Christina P

00:05isn't aren't they making James Bond a woman I think they are making James Bond a woman I hope it's a black woman who's queer that's the only way for justice to be served and non-binary yes but what does that mean she's her gender can switch throughout the film depending on oh that's non-binary hmm gender flux gender fluid yeah what's your pronoun today oh yeah these are cool yeah Zorro Zorro's I feel like your highness oh that's good that's a good yeah that's good yeah your highness can be a guy or a girl whoa whoa it's gender-neutral your highness now if you said I'm a princess I would go okay well your gendering yourself that's true that's true and I refuse to do that I have two little boys and you know we force them to be gender-neutral they don't show a legit show on that from Cambridge this couple was raising their kid gender-neutral they have two kids

01:12and they're both like wearing like whatever they were wearing like weird clothes like it didn't necessarily they're wearing boys clothes a girl's clothes and they didn't call them girls or boys they let him play with anything they wanted yeah and they didn't call him boys what would they say it was weird it was just some poor guy who's stuck with some crazy she's you know and he was probably trying really hard to be like progressive and like figure out of what you know how do we not gender our children and yeah and it's interesting you do that voice because they hold you up speak the only way to show your progressive because if you notice conservative people just don't talk like that no you need to stop the caravan yeah where it gets to the wall Donald Trump's our Savior because he's like the one who really appreciates like American values never hear that it's only it's only it's

02:13a super liberal calling it is it is oh but but back to this non-binary we did a clip on your mom's house there is a couple somewhere in the Netherlands and they had a three-year-old Zim's er child and and every day they would ask the three-year-olds what gender do you feel like today and I'm like yeah talk about the pressure and I'm like I have a almost three-year-old I'm pretty sure he doesn't know he doesn't think in terms and yeah he's like I don't know I'm whatever but to put the pressure like what are you today what are you feeling yeah my eight-year-old loves to play with things like race cars and she used to love to play with trucks and she's so lovely she's she loves to play with superheroes and things like that like some of them are like very but then again she loves pink and she likes getting her nails done and she likes looking pretty and she's there's some cool that boys

03:18like that girls like - she's pretty aggressive which takes my main classes she throws boys around she gets like super hyped up when she has to wrestle with boys she really she's it's crazy to watch like a little psycho aggressive eight-year-old but she's also like really sweet like the sweetest kid - everybody just gets like real competitive with that kind of stuff yeah they say that that's the magic age eight nine in girls and then where they're very confident it's like the end of the confidence era and then puberty strikes and the hormones take over and the pressure yeah to be sexy so Pippi Longstocking that cool last character who was doing that remember Pippi Longstocking beating up cops Jenna she had like a treasure trove so she was like she was a millionaire on her own her dad was a pirate really how much and remember the name I don't remember the

04:17narratives oh she was great and it was subtitled poorly in her lips you know didn't match up with what she was saying is on channel 5 in LA every Sunday afternoon where is it from originally Sweden I believe Astrid Lindgren wrote these books about her daughter who was that age eight eight years old as a magic age there she is the original one and she said girls are kind of smelly kind of awkward and that's before puberty robs you of your uh you know this new school I'm talking there she goes she's got a monkey hey got a monkey I know you love monkeys you love monkeys it's a monkey a scarf yeah I didn't she was bad she beat the out of people Wow but yeah I think I play with a boy stuff Duke's my dad I was raised by a single dad somewhat so he gave me like a BMX dirt bike and I would write it in the LA River you know and then I liked dolls too and that's what makes a female comic

05:17so you might always something up yes none of us none of us are normal that's a fact find one that is I never met one Segura's mount my husband I'm sorry mr. paczynski do you love that Garth Brooks is doing that have you seen that it's hilarious what is that it's I think it's somebody people don't know what we're talking about okay so Garth Brooks who's infinitely talented yeah I'm not saying the guys my talented he's a mega mega mega star yeah is he started doing social media and it's his strange as can be it's so strange yeah he doesn't quite know how to do I think someone's telling him like hey just be personable be fun look he just seems so weird and Tom is like constantly on it oh yeah we make fun of him relentlessly I was House it is cuz he'll be like he'll be like hey everybody it's me Garth who are at Studio G and he has a thing called studio G forgot dollars Studio G hey Justin

06:36cassette tape cassette tape look at his audience some China's places he really is and so he does these posts where he's like it's a it's Trish's birthday that's his wife everybody sent her pictures of your favorite cupcakes cupcakes week hashtag fun hashtag mister here with hash tag you're it yeah I saw that like doing him doing the hash tag what the Garth yeah your mom's house is a fun show I when I whenever I want just silly I tuned in to you guys thank you cuz you rarely deviate from silly you know just just goofing off on all the time it's always completely preposterous and this new guy that you guys have been following to try it out guy what the can we plan yes we can play try it out man this guy's this is a real guy a thousand percent real oh and by the way we loved you on your mom's house you fit right in thank you and I hope you come back I would love to do it any time

07:43please well we're all in the neighborhood yeah all right we're all close by yeah it's only about farts and dicks and then guys you don't know how to ask for a lady's affection properly well you also find people online that are just the most preposterous people so this is the guy give me some volume or this guy this guy I think this is the right clip yeah he's looking for love there's also on if you type in I'm looking I'm looking for hardcore guys to come to my show so play this guy you want to me a 2395 if you want to move in you can move in it you got a beat now any I need to be a lot man get ripped free food free wrench and everything else man here's a deal man men from jail homeless or um you're a thug gonna come move in a friend come home with you man free rent you get a lease on a cake me piss somebody beat me at home you know you see me when I come over today and try it out try it

08:44out man it's in my building try it out looks like a piss let me try it out series applied only as I'm looking for hardcore guys I mean it want to do it and I want to deliver it I'm a hot but my trash come dump let's Josh come dump let's oh my god you guys see folks just listening you got to see this guy the sincerity in his eyes he needs to go watching your face watch the try it out guy was probably my favorite thing it was like a look of like like it made you sad friend didn't make you do you feel like I'm a joke I didn't feel sad it's weird that it looks that maybe I'm maybe I'm hiding that I'm sad to myself maybe I'm hiding it from myself but this guy really needs it and he really puts it out there anybody men from jail just an animated version of it yeah so it started a flurry of anime to try it out guys and then people started to submit their own takes these there's Tommy dog

10:24wanna come move in friend come on which to man free-ranging at least and a cake me this somebody beat me at home you know you see me reminded just a little bit Jamie goes um it's it was piss on me piss somebody beat me at home you know what's that what's that homie I'm yo what do you think he's saying good question one more dream read you can at least in a cake me piss on you beat me at home you know you see me like we have to go through that like this is a pruder film well right what do you what do you hear no man no hope like a word to me oh-ho-ho-ho a man out done I can me but somebody beat me up oh man oh man oh ho ho ho man ho a man out is one hear that again maybe that's it did I K me piss somebody beat me at home you know you could be anything hold me now oh man there's another language oh man yeah we were like working for the government and we're trying to decipher the tape like

11:39we have to find out where the kidnappers are being held here a train in the distance right we'd be REO experts in a room somewhere we've got it we've got it hold man out hold man out hold man out it could be or it could be I'm home I'm home here now because he gives out his address he goes inwards I'm at 23 95 and we cut it out we cut it out somebody beat me home man out home now anyway huge debate in the man's house community there's no final answer on you'd have to talk to him have you reached out to him we've tried yeah this is he there's a few your mom's house stars I believe in oh my gosh maybe on the East Coast somewhere I don't sleep very much yeah we've reached out to community brain yeah three months deep in the game bro I'm going crazy him and King a stripper won't respond and we've reached out with offers of money and really not there he won't do it and it's so weird

12:49it's always the ones we want the most that never quite the King now Ripert would be just farting in your room now for and oh yeah would you want that I'd like to talk to him I'm starting in the room yeah but I'm curious what's the drive like he's clearly not driven by sex because that's really repellent to women or yeah but maybe maybe like for him it's a turn-on to fart yeah like even though it's like probably disgusting to women maybe for him it's a turn-on to be disgusting ah the repulsion thinks so she's like oh my god you're so nasty and then she's yeah there's like some boys who were spanked for their pants and stuff when they were young they developed this weird thing about mm-hmm like being naughty and they even connect like sexually being naughty with and farts and things like that yeah right the fetish that's they say that's how the fetish starts right Chris

13:49Ryan was trying to explain it to me one day dr. Chris Ryan from sex at dawn the book and he was saying that there's an imprinting stage in young men's lives where like they like even a young man that's not gay like say during this imprinting stage and they're very young if they get their dick sucked by a guy and they they orgasm they could potentially get turned on by guys sucking their dick even if they're not gay because it's imprinted on them at a very early age like by them getting molested at an early age it with their sexual like what in their mind is considered sexual pleasure mm-hmm yeah I can see that the wires get crossed early and maybe you're attracted and repulsed at the same time yeah man like I don't know if I'm gay I kind of want to do this but I don't want to do this mm-hmm you you were molested yet you're also turned on yeah shame a lot of I'm sure attached to that

14:48too oh for sure yeah and a lot of anger you know what's really strange is when you go back through history how often men were having sex with young boys I know the Greeks love to do that Romans yeah Greeks many many different ancient civilizations thought it was normal for men to have young boys as you know as sex partners yeah crazy strange yeah and then the Christians right and the Christians come along and they're like wait a minute we will show you with priests only the elite gets a rape children it is crazy to this day my most shocked that I ever am what people get upset at me is when a on Catholicism is when a on child wanna seem like what are you a we pretending that this isn't happening constantly right I mean if if they were anything else like say it was the NBA if the NBA was traveling around just kids they're playing basketball right they're kids

15:59like who would say yeah but the man they playing good basketball they're Duncan dish layer hood show three-pointers from the outside they are playing some serious basketball and sometimes they some kids while I typed in with Catholic priests and it's there's three different stories and three different Buffalo how do you say that guy sees new list of priests accused of sexual abuse yeah Catholic priests react to clergy sex abuse meeting with Bishop Malone Catholic priest removed from ministry in Oklahoma this is just one day's worth mm-hmm and then there was that thing in Philadelphia that was just last month where was it a thousand different kids had been molested by these priests right yeah thousand different children now in Pennsylvania like what in the folks but why are they protected from law like I know cuz in the church you said they move them around right yeah the

16:54archdiocese or whoever goes yeah that guy's a pedophile let's just move them to a different thing they're protected because people believe in God they're protected because people believe in Christianity yeah and then they don't they don't want to attack priests because they feel like that's an attack on the church and they feel like there's gonna be blowback politically and they're worried about it because people have this need for church and they're there they're terrified if someone comes along and says hey we're gonna do like as the international community is gonna do a full-scale investigation into the Catholic Church and we're gonna lock people up that's the reason why the Vatican is its own country yeah you know the Vatican you have to have a Passport it's an actual right a separate entity yeah little tiny ass place filled with kid if you like looked at the per capita kid

17:42and people in the Vatican oh my god it's a nation of kid it's so up and they're untouchable well for now you know eventually people gonna realize how irrelevant a lot of these ancient cults actually are whether you believe and whether you believe in God or not those are cults there are ancient cults whether you believe in the scripture or not the Catholic Church is clearly a cult mm-hmm and it's a cult that I was a part of I mean I went to Catholic school my family was Catholic yeah me around it my whole life nobody ever molested me and the church but I got lucky I know I got lucky I know people that got molested I have friends that told me stories about being chased by priests and I have friends that told me stories about a guy that they knew that got molested like damn he got him he got him like they knew about this priest and he got one of their friends oh my god and this is just all

18:33across the country and the numbers that went to justice so small so small in comparison to the actual acts it's it's really crazy that people would get upset at you saying this like it's crazy right like let me defend my pedophile priests like I love this guy like why are we still invested in this and you know what happened ever since I had kids - I I kind of see the world a lot differently you know when I before I had children I was like sure you know God could exist I'm spiritual and now I'm like I just got to defend my children from the evil and insanity of this world and it's jungle law and like I I don't know I'm not spiritual really well people can go bad for sure there's there's something about people that mm-hmm when it goes wrong you know whatever for whatever reason people can go back they can go bad serial killer style they can go bad rapist style I mean how many guys

19:29are out there dropping pills into girls drinks still still still 100 a hundred percent is happening all across the country all across the world all the time there's just disgusting human beings there's bad people out there and there's people that got over and they want to pay people back you know they're upset they got a deal yeah and they want they want other people to suffer yeah it's traumatized people right doing all this traumatized people there's definitely some of that yeah but that makes me also to like I always laugh at the the anti-bullying stuff like I'm not pro bullying clearly but it's such a misguided effort to try to completely eradicate the world of bullet we're gonna stop like no you're not dude because you have to stop stupid if you're gonna stop the bullying cuz stupid people have kids they don't raise the kids well those kids are angry

20:23because they have stupid parents and they're getting abused at home and then they hit your kid and what you can do is teach your kid you know to not be a victim and to kick a guy in the nuts but now we don't teach that to Joe offend yourself and then your kid would be the problem right love the show a reason to express violence yeah goddamnit yeah there's there's a time for violence and that time is when you're defending yourself because someone is with you and if you don't do something they're gonna do something to you there's times when no one's there to save you that's real and if you don't teach your kids that they're gonna be real confused if that moment does arise they're gonna look around for someone to save them there's no one there exactly and that's very unfortunate no one wants it you know no one wants that to be the case but it is the case it's

21:11reality you know if you just if you're just around a bunch of bad people and you hope that nothing goes wrong it's that's not an effective way to prepare yourself for what could happen yeah that's the thing about having kids right you start thinking of the world that's being like this like danger ridden place it's it becomes a different world cesspool mm-hmm yeah and especially with the internet now you can see exactly who's crazy before you are like I don't know people are generally okay and then you see the try it out guy you're like oh my god somebody beat me bring your friends they can live here two thugs to him and piss on but you get a lease in a key yeah but he also wants him to beat them beat me at piss on me okay that's the problem like how much of that do I have to do to have to just go over and kick your ass you take anything at this Majan he would take

22:07there's a guy you can go over his house and just him up there is yeah but once you punch him a couple times gotta go me in the ass like no no just gonna beat you up I'm just here for the beating my pump you up have you ever I mean not at that level who's lately on your mom's ass we've been featuring desperate dudes who are like making videos like this to try to court a lady or a gentleman but maybe kind of misguided like but not yeah like try it out come pitch or whatever whatever I'm horny like we know you're horny broke you can't just come out and say I'm really horny coming yeah maybe with other dudes yeah like but a woman's not gonna respond yeah women that's why my Playgirl didn't really work no we don't wanna look at dicks Playgirl is for dudes right yeah of course what were those dating services like in the 80s where you'd pay I mean it was like a joke on MADtv or I said now we're

23:10like that you pass tapes and I could make a video pro video dating profile yeah did that ever work was it only creepy guys too yeah people that needed dating services back in the 80s those people were losers people most people just found somebody okay bars go somewhere like a normal person you meet people weirdo but nowadays it's way more common because of like tinder and normal folks do it Chris Rock was talking about being on dating apps Chris Rock's money has a girlfriend now but for a while yeah he was on dating apps and someone was like why would you do that you're Chris Rock he goes because I'm Chris Rock he was joking around about it's like the hell that's a great way to meet him now they know who I am BAM that's right and there's a celebrity ones right like you just just exclusive to celebrities yeah there's some celebrity one where you just datin gold diggers yeah just girls

24:08wanna be famous future reality stars future Housewives of Beverly Hills crazy so my mother her second husband they met on a dating ad in the back of like an Indian newspaper my mother liked Indian guys Indian like like from Punjab yes and so she put an Indian guys loved Indian men so her thing was she she believed that Indian men were more educated overall she liked them I like them tall dark and handsome she was a Hungarian lady and she just thought that they had more more money and and more smarts so show me my leg money and she wanted to be wiped up and taken care of so she put an ad in the back of the Indian newspaper she said buxom European woman looking for was it wealthy you know Indian guy for marriage dude we got a bag of letters like a bag from every Indian dude in the LA County and she sent a picture of himself in an Armani suit this is like 1989 with his Mercedes

25:18and the old school cellphones like that big-ass one nice and she was like that's someone there Mario's boy that's my boy he's got that cell phone from The Wall Street movie I remember Michael Douglas walking around with that brick on the people you think you were about his cell phone bill he's talking to people on that beach yeah did you have one of those memory in your car the old school I had one that was in the car it was connected to the car it was like permanently in the car it was on the floor it was bolted in I could make a phone call from the in that speaker phone I could talk while driving speakerphone a 1988 Honda CRX okay one of those that was too baller for me yeah I think mine I could take out and put in a suitcase - if I remember correctly yeah it's pretty dope maybe not maybe another one maybe I got another one afterwards I was like suitcase one do my

26:24dad had a Jag in the 80s and he had like a tiny TV put in on the radio they had tiny little square television was black-and-white and I could watch cartoons on the way to school and I was like this is the future we're all gonna have TVs in our cars and dude my kids own the out when they get in my car cuz my Lexus has these things in the back seat where there's like a little iPad on the back screen they can watch a screen it's like a 10-inch screen on the back headrest so they do watch movies it's the for kids like those rear entertainment systems if you have a long trip like see if you got a drive to San Francisco that's three movies oh yeah that's all that is it's got three movies what do you guys want to watch now you guys hungry who has to pee we got a pink pullover there's no fighting this is watching movies otherwise it would be she's touching me

27:15with her feet stop it stop touching me I can't wait for all that yeah it's great I can't wait it's fascinating though they you know and then you see like other people's really shitty handiwork in terms of like the way they're raising their kids like oh my goodness tell me about it because I'm only I have a three-year-old and a three-month-old so I'm just knowing the kind of the preschool and I see other parents and I'm like this is what you got to be careful of you got to be careful of the parents they like to go to parties and they leave their kid outside with other kids and they go inside and drink and they don't watch their kid at all and it's usually it's usually boys people have boys and the boys usually wind up hitting kids then what's going on is that kid is not getting any attention and not getting any parental guidance and they're just loose and wild

28:02and I've had this incident happened more than once but one of them egregiously with this kid hit both of my kids and one of them more than once and the parents are still inside drinking pulling hair in their little they're like six and they're like yo man you got to watch your kid he's aggressive he's a good kid he's always a good kid you don't even know you're in here drunk your kids out there jumping around and a trampoline beating kids in the head stepping on their hair like literally the kid was like a little aggressive kid called another kid a loser and pushed them call him a loser what kid call someone a loser someone who gets called a loser at home yes well someone's calling someone a loser in front of that kid six-year-old calling people losers and every now and then I see the parents I'm like Jesus Christ gotta get the away from them how to have a conversation with the dad

28:52and he's trying to tell me he's kids a good kid like okay your kids a good kid I tell him you kid pushed a kid and call them a loser that didn't happen oh it didn't happen okay all right man I don't know what to do other than what I want to do which is freak out yeah I want to freak out start yelling at you you you drunk piece of yeah in here you're not even paying attention your kid you got a bad kid you got a kid that you have been paying attention do your these are older people and they had a kid late in life yeah they are barely paying attention one kid not really into it let's just roam just let them roam yeah that ain't cool especially get a lot of that you gotta gotta rein that in you know what else I'm gonna go I'm gonna get kids that have cell phones of like six years old yeah I've heard this and then these little send your boys titty pics and then my boys

29:41accountable if he sends it to another kid yep it's guy those dirty little how am I gonna get these stop these hoes the boys definitely gonna stop the boys from sending pictures tell them tell them about the law and definitely tell them no pictures of your dick I don't even know who's doing it as an adult sending your dick to a I don't know who's not I know cuz how long have you been with your lady now long enough to not send her any big pictures if I send their dicks it's other people's like what do you think of that yeah it's I think that that is like one of the most misguided things ever like the random dick pic the guys that don't even know a girl will send but that's the thing too is like it goes back to what women don't want like I'm pretty sure we're not like sweet get over it then also like if a girl just sends you a picture of her like how many

30:46people she's sending that picture to like that picture if you can like go to her phone and if it was a good record of how many times that pictures been said the girl says pictures she's sending them to everybody she's just she's just scatter shot just shooting someone's gonna someone's gonna be into it some some chick is that the thing he does it because it's worked some somebody's gonna be like oh yeah that's the one how many there's so many thirsty girl pages yeah have like girls sticking their butts out and girls like there's so many of those pages like thirst traps but there's not that many for guys do so your few guy bodybuilder type Sam yeah laughter show me well they're poor you know they're people they're real yeah the thirst traps like dudes looking for dick or dudes looking for girls the ones I've seen it's theirs we'll do it on Mike there's a few choice ones for you

31:49in kind yeah well my favorite okay my favorite trap though is the the girl that puts it out there and then when the guys are like nice to it you know and some respect right and then they get mad like don't just look at me from my tits like well bro you know you kind of didn't is not the reaction you were kind of looking for it's like yeah you put your boobs out there I mean I don't do that cuz I don't want people to write that stuff you know no it's kind of not on my agenda yeah well we want a very specific reaction what which you don't necessarily you're not entitled to a specific reaction you're entitled to nothing you get you're entitled to nothing and distinction you put photos of your tits your ass on the internet you're not entitled to anything you're not entitled to respect do you know total to anything know what and I want to give away your bit but you

32:46disgust megyn kelly you could give it away it's already out right okay I just didn't know so people haven't watched it yet which is f an amazing special but yeah but she's on a news channel yeah not dressed like a news person we're in a vagina curtains yeah yeah you know I have a friend who I didn't know this until after the special came out she came up to me and said that she used to work with megan kelly at foxnews she used to have like be one of her assistants and she was like she would tell the the Wardrobe people to make the dresses shorter now she's like that's too long make that dress shorter Wow well she knew that she but she was cute I wish I could she was so hot back then I mean she's still a beautiful woman but goddamn during like 10 15 years ago she was a smoke show man she's a gorgeous woman and I don't hate on women for being ready and Wadena I don't hate

33:44on them for using it either just yeah I don't hate on Arnold Schwarzenegger for being a bodybuilder no but but it's yeah but you know depending on how you present yourself that's kind of what yeah look you're you're not entitled to any specific reaction you're gonna get reactions and people are entitled look as long as they're not like threatening you or you know physically doing anything you what they're doing is reacting just what you're putting out they don't have any obligation to react the way that you would like no no not at all look tits and ass I like to jizz in those ass tits right now your picture on my fault on a jerk-off - like what's wrong with you you know you know yeah you know I just I yeah I guess I never I never led with that good I just but not because I'm a but I'm not listen I'm just as thirsty is that what in a sense like you know we're strippers to comedians are

34:48strippers like we want the attention but I don't want it for this I prefer to get it for my mind or whatever app you know whatever it is I'd prefer to get it from it's a difference right it's this the stripper thing comes from for sure of variety of different places there's definitely women that are strippers that are doing it just because they're pretty and it's a good way to make a lot of money it's a great way to make a lot of money fast from what is that nothing wrong with it yeah nothing wrong with it but there's also ones that are doing it because they have any sorban n't need for attention an extraordinary need for sexual attention and a lot of them been molested you know and that's more the case with porn stars apparently there's there was some crazy study on porn stars where they were they were going over just you know they just like a random survey and went to them

35:41and asked them how many of them have been molested it was like some crazy number it's like when you when you're watching people on camera and you know a lot of people watch it I mean I would I would imagine that vast majority of males and specifically watch porn watch some kind of porn and you're essentially watching the product of either a completely sexually liberated liberated woman who likes doing that which is possible sure allegedly some dr. drew doesn't can I tell you yeah I I've heard this argument the empowerment I read a book even a from a woman who said yes it's from an empowerment angle she'd gotten into an Ivy League school and wanted to pay for it it definitely exists in the world however and might Experion experience an estimation I would say it's likely yeah that's what you mean it's possible right it's it's not probable right so if you're a woman

36:41out there that's a sexually liberated person who enjoys doing porn is you know how many more mala stations in your past you're getting upset right now well we we acknowledge that you exist not trying to diminish your perspective but it's just it's an odd thing that that leads to all this sex and that it's also an odd thing when you look at the sheer volume of people like for a living it's a lot of for a lot of porn and I have to say it can't be that lucrative anymore because of the Internet why just have a joke about it where I was like I need to bring it back and figure out how to do it correctly because I kind of abandon it but that premise was who's seen all the porn like why they make a new porn it's anybody's like porn like what are you guys doing you you suck are you just looking a beat off are you like wasting your whole like super specific scenes no I don't

37:36want dog is down I want to be able to see her feet okay the back of her feet I want her close in a certain position like take a break take a week but apparently there is a need for it because they're making it and people are consuming this really these niche lanes right well I think it has to do with the fact that people are always ramping up and like if you if you give person a car that has 150 horsepower they want a car that it's 200 horsepower and then next year that car better be faster in the year after that it better brake better and then year after that and they were constantly trying to get that new charge like the iPhones yeah and so this is regular sex okay Wow can't believe I'm watching this in regular sex well I'd like to see it in HD okay why don't you come in her face okay like what stick it in her ass and then come in her face whoa we're getting crazy this is where

38:25it all goes like ass to mouth and gagging no I hate the gagging all that crazy comes from people like watching so much porn than just regular stuff's not doing it anymore they want to they want a girl would be smacked they want snot to come out of her mouth tears to come out of her eyes they want all that stuff and this I don't get it but it's it's this psychological trait that people have is ramping up the bigger better deal constantly wanting something more extreme violent movies today like Joey and I were talking about the Exorcist the other day yes extremely violent terrifying movie for the time but today would be so boring yeah wasn't he talking about the girl Linda Blair who played and he was like that chicks up now a dog there's no way he was thinking crucifixes in your and you know about God he always has the best take on sharing it's true I think Linda Blair was kind of

39:27up from that admittedly horse I mean she was like 12 years old doing that movie ramming up a cross and her of course I mean bumpy Jesus traumatized me it was bad sound No I'm the cue king of the greens and you forget how slow that movie is like watch it now and the pacing of it you're like holy let's get to something you know cuz now as I don't even watch this now scary movies but yeah it's way more did you see the new Halloween no it didn't but he's good yeah who saw Tony Tony Hinchcliffe loved it yeah he said it was awesome he said she's a badass and she's Jamie Lee Curtis is like preparing for when he returns she lives in a compound by guns and she's like locked and loaded ready to up Michael Myers if he comes out of the grave again I love it like that Terminator chick remember when she was working out waiting for him I have a millennial babysitter who works for us

40:29and I was like hey did you did you know that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite and she goes it's intersex now and I was like oh yeah but is that true about Jamie Lee Curtis my gynecologist says it is true so yeah tell everybody tell everybody I saw it it's a guy and he says yeah that she in fact was and they cut off the painter and yeah she was so hot when she was young she was a hot gorgeous stunning statuesque yeah gorgeous big old booty nurse nurse real today the problem with the real titties is when you have a couple of kids in you breastfeed then they turn into those sloppy hanger am I gonna fill him up I mean again I'm lifted and just put in the same place they were and maybe reduced even Joost yeah I like big old it's no fun when you really have them I had an ex who had big old two days she was born with him and they were so bad when I met her she had already had a breast

41:39reduction yeah she still had pretty big old titties and but she just was you know she had like double FS just naturally those are big yeah but they were also like it was so annoying cuz it's all guys would see yeah big giant tits coming their way yeah poor girl the she said she had back problems too oh yeah I do a lot of Pilates to strengthen the back to keep my tits up keep them yeah you gotta keep gonna keep the frame that holds the tips that's right keep all that frame locked up in place there's nothing like that for dudes right whether it gets too big no dudes are out there again dick reduction you know what dudes do get though well yeah thing man I've been I got a product I earned on TV once just a couple months ago and just stumbled upon this show called botched yes I like this this is on the E channel yes pretty sure yes maybe maybe I one of these you know

42:38what is it on seems more Bravo because it's super gay I know there's a lot of there's there's this one guy who was on who was helping the guy that got like surgery yeah and the guy who was helping the guy got started one guy was getting surgery cuz he got his PEC replaced he had a like a PEC problem that seems crazy to me well he was actually he had like some sort of an accident where he lost his path court and so the game a PEC implant we're seeing pretty normal he looked better he was pretty happy but the guy who he was working with and I don't know what relationship they had in the scene of whether this guy was the doctor or what it was this guy was like a plastic man like his forehead was locked down it wasn't going nowhere it was Botox to the Oblivion he had cheek shots and his facial fillers his eyebrows had been done he had fake tan he had yeah there you go that's the guy

43:39definitely heterosexual well whatever he is he has all these implants he has implants at his chest and implants and his biceps and he was doing all that like to look good somebody was joking around about how even though he has all his implants he's still not strong so I couldn't do a chin-up like this is so crazy like this person is this is but he was the one that was helping the other guy through plastic surgery he was helping the other guy the other guy who had a problem PEC implant there is a guy came out normal we just had a peck problem and then filled it in and then it looked like oh yeah look at the guy's got two pecs now that show is insane you see these people that get this sort of what's that word for it dysmorphia yeah bodybuilders get it anorexic get it you know girls who have double F tits and then want a bigger face I haven't I've done Botox twice in my life I'm

44:40always reluctant to go back just because like Who am I fooling I'm 42 years old it's okay I'm not what is it doing to you what is it what is well so they paralyze that they put botulism in your face which is why I'm also reluctant because you know that shit's not been studied really I mean come on how do we know what's gonna happen so I got a wrinkle here so they'll put it here and they freeze the muscle it paralyzes it so you can't make you can't scowl yeah we both just go along that's my what the is going on line one God do it so it paralyzed it so you can't do the gesture that creates the wrinkles so it's more of a pre-emptive measure so you should start doing early as what they say right but what about being a comic and make the facial expressions that's the problem so when you're on stage you end up getting migraines because you can't you want to see a show there's a show on Netflix

45:44where people go to Thailand for cheap plastic surgeons don't do it never have you awesome yeah it just went to summer the whole family where did you go Chiang Mai where's that it is northern Thailand it's really close to where those kids got trapped in the cave yeah we got there right after they got rescued so it's happy times Thailand again this dope though the people are so friendly and the food was amazing that's what I hear we took cooking classes yeah we hung out with elephants and an elephant sanctuary that was pretty bad I understand on your Instagram yeah elephants are sweet they're so not theirs kind you get super nervous around when your first around them because they're so goddamn big but then afterwards you realize like they're just gentle giants they're so sweet and these animals at this one place we went to it's a rehabilitation place so they would take

46:34animals that had been to the circus and they've been harmed or mistreated and they'd bring them back and they even release them into the wild wow that's cool yeah because they wander around with them in the woods like we took them for this long hike where you ride them all through the woods so it's like a couple miles we went and they just stop and eat things so they don't have to worry about feeding them there they're pretty confident like that they know what to eat they just grab leaves and start shoving them in the Round Rock and then they and piss and you can't believe the volume the vote you hear the logs hit the ground like what is happening and then you look down there oh my god it's just this is just bushels of heavy just giant clumps of broken-down vegetable matter why they out there herbivores yeah that's all they eat yep they're so sweet though they like come up to you you rub

47:29their head and they like you actually kind of bond with them because you feed them sugarcane like when you get to know them you wash them the first thing they have you do is you wash them and you feed them so you were I think we fed them first and washed them and they weave these like just big piles of sugarcane and you hand them these pieces of sugarcane is chew it and crunch it and swallow it and then they and they take it from you like real gentle yeah it's a 2000 plus pound animal whatever the hell it is probably bigger than that and they're so kind just real easy they don't they walk around you they don't try to knock you over they're just real relaxed they help you get up if you want to ride them yeah like they lift their arm up so you can step on the arm and then you climb onto their back are you gonna get a pet elephant no but they're they're interesting animals you

48:18know they really are they're they're they're really sweet in this area that we're at they they actually have elephants that live in Thailand they actually live in the wild there's not that many of them but they've introduced I think they said seven new ones to the wild from this sanctuary so it was pretty bad but it's it was interesting you get to see them where they're there free room they're free roaming they roam all around that area they're not in pens they're not captive they're basically just freely roaming and then they feed them and take care of them and they know the food's gonna be there and then they just eventually get them to the point where they can be free again oh that's so nice that's pretty badass but but the people are so friendly I so know you see this on that show because they're very always smiling you think bow to you and they're

49:04super they're really friendly running it out all throughout the country people super friendly yeah don't elephants I just ate for like years mm-hmm something something wrong like that you know we sucky to be pregnant for that long I know my god how about getting by another elephant dude could you I've never seen it have I seen an elephant dick I don't think so does it come out of a sheath I'm sure right yeah no I didn't like that head on the alien with Whitley Strieber not Whitley Strieber Sigourney Weaver Willie's driver is Willie Schreiber is the guy who was behind he wrote he's an author it's the whole story's really suspect he wrote that movie what was the movie he wrote he wrote up one of those alien movies one alien abduction movies and he wrote it that it was based on his own life that it actually happened the problem was he was already this fiction

50:01novelist who's writing these wild stories and they decided to say this one's real and it got all sorts of traction but you know it's all like being abducted in the middle of the night and taken out of his bed by aliens and brought two ships and scientific experiments like that kind of stuff cool yeah you believe in it you think there's aliens doing that kind of stuff I don't think they would care about your but this is the weirdest things that they have to go up your butt always it's always a homoerotic sort of fantasy and anal fantasy yeah with the alien why does always turn sexual thing cuz if you paralyze the number one fear is that someone's gonna put something up your butt while you're out yeah I don't I don't do BUTT STUFF for that retime like the other thing is I think the other thing is I think they were people worried about being impregnated or having their baby taking

51:02them oh yeah aliens that's a common theme too I'd be afraid of that have you been to Roswell New Mexico no I have not I went there for some TV show I worked on like a decade ago and they you know they claim that's where the the aliens is that they live that's where the crash happened in 1947 right there's like a museum you can go to and see it I don't you know whenever I bought a t-shirt it was great yeah the whole story is super suspect the story of what happened it's like there was some wreckage that they found and they flew the wreckage and two separate planes to wright-patterson Air Force Base and Truman actually met them they're like whatever the did crash it was of enough importance that Truman flew out and they flew it in two separate planes in case one of the planes went down this was this is the folklore and then the next day they had this press conference now my god we made

51:55a mistake it was just a balloon and then you know my joke that I used to do was like what about the aliens those are Mexicans they got drunk mistook the balloon for a pinata yeah everyone's fine yeah but the whole story behind it the problem was it got put in the Roswell Daily Record that the military has recovered a crashed flying disc and then everybody went bananas so no one really knows what actually happened obviously no did you ever hear why they picked wright-patt because it's in the middle of Ohio mmm I don't know Roswell is pretty far I think it's just a big Air Force Base isn't that right Patterson Air Force Base where hangar 18 was yeah I guess that was Dayton but I don't like but hangar 18 was another famous thing in UFO folklore UFO folklore there was like this supposed hangar 18 and hang find out where that is hangar 18 was supposed to be this place where they stored

52:58all of the crashed wreckage from various UFOs over the last few decades because apparently there's been numerous crashed UFOs great some alien planets 18 there's like a website about it yeah but yes the rampant long as there's a website about it Squarespace website no it's what was the ones geo cities remember those yeah the animated little gifts oh cool yeah now what about the moon-landing did you see the movie Ryan Gosling no I did not I heard it was good though I heard was really good did you love it was that wasn't their controversial like they didn't put the American flag down there's something you mean the MTV flag I I'm so cool right to this music video it was that there was something he brought his daughter's necklace up he isn't his young daughter how am i given the Laura she he putted his daughter's necklace there and I don't know I think based on real life yes loosely that's

54:05what they're saying it's probable that that happened the flag thing I don't even I don't remember yeah there was some sort of controversy that they didn't plant the US flag people are upset and they were saying that you know in this climate they just thought it wouldn't be a good idea to express nationalism or something so I remember reading some cockamamy reason why they didn't have the flag like first day they actually had the flag you actually if you believe in the moon landing you believe it happened and you want to show me a movie of it you gotta show the flag they put it in the ground is a big part of the program here's a flag it's in the in the dirt on the moon yep so that's right it's there and now he also peed brown on the way up mmm on the Ford Adrian and I heard you just peed brown I peed a little brown it was more like amber colored that's more like iced tea color

54:55so scary well I was a little worried about there's something called rhabdomyolysis that when you do CrossFit or actually a couple fighters have died from it I actually just found out about that this weekend that fighters who had been over trained going into fights and then exerted themselves to extreme the fight and then died afterwards a couple of them turned out to have had rhabdomyolysis which is the your your muscle tissue breaks down your liver crashes are your kidneys crash rather I didn't have that I just know I was just dehydrated oh okay good cuz that was pretty gnarly I was sweating at a rate that I couldn't possibly keep up with just trying to rehydrate normally you guys and the sober October man went crazy no I know what was it like like being the wife of a person who was involved in this I hate it so much I hate that you guys do this you know

55:48what we're doing next year uh yeah and I heard you guys talking about it because I caught that part of show surfing yep rad we're gonna stay on a board longer like who stays on the board for the most amount of time in the month I love this challenge because I love surfing I learned to do it in my 20s I'm terrible at it but that's like that's how it's so incredibly difficult yeah have you sir no not at all and I'm not going to I'm not even gonna touch it and talked over it and this is a little none of us we practice we can't practice okay yeah we got to wait till October and then do it I will say the oceans very calls in October that's the wind Jack weed out those you're gonna get a special suit I'm sure there yeah I'm gonna get one with it's gonna have Kevlar on it so the Sharks can't eat me big fish challenge but I have to say this last one your husband Tommy

56:50buns is the one who came up with the fitness challenge yeah and there was only like the last couple days before October look we hadn't really decided on what we're gonna do in fact we were even thinking about repeating our 15 yoga class thing like we kind of settled into that I was like okay I can do 15 yoga classes and we kind of decided that that's what we're gonna do and then I know where your husband goes hey I've been doing this fitness thing I wear this app maybe we could just see who gets the most points for a month I'm like okay I didn't think anything you wearing it you weren't excited about that idea I thought it would be fun like whatever but I didn't think it would be a psycho battle to the death well but it became really quick I'll tell you what's what was as a spouse of the so Birds the sobriety parts not too difficult for Tommy yeah it's the time away from the family

57:36it's like he would go and be like bye I'm gonna go hike for six hours yeah and we lived near Hills and I'm like there's rattlesnakes and cougars and you better be back before sundown dude no you know yeah and then he got sick so he was doing it on antibiotics which was crazy I didn't want him to be doing that she was 13 miles crazy that is bananas you know that is so hard to do I know and but we were like talking about it at breakfast and he was like well Joe's gonna be first there's no question like so it was more about who's gonna be second ari was trying to take that first place but no way was doing all sorts of sneaky tricks he was trying to bank up his points and try to pretend that I you know that he wasn't a threat it really was sneaking he's super sneaky yeah he came close he came close he was the closest to me and he was he was the most sneaky he's definitely the most sneaky

58:32what do you mean like what's his how was he sneaky like well he would say things to me like you should just work out normal and see if you beat us I mean if you just try to beat us be too easy hmm yeah why don't I do that Ari yeah I decided early on that I was gonna beat him but I decided that the first I was like this is so stupid who gives a about this competition I'm ruining my life for this thing I could not live with myself if Bert one that was a big part of the problem would that really have happened though could have happened I have all of you guys you never know if we off yeah see no one off everybody went hard even Bert yeah well Bert's wife was is probably used to him being gone abandoning the family she's like whatever he's just not here more I did a lot of my working out at home you know cuz I have a gym in my house great yeah so wasn't they knew

59:26where to find me so your wife and go there come in and make fun of me you still doing this like my eight-year-old especially that she thinks it's hilarious yeah she's like you better win you better win huh she'd walk away she's a little comedian she's a funny little really you gotta raise some sassy girls ya can't raise them the princess shits horrible you're gonna princess like oh no don't raise girls to think they're princesses I'm always waiting to be rescued for donnelly not only that like that means you're a part of a monarchy and you're oppressing all those peasants hey like this whole I talked to a friend once who was like this is back in like the 90s and he was he was very Pro black black guy who's very Pro and he said one of the most ridiculous things any person's ever said he was talking about black people today cause black people have got to

60:23understand back in the day we were kings and I go you will you couldn't be all kings I go listen listen do you understand how Kings work there's one person that person dominates all these other people with power and the way they do it is through threat and military and kill people who oppress them like you don't want to be a king man they're dicks you don't yeah it's one of the most terrible things to be is a king you don't even get elected into office trail you're just a king you have ultimate power you abuse the out of Israel you weren't all Kings like you can't be all you can't say we were Kings no goddamn that's a stupid thing to say well yeah cuz God God ordains the King right if you watch those Henry Lee I love those historical things Oh sighs you know do you ever watch Vikings I started to yeah is it good good all right yeah it's good give it four

61:14episodes yeah cuz right around episode four really kicks in okay so one of our friends had told us so I watched the first episode I was kind of clunky and episode 2 comes rolling mm-hmm episode 4 rolls running like oh it's good yeah you could just get executed back then from not the king like the way you looked at him him up and that would kept get cat people scared and that's how you keep power that's what Putin is doing yeah that's what they do in North Korea you know yeah or the king could just be like you're gonna be my new ho do you know about that shogi guy that the journalists that got assassinated do you know about this no a journalist got assassinated by the Saudis he went to the the Embassy in Istanbul because his wife went to the Turkish embassy because his wife was Turkish and he was trying to get married to her and the Saudis had sent 15 hit men to

62:11meet him there they strangled him and dismembered him with bone saws carry him out in suitcases and they brought in a guy who was a forensics expert he was one of the 15 people so they brought in someone who would know how to manipulate the data and the Turkish apparently they said that they have all they have video and audio evidence that he was murdered there but they can't release it because then it will show the people how they spy on them so crazy today in 2018 yeah killed a journalist they didn't like what he was saying that's Audi though I did a military gig in Saudi Arabia right before I 2007 and I actually had two passports when I went to go do this military tour and I didn't know why and we get to Riyadh and they go give them this passport the second one that we gave you which was completely blank and just had my personal information I know and we go in

63:13there and they go oh it's Thursday it's chop-chop Thursday it's a public execution day do you guys want to go see it and I was like I don't know I don't know like on the one hand kind of curious on the one hand no we couldn't do it because somebody some guy had put a bomb up his butt and blown up a prince or something so we couldn't go but yeah public executions they want you to see that you know to keep people in line and it's terrifying women can't women can drive now I hear they'll get stoned to death in front of everybody sure yeah sure they behead people they do all kinds of crazy to journalists yeah you know they lock bloggers up for life people have disrespected the crown this crazy yeah yeah women can't even you can't go to the mall unless a male family member accompanies you 2018 yeah and try getting out of there you know we're talking about this how

64:12crazy it is that it's so easy to come here from some countries like Cuba all you have to do is get on a raft you make it to Miami like you're in bro that's all you have to do survive the ride it don't send you back to Cuba ever that's true huh we don't what about that Elian Gonzalez didn't he get sent back eventually that was his parents wanted him back right I remember they had a gun they at the machine guns the kid was in the closet like what the why they send him home there was some circumstances today yeah dad was was it dad in the old country and mom in this country and there was a hostel back yeah some some nothing like that but for the most part they don't deport you when you make it from Miami or to Miami rather from from Cuba you're good bro thank God crazy though right it is crazy I have to do is get on a raft and Servine team Isles that's it

65:06how long would that take could take a long-ass time if you're doing a mile an hour take you 90 minutes a mile an hour to you 90 hours rather oh nine yeah okay yeah okay that's still a rebel mile an hour yeah which is like how fast do you pedal if you're paddling how fast you pass fast as I can you paddle a mile an hour I have no idea that's a good question right yeah hands on whether or not you're going with the tide against the tide dude and then the Sun Goes Down it's cold as I mean the Sharks you've seen Moana do sharks sure fresh water what are you drinking on your dream you can you're gonna try to keep it together drink as much as you can before and then you gotta drink your piss yeah yeah yeah you can once it separates right you let it sit right just drink it right is that fresh out yeah you do is you lie on your back and you bring your ass to your so you grab

66:03your hands behind your ass bring it to yourself piss right in your mouth don't want to lose any of its precious moisture in and out in and out there watch that TV show is a Navy SEALs who can survive you know they tell one guy goes to the beach one guy has to go to the mountains or some how long did yeah I've seen a lot of those shows I like a survivor that was one of them yeah I'd like to learn how to survive I wouldn't be good at it would you do naked and afraid no that's the stupidest one that's the stupidest show why would you want to be naked you don't need to be no yeah I have ants in your butthole well there's something about that that's like okay this is uh they've taken it as far as you can take it yeah like okay we're gonna have people survive yeah yeah like survivor man yeah yeah okay but how people that do that don't know what they're doing yeah good idea

66:57and man let's make them naked yeah okay Jesus you don't care about people at all oh why would you do that Shane tanks now you get people and one of them is hot and the other one's fat disgusting yeah then you have them naked together well I like to watch I used to like Survivor when they put the fat people on the island and then they get real skinny by the end of the show that was kind of all right weight loss show that is legit you get on Island and nothing to eat you will lose weight yeah yeah if you're fat you actually have an advantage yeah weight to lose that's right if you're really skinny and you can't I remember one time someone killed something like a rabbit or something everybody freaked out people are so mad meanwhile they could be serving them chicken out of a bucket no one say a word so stupid oh my god he killed our habit with a knife what are

67:46you spooky yeah you don't want him to do that what do you want that rabbit to live forever and become an angel please what the is wrong with you rabbits lived two years my kids had a pet rabbit they lived for like two you know it's the worst gerbils hamsters hampshire's they lived for two years we had one that lived her three was a miracle yeah amazing once we're incredible it was an extra year they didn't give a about that thing it's like they they say they want a hamster like oh we want a hamster we want a hamster okay let's get a hamster we're gonna with it all the time we promised okay okay they get it they pick it up a couple of times like this little rat they have cats and dogs which are real else's everything else is pet yeah it's a pup you can't really play with it you can't snuggle with a hamster you can't teach it to do anything yeah the worst I think is birds

68:38why don't you have a bird don't give a about you they all over your house if you let him out one thing we did do is we raised a hummingbird we brought it back to health and then released it we found a hummingbird there was a baby hummingbird that had fallen out of the nest and it was really tiny and so we took it in and we didn't know how long it was gonna live like man this thing my dionyse like what do we do and then we had a Google what they eat and basically the sugar water yeah yeah so we basically put sugar and mix it in with water and put it in his or her little don't you gender that humming yeah I'm gonna call deserve anser box and they box and we fed them pronouns healthy diet sugar water could you imagine and we kept it for a month and then eventually it got to a point where it was kind of hopping around inside the box and it seemed to be healthy and

69:41would let us hold it and everything it was really crazy like totally attached to us and then we let it go and flew away like it was up in the beginning couldn't move his wings right and we didn't know what to do whether it was wounded to the point we're gonna have to take it and get it you know fix somewhere and you know we didn't know damn but it lived hey sorry how long did you have it about a month they're so crazy I I have a feeder outside the kitchen window and I love to watch them I get so excited when they come it's like strange bird makes my day they go so fast oh so fast those little tiny wings to their wings are so small that's what's odd like every bird has like a wingspan but their wingspan is like half the size of a normal bird wing span and they just go a million miles an hour and they go left and right and up and down and they're just so their ability

70:34to change direction is so strange and hover right they can just hover perfectly in the air and then drone dart off and then come back and hover yeah very unusual design yeah right they're so tiny but I guess that's why they have to move so fast cuz the wings are so tiny you ever seen one get up by a praying mantis no that's the darkest a praying mantis will hide underneath a bird feeder and just sinew weight and you're like how that praying man just can't up that bird it's smaller than the bird yeah praying mantises regularly kill hummingbirds I did not climb up to the nest they closed the theater and they just sit and wait and because they look like sticks you know and they blend in with the color of the tree they're on you know cuz they camouflage their color hmm here watch this look at this look at look at I'm just hanging out they're totally frozen and these birds won't

71:32have any idea what's going on mm-hmm it seems like he's kind of know they're crazy no and the hummingbird is so much faster than him it doesn't matter it doesn't it only has to be fast for a second it only has to clamp down those jaws there so persons saving it person saved it well that person is an you're right because that's the order of things oh we kind of gave away his punch he's really like telegraphing his moves and they're supposed to get out of there you see this happening just a stupid-ass bird we have an owl in our backyard and one of the coolest things is when the sun goes down we sit in the backyard and we watch that come out of the big tree that it lives in dude you seen it I will come out to hunt just there's just swoops through the backyard you're like that's gonna do these out he's gonna catch some tonight some rabbits we're gonna die put your dogs away they keep the rat

72:33population down - yeah we got lots of those cuz we have fruit trees so the rats look at this they regularly eat hummingbirds but the thing is if you look at the size of the hummingbird and the size of the praying mantis you would go there's no way where's it gonna eat it it can't even there's not even enough room in its body it's a good point and the beak it's so hard they don't give a praying mantis is just we are so lucky they're little if they're big like German Shepherds we would be hmm they're Zetas we're lucky dogs are as dopey as they are you know when you're especially talk about how dumb some parent they're where they're afraid of your judgment yeah make it eat us your dogs big enough in faster he's a golden retriever he's not eating anybody but if his brain were more yeah like if he was a rat that big losses that big and he was a ferocious rat and I was in

73:29the subway and I saw him I would be so scared dude we got rats do you have rats near oh we definitely get rats yeah I hate them so much I have a guy that comes my rat guy puts down all the traps we had one get into an AC unit and one of our the guest bedroom and it stunk like yeah we had one too it died in the wall uh and we started having all these flies uh that came in through the room when we were trying to figure out what how does this fly getting in here I realized there's something dead in the wall because it was stinking yeah and we had to just wait for it to rot away oh yeah I guess what's the alternative you punched through the wall that you don't want to do that yeah it was the only alternative Narracott one with the trap oh yeah yeah I love it a lot of them yeah what kind of trap you use kind of hurt that snappers old scars snappers are the best actually you know a

74:24up story I was in Encino and I was renting this house for a while and I killed a rat it was a big boy big big fat boy and I was like Jesus look at that thing and I was like I I'm gonna go to bed in the morning of cleaning up I went to bed I came back in the morning he was eating the only thing that was left is his tail they ate the entire rat that rats are full-on cannibal I didn't know that the other rats will eat the dead guy hundred percent instantly they ate him down to the tail mother-father was nothing left down to the tail even rats won't eat a rat's tail we should serve rat tails on fear factor even rats won't eat it like man good stick with garbage and yeah they're so nasty hate everything the guts they they'd the head they everything it is chewed through the rat head there was like almost nothing left yeah they were eating they were eating

75:22bones who was almost nothing left it was so disturbing yeah there's a rat eat another wrap you know cannibal rats filmed eating fellow rodents yeah they eat the out of each other they have no problem with that and once they're in your house you're screwed once you see those droppings mmm now you're you got to find out how they're getting into the house you got to it up or whatever let that oh it's the worst man yeah these always get in is one of the reasons why it's good to have coyotes around it's good to have ours all those think hawks all those things keep the rat population down so people run around killing hawks and owls and and you know there was also a problem with people that leave out poison cuz you leave out poison for the rats and the rats eat the poison then the Owls eat the rats and they get poisoned they die oh dear yeah that's an issue that's no good we

76:17have coyotes too they come out in broad daylight yeah you got to be careful those little or any kids oh yes and around its small my little dogs doing a little shitty dogs you don't need to yeah can't yeah oh yeah yeah they'll they'll bite your kids yeah I mean if no one's around you know if you leave a kid in the yard three-year-old kid I'm just gonna mommy let's take a right back come back out to a half-eaten kid I take my kid with me to take a I put him on my lap when I of course I'm not gonna let my kid be alone you know a three-year-olds get into everything especially with animals out there that's dark mmm-hmm that's a weird thing like those coyotes are really they're predators that are wandering we know we had a big issue with them because we have chickens and they start killing some chick but then we realized were targeted like our yard is targeted by these little

77:09tiny wolves it's very strange sort of wild creatures that are sneaky Oh smart and they can jump over walls - mm-hmm forget it man you jump over walls like nothing like six-foot fence they bounce to the top of the fence then bounce over it like it's not even there they're elegant I know the way they move it's really kind of beautiful to watch they look like just dogs like I'll see them in the neighborhood hmm oh that's a coyote do like at first you're like excited someone's dog and then you just see them kind of skulking they just you know like looking at him but then I know what they're capable of and you're like get the out of your sure dogs I had a friend she had her doggy and right in front of her shed a little Maltese lived out in Westlake Village in the broad daylight she was just standing in the backyard with the little Maltese and a coyote just came and snatched it up

78:01right in front of her and just just went away with it you're like there's my there goes my dog broad daylight Wow we got two little shits I don't let them run around in the charge oh yeah of course she was devastated she was traumatized loved that dog you know it's you know what the Maltese is essentially a lab dog you're not training that thing to do much else I've been sleep with you and love yeah so it's a it's a member of the family and yeah it's like coyote snatches it up crazy it's hard out there for a coyote though they got a fat dog slippin yeah stupid kunti dog getting fed by these people that's right but they won't with Marshall right like he's too big yeah he's too big maybe two of them could try to take him down they might yeah I mean if they felt like he wasn't gonna do anything about it they felt like he was submissive or it felt like they could just get a hold of

78:52them you know who knows they've definitely killed dogs as big as him before yeah you know my wines love them they would love it oh that size for sure it's a lot of food yeah we think I already sensed that submissiveness that I don't know I think um you know I used to have a much bigger dog but he died he he was a mastiff he was 13 years old we just we just put him to sleep a few months ago sorry it was bad at the end we probably should have done it earlier because the end he literally couldn't walk into the house to eat like he was in the yard and when I try to call him in for dinner he he couldn't walk like it was awful he would struggle to stand up and he would take like a half a step and pause another half a step and pause and his legs were shaking I mean he was he is a beautiful dog like like so sweet like such a comment like Mastiffs are so kind like so calm

79:52it was so hard watching him struggle you know because he was like breathing heavy and his mouth was always like he took a step and he'd be in agony and just it was just so old from Mastiff 13 is so old Frank is the bigger dogs they don't live as long they live like eight eight nine years old for him to be 13 like the vet was pretty shocked dog is old from mastiff their beauty their big birds got one of those right yeah he's got one Priscilla yeah they guard vampires do that they protect you from vampires right guard for their part in the N rice books they're always guarding they guard the vampires while they sleep that's right those books were good you know Anne Rice went wacky and became a Christian at the end I know I've heard this I saw her on a flight once and then I googled her and she's writing Christian stuff and she also wrote a bunch of S&M books

80:52Oh under yeah under a pseudonym it's all about spanking a lot of spanking it's very odd yes yes I had to read it okay let me ask you this yeah what is it about women and vampires oh sure what's that I'll tell you it's the same well it's it's control and power and I think similar to Fifty Shades of Grey which I tried giving that a read to and I was like nah that's kind of stupid I'm smart for that I don't know I like dumb believe me you don't like that dumb no I try to see what the deal is I always try to see what why people are drawn to stuff I think it's a power thing so the vampire comes and takes control of you and you're totally submissive and somewhere I think in the female whatever DNA and our and our makeup to have someone totally care for you and give your power to them I think as part of that freedom it's also a metaphor for sexual liberation so maybe

81:54in a time when women couldn't be sexually free that vampire is a metaphor for a loss of you know control and sexual desire and stuff I don't know that's my theory same with the shades of grey mostly it was rightly housewives kind of a repressed it's a repressed sexual thing yeah because I wasn't never escaped he was like a billionaire guy who liked to you like to spit in their mouth and I just know she had a five hundred orgasms the first time she ever had sex I saw goes yeah spit on go ahead try it out but I mean call me yeah okay yeah was that worried the fake word that he said I'm home Ian yeah oh man yeah her pen name wrote a book in 1985 called exit Eden that was one of the sadomasochistic that was turned into a movie do you remember this movie no and dan Aykroyd no Dan Aykroyd did it oh I do with Rosie O'Donnell that's right it was a comedy right yeah was it supposed

82:57to be a comedy I mean it's it's bid was based off the story so I think Gary Marshall might have turned it into a comedy oh that's hilarious did you played a slow person yes yes no I have it but Sean Penn has also played a slow person but no one is quite done it the way Ben Stiller did did you see the people getting mad because people because some football player went as simple Jack that's right yeah but not just him there's a couple other people that went a simple jack for Halloween and they were getting like you can't go a simple jack anymore you can't be a simple person example character like dumb characters are now out the wind you can't be that anymore what happened what's going on with us I don't know some weird new rules like popping up out of nowhere like wait what but wasn't simple Jack a parody of the thing like it was it's a joke on a joke play simple Jack it's not

84:00that he's actually portraying a realistic portrayal and right right simple Josh was a character yeah yeah even in the movie simple generate character in a movie wasn't like an actual person right yeah once upon a time there was a Wow is that what it said in the movie that's not that long ago and here's the thing that movie also that's all from Tropic Thunder that movie is also the last time anyone's allowed to wear black yes that's it that's right that's it it's over now that's right like a Robert Downey jr. try to wear black face in Tropic Thunder to imagine just imagine the blowback boy all the hurt feelings what happened this enormous question of what happened yeah I'm hoping you have a fresh take on it what you want to know what I think it is really yes okay I think since Donald Trump became the leader and I think some people are so triggered by daddy right

85:12daddy's a little narcissistic at times daddy's not very socially conscious at times and I think that's affected because if you say anything kind of insensitive then it's in a line with that regime maybe you know what I mean it even though you're maybe you don't I don't identify with everything Trump stands for I like inappropriate humor yeah doesn't mean I align with him but I think because he doesn't give any sensitivity to these groups that are marginalized and makes the marginalize people upset I also think that people have realized that you can get people in trouble by pointing out the fact they're insensitive and you can come down on them hard yeah and when you do they move things happen there's like an a reaction yeah this all happening uh it's in it what's interesting is the impulse to destroy it's not just it started with shaming fire them yes take away their

86:06income take yeah make them lose their house disappear yes louis c.k banished go away forever right I'm not ready for you to come back yet right redemption and how is when is redemption allowed how soon has he repented enough do we feel like he's earned that there's all kinds of stuff no and then who's accused what are the grounds for accusation yes what's enough what's enough evidence just somebody saying something good enough believe all women which I believe obviously I mean who the you know but then again throw yeah there are people who are lying who do you say for sure yeah but that believe all women thing like what about Casey Anthony believer you know what about Tonya Harding believe her know right funny there's a lot of dumb do you shouldn't believe yeah yeah they're people yeah things I never met her liar with a vagina that's outrageous they have

87:04vaginas to wires is a whole separate breed yeah there's their non gender-specific that's right oh that's interesting on binary they are not binary liars there's it just liars you know it's like yeah I mean it's not like murderers you know murderers are predominantly male this is true yeah this is true what's up with that testosterone yeah yeah a long history of killing people it's only been within the last couple hundred years you get in trouble for it testosterone that's true actually yes that's true right used to be not that big a deal to kill people no no they killed each other people at duels I mean there was a president that had a duel which one I forget which one Jackson one of the presidents had a duel while he was in office that's pretty rad yeah but I get I think you guys kill because you can physically you can lick right now you could reach

87:56across this table and snap my neck cuz you're way bigger than me and way stronger than me I could poison men kill each other - they killed each other when each other are the same size yeah they kill people that are bigger than them there's a lot of it's a history of people killing people people get in trouble they're in the way they're a problem they're starting all sorts of they won't let you sleep and you're like goddamn it I want to just stab this and that's that's how men handle things or have handled four sociopaths right yes the sociopathic ones but yes but I think particularly when it's more common like it becomes a cultural sort of artifact like murder and and violence becomes a part of life like if you lived in ancient Rome for instance and you got to the Colosseum you watch people get chopped up with swords and eaten by lions and then most

88:49people are a lot of murder taking place out in the streets and very people to people got caught for anything like what kind of mean you have to be like right there to catch someone doing something actually yeah no fingerprints no DNA no understanding of anything I mean who the knows who killed anybody and and people were just getting away with it left and right well what is this who's this Alexander Hamilton Aaron Burr bro was the sitting vice president at the time he fought the vice president Aaron Burr was yeah Alexander Hamilton was of the former secretary of the Treasury I believe at the time and there were political rivals Wow political rivals they had a duel and who won burr won and how did he win he shot them kill them yeah like art artists renderings of whatever it looked like I don't know crazy they would stand like ten paces they would walk away from each other and

89:46then shoot each other yeah that's but see does that seem like a fair thing it's just really who's quicker on the draw it's not really who's stronger or more yeah like an elegant fighter I don't know you you judge fights all the time well they wanted to kill each other that's the thing it's like so let's let's figure out a way where we can kill each other or try to kill each other and we make an agreement on how it works it's really stupid yeah right yeah it's really stupid like you shouldn't tell someone that you want to kill the idea was like to make it so that either guy had a fair chance it's fair killing right do you know that some states like particularly Washington state I have mutually agreed combat laws no yeah so like if you and Jamie just decided to each other up okay I think it might have to be girl on girl or boy on boy but if Jamie just said to me like dude I'm tired of your

90:39I want to you up and be like I want to you up too and we just decided and agreed cops will stand by and let them beat the out of each other I kind of respect that some this is some Old West type about that well I will say knowing what I know about males it's kind of the way at least growing up and the time I did that's how guys sorted out right yeah some guys giving you some static you put him in his place and then the beef is over right yeah but you don't want to have to do that the problem with that kind of is what if that guy can kick your ass and he's giving you some static like you wouldn't let him beat you up now you know like you don't want to have to fight someone or even have to know how to fight or have to be in a position where you might get up by a guy just cuz he likes to talk a lot talking me into some sort of a beef and he doesn't mind if he gets his

91:31brains punched in he's already stupid a man's terrible what's better being a matter of being a woman well I will say in terms of power being a dude listen white guys rule everything it's gonna be that way for a minute longer until these old Supreme Court guys kick it you know what I mean do you think that's gonna change everything well here's I think I think whoever controls the money in the power for money and then you get the power you get the pole yes it's actually true right that's real power you know I'm saying who controls industry and who controls the government so until that changes do you think those Supreme Court guys and gals get together and go to one of them Eyes Wide Shut party yes yes yes what is that the Bohemian Grove Illuminati the Bilderberg Group yeah I started to watch a documentary on the Freemasons on Netflix the most boring thing I ever saw

92:32Tapout after five minutes because it's like a legit organization where a bunch of nerds get together and like yeah they're real nerdy yeah it's not even exciting I'm at a pre Mason in Houston was trying to tell me all about I fell asleep yeah but we have a handshake and you're like no secret pyramid yeah hi that pyramids and I am Emily I am Horace yeah where's the witchcraft yeah yeah let's get weird man but you know about that egg the public execution stuff you were talking about mm-hmm earlier yeah there's that book by Foucault you know the old French philosopher he talked about the scaffold scenes and whether or not they worked as deterrent for people committing crimes so now we don't have public execution but we do behind closed doors right we don't hang somebody but we quietly give somebody a lethal injection and it's all very civilized right to kill somebody but I

93:26wonder which works better is the public deterrent thing of like hey dude you steal some because look at Saudi Arabia they'll cut your hand off right if you you know deal yeah I know I wonder if the public versus the private punishment if that ever really works on weirdos yeah who would it stop men from murdering I mean I think people that do it get caught up in when they would call crimes of passion right I don't like that I think it caught up in this this moment and they just can't help themselves and they want to kill someone more than they want to be free this one kills they deal with that lost later right now I got a rock and that dude's got a head we need to connect this rock to that guy's head mm-hmm what's this last public hanging in Kentucky in 1936 geez look how many people showed up that's the bet see humans like that stuff we like to see it they love it look at those guys

94:29climbing up on trees and this is in France 1939 SiC guillotine and you know what the guillotine that it wasn't a clean cut the first time and they'd have to do it a few times oh really huh huh not always a good dad that you always hoped for a sharp blade mm-hmm yeah that's the last public execution in France yeah it says what year was uh 1939 whoa thirty-nine whoa was there video of this says he was a German criminal I don't say wow that is crazy they have the box standing there two peoples ago Joe was yeah yeah the United States was founded three peoples ago that's true that's crazy that's what's hard to really understand how much cultural evolution has taken place just during our lifetime it's hard to imagine it's hard to him at what year were you born 76 could you imagine if you had a time machine and you can go back to 1976 to just wander around the streets and see what

95:45people were like you're like oh my god you guys are children you don't know you have no internet you barely read I know what do you do I'm sorry what tell you there's a video of this not really good video but let's see it these people gather around gather around fixing to drop the hammer oh it is Oh get them in there get in there the German ready one take Jeff we'll do that again sure yeah you know right get him in there and um that is a crazy way to kill someone yes leave it to the French well it's efficient I think that's good Jean yeah yes this is what we do to machine we do not do it with our hands you do with the machine yeah Wow well back to your statement I often find myself because I'm 42 years old and I do find myself being like the world has changed completely since was a kid growing up in the 80s and in the 90s especially in the last decade

96:54even just from the time I started doing stand-up and the audience's and how you have to adjust kind of how you're doing comedy how its received yeah I mean just even this thing phones this is bananas yeah I have a computer right here and I can watch movies I can google anything I want yeah I can find my way home when we had to like remember how to get home how about when it tells you you're 22 minutes from home I'm like you don't know where I live yeah how do you know is going there tells you where you stopped every night my home that's my side yeah yeah like what if your husband look through it hey why does it say you're only 15 minutes from home we live a half an hour from here dick dick 15 minutes way right I mean cheating now you've got to be quick you've got to have a burner right I mean cuz your wife could just I think if you're cheating today you're just you're a reckless reckless

97:53individual if you whine yeah if you're using your phone and cheating Oh reckless person crazy talk Oh reckless person yeah but if you got a burner phone what's up with that Kmart phone all right your wife's gonna find that you got that CVS flip phone you got oh and by the way I heard you guys talking about me not being right or die with segura yeah well you're gonna turn him in I'll turn him in a hot second yeah no no here's my problem I I would I be right or die when it came to premeditated under the condition of somebody's threatening my family but let's say he goes to Starbucks and the barista gets his order wrong which is the scenario we discussed and then he snaps and kills the barista mmm that's the I'm talking about where I'm like oh this person's crazy like you've turned a corner mentally well how bad the guy up the order I mean what have you said sugar-free and it clearly

98:54a sugar in it right right right or nonfat yeah gives you a whole fat half K uh how much anxiety do you get when you go to Starbucks and barista makes someone else is ordered before yours that ordered after you can I mean like they call that person's name I get so I drink coffee yeah oh just coffee trip yeah give me a grande Coffee please which roasts the dark one just give me coffee that's right again I got a cup of coffee I put some cream in it and I'm good you don't do pumpkin spice yeah but my wife does drink vanilla lattes that are sugar-free with heavy cream heavy cream instead of milk that's pretty goddamn good and they're sugar free oh that's so damn good those are good but they're not coffee it's like a drink you're drinking a drink it's like a milkshake yes my calories yeah a lot of calories it's good before you workout we drink one of those I drank one of those this

99:53morning before you at the hit the hills is she on the same diet you are she's uh she was on keto for a while now she's she got off of that but she might get back on it again we we were here last I went running today and I was hobbling because we were drunk bench-pressing last night while drunk bench-pressing pulled a muscle in my leg of course it's like they're like how many times you think you pressed 225 give me that you it's like we're so drunk it's so drunk and I benchpress 225 pounds like 11 times and on the 11th time I felt something go in my leg but I ignored it it seemed fine I was walking around everything's fine but then running today it was not fine as soon as I was running as soon as I got on the hills and then I was pushing it I was like oh I something up and my leg drunk bench-pressing so crazy her back to exercising already oh I was exercising two days afterwards yeah but

100:54not as much I mean I ran the hills today that was kind of hard but now I'm I really am limping I gotta figure out what this is well Plus on hills it's uneven terrain and there's rocks and right it can't be good for your knees and no that's not a problem my needs were they were sore for my knees were a little sore my feet were sore my ankles were sore because there's a lot of pounding a lot of running yes and that's I take my dog that's his like that's how he stays chill that's right if he if he runs with me a couple miles a day he's so chill he's just relax if he doesn't he's like what are we doing something that's what Cesar Millan says you got to tire him out yeah calm submissive energies yeah calm submissive energy and if they work out then they're chillin you can tell him what to do ya know that's definitely true yeah especially he's my dogs pretty young

101:47he's only he'll turn to next month so he's he's basically a pup still that's super sweet yeah he's a gorgeous dog he's a sweetie he's the sweetest of sweeties this is a really good dog you know I was uh I was listening to Ari talk some on the your wrap-up show whatever from sober October is so funny when he's like well these two are obese like I just eat normal which is so true it's what is re easy on the normal no he's normal he was fat at one point time no yeah he had a sugar problem he was eating candy like all the time and then he realized he had a candy problem r is very smart he recognizes he has problems and any fixes them and that's something that uh fat Burt doesn't do alright he did change his life I mean like I we kind of started at the same time in comedy I didn't really know him know him until much later but yeah I remember him being kind of a and then he like turned his

102:48around and yep yeah amazing well he he did a lot of different things sorry no disrespect no he's accessible now so he's he's also doing it his way like really truly doing it his way like he doesn't he's got no one who tells him what to do and then he's gonna keep it that way he doesn't have any expensive tastes at all he wears a normal clothes he doesn't even own a watch you know you know he's a grower walk to time it's on my phone it's how you get ones last time you somewhere where you couldn't find the time yeah on his flip phone yeah does anyone have like an eye phone he doesn't want one because of you as you realizes he gets addicted to social media he gets addicted to like googling things and tweeting and all that you just can't do it you can't handle it yeah you said I get it but you just have to have discipline I agree yeah for me I can you know I'm a

103:46problem not looking at my phone for hours of time I think you got to just decide that that's how you live yeah don't just live checking your phone constantly because so you and I grew up in a time where we didn't compulsively check our phones yeah and now I've had to learn to give a about it like well the email came in yeah but imagine our children who are this is just an it I was listening to you talk to Elon Musk about how this is like an extension mm-hmm technology will just grow into a human being right like well my daughter's friends my ten-year-old daughter's friend all of them have phones except for like two or three of them ten yeah what are they doing at ten is it social meeting this one girl my my wife always jokes she was when you see her she'll have a phone in her hand she always has a phone in her hand she never puts that phone down she

104:36stares at that phone while she's talking her friend she's playing with things she goes this is why I don't want our kids to have phones and then we meet her at Starbucks she's looking at everyone oh hi it's like a scene in a movie she's like hi how are you I'm just looking her phone checking things like they texting each other back and forth constantly at 10 they manipulating each other like one of them will say something to get the other ones go and then she'll go radio silent on her Oh girls they're with each other at dude that's normal though that girl evil you learned a cult you do that stuff early but with this it's even more insidious you can't have a group of three girls because one's gonna be out all the time it's just when girls do it's even why is that why you girls do that well what's the evolutionary biology solution like what is the the the cause the root right one is your

105:26ally one is your enemy well no you're gonna her husband because you want that new dick and you want those scream for the eggs so I want to that other my friend's husband no no I think at the threat the other are a threat right yeah other are threat yeah but they're a threat because they want to your husband yeah yeah yeah so you got to like figure out a way to manipulate them yeah you pretty nervous keep those hoes in check that's right make them make them up so you keep one click one hold close to you trust each other out that's right yeah psychology it's fascinating but with men too you know there's guys that will your wife you know these guys that will move on them say yeah you know look I don't want to be that guy but you deserve better than Tom how about friends in the past do that to your lady yeah yeah and then I did go straight to me and tell me yeah go to the guy oh I

106:26guess we're not friends huh I thought we were friends you weasel dude listen I'm friends with her to you certain guys like that there's certain guys that just what I had a friend when I was growing up who always wanted to the girlfriends of other guys and then if those guys broke up with the girl he would immediately them my dude he's your friend you know she's she's free she's free no free market what else call those hyenas were they prey on the the carcass what animal preys on the carcass they're scavengers their scavenger they're waiting they're just waiting for that breakup that guy is always around and he's the guy you're friends with for a while for like a few years and he acts cool and then the minute you break up yeah dude he's the shoulder you cry on it took me a few years to learn that guy yeah oh you're not my friend how about the ones they're supposed to be

107:24your friend that's yeah and they're playing like they're your friend but really they're just waiting for a moment to snap it yeah yeah yeah it's gonna be a time yes vulnerable yeah yeah it's gonna be a time I always it shows if there's a guy and a girl together and I'm like are you on a date no he's just my friend I'm like oh who does but some girls know it and they just keep that guy around cuz he'll drive them to the mall and he'll take them to dinner and we just went out with Mike he's a sweetie bee mom Mike is just beating off possess thinking about you and for Mike well this fingering is that yeah I just two of them are grabbing the balls like a bowling ball anger is coming men are so nasty y'all is so damn mad angry that's not working out talking and then she texts him after he comes with me I was like no we're not friends mm-hmm friends that's terrible

108:28I can't wait to shut it down though you know shut it down I can't wait to just show every time much work it is especially when you hit your 40s I do Pilates twice a week I gotta eat the prime on the primal I don't eat anything I'm a blueprint yes assistance diet yeah he's a sponsor of this show oh yeah yes okay he's been on the podcast for a couple times yes I I tried to I was trying to live like baby brands trying to listen to the vegan doctor versus mmm that's a good one yeah Chris crusher yeah yeah I just I have to listen in pieces because it's pretty intricate you know it's very intense yeah yeah but like anyway the point being I can't wait to shut it the down really yeah and just wear like culottes and Birkenstocks are you gonna wear Crocs ever em when wear Crocs really with socks or no socks socks because my feet get real sweaty you know and I'm gonna get real short haircut I

109:24should just above the ears the net yeah Ashley Rose what's her name Amber Rose oh she's so pretty though oh the other one Amber Rose is the hot one yeah but then the other one Ruby Rose I don't know that one she's the one who played the hip man in the John wick movie oh yeah John wick Julie those movies alive I love John woos yeah with no man's dog can't kill the man's dog yeah dude it's gonna kill everybody you know yeah I respect you little puppy yeah beat it to death yeah yeah oh she's gorgeous yes yeah she may have the same acting teacher yeah I've seen her give an acting teacher I have a coach that I go to before auditions yeah oh that's a good move yeah but at this point like with the hate I'm out I'm not good at acting you're fantastic hello what have you ever seen me act in news radio that's easy that's all I want to do but it's very easy tell me give me the tutorial on sitcom

110:33acting they just do it does just pretend you're that person the end wait a minute there's no method Yona browning character for know memorize what you're supposed to say yeah pretend to be that person do it a bunch of times so you know how to do it the right way and then go in and don't be nervous that's the thing is not not choking yeah that's a big part of it a big part of auditions is ready go yeah and you got to be normal you got to be normal in that especially if it's like a calm scene or a weird scene or a love scene or something like then it's all these staring at you with notepads and stacks of other people's BIOS and headshots and yeah you know the whole thing is bizarre the worst it's so different than actual acting to because it's like you're doing it in this weird environment there's a conference table the person who's reading with you is probably like I did one it was the

111:27person who read with me was so insultingly bad at it that I was I was really frustrated it was like some PA and he was like I just don't know if this is what was supposed to happen with us I was like come on man if you're gonna just say the word so I can respond to this I can't skate what the is right this is what I want to say if you were talking to me like that I'd be like what is wrong with you why can't you talk yeah are you on drugs did you get hit in the head it's a coconut fall out of a tree and almost kill you see this is why you're so successful this is why well because in a world of you know what I mean you got to keep it 100 I don't think the world is I don't think it's a world of I think there's a lot of but I think there's more reality today I think we've ever expect ever before but what there is is a bunch of people that are scared hmm that's

112:24what it is they're scared of getting called out or they're scared again fired the fired ones a big one they'll take away your income sure we're gonna find another job after I talked about blackface yeah yeah oh my god over and she was loving it where she was at Fox she worked out before or she could say all kinds of crazy yeah they don't care about blackface at Fox you're like yeah why can't yeah yeah give her a raise for that one yeah you should be able to you should be able to have a bone in your nose and then she goes over to was it NBC why would you go there you know that's not for you dude apparently they did not like her from the jump the inside word is that she was not a nice person they did not like her to be around they were looking for a reason to get rid of her that's the word that's inside work but don't you hate that when you hear that someone's not

113:13nice and they're making millions of dollars that's true but who's saying she's not nice how about someone's annoying to her maybe she's not nice cuz you're annoying she's out there trying to educate people about blackface you it's just color yeah what's the big deal didn't she say that Santa Claus isn't black - yes that was a part of the extended megyn kelly bit that I had to head it down though I had a guy in the office who was work whether I was like if you worked in playing Kelly after like about a year you're not doing any work all day long all you're thinking of is someone gets to her why can't it be me I give here in the cubicle right there and you're running down you time you time your trips to the coffee machine when you see her walking not yet not yet like Megan just wanna let you know Santa Claus definitely white you'd say things right just like you me yeah yeah yeah

114:12Oh horrible that's a lot of guys a lot of guys working in offices oh but you're not supposed to hit on your coworkers now is not considered a microaggression or toxic masculinity or some of those things but then what if you love her well she loves you if it works out what if her husband is a jerk you'll take care of her kid oh my god no way I can't even imagine I mean I've been with Tommy for so long like being with oh my god this is what I think I think when people work together if you work together for eight hours a day you are spending as much if not more time with that person that you work with every day they can do with your spouse absolutely and you're only home like look if you're home in the morning how much do you get to see your your wife or your your husband an hour two hours in the morning and most you get up you run into the shower excuse me brush

115:08teeth Lenny breakfast let's see you practice we got going on today but uh then we're playing basketball with Mike and then for eight hours eight hours a day you're with some other people you don't spend eight hours flat with anybody other than the people that you work with you get home it's what 7:30 8 o'clock you watch TV you have dinner by the time it's 10:00 you're asleep that's three hours you got like three hours with that person there were eight hours with this guy was trying to him I know and you're right you're right because I worked at a company I had a this guy was he ended up marrying his assistant but he did that thing we're like this is my work life that's what they start by doing they break you down slowly and they're like is my work wife this is my work husband ha ha ha it's a joke it's a joke it's a joke it happened after that was come that was go

116:06sorry cuz Tommy always like I held in a fart that whole time we were doing it are you proud of me that's real romantic but aren't they're married no actually but that's how he courted her and she was way out of his league she was a hot mm twenty-something gorgeous girl married now they have you know how many kids I don't remember so what happened how do you get her he broke her so she was dating some guy that wouldn't call her it was kind of like dipping out on her and stuff so he'd be like I'm here for you let's go out after work let's go get some drinks right it's that and your friend I'm the guy that's gonna show up for you everyday dump that guy I'm saying even though he's just saying he's the work husband he was saying I could be a real husband uh yeah yes yeah and to her give up yeah that's what she wanted though she wanted to be wiped up yeah a lot of girls want to be wiped up

116:58yeah that's great yeah why would you work that's it's the best I'm an idiot career as why you're crap yeah it's really sad when guys wife up I know a guy that's wifed up you mean oh and the woman takes care of the man got all the money money but you only that's awesome like to stay home he looks miserable cuz he doesn't have any say he doesn't have any income oh all the money so who has the money has the power in the relationship and she didn't even earn the money well he came from the family Oh fantastic they're involved too they're always around that's not good he's a weak weak weak soul that's a dark place for a man to be no sovereignty no control of your existence no real financial decision-making ability because you don't bring in any money you're scaring me right now feeling there's guys that they settle for that well you know let's egalitarians work me

118:11why should I work you know Wilma makes all the money huh no you think I can't that relationship can't ever work that dynamic huh does it make sense to you why would it work it's like yeah I mean maybe the alligator and the cat can be friends Cooper said ain't gonna work it's just not gonna work well it will work if it's not a real man and and you know and the woman likes that scenario and if the guys just like this spineless little cheese head I think you're and I it's totally on PC no and I think you're right because I think he's got to be kind of a beta male he's the guy who likes his balls busted a little bit maybe yeah maybe he likes his nuts she was just scared he's just scared yeah you know look it's if you're you're in a relationship someone and that someone is a woman and she makes far more money than you and you just decide to let her pay all the bills that is a squirrelly

119:11proposition it may work it's entirely possible you might find the perfect woman and the perfect man where their personalities gel together neither one of them gives a about money and yet the guy's still a man and the woman's still a woman is just that she makes all the money and you know he kind of like does the dishes and takes it in the ass she pegs them she puts out a strap-on she she pisses his face that's how he gets money for food persons are the quality she does whatever she wants she smacks them you can't leave it's like yeah I think so they have no power well let's see what about Oprah and Stedman but Stedman makes a living - like he what a Stefan Stefan is like one of those pirate beers that you glue on at a party and everybody knows it's not a real beer you know it never really occurred to me I don't I don't know I just think we need together forever

120:13but could you picture open yes a thousand percent but I think Gale Gale for her isn't so much a lover as a mom I don't even know a gale is that's her best friend Gil no I'm not aware that's when they think that she's friends no I don't know I don't know I mean it's possible that's not the case yeah it's possible yeah but they know I don't want to assume oh she looks good there Oprah is skinny that was skinny Oprah mm-hmm that's one thing Steadman's just steady you never go nowhere was it doesn't even make a good living though doesn't he have a job that's the thing I think Stedman does have stuff going yeah I think he's like oh I want to say he's a lawyer or something like that at Google I'm it said American educator so I don't know well here's a thank you wouldn't you say that when someone regardless of male-female has nothing else in life going you know I'm someone they have no

121:13Drive mm no focus no no goal yeah that in and of itself is a bad thing it's a bad thing regardless being the man of gender yeah yeah yeah yeah people with no hobbies like you don't you don't enjoy doing anything like even if it's just like reading you don't you don't like doing I to do but you don't like to do anything you want to do anything yeah like you don't do anything what do you do you watch TV and eat oh yeah beliefs they tell jokes that's true when they're not telling jokes they watch TV and eat yeah no we're a weird group of people I know I mean if you really stop and think about how odd our group is I'll have a little that I don't want you to drink alone there you go plus I probably should have a little alcohol after all the alcohol ID yes yes eleven self-help books who knows how to marry rich hoes pick up when your wife is way more successful how to get get

122:14some rich I know you know as feminist as I am cuz I obviously I'm down for the cause what is the cause well equality right the choice to have choice to do with the you wonder you want to stay home raise your kids to home raise your kids you love a job maybe I'm a feminist I don't know it yeah I think you are actually a word I think you are where'd you get the ice this whole time it's been right here god damn it closed a high-class operation Duff I put my fingers in there get in there okay I trust you oh gosh but here's a deal you know my mother was a European lady and I as a female comic I'm an alpha in the streets but I'm kind of a beta in the sheets you know I'm saying mmm I like to take care of my husband I think that's why Tommy and I work out because I like to you know I bake rice krispie treats I have a food in the house I'm kind of litter dish wife well you're powerful but

123:18you're also still a woman and there's nothing wrong with like if that's how you like to be the idea that there's something wrong with that because you're supposed to be even with him so you're supposed to be treating each other not like your traditional male versus female role even if that's what you like that becomes a problem because it's like a pressure problem that women will put on other women to behave in a different way because they don't want to reinforce traditional gender roles all right yeah sure sure I mean of that what role feels right to you you like it I like it I like taking care of my kids yeah but there's some dirty out there they'll tell you that's bad angry yes that's true no you're right I've had some people say stuff to me about it and I'm like well it makes me happy and if that's all it matters and that's my choice to do that stuff I'm

124:08not saying I do it every night a hundred percent yeah whatever makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anybody that's all that matters and the idea that there's something wrong with you doing that like it's just stupid yeah it really is it's just stupid are you talking about yeah there's a lot of that though a lot of that stupidness out there people telling people the way they shouldn't shouldn't live you know you don't have much time I mean no you and I are halfway done babies I'm almost dead when you think about it we didn't turn 40 you're like this is it dude and I got yeah how much time you got left hopefully another 30 years of good living I'm sorry for you really start to break down starts falling apart yeah wheels start coming off yes people are worrying about dumb like whether or not this woman works or she should have a career she should do this

124:59she should she's happy she likes eating cheese and getting her toes done yeah yeah that's funny I think that is a middle-age revelation though you go like there's only so much time left I don't about all this like I'm gonna do be broke the guy that I know that stuck that's the wife makes all the money you could see it in his face though I could just see this the quiet anxiety it's like a lion at the zoo we're kind of broken yeah they're like you know that they're a hunter inside and but you take that instinct away and they get the meat thrown at them and they're just like sadly kind of just eat that meat off the tray it's like a vegan cat right they're all skinny and laying down a lot of them are fat as so these carbs I know that's the problem and down bloated kidney failure I know eyes are gray and dull that can't be the problem with the the vegan diet

126:06right is you're eating macaroni and cheese and stuff oh yeah if you go wrong that's why the the happy people call it plant-based because they want it to be plant-based not this is pasta all the time yes yeah yes but you have to eat a lot from what I understand that plant-based protein a lot of it yeah well in terms of protein there's some foods that are pretty rich in protein the real problem is bioavailability it's not just that there's protein in it it's like how much that protein is absorbed in comparison to like a similar amount of beef protein it's not as easily absorbed you can definitely do it though you could definitely live a vegan life and be healthy you just have to really watch your P's and Q's you got to really mind what you eat you have to take b12 supplements you have to make sure that you're getting the correct amount of essential fatty acids and there's just

126:55but you can do it it can be done but it's not as effective it's not it's not as easy I should say it's just meat and vegetables you eat meat and vegetables you get your bases covered but if you just decide you're just gonna be vegan like oh boy you got to make sure you have quinoa or hemp protein or and there's like certain plants that have some amount of protein but they don't have a complete amino acid profile it's tricky you know but the people who want the people who live it they live that vegan life boy they want you to think that's the only way to go you don't you don't live that way you're gonna be sick and you're gonna be unhealthy and my favorite thing is when one of those jump ship Livan they've been singing the praises of vegan dish yeah you know I had a friend who lasted six months lasted six months and during that time he was telling me well the ethical thing to do

127:43you know I felt like I was a hypocrite if I didn't eat vegan and then he ate vegan he started getting sick as he got his blood lipids back his body's falling apart I was like you need to mate I need some meat yeah now he eats meat like crazy it's hilarious six months later yeah yeah I'm ran into him at a steak house listen that's that diet is just a lot of work you can do it you can do it if you decide it can be done but I have a friend who is actually a doctor who was in a motorcycle accident got really badly banged up and he was vegan at the time and his wife made him eat a hamburger she's like just do me a favor I just whitey to me like he wasn't recovering because I got really struggling to get over these injuries he ate a cheeseburger and he said literally I was so overwhelmed with energy I wanted to jump out of bed he goes I never was vegan again because after that

128:49one juicy cheeseburger he goes I ate it I felt so good and the protein like my body was like crying out for it and I got McDonald's is that what you said yeah did one there was a real cheeseburger Donald's like prison dress style cheeseburger juicy fat boy so good I know but uh but what I found interesting when those guys were on talking about it is because I like to eat salami I do like the processed and he was like the processed meats or than no no that's what's gonna give you butt cancer unless you get a ton of vegetables to offset the damage right in your colon nitrites yeah yeah so I try to get the nitrate free mm-hmm whole food yeah is that cool yeah you can I mean there's there's organically grow or organically created charcuterie how do you say it charcuterie just learn this word charcuterie charcuterie it's basically salami mortadella that kind of

129:45stuff but there's there's companies that make it or it just doesn't last very long doesn't have any preservatives and that's really what you want but that's what gives you the butt cancer I'm sure the real problem with all these these assumptions is that these are correlations based on mostly based on people filling out questionnaires that's that was fascinating yes yeah and how much do you recall what you ate yesterday accurately that's what's really in not good that's that's part of the problem and people tend to make themselves look like they eat better than they actually do they kind of lie yes they feel bad about being a yeah I'll ask my trainer that the lady's a lady I do Pilates with she put me on this primal diet and that's my lost baby weight the first time and I was like how many of your clients just stay fat for years and then you ask them what

130:35they eat and they just lie to you it's just like a lot of people like they don't really have an awareness you know what I mean like you think you're doing one thing but the reality is completely definitely it's hard for women when they get real big you know what your body wants to keep on that weight is your body does not want to let that it's easier for a man to lose weight definitely well yeah I believe that more muscular mm-hmm your body has more caloric requirements because there's all this muscle burn up fat and then if you do lift weights which everybody who wants to get lean I always recommend you got to lift some weights because if you lift weights your body is burning more fat because he's adding more muscles so it's burning more calories if you eat the same amount of food but you just lift weights you're gonna lose body fat and the reason is because your body's gonna

131:20build up muscle tissue and that muscle tissue is going to have a caloric requirements if you eat the exact same amount of calories but now you're eating you're eating all this food but lifting weights your body is gonna get leaner as long as you're consistent you stay consistent and continue lifting weights you can eat like a fat ass and still didn't say that I'm saying if you if you are on a diet like a sustainable diet like you eat a normal amount of food but you lift weights lifting weights is a great way to lose weight it's a great way to lose body fat you won't necessarily lose weight because you'll put on muscle mass but your body will burn off more fat particularly if you're a guy because it's easier to put on weight muscle weight know if I can aim at this just this thing that we did this month one thing that it did teach me is boy you can do a lot more than you think

132:10you can I bet a lot more I bet Tom loves it that the challenge aspect of it he loves to push himself the the is it the sadist where you hurt yourself or the masochist you hurt yourself say this you hurt other people oh oh so the masochist in him I don't know he loves to challenge himself and do these things with you guys I think he gives him a big charge yeah I was a sadist when I was trying to hurt Bert trying to get Bert to try to keep up with me so he would die Oh Bert everybody wanted to make sure that Burke came in last that's what everybody's super concerned with super concerned with bird going mission accomplished when he was starting to pull where where am I gonna put the bill on my shelf I was like you're never gonna bail Oh Bert I take you on a road through hell you're not getting that belt dad so wait how did he go wrong he just wasn't consistent well there's a lot of

133:14things for sure he is overweight which makes it far more difficult to keep up that amount of cardio because your joints are gonna hurt and you're running yeah you know I mean he's he's real heavy yeah I mean I think he lost some weight during the the program but he was 246 something like that when he when he did it and he got down to 216 for the weight loss challenge right - 19 - 19 Tommy - 216 so that's a significant amount of weight we're talking about a good solid 20-plus pounds 30 pounds of weight that he put on that's a lot of weight it's fat yeah I've already steaks of fat I know it's when you look at what a pound of fat is because I've had to lose weight from the second pregnancy I've gotten more efficient at it because I learned how to do it but I had to have another 20 to go to where I'm comfortable but god damn man that's a lot 1 pound yeah left up one of your kettlebells

134:13what is it ten pounds those are 35 pounds this the little chimp ones those are 35 pounds yeah hmm that's wood Burt how'd it lose he's carrying that 35 pound kettlebell everywhere he goes that's a tremendous strain on your knees on yeah that's also it's just body's just not used to exercise and he has to take high blood pressure medication which I guarantee makes you weak that stuff with you I mean he's taking something that's lowering his blood pressure what else is it doing it's not just low on your brought Busey that using angels to do that was using pixie dust to make sure you're super healthy you have a stroke who knows what that that stuff's doing to you and that's from like cholesterol and his blood and lazy and drinking from drinking look I love Burt to death but he needs to hear this gotta stop drinking every night you can't drink every night you can't do

135:13that a lot that's too much you know you look at Tom Tom lost all that weight in the weight loss challenge and kept it off yeah oh yeah kept it off oh yes Burt didn't keep it off well what's the difference well Burt ran a marathon well Burt Burt does those Tough Mudder races Burt runs all the time how come bird isn't skinny because Burt's drinking a case of vodka every night well calorically well how much is a glass I mean okay a glass of vodka glass of wine what is a 300 calories let's say glass of wine is it yeah so you drink let's say you drink Oreos or two glasses a night or a bottle of wine a night Jesus Christ Burt drank a whole box of wine what do you mean it went well those wine boxes yes yeah the whole box of wine when you itself here at night oh no he was talking to us about it remember we talked we talked about oh you drank a box it's a lot how many glasses are in that yeah

136:10there's gotta be like 20 glasses in that yeah so what is that like a milkshake and and and a cheeseburger double cheeseburger five liters five liters five liters of wine could have a small one I guess but he did why would he have a small one we could have a big 500 and it's like wine sugar boxed wine that's gnarly it's not even the good yeah well I'm hoping that through this everybody kind of keeps up a certain amount of fitness because it seems like we kind of boxed wine so much class so few calories I don't know Jesus why is this one a few cowards is it a spurt they're talking about that specific type of wine Franzia is that a low-calorie wine well there's that skinny skinny brand skinny wine yeah that one of the housewives worst wine white wine wine has 110 calories five grams of sugar Shiraz red 110 calories 10 grams of sugar just for a 5 ounce serving so

137:19that's a small glass of water a regular-sized glass of wine right that's not that bad 110 calories so if you can keep yourself to one glass of wine no yeah if you're doing the whole bottle yeah that's not good if you're drinking a case of it if they're backing up one of those oil trucks to your house if I do Pilates that's more like 300 calories that's all yeah for an hour Jesus I know and then you can drink that up and you know what I mean one of the workers we did you know because I I did I decided about I don't know I guess like close to two weeks out that I was gonna start really pressuring these guys and just doing workouts they're like five hour workouts like doing that's just insane looks like let's see where we're going let's see how far we go one workout I did I burned 4700 calories that's bananas it was crazy I was eating in boxes of graham cracker

138:24or animal crackers ate a whole box of animal crackers I hate apples I drank a cream soda I just want sugar while I was doing it I was like I'm so taxed yeah but I'm gonna keep going I'm like I need some sugar so I just ate these animal crackers and drank soda yeah all right back on puppet master I just kept thinking my bird getting tired how's he gonna surf man so wait where are you guys gonna where are you guys going to do this I guess we would have to do it in like Malibu or like Santa Monica or wherever he could surf yeah you know we would have to figure out a way that the app registers how much time you're standing on the board so like you would have to be how much time you're actually surfing not just you know what photo trick or just get a Billy no no it has to be standing standing on the surfboard I have to figure out a way did you say there was

139:27some sort of an app there's something that I was trying to figure out what it's tracking it it's tracking like the board's movement I think so mmm if you're doing side to side stuff it knows that you're probably up and he doesn't know if you're lying on your stomach just paddling I like a slob I don't think it would tell you that can I tell you how hard that is though it's hard tell you what the heart at least from when I learned how to surf a decade ago the hardest part is paddling out on that board you're I mean you're going against the current right against the waves bang-bang-bang turned that board around you finally see the way of coming and then you got a paddle paddle paddle and then the pop up so right you're on your belly and you got to pop up from your belly to standing like this dude like you got to go fast I don't know for me that was and the board's heavy it's at

140:13least if you're learning on a banana boy like when those big ones you're not probably not gonna start on like the one that what's his name was ashamed or yeah there's not yeah Kelly's what you're not doing those boards right yeah now you're gonna learn on a big clunky banana board yeah boys heavy as and then if that thing hits you on the head yeah yeah see I don't want to tell anybody that's the thing I was I was legit worried this year like when my at the end of the the thing when when I was doing like several five thousand points or five hundred point days I was doing the set I did like three or four in a row five hundred point days which is like three and a half hours of exercise there's a lot of work so much so it's crazy but I was like whoo there comes a point where your body starts failing like I don't want anybody to die like legit die like this is a real issue like

141:04you can you can have organ failure if you just decide to push too hard we were getting really psycho about it if I'd see somebody posting like big numbers we get real anxiety even when your head would see like Tom Tom ran 13 miles when he was on the antibiotics and everybody freaked out and I was like what the Tom like angry because he posted like 600 points in one workout the well I was concerned with Bert at the eleventh hour pulling some crazy no October 31st was Halloween so tom was like oh he's with his kids he's trick-or-treating like he's not gonna go do some crazy what could he do though he was so far behind how far behind was he at the last day I don't know that the numbers he was pretty far behind Tom like I think 700 points behind Tom Wow he was like more than a thousand behind re Wow way more than a thousand which you can I got in a day once you can't get a thousand a day

142:08but you have to almost kill yourself you got you got a knock on heaven's door so horrible you guys it's the worst and watching my spouse go through it oh my god stop well here's the thing when we started doing it no one thought we were gonna do this no one thought we're gonna try to kill each other like this but we were just joking around about it and I thought like my first couple workouts like an hour hour and a half two hundred points but then already figured out that you could watch a movie be on the elliptical machine and he got 479 points one day and wrecked his body could barely walk the next day but the fact that he did that and I went oh and then I realized like we talked about this you you you get the same amount of points for 80% of your max heart rate as you do for 90 so I kept trying to go as hard as I can thinking that you would get more

142:59points but you don't get more points for that there's no payoff for him yeah slow and steady kind of wins the race right yeah that's not how I work out so I was like what am I gonna do so time on the board okay sir time standing on the board over a month it's hard hard it's so that should be hard and no none of us know how to surf at all how it's gonna teach you are you gonna have like you know do you like a class like a course I will go and was like hey Kelly's busy and you don't need a world champion teaching you you you need like a regular surf instructor what are you doing some prodigy that needs to be coached by the best out of here I know like Kelly Slater is just dying to to tell he's my friend you piece of right first of all like this really talented dude I'm closer to Shane I'm pretty close to Shane Shane you know I've been on a bunch of hunting

143:58trips together now but I wouldn't go to him he's busy hey super busy it's like if you said I want to learn how to kickbox somebody's I don't have a time to teach you how to fight I think I'm not doing that man go find a coach now do for a living yeah there's a bunch of schools you can go to yeah I actually wanted to like rent a house by the beach next summer and just devoted to learning how to surf again like really good at it I love the ocean I love and rent a house by the beat like you're super dedicated I won just to wake up and go do it and then wow rad right I want it that's that's a bucket list thing before I get too old to do well it is something that you can do no matter how old you are yeah you could just ride waves one of the things that Shane was talking about that was really keen and interesting he's like everybody has the same amount of fun if

144:47you suck at surfing or if you're really good at it it's still fun yeah I was like oh yeah you know what else tell me about kook's do you know what a kook is kook slams on Instagram none it's like douchebags that wipe out people who don't know they're doing yeah yeah yeah yeah there's an Instagram account called kook slams oh so and it's all surfing like people suck at it yeah that's great that's what Burt Tom and Ari are all gonna be on kook slams with me this year we're all gonna be on that because we're gonna up but the other thing is like finding a spot where you're allowed to surf where you can get in there where you don't know what you're doing and you don't get in anybody's way I don't want to up anybody's experience right cuz according to all the surf movies and stuff they got turfs bro like you can't just roll up on the dudes that are in Malibu

145:36I don't anybody get mad at me you gotta find because you know like I see them I go to watch them you know where that Mastro's is and in Malibu mm-hmm they there's a little thing where all the surfers go and that's like one area and then there's Redondo you go down there's that area yeah we'd have to learn surf etiquette for sure yeah you have to learn that but if they listen to the JRE maybe they'll be cool maybe yeah but maybe they'll be like hey you're gonna get more people out here surfing you know people have said that to me about bowhunting really yeah they like you're getting more people out into the woods you know that's all annoying they were joking around about I go are you serious he goes well it's good because then we'll have more people hunting but it's bad because I honestly see more people hunting and I really think it's because of you and because of

146:24Cameron Haynes and Steve Rinella and and John Dudley and all these hunters that are interesting cool people that more people are trying it I believe that yeah I believe it I think so too it's like it's like when Taco Bell used a chihuahua for is these douchebags were buying chihuahuas for their kids for Christmas and then they throw them into the the pounds or whatever because I couldn't take care of this you know there's a that happens every time there's a talking dog movie yes I do know that and then that popular breed mm-hmm everyone gets in they don't like the breed and then don't like okay okay just stop talking okay Matt you are our talks about chalupas meanwhile a chihuahua for the most part from the ones I've known the temperament they're very Twitter you know nervous high-strung high-energy dogs yeah very skittish not not the ideal family pet well if your bones were made

147:23out of toothpicks yeah around a bunch of clumsy kids my kids are always stepping onto all the time wow what a cast kid eating his candy not looking stomps on this poor dog's leg it snaps it like a twig dad imagine ogres around you giant huge enormous ogres eating candy or Dalmatians that's like every time 101 Dalmatians comes out yeah every buys their kid a Dalmatian for Christmas and then aren't they stupid on their brains that could go bigger than another brain grow bigger than the skull right yeah you got a scoop it scoop the brains otherwise they got too much brains they had headaches gonna kill him scoop the brains out weren't they like fire people dogs yeah yeah why is it wise a Dell mansion why were they connected to fire trucks and no idea yeah you think you'd have like a smart dog like a German Shepherd oh I don't know the Dalmatians are dying are they dumb oh really

148:40Wow is young German Shepherds are super smart yes that no that's a highly trainable dog they're also like this they're sizing you up like when a German Shepherd lets you he's like figure like what's going on here yeah what do you all about you how about show my teeth what do you do yeah he's scared of me oh okay smell like fear yes yep like a comedy audience dude if a German Shepherd could talk they would say some creepy to you they would yeah there would be like what would happen if I bit you hmm what would you do yeah why'd fire departments have Dalmatians Dalmatians and horses are very compatible oh so the dogs were easily trained to run in front of the engines to help clear a path and guide the horses and the firefighters to fire as quickly they're still chosen by many firefighters as pets in honor of their heroism in the past oh so they're heroic dogs that's called you calling them

149:41you know worse I'm the worst human being ever I'm always the person I'm like oh they're crippled okay the stupid brain come out of it is yeah they're all dumb worst person they're deaf why are deaf but genetic predisposition for deafness it's a serious problem for Dalmatians only about 70% of them have normal hearing deafness was not recognized by early breeders so the breed was thought to be unintelligent that's interesting they're cute though crazy yeah I feel like if you're gonna have a dog of your German Shepherd you but you got to be around that dog all the time I was just gonna say that work do you gotta put in the time for those dogs yeah they're working dogs cuz if you don't my dad got one from the pound when I was a kid and he didn't put in the time and that dog tore everything apart and was just bored out of its mind you can't take a smart dog and just throw in the

150:41backyard yeah that's when they gettin they jump out and they escape yes escape that a no I can't hold me and would you ass fence that's right for the Rottweiler - that's a good one that's a smart dog - no mean dogs - they're good at being mean Rockwilder Rock escape The Rock wild rock Wow I remember one time when I adopted our first dog and there was a guy next to me and he was getting a Rottweiler and I remember the lady behind the counter saying well sir you know that these dogs are highly intelligent they require hours and hours of training you're gonna do that right and he was like oh yeah sure sure it's like you know he's not gonna it this guy's not gonna he's gonna parade it around the neighborhood with a dumb chain around its neck and yeah and that's it that's it for that don't leave it in the yard yeah dogs gonna go nuts they go nuts they dogs need

151:47exercise they need they need stuff to do like my dog becomes a different person or a different thing rather when I take them run he gets so excited when he runs he's like he runs he just he's got a big giant smile on his face it runs around he's like he's like yes he runs the hills and he comes back everything cool okay I'll see you again but then when the end of the day comes you know an hour and a half later when we're done running he's like he's just chilled the out barely jump in the truck puts his paws off wants me to help him sometimes if we do a mile he jumps in easy we do two miles it gets a little sketchy two miles in the Hills he'll make two miles a long way yeah it's hard to get back in that truck come on dude you know I put my paws up here you know what's next do you do you go sleep with her no he's crate trained or what do you do know he

152:48just sleeps outside she says I the door of the house I mean not not outside outside outside the door the bedroom okay he's he doesn't like beds he's weird I got him a bunch of dog beds it just throws his toys and that and sleeps on the ground well I actually had a dog trainer tell me that the dogs don't need the beds that's a human thing you to us he goes yeah but look at dogs they'll lay on the floor right they don't they don't give a about the bed that's you and it's definitely true with my dog yeah he just doesn't use them I had beds like in three different spots in the house and he would never choose him come on lie down like what do we do Oh Mike come on buddy here's your bed here's your bed he'd step on the bed is like what is this stupid thing yeah they would climb off the bed and lie down the wood floors look okay it's like the documentary about that guy that got out

153:38of North Korea and the camp and then they gave him an apartment they gave him a bed and he was like no thanks and he would just sleep on the floor really yeah there was some documentary I forget but he was in a camp in North Korea and they finally they got him to Seoul and they're like here's your iPhone here's the subway here's your apartment with all this cool and he was like I'm good and he just would lay on the floor and sleep because he was so used to being in prison essentially which is interesting how the human mind right when you're yeah trauma in that way of thinking you don't even see what you have the human mind is so adaptable right yes there's so many different ways to be a person so many different ways to live I was listening to a thing about trauma and you know Vietnam War vets and how all that works when you've gone through a trauma it the rest of your life you're living

154:35in the past that's that's what that is right get lost on that one thing yeah just locked in the horrific memories yeah yeah that's not just the case for people that have gone through war it's also the case for people that have gone Grune up in really bad neighborhoods yeah PTSD from the hood sure PTSD from violence that maybe they saw at home domestic violence yep yeah yeah and then I was listening to a podcast about about microaggressions social justice warrior podcast well initially I didn't know what I was like I stumbled and no one apparently cuz I just was interested I'm like what the is what is a microbe like what is this you know I'm learning about it Anna and she was like I'm I'm a therapist and I treat people with microaggressions you know that's like a million little paper cuts over time and I was like okay well what's that just like you know if you're

155:34like an Asian woman and people are like they fetishize you know like they hit on you let's say because you're an Asian woman that's a microaggression so a year a lifetime of those little things wait you need it's trauma you mean trauma counseling they hit on you because you're Asian right like you know there's dudes out there that are just strictly into the asian girls remember let's say for instance and you're an Asian woman and a guy comes on to you and it's traumatic because you're like oh pervert you know right let's say a woman okay right I'm in a meeting just me and a guy interrupts me and I want to talk that's a microaggression mmm and I've suffered the trauma of that and I need to be in what if the guy interrupts a guy is that still a microaggression Thank You Shannon get that far man I don't know yeah it could be a gay microaggression right maybe maybe maybe hmm

156:36but that's that's a form of yeah there's a bunch of them you know compliments holding doors open for someone could be a microaggression house you're saying that the woman can't open the door by herself right even just simple politeness mm-hmm becomes chivalry is a microaggression right and again that's a form of trauma that needs counseling well there's just a bunch of weak out there that can't handle regular life so they want everything all nerfed up they want all language language nerfed up mm-hmm all behavior nerfed up mm-hmm and then we're also encouraging people that just can't let things roll off their back which is very dangerous like the more people don't get offended the better off we are you know who handled something absolutely spectacularly that Navy SEAL who was a politician who the guy from Saturn Live Pete the one dating ariana grande was Pete Davidson they broke up

157:37after several tattoos I heard Pete was talking about him on Senate Live and he said he looked like a villian in a porno film and then he joked around he goes yeah you mean I guess you shouldn't joke around about cuz he lost his eye and war or whatever he's like laughing the whole time it's like wow like it's one thing about joking around about the guy looking like a villain in a porno film but like joking around saying he lost his eye and war like whatever mic man that is surprising that SNL let that go and they did it because the guys right-wing which is really fascinating like they're biased towards the left and against the right is so it's so obvious it's so crazy I mean that they didn't think that it would be a problem to make fun of a war veteran who lost his eye in combat because the man in front of them was blown up by an eye d tore his face apart and ruined one of

158:34his eyes and he handled it so well he said that he he said something about he works hard not to offend and even harder to not be offended hmm that's yeah yeah but he also said that he really didn't think it was a good idea to make jokes about someone who something I'm paraphrasing someone who was disfigured in combat right which that seems to be a pretty fair line yeah I don't think that's unreasonable no it's not unreasonable and I think he handled it as good as you can handle it when you're on television national television they're laughing and joking about you having one eye yeah meanwhile you lost your eye in the service of the country and incredibly dangerous thing that only the people have done it really truly understand and here's this young kid was bleached hair laughing the only having one eye and he's doing in a national comedy show and people are laughing

159:34along with them because you're a Republican right and that's the interesting point is because he is a Republican it's kind of okay yeah it's okay it's weird that's weird yeah yeah the guy here a little bit well and they probably actually probably won on the election that's probably how that goes right people gonna find out about it you know you make fun of the guy because you think it's funny and then you're giving him all this press then he handles it well and then people like oh that guy's a Navy SEAL oh well I like what he says listen to him talks usually a good guy XE now he wins right now so valiant I kind of wish McCain had a better better route yeah he up that Sarah Palin she was a ding dong and that was preposterous yeah really hey man and I would love to see a woman in the White House it's not that what's not yeah yeah no not that one she was real no I take ten Hillary Clinton I

160:28take one and I don't want Hillary Clinton to win I think she's ridiculously awful too I think a lot of people really disliked Hillary really disliked her they should yeah she got a shitload of money from banks she's completely full of she didn't like gay marriage till 2013 she wouldn't shouldn't agree with gay marriage till 2013 like what are you a dinosaur like what the is wrong with you why would you even care because she's not real then she doesn't she didn't care she just was doing what she thought would support her position politically she was leaning right when Obama was leaning more left and she was trying to center herself as a or position herself as a wiser choice for people who were unhappy with the choices on the right but really unhappy with Obama and like she was she was a better option she's more sensible she's a little more hawkish little more prone to

161:25go to war a little more probe military or at least military action but meanwhile just a puppet of banks and just those people make piles of money from speeches and there's major problems with the Clinton Foundation it's not even around anymore I mean while she's doing all this me to talk her husband's a goddamn predator yeah he's been a predator forever that I think for women at least for me I was like you're gonna say when there's Brawley come on Winsky think she said that Monica Lewinsky was a grown woman and it wasn't an abuse of power she was 20 he was the president 20 is your kid he was president there's no more powerful person on earth if that's not an abuse of power what is an abuse of power you're saying and someone who works for you and you run the world I know I know and I get it if I were 20 he was around what still operating the Clinton Foundation but didn't they shut

162:37down part of it something shut look down Clinton Foundation shuts down or cease operations look that up because there was some article that I read about it I think for me just the whole stand by your man thing no matter what it's just so antiquated oh kinda just going back to this Tommy Bunn stuff better tournament Missa tee Racal say oh did ya so it didn't shut down at all nothing they got an effect checked out of work hmm Google a story though see if there's a Google Clinton Foundation that these baseless claims are made up by a self-described satirical website oh so they're not did it reduce operations or anything there's another thing that says from 2017 they shut down the Clinton Global Initiative but that was the thing it was right after the election which is 2016 that's what I had read that after the election after it was all over I don't know either way the Clinton Foundation's

163:44super sketch one of the reasons that super sketches a lot of people that donate there's just a lot of weird going on with donators and then them doing speeches for these huge organizations like banks getting paid hundreds of thousands dollars some boring a speech which is essentially a bribe right right those people aren't pumped to see her talk but I don't think any of these people are legit I mean no bomb has done a lot of it - he's done a lot of those paid speeches they get hundreds of thousands of dollars to talk but I guess I mean look I don't want to get into it but isn't that why people love Trump because he's outside of the whole system theoretically Oh end of an era the Clinton Global Initiative shuts down errr when they asked him there was a there was an interview where they asked him about Monica Lewinsky like - you owe her an apology he's like well anybody who

164:49thinks oh my god that clean is crazy no I call that cost me millions of dollars I left the White House in debt and all this that's not what anybody asked you you sociopath yes yes I think she deserves an apology because he never spoke to her of course and meanwhile she was what one of the first people to be publicly shamed yes for something of this nature this is a huge scandal and this is back before you know the 24-hour news cycle really huh right yeah that should stuck forever forever for this poor woman's life was over done this day done Monica Lewinsky synonymous with dick sucker that's it isn't that up glad you said it not me this poor girl makes one mistake as a 20 year old yeah and now her whole life is this scandal do you remember there was a town hall thing that did on HBO many years later where she was talking to a group of people about the the president

165:54and about the whole situation and in the middle like you know people had to ask questions and talk to her and one guy goes you know it just seems to me like you're just milking this for attention like why even still talking about this but and she was like and he was like why are you still talking about this if this is so horrific like why do you keep bringing this up what does she want to do who imagine most again what is she supposed to but imagine being that person who was 20 years old so essentially you're a kid and then the whole world knows she sucked the president's dick so everywhere you go people like you such the presidents did she said that it sticks like tar that was her description that the shame sticks to you like tar I believe it and what about Marilyn Monroe was she sucking Kennedy everybody's dead everybody was Kennedy's right Robert and

166:46Bobby Bobby and Jack but there's no evidence I guess there was no dress there was no why was that not know the world was a different place she air quotes died right they killed that you think so hundred percent hundred percent apparently she was all yappity-yap yeah and she's getting older and then we wanted to bang her anymore well she must are jack I bet what she was mentally it Bobby was she yeah well at least from what I've red may be bipolar she came from a lot of trauma severely abused as a child oh yeah we got the you know orphanage oh no no she was she was a pretty bad childhood man from what I know it makes sense actress yeah mediums orbit need for attention it's community you know the comedians at least write their own stuff right yeah actors like comedians with no punchlines but here's okay but crazier because they always have to get audition for stuff on

168:03a night mare however here's what I do admire about actors I feel like they're they're more in touch with their feelings than we are like that's accessing feeling like I'm talking real actors and yeah at least me I don't like I don't like feeling II things too much healing D you know what I'm saying I get very my like it's very itchy yeah do that right so i'm i admire that you can access feelings and show people feelings and stuff I guess yeah that makes sense yeah I guess but I think the fake feelings I think this is the feelings that think they should have so they just start crying I should be sad I think they're sociopaths for the most part like vast majority of actors what do you think about the actors when they're making a movie and they have to stay in character the whole time oh those are the biggest sociopaths but the best actors too you know those guys are the best

169:07yeah I saw the documentary the man on the moon about Jim Carrey doing uh what's the guy's name you know Andy Kaufman yeah yeah they say Andy Kaufman oh man that Kaufman Kaufman and apparently you know he stayed in character the whole time and he and and so he would annoy the out of people the whole time and throw tantrums and stuff and I was like well that sounds terrible hmm yeah yeah just how much is act bro likes other actors have broken that down and made fun of people who do that and like I love Jim Carrey I think he's so talented and so funny mm-hmm but I'd be really annoyed that would be annoying if you had to work with him for six months you just yeah Kaufman yeah and then do things like hold up production and and you know I mean those are Union people these are dudes that are up at like 4:00 in the morning putting sets up and lighting and that guy and that guy's

170:03gotta wait for you because you're in your trailer pretending to be somebody else hmm you know I'm saying like she would hold up heard about that to me his disrespect that what he really did that's what this documentary I was trying to remember it I don't know if he officially said it in it but I think he wanted that whole part because they were filming it to be part of the movie too and at some they decided to not do that and make them on oh okay so he wanted it included in there but he also was going to say he uh Jerry Lawler was really mad at him because that was not the relationship that according to him that was not the relationship they had they're like it was it was all a ruse it was like a wrestling type deal right they'd worked it all out yeah but Jim Carrey was acting he was just being a to him over well even not specific to this one person I just I'm sorry to pretend

170:53to be yeah but but if you do it and it works and that makes an awesome movie um I mean like one of them Daniel day-lewis characters he does that and he's the best yeah his movies are all pretty good you know yeah it's a few that I haven't seen but most of them that I've seen a pretty goddamn killer that's pretty rad it's crazy though I mean you gotta leave him alone let him do that stupid thing where he pretends to be Lincoln did you try to watch that one yeah that's right we talked about it yesterday it's like cheese is terrible oh I couldn't do it everything that white people like and they give awards to like these white bummer movies I can't do it I can't watch the movie about the guy with AIDS I can't watch the movie about like yeah what about musicals get the your mother your life with a musical can I tell you the one I don't want to see the most yeah and I mean a

171:49lot of hate Alden yes yes cuz I found out it was rap did you know that it's rap what do you mean it's wrong the music of Hamilton its rap music so it's not even tradition listen the gym wait a minute it's Michael doing rap yes I can't do this no I refuse to see that I was in Manhattan last weekend and we were passing by Broadway and all these old dead white people are stumbling out of this theater pretending they just enjoyed what nonsense they just saw if pretty woman the musical those rubes are so oh so good the way she sang about sucking his dick when she was a prostitute he was a rich guy Hamilton the story of tonight just a song play now let's that play I'm gonna play me some of it give me some songs is this white people are black people cultural appropriation that's what I think microaggression this is supposed to be good yeah hmm okay kill it see just that hurt me I think

173:08they are a murderous assault in your attention span that's a very good I've been to two musicals which know I've been the more I've been to more because I went to the Book of Mormon which is I guess technically a musical but that's awesome you like this look a Mormon South Park guys it's jeez it's really really really funny but that doesn't count because South Park guys yeah yeah it's really good but I also went to see Chicago cuz a friend of mine was in it it was death it was death it was death in the in the like there was the you know the the intermission and we all got a drink during the intermission and I got three drinks during the intermission I was just throwing I'm down and I was like I can't believe I have to sit through more of this and I'm like and I can't believe you guys are sitting here pretending that you like it I go all of you and then they started laughing and break it

174:03down because it was our friend I go she's great she's so talented I go this is death this is death this is just a slow I get people like it I get don't get mad at me if you like something that I don't like don't get mad oh you're gonna come at me you allowed to like whatever you like and I'm a la look you're talking to a person who watches professional pool i watch it on youtube i watch it i watch it live i'll go to see a match live yeah I will you know I'm a dummy alright don't don't listen to me I like Dumber but if you have like a World Championship pool match that's right next to a musical yeah let's talk the worst musicals I don't know the worst I've only seen three I saw cats that's what I say anything the Andrew Lloyd Webber school that's cats dude Oh what did he did he do that how did he sneak that and unentertaining piece of through American people's faces for

175:04years for years and years and years people at ham yeah years four years no I saw it in the 80s as a kid I saw it when I was 19 years old a girl that I was dating me yes she took me to see it like we were gonna pretend we were both 19 we were gonna pretend we're grownups we went to see a musical and then when it was halfway over I couldn't believe that it was only halfway over I was like you mean this is halfway done this is the intermission just I can't see intermission I go do you want to get the out here she was yeah I guess we can I was like do you like this she goes no it's hoping it was gonna get better I know how could it get better though how could he get better like what are they gonna do is it all sudden gonna be a movie well we're gonna see a Lian's and laser beam well that's the thing you got to stay tuned because then they go into their spaceship and they go to

175:54the grand Cat in the sky the Grand Wizard of the cats comes down yeah yeah yeah but they don't talk right ya know the Grand Wizard comes down and talks yeah the why forget was a good part does the what I think he talks he's like me I don't even remember if they sing in words but I remember them crawling around I was like what in the is this that's the thing I can't access as an entertainer that like dorky theater II yes the feet like yes right it's so embarrassing Greg Proops no he's so smart he's very smart god dammit okay what other okay there's more Andrew Lloyd Webber's there's like the roller skating ones Jesus Christ Superstar dad that one's not terrible hmm is that Jesus Christ Superstar where you are on TV last year too and uh John Legend won Emmy for Wow you got okay there's a thing that's gross got wards for art I agree yeah it's a try agree it's just a dirty trick to

177:15pump up whatever thing it is whatever a movie whatever television show yes and I don't understand why people want to watch these things I think it will be a nightmare to go to one yeah you know got if I hope my husband wins one if he ever wants to for acting or whatever in I don't think he gives a yeah I don't think he's back here but uh I would hate to have to sit through that horseshit for six seven hours in a gown and Lou clapping for nonsense well I've gone to the Emmys I went to the Emmys right after Phil Hartman died because he was up for an Emmy so we all went and he didn't win and when he didn't win the guy from Frasier won and we didn't win Dave Foley turns me and goes the you have to do to win right this last shot he's dead still didn't give it to him those well because what group of cons decides who wins the the Conda Ward's no they were looking for a gay guy just like in the

178:18outrage Olympics that's like you got serious score yeah like a built-in score I am oh yeah if a guy plays a gay guy that's you have built-in score like milk yeah I liked that movie was it good I liked it could it win an Oscar did it win an Oscar I don't know should win an Oscar he's playing a gay guy you know what yeah you know when you never win an Oscar what play slow guy no one's gonna not now you can't even do it anymore not today I get mad that you didn't hire an actual slow guy right don't you think yeah yeah well that's the problem with Jeffrey Tambor when he was on that show right the problem was he wasn't an actual transgender person right and they got mad at him mm-hmm right Yeah right I'm Sam Awards what the is this oh that's what they're making fun of and simple just oh oh I thought it was a type of award Sam Awards he got a nominee for the best actor and

179:27I'm like nah bro did he win he did no it's his nominee yeah No yeah maybe could in 2002 2002 you could you could play someone there's a you want back that yeah well you were saying that they've got math at the rock because he played an amputee in the movie he's not really an amputee yeah they love being outraged they do yes love it yes they do because they're given a voice now a platform on social media and people pay attention to it that's the biggest problem yeah that's actually the problem to pay attention to it corporations don't pay attention yes which is why podcasts are so great yeah because you could do whatever the you want and you don't have a boss you know everybody telling you to you could never have the try it out guy there is no trial guy would never fly try it out guy you could never if you had a radio show and you tried to play that they pull you aside and go Tom

180:26Christina this is it's not we do here WKRP in Cincinnati baby you ever wonder that was good show tell me about your time on a sitcom please it was it was good because it was a it was a job it was money and I'd never worked before I never acted before it was fast seriously did you ever take a class or anything I took a couple classes when I got a development deal I had to take some acting classes and I had a mean acting lady that was trying to be my mom if I ever got a mom and she was like telling me that I was gonna have her cast as my mom it was like yeah yeah yeah yeah she she one thing she said to me once she's like trying to mind me it was really weird she was like I'm worried I'm worried you gonna go out there and you're gonna fail I go why are you worried about that like what do you what are you talking about yeah she's like cuz you don't seem invested in this

181:25material go though this this this sitcom that never went because it sucks that we're reading no no something I'm not invested it's just terrible if you want me to pretend that it's good you want me to act it up like it's good like what kind of conversation are we having here and she was like well you might get a script like this I go well let's hope I don't yeah either way I'm a comedian okay I'm doing this for money they offered me some money I'm gonna tell her that drives them crazy when they find out you're a comedian I'm gonna give a about acting I'm like yeah they're gonna give me some acting gigs I'll take it and she's like when she would it was real weird man like really weird the acting world the coaching world is so weird but it's weird because the people that are acting coaches almost all of them are failed actors right they just didn't make it otherwise if they made it

182:12they wouldn't be teaching they'd be out there doing it they don't want to teach it for the most part some of them do but so I did a few little bit was gross as soon as I didn't have to do it anymore stop doing it the classes are the classroom and I did a terrible sitcom for six episodes called hardball on Fox it was a baseball sitcom that got canceled and then I got a development deal and then I got cast on Newsradio next thing you know it's so crazy I'd gone on to auditions ever one was for the Heart Ball show one of the Newsradio I'd ever been on for sitcoms yeah crazy it was bizarre yeah well at least I mean you're working with what Andy Dick was on that show yeah candy Alexander Stephen root Dave Foley more teaming left feel Hartman ya know was awesome the cast was amazing yeah that was like in terms of sitcoms it was like best-case scenario for a sitcom yeah

183:12like in terms of like the writing in terms of like the situation where you're I mean I was on there with Phil Hartman you know I was like 26 years old I'm 27 maybe and I'm working with Phil Hartman I can't believe I'm next to this guy like I'm seeing you on TV and movies and all sudden we're in the same room and we're doing a scene together say this so we and then become its friend it was so strange mm-hmm that is surreal it was so surreal for someone with zero intent on ever acting then all sudden I'm acting you know and what am i okay guess I'm acting like that was that was part of it though was one of the reasons why I was successful at auditions and stuff like that because I've never planned on being an actor yeah you didn't care as some wasn't my doesn't everything to me yeah it was like well this would be cool soon we're gonna make some money here yeah you know

184:05that was the whole thing it's like I didn't want to worry about bills like what could make more money doing that how much my mate and I would literally ask like whenever some of them would come up how much does this pay how much how much can I get if I do this thing that's always thinking oh how funny meanwhile I will stand up I'm sure you were doing what you know $300 weeks or how many years just to know just to do it just well I was yeah but you get worried about money coming in right because if you don't get booked for a couple weeks you don't have any money so you shouldn't save any money I'd like a thousand dollars in the bank or something oh my gosh you know so if anything went wrong I was so coming out here and doing sitcoms but the thing about sitcoms is it's really hard in the beginning like the early days of news radio were hard long ass hours we was hard trying to figure out

184:54the direction of the show there was a lot of rewrites there was a lot of work it was a lot a lot of long days on the set but then once it got going like season three four five boy it was easy real easy like you'd come in here hearse for a couple hours go home we were down sometimes three days a week yeah yeah one day a week of table read one day blocking one day shooting BAM yeah we did that a few times fantastic yeah three four days four days was common very rarely will we do five whole days that's great and then Fear Factor what was the work schedule like for that one three days a week but constant we did you know one year 34 episodes I think maybe 36 time we just it out while America was eating we're and on that plate which which they should though cuz that show was so clean right you for so fast as you set up the game it was very amazing it was very easy to do initially

186:01but then the second version of it when it came back in 2000 was 11 or something like that that version was a real problem because that version they were ramping the stunts were way more difficult way more dangerous it would me I was freaking out but a couple of the most like this is getting rough like bungee jumps off a helicopters in the middle of a canyon you know launching people on these bungee jumps there was some crazy I think the eating stuff always got to me you know people eating the bugs I was always like like how much money did you win on that show I can remember you could win well there was a couple of shows where people won a million dollars damn but even when you win a million dollars you don't really win a million dollars you win a million dollars before the government comes in steals everything right yeah plus is there something for winning in on a game show

186:55like do you have some more taken out because it's a winning or something I don't know it's a lot like if someone won fifty thousand which was a normal week they would really take home 34 the government doesn't eat any animal dicks they don't jump off any buildings and they just steal sixteen grand from yeah animal I remember the animal dicks now that was my favorite the we did that in Griffith Park served up some animal dicks crazy what a crazy show thinking back the liability on that thing what's really crazy is it all happened post September 11 like right afterwards yeah that's when it aired and it was a preposterous show like from the jump and I always thought it was going to be canceled and it was a giant hit it was a giant huge show I'd be like immediately it was a hit I was like this is so stupid the show is so stupid awesome I got the gig was because I made

187:58fun of it like everybody else was trying to like be spooky like they're like you know the fee is fear a factor for you oh and I came into this meeting I was high as I came into this meeting and they were they were telling me what they wanted to do one of the casting directors got Jeff from NBC hooked up the meeting and he thought I would be a good good fit for it because I was you know I just been on NBC for news radio and I came into this meeting I was like what are you gonna do like you're gonna SiC dogs on people I'm like this is like a I'm like this is like a bit in an act this is like a bit of like where it goes terribly wrong you're gonna make people eat animal dicks you know sick dogs on people I'm gonna throw people off buildings I'm like this is this is like the Running Man it's idiocracy yeah it's yeah it was before it idiocracy was even a movie I

188:47was like this is this is the most insane idea for a television show I've ever heard this is gonna be cancelled immediately and I'm gonna have all this material about remember when I used to host Fear Factor yeah you want a hundred and sixty episodes later we did 148 episodes and then we did another I think we did six board seven but only six aired because one of them was the one when they had a drink come no yeah we're talking about jug of calm who made it donkey-like from Joe row yeah my own to fill up everyone's Stein are you kidding me donkey come and now it's a cattle prod up a donkey's yeah and they would come like god they zap um zap them in the Old Testament but ckets yeah and they played horseshoes so they played horseshoes and you can never win even if you made like a ringer and you like made that you would have to drink one ounce ah but if you up you were drinking like 10

189:5311 12 ounces there's a jugs judge that yeah so what happened was I remember yeah what happened was the TMZ folks got a whole they got a hold of the pictures of these people drinking come early and then it became this giant fear that like people like what like what there's no way this is real like this is a joke right no it turns out they really think they can drink calm one of them at a drink pissed the other one had a drink come this is Chris was a real TV it was insane look at these guys how much come they're drinking a jug Oh calm yeah he just choked it down his brother is right next to his twin brother helping him choke down come how much money and not enough 34 grand whatever they went inside they want a billion dollars if Warren Buffett sucks their dick and then look immediately you get to throw up and these poor girls are here's this interesting girls chose to

190:58come over the urine well duh I mean yeah we're come drinkers you learn to do this when you're fifteen man she's been training her whole life for this moment so hard so hard to imagine that that was a real show I know looking back now but at the time everybody watched this everybody was normal well this was the one that killed it yeah that episode killed it and now Ludacris took it over at Luda damn but Ludacris is doing like a like well is it fear factor if you leave your house without your phone like right like what are the what do they do they don't do is still on they're doing season two now there's definitely not don't engage I figured something would be uploaded Reese's maybe it was a hit maybe I don't know they came to me though before this I'm like there's not enough money you don't have enough money to go you wouldn't ever a host it again oh really

192:01over it's over I did it yeah you've been done that yeah I'm so not interested well but I'm glad I did do it it was it was great for the time I mean that was a huge thing and I mean it's good it was good because it was money that's what it was good for it was good because I didn't have to worry about money and then when you have to worry about money like you don't worry about your choices comedic ly like I didn't worry like oh if I say something then they're gonna cancel me or fire me from the show and then I can't do it anymore whoo I didn't that wasn't that wasn't my concern at all my concern was like okay now I have enough money so I don't have to worry about not having money and I already make money doing stand-up so now I put some money away so now you're free now I could do whatever yeah you're doing create whatever the you want just just free to do stand-up

192:50and free to do it however I've won and with no worries about tonight's show sets or any of that nonsense yeah so wait so that when you were doing excuse me Fear Factor was there a thing where you couldn't kind of do your standup the way you wanted to before that yeah and there was some concern with their you know they had talked to me once about drugs I talk too much about drugs like like one of the producers pull me aside and it's like you know you're doing these interviews or talking about like these these are illegal drugs I go yeah you should do them do DMT it's good for you right a lot of people do yeah they're also sacraments that have existed throughout history that people have been using religious ceremonies to become one with the Creator you want to fire me go ahead fire me go go call Mario Lopez he's ready what a career that guy's had on that stuff I'm Joe yeah he's great at it

193:43how about Adam Carolla he get to take an over fear factor yeah no problems yeah but now look at your your to quote Adam curl your pirate ship right Adam crew this calls it a pirate ship they call that podcasting is that we calls it this podcast a pirate ship a pirate ship he's you're on the middle and I were doing your thing got your signal oh no one's regulating this Oh cuz it's like pirate radio yeah well he was one of the first ones to do it I mean I remember doing his show thinking wow this guy's got a setup he had this place and he had like a booth and there was guys working behind the booth and you know you had a real ad copy and a desk this looks so professional yeah yeah and he would do like ad reads just like a radio show Wow but then that's how a Tom and I would look at you I'd be like 5 do you see Joe's setup this guy's got like cameras and he's got like a producer and we got

194:39if I can do all that man you guys have that now you're going on my chairs and it's my organized chair could we have these those of course this goes yeah what's that company fully that sent it to us I think it's called fully these are the best ergonomic chairs by far I've tried every one of them this capisco these things are the they're so good they just they never hurt your back when you sit in them there's something about the way they designed it where your posture is just posture is good it's better when you're on camera because you're not hunched over yeah you're not like swamped yeah can't you can't slumping these things yeah they figured it out I did nailed it right Jamie knee on the bro nailed it so your Netflix special yes sir I probably talked about that before madness you got your second Netflix special yeah I did a half hour cuz I was uh I was building my my first hours

195:32mother inferior it's on the service now I seen on Netflix and I was building my second hour and I was talking about me too all the time and I found myself just obsessed with telling talking about all these who are getting you know whatever pulled left and right for me to so I'm like by the time my next hour comes out it's all gonna be irrelevant I just want to put it out there now so they offered me a half hour and I was five months pregnant or something like that so you only have a couple months to throw something together right I'm not saying man I went to Vegas pregnant is it was like a hundred and you know 20 degrees Joey Diaz Wow and me in the desert with these crazy and uh Fremont how the women are doing specials pregnant yo so it's the stupid impression yeah yeah yeah yeah I know I throw out a joke to ally in the beginning yeah yeah yeah kind of Oh G of

196:23all that pregnancies do well really she is the OG a pregnant stand-up because if you think about it before that nobody ever did a special where they were pregnant and now a bunch of chicks are doing it well yeah and I think what happened was we are all of the age where we're more established in our careers and it's a time where you it's last call for all of us older to have babies you know anything like now's the time yeah so yeah it all kind of the timing of it but it's also like there's something cool about filming it while you're actually pregnant yeah yeah it's uh well right because the assumption is you should be laying at home eating bonbons and you know my second pregnancy I did Pilates up until about two weeks before I delivered and I was growing well and really doing it right the second time cuz I up my first see I was eating Carl's jr. twice a week

197:10those extra onion rings eating in the parking lot in a game like oh my god I gained like 60 pounds 60 oh I was real up after that one so how long does it take you to lose that weight a year it took me a year because I didn't know how to lose weight and I didn't know how to exercise until I found this this woman I'm with now my trainer put me on the primal diet but anyway yeah so I talked about I said about the me too I wanted to just get it out there and it's on Netflix now I'm number six after mr. Diaz okay yeah and number six that's cool though that you've got two out right now too so that's nice it's so special it's such a it's such a good time for standing up it's such a golden age and we're I'm so excited to be where I am in my career to ride this wave to be at the Comedy Store now amongst legends amongst you and bur and you know my husband and all these great people

198:08it's what's very rare that a comedy couple has two people that are really good right you guys are one of the very few I think it's usually one that stands out and one that's like what is she gonna do when he divorce her well we talked about that Tom's second wife yeah what's she gonna be like yeah give me a Dalmatian she's gonna be a Hooters waitress sweetie twenty years old not a lot of ideas not very mouthy not like me no you keep it shut yeah just carries water yeah dude she's fit look scrubs yeah take him to the gym she's gonna be a trainer of course can be trainer but no you are one of my favorite comedians oh stop it no I don't say that because I know you really are you've got you're you're really good you're really good and it's it's it's it's very odd that two really good people are not just married but actually get along together and are both really funny and worked

199:10together on a hilarious podcast I mean you guys have a very unusual relationship because the thought was never date a comedian like that's what every comedian oh he said don't ever date a committee you know and so it just doesn't ever work out and I know but with you guys like motion Natacha it seems to work - yes yeah I think but I can't speak for them I don't know probably cuz mushes a little and Natasha just runs things right I can't say I don't know but they seem sweet they're great I'm just kidding I tell you what though mo she's a smart they both are brilliant yeah they're brilliant I think my husband is one of the funniest human beings on the planet and was always supportive and we started at the same time and there was something in being an open mic er we were in the trenches together from day one and we never did that where I opened for my husband because that's

200:09also a trap for women for female comics because then you're just her husband's opener you never establish your own thing that can happen yeah that's happening for people that we know but the people that we know when it happens for the opening acts always terrible the wife did always opens for the hug see that's the difference between well it's you guys it works like I said Moshe and Natasha those two are very funny they're both really smart that works rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane those two are really funny that works yes and then who else I don't I don't know that's it I think that's it that's it very rare yeah but I think we he's very supportive of me and and this is not politically correct either but I think that we there's a hierarchy he's way more famous than me and and that's fine and that's good do you know it doesn't that doesn't with you at all now do you ever think

201:03about killing them in asleep jokes but I think that can be a problem if what the other person has an issue with sure the mr. mister here would horseshit Yeah right Yeah right and I I want there I've seen other couples where one is more famous and the other one doesn't accept it and that with them for yeah I'm happy where I'm at put it that way all I ever wanted was to sell enough tickets to tell to people who knew who I was when I showed up and I'm there and that's all I've ever wanted it's just not to be doing like the dinner quite honestly that is all anything ever that's all it ever is yeah it just gets bigger in terms of the numbers but that's all it ever is when you get to that that's the best like if you get to that at a comedy club or you get to that where you're doing a giant-ass arena it kind of feels the same really yeah yeah yeah cuz you're at you're at arena which

202:04is crazy to have watched you go through I mean I don't know it's weird you don't get diarrhea no no no the last arena that I did was the biggest one this who used to be the Air Canada center now it's called the Scotiabank arena and in Canada that that the UFC is there next month that place is giant and when I did that one it was bananas like I'm standing out there looking at all these people Mike this is insane but once the show started rolling it was a regular show right you don't look at all of that it was just fun it was just fun but it was fun and so as a club yes you go to the funny bone you know that's just you know go to Columbus funny bone just as fun yeah punchline in Sacramento I agree yes I agree and there's something I love clubs I love small rooms I also think too about my husband which is amazing is that it never gets to him like he never sweats himself

202:56right like he sold out the will turn this is a year ago and I got to open for him which I sold and do and I was like Tommy and I grew up in LA so selling out the will turn to me is like you just ban your yeah dude like I grew up going to shows there and I'm like Tommy you sold out the welter and he lit I was like yeah it's cool anyways what's for dinner like it doesn't even phase him yeah no he understands traps and he doesn't allow his brain to go on any mental traps no whereas like Burke I should be making a video what's the trap there Joe the ego just you gotta the most important thing is being in the state of mind that you could be in to do great comedy and that that is not a congratulatory state of mind that is the opposite no that's so interesting yet because I I sold out Cobb's like a like a while right and I was like oh my god like I can't but I can't believe these people

204:04are here to see me now like oh the pressure cuz I'm finally you know moving the tickets and this and that and and then I was like I don't don't even think like that yeah get into your self-loathing cuz that's where you're funnier don't think about yeah get into whatever state of mind that it takes feeding you art best that's what you're doing you want to go out there and rock that crowd that's exactly that's all it is and whatever you need to do to do that but you definitely don't need to be self congratulatory let's like that's the worst instinct no because I have done stand-up for people who didn't give a for years and who would sit in the front row with her arms crossed and who the is that's why you do it right and also those moments are critical you know that's why I feel bad for people that are famous it tries to end up as a famous person like Jesus that's a hard thing to do oh yeah

204:54like I'd watch people do it that avert like Charlie Murphy he that guy I mean I love that guy to death but one of the things that I respected about him more than anything was that he literally was an open mic er while he was famous I mean he was just starting out doing stand-up while he was on the Chappelle show he'd been an actor all these years so for him like he realized like hey this is I'll host his show and bring up these comedians and you know I'll tell a story Oh too because there's a good way to make some money and then he realized like wow there's a lot of money on just do some stand-up and start a writing stand-up and he and I went on the road when he had been doing stand-up for two years and we co-headlined together bananas it was bananas two years is two years and already famous is you know and famous for being one of the most famous comedian of all times

205:43brother which is a huge or deficit yeah yes giant and he had a joke about it and he's like does it bother you you know that uh you know that people know you from the you know Dave Chappelle show they're always saying that he goes he goes no he goes for years he goes okay just bother you people yell out Charlie man he goes no for years I was as Eddie Murphy's brother right to joke around about it on stage you know that's very self-aware he was great he was such a good dude yeah imagine the courage to start stand-up that that's so much harder and to go on the road like immediately I know he was on the road like immediately I know even like Brendan Schaub who I loved so much the courage to start stand-up and to grow and do it the right way you're like damn that's so good but at least Brendan came through podcasting which is a lot of talking yeah like ad-libbing and

206:40getting laughs yeah you're getting laughs with comedians and you had a lot of comedians telling him that he was funny you know and then he tried it just dipped his toe in there and then just ran with it yeah it's amazing he's about to do a Showtime special he's filming a Showtime special in January and --n yeah okay two years in he kills he kills people like how good is he I am Telling You that works hard yes funny he's naturally funny he's a great guy and he kills yes he really does yes he does it's ridiculous it is ridiculous I tell a lot of comedians I go see that's what happens when you got an athlete's mindset yes like an athlete's determination and discipline and the apply it to an art form like he makes himself work I'll go you you just like get high and then go to carnies and get chili dogs Rex I think that's the assumption as a stand-up comedian people are like you

207:34just laying around and Jack your deck all day you don't do work like wow those of us that actually want to produce hours that are worth a we treat this as a job dude yeah I have to especially once you start pounding out stuff like Tommy does he's doing one then he does another one two years later there's another one two years later BRR does that I do it that way now so way to do it the only way to do it and you have to be writing all the time is to be performing all the time there's no other way I know I loved watching you work out.the the Megan Megan Kelly that's her name sorry Megan Megan Megan yes cut it out can I just tell you what you know El Torito mm-hmm my whole life I was going to El Torito and then I'm one day you're like oh that's like the little ball dude that means the little bull El Torito yeah that's stupid you know you're dumb reigneth but watching you

208:28work that stuff out is so exciting I loved your last special because you say so many risky things which 10 years ago not that risky in terms of the private and now given navigate the waters just more effectively and more carefully and then just set things up better and your writing has to be better I think for me especially with the subjects that I cover but I also felt like this was my most controversial special absolutely well the title strange times great yeah I felt it was the most controversial because I felt like I needed to be like I needed to touch on the things that seem to be dangerous to touch on like yes Ari said it best he's like stand up as dangerous again like this is this is a fun time for stand-up because it's actually dangerous I agree this is why I wanted that Miami to to get out there first I'm gonna do this I'm not I'm not here I'm not not said the other

209:22female comics aren't talking about it I don't know cuz I literally go to I do the early show at the store I'm home in bed by 9:30 dude because I got babies sorry I don't know what everyone else is doing I get it but I want to put I want it out there I had that impulsive need to like just walk the line and let's see it let's let's start some up beautiful start some up all right let's do it wrap this up Christina thank you for everything appreciate you as always awesome having you on tell everybody your Instagram is alright see Christie's P at Christina P on Twitter the degenerates I'm after Joey Diaz and so on Netflix and mother and mother inferior touring the ride-or-die tour Bros Arts in January check it out that's it show's over