Joey Diaz

00:02I'm not internationally known, but I'm known to rock a microphone.

00:09It's crisp and clean with no caffeine. It's better than the other brands I have seen. It's not a different color like all the rest. It's the raddest, the coolest, and the best. Seven up. Who sings that? Third grade. Is that a real? Friends from third grade. I'm here for a walk in the garden. Give me some wine on this. Smelling all pretty. I can see you feeling city. So I'm like, what's wrong, man? I don't mind if you tell me. Just stop following me around trying to smell me. The garden's down there. Yeah. Go smell for yourself. This is some secondhand smell you dig. You talk too loud in the movies. Would you please be a little bit considerate?

00:44You've had a bit too much to think. Something's on the flink. Plus you got wet into any dirty dishes in this thing. That's unhygienic, man. You're going to get cockroaches. And cockroaches always lead to more cockroaches. Yeah. You need fumigation. Want some hardcore and depth self-investigation. Don't say it, man. Just do it. Want to curl up in this warm fluid. You talk too loud in the movies. Would you please be a little bit considerate? You talk too loud in the movies. Would you please be a little bit considerate? You talk too loud in the movies. Would you please be a little bit considerate? You talk too loud in the movies. Would you please be a little bit considerate?

01:25Stop. Look. Look again. Something's looking at me through your eyeballs. And a certain little something might go bloom if you let it. But only if you let it. Don't forget it. Like, ma, I need a towel. The next one is using new towels on the pool. What's the story? One, two, one, two. One, two, one, two. What's the story here? Mad Flavor. This motherfucker started. I gotta hear music and shit. Mad Flavor in the house, ladies and gentlemen. How you guys doing all right? This is the Joe Rogan Experience podcast with Brian Reichel, a.k.a. Red Band. What? With our special guest, Joe Coco Diaz, a.k.a. Mad Flavor, a.k.a. Planet Rock, a.k.a. Joey Karate.

02:04Sponsored, as always, by the Fleshlight. I don't know why I have to hold this up to the microphone or to the camera. Because a lot of people are seeing it for the first time right now. Oh, okay. I do it every time, though. I don't know why I do it. I just keep holding it up. Most of the people are probably listening on iTunes anyway. Or the Zune. I don't want to be a Microsoft racist. Right? Yeah, totally. Is there something you hear in the background? Yeah, do you hear that? Oh, that's a song. All right, sorry. It's the show. Yeah. Anyway, Fleshlight.com. If you go to my website, JoeRogan.net, there's a link.

02:34And if you order this, it gives you 15% off. Coupon code Rogan. Feels really good if you fuck it. And one other thing. Just a little shout out. Because when I spoke to one of the owners, Chris, he said they were going to come up with some new ideas. You know, like when you buy a box of Campbell's soup and shit on the side of it, yeah, it gives you the directions for Campbell's soup. But it also gives you the directions for other things you could do. And I was thinking about other things you could do. Like you could take this out and put ice cubes in there and fuck it. You following me? A lot of people haven't invented that yet.

03:03Ice cubes? Yeah, you put ice cubes. I wouldn't do it. But I know for some people, you put ice cubes in. It's like a fucking drink. You put some ice cubes, you shake it up, and you fuck it. Or dry ice. Or green tea heated. You know what I'm saying? Because it feels nice on your dick. Or let's say you had a rough night the night before. You banged 18 hookers. And your fucking dick is bleeding. You put Epsom salt in there with warm water. And you fuck the Epsom salt. Just a couple different recipes we have for you at Joe Rogan Experience. Not that I would try this shit. But I know a lot of you fucking freaks would try this stuff at home.

03:32I know Red Band would definitely try it. I wouldn't try ice cubes. That would make it shrink and be sad. Well, whatever the fuck. Maybe somebody stepped on your dick at an MMA contest. Wouldn't dry ice burn your dick? Well, some people like that shit. Look, 20 years ago I went to a club to get Quaaludes. And I walked in. I'll never forget. It was called Ramrod. It was a gay bar in the city. And we were kids. We were like 18. That's the first time I seen a dude with a cape on. I thought it was the coolest fucking thing in the world. A man had a cape on. And I walked into this club.

04:00And before we walked in, there was a fetish club on the side. And there was a guy in a tub that had a sign on him that said, spit on me. That was his fetish, for people to spit on him. So here's the beauty. I'm standing there. You know, your jaw's going. You're drinking. You know, you had to pee. And all of a sudden I see 20 guys standing on line for the fucking bathroom. And I asked them. And I go, listen, why don't you just ask the guy in the tub if we could pee on him? So I walked over to the guy. Can I ask you a question? Do you mind if we pee on you?

04:26The guys go right ahead. There was a point in the night I looked at him. He had a circle of guys. You know those guys that don't want to wait on line? Like, fuck it. Just pee on them. When I left, the guy had three inches of pee in the fucking tub. The sign was all fucking melted. Like the black ink would have been melted. What? This guy wanted people to spit on him. We ended up pissing on him. And I pissed on him. I'm guilty of him. I don't give a fuck. He didn't suck my dick or nothing. I would piss on anybody. I don't give a fuck. He seems like the luckiest man alive.

04:51Oh, please. But that's a crazy-ass fetish. But you never know. Some people's chicken is another man's gumbo. You know what I'm saying? I don't like pissing on myself. But this guy wanted you to piss and spit on him so fucking. Wow. What is that? That's crazy shit. That's crazy shit. That's crazy shit. When I was in Seattle on Wednesday nights at the comedy club, they had a fetish club afterward. And there's a couple times I stayed. People are fucking crazy. It ain't my bag of tricks. You know? But people are crazy. They put clips on their nipples and all that. I'm not into that fucking shit. But some people are. Where's all that shit coming from?

05:23What's all that come from? I don't know. The same people who are in Hoarders. I don't know. I don't know where these people fucking come from. It's just a broken brain, like someone who just wants to shock the shit out of everybody. I don't know. Like sometimes you're sitting there going, wow, I need some action in my sex life. Fucking people in the ass just ain't enough no more. I just want to lay around and have people piss all over me. Yeah. Like all that shit. Or come on me. Fuck, man. Or light my ball. And it wasn't really the guy. That wasn't what the guy's intentions were. The guy just wanted people to spit on him.

05:51Wow. I just took it to the next level because I'm crafty like that. How about dudes who like girls to beat the fuck out of them? Yeah, there's people who are into that shit. There's a lot of them. A lot of them. Dudes who like girls to beat that shit out of them. Kick them in the balls. Punch them in the face. It's fucking. There's so many videos online. Dudes love that shit. I'd go for it until like the third smack. Then I'd lose my mind. I'd fucking punch her right in the throat. You know what I'm saying? What, are you fucking kidding me? That's a weird instinct. That is very fucking weird. To fight with chicks and smack them around.

06:18Or for them to smack the fuck out of you. Yeah. But what are you going to do? There's people that are animals all over, you know? There's people that only fight with their spouses. They don't fight with other people. They just fight with their spouses. You know, with everybody else, they like resolve arguments with their spouses. They beat the fuck out of each other. Yeah. Sorry. I was doing some business. What are you doing? Oh, the plug was loose on the laptop. It was only coming out of the left speaker. So now it's coming out of the right. But only for Ustream. Oh. Sorry. Fucking. Tech talk. Sorry, Ustream. So you've been having a successful podcast lately.

06:52Yes, sir. How's it going? Very good, sir. What do you guys. No. What the fuck am I going to say? You're just funny, man. Very good, sir. Just the way you say it. I wouldn't want me to say it. What do you guys talk about? Like what's the whole podcast about? Joey Diaz podcast. It's with Felicia Michaels. Felicia Michaels. Who's a hilarious comedian. And it's called Beauty and the Beast. She's the Bob Cousy of the thing. She controls the fucking thing because she's nice and white. You know, the Celtics were winning in the 50s. They had four fucking black guys jumping up and down. But the guy who was the hang wrangler was whatever the guy just said.

07:23The little Bob Cousy was the white point guard. Right. You know, he was five foot five. You wouldn't listen to him. But he fucking controlled. You know, he pulled the reins in. You know what I'm saying? So she's like the brain puller. And I go fucking nuts. I don't know. I know so little about sports. No, no. We don't talk about sports. I mean, I'm just saying. It's just Bob Cousy. I don't know who he is. You know, I just used the analogy. I should know. No, you don't have to know. You were fucking born. I just used a wild analogy about it. You know what I'm saying? What's up, Red Band? You're all fucking smiling.

07:52There's a fucking big group of people that don't get into any sports at all. No sports. No nothing. And when you talk to them about it, they're just like, no, I'm not really into sports. Except for the UFC. I'm that person. I'm more than surprised at how many people are just like that. How many people don't like going to sports. But there's people that you would never expect that were like big UFC fans. That I would think would be like above this. Right. Like Mike Judd. The guy who created Beavis and Butthead. And the Fox show. What is that Fox animated show? King of the Hill. King of the Hill. And so many fucking movies.

08:25He's a huge fan. I hung out with him in Austin. Oh, really? When? Yeah. Well, I met him before, too. Oh, really? Yeah, I met him a long time ago. That's awesome. On news radio. He was hanging out with Paul Sims. And they were playing instruments together. And this is when I was in full Mike Judd, man-brewing. And lust. Because this is when he had done Beavis and Butthead. Right. So I was a full-on fanboy. You know, I was like, oh, man, it's fucking Mike Judd. Because Beavis and Butthead, to me, was the funniest cartoon of all time. Yeah, totally. The funniest animated show. Corn Julio. Yeah. Dude, I remember crying, laughing. Laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe watching that show.

09:01And I didn't even smoke pot back then. Wow. I didn't even smoke pot. That was the best part about Beavis and Butthead. Getting really stoned and watching Beavis and Butthead. Dude, I did something for whoever. Did Beavis and Butthead. Something for MTV. And they hooked me up with every episode ever on VHS. Wow. They gave me boxes of them. And me and this chick that I was dating. This is when I first moved here. And me and this chick that I was dating just sat in front of the TV all day. We ordered pizza. I didn't even have a couch. And we watched these episodes. Every episode of Beavis and Butthead. Crying, laughing. Wow. So hanging out with him.

09:37I was like, this guy likes the UFC? I would have thought you'd have been above that, sir. I can't believe it. You haven't seen Mediocracy yet, have you? Idiocracy? Idiocracy. No. No, I haven't seen that. You got it. You got it. If you're a fan of him and your theories and how you think the world is and stuff, combine those two, it's that movie. Yeah. Everybody told me. Well, a lot of people actually accused me of stealing my bit about dumb people outbreeding smart people. But luckily, I had it on DVD before that movie came out so no one could say. When did Mediocracy come out? About four years ago. But I think three years ago.

10:10What was that about? What is that about? It's the futuristic world? Yeah. Yeah. And it came. It went right to video, I believe. You know what, man? I read for that. Look, it's the theory that people or dumb people are outbreeding smart people. It's not just mine. But was that the movie where they wanted mixed races? No, no, no. No. It's a movie where dumb people take over. Yeah. It's eventually there's no smart people left, which is basically just like my bit. But everybody sees that. That's the number one concern that an intelligent person has is that look how many dumb people are having kids. Look how many dumb people are in your school system clogging up the system with their fucking

10:45kids that are already predestined for retardation just by the way you've raised them. You've just fucked their heads up. You have a good brain. It's been raising them what they're exposed to also. Because lately I've been watching a little bit more television just so I could be in the fucking loop. Instead of criticizing, I've been watching more television. It's fucking scary, guys. Reality TV. I've been watching The Kardashians for the first time. I didn't know who these people were. And I wanted to see what this is about. That is the goofiest fucking show ever. Yeah, it's ridiculous. There is some shows out there. But I'll tell you what show is kicking that hoarders. How can you let yourself go that way?

11:18You know what makes me sad about The Kardashians show is Bruce Jenner. Oh, he's a bad show. Bruce Jenner was a motherfucker, bro. A motherfucker's motherfucker. He was a fucking one of the greatest Olympians ever. What did he do? The decathlon? Is that what he did? What the fuck did he do? He threw spears. He threw the fucking thing. He ran. He did a bunch of crazy. He was a super athlete. He was a super athlete. A real true super athlete. And he's still a bad motherfucker. He just got caught up. He got the plastic surgery. I mean. Yeah. I don't. That's just. How can one deteriorate to that point? Everybody is doing plastic surgery.

11:51Even young kids are shooting this fucking Botox shit. We were talking about that girl Heidi. Heidi Montag. Yeah. That's what we do. We talk about her. Who's Heidi Montag? No, we're talking about it because she apparently is friends with Brian's friend Esther. Yeah. Her sister. And they do a podcast together. Her sister. She used to be the UFC ring girl for a while? For. No. That's Heidi Hollywood. Whatever. No, no. Oh, no, no, no. That's the other one. I'm talking about the one that's in Playboy. Yeah. I don't know these people. I tried that. The one that was on that show. The girls next door. Right. I went to a party the other day. I don't think we didn't talk about this.

12:27How crazy. Have you ever been to a crazy Hollywood party? Like, you know, just, you know, thousands and thousands of dollars were spent on a party. I was at a party the other day that there was baby tigers. That's how crazy. It was like burlesque dancers, the biggest sushi bar you'll ever see, and baby tigers walking around. And I was like, that's ridiculous. It was ridiculous. And then you walk out and it's like, oh, there's Nikki Hilton. I guess if you're going to have a party and Nikki Hilton's coming to a party, you have to get baby tigers or she will be pissed off or something. You know, because these girls have this fame now where like the Kardashians and stuff like

13:01that, where they go to parties and they expect certain things. Parties are weird, man. Parties are weird when you're going to basically a club that is someone's house. I mean, that's what parties are. Yeah, your house turns into a bar. You all bring your friends and it turns into this gigantic conversation pit of people. Right. Those are so strange, man. When you don't know people, you don't know who's there. There's 100, 200 people in your house. I mean, how many parties have you been over like that? That was, I've been to like two. Like the South Park guys had a party once where everyone was dressed like Moulin Rouge and they were like, everyone spent like $400 per costume at least kind of party.

13:33It was cool. You walked in and it was like, it looked like a circus. That was the first one I went to and the second one was this one. The last one I went to was they had staff that was trying to keep people out of the rest of the house. They would have staff that would like stand there with their hands behind their back. So you couldn't go upstairs. You couldn't go rummaging through the bedrooms and shit. But they had like a living room area where you were allowed to go to and then some big crazy ass backyard. And just some nutty rich motherfucker that just wants to have a bunch of people over his

14:01house. You know I hate fucking parties. Dancers on poles. You know that I hate fucking parties. They're very strange man. Since I was a kid I've never really been a man. They're very strange. I don't like people at my house either for a party. Oh yeah. Every time the door opens everyone's head turned towards the door like who's coming? Who's it going to be? Look who it is. Who's it going to be? Oh it's her. Look at her shoes. I saw her in that magazine. She looks fat in person. Oh my goodness. She's had some work done. Well a party here and a party where these people are watching it is. You guys go to a party that's normal.

14:31Somebody pukes. Somebody catches a beat. A purse gets robbed. That's a fucking party. When you go to these parties here with these worthless motherfuckers and they're all walking around thinking that they're. And it's fucking amazing. It's amazing that people stand in line for hours to go into a club. These are the things that take me and I get baffled by it. Like I would wait fucking 10 minutes to eat dinner. Never mind stand there to get in a fucking club. By the time I'm standing there the acid kicked in. I wouldn't waste my fucking time. If I'm not walking in I don't want to be there man. That's the strange thing about clubs. I don't get that shit.

15:04I don't get that shit. With big ass lines. And then VIP tables and whatever. When I was a kid you did coke in the bathroom. That was the fucking VIP. All right. That was VIP. Now you got to have a VIP table. It's 1500 just to sit. You got to be behind the velvet ropes. 100 per bottle. What if I fucking want water? Listen man. If you want to live like you're in an R. Kelly video. Oh fuck that shit. There's no rules. I was once in one of those lines where I was with two girls. And we waited in line like an hour to get into this club. And then I get to the front and they go.

15:35The two girls can come. You have to wait. And I waited for another half hour until I get in. I get in and then they're like. And the girls are already with guys. No, no. The girls were like. This place sucks. Let's go. And I'm like. No. Where was this? I don't remember. Miscellaneous Hollywood bar. Wow. You're fucking crazy. That's brutal. That's brutal. There's this one place in Hollywood that's cool. It's like a bondage type dance club. You walk in. There's a net above the bar where people. Naked girls are just climbing above you. So you're drinking and looking up. And there's just like Spiderman's on top of you. It's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. Weird fucking parties like that, man.

16:16That's like a big social thing. Like who could put on the craziest one? Who could have, you know, baby tigers. Right. You know. The one I went to just had poles. An ice cube that melts. The fuck is that? Like an ice sculpture. Like once the ice sculpture is done. The party. Are you fucking kidding? The party's over when I say it's fucking over. Party's over when fucking Papa does his last fucking line. That's when it's fucking over. Fucking with the ice sculpture. Are you fucking kidding me? It's a swan. Oh, please. It's a beautiful swan. It's carved out of ice. That angel's melting. It's amazing what they've done. It's amazing art and it's temporary.

16:51Just like life. It's amazing what they've done to parties and what people think a party should be and how they stand in line and you wait an hour. So you go to a party for four hours. You maybe, if you're a regular person, get four fucking drinks at the bar. By the time the bartender comes to you and you give a, it's amazing. And you're going to go through all this shit. I think I've told the story about the very first big party that I ever went to. I was in high school. I think I've told the story before. Have I? I don't remember. It was a big brawl that broke out. I was with my pal Jimmy Wallace, who's Sully on the message board.

17:21And me and him and this kid, John Bataracco, we went to this party that this Iranian kid threw. This Iranian kid had just moved into town. His family was very, very wealthy. And he just wanted to make some friends. So he decided he was going to throw a party because his parents weren't home. Well, this kid was like 14, 15 years old or something. So he throws this fucking party and has just like five different high schools there. Like the entire class, like seniors, juniors, everyone's underage, everyone's drinking. The place is mobbed. And people are stealing shit left and right. All right. So this place is flooded with horny, drunk teenagers. And it's a mansion.

18:01It's a mansion in like this incredible old Boston neighborhood with this giant lawn. I mean, it is a huge fucking place. And right in the middle of this, this party, these kids are drunk. And one chick says something fucked up to some dude. And the dude says something fucked up to her. I don't remember what the words were. But I remember something she did to him. She either smacked him or she threw a drink in his face. I've forgotten because the right hand that he hit her with is embedded in my brain. There's no room for anything else. This dude knew how to punch. And whatever she did to him, I think she hit him.

18:36Maybe she hit him. He fucking uncorked one on her face. I've never seen a dude knock a chick out like this before. He knocked a chick out like she was a dude. Boom! Boom! Just connected on her face with like this perfect punch. And her arms went out. Her body dropped. She went totally unconscious. This dude caught her as she went unconscious. And then it was on. It was just on. It was tables were flying. Glass was breaking. People were diving onto piles of people. And it was like a fucking movie. I was like covering my ears and sneaking my way through the house. Bro, it was brawls. Everywhere you looked. It's like that one punch lit a fire that these kids were just looking for a reason to fight.

19:19And people started screaming at people and then piling on top of people. And girls were fucking hitting people with their shoes. And people were diving off piles and diving on other piles. That's a fucking party, Jack. I got outside. My friends were all cut up and shit. They're like, let's get the fuck out of here. They had just gotten through a pile. Dudes were just piling onto each other. Dudes were just fighting. It became like they got infected with that rage shit from 28 days later. Wow. What's your little party like that? It's tough to stay in the line for a fucking hour. Dudes were just stealing VCRs and jewelry. We saw people walking out with shit.

19:52We saw them walking out with shit. They just robbed this dude's house. Fucking crazy. He knew nobody. He just moved there. It was nuts. Wow. It was nuts. And I'm just thankful that nobody fucking jumped on me. That's all it was. I mean, easily I could have been at the bottom of one of those piles. There was no logic to those piles. Those piles were just wild chimp. Add alcohol. Who's this fucking prick? This fucking prick from Newton North? Thinks he's going to come down here? We run shit here. You know what the scariest thing about that whole thing is? Zero cell phones. So that was like... Those were the good days. You had 10 minutes to get your fucking car and leave.

20:28And nobody took a picture of your license plate. You know, you could hit somebody with a chair. You had 8 minutes to get the fuck home. The bad time is back then when someone stole your car, they stole your car. That's it. That shit's gone, son. There's no internet. You can't put the license plate online. You can't mobile me to find my car. Take your shit, man. One of the biggest lessons I ever learned, I never drank again on New Year's. Never after I seen that one New Year's. I went to a party like that. It was very chill. Everybody was having a good time. And also one of my buddies couldn't drink. He started drinking.

20:56And he started spitting on the floor. Oh, no. The person said something to him. And he put like $200 in. The person said something to him. He was like, really? He goes, either I'll take my money and leave. Or I'll fucking... So he started some shit. Next thing you know, all fight broke out. That's the first time. Fuck Mike Tyson. Danny Bianculo bit my friend's ear off that night. We had to drive him to the hospital. It was a baggie with icing. And the bottom of his earlobe was in the thing. And he kept holding on to the car saying, As soon as I get stitched up, I'm going to go back there and fuck him up.

21:26It was one of those types. The kid bit him in the ear. It was hanging. He's got his ear in a baggie with ice. And he's like, I hope this fucking Dr. Harry's up. Because I'm going to go back to his house and knock the fuck out of him. He just beat you up 10 times. To stop you the 10th time, he bit your fucking ear. Because he couldn't take it no more. He didn't know what else to tell the fucking kid. But I remember that I never drank on New Year's again. I was like, I never want to be in that position. There are some dudes that just don't give up. No. This motherfucker, to this day, won't give up.

21:56You have to kill him with a stick. He was covered in blood. They broke him up. And he would say, OK, I'm all right. He'd wipe his lip. He'd wipe his face. They'd say, go over and shake Danny's hand. He'd go over to Danny and say, Danny, I'm sorry. But your mother's still a cunt. Let's go one more fucking time. And then they'd do it again for 20 minutes. The kid would beat the fuck out of him again. All right, get me. All right, I'll stop. Danny would go, you're going to stop this time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Break it up. Towels, ice, massages, Stitch would be there. And while Stitch is showing, I'm up here.

22:30Let me go shake his hand, bro. Yeah, it's over. You know what? Your mother still has VD in her asshole. Jesus fucking Christ. He just beat you up 10 fucking times. And that's how bad it was. And I never, ever, ever drank again on New Year's, dog. That's an East Coast thing. Yeah. That's some East Coast Rocky Marciano jeans. And his parents were like, where were his friends? And we're like, look at our shirt. It's covered with fucking blood. You know what I'm saying? Like, we were holding on to him for dear life. Some people with their kids, it's just like having a pit bull that gets to leave the house and go wherever the fuck it wants.

23:05Right. You know, with some people, you know, there's some people that have some crazy fucking kids. Could you imagine if you had a crazy kid where every time he was leaving the house, you knew he was going to come home covered in blood, his knuckles all fucked up, screaming and yelling at 3 o'clock in the morning? I just have a feeling that if that was going to happen to me, like if it got really bad, that I would be like, all right, I'm taking you to the orphanage or whatever. Like, I feel like I would give up. If the kid was like this little redhead kid getting in fights every day. Yeah, you say that, man.

23:33But you have to be a real piece of shit. I don't want this anymore. I'm going to Canada and doing crack. You have to be a real piece of shit to give your kid up. People don't give their kids up. They keep trying. But that's what I'm scared of. I feel like I would do that. That's excitement. Your kid fucking getting in trouble. What? That's excitement. Your kid having some fucking drama. Let me ask you something. You want a half a fag fucking kid? Is that what you want? You want your kid to really, you want your kid to have some fucking opinion, even at an early age. And for him to have some opinion, there's going to be some problem somewhere along the line, guy.

24:07Yeah, that's true. You had your own fucking opinions at 8 and 9. I know you. And so I don't know about fucking you, but I know I did. I told people what the fuck was on my mind. I know you did. You grew up by yourself. You want your kids there. I'd see these kids. Listen, before I was driving, I'd see this kid, Jewish kid, with a yarmulke on, walking around like a fucking Momo with sandals on. I almost pulled over and grabbed him by the shirt and said, You're a fucking Jew. Act like it, you dumb fuck. Walking around like some fucking dumpy, wumpy dude. I see these kids. Dumpy, wumpy? I see these fucking kids today.

24:36You're a Jew. Act like it? Act like a fucking Jew. Go out and mug somebody. Go out and sell shoes or something. Wait a minute. Mug somebody. You're out walking around like a fucking mumpy, dumpy in North Hollywood. What's a mumpy? I'm some fucking mook with little sandals on. Look at these fucking kids today. Wow. You want half of these kids to be your fucking kids? What do you care about how they're dressed? Talking about this fucking nonsense and shit. I'm just saying it's not what they're dressed like. But you know this kid's a fucking mook walking around. He's a mook. You can tell by his body. Is that racist? Mook? No, I think it's a mook.

25:02You can tell by his fucking body. Like he's a fucking moron, guy. Yeah, he's a mook. What the fuck? You've been hanging out with me for six years. You don't know what a fucking mook is, guy. Jesus fucking Christ. Why would I know that? You know what I'm saying? You want half these fucking kids around you texting all fucking day and drinking energy drinks? You need these fucking kids? These kids can't even work. They're so fucking worthless. You want this shit in your life? You want your kid to have a little opinion and to stick up for himself. You want your fucking principal to call home and say, hey man, your kid suspended because he told the teacher he didn't believe that or he didn't believe what he was saying or something.

25:35And then you talk to him and you level him out. But you don't want half these fucking kids that are sheep. Fucking mooks. I don't want no fucking kid that's a half a sheep. I understand that. What I'm talking about is crazy kids. What kind of crazy kids? What's that mooky-topey? What's a crazy fucking kid? You never grew up with a crazy kid? I am a fucking crazy kid. Look at me. You know what I'm saying? What are you talking about? What's a crazy kid? A kid that's going to cause problems all the time. It's not going to cause problems. Dennis the Menace. If a kid's causing problems all the time, it's scary. It's like you let your kid out.

26:02I didn't light fires. I didn't do nothing like that. I didn't mug other kids or rape little fucking girls. I was a fucking kid that liked to have a good time. Yeah. Me too. I was an idiot. I was an idiot when I was a kid. Why were you an idiot? I used to drive too fast. I had always had hot rods. I spun one out in front of the school and smashed it into a tree right in front of the school and broke the car in half. Wow. I was a moron. You regret that, right? There's no way a 17-year-old, I think I was, maybe 16, shouldn't have been able to have

26:29a car like that. What kind of car did you have? 68-442. Is it a regret of yours? No, because everybody lived, but they didn't have to. You know? That car could have hit somebody. Oh, you had people in the car with you? Yeah. Oh, okay. That car could have hit somebody. We were all fucking idiots when we were kids. The car was a piece of shit. The problem was I didn't know how to drive when it was raining, when the car's hydroplaning because it had shitty back tires on it. And I hit the gas and the car just lost it. It just spun out and there was no way I could control it. I didn't know what I was doing.

26:59There was no way I should have had that kind of a car. The kind of power that those cars have, old muscle cars like that. What did you have before that car? What was the step? My first car was a muscle car. I went straight to muscle cars, man. My first car was a 73 Chevelle. I'm an idiot, dude. I didn't want something that gives you economy. I had no guidance growing up. I was pure instincts. Mine was like, what's the craziest shit I could get? You cared about the engine and the cassette deck and the speakers? Fuck yeah. I wanted high cubic inches. What is it? It's a 400? It's a 400? Holly 850 double pumper?

27:31Holy shit. Let's get that. I wanted it. I just wanted hot rods, man. To me, it was like there was cars that would get you around, but they wouldn't do anything for you. And then there was hot rods. Like, why would you have a car that wouldn't do anything for you when you could have a car that every time you look at it, you go, holy shit. You know, but they're just such a nightmare. You really shouldn't be allowed to drive one if you're 16, 17 years old. That's a death trap. It's a crazy engine in this little retard brain of mine. And I'm 16. And I'm allowed to have this fucking metal monstrous death machine out there with a bunch of people

28:09with their kids out there walking in the streets. And there's no way. There's no way kids should be able to have that kind of power. What was your first car? 1981 Renault Alliance. And my cousin was just going to, like, donate it to charity. But I bought it off of her for a dollar for, I guess, for some reason that you can, you have to pay something. Right. You know, for some reason. And it was all beat up. And my dad was like, this is your first car. You have to redo this whole entire car to make it look new and stuff like that. I'll show you how to do it. But you have to do all the work.

28:38So, like, we took, like, side panels off. And I took that putty, that molding putty. And I had to re-sculpt this Renault Alliance. Wow. You bondo'd it? Yeah. Bondo'd the whole car. So you made me, like, earn it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I – but at the end of it, it looked like a brand new Renault Alliance. Really? It was like – it was a Renault Alliance. But it was still funny because it was like – And then I went to a station wagon with wood on the sides. I had a bunch of cars that were, like, big American muscle cars. A bunch of them in a row. And then I got – I always had – there were always pieces of shit.

29:11The one that I crashed in front of the tree – or into the tree, rather, was the best one. That was the nicest one that I had. The ones afterwards were just shit boxes, mostly because I was broke. But I got an Audi Fox. Do you know what that is? Yeah. It's a little tiny front-wheel drive car manual. It was my first manual. And it was my first, like, really well-engineered car. And it was the first car that I drove. I was like, what a piece of shit these fucking American cars are. God. Like, you don't realize, like, what a hunk of shit, you know, it is to drive a 70 Barracuda, like, all stock and everything with stock brakes and stock suspension.

29:46Those things are just barely connected to the road. They're just all over the fucking place. Taking corners with them is a nightmare. The steering is numb. You have no idea where it's going. And you take that, and then you go to, like, a little tiny car that's, like, well-engineered and handles well. It's like, wow, this is an amazing difference. And that car was a piece of shit, you know? But it was still – it was so much better. And then I started to appreciate cars that weren't powerful. They didn't have to be that powerful to me. I just realized it was – The Toyota Supra, I think, was my favorite car growing up. That was fun.

30:16That was my first expensive car that I got. Really? Yeah, when I got on TV. When I was on news radio, that was the first expensive car I got. I got a Toyota Supra. I was like, holy shit, I have a fucking Toyota Supra with the crazy space wing on the back of it. I heard they're bringing it back. I heard the Supra is coming back. Really? I heard that a couple of months ago. Well, you know they have that Lexus, if you've never seen it, that LFA. They have this new Lexus that's this incredible piece of engineering. I mean, it's like $400,000. And you're not even allowed to buy it. Apparently, what you have to do is you have to lease it.

30:48And you have to pay the entire lease portion up front. And you get it for two years. And it's like $260,000. And you have to pay for it for like two years. My numbers might be off. But you lease it for two years. And then at the end of two years, you get an option to buy it. And it's this fucking insane new Japanese supercar. It's like 500 plus horsepower. It sounds like it's like a supercar. It's like the next generation of car. How long until Apple makes the car? The iCar? You know that's on the works. Really? That's on the table somewhere in some German. Do you think so? I absolutely think so.

31:24Look at the Segway. Imagine Apple mixing in with the car. Electronics and combining with another car company to have like just the ultimate car. I think they should just stick with fucking computers. And it would be the gayest thing ever. It would be like, what's those things that everyone has now? I'll hear the hybrids. Oh, yeah. Prius. It would be just like that. Oh, my God. Everyone will have the same fucking car. Oh, my God. Look, my first car was a fucking 73 Monte Carlo. Black on black leather. 500 down. 200 a month. I got it from the bank. I drove the car for two months like a pimp. I had the electric package with the windows.

32:00I had the roof. And one day in the middle of the winter, I went over to the city to get some weed. And I went. And we were smoking. So I put the sunroof up. And all of a sudden, the sunroof went back. And the windows started going up and down like the electrical system was sizzled.

32:17I told my buddy, fuck it. Put your thing. We're out of here. I swear to God, it was in the blizzard. I went back there. Three days later, the car had a foot of snow on it. And all the windows, one window was shut. The rest of the window would come in. Like a day later, the sun came out. I went back two days later with a tow truck. There was nothing. Nothing. It was the back. It looked like a fucking chicken the day after Thanksgiving. It was just bone. They took everything, Joe. The seats. The upholstery. The fucking black around it. It was just the tires. The whatever. The axles. They took everything. They left the body on bricks.

32:55That was it. I never heard from the bank. I never paid it off. It never came back in my credit thing. It just vanished? It just vanished. Poof. Poof. I never paid for it. I went years later to get credit. I'm like, is there a Czech Bank of fucking America with nothing? What? Poof. Nothing. How is that possible? Don't fucking ask me. I left the car there with five dollars for whatever. It's just five dollars. In those days, all you had to do was go by George Washington Bridge, and under the bridge, you left your car there with the keys in it, with a half a tank of gas, and leave like a nickel bag.

33:30Your car. You go back there the next day, there would be nothing there. Nothing. Vanished. You could get fucking Barney Fife on it, they wouldn't find your car. In New York, they would demolish your car like that. Yeah, there's some little shops in New York, little body shops. Like this. And can I see up in Brooklyn? They're like rat dens. You're done. Yeah. They're rat dens. You could find like a broken down street, a broken down car, drive it into all these places, they'll give you 100 cash and 20 for gas, and you'll never see that car again, though. Anybody involved in a junkyard. In a junkyard. Yeah. The guys involved in a junkyard, that dude knows how to get rid of a car.

34:04Looking for two. I just watched something. And a body. I just watched something on CNBC about how big the airbag business was five years ago before they put the numbers on it. You have no idea. People just steal airbags. Oh, my God. People were stealing airbags like it was going out of stock. I mean, just taking your airbags. Yeah. And they didn't work a lot of money? $1,500 a pound. Really? So I give it to you, and you sell $1,500. You rob them, you take it to a guy, he gives you three, and he sells it at $1,500. Wow. And everybody's in on the scam because nobody wanted to pay $2,500.

34:35Wow. So a guy could steal one and sell it for $1,500? He was stealing $20 a day. Oh, my God. At $1,500. Who's doing that? Holy shit. Dude. Who's doing that? Some dude who's making $30,000. That's who's doing that. Well, the guy had a ring. That's incredible. The guy had a ring. Airbag ring. And it got so big that he had to get an office and eventually got popped. Because it was so big. He was sending them out across the country. He went on line. He went on fucking line. Airbags for sale. Next day delivery. Air. Yeah. This guy was. So you'd say to him, I need whatever car you have. I want a 2010 airbag for car.

35:08Give him your order. By the next day, he'd send out a robber to go steal it and send you the airbags overnight. It was on fucking CSNBC. A one-hour special on how bad this shit was. That's craziness. Fucking airbags. How did he think he was not going to get caught if he had a bunch of people working for him? Yeah. You'd have to do that ninja style. It would have to only be you. That's a business where you can't have too much growth. If you want to go around and around stealing, you've got to be the one who understands where to steal, when to do it, how the alarm works. He'd be the stealer.

35:35Of course. Of course not. Why would they work for him? Why would they work for him? They're the ones who are going to get arrested. You sat around all day and waited for him to say, here, go get a 68 Chevelle. Here, go get a Renault. Here, go get an 89 Subaru. And they just drive around until they find it. There it is. There it is. Now you don't even have to need a color. So did they do it at night? Everything at night? I don't know. I didn't fucking say, really. But it's just amazing that even if you go over to Iraq and Iran, years ago they found out when they went over there that all the cars they were driving were stolen cars from the States.

36:10Wow. That they were just sending the whole cars over there. So when cars get robbed here, and we're like, it's in Mexico. No, it's not. It's a cab in fucking Iraq. Wow, that's crazy. And Iran and Sudan and all those countries. That's where the stolen cars from here go in a fucking tank, you know? Scary. It's amazing. And everybody's in on it. And here we're thinking like, oh, my fucking car got robbed. I left my fucking kids' pictures in there or whatever the fuck. And that's what they do with your shit. You know? It's fucking amazing that, uh, and every day they come up. But a new fucking scam. Whether it's online. I read something that people are doing online.

36:44That's just fucking amazing. Now the internet has really destroyed scammeries. Here's a new Facebook scam that I just witnessed last night. People who get hacked accounts on Facebook, they'll, like, you'll be on Facebook and suddenly a little chat will pop up. And like, dude, check this out. And then they put a link and it goes to, like, the login page of Facebook again. And so now they're attacking through chats on Facebook. Like, it looks like they're chatting to you. Wow. So watch out for that one. Because, uh, the person I was with almost did it. I was like, no, wait a second. Why are you logging back in? You know? Whoa. So watch out for Facebook.

37:19Yeah. Those are tricky, man. What is that? A virus? How do they do that? Somebody gets hacked and I think it just grows and grows and grows. Like a virus. Yeah. Like one person got hacked and then those person's friends. And it connects to websites? Like, or the websites, the ones that are trying to set you up? Like, how's it, how are you getting to that? What it's doing is, yeah, I don't know. It's like, uh, collecting information, I think, about people. Probably. Because someone told me that sometimes you'll go to a legit website and a legit website will have been hacked with this thing. Right. So you. I don't, no, I don't think what, I don't think it's that.

37:47I think it's like, almost like a spam bot that somebody puts on Facebook. Oh, okay. Like MySpace used to do. So they can't do that to your website where you would go to redband.com and all of a sudden it would say, hey, you know, log in, you know, to Facebook or something like that. Unless that your server got completely overtaken. That's what it would be? Yeah. Or there's your website coding got somehow. Can they, can't they invent a virus that does that? Like every time someone wants to click on a link, it opens up a window asking them to log into something. Absolutely. That's why your servers have to have good virus software and detections and.

38:17What a tricky world we live in. I'm petrified of the computer. Petrified? Like just fucking petrified of it. Yeah. Like I don't put my name on there. Like there's things I want to order and shit. I just get, I read about all this stuff on there. I don't know anything about it. So it even scares me more. Like that even scares me more. I mean, what do you have? Photos of you? What do you have? Drawings, writings? You know, what do you, what do you have? That's like you would really worried about getting out? I don't know. What is the big deal you people make about? I don't know what the fuck the deal is.

38:45I bet he has a lot of videos, like webcam videos of him just sitting there, like recording. I think I'm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's got like a whole Toneta series. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. I mean, all right. So what happened to you? What happened to you? What did I get from you? Nothing. Writing mostly. My writings are, you know, it's just the most intimate thing on my computer. I'm going to have to quiet these kids up. You hear this? It's okay. What are you going to do? Me and Joey will talk about cash. It's their fucking house. You know what I'm saying? It's their fucking house.

39:14I know it's their house. So what do you want from me? We're imposing in their house. The missus should have told them to not play at the door. The missus got shit on her plate. There's children out there. You know what I'm saying? We should shut up in here. These fucking people don't know nothing about kids. Right away, he's dropping knowledge. You don't know nothing about fucking kids. That's their fucking house. So old school. This is their house. We're over here, like, bothering them. This is 4 o'clock. I don't know if you look. This is their fucking time. When we were kids at 4 o'clock, you come into my house and tell me to shut up, bitch.

39:39I got bitch. I got Popeye on. I'll stab you. You know what I'm saying? All I'm saying is don't play in front of my door. Right. Oh, they're cute kids. Let them do what they do. This is their house. What are you going to do? I like the background noise. Brian is so old school. Excuse me. Joey is so old school. Right. He's like Popeye. He's beyond. You're so old school. Absolutely. Like, it's like almost like you have your own defined set of rules. Yeah. And he still used MySpace. Yeah. I have. Do you still use MySpace? Dude, he pimps MySpace on Twitter. Pimp it. Bro, you got to bring the motherfuckers to you. You know what I'm saying?

40:15Enough is enough. If you put it out there, you got to have something. There's nothing wrong with MySpace. And I'm going to tell you why. Because in a year, it'll be back. Yeah, but you know. In a year, it'll be back. And then all you momos that got rid of your page and whooped all your friends. All you mooks. All you fucking mooks. You whappy tappies. I have my friends in that zone. I've been paying attention all this time. Why are people getting off MySpace? Because, see, Joey. Here's a perfect example. It's fashionable to get off with. Jay Hardy lost two in a row. Do you not hang out with him no more? You know what I'm saying?

40:43So what? You got to hang on MySpace. All your friends aren't real. All your friends aren't real. Those are robots. What do you think? Those fucking moos on Facebook are going to hang out with you and bail you out when you hit somebody in the head with a stick? I don't think so, you fuck. Go fuck yourself with your friends. You just want to get out there and tell people what's happening. At Facebook, there's still people alive and kicking into their old school. Bitch, I still got 8-track tape. You know what I'm saying? I'll send you an 8-track. I'll send you a podcast on an 8-track and shit. That's the problem with you fucking kids.

41:10Everything has to be fashionable. Fuck fashionable. They got to come to your fucking world. That's who we're serving here. Sorry about the phone. It ain't me this time. It ain't you this time. You know what I'm saying? What's fashionable anymore? I got to have a fucking goatee and shave my head and have an earring. What the fuck? We do what we do. That's why we do. Form spring is very fashionable. That's why people are special. That's why we're special because we're fucking free, man. We got to have a voice. Joey, you registered to vote in California? That was fucking hysterical. You said that. Somebody called me yesterday from Sacramento. People, listen, I've got total, all together, about five felonies.

41:45You know what I'm saying? Total, like all together and out of 52 states. That ain't fucking bad. There's only 50 states. Yeah. So even if I have one at least, there's 50. That's less than 10%. There's only 50 and two of them are questionable. Right. So there's 52, 54, whatever. Alaska and Hawaii. I got five. Yesterday I got a call. Those are stolen. I got a call from Sacramento yesterday. Yeah. Asking me if I was interested in working the election for one of those cocks. Meg Whitman or whatever. Oh, that's hilarious. I don't even know what she is. Oh, my God. You should say yes. I'm thinking about it, but they threw me off. I was stoned and they were asking me a bunch of personal questions.

42:18Like what if I'm a Republican? You know, I don't even know what the fuck. You say you're Cuban. I'm Cuban from Miami. Of course I'm a Republican. I'm from Miami. I never went through Miami. I went around that motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? I went around that motherfucker. Where did you land? New York City. With fucking Jay-Z and the chick on the piano. But it's so close to Miami. You can claim Miami. No, no, no. I don't want to be mad. It's like if you live in San Bernardino. They fucking know that shit. If you lived in San Bernardino and then you were in North Carolina and some chick goes where you're from, you go L.A.

42:48Did you ever play stickball when you lived in New York City? You did. Stickball. And I took the... Everybody did. You take the fucking thing off the chairs. You see that thing Joe's got on his chairs? It's on the bottom of the hole in your chair so it don't slip. You take that out. You unscrew it from your dad's workbench and you take it to the hardware store for a quarter. They take the screw out of it. And you take that metal thing and you take a crayon, whatever your color is. Mine was burgundy red in those days. And you melt the crayon into the middle. And then you go out and play those fucking things on the street in New York where they

43:16have one, two. It's like nine ball. Right. Nine ball without the fucking stick. So you play that for money. That's how I made money in the first and second grade. Wow. You got to be good with your finger. I always thought stickball was like baseball. You have stickball, which is automatics. It's, you know, that's a single. If I hit your mother's fucking pot roast, it's a double. I was very lucky that there was not a pool hall anywhere near my house when I was growing up. Very lucky. Because I didn't get into pool until I was 21 years old after I'd hurt my knee. I tore my ACL and I couldn't do Taekwondo for a while.

43:49I couldn't kickbox. So I needed something to do with my time. You know, just something to just for my, all I was doing was doing standup. So I started doing this. I started playing pool. If I was like seven, eight years old and I started playing pool, I would have been fucked. I would have never paid attention in school. I would have just been obsessed with playing that fucking game. And I'd have been like one of those dudes. Like every pool hall you go to, there's some kid who's just caught in school and he's just sitting around waiting for somebody to gamble all over the country. They're just sitting around for it. You want to play a game?

44:18Want to play a game? And it's all just about that. That's just like how they fulfill their competitive instincts and desires. They just get caught up in games and gambling for pool. And then you ever watch that episode of the Twilight Zone? There was a Twilight Zone where a pool hustler played for his soul. Yes. For his soul. Yeah. And it turned out that he lost. Who was the episode? You got to tell me the episode. Who was in it? We talked about this already. You and I. Jonathan Winters. Jonathan Winters was the devil. Yeah. Yes. And Jack Klugman was the pool player. He wanted to be the best. Excellent one. Yeah. And this guy was like a dead guy.

44:49And he came back to play him. Right? And the thing was he had already lost. It's because he had devoted his entire life to just playing pool. He had wasted his life. He had wasted his life playing this game. So he had lost anyway. And it was like, wow. It's like you don't realize. There's certain things that you can get obsessed with. And it's fun. And you enjoy it. And you can have a good time. You can play golf on the weekends. And it can add flavor to your life. Or you can just get caught up in it. And that becomes everything. And gambling when you're a kid. When you're a young kid. How many guys do you know that when you were a kid that all they wanted to do was play cards?

45:28All they wanted to do was find games. All they wanted to do was gamble. Go to the track. Race track. Horse track. Everybody was gambling. When you were kids? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. I didn't. I didn't live with those 10 kids. I really. One thing I really. I never told you about that. My mom had the bar. And from the ages of like 7 to 10. I was really. I got hooked on pool. But it was. The reason why I stopped playing pool was because I got really creepy. It overtook me. Oh yeah. I used to get into pool. And I would say things to people about them. That was creepy. Like as I was playing.

45:59And one day I went home. And I checked myself. My mother asked me. She goes. What the fuck is that? Why are you. Just your competitive drive. That's all it is. And it really taught me. I never wanted that feeling ever again. Like it stopped me from being that competitive. It's not just balls going into a hole. There's something about pool. There's a reason why everybody has this thing about pool being a manly game. You know what I'm saying? Like there's certain games. Like it's not. Who gives a fuck if you're good at Donkey Kong? No one's going to be impressed. But like. You know what I'm saying? If a girl beats you at Donkey Kong.

46:26What the fuck? Who cares? A girl beats you at pool though. That's a totally different world. There's something very manly about being able to control that ball. Being able to keep your composure. Being able to pocket those difficult shots. Being able to run out. That's a manly thing. That's a being able to keep your shit together. Keep everything tightly tuned. It's almost like a moving yoga sort of a thing. I'd be so much more pissed if a girl beat me at Donkey Kong. Really? Would you? I'd be like. This is horrible. What is happening to me? That's just because you're a super nerd. Right. Like if she beats me at pool. I'd be like. I agree.

46:57If a girl beat me at Quake. That would be way worse than pool. Quake would be way worse than pool for me. But Quake was. Quake was a bigger obsession than pool was. Because I didn't always have to. You know. I couldn't always get people to play me in pool. Like sometimes I'd go to the pool hall. And there'd be no one to play. You know. You'd have to sit around and wait. Or you'd have to practice by yourself. You know. And maybe someone will come in. And you know. This guy. I can't play him. He's too good. Or he won't give up a spot. Or I'm looking for a new. With playing Quake. You just get online.

47:25Anytime you want. You can just hop online and play. You need to buy the new Call of Duty next week. I can't. I'm scared. I saw this fucking ad for the new Star Wars game. There was a Star Wars game ad that they showed during the UFC. Right. It looks so dope. Force Unleashed 2. Oh my God. The fucking graphics. I don't know if this was in-game. In-game footage. Or if it's one of those tricky things. Where they like pretend it's in-game footage. But it's not really. It's just like some animation about the game they've created. Right. The last one was pretty good. But that's not my cup of tea too much.

47:53I like the first person shooters more. And unless they change that. I don't. It's not a first person shooter. It's a third person shooter. Where it's like from behind the person. Oh. I don't like those. Yeah. Yeah. Those aren't as fun to me. I want to see everybody else. I want to see it as if I'm seeing it. I don't need to see my character. That's stupid. You know. I might want to see the hand in front of me with the gun. I kind of like that look in Quake sometimes. When you see the hand in front of you with the gun. Yeah. Like sometimes it's easier. Like a did-decom or something. It's easier to remember what you have too.

48:19Like you don't remember if you have a lightning gun. Or if you have a rail gun. Right. Sometimes I would just have it where I'd only see the crosshair. But that's the most fun game to play. That's the most fun way to play it to me. Because it's the most immersive. Because that's how we see things. We don't see our body outside. Our body running around. That's ridiculous. It doesn't even feel like me. Right. But when I'm playing Quake and it's just me. You know. There's a crosshair and I'm running down hallways and shit. It's too exciting. Can't do it. Scary. Dude. You should do it. And now do it in 3D. That's the best.

48:48When I'm playing first person shooters in 3D on the TV. Oh. I'm sure. It's amazing. I'm sure it would give you crazy eyesight. It would probably fuck with your eyeballs. Yeah. It's intense though. You feel way more immersed into it. A lot of guys when they're playing Quake they kill all the graphics. They would kill all the graphics and make it look really flat. And the idea would be that so that the opponent would show up better. And so that their processor, their computer would process it faster. Absolutely. But that looks terrible. Yeah. But they're more in it for the numbers. They're more in it for the looks. Like the rail gun looks like you only see like a straight line to it.

49:20But there's like a lot of the graphics are gone. Flame. Have you ever played a video game, Joey? No. Not even Pac-Man? Pac-Man, yes. Were you Pac-Man Frenzy back in the day? Not Pac-Man. I'm the other one. Mrs. Pac-Man. Mrs. Pac-Man. Let me tell you something. Anybody who got good at that Quake game and started playing it, anybody would get hooked. It is so exciting. Because it's so 3D. You know, the thing about first person shooters, especially ones like Quake, it's like you can do things. Like you can run around, you can jump, you can rocket jump, shoot down at the ground and go flying through the air and land on things.

49:52I mean, this is a completely three-dimensional world. And most of these maps that you're fighting on, they have all these levels to them, layers and levels. And you travel back and forth and up and down. And you're running down these corridors. It's all in real time, fighting other people. It's so exciting. You really need to play some new video games. I can't. I can't. I'm scared. Because if you really think that highly of Quake's graphics in a world. Quake 4 is pretty dope, dude. I know. Even Quake 4. You take Quake 4, the best machine you can possibly buy, you take that. How many times that probably buy? Two million. And then that's where video games are now.

50:24Really? Yeah. Which games are really like... There's just so many. Call of Duty is one that I personally love. It's amazing. I mean, it's so realistic. It's just so immersive. Do you remember when we saw... Borderlands, another one that you would totally fucking love. Do you remember when we saw Gears of War before it even came out? Yeah. Gears of War. Way, way early. Absolutely. Our buddy Cliffy B from Epic Games, who's a cool motherfucker. Gotta get him on. Yeah. I would love to have him on the podcast. He's just one of the nicest guys ever. And just super cool, friendly dude. And we met him, and he showed us a bunch of shit. It was before Gears of War ever came out.

51:00And he was like, you know... What did he... What was it? Well, we're about to fuck Doom in the ass. Right. That's what he said. Because Doom 3D, it just came out. Oh, Rav. Yeah. I forgot all about that. Yeah. Remember that? And he was showing us the Gears of War stuff, and we were like, oh my god. Yeah. That was like eight months before that game was even released or announced. Yeah. And you don't realize what hard work is until you see game developers. Yeah. You see the amount of hours they put in. Like Tim Willits from id Software, and Todd Hollingshead, and all those guys, and John Carmack. You know, getting to hang around with them.

51:30Getting to go to id Software and see where they make the game. First of all, it's so humbling how fucking badass these guys are. Like the designs, and all the crazy graphics, and all the things they're constructing. You know, I remember we went there to id before Doom 3 came out, and they were showing us like some demo versions of it. Just fucking amazing shit. Just the artwork. And it worked, but then you talk to them. You're like, how much time do you guys spend working this? And they're like, it's like 16-hour days every day. Yeah. We work on Sundays. Yeah. They work constantly, man. And then they'll take time off and go on vacation.

52:04It's amazing how much, like, they're kind of like South Park for eight months, you know? Yeah. And then there's like, even when it comes to everything in Hollywood, like any kind of CGI or computer graphics, it seems like they're all like that. Like, I know somebody that's doing Harry Potter 3D right now, and it's just like 19-hour shifts. Yo, what's up with that, man? If you had kids, and you know, it's like, you motherfuckers need to hire more people. Like, this is ridiculous. Yeah. Why is this guy going to work 16 hours? Don't you guys make like a billion dollars a year doing this shit? I mean, how many fucking video games do they make?

52:36You know? Video games make a fuckload of money, man. Did you ever end up playing the new UFC game with you in it and ever fuck around with it? I'm scared. I told you. I'm scared of games, man. I love it. I don't want to get fucking hooked. I don't want to have people over. Come on over. Let's play some UFC. And then all of a sudden, the sun's up, and birds are chirping, and I can't believe I'm still awake. My eyeballs are shot, and I sleep till three in the afternoon. Yo, I did that. I did that for years. I love it. You can't do it, son. In Target, they have a UFC demo that's constantly playing.

53:05And so I was in Target the other day shopping, and suddenly I hear your voice behind me going, oh, no, or something like that. I'm like, what the fuck? What's my voice? Oh, no. Isn't that what you probably do in Game of Thrones? Well, we actually did two things. We did it so that I have to go in and start working on it again. Oh, really? Yeah, we're working on a new one soon. I think next month I start. But what we do is we play certain clips of fighters doing stuff, and you call the action while it's actually happening. You do that. And then you also make imaginary scenarios. Like imaginary scenarios, like heel hook transitions to the arm bar.

53:40And watch how he transitions to the back. And we try to come up with a bunch of different possibilities for that. And then we have descriptions of this fighter taking on this guy, and this fighter taking on this guy. Like endless combinations. So there's so many hours put into the game. I mean, just ridiculous, stupid hours. Now, dude, when you guys filmed it, was there any Easter eggs that you know of where you had like weird scripts that you wrote that was like, all right, why am I doing this? This is weird. No, that's a good question, though. That's a good question. Because there's a lot of Easter eggs in games, right? Yeah, there's actually a bunch of games.

54:10There's a list of like the top 10. I think it was on crack.com of the top 10 like Easter eggs that took the longest to find. Like there was one that was just found the other day from some NES game, you know, from I don't get Easter eggs, man. I don't get it. I love it. If you want to put something on, like an Eddie Bravo on his Twister, the DVD to Twister, he had the Easter egg was Brian Callen doing that gay Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor. All right. You know, remember that? You've seen that video, right? Which is hilarious. Like, dude, why wouldn't you just put that on the DVD? Yeah, that seems, yeah.

54:40Easter eggs should be just little things, maybe. That's a brilliant video. Why would you hide that somewhere deep in your, where you have to press Control, Alt, Delete to get to it or something? What do you have to press to get to Easter eggs? It's usually, it's just up arrows. Like you have to hit the arrow right down, you know. Yeah, but you have to do it in the right order, right? Like down, down, left, right. It depends. Fuck you. Fuck you for making me look for shit like that. That's right. What the fuck? If you got something, show me. Put it out there. Yeah, what the fuck are you? What am I, a treasure hunter all of a sudden?

55:07What the fuck is this? Put it out there. What is this shit? Aren't you lucky to embarrass yourself to your daughters and shit? See, I know who the boss is. Yeah, you go out there, you say you can't talk. No, you don't. Then they look at you weird like that. Who runs this motherfucker? You don't say that. You look at the wife and you go, we're doing the podcast. Then the wife will tell you later. Oh, okay. Really? Are you fucking serious? No, she doesn't. I've had them all goddamn day running up and down, running around Target. They heard your voice yelling and screaming. They thought it was you there. What are you, nuts? And look at them, they're nice and quiet.

55:34That's why you can't say nothing to the kids. You just gotta fuck it up. I told you, you don't say anything to the kids. Nothing. They run the fucking place. Hey, Joe, have you ever heard of something called geocaching? I think that's what it's called. Geocaching? No. It's this whole thing. This is one of these weird things that you would never know existed. What is it? Unless you just ran across it. It's like a game that the whole earth or whatever is the playing field. And these people get GPS coordinates to different boxes or treasures throughout the whole world. Oh, I have heard about this. It's so crazy. So what it is, there's maps and there's websites that you go to that you try to find these little boxes that spread out throughout cities everywhere.

56:14Right. And then you get to one of these boxes, you open it up, and I think you sign your name on it, and then you look. Sometimes there's little treasures or presents in there, or you add things to this little box, like a cool badge or a diamond or something. Not a real diamond, but whatever. And then it's like this whole game that people play. It's called geocaching, and there's iPhone apps for it. It's so weird. I've always wanted to do it, or at least look at a box and see what's inside of it. If you weren't worried about people being stalked and you weren't worried about nuts on the internet, you could have a pretty dope TV show where you give out coordinates.

56:52Right. And you tell this dude where to go, and then you release that information on the internet, and he's got to go do something, and people from the internet will help him out. Oh, right. But then the problem is you just have some nut who would just be like, you and I are brothers in another life. I have eaten crystals and seen his vision. And then he'd be fucking following you around everywhere. You could have issues with that dude, you know, and if he knew that he could get on television by helping you and becoming your friend. Yeah. You know? But you could have a pretty dope TV show like that. That would be cool.

57:19You'd have to. You can't. That's no filter, though. You mean internet show. Yeah. There's no reason to have TV shows. Well, you mean, yeah, I guess. I don't know, man. I mean, it's still exciting. Dude, TV is still. What you're getting from TV. It's not like there's not going to be TV anymore. What it's going to be is that internet and TV sort of merge together. Yeah. Because TV is still cool because you've got, first of all, you've got experienced producers, people who know how to film things correctly, people who know how to write scripts. You've got all these talented motherfuckers. So it's never going to go away if the shit they're producing is really cool.

57:50Right. It's just somehow or another they're all going to merge together. Right. But you're not going to get rid of TV. The idea of getting rid of TV, who's going to make Lost? Who's going to make something like that? No. What it's going to be, though, as an example, you go to Jimmy Kimmel's website, you can watch every single one of his episodes for way, way, way back. Right. Right. So it's just going to get to a point where they're not broadcasting TV to, like, cable. That's what I want to fucking do is watch Jimmy Kimmel. You know what I'm saying? Listen, let's get down and fucking dirty here, cocksuckers. What? What the fuck? So, like, it's going to get to a point where they're just not broadcasting it anymore.

58:24There's no cable companies. It's just going to be, like, every show has their own website. Yeah, for sure. So, Jimmy Kimmel's .com instead of Jimmy Kimmel on Channel 4. And then there's going to be people who set up networks online where it's just, like, it connects online to your television. And it's an alternative network. It already has. Google TV, Apple TV. Bam. Shazam. So, right now, your website might have some cool YouTube videos, but imagine it in the future being a channel. Yeah. You know what I mean? We always said that that's probably what's going to happen, right? Totally. That everyone's going to get their own channel. That websites literally will be like channels. And everyone's going to have their own little fucking thing.

58:58Mm-hmm. That's when it's going to be a real problem, like iRealityShow. Like, if Apple produces a thing, produces some new thing where you make your own reality show. Right. Like, it's a fucking hat, and you put this hat on. And it's got, like, a little thing, and there's a camera right in front of you, and you just carry it around with you, and it broadcasts wirelessly on the 4G network. That's what Justin TV started off as. He did. That one guy, right? Yeah, that one guy, 24 hours a day. He was his own TV show. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that Apple would create an app. Right. Not an app, but a device, like a new version of, you know, like they have the iPad, some new crazy thing.

59:30And this thing would be iRealityShow, your own reality show. It would edit it for you. You'd be able to, you know, do it all with voice commands and shit. Cut, edit, rewind, delete, broadcast. Totally. Yeah. It'll show it to you. A little heads-up display right in front of you. Would you like to send this online right now? Yes. Bam. Do it online right from there. That's when we're going to have real attention whores. Who's going to, you know, who's going to do the nuttiest shit on their reality show to get people to watch them? Totally. And there's some people out there that'll become famous that can't get a reality show right now. You think, well, hey, you know, all you have to do nowadays is get a reality show when you're famous.

60:07Yeah, try getting a reality show, shithead. You think it's that easy? You got to be like Kim Kardashian. You got to suck some black dick. You got to fucking, you got to get people interested in you. You got to get that big, fat, white-ass, naked in front of the TV. What are people going to see every week? And all of a sudden she shows that big dick going into it. Yeah, big dick going into her pretty face. Gobble, gobble, gobble. That chick just went for it. She's just like, how about this? Come on, seven. I'm going to be a fake porn star. I got a porn star with an out. You know, you're going to watch me fuck, but it's only because it was an accident.

60:40You know, it's supposed to see me fuck. Shut up. And then she just slings it out there. All those crazy bitches showing their pussy when they're getting out of cars. I mean, they just took whoredom to like the next level. It's when they raised the bar. That's how hard it is to get a reality show. You got to do something like that, and you got to be there. You got to be in this, the soup of Hollywood. You can't start a reality show like that from Nebraska. No one's going to give a fuck. It's just not going to happen. Well, everybody shot reality shows, even Octomom. Now you have to be fucking interesting. Something has to be going on.

61:09Now you have to be interesting. Now you have to be interesting. Or crazy. You could shoot a reality show, but now you have to be interesting. You know, like I was saying to you, I've been watching a couple of those shows lately, and I understand all these fucking people are crazy. Hey, let me tell you something, Doug. I just want to mention one thing, that this is the year of the Mexican, the Miss America, Felipe Esparza winning the last comic standing, the dishwasher, their compadre, Choo Choo, getting off on that one pound of coke deal with the racial profiling, and now your boy, Kane motherfucking Velasquez on Saturday night. It's the year of the Mexican.

61:40Mexicans are taking over. It's the year of the fucking Mexican. It's just a matter of time. There's so many of them. It's the year of the fucking Mexican. But the way he took over was amazing. I couldn't call that in a million years. That's why you didn't see a Joey Karate video, because I really couldn't call that. He's a beast, man. But I tell you what, he fucked him up, dog. I would have lost a lot of money at that UFC. Tattoos and psychological. You know who first told me about this? Well, I had heard good things about him. I had heard, like, this guy's really good. You know, this guy is very talented. This guy works really hard.

62:07This guy's very dedicated. But you hear that about a lot of guys. There's certain guys that stand out. Kane was always a guy that stood out. Like, you'd remember him. Like, people would talk about him. Like, before, like, when he had, like, his very first fight in the UFC. But Phil Barone was talking to me. And I think we were in Germany. And we were sitting around talking. And he was just going off about how good Kane is. He's like, he's the real fucking deal. He's the best in the world. He goes, I don't give that up for anybody. But he goes, I watch him run through guys. He goes, I watch him never get tired.

62:34I watch him do these conditioning drills. And he's the last one to get tired. When guys like Josh Koscheck and Welterweights. And he was like, you never see that. You never see a heavyweight that can go at the same pace as Welterweights and beat them in conditioning and endurance drills. He's like, the guy never gets tired. He goes, it's incredible. He goes, he would get, you know, like, him and Koscheck. You know, both of them are incredibly well conditioned. And he would, like, do as much as Koscheck or more. That's insane. Like, you never hear about a 240-pound guy that's able to do that. You know, the 170-pound guys, I mean, that's where the real endurance is.

63:07You know, that's where the, like, 145-pound guys, those motherfuckers can go. They can go. Frankie Edgar, try slowing Frankie Edgar down. Good luck. Frankie Edgar could go for 20 rounds. If it was a fucking contest to see, like, Frankie Edgar is very difficult to catch. You might be able to beat him in a decision. Very difficult to grab a hold of. Very difficult to catch in a submission. I mean, he's fast as fuck. His footwork's good. His wrestling's good. If every fight was 25 rounds, Frankie Edgar might not ever lose. Ever. For the rest of his life. Until he decides to retire. If he just keeps going until one of you breaks. Until one of you slows down.

63:40It's going to be you. The motherfucker could just keep going. There's certain guys at that weight. But you never hear about that for 240. Except Kane. Kane's the only guy I've ever heard about that as a heavyweight. I mean, you hear things about Brock Lesnar that he's a freak. Like, that his. Like, if you look at, like, his numbers. Like, his ability to, like. I don't remember what his combine numbers were. I have it on my computer somewhere. Bro, it don't matter. But they're insane numbers. Because he got the fuck knocked out of him. So the combine numbers don't come into it. No, what I'm saying is. That's what people get confused about. All those numbers go out the fucking window.

64:09They do. Let me tell you something. You know what? What AKA scene that I've seen. The first fight with Shane Carlin, bro. That really fucked me up. It all comes to you right there. It all came to me as I was looking at them. Right before they were getting ready to go. I looked at my wife. And I go, Kane Velasquez is going to knock this motherfucker out. And I didn't think that until right there. That's why I didn't do a video. And I thought about two things. A lot of people thought about it. I thought that. I thought that. I seen what Shane did to him. And I think that this guy just said,

64:36I'm going to do what Shane did with endurance. And just get him before the first round. Right. But then I seen some in the Shane Carlin fight that nobody fucking mentioned. Yeah. There's one part in the Shane Carlin fight when they're getting started where Shane Carlin hits him. And after he gets hit, he goes, That motherfucker never been hit before, bitch. That motherfucker. He thought this was a wrestling game. He ain't never been hit before. Did you know that? I didn't think about that. Think of an experienced fighter when he gets hit. He'll smile. He'll go like this. He went like this. Look at that first fight again when he fought Carlin. And that's when I said,

65:09Ooh. If AKA seen that, they said they seen something. He don't like that hit. Look at the fight again. Somebody posted something on the underground. They could have very well been trolling. I have no idea. What's trolling? Trolling is just, you post something that's not true to try to get people to bite. And then people start arguing, This is bullshit. And then you laugh your ass off because you got a bunch of idiots arguing over nonsense. Do you know what trolling used to mean, by the way? No. It used to mean a guy that chased after other men. Really? Yeah, because... When was that? Online? Online? I got in trouble with the animal pet, or Los Angeles pet police or whatever they're called.

65:45What? What's... You got... There's pet police, and somehow they got in trouble. What are they called? You got in trouble with the pet police? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Animal control? Animal control. What happened? Because people on the internet, like Outlaw and all these people, were telling this poor girl on MySpace that I, like, tortured cats or something like that. Oh, that's right. Right. So you had made a fake video or something like that? Yeah, I made a fake video where I had a cat in a refrigerator, and I used to... I was like, I keep it in the freezer and stuff like that. Right. But anyways, so they called animal control at me, and I had to explain to this guy,

66:16that I was trolling, or they were trolling people on the internet. And he goes, trolling? And then he's like, yeah. And he goes, what's trolling, man? I'm like, you know, like joking or kidding. He goes, oh, well, that meant something else. Something else went back in my day. Oh, okay. I see. I see what you're saying. But way before the internet. Way before the internet. Yeah. You and Eddie were talking about, she was trolling. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, trolling is like a lot of people, a lot of dudes will pretend to be girls, and they'll get dudes to bite, and they'll get dudes to say some ridiculous shit. And then at the end, they're like, I'm a dude, you faggot.

66:49Ah, no one's coming to your house to suck your dick. Dee hee. You know, I mean, there was a lot of that. And Doug Stanhope did a whole bunch of trolling with pedophiles. He would do a, there was a thing called baiting.org. I don't know if it's still around. I think Doug wrote a book about it. I think he's got a book. Doesn't he? I think they were doing a book, or he has a book. I'm not sure. But I know there's a lot of his blogs that are still available. You can find them online. If you just go to DougStanhope.com, I'm sure everything is there. But he had this whole thing where he would pretend to be little kids.

67:18And he would troll pedophiles. And then he would post it all online. So what were they trolling about Cain Velasquez? You said that somebody was trolling his son. Oh, about Brock Lesnar. What they were saying was that no one was allowed to punch him in the face during training. I'm telling you, Doug, that dude has never been lit up. All his life. He's always been the fucking biggest guy in the room. What about this? So nobody's ever said to him, come on, cocksucker. Let's get it on. Do you think it's possible that all the pro wrestling that he did and playing football for a little bit that he did too? Do you think maybe he suffered a bunch of concussions?

67:49No, bro. He don't like it. You don't think so? Some people have never been hit because they've always intimidated people. This motherfucker took it to him. I really don't think he's coming back. I think his ego got busted up like your boy against Trinidad against Bernard Hopkins. I don't think so. He's too egotistical. There's ego and there's confidence. Well, you know, he came back. Cain Velasquez was fucking confident. I don't know about that because he came back better and stronger after Frank Mir tapped him. But that was a leg lock. That wasn't a punch to the fucking face, bro. It's true. Big fucking difference when you get punched in the fucking face twice and when they cut you and you got to see that every time you shave.

68:21Yeah. You see that every time you shave. Well, I don't think he's going to beat that guy. I don't think he's going to beat that guy. I think the gap is too big. What I think about when I see that guy, when I see the two of them, the way they performed when they were fighting each other, I saw one guy who was like this unbelievably strong, powerful, fast guy, but he didn't know exactly what to do with his body. He didn't know exactly how to handle situations. He didn't know how to do the right thing. And the other dude who may be not as strong as him, but pretty fucking strong and has real good technique.

68:53Everything he does perfect. Everything he does is smart. All his footwork is smart. He can go at that same pace and keep going. He's not exploding a shitload of energy that he can't recover from. He's like he paced himself better. He handled it more professionally. It's like one guy's a black belt. I'm looking at a black belt in MMA and Kane Velasquez like a master. And in Brock, I'm looking at this super powerful purple belt. You know, this just ridiculously powerful guy who could get away with a lot of shit if you don't have perfect technique. You really won't be able to stop him. But a guy like Kane has perfect technique. That's the difference.

69:25Listen, I think that the next guy they're going to put him up against, which is what's on line, is Frank Mir. No, no, no. Oh, Brock. I thought you were saying Kane. And I'll tell you what, I think Frank Mir will take it to him now because now Frank Mir will know what to attack. Straight at him, throw a bunch of fucking punches, and punch him in the face. Hey, listen, when I was a kid, I grew up in North Bergen. We played all the fucking, I hate to say this. We played all the black schools. We're group four. You play Passaic. You play Patterson Eastside. These are fucking schools, Jack. You don't go in there and just talk.

69:51Hi, how are you about Chad? There ain't no Chad at these fucking schools. And the coaches would tell us, bro, the first player of the game, fire out. Like your fucking asshole's on fire. And then you establish that, and you'll see that they back off a little bit. And that's why this is going to happen to Brock. Everybody's seen that. If you're a great fighter, you've seen that. Carwin had him in a way, dog. Oh, Carwin had him in a big way. And had him. Carwin had him. No question. I think that he's never been hit. I think he's never been fucking lit up. Well, he is sparring with people, though. There's a video of him sparring with people.

70:22I think, oh, he's too big. He's Brock. You think they just take it easy on him? I got my nose broke in the sixth grade. It still hurts. It still fucking hurts, all right? It still hurts. My nose, and I didn't know for years because I was doing coke. For years, I thought I was doing coke because I had pain in my heart. I was doing coke from the fucking pain in my nose. I had my nose busted three times. You weren't doing coke for the pain in your nose. One time with a fucking coke because you like coke. That's right. One time with a fucking police thing over here. Let me tell you something.

70:49That's the newest, latest theory. The last two years, my fucking nose has been hurting. Really? What is that pain from? It's from fucking getting your nose broken. I knew in the sixth grade I was never going to be a fucking fighter. It's totally unrelated to all that coke. I know this is a joke, you fuck. It's a joke, you fucking momo. What I'm saying is, though, that it's so weird that the last two years, my nose has really been fucking hurting. And I never hit it by mistake or nothing lately, but I remembered when I broke it, the pain I had, that when you fucking break it, let me tell you something. He got a cut in his eye.

71:18He had a bloody nose. The worst thing about having your nose broken is if you have your nose broken, seven out of ten times, they busted your upper lip, too. So you got snotty blood you're tasting and salty blood fucking from your mouth. You remember that taste for the rest of your fucking life. I don't give a fuck who you are. And that's not a fucking good taste. That taste always equivalizes to something that ain't good, man. My nose has been fucking broken, Jack. And I tell you what, it hurts. And he got fucking beat up the other night. He got beat up, dog. That last punch, when he got it, he got that on the floor.

71:49I've watched that end ten times already. He got that on the fucking floor. He got hit. I don't think he's coming back like that. I think that fuck with him. He's a big Viking, ego, fucking shit. Somebody took it to you, motherfucker. It's a different game now. You get humble, and he may come back strong, but he's going to let people punch him in the fucking face now. Watch that Carlton fight when it's on next time. Watch it again on your computer, and you'll see what I'm talking about. And nobody mentioned. Nobody mentioned it at all. He got hit one time. People did mention it. And a lot of people thought the way he cowered was, yeah.

72:18He went, ee! That means he's never been hit before. That's what that means, Jack. Hmm. I don't know about that, man. Never been hit before. I think it's an interesting thing, because he was such a huge draw, and still is such a huge draw, because of pro wrestling and everything like that, that he was rushed right into the big leagues right away. Like, if really, if you wanted to be smart with a guy like that, and you wanted to really build him up correctly, you know, you wouldn't just do that with him. You would slowly work him in, and then have him fight for the title once the demand was through the fucking roof. But they just, they had that perfect fight with him and Randy Couture.

72:57It was such a perfect promotional fight. You know, one of the greatest ever fucking Hall of Famer, fighting this new, big, young, crazy dude, and holy shit, can he beat him? But really, Randy was, you know, I mean, he was the heavyweight champion, but, you know, he was 45, I think, at the time. And it's like, you know, it's past his prime to be fighting a guy that's this big and this athletic and this crazy. So all of a sudden, Brock beats him, and now Brock is just at the top of the heap with all these ferocious lions who have been doing MMA for 10 years, nipping at his heels. And so there's a big goddamn gap there.

73:31You know, there's a few guys there that have a big-ass gap. You know, and Kane's one of them. His full MMA game is at a way higher level. The time that he's put in, the way he picks things up, he's just, everything he does is perfect. He's a baby, ain't he? 26 or something. Something like that, yeah. He's a fucking baby. Yeah. He's a baby. So all you heavyweight motherfuckers, you better start dropping down to 205 and shit. Yeah. It's going to be scary for a while. Good luck with all that. And I just want to tell people that when I don't make a Joey Karate video sometimes, it's like sometimes Eddie's out of town.

74:03But the other times is that I'm fucking stumped, and I don't want to give you bad info. I was going to go with Brock. I would have gone with Brock. I would have gone with Martin Kampman. And Matt Hamill was the lock of the year. Let me tell you something. Anytime Tito fights, when you bet against him, and I love Tito the deck. I was one of his biggest fucking fans. But every time he fights now, just bet against him, dog. That's his easy fucking lock right there. And I hate to say this, but it's true. If I had $10,000, I would have betted on fucking Matt Hamill. That's a no-brainer anymore. And Sam Stout.

74:31You can always bet Sam Stout. I'm not going to sit there and be Houdini. That was a great fight. Who's going to win Brock against whatever. Sam Stout is always fucking good. There's a casino that always got a line on Sam Stout. Those motherfuckers always come down. Those guys play to win Sam Stout. He just don't hit too fucking hard. He hits hard as fuck. Sam Stout hits very hard. He's just fighting really good guys. You know what I mean? That dude he fought, Paul Taylor, that guy was a motherfucker. That guy's a motherfucker, Paul Taylor. He's a motherfucker. That was a great fight, man. And can the kids hear me yelling and screaming? Yeah, they can hear you.

75:00That's all right. It's all right. I'm sure they've been swept. They know it's their Uncle Joey that's fucking crazy. That's Uncle Joey. That Campman-Shields fight, man. Campman could have won that fight. A lot of people thought that I was hyping up Shields and that I wasn't talking enough about Campman. I think, you know, I'm a big Campman fan. That's bullshit. You and I were talking about Campman at dinner. Yeah. Friday night. I said to you, he ain't no joke. He's from Tennessee. Because I see that with Mike Pyle. He talks different. I like my, bro. I love Mark Campman. He's from Denmark, bro. I know. I don't know these things, you know. He's a bad motherfucker.

75:30I think he's a bad motherfucker. He fought the wrong fight in that fight, but he could have won that fight, man. He could have won it, bro. Jake Shields was exhausted, man. He had cut 20 pounds in a day to get down to 170. Because, you know, he had been fighting at 185 in Strikeforce, and he put on some muscle. I didn't realize he said that during that break. Put on some muscle, man. He had a real hard time making that 170. A real hard time. He was dead in the water. And Campman just didn't quite. I was, you know, I was really thinking that Campman was going to pull that off. You know, I didn't want to say it.

75:57You know, I didn't want to say before the fight, but when I saw what shape Jake was in the weigh-ins, right before he weighed on, I was like, this guy looks like he has AIDS. Like, he looks like he's dehydrated. He looks like he's dead. He looked terrible, bro. I was shocked. Like, he looked so terrible that I saw him, and I shook his hand. I was like, whoa. Like, there's some guys that look. The worst I ever saw was Travis Luter. When Travis Luter was going to fight Anderson Silva, listen, man. He weighed in twice. I was there for the first weigh-in. He looked terrible. He had dry, chapped lips. He was gaunt.

76:28He was sucked in. And then he didn't make weight. And so he had another hour, I think, or two hours to make weight. Well, he tried to make weight another 45 minutes, and then he shuffled over to the scale. He couldn't walk, bro. He couldn't walk. Like, Jake had to walk upstairs to get to where the stairs was. And you could see him, like, as he was walking upstairs. It was like, it was awkward. It was awkward watching him walk. That's how exhausted he was. And then he got on the scale. Nothing like, like, what's his face? Like, Travis Luter. Travis Luter looked like he was dead. He looked like a zombie, bro. He looked like a dead man that was walking.

77:03He looked like a guy who had been poisoned. And 24 hours after that, he was supposed to be fighting the baddest motherfucker on the planet in Anderson Silva. In 24 hours! And he walks over, and he still can't make weight. He's still, like, a pound and a half off. There's no way he can lose it. He's just fucked. He just calculated it wrong. Or, you know, he didn't lose enough fat, or he didn't stick to his diet. He should have gotten the Weight Watchers. Tell him, Brian. Should have counted those fucking points. These guys, they've got it down to science. They're cutting so much fucking weight. They're cutting 20 pounds, you know. A lot of them are cutting 20 pounds.

77:35And they do it slowly. One of the guys, Donggi Yang, a Korean dude who fought on the card, he lost to Chris Camosi. Very, very close. And controversial decision. A lot of people thought that he should have won. But he was at Legends on Monday cutting weight. On Monday! On Monday! And the fight, the weigh-in's not until Friday. But he was at Legends cutting weight already on Monday. So that motherfucker's losing, like, probably, he's probably losing 20 pounds. And he's doing it over a course of, like, five days. Yeah, yeah. Because he looked huge when he got into the cage. Such a giant muscle-bound dude. You know, it's just, these guys have it down to a science.

78:08How to dehydrate yourself and then come back. So that was, if Kampman had a time, that was his time, man. He could have won that fight. Especially if he pushed away and just started firing on him in the third round. I mean, Kampman's a badass striker. His fucking striking is clean, man. If you look at that Paulo Tiago fight, that's a beautiful representation of his skills. Because Paulo Tiago is, like, this really rough and tumble bad motherfucker. And he's got dynamite in his hands. Knocked out Josh Koscheck. And Martin Kampman just picks him apart, dude. Picks him apart, standing, using his jab and leg kicks and just angles. Like, everything. I mean, Paulo just got, like, outclassed in the feet.

78:48He's swinging these wild, I mean, if they hit you, you're fucked. He's swinging some sledgehammers. But he ain't even getting close to hitting Kampman. And I was like, man, Kampman's skills are so much better than Jake Shields. As a kickboxer, I just don't know why he was trying to engage him in grappling. You know, he came close a couple times. Like, I was like, maybe he's going to prove me wrong. It looks like he locked up a couple of chokes almost. He almost got it. But that motherfucker is so hard to tap. Jake Shields is so hard to tap. Mayhem almost got him. Mayhem had his back. Yes. And had it fully locked in. Mayhem almost got him.

79:18But Mayhem's big. Mayhem's big as fuck. You know, Mayhem is a big 185-er. And he's strong. And his jiu-jitsu is very, very underrated. You know, I've had two guys that I rolled with just ran right through me. Mayhem and Jake Shields, both of them. Both those guys were a fellow who was helpless. Nothing I could do with them. They're just too goddamn strong. Jake Shields is a badass wrestler. His grappling and his jiu-jitsu, his technique is awesome and he's strong as shit. He knows what the fuck he's doing. And I'm like, Campman has a disadvantage there. I wonder why he's engaging this dude. And if Jake wasn't really beat down, I mean, the fact that Jake was beat down like that

79:54and he was still able to get takedowns and still able to reverse position and mount him and get in some dominant spots on him, shows you how badass his grappling is. But Campman's kickboxing is like, if Jake Shields is like a purple belt, Campman's a fucking straight black belt in stand-up. His stand-up is crisp, man. He does everything good. Everything perfect. The way he moves, his footwork. There's a big gap between him and Jake Shields. Jake Shields is like plod, punch, punch, kick. His body kick's pretty good on his left side. He throws good body kicks. He'll throw some good leg kicks too. But really, he's just trying to get the clinch and take your ass down.

80:27And if he's too tired to do that, like in that round with the third round with Campman and Shields, I thought Campman was going to move away. I thought, why would he grapple with him in this round? This is the round where he could jack him. Campman's one of those dudes, though, that like he's just like just outside the very, very best. But you could see him like launch into the very best like with any one big performance. You know what I'm saying? Like he's one of those guys like Carlos Condit. Like Carlos Condit just leaped into one of the very best when he knocked out Dan Hardy. Unbelievable. When he knocked out Dan Hardy, I was like, okay, this motherfucker.

81:01You know, like everyone knew he was a badass. Everyone knew he had that real close fight with Campman, which was a fucking incredible war. And then the real close fight with Jake Ellenberger, another fucking animal. Ellenberger's a beast. So you knew that Carlos Condit was a bad motherfucker. But when he knocked out Dan Hardy, it was like, okay, this dude is not only is he a bad motherfucker, but he's like getting better all the time. He's like hitting new levels. He's trained with John Jones like every day. He's a bad motherfucker. Fuck yeah, yeah. That's another tape I didn't make because, you know, I would have done it with Eddie. Yeah, you can't tell the truth.

81:30I couldn't have told the truth. I couldn't have said that. Listen, I love Dan Hardy. I think Dan Hardy is talented as shit. But Carlos Condit, I think, showed me something. Was it Jake Allenberger when he was getting beat up for the first two rounds? Yes. Came back. And then Greg Jackson said shit to him. And he went in there and hit him with a fucking Anderson Silva type elbow from the inside. I was like, that kid's got balls. He's got mad balls. He's got mad balls, Carlos Condit. I'm a huge Carlos Condit fan. I would hate to mix in an alley with that motherfucker. Yeah. Because he might turn the lights out on you permanently.

81:59He's the type of guy that might turn them out on you permanently. He's a bad motherfucker. Something about him scares the shit out. He's getting better. Yes, he is. He's getting better. Well, he's down in one of the best camps in the fucking world. Yeah, yeah. Those guys don't fuck around, man. And that Trevor Whitman, man. That guy is a very good striking coach. Yes, he is. He's a sweet guy. Yeah. I want to give him a shout out. He's a fucking good guy, Trevor Whitman. And he's a bad motherfucker. I know he works with him. And then also, fuck, what is his name? Spencer Pratt. No. Shut up, man. Get the fuck up. What the fuck are you talking about?

82:28Sorry, princess. I feel like an asshole for not remembering the guy's name. Which one? The guy who's the main guy at Jackson's. That's the main striking trainer because he's a great guy. Trevor Whitman's the guy who's at Grudge. Grudge is in Denver, correct? Yeah. Right. I'm going to have to Google this real quick because I've got to give that guy his props because he's doing an awesome job, too. Hey, I want to give a prop to my man, Holly Boz, whatever your name is, from Australia on Twitter. Always sending me love and shit. Looking out for all of us here. Red Band and Joe. Who's that? Oh, that's... I didn't know what Joe is looking at there.

83:03I thought you put somebody up. Red Band, what's the matter with you? You look all fucking asleep here. What's going on? No, I'm just listening. You know, I thought Jake Shields lost that. I thought Jake Shields lost it, too. I thought for sure he lost that. I was pulling for Kampman with everything I had because... And I love Jake Shields, but... Me, too. Kampman's just this guy that he's right there, you know? Do you remember hanging out with... Mike Wigglejohn. Thank you. Sorry, Mike. Mike Wigglejohn. I'm a douchebag. I smoked too much weed. I forgot his name, but he's a great striking coach. He's... You know, what I was really impressed with, with Carlos Condit in that fight with Dan Hardy

83:32was the technique that he threw that left hook with. If you look at the both guys throw the punch at the exact same time, really, but Carlos was perfect. Carlos's was, instead of coming wide, he came, he came like with a perfect angle to the punch and it was perfect accuracy and his other hand was up. You know, he did it with perfect technique and he nailed him. He caught him in the exchange and that's like a perfect lesson for people to learn. I keep saying perfect. But if you... That's one of the most important things is to concentrate on technique. Yeah, you can knock guys out with crazy, wild, loopy shit. You can. You can knock guys out with haymakers where your fucking chin is down and your hands are

84:09up. If you connect, you can knock them out. But that's not the best way to do it. The best way to do it is to use the proper technique because if you do that, you have more of a chance of knocking them out. If you have big power and you're fast, you can get away with some goofy shit like Roy Jones did when he was in his prime. But look what happened to Roy Jones once he started to slow down. When he didn't have that crazy athleticism, all of a sudden he couldn't pull off what he could. But Bernard Hopkins still can. Bernard Hopkins has perfect technique. If Bernard Hopkins had the athleticism of Roy Jones Jr., I mean, maybe that's why Bernard

84:36Hopkins is Bernard Hopkins. It's like maybe... You know, like jujitsu guys. They always say the best jujitsu guys are the guys that aren't physically strong because they can't pull off anything else unless they have perfect technique. You know, because it's all leverage and technique. I'm sorry. Say that again. Or not strong. Really? Yeah. The most technical guys are the guys that aren't physically strong. The most technical guys... If you want to learn jujitsu, you always want to learn from a small guy because big guys have like kimuras and guillotines. They do a lot of like power jujitsu. They do a lot of things that you can only get away with if you're really strong. Whereas a small guy has no options other than use perfect leverage and perfect technique.

85:07Yeah. So you should learn. You're better off. You're a bad motherfucker. You know that? When are you going to open up your little kung fu fucking school cocksucker? I don't want to teach anybody, man. I don't like teaching. You know, it's funny because... I teach my daughter. Do you really? Sure. Yeah. I know you were doing kickboxing a little years ago. I've taught friends and shit. But it's, you know, the thing about, you know, if you want to like be a coach like a Winkle John or like a Trevor Whitman, man, that's your life, dude. That's your life, yeah. You're dedicating yourself to these guys and to their progress. And it's a very fascinating thing, but you got to be willing to dedicate 100%.

85:39That's the reason why I quit teaching Taekwondo is because I started doing stand-up comedy. And I realized that I was not going to be giving this 100% of my time anymore. And I had a bunch of guys that I was leading in tournaments. And even though I had stopped fighting Taekwondo tournaments and I was doing kickboxing, I was still teaching at a Taekwondo school and I was still leading people in tournaments. And so I would have these kids that I'd coached and I'd bring them to like these beginner tournaments. And I was dedicating a lot of time to it. And I had a lot of people that had like 10 guys that were like really competitive and

86:06a girl who was really competitive. And she was really good. And I spent a lot of time with them, like many, many hours every week. You know, like at least three nights, four nights a week, at least two hours a night. Just dedicated to training with these kids and working with them. And I knew that once I started doing comedy and I needed my, I couldn't be there at nighttime because I had to go to do a gig in Connecticut or I couldn't be there. And I'd have somebody else teaching it for me. I'm like, they're not going to do it the way I do it. And this is not going to be the same thing.

86:32And this is not, it's not fair. And I don't want to half-ass it. And I don't want to feel shitty about that. The one thing that made me feel good about my life ever was martial arts. So I was like, I can't not do this. I can't fuck this up because I have to quit. I can't like do a shit job at this. I can't do a shit job at teaching. Because to me, it was like one of the defining moments in my life that I wasn't a loser. Like when I was teaching Taekwondo at Boston University, I was like, I'm teaching at a university. Like I'm like an expert at something and I'm teaching people that want to learn this.

87:05It's like one of the first times in my life I felt like I was worth something. So there's no way I could fuck this up. So I just quit. I just quit teaching. And that's how I feel like right now. Like, you know, I get interested in strategy. And I get interested when I see guys fight what I think is a very unintelligent fight. And they don't have the proper coaching. They don't have someone who's like really mapped out a game plan. A lot of these dudes are really good. And because they're really good, they know what they can do. And they know what they want to do. And they sort of like plot out their own plan in a fight.

87:35Which is all well and good. But sometimes you need someone who's also really good. Also has a really good knowledge of this. And is outside of it looking in. Because someone who's outside of it, like a Greg Jackson who's looking in. There's one of the reasons why, you know, like Dave Camarillo and Bob Cook. They're outside. They see the whole thing. And they're very intelligent. And they're very immersed in the game. Like Bob Cook and Dave Camarillo. They break down fighters. They spend time. They go over tapes. They analyze shit. And when it comes down to a fight, they've got a very intelligent strategy. And if you listen to that strategy and you follow that game plan, you have a very good chance of winning.

88:10You know, there's going to be variations. Shit's going to happen. You're going to have to make adjustments. But of course you do. That's part of the game. You know, there's going to be shit happens. Okay, you can't take him down. Listen, you've got to kick that motherfucker's legs. Okay, if you can't kick him down and he wants to stand up with you, he's open for that inside leg kick. And then you have to have, you know, here's plan B. Okay, now we're here. Okay, you think you broke your foot. Okay, stop throwing kicks. This is what you're going to do. You're going to bait him. You're going to get him into exchange and fire off the left hook.

88:34He's open for a left hook. You know what I'm saying? Like they have this all thought out. They have it thought out like you have hands. But they have the diet thought out. Yep, everything. They have the 14-week plan. Everything, everything. I mean, it's amazing how there's so much more into this than what you would think. You need that these days. You think you're fucking Rocky. He's going to drink three eggs and run and go hit the bag. You know, you have jiu-jitsu. You have your strength and conditioning. It's amazing how. You know what I noticed? And I don't know if you noticed.

88:58Oh, yeah? Yeah, once a week or once a month. Right. Just writing something. And it's weird. He goes, what's your first column going to be about? And I noticed that the last two years, every time I've gone to an MMA event with you, somebody else in the UFC division is losing weight. They're trying to get healthy. And this last time I went to Austin, you got Bert. Uh-huh. Like Bert lost 50, 60 pounds. Right. Our friend's mom lost a bunch of weight. Right. She looks great now. And I seen another guy. And then we have our buddy, Deepa Squally, who we've both- He's beaten up. Yeah. He's beaten up because of the sleep apnea.

89:31Sleep apnea, yeah. It's so weird how MMA affects some people. Like I was sick and tired of going to those fights. A really fat fuck when you see all those people in shape. And when I went to this last UFC, I even seen that they put two different tables out. Like they put tables with cookies and cakes. Then they had tables with like healthy snacks. And it's so weird. Like these people, when you're around this, this is what MMA has done for me. I'm not a fighter. And I don't want to do jujitsu or nothing. But being around those guys, you're like, fuck, I got to be healthy. Whenever I watch those UFC, you know, 24-7s, whatever they are.

90:02Yeah, I think it definitely inspires people. It inspires people. And every time I go to a UFC event, somebody else is on a diet. Or somebody else is getting healthy. Or somebody else is eating healthy. And that's what I've seen from MMA. And it started with me, that ultimate fighter, the year Tate was on it. The kid that lost 100-something pounds from doing jujitsu. He's not in the UFC no more. But he talked about it. He goes, you know, even if I just final in this, at least people lose weight and try this. I forget what his name was. He had like a mohawk and a kid. And he really pushed love for the kid.

90:34He made it to him. Oh, Todd Hayes. Yeah. He lost like 130 pounds or something. He's a bad motherfucker too. No, no, no, no, no. Not Todd Hayes. No, no, no. Isn't it Josh? Shit. Josh Hayes? I was going to talk to you about it. Josh Bring the Pain Hayes. What the fuck is his name? He had a kid. He had a mohawk with like blonde hair on it. And he really loved his wife. He seemed like a really sincere guy. He lost a shitload of weight. A shitload of weight. And it's amazing how every time I go to a UFC event now, somebody else is on a diet. Somebody's drinking water. Josh Hayes. Josh Bring the Pain Hayes.

91:04Sorry, Josh. It's just amazing how it's rubbed off on some people. Yeah, he was on the same season as Tate. Yeah, on the Tate. That's what I'm saying. He was on there with Tate. That's why it was weird. Every time I go, I see somebody and it's just inspiring to me. You know, I don't know. Yeah, man. I think that's one of the things that I would be interested in doing outside of doing comedy. Outside of all the stuff that I get fascinated by. Pool and all that. That is one thing that I would get interested in doing. Opening up a gym, training fighters. And just being like sort of a Greg Jackson type of guy.

91:34Having ideas and strategies and helping people through. But that would have to be something that I'm 100% dedicated. You can't fuck around with that and half-ass that, man. That's not something to half-ass. You know, you're taking people who have a limited window in the sport. You know, a fighter can fight from the time they're 18 until they're, you know. Most guys, 38, 48. You know, 48 if you're Randy. 38 if you're a normal human. You know, so it's the only, you know, that's it. You've got 20 years. And during that time, if you're really into a bunch of wars, cut that time down substantially. Anytime you have a big war. Anytime you have a crazy.

92:08If that's your style, you know, you want a Vandele Silva like Vandele used to do in the early days. No matter what, it's going to shorten your career a bit. You're not going to be 48 years old fighting like that. That's a different kind of style. Well, I remember one thing that you've always talked about that is very, you see it. You shut this fridge off. This shit's loud. It's the gyms that have the gym wars. The camps where they have gym wars. Yeah. You could see those guys that, yeah, they're a little seasoned and stuff. But they've been hitting the head a couple more times than regular guys. And you can really, those gym wars are the ones that will really kill you.

92:40Yeah. You have to have guys that you're training with that you trust. And you have to be careful not to hurt each other. You know, guys hurt each other sometimes. You know, it's just by accident or just because they're training hard. I mean, that's just a part of the game. But you've got to be careful with just gyms where they just basically fight every week. Like every week you're fighting. Every week two, three times a week you guys are blasting each other. You know, you're fighting. You basically get in. And one good thing about it is you get used to fighting. You get used to being tagged. You get used to being in there in the pocket.

93:11You're going to be a tough motherfucker to get in the cage with because this shit is going down in your life every day. You're used to it. You're used to full blast blows. But on the other side, you know, you can only do that for so long. If you do that and take big, big shots all the time on a regular basis, your career gets shortened substantially. Your brain is only set up, you know, to take a certain amount of abuse before there's just way too much damage. And all the stuff they're finding out now about football players, you know, when they're examining their brains as well. It's special. I told you about the Lou Gale one.

93:41Oh, yeah. It's very amazing. Yeah. Eddie told me about that, too. It was very intricate, that special. Fucking scary shit, man. I watched the other one where it was that football player. I believe he played for Harvard in college. And then after college, he became a pro wrestler and he suffered a gang of concussions. And this is one of the reasons why I brought up the Brock Lesnar situation. Because those guys suffer a lot of concussions. A lot. They take a lot of hard shots. There's a video of Brock Lesnar where Brock Lesnar is on top of the third rope. I don't know who he was wrestling against. But he was on top of the third rope and he jumps up through the air and does like a fucking flip.

94:17But miscalculates and lands on his head. Dude, he's 300 pounds, okay? And he throws himself through the air, flips and lands on his head. He should be dead. He should be dead. You gotta see the video. Here's the video. If you watch the video, any normal person would be dead. Watch this shit. Watch this shit. We're watching on YouTube. Watch this. Dude! He landed on his head. He landed on his fucking head. He completely miscalculated the jump. Completely. And he landed on his head and still finished the pin. I'll retweet the link on my Twitter. His brains. You want to talk scrambled eggs? His brains should be a small half cup of oatmeal in the bottom of an empty bowl.

95:11They should be dead. It should have crushed his whole brain. I mean, for me, if that was me or you and we did that, we'd be dead. Totally. But that guy's fine. That's why I said, like, if that happened during this one that we saw, how many times did he accidentally bang his head other times? I mean, these guys are gigantic dudes. And they're throwing each other. I mean, people don't realize the abuse that people's bodies take on pro wrestling. The reason why a lot of those guys get hooked on painkillers, pro wrestling is one of the most difficult things to do in all of show business, even in all of sports. Even though it's not really a sport, I mean, per se, I mean, there's predetermined outcomes,

95:45it still requires an incredible amount of athleticism, an incredible amount of work. These guys are on the road, like, every night. They're on the road several nights a week performing shows, throwing each other through the air. They have to come up with new, more spectacular moves to satisfy people. Well, that's why they're jumping off ropes, they're jumping off the top of the fucking cage, and they're flipping and doing this, and you grab my ankles, and I'm going to throw you through the air, and then you land on your back, and then I jump through my air, and I flip, and I land on you. They fucking bonk heads and shit all the time. These guys are getting knocked the fuck out in practice.

96:17What do you do? Well, put some ice on it, and see you tomorrow. And tomorrow, you better get your fucking moves down if you want to keep your WWE contract. Didn't he also play football, too? Yeah, yeah. He played, I think he tried out for the Vikings. Tried out for the Vikings. Listen to his numbers, because this is where it gets really crazy, okay? I mean, yeah, Brock is not like the best MMA fighter. He does not have the best striking technique. He does not have the best jiu-jitsu. But when you talk about just a freak athlete, his 40-yard sprint, 4.6 seconds. 225-pound bench press, he can do 43 reps. His vertical jump, 35 inches.

96:55His broad jump, 10 fucking feet. 10 feet. Do you imagine? This is at 300 pounds, 310 pounds. Do you imagine a fucking guy, 310 pounds, throwing himself 10 feet through the air? And he still couldn't stop that punch. He still couldn't stop Kane. So what the fuck? What are we talking about here? Well, it's just three-cats. He can jump up and down and shit. No, no. Who gives a fuck? The ability to move your body. He's at 4 and he goes down. I mean, how long is it? That's the ability to move your body. People keep saying that in the broadcast about how good he moves. When all those fucking football players move like that.

97:27Yeah. When you see an offensive fucking lineman, when you see an offensive lineman, they're 6'6", 290. Super athletes. And these motherfuckers, they're all like that. Could you imagine if a Michael Vick wanted to get into MMA? Amazing. How bad he would fuck people up? Amazing. Oh! If a guy like that, that level of athlete, dedicated himself. I mean, there are guys like that. There's a few. Yeah. Amazing. There's a few that are in there now. But those super athletes, like a Michael Jordan, you know? If a Michael Jordan decided from the time he was a small child. Well, he had to bet on himself to beat you. He'd have to bet on himself to beat you.

97:56He probably would, though. Michael Jordan would love that shit. He would fight. Listen. Because his wife could bet for him. He could go to Vegas. And if he was fighting, he's like, put everything on me. He had 1,000 people betting for him. That motherfucker. He would beat Liddell if he bet on himself. I bet he would. He hit Liddell with a chair. Dude, he was such an athlete. A competitive motherfucker. Do you remember how he would, when he was the first guy that would literally fly through the fucking air, slamming in dunks, where you would see it on the highlight reels, on like ESPN, you would see it on the news, and people would just be standing there shaking

98:27their head going, how the fuck can he do that? He was flying with his tongue out, flying through the air, smashing that ball through there. I mean, I didn't even follow basketball. And all I saw was that dude doing these superhuman feats of athleticism. If that guy decided, can you imagine that flying knee Jordan can hit you with? Jesus Christ. Could you imagine the flying double knee, like a fucking Jose Aldo style that Michael Jordan could hit you with? If Michael Jordan dedicated his time to that instead of basketball. God damn, he'd be a bad motherfucker. Those guys are coming, man. Those guys are coming. That's the next wave of MMA. The next wave of MMA is those super athletes.

99:09Phil Davis. Yeah. John Jones. I mean, John Jones. Even Lesnar. Even Lesnar. Look, he doesn't know the game yet. He's relatively inexperienced. He's only had six fights, seven fights. You know, that's not that many, man. That's not enough to be fighting. What does he got? He fought the Korean gentleman in his UFC debut. Then he fought Frank Mir and got leg blocked. And then he fought Keith Haring and beat him on a decision. Then he fought Randy and he beat Randy and got the title. And then he fought Frank Mir again. That's five. And then he fought, is it just six? And then he fought six, seven. And that's seven. Eight. Eight. Really? I counted seven.

99:46Either way, it's relatively inexperienced and right away thrust into the deep end of the pool. The guy as an NCAA national champion had some serious technique. There's no way you become a champion wrestler if you're just strong. Because those guys are just strong, too. I mean, you have to have some serious technique. So he can learn. He just has to be brought up correctly. What he really should have done with him, it's hard with heavyweights, though, because there's not as many guys that are willing to fight a guy like that. You know, when you're coming up, like, who the fuck's going to fight him in the king of the cage? What's he going to learn out of that?

100:18You know what I mean? He's got to be tested somehow. So there's like a weird middle ground. Like, you got to get him in Bellator. You know what I'm saying? You got to get him to fight guys that are just a hair under Strikeforce level. Just a hair. Well, Strikeforce and UFC right now, they're pretty close with Alistar. Alistar and Fedor. And, you know, Verdum's capable of beating anybody if he gets them in the right position. And Josh Barnett. He's a dangerous motherfucker. There's some dangerous guys. And Tony Oda Silva. He's not quite the same level as UFC. But I think that, like, when a guy comes up that's got that much potential, like a Brock

100:47Lesnar, like, you know, it's like, you got to make sure that you take the most advantage out of these physical gifts. You know, you got to bring them up the right way. Or just throw them in like they did, man. But like they did, they made a ton of money. I mean, everybody made a ton of money. But I just feel like... The money they're about to make now with the fucking Mexicans is off the chart, Jack. Yeah. They just opened up that UFC Latino with the pay-per-view. This is... And they're already... When are they fighting? Super Bowl Sunday or New Year's? They're putting fucking Dos Santos and this guy up quick, Jack.

101:20Are they really? Oh, yeah. This is either going to be Christmas or fucking... This is either going to be New Year's or it'll be Super Bowl weekend. Super Bowl for sure. Dude, if it's Super Bowl weekend, that shit is going to be crazy. It makes sense. It's Anderson, Fedor. Or it would be, yeah, just Junior in here. That shit is going to be crazy. It would be... You have to put it there. That's King Kong versus Godzilla. Yeah, that's the... Dos Santos versus Cain Velasquez might be... I might have a fucking heart attack. I might not be able to get through the broadcast. I might just shit my pants before we even start. I might just have uncontrollable diarrhea and just...

101:53They're talking about it for Super Bowl. They're not going to wait. Fuck! Why wait? Just put it up there. Dos Santos is coming off a big fight, too. That Roy Jones fight... Or the Roy Nelson fight, rather, was a real good fight for him because he got pushed and he had to work. He had to work for three hard rounds. Because Roy Nelson is no joke, man. Roy Nelson is a powerful motherfucker and he can take it. And Dos Santos hit him with some bombs. And he had to go three hard rounds with him. It was like a real, like, grueling fight. Where, you know, Roy Nelson hit him with some shots, too. Nelson was always there and always dangerous.

102:23Who's the New Year's card, Doug? It's a good question. Against Redhead? Against Frankie... Gray Maynard. Right. And who else? I don't know. I don't know exactly what's set up yet. I think it's all tentative right now. I'm not sure. Carwin hurt his back for 25. He did? Yeah, he's out of his next fight. Really? Yeah. When did this happen? All those heavyweights seen that fight and fell off their fucking chair. When did this happen? Yesterday. They all did. That's him. Frank and Mia fell off his fucking chair. You sure Carwin pulled out? Yeah, Carwin's done. I thought Carwin was fighting right now. Carwin pulled out. Oh, no way. Carwin pulled out of 125. Oh, that sucks.

102:53He hurt his back. Who else? Somebody else pulled out. A couple pull-outs. Really?

103:00I hate pulling out. Wow. Having some back pain. Had an MRI yesterday. Some damage that may require surgery. Oh, is that what it is? You're reading it? Yeah, it says, I have some damage that may really require surgery. Oh, no. Well, you know, he had some serious back problems wrestling. You know, when he was wrestling, he had some serious back problems. And it's one of the reasons why he, I think, stopped playing football as well. Because I think he played football for a bit. Somebody else is hurt, too, from one of the cards. 24. 24. Yeah. Cro-Cop interested in replacing Carwin versus Nelson. Whoa. Cro-Cop wants to step in and fight Roy Nelson.

103:36Roy Nelson might knock Cro-Cop the fuck out. Right out back to Croatia. Isn't that crazy? To the picnic fucking blanket. Isn't that crazy? That you would say that? That's crazy. That's crazy talk. You would say that? That's crazy talk. He might. You know? Or Cro-Cop might just come back with a fucking flurry. You never know when a guy's done. Because if you look at Alistar Overeem, a lot of people counted Alistar Overeem out. A lot of people said, man, this guy just keeps getting knocked out by people. Sergei Karotanov knocked him out. Chuck Liddell knocked him out. I think Shogun stopped him once. I mean, he had all these fights where he was getting beat down.

104:08And I think a lot of people said, you know what? This guy's just done. And then he went up to heavyweight. And then he got all of a sudden dedicated. And then all of a sudden, he's the baddest motherfucker in K1. He's the most dangerous guy that's fighting in Strikeforce. I think he's more dangerous than any of those other Strikeforce guys. I know Fedor is a legend. I know Fedor is a bad motherfucker. And I'm a Fedor fan. But I think if Fedor stands with Alistar Overeem, I think it's night-night, soldier. I don't think you can hang in there with that guy. I don't think you realize the level of striking that guy's on right now.

104:35He's been training just straight K1 for a long time now and competing and winning in high-end, high-level competition, against high-level competition, beating Peter Ertz and shit. So there's a gang of those dudes right now that are bad motherfuckers. What's up, Joe Rogan? Drop it on me and shit. Cro Cop could come back. He could come back. As long as he can still take punishment. I mean, he got hit with a big knee from a big guy. But if he can still take punishment and he super dedicates himself, decides, fuck this, I'm coming back. I'm coming back with a vengeance. Him against Roy Nelson could be fun. I'm sitting there the other day watching Tito against Matt Hamill.

105:14And I've always loved Matt Hamill. I like his work ethic. I always pull for him. And I'm watching Tito or whatever. And I'm thinking about fucking John Jones. Pick this guy up and throw him around like a fucking... Like a rag doll. Like a rag doll. I was thinking about this this week. I'm looking at this going, this is what's coming in. When John Jones handles dudes, it's like... You ever seen a strong bug, like a beetle, pick another bug up and just kind of toss it around? Like bugs can do crazy shit to each other. Like ants can just pick other ants up like they're nothing and just toss them around. It doesn't look like they're even straining.

105:48That's how it looks like when John Jones throws people around. John Jones did that to that kid. My heart stopped. Dude. He fucking stopped, man. His lateral drop, when he gets those double overhooks on you, he hit... Who did he hit with it? He hit... The guy with that... Stephen Bonner. Stephen Bonner. He hit Stephen Bonner with it. Brilliant. He hit Gusma with it. Gusma was his first opponent in the UFC. He apparently... Tate Fletcher told me that he hit it on Keith Jardine in training. He said, dude, you can't even believe it when you see it. Keith is this big, strong, powerful dude. And John Jones just launches him through the air, flips him over his heel.

106:20I mean, you know, lateral drop is you're flipping a guy through the fucking air. Feet up, ankles flying, and he does that to Keith Jardine on a regular. He's just that strong. He's just freak strong, freak technique, super smart, super humble dude. You know, that's the next level, man. That level of athleticism that comes with those guys, that's the next level. That's coming right now. John Jones is just like all those other super athletes in other sports. Just like a Jordan. He's just one of these guys. He's just a bad motherfucker. Bad motherfucker with his mind. But the super athletes also have a downfall to them. What? They also have... There's a dark side to them.

106:56They don't have what you were talking about before, which is technique. They rely too much on the athleticism. Oh, John Jones has a perfect technique. Well, it draws as they're more involved in it. And that's what happens to Michael Vick, for example. Did Jordan rely on technique? I don't know much about basketball. Was he a technique guy or was he just an athletic guy? He was very athletic, but he knew the game of basketball. He had to be. He was one of the greatest ever. He knows the game of basketball. But what I'm saying is when it comes to fighting sometimes, people have very fast hand speed or they're good with their legs and they move good, but they just don't...

107:26The athleticism stops and you always lose the technique. Right. You know, like you'll never be a GSP. Right. He's a great athlete, but the motherfucker got great technique. His technique's perfect. He's perfect, you know. And it's just so weird. His guy, John Donaher, the guy who handles... He does a lot of the training of GSP and a lot of the strategy of GSP. And he was brought in to coach with GSP on this season, the Ultimate Fighter. You saw him. He's the Australian dude. Right. The short-haired guy. Yeah, I'm sorry. New Zealand guy. He does Jiu-Jitsu 15 hours a day. He's like 43 years old and Jiu-Jitsu is this guy's life. Right.

107:58And he's a brilliant motherfucker. He lives on his mat, I heard. He sleeps on the mats when he takes naps and shit, because he teaches during the day. You know, when he's got no classes, he's just taking naps and shit. I heard that his room is a fucking mat. Oh, really? Where he sleeps. It might be. And he's one of these guys... There's a lot of legend behind this guy. I heard that. Like, he's one of these guys like us. Like, you know, like as a comic sometimes, the best material you get is right about before you close your fucking eyes. And you have a decision to make. Either you can get up and write the joke,

108:24or you can get up and say to yourself, I remember it in the morning. Right. And then you don't remember who gots in the morning. Right, right. It's this motherfucker takes it to the next level. He's in bed thinking of a move. Right. He'll get up at four in the morning and get a dummy. Just start rolling. And start rolling with the fucking, you know, whatever. Just to see if leverage or whatever. I heard he's one of those guys. You know, that just... They credit him with inventing the Darce choke. There's a choke that Joe D'Arcy is famous for because Mayhem Miller got caught in it by Joe D'Arcy and they brought it back and they started calling it the Darce choke.

108:54I talked about it during the podcast. But apparently what I've been informed since I said this during the broadcast is that Donaher actually invented this choke. That he figured it out and he's the one who showed it to D'Arcy and D'Arcy showed it to Mayhem. So Donaher, you know, he's a legend in fighting. A legend in, like, he doesn't fight himself because he's got a fucked up knee. But he's a legend amongst jujitsu circles for being, like, one of the baddest motherfuckers to deal with. Well, his theories are exactly... They mirror my theories when it comes to MMA. And it's the theory that they espoused when coaching this show, The Ultimate Fighter. They're like, fuck all this trying to be the toughest, you know, guy.

109:33Trying to, you know, run up hills the hardest and throw bags of sand around the hardest. Just, no, what's most important is your technique. The technique has to be the most important. And it's not mental toughness. It's not your ability to, you know, hold your breath underwater, hold it onto rocks. It's technique. Technique and training that technique at a furious pace and you'll develop... How do you learn how to fight, Joe? How do you learn? You learn... By fighting! You grow up a gym. So what's a fucking tube where you're running up a hill? That's something I never... It's great. Conditioning's great. There's something to strength and conditioning to prevent injuries and to give you a certain amount of strength,

110:07a certain amount of power. To utilize those techniques. But when you get past that, technique is the most important thing. Absolutely. And these guys, you know, this Donaher guy, like talking to him just reinforces, in my eyes, the importance of a super dedicated coach, like a guy like him. You know, a guy like him or a guy like Greg Jackson, especially Donaher. I'm a big fan of his. And Greg's. Those guys are huge for a fighter's career. You know, to find a wise guy who is in that role. He's not... He can't compete. He was born with a fucked up knee. Like he literally... He can't like do strength and conditioning shit. He can't run.

110:43His knee's fucked up. He probably can't take kicks in it. So he's not going to be fighting. But he's fascinated by it and he's fascinated by it as a science. Just like you would be fascinated by chess as a science. Absolutely. And that's how he breaks it down. It's not about toughness or ego or any silliness like that. It's all just about executing the perfect technique and strategy. Did you watch The Ultimate Fighter last week? Yes. They had a knucklehead on there and he walks around and he's tough. But then the other guy, everybody says, avoid his fucking guillotine. Yep. Did you see what that knucklehead did? What'd he do? He just dove in on him.

111:12Went into the fucking guillotine. Yeah, well, it's because the kid came wild at him and he just forced him into his habits. Do you think that... That kid could beat the fuck out of me. That kid with the guillotine. Because again... That kid's got a nasty guillotine. He's got a nasty guillotine. Well, he's got a weird way of holding it too. Absolutely. He doesn't hold it like a normal guy does. He turns it so that the back of the palm is facing the face and he pushes down on it and it kind of closes off both sides of the neck quicker. I'm fucking around with it. A lot of guys did that. Nate Diaz did that to...

111:41Who the fuck did he fight? God damn it. Irish hand grenade. Marcus Davis. Marcus Davis. He did that same technique to Marcus Davis. He pushes his knuckles. He pushes like... He grabs a hold of his hand and pushes his hand towards the neck and that's how he closes it off. It's like... That's the thing about jiu-jitsu, man. Guys are constantly... coming up with new variations to techniques, constantly adding new ways to do it. There's a bunch of different variations. You can't learn it all, man. And that's like... Every guy has a different kind of style. Some guys always have the newest, craziest moves and they have this giant encyclopedia of moves they can hit you with.

112:13And then there's other guys that only hit a certain amount of moves all the time. They go for arm triangles, chokes, arm bar. They have three or four moves that they only go to. Off their back, they have arm bar, triangle. That's it. These are just only moves they go to, but they're nasty at them. You know, like Noguera. Noguera doesn't do like crazy wild stuff. His jiu-jitsu is like old school Hicks and Gracie style jiu-jitsu. It's like the real traditional jiu-jitsu. But everything he does, he does perfect. You know what I'm saying? Like everything is perfect technically. Like I don't see Noguera doing, you know, any crazy like go-go plata,

112:47rubber guard, sweep shit. Like he's going to just tap you with triangles, tap you with arm bars. You know what I'm saying? Tap you with guillotines, get your back, choke you out. All like the standard stuff, like Haja Gracie, same thing. All the standard moves. They just hone them to a science, you know? So there's two schools of thought. Like Hicks and Gracie is a perfect example. Widely recognized as the greatest jiu-jitsu guy ever. Everybody says that. But Hicks and Gracie is traditional jiu-jitsu. That's what he hits you with. He doesn't hit you with some crazy moves you never saw before. He just goes through you with perfect. He knows everything. He knows everything.

113:18But his jiu-jitsu is all very standard, old school jiu-jitsu. He's just perfect at it. Everything he does is perfect technique, perfect position. He's been there a billion times. It's a part of his DNA. And everybody says the same thing. You don't even know what the fuck jiu-jitsu is until you roll with Hicks and they say he just takes it to another level. He goes, it's just, you realize like there's levels to this game and you think you know what the levels are until you roll with a guy like Hicks and you just realize this motherfucker knows exactly what to do. Every time you move a certain way he knows exactly how to respond

113:49and he does it effortlessly. And you feel like you're a child. You feel like you just learned how to do this and you're getting strangled. Meanwhile, you've been putting in 10 years. You've been going to the gym three, four days a week for 10 years sweating your ass off doing fucking running hills doing kettlebell drills. You're like, I'm a bad motherfucker. You're like, I'm 28 years old. I did a cycle at Anivar. Where's Hickson? And you roll with him and you just rolled around like a little baby. Like a little baby. You don't even know what the fuck's going on. All technique. They say you don't feel any of his strength. You don't even feel his strength.

114:17You don't feel it. It's just all of a sudden he's mounted on you and you can't shake him off. You try to shake him off he counters that shake. He's all of a sudden got an arm trapped and you try to fight that arm all of a sudden you're in a triangle. It's like it's just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom and then you tap and you're like, I don't even feel like he got tired. He didn't even break a sweat. You're exhausted. You just fought for your fucking life against some ever moving anaconda that's figuring out some new way to cut off your blood and then boom, tap and you have to tap and then you're just humiliated

114:41and you start back from scratch. Technique. Technique. Technique, brother. Technique. Technique never ends, man. Another shout out to the fucking sponsor that hit it. Flashlight. Flashlight. Flashlight. Flashlight. Check him out. Like I said, you put ice cubes in there and then you put a little bit of fucking cum in there and then you put Alka-Seltzer in there so when you're fucking it you get the Alka-Seltzer on your helmet and you get the ice cube effect from outside your helmet. You cum in it and then you fucking I don't fucking know. I don't have this in my house. I'm just trying to help people out here. I have one for you. It's a blue one.

115:13No, I don't want no fucking pedaling. You don't want it? I'm not gonna fuck nothing like that. I don't like board. I just have ideas. Do you still even beat off? How often do you beat off on a regular basis? Once a week. Once a week? Really? That's it? Why? Wow. Why don't you do it more? For what? Brian wants to hear stories. Yeah. What did you do it to today? I'm not that big on the beat off. You're not big on it? No. I feel fucking guilty at times. Yeah. It's always a sad feeling. It's very sad when you beat off. Go to a strip club and make them believe the stripper's gonna meet you

115:44at Denny's afterward. You know what I'm saying? That ain't never gonna happen. That ain't never gonna fucking happen. You always get that one idiot, Doug, let's go to Denny's. She said she's gonna meet me. Fucking nobody gonna meet you. What's up, Red Band? That's the game, son. That's the game, baby. That's the game. Have you ever dated a girl that her phone has emergency porn videos just in case she doesn't have internet and she has to masturbate? No, don't. That's disgusting. For real? Yeah, Esther does that. Do you think she wants the world to know this? Oh, I don't know. Probably not. Yeah, that seems like you just ratted her out, bro. What's the matter with you?

116:17Wow. Some chicks get crazy with the porn, though. No, they love it. There's other girls that are offended by porn. Some chicks get offended. Some chicks get crazy with it. It's a weird thing, huh? It's a weird thing. Some girls think you need it. Like, oh, you need it to keep a relationship. There was a girl that I dated in high school and then I ran into her many, many years later and somehow or another she got on the subject of getting bored while she's married. She was a whore. She probably wanted to fuck. And she got on the subject of watching porn when you're married. And I'm like, you guys watch porn together? She's like, oh, yeah.

116:48I mean, after a while you get just so tired of each other. You just want to watch something else. It sounded so gross. And they wonder why the fucking husband's fucking some tattooed pig. That's why. Fucking filthy fucking animals that they are. Old school, ladies and gentlemen. Old fucking school. Joey Diaz. That's old school. I don't got time for this new shit. That was a strong two-hour sprint, Joey. You fucking threw it down today. Did I? Yeah, you did. There were some classic moments. What did I say today? Well, you said everything. Like 10 minutes and shit. You said there was some classic goddamn moments. It was one of my favorite podcasts. Really? Yeah.

117:24Why are you blowing smoke up my ass to the fans? You made me laugh. Every time I come up, he puts the security cameras on. You made me laugh my fucking ass off. Fucking guy. That was a good one. Anyway, I love doing it with you guys. It's a lot of fun, always. What would happen? What'd you do? Nothing. I was just getting the ending song ready. You can't not do that. How do people get a hold of your podcast? They know how to fucking get a hold of me. No, they don't. Beauty and the Beast podcast. We dropped it this morning. Beauty and the Beast podcast. Go to beautyandthebeast.com and download it there.

117:52Or download on iTunes. You guys own beautyandthebeast.com? How the fuck did you get that? I don't fucking know. Beauty and the Beast. Oh, D-A. D-A. Well, you just confused the shit out of a bunch of people. I don't know what you're saying. I'm going to get home. Mickey's going to be in my house. Hey, have you ever wondered about that? What if you become famous? You might not be able to keep that name. Disney might fuck with you guys. Beauty and the Beast? Yeah, they might fuck with you guys. We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. Who gives a fuck? Why not just have other Joey Diaz and Felicia podcasts?

118:18Because you guys are awesome. How about Booty and the Beast? Shut up, Brian. I don't know. Why not just have you guys, your names? Wouldn't it be better beneficial to you guys if your name was on the podcast? Who the fuck knows? Joey Diaz and Felicia Michaels. Why confuse people? Just go to Beauty and the Beast. Who gives a fuck? Just join your... They do give a fuck. People love you, man. They know why I fucking get a hold of me. They want to find you. Beautyandthebeast.com. They want other people to be able to find you online. Go to Twitter. I'm on MySpace big like a motherfucker. Your tags are off. Your tags are off.

118:47Nobody understands where you are. What do you mean by tags? Mad Flavor. You need to get Mad Flavor on Twitter. Mad Flavor at Twitter. Mad Flavor at Twitter. What's my Mad Flavor at whatever? What is your... I don't know. Your Facebook? Joey Coco Diaz at Facebook. Yeah, someone couldn't find you. The Vaporizer dude couldn't find you. Yeah, the Vaporizer dude. He's looking for you. I don't understand how he couldn't find me. I think he sent you a MySpace message though reluctantly. Yeah, he did. He jumped into the waters of MySpace. How could you find his message inside all the spam? I like the Vaporizer. I like the Vaporizer. I just thought the well was a little too small.

119:15You know, I smoke 50 fucking bongas. Jesus Christ. Vaporized weed is something so different to me. I can't smoke a lot of it. Every time I do too many Vaporizer hits, I'm not comfortable. I don't like it. What happens to you? It's too fucking spacey. Good. I'm going to go home and get fucking high tonight. I'm going to smoke that whole battery and have Vaporizer. I can't keep up with the thoughts. It's like they're coming too fast. That's what you want to do. No, no, no, no. I like them around mid-level, mid-stream so that I can still think. Mid-stream. When I get super, super, super high, sometimes it's like it takes me an hour

119:46before I can enjoy it because for the first hour I'm just like, whoa. It's just moving along too fast. It's like there's a river of fish swimming by me and they're all little and I'm trying to grab handfuls of them. I can't get one of them. I got the SuperSales and I'm going to go to vaporize that motherfucker to death. And don't forget, people, we're going to be at the Austin. Austin, Cap City next week. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, the 4th through the 6th. We're going to be ripping it the fuck up. That's not next week though, right? Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's fucking Halloween this Sunday, gentlemen. All Saints Day is Monday.

120:19We're going to fucking Austin next Wednesday at 6 o'clock, motherfuckers. We'll be at 11. It's Halloween next Sunday, next Sunday, bro. Yeah, that's what I said to you. Oh, okay. So we're going the following week, which is next week, isn't it? Next week is Austin. Yes. That's what the fuck Oh, yeah, you're right. It is next week. We're going to Austin next motherfucking week, so get it together. Five fun-filled shows. There's a couple tickets left. Jump on that bitch right now. Oh, that's right. Austin. Don't forget the fleshlight. Don't forget Beauty and the Beast. Don't forget I'm writing for ProMMA.com with my man Jack. You know what you need to do? Fuck all this writing.

120:52They just need to get a camera and turn it on you and have you talk and put it on as a video blog. What's up with this writing nonsense? I love writing. Don't worry about that. Well, I know you love writing. Just do what you got to do. You can do that if you like, but if they really want to get the most out of you, what the fuck, cocksucker? I don't want you to change your name. All you got to do is roll that number. Roll that number, cocksucker. Don't worry about changing names. What are you? Fucking Border Wars? Roll that number, bitch. I love your name. I don't want you to change your name.

121:19You know I love you, right? Red Band. How did you become Planet Rock? What was this? I don't know who gave me Planet Rock. I thought you came up with it. No, I'm Mad Flavor from Biggie. Mad Flavor you definitely came up with. Biggie gave me Mad Flavor 95. And then also Joey Karate. That's right. Joey Karate I gave myself before Tommy Karate came up with that motherfucker. Who's Tommy Karate? Tommy Pitera, the fucking guy who was in the Witness Relocation plant. Fuck him. What? Again. What are you talking about? White Crowe of Spilt Milk. Some guy, Tommy Pitera. Look him up. He wrote a book and he's Tommy Karate. What is this, Brian? This is Mika versus Red One.

121:53Is it good? I don't know. I just thought I'd play something I don't know. Remember? You're just going to take a chance? Yeah, I'm taking a chance. Why would you do that? Because that's how Brian works. It's gay as fuck, bro. It's so gay. I ruined that. Kill it and let's wrap it up with that Die Antwoord song again. It's not connecting to your internet right now. That's why I switched to this. But you have it already. I love you guys. Thank you very much for watching the podcast. It's not connecting to the internet? This is one of the best podcasts I do. I love these fucking guys, especially Red Band and Rogan. You know what I'm saying?

122:22I'll be right out there, princess. We enjoy the fuck out of doing it. Thank you, everybody, for tuning in. We appreciate it very much. And Joey and I, again, we'll see you next week in Austin, Texas. We're there for three nights, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Ripping it up, bitches. What is this, Brian? This is MC Chris. Oh, you fucking homo.

122:49Is this like caviar?

122:55It's an acquired taste. Yes. I like it.

123:05That's not bad.

123:10That's not bad. Do you like it? I'm the kid you look up when you feel like getting shook up. I got cockroach clusters. I got them chocolate frogs. I got every flavor made by that baby birdie box. I got what you want. I got what you need. I got those whizzy beats so fizzy. You say whizzy, please. I'm someone with a spell because pages are prohibited. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. We will see you

123:32probably Thursday. It looks like we're going to do another one on Thursday. We've been doing mostly two a week.

123:39And I appreciate the fuck out of every time I come to the shows and all the people that come up to me and tell me that they really like the podcast. Well, that's why we're doing it. We're doing it for you guys. It really means the world to us. We enjoy the fuck out of doing it and we're going to keep doing it. Thank you very much and we'll see you soon. Thank you. Bye bye. Big kiss. Love you, bitches.