Joey Diaz

00:00she would take her shoes off throw them to the audience and she put the YouTube videos black and white she take her gold chain Strom rip her shirt off I need to see this go Jamie young Jamie bring up Lupe Lupe 19 I mean she was a crazy she can't my mom was friends with her all along but uh later on I grew up with her son we were young kids up in like Spanish Harlem and I would go up there and visit him and she was crazy they even did a one woman show watch L G watch Lupe the Queen of Latin Soul look at this crazy wow can is it okay to say play it can hear it I don't know want I get kicked off of YouTube Somebody must own this right yeah starts throwing her rings and her shoes she throws at Rings she just throws whatever is closest to her look at it just gets crazy gets crazy what is it about Latinos Latinas what is about Latin people what is it about Spanish

01:11people that makes them so passionate and crazy and hot blooded and what is it is it genetic is it cultur got to be genetic it's got to be genetic you think so when you get 10 Cubans together or 10 Italians together Greek the volume goes up we're all from the same something has to be something the volume goes up automatically old Sicilians the volume goes up man what is it and then you have the Spanish thing that is just nuts listen man right out in the open right now I'll say it I'm as Cuban can be born in Cuba I don't mess with Cuban women I don't mess with Spanish women I just don't I love them to death you talk to a lot of Jewish people guys they'll say I love being a Jew the whole thing I don't mess with Jewish women they just don't you grew up with your mom you know what you're going to get yeah you know what you're going to get you think about your mom and whoever put up with her

02:04you know your mom's Sicilian old school you know it's different man they yell they scream you don't want to put up with that my mom was pretty calm her mom was a yell screamer Yeller screamer if there's a problem sweet the Saints get called once the Saints get called you got a problem what did I do to deserve this but uh no I I can't uh it's too much it's just too much man too much p the shoes come off people getting yelled at I don't dig it people throwing at each other yeah but you get those spicy Latinas you know narrowed zeroed in and you get them where they're Savages if you control that into yeah sex and all that it's probably savagery like I said I've been with one Spanish girl and I moved on enough I got left back that's how good the was I got left back seventh grade got left back I stopped going to karate I stopped going to church and I was just dry

03:00humping her and and and feeling her tits can you imagine if she gave me that monkey in the seventh grade I would have been Walking Dead do you remember how overwhelming it was the first time you were with a girl overwhelming you'd never had any sort of feeling like that in your life and now it's just overwhelming just completely overwhelming and then you have two sets of friends you have the logical friends and then you have animal friends when you're 13 so I had friends that would go that's nice where you guys going to go to a movie and then you the heavy duty anim what are you going to do you doing the finger motions yeah they're like what are you going to do you got to grab her make out what are right in the they just tell you what to do you're lost you're completely lost when you're 13 but how great is it to fall in love and hold hands and go to the movies and go to get

03:48a slice of pizza when I was in 13 I lived in this place called Jamaica plane and it was like uh at It's Kind becoming more gentrified now but at the time was kind of sketchy we had some kind of crazy neighbors with this one kid his name was Paulie Hudson he lived right next door Paulie Hudson was my age we were both like 13 but he was like 30 he was like a 30-year-old 13 he knew a lot of and I remember one time he was talking about sex I I hadn't even even come close to sex I don't even know if I had kissed a girl like maybe like a little Peck or something like that at 13 Paulie Hudson probably 100 girls by then I'm not kidding K was an animal and uh and he we were talking and he goes uh somehow or another it got on the subject of how a penis enters the vagina how it gets in there and uh and he was telling me it goes up you go up in her and I go you go up in her and he goes

04:41you ain't never a girl have you I'm like no no I I definitely haven't like I I didn't want to admit it I'm sure but it was obvious I didn't even know that your your dick went up I thought it went straight in we all do I I just found that out now and I'm 53 I didn't know went up and I I I literally thought I could never figure it out in my head cuz I was like well the I kind of know where the vagina is like how could it work going straight through it doesn't make any sense but that that's literally what I thought I thought you went straight in I thought it was like a belly button like the thought the thoughts you have about sex at a young man or a young woman got to be you don't know yeah you can't figure out why they do that yeah yeah you're so confused because you didn't have any of those thoughts 2 3 years ago like you're 10 and you're just thinking about comic

05:32books and you know all the stuff you think about when you're 10 you know what do you like to do you like to go fishing or something you know you just hanging out with your friends and then all of a sudden you're 13 and your dick is hard all the time and you're so confused and when you're around girls they hug you and you're like whoa your body's just overwhelmed the smell of their hair and just being around them is so attractive you're like holy what is this first time you sneak up up behind a girl you're behind and you smell her her hair or something you're OT you got like a anxiety attack like what the is this he's that close to you or they touch you and then you have the P did you have somebody who broke sex down for you no like like we had a dude in my neighbor that always wore a towel his name was Puerto Rican Nelson and he lived in the back of a thing and we go

06:19to him it started with him fixing our bicycles and we evolved with him wow so we went from playing baseball on the street he would come out he was a bartender at night he would come out and throw balls with us and whff a ball and that's the guy you go up there you go hey man can we talk to you tonight cuz first he introduced us to weed right he's like you guys smoke weed and we're like nah we and then he sold us like seven joints for $5 so he became our dealer and then the next level was girls so we asked him what do you you know what do we do about girls and he would like yell at us you guys never what kind of little are you you know he would just say a bunch of and then uh it got to the point we'd have like clinics at his house and we go can we come over tonight yeah it better be quick what time 7:30 we come over and we go Nelson we have to take this girl out what do we do and he

07:09break it down take it to the movies you pay but then you wanted more you know right Nelson what do we do and he's like all right I'll teach you about sex come around to my window tonight about 8:00 I'm going to my girlfriend I'll let you listen like like that creepy and we actually got went over there at eight and listened like like and then we would ask him about like what's do and he would tell us it pregnat the girl he was like uh in the 70s there wasn't no sex education at school's dog so you had to get it where the you got it right so you didn't have that in Boston absolutely I didn't have any uh uncles like that or friends like that PA Hudson no he he made me nervous I tried to avoid him he was just Street for me he was too Street for me that kid there was a couple kids like that they were too Street for me I was like that's one I like really realized that I need to

08:01learn how to fight when I moved to Jama plane cuz I was just super nervous these guys would pick on me and I I had no idea what to do like if anything went down I had no idea like my stepdad was never into violence nobody ever explained to me how to even punch or hold your hands up correctly I was like oh I got to learn something so that's when I started getting into karate and and I was into movies before that and I'd taken like a Kung Fu class or something like that once when I was like maybe eight years old when I lived in San Francisco but really no martial arts to speak of in this neighborhood I was like I got these kids are scaring the out of me now where was this Jamaica plane in New York no this is Boston this is a suburb of Boston not not a suburb really it was like a it's an inner I mean it's a city area but it's just it at the time it was at least

08:47just kind of a poor neighborhood but apparently now they have some nice bars and restaurants and you know housing prices is so expensive someone takes a chance on the outskirts and they start pushing those bad neighborhoods away they start building up in know and they become gentrified you get a nice house in a nice neighborhood for you know a good deal so a lot of people you know that's a the giant problem with New York right now people just keep talking about it in Brooklyn just Brooklyn's just being bought really it's it's so expensive to live in Manhattan have you ever tried to look at like real estate if you ever like fantasized maybe I'll move to New York for a couple years like Ari shafir you ever thought about doing something like that I have I thought about and I looked at like housing prices you're like what are you talking about that's not $5 million that's an

09:30apartment how is that $5 million do you have a yard is there is there something I'm missing like how the what the is this it's Apartments it's an apartment but they're stupid expensive like regular rent people like they were talking to me about their regular rent they were talking like $3,500 I was like what like a regular comic like not someone who's doing great not like a Jim Norton or something like that just a a regular comic who's got a one-bedroom apartment I was like holy how the do you pay that it's heavy it's a heavy tariff brother heavy it's heavy to live in that City for me to afford to live in New York I got to live down the shore would you do that do you think you would go down the shore or do you think go Long Island I would go down the shore because I'm familiar with it right I would go like Route 17 marbor around there and they got Chinese restaurants got old

10:22school Italian places down I've seen them I've seen them doesn't um Arty L keeper place down there doesn't he have like a I think he's got one Hoboken yeah that is in Hoboken he has a house he has a condo an apartment in Hoboken right I think he's got a place down the shore then he has a place down the shore yeah I still deal a lot of Bob Gonzo gigs down there absolutely and this isn't right down the shore this is a little away from where everybody goes right this is up from Tom's River and seaside and Belmar manisan this is Marboro it still takes you off the 3435 you still got to drive a little bit to see the ocean and like I just had a friend that lived there and I like the neighborhood I liked how the neighborhood was they had an old school Italian delies you walk in stinky cheese that salami blood Salam all that stuff a tongue hanging upside down wet

11:15muts with water you know let me ask you this Frankie Edgar's got to be the king of Tom's River yeah he's the king right king king that's his place I haven't been he made me say Tom's River on a pay-per-view one really yeah yeah it's like after he won say Tom's River I was like Tom's River Tom's River is next to Seaside is it yeah like close to Seaside Lavalette if I remember correctly because every time I be in Seaside I was in Tom's river right right right I used to go to Tom's River what you do is you go down there and you put on some Nets you put those Nets like the kids I used to go down there we stop by Tom's River there was a spot and you drop Nets off and then you go e eat then you come back and you pull out those CL those crabs oo then they would go home and make a sauce with the crabs with that Katrina water that's the thing right the the sauce with crabs you

12:11don't really get that out here no it's very tough to make like I don't know how to make it I just saw them do it I wouldn't never try cuz I wouldn't trust how but they would just take the crabs and put them in hold and they would boil the crabs in the tomato sauce remember tomato sauce and they like guess the shell breaks I don't know how they get the flavor the meat I'm trying to remember if they pulled the meat out or if they left the claws in sometimes it seems like sometimes they just left the claws and everything in right and You' have to get it out afterwards you'd have to suck it out afterwards suck it out break the yeah you don't see that it's pretty rare with like a red sauce you'll see it a little bit in a nice fancy Italian restaurant as a special of the day somebody comes in with those crabs go we have some nice crabs for you there was a place that was

12:56a real good place that was in uh West La it was real good especially when it opened up was called IL Grano and uh I think it just went under unfortunately but this guy Chef was an artist man and he made this squid ink pasta with uh with a a crab sauce like a light tomatoey crab sauce where it was um I don't know which kind of crab it was anyway dungeoness that's what it was Jesus Christ it was spectacular it was like this black ink pasta that was cooked just perfect so he chew into it it's not mushy it doesn't just dissolve you like it's got a little pop to it as you bite into it and the crab oh with the sauce it was one of my favorite dishes of all time now what's the crab we get in Jersey excited what's C I think it's dungeoness isn't it is it dungeon I Blue Crabs Maryland right isn't that I don't know about crabs I should probably shut the up cuz whenever I go to like Texas I get

13:53dungeon as crab with the salad and is Florida the place where they have those uh King no king crab are Alaska but then there's that other big one is it a rock crab rock crab the ones with the big ass fat claws what are those stone crabs stone crab that's down Florida right that's in Florida and Texas I think I'm not sure that's a get drunk sort of move be you eat those things yeah you eat those things and you drink a shitload of beers and your uncle gets drunk and says stupid and you wind up getting out of there but it's crazy because as a child I could eat lobster I could eat any fish Squid Ink the one I could not eat was crab growing up I get sick right off the bat I don't know why and somebody said it had something the crab has something that will make you sick I didn't start eating crab till maybe 15 years ago I couldn't eat a crab I like the sauce I could take the sauce

14:50but but I had a SK iodine iodine iodine somebody said that's what it is it's heavy and iodine I don't know if it's true I don't know know what's in food or not but for years I couldn't eat it I started eating crab again Tuesday nights at Miyagi when we used to do comedy there and they used to lips syn in there and one day I had one of those stone crab rolls and I didn't get sick so I started eating it again wow but for years I get sick off crab every time anything else could go down crabs uh clams whatever I just went to Boston and I went to Legal Seafoods and I got those big clams every day hell 12 of them Jesus a little horseradish a little oh my God those things are delicious cuz you got the Steamers right with the Tails and you don't like those I love those you're making it face like you didn't like them I love the steam is rough when you're eating that tail you dip in

15:45butter dip those in butter I had those the first day and then I said wa I'm going to switch it up to those big clams Cherry necks right Cherry neck those are good those are very good I think I prefer them over oysters really the Cherry necks I never o oysters don't work for me either the clams have more snap when you're when you're eating them raw it's interesting CU we never thought about as that being Sashimi you know you're just getting clams or you're getting oysters but it's raw fish it's raw Su Seafood you know I mean it really is how is that any different than you know getting raw scallops at a sushi place it's kind of the same that is a weird thing that we just cook we cook almost everything we cook fish but there's spots where you can go where they don't cook it it's delicious it's very good they just give it to you raw you go to Alaska ever yeah

16:36I've been to Alaska you get the halib it up there like when you get the I haven't gotten I haven't done that like where it's fresh ra two different worlds man halat Sushi is really good I would imagine if you got it like right off the fish it would be amazing amazing yeah it's it's weird that we have these sort of uh rules like as far as like food preparation and it just changed with sushi like think of this country up until Sushi like nobody no one was serving raw fish anywhere until what I mean what year did Sushi come out the 80s or something 70s I I remember Japanese restaurants in New York City I don't remember sushi but Su Sushi blew up I didn't try sushi till Seattle like 95 I stayed away from it yeah but once I was in I was all in I definitely remember Sushi when I was a kid I remember it from uh when I was like 18 19 years old I remember that

17:30so it had to be before before then so man maybe it was like the 70s you think about it culinarily speaking if you could do that that's a long ass time with no sushi a long ass time in this country all those years with no sushi and then all of a sudden Sushi now you've been to Japan yeah and is a sushi different in Japan I don't really know uh I couldn't say that honestly because I went to a couple places I didn't go to a lot of places you know we were only there there for the UFC so it's pretty Inn out but the sushi that we found there was like you know it it was you're in a Japanese restaurant it has a totally different feel cuz you're in Japan I mean you're in Japan the people can barely speak English if they speak English at all the menus are all in both um Japanese and English which is pretty cool it's one of the cool things about traveling a lot of people speak English

18:26so there's a lot of a lot of places you can go where you could sort of get by they speak enough English so you can get by and uh that's uh that that's the case it's it's a weird thing man Japan it's like it's a totally different world like when you go to Japan like their culture is so interesting the way they choose to behave like collectively is so interesting they're super polite they have giant crowds of people on the streets and there's no issues everybody like walks by each other with no problems it's like it's it seems like even though it's an accelerated culture you obviously they get a lot of done they make a lot of things it's they have giant businesses and it's a small place if you look at how tiny it is and how many people are stacked in there but they're super polite really I mean it's amazing how little crime how you know how much order you have and

19:20then every now and then you have these uh dudes who've come from other countries and decided like oh this is an Easy Pickins place when we were there we ran into um we were walking to a restaurant and we ran into uh these African dudes are trying to get you to go into these massage places they're like super aggressive about it and you're like wow this is interesting so you have all these polite Japanese guys and then these really like slick StreetWise dudes have moved into spots and you could see them sort of work in these places but they're in Tokyo which is you know overall like just really really polite it's interesting it's really interesting apparently I didn't experience it but apparently they have a a re really especially the older folks do not like white people they just are not really in Americans being around we bombed them oh yeah I know I mean you think they're

20:15going to forgive us that quick we don't think about that in our generation we don't think about that that's why I a I don't need Vietnam food for a long time I'm like we just fought them they want to poison this you want to go down and E Vietnamese egg rolls they just poisonous I would poison you you know yeah it's funny how the menus like what we think Chinese that's why I asked you CU what we think Chinese food is here is completely different over there because it gets Americanized and the same thing goes for sushi Bob sap told me that when we were shooting along his yard he said the sushi was more a little primitive over there like they'll come out with a octopus you know like like that well there's a lot of places that'll do that Jimmie I need a cup when uh you want that one no no no I'll use this one when uh you know I was watching something on food and they were

21:05talking about a place in Japan where you go get some type it's a place where they they only serve food that has a it's an aphrodesiac only like it's Bulls balls and something's eyeballs or something so you go in there to get tuned up for a date like you go in there like when you go to El Paso Texas okay if you go towards the end of El Paso Texas and get Mexican soup like Yucatan fish soup there's a couple heads in there with the eyeballs looking right at you that you wouldn't find that here in California it have a heart attack but once you get more of those towards the the country itself they start showing their culture like we don't know nothing about bulls balls it's something to do with bulls and what how they they put in a soup or something it's a special of the day and the women can eat it also but it just becomes something different that's what I was that's why I was asking you

21:56about the food well the one place that we went to there was we went to at least two sushi places but one place we went to was supposedly a great place I think Bourdain might have recommended it to to me name drop but uh when we went in there uh it was just uh you know same stuff that you get here really fresh really you know was it was right out of the ocean I'm sure but that's the same thing here you know we share the ocean a lot of the same fish but the Japanese fish people Japanese sushi place is only buy from Japanese fish fishing guys M they keep it like my buddy sold fish back east and I used to say to them you don't sell it to Japanese people nope it's well known at that market with the mafia ran oh really when you go there in the morning you see the Italians you see the white the Irish and the Japanese people because they have different types

22:46of fish and what they do with it I think I'm sure they have that that poison Blowfish but they tell you not to eat sushi when on Mondays and some other day because the fish is old oh really so they always say the fish it comes Tuesday or something and Thursday that's when you get sushi don't eat sushi on I don't know I don't know it's some one day how long can you keep Sushi before it's like terrible if you had a guess if you buy a big piece of tuna how long before you have to serve that I can't imagine it would be very long very long no like a few days at the most I don't trust fish and I don't trust pork a lot of times you got to be careful with those two those two just a little slight in the cooking and you're in the hospital check not so domestic pork isn't so much anymore but it used to be for sure freezing fish for 24 hours allowing it to th the refrigerator

23:32reduce harmful bacteria making the fish safer oh I see that's interesting so they free oh this is interesting fish uh made for uh fish for making homemade sushi should be purchased from a sea Monger not a local grocery store that's interesting what's a seam Monger seam Monger is a dude who goes and buys it straight off of the boats and he only has it like he has it that day there's a guy I used to train with in Riv who was a sea Monger he would come and uh take tawon do in my class and this dude had a truck and he would uh drive his truck to the boats and you know negotiate a price and buy fish and then deliver that fish to restaurants like that was his thing it's really interesting man because we talked about it and you know he was telling me how what a grind it was like how much work is involved and what he does I mean he just works he was getting up early

24:25early in the morning in the morning you put an answer what you tell you go like 20 restaurants and you go listen I have salmon I got kalamar and I got Yellow Tail right that's my yeah you pull up TR let's say you're let's say you're a calamari restaurant right and you sell 25 lbs a day of you know fry like my where I grew up Rudy's Rudy's is basically a colomar restaurant people go in that's the appetizer they buy 50 pounds a day they probably got three different guys they go through wow and Chris was one of them you know he was a talent never tell you know how to cook it so he would go over the he had a great job for years man you know what happened he got smart and that's what happened he got smart when he kept it simple his was very easy he went to restaurants he said this is what I have really good and he gave him my carard with a phone number he got up at 3 in

25:18the morning he pressed the machine and this is Joe from Rogan's let me get 25 lb of kalamon 10 lb of Yellow Tail so all he had to do now is add up so he would get your 10 lb a squid his 20 lb his 30 and say right I need 100 lb a squid he would go down and there's people actually cut a deal for that you know what I want this a pound take 100 pound I'll give it to you for this his money changed every day his money changed every day so once he go to the boat buy it and then he deliver it and that was it no overhead no real insurance no freezers no nothing anything he had left over that's went took home to his family to cook what happened was he went partners with the guy got a freezer they stocked up on the food they stocked up on the fish New York had a power outage he lost 60 Grand that was the end of everything he lost 60 the partner lost like 80 because they went on got gavones

26:17and spent all this money on wholesale for you and I both know that's a daily thing yeah that's a daily thing you've been making a living for 10 years on a daily now you want to think about the future and buy a bunch of fish and that's the night that like a week later the power went out when he moved into his Warehouse Jes they had to go there in the middle of the night and fish ice things you got to take stuff out and Ice them and Jesus yeah they they didn't have such good insulation back then either how long was the power out for like 12 hours that time in New York this like 10 10 years ago you know they have coolers now that keep things like they keep ice for seven days outside have you seen these coolers no they're crazy like there's a bunch of different really high-end coolers and most of it was started at least to my knowledge by this company called y Yeti and Yeti

27:07Coolers they make these like outdoor coolers that people use when they go camping or something like that they're real thick and you put ice in those things you close the lid open that lid in seven days there's going to be ice in there it's crazy the insulation properties of these things are nuts I just I don't they have a seal like you pull down these rubber straps to seal it in they're not cheap they're heavy as too they're really heavy you know most coolers are really light these things are not light yeah if you want your ice to save for seven days they're crazy though it's crazy what they can do like they somehow or another figured out some insulation method that retains cold for a long time but they didn't have that in the 70s Imagine The Ice House in passadena used to be an ice house used to be a place where they would deliver ice and you would go and get a chunk of that

27:58for your ice box you would have an ice box in your refrigerator and that's where you keep your milk and whatever you're going to eat that day but you went to the market every day for ice yeah you went to the market for ice you maybe ice every few days but you went to the market every day for food like you don't you didn't just you didn't just have like a refrigerator you open up pull out packages of meat packages of chicken like that nobody did that this is really rare like when there was no Refrigeration think think about that that's not that long ago for most of human history there's been no Refrigeration that's why people used to go to war for salt Joey they used to go to war for salt cuz salt was how you could keep your food fresh you'd have to take a piece of meat and cover it with salt cover it completely and that would keep bacteria from growing on

28:51it that's how they took care of their meat that's like they would salt their fish when they would go to Sea they they salt would be so valuable it's like there was salt wars in the world for salt which is worth nothing now which just crazy like if you went all in on salt back then you're like dude people are going to war for this then today you went to a Diner and they have little packets you could just take them like you could take them go to In-N-Out Burger there a whole box how many can I take you take as many as you want you could take as much salt as you want what are you crazy you'd call your Viking friends they're giving salt away at the burger place you would just come in there steal all the salt salt back then would you kill people for salt cuz that's how people like it would allow you to keep food longer which is insane like that was like imagine going to war for

29:42refrigerators you know if like Japan had the refrigerators and we didn't there was a war to try to get refrigerators the only way you keep keep your food longer that's literally what people were doing they were going to war for salt when you watch The Honeymooners they drain their refrigerator and now I figured out why yeah was an ice cube she would pick the thing up and drain it in The Honeymooners and that's why they probably put an ice cube in there they Clos it yeah that's how they do it okay well The Honeymooners though was electrical so they probably did have refrigerators but a lot of those things would freeze up the ice boxes you'd have to defrost them do you remember that yes they would they would it would your freezer would literally be like the inside of it would be like like a a ye ice cave yeah like a Yeti ice cave in a monster movie wow see and now you have

30:29freezerless freezers they call them something that your freezers don't iceless freezers something they don't you don't have to defrost them right but we used to chip at them with a screwdriver go in there and hit with the hammer remember you know when I was a kid I used to use my air conditioner year round like my mom used to go are you crazy I'd put the air conditioner in my room year round and it would get a brick of ice on it I'd have to wow that's what happens when you put it on the winter the inside would freeze I'd have to turn it off and let it come down a little bit the inside would freeze remember those old school heaters that would make noise when they were starting up like clink clink clink clink those radiator heaters you would hear them that go tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap it was this hot chunk of metal in your house and if you leaned on

31:22it it would sear your skin like a George Foreman grill and that's how you kept your house War remember those goddamn things those are ridiculous those metal things those heavy you ever pick one of those up heavy things those radiators man those water heaters hot water would go through them and they would heat up and that's what you use to keep your house warm those things were ridiculous and you put a box over them and even if you sat on the Box by mistake you'd burn yeah and the only thing warm in your house at all would be like within 15 ft of that thing and they always put him under the window exactly they would put the heater under the window like I never figured that so you'd stand there and get burnt put there was like a draft or some yeah they didn't have anywhere else to put it you couldn't put it in the middle of the all about those metal things you

32:13know you get like a house like the last house I had in Studio City had no heat what when they built it it had no heat because they didn't think people in California need heat no those bird Bank houses those old houses they didn't have heat or they put a little box like you're only going to use it let me tell you something when you come out of the shower you need heat Jack I don't give a who you are when you come out of that shower and and you turn that water off you need heat that's a trick they do in Tanga Canyon there's a lot of houses in Tanga Canyon don't have air conditioning like you don't need it maybe need or window you I don't I don't live off that breeze that's people in Venice people in Venice will invite you over meanwhile you're melting there sweat's coming out of you and like we don't have air we leave the windows open it's so you you got to you should have told me this

33:00on the invite I wouldn't have came we have no air we live by the I wouldn't have came I want air I got to have something you got to hit me with something some people like to have like a thin Sheen of perspiration on them all the time no man Shin you got to have a little bit of air something to just something I don't want my hands to freeze or nothing I know what you mean man I agree with you 100% you know that Works in Colorado like when I live in Colorado you do you leave your window open one inch and your house will freze to death in the winter just one inch that don't happen here that never happened here I'm always warm here and these people who say well the breeze dries you don't do nothing for me well it's nice sometimes but if it's 98 Degrees in you got dick yeah you're and that happens that happens I mean it only happens a couple days a year but it

33:50happens but it happens the day you invite me over to your house to watch the fights or something and that's the D go ape it just seems like why would you have such a big nice house and not have air conditioning like I've seen people's houses they like this is a nice house man you got a great house but you don't have air conditioning is this a is it a money thing is it an environment want to be different and break my balls they want to be different that's what they want to do want to be green they want to be different oh my God we don't live off air and then they start making excuses for air well the the something factor in there raises your character can't what the are you talking about I just want to be comfortable a little bit is uh air conditioning bad for you I've never never heard air conditioning is bad for you well these people will find something bad for it there's certain

34:32people that find something look at I can't get a tattoo Joe cuz I can't see needles but I'll tell you that off the bat there's people that'll say they hate tattoos why do you hate I just hate tattoo no you don't hate tattoo you can't see blood so you can't get a tattoo that's why you hate them I just hate needles when I went to the doctor yesterday she goes to me uh all right so I'm going to give you this steroid I'm going to give you this for you he is she goes I'm going to give you a shot and then she goes no I'm not and she goes I remembered the surgery you're a nightmare with needles and when it comes to all that they couldn't find the vein the surgery that's a nightmare three plugs that drove me I was ready to go home listen if you don't find the vein this time we go home really yeah I'm I'm I'm done you poked me three times every time I faint let's do the

35:21wrist look at these veins in here finally she found the vein in my hand look at that there's veins right there I hate all that needles blood soon as I walk into the doctor BR check my blood pressure before I walk into a doctor I could be 130 over 80 I walk into a doctor's office it shoots up to 190 over 130 yeah we always look at people who do drugs like intravenously like that's next level that's next level you're shooting it up like you're you're opening your vein with a piece of metal and you're injecting some liquid in there oo that's deep like you just threw all protocol out the window that's why if you ever hear about someone who's like ah he does coke I when someone says this guy does a lot of coke I put him in this category crink someone goes that guy smokes a lot of weed I put him in that c someone goes he shoots hero and I go oh this goes over here this is a

36:20different C let's slow something down you know how much pain I had in my heart the first time I had to put something in my nose how much not a good feeling it's not a good feeling I don't give a what anybody tells you I think about it now it's horrible you just made a big leap to being a guy who does coke the first time I put something in my nose it wasn't Coke what was it it was angel dust it was T Crystal Christ it was you know they they called the THC Crystal THC crystal that's what they called it but they didn't call it THC like pot no what what you did in those days was there was a thing that you took a bunch of stems you got you took a pound of stems you got a pound of weed you took those stems you put them in a little bit of water and you boil it the powder that goes to the end of the thing they would scrape that up mix it with some cutter and then you could snort that wow that

37:10was the beginning so that was okay okay some Tac Crystal so what does that do for you what does it feel like does it feel like Edibles feels like you smoke yeah feels like an edible but they got hip and they started putting angel dust and gorilla tranquilizers you know pills and next thing you know you I mean I had a great time doing that I'm not going to lie to you I love doing that Crystal yeah loved it so this is the snorting I never heard about SN snorting or smoking essentially uh edible cannabis but it wasn't no edible cannabis it's totally different it was Gorilla Biscuits all right so you had two choices you could either go down to like a place and buy but for $10 you got three lines when you're 16 and 15 each line is $3 me could each line we're high for 12 hours I mean wow god 12 hours gone a now it's a heavy duty like you're lost if you had a well it's hard

38:08to tell now because your your tolerance is so high but if you had to compare it to like an edible was is like a 200 milligram Ed Gone Gone compared to an edible 500 milligram gone gone no it's just a different area it's like taking something that you actually go to a different realm it's not like doing an edible like I've done some edibles and I've done gone to different Realms don't get me wrong but first couple times you do THC like one time I went I was work I graduated high school this is the tail end of my te of my crystal career I wasn't even doing Crystal career yeah cuz I did Crystal te from I was probably 15 maybe 14 and a half to up to the point my mother died then cocaine took over then cocaine just said all that there was no more acid cocaine came in that heavy in night 1980 so before 1980 you were snort you were doing the pills and you were doing the

39:03uh th crystals and all that but after the cocaine just swamped it so in 82 I graduated high I was working in the city for this bookie and I went over one day and they go listen we're not going to do the horses today my dad can't come if you want to hang out for the afternoon so I said it I'll just take the day off and I'll never forget this I went walking I saw some girl and I was walking into one of those spots to get reefer I was going to get weed my day was over let me get weed I don't have to come back tonight from Jersey and some black girl came up to me it had to be 10: in the morning and she goes you want to split a tray I said sure a tray was a $3 bag of angel dust so you opened it up and it was just a little line and you took it and sprinkled it on your joint they sold it right there at the reefer spot whoow and you would roll it and smoke it and I smoked that with her at 10

39:57at 8:00 at night I remember taking a bus over from being with her and going I'm still up like now I could talk but you know at the end of the day when we because we we smoked it and then we just sat there and talked all day and 3 hours in she told me she was pregnant wow and then she I go pregnant and she opened up her jacket and I could see her belly whoa I didn't know before that I never forgot that oh man I never forgot that but I remember going over the bridge and going to a bar and going if I'm still up at 9:00 at night what are herting that baby like man that's crazy that is crazy wow we just went to a park and sat there and talked and read The Daily News in the up weather I don't know if we went to eat I don't remember what we did we didn't have sex nothing like that happened we just hung out all day we were that up that's the crazy thing about being born you can't

41:00pick your parents that kid just got a roll the dice his mom's doing angel dust damn anybody that gets like uh loses their perspective that's a real perspective enhancer right there that idea that poor kid and that poor girl that she's so up whatever happened to her led her to become that kind of person takes angel dust while she's pregnant man oh my God so weird like we know things are bad for us but the feeling it gives you feels so good you're willing to do bad things to yourself it's this little trick it's like this bad thing to you that's piggybacked on a good time it's like it gives you a good time it's like I'll give you a good time if you let me poison you how much of of a good time oh you're going to remember a lot of fun times I'm going to poison you though okay like okay okay okay I mean how me I'll get off it eventually oh yeah you'll get off of it sure for sure

42:09I'm gonna give you a good time and it just latches a hold of you and poisons you and you let how many poisons are there Joe from McDonald's to steroids yep I mean how many you want me to tell you what the worst I've ever done this yeah the worst the worst right now cigarettes really when I shot that SP I was smoking reefer outside I didn't want to smell like reefer when I went in there was a cop and I took a cigarette from somebody like a light and I just took two hits off it mhm I felt it the next day really like I'm like this is hard when you don't smoke for a long time and then you smoke you're like oh cuz I tell you what Joe I go I live on the deep end from time to time I'll have a dos and ginger ale on a on a flight somewhere you know an alcohol drink doesn't run with me for 12 hours bro I don't drink alcohol like a big drinker no but I like it I like the

43:04taste of doers and ginger ale I like a Irish cream on the Rocks whatever the it is you know I came in before I was early and I was looking through your whiskey thing that Jack Daniels the Sinatra that smells tremendous want to do a drink not in a million years all right but drink affects me completely different than it affects anybody I drink one of those I can't drive home I got to sleep in here really I can't I cannot drink and drive it's against always I always me up like they're watching me maybe that's why you don't like booze it's like it has a stronger effect on you maybe no I don't like booze I grew up in a bar and saw the different you know you and I have a common knowledge that I talked about the other day I'm at a point in my life I can't take drunk people but I'm going to be honest with you I couldn't take drunk people when I was 20 I was just drunk and doing drugs so I

43:51understood him now when somebody comes up to me drunk I don't know what the you're talking about it's a it's it's a hard time when you're sober and they're drunk and they're insistent on talking because you're in two different frequencies and their frequency is very awkward to you and you don't they don't realize that they're being awkward because they're drunk you know it's part of the problem so some people are great drunks some people you know they'll have a few drinks and you never notice the thing they're just happy having fun Brian C's a good example of that you ever see Brian C drunk no even when he's drunk he's just Brian Ken drunk you know he's just having fun he's being silly you know he uh he maintains his character you know some people don't and there's uh certain people that they get drunk and you have to talk to if you're sober and they're drunk it's like wow

44:38this is this is getting nowhere brutal you can't brutal yeah you they just they don't get it they don't understand that they're that's the big problem with being drunk is you don't almost you know you're drunk but you don't really know how you sound to sober people there's just no way no way you toally toally know how goofy you look if everybody's drunk you're fine but if like one person's sober you're like oh this is so stupid yeah but I realized how shitty I felt the next day off a half a cigarette like three pups I threw it away like the next day I can feel it in my body I can still taste it and you but while you're doing it you have no idea you know why you doing all that you know how bad is Coke for you it's your central nervous system it's why you're doing it you don't give a heroin Jesus Christ it gets to your bones yeah I remember you saying that that was a

45:34great way that you described it like Joe Rogan it's in your bones when you talk to an addict and say to them how come you can't get off they'll say to you man there's a pain the withdrawal from heroin even the oxycotton and those pills that's athetic heroin to get to your bones bro your bones start to hurt you know I've spoken to different people I never had I never went through uh that with with any drug but I've spoken to people off of heroin they kick heroin it's a horror show it's a weekl long horror show a puke and and that other convulsions that's what you it's just and that I can't I I didn't do I did heroin but I snorted it the first time I put that powder in my nose it with me for a while but I just put it in the back you just put it in the back file and then doing coke was something com another complete horror show for me cuz I didn't mind doing

46:30drugs I just never wanted to do Coke but when I did Coke that was it I it's like the first time I missed a credit but like the first time I couldn't make a credit card payment when I got divorced it ruined me because it was against my principal who I was like you always pay your debts you know uh so like if you're doing coke you feel like in yourself like wow I'm letting myself down yeah once you put something up your nose you smacked yourself in the face at that point Point never mind shooting something in your vein that is a complete yeah that's the next level right that's you know I had a friend for years that was hooked on it i' come into his house on Monday mornings there'd be blood splatters on the walls from him missing the vein oh Jesus he would buy $100 worth of heroin an eight ball of coke he was doing a Belushi all weekend oh my God he would

47:22beluci it all weekend that's speedball right that's like the Coke and the heroin together and it creates some sort of a weird effect it creates a tornado in your brain you just pass the out you know this guy would be clean from Monday he was brilliant from Monday to Friday he could keep it together I think Thursday night he would break down and do a little like a little sniff just to keep them together during the week but once Friday came you wouldn't see him till Monday morning and during the week he would massage his veins I got to massage him I got to get him going for the weekend and Jesus Christ oh my God and then he would switch like how can you go from your arm to your toe I guess you have to like I can't find a vein Joe hold on let me take my shoe off and shoot my toe it's just the first guy I ever had friends with that did steroids that was

48:21one of the most interesting nights of my life we were doing coke in the middle of everything he just took off his shirt and started doing push-ups and then he got up and he goes look at me what's different I go bro you lifting he goes no I started doing steroids and he started breaking it down to me he was getting an addiction to steroids cuz he was going there every week and just shooting then he just went off a cycle then he just stopped breaking it up he just was on a cycle year round wow but he was addicted to the needle going in his ass and then he would shoot it with Vitamin B and he would tell me he could taste the vitamin be in his mouth and are you when you shoot Coke you can taste it in your mouth are you f yeah so bam you shoot it now shooting Coke what how much different is that supposed to be than snorting it I have no idea but what about the people that's that I mean

49:13it must be something crazy right birds of a feather flock together I snorted I hung out with snorters once they talk about needles that's when I go home once I see a needle I go I don't sit in a room where there's a needle cuz I can't sit still once I see that Sur syinge you don't want me around I don't want to be there I went to CVS a month ago and they had syringes there they give you free syringes I almost died I don't like them empty I don't like them full I don't like to see them those people that carry the the fixes with them they call them a fix like a kit and they have the spoon and the syringe and lighter and the needle their gear right is that what they call gear I would ask him like so when you go over there how do you shoot it he goes we all stand around and we we all passed the needle this is 82 when you could pass a needle from one guy to the other and shoot dball and

50:05Deca and these guys one needle to another then filling it with Vitamin B and shooting it they would go why are we going to you know because if I guess I don't know how the needle works if you keep shooting it gets dull yeah so they would just take one needle pass between nine guys jam it into each other jam it into each other first thing he got was hepatitis C that's the first thing he got from that that's just a h now you get Hepatitis C if you jam a needle into you that's been jammed into someone with hepatitis C right I think so but you get it from sexual transmission also correct right you ever thought about that like I've thought about that before like herpes or you know anything uh warts there had to be an original case like there had to be one person that developed this like how does that develop I've always been curious like how the does like something like a

51:02herpes develop like at one point time you had syphilis and you blow a guy with like Spanish syphilis and it becomes the herp they get together and Collide that's what happens worse and worse you know like right now supposedly all these diseases they disappear for a while and then make a comeback yeah something was popular last year again measles was it no no no sexually something came back last year that was popular 10 years ago it came back I don't know which one it was garia or something like that like I got something like I've always had something you got something right now yeah I've had it for years cuz at night I get itchy I don't know what the it is soon as I lay down in bed I get itchy as a and when imagine if you have a long running colony of crabs that just camped out in your sack no but when I took a blood test years ago they were like did you have

51:52something I had something and I go I don't know and they go you must have had something cuz they got the tail end I had something like when I first moved to LA I had something all those years in the road you're going to get something now if you don't take antibiotics if you get something like syphilis is what killed Al Capone right um like what what happens if like other ones like goria does goria kill you I don't know you just get better I don't know I know if you had a guess I think eventually something's going to happen to you h can gonorrhea be fa fatal and can you recover with no medication Jamie if you just like do the Wim Hoff method what's a wih half breathing just just try try to power through the gonorrhea I don't know I mean syphilis kills you I'm pretty sure syphilis kills like everybody that gets what's VD venial disease but that covers everything well it's weird because

52:56venial doesn't sound like sex but that's what VD is you know VD is a sexual transmitted disease when you think about someone having VD when I was about 17 my friend his sister's best friend and he got something he got VD he got VD and we went there the next day and there was a chick with like like a Phantom of the Opera mark on her face dog it was crazy what was the mark on her face like she she had like syphilis or something that started here like she had cutting her lip and she sucked the up dick or something and it ran I'll never forget this it's not even funny it was really sad because I didn't know what she had I just went there with my friend my friend goes you got to go in there with me dog I'm scared to walk in there I said let's go what's the big deal they're going to give you a pills whatever I didn't know I wasn't sexually active at that age

53:45like he was and we went in there while I was waiting for him dog this chick came in did paperwork and she turned around and she had gotten something that started here like you know she had like a cut or what's that when you have cha lips or something and all this was like half purple and red she sucks something bad and after that I was likeo I got to be careful out there it's a jungle that was the thing when we were kids like someone has VD ah she's got VD be careful he's got VD you know someone having VD was like whoa you hear Do you hear Betty got VD oo that girl got VD girl on Facebook that's friends with me high school that a wouldn't get wet so they used to call it the dry hump Fair View New Jersey they used to call her Fair View New Jersey the it's so awful that's so up people are so up people are so up this girl was banging this girl was banging though so you'd have to like bring

54:59Vaseline or something yeah she was from Wayne New Jersey and she was banging she moved to North Bergen Lake and she was a sophomore and she was dating a few guys and and things happened like I was friends with her I know she didn't like me like she she just didn't like me for some reason I didn't think the world of her either and one night 84 I'm at a bar and this comes in I mean banging banging banging they also said she had some type of VD so they called the Lori Jack you know how he's got the Jack remember AC DC sang a song she's got the Jack Jack Jacks I used to call her name and Jack like that was like they they just tormented this girl and she dated like a rocky like a rock guy and had like long hair rocker and one that I saw and Rocky and she was banging Joe Rogan right banging and I go you live in North Berger now she's like yeah I didn't go to college I I'm a I'm a

55:53nanny I'm a nanny and she told me the guy's name and I knew that guy that guy had a massage parlor years earlier the guy that she was being a nanny for and I go I go if she's his Nanny he's just something's got to be wrong she looks so good in that mini skirt she disappeared like 1:30 and finally at like 3: I'm sitting I'm like what am I going to do tonight and I had like a bag of coke I go it I'm going to go get her so I went this is how crazy I was I went to the dude's house so she's told me I knocked on the door it was 3:15 in the morning and he's like Coco what are you doing I go I got to talk to Lori there's something missing he goes hold on Lori and she came down and she comes outside he's got a robe on she's got a robe on and I look her straight in the face I go listen I got like two eight balls in my pocket get dressed let's get the out of you and she's like I can't and I

56:44go you have to and we we we argued there for like 10 minutes I'm like I want to suck your I want to do dirty things to you I don't give a about the VD or the Jack or the dry hump I'm on fire and she's like well give me 10 minutes and I don't how am I going to sneak out here I don't know so I waited outside for her she's like I'll put Lou in bed and I'll run out about 15 minutes later I see her running out with her purse with like a bank deposit bag she's like him I can't take him anymore him we were on foot it's 4:30 in the morning I'm on tunley Avenue in North Bergen there's a bunch of those dirty hotels so I'm like oh I got a score here I got Coke she's got money I'm going to her I'm excited we go back to a whole hotel we finally registered like $30 they asked us if we wanted the jacuzzi in the room and it was one of those dirty hotels on tle as you going to New York

57:35City we went in there we walk in and she goes rule number one you are not going to me it's 5: in the morning there goes my there goes this night and all a sudden she looks at me she goes well if you could guess the color of my panties I'll you I'm like okay red and she goes they're green but good enough we started snorting cold eating ass I mean it was filthy I woke up at 5: in the afternoon and Doug fluty was throwing that quarterback that TCH down in 1984 or 83 Doug flu I was waking up she was naked ripped apart I'm waking up and Doug fluty throwing the touchdown I got dressed and got the out and never saw her again never said I even robbed the money I took everything she pops up on Facebook about two years ago and I'm like Lori how are you she's like you you fat and all this she's like you left me there that night but we had a good time yeah we had a good

58:33time and I hit her back I go what color are your panties she goes what that supposed to mean tremendous hilarious I knew she gave me something she had something but I didn't give a it was 84 Rock Hudson was dying I didn't use a condom I knew the consequences I'm like it so I knew I was going to get something and I probably did I got crabs after that over the holidays that was 84 I got crabs in yeah 84 85 season I got crabs I found out at a bathroom in Port Authority I went to Port Authority to take a and I pull my pants down and I'm sitting there reading the paper and I see a crab like I saw something jump and I'm like what the and I had never heard it I had never heard it nothing I went home and took my underwear off and got like a magnifying glass it was over it was all over me they were all over the couch I had to bring a bomb into the room like one of those buk bombs and leave for 12

59:31hours did you really oh I grabbed up the whole it was crabbed up for like a month dog oh my God lady next door knocked on my I was living in tly New Jersey laying next door knock do you have a bug problem I'm like no no I don't know what happened ever since you moved in here there's been crabs and oh no my dog had fleas when I was in high school and and you ever have a dog with fleas cuz the fleas get in the carpet and they they got the eggs or something they had like a flea collar that you'd put on your dog but it barely worked and then they had these uh flea drops that you put on them the dogs would hate it he would squirt it on their fur like a various spots like right behind the neck and then like in the middle of the back and the lower back and the dog would go crazy and roll around the ground try to get that off them but if you didn't do it you your dog's going to get fleas and

60:24we had carpet so that means you fleas so when you were walking I'd like in my bedroom I'd be walking in my carpet and I'd see a flea jump onto my leg I'd be like and once you have it you just have it you know like I mean there was some some carpet stuff that I used to have to shake down so I shake down all this poison all over my carpet and then you have to vacuum it up but there was always one or two that survived one or two gangster fleas that figured out how to stay away from the powder and then figure their way right back on your like and it was hard to get get it off the dogs too cuz then they would just go hang out with other dogs they'd get it again even if you cleaned them up and killed all the fleas they got them again you could see the eggs like you would like be cleaning them like you wash your dog at the base of their hair you'd find the little eggs yeah you see

61:13it's scary gross that's what was going on your carpeting that would just drop and Sh over your carpeting yep yep yeah that's a giant issue if you have dogs that I had a dog once that had distemper caught distemper from like was so sad he uh was a puppy and he would go into convulsions he would have like seizures he was just a little puppy it was so sad we had a wand up putting him down and um we put him down man my veterinarian this is how good a guy this guy was he was crying he cried afterwards you know about how hard it is I mean the guy just loveed dogs love cats and he just is so upset so upset it was really crazy man it was a a weird moment that I'll never forget he wind up dying in a car accident drunk driver yeah drunk driver hit him that I never forget that I was like wow that guy got killed by a drunk driver that guy he didn't make any sense

62:17he was such a nice guy but boy did he hate marriage cuz I was you know I was young I was like 26 when I first met him you know they'd be like you married I go no he goes don't get married I'm like okay just explain to me marriage guys who have been through hardcore divorces man they have a way they have a way of grabbing you and putting that urgency in you listen to me listen to me don't do it like okay okay I won't do it I won't do it there's nothing as bad as a divorce I would say death is probably worse some people divorce is great you know what the problem with a lot of people is especially a lot of dudes with money is when you get married your wife has money too now like before you got married you were the guy with money so you had a bunch of money she's like wow I like this guy he's got money and then when you get married guess what now she's got money too now

63:21she gets to recognize you for you so it's not you're not as cool anymore cuz you're not just a guy with money she's got money too it's her money now and she's like God damn it I'm going to take my share and get the out of here like all the sudden she's got your money like what happened what happened is like there's a bunch of things that happen when people get married right there's love there's devotion there's commitment there's a beautiful bond that you you guys share but let's not get confused under the exact same rules with the exact same words I do I do there's a lot of scamming going on there's a lot of people getting robbed there's a lot of legal extortion there's a lot of legal stealing there's a lot of really hot women who have no business some old dude there's a lot of really hot women that are like some guy who's 70 years old and they talk this dummy into marrying them with no

64:15prenuptual they suck his dick for a couple years and drop the Cy on them and take a chunk just take a giant chunk of millions and millions of dollars that happens too I'm not saying it shouldn't happen and I'm not saying it's it's not an interesting deal you know that some people make you know like the the guy who married Anna Nicole Smith remember I used to have that bit about that guy that was the same kind of thing it was like nothing wrong with it everybody knows what it is but you can't like that's not the same like all marriages are not the same so people that were upset about like gay marriage there's gay people that legitimately love each other and they want to get married upset at this other you should be upset that you could go to Vegas high on coke go through a drive-thru and get married you could do that they're not drug testing you they take you to those drive-thru Elvis

65:07wedding chapels in Vegas you think they see if you're they don't give a if you're drunk you mean maybe you can get it Ann old tomorrow if you are I mean maybe I don't know they don't give a that's marriage too it's a bunch of different things it's a goddamn contract you know marriage is bad for some when they lose something that's what it basically is they lose a house they lose money yeah if you marry somebody and all a sudden you go hey I don't want to be married no more me neither see you tomorrow who's keeping the house it's your house bye okay that's great nobody nobody would get angry nobody would get angry it's when you lose something right you know or somebody cheated on you or whatever I had no money when I got divorced it wasn't even that alone so you're like yay yay oh yeah when I can do comedy Now the whole thing yeah but there was a kid involved right and

65:55there's is always something see that's when marriage sucks I also told myself that for years and it wasn't the marriage that sucked sometimes we don't put enough into the marriage you know I didn't know what marriage was when I first got married I tell you what I know what marriage is now I know what marriage is now and that's why it works I know you have to put time in when I first got married you do the laundry you cook and I give you a check and we I you when I want that's not matter when you're 25 you think that's marriage you know you think that's marriage that's what I thought I'll go out and work I didn't think you had to pay attention or go to a date night or have to put time into them or you know I can't do a spot tonight cuz I'm going to the movies with my wife you know you have to put that time in if you want it to work yeah you got to have actual

66:43relationship that's where it gets tricky it's hard you know it's it's hard to find someone that you enjoy talking to you know they enjoy being with not just doing stuff with but just sitting alone and talking it's hard it's hard it's hard to find people that are on the same wavelength as you it's hard to find people that want to talk about the things you want to talk about or want to you know want to see things through your perspective and that you want to see things through their perspective that you want to have these open kind of honest conversations it's not easy to find someone like that these poor people that we all know that are on like dating apps like uh especially smart women I know a lot of smart women that cannot find a man to save their life and you you look at it you're like I don't get it smart ambitious powerful woman hot can't find a man it's hard out there it's hard to

67:37find somebody that you sink with that you could talk to I think it's way easier for a dude to find a cool chick than it is for a girl to find a guy who's got his together maybe I'm just guessing but I think it's probably harder that's a lot of single women out there they're goodlooking have jobs and but we don't we also know them like that too that it runs two ways Joe we didn't get that close to them that we didn't see what their idiosyncrasies works even with us there's a bunch of women that look at you and go oh I'd love to be with them then they get with you and like this guy flies out of town every weekend I can't be you know what I'm saying like little things that they don't understand am I coming no have you ever had guys uh that you're friends with who like back up off the comedy because they get a new girlfriend the new girlfriend's like I don't want you going out you know I

68:29don't want you you're doing sets every night you don't have to do them every night like but I do if I want to get better like that's like you know how like a baseball player has to go to the field and and practice Yeah I have to go on stage it's the same thing you don't think about it that way because you don't do it but you got to understand it's the same thing well when I did it to stripper the crazy she didn't understand that she was awesome by the way no she wasn't awesome she was one you and her together were one of my favorite she's she's still she posted a boyfriend a picture of her boyfriend now he's got Cocke eyed I mean she's a nut she's a nut it was one of the reasons why I fell in love with you she's a millionaire now you know she's a gazillionaire yeah he told me she dates these dudes where she get all the money again she all right first when we broke up she went to

69:14Florida and she ended up marrying this old Hindu guy there you go like he was 76 they lasted 3 months he died like what was that what was I saying left her his money there you go she took the money and invested in gyms curves mhm bought one bought two bought three bought four became like a a mogul and then sold them all when they were still hot wow then they went out of business curvs went out of business I think something something I don't know they're not as popular as they were anymore well the whole idea was like don't work out that hard like you can keep your curves just come on then Oh I thought it was a place just for women that just for women I didn't know what it was just kidding okay but yeah it is just a place for women but you know you hear it like curves you think of it as you know embra when you say embrace your curves yeah definitely sure what

70:07are you saying though what are you really saying are you saying embrace your curves are you saying you know don't work out that hard what are you saying don't bother getting fit what are you saying I don't know what you're saying you can't go there you can't work out there no but you can you can never have a man only gy no if you had a men only gym it would be empty well would it wouldn't even matter like women would protest half of these humps go to the gym to see girls anyway most of them most of them do so that's why it would be empty there's a lot of guys who go to the gym and they don't even get motivated unless girls are working out there they want to look at them look at them while they work out their yoga pants it's very Primal you know you're like naked but covered up with like cloth like paint it's like paint cloth that little monkey sweating right that

70:54yog P you're feeling like Trump I grab that monster I was with my friend Cameron Haynes in Boston we're working out this gym and there was this girl that was you know those Hardcore gym girls those Hardcore gym girls who just you go I follow a couple of them on Instagram and they do squats and they're doing like what a perfect example is that guy Kyan who is here carrying Fitz Gibbons his wife's name is Jack Jessica she's like a CrossFit champion and she's just ridiculously fit just ridiculously fit but those kind of like gym girls don't they scare the out of you a little bit little crazy I don't say nothing to him I just walked right past the there's a girl at the W that does deadlifts the whole thing she's brutal she's brutal me and cam H were looking at her and cam was like I want to be built like her because I wish I had her build she was jacked this lady was just doing

71:55squats and she had powder on her hands and big ass neck dead lifs some women just Embrace that they love it now if they were told they can't go to a gym because it's an all male powerlifting gym but the problem is like a girl goes to a gym and hits on guys is really not that big of a deal but if a guy goes to an all girl gym starts hitting on the girls that becomes that becomes gross that's it becomes like harassment like you can't you can't work out it's just a different feeling it's a different feeling for them to hit on us than it is for us to hit on them there's no it's not the same kind of danger you know a guy hitting on a girl there's like a certain element of danger involved in that right the girl like if some crazy girl comes to the gym and she's like yeah how about I give you a dead LIF you know what I mean you wouldn't you wouldn't feel threatened you'd be like get out of here

72:53crazy I lose you but but like if you go to Crunch like say you go to those Hollywood gyms Vin and all those you see that the girls get ready an hour before they go to the gym makeup the Hat with the tail coming out the color coordinated I mean they go to those gyms to get picked up and the guys that go there they go for action too when you go to the W it slows down a little bit there's still a couple women that go in there they get a stab and I see them all the time they go in there with the little towels and the yogurt pants and then mingling with the trainers and but then you go to other gyms and that's not even happening it's just certain gyms call for that man yeah you also recognize what a person's got going on physically you see some girl doing one of them those things you got that butt bomb machine you know that one like they're sending out fermon and

73:51and they're showing you their shape you know they got Yo pants on or shorts shorts are risky especially when you're doing them kind of kicking Maneuvers there's any sort of opening there and some things get pushed to the side and come flying out of the bottom of there you gota be careful it's a a dangerous move but you're you're seeing them exert you're seeing them work hard seeing them show their Vitality you know when they lift in there and there's always like some dude helping him come on one more one more one more but she's not just doing that for him she's doing that for other guys too she's like putting out that scent accelerating the game the whole competition just ramps up a couple of notches while she's doing squats ass out ridiculous squats deep clink high fives the guys walks around makes eye contact with the audience see who's checking her out hard there

74:57was a girl at the Y when I first started going to the one in Hollywood Spanish girl torture torture she wouldn't shave her armpits whoa and the sweat would drip from her armpit and here's where it gets better she would always wear gray sweatpants and she wouldn't wear underwear so you could see the sweat from her monkey come right through the so she'd be walking up to you and you'd see the wet thing Jes right her camel to she didn't give a she was hot and too she was young you know I'm an old man I would talked to her I'd see her in there talking to the different guys but she'd be benching and she open up her thighs and that little swamp would just be drenched with sweat it was tremendous I would look at her and shake my this girl's you know Hollywood man that's what happened listen I went to Hollywood yesterday morning I had to be there at lunchtime and I'm driving I'm in a light

75:54I see a black dude that weighed he was 6 feet weighed 120 lb that's skinny with a Clint Eastwood hat on from fist full of dollars and the Poncho from CL and he was standing next to a big fat white dude with a beard like Jesus with sandals and the Jesus thing and I said to myself dog I'm in Hollywood this is it this is it it's this is what I'm going to see you know you see that at the com store almost any night almost any night you see that one dude dresses like Jesus yeah no explanation one time he came by he wasn't dressed like Jesus I was disappointed I seen that guy a hundred times at least dressed like Jesus and then one time I saw him he wasn't dressed like Jesus I was like what the are you doing here man like once you commit to that outfit right have you ever seen him without the Jesus outfit yeah I think once once yeah he said he walks in there I like Jesus too with his

76:45head down like pulling it from the back and he's it's interesting I mean he found something found his Niche I guess there used to be a dude you remember the guy used to walk up and down the street with a cross on his back he had a bunch of people behind him yeah yeah there was a dude who used to uh walk down the street with a cross and sometimes people would carry the cross and sometimes he would like strap it on his back but he would uh walk down with a bunch of disciples they all had Bibles and they would start like yelling out different uh different quotes from The Bible and they would uh tell them to people in the front patio this back before the front patio had a bar remember the front patio was basically wasted space until the new Administration came along when did they open up the bar at the front patio I don't know how many years ago it's before I came back but now it's a

77:35vibrant little bar it's a vibrant it was always something remember Corey had it princess Corey had it but she opened it just so she could drink that's it I mean she used to open it she would walk away people be like where's the bartender you know it was never really they would break even every night it would sell like nine beers or something now it's a far like you said do you know they used to do shows there where on that back patio they had a standup show there they would set up a mic out there when they did it a couple years ago apparently but the the neighbors complained before we came back they they were they would have like on open mic night they would have a spill out show where they would have an open mic night out there on the patio but apparently someone people were just yelling out C or something you know I mean they're yelling micophone that's such a heavy you know I was

78:24watching in Almost Famous the other day you watch Almost Famous I love that movie Almost Famous was on I was whatever and I was watching and they got to the part when they're at the hotel next door and actually you see them crossing the street in the store the lights are blinking at the store it's supposed to be 1969 what are you going to do with the store put a board over it right but that was the hotel like that was a hot hotel when the store went from siros to the store was it closed down for a while I'm not sure cuz the store is was open in the 70s right I want to say 74 something like is that right 72 74 72 72 72 so that but but SOS was in like the Bugsy seagull days which was what wasn't that like the 1930s or something no 20s when was the Bugsy seagull maybe the 50s yeah it must be right Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis right how it was s was closed in 19 1957

79:25and then it was uh Rock Club rock and roll Club in the 1960s wow what was that called uh I just had it another page it's the best spot in Hollywood it doesn't say what it was called you were just saying you we were talking one day and you said that there must be like a beam that shoots down to put all those people together at The Comedy Store well if you look at that Almost Famous I mean everybody stay at that hotel next door that was a spot where you just checked in when you weren't on tour yeah we're not on tour this week what do you want to do let's go to the riot house and get up for a week and a half you know yeah it's amazing how those two spots are next to each other like they're so legendary and they're next to each other I'd like to get some sort of Native American medicine man to walk around that place and tell me what kind of spirits he senses 200 years of Comedy man 200 years

80:17of comedy of uh of murders the Bugsy seagull days like how many people were whacked in that spot the Rock days how many people probably ODed at a rock Club in the 1960s and 70s before it became the store how much craziness went on there can you believe February 19th on my birthday I'll be at the store 20 years wow that's crazy 20 years that place was in my life like usually you hang out of the bar at your neighborhood you go for like four years then you graduate you done you know those bars that you oh let's go down to bugy or whatever the yeah I've been going to the store for 20 50 years second time I got on stage somebody came up to me and said is MIT sure seeing you yet like I was always destined for the store like I knew it I knew it like I just knew it and then the more I got into comedy over the years people would say to me is mity seen you yet she's

81:11going she likes characters or whatever but it's so weird I've been there for 20 years we were talking the other day about how she used to call you fat baby yeah that was your name on the lineup it would be fat baby fat baby oh it's my fat baby and she would stick a finger in my stomach and go to let the air up that's how cool Mr show was oh it's my fat baby sit over here next to me fat baby let me see your stomach let me rub it and then she would put the pin in it 20 years I went home the other night and I had to scratch my head a few times like 20 years I've been doing this comedy for 25 years first time I got on stage that I think I'd be here 25 years later that I think I start him I didn't think of anything I just thought that finally I'm going to be able to do something with my life like that's all I wanted to do just something with my life you know

82:06was talking to my buddy because ever since I shot the special I've been thinking about 90 1993 a lot like how where I was in 1993 I was living in New York City why 93 because that's when I made my transition that's when I I did comedy for two years the way I went to Jiu-Jitsu for two years it was very erratic I would go twice one week one week I wouldn't go then I'd go three times one week and then I would go for two weeks it was very erratic I didn't know how to really get my hands on it but in 1993 I went to the city I was just I was broken from the divorce I had nothing going on I was broke and I went home and lived with a friend of mine and just went around the city and did comedy and I had no I had no comprehension on what I was doing and then one night I walked into the old triple in it used to be like a Open Mic that started at 11:00 and went till 2:00

82:59or something in the city 3:00 and I went in there one night about I just finished driving a limo and I dropped the guy off in Manhattan and I go let me go get a spot over there and I went over there and they said there's no spots tonight cuz Lego zamo was on stage and he was working one of those oneman shows this place was a dive like every time I'd walk in there I think about my comedy career like I got to figure something out cuz I'm not going to keep doing this this place smelt like cigarette smoke there were seven people in the audience you know what I'm saying when you're first starting to do comedy you're waiting for the lights and for CBS to be there and CBS ain't going to be here why do I keep coming back here and finally one night I went there I saw like Gamo and then I go I get it I get it I thought I was too special I'd have to do that you

83:51know sorry I ate fish I'm one of those things what you got a like a piece of bone yeah something got fish bone your you going to make me cough sorry about you okay yeah yeah yeah uh leg was almost was on stage it was a dive and it really I didn't know I didn't know anything about comedy I had read the Judy Carter book I had read a couple books by that writer that one that wrote for Lucio ball did you read Belzer's book who Richard Bowzer no he had a book on standup comedy I read the book by Lenny Bruce ladies and gentlemen when he lived at the Chelsea Hotel and he did heroin at night with jazz musicians oh yeah that's a great that put me over the top but I thought stand up was something that you be I didn't know you had a work on it that's what I'm trying to say to you I thought that when people went up on stage to shoot a special like Joe Rogan here tell them we got cameras really all

84:45right go tell them to go on stage I thought when you shot a special you just went up and talked for 30 minutes I didn't know there was any preparation I didn't really have anything to go by I went in there and I understand the process now I think three month not even like a month later I was back in Colorado and I was determined to get on stage every night this is what I was going to do this is what I'm going for this is how I'm going to do it you know these are the clubs I'm going to work I had no no idea what the was I would just go on stage Loosely I would write whatever I could and just go on stage Loosely I never knew that you built from that I didn't know all these things so I keep thinking about 93 I lived in a room with my buddy who did heroin I had one white shirt I would sell cars on 11th Avenue down there you know New York City I had one white shirt

85:37and I would wear the same shirt every day I would have to come home jump in the shower and I would wash my shirt in the shower and I would hang it up and then I would iron it every day you know I was just a struggling open micer you know I was driving a limo some days some days I would sell cars some days I would pass out packages for AT&T and get $400 a week I was just putting it together man you know M and it was it just seemed so interesting like I just I I Had No Illusion to grander bro I just wanted to do something with my life there was no I wasn't going to be Kevin Hart or Bill Cosby or nothing I just wanted to do something you know so this is why I keep thinking about how 23 years later I shot a special and just it just goes back to what you did you know I had one I would have to I wouldn't have to be at work till 10 some days but I would take the

86:306:00 a.m. bus because if I took the 6 a.m. bus my friend with the steroids his father was a bus driver he'd let me ride to the city for free so I would take the 6 a.m. bus so I could save those $3 that's how poor I was and then to get home I would go into service when I would sell cars I would go into the service at 9:00 and I would steal change from people's cars that's how I got got home I would bring just enough money for lunch between rent child support clothes reer cocaine and the I wasn't even doing a lot of coke then if my buddies had it I would have to do it because I was just trying to do comedy you know and you think about in the beginning what you really went through you know how you were you delivered papers right you delivered papers or whatever and to see you now it's such a big difference but I never saw this I never saw the the tail end of this I

87:23just want to do something you know yeah when you see someone that's already doing comedy clubs and headlining places and you're just starting out it doesn't seem that far away it's like oh all I need to do is just get an act together and I could do what he's doing how come I can't do it and you you think you can and then it takes years like somebody tried to tell me once that it took 10 years for you to become a real headliner I'm like that's crazy crazy I was headliner in two years get out of here but it really does it really does because there's something something happens 10 years in you know or you know maybe you're smarter than me maybe it only take you a couple but for me it was like 10 years in I get a better understanding of what the I'm doing like oh I kind of get it now I kind of get it now but you still don't see it the way you would see it if it wasn't

88:08you if you know as much as you know about standup and you could watch yourself and not be you you would you would be able to fix a lot of things with your act but a lot of the things with your act like you kind of Shield yourself because you're just trying to get it to work you're justy trying to put it together you know and a lot of times you're not even aware of uh how the joke is coming off to other people cuz you're doing it yourself you're too caught up in the idea of delivering it to understand what it's like to receive it and it takes a long time to figure out and still to this day I it up to this day especially when I'm uh working on new bits because you got to take these weird Chances with new bits you got to like start premises maybe that you don't know where they're going and let let it let it under pressure of stage sometimes come out you know especially like when you're

88:58working out at the store trying to come up with new stuff under the pressure of being on stage you can sort of like every now and then pop an idea through every now and then a new tagline comes through that makes you laugh and a new moment comes through and if you don't invest in those moments of doing those those bits on stage you never know and if you don't take those chances if you just keep doing the same over and over again you don't take those chances you don't you don't know whether or not you could go down those roads dog I didn't become a headline until 18 years that's when I felt comfortable headline that's crazy I had 40 minutes of 6 years 45 minutes I love when guys look at you and go well I got an hour the big difference in being a headliner my friend okay this weekend there's a great fight on the card it's serg uh it's Pettis whatever big Pettis

89:44against Anthony Pettis Max right so you look at Max Holloway is is nine in a row hits hard hard of a line crazy has something called experience he's been in there with Benson Henderson he's been in there with some big names he's been in there in championship fights when the lights matter and like that that's called experience that experience is so crucial that experience is so crucial at the store I am very proud to be a store comic because of all those years of doing those late spides so are you I get myself out of any situation I get myself out of any situation when you're apply when you're a when you're a roofer okay every day the job is the same you're going to roof why you paying me 25 instead of 15 is because I know how to get around the problems when you come to me and go boss the pipe there I got to flash it and stop this is a piece of cake I'll just build a box

90:42around do you follow me it's the same thing with comedy like it I knew I could do an hour but I always felt like that Peno commercial you could either pay me now or you could pay me later I love those that come out here and go I've been I was a headliner 4 years I'm a regular at the store you know what they're going to get it at the store one night they're going to get it they're going to get it they're going to have to follow somebody who they're not ready for and it's not and because they've only been doing comedy six years it's going to hurt them a little more than it would hurt me and you dog I know there's a 5050 CH shot every day I write jokes I prepare them and I know I'm going to go up there and do the best I can but sometimes that don't pan out the way you know and sometimes there's a girl in there before you that's having a great night every other night she's

91:31bombed tonight she blows up that place and you got to go up there and figure a way around it that's when experience you up yeah that's when I could you could blow up that room and I'll tell you what I may not be able to follow you but I'll would get a few Labs with 10 years ago I wasn't getting anything because I was caught up in the lights and let's keep it going for Joe one more time isn't he funny and now you're dead you were worried but if you go up there and just run with that energy it's experience in my world you know I didn't make any big decisions till I got I could feel the difference on stage now 25 years you could do anything you're John Jack Mach you ever see John Jack roll he talks to you yeah he talks to Joe and rolls with me answer the phone go whatever he doesn't even know cuz he's been doing it for 20 years I just saw a guy there were a guy did a marelo Garcia guy did a

92:25seminar and he goes for years I just put myself in the half guard he goes I can feel anything you going to do he goes even when you're going to pop that leg over to get away he goes I'll just catch you with this leg and put you now I got your neck it's amazing I go how'd you get that good he goes I put myself in half guard every day for 10 years I know exactly what reaction you're going to do it's called experience show yeah when you got I never had the hard times I've had at The Comedy Store when you're dying at a club and it's a feature headliner MC Club you have momentum to pick yourself back up so if I go over there and pick up die for 10 minutes I could get on to something and gradually work them back at the store you don't have that Grace you have 15 minutes and once you die at the store for 7 minutes it's like the Roman cisum you you're running

93:18with that there ain't no G back from the store the store I've never had a medium set at the store I either do great or I die I die most of the time but you f you know what I'm saying I mean the store there's no coming back you don't have 20 minutes to work yourself out of this situation they also know there's a bunch of people coming next Who's Next who's next Who's Next what else we got to see you know sometimes you'll see someone that's just they just on a normal night maybe their ideas would work but tonight it's not going to work because there just been too many different people on before them and then it's just they've seen too much you know then that's that's one of those things where those late night spots are so important I wonder if that exists in music too I wonder if in music it helps the performers if they get occasionally a real small crowd they have to sing for

94:06a crowd of 15 20 people you know I wonder if that like lets you get in your own head better you know but we're to the point in our lives especially those first six years of The Comedy Store 12:45 you got to assume there's going to be 17 people in the audience if you're lucky if you're lucky and you have to say something that they haven't heard if they sat there all night they've heard everything they've heard everything topical and it would force you to go out of your realm I love it you know when we shot we were talking about specials shooting specials when I shot the first show I died because I was too worried about my material I really bought into Jerry Seinfeld then I remembered what the I am the second show and you just now you get it back yeah there's so many different focuses 25 years you shoot a special and you're still up come on Joe yeah hey dog this is why

94:58I love this cuz I learned something new every day it's defin well as long as you have new subjects to talk about you're going to have new ideas so you're going to have new bits so you're going to have work to do they're not going to be done you know they're not done right away you got to go over them you got to listen to recordings it's a lot there's a lot lot going on it's it's it's weird in that like if you go to see the Rolling Stones you want to hear brown sugar you know you you want to hear Sympathy for the Devil if I go to see you I want to hear some new you know it's just the way it is for our business but it's also so exciting you know I mean it's such a fun thing to do well there's two there's two trains of thought to this that are really interesting because I did something this year that I knew I couldn't pull off like there's no way what for me I can only shoot a special

95:49every 18 months like my next special there's no once I looked at the prod from the special I knew that those jokes could have still had six more months of working on them you follow me that's the problem we have too there's a joke I close with but I've been doing it now for two years just because people say I came to see you didn't do that joke and I noticed how good that joke has become and every two weeks I had a tag to that joke even though it's still old when I do it this is exactly what Tom Papa said on Monday exact same thing it's it bothers me to no end you know I put a CD a couple years ago and I liked the bit I did but that bit was not finished I didn't know at the time right I didn't know at the time right it's ready no I've added 10 minutes to that bit in the last year just because I liked it so much there's something in there yeah what the

96:39did I do I just let it go so there's a train of thought there and I didn't know this listen when I come to see you every year I want you to have 30 new minutes of material something had to happen in your life but what you're telling me is you can make that joke better run it by me let's see what else you added to it let's see what else you added to it so and that's what I'm going to continue to do now those jokes that I had from the special guess what I'll put them away now but I'll bring them back in a year and I'll add different tags and even if every time you do a long set just bring one bit back out of six and do it they they're going to strengthen and one day you're going to be able to do three hours you I don't I don't know but I'm just saying it's nice those bits are never done that's a mistake I made on the first two hours those bits are never done but

97:24they're done sometimes right sometimes you get to them when you're like I don't even want to do this anymore oh no you when you're done you're done that's why I didn't call for spot this week no I'm done I went to Portland last week I'm done I'm done you just decided to take some time off recharge you need to recharge you need to rewind you need to do a couple things you need to get uh sometimes when you do too much County in a row you you go to stuff I want to deprogram myself you know before the special I didn't want to keep saying I'm coming on the feet I didn't want to keep I didn't want to keep doing a Jew so I'd stop deprogram yourself you got to break those bad habits got to break that habit the only way to break that habit is to forget about it right at least when it comes to Comedy you know I want to forget about it and I won't do it no more right I had a lot of promotion

98:11this week I had podcast you know I had a ton of it's Christmas I got to take it to the zoo at night for the lights you know so I said this is a great week to do it but I've learned a lot man from shooting this that no specials ever done that's why we want to hear if you go see the stones you might be disappointed sometimes because sometimes the stones to play a song it don't sound like what you were used to listening to it because over the years they added this whole thing on the road to it which you'll never hear because right you didn't go you know yeah you definitely can hear that sometimes people do live versions of something they put a whole new twist to it like that band honey honey they do that all the time they'll do a song and it's like it's a different version of a song that I've heard on their CD I I think going to see live bands is good for us too excellent for us yeah

99:02first of all let's be honest you know when you there I was I was watching something what was I oh I was watching a video of Johnny cashes okay and I had to ask myself this question I go J de as a comedian you're going to tell me that a little bit of Johnny Cash isn't in me that's how I wanted it I wanted Johnny Cash I wanted a little bit of the Almond Brothers that dirty I want you to know this could get dirty quick yeah we this could be quick this could be zero to 100 quick in this I want a little Leonard skinnet in my comedy that singer the way he looks at you and it's just a Saturday night spal all my you know my comedy has Julia serving in it my comedy has Richard Pryor you've got Lenny Bruce in it any band I like the Thunder of lead Zeppelin that Thunder of if you watch lead Zeppelin from the garden there's no lights or explosion there where midgets running around it's just four

100:04dirty white laying it on you I like the lead Zeppelin effect to my standup it all mixes in there but Johnny Cash is definitely in my standup For Sure definitely that definitely everything you've ever seen that's made you feel good gets in there absolutely ABS lutely everything movies everything how much do you know about Rodney Dangerfield half and half we were trying to figure out when what the there's a bunch of different stories of the no respect like when he changed it to no respect someone was telling me it was from a movie that a movie came out and then after that movie he started saying no respect I don't care no respect no respect at all that guy was awesome I'm so glad I got to meet him I got to meet him apparently still doing coke he's like 7 years old he's hanging out with this 40-year-old hot broad having a great time I got to call to go to a Audition one day

101:07and I go what am I reading for and they go you're reading for the new Rodney movie I go down there the sunset right by the the tequila Hut there before we hit The Comedy Store there's that little tequila at that light there m 50 feet in I went in there and I walked in the room and who's in the room with Rodney Dangerfield dog this is the I waited a year for to see easy money cuz in my world easy money is tremendous yeah I went to the I went I don't drink you just said it yourself Joey don't drink I took an eight pack of Budweiser nips to see easy money okay I a Budweiser nip the smaller 8 o ones I was cracking the things and flicking it I was having a good time at Rodney okay I walk into this room and here's Rodney D F I'm going to read for Rodney Dangerfield I get the things how are you good to see you you know whatever I didn't overly oh it's you the reason why I'm here I

102:02didn't say none of that I just read bro and he goes listen I really like your read the road your the role you read for is already cast but do me a favor just show up did you didn't know that Joe so he goes just show up he called the house my wife answered she was dating me she goes you know Rodney called here before I go what do he say she goes to go to Hollywood Studios tomorrow at 8:00 in the morning I go did I get the rooll he didn't say I called my agent my agent goes nah he's going to find something for you just show up that's how much he dug me the seven days I worked on this movie dog wow it's the worst movie of all time only Comedy Central is it once a year like at 4 in the morning it's called back by midnight and I play Jojo back by midnight and we're all in prison we're all in prison and uh we we we we figure out that we break out at night

102:59and go steal the hardware store supplies and we we got lounges we got jacuzzi at the prison now every day I would have to go in and then when I'd sign out they go no you got to go see Rodney so I have to walk into Rodney's trailer knock on the door he' answer with a robe on naked come on in and he'd sign and he go all right see you tomorrow at 8 and that was my job for seven days bro he was old he couldn't remember his lines they had to read him the lines off camera and then he would say the lines over again but for me it meant the world man that's Rodney Dangerfield man that's huge yeah he's I mean when when you think about alltime influential figures with his rdy Dangerfield specials he introduced the world to some of the greatest of all time greatest greatest and not a lot of people would ever do something like that yeah a lot of comedians would never do have you ever

103:57heard some of the Back stories to that to the HBO specials yeah no no to the Rodney things like how how he had got into it with he got into it with uh what's his name cuz dice wears leather jackets Barry soble right you know he's stuck up for Comics right like I hate working at clubs where it's a comedy a comic owned club and they treat you like like dick you ain't some dude from Missouri you're a comic how can you treat me like this like he really fought for Comics you know and there was one story where Barry sober wanted to wear a leather jacket and he kept arguing with him and he goes dog you know dice wears the leather not get the off go get a sweater you know like that would suck though if you're Barry so when you wee a leather jacket all the time I think he ended up wearing the leather in the special I don't know if you remember he did didn't he have like a members only

104:48jacket made out of letter something something uh just just just amazing when you're around those people you know when I was around Rodney that week it was just great he told Paul Rodriguez kept on doing impersonation of him he goes go ahead do another impersonation I'm going to find you and replace you with George Lopez he say the rest of the week dick Rodney wasn't around he was still smoking dope he was still smoking dope all day walk around the set with a joint in his hand you got to love it wow did you ever see when he was going on stage with a bathrobe on no he did a lot of shows where he was naked with a bathrobe on he' go on stage with slippers he would slide up to the stage just walk up to the microphone and do his entire hour with a bathrobe on with nothing underneath I was working as a security guard at Great Woods in Mansfield Massachusetts Great

105:47Woods is like the concert place there's an outside Amphitheater and it you know there covering of some part of the area is covered and the back are is exposed it's the lawn and Rodney played there you know it's a big place like Bon Joy played there I saw Bill Cosby there I saw Kennison there and uh Rodney I didn't see man Bill Cosby was there I wasn't paying attention to him he was there and I didn't watch like I saw him there like he was there I barely pay attention I just I wasn't into what he was like I thought of him as like a clean comedian you know was you know I was too crazy but um Rodney was in the back and one of the guys who works for us goes dude he goes Rodney's back there his dick and his balls are hanging out in his bathroom he doesn't give a he don't give a he doesn't give a I he's got no pants on he's got nothing on and I saw him walking around with the bathrobe I

106:42remember seeing like remember like looking down this Hall towards the back area where the back stages and I'm seeing Rody Dangerfield's green room and he's walking around with his bath rub I'm like that is amazing he would go on stage I remember him going on stage I remember him killing too the love him yeah we loved him you know he was an old man I didn't give a but not to interrupt you the other day I saw a thing on somebody posted this it was Frank Sinatra on the tonight's show and Don Rickles came on oh yeah did he torture him Don Rickles is please see if you find John years it from John first of off sonra is so badass bro I give tremendous listen listen man the dude I watched those two things on HBO about him and I fell in love with him I don't care about all his behavior problems I I watched it it meant that's a bad dog what behavior problems did he have I don't know like he just

107:43didn't put up with this Gentile look at watch this watch this Joe Rogan crank this up yeah crank this up look at him with his boots on and he's got boots look at him pull the audio from YouTube can they hear the audio no no the people can't oh put give them a little audio why can't they this will definitely get pulled from YouTube all right folks unfortunately you're gonna have to if you're watching this on YouTube you'll have to listen to the audio version of it's called uh what's the name of it Frank Sinatra is surprised by Don Rickles at Johnny Carson watch this Jo how old do you think Johnny was here watch this Jo both of them got to be 60 watch this though watch this look at that face this is the best fck jog he's an animal he walks in when he takes his hand away he drops down on his knees like he's kissing the king's hand how old is Sina is I don't

108:52know maybe 60 he's got the wig it's a light wig he never went too crazy with the wig he never went full Burt Reynolds there's no one hearing this Unfortunately they can't hear this on uh YouTube right now just what's that the AIO record hear it yeah but the people in YouTube that are watching and will watch in the future can't hear it right let's just not do that makes her Goofy for a goofy thing but no to watch it these guys he's touring still you know yeah he's 90s Don Don Rickles is down at The Canyon Club when soon he's down at The Canyon Club with uh what's his face Regis let's go yeah find out when that the guy from TV can Club yes Regis and Don Rickles are touring together they have a little act yeah I'm going to that yeah find out one that is God I hope it doesn't pass already God damn it did it pass already they have the billboard on the 101 if

109:55you're coming back from a Thousand Oaks you can see it on the 101 that shows all the different people that there Ted nit there once a year every year around July stage yeah all the time pat B he's good she's good friends with him so it's not the best place to do standup because they make people stand in the back you know people get seated in the front they stand in the back L people show up though lot of people there for you last time a lot it already happened but that was the problem was it already happened November 18th oh but it was uh there was a lot of people there but I had a deal with them I said I only want to sell tickets to the people that get to sit down I go as soon as you run out of seated tickets I go stop selling tickets and the guy kept filling the place I go what are you doing he goes well people are still buying tickets I well don't stop selling them like you

110:40have a deal like the contract is you're not supposed to have people standing up like I was going to get less money so that people could have a seat like cuz it it would be better it's better it's a lot better and he's like yeah but we're still selling tickets like all right we're done Jesus Christ like you know what the contract is dude like they just decided to smos everybody in there it's just not as fun to stand around and watch Comedy I realized that when I went to see Doug once Doug was doing a lot of those bar shows Standing Room shows and I went there as much as I love Doug and it was like concrete some place in Hollywood we were standing there my your your legs start hurting like this is not fun I don't want to just stand here I want to sit down like you don't enjoy it as much if you're not sitting down and you start talking yes then the conscious just goes away from

111:25the stand then by the 40 minute Mark it's like a light talk yep in the room and you can't blame them you could be throwing heat but it happened to me a couple weeks ago at this thing I got there and they had 200 people standing up am I going to do argue with the guy now there's nothing you can do didn't even think about it and I could feel it on stage and you could work through a little bit but you feel it they're standing man remember when we used to do the House of Blues in Vegas y that whole back area was people standing and talking and the two bars bar to the left and a bar to the right chaos chaos just not a good place to do standup it's not the environment but whatever business is business they'll sell them tickets they put them in the bathroom if they want to listen I yeah I wouldn't do that either I don't like and a lot of those music shows too

112:15you got to stand I remember years later I'm like no wonder I got people throwing punches and at arrol Smith one time cuz but stand man yeah you get tired of it after a while dance around you'll be okay now at music shows you sit down and then you stand up too or you're on your feet the whole I don't even remember I don't know I've never been to those things those music shows are just an excuse for people to get hammered go see a bunch of bands wander around the desert or wherever the they are I'm not talking about oh those Coachella yeah no no no no just dust bowls and picking dust out of your teeth and eyes and and you got to camp for three days I think Ari camped didn't Ari do that he went to Coachella and camp now which one is Coachella this the one in California yeah and then they're South by Southwest which is in Austin there's a bunch of these little music festivals

113:06now I guess it's fun if you go to them I mean it's got to be fun no it's got to be fun you get to see a bunch of different people you're outside a few days you know you also have to be into it you know but like when people want to uh invite you to those standup ones do you ever go to Stand-Up festivals do you do those I just did one what' you do the Houston one mhm how was that great was it it's a fairly new one right yeah how long they've been doing this one I think 2 or 3 years man Houston used to be a hub used to be a hub does someone could figure out how to open up that old laugh stop in River Oaks and it's still there it's still there that's insane EMP still there somebody said God damn it I I don't know if they filled it in someone should tell that helium guy that would go down there and scoop it up that was the one of the best rooms ever ever and just nothing's there

113:55now I don't think so I think that that that one Club had it for a while one club was renting it out and then yeah I don't know what the happened yeah didn't John wesling have something to do with it for a while one of those guys the whole one those but those guys aren't even around no more like when it's a whole new regime wow those young guys are there running that Festival was a great Festival had some great names uh they had Tony hook that I mean we had a great time do they have a scene was like they're a Houston scene now yeah but they're all younger it's all a lot younger like you see the new I tell you where I went that's the Houston of 99 want me to tell you where it is now Portland Oregon really Portland Oregon is the new big I mean comedy is at a whole it's huge right now comedy is huge right now you know these all these cities have one Marquee room two little

114:53underground rooms those two underground rooms are selling out too La Factory Chicago sells out Brian Morton every Saturday with with with feature X comedy's at an all-time high but Portland is at an all-time high this is the fourth year in a row I've been there one or two with you before that it just keeps getting better and better and you hear who's colle I was there Thursday Friday Saturday Amy was there she sold that somewhere on 12,000 seats I don't know what she did on Thursday night that just proves to you it's out it's out and about when you were in Columbus a few months ago annibal Baris and deia were in town I mean this is every week and all three shows were selling you know 2,000 seats comedy is an all-time high but Portland is the Houston of 2000 you could see it you could see when people talk to you afterward who they they come and they

115:48talk to you about comedy like I'm coming here to see sagora I'm coming here to see this guy I'm coming here to see that guy they're coming for comedy man yeah they're smart place Portland's a smart place and they appreciate art same same with Seattle Seattle's a very smart place Seattle's a notch above La in a lot of ways like when it comes to like um it's a smaller Community it's uh the people are a little Slicker they're just uh they're not Showbiz affected you know they're more themselves I shouldn't say Slicker I should say just smoother you know what I mean they're like more themselves like you they're not as affected overall it would be a great place if they developed a big scene I know they got the Comedy Underground there and that other place is fantastic the paa that's amazing that they pool halls they pool hall connected to it really yeah and they've got some other

116:40rooms satellites around but I mean that's everywhere now from Indianapolis to everywhere got some satellite rooms going on comedy's big man yeah comedy's getting big I mean helium does does a secret show what's a secret show they don't know who the headliner is really and they sell out no no no Philadelphia and Portland Oregon Wednesday night you ever want to do it just call the guy and go I want a secret show I want to work out in front of a real they don't know so you're going to get Joe Rogan people you get people not Joe people W sell out we don't even know who the headliner is we just know yeah we just know it's going to be one of the guys who's here during the week Hari did it in Philly sold didn't know was interesting very that's a great concept you don't know who the liner is that's a great idea it's going to be one of these 20 cats you don't know who it's

117:30going to be yeah strap a pair on it'sing for the show yeah the opposite of Red Band Secret Show he has a secret show and put 30 people on the poster like what's the secret I'm looking at all the people plus surprise guest oh okay that's your secret Yeah the secret with him is you don't know you don't know who MC is that's a real secret the feature or the headliner nobody knows he just comes up on stage Wednesday night wow good good idea well when you have that's when you have a real reputation that's when you're telling me that you're just a fan of Comedy you know what I just want to laugh that's what you're telling me you know what I don't really like him I like him I don't really like him it's also like a real good um example of the reputation of the club like they trust the club so much the club has so many Headliners connected to it like real top level

118:20Headliners that they know that you're in touch with these people all the time and you'll put the right kind of person in there and they do it every week uh once a month once a month it's a great idea yeah Portland Seattle all those Pacific Northwest people it's like it's a it's it's a different vibe up there you know that whole uh Pacific Northwest Vibe is just a different vibe I only seing the Sun for two hours three days the summertime though they're out though they're out they're out no see in the summer it's tough to sell a ticket up there because those got to go camping yeah they got to they got they're out they're out doing music they've been they've been living like uh uh Jack Nicholson in The Shining for six months it rains every goddamn day I remember Joe saying to me what' you think about Seattle Seattle was great Seattle was great like Colorado's great until you see rain for

119:11three weeks in a row Colorado doesn't have that problem though one time it did really in ' 83 Paul Harvey was in the middle middle of November yelling we don't know what's going to happen in Colorado this year oh Paul Harvey the weather guy no the radio guy the news he was just talking about the Alps in Colorado on all these mountains in Colorado empty will there be a snow season it started snowing on the 20th and it went straight to December 20 like 3rd whoa you know what 20 days in a row of snow is bro no you have no idea think of leaving for work on a bus it's snowing getting out at 6 it's snowing going home it's snowing going to bed you wake up it's still snowing Jesus two days is cool 20 days 20 days of snowing shoveling every I was shoveling snow too for a while so I'd have to get up and I was getting 10 12 bucks an hour to shovel I didn't give a how deep did

120:05it get 8 in 12 Ines a day you know how fast the snow comes down in Colorado dog so8 feet they probably yeah they had it because in it's like you either pay me now or pay me I don't know what the Bas is for the bottom of the hill but they got the snow they needed that cuz they man make the hill the snow on the bottom right that helps out they man make the snow on the bottom I think okay they whatever whatever that fake snow well it's real snow they just make it with the machine they just make it with the machine then on top fills in those gaps but the bottom gives it more of a base that's what it's called the base that's so they'll tell you we got a 63 in base we have a 200 in base that means you could jump off a helicopter and nothing's going to happen to you in that base 200 in you're just going to land in powder can you imagine doing that going to Wyoming getting a

120:56helicopter and just jumping off the helicopter with skis and Just landing on that thing without your knee blowing the up yeah I saw a guy who did that on a video he jumped like 250 ft and what happened landed in the powder and nothing happened no nothing it's fine fresh virgin powder you got to take a big chance though you got to know exactly what's under that spot can you man landing that's a ice what do you call them oh my God might big icicle goes up your or hit a rock on the way down yeah no I like uh I like bad weather but not three weeks in a in Seattle I saw I lived there in '95 96 they gets Parts November dog it just rains for 3 weeks are you worried about global warming in la oh yeah I can't sleep at night what do I give a global warming it's 44 de this morning I can't I'm is it cold yeah it's cold in La this morning 44 but then it goes up uh you know if they can they

122:00talk a lot about global warming let me get that half a joint dog over there cuz this turned out on me give me one of those monsters give me a freshman there is dog you buddy's got yeah he G these are strong oh he's an animal he's a animal he's not playing games so you talking what were you talking about yesterday so it's legal now I could call him up right now it's legal yeah I don't know where he's allowed to deliver it too I think he has to deliver it to somewhere that's nowhere near a church or a school or something like that he's got the stars of death too the stars of death and the High Times pick in the number three edible dude I never even need a full point with the star of death I don't need a full point I leave a little bit I take a little bit I take a bite but I make sure I leave a little bit of the point Point listen to me there's these new things called cushies 200 Mig

122:56you open it up it smells like transmission fluid okay when you it's like when you finger somebody but you smell deep in the monkey it smells like gunpowder in the same thing with this edible it smells like transmission fluid in this dog you get so up I love that I just pass out now when I was in Colorado I got uh some gumdrops some uh pot gum drops God they were so good holy I don't know how many milligrams they have but each one felt like somewhere around 20 you know you eat a couple of those and they give you a a bag that's supposed to be 100 milligrams you know for how many is in there five in there or 10 in there whatever it is but it's got a kick it's hard to tell if they're right cuz I had one and I was like yeah this feels like about 10 milligram then another one that was like whoa what the like I don't buy that they're that consistent I don't think

123:55they're doing such a good job of stirring you know the Stars last week I was drooling I called the guy and go anaki what the bro what was in these Stars this week and he goes well sometimes you got a bats that's stronger than the other it's like qu luds when I was a kid with qu luds cuz people make them in their basement so some like we talked about sometimes the table is like this yeah yeah you know what I'm saying all the goes to the bottom and you're yeah and if you get a a bag of gummies you're not necessarily getting them from the same plant you know I mean one one gummy might be from one batch and another gummy might be from another batch like they might not I mean they're all getting piled up together and scooped and put into a bag you easily could have one live one in there dog I ate an old edible about a month ago I found in the back of my drawer that

124:44thing me up for 12 hours it's like an expired Viking and you ever take an expired Viking you won't have pain for a week in your mouth I don't care how many root canals they give you bro I found an expired Viking in my pants my washed my wife and washed did I tell you about that no I had a viking from the surgery no surgery I popped that even after it was washed was detergent stronger than ever talk bleach on it I just found it I found it I wasn't even on the Vikings I took one out with me in case I had to pain or nose pain and I never wore those pants again I go to Portland I go on the pants and there they are she wased it right before I went on stage I pop out that who gives a I don't need to know what it is anymore I've been through everything one pilling and do nothing to you how strong was it oh my God I took a half on stage and I blacked out like the

125:40first 30 minutes I couldn't wait to get back to the hotel room to eat the other half I had radio the next day I oh my God I blacked the out I didn't know what came out of my mouth when you were on radio did you start swearing no no no no no I'm headed to Portland Thursday night I'm in Portland I'm getting dressed when I was pulling pants out I go boy these pants are darker than my usual jeans I didn't wore them I didn't want wear them last time I wore them was probably when I had the surgery and that's why I found the pill in there they were clean I went in and the and the the detergent had worn the numbers down so it could have been anything so I just I said let me not be an eat the whole thing people give me crazy the time let me break this and maybe somebody gave it to me and I washed over it I knew it was like a vikin or a cousin to the vikin you know

126:28what I'm saying it had to be a cousin or brother-in-law something to the Viking and I popped it I took a half I went to Portland I walked up those stairs and when I sat down on top of the thing I was like I'm up I dog did I tell you I set the fire alarm off in Portland at the club on Friday night the fire dep in the dressing room and the fire department had to come cuz the whole club blacks out all the go out in the power I had to go on stage and Felicia went up there with me Felicia's like do you want me to go up there and jesal I go yeah that's how much of a comedy store chick she is like somebody else would have said well let's wait till they put the mic on she's comedy store right she looked at me and said you want me to still go up there I go yeah and when she got up there the mic turned on oh that's perfect perfect but that just goes to show you the the

127:17confidence of The Comedy Store did you tell them that you did that did you set it off no the the MC was on stage and all a sudden you hear and the lights are blinking and when you went up there you didn't say that was me smoking po oh yeah once I got up there I go I only took two hits I told him the truth I just took two hits wow that's a pretty sensitive fire alarm yeah it was right over me a it was right there I looked at it afterwards so the next night they put a little helmet on it did they they covered it oh yeah they put a little helmet on that hilarious so it's just drastic it's just a drastic a drastic system right shut the power off and everything how about uh keep the lights on what do you think godamn Stampede the fire department came looked at the manager he goes somebody smoking in the green room he goes yeah he goes all right we'll set it up and that was it they didn't give

128:08me a ticket or nothing thank God that's nice yeah a lot of people probably think they can you know like especially uh if you're in a uh like any sort of a rock venue like those Rock theaters and stuff like that how many people have smoked they probably been smoking in those things forever forever forever a it's probably standard Portland is an interesting place isn't it people who live there say it's getting kind of weird because then you getting a bunch of people that want to live in Portland moving there instead of Portland people people like yeah I think uh Portland's kind of my kind of C Cameron lives in Eugene yeah somewhere in Oregon right yeah cuz one of his neighbors came to the show oh really yeah they came to the show he lives in Eugene which is like a smaller college town have you been there yeah to visit you like it Eugene's great I like it I like it they have a good Chinese

128:55restaurant there kons oh really kons is in Eugene and Roseberg me and Roseberg is the one where that's the up one that's the one where the they have a strip club but the waitress is everything she's the stripper the DJ the dorm man you got to see this Beauty but Oregan is fun man oh that's a great drive too I wonder what cowon means I don't know what it means there bunch there's a bunch of different restaurants there was the cowon and sagus Massachusetts remember that Chinese restaurant club yeah yeah yeah cowon was a Nicks comedy stop at the cowon I wonder what that means I think it was a city a city yeah oh okay like New York like it's like saying Hollywood is it like saying like the Hollywood restaurant the Hollywood Grill the Hollywood Diner that's a funny thing right that word Hollywood like people like to use that word it's the northern part of Hong Kong oh no there you

129:55go so maybe it's like a style of cooking or something but yeah that was the cowon and sagus great place great Comedy Club how far is SAS from the city I don't remember were there a couple were there a couple C and it was run by Lenny's brother there was uh no that was Giggles Lenny brother Lenny's brother Mike Clark ran a place called giggles and uh uh that guy Mike Clark gave me more headlin and gigs like when I was struggling than probably anybody he had always had great rooms always had like a a restaurant here or a dive there or a bar there and always got you good money it was cool it was fun too because you would You' travel around all these weird spots and do comedy and sometimes people would hire Comedians and it wouldn't work out they they would try it for one show and you'd be on that one show and then they never had comedy again it was bunch of dirty comedians

130:51from Boston come up and you're in some weird fish restaurant in New Hampshire and they just don't want they just don't like it how many of those did we do thousands thousands had to I used to do comedy in a place where there was a live parrot behind you on stage two three feet he would just go he would eat the seeds and flick them up in the air there's so many things that you've done that you we're talking about comedy you have this Grand Illusion of Comedy when you get into it and you get to this place it's not a stage there's no Green Room you know guy talks to you like you you're and you're like why do I do this you know I'm out till 12 and I got to go to work at 6 the beginning is so tough but it's not yeah it's not really a you know it also doesn't seem that hard when you look at it from the outside the first time you look at you're like that's not that hard it's just people

131:47talking like I'll figure that out yeah until you bomb 800 times but that's part of it like now sometimes I get happy when I bomb cuz I get it out of the way yeah at least it's not a surprise anymore yeah that's the the best motivator to like tighten up your game the best motivator is a shitty set it's nothing like one off set just feels just want to get back and tighten things down it's interesting to people that go to the store on a regular basis too cuz they get to see all the development they'll see a bit one time and then they'll come back and see you maybe six months later and they'll see it again but now it's got all these extra things going on it's alive it's connected to other you get into it better you're smoother in your delivery so much fun the ceso thing you shot in Chicago uh in Rosemont Illinois right you shot it pretty recently October 15th that's real recent and it

132:54comes out tomorrow how fired up are you I'm happy it's over it was a lot of work man was it yeah it was fun though it was really fun you know it was the first time I ever tape my spouse myself I can't stand looking at myself and I can't stand listening to myself and I don't know which one is worse you know I never said nothing to nobody but I saw Johnny Depp on letman and letman was like so H the Daily's looking he's like I don't look at him and let him he's like what the are you talking about he goes I don't look at I don't go to the premiere of my movies I don't look at myself and he goes why not I hate and I felt a lot better but this was the first time so he said he hated looking at himself yeah this I don't like it you know I'm me to tell you something when I first I got here January 29th and like two weeks later was Super Bowl and I got talked

133:44into go one of these goofy actor parties I didn't know was at the store I was at the store and some goofy guy came up to me goes want to go to the Super Bowl party and I went there and I'll never forget this as long as I live man in the middle of the Super Bowl like H you know when it ends the first quarter then you have the show in the middle and Michael Jackson would sing or whoever right in front of 60 people a person put a demo reel in I will never forget that my whole life like it was not supposed to be in there like some guy came in and go is it half time yet hold on I'm G to put my demo reel in holy you follow what I'm saying and they po that demo reel in for 15 minutes you watch student films and College films and I think he had like one spot that was TV and I'll never forget how embarrassing like I felt embarrassed for the guy like let's watch My Demo real are you kidding me

134:43to a room for other actors 60 oh my God comedians standup Comics you know so-called man I don't know I was just has been here for 2 weeks so I don't like looking at none of this this was the first time I actually went home and tape sets like I didn't know how to do nothing on this phone and I went home and tape sets and had to listen to them and write notes and I realized the process there was I was letting go at night like you come up to me and go that's a good bit but you didn't tell me about the two things before that I said that sometimes after a set you it's really hard to remember what you said that was funny I don't know why that is but you remember one of two lines but you didn't remember those two fluctuations you said in your voice those are the things I never worked on before that line that you threw away that was the setup to that joke and you

135:36don't even know you set it up with that that's what this taught me this special taught me that type of I had to listen to every set man and you know what it's funny how you prepare jokes and you think what's going to work and then when you listen the that you thought was going to work doesn't really work as well it's little things that you didn't think was going to work that really worked it's so weird when you listen to your material and that it was a whole complete different education for me it was rough for me to do it was really tough for me to do because I didn't like listening to myself at night I would do it on planes when you can't go anywhere yeah when I'm trapped I get really high I pull one of these pads out and just go on a train on a plane I'm sorry in fact you know what happened to me I pulled out my third CD on a plane I had to shut it off was the worst thing I

136:26ever heard in my life though my third CD is probably the worst thing I've ever heard in all my life I can't believe I even released it but that's when I learned that there's a lot of jokes sometimes that even if you think even CU there's seven minutes you're like enough with this there's still three more four more minutes in that thing we're not beating and you taught me that you were the one that said you like to keep finding tags for stuff you know some times you just get tired you just go it I got four of them on there I'm going to move on so that's what I found out how it that's what shocked me about this that it was the first time I had really done this type of exclusive work bro ceso is putting out some good you Doug who else are they doing Brian Callen Brian call in fact I'm doing radio I'm calling radio tomorrow and Brian's on he's in Florida is this Brian's last one did

137:18they buy his last one or they doing a new one with him I'm not sure I know either got released last week I'm not sure my brother or reissue or something ciso uh so C's own by NBC is that what it is yes that's interesting they're doing that look it's great when someone's do any I mean the more people doing something like that the better like I said man right now comedy used to be 8 to 12 8 to2 now it's 9 to5 because people are on their desks with earbuds on yeah they could stream your special at work there so much going on with streaming and the whole deal well most of the people that listen to this are working right now are working right now probably I would imagine if you're doing something that you don't have to be listening to somebody you could listen to this while you're doing your work nine to5 now has so many uh God damn I got to stop coughing the going on N9 to5 has so many

138:12amazing you know from n TV used to be from 8 to 11: yeah pretty much working people only watch television from 88 to 11: that's changed now I go to work now at 9:00 and put earbuds on and I can't get into Game of Thrones or Westward but I could listen to a podcast how many people do you think get to listen to stuff while they work a lot a lot what percentage it I don't know about that it a lot of tech people yeah yeah a lot of tech people when I talk to my niece sometimes in Jersey she tells me I was into you in the office and she's in marketing you know yeah they put these in and make notes and type up proposals and listen to podcast it's a whole game out there it's not 8 to 11 no more right that thing is dead now yeah 8 to1 is Netflix there's a whole new realm now you know now I could go to work and listen from 9: to 1200 and from 1: to 5:00 and I could watch from 12:00 to 1

139:11at my desk I could watch Game of Thrones on Netflix I can watch it's a different world out there do you use uh use Netflix and do you use apple t TV do you ever use that no that's what we're getting cuz the speakers on my I don't know fantastic I don't know what my wife is saying I don't understand none of that stuff she does all the it stuff at the house it's just crazy that you can see you know I mean 99 or whatever the hell it is percentage of the movies just by they're right there like I don't know what percentage I shouldn't say 99 let's take a guess it's probably not even 10% what percent of all movies are on iTunes cuz independent movies probably aren't maybe some independent movies all movies on iTunes a lot of them I don't think all of them because the other day I noticed that they just recently added An American Werewolf in London and I was like oh wow how weird

140:01or was it the wolf man one of those now when are we talking about Netflix this is Apple TVV and they recently added some other movies that were like pretty old movies like they just they just added them so I think they're still buying movies and putting them on I mean I don't know how they're doing it licensing them whatever they're doing making some sort of a deal but they got a lot of movies is my point the crazy thing is you just press it and it starts playing like when we were kids just the idea of going to the store you got to make remember how Blockbuster would have those giant shelves filled with one kind of movie like one movie would come out and that movie would just fill a shelf and like say if it was like uh Transformers or alien or something like that there would be you know three three four levels of them and you would you would get there

140:53and there'd only be a couple left and you get lucky oh I God we got the last cop the law yeah bring it back that's what I that's the first time I went in there was a night I was running from the cops after I kidnapped Vella I went to Blockbuster and I rented Above the Law all these people kept telling me you got to watch watch this guy Steven SE like I don't want to do it I watch Above the Law and Lethal Weapon i' had never seen Lethal Weapon before that's a good movie for the time if I watched it today i' probably get angry I watched the triangle scene at the end I got mad cat Mel Gibson uses a triangle on the doesn't close it on the Chinese uh guy with the two sponges no wasn't it um yeah Le the weapon who did he do the was it the Chinese guy he he's hanging and the guy's hitting him with the sponges and the guy goes out that's right that's right he triangles

141:47him no and then he triangles the guy out in the grass yeah yeah Gary with the guy who got in the motorcycle accident buy Gary juicyy buy yeah it was Gary Bucy right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a shitty triangle choke dude he doesn't cinch it up and this is like when the cops are there they kind of let them go after it right because this was like these guys so crazy the cops let him fight with sticks M Gibson was shredded son that's a Kabuto Tona and look at him yeah Mel Gibson people forget was a action star he was a bad boom he gets slammed on a cop car this is so ridiculous like that this could ever happen where cops would let some bad guy duke it out with the cop because they knew the cop was such a badass he's eventually going to kick this dude's ass dog 30 years ago this was happening you think so they let dudes do like that friend who called out

142:51a cop one night and they fought in front of three other cops who he just said you wouldn't do this without your tough friends take off the badge in the gun why are we doing this take it off you're not going to do it and the guy goes yes I am guy look like Phil Sims we were like in high school we were maybe a year in high school when Phil Sims A A Beat cop fought one of my friends on the street two other cops there and like six of us there who won my friend them up really my friend him up that's how crazy it was why are we doing this you don't like me I don't like you forget the arrest and let's drow down right here you're a tough guy put off the gun so after he beat his ass what' the cop do they shook hands and they never with each other again wow I mean he didn't throw him around but he punched him the mouth a few times in front of his buddies oh that's weird and one time

143:47when I got out when I got out of jail in Boulder I got out of the halfway house and I got into a fight with a guy that cut me off and he ended up spitting at the car and something happened bro I slipped and that guy had me he was beating the out of me but then he slipped in the snow so when the cops got there I was on top of him they pulled us off I was going back to prison I thought they were going to violate me I told the cop what happened he told the cop what happened but he was giving the cop a bad attitude I won right there he was telling the cop what the do you care and the guy goes hey Ortin they talked and they put us back I just told the cop the truth I just got out a halfway house I can't get violated for this go talk to this guy and then they came back and they go we're not going to press charges but shake hands and the guy goes I'm not going to shake his hand

144:34and the cop looks at me he looks at him he goes you know what when we got here you weren't doing too good okay don't make me don't make me put him on top of you again you weren't doing too good shake his hand and the guy shook my hand that was the end of that yeah we got it you weren't doing do good yeah cops letting people fight is strange you remember there was that thing that was going on in the California prisons where they having like these these crazy fights these underground fights and the guards were like uh setting things up the Gladiator fights remember that there was like a big article about it we I don't know if we could GL days next time you see Mike Tyson you should ask him if all that is true see what he says to you that they base that movie with uh on him that was the story that somebody they actually let the warden leave town for Christmas and one of the guys got in

145:27touch with a promoter and they brought somebody from boxing and to see Mike Tyson come on I that's where they got the idea for that movie let me go come on Undisputed let me excuse me let me go ahead go ahead pee that Undisputed is based out a real story they brought a guy into prison come on do you know how how much that would be worth when prison guards Force inmates to fight that was the uh why' you uh what are you googling now Undisputed movie real is it based on a real story wow movie similarities to real life Tyson Saga Undisputed but where is the uh fight he didn't have a fight in jail if Mike Tyson had a fight in jail they would have they would have filmed that huh and Mike Tyson would be talking about it Mike Tyson has that whole story you know where his whole live show where he talks about his entire life I mean if Mike Tyson had that in his life he would

146:32be telling people about it don't you think I mean I can imagine that he would ever have a fight in jail and not tell anybody about it I think the what what was about it what are you looking up Jamie this in a forum someone was asking the same question as a boxing Forum so maybe someone's got a link somewhere people are silly there's no links you would have heard of it we've known if there was a video of Tyson fighting in jail come on and for sure you're going to tape it you're just going to let it happen and trust your memory you're going to bring in h rck Bo or someone like that and you're gonna have Tyson fight him in jail the out of here that's ridiculous early mid 90s I don't remember the exact day when what year do you think Tyson was in jail Tyson went to jail uh 2000 2001 around there no that was that was the more recent one right wasn't he in Chicago in Illinois I think it was

147:30the late 90s cuz he was out he was out and fighting Holyfield while I was living in enino which I think was 96 yeah sure 92 when did he go in he got arrested in from '92 that says he got a sixe term yeah that was when it was that's when it was that's when it was how long was Tyson in jail for he still maintains out of all the he says that that that's that that never happened was a set up is really crazy then you find out that that same woman had set somebody else up she had lied about uh another one another uh alleged rape allegedly lied I don't know the specifics but that was in her past like whoa he was released went in March March 26th '92 he was sentenced he was released March 95 whoa Years Years three years when did he retire ja how long has he been retired for now he retired right after well he had a couple of fights but I think it with the Kevin Ferguson fight

148:40was that the one where he retired what was his last fight five 2005 Tyson stunned the boxing World by quitting before the start of the seventh round against Kevin McBride Kevin McBride okay that's who it was and uh you know the lenx Lewis fight was a bad beating too that was before that that was one where you you knew like oo he's just not the same guy anymore you know you go back and watch the guy that destroyed Larry Holmes it was a scary guy then you know he knew as much as anybody knew he can only go so long in that business just just a shelf life nobody gets out you know it's a fun time for boxing right now youve been paying attention to boxing I barely have time for what I got on my plate and I got to open up boxing too you know Bernard Hopkins is fighting no yep yep 50 51 51 he's fighting December 17th where in La he's fighting at The Forum yeah

149:50who's he fighting some uh young tough light heavyweight white dude with knockout power was say Barnard is so hard to hit he's so clever I don't think he'd be fighting if he he wasn't still capable too he look at him like right here come on man 51 years old and he looks great like look at this look at these combinations man I mean I mean everything looks smooth as man that's that's the real Bernard Hopkins when you're looking at him boxing here you're not saying oh this is a 51y old Bernard Hopkins he's saying that's Bernard Hopkins you know Joe 51 your reactions your vision there's a lot of other factors oh it's for sure there's a lot of other factors but this is amazing oh it's amazing it's amazing that you could even consider that this guy at 51 years old should be allowed to fight professionally he was also very smart he was you pointed out a lot of stuff to me

150:57he was always very smart he never really got hit a lot he didn't get in any big big big big brawls with people you know I mean this guy always stayed pretty clean it's not like he's a jiffy Jeff you know yeah know he would make fights ugly he would clinch a lot frustrate a lot of guys but he also could crack you know and he just was a really good boxer the the big coming out party for him was Felix Trinidad right when he fought Felix Trinidad just boxed his face off everybody just saw like wow like we thought Felix Trinidad was this young hungry lion he was taking on the older veteran who was probably on his way down Bernard Hopkins wasn't on his way down like he's just he was just like coming into his own stride then but he's always been so disciplined man so smart with his diet so smart with how he takes care of his body never allows himself to get out of shape so he's never like

151:52working back into shape and always fights intelligent and defensively he's always in the right position that's why it might work for him that's why a 51 it might work for him very well could he's working out with John David Jackson who is uh two Division World Champ I believe I think he was at least one division champ but John David Jackson a lot of people forgot about was a really highlevel boxer in like uh like the 90s this guy here yep yeah John Avid Jackson he looks familiar he works with Sergey kovalev him and Sergey kovalev work together so that was uh that was another guy that he trains he trains he's like one of the most respected upand cominging trainers particularly because he achieved a world championship level you know when he was boxing he was a really high level guy he uh used to work out with Terry Claybon you know Terry clayon he used tow what's really going on that guy I

152:47love that dude where is he now he's did to some gym in Hollywood I got to St stop by say hi to him I saw Justin Fortune yesterday oh how's that guy doing cancer could suck his dick dog what happened he had cancer for a while but I touched him yesterday damn I think he beat the out of dog beat the I was thinking about it last night when I drove home I me I was really in shock when I hugged him he's solid a bull I mean you could tell he lost 20 lbs he was doing chemo he's I know I didn't ask him but bro what kind of cancer was it like something aoid or something like some thyroid or something something like that but man when I hugged him yesterday I was like this guy got cancer goddamn God damn well you know they're way better at taking care of cancer now than they've ever God was like hitting the wall like when I hugged him like I hadn't seen him in a year I could never

153:48count him go to Hollywood that much so yes I was driving he's always training Pacquiao he's in the Philippine when I call at 6 I'm up I'll try to call I even said to him I call so when he's training Pacquiao how do him and Freddy Roach work stuff out they go down there so but what is what what is the difference between like what he does and what Freddy does I think he just does strength and fitness oh okay okay and Freddy does the mths and everything else Justin was one of the first guys where his gym I ever saw he had like an altitude box yes I was like what like you go in the box and it simulates high altitude and you go crazy and work out in there yes like that's that's high level I mean he had like a it was a vacuum attached to it or something like that that was sucking air out of there so it's was like a very low oxygen something crazy yeah simul it used to be

154:37in the corner they moved it I didn't see it yesterday but man when I hugged the yest I was like holy this guy's still solid holy I'm really interested in seeing Bernard Hopkins fight this weekend I'm really interested no next weekend next weekend really interested are you in town no no I'm going to have to watch it on the road but uh where are you the 17th I'm going somewhere Joe Diaz are you doing comedy uh no okay that's going somewhere Joe Diaz that's I ain't going to bother you I ain't asking you creepy questions sucker I just thought you were doing comedy somewh I didn't know you were one of the 17 no my next gig I'm booked uh past our gig on New Year's December 31st I don't have anything booked until Portland just working on new now what about uh in Toronto Friday you have no show oh yeah yeah we do yeah it's me Russell Peters and big J oakerson God damn

155:31that's uh that's like one of those festivals yeah we sold out Massy Hall in like an hour was pretty quick it was pretty quick what's Massie Hall seat 3,000 2800 something like that you two shows no just one just wanted to have some fun it was was you know Russell did the podcast we were just joking around we're like we should do a show together I'm like let's book something man and I'm like I'm going to do Massy Hall you want to do it with me he's like yeah I'll do it and then boom it was in and then I talked to Big J you know actually maybe I talked to Big J first I asked Big Jay first yeah I asked Big Jay first because he told me he was going to be in town for the fights he wanted to get tickets for the fights I go yeah I'm like what are you doing Friday night and he wasn't doing anything I'm like come on man let's work let's have some fun that place is awesome M oh yeah The Beatles

156:19place there man that place has a an energy 3,000 seats for the beetles well hey man they did whatever the they wanted the Beatles could do whatever they wanted they could play 3,000 seats they could have paid Arenas I think they probably did everything I got a boogie at three but I I got to tell you something wrap this up you tell me I want to wrap this up when I heard this story I I was like I don't want to hear this and I'm not going to watch it listen you could call me a bunch of names and and I probably won't say nothing to you don't with me when it comes to music and don't argue with me about restaurants that's what gets under my core okay I I hate it so when I hate a band I don't like a band okay when I was growing up in Jersey I got a call Window to go see Twist's sister and I'm like that's the band with the makeup listen I don't like makeup

157:13right I went with this Italian dude that had no temp he had he had no tolerance either for bad music music me and him are perfect cuzz we walked out of movies together we're perfect for each other we walked in I'll never forget this the guy came out and goes what Twisted sister man and we looked at each other and we ran out of there never again that I think of Twisted Sister dog watch the documentary untwisted sister the more the most they were selling 9,000 tickets no 14,000 tickets a week and nobody would sign them as a band I mean God awful God awful that music look look at this God awful but they became huge and famous huge nobody would sign him the assistants would come up to the president of the label and go dog twist the assistant he goes the next person who talks to me about Twist's sister I will fire you I do not like him these guys sold so many but it was

158:14in our like for you to understand this you had to understand like they're going to talk about all this you did when you did comedy do you know that D Snider guy is jacked jacked jacked jacked and somebody picked a fight with him somewhere or something like that either someone picked a fight with him or there was a guy who looked exactly like d Schneider who beat the out of some dude I forget which one it's one of those it's either it's either I got fooled and then it revealed they revealed it that it was a guy who looked just like him that kicked some dude's ass but there was uh is this him is this is this him or no see this guy sucker punches him and he beats the out of this dude look at him he slams him down on the ground he body slammed him beats the out of him is that D Snider it doesn't say if it's him but it comes up when you Google him like when you Google

159:06D Snider fight dude if it is D Snider HP respect he beat the out of that dude that dude sucker punched him he body slammed him kicked the out of him the guy was still talking so he walked up on him again I mean this guy had sucker punched him he beat the out of him if that is him it's not that I don't like the SN nothing like that I mean I just didn't like the music but after I watched this documentary Joe I like I still don't like the music that much I like I'm going to rock what is it we're going to rock rock I want to rock and even that right there is great that right there that's tremendous I want that's that's the opening line of death but it was pretty interesting they were doing like Long Island Wednesday Jersey 3,000 seats on Thursday another 3,000 seats on Friday in the metropolitan area and then 5,000 on Saturday and no one would sign him nobody that's incredible and every time

160:08they were going to get signed something else happened like one guy guy came was an as Signum he got on the plane that of a heart attack the other time they were going to play the Garden or something they sold out something I don't don't quote me on this they sold out something big in Manhattan 5,000 seats every anr guy was going to come and the drummer got a infection he couldn't play the drums for four days I mean it was just like they kept getting kick in the ass boom boom and finally one they signed them and the rest happened but it's pretty interesting man even though you may not like them I I didn't think much of them either I liked them when I was a kid I liked a bunch of their songs I'm sure I bought one of their records that guy's a radio host Now isn't he not sure I know he was I know I called into his radio station once D Snider yeah long ass time ago

160:55yeah he was really cool it was crazy it was crazy just to talk to D Snider I'm like I'm talking to him I don't remember I called him I called him for radio show one time sure I'm talking to this guy and after 10 minutes I realized this is the guy that's saying our loes in Jeopardy oh baby and he had something else too what the was his name do you remember Aldo Nova like it's just a fantasy put the video on we'll end with the video can we end with the video please oh no oh no do you remember the video yes I do the the beginning of it want to play a little bit of it but we can't play any of the music for the people home we just watch it for us yeah after the the beginning of that video Alo Nova life is just a fantasy I still remember fantasy you know in this video prand New Year's Eve of 1982 or three some volume young Jamie look at this wow this is 83 whoa that's one of the crazy things

161:58about really good video like this is you know you see these people this is a time capsule this is people from the 80s you know they talk about how music isn't selling anymore maybe because don't they don't do these goofy things look at this well it's because the only way to get music back then was you got to buy it it's not the case anymore it's pretty easy to get music now now it's about making it convenient to people there's Aldo Nova with a leopard leisure suit on what look at him handsome he hopped out he didn't even say hi to anybody with his leopard didn't even acknowledge the fact yeah I got a leopard skinned leotard what you know he's still around Aldo noas he's just a songwriter now oh man well you can't take this away from him watch watch this this is uh they're breaking down this door to get into this warehouse and Al don't NOA takes his guitar out it gets

162:55better dude everybody stand back he's going to shoot the wall with his guitar look at the laser cuts through the door with his guitar laser here it comes baby don't fast forward to that part either suffer suffer to get to this suffer to get to the song oh you don't remember this do you Jamie cuz you spend too much time on black Twitter okay wearing your yeees alive look at him dude look at him go up there here it goes you don't even know the song do you here we go baby what Jamie's look the look at Jamie's face put the camera on you can you put the camera on you look at your face that's a legitimate reaction to hearing Aldo Nova in 2016 For the First Time come on bro look at that he's got a scarf on it's a leather scarf like got snakes skin leather he doesn't really have a scarf does he no look at that outfit the leopard print it's beautiful this song is Hypnotic tell me

164:14it's not bringing you in bringing you back what were you like five when this came out what year you didn't even born were you 83 I was born in the beginning 83 you're born in 83 so this is your baby you're a baby Den when Jamie was born this is probably playing in the hospital room me New Year's Eve Hey Joe and also tell them if they go to Cecil and they press in Joey they get two months for free oh okay so they get the special for free fre fre Jo and you're done for free for two months Joey in that's the code Joey for two months free two months free get on it folks let's blow this up I'll put it up on Twitter and Instagram and all that get a picture of you right now and uh Joey Diaz ladies and gentlemen holla bam Alo NOA in the background I love you we love you see you bye happy merry happy New Year happy Hanukkah oh