you're like, you know, this is really good. I didn't like eating ass. Now I love eating a girl's ass. It's one of my favorite things ever. Well, like, how long ago did this start for you? Like when you started dating freaks? No. Because you went through the Brian Red Band. You went into your Brian Red Band freak period a few years back. It's coincidentally right when we started doing this podcast. Yeah. I think it was right around that time. Maybe right before. You got introduced into the world of girls with troubled childhoods, and then, boom, you were off to the races. 33. 33 or 34. Yeah. You were off to the races. And the problem is when you deal with, like,

34:28the world of uber freak professional sex workers, essentially, you know, that's what you're dealing with. And then to try to go from that to, like, some girl who, like, you know, is working on her accounting degree, you know, and falls asleep on the TV. No, you're fucked. You're fucked. I'm spoiled, right? Yeah, you're fucked. Well, you know, look, man, let's be honest. You're batting quite a bit over your head, and that's hard to keep going in the regular world because in the regular world, girls will eventually get mad at you. In the porn world, they're just happy that they have a man. Like, they're happy that someone's there for them and someone loves them. Someone doesn't just treat them as something to just come inside of, you know? So they want to be cuddled and taken care of, and they're, like, really appreciative. Like, do you go back and watch Nickelodeon? You don't go watch Nickelodeon. Right.

35:12Like, once you've seen all the other shit, you don't go watch Nickelodeon. You're right. I loved Doug at the time, but I don't watch Doug anymore. There's a style of super sexual woman that you're only going to get from a chick that's, like, probably willing to do porn. Like, a girl who wants to have threesomes with you, a girl who wants to eat your ass while you're fucking another girl. What? Pause. I'm just telling Brian when I see his future. You're going to have to go gay is what I'm trying to say. It's, like, it's not going to work out if you get rid of the porn girl. It's the final frontier for you, dude. It's dudes. For real, I think that, like, you know, like, if you just want to fuck, okay, and that's why you want to, it's way more fun to just date a bunch of freaks, you know? I mean, if you're just trying to fuck, the problem is, if you want to, like, really settle down and have a relationship,

36:02a lot of girls who have been involved in the adult industry, in quotes, they've had a fucked up past. And you're dealing with, like, a deficit. Do you think if a woman's a nympho and you date a nympho for, like, a year and a half, two years, that you would then become a nympho because you have to be on her same, it's like, you know, it's like sharing a jack-o'-lantern. No, I don't think so. I think it's a theme park that you leave. A theme park that you leave. I like that. That's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, there's some girls, there's some girls, I dated a girl once that couldn't cum, she couldn't cum, like, she never had orgasms, but she wanted to fuck all the time. It was craziness. They want to keep trying. Well, no, she couldn't do it. Like, she did, like, and everybody says, oh, you just didn't know how to make her cum. She didn't even know how to make her cum. Like, nobody knew how to make her cum.

36:54Wait, she could never finger herself and make herself cum. There was, like, one way where she could get herself to cum, but it was really hard and it didn't always work, but it was, like, one position. The whole thing was, it was a real crazy sort of situation because you knew that sex feels good for her, but you always felt guilty because she couldn't cum. She'd get wet and shit, right? Oh, yeah, she loved to fuck. Yeah. That was the crazy thing. It's like, something was off, you know, but she wanted to fuck all the time. But if you date a girl who wants to fuck all the time and then you date a girl who doesn't want to fuck all the time, especially if you're used to it and you like it, you're like, hey, but you're awake and I'm awake and we're right here and we can just take our clothes off and fuck, why wouldn't we do that? I don't want to. Like, whoa, that doesn't even make sense to a dude. No, that's a useless,

37:43that's a useless partner. Yeah, to a dude, it's like, well, half the thing is we're supposed to be looking for as many opportunities as possible to fuck. That's why we're boyfriend and girlfriend, right? Yeah. So what are we doing here? You don't want to fuck? Okay, you don't want to fuck, but there's nothing holding you back. If you're not fucking, you're talking and then you're in trouble. But if nothing's holding you back, like, it's not like you have, like, I would love to fuck right now, but I have to go to work. You know, I have to leave, I'm late. That's one thing. Yeah. But if it's like, oh, I'm not in the mood. Yeah. Okay, you got to get rid of that bitch. It's like the summer, there's nothing on HBO and we're not fucking, that's a problem. Yeah. You got to get rid of that bitch, right? That's where probably gay dudes understand each other more better. Like, they probably just give up the ass. Gay dudes are so lucky.

38:28Did I tell you, the guy at Starbucks, we were talking about Grindr, he's gay. Yeah, you usually have the hat on. Yeah, because I had the hat, I wear this Grindr hat just for fun once in a while. It's a bad idea. But the guy goes, oh man, it's so funny you have the Grindr hat. I use Grindr every day. He's like, I've used it three times this weekend so far. And I was like, what do you do? And he goes, oh, it's just like, hey, there's a guy at Pavilions down the street, the grocery store. He's down to fuck right now. I could go with him. We can go fuck in a car somewhere in the back alley or get a blowjob. And then I come back to work. Wow. Yeah. They're lucky. Well, you can definitely look at it that way. But they're in the dick. Yeah. That's a fail. Yeah. It is a fail. You know? I mean, don't you think about that even when a girl's willing to fuck you? Like when you have sex with your girl, I always think like, why do you like dick?

39:17Like what is going on here? Why do you like dudes? Like why would you like a guy? Like I don't get it. I don't understand the attraction to a man. You know? So when girls... I don't ask. I'm just glad they like this medium Asian dick. Yeah. I'm not saying... Look, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with, you know, being a heterosexual woman. All I'm saying is I don't understand it. Just like you wouldn't understand like being a gay dude either. But if you were so afflicted with that predilection and that's what you enjoyed, yeah, I would imagine it's a freer life. I just love that they love it. It's great. Like I'm really glad you like this shit because I got a lot of it. There's a gay couple down the street from me and they're like, they're trying to fit in. I mean, they do fit in. They're great neighbors. But they're trying to fit in like a regular family. Like they adopted a kid and, you know, they do all the same shit

40:13that regular families do. You know, not that there's anything unregular about... Well, there is something unregular about two gay dudes, obviously. But I think it's great. Because one of them can't get pregnant. It is great. It's totally great. And the thing is, is like you shouldn't try to fit in. Like you're Asian, you're black, you're gay, like just be that. You know what I mean? It's great. But I mean, what I mean by trying to fit in, I shouldn't have probably said it that way. But what I meant was that they're, you know, they live like a normal family. They're like, they're a gay married couple with a kid. You know, and a lot of people have a hard time with that, man. It's really interesting. I think here, like California is probably as loose as it gets with how people like view that. I don't know what kind of grief they catch, but all the people that I know around them are like totally normal with it. Yeah. But, you know, it's like

40:59if they wanted to, any one of those guys could just drive down to Santa Monica Boulevard, just enter into one of those clubs, just pull your cock out and just get their grinder on, get their slap happy on, right? I mean, that's, there's no place like that for dudes. There's no place like that for guys where you can just guarantee that you could go and there'd be a bunch of horny chicks looking for dudes. See, in New York, there are places like Bob in the Lower East Side. You go and there's always like a fat chick waiting for you. What is Bob? Bob is, it's like this like 500 square foot hip hop like lounge situation in the Lower East Side. They play all Golden Area hip hop. You go in, everyone's sweating, dancing, and you always get ass. And OkCupid is amazing. Like I abused OkCupid. What is OkCupid? OkCupid is like a website you go on and you can literally, people have boxes like just looking to fuck. So it's like Grindr for heterosexuals.

41:56For any sexuals. Like you could have fucking three eyes and find some motherfucker with three eyes that wants to fuck. Yeah, but they're also almost the same people. If you go to Craigslist and just like look in your area, like looking to fuck type girls and there's like sometimes there's a picture. There's never been one that I've gone, oh my god, yes, I need to fuck this girl. There has to be. Yo, I've had one on OkCupid. I found a unicorn that was pretty good. How was it? Tell us what happened. It was bad. It was dope. It was dope. I ended up taking this unicorn to Vegas once. It was good. Wow. It's a lot of fun. Well, I think that they exist because I know that there's probably a lot of girls that are super hot that would love to freak a guy out like that a guy couldn't believe how hot they are and they just want to fuck. There's a lot of crazy bitches like that. There's a lot of them. Well, in New York there's a lot of girls at work

42:44and they don't have time to go out and date and meet dudes and pick them and they're like, you know what? I just need to sit on something. I need to sit on something. They just need to get their dick on. Yep. It's great. It would be great. It's fucking awesome. You guys need that. You have OkCupid out here. I'm sure you have OkCupid here. They have it in Boston. Yeah. Too many crazy bitches out here. It's too dangerous. Yeah. I go to positive singles.com. What is positive? HIV positive? Is that what that is? Did you hear about that dude that was a, he was some Christian mingle and he was raping chicks? No way. Yeah. He was picking them up on Christian mingle and raping them. Wow. Yeah. Wow. There's dating sites for everything. J-Date. Yep. Christian mingle. Yep. I want to go on J-Date. Jewish chicks love Asians. Do you think so? Oh, I know so. How's that? What is it? A Chinese food thing? What is it? Yeah.

43:35Like we serve them on Christmas. Fuck. There's no dick or general toes. Like where do I go? Chinese people. Yes. Jewish chicks. Yes. J-Date. I think they all know how to fuck really well too. Jewish girls do? Yeah. Really? I've fucked awesome. How many of you fucked? Probably like five. And they've all been awesome. They've all been crazy. The head game, the Jewish head game is the best. Yeah. Some of them. It's absolutely known. Jewish girls give their best head. Yeah. When they do it. Yeah. Yes. Then there's that old joke. How do you stop a Jewish chick from blowing you? I don't know. Marry her. Oh. You don't know that joke? That's a good one. Yeah. I think it's, isn't it because like they are so, since they're young, they're always said you have to only have sex with Jewish people and you never are supposed to be with anyone outside of your race and I think that's why they're so crazy. In bed maybe? Do you think so? Yeah. I don't,

44:35I'm just guessing. Well, I just think they're not as suppressed. There's a, there's a less suppression in that religion than there is like sexually and like Catholicism and you know, a lot of other Christian religions. It might be the Hitler costume I wear all the time. Maybe that's it. They want to hate fuck you. I just figured they thought there was money in the dick. Wow. Just sucking on hard enough. Half dollars. The first, what are you doing fuck face? It sounds like me. It is. It is you. It's the fucking, the feed, the live feed. Jamie's over there playing with himself. Jamie. Yeah, the first Jewish girl I dated, I was 21. The first girl that I fucked. She was crazy, right? Bitch was nuts. See? She was great. I was like, whoa. But she was like, she was a woman. I was 21, she was 25. She wasn't a guy. That's a woman. Oh, that's a cougar. That's a cougar. It was the first time I ever dated a woman as opposed to like,

45:26every chick that I dated before I was 21 was like 19, 20, like my age. Yeah. They were like little kids. You know, this girl was like, you know, college graduate, serious woman, had a career. You know, it was totally different. Banging a chick like that is a completely different experience. Like, they're not shy. No, I've never gone older. I've always gone younger. I've never gone older. That was the only time I ever did. Maybe one other time. One other time I dated a girl that was like a year older than me. which is acceptable. I want to do a cougar once. I just think, I see some, because there's so many hot cougars here in Los Angeles. Well, you've got to join a gym. Huh? If you want to get a real cougar, you've got to join a gym. Oh, I'm a teddy bear. You ever see a teddy bear with muscles, Joe? No, I'm saying, if you want to really meet the ones that you actually want to fuck, you've got to meet the ones that are at the gym

46:13because the ones that go to the gym are the ones that still have the plump asses and they're like 50. I've seen chicks with great asses that are 50 and you can't believe it. Because that bitch is addicted to spin class and she's in there huffing on the fucking, like, Like that porn star Druna. That girl Druna got the crazy milf ass. Tighten up those fuck muscles. Yeah. I'm talking about girls that have their home gyms in Malibu. They don't leave the house. I come to them. Those bitches are weak and they're going to pass out on you. They're going to faint and fall and hit their fucking head on the marble and then you're going to get charged with murder. Trust me. Keep away from those bitches. That doesn't sound good. Keep away from those tired, tired, low blood sugar Malibu bitches who never leave their house, walk around their fucking slippers. Just once, I'm saying. Bitch, put your shoes on and get the fuck out of the house.

46:57Like a Pamela Anderson. Yeah, you don't want that one because that one's lazy and that ass is gone. That's a long gone ass, son. She was a beautiful, beautiful young lady but someone stole her ass when she hit about 43, 44. A goblin came into the house. Yeah, now she just looks crazy. She looked like Barbra Streisand now. Isn't it weird how she, women, really beautiful women, if they get crazy with their looks, if they start shooting shit in their face, they go from being beautiful to being repulsive. Yeah. And it's not a lot of time. And I don't know why they do it. You know it's going to happen and they still do it. Psychological shit. It's like people that are anorexic and they can't help it. They just keep losing weight or big bodybuilder dudes. Big bodybuilder dudes. Like I've met guys that are huge and they're scared to go outside. They want to cover their body, their muscles up

47:46with like big puffy sweaters and shit because they don't want people to know how small they are. Wow. Yeah, they get nutty. Yeah. Especially like those competitive ones. People who like enter into bodybuilding competitions. They never feel like they're big enough. It's a dysmorphia. Body image is some fucked up shit. It's very fucked up. Like race, body image, psychologically, like you have no idea how much it fucking controls you. We are lucky there's not a dick operation that you could do to your dick what a chick does to her tits. There is. There's actually a dick operation. There's not. People do that shit. But listen man, I've researched it. You could take a piece of your foot. Why would you research it? It's fascinating. You were looking into it. I research almost everything. I'm happy with my dick. I'll tell you right now. It's not the biggest dick in the world but it's mine and I like it. I like medium dick.

48:29It's great. But this, like the body dysmorphia that some women have, like there was a woman that I knew many, many a year ago who had ridiculously large breasts, fake tits and she wanted to get them bigger and all of her friends were like, you can't do that. Stop it. Like you can't. She goes, I just want them a little bigger. Just a little bigger. I mean they were fucking huge. They were crazy huge. Crazy huge. And when they're crazy huge they don't look crazy good. No. They look crazy bad. They look crazy. Yeah. It looked like, they felt like a knee. And girls getting breast reductions make no sense to me. Like you're just giving money away. Well, I think for some girls sometimes I dated a girl who, yeah, she had a, before I met her she had a breast reduction. She had enormous tits. And even when I met her they were like D-cups. I was like, oh my god, they were bigger than this. Like she had like back pains.

49:19Like she would get like pinched nerves and shit. Like they just can go numb. But still I feel like you have tits that big like things will happen for you. You know, other things will take care of them for you. Yeah, like someone will come on them. That's it. It's not like they become fucking beanstalks and take you to the mansion. I guess if you have a herniated disc and I come on your back it doesn't help much. It's not, it's not doing anybody any good. It's not like you rub it in and it's a Vicks Vapo rub. It's gonna heal the injury. I've talked about this before though. I know somebody has that disease. I don't remember the name of it where your tits are crazy big. Like they're almost worms. Yeah. Like tinnocitis or something. Like elephantitis of the tits. Yeah, exactly. And it's so big that if you look at her she looks like she's really fat but then if she takes off her shirt and just holds up her tits it's like,

50:03oh no, it's all just tit and body like sandals. So how big of her, would you say her tits are like twice a normal tit? I would say each one of her tits was probably I don't know, 24 inches long. A 24 inch tit. And probably each one weighed probably I'd say about 50 pounds. Oh my god, the poor girl. She had 100 pounds of tit. She still has it too. She can't, she has to get these like crazy bras made at Sears where they have to make the bra. I'm telling you, we're lucky there's not a dick operation like that where you can get bigger dick. Has anybody ever had a dick reduction? Has anybody ever had like a 24 inch dick and go listen, no girls can suck this. I'm tired of this is bullshit. Cut me down to 10. I would never man. I could have a three foot dick. I would never cut that. It's fucking Excalibur. Don't touch Excalibur. But who's gonna fuck you? You're gonna have to have chicks that only fuck basketball players.

51:00that you have like a fucking three foot like baby arm. You're gonna have to only date chicks that fuck basketball players and have their babies. Or Kim Kardashian. So big like 12 pound babies came out of there. Now it's not even Kim Kardashian because she hasn't had a kid yet. You need a girl who's had a bunch of babies. Or like the Octomom. Your giant monster dick. Just like a sinkhole. Yeah, that's the only thing you could be happy with because otherwise what are you gonna do with three footed dick? I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna get frustrated. Yo, if I have a three foot dick though I would just walk outside with that shit. It's like I'm tanning. Would you just tan your dick? But you would never be able to really use it. You don't want a three foot dick. You could have girls just slide on top of it back and forth like snail chokes. Yo, you know if you had a three foot dick there would be girls

51:41that would just want to check it out. I just want to sit on it a little bit. And trust me I know a couple girls could probably put three foot of dick inside of them. Airtight. They would break. They would break just like that guy got fucked to death by the horse. There's no way they would make it. Dana could take three foot of dick. Dana might be able to. Asakira could take three foot of dick. No, she would break. She would die. She would die and you'd be sad. What is Son of Dong? Oh my god. Son of Dong is like the crazy, crazy giant fake dick with the giant like spooge geyser that some porn stars sit on. Yeah, I've seen that. Those are so weird where the guy still got his pants on. monument shaped as a penis. Yeah. Yeah, what is that? That's so because it looks so fake. Yeah, it is fake. What kind of weird porn is that when you get a giant fake dick? I like watching it though. The art design and the set design is amazing.

52:27You know, it's very creative. The set design. The set design with a big stupid fake rubber dick. What is this stuff that you've been doing for Vice Magazine? Yeah, so I for vice.com. I do this show called Fresh Off the Boat and we use food to get into culture and we meet all these weirdos. Basically, the whole point of the show is to travel around the world, travel around the United States and find stories and people that other outlets don't want to talk about. You know? Right. Like what kind of stories? For instance, like we went in the bang bus with Jada Stevens in Miami. We ate Fridas and then, you know, we watched her work and we did that whole episode. We went to go see You watched her do a bang bus porn? Yeah. We watched the whole thing. So how do they do that? You just drive somewhere? They put her in the bus. It was a reverse bus. Right. So they put her in the back of the bus. They drive around and they pick up dudes

53:14off the street to just bang. There's a trailer. What's a reverse bus? The reverse bus is her going in doing that. The bang bus normally is a dude driving around to find chicks on the street. Oh, reverse bus is her looking for dudes. And then other shows we've done is, you know, we went to go, we didn't want to separate people from the slaughter because we want people to know you're eating food, you're eating animal protein, an animal is slaughtered. So the first episode we ever did was showing like a white rabbit being slaughtered. I saw that one. Do you like it? Yes. Yeah. We're like a pretty thoughtful food show and we try to challenge people. We really want to challenge them. We don't just give them candy. It's not just Soma. We really want them to think about, you know, the culture that they're engrossed in, the cultures that they're supporting and things like that. Was that the first time you ever killed an animal like that?

54:01No. You know, we've killed animals. I cook Chinese food. So you're always cooking seafood. You're always cooking live seafood. Right. And then I've seen chicken slaughtered. I've never seen a cow slaughtered. I've never seen a pig slaughtered. But I've seen chickens. I've seen seafood. And I saw a rabbit. Yeah. That rabbit was pretty intense. Yeah. It was definitely intense. Like everybody there was pretty moving because you watch a life leave the earth in front of you. And funny shit was I actually thought I died like a week ago in Houston. It was really funny. I ate this indica bubblegum hash. They made this beef jerky out of indica bubblegum hash and High Times gave it to me. And so I'm eating it. And I didn't remember to kind of dose it. I ate it all. I gave like a little piece to my homie. I gave a little piece to my brother. And I remember about 30 minutes after I'm watching like House of Cards on Netflix by myself.

54:54And I'm like yo oh my god I think I just died. And I went to my brother and I felt like I couldn't move. I could like see shit and I couldn't hear shit. And I went to my brother and I'm like you gotta take me to the hospital. You gotta take me to the hospital. He's like why do I gotta take you to the hospital motherfucker? And I was like I think I just died. He's like what do you mean you think you just died? You're just in front of me right now. I'm like so you can hear me. You can see me. I'm like jumping on your bed. You can see this. He's like dude you're not dead. Go to sleep. I was like you have to take me to the hospital. I feel like my spirit left my physical body. And he's like what the fuck? Like what are you talking about? And so he takes me to the hospital in Houston. We were there cooking for the all-star game and like Dwayne Wade and I'm in the hospital. We check in and the doctor's like what's wrong? He's like

55:38I think my spirit left my physical body. And he's like what the fuck did you do? I was like I ate indica bubblegum hash jerky. And he's like you need to chill the fuck out. You need to just chill the fuck out because there's nothing anyone can do for you. I was like did I just die? He's like no you didn't die. You're just high as fuck and you're being a pussy. The way he described it indica bubblegum hash jerky. Yeah. That's very specific too. Yeah it's some chef shit. Yeah. We've talked about it a billion times on the podcast but a lot of people don't know that when you eat marijuana it's a totally different psychoactive experience. Your body produces something it goes through your liver and it produces something called a one pass and it makes this chemical called 11-hydroxy metabolite and it's four to five times more psychoactive than THC in the smokable form. So it's it's not the same drug. Can you die from that shit? No.

56:31No no no no. Here's what you do though. The only way you're gonna die from what's that? Drink milk. Why? Yeah. Why? Just trust me. You'll calm down like within five minutes. That is not scientific. Do not listen to him. He doesn't know what the fuck. You're gonna throw up milk. That's what you're gonna do. Oh that would not be awesome. Just need a little glass of milk. Just a teeny glass. Listen that's not scientific Brian. You're talking nonsense. Cause I tweet the fuck out. When you eat as much hash as that you're fucked. You're not gonna a glass of milk is not gonna make you feel fucked. I eat every day but I ate fucking all this fucking hash jerky and I never felt so bad. I felt like I did heroin. Yeah it can get you really scary high. You can get to the point where it's really uncomfortable. Yeah. And that shit is not fun. You're out of control. But were you ever dumb enough to go to a hospital and tell people

57:13your spirit animal was broken? No. No but I did think that I fucked up. I went too far. I've gone there before. Yeah. But I always liked that. I like what it feels like when it's over. Yeah like me and weed are fighting cause it's like I've loved this bitch for so long and I'm like you really hurt me. You really hurt me. It's not weed. Don't do edibles. Just don't do edibles. Well edibles are amazing but it's all in the dosage. It's very tricky. I love edibles. I prefer edibles. Oh really? Yeah yeah. You're like a regular edible eater. Yeah. Yeah. I prefer it. Interesting. I think it's better for your body. I think it's better for your body and I think the intensity of the experience it lasts longer and to me it's more introspective. I learn more. Oh you definitely think of wild shit. I was like I was saying I felt like I was one of those Christian inspirational people cause I'm in the car I'm like Evan you have to realize that every day

58:06you have to fight to stay alive cause as soon as you stop you will die. I just died. I swear to god I just died watching House of Cards. You did not die. Shut the fuck up. Just don't watch any more Kevin Spacey movies. Did you ever see the 911 call where the cops stole some pot from some kids and made some pot brownies and then the cops called 911 No. Yeah. It's hilarious. That's awesome. And that's the thing they thought they died. They thought the time had stopped they were calling in 911 just shit in their pants thinking that this is the end. No I thought I heard like the universe's voice was like Eddie you've checked out. Like I really thought I died. The game is over. Game is over. I heard the theme music the game is over. You can definitely eat too much pot but then after it's over you feel fine. It's not even like getting drunk. You know that feeling that you get after you have a hangover it's like god damn it

59:00I don't want to ever drink I ate so much my head hurt for three days. Whoa. I could not I did not it took me a while to come back. Three days. Three days. You probably broke something just with anxiety. Yeah. Just the anxiety alone was probably so much stress Oh yeah. That like your brain was like the muscle in my brain fucking hurt. So yeah kids don't eat that fucking bubblegum hash. I find that edibles make food taste the best too because I think smoking anything probably does ruins your palate. Yeah. A little bit. It does. Yeah. And you have like options out here with edibles like that are fairly and they're delicious. Yeah. But but also they you can actually like pretty much rely on the dose with some of them like candies like you know like you like like Ari Shafia I'll ask him like what is this candy he goes it's like a half a breath strip like okay got it. But not always is. You have to know not always. It's still not accurate.

59:55You're right. But some companies like you get used to a company you know and they got their shit together and they can make it until the feds come and bust their door down and fucking take them away. The problem with edibles it's also how much you have in your stomach already so that's a factor where you know when you smoke it you don't have to deal with that. That's where breast strips come in because it doesn't matter because it just goes into your bloodstream. Crazy. Holla. Crazy. We're sophisticated out here. Crazy. I'm the West Coast kid. How is it getting good weed in New York? Yo I got a really good serve. I have a serve that they come through and they always have seven to eight strands every time. Really? But before I met these dudes life was miserable. It was just like sour or haze or kush. It's just hard to find someone that you actually want to know your phone number that's selling weed. Yeah and these dudes are dope.

60:41They don't chill with you. They don't fucking try to hang out and get to know you in and out. Give me the best weed and I'll see you later and I'll call you next time. So that's what you need. And it does not touch California. No. California is on some shit. It's crazy. That's the best part out here. I want a G-Pen so bad. I got a G-Pen. I'll hook you up. Those dudes are awesome. Oh cool. Yeah. The G-Pen is the best way to smoke because the wax tastes so good. Yeah. It's like minty fresh. Yeah the chocolate mint ice cream hash. Is G-Pen a new type of vaporizer or something? Yeah. There's a few of them. I've got to get you one. There's so many of them out there. But have you had an iDab? iDab is the way to go in your home. Like on the road G-Pen the best but iDabs are fucking crazy. How do you spell it? Just G-Pen? Granco Science. My boy Chris. He lives in LA. I'll hook you guys up. He's the best. Yeah. I've used a lot of them.

61:30Like the Plume by Pax is not bad but the G-Pen is definitely my favorite so far. Yeah. That's the one I use on the show all the time when we shoot on the West Coast. We'll shoot it whenever we use the G-Pen. Yeah. I want one so bad. Yeah. They taste amazing. Yeah. The scientists out here that are concocting different ways to take your weed they're doing it in pretty amazing ways. They have honey now. Yeah. Well I guess there's been some talk lately about what is the legality of hash and all these oils and stuff like that. So they have this G-Pen vaporizer. They sell it online. Yeah. Anybody can buy it online. Yeah. Right. Because you could cook tobacco with it. Right. Yeah. So now when you buy this what do you do? Do you stick weed in it somewhere? You put the wax in it. You put the essential oil in there. Yeah. And then you just heat it up. Well you have to get that from a dispensary. Yeah. But you live in LA it's no problem. Yeah.

62:18But how do you get it? Don't tell us. Yeah. I know a guy who knows a guy. He uses it for tobacco. Do you have a hard time when you're on the road getting good weed when you're doing your show? No. You know fans like people will just bring it. Right. You know they'll know and they'll just bring it. Like when I do book tours there's always two or three people at every book event that bring me weed and it's amazing. How many of them are cops? Most of them are Asian children. Children? No I'm kidding. Usually just like Asian kids you know like and they grow up like me and they're like yo I know how you are you need this shit. You need this shit. Those are the best people. They bring me weed everywhere I go. That's funny. That's the best thing about being a publicly known person that smokes weed people will hook you up. Yeah. I agree. Do you smoke pot with people that you meet? Yeah. People who know you from the show? Yeah.

63:05I'll smoke with anyone because I'm not a dude that smokes weed and then can't function. I'm a functional smoke. I need weed to function. But do you trust their weed? Like what if someone wants to lace you up with some craziness? I've never been late. Have you been late? Me no but I know a person yes. One dude? Yeah I know one dude. PCP. Somebody put PCP in his weed. Well damn. Yeah that's hardcore. I've had a very bad situation. I wasn't like a fan or anything but I had somebody give me weed once that was dipped in embalming fluid and that really ruined me and I... Oh wow. Embalming yeah that's like they call that sherm. See why would you do that to someone? I feel like with weed it's such a friendly culture. Like why would you do that to somebody? Because people are broken. I mean even though weed is a friendly culture there's a certain amount of any culture that's going to be broken. Yeah. There's people that are

63:51just unavoidably fucked up. So you won't smoke weed people give you on tour? Yeah. Not anymore. Not after that. Oh wow. When I found out that and there was a guy I've told a story before about a cop that was asking me for DMT in Cleveland and I knew it was a cop. It just was the most obvious cop ever. Some guy after a show by himself with a crew cut asking me for DMT. I was like bitch what are you talking about? Are you really coming and asking me for illegal drugs? Yeah. DMT is a specific ask too. Yeah. It's a very specific flavor that you're asking for. Very specific. The problem is if every place was like California yeah I'd smoke with anybody but every place is not like California and there are places where it's super illegal. Like you get caught in Texas you know like Willie Nelson got arrested in Texas. I mean if you arrest Willie Nelson for pot you're a fucking communist. You know you really you're a fucking you're the enemy.

64:44Yeah. God damn it. I mean it's pretty decriminalized in America. I think in the next five to ten like weed is gonna be like California everywhere. There's still so many people in jail though. There's so many people in jail because of it and what do they do? They grandfather those guys in and let everybody out? I don't think so. I don't think they're gonna. They should but I don't think they will. The law is in a lot of places like Phoenix it's real bad it's not good in Texas. It's scary in a lot of places. Yeah. How many different cities have you gone to do your show? We've done LA, San Fran, Miami, New York, Taiwan. Yeah five. So. We did five. How was Taiwan? Taiwan was amazing man. Taiwan is the best. Taiwan is the best. Definitely. Do you speak any forms of Chinese? Yeah I speak Mandarin Chinese. Now if you're around Cantonese people what happens? I can't understand what they're saying. Wow. It sounds like they're playing Chinese

65:36through a guitar. Whoa. No I got mad Cantonese homies but no I don't understand Cantonese and they barely understand Mandarin. It's tough. Wow. Yeah. It's not just like north and south like you got an accent. It's like really some there's an extra tone. Can you read it? I can read some things. I know a few words. I probably read on like a kindergarten level and I speak on like a fifth grade, sixth grade level. But you speak on a fifth grade, sixth grade level just because you know some of it not because it's across the board. Oh no Cantonese? No I don't know shit about Cantonese but the written is the same. Right. A written language is the same. Oh okay. So you're written the written Cantonese is the same. Yeah. Oh fascinating. Yeah. Huh. So but the way they say it is different Cantonese and Mandarin. So you can read all Cantonese. No problem. Well I think it's the same characters. I'm pretty sure it's the same characters. So how the fuck

66:24is it a different language? It's another tone. They have another tone when they speak it. Oh my god. That's weird. That's insanity. Yeah. What does it sound like? Like what's the difference? Can you tell me the difference? Can you like give me like a sentence? Doloméa. Like they say stuff it's just bouncier. It sounds bouncier. Right. Without like without being racist and making fun of it you know it just sounds to me like bouncier. I think you're allowed to make fun. You know. You're Chinese. Yeah. You can let it slide. But like no it's like I'm not even saying words but I'm just imitating the sound like you know you know they're like super bouncy that way. But it's different than Mandarin in what way? See what's confusing to me is There's like a fifth tone. Oh wow. Yeah. But the characters are the same. Mm-hmm. But they have a different sound for the characters? Is that what it is? Which is kind of crazy. Wow. So like you like one person

67:17would say shoe they would have a totally different noise for it. Yeah. But if you wrote it down you both saw shoe. Yeah. Whoa. You're blowing my mind. Yeah. Whoa. How many people are on each? I will check this and make sure. I mean we could check this and make sure but I'm almost positive that it is I'm pretty positive it is the same language. How many people are on each? Like I mean there's a billion Oh there's much more speaking Mandarin. Much more. There's much more speaking Mandarin than Cantonese. How much more? Cantonese is just like the southeast of China and Hong Kong. Wow. How the fuck does that ever happen? You know? They just lost the war. Is that what it is? Some Mongol type shit? Yeah. Wow. That's a the whole idea of a billion people on a continent is a fucking trip man. Yeah. And you know that's there wasn't even a billion people on the whole planet just a little while ago. Yeah man we are way too good at making babies and that's why

68:15they're trying to limit it. Yeah my friend Duncan actually had a funny thing that he said yesterday that some people are believe that this is such an amazing time to be alive that so many souls are trying to reincarnate to this time that's why there's so many people on the planet. Yeah. Okay so they say here written Cantonese is the most highly developed written form of all Chinese varieties apart from standard Mandarin and classical. Standard written Chinese is based on Mandarin but when spoken word for word as Cantonese it sounds unnatural because its expressions are ungrammatical and unidiomatic in Cantonese. So Cantonese speakers have developed their own written script sometimes creating new characters for words that either do not exist or have been lost in standard Chinese. But basically it's based on the same language. Wow. It's just more refined. That'd be weird trying to speak English and just speak it differently. Yeah.

69:07But using the same words. Yeah. Using the same words. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck man. So what is it like working with the Vice guys? We fucking love them. Yo I love Vice man. Vice is the fucking best. I've worked with so many people and Vice just lets you do your thing. Yeah. And that's the best part. And like I just went through a whole week. I was at TED. I'm a TED fellow this year and I went through a whole week of people telling me what to do where to be and it was like being at a fucking Scientology summer camp. It was horrible. Yeah. Tell me what the fuck happened. They told you that you can't leave? Yeah. Like before you go they're like you need to participate in TED. You need to be there. I'm like alright cool. Like I figure like minds are reasonable. If you have to do something in LA you can go do something in LA. Right. I gave them like four or five days of my time. Like I was there every single day. 13 hours.

69:58Like every day they have 13 hours of fucking activities they have mapped out for you. Some days like 15, 16 hours. Right. If you go to their after events. And I'm like that's way too much fucking human interaction. Five days. Yeah. Explain this. So you go there and you're gonna go and do your own TED speech. Right? Yeah. So you do your own TED speech. What is the other stuff they have for you? They want you to be available for like networking, cocktail events. Like attendees want to talk to you. You need to be available. And I was like look I've done a lot. Like I put people on. Like I put them in touch with ad agency people. I put them in touch with other people to do business with other artists. I was introducing everyone. And I thought I was good. So I went yesterday to go do DVD Asa. I went up. Met up Cho. I met up Asa. And I went. And now they called me today on the way over here. And they were like

70:46we're taking your TED fellowship away. I was like why are you taking the TED fellowship? Like because you went to LA. I was like you're in Long Beach. I just went to LA for the afternoon to do the fucking podcast. You're fucking crazy. And they're like you took this spot from somebody who would have gone to every talk and been in everything. I was like yo the other people weren't there for everything. But you're also just crazy. Like you're fucking crazy. You're crazy. They're not paying you. No they don't pay. That's insane. That's insane. You go to do it for the love. And they want you for 7 days 12 to 15 hours a day. What? And you can't just leave to go do something some work that you have to do. That's fucked up. What is it where people fuck up everything? Even something as amazing as TED. Because TED I remember the first TED talk that I ever saw on the internet a couple years ago. We have a whole TED thread

71:34on my message board about great TED episodes. Yeah like the one how to be happy is great. Oh there's so many of them. Graham Hancock just gave one on the war on consciousness about ayahuasca and his own problems with kicking cannabis. He had like a crazy weed habit where he was high all day every day for like decades. And then he like it was a crutch for him. It was like a real problem. Great TED talk about it though. There's so much good stuff but then you hear shit like this and you're like even they suck. Yeah. Like even someone finds a way to fuck up even something as amazing as TED. Yeah the speakers are great. I can't say a damn bad thing. Every single one of the fellows is like inspirational amazing doing great work. The thing is something gets so good and people feel the power that they have and then they impose rules and that's how society got created in the beginning. Somebody got so liked and got so much power

72:27that they could force you to do things that were entirely unnatural and inhuman. That's so ridiculous too to think that a guy like you who's as busy as you could give up that much time. Yeah. And be angry if you vary from their schedule at all. That sounds amazing. Sounds like there's more too. I think TED's a racist. I mean they're culturally kind of crazy too because other people missed and they kind of picked on me for it but even before I got out here I was like yo my birthday is Friday you want me to stay until Saturday. Can I at least have my girl stay with me and I'll just use the room and be like oh we can't because you have a roommate at TED. So you're like 30, 40 year old people staying with a roommate. I was like wait a minute wait a minute they make you room with people. Wait a minute how can they do that? How can they tell you who to sleep with? Yeah they were yes and they were like you have to room

73:14it's part of the TED experience and I was like this is a cult. At this point you have crossed the threshold you are now fucking Scientology. Yes. Wait a minute. That's crazy shit. So they assign you they say you know what we think that Eddie would grow if he lived with Sasha for a week. Yeah. So some crazy fuck who's Sasha Shulgin who's in there cooking up crystal meth and whatever the fuck he's doing you would have to stay with that guy. Yes. I mean luckily they put me with this dude Safwat who was amazing cool cat I was close. Sasha was Safwat. Yeah you were really to be able to pull the name of the dude out is amazing his name was Safwat and I stayed with him but I was like I'm 30 I haven't stayed in a hotel with people in a minute you know. How big is the hotel? It's a small shitty hotel it's the Hyatt Regency it looks like a fucking airport hotel in Long Beach. So you're like in the bed next to this guy. Yeah. So you had to hear

74:04each other snore. Yeah. Oh dude. Get the fuck out of here. What the fuck is that? And they also hold this shit at Long Beach and it's like next to like across the street literally you have back to back Outback P.F. Chang's and like Subway. It's ridiculous but the whole thing is just weird. I was like I'll pay for my own room. They're like no you're not allowed. I was like you're not allowed to pay for your own room. Yeah. They're crazy. They just want to control you. That is amazing. So I still love the talks I love all the speakers but that organization is fucked. That's hilarious that they think that they could have that kind of influence over you. It's part of the TED experience. It is part of the TED experience. Eddie it's part of the TED experience. Owned. I can't believe that no one's talked about this before because this seems like straight up Boy Scouts. Yeah. You know what is the thing is most people they need TED.

74:51They need TED to put you on. They want to co-sign and most people it's like if you do something for me I won't say anything about you but that's I mean I think Joe you're the same way. I don't give a fuck what you do for me. If you're a fucking weirdo and you're about to start some new cult conference religion I'm going to say something. I'm not going to follow your rules. I would write a book about this. If they actually tried to get me to do what they wanted me to do for four five six seven days whatever it was and not pay you. They send packets too to be like this is how to network with billionaires. Wow. Like how to go to how to network with billionaires. How to go to a network and talk to people and like talk to potential people who could collaborate and work with you. They're like don't just go ask them for money and I'm like this is crazy. Oh my god. Don't just go ask them for money and it's in the packets. Yeah.

75:38And you're a grown ass man and they pick you. Like you're obviously intelligent if you're getting picked for Ted and they're like today when it rains you should pack a punch. It's wild. See that what that is okay what that is is exactly the opposite of the vehicle that got them there and the vehicle that got them there is the internet. What got them there is the fact that the freedom of the internet allows people to exchange interesting conversations like that. Hey you got to listen to this. You got to watch this. This lady gave the speech on monkeys. It was amazing. Whatever. And what they did is the exact opposite of that. And that's why even though Obama's focusing on gun control the most important debate that Americans will face in the next five years is internet freedom. Internet freedom is the most important debate we will face and we are so fucking blind to it because the lobbyists are doing it under our noses. Yeah.

76:25You surely should have the right and ability to put your own website up and control your own content and express yourself in any way shape form you choose and the benefits of that have been staggering to our culture over the last couple of years. Yeah. Just over the last ten. Yeah. You know and the idea that corporations might have the ability to step in and stop that or regulate that or restrict that or censor you if in anything that you do and somehow or another if anything you do in somehow or another one way or form cost them money and they decide that this is something that has to be stopped they're going to be able to do that unless we do something. And once somebody realizes they have their hand on the faucet and they have the ability to turn it on and turn it off people get crazy. You've seen that study. It's like Ted like these Ted people. Yeah. People have power. Yeah. They do this shit where they invite these people to go talk

77:20and they actually don't put up everybody's talks until this year they used to pick and choose and cherry pick the talks they'd put up and you would go there for a week 15 hours a day do all their shit and then imagine if they didn't put up your talk. But what if your talk sucks? If your talk sucked I feel like it should just go suck on the internet. It'll go hide in a corner on the internet. Right. But maybe if yes and no because if you like say if you had a comedy conference and you had all these comedians do sets but some of them were just dog shit would you want that set to represent your company? No. You wouldn't do it. Yeah. I wouldn't. You know if I did though invite someone and they stayed for a week and I didn't pay them I would be like the least I owe you is the opportunity that quite possibly there's three people on the planet earth that enjoy your set. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's one point. Yeah. That's a point. I guess.

78:13But I know what you're saying to protect the brand. It makes a little sense but you know for the most part most people's talks are fucking good. Yeah. They're there for a reason. Yeah. It's probably really different. They're not going to get an open mic or a TED talker. Yeah. It's not a bringer show. Right. But they give opportunities to a lot of weird people. I mean it's absolutely possible. There must be. I bet if we just ask I bet we're ignorant to it but if we just say show me the TED talks that suck a fat dick Yeah. They're going to say okay Twitter Twitter people please show me the TED talks that suck a fat dick. I mean everyone wants to see the Sarah Silverman TED talk. That was never let out. She gave a Sarah Silverman? It was never let out? No. They never let it out because she made fun of TED. See I would have fucking wanted to watch that in media. Really? And the thing is if you're confident you can laugh at yourself.

78:57They don't know how to laugh at themselves. She made fun of TED in what way? Like during her talk. It's like the mythology of it. I didn't see the talk obviously but there was a Sarah Silverman TED talk they never let out. Wow. We need to get Sarah Silverman on this podcast. Yeah. I need to run into her somewhere. I can make it happen. Okay. Make it happen. I've never heard anything bad about TED before so that's why this is such a shock. It is weird though. You meet the donors and stuff and they can't tell Asian people apart. They can't tell African people apart and it's just it's weird man. Like they're nice and everybody means well. Did they call you David Cho? No. They just mistake you for other fellows because so many of them are Asian. Really? That's funny. Yeah. How many different people do it every year? Every year they pick like 20 fellows and then they pick a bunch of other people for the main stage so yeah. I mean no.

79:49It is an ill organization. I still even though they booted me today I love the speakers I love the talks and I want it to continue but I hope that they at least you know they can say I suck and that's fine. They can be like Eddie's a shithead he went to LA he did the fucking podcast and he sucks but I hope they just change the rules for future people so it's not so funny Listen you didn't do anything wrong. They're crazy and all they represent is a distribution method for the greatest minds on earth. That's all they represent. It's not that they are the greatest minds on earth. It's just there's so many interesting people today. We live in an amazing time and just when you good something like TED whatever TED stands for it became synonymous on the internet with fascinating talks boom and then it's off but if you wanted to you could do the Eddie Wong's fascinating motherfuckers on Vice and do the exact same thing. Yes.

80:40I think there's a lot of room for that because conferences like I would love to hear more people from downtown LA downtown New York talking and doing these ideas because they don't find those dudes. They find academics they find people playing ancient instruments they find people that are working nature things and they have their kind of cultural sect but there is a lot of room to find genius in other places. Genius is everywhere. You know this. You travel around the world you find genius anywhere so there's room for conferences that look under different cultures because they're kind of looking under the same stones all the time. Right. And they're going to run out of bugs. Yeah. And I'm one of the first times they've stepped out to be like alright there's this dude he's Chinese he's into hip hop he lives in downtown New York he used to sell drugs he now has a restaurant I think I was the only working chef that was a Ted Fellow

81:28so I was one of their choices that was really out there but it just didn't work out. It didn't work out because you're not willing to be a fucking slave and sleep in a hotel room with a stranger for a week. Yeah. That's insane. They had me I rehearsed for two days I fucking did the talk I did everything I'm supposed to do and then I was like I'm gonna just peace out for like a half day and they bugged. Wow. You know you that's crazy and the fact that they don't pay you it's crazy. You guys need to do a Vice show exposing Ted how loony Ted is. I told Vice that I told them that before I got booted I sent them an email like yo you gotta see this shit it's like the beginnings of Scientology. Wow. It is so true that once people have a position of power and influence and people want to be a part of them people go corrupt. Yep. And like what is the threshold at which something becomes a religion you know it's kind of insane. It's so easy

82:20to start a cult today. Yeah. There's so many people looking to jump on board. You know all the people that would have 100 years ago become Catholics now they're like man those popes just won't stop fucking kids. I can't do this. I need a new cult. I don't know why people still believe in these beliefs like you look at what these people are doing like what's happening in the Catholic church it's insane. Fucking popes resigning. Yeah. This is the first time it's gotten so hot that the pope's like I'm out of here. He's asked for immunity from the Catholic from the Italian government from prosecution because he's responsible for shielding pedophiles. He personally and a lot of people don't know this the pope personally responsible for taking pedophiles and shifting them away to another place where they molested more kids. And what would you expect? You don't these people aren't allowed to have sex. Yeah. It's natural to want to have sex.

83:09It's natural to want to go to LA and do podcasts. You know soon they'd be like you cannot come to TED and have sex without condoms. I'd be like fuck that. Could you imagine? There is no unprotected sex. There is no raw dogging at TED. Legal. No ass fucking while you're here. Oh man. While you're a TED fellow. There would be a mutiny. I wonder if they would have like you could slowly start imposing behavior standards you know on fellows. You know if you want to call it like a TED fellow or whatever new organization you want to start. They do shit like you should have a standing you should give a standing ovation when this person comes. You should do this and that. What? It's crazy. Yeah. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Fake standing ovations? Yeah. And they were also saying like you know when the founder comes Chris Anderson comes like you don't have to give him a standing ovation. Like you know it's nice if you want to

83:52but he doesn't actually need you to do it. I'm like the fact that you needed to give me this fake halfway disclaimer is so fucking strange. Wow. That's so bizarre. They tell you who to and not to give standing ovations to. Who's a must? You have to apply you have to apply to go to TED to attend and then once you're accepted you pay $8,000. What? What? That's a mind fuck. Wait a minute. Yeah. You had to pay? No. Hell no I didn't pay. But the people who do it they apply. Okay. So the people that attend the strict audience members you're saying. You got to want to be so down so bad to do that to go through an application process and then fucking pay. That's a lot of money. How many people are going? How many people go? I don't know. I think like 2,000? 3,000? Whoa. Holy shit. Yeah. That's a lot of money they make. Holy shit. Yeah. That's a lot of money. Yeah. They make off of you. Yeah. 2,000 people paying $8,000 is how much? Six. 360,000? No. 16.

84:50What is it? 160,000? No. Oh is that what it is? No it's way more than that. It's like 16 million I think. What? Yeah. 2,000 times. We're so 16. Yeah. Is it 16 million? 2,000 times 8,000. Jamie you don't know shit about your numbers. Yeah. And I didn't even bother counting. Ask an Asian Joe. I listened to you. Ask an Asian Joe. Always. I'm asking Asians from now on. I'm pretty sure it's 16 million in my head. Jamie you silly bitch. What is it Brian? Do you have a calculator built into a rack right? Hey what's the number? What's the number? 2,000 times 8,000. It's got to be 16 million. What's 2,000 times 8,000? This might answer your question. It is 1.6 million I think. Oh. 1.6 million. Whoops. I was one off. I was excited. Okay. That makes sense. That's still a lot of bread. So they made 1.6 million. No. No. It's 16 million. Yeah. 16 million. Okay. Yeah. All right. The human calculator was fast. Very nice. So they made 16 million

85:52which is even crazier and they did this in this time where you were there and no one got paid. We didn't get paid. Nobody got paid. Wow. Yup. We are suckers dude. Wow. We're suckers and they're always telling you like you're gonna get exposure I was like no lie more people listen to the Joe Rogan experience. I'm sorry. That's true Ted. Suck it. Yeah. Ted. We got you beat by like a million. Yup. But that's still nuts man. That's a lot of money. We're not making that money. We need to make that money. You guys should. We need to get 8,000 people Joe Rogan conference. To give up 10 million dollars each. I know how to do it. All right. I'm gonna just raise the bar and only get really stupid rich people. I'm not you know I don't want to like go after poor people because I think that's rude. So a million. You got a bolt soon? Yeah my bad Joe. Okay. No that's all right. You have what are you doing next? What do you got going on?

86:37I got a meeting. You know LA meetings. Powerful meetings. I got to go to NBC shit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Dude. My bad. It's a weak excuse. You got another show you're working on after the Vice show? Yeah. You tell us. Give us a sneak preview. No no. Is it gonna be on NBC? We optioning the book. Really? Like the book is gonna become a sitcom. We want to you know the Margaret Cho moratorium has been lifted. Right? Right. The Margaret Cho moratorium on Asian television has been lifted. We want to do like a sitcom from the books. Oh that's fascinating. Like Chelsea Lately. Yeah. I have not seen that but all I know is my dad's dream was to be Al Bundy and hopefully someone can play Al Bundy like my dad. Wow. Well you gotta lock Bobby Lee up to a long term deal right now? Yeah I mean I'll Be a part of your movie? Or your show? I was kind of hoping Ron Artest would go yellow face. I wonder if he can do it. What can they do with CGI?

87:29Think about what they did to what's his name in Tron. Can they do that with an American actor? Yeah. Could they do that? Just have some For my family there's five people I kind of want to just get the like Michigan Fab Five together and yellow face. Go yellow face. Just tape. It's funny. What was that? Because networks are like which Asian actor would you want? I'm like I don't know just get the Fab Five to go yellow face. There was a Chinese a Chinese investigator that they used to Charlie Chan and in the movie it was a white guy that played Charlie Chan. Do you know that? No. The original Charlie Chan. Yeah the original Charlie Chan was it was some old dude hold on a second. Charlie Chan was like this wise old school detective but yeah it was played by Warner Oland he wasn't Chinese at all look at him. Yeah. No. A lot of people went yellow face back in the day. I mean that's hilarious. Yeah. When did they start you gotta leave

88:32but when did they start adding Asian actors to roles like allowing Asians to play roles? It was probably Gremlins 1. Big trouble little China. You know like no white people want to be around this Gremlin. Wow. Yeah. But yo thank you for having me man. Next time come back again. Come back stay all day. You're in the house brother. Thank you. Thank you and please go buy Eddie's book. It is called Fresh Off the Boat. It is available on audible.com. You can go to audible.com forward slash Joe and you can get that book for free if you like and you also get a 30 day free. We gotta take a picture of you before you leave. We gotta take 30 day free membership to audible.com and it's one of our sponsors. Audible.com forward slash Joe. Thank you also to Onnit. Go to Onnit.com O-N-N-I-T. Use a code name Rogan. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. We will be back Sunday night with Dr. Steven Greer. He is that super smart dude who claims that he

89:36speaks to aliens. He's the guy from the Disclosure Project and he's not a loon. This is going to be very fascinating but it's going to be late. It'll be 8 o'clock California time on Sunday. So go check it out. This Friday and Saturday me and my little buddy Brian and our pal Sam motherfucking Tripoli are going to be in Ohio. We will be at the Taft Theater on Friday in Cincinnati and the Palace Theater in Columbus on Saturday. And then we will see you back here in cyberspace Sunday night for the crazy Steven Greer UFO revelation podcast. My dick is hard just thinking about this. Although that's probably not what Mr. Greer wants to hear him being a distinguished gentleman of science. You don't want to hear someone's dick is hard to meet you but it is. So deal with that. All right. We love the shit out of you guys and we couldn't be happier with everything. So we'll see you soon. Hopefully keep it together bitches.

90:41Love yourself as you would love other people and them too and that and this and the other thing. Get it together.