Adam Carolla

00:02Hello freaks. This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by Ting. Ting has a a new thing going on right now as we speak. There's a a new contest going on where they're giving away an iPhone 5 to one lucky Joe Rogan podcast listener. To enter go to rogan.ting.com, fill out the savings calculator and see how much you'd save using Ting. Tweet how much you'd save to @joerogan with the hashtag Ting. That's like the little pound sign, used to be pound. Pound Ting and the winner will be announced Friday, April 4th. US residents only. Very ironic for those who live in Canada cuz although Ting is an awesome cell phone company, it doesn't work in Canada. It works in Canada but you can't like live in Canada and buy it. I don't know why. I don't understand anything. What is Ting? Ting is a no cell phone service. What they have is a Sprint backbone. They use Sprint, they

00:59rent time in the Sprint network but they do it all their way with no contracts, no early terminations fees, no uh bundling or ride along services. The rates are what the way it works is you pay for what you use. If you use more, you pay more. If you use less, you pay less. 98% of people who would use Ting would save money. That's straight from their website so it must be true. I've done no research of my own to verify this. But I have friends that use it. Chris Ryan uses it. Uh he loves it. I know I know several people that I've met from doing the podcast that use Ting, love the service and love the fact they save a shitload of money. Go to rogan.ting.com and you can save 25 bucks off of your first Ting device. We're also brought to you by onnit.com. That's O N N I T. Lots of new going on with Onnit. I have a secret but I can't tell you. We got a a lot of

01:56happening but what Onnit is is a human optimization website. What we sell is essentially all the different things that I use as far as like strength and conditioning equipment like kettlebells or or club bells or battle ropes, all things for developing functional strength, all the different supplements that we found that we find beneficial whether it's Alpha Brain which is a combinatory nootropic or Shroom Tech Sport which is a an endurance supplement based on the cordyceps mushroom. All the different supplements have science behind them. If you go to onnit.com, you can read all the references. There's been a clinical test recently that we just did on Alpha Brain. The double-blind placebo test showed positive results. The all those the lab results are available at onnit.com and there's more tests ongoing right now. One for . We've got another Alpha Brain going on one right now.

02:47Um these are controversial supplements cuz a lot of people think wait wait a minute, brain supplements, food for your brain. It actually makes you smarter. Get the out of here. It's like a big dick pill. Well, it's not. The the the science behind it has been around for a long time and all the references and all the information and data behind it is at onnit.com. We also offer a 100% money-back guarantee for 90 days on the first 30 pills. You buy a bottle, try it. You don't even have to bring it back. You don't have to send it in. You just say it sucked and you get your money back. The reason why we do that is because first of all, we don't want anybody to feel ripped off. These are controversial supplements in the begin in the first place. And two because we believe in it. It's all that I use. I used it long before I started working with Onnit. Um I've been a fan of nootropics for a a

03:33long time now. Go to onnit.com, O N N I T, use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements. All right, that's it. Let's keep it brief. Adam Carol's here. Running out of time. Cue music. Cue it. Cue it, Jamie. Do it, Jamie. Jesus Christ. Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, JOE ROGAN PODCAST BY NIGHT. All day. Adam Carolla, I saw you looking. Want some of this? for some coffee. This is coffee with grass-fed butter and MCT oil mixed into it. Wow. Do you know what that is? No. Well, the idea behind it it was apparently invented by a guy named Rob Wolf and then made popular by another guy named Dave Asprey. And what it is is the grass-fed butter and the MCT oil provide healthy fats mixed in with the coffee Mhm. and it allows a slow burn of the caffeine. So instead of that big crash that you get, you don't get the

04:28big crash because your body has to absorb the fats that are blended in with the caffeine. It's very nice. It's sweet. Very nice. Yeah. Now what I do is I simply eat cows that have been fed coffee grounds. That's a way to do it, a roundabout way. like a cappuccino porterhouse or whatever. Like instead of the grass-fed beef, I just feed them just straight Sumatra beans straight from Whole Foods or Trader Joe's and then I'll eat that cow. I would go to that steak joint, by the way. The coffee fed steak joint. just coffee-fed cow. Bunch of cows all jittery sitting around scratching at their udders and you know, scraping themselves up against the fence. But I would definitely eat that that cow. Sounds like a great idea, actually. I wonder if it would have some sort of effect on the meat. Cuz for sure corn does. I'm in, man. I'm in, too. Let's open it. Let's do it together. A joint podcast

05:22business. Yeah. I want to also I want to tell me if you're down with this. Okay. The best part of going out and eating Italian food is where is when the chick comes by with that little silver bucket that has the Parmesan cheese in it. Oh. And she does it, "Would you like a little Parmesan on that pasta?" And you go, "Fuck yeah, I'd like a little Parmesan on that pasta." And she takes the spoon out and she kind of flicks it around the top. You never quite have the balls to go, "Sweetie, I need a second dip." Like is that good? And you go, "Yeah, that's good." I realize half the time when people say you're good, I'm not good but I just say I'm good anyway. And then she walks away and then you eat the spaghetti but you eat the top. You take the Parmesan off the top and you get at some point you get down to the middle and now you're Parmesan-less. I would open a restaurant where that

06:14came back a second time and it's just called More Parmesan. It's mediocre Italian food but here's the rub. The chick comes back a second time and goes, "Can I top off some of that that I didn't hit the first time around?" of diminishing return with cheese? Like there gets to be a point where you don't want half cheese, half pasta. That would be a wreck. No, but the ratio is too great with the cheese at the beginning and then you're cheese-less in the middle to the end. I just want that last dusting. Just that crop dust that filled the Parmesan. It's more exciting in fascinating in the beginning and the end you're just sort of maintaining. Yeah. Are you in maintenance mode? No, I'm fine. Okay, good. Everything seems good. Good. I like your digs. I Last time I I came to your place, I was at your place and now I'm at your new place. Yeah, we got tired of bringing weirdos

07:04over my house. After after a while I realized No, I I I had that with I had Andy Dick come over to my house and devour all of my lunch meats and like thinly sliced provolone cheese. You know, the stuff you get from the Italian deli that comes wrapped up in the in the paper in the white paper. Yeah. And there's a weird thing and I don't know how you feel about this but I grew up poor and hungry. Like I was hungry all the time and food was a big deal and I had to mooch a lot of food off of other people, go to other people's houses and mooch their food. At lunch was always bumming, you know, "Hey, you're going to finish that sandwich? Can I eat that sandwich?" You know, it's like I'm always mooching and bumming. Henry's Tacos over here in North Hollywood. When I was a kid, I used to go there and get the broken taco shells. I'd go, "You They make hard shell tacos,

08:00right?" Yeah. "You got any broken shells?" They'd go, "Yeah, some of them break." I go, "Give me the broken shells." They give me the broken shells. I go, "Give me some hot sauce." They go, "Here's some hot sauce. It's free." I go, "Can I have a cup of water?" Cup of water and I'm just sitting there eating my own nachos for free. It sucked at the time though. It was like, all right, I'm getting free food. Uh I was always crazy with food and if somebody ever gets into my I'm okay with it but there was some about the lunch meat. Andy Dick came over and he's like, "You got any cheese? You got any lunch meat?" And he stood in my kitchen and he was just taking big handfuls of it and just shoving it in his face. And then later on when we did the podcast, he lit up a cigar, smoked half of it in my office and then kept the other half but he never retrieved it and it rolled behind

08:48my printer and then my house smelled like smoked lunch meats and smoked cigars and Andy Dick for the next week and I was like, "It's time to move it to the studio. It's time to go to It's time to go to the warehouse." How long ago was this? I probably It's so weird cuz at the time you don't think to like write anything down but I probably started from my den in my house and I probably lasted about three or four months and then I moved it to my warehouse. year did you start podcasting? You started right when the radio show was done? Yeah, in February '09. Isn't it funny that that was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to you is the radio show being done? Cuz that radio show being done let you just completely be you, not worry about nothing, talk say whatever the you want and your podcast became the biggest podcast in the world directly as a result of that. You went

09:41right from one right into the other and it became better. Well, you know, uh we like to get philosophical which is what I always dig about doing your show and everyone spends their life fearful and trying to avoid change. And they look at change as a as a negative all the time. Like I want to keep my job. I want to keep my house. I want to keep my car. I want to I want to keep my wife. I want to keep, you know, unless you start making some real cash and then you know, it's time for change. But what I'm saying is you want to you you we spend our whole lives sort of hanging on to whatever we're hanging on to, our youth or whatever. It's don't change. And then when somebody gets fired or somebody gets, you know, for me I tried to be a groundling. And and after a certain point the groundling said, you're not going to make it. And you're gone. And I was heartbroken and devastated. And I've

10:42had girlfriends dump me and I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I've been fired from jobs. Oh my god, I had a terrestrial radio gig and it paid tons of cash and I had a big contract and now you're done. So you spend your entire life basically fearful and trying to avoid change. But my question to you is when is change ever been bad? When is it ever slowed you down? It is it doesn't it just open up other opportunities and can't you look back on your life at a million times that things have changed and then almost immediately were better after that change. Sure your girlfriend dumps you and you're bummed out beating off in a heap of tears for 6 weeks or months. And then you meet a hotter chick or a different chick or a smarter chick. You know what I'm saying? Same with the job. Same your entire journey of life. What is no change? No change is working at the same postal

11:36sorting place in Illinois for 41 years. That's no change. So even though we're always freaked out by change it's usually a good thing and it's basically life. For people with the right attitude who do the right things right after a change, definitely. But some people allow the change to beat the out of them and they never recover. There's people that got dumped in high school and were never the same human being afterwards. There's There's people that just never recovered from getting fired from the first good job they had and then got a pill addiction or whatever the There's people that got one divorce and they lost all their money and they just said start drinking. They just this. I'll throw it all away now. No, I know I agree and those people need to change. And those people, I mean, you ever talked to those dudes that are hanging on to some from 20

12:28years ago? It's ridiculous. I can't talk to someone who's hanging on to some from 2 weeks ago. Like Cut it out. You know, Dr. Drew when he first started doing Loveline a million years ago he worked with a dude called the Poorman. I remember that guy. And Poorman got himself fired. And I don't know all the ins and outs, but he sent a bunch of listeners over to Bean of Kevin and Bean's house, gave him his address, they came out to his lawn. What a douchebag. Well, he did a few things that, you know, the management wasn't happy about. enemies, him and Bean, or was it just for a goof? I think Bean was screwing with Poorman and Poorman was screwing with Bean, but it's like you it's it's like I was tickling you and you were tickling me and then I walked away and you took a snow shovel and hit me over the head with it, you know? And whatever it is he crossed the line. And at some point

13:25the management just went well, we're making a change. And uh Poorman, you're out. And Riki Rachtman, you're in. And okay, Riki Rachtman took over. And it was Dr. Drew and Riki Rachtman. And Poorman always wanted Dr. Drew to hold out or quit with him or whatever he wanted him to do. I don't even know all the details. Now, 3 years later I showed up and I took over for Riki Rachtman. Uh 6 months ago I was doing one of my like Mangria tasting events um in Manhattan and somebody who was affiliated with the Poorman was dispatched to come to the event and sort of corner me and hold a microphone in front of me and say like what do you think of the Poorman and what do you think of Dr. Drew and all that? And I I started thinking myself Jesus Christ, it's been 20 years. And when I say 20 years, I mean 22 years. I thought let it go, man. Move on to whatever you're moving on to. I I don't

14:40know if you got screwed or you didn't get screwed. We all get screwed at some point or another. Move it on. And I think she said is there anything you'd like to say to Poorman? And by the way all I did was fill in all I did was take over for the guy who took over for him. I don't even have any association with him. And I just said may the next 20 years be as fruitful as the last. Always a good thing to say to someone, but in context. Yes, in context. So I guess some people move on better than others, but uh people, if you're staring in your rearview mirror and you never stop looking at that thing and all you want is for that thing to make you whole again you just keep driving and get getting further away. The years just keep wearing on and that thing you're staring on staring at, that thing's moved on. Yeah, patterns of thoughts can be really good if you're just one of those guys

15:41that develops a really good pattern of thought. Dust yourself off. All right, you keep moving by default. And we're going to use this. It's going to be fuel and from here on out things are going to be way better because there's no losses, there's only lessons. Right. our lesson, we're moving on. And then there's the other person that by default always happens to me, man. Always happens to me. Right. tired of the full the world me over. She leaves me and right when my boss Right. the same nonsense. No, I always love the I love the why'd you get fired? I got fired cuz I do the work of five dudes and the boss felt threatened. It's like, yeah. Has that ever happened? No. No, I've been the boss a lot of times. I fire the guys who do the work of half a dude, not five dudes. guy. You're a nice guy. There are some people that don't like you doing better than them. If they're in a position of

16:31power, they will you over. There are always, you know, I I I say there are always people who are out there to you over, just like there your chances, there's a there's a chance that you can be hit by drunk driver when you're just sitting in an intersection, you know. Minding your own business, just this guy is you know, 0.275 blows through a red light, is completely blottoed and just puts you in a wheelchair or a casket. I mean, there is that opportunity. It's out there for everyone. And then there's the chance that you win the lottery or your dad is Jerry Jones and owns a professional sports franchise and when he dies he's going to give the Dallas Cowboys to you. That's not going to be anybody we know. They'll be the high, they'll be the low. Almost everyone we know will live in the middle. And the middle is you get the boss that has it out for you.

17:37You get the girlfriend that dumps you, cheated on you. And then you have the best friend who did you solid and the boss who was a really cool guy. And the landlord that was cool and the landlord that is a dick. You're just going to live in the middle. So when you when you're in the middle and once you've decided you're not blessed, you're not cursed, you're just in the middle now you get to control your own own destiny. I firmly believe that without all those fuckups you the the honey isn't as sweet. Right. to you have to get dumped. If you don't get dumped, if I was still with the same girl that I didn't want to get dumped by when I was 17, my life would be horrifying. Yeah. a horrible disaster. She was, you know, we were not compatible. Right. Who were you compatible with at 17? Exactly. Who is compatible with anybody at 17? I wasn't at you think about it. Like you

18:33hear about these people, oh you know, we're we're 23, we're going to get married. Think about where your head was at at 23. Oh god. No nowhere. It was in the clouds. I mean, I I don't even know that guys should be allowed to get married before 30. Yeah, I don't think you can think straight. You're you're you're First off, it's amazing that you're an adult and just how stupid you are when you're 22 or 23. So dude also in terms of your understanding of a woman or giving her what she needs or responsibility or responsibility yourself, family, that kind of stuff. No way. Especially if you don't have a close relationship to some women, either women that are you're friends with that you grew up with or preferably sisters or a close relationship with your mother. Right. a guy that, you know, like grows up with his dad and mom's out of the picture and you're supposed to learn women, good

19:26luck. It's like showing up in a school in Mexico and trying to take first year Spanish. Yeah. Everybody's way ahead of you, man. They're way ahead of you. They like we don't understand each other until deep into our 30s as far as like men and women kind of understanding it that this other person who is they have a completely different way of thinking. There's a completely different wiring under the board and you press a button that you'd press on a guy and get a positive response, and someone's mad at you. And you have to kind of figure out what to say, and what not to say, and what to tease about, and what you can't tease about ever. I when I I didn't have a real close relationship with my family, but when my when I was about 19 or 20 I was doing construction I was, you know, doing construction. I mean, I was picking up garbage on a construction site, and digging ditches,

20:27and, you know, basically just a glorified goon, for you know, just like literally you you think of it as, oh, you're constr- you know, a bunch of guys wearing hard hats and putting together I-beams and girders. No, it's just me walking around picking up garbage, you know. That's kind sweeping and stacking drywall, you know. I was probably making about seven or eight dollars an hour. And my dad said to me uh you're going to have trouble with women. And I was like why? And he's like, uh I was married to your mom, and you were raised by your mom, and the there's going to be issues here. And he said, uh I'm going to find you a shrink. And I'll pay for half, and you pay for half. Now, it is insane when you make eight dollars an hour, and you're sitting down with someone who gets a a hundred dollars an hour for 50 minutes. It's the most insane thing in the world.

21:24It was literally like five hours of work for me to sit down with this woman in Beverly Hills and discuss my problems when I was 20. And what what kind of problems did you have that were so unusual that you had to sit down with a shrink? My dad, who comes from that kind of world basically said you need to sit down with a woman and you need to establish a relationship with a woman. That's a good relationship. Basically saying, it's not so much the information that you're going to get from her, but it's the relationship that you're going to have with her. So, the fact that she's in a position of authority, and that she's intelligent, and she's rational, and then you have to see her, and you sort of raise your bar on women because of that? Yeah, not so much um raising the bar, but just like you have never had a positive consistent relationship with something that has a vagina. Ah.

22:32And I you need to have that. So he he basically saw trouble in your future. He did. And he he knew that well, I didn't have that with my mom, and I didn't really have that with my grandma, and I wasn't really having that with anybody around me, and that this needed to be established. That's some deep insight by your dad. Yeah. I It was kind of inter- I mean, it is kind of his bag, you know, it's kind of his thing. But it was And, you know, it's one of these things where it's like a multivitamin. You know, I used to tell people like therapy's like a multivitamin. They're like, does it work? Does it not work? I go do you feel different? I go, I I don't know. When you take a multivitamin, do you feel different? Or are you just being active in your health? Right. participating in your health. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Yeah. And, you know, obviously when

23:27you take a Quaalude, you feel different. But when you take a multivitamin, I don't know if you feel different. It's part of but you should take that multivitamin. That's what I'm saying. Be active in it. I always thought, you know half of therapy is is you physically getting up and going Right. to therapy and participating in that aspect of your life. So, the the therapy wasn't like it's not something like, holy dude, you need therapy. It was more like, you know, it's good to take a vitamin. Yeah. Yeah, it's like if your dad was into holistic health, and he said, here's poor kid. here's some herbs. Take this. drive me crazy. The idea that some douchebag who who's got a an ancient book on leaves knows more than some dude who's spent his entire life studying diseases. And they have like some really good modern cures. But no, over here wants to give you

24:27some holistic cure that may or may not work. Well, here's the whole thing about the holistic stuff for me, and it's sort of the, you know, the wisdom of the Orient and all that kind of To me, it's like this. If you don't have a real problem then it'll cure whatever your non-real problem is. If your real problem is just some sort of fatigue that's based on depression, or or based on something that's going on emotionally in your life, basically it's living in your head, but you say, oh, my joints ache, and I have trouble getting out of bed, and I give you a magic pill that has a little bit of whisker of the cat in it, then that'll work on you. Now, if you got a real problem I do a podcast with a guy named Brian. Brian has a tumor on his brain stem. And he's got a real problem. That's a different problem. And he takes medication that stopped the growth of that of that

25:30tumor. It was experimental at the time, but if that tumor grows then he's dead within six months. And he's 30 years old. So, when you have a tumor on the base of your spine, or the top of your spine, or the base of your brain that's inoperable whisker of the cat, and the hair of the newt is not going to heal that for you. Rhino horn for boners. Right. No, that doesn't work if you have a real problem. That's the best combination. Like or the the best comparison, rather, is rhino horn versus Cialis. Right. them, you know, only works in your mind. You're like, oh, I I I feel more virile. And the the other one gives you a steel rod in your pants for a solid day. Right. You you have a choice whether you want to go with voodoo, or that little blue thing. Well, the rhino horn should be a strap-on rhino horn. You should get the whole horn. Forget about grinding it up into a powder and putting in

26:32your teeth. Just give me the whole horn. I'll put a I'll put a, you know, bicycle inner tube around it, wrap it once around the balls, and nail over the horn. Could you imagine how horrible it would be if men had hard-ons all the time like a horn? It wasn't a biological process that you had to like engage in your head. All factors have to be right, and anything that's wrong, fear, boner shuts down. Drunk, the boner shuts down. All these things happen, your boner shuts down. It's a complex biological process that is the erection. If we just had a rhino horn, and we could just all the time, what a wreck it would be on Earth. Everyone have calloused dicks. We'd have like caked calluses all around the outsides of our dicks. There would be all these places, instead of many petty places, there would be places that would remove the calluses, so you could enjoy pleasure with your dick again.

27:20I'm I'm going to step up your apocalyptic boner future nightmare scenario. I'm going to turn this one up to 11. Then imagine if there were boner poachers. Ah. And they're like, hey, some guy in Japan wants to make some soup out of Rogan's cuz he thinks it's going to make his harder. Wow. Rogan's a virile guy. He's into the MMA. So, next thing you know, you got to look you're looking over your shoulder because there's some dude, and you don't know if he's a game warden, or he's on your side, or their side, but every time the sun goes down, you got to worry about the poachers. Could you imagine there is no way to grow your dick. But could you imagine if the only way to grow your dick would be sucking dicks? You'd have to run around and suck as many dicks as possible to get your dick bigger. Mm. But it did work. So, a girl, when, you know, you pull your pants out, she'd look at your

28:14dick, and she would know for a fact, wow, that's a great dick, but this guy most likely sucks a lot of to get that dick so big. Right. Well, then you'd have to explain that that's just sort of born this way, God's gift. Your dad and grandpa have huge They never sucked Maybe you wouldn't you wouldn't want to protest that much. Yeah, you would have to lie about it a little bit. Like bodybuilders and steroids. I don't know if the chick would assume that, but it would be an interesting thing to find out, a survey of straight guys, which is, if you could grow your by sucking would you be in and down for that? It would be like how much does it grow, too. Like if every dick you sucked it grew an inch, holy There'd be a long negotiation about swallowing, about length, about are we metric or standard here? We going millimeters? We going by the inch? How do we do it? I always say this.

29:12Everyone talks about, you know, your dick, your dick size, you measure the dick. How do you measure the dick? I say this. This It should be standardized. You measure your this way. You You heard it on Joe Rogan show, once and for all. Okay. The official way to do it, use a cloth measuring tape. Center of the anus. What? Hear me out. Center of the anus, once around the balls, to just past the tip. Just past the tip. That's That's the official way I measure my and I think it should be a standard. That's um that's very generous of you. That's the way you measure your I've heard you're supposed to measure from the bottom and I think that's ridiculous. Everybody knows that's the dirty way. Center of anus. Don't cheat it back. Go center. Yeah. Once around the balls, just past the tip. Let me ask you another thing, Joe. related. Tell me if you'd be down with this. Okay. I I've I've given this

30:07a lot a lot of thought a lot more thought than than than I'm really comfortable admitting, but I had this idea where we do a water displacement test on every guy over 18. Your hard into a graduated cylinder filled to the top with water through just a very thin sheet of like stainless steel, lower you down, and we literally see how much water's displaced by your tumescent Hmm. Okay? Now, this factors in girth and length and everything else. This is Right. So, it'd be a volume issue. It'd be a volume thing. This is water displacement. Okay. Once we do that we do it for every male in America over the age of 18. You then are issued a windbreaker. That windbreaker has your ranking on it. Not how much water you displace, not how big your is, but out of let's say there's a 100 million males that are over the age of 18 in the United States, what place you come in. Number one

31:24that'd be a pretty good windbreaker to have. Yeah. You'd also anybody was in the top 10 would be making the rounds on the late night shows and each year you know, there's two, three, five million guys turning 18. It all has to be recalibrated every year. I mean, you may getting bigger? If you saw a graph of how big dicks used to be in the 20s and 2014 Well, you know, just if if if people are getting bigger, I'm I'm sure proportionately we are. So, the point is this. You may be number one, but there's always some guy turning 18. I mean, there's a thousand guys just turned 18 in the time I said that. And they're getting tested and there's a big reveal and for one month everybody's got to wear that windbreaker wherever they are. And you know, look, if you're number going to wear that thing for a month if you're That's the rule. 2,999,000 And uh Someone's it's starting at 100

32:26million. I mean, you can be Somebody's going to be last. Well, there's three 150 million, 300 million people in the country, so 150 million plus minus. Right, but then you got to go 18-year-old right after that. But let's just call it 100 million people. Okay. And for my money the number one dude is going to do all the late night shows and the last dude he's going to make the rounds, too. You know what I mean? one guy that has the biggest in the world apparently? He went to the TSA like he was wearing sweatpants and they accused him of trying to smuggle something. The guy's got a giant hog. Yeah. Apparently it was like all over these news reports. A white guy, too. Pasty-looking white guy. Yeah, I think his name is Jonah Falcon or something like that. That's that's what I heard. I I think I saw a documentary or something. Do you remember in the porn days and it's not

33:15saying that John Holmes doesn't have a big dick. He definitely has a big dick. But remember when we were kids we would watch porn, if you saw John Holmes you'd be like, "Holy that's a big dick." Jonah Falcon. So sad. Frisked by TSA cuz they didn't believe it. Asked me who the vice president is. I'm like, uh Who's the secretary of state? Uh man. I didn't know this was going to be a history quiz. But big I'm your man. John Holmes used to have a giant dick, but now that's like pretty standard. Like there's a lot of those guys with big giant dicks. I don't well, I got a theory about big giant black dicks. Thank god. It dovetails nicely into my windbreaker theory. I got a theory about that. Um and it and it is the following. First off how dare you besmirch the good name of Johnny Wadd Holmes cuz he did have a big dick and it's still big by today's big dick standards. But

34:18uh as far as black guys having big dicks in porn I think that's a form of porn racism. Hmm. And I'll tell you why. I think if you show up onto a porn set as a black guy with a medium-size fair to middling, you know, "Yeah, I got 6 and 1/2 inches here." They send you packing. They're like, "We don't need black guys with small We only need black guys with big We can take a white guy with a medium but we can't take a black guy. Well, why bother getting by a black guy if the guy's got a medium cock?" You see what I'm saying? I think they're discriminated against. So, I think we think the only huge we've seen is in porn, it's on black guys. They won't let average-size cocked black men in and I dream of a future where my children can watch pornography and see black guys with medium-size you know, balls deep and junky cocked-up blondes. Hear, hear. Yeah. That's that's the future to

35:24wish for. Yeah. Do you remember we were talking about Ricky Rachman earlier. Do you remember the Conway and Steckler show? Mhm. That was a great show, right? Yeah, I love Conway and Steckler, yeah. And didn't Ricky Rachman punch Steckler? Steckler, the old dude. Oh, yeah. I think he did. used to like mock his show. They they would make fun of his show. I think I did. Yes, he had like the triple R Ricky Rachman radio or something like that. And there was a lot of that back in the day. Like way back in the day when Kimmel was when we were doing mornings not me and him, but on Kevin and Bean and he was making fun of somebody uh this guy this guy came into the studio and just started choking him. Whoa. Like literally just tried to throttle him. For no reason? Just he heard him on the air? Like You know, the thing about radio is it was real time and it was back in

36:25the day and I've I'd had situations where I'd like said, you know, "David Arquette's nuts. He's insane. I think he's he should be institutionalized and like that." And then like walked out of the studio during a commercial break and David Arquette is standing there going, "I was driving home from the Lakers game on the 10 freeway. I was listening to Loveline. I heard you call me insane." Then when Dr. Drew said, "Aren't you worried he's going to come over here and punch you?" You laughed and said, "He's too nuts. He doesn't he couldn't find this place." And literally told his driver to pull over, get off the freeway, and drove right to us. He was literally standing there. Was he mad or was he laughing? He was both, which I've had a few times. It's just an insane thing. It's like you pick a random celebrity, talk about how nutty you think they are, and then 10

37:20minutes later open that door and they're standing there. Yeah, I've always worried that I'd run into Steven Dorff and I'd have to explain that I was only joking about his commercial. Like I don't really hate you, dude. Those yeah, those dorky commercials. But you know they're dorky, man. If they weren't your commercials you'd be mocking them, too. Cut the I I liked him in Blade. He was awesome in Blade. I I've had Listen, I you know, the the idea that first off I don't know how you are, but people send me all the time. They're like, "Oh, check out uh Andy Kindler talking all kinds of about you, calling you Hitler and this, that, and the other. Like here's a here's a link, you know, listen to it." And I just go why do I need to go to a link where someone is talking about me? Like I'm not interested in that. Right. I I most people have a morbid curiosity about it.

38:15I'm sure that there are plenty of people that call me an or who think I'm an or both. Like I I don't I'm not interested in stopping them from doing it or or curing them of that of that problem. I don't know how you feel. Like I don't I don't seek anything out about myself because I know with a ratio of 10 positive things to one shitty thing and if the one shitty thing is going to your day up don't bother, you know, doing putting your name in the Google search and seeing what's coming up. But I assume people are saying shitty things about me all the time. Well, some most certainly will will, especially if you're out in the public eye. And it's definitely a good idea. I think I agree with you 100%. Don't go searching negative about yourself. It's just it's not fun. It's not But David Arquette was in his car, right? So, he just heard you. It's kind of funny what he did. Kind of funny.

39:15funny. Yeah, no, he was it was perfect because we we were in Culver City. You have to sort of know the lay of the land out here. We were in Culver City. He had gone to a Lakers game, I guess at the Staples Center. He was driving back to where him and Courtney Cox live in Malibu. He had a a town car. Um the Lakers game ended at, you know, 10:00 and Loveline started at 10:00 and he was in his town car at 10:20 driving past, I mean, Culver City was a block away from the 10 Freeway and he's he's listening to Loveline and he's telling his driver, "Get off here. Turn off right now. Turn off right now and turn left and I'll be at the studio." and there he was. That's hilarious. Yeah. It's kind of So, how did you guys end it? Did it get weird? No. So, he laughed at at some point in time there was laughter? Yes. Yes. That's good. Yes, it did not end in a violent way.

40:17to know he comes off like a nut. That's part of his stick, right? Isn't it? A guy who, you know, like half of his thing is talking about how crazy his life is and he knows he comes off kind of crazy. I I don't get, I mean, I've had this happen a few times where I've like said, "Well, this person's nuts." and then it's like, "Ooh, they're pissed off you called them nuts." and it's like, "It's Marilyn Manson." Like, "What what How do you think they're perceived?" You know what I mean? Dick got mad at me for talking about how crazy he was on the set of NewsRadio. You know, he's Andy. You're you're that's you. Like, that's what the whole thing that you've put out there. You put out that you're crazy. Right. guy, but he's clearly nuts. And not only that, but there's, you know, files and files and files and, you know, whatever municipality police department

41:06there is of you doing things that were clearly uh behavior that would not be considered sane behavior. I mean, we have a rich history of being nuts. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty clear. own it? Own it, but you know, I think he's one of those guys that's like constantly in a rebirthing process. Constantly like, "This is it." Every time I run into him, he's like, "That's it. I'm sober from I'm done from now I'm done. I'm done." Right. Right. time I ran into him, he was sober and he said he couldn't promise he would stay sober. Right. "Wow, you should never be able to say that." If you can't convince yourself, Right. it's never going to happen. It's uh it's too bad, too, cuz I I always think of him as a very talented dude who just has so many inner whatevers going on that he's never fully able to realize that talent because of all the other extraneous external sort of things that

42:05were going on inside of him. On the other hand, you kind of go, "Well, that is who he is. I mean, that is why we know of him." But, you wonder and you think, you know, what does the future hold? You know, what All that stuff is it's it's like it's like a chick. It's like it's great being drunk and crazy and stupid and hot and 25, but at a certain point you're going to turn 50. What is that like at that point? Yeah. Well, I think Andy was brilliant on NewsRadio. One of the reasons why is cuz he was more reined in. You know, it was his first big gig. It was NBC. Couldn't get get too nutty. They were writing for him. They're brilliant writers. They knew how to like craft something for him. But, he's I agree. He's a very talented guy. But, one of the reasons why he's so funny is most likely in response to those demons. Like, there's Sure. There's there's a

43:00you know, there's a yin and a yang to everything. And there there's something that makes him that way and whatever it is, he doesn't know he's have a good grip on it. No, but it'd be it'd be nice cuz he's a nice guy and he's a talented guy. Yes, he's definitely a nice guy and a talented guy. He's just crazy. Yeah. Okay. What are you going to do? We live in a crazy place. Last time I spoke to you, you were thinking about getting out of here. You we were talking about Seattle. Yeah. were saying it's just too rainy cuz you like cars. Yeah. Have you given any thought to escaping from LA? I've uh I've you know, it's funny. I travel so much, I almost feel like I don't live here anyway. Um it's tough because I'm so ensconced in this podcasting world and production world and working on all these various projects, independent films, working on a Paul Newman racing documentary and

44:00all that kind of stuff and like to go out and race my cars and all all that kind of stuff and it just seems almost impossible to do somewhere else, but then you go to these other places and you see how people interact Mhm. and you think, "God, we don't have that in LA at all." Well, we have a little bit of it in LA, but LA inexorably is framed by show business. Right. It's just that's what it is. And there's so many people that even if they don't have a job in show business, at one point in time had show biz aspirations. And you and I are both in show biz, so I'm not knocking people that are doing what we do. What I'm saying is that the majority of people who want to do it, a lot of times they do it from a deficit. They do it because they need attention, they need validation, they need something. And it could matter I mean, that's where I came from, for

44:51sure. But, it manifested itself in a good way. It manifested itself in a career and a life and an understanding of myself by by working and creating things. But, did you feel you needed validation? I'm sure I did. I mean, sure I'm I'm sure that's why I got into martial arts. I'm sure that's why I got into comedy. And it was also it was an alternative career path for me because that's the only way I was ever going to have a career. There's no way I was going to have a normal career. I was just way too ADD and way too crazy to be sitting in some sort of a cubicle having some sort of a job in an office. It was like I would literally feel like a rat in a cage. I would go crazy. It's I would never be able to pull it off. So, I knew it was going to have to be something alternative, something outside the norm. I was just raised too nuts. And I did martial arts

45:36All I did was from age 15 to 21 was competing in martial arts tournaments. So, my reality was so in compared to a regular person's. Like, this the assimilation had never taken hold. So, I was I was in big trouble if I didn't find something like stand-up comedy. But, I think a lot of the people that come here, they come here with something like that. Like, there's some some reason why they've chosen this. But, a lot of them are trying to define themselves through their success and they're trying to be somebody. They're trying to like and to be around a lot of people like that is exhausting. Some of them are great. All my friends live here. That's the thing that keeps me here. Guys like Joey Diaz and Eddie Bravo and all these pals that I've had for decades, they're all here. So, it would make it less less enjoyable if I lived somewhere else. Well, you know what I was saying,

46:27when you go and you travel somewhere and you go into a restaurant, the waiter, the waitress, the bartender, that's what they do for a living and and that's and they've made their peace with that and maybe they're even proud of it and maybe they found some skill in it and that's what they do. Um here, the waiter, the waitress, the bartender, that's not what they want to do. This is only what they're doing temporarily until they can get some gig on a reality show or whatever it is and obviously it's their work suffers because you have a lot of people that are passing through. You know, I feel like like I feel like LA is one of the trashiest towns in the world because people are certainly in the United States, Hollywood physically is a very trashy town. Trashy in what way? Like, Trash on the ground. I mean it I mean it literally. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of graffiti,

47:33a lot of weeds growing everywhere, just a lot of just kind of garbage. Like, when you go to Phoenix, it doesn't look like that, you know? When you go to Seattle, it doesn't look like that. Why is that? Well, to me, LA is a bunch of people who are treating their city like you treat a rental car. You know, you treat your car one way. That's your car. The rental car, listen, you want to light up a cigarette or eat some fast food or and spilling a Slurpee or something, it's like, "So be it." You know, that's kind of how they feel and it's funny. It's interesting. LA is one of the only towns like if you go to Chicago and you go, "Hey, man, this town's a piece of shit." People are going like, "Fuck you. First off, get the out of here and secondly, we're going to throw down. And are you kidding? The bars, the nightlife, the river, the skyline, the Bears, the Cubs, Wrigley. you."

48:35You go to LA and go, "LA's a piece of shit." You got a lot of people going, "Yeah, I know. Sorry. I know. It's sucks. It's just What are you going to do? There's too many people here. Another another reason why it's too hectic. It's just the numbers are too crazy. New York is not that funny there in a lot of ways. The when the last time I went through New York, I went through security and the the woman at TSA was so hostile. I know. a way that I you very rarely see in LA or anywhere else. And I was like, "This is just a person who deals with too many human beings." Like, I didn't say anything to you that's rude. Like, why why No, I No, I know. I know. Did you ever think, Joe, as a kid, you know, as a kid, you thought about being an adult and you thought, "Well, once I'm an adult, I'm going to be I'm going to be a man and I'm going to be treated a certain

49:28way and, you know, kids will have to listen to me. I'll be someone's dad. I'll be the boss, you know, I'll be I'm not saying I'm going to be Donald Trump. What I'm saying is is you'll be adult, you'll be a man. Did you ever think that people were going to do a super sing-songy condescending thing to you as an adult male going, "Sir, take out take all the change out of your pockets. Completely empty the pockets. That means Chapstick, that means change, keys, pocket knives, anything, combs, wallet, sir. Is your belt on, sir? Sir, take your belt off. But sir, your belt like did you ever think you're going to have semi-retarded 28-year-old with GEDs talk to you in a real condescending sing-songy voice when you became a man and an adult? Uh I can't believe it. I can't believe it every time it happens. It's so annoying and so stupid. And I I understand that some

50:22people have never flown before and they need to be told all these things. You should be able to wear like a green sticker with a star on it. Okay, I've been here before. Don't talk to me, dummy. Right. "Oh, sir, you flown before?" Here you go, Mr. Carolla, put this on your shirt. They're not allowed to talk to you at TSA. on a flight I was on a Southwest flight yesterday. This is a non-smoking flight. It is 100% non-smoking. It's prohibited to smoke on this flight. Uh no smoking in the lavatory will not be tolerated. Tampering with, disabling, or destroying the lavatory smoke detector it's like Hey, we get it. No smoking. It's not her fault though. They have to say that. it 28 times. I turned to the person next to me and I said, "We have covered 14 versions of no smoking on this flight. By the way, you can say 'no smoking on this flight' and that to me

51:18doesn't mean, well, you didn't say I couldn't smoke in the bathroom. That means no smoking. We understand. It's 2000 14." would just say including in the bathroom and you're done. You say no smoking on this airplane. How about that? But anyway, it's funny. I turned to the guy next to me and I said, "This did five laps on smoking. But when it came to the oxygen part on the mask, we only did one lap on that. Hm. So it's like the no smoking no Sherlock thing, I got 10 minutes of sing-songy on that. The part where there could be an actual emergency and I needed to breathe out of this thing, she blew right past that part. And I thought, "Where's your priorities?" Well, those people again, they're meet too many people. Yes. There's just too much going They don't They don't value that interaction. It's not a special interaction. They're just saying it for the 500,000th time.

52:14The lady in New York, I gave her uh I was with my family and I gave her uh my ID, my wife's ID, and we had our daughters with us. We gave their tickets. So I gave her like four tickets and and it was uh or five tickets and and uh two uh two licenses. And so she looks at she goes, "I don't know who's who. I don't know what goes where." Right. And I said, "Whoa, whoa." I go, "Why you being hostile?" She goes, "This isn't hostile. If you want to see hostile, I'll show you hostile." You do you. And I go, "I would love to see hostile. Show me hostile." Mhm. And then she just Your your Jewish accent is horrible, by the way, but go ahead. I'm just trying to be uh diplomatic. Yeah, I understand. Yeah, no, I know. I know and and But the the hostile thing, I mean, I was like, "Wow, this is crazy talk." Like are you are you What are you doing? Is this because you're like a badass or is

52:59it because you're in a position of power? Like why the do you think you can say that's not hostile. If you want to see hostile like what makes you think you're not going to get brained right now? And like are you are you crazy? Like you're talking shitty to a person for no reason saying I'll show you hostile. it needs to be these folks, whether it's TSA or or LAPD or whoever, these folks need to be reminded who the they work for. They work for us. Someone needs to tell them they work for us. Yeah. They don't working for them. They work for the TSA and the TSA is the government and the government thinks it's separate from us. Right. But I should point out too that most of the time that never happens. Most of the time I go there, how you doing? Good morning, how you doing today? Everything's good, how you doing? And everything's fine. 99.99999% but New York is the place where I found

53:53more hostility dealing with those people than anywhere. Yeah, so at LA is probably second and then that bad. When you travel through Oklahoma, you get, "How you doing? How y'all doing? Where you headed? Have a safe flight." Yeah, it's a totally different vibe. They just seem disinterested in LA but they don't seem hostile. I've never encountered hostility in LA but No, I I No, it's it's it's it's aloof and sort of distant and it's this thing where they look at your You have an exchange with another human being and they don't punctuate it with an ending remark. So you hand them your ID, you hand them the boarding pass, they look at the thing, they look at you, they look at the thing, they make their Led Zeppelin band member mark on the thing, which I'm sure means nothing to anybody. They have a highlighter and they make their weird mark on there and then they look down

54:48again and then they hand it to you and then you walk away but they don't say "Enjoy your flight." Right. You go to Oklahoma, they say enjoy your flight. In LA, you don't even know what they wrote in your ticket. Like this might be bad. The the check is underwear. I don't think they know what they wrote on the ticket. It's their sign. It's their sign. Their fifth member Led Zeppelin. And if the guy gets through and he's got a fake ID, maybe they get in trouble. Like look at this ID. How did you not notice this fake ID? It's got your signature on the on the ticket. Well, it's your mark. Your little Zozo or whatever it is. they're very official with people. Like, "Sir, here please put your things in the bin. Take your keys out of your wallet." They stick with official but sometimes they'll break and in LA they broke pattern and they were talking about a

55:34basketball game. And these three guys, the guy who was working the uh the X-ray machine and then the two guards, one of them that's in in front of uh the the the people thing where the people X-ray go through. And then the other one was on the other side watching the rollers. And they're all going back and forth ABOUT, "OH, KOBE AND THIS AND THAT. AND HE AIN'T GOT NO FREE THROW SHOT. HE AIN'T GOT NO THREE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THIS GUY?" RIGHT. AND THEN BACK TO, "SIR, take your key phones out of your" like, "Wait a minute, what are you talking about? Take my keys out of my pocket." Like you guys aren't professional. Like this isn't I JUST SAW ALL THAT. I The veil has been removed. You guys are regular people. I had the part where I had the guy and it was driving me nuts. I don't like when they say "for me." Like I don't mind when they go "Could you fasten your seatbelt, sir?"

56:21Or could you, you know, take your keys out of your out of your pocket and put in the tray. But I don't like when they go, "For me? You fasten your seatbelt for me?" I had a guy when I was traveling through Burbank, he needed to to take the wand to me. So he said uh "Could you go ahead and turn around for me, sir?" And I started to turn around and he went, "Real quick." And I was like, first off, real quick, like I'm I'm halfway into turning around so you have about another 0.7 seconds before I arrive at turned around. Number one, number two, if I did it real quick, you'd probably pepper spray me. Like If he said, "Could you go ahead and turn around for me real quick, sir?" And I just flew around like I was throwing a crescent kick or something. Like he'd tackle me. So I don't want to do it real quick. No. They don't mean that though. The what they mean is extra talk.

57:11Well, yeah, real quick always means like it ain't going to be a big deal to you. I always see it as like this won't take much of your time, Mr. Carolla. Can you turn around real quick? No, you know you know what I've real You know what I've realized? I realized a long time ago that cops and security guards do filler talk and they do filler talk so that you won't talk to them. So if a if a cop pulls you over and goes uh "License and ID, please." Uh "License and registration, please." And then just sits there. You'll start going, "Hey, man, what what what what I do?" Or I was just keeping up the flow of traffic or whatever. But instead, they always come up and they go, "Sir, what I'm going to need you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license and uh registration out for me, okay, right now." And meanwhile, they're doing this kind of patter that doesn't mean

58:11anything. "What I'm going to need you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license" Right. That doesn't mean anything other than license and registration. They keep a nice sort of white noise buzz. I should call it blue noise. It's a noise that cops make that stop you from going, "What What I Hey, I was just pulling out of my drive" like They don't want to hear that So they just keep that low-grade talk going because it's only the cops that do the "for me right now" and a lot of preamble into "what I'm going to have to ask you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license and okay, right now." Like Do you ever speak that way to anybody? I mean, if I wanted you to pass me the salt, would I would I go, "Joe, what I'm going to have to go ahead and do is ask you to pass me the salt, okay, right now?" Or would I just say pass me the salt?

59:06like I can't hang out with Adam anymore. There's just too many words. Low-grade talk. Yeah. I'm convinced they talk so you don't go, "What? Why am I turning around? What What's this mean? Well, I didn't do anything." Yeah. Yeah, most likely. I mean, people I'm very sympathetic to cops. First of all, cuz I know a lot of good cops. I know a lot of cops that I like, guys from martial arts and Right. And I I also know that you got to cut people a certain amount of slack when all day every day they're dealing with people that are lying to them. Right. Dealing with douche bags, dealing with violent people, dealing with people committing crimes. I mean, they have cops have like one of the worst focus groups ever to pick from. Like if you ask a cop, like what's a human being like? Oh. Oh. Let me tell you what I experienced at my job. You know, and ask someone who's a massage therapist what's

59:57a human being like? Oh, they seem pleasant, you know. Right. are tense. I know. Listen, my sister worked at a hair salon in Silver Lake in the '80s on Hyperion Boulevard. It's like the gayest section of Los Angeles. And I said to her many years ago, I said, "What percentage of guys you think are gay?" And she's like, "80%." Of all guys everywhere are gay. She wasn't great at math, but in her world it was 115% were gay. So, I think she knocked off like 35% and went rounded down to 80. Well, that's her world. Yeah. In her world, everyone is gay. That's a great analogy. And it's that with cops. Like what percentage of people are 90%? You know, cuz that's who they're dealing with versus massage therapist. But I always had this feeling I I don't know. I always I always I always said that, you know, cop suicides are always really Yeah. Very high. Very high? Yeah.

61:03Stress. But But you know, here's here's my theory. It's kind of my uh black and porn theory. I I have a feeling that if I walked around and had a gun on me at all times, I would have killed myself 15 times by now. Really? Yeah. I just feel like if you put a gun on a guy's hip, most guys, guys that, you know, have that feeling of your girlfriend dumped me, you know, literally you walked into your apartment and saw your best buddy balls deep in your girlfriend, and then you walked out back to the car and just sat there with that thousand yard stare, and you realize there was a gun on your hip, a lot of guys would have just put it in their mouth. of guys would go back there and shoot the both of them. the both of them and then put the gun in your mouth. I'm just saying the modality for killing yourself being strapped on your hip 24/7 is going to put the likelihood of you killing

62:05yourself. I mean, what if you just said Here's what a guy does. Oh, he he stands next to the edge of really tall bridges. Those guys would have a much higher likelihood of killing themselves, too, because every time they heard a piece of bad news, a certain percentage of them would step off it, right? A certain percentage. I think a certain percentage of cops suicide like, you know, everyone talks, oh, it's stressful job and all what they see and depression blah blah blah. Lot of it is having a suicide machine strapped to your hip all the time. I've never thought of it that way. It's got to up the ante a little bit, right? certainly. It's a the the trigger out, literally. It's right there on your hip. By law, even when you're on your days off, that shit's got to be there. Ooh. Yeah, I guess you know, I've never thought about killing myself. So, um I I I kind of um

63:03when I say I relate, I don't. You know, I I I've always been of the idea that life will eventually get better as we talked about before. You know, I've never thought but I've never had like a mental depression issue that I have friends who clearly have. I have friends that had real deep unquestionable chemical problems, and they they cured it through antidepressants. But I've never had that. So, I I don't understand that that thought process, the the kill yourself thought process, but I've seen it enough to know that I wouldn't want everybody to have a gun strapped to their hip. They I think you're right. I think a lot of people would make that fatal mistake. Especially we were talking earlier about being a dude and being 24. Mhm. And just making really bad snap decisions. Murder would go up for sure, I think. Or, you know, maybe eventually it would mellow out and then the old adage of a

63:58well-armed society is a polite society. Right. But there's that expression. I don't remember who made it, but it's that when you all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Yeah. If there's no diplomatic solution available because you're carrying a .44 magnum in your pocket. Well, that's my feeling with like, you know, uh I mean, when I was doing The Man Show, one of the writers got a hold of one of those tasers. Those like electric tasers, not not the not the serious cop ones. Which I have been I have been hit by one of those serious cop ones, but the personal kind of mail order ones. Right. He tased every person in the building, you know. I mean, How bad was it when he tased you? It's uncomfortable, but it's, you know, It's like, "Ow!" Yeah, that's that's that's what it is. But the point is is if you're walking around with pepper spray on your belt,

64:57you are going to use that pepper spray at some point. I mean, most people would. Yeah. It's almost the having it that makes you use it. You know what I'm saying? Right. Right. it's that kind of kind of thing where that's, you know, I like the idea of people being able to protect themselves. I also feel like you walk around with a gun strapped to your hip long enough, it's coming out at some point. Whereas you and I don't walk around with a gun, so we'd probably figure out a way other than that to resolve this issue. Well, it certainly takes a deep responsibility. Like you you have to have a deep understanding of the responsibility that you carry, and you carry it around all the time, this ability to end life like that. All the time you're carrying it everywhere you go. And anybody who's been out shooting, and I've been out shooting, to to feel what a what a .44 feels like

66:00in your hand and then squeezing off and then just the recoil and everything, it's powerful. Unbelievable. couldn't imagine pointing that at somebody and squeezing the trigger. The people that do that on either side of the badge, the people that do that sort of routinely or cavalierly, you know, the people that do the I asked the guy for his wallet and he wouldn't give it to me, so I shot him. It's it seems insane because if you've actually gone down to a range and just felt that power and that responsibility, and just the the the the recoil, the kickback, and the sort of visceral whatever firing off a few rounds from that .44, you couldn't imagine pointing it at somebody and squeezing that trigger. Well, it's kind of interesting. Like I'm I am 100% for people being allowed to possess firearms, but I also am 100% shocked that more firearm deaths and accidents don't happen. Me, too.

67:05think of the idea that all these people around us, millions of people around us, can legally have guns, and if they legally have guns, like what is the How come we're not hearing pow pow pow like guns going off left and right? People are Like I'm I'm shocked every time I get on the highway, and I'm amazed that people can go 70 mph a couple of feet away from another thing going 70 mph, and they don't just slam into each other left and right back and forth. It's on a constant maze of accidents. Yeah, I know. I I I'm I think that same way every time I drive, and I think the same way when I hear that, you know, there's a gun, you know, however many guns are in circulation in the United States, it's basically one for every citizen that's out there, and we all know about uh David Arquette or Andy Dick or any other nut job that's out there. You take all the people that are having emotional

68:01issues or a little bit off, and all the medication that's out there, and all the booze that's out there, and then you mix that with all the guns that are out there, why do we not step outside of the studio and hear gunfire going off left and right? Yeah, it's it's kind of amazing you think about it. And it's also amazing how many people there are out there that are going through problems that keep it together. There's a lot of people out there their life is and turmoil, and they still manage to get to work every day, do their job, and pull out of the ashes. Right. We concentrate on the people that just go, "Fuck this! BOOM!" RIGHT. But how many people think about going, "Fuck this!" and make it? And figure it out, and then 10 years later, "Hey, 10 years ago my life was in a shambles. I was ready to kill myself. Now, look at me. I'm happy. I'm doing great. I've got

68:53a family. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." Thank god I was thrown out of the police academy, or I would have killed myself. Yeah. Yeah, so it's whatever it is. Whatever it is that allows people to pull through. I mean, I'm all for it because I think we're all people. I know that you can handle driving a car, and I know that I can handle driving a car. But I also know that some people are going to drive drunk, up, go 120 mph, slam into other people, and kill people. So, if that person exists, should we keep that right from everybody? No, I say no. I say people should be allowed to drive cars until they show that they're a danger driving a car." Unfortunately, there's only one way to do that. You got to up somebody else's time. Right. to up and that's that's the real issue. It's like the amount of actual cars driving in comparison to the amount of fatal accidents is

69:43insanely high. Insanely high. I mean, the odds of you driving around and not having a fatal accident are pretty sporty. Right. They're pretty sporty. But when things do go wrong, people automatically look for the most drastic measure. Like, we got to take guns away from people. We got to pull the guns. We got to Google car everything. No more No more driving your own car. That's coming, Adam Carolla. And I know you're a car nut. That Google car once they get that down, there's going to be no reason for you to be able to weave in and out of Google cars and make it to work. Well, you know, we I always say we're a bizarre society and we should always just work big to small and we don't. Like, you take Los Angeles. We're, you know, basically last in education. Our schools Isn't that nuts? It is nuts. And our our schools are are failing our kids and then you turn on the news and they say,

70:49"New legislation out of Sacramento wanting to ban e-cigarettes." And you're you're like uh Sorry, Ethan Hawke, but the point Oh, no, wait. What was I thinking? Oh, Stephen Dorff. The point is this. Get those guys confused. E-cigarettes. Who the cares about e-cigarettes? Now, look, I don't hope that my kids grow up to smoke e-cigarettes, but I don't give a if there's some 45-year-old guy who's trying to get off the butts and is standing outside of his job smoking an e-cigarette and I walk by and get a little water vapor on my scalp. I'm fine with that. Uh I I I would I wouldn't give a if everyone smoked an e-cigarette if we could get from 50th in education up into the top 20. I don't know why we're we have, you know, the worst traffic congestion on the planet and the worst schools in, you know, in America and yet every piece of legislation is surrounded

71:57about, you know, uh fast food workers need to start wearing gloves to handle the food back, you know, I don't give a about that. I don't give a about e-cigarettes. I don't know who does. I I don't know an individual that has ever been harmed by an e-cigarette. I don't know an individual that's ever been harmed by a guy works at Taco Bell making his burrito by hand. Uh everything I've eaten in my entire life that's come from a restaurant, some guy made with his hands. I'm fine. What I don't like is the schools being last. Why that's not an issue, I don't know. I don't like both. I don't like dudes with dirty hands making my tacos and I don't like shitty schools. Right. But to me, if you give me a choice and I'm in Sacramento, I'm going to focus on the schools and when I get that settled, then I'm going to focus on the guy who's picking his nose and making my tacos.

72:50But obviously, the people that are bringing up this e-cigarette thing, it's it's coming from someone in the health department looking for another thing to do. I mean, that's the only thing that makes sense. It's like some new project to take on. When you look at the actual effects of the second-hand vapor, it's it's nonexistent. There's nothing there. There's no data. There's nothing that shows it's dangerous. There's no The other problem though is those big cannons that these dudes are carrying around. People are carrying around these big giant electric like Brian Redban had one and he was blowing it in here and I'm like, "I'm breathing in that stuff." Like, that's not the same as like one of those blue e-cigs. Right. They're all Those all those things are not created equal. But think about think about what you're breathing in when a guy's got a leaf blower going in your

73:35neighbor's driveway and he's just all the that's on the ground, all the pesticides, everything all the pollen, all the dander and all the that is vulcanized rubber and cockroach fecal matter. When that all goes airborne and uh you're taking your dog or your kid for a walk up the street, what do you think that's like? Mhm. And what's it like when you're walking down a busy sidewalk in, you know, downtown LA and a big municipal bus goes blowing by at 40 mph and whatever's getting kicked up and coming off of that? Yep. Well, another thing e-cigarette any day. Another thing to think about is brake dust. People don't think about brake dust. Oh, yeah. Brake dust is real. Everywhere around you, everywhere you go when you see traffic, you have brake dust that's in the air. People are hitting their brakes, the brakes are disintegrating, it's all over the wheels. Whenever you

74:25clean your car, you know this. You clean your wheel and you see all that black powder? Well, that shit's not just stuck to your wheel. It's in the air. And people who live near highways, they're breathing that stuff in all day. It's uh by the way, the the biggest manufacturer of brake pads is called Raybestos. Oh, no. What a terrible name. It I think they were around before asbestos was as bad as it is, but Raybestos. Yeah. Were they really? They were brake pad manufacturers around before asbestos? Well, no. Before asbestos was bad. Oh, before it was bad. And I think Raybestos, I mean, you got to look it up on your computer, but I think it probably had asbestos in it. I mean, because there's a ton of heat generated by the brakes. Right. That makes sense. It's a composite. needs to be something that is going to be heat resistant and, you know, not wear off, you know, cuz it's not a chunk

75:16of rubber. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. That's interesting. It's interesting too that they haven't figured out anything better for a brake than a a a piston that slams a pad against a piece of steel that's next to your wheel. It gives you friction. Yeah. Incredible amounts of friction. So, that done. I mean, that's that's what they figured out for brakes. I just got back from a vintage race last weekend and I drove an old Datsun and the brakes in the old Datsun, although they don't work nearly as good as the one in the new car, it's the exact same thing. It's a piston, it's a pad, pushes down, hits a rotor, squeezes it, creates friction and that's that. Um now, you know, but the steering wheel, the wheels and the internal combustion engine haven't changed Not much. either. I mean, it's all the rear end and the transmission. It's all a thousand times better in a new car

76:15than it is in one of these old race cars, but it's still just same old, same old. And the electronic suspensions too. The suspensions nowadays with stability management systems and traction control and all the different calculations the car is making as you're driving. I was driving my wife's Audi and it applied the brake for me. Why? Cuz I was driving like a dick. So, it started slowing you down? No, it said you're going to t-bone the car that's ahead of you. Like, you're going to go up the ass of the car in front of you and I'm like, "I know what I'm doing. This is how I drive, you know?" And it's like, "Well, according to our data, you're going to hit this guy." I just picked up my foot to put it on the brake pedal and it popped out of my foot and depressed for me. Wow. the thing basically said was you know, I was doing a show at like the Irvine Improv, all the traffic,

77:12you know, between here and there and I, you know, I had to be there at 8:00 or whatever and I was trying to make some time just driving down the Hollywood Freeway and so I was on it when there was a little opening and then brake lights and this thing broke for me. Wow. And I'm I'm because I do a lot of driving, I'm used to just doing it on my own, you know? Did you um see that controversy about that um that reporter? What was his name? Jeremy Cahill? What the was his name who died? Who was he exposed um a bunch of about General Petraeus and some other generals and he was like a just generally like a rabble-rouser type reporter. And uh he was constantly worried that he was going to get killed. Constantly talking to people that were saying they were going to kill him. And then one day, like 4:00 in the morning, driving down Sunset, goes like 100 mph into a tree Right.

78:11with no evidence that he tried to slow down or stop. Right. The engine goes flying from the car like it was explosion. Yeah. My Michael Hastings. Michael Hastings, that's his name. Yeah. Yeah. I do remember that story. Yeah. You know, I just went away, didn't it? Well, the thing is everything just kind of goes away now because there's so much there's so much and everyone is broken off, you know? I don't know I don't know if we could have another Watergate, you know? Because there's just too many people that are into their and there there's you know, there used to be three news outlets, you know, the major three networks, whatever the evening news, Walter Cronkite, whatever. Now, there's just so many outlets, so much so many stories and and and and and so much that needs to feed that machine, you know, to 24-hour news stations, outlets. You got to keep that

79:15You got to keep those plates spinning. And our attention span is just not long enough. Yeah, there's always some new Malaysian airliner thing something. Right. And we just don't care. Yeah. And and I mean ultimately we're sort of narcissist, but then secondly, there's just something new to replace something every day all day and there's nothing that there's nothing can hold our attention. I mean I was very young, but I remember Watergate and I remember that was it. That's all anybody talked about was Watergate. Watergate and Watergate. That that that's what happened. That's what was happening. Yeah, that's a good time. I don't know if we're going to have that ability anymore. I mean September 11th is probably the closest thing. Yeah, I mean you're going to have to have something on that scale and even then there's going to be a certain and a fairly large segment of society that's

80:12still getting caught up on Honey Boo Boo and doesn't give a about the tower and may not even know about it. And September 11th was also you think about the time of 2001 as compared to the time now the internet the use of the internet the spread of information wasn't even close to being the same thing. Absolutely not. Yeah. Just a sheer volume of stories that you get every day that you have to sift through interesting non interesting ridiculous baffling animal attacks explosions poisonings oil leaks Jesus Christ another plane crash boom boom boom boom boom it never ends. And I don't know you know I don't know how much of this we're geared to or supposed to ingest and digest. Like I don't know as human beings I know we haven't changed biologically that much in the past several hundred years, but yet things have changed a lot. Thousands of years. We're very very very

81:17similar to the people that lived 50,000 years ago. Right. But yet you're holding a device in your hand that has more computing power than the first Gemini rocket you know launch. So what are we supposed to do with that that information and how are we supposed to process it and when does it become detrimental? Like we're are we supposed to be somewhere processing information all the time. I mean I'll give you a I I was just saying this, but I found it sort of interesting. I was doing this vintage car race. So I was out to dinner after the race with a guy who owns an airline. Not a big one, like a medium sized one. And I said "Geez man, what what what went on with that 777 a Malaysian plane, you know, like you you own airline, what do you think?" And he said "Yeah, I don't know." And I said "Can you just can you dismantle or or make those course transponders on the 777s

82:30dysfunctional? Can you can you just flip a switch or have to pull a fuse or breaker or something like that?" And he said it was about 7:00. We were just sitting there in some Mexican food joint outside of the track at Laguna Seca in uh Northern California. And he said uh "Hold on. Let me let me hit my guy." Now his guy is when you run an airline you have to have like a chief engineer or something like that who basically tells you all the specs on the planes and the ins and outs and how many hours engines have on them and what tires to get all you got to have couple of those guys, right? So he said "Let me hit my guy." So he just picked up his phone, you know, he didn't get up and leave or anything. He just picked up his phone and he texted this dude, you know? And now I didn't think about it till later, but this was Saturday night at 7:30 at night.

83:25Well, his dude is probably eating dinner with his family. Maybe he's his girlfriend. Or maybe he's out to dinner with his wife. But now his little device starts buzzing. And his little device it's the boss man on his device. He can't get back to him on Monday. The boss man just asked him a question. And now he's got to find out how you dismantle uh a beacon on a 777. Now I don't know if he knows it or he's got to go look it up. But either way if this guy's sitting with his kids or sitting with his wife or his mistress, he's got to go "Oh I got to figure this out and give this guy an answer now cuz he's the boss and he just asked me. that it's Saturday night. Right. that it's it's the weekend and I'm with my family. Uh-uh. I got to know. And this guy probably had a little anxiety and this guy probably thought "Eh, I'll get back to him Monday." and then thought "Uh I don't want to do that.

84:33I better get back with him now. He probably wants to know now." And this guy probably had to get up and go somewhere, hop on a computer, do something, figure out the whatever and then he had to go write this guy back on a Saturday night. Well, that's where that's how we're living now. And I don't think it's good. That aspect of it I agree with you. But I think that's that's pretty rare. I think also the amount of numbers that are coming in I think we're eventually going to adapt. I think human beings have a thing called Dunbar's number are you aware of that? Mhm. You can only keep about 150 relationships 150 friendships 150 people you know by name and face. Mhm. After that starts getting weird and I'm sure you've encountered that. You you meet people and they go "Hey uh it was great when I met you before. We had a good time, remember?" Right. What? Right. Sure.

85:18remember you. Right. There's no room. You have no room in your hard drive. Right. Because we're not really designed to meet a million people over the course of a life which you very well have probably met a million people. Right. person doesn't get to do that. In a tribal situation 50,000 years ago we carry those same genetics today. And I think that is also that also applies to dealing with danger and the idea of hearing about news. Because news and danger usually affects you, but when that news and danger is a plane halfway around the world it becomes a sort of a weird abstract thing. And you're getting all these abstract negative things that are happening all the time. Every point of the globe sends you its worst news. Right. found a new serial killer who only eats babies. Well, we found a guy who's been living in the woods and you know we found this we found that. Everything

86:05that's up everything terrible and it all comes into your head and you have to at this point in in our lives you have to filter it. Right. don't filter it you will truly go insane. Like your biology can't manage it. You're not designed for it. It's not a normal thing. It's not new and we haven't adapted yet. So you better manage it. You better like make a conscious decision to manage it or it'll move your life in the way it wants to. It'll change your thought patterns change your perceptions of the world and based on an insane number of 7 billion human beings unusual events. 7 billion which is 7,000 million human beings problems. Right. That's too many. You're supposed to deal with 150. That's why you have this number. There's Dunbar's number that's in your head. 150. That's it. Not 7 billion. That's crazy. So that change has been so radical and so quick there's no way our biology right

87:03now is caught up to it, but I bet future generations will have some sort of an alteration in their ability to to either absorb massive amounts of information or some sort of a change in the way we process that information. Right. Right. And we're just like the guinea pigs. Yeah. And we see how much medication and how how much we can all freak out over what's going on and it's and it's true and I and I feel the same way. I just feel inundated and overwhelmed and like there's so much coming at me at once constantly. Well, if you think about language when language burst onto the picture when people started communicating with each other in recognizable sounds almost immediately people started explaining their problems and all of they they started commiserating they started figuring each other out and from there from that point on the world got way more complicated. It wasn't just do

87:58what you feel and and follow your instincts and make grunts like where a tiger is like Right. you're actually communicating. You're complaining. You're whining. You're expressing your your fears for the future. We have to create gods. We have to create the reason why the lightning comes down. I mean things like exponentially changed. It wasn't like all of a sudden human beings were different. No, human beings were the same, but now all this new information is coming in and as they're developing this thing called language. I think we're at a very similar place right now and the changes between us of today and what we will be a thousand years from now will probably just as radical as the changes of non-speaking hominids to speaking hominids. Well, that's very interesting and I agree and I've always just thought about what are the long-term effects of sort of having everything at your

88:52fingertips constantly. You know, I always say when I grew up and I wanted to see the Grinch that stole Christmas that came on ABC at 8:00 on December 13th and you had to wait. You could not see it before then and by the way you couldn't see it after then either. If you were you know in the kitchen and the commercial break was over you had to sprint in your little jammies with the feet built in and slide across the floor to see it. And it was a kind of a foreplay. And now, if my kids want to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas, they can see it in July on Blu-ray, but I don't think it means to them. Even better, they can see it on iTunes instantly on the iPad sitting in the living room. Bip bip bip boom, it it starts playing. Or in the headrest of uh mommy's SUV. Instantaneously. Right. Are they happier because of that? I don't think they are. If you were to ask me,

89:52"Would you like to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas whenever you wanted in the headrest of mommy's car?" I would have said, "Yes." But I don't think I would have been happier because all it does is speed you up, changes your expectation level, and then every once in a blue moon, when you don't get to see whatever it is you want to see exactly the same time I mean you then you're pissed off. Yeah. And and I you know, my kids are probably going to be walking around at age 25 going, "Hey man, I want to see Fast and Furious 129." And someone's going to go, "Well, it doesn't come out for 4 months." "Ah, that's such go get it, would you? And put it in my box. I want to watch it on my phone." And they're going "I'll watch it in my head." "I want to watch it in my head. I just want to close my eyes." And they go, "It's not done." that. This is such Have you seen this uh news story that

90:43came out today, the picture that Jamie put up earlier that by 2030 they're going to have mind-to-mind thought toss talking? Wow. Mind and that this is something that I've been bringing up for a while that I think that human beings like the interface of sounds like using sounds and even using language is a temporary thing. I think that there's going to come a point in time where you're going to be able to read like intent. You're going to be able I'm going to be able to understand what's going on in your head. The same way you when you have thoughts in your head, when you have ideas, you're not doing it with a language. You're not you're not expressing your thoughts to yourself with a language. Very rarely do I say, "Well, it's about time to pull yourself by your bootstraps and get back to work." No, I just have a feeling in my head that represents those words. Yeah.

91:28And I've had that exact same thing happen to me during like heavy-duty psychedelic experiences. I've had something relay information to me in the form of intent instead of in words. I think that ultimately and having experienced it in a psychedelic state like uh on dimethyltryptamine or on mushrooms, I think that's probably what you would experience when they figure out this sort of technology. Like I'll be able to read your intent and it will be free of language. Like your the signals that are going on inside your mind, you'll be able to distribute those to other people. All right. So, do you know do you know I have to piss really bad? Do you? Go ahead and piss, man. I'm kidding. No, uh it's it's already it's already incredibly interesting to me that you can take amputees that are cut off at the elbow, strap on uh you know, robotic prosthetic whatever, and their brain is able to

92:22tell it, you know, to pick up uh a a grape lightly enough not to squash it or pick up a pencil hard enough to hold it in their hand and which fingers and digits to move just from the brain to a severed limb and get that thing to function. I mean, obviously that's your brain communicating with something without language. And to me, the leap between making your brain communicate with animatronic digits that are moving around and unscrewing mayonnaise jars or picking up pencils or holding your child, that's not a very big leap Not at all. from moving that hand around using your thought versus communicating that way. Yeah, I know I agree. I I I think it's just a matter of time like this thing says 2030. That sounds totally normal to me. I mean, especially when you consider the exponential pace that these things improve in. I was at a company in San Francisco for the sci-fi show that I did

93:26where we put on this headgear and you control a remote-controlled helicopter with your mind, with your thoughts. Like your intent moves this thing keep it I was able to like have it hover in the air for a little bit, but apparently once you get good at it, you can actually move it down the hallway and park it someplace and I mean, it's it's bananas. You're you're piloting a really crude remote-controlled vehicle with your thoughts. Right. is a matter of time before they figure out how you're going to have robots flying around your house fetching you coffee. You're going to sit look at your robot, your little flying helicopter robot coffee maker, and you're going to say, "Go make me some coffee, stupid." And it's going to fly off and make you coffee and come back and give it to you. You'll be able to do all this with your mind. Yeah. No, I mean, the drones already stepping

94:15up. It's a lot of it is computers versus batteries, you know, it's batteries that were bricks um just 10 years ago. I mean, batteries were just huge bricks and now they're the size of quarters and they're producing the same power because all this stuff needs to be propelled by something, you know, there needs to be a system that powers it up. And I know even though it sounds corny, we used to fly remote-controlled airplanes and they had electric ones and the problem with the electric ones is battery was literally a brick and it's hard to fly a little Styrofoam plane with a brick in the middle of it. And now, most all of them are electric just because of the cell phone technology and the battery that has been shrunk and lightened to the point where it's it's nothing anymore. Yeah, it's amazing what they can do too with the the algorithms that they have

95:11in their in their operating system for power management. Like you could take an iPad and you can watch five movies on a flight and it doesn't run out of juice. You're you're watching a fairly big screen and all these images are being processed. It's constantly moving around. You watch a whole movie and then you look at your battery and it's like barely budged. Like this is incredible. Well, because nothing there there's there are no more moving parts. Yeah. I mean, there used to be conveyor belts and they're powered by rivers with wheels in them and that took a lot of energy. And now, everything is digital and there's no parts. There's no friction. There's no you know, you don't realize well, you probably realize, but you know, whenever you talk about a car, you talk about horsepower, you go, "How much is it making to the crank?" And the guy goes, "500 horsepower." And you go,

96:06"What's it making to the rear wheels?" And you go, "Oh, it's making about 430 425 430, right? All right, that's not bad. Good. Maybe we can get some synthetic oil in that rear end and get it up to 431 or whatever it is. But you are scrubbing off all of that inertia and all of that torque and power because it's having to pass through drive shafts and transmissions and differentials and it's scrubbing it off. But if all that was digital, then you'd have 500 horsepower at the crank and 500 at the rear wheel. And that's what we're getting now, the digital. Is that what they get with like Teslas? Are they like is their uh is their horsepower at the engine the same as at the wheel? Well, what what what they're getting and what they're doing now is it's it's all about torque and it's instant torque with electric motors. So, they're getting that big that's why the Tesla 0 to 60 is

97:02not much off of if not the same as your Porsche. Now, your top speed in your Porsches faster, but the 0 to 60 that kind of golf cart kind of thing. You ever get in a golf cart and a guy hits it and you go flying off the back? Yeah, I mean, imagine a real car with four motors on all four wheels. So, you get the instant torque immediately, but secondly, and I I've not studied the Tesla that closely, but the motor is connected to the wheel. There's no transmission that it's passing through, propeller shaft, and differentials, and things that are scrubbing off inertia. Have you with those at all, Teslas? I I've drove uh I just drove one around once and it's they're quick. Yeah. I mean, they're super quick. They're really uh my friend Aubrey has one and they have uh a laptop in the middle of it. Like essentially. Like it's huge and he goes uh we were going

97:58to this gym. He goes he said the name of the gym, "Navigate to da da da." And it just takes you there. I'm like, this is insane. Like it it it finds it on Google Maps, gives you the option, you press a button in this huge navigation screen. And when you wanted to listen to music, he's like, "Um play The Doors." So, all of a sudden it Spotify pulls up all these options for The Doors, "Break On Through to the Other Side." Play Play that one. Boom. And it starts playing. And it gets it all through the actual computer itself on the on on the car. Not even connected to your phone. It's completely independent. All of it uses some sort Unfortunately, 3G, not 4G, connection. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Um this is going to be a rough transition, but seeing as how I have to go do my podcast pretty quick, on the topic of podcasts, you know, I'm being sued. Yes. And uh Explain that to people because

98:51it's one of the dumbest lawsuits I've ever heard in my life, but there's people that make a living off of these types of lawsuits, right? They're Yeah, called patent trolls that buy up patents and they're lawyers and it's sort of I think it's this country at its worst. I really do. It's they buy patents and then they sue companies saying they're using, stealing, or unlawfully using their technology. And sometimes when you're buying technology, there's a real good argument to that. Like that technology is a part of this thing that you're selling, and without that technology, which is patented, your technology what you're selling would not exist. Right. And I get that part. And I I support innovation, and people should be paid for for intellectual property and creative ideas, but this is a weird one. This is What is the exact term that that they have a patent on? The exact

99:46They have a patent on a playlist. Yes. So Online. Anything in a serial order, right? Like even blogs. I I I evidently anything that's comes out on a Monday, and then the next one comes out on a Tuesday, or this song is above that song, and this song's number three, and that song's number seven. That's what they claim to have dominion over. So if you have a blog, and you enter into that blog like uh you know, blog entry number one, you know, Adam goes to do podcast to talk about this lawsuit, they could sue you for that. Like they own a piece of that, a serialized message that you're putting on a website. Yes. Numbered message. That that's correct. That's insane. Well, it is insane because if it's true, then really everything on the internet's got to go away. Everything. Could you imagine if they bought up everything on the internet with one sneaky move? Like one sneaky

100:42move, one patent. What the judge says, "Look, the guy's got a point. He owns everything in serialized form." Well, the problem The problem is is I don't think the judge or the jury is going to think they have a point. Unfortunately, in order to make our point that they don't have a point, it's going to cost $1.5 million. Holy Yeah. Holy That's what patent litigation cost. That's what the legal fees are going to be? That's what That's what I've been quoted. Oh my god. I've been quoted 1.25 to 1.5. Wow. Yeah, I know. That's stunning. I never would have thought it would be that high. So, are they offering a lot. So is it Is that what it is? It's all the lawyers? That's what it is. It's all the lawyers. And that's work do they have to do here? Joe, for me, it's like I First off, I've spent $50,000 trying to get a change of venue. These guys are in Eastern Texas.

101:44That's where they set up. Because Eastern Texas is famous for friendly to their types of folk. Yeah, to this type of thing, patent troll lawsuits. Yes. I don't live in Eastern Texas, and my business isn't in Eastern Texas, and they don't live in Eastern Texas, either. That's just where they hung their shingle. And they hung their shingle specifically because this is a place that's advantageous to do things like this. Well, is it's what you would do if you were a company that bought up other people's technology, and then tried to sue other businesses and make money off of them. You're going to maximize that the possibility of you getting an outcome that's in your favor, and you'll do it on the moon if you have to. Now, if these people come to you with some sort of a settlement, like if they said, "Hey, you know, you're using our technology, we would like five bucks a

102:37month." Like anything along those lines. Yes. $3 million. Woah. And this is because they've they've won these before, the same company. They got $8 million from Apple, right? Yeah. It's It's unclear what I'm doing with them and what they're doing with me, but it's a pretty simple equation, which is I just said, "Look, all the guys in podcasting need to kind of band together, and we need to fight them, and then we need to beat them, and then once we beat them, then they're beat. Cuz they can't go after you or Marc Maron or whoever once we beat them. But if we allow this to just go away, it's not going to. If we say, "Well, let's just put it aside and you know, ignore them," then they win. I mean, it's a possibility that they could win. There's no way Look, when you get sued, you get sued. You got to respond. But, you know, let's just say we said, "Look, uh

103:39you guys obviously haven't done the math on our company, but, you know, it's it's a business. No one wants to spend the time and the $1 million plus dollars to fight this thing. You know, take 350 grand, and please go away. Or 500 grand, or 100 grand, whatever it is. Well, how long before they go to iTunes, and they go, "Let's see who else is doing okay over here on iTunes. Well, but Joe Rogan, he's doing all right. Now, last time we did this with Carolla, we got 500k out of him. Wonder what Joe's good for. And all we got to do is do the same thing we did with Carolla. He knows. I mean, we'll let We'll let Joe's attorneys coach him up, but they're going to tell you this is the most expensive kind of litigation. It's going to cost over $1 million. I mean, he can go on the internet and look that up. Do you know who these human beings are behind this? Do you know the actual

104:39human beings? Uh Are you aware of names or faces? Do you know what they look like? No, I don't. And and I I never think that way. Like I I just think th- I understand that we live in a world that is generally decent, and that these people probably think of themselves as generally decent. You know, they probably have kids that love them, and a wife that gives them a on occasion. This is what they do for a living. This is their business. And I think when a guy works at a used RV lot, and he's got an RV on that lot that's worth $4,000, and some elderly couple comes in there, and he gets them for 20 grand, he doesn't go home and stare in the mirror and go, "Wow, I'm a really bad human being." He goes, "I'm a great salesman." And I think that's what these guys do. I don't even fault them in on a personal level. Like they make money from doing this. I understand it. Um it's no it's not even

105:48worth trying to make it a personal issue. I don't feel it's a personal issue. They saw my podcast. I'm actually in a bizarre way flattered. They saw my podcast and said, "That guy's really doing well for himself. Let's go get him." $3 million. That's That's insane. That's unbelievable. offering. So That's stunning. What we're doing is we're getting everyone together, and we're going to show them that the podcast community is a lot stronger than they thought, that they with the wrong people, and I don't mean me, I mean everybody, and that whether you're a Joe Rogan fan or Adam Carolla fan or an NPR fan, it's all going away if we don't buck up and beat these guys. So, we just went to fundanything .com/patenttroll, and you can give toward the legal defense fund, and that's where the money's going. the whole situation and what's going on, and and spread

106:51this. Spread it on Twitter, spread it on Facebook. Let everybody know. If you can't donate, at least spread the word, and let people know what the is going on. Because yeah, this is a crazy thing. This is a weird by-product of our society. And um I I don't like it, but there's nothing we could do about it at this point in time. No, other than this. But this is really cool because this could be a seminal with the wrong guys. We're all grassroots, but we all band together. We all got our little individual little armies, and we all got them united, and we all fought this common cause. You know what I love about podcasting, that I do think that that's something that fits with the ethic of podcasting, but I also love that podcasting isn't It's It's not a competitive thing, in that everybody supports everybody else in podcasting. I've never heard of podcast feuds. Like morning DJ guys always

107:51hate the other morning DJ guy, and they always talk about him, but podcasts I I I don't know of anybody who says like, you know, "Oh, we would be doing great if it wasn't for that Adam Carolla show. Everybody's watching that stupid That show sucks. Our podcast is the future. That show's for old people. out of you, you know, that doesn't It doesn't seem to be going out at all. I think the internet The attitude of the internet is that well, you're dealing with the world. You're dealing with an infinite amount of people. It's so goddamn big that having that sort of famine mentality that a lot of people have if they are in morning radio in a specific city, you don't need it in in the internet. No, I listen. Every I I feel like uh you know, the last podcast I did yesterday, Jay Mohr and Joe McCoy were both guests on the show, and they both have podcasts. Um

108:4680% of the guests on my show have their own podcast, and we promote their podcast on my podcast. Yes. So, that's all you need to know, right? the exact same thing, and I'm always telling people, "You should do a podcast." Like people that are good guests, I'm like, "Why don't you do your own podcast?" Oh, you don't even need a a place like this. You need a MP3 recorder and a microphone. That's it. Right. Upload it online, it takes 10 seconds, and boom, you have a podcast. Well, the plan it is podcasters unite, rally your army, and let's beat these guys. Let's do it. We're in. We're in 1,000%. That's not even a real number. It's only 100% is possible. But we're in that. But we'll say 1,000. your hyperbole, Joe. I like that you like it. So funanything.com {slash} patent troll. Please go there. If you can't donate, please spread the word so that other people can find out

109:39about it and that can donate. I get it if you're broke. I totally understand it. But if you do appreciate podcasting and you do appreciate Adam's show and his network. I mean he's got a whole network. And then on top of that, everybody else that you know that does podcast, whether it's Joey Diaz or Ari Shaffir or Duncan Trussell. Adam's right. That would all go away if it wasn't for if, you know, if we can't figure out a way around this issue. Absolutely. Do it. Do it, ladies and gentlemen. Adam, I just want to tell you that you are one of the reasons why I did this in the first place. I loved watching you do it and go from regular radio and I remember doing the first ones when it was on the couch and you had the clip-on microphones and Sure. the whole deal. It's like, "Wow, he's got kind of a cool setup here." And that was part of what spun the wheels

110:23for me to get into this in the first place. I mean you were podcasting. What time What year did you start? Beginning of '09. Was it really? Yeah. Yeah, so I was around slightly after you. Slightly after you, but you were uh uh Well, I I listen, I'm flattered and you can come on out and see the new digs whenever whenever you like. We'll have you uh do you change anything? Are you even bigger or better now? I'm always working on the studio, always trying to improve, and always trying to kind of build the business, you know. Well, um it's uh it's very cool. It's very cool that it's working. It's very cool to be a part of all this. It's uh the podcasting community is a a great supportive community. And what what you were talking about about having people on your show that you know, that have their own podcast and promoting their podcast. I think that's one of the coolest things

111:08about this business. Really is. Thanks, Joe. I appreciate it. Adam Carolla, ladies and gentlemen. Follow him on Twitter. And again, go to What's the website one more time? You go to adamcarolla.com and find out everything you need to know. adamcarolla.com, find out everything. Go to rogan.ting.com to find out about Ting. And uh find out about the iPhone 5 uh giveaway. Go to rogan.ting.com, fill out the savings calculator, see how much you'd save using Ting. Tweet how much you'd save to @joerogan with the hashtag Ting. And the winner will be announced on Friday, April 4th. US residents only. Thanks also to onnit.com. That's o n n i t. Use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements. We'll be back in about a half an hour with the great Honey Honey band. Please, please donate to Adam's cause. It's all of our cause. Everybody, help out if you can. If you can't help out,

112:03please promote it. Thank you very much and see you soon.