Bryan Callen

00:00A young Callen. Yes, and we're live. Brian Callen. We're live. We are live. We're live, ladies and gentlemen. We are live. I've been listening to RadioLab on the way over here. And they have a new episode out about the asteroid impact that killed the dinosaurs. Yeah. Holy man. Right. Apparently, they tell me if I'm right about this before you tell me more cuz I want to see if I have a little knowledge. Got it. There is an under like there's a very hard layer of rock Mhm. that covers a large part of the earth. Right. And that is proof that somehow there was an asteroid that hit and it got really really hot and the rock got That is a moron's version of the science that they clearly lay out. by the way, it's not the worst thing. I'm also like there's rock that got melted that was under the ground. Undeniable evidence of a rock of from the space There's a layer of the earth

01:08the crust of the earth is super hard because it got really hot after an asteroid hit and everybody died. And they found dinosaur bones in it. Yeah, bro. They I don't believe in dinosaurs cuz I'm you know I'm I have something called the Bible at home, but Some people don't believe in dinosaurs. Do you know that, right? Yeah. There's flat earth folks. I love those. dinosaurs are fake. Why is it that most flat earthers from my experience are generally super good at like an a discipline that has nothing to do with astrophysics like jiu jitsu. Like they spend a lot of time on a mat, but then they have really strong political opinions about the central banks. I think it's just a lack of real education and then you get you get caught up in these YouTube things that show you a secret and it's very attractive. It's very attractive to like find out about some hidden stuff.

01:57Yeah. Like oh my god, I can't believe they did this. They hid from us the fact that the earth is flat. Jesus Christ, space is fake. Dude, bro, space is fake. Satellites aren't real. They're low-flying planes. They're planes. They're That's all They're constantly beaming down these information from the sky. Satellites are not real. Yeah. Nuclear bombs are not real. They're not real. They're just big bombs. But then the problem is when you break your leg and you have to set your bone or you get staff and and you have to trust big pharma to cure it or you use your your iPhone and it works and you're talking to somebody and That's the big one. Do you know what I'm saying? So but why why is that technology something you trust? Holy that is not. Your iPhone has a global positioning satellite chip in it. Of course, it it links up with the one that's in the sky and it

02:44tells you where you are on the map. That's why your Google Maps works. Jesus Christ. there are probably only five or six flat earthers. No, there's a lot. Yeah. There's thousands of them. Well, okay, thousands. Trust me. But that really means only five or six in the grand scheme of things. the problem with all of them is that they just got married to the idea and then they're fighting it. And if you fight it with someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, not that I do know what I'm talking about, but if you fight it with like a Sean Carroll or like a real astrophysicist a real scientist, they There's so much evidence that the earth is round and no evidence that the earth is flat. It's one of those things where it's just like what are you guys doing? You're chasing your tail. Yeah. is crazy. busy to follow your YouTube I'm too busy for Bigfoot.

03:27ideas. Yeah. That's definitely and that might have been a real thing. Right. You think so? Yeah. It was a real animal. There was a creature. Yeah, there was a real creature called Gigantopithecus. It was a real animal. It was like 8-ft tall bipedal hominid. It absolutely existed. Probably. Yeah. Like a giant a giant ape Dude, if a gorilla didn't exist, imagine seeing a gorilla. You'd be like Jesus Christ, what the is that thing? 6-ft 600 lbs huge hairy black beast with a giant chest and enormous arms and pounds on his chest. Runs on all fours and you're like fangs. When they fly through the air at each other and clash, smash into each other and fight. Holy man. If you didn't know that was real I know. and you ran into a gorilla, you'd be like what the And be By the way, they didn't know mountain gorillas were even a thing until the early 1900s. They were a legend. Yeah,

04:18yeah, yeah. When was the discovery of mountain gorillas? Don't they think those giant chimps in the Congo are are hybrid? No, they don't anymore because they have DNA. They They're They're the only chimpanzee species or subspecies I guess you'd say that they found that has a crest on its skull like a gorilla. 1902, bro. Damn. Yeah. A German explorer Captain Robert von Beringe. The mountain gorilla was named the Gorilla gorilla beringei in honor of the captain. Wow. Yeah, man. Look at those. Imagine that thing. How about those? Yes, I saw it, yeah. That guy who was an anti-poaching agent, he helps protect gorillas from poachers and he got them to pose standing up in a selfie and even better, there's video of him tickling the gorillas and the gorillas laughing laughing like a person. Dude, it's crazy. So was there a a Bigfoot? yeah, there was a Bigfoot. Yeah. It was a real

05:18thing. That's why there's so many stories about it. It probably died off 100,000 years ago or something. Right. You know. Do gorillas ever eat meat or are they just they're just vegetarians? No. Gorillas are We are closer to chimpanzees than chimpanzees are to gorillas. Is that true? Yeah. Wow. Well, I I think it's interesting in Goma where those groups of male chimps expand their territory. Mhm. They kill other males and then move their women and children into the area that they annex. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Vicious. They just as groups fall down fall on the smaller, you know, tribes of of chimps and and decimate them. There are so many so many similarities to humans. So many. Yeah. But these Bondo apes they call them. This is the the giant chimp. This These They nest on the ground, too, like gorillas. Are they as violent as they live in large communities like chimps? The

06:14the locals have two names for chimps over there. They have one that they call tree beaters. Those are the regular size chimps and the other ones they call lion killers. Damn. They're so big. They've They've They've got videos of these things eating a leopard. What? Yeah. They don't know Yeah, they're enormous chimps. So they don't know if it killed the leopard or if the leopard died and then they're eating it. They don't know, but they do know one was eating a leopard. So you got to think yummy kitty cat. When they're standing up, they're taller than me. I'm 5'8". They're 6-ft tall. You're 6-ft tall? So they're your height. Yeah. Your height, but a chimp. And a jack chimp. God. It's probably like 250-300 lbs. Well, they say they're 400 lbs. The ones in the zoo They have some in with the Kansas City Zoo. No, I don't believe they do. I think they do. No. They have two giant

07:02chimps. Yeah, they're just big chimps. Those are just big chimps. They're huge though. They're like They do They've had chimps that are over 200 lbs. They've had some enormous chimps, but they've never had one of these. They This They live in a very specific area of the Congo. But they've seen them. Yes, they have video of them. They have photographs of them. You can see videos and you see camera trap photos. They're a real animal. It's a really big animal, man. It's a really big chimp. That's amazing. Can you imagine seeing a 6-ft chimp? No. Dude. No, I'm No, they eat your face and your genitals. No, thanks. Just imagine standing there. You turn a corner and there's a chimp as tall as you looking at you. Disaster. Yeah. I have to go low. Have you ever seen Yeah, you're not going low. It doesn't matter what you do. What was that the way they they had a There was a traveling circus

07:44where they had a a chimp and they would muzzle it and they'd have any man the biggest man that just to hold the chimp down for 6 seconds if you could do that or 3 seconds and no man was ever able to do it. They just This is a 150-lb chimp. Yeah, and you wouldn't even even if it was muzzled, man, it could still rip your arms off. Like what are you doing? You're made out of Jell-O. Have you ever held a I've held a small one a baby one. It was playing with my puppy. And it was I was it his back felt like wood. Wood, yeah, like wood. That's a perfect way to describe it. That's exactly how I said Like Dan Henderson probably feels. Exactly like Dan Henderson. He's He's got to be part chimp. Yeah. But I I had a two 2-year-old one once on not Fear Factor News Radio and when we're on the set, the scene actually got cut out. We never wanted up using the scene, but there was a guy who

08:30was like an animal trainer and he had a couple different animals with him and one was a baby chimp in diapers. And this baby chimp got on my back and beat beat on my back a couple times and I was like what the It was like you hitting me. I WAS LIKE WOW! THIS LITTLE TINY thing just wailed on me. Jesus. They're so strong, dude. Their little bodies are just just hard like corded. No neck. Take crazy punishment. Yeah. But that thing in the Congo, man, it's apparently in a very difficult spot to reach. It's very dangerous to go through there. Yeah. You know, when Justin Wren goes through there, he has some hair-raising stories about being held up at gunpoint, you know, where people thought they were going to they were going to kill somebody and Yeah. A lot of the people a lot of the apparently a lot of the sort of soldiers and people that committed atrocities from the the war in Rwanda

09:23kind of in their bands kind of moved into the Congo and lived in them in you know in the jungle and Who knows? Who knows? Justin is a Justin Wren is a saint. Yeah, yeah. digs wells. He's a legitimate saint. Yeah. Really is. Great guy. He's gotten malaria three times God. visiting the Congo and building wells. Unbelievable. It's amazing. Yeah, he told us some amazing stories. Heartbreaking. It's amazing. The Cash App, um, which is one of my sponsors, also sponsors Fight for the Forgotten. They give people money They give $5 every time someone signs up and uses the code Joe Rogan. And they've built a They're building wells right now because of that. Really? Yeah, they they What was the latest number? I forget what the number was. They sent me an update at it. Like very early on, they were they had built two wells and then they built a bunch more and provided water to

10:15a ton of people down there. I don't know the exact statistics. The guy who wrote Moonwalking with Einstein, what the hell is his it's a he it's a book about memory and stuff, really smart guy. He lived with the pygmies in the Congo for a long time. Oh, well, that's what Justin Wren's doing. It's all pygmies. Yeah, and said that they smoke copious amounts of weed, at least the tribes that he lived with. Is that the book? Yeah, Joshua Foer. Foer? Really interesting. What a name. F O E R. Foer. Yeah. And I said but what what is it, you know, these are people that truly have been almost untouched by Western civilization. He's like, well, no, I mean, they die of stupid things like, you know, you get an infection. Yeah. And you just, you know, you don't have antibiotics. Well, there's a lot of bacteria and parasites and stuff too. You get stomach parasites from water.

10:59Skin diseases and weird things like that. Yeah, the jungle's not even if you've evolved to live in it. It's not a very I spent enough time in the Indonesian rainforest. I've never seen bugs like that in my life. I've never seen anything like it. It's so loud. It sounds like it take the loudest street in Manhattan and I'm not kidding. That's how loud the insects and birds and everything are. And then you have to carry a bug spray does not work. Let me tell you this bug spray, you got to carry a sulfur coil. Good luck with the mosquitoes. Bug spray they laugh at your at your bug spray. You got to carry a you have to burn a sulfur coil. And you just carry it or hold it while you're walking? It's at certain times of the day when you wake up that they just they're all over the place. was this that you were doing this? I got I was 21. Did they did they have Thermacells back then?

11:45I don't think so. Yeah, Thermacells are the Have you ever used a Thermacell? No, what is that? Oh my god, they're they're game changer. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's um it's a device that has like a heating coil in it and some fuel and you ignite it and the the heating coil it heats up and you put this little pad across this screen and this little pad has this stuff in it the mosquitoes hate. It's probably terrible for you. Some chemical. But the chemical wafts up in the air and I'm telling you it creates like a 10-ft bubble around you where no mosquitoes get in. Yeah, and even look, even if it's a little bad for you, maybe it's like smoking a pack of cigarettes. Yeah, better than getting con- fed on. Yeah, I'm not using it every day. I wouldn't recommend using it every day, but if it's difference between like enjoy Like if you're in a place like uh Alaska. Alaska. Exactly.

12:33Weren't weren't you What about Edmonton up there? What did you get? Same thing. Yes. with like you look like you had the pox. They'll you up those mosquitoes, man. Yeah, they they're so aggressive cuz they're only alive for like 3 months, you know? It's so cold up there. Yeah, nature could give a about you. Nature could give a I love people who are into nature and they and it like listen, man. They don't even know what nature is. Yeah, go try to go Exactly. Go try to raise crops in uh South Africa when animals when elephants were all everywhere. Yeah. And lions and leopards. Or now. Yeah. Even now these poor villagers that they they're poor and they build these crops and they they have this farm and they they they have all this food for their village and then elephants roam in. 20 elephants go, hey man, that's a wrap. Yeah, there's nothing you can do. Get the out of here. They're like

13:18They'll stomp on you. They I mean, and then people get mad when people shoot the elephants. It's like, okay, I get it. But I don't know what you want here. They have a lot of stories about elephants have this mystique in South Africa. There was this guy who was a farmer and uh he had a donkey and it was tied up and um the elephants came into his property and he shot guns and got them the hell away from there. And then uh the next day the elephants came back and stomped his donkey into mush. Woah. Just stomped it. The donkey was on a you know, rope and they were like, really? Gang gang gang. And then of course the other the neighboring farm when the elephants came, she she laid out a bunch of food for them and the and and they spared her her crops. There are all these elephants have this mystique, which is all By the way, maybe the biggest in the world. Elephants?

14:13They hate everybody. But they were so nice. I was in Thailand. I was hanging out with Thai elephants, sir. They're different? African elephants, you're not you're not taming an African elephant. Good luck. Most of the elephants you see What is this, Jamie? Okay, Jamie's watching like this little buffalo gets up. Oh my god, elephant came over and rolled it over. Yeah, they don't give a about you. It's like he's trying to stab him. He is. Oh, he does. He's killing. So he's killing a baby? I don't That's a That's probably a full-grown buffalo. That's just a giant elephant. Wow, so he's up this buffalo. I'm actually going to look it up. Yeah, elephant stabs and kills buffalo. Look at that. Jesus Christ. Well, that's why they have tusks. Yeah. I mean, that there it is. You know what's really crazy? When lions take a chance. Wow, that was the other video I didn't pull. There's three

14:58elephants killing a lion. That elephant just killed. They just killed them. That's crazy. What's crazy is lions will take a chance on elephants. I know. Which is just so so nuts. They they will take a chance to try to kill an elephant. They'll jump on their back. They'll try to jack them. Well, when you go to a game reserve in South Africa, you can't it has to be big enough to sustain lions cuz it's super expensive cuz they're just a pride of lions will eat everything. So you got to keep replenishing the animals Right. because they just they're just too effective. Well, you know, after that dentist shot Cecil the lion, it became this international outrage. Yeah. They um banned the lion hunting and because of that people didn't want to go back and they weren't getting the money from it. So they wound up euthanizing like 200 lions because their ungulate population was getting

15:48devastated. Mhm. But me what made me think when I heard that, I was like, how many lions are they killing? Like how many people are going over there to hunt lions? It's it brings in good money. How weird is that? A huge part of South Africa's, you know, that like part of the conservation efforts are that, you know, big game You can you can hunt the big five or whatever they call it. Yes, that's exactly they call it. But it's but I mean, it's a lot of money. It is a lot of money and it brings them a lot of money. It brings them a lot of money for conservation and all that stuff. But what a weird activity. Is there an activity that's more human in that like we're so conflicted and so weird that the only way we have animals that stay alive in this part of the world like where there are record populations is to set up so you can kill them. Yeah. So like like they we figured out some

16:39weird loophole. Like we don't want the rhino to die. Hey, we don't want the rhino to die either. So let's go let a bunch of them and we kill like one a week. Come on. yeah, yeah. And if they could get enough rhinos where they could make a case for that, they would be doing that. I mean, they're doing it with lions, they're doing it with everything. Right. All the gazelles, I mean, all the different animals that you would think of plains animals in Africa, they're record numbers there. Right. Nyalgai, they bring them back to Texas. They're all over Texas now. There's so many animals there and a lot of those animals were on the verge of extinction. But they're there because people kill them. Like what a mind drum. Really? The bigger issue is is um unbroken uh migratory range Yeah. and habitat. The Masai Mara is one of the few places where they can roam for

17:26thousands of miles. But most of Africa now is broken up into I think there's an area in Cameroon or whatever, but most of Africa's broken up into I mean, in South Africa, it's all basically with the exception of Kruger Park, it's all abandoned um you know, cattle lots and then they just there's money in it. So you buy that lot and you just stock it with animals and then you drive around. They they it's a sustainable ecosystem, but it's Yeah, it's weird. You got to yeah. You got to you still you do have to cull the the you know, elephant population and lion population. Well, when we think about Africa, right? When we say, oh, elephants are going extinct in Africa. Like Africa is so big. It's so big. You've seen the map where they stuff all the countries inside of Africa knew that. That was so shocking to me. I know. I couldn't believe that. So there could

18:16be an abundance of them in one area and none in another area. It's like saying like they have a black bear problem in New Jersey, which they do. Do they? Yeah, they do. But that doesn't affect us here in California. Like if people just start shooting black bears, you're like, hey man, there's not that many of those. Why are you shooting them? You know? Is it the same with mountain lion? Yeah, well, you know, one just died. A famous one just died. Where? a text from Renelle out here. Um he uh ate some rat poison. Oh, Yeah, it's a real problem with rat poison, man. Rat poison doesn't just affect rats. Yeah. You know, if there's like there's secondary and My dog almost died that way. Yeah? And what it does is the rat poison I think stops you from producing vitamin K in your body, which is a which is how you clot blood. Woah. So they just bleed internally. So my dog ate a load of

19:06it and they pumped his stomach, gave him charcoal and then he had to take vitamin K supplements for a long time. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, the uh people that poison the rats and then things eat the rats. You know? Yeah. This uh mountain lion is a famous mountain lion. Collared, you know, the one they're tracking. Out here? Yeah, Renelle texted me about it and then I I looked into it. Oh, you got it there? What What is What number does it say he is? P-47. P-47. Is that the one that they spotted at the Not No. This one was only 3 years old. Hey, we were going to get a photo of that, right? Yes. Yeah, let's do that. Oh yeah, we tracked it down, remember? Yeah. What What happened? It's expensive. Yeah, let's let's do that though. Let me know after the show. Yeah, I was like, like which one you wanted the artist proof whatever we got into that that detail of it or whatever.

19:55Yeah, because that one photo that they caught of it Have you seen that photo of the lion with the the Hollywood sign behind it? No. It's amazing. It's one of the best It's an again, it's so human cuz this lion has a collar on it. Like it's got bling on. Really? standing in front of the Hollywood sign and it's as big as I love that. 150 lb mountain lion. Oh, that's amazing. that photo. That looks staged. It's staged. By the way, look at the look at the muscles. Look at its forearms. Yeah, that's a ridiculous animal. That's one thing that people don't I don't think you realize. Like that's not a svelte thing like a house cat. That's a lion, sir. They have enormous forearms. Yeah, it's a lion. They can take that weight. Bring down an elk. I bet that's 130 lb. Yeah, maybe 150. Think about how big that is. That doesn't seem big, but you see a Rottweiler, a police dog like

20:44that's or a German Shepherd 90 lb, good luck. And that's an add add another 60 lb, 40 lb. That's a big animal, man. Yeah. Such a big animal and they're just wandering around our neighborhoods. Effective killers. I'm having a guy come on who's a mountain lion biologist out at Topanga Canyon. Oh, really? Yeah, and I might actually go and trap one with him. How many How many do they think there are? Oh, there's a there's quite a few. This one weighed 150. Wow. Damn. The one that died. Wow. 150. That is a big cat. Jesus Christ. years old. Jesus Christ, 3 years old he was 150 lb. Just living on deer. Yeah, go look around for deer in California. Yeah. Good luck. Yeah. There ain't no deer out here. There's so few deer. If you're a deer hunter in California, you're sad face all year round. You're not looking forward to it. And yeah, I see a lot of deer in Topanga. Yeah, you see a few.

21:42They're drawn to me. Oh. I feed them. Are you um It's my alpha energy. They feel safe with me. But is do you have a connection with them do you think? be honest with you, I run with them. Have you always been like this? They flank me. They would never go past me. They flank me. And when I do my kung fu in an open field, they surround me and they bow until I release them. And I go, "Hot!" And then they run. That's my favorite is the people that think that they have some sort of special connection with dogs. my friend's girlfriend we're all sitting around. My friend's girlfriend so hot, so hot. It's one of those good It's like we're sitting there and she goes, "And I was I was meditating and I saw a deer. And it looked at me and the deer gave me love." And we're all like I'm just looking at her tits. I was a young dude like Jesus, she's so hot. She's She's so She's such an

22:32estrogen, you know. And my buddy, of course, you know you have those friends that can't let it go. Just let it go, dude. Let her have her thing. My buddy goes, "What? Gave you love? Explain that to me. Explain when I get all biological. Well, you know what? You're close-minded and you're not intuitive. I'm really intuitive and it became that." intuitive favorite thing. Yeah. that people that claim that they have some special connection with animals. Like the animals just recognize Yeah. who I am. They know my nature. You know what kind of schooled me? Megan Fox. I was doing a movie with her and and I assumed she started talking about signs and I was making fun of like psychics and signs and all. And Megan goes, "Well, um maybe you ever think that maybe you're a little close-minded?" And I go, "No, I'm not. I'm scientific minded and no, I'm not and I think all psychics are liars and I

23:22think astrology is But then like Megan literally went into her knowledge of science and geology and everything else and I was like, "Oh, you're a oh oh, WAIT. YOU'RE A REALLY HOT intellectual and you know a shitload and I made a judgment on you." It was very It was actually embarrassing. Isn't that interestingly you would automatically make a judgment on someone who's hot? Like oh, your life's been easy as Right. And she's not like that. Like a a judgment that you would make on the son of a rich man. Like if someone grew up and is in the family business and his father was a very successful man, but he's taking over the family business, you would assume this guy's a Yep. Right? Yep. Most of the time. Most of the time. You're wrong so often though. It's such a bad bet. Yeah. Cuz like if a great if a great man has a son, most likely he's going to teach that son some

24:14cool and the son's going to have to like live up to a certain standard. Right. Well, that was the thing with Megan. I would notice after I had that interaction with her. I've known her a little bit cuz I know her husband really well. And then uh and then I noticed that every time we wouldn't be shooting, she'd be reading a book of substance. Like that's what she does when she's not on set. So I was like, all right. You know what are you doing? You're You're You're laying an iPhone next to your head. What am I doing? Another iPhone next to the other side of your head and you have these weird conversations on video. That's my favorite thing you do. I got to start doing that again. Dude, those are so funny, man. I do that or I talk to the stuntmen and ask them like how much they can bench. Who knew what you were a Navy SEAL? So when you shoot The problem with that is it in

24:55invariably ends up someone pulling out mats and then you start you start rolling. I had Paulie Malignaggi who was at my gym and then he kind of knew who he goes, "Wait a minute, I just figured OUT WHO THE YOU ARE. YOU'RE THE GUY FROM THE HANGOVER." HE'S FREAKING OUT. SO SO I TAKE THAT opportunity to ask him like I'm just asking him like some boxing questions. Next thing I know he's giving me a boxing lesson. How cool is that? Paulie Malignaggi. Yes, it was 3 years ago. going to do that? Bare knuckle boxing with Autumn Rae? Sure is. Yeah, and he's taking it personally. Yeah, but man, you don't want to break your hands. You don't want to get your face cut up. Like is he done fighting like boxing He's like 36, right? looked like he was in shape. He was like and he was giving people pointers. He's very He looks He seems I I listen to him a lot on you know, Showtime stuff. He's

25:41cerebral as hell. I mean he knows the game, man. He's very smart guy. He doesn't get hit a lot. No. Yeah, I mean and you think about a boxer that can talk as well as he can Yeah. and is articulate as he is and understand I mean if you watch the way he fights like watch his fights with Adrien Broner. Like he he knew how to figure out the puzzle that's Broner's hand speed and power punching and he punches in volume. He's always in great shape. me patterns like just basic things that I was like, "Damn. I really want to see the actual sparring match between him and Conor cuz all the UFC released is Conor cracking him. I know. It's a long one. It had to be. There had to be some fun moments in there. Yeah. Oh, well also I think apparently Paulie got off a plane and then he hadn't It wasn't even really in He wasn't even working out that much and they go He

26:28thought he was going to train with them. He didn't Yeah, and they go, "We're going six rounds or something." He was like, "What?" And they go, "Film it." Yeah. That's a And then they use it as a promo. Right. Look, people are ruthless, bro. The idea that they weren't going to use that is more ridiculous. Come on, who are you? You don't understand how this business works. But he's a promoting a They're promoting a He's a Brooklyn kid. He's a smart guy. Listen, they're promoting a fight that is going to generate hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue. You think that they're going to spare your sensibilities? They're going to spare your feelings and not show edited versions of you getting popped? But my problem is so that I have a problem with that all across the board. How? Because because I feel like um when common decency, fair play, you know, a contract and a sort of a

27:18contract you you enter a I'm coming out to help you out. Yes. And then what you're going to do is use me. Go yourself. Like it's not I understand I understand it's a business. they paid him. I'm I'm sure they did. he signed paperwork over. I'm sure they did, but that's a sneaky move. It's yeah, it's sneaky. and I I have a problem with it. yeah, it's sneaky. I I just don't like justifying anything because it's going to be good promotion. I I I'm always uneasy. You know how people say "Hey, man, bad press, but you're talking about them." Yeah, but off. I completely agree with you. However, to play devil's advocate, if I'm Mr. Businessman, Mr. Money Bags, that just went in one ear and out the other. I don't know what you're talking about. That's a video of some that actually happened. Do you hate the truth? Cuz if you if you hate the truth, I can understand why you

28:05wouldn't want to show in that video. But Conor did drop him. He did it with a left hand. And it's going to be a great fight. Conor McGregor versus Floyd Mayweather. And ironically, might have been good for Paulie in terms of it creating this fight with Arthur It creates You're talking about him. Yeah. Although I think I think Paulie Malignaggi stands on his own not only as a boxer, but as an announcer. Yeah, I mean he's he's got a real name. And he's he's an excellent boxer. It's He's probably one of the better commentators in the game if not the best. Oh, yeah. very good. 100%. Yeah, him and Andre Ward. Andre Ward's probably my favorite. And Roy Jones Jr. Roy Jones Jr.'s outstanding at it, too. Yeah, he is. Yeah. Andre Ward just like Brilliant guy. Brilliant guy. I just watching him like figure out Kovalev, too. And right, especially in the second fight. Unbelievable. Yeah. And fact

28:51that, you know, he dropped Kovalev with a body shot. And you know, Kovalev said that they they didn't give him a chance and that they just stopped the fight, but it didn't look like he wanted to keep going. I felt that way with Amir Khan like Mhm. And people are like, "Oh, what the Listen, man. Amir Khan has nothing to prove. He has an amazing record. He's fighting a genius in Crawford and probably and and there's no shame in this. He was supposed to fight um Kell Brook and he kind of went, "You know what? This guy is He's time is on his side and he's going to He's kind of figured this out. He's bigger and he's going to kick my He's going to hit me and and maybe hurt me here. I I don't feel like doing this anymore. If that was the case, I forgive him for everything. It's like I thought it was a smart decision. To find a Maybe he was really hurt. He's a warrior. I'm

29:40not saying he's not, but The Kell Brook fight would have actually got Amir Khan more money. It was actually a more lucrative fight and he decided to take the fight against Crawford. If Crawford's not the best pound-for-pound fighter on earth, he's number two. He's one or two. Well, him Earl Spence is fantastic, too. But I think the the argument of pound-for-pound is Lomachenko and him. That's the argument. Those two guys are number one. Yeah. Who do you think is number one? I mean, I think I think the argument is Crawford. I don't know if they fought. I don't know if I don't think Crawford's fought enough competition like when he fights Earl Spence and the I I think that Lomachenko has probably had more fights than you can really get into this conversation cuz he hasn't. He beats everybody. He won the world title with like four fights. I Yeah. Or was it How many

30:33fights? It It was like something ridiculous like that. I mean, he fought a world-class fighter his first time out. The when I saw him fight Jorge What was that? Amazing Mexican fighter or some other that. Who was the guy he fought? 13 and one and Crawford's 35 and 0. Yeah. Wow. Big difference. But but boxing's tricky that way, right? So what's what's the level of competition as they bring you up slow? Well, the difference is Lomachenko had an extensive amateur background internationally. But so did Crawford. Crawford had a great amateur background, too. Look, Crawford The difference is Crawford's way bigger. That's the difference. If they were the same size, it would be really interesting to see what would happen. But Crawford's a lot bigger than him. He would I mean, it's not a good fight. It's just But to watch him take Rigondeaux and all these amazing

31:18fighters Rigondeaux. Rigondeaux? I thought it was Rigondeaux. I don't think so. Rigondeaux? The way it's pronounced in French is Rigondeaux. Rigondeaux. Rigondeaux. Um but yeah, he he dismantles people. His footwork is unparalleled. But Terence Crawford, man, first of all, he's probably the best switch-hitter ever next to Marvin Hagler. He might be better. I mean, it's hard to say. He can He can fight. How do you game plan for that? He fights so good orthodox and so good southpaw. But to watch Linares and I say Jorge Linares, I think he's a sick fighter. And to watch him, he knocked Lomachenko down. But then again, like this guy figures you out. He just he goes, "I know what you're doing now." Yeah. And then you're done. Well, so does Crawford. I mean, the the best I mean, that was Anderson Silva in his prime, too. He would just figure out your timing. Figure out what you do, how

32:06you enter, where the gaps are, where the holes are. Okay, I see the key to the castle. Let's rock. And then somewhere around the end of the first round, Anderson would start switching stances on you and doing some Bruce Lee moves and the next thing you know, he's got his foot in your face. He just figures you out. It's exactly right. These guys are just the the a really elite of the elite fighters. They're just the best at solving the little riddle that is what your skills are. Now, how do you solve the riddle that is Khabib Nurmagomedov? That's a different riddle cuz that motherfucker's not on the outside boxing you and He's Conor Conor for a while Conor for a while, you know he's going to take you down. But what it looked like Conor for a while was isolating He had two hands on that wrist. He was stopping him for a long time from closing his his hands. And and that

32:56seemed kind of effective for a while. I mean, good luck. It's a long road. That's like saying um you're running a marathon. Hey, you know, he beat me in the marathon, but for the first 100 yards, I was way ahead. That's what it's like saying. Cuz it doesn't matter. This is a five-round fight. Like, okay, you keeping me from grabbing my hands for now. Are your Are your hands tired yet? How are your forearms? Are your shoulders tired? He's just going to keep going. That guy's so relentless and the skill level and the endurance level he has to pursue that pace for five rounds. Like, I don't think I even appreciate it. I mean, I can intellectualize it and I could describe it. But I think when you're in there with him, like when when he fought Edson Barboza and he had Edson Barboza up against the cage. Come on, buddy. It's mine. Give up. Edson has this No,

33:45that was against Michael Johnson. But Edson has this thousand-yard stare where where he's getting mauled. It's just like he's like breathing. He's like, "Oh, Like, this is this is a different kind of human being." Those Russians are That's a different kind of human being. The Dagestanis? So And he's doing this from the time he's a baby. He's a Well, that culture, they they were they suffered a great deal. That's the look. He's like, "Jesus Christ. What the did I sign up for?" Just getting mauled. And I love I love Khabib. Looks like his legs his body looks like, you know, a guy you see at the pool kind of works out maybe a little. It just doesn't He looks pretty fit. I don't know what the you're talking about. That guy looks fit. Barboza's really muscular. Khabib's jacked, man. What are you talking about? He just isn't. Show a photo of Khabib like making like a most muscular pose or

34:35something. He's pretty jacked. He's just not, though. He's just a freak. No, not compared to a lot of dudes. Yeah, go down there. Look at that. Dude, what are you talking about? I mean, he's jacked, but not you know. He looks like a really strong grappler. He's got a full beard. Shut your mouth. Hey, he looks pretty good there. Shut your turd your dirty, lie-spilling mouth. What about that one right there? How about that one? Cut the bro. It's all the shadows. You're muscular. You look like that when you when you were younger. TRT. Yeah, but when you were younger, that's what you looked like. It's basically the same. If I was in there, I'd be it would you would call it steroids. You were always like that. Yeah, I was always like that. Yeah, when I was younger You might have been more muscular actually when I first met you. Yeah. I didn't even take vitamins. No, you were just jacked. I

35:22remember. First time I ever on MADTV, you were jacked out of your mind. And it was just cuz you lifted weights. Well, that was when I was just getting into jiu-jitsu, so I really started lifting weights heavy cuz I was tired of getting mauled. So I really got into lifting weights. I was like, "I am weak." I'm like I cuz I'm used to striking. Striking is so different than grappling in terms of the demands on your muscles and your fatigue. It's so But and it it was worse the other way, too, cuz I remember I hadn't done any striking at all in like a year. Like I had done none. Zero. Just jiu-jitsu. And then my friend Jamie and I started doing um Jamie is a trainer and we were doing this training session and he had me hit mitts, too. And like just hitting mitts for like a couple minutes, I was gassed out. I was like, "How is this possible? I I roll all the time. I'm in good shape

36:07right now." Sparring's that way. When you come in we get guys who are triathletes or whatever and they come in and uh Wayne McCullough, shout out to the great Wayne McCullough, my trainer who I love. Um I love that guy. He's the best. I That's one of my favorite people in the world. Like whenever I see him, all is right in the world. He's just a humble man. Silver medalist in the Olympics, world champion, and nobody asks him questions in the gym. It's like he he You have this gold mine this guy here who's who beat Morales, who fought Prince Naseem to the distance, and nobody knows it. And he never tells anybody. And you'll see these guys hitting and I'm like, "Wait, why don't you tell them?" And he goes, "They don't ask me. I don't I don't bother them." He's just the most humble dude in the world. Like it drives me nuts. But long But anyway, we'll get like triathletes, people who

36:51are in really good shape. But if you if you're sparring and you're afraid to get hit, you stop breathing. And so in 3 minutes in 2 minutes, I don't care how good a shape you're in. The minute you get punched once, you're like It took me literally It probably took me 3 years to get over that in a way cuz I have no confidence as a boxer and I shouldn't. Why are you getting punched in the head? What is going on with you? getting punched hard. Hard. I mean, sometimes there's a my buddy Chris from Boston is a giant and he'll by accident sometimes, you know, you get connected and stuff. But now you know, you learn how to kind of keep your hands up. getting older. You worried about that? I'm insecure, bro. But you worried about your brain getting rattled? I was a little cloudy. I stopped for a little while. Yeah. So you're getting cloudy from getting hit? I don't know. I said

37:36to Brendan I said, you know, he has no time for this He gets so mad at me. He just goes, "You're older. What are you doing? Oh, you're getting a little cloudy. Yeah, that's right. That's what happens. So keep that up, man." He he storms off. Yeah, well, he he came to the realization, you know, he ducked he ducked it. Yeah, he was Oh, I don't know. He was sparring with Shane Carwin and Nate Marquardt and all those guys and and throwing up after after his training sessions. And he played football forever. I'll be all right. Yeah. Well, quit, though, at the right time. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. I mean, he's fine. He he made it out at the right time. so invested in him like like he's my my brother. So whenever he talks about CTE, I'm I'm like, "See CTE? I'm like, "No, you're okay. Don't worry about it." He goes, "Your doctor?" I go, "You're fine. I promise. It's not going to happen." I

38:23don't like to think about it. Well, I mean, he's he's honest. If he wasn't doing good, he'd tell you. You know, if he wasn't feeling good, he'd tell you. I think everybody needs someone who they trust implicitly that they that can pull the cord on them and to tell them, "Hey, man, you got to stop getting hit." Yes. And for young fighters, man, it is such a hard decision to make. I I've talked to several guys that have had to tell their fighter several trainers that have to tell their fighters to retire. And it's never easy. It's never easy. And sometimes the whole identity the fighter will leave and go with a different trainer and be successful. And and the you know, in this one case, the trainer was like, "I wish him well. I mean, I'm sure he can still beat guys. That's not the problem. The problem is he's showing some obvious signs of deterioration mentally, neurologically,

39:16the way he moves, the way he talks. And a good a person who cares about you is going to go, "Okay. We had a lot of fun. It was a great run. You're fine right now. Like you can talk and we can treat whatever problems come up. Apparently CBD is fantastic for that. For a lot of people with brain issues and a lot of you know, inflammation issues because of trauma. There's a lot of stuff they do. That magnetic stuff that cats and gano did. They're doing down San Diego on soldiers. Where they put the electrodes in their brain. I know a guy doing that right now. SEAL guy. Yeah. But I I I don't think I've ever met a fighter who's retired who doesn't still feel like they could fight for the belt. Oh yeah, they all want to come Even even Chuck Liddell when he did fighter and the kid was like, "I'd like to throw my hat in there against Jon Jones. I'm a pretty good wrestler." Like he was

40:04already 48. Yeah. You never lose that. Part of what makes you a great fighter and a killer is that that sort of Yeah. love of the game. If you ask Paulie Malignaggi right now, I guarantee I guarantee if you're like, "Could you fight for a title right now?" He goes, "I'd I'd put my hat in there." Fighters are like that. Of course. That's why they're I mean that's why they become successful in the first place. If you think about how you are when you first start out even if you're like real athletic, you're terrible. You know, you're hitting the bag, your your feet are off, even if you hit it hard. Like you're doing something wrong, you're clumsy, you're wide open afterwards. There's something that someone who's really good will expose. And then eventually you learn skills and as you learn skills, you see those holes, you tighten all those holes up and then you

40:45become far better than you were. But the only reason why you're you can do that is cuz you think you're a bad from the jump. Right. Like you hit that bag hard and you're like, "Yeah, I'm going to everybody up." And you start believing that. Yeah. And then as you get skills, you're like, "Jesus, I'm glad I didn't get into a real fight with a real fighter early on because that's one of the most insidious things that trainers do. They'll throw their fighter to the wolves. Like they'll set their fighter up with some young up and coming phenom who's just smashing people and it's hard to get them fights and they'll get this guy to fight them." You know, because there's a few guys that'll just fight anybody. They've only been doing it for like a year. You're you're going to take that fight against this He's got 16 and 0. Hey, look, you know, I like to fight too.

41:25brothers when they went into the into Andre Ward's camp in Oakland. I'm they they were banging. I'm sure from day one. Cuz I was talking to Nate Diaz. I was like, "But you guys go light." He goes, "No, we bang." They bang. Yeah. I talked to Joe Schilling about that the first time he ever met Nick. And he's like he's talking to Nick's friend like Nick's like, "Okay, you got a cup? You got your mouth in?" And Joe said to Nick's friend, he goes, "Are we fighting?" He goes, "Yeah." He was all right. We're just fighting. He just he just knew like this is going to be fighting. This is not It's like, "Are we sparring? Are we fighting?" Yeah. And they they went out fighting. You can really I think as you get better and better at it, it probably becomes addictive and it's just Cuz every time I go in there and I go, "I'm not going to spar." But then there's somebody and then you say,

42:09"We'll just move around." Yeah. But then Well, they also they're also testing each other too, right? Like Nick is a world-class fighter. Joe Schilling's a world champion kickboxer. So, his striking's evil. Joe Schilling has evil striking. Yeah. He people up. Just to be standing next to him too. He's also just big and long and athletic. He's just like, "Oh god." He's doing very well in MMA now. Is he really? nasty ground and pound in his last fight, man. When you got a guy that that good at slashing people with elbows and and punching people and you get him on top of you, their ground and pound is on another level. You know, because they can generate serious power in short distances that like a lot of grapplers have a hard time with. Like do you remember when Cro Cop got on top of Gonzaga and and opened his face up with an elbow? It was horrific, but it was inside the guard. Like if you

42:59were a real good striker, a short amount of distance, you Brendan said that's the strongest guy he's ever felt. Yeah. He's a strong man. Power is ridiculous legs. Those those legs that belong on a elephant elefante, you know? Also, going back to this asteroid impact I'm sorry. There's a layer somewhere around 66 million years ago that indicates that the earth got hit by an asteroid. That's what I mean. Didn't I say that? I think it's the layer is high in iridium, I think and iridium has it's very rare on earth, but very common in space. And there's a bunch of other indications that that's the time that it hit. But what they're saying the radio lab one is that the current state of understanding is that the dinosaurs and basically most things died within the first couple hours. Like all the dinosaurs. They they were all And and apparently their their bones or their fossils are in that

43:57iridium layer a lot of times, right? I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, they found a lot of They find them before too, right? They don't just don't find any after. And they think yeah, they think that their blood boiled in their body. They think it got so hot that during the few hours it got to like 700 to 1,000 degrees, 1,200 degrees. It just got insanely hot. Dude, we're trying to get better at stand up and stay in shape. Now I got to worry about That's a full-time job. Raise my kids. That's what we really should be thinking about. Not just how bad we're the earth up, but how bad something could the earth up from the sky. That's what we really should be paying attention to. Instead of paying attention to so many nonsensical things that people concentrate on. There's a real chance that we could get hit in our lifetime with something that ends civilization. Like that 100% can happen.

44:44Yep. Yeah, I had Graham Hancock on last week and we were going over his new book. This book Where is it? Isn't it right here, Jamie? It's right there. It's It's excellent. And Graham was talking about It's called America Before. It's the evidence of civilizations in in the Americas in North America's particularly in the Amazon. They they think that there was millions of people living in the Amazon. But when the European explorers came over here, they gave them smallpox and wiped out everyone. And they came back hundreds years later and there was nothing. Yep. Like the the entire civilization wiped out like I think I feel like in 1492 or whatever, there was a I think when the Spanish came up through the Mississippi Delta the same thing. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. They wiped out 90 A lot of people think that the genocide of the Native Americans was just European soldiers and and people

45:37and settlers killing Native Americans, which did happen. it's all influenza. But 90% of them were killed by disease. 90%. Like the entire population Well, they even had they even had certain government policies where they're like, "You missionaries are going out there and trying to convert them to Christianity. You're giving them your diseases." They knew that back then? They knew that. They were like, "You're you're They're getting sick and they're dying of, you know, they were all of a sudden they were like, 'We're getting these colds and people are dying.'" They didn't have any resistance to it. Isn't that crazy? That those dirty Europeans with their water shoots outside their house and vermin running around. War of the Worlds. Remember War of the Worlds, the the movie? How did they die? They weren't ready for pathogens. That's my whole philosophy on we all try to be tough. One of the

46:24things about all of us as men or anybody is we hate to be vulnerable. So, you know, I train and I I stay in shape. I eat well and I want to live forever. I don't think there's anything such thing as I don't think this You can be really ready for a situation, you know, in a bar, I guess. And then you get bit by a tick or you get a flesh-eating disease and you die. Sure. So, I don't know if there's any way to protect yourself. Well, I mean you can protect yourself, but you are ultimately very vulnerable. But then the what this radio lab was freaking me out about was that there's so many of those things floating around the sky. I mean this is what Graham talked about in not just this book, but in previous books that they think that something slammed into the earth somewhere in the past that ended the ice age, probably wiped out a giant chunk of the large megafauna on North America.

47:19It led to the almost instantaneous extinction of so many different animals. And so it goes. Yeah, and so it goes and it can happen again. There could be a super volcano. There's all kinds of stuff like that. All these things. What if an asteroid was going to hit Denver? NASA was practicing that this week. Damn. Denver. They've done this before. They've had like a practice run using a bunch of the different Here's the practice run. Get in a boat, go to Australia. Exactly. I have to go pee. Just hold my thing. You got to go to Australia. talk about me being in Miami. Yeah. May 9th, 10th, 11th at the Improv and in Yeah, and then Orlando. Talk about complicated Promote me. Okay. Bryan Callen's going to be in Miami at the Improv and in Orlando. If you go to bryancallen.com, it'll have all that stuff. I just ran across this too on the screen. On Twitter. What happened to that dude's head?

48:10Yeah, man. It it says Oh my god. Had an affair with a woman and her husband came home early, tried to escape through the window, but ended up falling on a metal beam. Oh my god, it went through his head. How did they get the beam off? Did they saw the beam off? yeah. Holy bro. I Yeah, I just saw the picture. I was like, "What the is that?" Holy Trying to find an answer. Oh my god. He's alive. Yeah. And then it just says pictures of this happening in the past, too. Jesus Christ. That guy is down one eye because of it. Oh my god, it went through his head. Yeah, it's weird what what people how people survive from injuries. That's what Basically a lobotomy. Yeah, like Yeah. when they stopped doing those I We haven't really talked about too much, but I remember looking it up. They just would dig a hole right through your eye and scramble your brain with a metal piece of metal.

49:01Oh. And they did that because you were just too annoying? Yeah, I don't know why. Like the people were crazy, they would just do it. They were doing them up until like 19 in the 1900s. I don't know if it stopped like the '50s or '40s, the exact time, but What do you think they're doing now besides circumcision that people going to look back on like that and go, "What the were they thinking?" What do you think they're doing now? Um I don't know. It's just we keep learning different strategies to fix stuff. Yeah, that's true, but this but the lobotomy is not even a strategy to fix stuff. It's like chaos. You just though in some cases. It must have. Had to have. But maybe it stopped them from being super violent or something. I don't Controlling people would probably be enough. I don't know. Yeah. bullets I mean, I don't know. Why do they give someone a lobotomy? Look, what is the

49:48What's the chief reason for giving someone a lobotomy? What would you guess? psychosis stuff. Yeah, that they didn't have an answer for probably for pharmaceuticals back then, so they just said, "Just scramble the brain somehow." It's up to me that it still Your brain would still work. It's a neurological treatment of a mental disorder that involves severing the connections between the brain's prefrontal cortex. You made it too big. What, a lobotomy? Yeah. Oh, sorry. I was reading over here. Um a lobotomy Most of connections to and from the prefrontal cortex and the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain are severed. What did they do that for, Brian? Um because when you had a personality that was when you were crazy, they would take out the part of your brain, I guess, that was um reactive and that gave you essentially a personality. So, when you were

50:36lobotomized, you were really kind of a normal person. Have you ever seen the movie Frances? They gave her a lobotomy. Wow, look at this kid. They They lobotomized a little kid. That's a lot of people. They did it to a little kid? Yeah, horrifying. Why did they do it to that little kid? your brain. terrible god. Remember, if I remember right, there was one guy he was doing up to like 70 a day or something like that. That's like three an hour. Yeah, that's what he all day long. I think lobotomy would help you, they'd say. You know, I'm reading a uh that this guy David Epstein WHO WROTE THAT. HOLY BUT, THERE WERE PEOPLE who you know, they had electric shock therapy and they were they were crazy and they would try all these things. Catatonic schizophrenia, she says she has. Yeah. Look at her smile on 16 months later. And they would try these things. So, before and after like 16 So, it

51:29worked. The lobotomy worked. She's just smiling everywhere. Yeah. But, she would smile if she saw a baby get run over by a car, she'd smile. She saw a house catch on fire. Yeah. Jesus Christ. this book on the brain sort of like that guy David Epstein who wrote um he wrote uh the sports gene where he found the fastest people in the world, tiny part of Africa, the people that run the farthest, which is the highlands of Kenya. Really fascinating book. He's a Sports Illustrated writer. And then he he there's a new book coming out called Range and uh it's about how when you teach a kid or when you when you learn a lot of different disciplines. So, if you're some of the best violinists, some of the best athletes, whatever, they didn't specialize. It's very It's It's It's probably a bad idea to specialize from a very early age. The exception is like Tiger Woods. He

52:22compares Tiger Woods and Roger Federer. Tiger Woods was raised to be a golfer from the age of two. His dad was already having him He was watching having him watch how he swings and everything. And Roger Federer, greatest tennis player ever, was playing in the music, playing soccer, playing anything with a ball, and didn't really get into tennis, didn't really find his love of tennis until he was in his teens. And a lot of musicians, great musicians who are innovative. So, whether it's Duke Ellington or whatever, the the great ones who make original music. A lot of them are self-taught and a lot of them played a lot of instruments until they started to focus on that one instrument that spoke to them. And he uses all these different examples of how how generalizing and doing a lot of different things informs it essentially informs your ability to become really good at one thing when you

53:18finally decide to do that. And it's a really kind of cool book because a lot of parents are specializing. A lot of parents are like, "You're going to play baseball? That's what we're going to play. Camp and everything else. We're just going to practice that." Bad idea. Bad idea according to this with the exception of very few skills like golf. But, everything else is you want to really expose your kid to a wide variety of things because for whatever it does with those that, you know, all the neurons and stuff, you you are you're able to get better at something when you're practicing another thing. Well, that makes sense to me. It also makes sense to me that you'd want to get your kid exposed to a lot of things to find out what they actually enjoy cuz sometimes you enjoy something and you go, "Oh, but I don't enjoy it as much as this." You find some new thing and

53:58you're like, "That's even better." I'm sure you went through things like that, did. But, a lot of parents like a lot of uh he was talking about tiger moms. They'll They'll say, "You have a choice, but you're playing the violin and you're playing the piano and you're not playing any other instrument. We're going to get better at that." Yeah, well, the problem is it doesn't it stifles innovation. It You you become really pedantic and good at following instructions, but you're not going to be very innovative. You'll be really technically good, but You also want to be naughty and you wind up doing weird Like Yo-Yo Ma was he would try he tried a bunch of different instruments until he finally said, "I'm going to play this." Yeah, you want to be naughty. You want to fight it. Yeah, you want to fight mommy. You want and you probably have some weird mommy porn and

54:33your bookmarks. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. There's an amazing amount of stepmom porn. Really? It's all stepmoms. Well, Pornhub mom Your father's going to be so mad at you." Well, mom Mom or a derivative of mom is I think the second most typed in word in uh Pornhub in their What's number one? Sister? youth sister porn, too. tits something saw something to do with young But, but mom is another thing. Granny porn is huge in uh Kenya and the UK. Do you know why they think? Because you're raised by an older lady or an older man. Your headmaster, they're at a position of authority and as you're coming to Well, as you're coming to and you're formulating your point of view of the world and making sense of the world, you tend to uh sexualize whatever's in front of you. I guess that makes sense. You imprint. So, so gilfs and you know, that's kind of hot Yeah, grandmas I'd like to Uh-huh.

55:33What kind of world we living in? My friend's wife He catches her watching grandma porn. gray gray old men banging gals She's into the gray. She's into old dudes. She's into old guys like Like real old? like your body your body looks like warm cheese Whoa. You understand? Why would they like that? I don't It's Who the knows? That is a weird thing though that you hear that some women like like really old guys. You don't hear that from women or from men, rather. Yeah. What does it say? I don't know. newest photos of gilf and this is Yeah. She's I bet she was hot as back in the '80s. 100% Yeah, what are you going to do? Listen, man, old hoes, they're just hoes that got old. Look at that one. I had a friend from Uruguay who was super macho. My friend You didn't show that on the screen, did you? Let me see that. real quick You son of a Who was that? Some No, don't. Don't. Poor lady.

56:26It's grandma with the ridiculous fake boobs. My friend my friend he was he was from Uruguay super macho and he was like he had didn't have a lot of money and he had like he would he was kind of a gigolo. And he was having sex with this woman because she's old, she's very old. I said uh I go, "What she look like when she's naked?" It's a disaster. disaster I can't I can't I can't look to her when she go to the bathroom, I have to look, you know, over here because it has it has to be no light because it's a disaster. Why is he doing that? But, he goes he goes, "But, you know, when she looks at me, you know, when she's, you know, she sees me, I come like this, you know, I'm young. The eyes her eyes they make me hard. I'll never forget this. I was like, Well, some people are really into people being really into them. Yes, he just wants to be admired. I've known some

57:19women like that who are into dating trolls. I mean trolls because they've never had a woman like that and they're like, "The fuck?" and they're just My sister had a friend like that. Her friend was only into guys that she knew she could do better. Oh, it's fantastic. She wanted She wanted them to worship her. Well, there's a there's a Apparently, there's a psychology where a lot of men will overfeed their wives and get them super fat so that they don't step out on them. Oh, jeez. There's a lot of those There's a lot of subconscious behaviors that go on. God, why are people so goddamn crazy? I don't know. Trauma. You know that Carl Jung Is it the Carl Jung uh uh s- line that says, "That which we don't work out in our subconscious, we will act out as fate in our lives." Ooh. How about that? Cuz you will relive patterns. You'll relive trauma. You will relive these patterns. Yeah. And you'll

58:13do it on your own terms and you'll wonder why you keep Why do you keep dating the same person? Why do you keep falling into the same problem? Why after 2 years is this go bad? What What is that? Well, there's a way to actually creatively at least sit with that and observe it and and be aware of it. That's what therapy does. Yeah, cuz Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. What a great quote. Wow. Until you make the unconscious conscious. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of strings pulling on you from the back of your brain. will call it fate. Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people. Yeah. Ooh. Well, that's what Nietzsche That's what I like Nietzsche. Nietzsche's Nietzsche's idea was like, "Look, man, you can have these false models of life, which is a lot of times life is a

59:02right? And you're not going to You're not going to be able to compete and you don't want it. So, what you'll do is you'll go, "It's okay. Meek will inherit the earth. That's all right. I'll I'll You You have money, but is he happy? Is he happy?" You know, there's a lot We make all of us do this. We make excuses not live our best life. And he was like, "Nah, live dangerously and uh try to be the best you can be. Just work your ass off. And if you have to die, if you have to take risks and die, leave a good-looking corpse." Is the idea of turn your life into a circus. Do you think the meek will inherit inherit the earth? You think if that was a prophecy that they would be talking about technologists? They would be talking about like the people that run Twitter and Google and Facebook and and the internet tech people, which is if you think about like the amount of

59:48money that Facebook has, the amount of money that YouTube has. So like these these enormously influential tech companies, even Amazon, right? Yeah. Like who who are they? Who are they? These are nerds. They're nerds. but they're very aggressive nerds and they're very thoughtful nerds and they're very competitive nerds. So I don't consider them the meek. I think I think Who's the meek? So I think the meek the the philosophy behind that and I and I and I think the United States also works on this premise in a sense is the American dream. So what keeps the masses from rising up and taking the money from people who the have-nots from taking money from the haves and especially when the haves you know, are are rather slim in number in comparison to the large portion of the population that say like $500 in the bank. Well, what's great about the United States, what's always worked

60:40about the United States, the reason we don't have these the French Revolution in this country is because the American dream is about potential. There is a potential. I may not have money now, but I may and I will because I know I will cuz I'm an optimist. I will be in the 1% eventually. I got an idea, bro. I'm telling you it's a great idea. And people need that hope. You take that hope away, you take the ability, you take the idea that there's no way I can ever esteem out of my condition, you better be careful. That's what that's that so potential the potential to be better, the potential to be wealthier. That think about how all of us a lot of us as we're as we get older if we're doing it right. meek will inherit the earth meant? I think it's in that area. people that aren't creating war. Those probably the people that were left over. No, I think so.

61:33No, I think it's a I think it's a way of getting people to at least live with the fact that I'm a serf, I'm a peasant, I have no way to esteem out of my condition, but at least I have the afterlife. At least I know that if I live and I suffer well and I suffer quietly and I suffer with dignity, there will be a reward after this. What is the conventional definition or the conventional meaning to that statement, the meek will inherit the earth? Like what are how do scholars interpret that? Well, religious. Right, right, right. But I mean how do they how do they interpret that? Like what what is I think it's in the same vein as it's harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Right. So so you know, that the famous story where where Christ said, "If you want to follow me to the rich guy." He said,

62:21"Give up all your money." And the rich guy turned and hung his head and walked away. And he said, "Poor guy, it's so hard for the for the rich to get to give up their life of privilege. It's very difficult. think Jesus was a real person? Historically, I think there was probably a rabbi named Jesus of Nazareth. That that's what that's what that seems to be the conclusion among a lot of historians. And he was a radical rab he was a radical man cuz he simplified Judaism. It's really what he was he was simplifying Judaism to say, "Look, you know, you could follow the book of Leviticus and all the rituals it takes to become a good Jew, which is there's a certain way to quarter a calf and there's a certain way certain things you can't eat and you have to bathe and you have to do all these rituals." And he said, "Way too complicated. We're never going to spread the word this way." He

63:07said, "Just make it simple. Do it right about Hillel said in the the Old Testament, "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you and hold only one God as your God." You know, the father so that we're all up the idea of a of a of a monolithic God is that there's a there's one father, we're all brothers and sisters. That way we're all of the same moral worth. That way I can't judge you. That way I don't know what you're worth. Only God does. I don't know. I don't know where you have I don't know what your value is. You're a human being. I can't quantify that. I think I think that's a beautiful thing. I think we all benefit from that religious and that Judeo-Christian idea whether we know it or not. And if you want to replace that my only issue with atheists is if you want to try to replace that irrational idea that irrational idea that we're all the same moral worth cuz

63:58you can't prove it. But if you mathematically or biologically, but what are you going to replace that with? Rationality? You want to try you want to you want to run a society on rationality? do that. Well, if that's the most dangerous idea in the world. That's it's still the most dangerous idea in the world because ethics have to be predicated there's got to be bedrock The most dangerous idea in the world. Well, cuz let me give you an example. It's very rational mathematically Okay. to suggest that anybody who is mentally handicapped is draining resources from our gifted children. And I'm telling you now in a lot of societies What if we live in abundance? There's plenty of people to take care of the people that are handicapped. Because abundance doesn't always last and you can't predict abundance. And a lot of times there is here right now. Not really. Not for a

64:43lot of people. It'd be it'd be very easy to justify if you were just prayed to the God of rationality. It'd be very easy to justify. It and people have done this in history, which is what I worry about. Sure. Hey, let's get rid of all the people that are draining our resources cuz they're not they're hopeless anyway. People on breathing machines, people who are severely whatever they are severely handicapped. Um they're draining resources. I know you love them, but listen, we need this money for over here. You're in a hospital, you're taking money. The very old, the very infirm think we need religion to keep you from taking people off life support? Well, I I I will say that I think religion and specifically the Judeo-Christian ethic and I include Islam in that um and by the way, I mean Buddhism is talks about the sacredness These these religions are there because

65:32and I think we benefit from it. I think that all of us too. I mean, where does our justice system is predicated it's predicated on the idea that all men are created equal. We benefit from it, but there's also real problems with it. There's real problems with any ideology. careful in what you But what I what I don't understand is why you think it can't be replaced with logic and reason. Because logic and reason has pitfalls. But you're assuming that logic Hold on. You're assuming that logic and reason doesn't also have compassion. So like you you wouldn't have compassion for the people that are mentally handicapped. Is that what you're assuming? It does. It's too fickle. What I'm trying to say is this. There's something very irrational and and very religious about the idea that all men are created equal. That we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created

66:14equal, right? And Yuval Harari talks about this brilliantly in his book, which is that you cannot prove mathematically or biologically that that the idea that all men are created equal Is that Sapiens or the new book? Yeah, Sapiens. Is is real, right? So so because we're not again, LeBron James if he's standing next to me isn't we're not equal. He's my chocolate avatar, right? So but we inherently know that our humanness, our human essence equal physically. He's a super athlete. But I'm funny or I have my own gifts. Wouldn't that suck? What if he went on stage and murdered? What if he was like Eddie Murphy 2.0? There are people that are better. But what I what I but I Yes. If he was LeBron James and he was funnier than you? Well, he's not a bad actor. I'll tell you that much. Imagine imagine if he was really funny. Like if you couldn't follow him. That's when I give him my girl.

67:06imagine that, though? I would present him with my girl as a gift. 6' what? 11? He's 6'9". Okay, 6'9". 6'9". 265. Built like a god. Faster than everybody and stronger than everybody. Amazing. Murders on stage at the store. And when you eat the mic, you have to go like this to get the mic. That's right. Bring it down to you cuz you have to go on after him. And that's when I say to him And he's got the mic stand. It's 7' in the air. Yeah, and I go, "Mr. Mr. James, I'd like to be your traveling concubine. I'm probably not your type." No, you're useless. He's he's got people that are I'll take culinary classes and I'll cook. Let me cook for you. No, he's got people that shut the up that carry the bags. No, you're too annoying, man. What are you going to do? You're going to stare at his dick all day? Ask him questions about what what a man he is? Yeah. This is weird. What do you squat?

67:53Leave him alone. Okay. I'll just be in the corner. Just write better jokes. I just Sir, I'd like to be your be so embarrassing. Like if a guy was that good at basketball, but then was like a natural at comedy. There There are starting murdering at comedy. Like or like a fighter. Like what if Terence Crawford turned out to be the funniest dude in the world? Yes, yeah. Imagine. Imagine, you know? And and he not just people up in the ring, but then Terence Crawford starts doing sets at the comedy store and murdering. Then he's got a Netflix special and he's murdering. AND YOU'RE LIKE, "NO! HOW CAN HE BE GOOD so good at these things?" I don't know, man. Yeah, but listen, there are people that are better at everything sometimes. I mean, there are. Well, there's definite Look, Elon Musk is a good example of that. How many things can that guy do at once? But at the same time, what I'm

68:47saying is that you can't quantify a human being because you don't know what their potential is and you don't know where they're strong. Like it's like it's like LeBron James murders on stage, he's better than you at everything. He's better than you at everything. him. Follow him. You got to follow him. He's going to murder and then the king has left the building, ladies. He's going to drop the mic and walk away. Yeah, that'd be a problem. And you got to go on after him. But you can't be that good at two things, right? I mean, Wow, who says? Well, I mean, to be really good at two things How much do you put into it? How much time do you put into it? I think like three times What if he puts Listen to me. What if he puts the kind of effort that he puts into getting good at basketball and into getting good at stand-up. Different muscle. Yeah, one muscle's lazy. One muscle

69:30doesn't really write and work and like for the amount of hours that we work on our craft versus the amount of basketball player has to practice. Listen, always murdering. This isn't This is Blake Griffin. He's been trying to do stand-up in the off season with last couple of years. More when he was living in LA. He got traded to Detroit now, so he's it's a little bit harder for him probably, but No, they got comedy in Detroit. good. He's good? Yeah, I mean from what I've heard from I've heard people that have seen it. That's hilarious. Videos of it. He's doing good. good. Yep. So he can Look, He's 6'10". That's not it. Stand-up doesn't care. It's a long road. I'll see you in 10 years. can work though. Someone if he does it like what I'm saying is like you take a guy who has the kind of discipline and work ethic that an athlete does at the highest level of the

70:11game. Yeah. And apply that to stand-up comedy. I bet they'll get further than a lot of us. He's only 30. Only 30. Maybe. What are you going to do? Blake Griffin's going to murder in front of you one night. a weird muscle. Stand-up is a weird muscle. Joey Diaz isn't exactly Exactly. Like Joey Diaz is high by by noon, but he's funny as And comedy's way before noon. Yeah, comedy's a weird thing. Comedy's a very There are some fuck-ups that are funny. Joey Diaz might get high all the time. That works on his act. Joey works on his act. mindset. You're always writing. You're always going to write it. Joey Diaz is a pro. Like people see Joey and they see that, you know, he smokes a lot of weed and he's crazy and they they assume that he just gets up there just rants and raves. No, no, no, that guy always has new material. Always. Always working on something. Yeah.

70:58Yeah, he's I think that's what it takes too. I think that um the this kid was younger and he told me he hadn't written a joke in 2 years. And I went, "Well, you're talking like a loser." You know, you can't I think stand-up is relentless, especially if you develop a following. he if that's where he's at, he's probably depressed. There's something probably wrong with him. He should know that. Is that true? Is it? Yeah, but but I'm saying that you know, again, you know, a depression is a very real thing, but I always said it to kind of younger people who seem like they're in a rut. I that's why I'm a huge believer in just just take the steps of getting better at one type of language. Start It doesn't matter if it's the guitar. It doesn't matter. Just just get better at one little thing. Just start practicing. It'll motivate you to do other things. I'm not saying depression clinical

71:45depression is a very real thing. I don't know enough about it. Well, the thing is it's it is real, but it's different with every person. It's like it's one of the rarest of diseases in that like you really can't put it on a scale. Yeah. Like you You feel like or you don't feel like You're depressed or you're not depressed. Yeah. But what what level depressed are you? Are you suicidal or you just like kind of shitty? Could you fix it with like running? Yeah. Or do you need like real chemical intervention? And And do you know? Do you know the difference? Like what What's your community like? What are your friendships like? Yeah. Like what is your family like? Huge questions. Huge questions. way, how are you eating? How are you exercising? What is your community like? These are things where in people who live the longest in those societies. What is it? Spain? I heard and I don't

72:28know if I'm right has the longest per capita live people right now and yet huge alcohol and tobacco consumption. Mhm. But they are connected to community. They're They're And they do a lot of that. They getting it in, bro. Taking siestas, long lunches. Banging. Yes. Banging it out. Yes. And drinking red wine. Woo! Yeah. Why not? Enjoying their life and and dancing salsa. Dancing salsa. And dancing I bet they're dancing What is it? Spain to lead Japan in global life expectancy. US continues to slide. Yeah, cuz we're eating shitty food and we're getting fat. isolated. Yeah. Well, you know, there's a price you pay for as a capitalist as a capitalist as somebody who believes in free market. There's a price you pay for the praying to the god of consumption and progress. There is. And it's it it as we as we are we're ruthlessly competitive Americans. Americans are ruthlessly

73:23competitive and insanely aggressive. Mhm. Football is a game of war. It's simulated war. You're You're You're It's a You're capturing territory and everything else. The the it we are so aggressive that way and look, it makes us a great country. We also pay a price for it. No question about it. Like I get I do get sort of the notion that we need We there is this idea that where the left a lot of the left says, "Look, man, this this capitalism stuff that seems to be creating isolation and depression. Like how is it going? Is there Is there a conversation to be had about how we figure out how we structure our lives where our community takes more of a precedent where job security takes more of a precedent. All these things." The minute I start hearing socialism, I start to freak out, but I just say know what you're saying. But here's the thing about socialism. Socialism in

74:15general sounds like a terrible idea because a lot of people are lazy and because it disincentivizes people from action and there's a certain thing that people should have motivation to succeed. They should have some drive and they get some satisfaction out of achieving goals and those are all things that I would not want to deny any young person from. Right. I I think those those are really important things for happiness. And And one of the things that they've they've studied when they've studied happiness in people, people that are goal-oriented and that set they set goals and achieve those goals, it's one of the best markers for happiness. And it doesn't necessarily mean money. You know, the problem is we like to think of it as money. As it's a money thing. But in athletics and art when without finance attached to it at all, when people set out to do something and

75:00then do it, they achieve a sense of self-worth and happiness and And understanding and understanding of yourself of who you are. This is what's missing from a lot of people. And And again, I'm not a clinical psychologist. I don't really understand depression. I don't I don't suffer from it. But I I've known enough people that have to know that there's a lot of different kinds of it. It's all different. And I think some people just have they have a broken brain. There's something wrong in there and it would be nice if there was a chemical that could fit into that slot and fix it. And sometimes there is for those people. And sometimes it changes their lives. And then I've known people that were on the wrong medic like Ari was on Propecia. It was with him. It gave him depression. You know, and sometimes people they'll change their diet and you know, one of

75:44the things that Rhonda Patrick was she posted something. I think it was on her Twitter account how inflammation um led to impulsive decision making, led to cheating on your diet, led to poor decisions in terms of like overall lifestyle just from having higher levels of inflammation. So eating shitty food, not getting enough sleep, drinking, all those things lead to inflammation, right? All those things cause you to make more impulsive food choices, shitty food choices, bad dietary choices, bad lifestyle and rest choices. Like they're all It almost like inflammation wants more of it. Here it is. Study finds that inflammation even at subclinical levels in healthy participants may provoke impulsive behavior and an inability to delay gratification. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, it I start I pull back with all this stuff and I always think to myself like I think I think what you and I are

76:38after like when the reason I'm happy and the reason I feel so fulfilled is I'm able to express myself real fully. Mhm. Like fully. Like I told you the other day like I certain developments in my life like I was like I I want radical honesty in the sense that I don't have to lie about anything. I don't want to lie about anything. I want I want to be very honest. You and I have been always been so honest with each other, right? And Well, that's why we know each other so well. and the minute we start bullshitting, you're like, "Oh, what what what?" But that that's where you have your friends that hold you accountable cuz they they know exactly who you are and it's very important. Exactly. But that So So what that allows you to do is to express yourself fully and completely. The original self-expression is my whole my credo, my idea. But But so if eating well, if eating well, see I

77:31don't want my body to get in the way. I don't want it to get in the way. So I investigate how to feel optimal so that I can just not have it get in the way and I can do the things I myself fully. I always wanted to box. I was so It was such a mystery to me and I'll be I'm nervous today cuz I got to go spar some guy. you been doing it now? How many years? Almost 5 years now. Wow. But but but but I don't care about, you know, I'm not going to enter, you know, I'm not going to Wayne wants me to fight and stuff. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm He wants you to fight. Yeah, but I'm not going to do that. I I want to I want to I don't want to be an actor who takes fights. It's hilarious to me. Why is Wayne doing that to you? Cuz he's a fighter and he's a maniac. Man, you've got to get in there, lace up the gloves at least one time. Bro, you can fight. You can fight. You

78:11can fight. Come on through. Throw the old left, right, left. Yeah, and then he I put on a headgear and he just puts in a mouthpiece and yeah, it's he keeps popping you. Yeah, he puts his gloves wherever he wants. Woo! Uh which is annoying. But my point is that I I feel like I'm expressing How are his shoulders? How are his shoulders? They're They're like ripe pomegranates. Well, you're okay? I have a beautiful body. It doesn't bother you at all? Boxing doesn't injure you. It's jujitsu and CrossFit. That will if you're not careful. Yeah. Yeah. I'm old now. I have warm-up. Boxing can definitely still injure you. Do you Do you warm up with like bands? What do you do? You know, I just You know what I really honestly what I do? I I have my my whole dynamic stretching routine I do in the morning. When I walk in the gym, I I lace them up and I just start moving

78:56very slowly. I warm my body up. I start hitting them it's really lightly and as I go, I hit more and more. I'm a meathead. I see those mitts and I want to smash. That's what happens. That's what happens. Then your back is all bunched up. to tell me. They have to tell me, "Don't Start slow. Start slow. It's warm-up. Warm-up." You okay, sneeze? Jesus, you okay? Yeah, all that cocaine. Wow, you doing coke now? Yeah, but just a Just a bro. Oh. Just a little. Just to take the edge off. I don't know if you do a If you take the edge off, nobody did and nobody ever did a bunch of cocaine and got better. Well, I wonder if people chewed a bunch of coca leaves and got better. Microdosing coke, I haven't heard anybody trying that. No, I don't think so. The problem is it you crash. You do blow and you want to start a business with your friend. You have all these plans.

79:39you microdose psilocybin because there's no real crap. I mean, there's a weird feeling after a mushroom trip, but there's no like devastating crash that I hear people report after uh cocaine. Cocaine apparently when you on the come down, you just wrecked. Yeah. That's one of the the the roller coaster ride. Like a lot of people, they do the cocaine and then they have the crash, the dopamine level smash and then they only feel good if they're doing cocaine again cuz their body's so up. Yeah. That's why you lose your house like in 3 years. A buddy of mine had that and uh our other friend uh worked in a rehab center and was trying to explain it to us what was wrong. Yeah. It's no joke. It was sad. Sad I had somebody describe he emailed me and he described what we were talking about. My friend Mike McDonald's best friend committed suicide and he was on the

80:28podcast talking about it and he was got emotional. It was heavy And um the somebody I know who comes to my shows emailed me and I guess he suffers from serious depression and you know he described the like when So we always say, "Well, how did they how could they commit suicide? They had children. I mean, how what what happened?" Like it makes no sense. He said, "For me, it's like being in a sauna and you know how you get too hot? You get so hot you have to get the out cuz you're too hot." And he said, "Only there's nowhere to go." Ooh. You don't have an exit. You know, I was in the sauna yesterday and I've been in the sauna lately at higher temperatures because uh Gabrielle Reece, she was on the podcast and she was saying her husband, you know, Laird Hamilton, that badass surfer dude, he he cranks his sauna up to 225°. And when when people like he's like,

81:19"Who's been with my sauna?" Like it's like it's lower than 225. And I'm like, "Jesus Christ." She's telling me this. I'm like, "225? Fuck." Such a badass. I put the sauna up to 200 yesterday and uh I was thinking now while I'm lying there, I'm like, "What if this was the world forever?" Like it was 200° from now on forever. The world's 200°. Like how happy would you be with your children? Could you still laugh? I was thinking like how much I could I can withstand that for I withstand it for 20 minutes. That's what I do, right? But what what would I do if that was like that feeling of hot if it didn't kill you? That feeling of 200° out. Would you be willing to live through that? Like how much would it sadden your life? Yeah. How much would it weigh on you? A lot. Of course. What I'm trying to say is move out of Phoenix, Arizona, folks. That's so aggressively hot.

82:09It's not worth it in the summer. Get yourself a Colorado mountain home in the winter in the summer. I was just up in Boulder. Boulder needs to be a little more aggressive. Like I was just in Boulder and it just made Like I I I see a grown man in the middle of the day with a beard balancing on a a handrail. I'm like, "You're an able-bodied man and it's Friday at 2. Go to work right now before You know, there's another dude just sitting cross-legged with a small little flute. You know the flute you played in elementary school? Do do do do do. Just so unaggressive." Boulder's paradise, though. Ah, whatever. I want to They had a sale on clogs. So there's a few hippies, bro. They were like, "What What makes me aggressive. I feel What percentage of those people are there? If there's 100,000 people, is there 10 that are annoying? whole place, okay? Is there 10 people that are playing the flute?

82:54They put caffeine They put They put There's nothing about white really white wealthy white people that put caffeine and and comfortable footwear at the top of their essentials. Yeah, comfortable footwear. What's wrong with you? I don't know, man. your feet to hurt? Yeah, put a put a a leather sole in your foot and go to work. A leather sole and a hard a hard wooden heel as well. I want Yeah, that I like that and have your toes pinched a little bit. You And wear And wear some wool. What's that called when you get bunions? Get one of them things? Whatever. Go make Go manufacture Drink your black coffee. But don't you think it's nice to have a community like that where they're just all about yoga and satnam? Sure, I guess. It's comfortable until the zombie apocalypse hits and then I'm not relying on them. You don't want to live. You don't want to live through the zombie apocalypse. Why?

83:41Like you don't. You don't Boulder Boulder Boulder is impossibly relaxing. That's what I used to watch The Walking Dead which I don't anymore. But when I used to watch it all the time before they just annoyed me to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. Yeah, after a while. It's I was always like, "I don't want to do this. Why would you want to do this?" Survival. How I mean, people commit suicide now. Guys like that are doing well. Their life is great and they have loved ones and they commit suicide. You're telling me that people just going to live through this nonsense? Jimmy, bring up Dresden before and after the war. And take a look at that. They say the middle of Dresden was as hot as the sun. Jesus. Speaking of 200°. Cuz of the when the allies bombed it. But just take a look at the what it looked like before and after. Ooh. We're so lucky we don't have to tolerate

84:26that kind of right now. I remember who was the guy who wrote um Oh god, where the where the where the monsters are where the uh I I I wrote a children's book. It was it called Where the Monsters Are? I don't know. And he was we was in the war and he said, "Do you believe in God?" He said and he just casually said, "No, no, the war took care of that for me." I never forgot it. I was like, "Fuck." He He just died in 5 years ago. I had Eddie Izzard on yesterday and we were talking about wars of aggression and that most likely we've seen the end of wars of aggression. There's Dresden. trying to conquer new territory. Like that World War II was probably the last one of those. Look at that, man. That's insane. So that was Dresden. Dresden looked like the surface of the moon. Jesus Christ. really done with it. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh my god. That lady got barbecued.

85:15Yeah, that's it's hell. That's horrific. Those are all bodies, man. Yeah, that was There's Dresden. There you go. That that beautiful city. scrolling. Look at that. What the man? Yeah, that's what war did. That's what World War II was. The true destruction of old Europe. Imagine what it would look like too to watch those bombs hit and just level everything like that. was carpet bombing. So uh civilians that you know, the the objective was actually to kill the the German worker. To really bring that country to its knees. It was It was back when total devastation of the enemy was essentially a tactic. Um It was a horrible horrible thing. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's just these images are so stunning. Oh, look here. This is afterwards. Yes, human beings rebuild. Yet they prevail. Yeah. And you know, a few decades later. It's okay. Um it But what we were talking about yesterday

86:08was uh that we most likely have seen the end of these wars of conquest where people are trying to take over new territories. Right. This territory is no longer a commodity. Now it's services, it's ideas, it's technologies, it's the the land in that sense where you I mean the concept was that we're moving in a better direction and that things are becoming less and less at least overtly aggressive. More people are able to see what's really going on, too. And more people can communicate. I mean, this is really the only generation ever. Like these last two or three generations where you're able to easily translate anything that anyone's saying in any other country. Like how often do you go like I'll read like Khabib Nurmagomedov's um uh Instagram page and it's in Russian, you know, and I'll translate it. And so I could read what he's saying. And I do that with a

86:55lot of his other fighters, too. I just hit the translate button. Like how dope is that? Brings you closer to them. Yeah. Well, dude, you get to know them, you know? You know, and you you see that they they're pretty similar even though they're different, you know? They're into family and their worship and their food and their community. They laugh. They laugh. Yeah. I mean, it's And if you live there, humorous insults with each other. live there, you'd be in that style of living, too. And it's a hard place to live, so you got to be a tough That's right. Yeah. That's right. But there's a predict There's There's something predictable too about how to live. There's certain norms and practices Mhm. you know, there's Do you think that with Russia being run by Putin, that seems to me to be the last big country that might invade somebody? Like Russia being run by Putin, you

87:43could almost see him pulling a Crimea somewhere else in the world. You could almost see him I think Russia and I think the history of Russia I I have not been there. I I was there when I was very young, but I've not been there since I and I have people who have gone there and they they actually really enjoy it and it's, you know, just great people. Like great people. The Russian people who suffered maybe more than anybody in the 20th century, but great people and and industrious and everything else, but I do think that they're run by a gangster. Well, but it's not just that they're run by a gangster. Yes, but I I think that sometimes the way um a populace thinks about certain things can inform their destiny, right? So So think about this. If you were always invaded and you had a flat topography and tanks could roll in, German tanks whatever it is, and you paid such a

88:43price price for that. Again, I told you when I went there in 1985, you didn't see any old men. Yeah. They were all killed. But aggression, male aggression was what kept those Nazis at bay and when they were when they surrounded Leningrad, now St. Petersburg and stuff like that. There's a lot of stories about it. And I think that when you've been traumatized to the extent that Russia has been traumatized, certain strengths, you know, the ability to stand up against aggression and to be brave and powerful, those become that that becomes the commodity. That's where that's the guy that gets all the money, all the women, all the you know, whatever. And I think that's a product of their history. So Putin is an admired man. Putin get I bet you if it Putin had very fair elections, he would get elected in to power. He's respected. trying to say he doesn't have fair elections? Yeah, well.

89:37So what you're saying? My larger point is record? I'm not saying that I'm not saying that's right. I don't know anything about Russian elections, but I will say this. I don't know why you're putting words in my mouth. Why are those guys at the door? What the hell's going on? get elected anyway. I think so. people love him. So my he allowed open criticism of him? Well, there is open criticism, believe it or not. Sure, the guys who get shot. And you were openly openly criticizing him and they get shot. There's actually there's actually there is a press that actually is critical. Right, right, right, but you know you know they've killed journalists. Yes, it's not a threat to his power. Well, how many how many journalists have been murdered? I don't know, but enough. Poisoned and all kinds of weird Google Google journalist critical of Putin murdered. Also, his supporters

90:19will beat the out of you. Yeah. For sure. So so so what I'm saying is that I think Russia's What are you saying? Russia needs to embrace a diff the a softer strength. Are you a foreign policy advisor now? Yes, I am. This is not No, this is a philosophy I have. This is my philosophy, ready? Okay. So my philosophy is this. This country is a great country and our culture is an interesting culture, why? Why? Because not only are we representative of hard strengths, the military, the NFL, the UFC, all that The what? Eagles. And Eagles. You're right. You're right. Uh-huh. It's a classic The Canada's national animal is the beaver. Well, Russia has a bear. Okay. But so Americans again are very aggressive, but you know what America's street secret is? We've also provided safe quarter to our gentler spirits. What is this? Violent deaths of journalists started in the Yeltsin era.

91:10Okay. So they've just been doing that. Yes. Forever. Yes. So this is like presidents just do that in Russia. Always have. Murder, crossfire, terrorist act. In 2008, there was six of those. Dude. Uh murder only, there was another six. Listen. Two of them were brought to trial. Putin Look at me right now. Putin is Gandhi. Putin is Gandhi compared to Khrushchev. Gandhi compared to Stalin. Gandhi compared to Lenin. Gandhi compared to any anybody who was in power before him. Mhm. They Those guys used to kill wholesale. I mean, that that's a fact. Up to their Who was that guy that got murdered recently that was running was a political opponent? They shot that dude down. Uh when his death was not related to the journalist's work, the conviction rate exceeds 90%. They put him in jail, too. If they don't just kill him. When the death What is that quote though? When the death was not related

92:04to the journalist's work the convict So you're talking about rates of conviction. Oh, okay. That was a weird quote. Oh, rates of conviction are very high. Yeah, of course. guy with the biggest brain in that society They do that in every country, too, though. No. Espionage, those kind of trials, yeah, you're going straight to the pokey, son. Do not pass go. Good luck with your trial. That's true. The judge is like, "Yeah, listen to you. 20 years. off." But aggressive aggressive aggressive part of the world, United States, like Russia, however, we're smarter. No. We're better looking. no. We protect our We protect our funnier. Why are we funnier? Cuz we're better. That's not too general, sir. You know, LeBron James at the comedy store. Sir, you're being too general. Sir, you're being too general. This is a quiz. Why? We're better Because we we have protections for our

92:55the the people on the fringes, our creatives, our weirdos, our fashionistas, all the people that make our culture interesting. Steven Jobs was he wasn't good at CrossFit. No, he's good at yelling at employees. Yeah, either was Mohandas K. Gandhi and Martin Luther King, but they but we provide the at least there was due recourse. At least we know that there are softer strengths that have to be protected. It makes you more interesting and it makes you more creative and stronger. You got to be innovative. Your innovators are weirdos. Yes. Like Leonardo da Vinci apparently was gay. What? Uh-huh, I said it. Outrageous. Yeah. Wait a minute. Guess what? What? There are a lot of very smart Like in Russia, if you're gay, it's not that safe for you. Right. You get tossed off a building. Yeah, so what you do is when you do that with people who are creative and you you

93:41marginalize a group of people cuz they're different in the name of purity or whatever. Didn't they make some like really weird public statement about homosexuality like the law in Russia? Like is homosexuality illegal in Russia? Well, a lot of times they're equated with pedophiles. The LGBT community has real trouble there. And and it's hard to get apartments. It's more of subtle. It's hard to It's hard to just live and make a living. So what happens is all those creative people who could be a contributing and coming up with beautiful ideas, they're they're marginalized as perverts, deviants. And that's the dumbest Yeah, the meek don't get to inherit the earth. The meek a lot of times are the people that provide you your goodies. Russian gay propaganda law. For the purpose of protecting children from information advocating for a denial of traditional family values. Whoa.

94:30The gay propaganda law and the anti-gay law, the bill that was unanimously approved by the State Duma on 11th of June 2013. Holy man. So you want to protect children from exposure to you know, home activity. Yeah, and it was signed into law by President Vladimir Putin on the 30th of June 2013. What How long is he going to be president? So let me but let me ask you a better question. So with those kind of laws, those kind of laws that marginalize anybody that's not that's not normal, quote unquote, that's not Right. traditional prototypical male, female. Right. Awesome. When was the last time you bought and I'll wait. When was the last time you bought one Russian product? Please. Besides the fact that they're essentially a one-crop economy, which is oil. And I guess some other commodities. What happens is you kill all your creativity. What happens is you are not

95:18a strong country. Your weaponry isn't even good. That's the irony of all this Right. When you have that mindset and you have one idea of what strength is, you're going to be weak and you're going to not going to be creative. Is a Kalashnikov a good rifle? It's a very good rifle. Made They make some good Designed in 1957, I believe. Oh, what does it say? 2012, previously holding the position from 2000 to 2008. So he's been right now, he's on 7 years in office. He's a czar, sir. He's been longer than that. Longer than that. Yeah, but I mean seven now currently. And then he did it 8 years before. Yeah, but he didn't even take 4 years off. When he took 4 years off, he was like running from behind. He's got to look like I'll kill you. Like he's like, "I will kill you." Yeah, he's a black belt in judo, right? kill you. Yeah, legit black belt in judo. Yeah. Like he can actually throw

96:05people around. Probably smart as And and in his mind you know, Putin is running a country that requires a strong man. Yeah. It's It's who they respect. Right. So he's caught in that, too. Even if he agreed with what I'm world. Let's say you're the king of the world. How do you fix Russia? You you you come back come at them with up You present an idea. The idea I just presented, which is the idea that you might want to protect the people that you consider to be queers, deviants, and weirdos, nerds, or whatever they are, because those people a lot of times are your creatives. I don't know why, but they are. And you think they lived in too much of a wartime culture for like for too long? I do. And that they developed this hardness to them that That's why they're lacking in the creativity and the innovation and I don't think they can afford that. And I don't And I think that a lot of times

96:57when you've been traumatized that you're you're dealing still with the residue and the trauma of World War I and World War II. And that's very real. And you know, and also, by the way, communism and having nothing and and you know, they have strong communities. I mean, my friend went to Russia and said everybody was nice to him. they're good people and they're innovative people and they're creative. Look at how good they are at boxing. Anything the Russians put their mind to that they that they hold value for, like strengths, like MMA, like like boxing, look at how good they are. Mhm. So they're they're incredibly industrious, disciplined, smart people. I just wish I'm sorry. How do you get weed over there? I don't know. I bet you don't. I bet if you have money, you get everything you want. Right. If you got money. Yeah, if you're connected to the oligarchy, but Do you

97:42think Putin's ever tried DMT? Huh. I think he's too measured for that. Well, I think he would want to know. You know? Maybe. I bet he's done a lot of He does whatever he wants. Yeah, for sure. How many how many chicks do you think he's got in his stable? Well, I I I will tell you this. I truly believe this. I think that he does he can just sit there and he has women flock to him. Oh, for sure. They love him. For sure. The best looking women in the world. He doesn't have to do anything. Right. That kind of power? My my My wife was like, "He's hot." Whoa. I go, "But he's he's a gangster." She goes, "Who doesn't like a gangster?" Who? So I was like, "Oh, jeez." I had to walk away. I was like, Whoa, it's uncomfortable. Still your girl. Yeah. He'll take your girl. Yeah. Still your your football ring. Hear about that? No. The story about Sturgill told me about this. He

98:36Who was the football player where Putin stole his ring? Google that. It's uh the owner of the Patriots. Was it him? It wasn't a player? It was just the owner of the Patriots? Is that the guy that Kraft? That guy? So he had this Super Bowl ring on. He meets Putin. Putin says, "Can I hold the ring?" You know, and then he like takes the ring off, puts it on, he's like, "Mhm." He said something like, "You could smash someone's face with this ring." and laughed and then just walked off with the ring. And they were like, "Hey, where's the ring?" He's like, "No." He just stole the ring. How You know, Harvey Keitel, really? He just took his ring. What? My ring, no. That's awesome. This my ring, I take. So he just decided he wanted it and took it off the guy's hand and was laughing and walked off with it. As the story goes, Kraft handed the diamond-studded ring to Putin as a

99:21bit of show and tell. "I could kill someone this ring." Putin reportedly said as he fitted to his finger. Then when Kraft held out his hand to get it back, Putin surrounded by KGB agents wordlessly slipped the ring into his pocket. Wow. News circulated quickly the ring was not meant to be a gift which prompted Kraft to issue the statement at the time at the end of a very productive 3-hour business meeting with President Putin. "I showed the president my most recent Super Bowl ring." Kraft said. "Upon seeing the ring, President Putin, a great knowledgeable sports fan, was clearly taken by its uniqueness. At that point I decided to give him the ring as a symbol of the respect and admiration that I have for the Russian people and the leadership of President Putin." There you go. AKA I want to live. I want to live. it. I take this. This my ring no. I could

100:06I do have an admiration. I just think You think he's ever killed anybody with a ring? I bet he has. Probably. He was a KGB guy for a long time. people to death. George W. Bush administration had pressured him at the time to let go of the ring to avoid an international incident. It's hilarious. Wow. In 2013 Kraft reneged and offered some backstory about the incident alleging alleging that the Bush administration had pressured him at the time to let go of the ring. "Wow. It would really be in the best interest of US-Soviet relations if you meant to give the ring as a present." Kraft recalls the White House saying, "I really didn't want to. I had an emotional tie to the ring. It has my name on it." Kraft said. "I didn't want to see it on eBay." But but maybe Putin mistook you know there's a language barrier so he probably misunderstood. Listen to what he's saying. No, he

100:53didn't. Shut the up. Do you want to be a Russian propaganda agent? There was a pause at the other end of the line and the White House voice repeated, "It would really be in the best interest if you meant to give the ring as a present." Putin a thief, bro? No, I'm saying he's a gangster. He took that ring. He he punked that dude and took his ring. That's not a thief. He's a gangster. Yeah. Out there punking dudes. Harvey Keitel to drop a name 124 diamonds. The great Harvey Keitel Yes. told me a story. I think it was him. And he said, "You know, remember uh Nikita uh what no um what's that what's that uh La Femme Nikita? La Femme Nikita. Remember the actress in the TV show? Yes. I met her once. She was friends with my friend Candy Alexander. So tell ask okay. So she went to Russia with her boyfriend. Putin liked her. He used to watch the show all the time.

101:45I heard this from I I think it was Harvey Keitel. He kept that dude out into another room and had her out on the balcony talking to her the whole time. And basically he could the guy couldn't get back in and it was very clear that Putin was making a play for La Femme Nikita. And it's like you're in my town now. You you go over there. Take a seat. And then came here take a seat. I'm going to take what's mine and apparently she was going I don't think she did anything obviously but you know Let's pretend she did. Right. There it is. There it is. And he dug her. Where's the boy Oh, Jack Nicholson is there. Boyfriend ain't around, bro. Where's the boyfriend? He's not there. He's not allowed to be at the table. two of legs for days. He was apparently locked out. He was like trying to get in the room and they were sorry we didn't know. It's kind of interesting when you see a

102:36guy running a country like that in 2019 that he's Yeah. could run the country in that gangster fashion. interesting that he got people to What's that? Oh, Sean Penn. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's more interesting to me that he's gotten himself in a position where people would actually vote for him. So it technically he's been democratically elected. Yeah, I I bet at a certain point in time they don't know who the should be running things over there. Yeah. Bryan Callen, I got to end this. We got to end it early today. always great to talk. Come see me in Miami. May 9th, 10th, 11th. Orlando. Did you Did you Did you talk about the dates? dates. Yes. You're in the Miami Improv May 7th, 8th, and 9th, correct? No. No. No. 10th, 11th, and 12th? and 11th. God damn it. 9th, 10th, 11th? Yeah. Now you ruined everything. No. No. No. They They're listening still. And then uh Orlando Orlando May 17th, 18th.

103:27Oh, I got some dates too that I just started selling. Um they just went on sale. I am going to be in Where the am I? August 10th um in uh San Francisco. I'm in Mountain View. Nice. Yes. Mountain View at the Shoreline Amphitheater on August 10th. August 9th I'm in Portland, Oregon. Woo! Portland. And then uh on the 23rd I'm in Denver, Colorado for two shows at the Belco Theatre. Son. At the Belco. All right, kids. that place. joerogan.com for all my dates. Keep your arms heavy and your belly tight. What does that mean? I don't know. It just sounds like an awesome thing. It's This song Arms heavy. I want my arms heavy. Billy Joel's song. Really? Yeah, I can't remember what the song is. Is it Piano Man? Okay. No. Is it Uptown Girl? No. Bryan, you're a silly goose and I love you. I'll see you later. Oh, bryancallen.com b r y t f a t k for tickets or bryancallen.com. Bye, everybody.

104:28That's great.