Entrepreneurialism is a Disease
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Isn’t it crazy how much life can change in such a short period of time? I think that’s one of the key topics I want to touch on in today’s podcast. Not just that as a topic, but also the impacts of change in our lives—good or bad. The impact change has on our perspective, how it makes us question existential things like the meaning of life and purpose, and how as CEOs, business owners, and ambitious people who are looking to do great things in the world, we’re always searching.
That’s much of what I want to talk about in today’s podcast. Over the last couple of months, I’ve been very, very busy, and that’s probably much of the reason why I’ve been away from this podcast. I’ve been traveling all around the world speaking. I’ve done 16 speaking appointments in the first quarter of the year alone. I’ve said to myself I’m going to do 16 a quarter; my math isn’t great, but I think that’s 64 speaking appointments a year this year.
The thing about this podcast is I have to be in a certain frame of mind for it to make sense and for it to work. If I’m not in that frame of mind, I don’t want to offend you by giving you something that I don’t think is worth listening to. When I upload my podcast, I’ve spent hours and hours thinking about the podcast, looking at my notes, and really sort of analyzing myself. I’m giving you that in a much more packaged way than I did when this podcast first started.
But it requires me to get in a certain headscape in order for me to share these thoughts with you and to be open, honest, and kind of deep at times. I think that’s why people listen, so I respect that quality of content so much that I’m just not willing to do it while I’m on the road, in the back of a taxi, or otherwise. I want it to be great and I want it to be worth the time that it takes.
Because I haven’t posted a podcast in about two or three weeks, this one might be a little bit long, but it will be worthwhile, I promise you. It’s a sort of a culmination of the notes that I’ve built up in my diary over the last couple of weeks from traveling and thoughts that I’ve had on planes and everything in between. So, without further ado, this is *The Diary of a CEO*, and I’m Steven Bartlett. I hope nobody is listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself.
Okay, so the first note that I’ve written in my diary sounds a little bit sad, but it’s something that I’ve thought for a long, long time, and I’m actually quite surprised that it’s only just made it into my diary. I’ve written the sentence: "Running a business is like having your heart broken every single day." Why have I written that?
You know what, there was a particular day a couple of weeks ago where I got three or four pieces of bad news back-to-back. To compound the feeling, I guess, I had just got off a plane after the end of my really, really long speaking tour all around the world. I was absolutely knackered. It was Friday. I was in a Chevrolet coming from the airport to my house. I looked at my phone and all these text messages came in because I just got my signal after I landed, and it was just bad news, bad news, bad news, bad news, bad news.
It just felt like, oh god, heartbreak. As a CEO of a company, and even as a manager of a company, or anybody in any business, or any human being will know that life is full of heartbreak. But when you do what I do and when you make that choice, you’re also signing up to an immense level of emotional uncertainty and heartbreak. You don’t get to decide when that heartbreak or that bad news comes.
This is why if you want to be a leader—and this is so, so important—if you want to be a leader, then you have to be resilient. You have to be. There’s something I’ve thought for a long time, which is that ultimately we’re all paid in line with the amount of bullshit that we’re willing to put up with. That’s why if you do want to be a leader, if you do want to aim high and lead and be at the top of an organization, then resilience is so unbelievably important.
To be honest, resilience is something that I don’t think anybody is necessarily born with, but I think experience sculpts you to have resilience. When bad stuff happens, we go through a process. That might be bad stuff in your career, it might be romantic bad stuff, it might be social heartbreak where friends have stabbed you in the back. There’s a number of sort of default approaches that we take.
A lot of you, and a lot of us, and sometimes me, just want to pretend it didn’t happen because we don’t want to have to confront the issue. So we’ll kind of just compartmentalize it. I’ve read a lot of psychology books that have talked about compartmentalizing trauma, and it’s never ever a good idea. That stuff is going to resurface at the worst time. Some of us manifest it into something like drinking or drugs, which my business partner Dom talks about on this podcast. If you haven’t listened to that podcast with me and Dom, I think it’s number six, please do listen to it because it’s very honest and important.
Some of us pretend it didn’t happen, some of us get angry, some people push people away, some people will blame themselves, some of us wallow in the pain and the regret. But even for the relatively self-aware and emotionally adept people among us, struggles can take us by surprise. But learning healthy ways to move through adversity—a collection of skills that I think most of us would call resilience—can help you to cope with these horrible times quicker and get you heading back in the right direction.
Back in the day, bad news would ruin me for a week. Bad news now will probably impact me for about three minutes because I’ve developed a way of dealing with uncertainty and bad news and the inevitability of life that’s helped me. I’m going to give you about five or six points as to how I’ve done this. I’ve scribbled them all in my diary here.
The first is just about changing the narrative. What I mean by this is when something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over and over again in our heads. We overthink it, we rehash the pain. This is a process that they call dwelling. It’s like a cognitive spinning of the wheels and it doesn’t move us forward at all. This constant dwelling doesn’t move us forward, it doesn’t heal us at all, and it’s not conducive with growth. It keeps us stagnated and pressed back in these negative feelings.
You can think of a time where someone broke some bad news to you and you went home and just thought about it and thought about it—it doesn’t help. There’s this great book I read that shows that the practice of expressive writing does move you forward and it helps you gain new insights into the challenges of your life. What do I mean by expressive writing? I mean free writing continuously for 20 minutes about the issue, exploring the deepest, darkest thoughts you have on the issue, and just letting it out, whether that’s on paper or vocally or wherever you want to do it.
The goal of this is to get something down on paper, not to create a memoir-like masterpiece, but just to get it all down onto the paper. There’s a study that they conducted in 1988 that found participants who did this—participants who wrote about how they were feeling or maybe do a podcast like I do—they felt significantly happier. They healed from their bad news or incident significantly weeks quicker than other people, and they were happier sooner than those who didn’t do this.
I think that’s why I do the podcast. The podcast, as I’ve said since probably the first one if you’ve been listening, is like therapy to me. It’s cathartic; it’s my release. I just get to rant at the microphone about what I’m thinking and what’s built up in me. Because I’m getting that opportunity to write it down and analyze it on a piece of paper from a bird’s eye view, next time these things happen, I have a more constructive, pragmatic way of dealing with them. I understand them better and I don’t compartmentalize them, so they don’t build up.
Next time I get bad news, I’m still not dealing with the last other five pieces of bad news I just had. So I think that release is important. You could almost liken it to a bin in your kitchen; at some point, you’ve got to empty the bin. You can’t just keep putting stuff in there, or else it will overflow and then you’ve got a mess on your hands. So I guess that’s the first point in terms of how I’ve built resilience within myself.
The next point is more about how you build the confidence to tackle bad moments head-on. That for me is a form of resilience. Instead of the first strategy I talked about, which relates to being sort of cathartic and releasing how you’re feeling after the fact, it’s great after you’ve been dumped, great after you’ve got terrible news, great after you’ve gone through a hard time. But in the moment, how do you run at the hard time? How do you run at the challenge?
That’s all about overcoming your fear. The second point on this I’ve written in my diary is just about facing fears. I’m as terrified at things as everybody else; I wasn’t born fearless. But I think there’s a philosophy in my head which is deeply ingrained, which to some people makes them think that I have this supernatural lack of fear. It’s just not the case. I’m really going to give you sort of an insight into how I’ve personally overcome fear in my life.
It’s a sort of incremental approach. What I’ve always done is I’ve slowly and repeatedly exposed myself to the thing that scares me the most in small doses. So I told you, if you’ve listened to the podcast before, the first time I spoke on stage, 14 years old, absolutely shitting myself. My hands are shaking so much that I can’t read the words on the piece of paper in front of me. Absolutely terrified.
But I took more and more opportunities to speak in front of my class, in front of school meetings. I did a little toast at a relative’s wedding when I was younger. Over time, I incrementally increased the challenge to a stage now where I feel totally confident speaking in front of 10,000 people in an arena. I think that’s the sort of secret to it. I think a lot of people think you have it or you don’t. I just think that’s totally bullshit.
I think with all fears and with all challenges and a lot of the time with talent as well, these are things that come from practice: try, fail, learn, improve. They did a study in 2010 to kind of test this and model this in a sort of scientific environment where they took participants and gave them electrocutions every time they saw a blue square. Eventually, scientifically, that blue square became as scary in terms of the human reaction to those participants as a tarantula to an arachnophobe.
Then they started to show the participants the blue square without shocking them. Over time, the participants' Pavlovian fear, which is measured by the amount of sweat on their skin, gradually evaporated. Essentially, this kind of exposure therapy helps you to change the associations we have with a particular stimulus. For me, I’ve flown thousands of times probably now—hundreds of times at least. The plane has never crashed. So for example, my brain has started to believe that it’s safe to fly, but when I first got on a plane, I was absolutely terrified.
So that sort of exposure therapy I think is something that we can all bring into our lives to overcome our fears. Fears may never be fully overcome; that’s not necessarily the point. I’m still apprehensive before I go up on stage, even though I’m confident, but it gives us greater confidence to confront some of the things that will set us free and make us successful and happy.
Number three on this particular point about resilience is something I’ve talked about a little bit before, which is practicing self-compassion. Fear, adversity, pain, hard times can make us feel incredibly alone. We can often wonder why we’re the only ones feeling this way and what exactly is wrong with us. In these situations, learning to practice self-compassion and recognize that everybody suffers and that this is part of the human condition is one of the most important things I think any of us can do.
We all have a voice in our head at all times. That voice can either be lovely and compassionate and warming and supportive like a good best friend, or it can be nasty and pessimistic and negative and against you like a hater. Essentially, practicing self-compassion is training that voice in your head to be your best friend. Self-compassion involves offering compassion to ourselves, confronting our own suffering with an attitude of warmth and kindness and, most importantly, without judgment.
They’ve done a study with participants in an eight-week mindful self-compassion program in the US. They reported that the people that did the study and took part in the program and learned to be self-compassionate were more satisfied with their lives. They had lower depression, lower anxiety, and lower stress afterwards compared to people who didn’t participate. Those benefits lasted up to a year.
It’s crazy how controlling that voice in your head can control your life. I think there are three steps to developing self-compassion. The first starts with just admitting it to yourself—admitting how you’re feeling, saying to yourself, "This is a moment of suffering, this hurts, I’m stressed." The next step is remembering that you’re not alone in your suffering or your stress or your pain—reminding yourself that suffering is a part of life.
Lastly, just being kind to yourself about why you’re suffering, which starts with accepting yourself as you are. It starts with being patient about your suffering and realizing that this too shall pass, but also reflecting and reminding yourself that you’ve suffered before and you got through that, so you’re probably going to get through this shit too. Treat yourself how you’d want your best friend to treat you in a tough time. That’s the key.
Point number four is a point that I think a lot of people will think is bullshit, and at one point I definitely thought was bullshit until I looked into it more and practiced it more, and that is the practice of meditation. I used to think it was hocus pocus, vegan, liberal, hippie stuff that people did in Thailand on a hillside. But meditation, the more I’ve read into it, is so very important.
As mindful gurus like to remind all of us, most of our pain exists in the past and in the future. We regret and dwell on things that went wrong in the past and we spend time agonizing over things and being anxious over things that might go wrong in the future. But when we pause, we find peace. Practicing mindfulness helps us bring ourselves to a more present, peaceful moment and it helps us deal with negative emotions as they arise. It gives us a sort of defense mechanism for being in the battlefield.
One thing I didn’t realize until I started thinking about this point of resilience is that I’ve been micro-meditating almost every single day in the office without really realizing it. Throughout the day, I will do something which is apparently called mindful breathing. I’ve been doing it just because it helps me feel good, but I read into it and it’s a real thing. Mindful breathing just involves bringing attention to your physical sensation of breathing for a second—the air moving in and out of your lungs and through your nostrils and the expansion of your chest.
When the mind wanders away, you actively bring your attention back to your breathing. You can do this for 15 minutes, you can do it for an hour, or as I’ve been doing, I just do it for literally 20 seconds. When I feel that sort of feeling in my stomach, like a building tension, I just take 10 deep breaths through my nose and out of my mouth, and it’s amazing how easily that feeling evaporates almost instantaneously.
I’ve been doing that for years. Whenever I feel that tension, I do it between three and ten times and it makes such a big difference. The most supportive study on this was a study they did a couple of decades ago where they got participants to do this sort of mindful breathing exercise before showing them really disturbing images like spiders and car accidents and all these kinds of horrific things.
The participants who had done the mindful breathing exercise experienced less negative emotions when they viewed the images than people who hadn’t. I think that’s pretty crazy and is in many respects the definition of resilience—emotional resilience, anyway. Just by breathing and doing that sort of mindful exercise of meditation, you can become less negative upon disturbing stimulus or bad news.
I think it’s so important to protect your state because your state—your emotions, how you feel—has such a domino effect on everything. Everything starts with your state. When you’re not feeling good emotionally or mentally, you get ill. You start eating bad. When stress creeps in, good habits creep out. For me, historically, that has been healthy eating. When we’re emotional, stressed, or busy, we reach for sweets. We order fast food.
So not only does cultivating mindfulness help with your state, it also helps with everything else and your relationship with food and your physical health.
Here’s my favorite topic of the five I’ve given on resilience, which is cultivating forgiveness. The longer my life has gone on, the more I’ve realized that forgiveness is the answer to so much. One day I was on Twitter and I read a quote that said, "Forgiveness is letting a prisoner go and realizing that you were the prisoner the whole time." I thought about that quote for a couple of hours and I was like, Lord Jesus, that’s the most true thing I’ve ever heard.
There’s so much research that suggests forgiveness is beneficial to your mental and physical health. But also, it makes you better at dealing with bad news, which as a human is guaranteed. It makes you more resilient. People find it unbelievably hard to truly forgive, even I do. But when somebody or a situation wrongs you, it makes us question everything—our values, it lowers our self-esteem, it impacts our sense of control.
Because we feel so vulnerable, we put up this shield, which is resentment. It’s a weapon to guard ourselves against it happening again, but also to seek revenge, which we think is a form of validation against the person who has perpetrated that sin against us. The truth is we have to just acknowledge how we feel. We have to acknowledge what happened and then we have to make a commitment to forgive them or the situation.
That means letting go of the resentment or ill will, not because we want to reconcile with them, but because we want to let ourselves off the hook. The reason why I’m so passionate about this is because I realize that about 30% of the DMs I get from crying men or women that are heartbroken because of their partners or jobs if they learned to forgive, they wouldn’t be feeling the way they’re feeling and they wouldn’t be about to ruin their futures by focusing on the wrong thing.
For those that are maybe not as good at forgiving situations and people as fast as I’ve trained myself to be, there was a method which I learned called compassionate forgiveness. When you’re feeling resentful towards somebody, spend a couple of minutes and do this actively: think compassionately towards the offender. They are a human being. They make mistakes too. They have room for growth and healing. They’re probably going through some shit in their own lives that I know nothing about. I forgive them.
You do that not to reconcile, but to get the burden off your shoulders. Researchers have found that cultivating compassion towards the person or the situation led participants to report more empathy, positive emotions, and feelings of control. That’s the outcome that victims of wrongdoing deserve. Control, getting that feeling of control back and security, is the key to getting your happiness back.
Bonus point number six: None of this shit matters anyway, because you’re going to die. When I say none of this shit, I’m referring to the bad news, to the hard times, to the unexpected dumping, to whatever life throws at you. None of this shit matters anyway; you’re going to die. This sounds kind of morbid to some people, but it’s one of the perspectives that I have and have always had since I became an atheist. It has liberated me from getting too consumed and caught up in the day-to-day bullshit that life throws at you.
We all overestimate the importance of the day-to-day bullshit. It’s really not that important. Mortality—the realization that we’re going to die—reminds us what really matters. To prove this to you, let me do a bit of role-playing. I’m no longer Steven Bartlett, the CEO of Social Chain; I’m now your doctor. Take a seat. I’ve got some really, really bad news for you today. The results have come back positive, which means that you have 24 hours to live. This is your last day on Earth.
And when you get that news, and when that news sinks in, do you give a fuck that Jenny did an indirect at you on her Instagram story about your hair? Do you care that someone left a shitty comment on your LinkedIn? Do you care about the pathetic, small, irrelevant day-to-day bullshit that you’ve been obsessing over and bleeding your eyes out over? None of it matters. All you care about is your family, letting them know how you feel about them, your loved ones.
And really, those day-to-day are the only things you should really, really care about. To be able to strategically detach yourself and get a little bit closer to your own mortality in moments where things feel like they're getting on top of you I think is just a skill. All of this is a game of chess. If I lose the game, it doesn’t really matter anyway because chess isn’t that important. I’m not saying life isn’t important, but I’m saying the day-to-day isn’t that important. We convince ourselves it is.
It's important to detach yourself from that. That'll make you resilient. It'll also probably make you a little bit cold as it has me.
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Why you shouldn't want a pay rise. That's the next point written in my diary. Again, a bunch of these notes came at a time when I just got loads of bad news, so they might come across as being a little bit negative, but I assure you they're not. What I've written in my notes is: Running a business for the sake of making money really is a shit idea. If you can get paid well and avoid running a business, do it.
The problem is pay is an exchange for the amount of bullshit that you're personally willing to own. So even if you don't run the business, if you're paid really well, you're going to have to deal with a certain level of bullshit that the CEO or entrepreneur is dealing with. Being an entrepreneur, doing what I do, is almost a bit of a disease. I've said that a few times. The level of sacrifice, the nonstop rollercoaster, the uncertainty that you have to deal with—it makes you kind of ask the question: Why would anyone choose to do it?
Surely it makes more sense to get paid well and not have to deal with the very top-level bullshit, criticism, and responsibility? You look at Mark Zuckerberg. He has been hammered and slaughtered online for the last 18 months for Facebook and what he's built there. Why is he doing it? He's absolutely filthy rich. He's got more money than he'll ever be able to spend, but he persists regardless.
Another confession, I guess, is sometimes I feel jealous of people that don't have to do what I have to do. Sometimes I feel jealous of people that can get to work at nine and leave at 5:30 and have a proper social life and strong relationships and have more personal time. Sometimes I wish that I had their life. However—and trust me when I say this, because I'm someone that knows myself fairly well—I didn't choose to be an entrepreneur. This is just how the chemicals in my body decided to dance.
Why did I write that you shouldn't get a pay rise? I guess what I meant is you shouldn't always necessarily think that the answer to happiness is getting a responsibility rise. I've seen over the last five years many instances where I think a pay rise or a promotion or more responsibility has been a terrible idea—a terrible decision for somebody. I think it's ruined their life. I genuinely mean that.
I don't think this is something we discuss enough in society because there's this sort of unspoken assumption that our culture is driven by applauding the ambitious and the motivated and those that achieve professional heights. We're told that we have to climb the corporate ladder in order to be a success. Given this expectation, what if you don't want to? What if you are completely happy as you are?
I think it comes from honest self-reflection—something almost none of us are good at. The force that is competing with our honest self-reflection is society's narrative that in order to be successful and happy and rich, you have to be higher. You have to have more status and more money. Unhappiness can be caused by overstretching yourself. You don't necessarily get happier and happier the higher you climb.
We all have a disease which is built into the human condition, which I call "I'm not there yet" syndrome. But the truth is "there" doesn't exist. This is where you can really fuck yourself by overstretching. If you value your mental health, your peace, your social life, and your relationships more than progression, more stress and less time might just be the worst possible idea. Understand what you value and act accordingly.
The next point in my diary is probably the deepest I've ever gone in this diary in terms of existential life questions, and I've written: "What is the meaning of life?" It's interesting because over the last five years, as I've built a business and traveled and earned more money and everything has changed—going from a kid that didn't come from a background or a family where we had all the things that I have now—my purpose in life and the meaning of my life has flipped and flopped.
When I was absolutely broke and had nothing, I thought the meaning of life was to get money. I thought when you get money, you get more happiness. So I was just chasing after money. Ever since I got money, the meaning of my life fell into question again. I've been searching for the meaning of human life I guess ever since. Over the last year or two, I've really sort of managed to understand my own answer to that question, which I'll share with you.
The change I described there taught me a very valuable lesson: Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success. I think that's an Arnold Schwarzenegger quote, but I'm going to say it again because it's important. I definitely thought that success was the key to happiness back then. The question of the meaning of life is perhaps one that most people avoid asking themselves or avoid thinking about because we fear that we might not find the answer.
Some people think religiously about this topic, and I used to. But even if God exists and even if he has an intelligent purpose for creating all of us that none of us know about, we still don't know about it, right? Regardless of where our soul or our consciousness goes after we die, we should strive to create our own purpose or purposes in the life that we have and in the time that we have.
Plato, who's a philosopher I've been studying a lot recently, used to define humans and man as an animal—a featherless animal with broad nails. But he also went on to give us another definition which I think is probably more simple and more apt: "We are a being in search of meaning." Human life may not have a supernatural, God-given purpose, but this doesn't mean that it can't have purpose. The meaning of life is that which we give it.
Just because you can ask a question does not mean there is a valid answer. For example, "What number is orange?" Just because I can ask that doesn't mean there's a valid answer. Life doesn't have to be a brain-teaser of existential questions and searching that drives us crazy; it can be really, really simple. I think the more simple we allow our lives to be, the more we can stay in touch with our fundamental feelings and emotions. Maybe that is the meaning of life. The meaning of life is what you make it, so don't get too caught up in these questions.
This has been a very long podcast, but the last point in my diary is just about me. I just wanted to update you on me and my stuff and the business and my personal life. Social Chain Group, the company that I'm the CEO of, is going through in my opinion its single most significant, exciting period of deciding its future. I've never been able to say so little. We've got very big things to come.
We're definitely going to be expanding internationally this year—Munich, Berlin, London, Manchester, and New York. And we're going to be introducing an employee share scheme, which is something we've wanted to do since day one. The first-ever meeting I had with our first-ever investors, I said to them in that meeting that I wanted a certain proportion of shares to be dedicated to the team. That means the team would own the business too.
Now we're at a point where we can finally offer shares to our employees and to the team and to myself and others, which I'm super excited about because that's true to who I am. If you ever fall into the trap of thinking that your business has been built by just you, then not only are you an asshole, but you are at serious risk of going backwards because you aren't acknowledging what got you there.
I'm getting really into environmental issues and I'm thinking more and more about what we can do at Social Chain to positively impact the environment. We're making a lot of changes across the business to make sure that we're not harming the environment more than we possibly need to. We've banned water bottles in terms of our orders for the teams and things like that. I've also exchanged my Range Rover for a pushbike. I'm proud of that.
We're building an amazing show-stopping office in New York City, which is going to be ridiculous. We're also building another show-stopping floor in our Manchester office downstairs. We now have over 200 team members in those two markets (UK and US). There's over a thousand team members across the group now, but just in Social Chain Group in the UK and the US, we have 200 people. It really hit me like a ton of bricks. We, as a company, are responsible for 200 people in just two countries.
This year we're going to be investing a lot of money in the business, but also in other businesses. So if you do have a business which is interesting, please send me your business plan, your deck, a presentation because we really are looking to grow the group further.
In my personal life, a really cool landmark: I'm going to be speaking in Brazil in front of 15,000 people on stage, sharing a stage with Barack Obama. He's an absolute idol and icon to me. I called my mom and dad this weekend, which is something I've not done in months admittedly. I'm going to try and get into the routine of calling my parents every weekend. I treat my parents as if they're invincible and that they're eternal and I know that's not the case. I don't want to leave it till bad news for me to have a relationship with them.
Lastly, I'm single. I always end on my relationships. At the moment in time, I'm single and I'm just focused on the business. I have faith in the fact that somebody will come along at some point. People say to me sometimes, "Has anybody ever managed to turn your head?" And the answer is yes, a couple of people across the last 10 years or more have managed to turn my head and make me think, "Fuck, I'm really into this person." So I have full faith that that'll happen again in the future. Who knows when.
I don't honestly worry about it. I don't have dating apps on my phone at all. I don't use them. I just wait and life ends up figuring everything else out. Anyway, if you've gotten this far in the podcast, I love you because that's a real commitment. Leave a review in the App Store and when you leave the review, please just leave your Instagram handle or your Twitter name so I know who you are and then I can get in touch with you. Thank you so much for listening. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder because you've listened to me rant. Thank you.
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