Morgan Murphy

00:02people like it's not natural I say what the is natural powerful Morgan Murphy we are live oh we are live we are live how are you the going on is that a Space Balls t-shirt you're wearing uh no it's um it's a no no limit No Limit Soldier T-shirt oh like m whatever happened to that dude myal he's got a weed store I think murder o see murder isn't he in jail for murder how odd it's a lot of uh yeah a lot of people are in jail for murder right now it's very big yeah you don't have to do uh your entire life though I used to think that every time you murder someone that's it you go to jail for life people get out of jail for murder yeah that seems a little up doesn't it seem a little up a little up to have to uh I always like I wondered if they go back to their Hometown like where they murdered somebody like that's always the up part to me is like going back to the place where you're the

01:05town murderer yeah it's up that in a moment of just to freak out mhm you could change your whole life your life's and the other another person's life just isn't around anymore just stops done yeah the finality of it all it's crazy it's a little uncomfortable I don't want you uh snapping I feel like you could snap I'm not a snapper are you I'm super calm really yeah pretty much especially in like physical altercation type stuff I'm very aware of consequences what if you were on like your 10th lift of something like an aggressive workout and you're in the middle you have all the you know all your energy just moving forward and you're lifting your Kettle thing and it's number 10 and someone just comes in and like tells you your mom's stupid I would be even less likely to do anything because I'm already exerted I get it I think of the body this is a shitty Theory

02:00biology attached to it at all but I think the body is like a battery and I think almost like maybe a battery if a battery was a bucket and this thing can overflow and I think that's what you get when you get Road Rage that's what you get you get people that snap for no reason I think they're already coming at you at like 8 they're not like hi I'm Morgan hi I'm Joe and we meet each other at zero I I think some people are meeting you they're already at 6 and they're just ready to snap and it has nothing to do with you they should have let a little out at the Starbucks a little out in the car a little out you know at home with the kids and then uh then they wouldn't murder anybody at the end of it and people will say well you know you just need to work on your breathing and well you need to work on your your being present and you need to be mindful and I think all those things

02:47are correct but I really think that your body has a certain amount of requirements and I think depending upon your stress level those physical requirements might be higher right like if you have a job and your job is like some high level account at some big firm and you're crunching numbers and it's stressful as I feel like your body thinks that there is some physical danger involved in this and I think your body amps up for that and then when the physical danger doesn't come your body is just primed and ready to go but there's nothing there's no action there's no action this cun cut me off and then they start doing that you you they're get in their car and they're just you you because in your car you're ramped up even more because in your car you're aware that you have to be you have to be really acutely aware of everything that's around you you have to

03:39make sure that no one's making any mistakes because you're all going 65 miles an hour and a little error can happen really quickly so you're on edge already when you're in your car even if you're calm you're even if you're calm you're in your car your sensors are tuned in if you're paying attention if you're a healthy human being you're looking left you're looking in the mirror you're looking right you're checking to make sure that you're okay you're making sure no one's doing anything stupid and then you compound that with the stress of your daily life with no physical release right we don't have animals chasing us anymore exactly and we don't have invading tribes that would be fun though to have a buffalo chase you all day and then you would have you would release the proper amount of energy given the threat it would be a realistic we'd have a more realistic

04:20population number two I like it that would be uh one thing we don't like that though we just whenever anything like gets like like too close we just kill them off yeah just kill them off that having Buffalo everywhere kill him kill him stop stop there's consequences I got to go to work kill it kill it that's a bigger problem right around in America do you know that they reintroduced wolves into America in the 1990s now there's this giant debate whether or not wolves should be here really where did they do that Yellowstone oh yeah I think they're badass but you got to keep an eye on the yeah I got a lot of coyotes and my uh in my neighborhood a lot of I have a lot of coyote neighbors yeah super common see them all the time I had a biologist on who tracks coyotes that's what he does or he does track coyotes around Los Angeles and he's like dude they're everywhere yeah so they

05:13were living in middle of downtown LA in the most crowded area they had a den it's crazy yeah I call my neighbors when uh when there's a uh coyote if I see a coyote going up their driveway I go hey has a coyote I call them if uh somebody knocks on the door asking for money for some work organization everyone gives each other an alert oh that's nice coyotes or uh you know people for environmental LA or whatever yeah those people just knocking on your door ooh that's a bad feeling I gave them money for bees one time they got they got me all nervous about bees and saving the bees and I was like oh I got to I really went from like I'm I'm having coffee and a cigarette to like oh I got to save the bees now it's my responsibility to solely do it doesn't that also depend on like where your head's at right like if your head is in a really good place and someone knocks

06:00in the door and you don't know who they are it's cool you're like hi you're like hi we're here to save chimpanzees you're like oh okay like what do you what do you guys do and then you start talking to them well if they can like within a minute make you understand something you didn't understand before you're like oh now I got to pay attention like they sucked me in cuz I wasn't aware of our be situation oh so they immediately hit you with some facts they hit me with some facts and I was like oh boy now how are they going to save these bees I don't know with my with with my $40 I think just say or take this paper and just go handle it son go handle it yeah if the bees die we're dead we're all dead apparently yeah except in China they figured out a way to pollinate things with a just a brush there was an issue where they were really low on bees and they tried

06:43reintroducing bees and it didn't take so um last ditch effort was they took people with a paintbrush and they dusted the pollen on uh all these different plants like one at a time yeah yeah they poll they literally pollinated all these plants and apparently worked way better cuz bees are sort of non-specific like bees are just going over there and they're doing their thing and they just get on their body and it transfers over to the plants it's really kind of fascinating how it works but these people did it very specifically with a paintbrush it was really hard to do a bee's job as see if you can find the video of it it's kind of weird because like you could make the argument like we don't really need bees unless you want honey and Honey's not even really good for you how about that that was going through my head and then they explained to me why we need bees which I forgot but it was

07:33a it was enough I had a guy come to me at Whole Foods this is my most intrusive I think the most intrusive is when you're in the parking lot at Whole Foods cuz that's when they usually get you when you're walking out they try to get you right as you're walking it's hot outside and you have like ice cream and you're like hey dude you also have like 17 you know $17 ice cream so they know you have a they know you have a few bucks that's right now because of Amazon we won't have to do that anymore Amazon just bought Foods so just just be able to One Click your but um this guy he hits me up stops me in the middle like stops me stands in front of my cart puts his finger up do you have one minute for gay rights like what it's not one minute is not going to help man like what are you talking about I vote like what what do you want me to do want me to donate so what's this one minute what are you

08:20going to tell me what are you going to tell me you're not going to tell me I go no I do not I I vote for gay rights though take it easy man like you that's an annoying activist what uh Whole Foods was this at Hills oh all right right right here right up the street all right I was trying to like uh figure out politically what where that Whole Foods align I don't know what the deal is like where they're allowed to have people this was a couple years ago honestly I still complain about it cuz I'm kind of a whiny but um I don't know what the deal is like are you allowed to just set up shop anywhere and put like one of those picnic stands and you know they have like one of those little plastic tables they sat down and show you a picture of a baby with a bloated belly and they show you yeah you hope it's Girl Scout cookies and it turns out to be just a horror show yeah

09:07impending apocalypse I almost think like when I see someone like some kids selling lemonade or something like that I'm like oh this is like you guys are doing like a throwback thing you know oh yeah I almost feel like oh you guys are doing like an old time you're making your own butter look at you kids you like this is not sustainable this is not a real thing anybody does anymore you got a lemonade stand okay did you did you how did you make did you get a horse and ride your horse over here with this Lemonade Stand there's always parents now helping the lemonade you can't you can't do it alone you can't do anything alone anymore always it's always parents there and it's always those helicopter parents don't touch the money Billy don't put me your mouth I would sell uh when I was a kid I would like take my books and stuff and sell them in my front yard like I would just put them

09:49out I thought it was fun to have my own garage sale but I didn't see my mom for like you know 7 hours of the day and I come back inside and she go what do you do like I made $4 like she didn't know how I made $4 I was selling all my in the front yard she didn't see me or ask me anything different times different times parents were just they just let you out they let you out but I was this was like in the 80s which was Prime I mean that was like uh that was kidnapping was was hot you know your mom had faith in your avoidance skills maybe yeah yeah you think about like how people used to raise people like everybody I talk to they just let their kids out like when you were you know my age like uh I'm 49 when I was like uh seven 42 years ago they just let you out of the house I got I used to get kicked out of the house but I was given a time I had to be back it was a very like

10:39broken system of like get out but come back by 5 and don't walk in under the uh under overpass tunnel like I was giving rules that's where the trolls yeah I was given rules like what year did they stop doing that like just letting kids out like when did that stop um cuz everyone my age says the same thing they said when we were kids did you get just let out of your house Jamie yeah Jamie's young how old are you Jamie 34 he's younger a lot of 22y olds like that dude's old as Bro somebody called me a geriatric on Twitter the other day I was like how dare you you little how dare you but if you uh if you're Jim's age you got let out we would ride our bikes miles away from our house yeah but you lived in the woods no down like Columbus that's the woods man you might as well be I I grew up in LA I would walk down uh I would walk down like Ventura Boulevard which like a a

11:33practically a thorough far when you're a kid oh God and I would walk past like they had these motels where the door opened uh opened directly to the sidewalk you know those motels oh yeah those are the best and that was where I was sure I was going to get kidnapped and arm was going to come out and grab me in so I would walk and then I'd hop past the doors the motel doors those Motel to pay my beeper Bill those are weird places yeah pay your beeper bill yeah I had a beeper had a pager like 12 and that was like what I saved up all my money for cuz everyone had one and you the one that made messages yeah I had I had all that and I would uh walk down to J&J beepers in Studio City and pay in cash it's like a 12-year-old my beeper bill you remember JJ king of beepers is that it I think it's the same uh CH same la like this there was a lot of J&J I feel like people uh stole the

12:23stole the name I forgot about that dude the king of beepers yeah I turquoise clear you had a clear beeper oh those were sck those were slick that's some Star Wars I'd be I'd page myself so that I had messages in there so people looked at it I had no friends the king of beepers is this is JJ beepers Los Vegas oh well he was in LA too I don't know if the same guy or maybe like it's one of those things where it's like Kleenex like all the other guys like that's the right name for us let just start calling ourselves Kleenex you know like it became do you think how like there's pink do but there's also Pink Elephant like I think people just kind of steal a little pink pinks they probably started it the hot talk place that's the biggest that's the biggest weird event in La there's a goddamn line of people to buy hot dogs nobody from La well here's the thing put hot dogs on a regular

13:21menu good luck better not buy a lot of hot dogs like if you have a rest regular restaurant and you have hot dogs as one of the offerings how often often do people is it even one out a 10 you get a hot tub a hot dog if it's like one of two options like at Burbank Airport you can get you can get a hot dog or like a pack prepackaged salad and occasionally I'm like you know I want something fresh like a hot dog or a turkey sandwich that's sort of moist in some weird way the bread's kind of wet like is this yeah wet bread in Li of mayo or condiments and of course it's sporting events the UFC they always have hot dogs love a hot dog at a sporting events it's good food for a sporting event for you know it's recreational food right like picnics and barbecues always hot dogs right yeah it's a good move for a barbecue it's simple you can't really it up if it looks Brown the outside

14:12it's done right it's already cooked you can eat it raw it doesn't need to be cooked yeah you can eat it right out of the package so that's it's a good move for that but somehow or another pinks has convinced people just by cooking outside they just have a big open area where they're cooking right in front of you and everybody's like oh one of those and there's a line well that's I think the line is why people go I think people people just go for a line and the line is outside you can see the line yeah it's not like astroburger at like 2 a.m. where you can't see the line the line is exciting it's what draws uh tourus I think that's Jamie masada's strategy see the line he's always got that crazy line outside the Laugh Factory and he makes the comics weight in line too really do you don't know the deal been in a a little while but no no no no I don't know that their open mic deal is

15:01kind of nuts like you have to get there at like 9:00 in the morning and you wait outside and if you leave you lose your spot so you have to like have some sort of a friendship with the other Comics yeah yeah yeah that was like The Comedy Store had a situ I mean the open mic when when I was started was like 15 years ago I would uh Bobby Lee was the host of the open mic and he knew I had to I was in college I was in school and I was in class so I couldn't go all day and wait so he would slide my name into the open mic and I would get come after class that's sweet that was real real real cute but the open mics were always weird right they're always weird and in La they're extra weird because there's so much like I feel like if you can make it to be a professional comedian and you start out in La you're a rare person well it's all it's it's it's 5050 Comedians and then just like you know

15:53mentally ill transients also comedians but who are also comedians yeah it's all you just you just wait and you go all right it's going to be my friend and then it's going to be uh that guy who has all of his uh belongings with him and then it's going to be my other friend and then it's going to be that crazy lady and then it'll be me and you just wait you wait and wait and wait and you just wonder what kind of diseases are just festering on that microphone and also just what's the point of this what am I doing right especially in the beginning yeah to have vision and hope like what was your initial goal when you first started doing standup um really simply like uh I think it was I I knew I liked writing a lot like even before I started doing standup and I think standup uh I've tried to figure it out the the the the easiest way to explain it I think is that I just wanted

16:43to see if what I was writing was funny and so that's sort of why even when I started I mean I'm still dead pan obviously but when I started I was so dry because I was essentially just reading out loud these thoughts I had with no real performance background and I wasn't you know necessarily a performer at heart so I was just like reading on liners and going is this funny is this funny is this funny get a laugh keep it don't get a laugh throw it away but if you if you throw it away like you never know sometimes is it is it me is it the way I'm delivering it is this joke is it a good idea but it's kind of it's done wrong yeah and then at that time too you don't have the uh you don't have the the the ability to perform at 100 different places so you're not going okay it works in the alternative room but doesn't work at the club or it's just like oh well it didn't

17:33work at the laundry map but it worked at the coffee house I I wonder what that means about this joke right it's like jokes that'll work at the UCB but they bomb on the store yeah like why what what's going like why did that get an Applause break at the UCB and they just stared at me in the main room following Rick Ingram they just stared at you sometimes that UCB is hot I mean that's just any word that comes out your mouth it's weird and then sometimes nope it's a weird place it's weird they don't pay too that's also super weird yeah I think if I was I I'd be a little uh less I'm not even that I'm not upset about it but I feel like I'd be less upset if I was like involved in the school and realize that it's oh it's so kids can take classes at like a decent rate I think isn't that what it's for so that kids can take really cheap classes there isn't that what it

18:23sustains like the the shows what kind of classes do they have they have like comedy classes improv and oh can you teach well maybe you can teach improv huh do you believe you can teach standup uh I believe you can teach somebody uh I I think you can help somebody uh encourage them to get on stage but I don't think you can teach the the ability to be funny no I don't know what you know stand up in what capacity like I guess you could teach Somebody To You Can mold their thoughts into jokes and help them and shove them on stage but I don't know who what kind of comedian that makes yeah I feel like boy it's one of those things where I've learned a lot about it so I always wonder like maybe you can teach something because I've definitely learned some well yeah I mean people you know I I think there are if you find out your favorite comedian you know sits down and writes an hour a

19:20day at a Starbucks or whatever you go oh maybe I'll try that right like little tricks and things like that but I don't know I don't know anyone who's uh you know who who I deeply deeply admire who would credit all their success to their comedy classes no well there's not enough classes that'd be like a real poor focus group but I know Ari did an interesting thing a while back where he used to go to a town like when he was doing standup and like he was headlining for the weekend he would go to a town and he would do like a free seminar for the local Comics tell them like this is how you get a manager stop asking people to take you with them on the road when you're two months into comedy stop asking you know managers to handle you like you just got to get good first and give them all this advice about like getting an agent and you know yeah I went uh I went to uh pen you know upen

20:13recently and I was talking to some students and I don't I don't like fancy myself like an instructor of any kind but they were asking me you know about comedy writing is specifically and stuff and the advice I gave was very uh pra iCal and had nothing to do with the craft which was just like don't be annoying in the room uh don't you know like in a TV like like in a writing for like a TV show and like jokes don't work don't go that didn't work that's not your job to say that like that kind of of just like how to get through the first year without annoying everybody I think that's not like taught right no one ever does shut up like shut up is a great rule you can make big mistakes yeah you could be a person that nobody wants to work with you doesn't matter how talented you you are yeah that's a well writers often times are very awkward right they can be it depends

21:05like the rooms are very split into when I got into like sitcom stuff like it's just very split into um very just internal uh kind of what you would typically think of as like a writer and then there's a couple comedians sprinkled in there who kind of Bounce more jokes around it's just a when then people who are just good at structure yeah that's a interesting thing that people are good at structure cuz sometimes they try to be funny sometimes but it's not you know once you f the thing I like about like those rooms obviously it's so much fun to be in a room with comedians but once you realize oh that person can do a thing I can't and I can do a thing they can't yeah you start to realize like oh we could go into a room and get a lot of work done together that is the thing right it's like lining up the pieces no matter how much you want a square and a circle to line up they just they just

21:54don't seem to and when you have like a writer's room or anything like that I think big part of it depends on just the fortunate chemistry of all the people coming together yeah and that first day where you show up if it's not your room and you haven't hired anybody and you don't know who's there is uh terrifying cuz you show up and you know you know within five minutes if this is going to be a fun x number of months or if you're just going to be trudging through what's the biggest show you ever had to work on um I I I've had really like tremendously good luck as far as like just working with friends and stuff on so many things but I worked on a award show once and the boss basically didn't let me write jokes like didn't they needed to hire a woman and I guess I was recommended and uh and he just he I was like I'll take a stab at these jokes and he was like no

22:44no no just write the the banter where it says like coming up next is this person and I was like well anyone can do that may just literally wouldn't allow me to write jokes so you got hired as a joke writer and then once you got there he just wanted you to write narrative just banter just like you know like our next guest is you know from The Hangover and please welcome him does there specific is that what they call it they call it banter like when you're writing things it yeah well no I mean like that in my 20s I wrote on a lot of award shows so there's like the jokes the monologue all that stuff and then there's just the going out to Commercial and coming back in all that stuff has to be written right and sometimes they try to make it funny and sometimes they don't break it up you guys break it up in terms of like this is is the these are the jokes this

23:30is the banter this is the narrative this is the structure yeah the last I mean I was just writing on the the NBA awards that are going to be on in um I think the 26th of uh of the month Drake is hosting on TNT and it's just like it's you know I mean I've written on written on the SBS before so this is like that but for just NBA and we've been doing you know it's a combination of like I write a lot of monologue jokes there's other guys who are better at sketches like like film sketches tape pieces there's Live Comedy stuff stuff on stage then there's you know like I said like the kind of a little more boring like this next person the you know two time MVP so why did this guy hire you you really think he hired you just cuz you needed a woman yeah wow yeah I know he did that's so crazy yeah I knew it all I knew it all when it was happening e would he let you try no that's that's

24:24foolish yeah it it was it was bizarre and it was it was the only case of uh like you know sexism that I think I've been confronted with which is I mean I guess Lucky in 15 years I don't feel like I've you know that's super Lu I've had that and I've was on I mean for years and years and years I never worked with another woman I was the only girl and and everyone treated me great so it's a tougher Road for Comics to be a woman yeah I can't I mean it's so funny now I it's so hard to the landscape right now I think so many women are be being given chances that didn't even exist 10 years ago so it's it's interesting to uh to see but I never had I don't know I never had like uh those kind of sexist roadblocks if that makes sense well I think that like starting and developing as a female is more difficult just from my personal observations cuz Men A lot of times

25:20don't want to laugh at women they definitely don't want to laugh at women telling them things about like politics or world events like a woman that seems informed formed like for whatever reason they'll tolerate a guy that's especially if it's a guy like Ron White right distinguished looking gentleman with silver hair absolutely one of my fav voice if Ron's up there and he tells people something about some sort of a fact like people will sit back and listen oh I didn't know that if a woman gets on stage and tells a man or group of men about a fact there it's very rare they're going to go wow I didn't know that that's amazing what the does this know like right so there's that there that's that's a that's roadblock then the other roadblock is um well there's a lot like you can do sex jokes now obviously Sarah Silverman kind of broke a lot of that down where so so

26:09much of her act was just straight dirty and hilarious and then Amy Schumer of course and a lot of the people but it's still when you're developing when you're coming when you're starting out it's like more it seems like it's more of a difficult world to to navigate than a guy telling sex jokes yeah it's it's it's a difficult world and it's also like socially it's uh it's it's the I think the precarious I'm it's interesting because what I realized when I was you know 1920 was you know you like that that aspect of people like dating in the scene and all that kind of stuff all that happens too and I found that if a woman who was newish around like my level of the time was dating somebody else they were automat atically looked at as like a comedy groupy and that was the thing that didn't apply to men that was the one part where I was like I don't I don't quite get that like not totally

27:07true because I've seen some guys that are dating like famous women and they're sort of like underling sort of men standup comics and everybody treats them like they're a comedy group you think I I saw that a lot when I was when I was younger that the opposite where just I didn't see men getting tacked with that uh yeah with that label and that but that I was so scared and paranoid of being I was I was so scared of being considered anything other than a comedian that I like for years and years didn't date anybody uh in in comedy at all because I was worried that if I showed up to a show with a guy who you know potentially was more successful than me then the first thought would be she's the girl who's with that guy not she's the girl who's going up next not just that but she's with that guy because of this right she thinks going to be in fact there's a lot of people with

28:00legitimate relationships where it's not the path that just attracted to somebody and you know eventually you know I made my way through a few people it's just another Prejudice it's just one of those things another Prejudice that you have to sort of overcome like if you actually like someone and they happen to be a comic though what the do you do like you say if you like someone and they happen to be some BigTime comedian like what do you supposed to do not like them now and they like you going not like them that's stupid too it is stupid but I was was uh I was terrified of uh I I don't know I just I think I was very eager to um to imp impress I don't I was very eager to prove myself and maybe that is partly you know being a woman I as as much as I didn't find it harder I did find myself wanting to prove any stereotype that anyone might have about me wrong right I don't I don't feel as

28:55much of that as like a mission anymore I just and who I am but I think you have a lot wrapped in your head when you're oh young especially when you're just you really aren't stable as far as like financially you're not you're really not a real professional anymore or yet yeah and then once you become one it's once you're established in the community then after a while it's like what am I what am I wasting my time even thinking about this for so I think it's harder for chicks to develop but I think once they become good and once they get out there there's a lower bar uh I don't know I I I think there's I I think the bar is the I think the bar is the same height uh for most good people and then there's like another bar that's like higher for the great you know what I mean I just think like I don't think the bar is lower for women I think it's lower for people who are not as famous

29:52not as successful not as established not as good but I don't know if that like I just I don't know I think it's I think the bar is the same for men and women I just think it's uh there's a there's a few different bars what I mean by that is that I think that it's it's easier to get a lot of attention uh early on if you're good and you're a woman because there's not that many of them yeah sure I think it's yeah I mean I would I would apply that to any person who's something that is rare in comedy right like a specific nationality but then you have to prove yourself you always have to prove yourself I mean and then there I don't know I I see comedy too in these there's so many different factions to me there's people who are so great at standup and then as a writer and somebody who tries to make like you know projects and wrap them around people I also see so many people who I

30:45go that's not my favorite standup that's not a great standup in my opinion but that's somebody I would love to write for that's somebody I love to put in a show like so I see all these like Columns of Comedians and I judge people according and I think there are legitimately comedians who are not like they're never going to be you know prior Carlin or Lou or anybody like that but you go oh I would I would put them in 100 TV shows as a funny person oh yeah so I I don't know I tend to like look at it from that perspective too where I see I see the potential almost in spite of the material sometimes well there's definitely that you know and there's also like the the difference between those guys and the guys that are in like funny movies like Adam Sandler type movies like it's got a gang of those guys that are always in those movies and they might not necessarily be the best

31:33standups or the kind of guys you want to see but they're great in those movies yeah I mean and then but it's it's I mean who's I don't know in that in that group like my favorite standup is probably Norm who I mean I went to go see the they did a Netflix movie and they like a tour with all the actor you know the comedians from it and it couldn't have been a bit different group of Comedians and you go okay well Norm's my favorite standup there I go is Norm you know going to be the lead of like a you know Adam Sandler movie probably not but he's the person I would go to any theater any room any you know any any a coffee house whatever it is to go see yeah it's it it's one of those things I guess when you're you you look at you look at things in categories like you know that Kevin Hart does his own standup but you also know that he does movies where other people write the

32:22lines and I'm sure he helps make them funnier and all that stuff but it's he's reading a script essentially yeah and then there's people that go on stage doing standup and you you know like you could be like I guess you could be like a really amazing performer and just have some Wizards behind the scenes that write for you and you could make a incredible standup act yeah it's it's that stuff's so interesting to me because yeah I have a very specific like you know if I was to boil down the standup that I you know the the standup comedy that I love and respect the most it has nothing to do with TV and it has nothing to do with it has it's it's just Comedians and who they are on stage and that's you know that's how I judge who I love and don't love uh as a comedian but there's so many other factors in Show Business that you have to sort of take into consideration I mean we like a lot

33:17of people who are very famous who might not be the very best but we know them the most right well what I was going to say is that when you're when you're doing standup though for whatever weird reason the people that we all love the most are almost always people that like write for themselves yeah and it's very difficult to get like say you're not going to get Bill Burr to write for some CAA creation like say of CA has some comic he's got perfect cheekbones and he's got a great way of delivering jokes but he's he's not capable of writing the the right level of material like one of the problems is a guy like Burr writes for his own mind own I'm heite for that guy but he's not going to get the best it's not going to be the same well that's yeah I mean I I'm I I've never I I think we've all taken like a tag or a segue or something where a friend goes dude add this to

34:12your joke and you feel like you already wrote it I mean I had like a three-year fight with somebody in my 20s over who wrote a joke and I thought he did and he said I did in the car and I refused to do it until he convinced me that I came up with it cuz I was so paranoid about doing a joke that I thought somebody else wrote but yeah I mean and that's the thing too is that there's some material that's so great and I watch it and I go I don't know how to make that a show and maybe it doesn't even maybe it's not even supposed to be a show but like someone like Louie I think I mean I repeat his name he's my favorite but like I could have never written Louis show Lou had to write Louie show right but there's a lot of comedians where I watch them and I go oh I know I know what I know what they show Lou had to figure that out though he did lucky Louie he did that show on HBO I

34:58had a conversation with him after it was canceled at The Improv and the first thing he said is I just I should have written it myself I would have fired everybody yeah and just written it he goes like the problem a big part of it is just you're dealing with all these people's visions and you're trying to get yours through and it's like yours might not necessarily be better but the problem is it's yours and in order for for the thing to be the thing that you're happy with like just like you're act it kind of has to come through you like say if you were going to do a Netflix special they said look Morgan we think you're hilarious we love to do a Netflix special with you but what we'd like to do is assign a team of executive producers yeah and writers and what they're going to do is they're going to change your look okay we're going to go with a goth theme they're going to we're

35:39going to put black lipstick on you and and we're going to just you know they're going to come up with some nutty thing that they decide to do and then change the way you deliver material it would be like what what are we doing here and that I think that's kind of how Louis felt when he was doing his show it's like all this there's all these other voices maybe not as as is a goth vampire black lipstick I mean I get so like I get so passionate about about making things like other people's things like I just get excited I see somebody on stage I'm like I want to you know like my job right now is just to develop TV stuff and does it ever happen you still do standup too you're still working a lot with st hope yeah yeah we're going on tour for two weeks on uh Tuesday um and then he continues and I have to come back for some writing and but I get you know as passionate as

36:30I get about standup I get so into the idea of like seeing somebody go up seeing the show that they could have and also wanting them to love it because I'm like no no no I get you I'm not going to write anything that you would say that you wouldn't do like you want to be as the writer on the other side of that as a person who is sometimes hired to take a comedian and like get a show out of them like I like to Hope and think that I have a perspective that someone who's not in standup maybe wouldn't have because I'm like I I've watched this person so long I know their voice I know what they're commenting on I know the way they're commenting on it and I hope that if I write a script for them and they read it they're not going to go this isn't me right you know I'm I'm so I mean I maybe it goes back to like wanting to impress or wanting you know to be seen as legitimate but I

37:24would never I would never hand somebody something if I thought thought that it was remotely embarrassing or against their you know right that's just you a lot of people will right but I mean I I find it to be an interesting sort of responsibility and and and like when you're hired to sort of develop shows there's all this they bring you like hey there's an article about this do you want to write a show about this thing and I'm like every time I say no I want to I want to write something for a comedian I I that's so that's like your specialty that's what you want to do that's what I want to do it's like seeing watching someone from a comedian's perspective and going ah I can do something with that yeah and also like I I think that there's so many people you see where you go I they're not as successful as I think they should be and I think I know how to how to fix it fix it dude

38:12you're a cleaner I'm a cleaner you're a cleaner you're the person they bring in that would be the like uh the uh you know the the wolf in Pulp Fiction the Harvey kitel character pulls up in a silver NSX and it takes notes some like a show where it's like a woman's job is to clean and then it's like coming in she's the cleaner you have like waiters on cuz you're always stepp blood it actually is like mildly embarrassing to passionately talk about uh television and show business like it's it's it's there's a little part of it that's like who cares and why does it matter but I don't know like it's listen I think anything that's interesting to you you should talk about and people say well you know you're going to bore the out of people you are you're going to bore the out of some people but you're going to bore the out of some people with things that I think are really interesting whether

39:02it's whatever physics nature things that I think are fascinating some people are going to think are stupid just you have to whatever is interesting stand Up's interesting to us it's always going to be I'm into anything that is passionately and intricately disgusted you know if it's a if if I'm a I was say I'm an Enthusiast Enthusiast I don't know a lot about one thing but I love any any body who does yeah I'm I'm with you I'm 100% with you I like a lot of cool there's a lot of interesting out there there's so much just anybody tells me they're bored like listen you're not bored you're inactive yeah you just need to find things that you enjoy doing and then you will never be bored just keep doing things you like doing it's just hard for people to get that initial momentum just get moving go forward sure it's not boring this is not boring this is crazy you're a finite life form

40:00on a planet this whole thing's crazy it's chaos I got scared as the other day I saw another article on Yellowstone they're saying it's a 10% chance that inside this hundred years there's going to be a super volcano eruption so inside this from 2000 to three you know 2 to 2,100 there's a 10% chance that everything dies the whole planet everything on this continent Dead everything else all over the rest of the world is g to be because there's not gonna be any sun I gotta book some Glasgow dates that's the move so I think South Africa might be yeah might be the new place New Zealand is a is a big one for people escaping the uh apocalypse New Zealand's awesome I a lot of Americans uh a lot of uh you know tech people big big money buying land in New Zealand now really yeah it's beautiful Yellowstone super volcano hit by a swarm of more than 230 earthquakes in one week what in the

40:57people how many wakeup calls do we need see we're not going to be even paying attention to this until the lava is shooting up into the atmosphere do you know they didn't even know that it was a super volcano until like 50 years ago or something they didn't even know this is I like this podcast you just it's just a talk about and learn how you'll die not always sometimes just want learn about beautiful things scared now though like VI five finger toe shoes and boxing matches this is those things like that that why I'm like why would I quit smoking when I can just way to think I see I see what you're saying but don't you feel like when you smoke a lot uh when I smoke a lot how often do you smoke what do you what do you smoke a day half a pack that's not that bad I mean right now but it it gets up there when when I when I have deadlines and stuff and I'm writing I tied it into

41:47writing which is a bad bad move how does that work does the I I smoked Tony hinchcliff cigarettes I smoked a cigarette with him before a show once and I was like dude this gives you like a buzz yeah and he goes yeah I can't imagine writing or doing stand up without it really like that's interesting yeah I've gone over to H he he's a guy I'll hang out with Cu uh you know similar similar lifestyle I guess is it easy to like uh have a cigarette with him and talk about comedy you're both gay is that what you're saying both we're both uh presumed presumed to be gay presumed but not that's hilarious um but what is the thing about writing and cigarettes like what does it do and what does it do that like a cigar doesn't do I don't know it's uh it it it there's it ties into uh it's a it's a it feels good and then there's momentum sort of involved and then you get into a place

42:39where you're like oh I'm you know in one cigarette I wrote all those pages I don't I I I I don't know I mean I really don't know chemically how the addiction part of it works but I know I uh am a victim of it yeah well the addiction part is um pretty clearly documented in that movie movie um with what the his name Inside Man guy from Gladiator Russell The Insider what the yeah The Insider Insider yeah inside man's a different movie right what the his name Australian dudow Russell Crow Gladiator dude that guy he was yeah I didn't see it I think I don't want to know I think I like say he's a scientist in the movie yeah and they're trying to kill him cuz he's releasing all the information apparently there's like hundreds and hundreds of different chemicals that the FDA has approved cigarette companies to add cigarettes just to get them more addictive yeah it's interesting too

43:32because I'll have like a I'll put out a cigarette in a glass of water some and uh and then I get nervous if the water with tobacco and it touches my skin like I get like I have this like paranoid but I'm like I'll I'll I'll literally inhale Every chemical deep into my lungs into my veins but I get nervous about like touching uh tobacco water that's so weird man what is it about like maybe like bringing into your lungs you're not seeing it so it doesn't freak you out as much there's a I never thought I could be in as much uh sort of denial about something as I am about smoking but I enjoy it a lot right now and I also started late I started late how old were you I I smoked real real casually through my 20s and then I started a job at like 2930 I'm 35 and uh and that's when I really started that's when I started smoking during the day and like writing and smoking oh before that you

44:26would smoke at night only smoke at like a party with a drink or something and when did you notice that it had crossed over into a part of you um I think just a couple years into uh I was writing on uh Two Broke Girls and I was smoking at every possible break and it just started to pick up where any opportunity to go outside and smoke I I took and then I couldn't stop yeah I hate to be that proz and health guy you ever tried dip that' be a good uh no I I'm going to I want to try some stuff I just you know I want to try like I can't even I'm not even allowed to like you know I'm on a lot of like anti-depressants and stuff so they don't want me to take the uh the medication that helps you stop or any of the gums and stuff it's all supposed to up your brain chemicals oh really yeah have weird you're on a lot of anti-depressants I mean I'm on a I'm on a a I like to talk hour while I'm smoking

45:23weed I'm on a I'm on a I'm on a a nice uh you know cocktail of of stuff stuff what is the stuff um right now what am I like a fer is like kind of the main you know things are sort of dabbled in there just it depends on the time of year you get on different things different time of year you have summer summer blend almost 20 years of being on stuff I've uh I've I've been switched around a few times dude 20 years you st in high school yeah Henry Rollins got put on sa my life in high school I'm sure 100% like not yeah I mean it was where the uh the turn I mean I I've had a couple of instances of I don't want to do this anymore I don't want to be on it anymore try to go off and realize I needed it but you know high school was the biggest turnaround the stress of I don't know I was I was just a mess and uh and then some doctor you know after a year of being a mess was like try this and so

46:22you were suicidal uh yeah yeah 16 you know you know moved around every year was just a you know a chaotic that always people up but it always creates interesting people everybody I know that's interesting had some sort of a weird childhood where they moved around a lot by the way how annoying is it when someone starts making a point while they're holding the joint like this is a very important point I'm going to make right yeah you also know you're not getting that joint till the end of the point oh you have to sit there like fixated like a dog for a treat you know but yeah I moved uh I lived with my mom till I was like what 14 15 and then I lived with her sister and I lived with my dad's sister and I lived with some family friends and I lived with my dad for the first time when I was like 17 and I just bounced around La Connecticut Oregon Jesus and

47:16uh and I was uh just brutally depressed and couldn't you know I mean obviously there were big environmental factors but at the end of the day it just it was uh more than more than therapy and stuffff dude your life was the plot of the movie Twilight never saw it should I see it oh for sure it's a classic it is a classic now right Twilight's a Twilight is a movie that was massive massive and now never disussed never discusted not disgusted at all like people will talk about Star Wars to the end of time no one's going to talk about Twilight in a couple of years they're just not going to there might be like a 20-year Reunion where all the girls who watched it when they were 13 go see it again yes sure but there's going to be a bunch of people like what the was wrong with us like what did we do like what happened as a culture what happened as a society well we

48:13decided that all of a sudden vampire is allowed to go out in the day werewolves have abs they can change to a wolf whenever the they want like what what are you doing wasn't there a lot of Vampire shows for a minute too or and they're all gone now too yes everybody went crazy on Z zombies are dead to me they they're they're boring as you try to put out a zombie movie now nobody gives a like oh I get it it's going to walk slow and you're going to get away and the people that you really like are going to live Z boring like here's the uh here's what the movie's about it's they're not zombies are you excited now yes oh good yes and oh no no no the movie is it's about a guy and his daughter becomes a zombie he loves his daughter but she's a zombie get it there was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie like that oh that was always the sadest uh the saddest part of uh Walking Dead was when you

49:02realize like someone had like their daughter chained up in a room cuz he couldn't you know bring himself to yeah put a spike through her head so they just he just kept the zombie daughter o o you know what's up that is not entirely impossible it's entirely impossible that the bodies would stay active like long after they're deteriorating mean that show's been going on for years years these zombies have been alive eating nothing for year no digestive tract somehow or another their flesh stays on their bones their tissue allows their body to keep moving it's ridiculous right that they even have anything in their brain at all that allows them to keep moving but as far as like a disease that changes the host and makes the host superv it's rabies it's rabies on steroids very possible very possible with all the horrible things that happened to like all these different animals in terms of

49:53like parasites getting their system and forcing them to commit suicide and all the you ever seen that aquatic worm one it gets into a grasshopper and then talks the grasshopper into jumping into water and drowning so it could pop out of its body no develops in its body and then like the alien in the movie Alien that bursts out of the chest literally rips out of the thing's body in the water and then it that's how it gets born like it gets into the grasshopper's body and then rewires the grasshopper's brain when it's time to hatch and convinces this to jump into the water M it's the beauty of childbirth well not you can live you can make a bunch of kids look at the Duggers don't they have like 20 they not a single time they've been drowned but if you stop and think about that being real like how how weird is it the idea of a person becoming a zombie that's not

50:44that's not weird at all are you becoming some Super Hyper aggressive thing like a Rabbid dog that's not weird at all look at this thing come out of its body I don't like it out this this is this is horrific it's huge and the grasshopper is just gutted and this thing now is swimming around in the water and there's a ton of those there's a ton of those there's something one that happens with um ants and a wasp I forget who takes over who but there's there's God find that one there's ants I think I want to say that the ants take over the WASP like a lot of them something happens where they rewire it brain is that a botfly oh wolf worm WM wolf worm coming out of rabbit oh Jesus that was one of the things in that movie rats did you ever see that movie rats that is no but it looks like Netflix documentary that thing's huge holy that's a wolf worm it looks like a

51:47grosser like Groundhog Day thing it looks like the first two digits of your pinky like it's literally that big right it came out of a rabbit um but they uh that documentary on Netflix rats was all about how many rats live in like New York City and urban areas insane documentary I can't recommend it enough like I always kind of knew there was a lot of rats in New York you always hear the numbers but when you see like guys who are exterminators or people who work with rats and they go down in the basement it's like there is an underbelly to New York City and a lot of other cities too in Los Angeles for sure where swarms of rodents are under underneath the city swarms more than there are people probably like there's no way for them to count they do rough estimates they really have no idea but you see them everywhere they've got cameras that are dipped into probes and they're smart as

52:40but one of them had this botfly and they pulled this botfly out of its body it's like if you were carrying a football in one of your tits like literally just they pull this thing out of its body pulled it out of its neck actually it's huge it's like as big as its neck almost yeah I'm not to I'm not I'm not I'm a I'm a real uh I'm a real when it comes to bugs and oh you should be they're terrifying they're the worst I saw a spider uh in Arizona last week that was I mean it was half my fist it was like had EXO shell like a like it looked like it was wearing armor what kind was it I don't know dead take a picture just swamp stop yeah killed it for you strong I can't I couldn't I well I I'm not going to go to bed with a with a without there living with a bug somewhere in my house yeah there's uh there's a lot of weird in Doug's area and down that's where I that's where I saw it over uh

53:33Bisby area he's right next to Mexico he's like knocking on Mexico's door you can run to Mexico like literally none of those spiders had papers Build That Wall Build That Wall just let the Mexicans in just everybody relax that's uh terrifying when you leave his area and they uh you got to pull over and stop and they ask you if you're me if you're an American citizen yeah that's weird and then you go yes I know a dude who has a ranch and it's in South Texas and they find dead people on their Ranch sometimes where people tried to cross and they just they just die dehydration yeah out in the desert that's a hard way to go and then these ranchers just find them you know scary and you don't know who I mean the other thing is like if for him and his his place like uh you don't know if this guy's going to be a nice guy just trying to come over here and get a

54:34job or if this guy's a drug Runner and a murderer like you really don't know you just know there's a person in your Ranch that's not supposed to be there and they might not even speak English and like woo I'm trying to think of something I would die to get to I don't it seems to me to be I'm here a lot of people get mad at me when I say this but I'm going to say it anyway I think it's something that's going to go away the idea of countries you can only go one place like if you're born on this patch of dirt you can only stay on this patch of dirt it's an impediment to progress and it's an impediment to equality and I think that we're there's going to come a day where people are just going to be able to travel anywhere they want and we're not going to look at it like cities and we're not going to look at like in terms of like you know you're like if you live

55:15in Boston you can move to Cleveland if you live in Cleveland you can move to Miami like you can move you can move wherever you want but as soon as you have a country you can't move you have to papers you got to get approved what kind of job do you have more Morgan are you are you do you have a specific skill that would benefit America and instead of the rest of our sloppy that half of them don't you jack are you better than the average person why should we let you in we only want to let quality people in that's it I would never be able to prove myself in that moment as being worthy of getting into any country they have a ter for with a skill it's like exceptional skill a person of exceptional skill it just seems it seems like I don't know just it seems barbaric like it really does and I know people like oh man just you got to understand America sovereignty it's very important we keep

56:06that the rest of the world's up we've managed to figure out we got lucky we got lucky and we got out on the right patch of dirt yeah sure and we got uh we have uh resources that a lot of other countries don't have and I don't know I I I I I love to travel internationally and I love you know putting myself in places that uh or uh you know that don't have what we have if that makes sense like I enoy perspective I I enjoy the I enjoy making a vacation sort of a combination of uh of of pleasure and perspective uh as much as I can and going places that you know make you realize what you have at home I wonder if it holds do you think that it holds back both sides do you think it holds back Mexico that the United States is so difficult to get into and there's always like this despair of certain people trying to get into mexic trying to get into America and can't what I was

57:03going to get out is I think that it's kind of similar in some way and I might be off but it's similar in some way to making drugs illegal mhm that like you make drugs illegal then you create this artificial or this demand this increased demand and then it's outlawed so only people that are willing to break the law sell it and so you you this CRI criminal Enterprise attached to something that should be perfectly legal right yeah coming you're already breaking the law by by by by coming here right so are you a person who's going to break the law right you're going to be a person Tak that I think and also profit off of it by being like one of those carriers right yeah I don't know I I grew up in LA and I think I had a uh a I didn't realize that it was illegal you know as a kid you don't know laws or rules or anything so I I just assumed that Mexico and California

57:52because I would you know most most the kids I went to school with were Mexican like I just assumed that it was like a place where people live in both places and you go back and forth a lot and you know Mexican culture was so sort of the whole my whole backdrop of my childhood was painted with that so I just kind of assume that you went where you wanted to yeah and like that La was mostly Mexican and that was fine yeah it should be fine right and people what are they going to come over here and take our jobs are going to come over here and ruin our quality of life or is it all going to even out like maybe it just evens out isn't that possible like yeah I also you know I mean it's it's a Beyond cliche to say but are they are people taking jobs that Americans are dying to do now yeah well see and also if they come over here if they just come over here then you have to pay them the same rate

58:44it's like you have to pay them the same rate that everybody gets paid because there's there's wage limits there's minimum wage like if you have them illegal you can pay them whatever the you want and they do that's like the big housekeeper d how can how the are housekeepers asking for a raise they're not asking for a raise they can't say every time the word housekeeper comes out of my mouth I like uh I get a little I get a little red a little embarrassed cuz I have a housekeeper now I never had you know I mean makes you feel bad it doesn't make me feel bad I I I absolutely uh I couldn't love her more and she's very much become kind of a a pseudo mother figure of mine in La I don't have family here really and but I also feel like that makes me sound like a uh pretentious white person who's taking care of a person of color it like it really uh it really it's not com it's

59:34not a comfortable subject for me to talk about and yet I couldn't be more like earnestly grateful and thankful and uh I couldn't adore her more and and really she helps me function in life and yet the very the subject is you know I mean I didn't grow up with that kind of stuff so it's it's interesting embarassing it's embarrassing well as long as you pay her well and you're nice to her it's just a job you know as long as she enjoys doing the job and she gets paid well yeah it's just a job there's nothing wrong with being a garbage man there's nothing wrong with any job yeah I mean I you know she's known me through apartments and you know so it's it's it's it's interesting when someone's just a part of your life and um and seems to care about you more than you even think they should if that makes like she well you're her boss I'm her boss but she the only person in my home and

60:31you know I I I trust her but she also seems to care about me in this way she wants me to have a kid like she's like it's all these things that you're you know I don't really talk to my mom's like I've this this housekeeper who like you should have a baby and then I'll take care of she has like a plan for my whole life well listen to her listen to her it sounds like you've got some sort of a partner yeah a life partner I do have a life partner you do you have a housekeeper a life partner I don't know it's it's a it's always a touchy subject because there's historically been people that have come from other places and they've immigrated into places and then you know they create neighborhoods and they they are a certain class of people initially and then they move through society and I mean my people have experienced at the Italians like when my grandfather came

61:17over here there was all these like negative stereotypes for Italians and there's all these slurs like they used to call them a Guinea W and all these different that were like hurtful like today if you call someone a guinea no one like I would say I'm a guinea like nobody gives a call Sebastian a guinea like yep like it doesn't bother anybody you know it's like it became they became a class of people that normalized they just they fit they fit in with like regular white people like Italians were not considered white people the same way a lot of people from the Middle East that have like the same skin tone aren't considered white people by some people today you know but if they if there was more if it became just say normal part like Irish people G you're Irishman Irish woman yeah Irish woman if they could become white people yeah they just figured out a way to get

62:07white to get whiter we should just there's got to be a way this keep indoors mooving to Oregon after a while they evolve the lack of sun they will evolve into being white people yeah I don't know I just think you know anytime you restrict things that should be normal like moving to a better spot so you can't move to a better spot like oh I can't like how what if I buy a house in that spot nope can't move to that spot well I mean it's it's sort of arbitrary and like how do you there's some I'm very fascinated by like migration in general of like towns where or you're encouraged to stay like that's always very interesting to me don't leave don't leave don't leave don't leave like what if you were told you can't stay you have to leave and you have to go populate this other area like what's the differ you know it just we're we're choosing where people can live and we don't know

63:01what would be the best place for them we don't know if the best place for them is right next door to you even if you don't want it I was watching a guy who on TV they were doing this interview with him he was a coffee farmer in Hawaii and he started out as a 15-year-old in America so he's been in America from the time he's 15 he was in his 40s now he has a family he's been in America for more than I think I think they were saying like 30 years okay so this guy wife family worked his way up from being a worker at this coffee Farm to owning the coffee Farm I think he owned it sounds better if I say he owned it he might have been the manager he was he had a big job he's a big man at the coffee farm and they're kicking him out they're moving him to Mexico they're exporting him Jesus and he just got some stay some you know like where they allowed him to stay like a couple more months to to

63:56appeal his case but like Jesus Christ the guy did it like he came he came over here he was 15 he's a part of America now he's 30 something years old or 40 years old whatever the he is he could have already served time for for murder like he could have done a full done he's done his his time positively he's actually doing well he's doing what you want he's being a productive member Society he's employing other people he's making coffee which I'm not going to grow coffee I need someone to grow that goddamn coffee that guy's doing a great job he's that's a American to make a move it's crazy it's like make you move to where you you moved around a lot where the were you when you were 15 I was uh in uh Connecticut yeah you're in Connecticut and I'm in Massachusetts we have to move imagine thugs come knocking on our door with combat boots on holding guns and

64:45say listen Morgan you got to move you can't stay in California anymore there's too many people in California you got to go back back to the east coast it's insane it's the same thing that they're doing to this guy it's insane it's it's I don't I mean I don't know I don't I don't get it but I went on you were when we did the uh the end of the world podcast you guys did that one I remember coming out at the end hammered hammered hammered as I say hammered since I had been hammered since Florida results came in everything was already done and I show up and it's a you know a murder's row on stage and I get there and I have no I have only feelings I have no nothing in my brain is working to connect pieces or really be you know remotely sort of eloquent I just came out and I was like is bad for people and everyone's going to be racist and we you know people should be able to do what

65:38they want like I and then you and sarahana started making out did we you don't remember that no I didn't make out with anybody just kidding the same front of anybody but but uh but bur just hammered me I mean he came back with with you know basically I felt there was like a lot of energy that I came in with the worst thing that's ever happened just happened that was my energy and I felt like there was a lot of you know don't don't you know it might not be that bad that night let me tell you what's really going on but this is what's really going on first of all you got a bunch of comics in front of an audience that's the number one thing that's happening this election is to us to me and Burr and anybody else who's there it's like this is an opportunity to talk okay and the fact that there's an election going on like we're we'll deal with the consequences of Donald Trump being

66:27president later but right now we're here to make people laugh and have fun and Burr is on fire he was on fire he was on fire he was on he shines in those things like no one yeah he was just like one after the other smashing it there's a video online you can get on YouTube that's like the best of Bill Burr at the end of the world podcast he's just slaying oh no it was and I came in like and I like threw a cup of gasoline on the fire with my opinions I was like yeah but it's not really an OP I mean it's like you have to understand from the perspective of uh I'm not saying you have to understand but the people listening right like when any we do something like that there's a bunch of comics and there's an audience like we're not we're not always going to deal with what's going on we're not going to be somber really be considering the fact that okay well now we don't have a

67:14president anymore we've just elected a buffoon to the the biggest popularity contest in the world is what we did right a popular person won now and now we're and he's an egomaniac and now he's is in charge of the nukes congratul oh you can fire the FBI guy look at that you just let a reality star just start firing the people that you need for critical intelligence people that have been involved in the intelligence industry and the the intelligence Community for decade after decade after decade you let this reality star just start firing people it's nuts but it was also the best place I could have ended up that night like I can't imagine having spent uh I mean I I I I think I went to bed at like should have got together with Jen Kirkman 7 a.m. wonderful time I looked at her Twitter and I was like I just got to stay away from that thing you guys are freaking me

68:00the out like Jesus this is a bad system it's been a bad System since people figured out how to make phone calls you know as soon as people figured out how to make phone calls you didn't have to get a guy on a horse that carries your vote and your your request for sovereignty and your personal state by a messenger that has to take it to some representative has to take it to Congress on this boat like you don't have to do that anymore so since we don't have to do this anymore this idea of one person running the whole shebang through a representative of each individual State it's archaic there's to the communication is too good now the bottleneck is the system the system needs to be redesigned it needs to be redesigned it's not impossible no one's saying we shouldn't have government I'm not an anti-government purple purple purple person looks like I'm not an

68:48anti- military person or an anti- police person I just think it all has to be managed and and engineered the right way like you can't have just complete Anarchy in this country but we have to have the will of the people and right now it's definitely not the will of the people this is just some weird system that someone's figured out a way to win and then once they're in the system we're realizing all the flaws of the system people are quitting and getting fire and you're like well this is not the most efficient way to run this thing right but there's no uh there's no uh within the system there is no here's how you change the system like that hasn't been established so then you have to do that in a way that doesn't uh you know make everybody implode but the system the design of the system and this is uh more than I've I've paid attention more to the political system in the last

69:33two years and I think I have in my entire life but there's all these checks and balances that are in place to sort of prevent someone who's uh an irreputable person getting into a position of power and then changing everything there's enough checks and balances to keep that in place and I think that's important and that's a beautiful thing and having all these Representatives that represent both conservative and liberal attitudes kind of keeps things in Balance to a certain extent but it's not the best way to do it no the best way to do it would be to get a guy like Elon Musk and say hey man the way you uh figured out how to put tunnels under the Earth where the cars go on sleds and that eliminates all the traffic in LA and the way they figured out how to make like a solar box that sits in a garage on the wall and it Powers your whole house from the roof

70:24and the way they figured out how to make make roof shingles that are actually solar power they ready figured out how to make an electric car that go 350 mil how about tell us how to run this thing right like you're definitely smarter than me yeah I also then does he make the decisions it like cuz I always think about like when they change rules and Major League Sports I always find it like interesting like that a group of people got together and like now what is it overtime football overtime shortened now and they like like I go oh now it's it's 10 minutes now it's 5 minutes and we all just go okay like who's who's the who's the person who gets to say okay now this is the way that the government works I mean that's its own process well football is very different obviously because it's a game and you're trying to make the game better and more exciting if they were just trying to with

71:07people and make politics more exciting maybe that would be more that maybe that would work just make it how do we make this better how do we make this better how do we make people like this more how do we make people feel like they're involved how do we do this but again are you saying like changing the rules it seems like that I just don't I don't know how long something like that takes is it is it over Generations is it tomorrow the rules are this I mean how do you do that I think you make people park at the bottom of a hill and you put the voting booth at the very top of the hill and only the people that can actually like unless you're physically handicap then you get a pass then we'll figure out another test for you but only the people to figure out to get their lazy ass to the top of that Hill those are the only ones who get to vote all right fine by me but that's the thing is

72:03that you're going have to tell somebody what the rules are you hope they say all right I'll probably say all right Mountain hikers are just going to run the world Alex honold is going to be our president that rock climber dude he's going to be number one no I just think that if we just come up with an alternative system that somebody designs and we slowly implement it like in stages you know there's but every time someone doesn't like something that's everyone is so aggressively angry now and everyone is kind of uh you know on the on the on the precipice of snapping and I feel like any kind of suggested change to a lot of people is is terrifying it is terrifying and it should be because if somebody it up and putins this whole thing you know that could be a big goddamn disaster too that's always possible like this is as close as that's come like this is as

72:51close as it's come to something where he's got a 33% approval rate or something except the poll that he found says 50% isn't that hilarious that you can put up a a picture it says 50% of the people like me and you'd be like wow he's really doing a great job like you're never going to see a president with 100% approval rate it does not exist it's so tragic though I mean he is he is I can't think of a time my brain has been this consumed by uh by a president like uh you know positive or negative I mean I you know I I liked Obama but I never thought about him as much as I think about Trump even if you have like things like vitamins vitamins would not have a 100% approval rate right there's people that would like vitamins I don't even need them they suck and you they would give it a well like actual Western medicine doesn't have 100% approv there are people who go like no I don't want

73:44any treatment for my cancer I'm going to well that's because there's Alternatives and there are there there's some people that believe that you can do more work like to cure or to uh halt cancer in its tracks by altering your diet improving your immune system I believe that more than like uh uh you know know the Lord will will provide my medicine but I think more and more doctors are acutely aware of the factor that nutrition plays now I think they CH they make changes to people not just like give them drugs and give them you know anti-an cancer medication but there's doctors now more increasingly more and more that want you to hey you drink too much drinking are you smoking cigarettes we definitely got to get you to smoke stop smoking cigarettes we got to get you to eat healthy like here's what's important I feel like you're directly talking to me right now and telling

74:35me I just think that uh you have to pay attention to doctors too like these might have figured out a way to cure your cancer you got to listen you can't listen to the holistic healer lady that has incense burning in her house she smells a Pachi maybe little from K got to be careful those Puli smelling I just did did some weird uh I did a colonic at some you know hippie Ranch type Place dude you had to pipe up your ass I had to pipe up my ass what was that like uh it was uh it was it oddly uh oddly positive experience and I didn't think it would be I I was I was in Bisby uh around uh Doug's place and I you know took off for the day and got a colonic Wow have you done that before or is it on a whim uh it semi on a win not it was like yeah I called to play I was looking for healthy things to do in the desert and that was one of them what percentage of people

75:33take colonics on a whim like what percentage is it even 10 where people would just walk down the street like you know it' be fun we should really yeah I don't think there's a lot of colonic ways that like advertised for foot traffic so uh Santa Monica come on in we'll stick a pipe up your ass but I try you know it's it's that thing where I'm not like you I don't have a uh I don't have a a healthy lifestyle so I find myself hitting walls and then reaching kind of grasping for um activities that seem healthy and enjoyable which is why I've like you know I oh I'll go boxing surfing I'll go play basketball you know it's but I don't do it as consistently as I ought to that's why it's always impressive to uh see you you know Peak form constantly do things you like doing that's it I do that's you know I like I like sport I love sports then do that that's a great way to stay stay healthy

76:27for me I found out somewhere along the line though for me to be better at certain Sports I have to do I don't want to do like lift weights run Hills like stuff like that like if you don't do those things you don't have like if you want to you want to make an analogy to machines like you have a weird opportunity with your body where say if you're in a race you can turn your body into a sports car like you can literally turn your body into something that does something a regular car can't do it can move faster could pick up more it can explode it can make Corners better like you can do that to your body you can give Your Body Balance like you take a yoga class two days a week for four months don't tell me your body's not better it's going to move better it's it's going to be more balanced you're going to you going to be able to change the suspension on your car literally by

77:18putting in the work but the work can suck a fat one sometimes dude I know so hard easy but you got to get excited about doing hard I kind of I get excited about uh I get excited about the the prospect of getting in better shape after the age I am now than I was before like I get excited about being that person that I've seen happen I'm like I've seen people do that get in better shape after 35 I guess I can do it but there idea of doing it is thrilling but I can't you know it's it's getting there it's we don't want it bad enough Rocky I know I know I don't there is no tomorrow it's my favorite quote every movie yeah you know what you got to do what this is the big one for everybody for everybody listening write down you have to do I do it I write down things I need to work on things I'm going to do yeah like I wrote down my schedule for the week I wrote down like this week I'm going to

78:15lift weights three days a week I'm going to run two days a week and I'm going to do yoga two days a week and period like there's no no negotiation so I have to do those things so that I'll do that for the week and then I'll make sure I I make those checks off there's a lot of times where I want to off but I know I have to make my schedule I have to get it in if I don't get it in then I up like I gave myself like a schedule and but then I get things done and it doesn't seem any more stressful in fact it seems less stressful because I don't have to like hem and haw over whether I'm going to do something like I have it written down I have to do it and then I just go do it sounds uh I'll do that then you got to just write it down and stick to the script because as a comic one of the best things about us is that we're impulsive and that we like to blow things off and we like to question

79:05the validity of certain actions like why am I doing that that how about I just jerk off and take a nap or whatever you do you know I mean that's what we do that's what people are impulsive and that's one of the reasons why you're funny cuz you come up with a thought that maybe other people wouldn't entertain yeah I mean I I you know it's it's just a m once I'm once I'm in once I have once I got some downhill motion I'm you know I can keep going yeah that's it's the moment thing it's the initial start I used to go boxing like every day for years few years you know that's when you were in New York right no I was out here I was go to the Wild Card like every day for like years oh that's right and then uh Morgan Murphy's a big boxing fan you and I have had long conversations about B you know a lot of I yeah I used to kind of know more I mean I get embarrassed with

79:53the sports stuff cuz I'm such a fan but I'm not a by any means a statistician I'm not uh a good remember of even names I just obsessively watch Sports hours and hours and hours a dayun but isn't that funny that like if you're talking about like a television show like uh yeah yeah I saw that show well wait a minute it's a good show who was who was the main character in Lost what was his name again and what was the you know like there's no shame in that right but a basketball game from the same time like was in the finals yeah well I can think of like fights I've been to and then I can't even think of I'm like I know who won the fight I don't I don't even remember who they fought did you see kovalev Andre Ward this weekend I watched a little uh I I listened to a lot about it but I missed it that's the other thing too is I watch I stay home and watch so much I mean you know I

80:44I I love sports I find it to be the most soothing like I I if I'm if I'm at a job you know writing something all day I look at my the sports schedule that night and I get excited that oh I have a thing to do at 8 you know after my work is done like I just I wrap my days around it so I'm trying to go out and do more as opposed to being locked in uh locked into a schedule that's uh determined by what's what boxing match is on and I used to stay home to watch everything and I didn't for that one yeah I hear you you get you know it comes and waves right but I listen to a lot I mean I you know I I have opinions about it having not seen it which just seems like you still have opinions like uneducated ones well I from what no just from watching what I from seeing what I did see I feel like I was like like I get mad about C stoppages oh really like what did you

81:35see the kovalev ward yeah and I thought it was an early stoppage it was definitely an early stoppage I don't think when someone's on his way down here's the question though did he have a standing eight count rule like I don't know if there's a standing eight count rule in that fight like see if there was find out if there was I feel like there was cuz I feel like that's what should have happened if it happened but some fights I believe they don't have to have a standing a count correct me if I'm wrong I don't think that's the case in all fights and I think in some championship fights they don't have a standing a count and I think that's a specul or a specification that they put yeah that I don't know it just seems like an obvious stipulation uh yeah I I mean the last fight I'm trying to think of uh last Jamie will find out Jamie will find out I made uh I made uh I was

82:22in uh Arizona during the uh Canelo uh the Chavez fight and I made everybody watch it it was that wasn't a good one it was a bad one and it was the worst part about it was that everyone knew I was the reason the fight was on oh no so everyone it was a it was like I couldn't every round I wanted to be exciting because I wanted people to not get mad at me for ruining their night but instead I was responsible for a boring night wow and then I was like I enjoyed it even though it was boring I just wanted to see who was going to fight goov kin and that was mine that was my sort of you know my horse in the race was whoever was going to win was going to fight my favorite fighter but most people thought Canelo was going to win pretty handly but the the problem was that like Chavez didn't really want to put himself out there he's but Chavez has never been a great he's never been uh I don't think

83:14his training's ever been um right as disciplined as some like Canelo is about that life right I mean he's trying to be the best ever be the best guy it's hard to be I can't imagine being a being a being a rich kid boxer just feels like uh was he born a rich kid well I mean Chavez Jor I mean his Oh I thought you thought you meant Canelo oh no no no no I was just saying that uh that you know just that just seems like a hard place to come from oh yeah and he's you know his dad is the greatest of all time Julio Cesar Chavez is arguably the greatest Mexican fighter of all time I mean he's he's up there I saw I saw Chavez Jr fight in um at the Staple Center and they brought his dad out for I like like oh it's like just the poor Shadow you got to be in that your dad gets honored before your fight it's rough but you know what there's this guy croin Gracie and his dad is hick and

84:04Gracie who's like the greatest Jiu-Jitsu guy of all time and the son is a world champion he's a beast he's one of the best guys on the planet Earth like legitimately 100% self-motivated not like you know doesn't need to it's not like the same sort of Chavez situation right so it doesn't always happen that way but it seems like fighting in general the hunger for fighting tends to come from a place of poverty I mean it just tends to but again no it doesn't have to no no no but I mean even like even in America like you know uh what was his name it's like Russ belt dude uh Russ belt no yeah the guy uh this American dude who uh I always forget I can't remember his name he's from like Kelly pavick was it Kelly yeah yeah yeah right Am I Wrong white guy sh white guy shaved head had a had a moment bad bad he just ran into Bernard Hopkins Bernard Hopkins had him figured out just tuned

84:57him up yeah I like I wrote a a Blog article about that really about that fight because it was just a masterful performance by Hopkins Hopkins I was actually coming home from a UFC fight overseas I was in Europe when I watched that fight and I was like that is so good I got to get so smart I've been watching I've been watching but I don't know who I'm rooting for oh you root for people I just like I I don't know who I don't know who who's who I feel I have like I think why I just started even watching hockey is like I played so many sports as a kid like I can get into the sports I know about but when I don't know anything about it it's like it's like working out like doing anything else I'm uncomfortable getting into something that I come from such a I have such a huge blind spot about right I know I'm just like how am I going to learn everything immediately I tried to get

85:46Ian Edwards to school me on soccer I didn't last I tried for a few weeks we even talked about doing a soccer companion he took me to uh a bar once and we were sitting there watching some game it's like some big time soccer game it was pretty good it was fun it's fun being next to Ian cuz he knows everything he knows as much about soccer as I know about MMA yeah like he's just rattling off who this guy is and what this team's about and what their score is and he has a soccer podcast too that he does I forget who he does it with you remember who he does it with I love that dude I love him he's the best such a nice he's the most underrated comic alive today he's so funny I you know I quot did a joke of his in uh in the writer room at Two Broke Girls and my boss was like whose joke is that and I was like Ian Edwards and he hired him it's a great move yeah

86:32it was like it was uh it was it was but it was just like oh yeah the end got this joke and everyone was dying I selfishly don't want anybody to ever hire him as a writer again I want him to just do standup I think that's what he's doing I mean I think he just was a little a short gig but yeah no he does him every now and then but I I just feel like people don't know how good he is he's so good he's and he's such a good guy yeah just one of the best guys ever true what do you think about this Conor McGregor Floyd Mayweather fight I mean it's a spectacle I guess I'm excited uh I'm excited about it but I feel like it's going to be another big notch in Mayweather's belt and I don't think he needs another one like I just I get a little bit H I get a I I respect Floyd Mayweather as a boxer but it's not the kind of boxing I get excited about watching even though I know it's

87:21technically you know it's going to be it's going to be boxing match for sure it's going to be an actual 12 round boxing match so we're going to get to see some sort of an athletic competition um but I just don't see how yeah sorry I just don't I don't see how McGregor can be better than the best boxers in the world who have tried yeah he won't be he won't be better than the best boxers in the world but what he might do first of all he's definitely going to make it exciting it's going to the the trash talk is going to be epic it's going to be epic it's going to be a fun iCal and he has legitimate scary one punch power and he's way bigger so it's all about whether or not he can hit Mayweather Chan they fight at 150 something I don't know that's a good question too how much weight does he have to lose how much is Floyd going to make him dehydrate himself does he even give a does he

88:12even respect his skills enough to make him dehydrate himself like he did with Canelo because he made Canelo cut a shitload of weight sure I think he made him fight at 150 is that correct fly out what Floyd Mayweather made Canelo Alvarez fight cuz canelo's a big fell I've seen him in person him getting on to 150 is a rough rough suck I think that um it's always scary when you look at these dudes and they just look emaciated before the like Chavez I mean you know he's a tall guy so he's one of the worst I ever saw was when Connor made it to 145 when we fought Aldo was like Jesus Christ like he looks so gaunt and dried up at the Ws and then the next day he looks like a gorilla uh Canelo came in at 152 it says okay and this fight is at 154 it is at 154 that's what they're making it interesting okay well this also says Conor's not going to have a hard time making

89:04154 now this says Canelo weigh in at 168 no that was his last fight with Chavez Jr Chavez Jr he fought above his weight class actually Chavez Jr I think he was fighting 175 wasn't he and he came down maybe they maybe it was a normal weight for Chavez Jr oh this was for the 30-day weigh in when he fought Mayweather this so 30 days out yeah a month out heigh 1668 yeah well they had stipulations in the contract like how big he could be at certain points you know just dirty they just wanted to dry them out I mean I'm EXC what's the uh what what what's the whole uh car going I mean is it are they going to have all boxing undercards is it it's good question I think little the only way this fight is going to be interesting skill-wise is if Conor figures out a way to Maul him he's almost got a like close the distance quick get him up against the ropes and just hit him with like shots while he's

89:59holding him he's almost got to clip him in some sort of weird awkward like Maidana like exchange you ever see the fight with Maidana that Floyd had but Floyd uh got clipped by a big overhand right I think it was at the end of one of the rounds like very end of the round his legs dipped like whoa a little jig a little uh little wobbly got a little dip and it's just because he got mauled it was because skill-wise he was commensurate and then when Floyd came back in the rematch he just boxed his face off just him up because he just wanted to let him know like look dude I barely took you serious in that first fight it got close but it only got close because of like this sloppy braw and then he just put a skill clinic on him in the second fight second fight wasn't even close I think that that's the only kind but that's not how Conor normally fights he's not like a swarming face first

90:50brawler type dude he's a guy who's like cautious about getting hit yeah I I'm I'm thrilled about it but I'm also uh I I I wish I wish I I wish I knew more about your side of the tracks well we don't know enough about Connor because Connor has never had a professional boxing match you know and the thing is you see is striking but you only see a striking when he's working on kicks and wrestling and all that other too what if he just kicked him like would that I mean just just to do it just to let them know just to do it that would be up be up but it would be hilarious I think he'd probably there's probably some stipulations in the contract that say he can't get him in an arm bar or choke him I think just kicking him in the head and knocking him out would be worth losing all the money and then getting more money after could you imagine he would be a goddamn folk hero

91:38if they got in close if they got in close and Floyd was like sucking and juking on the outside and he threw a jab to cover up or a left high kick and that left high kick necks him just dang and you see Floyd go limp and he would go limp he' never been high kicked like that Jesus that would be crazy cuz if he didn't know it was coming yeah he could clip him with it like if you had no idea if you hid a kick behind a punch like fighter a lot of Fighters do they like throw a punch literally to cover your face so the kick is behind it already and then boom the kick comes like while your vision is already you're thinking about the next punch and bang the kick lands and you get koed happens all the time if he did that that would be insane would it be worth it it would but it would up everything up cuz no one would ever trust another fighter from MMA to ever fight a boxer in a boxing match again

92:30cuz we've only had the the opposite happen really could they after this could they do an MMA fight with the two of them no I don't know oh my God it would last 30 seconds maximum and that's if Connor wanted to give him an ear beating for 28 minute seconds look Connor's so much better as a wrestler as a submission artist as a kicker there's just no way he he'll hit him with spinning elbows and like there's things you can't do in a boxing match that you're not expecting and if someone just kicks your legs once you're going to be like oh my god what the now I'm just trying to think of a way to mil more money out of uh out of what's going on I mean you know what's going to come in hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars right this is the only way this is the only way but this is a giant big difference though Floyd would have to learn how to fight and ma

93:24style he would have to learn how to stop take Downs he' have to learn how to check leg kicks and he'd have to learn how to defend submissions and that will take years and he's not going to do that 40 years old I don't know what he knows now as far as wrestling defense and what he knows about kickboxing or jiujitsu or anything else I don't know what he knows but if he knows nothing he's 100% 100% bet the house on it like Conor might win a boxing match I mean maybe there's like a a small percentage chance that he just runs in there and clips Floyd with a big shot and rocks him and then takes him out I don't know what that percentage is but if you ask a boxing expert is like 4% 5% right that's what a boxing expert would say which I'm not but I'm an MMA expert and if they fought in an MMA fight it's 100% that Connor would him up 100% no ifs no ends no butts no

94:17chance no chance Conor's going to be farther away from Mayweather than anyone's ever hit him and he's going to be kicking him in the stomach in the legs and he'll soften him up and the rounds are 5 minutes long and eventually he gets a clinch and when he gets a clinch Mayweather is he's going to the ground he's not going to be able to stop it he's going to get mounted he's going to get elbows force fed into his eye socket his nose his mouth his jaw the sides of his head his ears he's going to get elbowed in the ear he's going to get punches dropped down on him when he's totally pinned down and defenseless he's going to have a knee on one of his biceps while the guy literally on top of him pounding him in the face and he won't be able to get up he won't be able to stop the crucifix he won't be able to stop anything he'll be tied up and smashed on the ground until

95:05he decides to choke him so he's be he'll be completely defenseless so in that sense that the odds would be insane if Mayweather decided in the next two months cuz the fight's going to take place in August if he decided in the next two months which by the way I feel like is soon am I wrong I feel like it's too soon very quick it's very quick it's not maybe it's not too soon maybe they've been negotiating for but at least know something about this could be a thing but if they just took it from now and said two two months from now you're going to have an MMA fight holy the odds would be a 100,000 to one like if you ask like any real MMA expert they'd be like what how is he oh he's 100% 100% and boxing experts think that Mayweather is 100% but they'll give him a SM slight chance you never know it's crazy people throwing punch punches you never know cuz Mayweather can throw a punch for

95:56sure and Connor can throw a punch for sure who knows what happens who knows most likely though Mayweather out boxes him but you could see Conor landing something it could be crazy it's he's just the hardest person to it's not just that he's the greatest he he's the hardest person to land a punch against that's why I just yeah it's just he's the best defensive boxer ever yeah that's why it's boring it's not to I mean it is it is by the way I I don't find it boring on a technical level I find it boring on like a social like I like the social element around a fight and the excitement and you know it's a very good way to put it it's not a good he's not like the best you know you can't look at your pizza while you're eating it because you got to keep your eye on the screen like it's like a Tyson fight yeah yeah Tyson was the best example of in a lot of ways what was

96:42wrong with uh people liking boxing cuz I just wanted to see someone get slaughtered sure you know and then Arturo Gotti and Mickey Ward is like the other side of it it's like neither God can Slaughter the other guy and they keep slaughtering each other and coming back like that's that to me has always been my favorite kind of fight and torn personally because I know how dangerous it is for them because it's such a horrible horrible experience for their body just exchanging punch after punch after punch um a guy named Tim ha just died this past weekend and he was a uh former UFC fighter who uh lost in the UFC and then went over and was fighting a bunch of other organizations and and he sustained a series of pretty brutal Knockouts like it was like a boxing thing though wasn't it a boxing act like a he so he fought a bunch of MMA fights had got knocked out many times and then

97:35went in just two months after a la a big knockout that he just had in April fought a boxing match so he had been knocked out in April I believe it was April I'm sorry if I'm wrong um that's what I read and then he's fighting again in this boxing match and he's out matched he takes his fight on short notice against really good boxer I think he has like a one and three boxing record or something like it's not a good boxing record and this guy just him up and bad and the KO was brutal and apparently got knocked down several times in the first round and uh and he got hit with some big bombs and dropped and his head bounced off the ground and he died and it it is a very rare thing to for someone to die in boxing in the heavyweight division It's usually the guys who dehydrate themselves and fight those are the usually this is pry rare there was like a serious beating in

98:32a fight between um that really badass Cuban guy uh Southpaw big uh something Louise see if you can fig he's a top Contender right now boxing in the heavyweight division but he beat up this Russian cat and him up and the guy wound up being in the hospital for quite a long time and is I believe his career is over had some swelling and bleeding bleeding on the brain but he survived but Tim is uh unfortunately passed away scary you know so those fights they come with you know there's a great consequence that we don't feel as Spectators although I think people feel it now more than ever for sure I mean football too I mean I that's I I can't I can't get over like when you hear like a just a crack of a helmet there it is um why was a brain damage fighter allowed to leave Madison Square Garden on his own yeah what is a homeboy's name there ma maged AB Abdus salamov mamed Abdus

99:33salamov and uh he was fighting uh Mike Perez I think that's the fight so I got the guy wrong too that's not the big uh Cuban heavyweight I think I it up it's a different Cuban heavyweight by the way have you been to the theater at the Garden there see see that's a great place to watch oh yeah it's amazing I love it that theater is amazing yeah I'm doing standup there oh I'm excited I'm excited there's a big UFC fight at Mass Square Garden what is that guy Lewis no LS Gomez is a comedian there's a there's a a top Cuban heavyweight something God damn it there's a lot of name overlap in boxing too this guy was in a coma after this loss so seems like it was him I think I got the wrong guy though like that was the right fight but I'm trying to figure out who the other guy is that I thought was this guy that's another guy God damn it he's one of the top guys a really big dude

100:30orz Yes Lewis Ortiz thank you I thought I was going crazy I never remember anything that's why people I've talked to people where they're like you should do a sports thing and I'm like I'm not again like I reiterate I'm a fan I'm a I'm a such a fan but I just don't have the uh the knowledge to pull out of my little knowledge Satchel if you did would you be interested in do an alternative boxing commentary like say if say if like I feel like this is going to be the future of interactive television you're not going to have just one commentator toam oh you have who you want yeah you have who you want I would be the one who would be like uh this is fun everybody oh this you know I'd be the one who'd be like I like I think he's cuter but I think the other guy is better so look how about this how about maybe a guy sitting down with his girlfriend and she's like I don't want to watch this

101:20fight unless we watch Morgan's commentary and the guy's like deal deal we got it perfect I get to watch the fight you get to listen to Morgan like that would be that's a good idea and that's not a hard setup no I talk a lot about a cut man I love a cut I love a cut man I love a closeup of a of a of a wound over the eye of an end swell oh softening down it's fascinating bruise tissue there's something soothing about it now when you were boxing when you sparring very like a couple times a little bit with like a friend like that but just tap each other but like no it was I go with my friend Amy and we would we would you know we would work out it was my workout I used it as like a workout and then I became buddies with uh with Freddy roach and that was like at a time I was I was working at Kimmel at the time and um and uh this is 12 years ago or something like that and uh

102:10and I would just work out and then occasionally do a little like Freddy would have do a little sparring but it was very you know very uh couple couple points here and then done like I was very I was nervous I was nervous I SP when I was a kid I did a lot of karate I was I sparred as a kid I kicked some kid in the head at like a testing and I remember the uh instructor uh saying good job to me whoa and I just nailed some kid in the head 12 but uh but no I mean I went to the coolest thing about the wild card was I feel like I uh Pacquiao was was training there every day pretty much and Freddy would let me stay when they closed the gym for Pacquiao he'd let me stay and like watch him train which was that was awesome like 12 years ago to do that did you ever see Brian Ken at the gym uh yeah uh I feel like I I feel if we if I didn't see him there we talked about it

103:02definitely Brian C boxes all the time he spars he's always talking to me about his sparring I'm like dude stop sparring your brain is already soft like what are you doing I get excited about I I I fought a um uh it was it was a more of a bit but uh for vice magazine when it was just a magazine we did a uh I fought a heavyweight female heavyweight we did it in uh prom dresses fight um a very she wasn't allowed to really to yeah she like could get her belts taken away and stuff but I brought this dude from the uh from the wild card is like my uh my corner man and we both wore uh prom dresses so she was a real fighter real fighter heavyweight fighter and then at one point I think I just jumped on her back oh Jesus and tried to like knock her down so she didn't try to hit she you know the plan was for her to try and I was my plan was for me to allow her to

103:53try and then her uh manager was like nah she's not allowed to it's like you legally she wasn't allowed to Hur you don't want that I know but I thought it'd be you know good so you get knocked out yeah that'd be my fun little you know did you ever see when I've always don't you want like I I I get embarrassed when I haven't done something that sounds CRA like I I would like to be able to say I got knocked out once really yeah H don't say that someone come and knock you out it's not good for you here you are oh there's me she's picking you up yeah oh she seems friendly yeah heavyweight so how come you stop doing it how come you stop boxing good good technique there like how you're uh thank you pushing off the back foot uh Freddy roach used to call my right the Canon and I felt real honored about that you and Brian C you get together and narrate your own

104:48lives um I uh I known as the cannon yeah I think I like uh I can't you know honestly I got like a little I I got like depressed and stopped boxing and started going um to this coffee place and like it's just it's that's that shit's boring I got I got a depressed stopped going to the gym so the gym didn't help you with depression like exercise this one was like a big dip so it's was a few months away from that kind of stuff and I just stopped going and then I didn't go back cuz it was so by that time I I wanted to but it was also that gym became it was like it's like Jeremy Pivens there every day it just became such a scene that it became not what I had started going there for if that makes sense it does you know and I and I love it and I should absolutely go back and and and frankly I think Freddy roach being as nice to me as he has been in my life is

105:42one of the stranger you know kind of oh I don't he had no reason to uh sort of take me in and he did I almost moved in next door to the wild card with Fred like it was like you know it was a dear friend for a long time I got to go we were going to live I was going to live next to the gym almost for a second in the apartment attached to the gym but wow um I was just in the middle of that would be a crazy place to live you hear the bells going off ding ding ding ding ding yeah but he was great he took me to like boxing writers Awards dinners and stuff I got to meet a lot of like great PE it was it was it was a a cool time of my life but I just sort of you know and then I moved to New York and I think that was a big part of it too was did you find out of kov have Ward if they had a uh standing account I found someone trying to describe the analysis and facts it said

106:29that it was a unified rules no standing a count was in that but oh see official Source well if a guy quits and there's no standing a count you got to think of it as a knockout it's like MMA but if there's a standing a count they would have given it to him there or what he should have done is probably take a knee kovalev probably should have taken a knee and if he took a knee then he would get a 10 count you then be considered a knockdown some low blows that b low blows he definely yeah he definitely got hit low and then there's a couple of them that are questionable like on the Belt Line apparently they were saying kovalev's belt was pretty high it's it's it's funny because there tends to somehow in boxing something happens be it a you know horrific judgment which I think happens a lot like to allow there to be another fight like it just seems to be like right something

107:19always H that's why when I have a lot of people over to watch Boxing like I hate I hate the parts of the sport that seem like it's fixed because PE I can appreciate the fight as a whole even without an outcome I think do you think this is fixed no no not this but I just mean in boxing there always seems to be something something happens that would make a rematch more attractive right but that's just the nature of competition on a big scale like that with crazy consequences like the um the Klitschko Anthony Joshua fight like that's the consequences of that fight just chaos just guys getting knocked down get back up and knocking the other guy down and holy then a kind of a controversial ending they stop it oh look that he was defending himself but do you think there's more controversial endings in boxing than there are in MMA I think people make Split Second

108:11decisions when they're referees In the Heat of the Moment and when you're going to have that you're going to have mistakes it happens all the time and it's has nothing it just feels like there's a lot of uh a lot of mistakes I do not think it's fixed not by any stretch of the imagination I think especially like with respected Fighters I think people do have biases for certain Styles and there's certain there's certain referees that will let a figh defend himself further than some will some will especially in MMA some and you know judges are sitting in a somewhere we not but I always I always find it hard to explain to friends who come over who never watch that stuff and I'm like I love having people over and having like like I said the social aspect of like sports to me is really fun but when friends come over and they constantly see results that they don't

108:55understand they're done with the sport you know whereas if you like it more you can be like ah it's it happens the problem is you're a people pleaser and you're trying to get these people to like something that you like you just let them let them think it's fixed I've had so many conversations with guys like mma's fixed man just admit it I'm like oh I don't want to talk to you this is a silly way of approaching this issue you don't know anything yeah and you're trying to pretend like you know something so that we're right from the beginning we're like this we can't have this conversation you're pretending that you've seen enough fights you understand fighting enough you've competed enough you've been hit enough you've seen people get hit you know enough to know when something's real and something's not you know you know everybody else can't figure it out

109:33but you figured out that a lot of the fights are fixed there's some fixed fights for sure I that's why I like I mean I right I mean obviously like last five years been obsessed with the Golovkin because he's just a knockout artist and you can't you know that's not there's some proof to it I mean maybe with MMA too it's like you can I I would say that early stoppages and boxing are probably more no they're very common they're very common in both Sports it's just people making mistakes but my point is there are going to be fixed fights there's going to be people that do things just like there's referees in NBA apparently they get busted trying to stretch games out and trying to call fouls on certain teams and they they work for people that bet money and they try to shave points that shit's always going to exist there's always going to be someone who tries to talk to a referee and says

110:20listen buddy it's I'm not saying that that you should fix the fight I'm saying if you see somebody get hurt stop that stop that fight pull that trigger a little quick no one's going to be mad at you and there's that you know there's definitely that but how often does it happen I bet it happens pretty rarely I bet it's much more people making mistakes much more people in the Heat of the Moment much more just the nature of the chaos of combat sport competition just wacky happens and people make big mistakes as referees just like you know people like you and I make make big mistakes talking on a podcast you're just talking off the top of your head right sure make mistakes and but with a referee you're making a mistake like this other guy's career like for kovalev like to not recognize the low blows to stop the fight like the way he did kovalev up he should

111:08have taken a knee yeah I mean but that's the thing is that a lot of these a lot of these things can lead to another fight like that's saying as is that without the controversy there's less attraction uh yeah but no one's going to agree to it look Andre Ward is not going to agree to some sort of a predetermined outcome Kev is not going to agree to a predetermined outcome so those two principles the most important parts of this equation would never ever agree to let the other person win there's not a chance in hell kovalev is just going down from a nutshot oh no I don't I don't think win I just I just think that no no I don't think it's fixed I just think the controversy itself makes a rematch more attractive to viewers but the idea that somehow because it's fixed no yeah yeah but a lot of people do dude boxing so fixed that guy at the party every everybody at

111:54my like every I also seem to invite people over for the wrong fights you know what I mean where you're like oh the last one was great and then you and then you have people over and it's like yeah exactly embarrassed that's always how it is there's so many people that just they just don't they've never competed and so like they just and there's also people that want to call they want to be the first person to calls so they like they're a little itchy on the trigger calling on things there's always going to be that right contrarian a lot of contrarians a lot of them a lot of smart people are contrarians too some of my smartest friends gets disappointing Sometimes some of my smartest friends are always wrong well it's like what led them to be smart and curious It's like this distrust of things M but contrarian is also fun right you see the tide going one way like that tide little

112:43sparring little verbal sparring little verbal sparring keep it flowing little uh yeah that's a big thing with Comics right I always I I find that the uh the guys I tend to be attracted to are uh attracted to are uh black are are contrarians are are just are just it's it's it's a fight from you know from the get-go really that's what you like a little bit you like a little bit of f bit ferbal sparring you like to see if they can hang yeah and I you know I it's you know I'm I'm I uh I'm I'm totally driven entirely by being like you know mentally stimulated so just then then I'm then I'm in like sexually but if it's not fun if the banter is not fun then I'm then I you know no interest in someone I hear you that's not how I feel at all that's a that's a difference between guys and girls though it is very much especially with Comics i' I've heard that many times like Girl Comics say

113:41they would never date a guy that wasn't funny but you never hear that from a dude no no that's that is that is uh it's it's funny that's it's it's one of the things I talk about the most with a lot of my like female comedian friends but it's just there's not there's no part of me that would be sexually interested in somebody who wasn't uh if not funny I mean if not funny they'd have to be you know brutally uh smart on a you know on a level that I don't even understand stepen Hawkings yeah like I'd have to just I I don't know i' like to this is this is going to sound wrong but uh there's something fun and attractive about you know intellectually being put in your place wow that's weird like you like to be intellectually choked yeah yeah a little bit a little bit I I don't I you know I don't uh I don't I I I don't know maybe it's not the popular opinion but who gives a it's your

114:40opinion doesn't have to be popular if you enjoy it it it's also like if somebody's it doesn't have to be my thing even if someone's great at their thing right and I have no understanding of it I find that to be attract like it so it doesn't necessarily always have to be a comedian and someone who is you know brilliantly hilarious like I've been attracted to guys who were just brilliant at a thing that I have zero comprehension how you even get good at it let alone gred it and something fun about it yeah I'm always fascinated by those people for sure but I don't find them attractive no like uh for I believe me there are things I wish I I wish I was more attracted to like I wish I could just I wish I was attracted to to to money and looks and all the things that you know yeah I wish I really though doesn't that seem unoriginal um it seems like there' be more

115:36options and then it would be easier as opposed to waiting three years to find someone who just like hits the right button and you're like oh God I'm in yeah yeah yeah well to be to be able to be like tuned into someone in in a a mental way like your minds are tuned into each other where you can speak on the same terms where you can you can both recognize the humor in things you both have opinions on things you you both enhance the conversations that you have like you throw in something that makes me laugh and I throw in something that makes you laugh and then Bo it's always so much more fun right it just is it's just I me that's how it is with friends that's how it is with everybody I me that's like what what I said about Burr like having that podcast with bur like me just when me and Burr are alone and we're talking or our text messages we have back and forth to each other they're

116:27hilarious it's like that like to have a friend like that is a cherished thing right like to have someone that you could sit and then if you could them too oh yeah that'd be fun but rarely happens Christina pitsky and Tom sigura it's one of the rare ones one of the rare two two funny comedians that get together and they both have a great time together Bonnie mcfar Mar and Rich V that's another one those are two running contenders for the throne think more those are the two contenders for the throne though as far as like funniest married couple 100% I don't see anybody else that's like at that level Bonnie and Rich and Tom and Christina I don't see anybody else at that level I'm trying to think it's rare but they're outliers think about Ito oh that's right I'm sorry I was I was I up mosha and I up matasha sorry there's they're both hilarious you're right I up that's number three how did I

117:26not remember them but that's that's number three those those three people other than that who I don't know I got I got I mean that's three out of 300 million they're one out of 100 million most of the smart funny guys I know don't need that in a in a woman and and and that's you know it's not my place to judge like I wish there's part of me that like goes like H you know how could you date her she's a idiot whatever it is it's not my job to judge who who uh stimulates you but you know it's it's it would be easier if I had more options I think do you think it would be cheesy if mosha and Natasha went on T went on stage with t-shirts that say one out of 100 million cuz that maybe that could be like their tour name cuz they really are like if they're a really legitimately hilarious couple they're both hilarious that's maybe one out of 100 million yeah is that that's pretty legit

118:28right I mean I'm trying maybe there's somebody else that I forgot have you dated comedians when I was like 21 yeah and I was like oh they're crazy too can't have this can't have crazy people feeding off each other that just doesn't seem like a wise move no and also it's too complicated I've seen what happens when guys date a comic and then they break up with each other and then she comes around with some new dude and the guy's all bummed out and like that happened with Ari and Natasha oh yeah I know yeah it's disastrous crazy yeah don't do that no no just be friends unless unless you got to do what you got to do you know it could work the problem is is that you're in the same scene as someone so you got to work through all of your around the person that hurt you and that's you know that's the hardest but you might come out of it a better person might come out of it more open-minded

119:24more easygoing more forgiving just deal just overcome so positive I try to be I try to be Morgan I do my best I don't always succeed but I do my best but again it'll it'll you know it'll work out yeah it's all going to work out except for this Yellowstone thing godamn it we're done it's a lot of earthquakes do you know I'd like a guy who does that who like measures earthquakes seismologist you know but like knows more about like a like a a a real cynical seismology he's like we're done we're cooked what if you really liked a guy but then you found out he was into jazz um it's happened what happened I being like Oh no and you come home to your apartment I had yeah every time he called me there was jazz on in the background every time no but he was a you know very serious actor you know like didn't even like the Jazz probably wanted he just wanted it on in the backgrounda put it on in the

120:34background right before he called yeah it's like oh someone's call me made me seem more sophisticated Brian K used to leave books out on his table that he wasn't really reading I called him out on it I came over to his house one time and he had The Catcher in the Rye or something like that sitting right on his coffee table I'm like you are not reading that he started laughing he goes I'm not and I go what the do you have that here for man he goes you impress girls I go I knew it I knew it just it's so obvious to impress girls who don't ask any questions yeah well like no like you'd ever have to defend it or get into it or go what's your opinion of it why would you date a girl ask questions that's just Jesus Christ that seems like a disaster waiting to happen if you date a girl and right away they come with the questions so what books have you read recently like oh

121:20Jesus this is not going to work Morgan murpy yeah we just hit a low stopped talking yeah what do we do now just kind of rebuild momentum talk about new I wish I was like a you know a big exciting lady you know with a lot of with a lot of uh movement I think one of the best things you've ever done is that Carlos Mania thing where you did his material oh yeah you said that you did it in 1920 what' you say 19 like 12 I was trying to make it obvious that I was with people but it's not every like you know every few months I check I see what's going on over there and every comment is like I don't care he does it better like I'm just like I was with you yeah you dummy it says 1912 what the it's pretty obvious too the way you're doing it that it's a parody yeah I was reading off a q card I made in 5 minutes I think there's certain people that are doomed they're

122:19just doomed you're never going to get to them you know it's like there's certain there's certain fish that can breathe with their gills and they also can breathe air they can suck air yeah not everybody has that ability not everybody has the ability to recognize humor or satire or just to see it there's certain people that are they're I just think they have a dull battery for a brain it's uh it's and it's it's more uh obvious and pronounced you know now more than ever because of uh you know everyone's got a little bit of a little bit of a voice on the old computer well more of a voice now we get to now we get to see not only how they make their own jokes but how they respond to yours and every the combination of both is startling frightening that and also like these people are illuminated now where they might have been just in the shadows before some weird neighborhoods and the

123:14good thing about it is that people that live in those weird neighborhoods like kids they get exposed to way more like there is such a difference between when you travel and you go on the road now and you go to a town like in the middle of nowhere versus going to a town in the middle of nowhere in the 90s you go to town in the middle of nowhere in the 90s you were in an outlier post like you were in like some Mad Max type situation you're doing some Minnesota gig in the middle of nowhere Like These people aren't going to know about the real world I mean they're going to be trapped out here the town's only got 5,000 people in or something you're doing like a college out there good luck good luck but now they might as well be living in San Francisco they all have the internet yeah people just know things now they talk now they it's funny Doug uh he and and he's right like

124:04but he'll he'll on me a little bit about like we'll go somewhere and I'll go like oh was funny he goes That's not the road like he has a real you know I mean like a guys who I mean like you doo like who have really done put in the road work across the country across the world like I am admittedly not that person and the places that I think are sort of uh you know uh out there middle of nowhere like he'll put me in my place so fast of like this is nothing what's the darkest place you've been like in terms of like exposure to the light of Enlightenment um one gig I did with Henry Phillips once uh was in my my 20s Chris Fairbanks and Henry Phillips and I went like I I I don't have any crazy like I don't do uh I don't do the drugs that would lead to better stories than the ones I have but I you know just like where you're just sleeping on a twin bed with another

125:03comedian in a kid's room because his parents own the pizza place that you drove up to perform at and there's like a 14-year-old vomiting drunk outside the wind like all just that kind of where you're just and you're grownup technically you're in your 20s and you're just going what am I what am I here for for $50 and a 6-hour car ride and free pizza and a kid's twin bed and like people are having contest to see who can piss the highest outside like just that kind of where I'm just you know I and I at one point I start to hate it now I just you know I think I think the friends that I have who who go out and occasionally you know take me or go with them like I have so much fun now doing stuff that I used to you know that I got tired of I think in my 20s so it's interesting it's like I'm a little bit reinvigorated well you realize that those things can be fun once you become

125:53a real professional first of all in the beginning you're so looking forward to working at the comedy store or the Improv or headlining seeing your name on the oh the billboard look but once you've done that then you realize like there's actually fun in these places the problem is me freaking out about this two hours I have to spend in this hole bar I should be enjoying the out of it I should be coming in here with a relaxed attitude having a good time and experiencing this for what instead of experiencing like oh my God I'm so frustrated because I really want to climb my way up to being a professional comedian but I'm stuck in this bar but then once you kind of are then you realize like no no no those are actually fun like oh yeah now I have now just like my only thing with uh with my booking guys like I just say I'll go anywhere that I haven't been to yet

126:40right you know I mean name the place if I like it I'll go and if I haven't been there I'll go like I love the unknown of it but uh but I'm definitely not a uh you know a veteran of the road which is the real issue is non-direct flights oh yeah any place where you go that doesn't have a direct flight you might get yeah you can get I mean for this this tour that Doug's doing it's he's his tour manager is driving car out from Arizona to the east coast oh so they're just driving around and then I'll meet him out there do a bunch bunch of dates out there that's a good way to do it yeah I know um my manager brought up getting a bus like doing a bus tour I'm like hey hey hey hey doesn't Ron White have a bus bus uh oh yeah he's got like number one tequil yes he does yeah but that's Ron you know I have young kids like I can't I'm not doing a bu gets a bus when he has his

127:31kids out on the road good for him also um I like doing too much other yeah I don't like being like if I'm just on the road for a month that's not a healthy month yeah I'm not into that I don't want any weird momentum taking over my life well that's I feel that way like I can't do it alone I I don't want to I don't I have no interest in doing it alone and frankly like I can't I can't afford to headline and bring people with me I'm not I'm not that kind of a draw so I would much rather go out with friends who can bring me to a little less time and have a good time with a bunch of friends like that's you know it's not the uh it's not the you know front lines Brave way to go about standup comedy but it's just like I've no no interest in uh in suffering on the road why should you why do you have to have that interest like that's well no I mean I think there are certain people

128:32who are like well you're you know you're taking the easy way out you're not headlining this week you're going out you're doing you know a nice uh 30 30 35 Max and it's like yeah well that's what I'm doing this week so what who gives a why is that a bad thing I know a lot of guys do that they do that all the time the headline sometimes they go on the road and they middle of the things that people worry about and pick apart just like so goddamn pointless plus you get you get the opportunity to go out with stup like why would why would you not want to do that and I I figured out a long time ago like the the road there's two types of Road there's a road by yourself which can get real lonely it's depressing it can get very lonely or there's a road with friends yeah where's a party it's amazing it's great I remember looking out a window at like Springfield Illinois I was like 19 or 20 o and I

129:25just I just looked out the parking lot window and I was like this this is I love standup and I love comedy but I said this is not for me this will this will destroy me I did all of my gigs on the road by myself until I could afford to not do it anymore and then um right around the end of the 90s I started taking Chris Maguire on the road with me a lot yeah yeah yeah and a long time once I could afford like and it cost money you'd have to for the flight and pay for the hotel room but I'm like I would rather be out a few hundred bucks here and there and have a good time it made the in the experience infinitely better I went to do Phoenix recently just for a night and uh to get like some some time in that I couldn't get in LA and uh so I went out there for the night to do a long set and uh I said I'm bring in my friend and I like who your friend I go name's Chris and uh they're like oh

130:18you know she's where do she perform whatever I go she's my best friend from college she's really funny and she does some standup and I was like I'm bringing her with me like I like I was like f it like it wasn't and she's a more of a comedic actress who does some live performance stuff and she did great she had to do 10 15 minutes she was she was perfect I'm like I could have brought someone who's been doing comedy 12 years I was like I I wanted to go with my best friend right that's what I wanted to do I wanted to have fun wanted to have fun yeah yeah it makes it way better you're in Minnesota but you're home yeah you know you're in Cleveland but you're home yeah we it's the best it's the best and the camaraderie between comedians it's like such an unusual camaraderie it's very unusual well it's it's also uh I got to remember being on the um the uh the TR

131:03like we were you know Doug's a cranky traveler and oh yeah I mean he'll tell you firsthand and we were uh we we landed LAX and then it was like take a different airlines we had to get on like a shuttle to go somewhere like a shuttle after the plane is like you know when someone doesn't like surprises like that so the shuttle but it's just like constant like jokes about like like we're going to alowitz but like loud alowitz jokes on like the you know American Airline shuttle with like people around you and like I'm a little more sensitive to like I'll look around and go like oh we're not liked here but there's it's it's there's there's nothing better than being around other people who like speak your language and you don't have to explain anything ever oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's one of the things that Doug said to me once was hilarious he goes he goes I think I could quit comedy

131:56but I could never quit comedians oh that's like a sensitive it is it's deep I was telling him like if everything goes wrong he could clearly organize some sort of a village in Bisby and all the comics mve to him I I uh I'm I'm I'm considering what I got I got I got have a I have a a Bisby realter what yeah I do you're think thinking about buying a home I'm not I'm not I'm not I I have to I have to be in La my my work is in La doesn't have to be in LA but I I haven't found a place that offers me the way that place does I haven't found a place that offers me everything I don't realize I miss when I'm in La like what what is it the second I get there it's it's a sense of calm it's a sense of rep prioritizing your day around um things that have nothing to do with show business and you know being around people who aren't in the business I mean most of my friends weirdly are not

132:52comedians like that I hang out with every day but I don't know I mean the other day like I was there and we had a little like pickup basketball game plan for like 9:00 a.m. and like eight people showed up to watch me play this dude Kenny like it's just small town kind of but with people who seem to have figured out why they're there too and um I just really dig it I dig the whole vibe I dig I dig the city the town or whatever I like the drive there even and I how long do it drive from La no it's I haven't driven from La i' flying to Tucson um drive like an hour and a half but I always was obsessed with like getting a place in like Costa Rica or Nicaragua like anytime I go to another country and I'm like oh this is it this is my spot really and there's a lot yeah and you think that's cuz you you traveled a lot when you were a kid I think so I think there's a part of me

133:40that has a little bit of a problem staying still because I never knew uh you know that kind of consistency but the thing I realized about Bisby which which again is so like Doug's thing that it's almost funny but it's I I I it's all those feelings that I had in even in other countries where it was like it's getting away but it's close enough right you know it's just but you still feel like you're on the outskirts and you feel like you go back in time a little bit there you know and there's something refreshing about waking up and going I'm going to go get my coffee at the one coffee place I'm going to go get my this kind of food at the one place that has this kind of food you know I'm going to go get my fresh eggs from the lady who has fresh eggs and come from her chicken like it's just that I don't do here and I didn't even think I wanted to do until I got there

134:30right I get it I like those places I loved Boulder which is much bigger than Bisby but still for the same reasons I think um what we do specifically also like you're in front of crowds all the time I think there's like a real benefit to being away from crowds yeah and just smaller groups of people it's more relaxed yeah and it's also you know I think you go somewhere a certain number of times you meet kind of the people that are there I mean obviously I've met a lot of Doug's friends and stuff and you know once you're not bothered you go from a place of like ah I wonder if anyone's going to annoy me no one annoys you then you're like I really like it here then you're like I really love it here then you're like I think I could have a place here so you're thinking about legitimately picking up shop and moving to Bisby and then keeping an apartment here and then when

135:17you're not working like in Hollywood you live in Bisby you go on the road from there yeah not quite but I'm but I am thinking about having something consistent that like I will probably have to be here the majority of the time for the foreseeable future but I'm curious about what it'd be like to have my own little spot that I could go to when I want to and I you know in doing it enough now I realize like you can go for a weekend and it feels like a good you decompress yeah you know there's a cave for sale out there yeah I know he's trying to get you see he's trying to get so far I feel like I don't know if you were interested but I know me ker Roseanne norm and Doug like the people who have expressed interest in this Cave of going in and getting it I was like oh I would live in that insane asylum in a heartbeat dope that dop amazing it's super dope you should get it thought

136:12about it a couple times I'm be honest with you you should yeah I mean I'm looking at like a you know a little Craftsman one two bedro I mean I want just little place to go with my dog and stuff but you know if you get the cave I'll stay there and clean it for you you get the cave everybody knows where you live that's true yeah get get get a keep out sign oh that's it that's all you need keep out sign and some wild Havalina roaming around your yard you could hire a number of people there who would gladly stand in the front of your driveway with a gun really yeah sweet yeah how many guns they have backup guns I don't know living in a cave would be the if you could live in a cave yeah it's carved into the mountain there it is right there it feels it feels right for you Jam's got that's what I'm saying but I'm saying that so far and Doug thought 10 people Doug me keep

137:01clicking Rosanne Bert you have to live with Bert no I don't have to live with them I'm G to buy it oh well B look you can come stay over but you drink too much can't live with you bro look at this thing this thing is the yeah you see the wall I mean all the outdoor stuff too the uh I want to live in this place L and the water would write some awesome stuff in this house I always think that I write my best material that's what I that's what I keep thinking I keep trying to find the house that I think I'll write and don't jump up though you hit your head you'll die no one will find you look at that that's the bed the bed is carved into the ground no that's like a that's like you is that a fireplace in there oh that's beautiful he got like a carpet and some pillows and then is that a fireplace it's a yoga room a yoga room oh pretentious you have a room to do your

137:45yoga that's a little built in uh studio type thing right oh that's a real house yeah and then uh you a real house you got all this land and water and so the real house you take uh some Rambo type character you I would work right there right there back it up backed it up want to see where Morgan would work I work at that table dude would you have coffee and your wife be pouring you the coffee like Hunter Thompson that classic picture of him at big S God I need a wife you already have one tired of that that lady who's trying to get you to have a kid oh my housekeeper she she's your life partner she really is amazing view holy yeah I might have to buy that cave keep going it's like if we were going to move to a new spot this would be a spot to move to God I would get in bikini shape for that little Lagoon you have to give me six months before you before you buy it you can get

138:40resident tags like for animals go hunt animals in the mountains around there oh don't shoot my dog no not your dog I have dogs too Jesus God don't accidentally I know but I feel like you're also got a trigger finger itchy trigger finger you think so I think you have the wrong impression of me think you think I'm more volatile than I am um how many people live in Bisby I don't know what is it thousands five 10 I don't 5,000 I don't know I have no idea the elevation is really high though playing basketball was hard like what's the elevation it's like a mile high it's crazy it's like yeah it's it's uh I was I was I was uh I was deep I would I would say two baskets in 5000 I was leaning I was leaning over real hard could barely play city was wow population is 5,000 too elevation 5,000 population's 5,000 5'5 on both it's perfect yeah I got a little this last time I was there I got a

139:41two-bedroom Airbnb Little House hot tub all that 85 bucks a night two-bedroom house dude that's a good deal what a is there a gym there uh yeah you know what you got to ask doug because uh his buddy says how think he just joined a gym that's like a minute away like that's right there then they talk about that in Tucson you say an hour and a half Drive hour and a half drive that's not that bad if you need to really do something it's like going to Santa Barbara that's what I said to like uh like everyone I work with I was like I'm going to leave I can be back in 3 hour basically I just said let me know if I need to come back for any kind of emergency and I'll be back but wow easy to go in the mountains does it get cold there at all uh I think gets cold at night sometimes but you got to say is the weather's amazing in that like I've talked to IAL my dad called me he like I

140:27here it's real hot there and I'm like it's so Breezy constantly and Bisby it feels it gets it gets really hot but not as hot as it does in other areas cu the elevation yeah 5,500 feet is high I would imagine interesting you going to do it what's the what's the economy there like what do people do nothing why why are they there I don't know they just piled up why do I go I I don't know why anybody else is there I mean I know why I go how many people have moved there because of Doug I think uh couple hundred I think more than people would think yeah it seems like it seems like there's quite a few folks who hundreds no I don't think so I know I I I that I don't think so I mean it's it's almost uh like I remember talking to Doug about liking it and I almost felt like I had to ask him like Hey I think I'm going to come out like like is that okay I know it's your

141:15town like it's it's you want to be the one who finds it I mean I've been out like I brought my friend I brought my my buddy bill from he was just a good friend of mine out here like we hit the road like it's I would I it's a kind of place that I want to bring people to and show them did Doug get excited when you thought about moving there I think uh you know what I can't tell it's you can't tell that seems happy but then also there is a part of when a place is somebody's thing you don't want to intrude intrude right I get it so I don't know I mean I I also don't think I'll you know I would just love a little a little second little rustic place where I do nothing where I do all my nothing I like it I'll live in your cave would you want to watch the cave I'll watch the cave would you yeah no weird stuff though right no whenever you let a comic watch your

142:11house and then like r i mean I might have some processed sugar in the cave if that's like going to be a big problem for you it's going to be an issue yeah that's super bad F you Morgan keep it out of your body keep it out of my cave I just take a picture of like Doritos in front of your favorite places in the cave it's funny they can't get anybody to buy that cave I would feel like that would be something that people be trying to buy up mhm the problem is try selling it right trying to sell a cave to someone who could afford a $3 million cave like there's not a lot of those dudes out there or women this cave house is in France oh oh you're balling you're balling so strong you're on the side of a mountain hope it doesn't go all pompe on your ass though but you know what you could do a lot of this with the cave and Bisby you could do a lot of that low seating I see it happening I'm

143:02now I really want you to get that in how about an Amphitheater outside Amphitheater have folk singers come by there's a small little Amphitheater in um in the park at bis in Bisby is there yeah a little one you could do a show there oh what is this it's a different one I I typed in the cave house in Bisby but a lot of like cave houses are just coming to I saw um yeah I saw a special on one of them television shows about houses where they're just just all cave houses people building houses in caves carving art into the wall yeah we're going back back to the caves well it's just people are bored they just want something interesting look at this place Jesus Christ where he lives so godamn important every place has a different feel to it that's why uh the idea of countries is so up stop St people from living somewhere awesome well yeah I mean that's ex it's it's if you told

143:55me like I can't go to Bisby anymore I can't go to you like I perfect example I'd get pissed somebody drew a line around Bisby no this is bis Bania now you can't come in unless you have papers are you do you have any exceptional talents that we would want to let you into bis Bania all right I mean just 300 years ago it wasn't even real right 300 years ago there was no America MH it's not too hard to believe that one day bis Bania could be a real thing maybe Doug takes over maybe they invent some stem cells that let Doug live for a long time like way longer than he's supposed to like five more years 500 500 years and 300 years from now Doug is like some crazy old wizard mayor is this is all the people in his oh all those guys have moved there well that's Andy I know Andy Andre where's Andy uh far green green underwear in front with black hat and then there's um I don't

144:50know dudes probably bis banians they need to uh bis Bania need to declare it their own country it's not a bad move right who's going to stop you no one's even gonna they'll leave you alone just keep it lowkey it's cool that you're five minutes from Mexico too you do a little driving to Mexico goes down just bolt South the Border o Take the Money and Run all right Morgan I think we've taken too much of your time it's almost 2 pm done almost three hours what yeah that crazy oh my God I can't wait to look at the comments don't read that are you going to read that no I don't read I don't read anything that's why you get depressed I don't read comments good for you I don't either I don't need someone telling me I sound fat where can people see you where can they get in touch with you where can they I am on Twitter Morgan Murphy I'll be out on the road with the Stan Hope

145:47from the 22nd to the 3rd of July you can look at his website for those days and oh yeah Doug's got a special thing coming out on like ceso I guess uh that's uh me and Brendan Walsh uh it's a Glenn wool he hosted this thing in South by Southwest so that's coming out oh beautiful yeah awesome Doug Doug's the executive producer Doug like hosted and brought out me brandan and uh and uh and uh Glenn oh that's excellent and that's when that when is that coming out I don't know Morgan Murphy I'm glad we're friends you're a very very funny person oh you're the best that sounded real Jamie anything to say before we leave no all right that's it thank you Morgan thank you bye everybody see you soon the most boring