Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, Ari Shaffir: Protect Our Parks 14

00:00Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! Hey! Mazel tov! Hey! Queep it up! All I've been doing is sending Ari, my algorithm is flooded with Jewish stuff. I know. My algorithm is flooded with like Jew rules. It's just rules from like low-level influencers in the Hasidic community It's crazy what you've like I get so many of them every day So I send them to him What are the rules? Oh, it's all like Are you allowed when you're frying pan? When you use your frying pan for eggs? Are you allowed to use it for me? Say you go on vacation And your pot isn't kosher

00:48What can you do on the Sabbath? You gotta take it to the ocean Throw it in the ocean They're throwing the fucking pots in the ocean To make it kosher You have to let go of it they have a rule you have to drop it in the water let go of it Oh, yeah, those people are and it's also funny like you click on the link He sends you and the first thing you hear is With the weather Yeah, they don't really control the weather obviously Hurricanes wouldn't hit Florida ah good point they barely get their pots kosher. Yeah, no they make them hit Florida's they get their wills Yeah, it's hilarious that some people are saying climate change. This is climate change This is Whiny liberal this is climate change It's fucking climate change wake up no, it's arson you fucking idiots. I think it's mr. Beast He's setting up a new video. Wow. That's a strong accusation. Bold. No, no. Just kidding.

02:02But they've been trying to get rid of the homeless for a while. Bro, the homeless are doing it. Well, they're flammable. Everyone is. But they're more inclined to use fire to get their anger out. That's true. Yeah. Schilberman actually caught people lighting things on fire. He filmed it. He put it up on his Instagram. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the middle of the firestorm, people were lighting things on fire to contribute to the Wow. You've got losers. You have 100,000 losers that are just camping on your street. What do you think is going to happen? What do you think is going to happen when the people with the houses are in jeopardy? What do you think is going to happen when these people that are living in $50 million houses and you're camping out a block away, which is exactly what's going on over there? And the looting.

02:48And the looting. Well, they looted people's houses when they found out that places were getting evacuated. Swarms of organized gangs were showing up this lady said a hundred guys Showed up in front of this house and she thought they were helping our neighbor move They just broke down the door and started stealing TVs stealing everything If the house burnt down, that's kind of a win-win If the house burnt down, but what if the house doesn't burn down? You just stole all their shit Right It's like you can't do that Of course you can't Obviously I'm not actually defending it But I see their point too if I was super poor Yeah If I was super poor and we were living in the fucking hood and then someone came along and said, they're evacuating these fucking communities anyway, man. Fuck it. Let's go get paid. Like, let's go get paid. Yeah, the house is going to burn down.

03:33They're going to get insurance. And if you live in a way and you get caught, they just let you go. Yeah. That's true. They just let you go. And then didn't Biden say he's giving full coverage for this one? How can that be? That's so much money. He's delusional. The same thing as, you know, forgiving college. College desk. He just says it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're going to cover it. Don't worry. We're not going to pardon anybody. He also said he could have beaten Trump. He said that, too. That's crazy. No, no, in the election. Oh, wow.

04:00He could have beat Trump. Oh, yeah, he said he could have beat him in a fight, too. He said that. That would be great. Imagine those two fighting. How much would you pay? It'd be just like the Jake Paul Tyson fight. To be there, that'd pay some. I'd pay. Just as fake. He'd be so sad. Yeah. Trump would get him, though. Trump would fall on. Oh, 100%. Trump would tackle him. Oh, 100%. Trump would bite his face off. he would grab his thumbs, shove them into his eyes and bite his face off 100%

04:27they're two totally different kinds of humans Biden is used to secret service around him his whole life Trump is a psychopath he will throw those thumbs right in his fucking eyeballs like the mountain did to that gay guy in Game of Thrones wasn't that a Steven Seagal movie too where he did that? was it? with the Jamaicans Steven Seagal movies Yeah, he had a movie with the sword fighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He eyeballed those guys. Did he eyeball the guy? Man. Listen, man, if you watch the UFC, eyeball pokes, even to the most badass fucking dudes in the world, are devastating. Crazy. Like a nut shot is way easier to recover from than a fucking hard eye poke. That's true.

05:06It is funny to see them all tough and then go, ow, ow, ow, ow. My eyeball. But it's just so crazy. We still have this. You still allow fingers. My eyeballs. This is totally unnecessary. This doesn't contribute to fighting. Have it fingers free tell that to John Jones saying what take them all up No, no, they need a glove that covers the fingers. It's real simple and then you have thumb still but you're gonna eliminate the There it is! Ah! Ari called it! Ari called it! That's what Trump would do to Biden. That's so fake! It looked so real like that! That was 1990. That stuck with you. That's crazy! Who is he fighting? Predator? No, these were Jamaican drug dealers, I think. Or gang members. It looked like Predator? Jesus!

05:50Oh, it seemed so real when I was a kid. You know what's a good movie? Alien Romulus, the new Alien movie. I went on a little vacation and I watched it on the plane. Oh my god. You gotta be careful though Plane movies seem better than they are. It gets you. Every time I'm on a plane I go that movie was fucking incredible Yeah, I go home and show it to someone. I cried watching home alone on a plane I cried every time. Your emotions go up. Yeah, you're about to die. Yeah, you're about to die. You want an edible? I watched Rudy once. I was like fist bumping. Yeah, oh yeah. McCusker walked by me and I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy and it was at the end when it was just aliens. One of the guys dies in it and then it's just a bunch of aliens show up and celebrate his life. I was sobbing and he walked by and it was just aliens. Are you guys old enough? What's wrong with you? Are you guys old enough to remember when they would just show a movie on a plane? Yes, one movie. I know you're old enough. It's starting now.

06:47You would have to pay for headsets. If you were cheap, you'd just watch the movie We wouldn't have sound. Like, you'd have to pay for their stupid disposable headsets. I don't even know if you're allowed to use your own. Didn't they have, like, a special jack? No one had their own. All you had was a Sony Walkman. But back then, people had Walkmans. Walkman had a little headphone jack. Special jack. It was a three-thing jack. Yes. That's right. They fucked you. And you tried to put your thing in, and it would go... Yeah. You could sort of hear it. That's right. Now I'm remembering that. We were more of a community back then.

07:20We all had to watch the same shit. Why do the headphones that give you suck? Not only do they suck, but you're only renting them. You're only renting them. I keep mine. They hand out shitty disposable ones, which I know that is why they suck. But they've got to be able to make them better. Yeah. They're too loud. The planes are loud, so you don't have the noise cancellation. You're still getting like the... They break in and make an announcement that's at level 70. Oh, my God. Here's the question. Here's the real question. This episode is brought to you by Visible. You know how most wireless plans feel like they're designed to confuse you with hidden fees, weird subcharges, family plans you don't even want? Not with Visible. On the Visible plan, it's one line of unlimited 5G data for just $25 a month. Flat rate, no surprises, powered by Verizon's network so you know it's solid. And here's the kicker, they're all digital.

08:10You can manage your plan in the app or online, meaning no stores, no pushy salespeople, just you and your phone. And right now, Visible's got an insane deal. Use promo code ROGAN by January 31st, and you will get the Visible plan for just $20 a month for 25 months. That's $5 off every month for over two years. So go to visible.com slash rogan and check it out. It's wireless made simple. Terms apply. See their website for the details. How bad is it to have little electronic things in your fucking ear? I do all day every day Yeah, I know right yeah, I've done quite a bit. Yeah, how mad is it for you? I mean it can't be good. No, it's terrible. Well fine. It's like smoking like people talk about but it's one of those things where it's like hotly debated Among even conspiracy theorists like some people say it's gonna kill you and other people is gonna say where's the bodies? No, but your hearing goes down right? I don't think so well your hearing definitely goes down if you hear loud things So but if you have it low, you know at a reasonable level and you have it in your ear The real question is what's the electrical shit doing to your head? Oh? What's the EMF frequency doing to your head? Yeah? Question right on it See what happens Plug in ones are better than the wireless ah That makes sense. So plug-in ones are okay.

09:35I can't live without these. They're so good. They're the best. They're so good. They're so good. Right in your pocket. Yeah, but they've been saying cell phone gives you cancer, the balls for years, all that shit. Yeah, I talked to some dude who had ball cancer, and he told me that he got ball cancer on his right ball because that's where he kept his phone. No. And we're just looking at each other. I'm like, huh. Not enough data points. I'm not sure if that's real. Was that Lance Armstrong? No, it was a regular dude. Oh. He's a normal man. I would imagine Lance Armstrong. I mean if you just I'm not a doctor obviously But if you spend that much time with your nuts getting smashed by your whole body while you're pumping your legs up and down Yeah, it's got to be irritating and if your nut hurts and your Lance Armstrong you're gonna keep pumping yeah Yeah, you're gonna keep on the the roids or whatever who knows what I don't think I think it's more of

10:25Well, I bet it's a bunch of shit. I bet it's a bunch of shit. I bet it's the amount of time on a bike Yeah, right. That's got to be brutal stay off those fucking things Yeah, stay away. Smart shit. I got a Peloton. I was like, I'll do it twice. Again, I'm not a doctor. But for a regular person. Let's dry your laundry. For a regular person. Let's find this out. Let's Google, is there a higher rate of testicular cancer among cyclists? It's like CTE of the sac. You're just constantly pressuring it. Yeah, you're getting hammered. Your balls get dumb. Your balls freak out one day and hit your wife Your balls just kill a cop You're going to make retarded kids with it It's bad sperm Your balls are getting smashed

11:12Like all day on a hard seat It's not even a comfortable seat Remember those seats we had when we were kids with the back to it Oh yeah You remember that Ari Running a hula hoop down the street with a stick uh since okay does cycling increase risk for testicular or prostate cancer good i'm not i'm not alone in my concern yeah so it says professional cyclist number of studies have looked into the link the findings to date are inconclusive there's question comes up often well the thing is it's like how many of those dudes are like yeah how many dive how many are getting cancer compared to like regular people. Just give me the data. Google initially said that the amount of activity they're doing also like counteracts cancer stuff. Oh, right. Oh, right. Of course. Of course. That makes sense. Plenty of vitamin D. Maybe it does up until a point like Tour de France.

12:08Like I read an article where they were explaining and a doctor actually told me that he said this is true. You're better off doing the Tour de France on steroids. Of course. He said it's actually healthier for you to do it on steroids. What? I said, how? And he said, because it's so hard. Your body gets destroyed. And a regular immune system, a regular endocrine system, just can't keep up. Just can't keep up. You almost need blood doping. You almost need EPO. You almost need steroids. Damn. The problem is the guys on the street dressed as Lance Armstrong who think they're on the road. Oh, they're a real problem. It's a real problem. They take over the whole lane and they're going five miles an hour. They're tight shorts. Yeah, the shorts, the pointy helmets.

12:51Shut up. Well, the thing is when they get a group of them together and they act like a gang and they take over the whole lane. Guys, go to the side. I'll be real patient. Yeah. But I want to go to work. I have stuff to do. And I could kill you so easily. Distance cycling is the most, our highest rated endurance. Whoa. Soccer's got to be up at eight. Okay. Eight? Boxing's 8.6. Interesting. Depends on who you're boxing. Swimming? Wow. I don't know how are they proving that cuz where's wrestling? Yeah, where's wrestling if you don't think wrestling is in the top you're out of your fucking mind It's way down there. Fuck off. What is it?

13:30Wow, figure skating. Listen to me. Fuck off. Basketball is ahead of wrestling. Fuck off. They play longer. No chance. Shut your fucking dirty mouth. And American football should be up there. Yes. Too many breaks. There's a lot of breaks. It doesn't matter if there's a break. It's fucking grueling and it's three hours. Soccer is about both for sure. Soccer for cardio fitness? Soccer makes sense. Soccer makes sense. You never stop. Yeah. Never stop. You do stop. They walk around a lot. But no one's punching you in the body.

13:57Okay? Water polo. That's right. That's endurance, though. Boxing's way harder than those. Way harder. Because you're getting endurance while you're getting pummeled. I see. And then wrestling, a guy is clenching up with you 100% of the time. Have you tried to? Have you just wrestled? We wrestle sometimes. No homo. Yeah. You're cast after 10 seconds. That's true. That's true. It is so hard to do and Olympic wrestling like those guys are the fittest athletes on earth. They're animals Those guys their strength and conditioning routine is fucking crazy When Daniel Cormier was telling me about this Russian dude that he could not be he's like We're so lucky this guy never fought. He goes cuz if I forget the dude's name like roms at

14:37Name he said his strength and conditioning coach. He couldn't break him He just kept giving him more shit to do and he wanted more He was like what fuck man. He goes I was trying to break him he goes he used Daniel Cormier's routine He just kept adding things and this dude just wanted to keep doing more. He said he would have beaten all of us He said we've never been successful this guy fought in the UFC He needs it Junta to overthrow. See if you can find who that guy's name is, but he's an animal Who's that new guy who beat O'Malley? That guy's pretty vicious. Oh, Marab Dwabish. He's fighting this weekend against the toughest guy He's ever faced he's like umar number go bad off. Umar is Khabib's cousin, and he's a fucking savage Yeah, he's but he's different than Khabib in that he's a striker Like he's got wicked wrestling and wicked submissions, but he started off as a kickboxer his fucking kicks are nasty I want to know who kicked Khabib off that plane. Wait what crazy? Some lady came up to Khabib when he was on the flight because he was in the escape row What flutter it is he was on a Okay, no something front here so she there's a video of it's crazy. He's telling her you know I can do this I'm by the stick like I understand English I could speak English and they kick him off the fucking plane Exit row thing The verbal response Why is he flying frontier comes to me with questions? Very rude the very beginning he's saving up his money man. That's why he's not fighting anymore He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care man. That guy drives a Toyota. Even though I speak very decent English and can understand everything and agreed to assist,

16:12she still insists on removing me from my seat. What was the base for that? Racial, national, or other one? I'm not sure. But after two minutes of conversation, she called security, and I was de-planed from this aircraft. After 1.5 hours, I boarded another airline and left to my destination. I did my best to stay calm and respectful, as you can see in the video, But those crew members could do better next time and just be nice with clients pretty calm Very calm way to say he had to work so hard at the English on that tweet. Yeah I wish I was on that plane. I wish I was on that maybe she was just a Connor fan Yeah, she's like fuck off I'm a John Jones fan That was the goat talk between those two. It's weird when these super mercenary killers just can't win. He's like, I gotta just get off the plane. I can't beat you up. Some lady. Yeah, some lady has control over him. Meanwhile, he can beat up everybody on the planet. It's really crazy when you watch it. Remove from the whole plane. Yeah, you can play it if you want. Wouldn't he just switch suites to somebody? Damn.

17:25She's saying they're not comfortable. What? He should have just started swinging. You know? Too bad she's not trans. Wow, I don't get it. This is crazy. I mean, didn't Mike Tyson hit a guy on a plane? Yeah, but that's a different situation. The Mike Tyson guy was a drunk guy that was fucking with Mike Tyson. She deserves it. At this point, he's like, yeah, call the supervisor. He'll have my side on this. Well, not only that, he was calm and respectful. He obviously speaks English, and he knew. Yeah, he said, I'll assist. I'll open the door. Fucking white ladies. People are crazy. I sit in that fucking row. They put fucking slobs in that row.

18:16Who gets so fucking? Well, you would love to be on that flight, go, ma'am, do you know who that is? Yeah. Like, do you know who that is? Like, just let me tell you who that is. Let me Google him real quick. He's the eagle. Yeah, Jesus Christ. The only reason he's not killing you right now is because he's not in his own country. Yeah. Oh, my God. Imagine if she did that in Dagestan. They'd throw in a hole. They got a hole just for liberal ladies. It's so weird. Pile them up. It's so weird to see my flight. Honestly, we're laughing at it. It's fucking Sparta. They probably got a couple holes filled with people. In Dagestan, like, no, that's a nice hole.

18:51Bro, if you live in a place where war was recent, they don't, they have no room for horse shit. You know? If you go to those Chechnya type places, like, there's no room for horse shit. No. No room for horse shit. They're going old school. They kill gay guys. They do wild, yeah, they do wild shit. I think it's illegal there to be gay. Yeah, there's countries where it's illegal to be gay. They'll kill you. Paradise. What? Why are you gay? But you know what's crazy. Who says I am gay? Why are you gay? That guy's amazing. You are transgender. Legit had a question. Didn't understand it.

19:28That makes no sense. Who says I am gay? You are gay. It's weird to get a look at Khabib just at an airport. He's at a caribou coffee. Oh, here we go. Gay rights actors. Mr. Should I call you Mr.? Pepe Julian Onzima. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for coming in. Good morning. Morning to you. Why are you gay? Is that Karen Bass? You are transgender. You are transgender. And you are gay rights activist and unoutspoken lesbian? Homosexual? How can I describe you?

20:10Now we're looking at the raging debate. Some raging debate. Is this going to sound gay to me? That's actually like an impressive activist. Should someone be gay? The lady? Yeah, I mean she's in a country where people are like what the fuck wrong with you She's like we're just trying to get some right. Yeah, she's not tweeting about it. She's going there I like it just shows you like you gone you can you can complain all you want about America She's gonna be gone They're gonna throw her off a building Yeah, literally yeah, there's parts of this world gone what I was saying about places where you know you can't be gay like heavily Muslim places my friend Evan the black rifle coffee guy you just met him the other day Evan Hafer he was telling me a story on the podcast about how many guys over there fuck kids well Afghanistan he said it's unbelievable but it's not gay we were just having this conversation boys boys and girls girls get married off when they're like nine years old 80 year old man it's That's crazy. Well, that's in the Quran. You're looking at a part of the world that never went through the Enlightenment. You're looking at a part of the world that's been war-torn and sort of separate from...

21:24They're like old-school people. This is like a window into the past. Oh, yeah. You can look at it in 2025, and it's a window to probably how the whole world behaved a thousand years ago. Why aren't more people mad at that? Yeah, they didn't... Why do we get yelled at for saying homo or whatever? What? Go stop that. They don't publicize it. So it's not something that gets discussed. Until someone comes on a podcast and talks about it, or you go serve over there overseas, most guys don't know. My friends who've gone there and experienced it say it fucking truly curdles your blood. They just all have their boys? All. All over the place. Open. Open. Everywhere.

22:02So to them, they're like Leonardo DiCaprio. They're not anything they're doing anymore. There's videos of their boys. Titanic is number one film. There's videos of boys like dancing for old men like sticking their ass out twerking for old men It's crazy. They film it. Whoa, see diddy. We hold him to the fire. He's just Muslim. That's just normal up there Jeffrey Epstein it's not even regular Epistan it's not like regular Muslim. It's like there's something Ancient about what that is. Oh 100% Islam is not really it's middle-eastern middle-eastern. Yeah Yeah, it's just this part of the world is fucked. It's not my dick. Dave Chappelle is Muslim. Right. But yeah, it's that area. How can you be Muslim and drink, though? Eh, it's a good question. Can you be Jew and not throw your pan in the water? Yeah, you're just not the best Jew. You gossip? I don't know, you're still Christian. Bro, the best was Borat song, throw the Jew down the well. Yeah.

22:59So my country can be free. it's a catchy song it is throw the Jew down the way bro that guy he was an animal the running of the Jew was such a great opening he came back and did a one like years later he took a long time off of Borat let it kind of go away you know so a bunch of people don't know what it is and then he pulled it off again Yeah. He did a Bruno one. Bruno was the funniest fucking thing, dude. Is that right? Because that one bombed, I think. Yeah. Bruno was hilarious.

23:37It was so funny. I never saw that one. Go and get at wrestlers. Love it. I'll watch him play and cry. It's so fun. Guy's so courageous. Yeah. Yeah. The balls it takes to pull that off and make it that funny. Although Borat, too, he's kind of shitting on a lot of poor people, and it got weird. Yeah. I don't know if you saw that one. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, you take your swings. Yeah, sure. Sometimes you connect. Sometimes you're shitting on poor people. Yeah, I guess so. It used to be okay to do that.

24:06Sam Kinison's best bit was the bit about starving kids in Africa. Oh, that's a great bit. Oh, my God. It was so funny. The fucking bit was so good. Go where there's food. It's nothing but sand. Hey, come here. That's sand. You know what's going to be 100 years from now? Fucking sand. We got deserts in America, too. We just don't live in them, asshole. Oh, oh. Yeah. George Carlin saw that and was like, that guy's good. Yeah. Which gotta be a great feeling because he had that preacher thing You know he had that preacher thing that he brought to stand up and it makes you realize like god all these alt guys Who get mad at people like putting out effort like you're being silly It's the whatever is the best way you can get that idea out and for Kennison

24:48Imagine him doing his shit deadpan like shut up It's part of his fucking primal anger Same thing Hedberg being weird. It's like part of the delivery. Yes. Right. Same thing. And the heroin. They asked him, Kenneth said, how come you don't make fun of women, you don't make fun of men? He goes, a man has never made me want to drive into a tree. He died by a drunk driver? By a drunk driver. By a drunk driver. Isn't that crazy? Well, I always remember his bits. You know, when I was in high school, one of my friends killed somebody driving drunk. Really? Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't a good friend of mine, but as a kid, I went to high school with him.

25:24Ted Kennedy? I always say hi to him. He's a nice guy. He fucked up he got really drunk one night and he crashed his car and he killed his friend And so Kenison used to have this joke and where he would be like he goes we're gonna drink and we're gonna drive We're gonna pull it off You know why cuz we do it every fucking guy But to me this was like that ended well this was Kenison When he was doing like an impression of Kenison like Kenison is a cautionary tale Yeah, yeah, because Kenison was the best on earth for like three or four years years the best on earth but the partying and the fame and it all went away if you're a you're a stand-up comedy fan i implore you this is what you do you go listen to louder than hell it's hard to find because it was so homophobic that warner brothers wouldn't sell it for a while yeah yeah it's so homophobic but please it's art watch that listen to that and then watch his hbo special They're both fucking great. They're both greats. Two amazing hours. Then watch Have You Seen Me Lately. Then watch the one he did after that. They're so bad. They're so bad. He's like playing rock and roll music. He's got a bandana on. He's so fat now. He's so fat. He's like a ball. He believed his own hype too. He really bought into it. He was selling that instead of being Sam Kinison. Right, so it's like he got to the dance and then he was selling on Sam Kinison instead of the the fucking insight Yeah, and the comedy was just too much party and too much blow too much food and drink and hit girls on leashes in the beginning

26:59It was so yeah damn yeah, it all just it just became so dumb makes you think does the Middle East love 80s comedy? Yes, but not if it's boy, right? Yeah, it's like those that here's the thing about Kennison though. This is what people have to kind of understand Until Kennison and Dice come along no one selling out arenas. This is a new thing But did Kennison do arenas? He did pretty big places cuz I saw him at Great Woods Great Woods in Mansfield Massachusetts find out what the capacity for that is Never heard of Great Woods. I used to work there. Oh Yeah, I was a security guard there. Ralphie open for him once he won a contest when he was a kid When he was just starting, he was 17, won a contest for Sam Kennison. Hold on. That's a fact. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Would it be better just not even look it up? 19,000. Woo! Okay, so he played at 19,000. Oh yeah, that's an arena. No, no, that's the X Infinity Center. That's different. Oh. It says expanded.

28:01Oh! Okay, so it used to be 12,000. Yeah. So that's where I saw him. So I saw him in a 12,000-seater. That's crazy. But when I saw him, it was when he was already declining. it was the or the material was just not i didn't engage with it at all like the first thing i thought was genius i saw the hbo thing i was like this is the greatest thing i've ever seen in my life and then when i saw him live i was like oh this is like this is missing stuff it's like missing a it's not funny it's missing funny it's like a lot of hype but like he was just partying man yeah and you know he just became bigger than life and then probably didn't have any friends Ralphie Mary shares a story of Sam Kennison jump-starting his career there you go Wow that's a t-shirt is true yeah he said he came in and they were like they were like all like like darted up like they were doing blow and they're like hey you're that kid okay I'll meet you in a second like close the door we're doing thinking about the numbers like how can Ralphie may when what year was Ralphie May 17 you know because I was 21 in 88 and so how much when did Ralphie open up For Sam it has to be around then because Sam was dead Yeah, nice Sam was dead in what was he dead Jamie I do something 91 or 90 I was in New York So it had to be 92

29:1792 yeah, yeah That's about So he has to be opening up for him somewhere in the night. I didn't know that Ralphie had done comedy that long Yeah, he's a good comic. Yeah. Yeah, that was that's way crushed. Oh, yeah stool Such a friendly dude, too. Such a sweetheart. Also, he was so fat that he could do the N-word. Scott and Southern. You got it worse than me. It's like Big Pun. That's the word. Big Pun, everyone's like, you can say it. I'm going to take that name. Big Pun. Big Pun. Little Pun. Little Pun. Little Pun. Little Pun. I think in New York, Puerto Ricans get a pass. They do.

30:00Oh, yeah. I think Big Pun for real paid the way. Yeah. Wikipedia says he won a contest open for San Francisco. Oh, wow. How could I be right? Damn, he was only 45 when he died. That's uncomfortable. Ralphie was only 45 when he died. Playoffs. We're talking about playoffs? You bet we are. Get in on the action with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. Scoring touchdowns is key to winning the playoffs, and you can score big by betting on them at DraftKings, the number one place to bet touchdowns. Ready to place your bet? Try betting on something simple like a player to score six. Go to DraftKings Sportsbook app and make your pick. New DraftKings customers can bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use the code ROGAN. That's code ROGAN for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets instantly

30:54when you bet just $5. Only on DraftKings Sportsbook. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPENY 467369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 and over, age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction, void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. Damn. I know this is off topic. Google how much Big Pun weighed when he died. Oh, no. You're never gonna guess how fucking big he was. Really? Did he bust through it? It was hilarious.

31:39Tell me. Now just guess. I'm not a good guesser. I'm not a good guesser. 420. Yeah, I guess you've... Hey, wait, can you show a picture of Big Pun? Yeah, that's better. I could give you a roundabout from a picture. Can you get Fat Joe and Big Pun together on the red carpet? It's one of the funniest pictures you've ever seen. Fat Joe lost weight finally, huh? It's like, how are these guys cool? Yeah, he lost a lot of weight. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Damn, big and tall store. Killed it. Okay, his knees have to be screaming in agony. Which Spider-Man villain does it look like? Oh, yeah, Kingpin.

32:09Kingpin, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Damn. He's got the Doc Ock glasses. Also, when you're that heavy, do you really want that much weight around your neck? That's nothing at that point. It's actually a quarter percent. It's like riding Free Willy at that point. Okay. Numbers. So much fabric. How much do you think he weighs? Five? The one on the left? I'd say 580. 600. 600 minimum. Big ton. Check it out. 698.

32:35Wow. Whoa. That looks like a 600 for me. Yeah. He put one foot on two different scales. 698. And they both went over the total. Yeah. Bro, that's so dangerous. And he was like the best. Was he? Did you ever watch him? No. Big Pond? Old Big Pond is like. Oh, his raps are phenomenal. He was like the best raps. Really? Phenomenal. Yeah. He's phenomenal.

32:55That's actually in a Vinnie Paz song He says big pun was the best The Italian boxer? No Vinnie Paz the rapper You know Vinnie Paz the rapper From Jedi Mind Tricks Just play it for a second It's so good Is he still alive? Maybe not live He's probably a little guy No bro he's fucking phenomenal Rap live kind of blows Got a little help It doesn't. It's just a different thing. He's a little out of breath. Yeah, he's a little out of breath, but it's real good. I'd be out of breath. You ever try to sing that song? Jamie, pull up Cheesesteaks from Vinnie Paz.

33:41You guys never heard of Vinnie Paz? He's from Philly. Damn. Do you know him? Yeah, I know of him. Bro, give me the video for Cheesesteaks. I thought he was a boxer. There was a video. Vinnie Pazienza. There was a boxer from Rhode Island. Yes. But this is a friend of mine. That's why he likes Big Park. This guy is good. This one song will turn you into a Vinnie Pass fan. Look how beautiful Philadelphia is. It had a moment. Wait, can you go back a second? This is all pre-pandemic. This is where I called that guy a faggot. He said I was a piece of shit.

34:18Right? Right there. I was racing to that light because helium's right here. I was racing to that light, and I saw that guy the whole length of that bridge. Is that the train station? Ride his bike down. That's the 30th Street station. That's 30th, yeah. This is before Trank. A knife in my palm, sharper than a sniper in norm. Righteous Islam, hypocrite to fight to be calm. My life is just torn by a polar icy and warm. My life in a song, the reason why the Viking's gone. A bison is born Only a god Michael is born The uranium fission Secret of the hydrogen bomb The bible is gone Y'all are watching A viking perform

34:59In the non-milli loud Looks like Patton Oswalt He does He does It's Patton Oswalt's Very violent cousin Good dude though He does He's really good Patton Oswalt's Very violent cousin That guy's got some bangers man he's got some bangers yeah he's one there's like there's a few rappers out there that don't get like the respect they deserve that dude has some bangers he's got some great fucking songs oh yeah was is he Puerto Rican nice Italian Italian oh he's Italian yeah I think almost Tyler's South you might have some other stuff it looks that looks that's got South Philly written oh yeah yeah Philadelphia yeah we go A giant boxing historian, too. Controlled opposition. Dead on.

35:52He is comedian Patton Oswalt. That's hilarious. He really does. He's like his Tyler Durden. Well, if he wore a fat suit, then he would have to wear a fat suit. There you go. Which is crazy. Nailed it. Yeah, a lot of comedians become rappers. That's always a bummer. Tom McCaffrey. Jota Rosa. Jota Rosa. Jota Rosa's rapping? Is he? He's got a band band. Sagal is a rapper. Sagal is actually kind of good. Sagal is kind of good. There's a couple out there. It's all words.

36:25It's lyrics. It's jokes. That's so funny. Lil Wayne has some lyrics where you're like, that is super funny. Oh, yeah. Danny Brown stuff is fun. Danny Brown's hilarious. There you go. Definitely. Put you out like Hannibal Buress. The Drake Kendrick beef had some very funny. Yes. Drake said to Kendrick when you put your hands on your woman is it self defense because she's bigger than you? It's very funny. He made fun of being tiny the whole time. Then Kendrick called him pedophile and kind of won. What are you doing man? We're having a good time. Take it easy.

36:58Slow down boys. That escalated. I stand by it. The best was the original diswrap from what's his name that Kanye put him on to. It's like, you have a child you do not take care of. Oh, fucking what's his name? Pusha T. Out the Snakes. Pusha T. God damn, that went hard. Not the best song. Yeah. I don't know it. None of these diss tracks you can really dance to. You could with, well, yeah, you can't. That's why Kendrix was so good. Because he made it a good song. He made it like a pop. Well, the number one was Nas and Jay-Z.

37:32Ether, yeah. Bro. Which song? Jay-Z. It's called Ether. Fucked up. He got the greatest lyricist of all time angry at him. Oh boy. And he wrote a song where he cooked Jay-Z for like five minutes. Really? He cooks him. It's like, and sometimes he's not even rapping, he's just talking. He's like, you're an ugly fuck. Bro, ugly fuck. It's so good. He is ugly. That's how it starts. Fuck Jay-Z. All right, all right. Read the lyrics. Okay, what's up?

37:59Why are we playing a little bit of it? Fuck it, let's play a bit of it. The beginning's hilarious. Are we going to lose the rights to YouTube? Fuck Jay-Z. Yeah, we'll probably have to. What's up, guys? Hey yo, I know you ain't talking Ether Give me those He went a hardcore Christian It starts off with gunshot Uh oh Fuck JZ You been on my dick nigga Fuck JZ Fuck with your soul like ether Teach you the king you know you I'll prove you lost the ready Brace yourself for the main event Y'all impatiently waiting

38:36It's like an AIDS test. What's the results? Not positive. Who's the best? Pop, nons, and big. Ain't no best. East, west, north, south, flossed out. Greetings. I embrace y'all with napalm. Blows up. No guts. Left chest, face gone. How can I be garbage? Send me autos at your cottage. Burn it at the side of your dome. Come out of my throne. I got this. Lock since 9-1. I am the truth. I can't keep up with these blacks. I can't.

39:02It's so quick. But now I keep my eyes on the Judas. I'm trying to hear it, but it's I listen to a rap song like 10 times Me too, I'm an old honky I gotta see it written I can't follow along I'd like to see it written A lot of lyrics, I'm just like, I gotta see it on paper It's actually what I want to start doing You gotta see it on paper? You're missing half the thing You miss one line, then you miss another one You ever watch Black guys hear white music Yeah, I love that shit I might do that with you guys Let's just let you listen to rap and your guys both go what? I'm in. Have you ever seen the YouTube channel? What's he saying?

39:40Have you ever seen the YouTube channel Tribal People? Uh-oh. There's a YouTube channel called Tribal People Try. Yes. And they like try Kentucky Fried Chicken for the first time. No way. Unbelievable. They like try all these different foods. They get Sprite. They're like. Really? And then I heard it got demonetized. It's too racist. I think they felt like they were taking advantage of those guys. Well, we're helping them. We showed them Sprite. I don't think these guys even know what the fuck YouTube is. Yeah. Like, these guys are, like, legit tribal people. He's got some sort of a connect with them. He, like, gives them a bag of rice, and then he's making millions of dollars off of each.

40:12I don't know if that's what's happening. He got the rice. But I would wonder. That's right. I mean, I would hope they have some sort of a deal with those fellas. Yeah. But either way, it's an entertaining channel. I'm sure they traded him some nice beads and blankets. It's fun watching people that have never experienced, like, American culture try a ding-dong. You ever see fat black chicks try Jewish food? No. What? They try, like, mozza. Like, oh, not bad. Good cracker. All right, good one. You guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra giving tribal people rice? Sure. That's rice. I like it. Oh, my God.

40:44It's so corny. It's not bad. Matt Rive. Oh, my God. You're doing a Norman before. But you set it up and everything. It was beautiful. You created the environment for a Norman? Yep. I wanted to hear it. I was on board. Thank you. You created an environment for it. You didn't just do a Norman. A Norman's like a response. Like you made room and then you made your own Norman. Have you seen Matt Rice? He's the Asian comic doing arenas. He's doing only cloud work. I heard he got his jaw done. Thank you.

41:14Matt Rice. Matt Rice. Where you from? Oh, no. You get out of Neverhood. You must find something. I bet you want something I did. You want water? I don't get out. All right, this is living. Boy, you're about to get an influx in Texas with the fires. It's about to get a triple the size over here. Oh, you're going to get a ton of people here. Listen, I bet we can get more comics. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Somebody lost their home. I'm looking at new spaces. I'm looking at new things. Well, Whitney's about to have no home. She was thinking about Texas anyway.

41:57She was thinking about Texas anyway, but it was very close to her house. Her posts are getting a little unhinged. Well, she's gotta get over here. First of all, she's already on the middle of a war zone like we got illegals lighting fires that are Causing 150 billion dollars worth of damage if they if someone dropped a bomb on the Palisades it wouldn't have done as much damage true Except it would have killed more people Yeah, but if they evacuated the area because they knew a bomb was gonna hit and they and the bomb did that like that's just like a bomb Yeah, and if there's human beings that lit those fires and cause that to happen which it seems there are They it was literally like they had a bomb. It's just we don't think about it that way because it's not an actual bomb slower free palisades It's not even a little is it going strong going strong. Oh, it's still going baby They said the the winds are gonna get to 70 miles an hour tonight It's weird seeing rich people get fucked because they always get away with it because they can have a private jet or private security Can't have a private fire department. Well, they actually can you can You catch a kid. I didn't know that. Kanye had one that's set up at his house in Calabasas. Yeah, because when I got evacuated in 2018, I know that people in Hidden Hills, which was down the road from me, not too far from where I was living, people in Hidden Hills were the really rich folks, the celebrities, had private fire departments. So you hire someone to come and protect your home exclusively.

43:25Just die there. Go down with the ship. Crazy. Pay homeless guys. You gotta put the fire out. Can't leave. You've got nothing to lose. My friend Bud has never evacuated. He lives in Bell Canyon. I evacuated three times. He does not evacuate. He stays at his house with a fucking garden hose. And he fights it to the bitter end. That's the one thing I would... I can see staying for a hurricane and being like, we're gonna sit here and drink. He saved his house. Really? Saved his house. With a garden hose. Yep. Holy shit.

43:53He got a bunch of hoses and he fucking saved his house. He kept the fire from getting... The fire destroyed the entire, like, he lives on the edge of a canyon. The entire canyon was gone. And he saved his house. Didn't you drive home once where the fire was on one side of the highway and not on the other? One side of the highway for an hour. You could feel it? Well, you could see it. It was coming down like snow. Like, the ashes were dropping like snow. And I saw a dead guy. Saw a guy who was trying to run across the road and he got hit by a car. Oh, God. Yeah, I always saw, like, his leg. My friend saw him get hit. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yikes. I saw him as I was passing.

44:28I saw his leg. It's one of those weird memories where it's like, did I just see that? What did I just see? It took me a while to... Your mind's like, don't let that in. What did I see? I saw a guy get his head smushed. Really? He was a tow truck driver. He got out to change it, and a truck hit him. And I was the first car to drive past, and there was just a guy without a fucking head. Whoa! We saw a guy at the Hyatt, the Andaz, the front pat. We saw it just like you look, and he was there in the air. Oh my god. No way. Is there a bounce? Off the Andaz roof? One of the balconies. These have balconies facing sunset. What is that, Brody? Cut that.

45:07Oh, you son of a bitch. That was where the guy during the strike committed suicide. That's right. From up there, yeah. That's right. That's right. Oh no, you son of a bitch. You ever seen a Verizon men? That is a crazy story. The story of the strike when you realize that at one point in time they were getting no money. No money for comedy. No money. Leno saved it. And then they're like, finally we get $15. Did Leno save it? Yeah, he pretended to get hit by a car. And they were like, all right, what are we doing? A guy died. Leno got hit by a car. Let's pay these fuckers. For real?

45:43Yeah. I didn't hear that. Pull it up. That's crazy. Give it a goog. Leno, we talked about it last time, but another comical injury. He said he got hit by a car. He's beaten like Rihanna. I like it. I like it. I like it. I patch yeah, I fell down a hill getting burned alive fire sums up He looks unhealthy like a woman in the Middle East Yeah, the thing about injuries like that when you get that old yeah, like they take years off your life, bro If you fall down a fucking hill yeah, that's when you have yeah Maybe he's dating Nancy Pelosi's attacker And he didn't drink drink so he's just getting beat up all day long He also doesn't do squats. I guess his ankles the resiliency of a popsicle stick You know you take a wrong step and that shit's gonna snap off and you're gonna go for a tumble Go for a walk is that we get older you gotta work out. You really do you might hate it Yeah, you hate it. Who cares just fucking do it so you don't die Do it so you don't fall in the tub Yeah, you know like for real like you got to be able to stop yourself from oh, yeah, like the deceleration

46:51You have to have the ability to do that. I've been falling in a fucking tub in a while. I feel like I... Because I haven't stayed in a shitty hotel. With a tub? When you have to stay in those shitty... They're like slick. They are slick. Yeah, they're slick. They're angled. The UFC canceled a fight once because the dude was cutting weight in the bathtub and he blacked out and banged his head. Whoa. So it finally brought the agreement. Jay Leno getting hit by a car. By Biffman. Did he pretend? Yeah. Okay. He faked it.

47:14Sort of, sort of, sort of. The two jumped out of the way, but there was a loud thump and Leno crumpled to the pavement. Mannered freaked out, running inside the club to confess his sin. Leno, for his part, moaning on the ground. Dreesen kneeled next to him, afraid his pals badly hurt. Jay, can you hear me? Jay Leno opened his eyes and winked. Oh, the picture moves. That was pretty cool. So he did do that. Hey, guys. I got to buy a car. He had leverage. That guy jumped off the Hyatt. But isn't that crazy? To try to hit the store. Realized a half second out. I heard that guy sucked. Yeah, for sure.

47:47But that's the problem. Wait what a guy committed suicide and he sucks. He crossed the comic like come on he goes I'll I'll perform You can't have comics like perform I'll perform for you. You'll be loyal after I'm gone. Emmett's he was like Thanks for your service, but like we have good lineups now So no, so he jumps off the Hyatt in the air goes on the weekend at the store It didn't even make it to the belt. He tried to kill himself on the store to hit the store That's a dude who doesn't understand physics. Yeah That's a guy like thinks he could fight Yeah, what a terrible guy who doesn't know you can jump For you comedy right it's the same mindset right we all know those guys who bomb they get off like a good crowd And you're like you should be killing yourself. What are you talking about? Yeah, there's a lot of weirdos like that man ill people So the guy didn't get booked so he tried to jump off a building onto them, but the thing is that was terrible severe depression Yeah, even if he was good. That's no reason to kill yourself. No, it's not But he's like this whole idea like oh he killed himself for the strike. No, no, he was just nuts He was just a crazy. Just a nutty dude wasn't good There's a you're blaming it on that thing how many guys when you started were just like on tilt just a little But they would do real good sometimes you're like maybe right Maybe he's gonna make it and you're all kind in the same boat having sort of similar sets That there's a few of those guys like maybe that's almost worse because it keeps them in

49:13Yeah, you know, it's real weird when you get an email from one of them fellas. Oh Want you want to open for you? I get those You ain't done comedy for a decade they make it so uncomfortable Decade yeah, you're like all right. I'm already bringing like an opener and like what about an MC? I'm like, oh shit, you gotta scramble it find an MC And they go fine. I'll just do a guest set like fuck I'll just do a guess that and bring a camera crew There's no way 20 minutes and bring one guy bring friends into the green room and hang out all night fun time Invasion of your privacy just because you're being kind That's the word guess that's okay. You're a grown-up. It's just some of them are like such pressure They push emotional but like we are still friendly, right? How do you pray on that? You have to have like a level of separation like an Adam egott in your life Go Adam won't let me have you on my show. I'm sorry Way it works Adam, you know he just what he wanted to get the job in the water. Gaza. What kind of prayer do I have to make over the sink? I've been happy

50:38since he stopped eating donuts. Adam's fine. Fatim was the best Fatim. No. He was dying. He was like dying at one point in time. Fatim eating. Fatim eager. He's bleeding for some reason. Talk to him about, yeah. What? Listen, he needed cleaning his diet. It's called a period. Yeah, he was having a period. There you go. He was becoming a woman. I think he had a butt period

50:56a lot. Yeah, a butt period. Is that a hemorrhoid? No, I think he was having like internal butt periods. Oh, really? Yeah. It wasn't good. He's better now. He's better, yeah. You know, he's a worry wart. He's a worry guy. You know, he worries about shit. Oh, I don't know. And he's passing it on to his dog. You ever meet his dog shaking? That's what happens. Yeah. We take a drive to the woods just to go, and the drive, he's like slobbering. I can't take this hell. As soon as he's out, he's like, oh, nice woods.

51:22It's the meanest thing I do, but I'm always like, dude, your dog sucks. It's the meanest thing you could say to somebody. They're like, no, I love him. If a dog's never driven and then you drive it, you have to drive them when they're little. Yeah. He did. Couldn't take it. How old was it when he got it? Puffy. No, remember he would bring it. He brought it to a Vulcan and shit. And it would come into the room and hide under the table. Oh, yeah. That's when it started. I was like, stop bringing this fucking dog around. It's a rescue dog. Is it a rescue dog? What kind of dog? Pug? It's like a Dalmatian. It's like a Dalmatian.

51:54A Dalmatian. Cute little dog. It's named Dice. It's a good dog. That's fun. It is a good dog. I feel bad making fun of a guy's dog. His dog's named Dice? Yeah. That's cute. And it's a Dalmatian, so it looks like a Dice. Oh! Oh, I didn't even catch it. You've tried that with me, too. Your dog sucks. I'm like, that's retarded. That's retarded. I do like your dog. There's no part of it that's like... You've got a great dog. Say your dog's awesome.

52:16It's very funny, though. It is. Your dog's a sweetheart. It kills people. That's Dice. Your dog's like, no, don't say that. That's Dice. Yes. And you can't say it about a kid, but you can say it about their dog. Yeah. Get away with your kid sucks. I go. Yeah, whatever You can say to some guys yeah, I just had enough with their sons like enough Enough he's 26 years old get out of my fucking house. You could tell that guy's kid sucks. Yeah, that's true Like your kid sucks. He was right What have you noticed? That's the weird thing about today? Like there's a lot of 26 year old dudes living with their parents You got that right that when did you guys leave? That's 25 23? I was 20. 18. Out of the house. I'm not talking about college. Gone. Yeah, 20 I was out of the house. And they wanted me out of the house when I was 18.

53:06I went back after college for a year. Oh no, that's hard. No, it was a good year. Really? Yeah, it was nice. Just drinking with Phil every day? No, I was just reading and jacking off in the basement. It was great. In a quiet room. My parents were like, you gotta get some kind of a real job. And you didn't? No. You figure out a way to disobey them. But back then, I get it. I know. I was fighting. That's all I was doing. So I was fighting right out of high school. So I didn't want to go. He's a fucking bartender. That's crazy. He's Tom Cruise. Well played.

53:41I'm a cocktail. So I understand why they wanted me out of the house. You're living an unrealistic life. That was great. That was really good, actually. That was low-key great. Is that the least impressive skill of all time? Bartending? Yeah. A drink by spitting bottles in the air and doing all that shit. Also, whoever wants it, if you see them doing it, like, just make the drink. I just want a drink. Yeah. I don't need a witty bartender. Right. I mean, if you're really that funny, you should go do stand-up. What do I? Rude bartenders. Oh, that's the worst. Oh, like that. So what do you want?

54:13Yeah. Yeah, we don't have that. And then they walk away. What the fuck was that? Yeah. Yeah, right. Especially, like, if you're a good tipper. You're like, come on, man. Don't make me not tip you. I want to tip you well. I want you to have a good experience here. I don't want this to be bad for you. I'm going to stand off as bartender. A buck for a beer, though. Sassy, fat whitewood. Can we get rid of that? Open a beer cap. A buck? A buck is a max. A buck is too much. I know, but if he's whipping me up a Mai Tai.

54:36You can't think. Look how happy he is with himself. Shut up, bro. You can't think that anything you're doing in a bar is like paying for things in a store. Yes. You can't think of it that way. You're paying for this experience of being in public and this dude, this is his job. It's not supposed to be reasonably priced. I'm okay with $1. When it starts to be like a $12 beer and it's like, no, you don't get $2 for this. I leave $100. Really? What? Yeah, I get a beer, I leave $100. Come on. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I don't care. Jesus. Giving money. Are you going to notice it or is he going to notice it? Are you going to notice if you have $100?

55:12You're not going to notice. $100 from anyone in this room, it's like it doesn't exist. $100 to a dude. That's crazy. He's fine. $100 you don't know exists. You might know $1,000 exists. You might know $10,000 exists. But if you look at your bank account, it's $100 this way or $100 that way. It makes zero difference. Yeah, that's for one time. We're in bars every night. How often are you doing? Good point. That's $700. We work so much. We spend a little money. Yeah, we spend $8,000 by the end of the night. We do it, buying the drinks. Yeah, good. Perfect.

55:43Did you guys get after it last night? A little bit. I did. Me and DeRosa and Madagher went out. You had your show at the Mothership last night. Yeah, 5 o'clock show. Killer. A good friend of mine. Oh, you know Lucas, the guy who made our suits. He went to your show last night. Oh, I love that guy. That guy from David August. He's a beast. Yeah, he's the best. He's the best. Man, love that guy. Straight suitor. Straight suitor. Sorry to deflect. Sorry. That needs to back up and play again.

56:05You're a talker, are you? You step on everything like a bad drug dealer. The suit was good. Mine was a little small, and I said, that's time. Hey, was Vegas better when the mob was running it? Yeah, right? Oh, everything was. New York was. We got ladies on fire in the train. Yeah, it seems like New York was a little better when the mob was running it than when the Democrats are. I'm just saying. Like, the mob would have done something about the fire in the train. There was a street in the East Village where, was it the Hell's Angels? They had their headquarters? Yes, they did. Like 8th or 10th? On 6th Street. Yeah, the safest block in the country. Oh, yeah. You couldn't do shit. No.

56:54Well, that was always the thing about if you lived on Staten Island. That's where all the cops live. Yeah, or if you lived where fucking when West's Face was alive, John Gotti was alive. His neighborhood was super safe. Of course. Nobody's breaking into anything over there. No, and you get a turkey on Thanksgiving. He's throwing those butterballs out Yeah, but at what cost? I like the turkey thing They all do the turkey thing and act like they're innocent now That's a good move They go, look, I gave the whole neighborhood turkeys They go, oh, alright Well then, yeah, the murders, yeah, we'll forget about them How many turkeys? So let's see you live in a neighborhood Of 100,000 people and you give out free turkeys How many turkeys do you think you're really giving out? Probably, it's a photo op So probably like 50

57:37How many turkeys do you have to buy? I think because if you run out people gonna get mad they're gonna talk shit I went to John Gotti's turkey thing and they were out of turkeys by 1230 1230 Where's my fucking turkey you dago bastard You son of a bitch It's all peshy Where's my fucking turkey The people relying on those Crime's been up this year but I'll tell you what Might get a free fucking turkey out of this whole thing We're gonna eat good here At Thanksgiving. The protection racket. Yeah, that's how they get you. We'll protect you. We'll protect you. That's what the United States government's doing. So the entire citizens of the United States. Yeah, homeowner tax. It's protection.

58:21We got you. Two's got to be careful about China. China wants to steal your data. We got to get rid of the TikTok. The TikTok is stealing your data. Does China want to fight us? Why are we trying to fight China? Because we're stealing China's data, and they're throwing drones over New Jersey. It's a war! It's a war, Chagulis! Why are we at war with them? I don't know. We're not. They're communists. I don't think they are. Oh, I thought they were. I think they're allegedly, but they seem politically communist. They appoint their own government. It seems like they're about that money right now. It's about that money, too.

58:57It's a weird sort of a merger, which makes it very difficult to battle with because you have a dictatorship that's connected to a thriving economy. Tell me this. TikTok, they're stealing your data. But isn't it also all the American companies? Oh, shut up. I'm listening. What are you, some kind of communist? Ari, whose team are you on? You know what team Ari's on. Oh, yeah. The Hades, IDF. Free Palestine. I'm on Team Green. You know what they need is Xi Jinping to visit L.A. They'd clean it up in a day. Isn't that funny? They would get it done. They did it for China when they came to San Francisco. Yeah, crazy. Yeah, that's right.

59:40Did you see Gavin Newsom's latest speech where he was talking about- We're going to get to the bottom of this? No, about doing something with the land. Have you seen that, Jamie? Gavin Newsom. Jamie, have you seen it? Did you see Danny Polish's deepfake of his speech? No. Danny Polish's deepfakes. Yeah, they're very funny. Just making him say dumb shit. He tricks me a lot. He goes, we put fire our tardant on. That's great. Yeah, that Newsom's a lot of hot water. See if you can find this video, because what's really weird is he does a little dance with his shoulders when he talks about it. Watch this. This is so crazy. Great hair, though. Listen to this. Beautiful.

60:16Listen to this. With a myriad of issues, I was just talking to Josh Green, the governor down in Hawaii. You had some ideas about some land use concerns he has around speculators coming in. Oh, yeah. Shimmy, shick. I do that when I pee. We're already working with our legal teams to move those things forward. And we'll be presenting those in a matter of days, not just weeks. Legal teams. What is that? But look at this. Like, the thing in Hawaii has been a fucking disaster for the people that lost their houses. No one's rebuilt. No one's rebuilt, right? So he's talking about that and talking to the governor who's obviously mishandled that. It's also like, what's the real answer? It's like, it's fucked. But hey, what is this? I don't know. What is this? It's a fun thing he picked up.

61:01What is getting excited about it? Yeah, we're talking about some speculation, some land. That's like a lady thing. He's dating somebody new. No, he can't hide his excitement for the possibilities that they might acquire some of that land. What does that land become now? How many of these people are going to be able to rebuild? What happens with the Coastal Commission? What happens with all the insurance companies that decided to cancel their fire insurance? So what happens with all? This is not as simple as anybody thinks any fire would be. Like you get your insurance money and you rebuild. You don't rebuild somewhere that's bigger than Manhattan. They lost what's larger than Manhattan. And also, insurance is not going to pay. As little as possible. It's going to take forever. How are they going to have the money? How are they going to have $150 billion? State Farm. But that's the amount of money they require.

61:53So was the government going to do it? Is the Biden administration going to step up like they did for Ukraine? They spent $175 billion on Ukraine. How much are they going to spend on the Palisades? And if they did it for the Palisades, the Hollywood Hills are going to be like, what the fuck, dude? What about us? What about us? What about all these other fires? What about North Carolina? North Carolina, people are waiting in line for hours for propane because they don't have gas. They're trying to stay alive because their fucking heaters need gas. No propane, no gain. But yeah, you're right. Hey, Katrina. I was in Katrina. I was in New Orleans. It was the same shit. Yeah, weren't they saving the rich people? Yeah. Yeah, but this is crazy. This is way worse.

62:33If they bail out the Palisades, that's crazy. If you don't bail out Maui and it's a year later and you decide you're going to bail out the Palisades. So they're kind of stuck because all they would have taken is $5 billion. And they accidentally paid an extra $6 billion to Ukraine. They're like, don't worry. Just a mistake. There's an accidental $6 billion. $5 billion to help Maui? Yeah. Rebuild entirely. So for $5 billion, everyone could have got their home back and everything could have been settled. and no, nothing's been done. But yet we keep sending money to these other countries. Why don't these countries throw us a buck every now and then? All we've been doing is paying their money for the last 78 years. Here's the thing. Even if you're supporting the idea of sending money to Ukraine, I'm not arguing against that. I'm saying they accidentally sent $6 billion

63:20there and no one cared. And they didn't send $5 billion to Maui. And they could have. Also, just get it back. Like it's not actually you're not shipping a big thing of money just like I think you're wiring I think that's how they do it. Oh really? So they can pay cash? Just bucked. Just boats filled with buckets of money You know what you're doing? We should buy Blockbuster cards. We should buy Greenland We should buy Greenland. That's right Isn't that what Trump's trying to do? A lot of resources over there Well if global warming hits we got a sweet spot I like it If global warming really takes off Let's get some Greenland going You know how many people live there? 56k We can kill them in an hour There's only 56,000 people there? The whole island. Really?

64:00Yeah. Wow. Give it a goop. What are they like? I don't know. It's a lot of inbreedings. It's hanging out with one of those guys drunk. Their houses are weird. What do you think they're like? They're like shacks. Colorful shacks. They probably smell like old hot dogs. Yeah. Pull it up. The reindeer they've been fucking. Yeah, what have they been eating? What kind of fermented shark meat? Gotta be inbreeding there. For real. Oh, easy. Gotta be inbreeding.

64:23Oh, it's a cute little town, actually. Yeah, nice colorful. That is adorable. Where's the bar? Show me the bar. Because there's got to be a bar. Oh, they all hit the bus. That's got to be a good bar. Or a really bad bar. Some real fisherman drunks. I mean, how many times does everybody date everybody else's ex in that town? You just got to get over it. Yeah, you got to get over it. You just got to move on. It's like high school. You just got to get over it. That's not very good. She's dating him now. Yeah, what do they do for electricity? Fucking, what do they do? Is it Norway that they have a dating app that won't let you fuck your sister?

64:56Or is it Iceland? You have to know how close to the Middle East you are. True. They tried giving that to the Middle East, and the Middle East was like, no, we like it. The app's called It's All Relative. That was a conversation that Gavin McGinnis and I had on the podcast at one point in time. He was talking to me about the numbers of people that are inbred. I think it was in the Middle East. Was it Palestine or Pakistan? Palestine's one of them. It's like 40%. Israel's one of them. No. Definitely. No? You guys do some breeds. What are you talking about? You breed in Brooklyn, I'll tell you that. Do they in Brooklyn? Inbreeding? Oh, yeah.

65:29Really? It's bad. It's like Jews or more. I looked it up. It's in Israel. Look up the numbers. You can look it up. Let's take a look in Brooklyn. Sirius huge. Sirius huge. Palestine's huge. Afghanistan's huge. You're deflecting away from the- Israel? Israel just magically is not one of them? It's not magically. They're all Europeans that live there. Inbreeding rates in Israel vary by population group, but the highest rates in the- How do I say that? Arab Bedouin population. You guys are close to the Bedouins. But that's the Arab.

65:56You're not full of. Yeah. Right. Israeli Arab. Israeli Arab. Okay, so Jewish population is only 2.3%. Yeah, the Palestinians like 40. Look at that. Israeli Arab population is 25.9%. 25.9. Not close, eh. Wow. But that's a crazy number. But look at the Bedouin population. It's 44%. Damn. Damn. Wait, what's 25.9? Hold up. Look at that. 44%.

66:19Arab. Which is high has resulted in a high prevalence of genetic disorders and infant mortality Don't you love This is what I love about AI it has to tell you sometimes Questions like this on a giant podcast before they catch it well it gets out there Oh my god, like what what did they say we didn't say shit we read something off the fucking AI I said we did we're talking about real data. Oh, yeah It's like people that live in liberal areas like Silver Lake and the fucking in the East Village They don't realize that there's parts of the world that are really really really fucked up right now Really fucked up and you can't make this place like that place because you won't survive with your blue hair You won't survive with your fucking nose post that makes you interesting That fucking stupid bullring you have in your nose. You're not going to survive. That's what he did to all the people that kicked out of their neighborhoods. Yeah, you're not going to survive with your they-them pronouns. They're throwing you off a roof. You're throwing off a roof. It's like the rich kid who's like, fuck you, mom, but you got it made, kid. I'm going downstairs. Meanwhile, the migrant kid's like, I love you, dad. Don't leave.

67:38I think we need to take an opposite approach in this country. Instead of letting all the fucked up people in, what we need to do is spread the good. Like buy all the other countries like slowly like Greenland start with Greenland then we buy Mexico Guatemala's probably for sale You know he wants to take over the Panama Canal fantastic. Let's buy Panama Taking over the Panama Canal we'll get Elon involved. I don't mind the canal. That was making a new coin We built it we could sell a hawk to a point they built it, but we we paid Another idea about the Gulf of Mexico, you know you can't drill in the Gulf of Mexico, there's a law. Is that right? But here's the thing, change the name to the Gulf of America, now you can drill. Change laws. Is that why he wants to do it? Yes. I thought I heard he wants to change it and I was like this is an 8th grade level Gulf of America. Fifth graders idea of like that should be Gulf of America. And now you can drill. And Canada's a new state apparently. Bro, it's fucking genius. Trudeau resigned. Yeah. I mean it's fucking, what he's doing is kind of crazy.

68:45He's not even in office yet. And he's like, fuck it, I'm getting out of here. I don't want this fight. But he's not even in office yet, and the whole world is shifting. All the social media companies will do it all. Look at Facebook. Look at Zuckerberg. He's like an MMA fighter now. Yeah. But they were just doing what the other people wanted. Whoever's in charge are like, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, now they're away. And now, okay, sure, we'll do it your way. It's a little shifty. As long as we can make money, we don't care. But you're like, are you going to flip back if something flips back? Who are you? We're going to keep stealing data. They're going to flip back. I think most people found out about it because of the Twitter files, and then the outrage was so high, they were worried about losing in the next election. And I think they realized that probably lost in this election.

69:24So when things like that happen, there was a point in time during the Obama administration where they were talking about us going to war with Syria. Do you remember that? Ten times. Yes. We kept saying no. We said, we've got to overthrow Assad. And America said no. And then they go, actually, we've got to help Assad because of these other people. And America's like, no, we've just done with these. He made, there was a press conference. And the press conference was so rejected. It was so wildly rejected in the public that the Pentagon shifted course. And they decided not to attack Syria. It was like a big thing in the news. We had eight wars going on. And the country was like, we're not doing this one. And obviously I have a cursory understanding of the entire conflict. I have a very small understanding of the conflict. But the reality is like if things get too rejected of too many people like fuck this Yeah Well, I think that's probably what happened with all this Twitter shit when they got those Twitter files

70:17And they found out the FBI was suppressing real information And then they found out that you know when Zuckerberg was on here and he was talking about the Laptop and they were telling them it's Russian Disinformation and they were telling them to wrote they told them to remove that meme You know that meme of Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at a television screen screen in 10 years like did you take the covid vaccine if so you may be eligible for a class action lawsuit and it's like it's like leonardo dicapio yeah once upon a time yeah yeah it's a classic take that one down they asked him to take out a clearly not really do you know the meme do you have it jamie because i have it on my phone great man by the way how about uh trump and oh biden having a full-on hang fest obama yeah what did i say how wild oh yeah you're right obama how How wild was that to watch though? It is a little disappointing though because both those guys benefit so much on every American on both those sides hating each other. I know. And then you see them together and they're like, ha ha, we get along. Well, you know what it's like? Just like Clinton and Trump at the old parties. They're all just friends. They eat at the same dining hall.

71:21Yeah, they're all pieces of shit. You know what it's like? It's like when guys fight and then the fight's over and they talk so much shit about each other before the fight and then they hug it out and they're all emotional. That's what it's like. Yeah, except they're not fighting. They're talking about, Yeah, we're professional. This is like, the other guy's like, this is Hitler and I need to have a revolution to fight him. And then, hi, how you been? And then you get done and you go, hey, where have you seen this? It's so fake. He was saying that neo-Nazis and white nationalists were very fine people. Remember that? Yeah. He's like, I gotta say it. I get it, I get it. You gotta say it? They just sit down and they work it out. But meanwhile, the rest of us, your neighbor has a fucking science is real flag.

72:04Yeah, love is love, you know black lives matter, trans lives matter. That's what they're putting out there. Yeah, it's causing division And you have a yeah joy division Well, it just makes you realize this is the reason why cults exist because it's really easy to shift someone's opinion about things It's really easy. Most people are really weak. Yeah, they're also all looking at the fringes of each side So like the shit they're complaining about like 90% of the people on that side doesn't like yeah, we agree with you. Yeah 90% yeah, it's nuts. It's just weird that it works so well It really does work and people make it their whole personality their whole identity and then if you push back they hate you He's Hitler and I'll sit next to him at Carter's funeral And laugh and joke around together meanwhile Biden's asleep you see him fall asleep? He fell asleep. Did he? Fully fell asleep There was a picture of like three or four of them But my favorite part was when Kamala Harris shows up and she fucking stink eyes both of them Yeah She stink eyes Trump and Obama and then sits down and doesn't say hi or shake their hands Nice. And then looks over and sees that Obama and Trump are talking to each other, and she goes like this. She's like, yeah. She rolls her eyes, and she's with her husband. That's like when Shane was talking to Chappelle and Louis, and people were like, fuck, I've got to be nice to you now.

73:19Bill Clinton was there, too. He was checking out Kamala. He's like, hey, nice rump in that pantsuit. You are half black. I'm going to go out with a bang. I watched this. Look at her face. Look how angry she is, dude. Look how angry she is. It's unbelievable. I mean, it's like, look at Obama and Trump. Just no one looks at each other. You sit next to him. Yeah, that's what she said. She guided him over. He has to sit wherever the fuck she tells him to. He's the white Chris Brown. Look, they're looking at each other. Trump is like, maybe we'll shake hands. Look at Trump. He's just holding it. Bush's wife, I want to be on what she's on right now. Look at Bush's wife. She's so happy. Right now she's seen elves. But she knows Melania is like I can't fucking believe I have to be first lady once again Man Jimmy Carter that fucking fentanyl. It'll get you He made 200 though. That's true. No, she's on camera. She's got to act more pissy But look at them just to that look at honker on that guy in the back Jesus She's gonna be able to hear them. Yeah, that's a lobbyist Yeah, what if Trump is just going, I can tell by his beak.

74:29He's all smart cocaine. Borderline. Borderline. Borderline. And meanwhile, he's right near Pence. Pence is still born. I think he shook hands with Pence. Damn. Which is why. Who did? Trump? Yeah, Pence literally called him Hitler. Oh shit. Almost. That was his vice president too. What did Pence say? It was like the worst thing Pence said about it. But Pence definitely said he shouldn't be president. Yeah. And then he won again. And Pence said, shut up.

74:57Yeah. Now you got to shut up. You got to shut the fuck up and you got to shake his hand. You lost. Deal with it. I saw Pence announce. I was watching the news live when Pence announced his presidency. It was great. Really? It's like on Hannity. He was a guest on Sean Hannity. Yeah. They did it like he was about to announce. And they're like, we got to take a commercial break. Then he comes on. He's like, I'm going to run for president. There's like 12 people on bleachers. Like. It's like, bro, you lost. Damn. Right now.

75:23You just lost. I can't because I'm still on the fence. Well, did you ever see the conversation he had with Tucker when Tucker was talking about the problems that America has and he said, that's not my concern? Did you ever see that? It was, I've seen it and I feel for Pence on this one. That was, it seemed like a misstep. Oh, it was. He just said the wrong, he phrased it wrong. Yeah. But it's the worst thing you could possibly. I just thought what I was about to say. This is what he did. He reacted to an attack. So the attack was on him. Yeah. And so his reaction, because he's a guy who likes to be in power, that's not my concern. Like his reaction is to shut you down people so he said it's not my concern That's not my concern like he's trying to shut him down, but he's doing it a stupid way. Yeah He's trying to like exert his authority. I was the vice president. Let me tell you how it works. Yeah, that's not my concern My concern is Shit after he said it he probably was like shit. He's too religious that guy. Pense. Yeah, he was obsessed with no abortion and

76:18And, you know, can't go anywhere with my wife. I don't mind that. That's a nice. What, gay conversion? He was like, I'm not going to dinner with a lady unless my wife's there. And everyone was like, what are you, sexist? He's like, no, that's a somewhat valid. I want an elevator with one. Especially in his business. Yeah. I mean, his business. They're sneaking whores in all the time. A doctor needs a female nurse in there with them. Yeah. They're sneaking in people to try to. Like they have Chinese ladies who are banging these dudes and they turn out to be five. How quickly? Really? They turn out to be spies. How would you not? You get a nine and a half on an elevator with you and all of a sudden she's just on her knees

76:57and you're like, oh fuck. No, no, no. We're doing it. You don't send in a nine and a half because they don't believe him. You send in a six with cocaine. A cute seven. A six who's got some cocaine. Damn. And some pouty lips. I'm compromised. And let's party. Immediately. Let's fucking party. I think they're all freaks. And I think it's just slow to be revealed because they're all guilty of it. When you hear a guy like Clinton get busted or JFK, this is not a normal. I mean, this is probably prevalent in the entire group of people. When you talk to people that are like congressmen, you talk to people that are honest. There's a lot of freaks. There's a lot of people that are partying. They're doing wild shit.

77:38I didn't know about this. They're doing wild shit. They were doing show biz type shit, but they were presidential candidates Especially if you get that big like I never got the chance to do this Dork my whole life. Yeah Gorbachev fucking stain probably couldn't wait to get some clam There's a dude in a dress he weighs a hundred pounds. You're just gonna get him to suck your dick You don't know that fire it up that fucking mirror on the walls a two-way one Oh, there's a camera on the other side. Yeah. Six guys laughing watching. Oh, that's true. We got him. Look at that shriveled up thing. The oral office. And it's all at Diddy's Mansion. It got burnt to the ground. That's true. The baby oil goes up. The baby oil, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's an accelerant.

78:25It started the fires in California. It's probably not baby lube. It's probably lube. And I bet lube burns forever. Oh, yeah. I bet lube is like lava. Grease fire. It just burns forever. It's probably some sort of synthetic shit. When are we going to get the real dirt? All I got is a hallway beat up on video. But I need Bieber's crying, J-Lo's nervous, Jay-Z's gay. If I had to guess this is what I would say. There's a lot, apparently, of famous people involved in this. Which means there's a lot of accusers and there's a lot of money that people won't get if these people go down. Right so if you're a lawyer if you're a lawyer and you're Involved in this whole thing the move would be like we could go public with this and this would be the end That is not our interest. Yeah our interest in is a settlement and then next thing you know keep making money off Yeah, someone or yeah, who's really good at basketball Or fucking someone Maybe

79:27It's all maybe though It's all maybe Someone Everyone left the parties early Every time It'll be like Epstein though It'll be the same thing It'll be like nobody ever gets in trouble Did you see that prosecutor though? The guy who said There's some very famous names And you will be stunned At what you'll see What on Diddy or Epstein? Diddy Yeah My people will not let those names come out But here's the thing If the videos exist You don't think that somehow or another This guy's got it

79:51In the prosecutor's office Epstein's never did But no one talked about the names and there was a video and it was going to come out It was like they kept quiet about all of it. They never released the names They never said there was video. No one confirmed anything. It was all just rumors They just wait till he stopped asking and then they're like it went away. And Glenn Maxwell just went to jail for what? Recruiting. For what? For who? For what? For who? Who was there? What'd you do? What happened? Picked out 15 year olds from high school And where'd they go? I think they killed them. No, no, no. To who? Like, if you're going to put someone in jail. You're going to put someone in jail if you're selling pussy. So let's say you're selling cocaine. You sold cocaine, who'd you sell it to? I sold it to this guy. Okay, well now that guy's in trouble. That's how it usually goes. And you find that guy, who else? If you sell underage prostitutes, you're going to jail for selling underage prostitutes.

80:45To who? Who'd you sell them to? Well, that guy gets in trouble, too. Automatically. That's why you kill Epstein. You blame it all on him. How good must she be at keeping secrets? She's pretty good We're all surprised they didn't kill her right? Yeah, they like barely arrested her wasn't she like not in jail? She was in a cabin in New Hampshire They found her in a cabin. Yeah, she was like an episode of a fucking CBS drama Yeah, she's hiding in a cabin in the woods like really prison break. Is she still there? No, she's in jail. She is in jail. She's in a jail where you get to do yoga you finger yourself Watch TV. Yeah, it's like it's like a fruity jail like oh like an easy jail. I wish she'd start a podcast How great would that be great I would listen tales of the island Well, whatever that on gas digital Killed her how have they not she's in prison until July 17 2037 That's when they're gonna kill it low security prison in Tallahassee low security Tallahassee that's nice It's not bad Drop a rocket ship down in the middle of the prison yard And escape

81:54He's gonna beep her out The guards won't be able to do shit She's pretty hot She'll put a force field around a rocket Pull up her nose You guys are ridiculous You guys are disgusting She's that hot How old is she? Demi Moore is on all kinds of creenochrome Cremeochrome? She's harvesting the... Do you guys get questions about Hollywood parties now? I have to tell people, like, I don't even know anyone who was not invited to those. Yeah, right. There's levels of Hollywood. It's not all of us in... Yeah, it's Matt Reif and those guys. He ain't invited. He's not even invited? No, it's high, high levels.

82:34I got roped into going one-to-one night with Chappelle. Okay, let's hear it. Well, we were at the Comedy Store, and Dave was like, Come on, Joe, I gotta go to this party. How are you gonna say no? And I was like, all right, let's go. So we drove my Porsche up into the Hollywood Hills. It's like a scene in a movie. Like two comedians having fun, leaving the comedy store, driving up to the movie. And we're going to Naomi Campbell's house. Whoa! Or some guy's house who was having Naomi Campbell's party. And we're on an elevator, like this little outdoor elevator with Demi Moore and some other lady. And it's an outdoor elevator. Like you're sitting in like a cart. And it's like taking you up the side of the hill. And as we're going up the side of the hill, we look at this. What? They had a party house so they had a regular house and a party house What and the party house was so high up the hill that there was like a 50-foot Gigantic photo of a naked Naomi Campbell Wow

83:27Modeling poses. Yeah, and then you go up there and it's like fucking Lenny Kravitz and all these famous people like just famous everywhere. Yeah, it was weird It was so in at one point in time Naomi Campbell She had a book of all her modeling stuff and there was so many photographers there at one point And she just starts posing. And it's like snapping pictures. So you're at her party. And all these cameras are going off. And she's posing. You're just watching it all? Bizarre. And then me and Dave are hanging out. And Dave goes, man, I never want to be that famous. I go, Dave, I go, I got news for you. You're the most famous person here. He goes, no. I go, yes. Yeah, you're the most famous guy here. And the most talented. And we were just, we were both laughing. Lady Kravitz is pretty talented, too.

84:09I had one hit. Oh, he's got some bangers. Dave can do a monologue right there on the floor. He's got Fly Away. He's got some bangers. Fly Away. That's a nursery rhyme. Also, American Woman was a cover. I know, but he's got bangers. He's good. He's good, and he's hot. He's a fucking punk. I agree. Chappelle is more talented, but no need to be disparaging about Mr. Paine. No, no. I'm just saying it's just funny. These comedians show up, and they can do a couple hours. They got albums. They can do a riffing sesh, crowd work. Well, she can pose. What does she got?

84:39She can pose. She can pose. She can be pouty. She can be patty on command. It takes you a while. Exactly. We didn't stay long. Then we left when we went back to the store. And then we're like, wow, that was so weird. It was an eyes wide shut party. I talked to you after that. I think it was that one. Oh, yeah, for sure. And I was like, are they all like rotten? And you're like, yeah, they've gone sour. As a comic, you go to those parties, you feel like a gargoyle. You're like, I'm so ugly compared to these beautiful people. You can't talk to them regular. No. They won't fuck around. No way.

85:08The thing is like if you go and you talk to a bunch of celebrities the odds are they're gonna be more guarded than even regular liberals Well you got regular liberals and then you got celebrity liberals like they have to be careful Every thing they say they have a couple of drinks in them and you got your phone out You start recording them saying something crazy. It could ruin their life Like what do you think about these immigrants? They're not even paying for our veterans. Oh, they're fucking, I fucking, you know, some of them are okay, but most of them are. Yeah, yeah. Next thing you know, it's over. Well, they're cooking for him and shit, too. That's like their chef. Yeah, right? It's so funny seeing a celebrity take to Twitter, and you're just like, his agent's failed him. Woo, you fucked up. Well, you get it, though. Or a football player. The agent can't watch you 24-7. They want to keep going to these parties. Yeah, like a Kimmel type. You know he's got a split ball. Yeah, this party suck after a while. They suck. They go like two and you go alright, I get it. No beer pong. No beer pong ever. No comedians. If you found a comic, if it was Mark Maron at that party, you'd flock to him. Who's grilling?

86:13Yeah, you're like, come on. I know I don't like you. You know, it's like one of those places. Mark, who's a comedian that's doing better than you that you hate right now? All of them. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Please, go public with it. But you know like if you're if you're at the airport and you see a comic like sick Yeah, like come on let's talk about even if you don't even like them that much It's like you like them way better than these regular idiots. I Was hanging out with Jake Johansson once I'm seeing it. He's funny improv. He's clean guy And we were talking we're talking about hookers in Tijuana, and he goes uh listen That's not my world at all. I'd rather be here with you guys talking about that my wife's dumb friends that play out. Sorry. You just got to fight from years ago. You don't have to worry about his wife or his wife's dumb friends. His wife. I've been sitting here waiting for one. I've been waiting. You're going in the chamber.

87:11I got news for you. His wife and their dumb friends are never listening to this podcast. There's zero chance they're listening to protect our parks. Well, clean comics are always the wildest. You've used to a clean comic at a party, flock to that motherfucker. Cosby, he's got some stories. Cosby's going to go nuts. Cosby partied. Find John Heffron and get him some out of it. Oh, man. Let's go. You ever get drunk with Regan? It's wild. I'm not going to say anything.

87:36Regan's an animal. Regan's an animal. He just gets drunk. He's not like... Well, he's a fun guy to talk to. He's having fun. He's having fun to talk to is what he's saying. He's not saying hookers. No, I know, but I'm saying it started with Cosby. It's not starting with fire. You're right. You're right. He one-upped everybody. Well put. Well put. Regan's not... He's way worse than Cosby. He's a sweetheart of a guy, too. He came to my show in Philly in October, and then he came to the bar with us after. That's so cool. He's the man.

88:03Super, super nice guy. He's the fucking man. He is the man. Me and DeVito were having a sober month, and then he was going to come in Kansas City. He was like, hey, I got an early show. Can I come hang out? We want to drink? And we were both like, we're drinking, right? Yeah, we're drinking. Yeah, we're drinking. Of course. That's a sick move to go to the theater, the arena there, and then just find out who's at the local club. He did it to me. He's like, I'm going to go drink there. It's awesome. That's awesome. Keeps the bar open. And if you find a fun dude who's in town, it's great. It makes the experience of being in town so much better. And the club is like, yeah, we'll stay open for you. Yeah, come on in, sir.

88:32I was bombing at the Charlotte Comedy Zone. Bombing. There's 12 people there. I'm headlining. It was horrible. And I heard one cackle in the back. And I was like, well, at least I'm killing with that guy. You know, that whole thing. And I get off and it's Regan. And he's like, let's go drink. And we went out all night. Make you feel so good. Huge. Yeah. That's hilarious. It was like 10 years ago. The late night, midnight shows, those were always death. Yeah. Because people are so hammered by the time they got there and they're half full, but then the clubs greedy and they just want The show the third show you're repeating jokes. You don't remember what the fuck Did I say that you have to have like a very set order if you're gonna do two or more shows He's too many heck yeah I did it this last weekend. I was like like the last show of the of the set It was like no way have I said this and you start out as you're laughing. You're like, are you laughing at me?

89:18Yes I mean, will you tell me? It also looks the exact same, too. Like, from your perspective, it's just a light in your face. Right. You can't really see anyone. Well, the problem is when you're doing long sets, too. It's like long sets are like a zone you get into. And when you're in the zone, you're kind of like, you know, you're kind of like riding it, right? You're kind of like riding the show. Which joke do I feel like right now? None of us have scripts. So it's like, there's no order. You're riding with it. You're fucking around. You're riding with it. And so you forget where you are on the ride because you're on the ride again. Yeah. Is this the first part of the ride? Have I done that bit yet? Oh, my God.

89:54I'm so out of order. What do I do? And it's later in the night, so I've been drinking, too. So now you add that to the fix. Now I'm shit-faced. I like the time we went back to the mothership. I was hoping you forgot about that. Oh, how could I ever? No, it was great. You threw up behind the stage and went to sleep. Yeah. You went to sleep a foot away from your own puke. The levels you'll allow when you're drunk. It's just like, it's fine. Third spot. This is a good spot. I went to the club the next day, and I was like, sorry, I puked. They're like, yeah, we know. And some guy's holding a mop. I was like, ah, I set up an edible arrangement. The edible arrangement was very thoughtful.

90:31Thank you. It was really nice. Horrible. Somebody had to clean that shit up. Yeah. Well, it's a fun place to work. Yeah, it's a great time. Other than that. I found the nook. I found the puke nook. I feel like if you're going to puke anywhere, you want to go in that little weird closet. That little... Yeah, right where everyone has to stand. before they go on stage. She used to smell what happens when it goes wrong. Have you ever had a puke on stage? No. Never? I had to piss on stage once so bad that I had to get Jay to come back up at Bell House. I was like, bye five minutes.

91:05I was sick on stage one time. And I was doing a show, and it was coming up, and I had to swallow it. Oh, no. Yeah, I was like, oh, no. That's terrible. I got lucky. I pulled out of it, and I made it. But I was like, this could be so rough. I might vomit on stage because I was I knew I really should be at home in bed, but I like was already out Well, then when you're listening to your act I did this Did the second set and I was like oh my god, I'm gonna puke You know that feeling if you're reading in a car like if you're in the backseat of the car and you're reading you're like oh no Oh, no. The watery mouth. The watery mouth. Yeah, like where it's coming up and you're like... Because your body's freaking out. It's like, why is this motherfucker moving when we're still? Yes. This is crazy.

91:58If you don't see the outside and see the line of the road and engage it, that's why people get seasick. Like, why are we moving and we're still? You must be drunk. You must have food poisoning. Get rid of whatever the fuck's in you. Let's get it out now. We've all had the shitting on stage where you have a turtle head going and you're really just tightening that rump. I feel like it goes away, though, as soon as you get on stage. You get a little fight or flight, but every now and then you're just like, oh, I had a crazy meal. I had oysters in the green room and you're like, ooh. I had oysters in the green room. When do you order oysters in the green room? I order everything on the menu. It's free food. Put up a photo of me doing my Comedy Central. Stop bragging. A half hour. a while ago, but I have a crazy virus, and I was shitting myself on stage, like gurgling. While you were doing the special?

92:46My big taping. It was like the biggest I've ever done. Half hour special, whatever. I look so fat. I'm sweaty. I had H. pylori. You get that from eating ass. Yeah, you consume feces. First of all, congratulations. Thank you. What was his name? Yes! He said fat. I was like, I gotta get it in quick! It's all about timing! It was John Panette. Oh, wow. You're doing sick. I'm wearing a ton of makeup, but I'm bloated. You look like a chubby. I was the same weight I am now, but just that. I'm so fat and sick. You look like a little boy. Yeah. So were you sick days before as well? Yeah, but they're like, we're not changing it.

93:23This is when you got to do it. Wow. Look at the neck, everything. I mean, I look like Ralphie Bay. You actually look cute. You look like I want to pinch your cheeks. Cherubic. Yeah, cherubic. That's the word. I want to pinch your cheeks. I don't even know what year ago that is. Hey, have either one of you guys seen a drone? You guys are East Coast. Oh, yeah. I've seen them all the time. I've been looking for them. You've seen them? The ones that everybody's complaining about? Yeah, they're all over Jersey. Like, what did you see? They're huge.

93:47They're like as big as a car. Real. And they're black with a ton of lights on them. Really? And they just whiz by quick. As big as a car. Yeah. Wow. I did the comedy dojo in Morris Plains, and they're all over. Oh, Tripoli spot. Yeah. Yeah. And Joey Diaz is there all the time. Yeah. That's where Joey Diaz has been working out. There you go. Joey Diaz is coming back. We're doing a fight companion for the Sean Strickland-Drekus Duplicy fight. When's that? That's in February, February 8th, and Joey's going to be on Fight Companion. Oh, great.

94:16Hell yeah. Yeah. Eddie Bravo had to go teach something. He's got something going on, and Brian Cowell's not going to make it either. What's he teaching? English? Jiu-jitsu, motherfucker. Oh, I thought he was at the community college. That's one of the best jiu-jitsu coaches on earth. So funny. How dare you? He's got 100 schools. Yeah. Eddie Bravo has a hundred jiu-jitsu schools. I'm a white belt. Yeah, Eddie brought any problem. Yeah He's been running 10th planet since 2003. How many am? Yeah, what color 21 fucking years boy, but that's why I bought Ari a year's worth of jiu-jitsu for Christmas. Yeah. He got pretty good. He swept me once. Oh!

95:07Ari legitimately swept me. He caught me slipping. I got a little too confident. Bro, you must have destroyed him. No, I was happy. I did destroy him. He destroyed me. He was like, good job. You're gonna pay for that now, but good job. I never heard him. I never destroyed you destroyed you. I never like really went full blast on you. Shigeki was the one. There's just like 5'2 Japanese guy, brown belt at the time, and I made a mistake of getting his back. And then he fought me off and then he tapped me 34 times in 18 minutes. What? Shigeki was an animal. Holy shit. Good guy. Super nice guy, but he's an animal. Shigeki? Shigeki. He's one of those guys like you would never think. He's like 5'3. You'd never think. You'd be like, no, I'll fuck this guy up. I used to battle for my life with that guy.

95:55You could choke a cold into it. We would battle to the death. It was for my life. It was dangerous. Chinese? He was dangerous. Japanese. Japanese. He'd catch you in arm bars and transition to a leg lock. He'd be fighting off a choke and like, whoo. You get out of that role, thank you. That was good. That was good. That was good. There's a few of those guys that he had. Eddie Bravo had some assassins there, but Ari got pretty fucking good. He got good. He was tapping people, but when you swept me that one time I was like this motherfucker He caught me slipping and he exploded he exploded with a butterfly sweep and he Snatched an overhook and went right into butterfly sweep. I was going over I was like this motherfucker cotton and he just makes it he puts it in your head where you're not even thinking about it

96:40You just go yeah, that's Shane. I got Shane for a second. I tapped you once. What when when out there no chance 100%? You don't think Ari would tap you? Ari would 100% tap you. I did. I did. We could go to the mats right now. We did it. We had to start with him. Yeah, we had to start with you on my back sitting down. You're 700 pounds. I got you in an arm triangle. If you guys were old, Ari would get you. You did tap. Big pun. He'll get you. I got you twice with an arm triangle. You'd eventually get tired and he would catch you in something you wouldn't know what it was. He was more tired than I was when I was doing it. I was for sure. Well, he's definitely out of shape. He's old. But if he just lies there and takes his time. Wait, you're saying I did not tap you twice with an arm triangle? With an arm triangle? Yeah. I don't think so. Remember this position? Remember going like this? Is that when we started with my arm like that?

97:23First and second time. You were hammered. Every single time we had to start with him on my back. You made us start with him literally arms around me on my back. I made him start with this. Over, under, from the back. That's what it was. Like an Eddie Bravo tournament. The Eddie Bravo Invitational, when it goes into overtime, you have two positions you can start from. You can start from the back or you can start from spiderweb. It's an even position. Yeah, no even no no no Started punching you for real. Oh, yeah You're like Lewis you're like Jiu-jitsu to MMA because you want to When Ari was training he would have got you He would have fucked you up. No, you got a lot of punch. Oh, I don't know any of the moves. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah I mean, I could lay on him and hold his arms down. And you did. Yeah. For a little while. You got me more than I got you.

98:19No, you will stop before I stop on that. Oh, gas. Interesting. Yeah. One of my early tournaments at Eddie Brown. I'd like you guys to be fully drunk. We did this. We did it. I know, but we should film it. And I was killing him. But we should start from a neutral position. I'm not filming this ever. Slap hands. No, just for fun. I'll tackle it. I'll kill him on that. What are we talking? Why are you guys saying this to me? I tell that. I'll fuck you. Did you get you riled up?

98:41You tell me that twice? What do you mean that? You fucking mad. That's twice. And then I tried to do it the third time. You already knew it. Had you ever done jujitsu at all? Before that one day? Nothing? No. No fucking around with your friends, rolling around, trying to choke each other? You did football. Yeah. Yeah. I was just... Hold on a second. Why are you guys pretending that something happened? He got you two taps. No, no, no. I'm not saying that you definitely did. I was there.

99:05The tappening. No, no, no. It's tappening. Nothing. It's not a real tap. It's a tap from an advantageous position. It's like it's not the same thing it literally start with his arm around my neck Very quickly It was unfortunate there's my one move I could do okay off All right, whatever he's cracking up another but let's see what happens It doesn't change the fact that it happened let's do it on kill Tony you guys go at it Wow that could be fun This is intense. This is intense. We can do it. Bro, I want people. Oh, that was slow. Telegram. You ever think about getting back to it, Ari? I think about it, but I break easy. I think it's gas too quickly. Yeah, but if you just get yourself in a little bit of shape before you do it.

99:55Just got to get on a treadmill. That's a bigger thing. Well, start doing. Just got to walk to my car once in a while. Well, you got in really good shape when we were doing Sober October. You got ripped. You got six back. You got to have a reason. You are lean now. Yeah. Ari had to have a competitive reason. I liked when you were gaining weight. I liked fat Ari fat Ari fat Ari chubby Ari was nice yeah Ari did it with with Will too Noah's Empic oh yeah

100:18that's right he's a Empic yeah there's a cheat code now a lot of people are thin let him have it long line of Holocaust survivors oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah it's like my man legitimately this is his fucking dad his dad's a legit Holocaust survivor is that right his dad's got tattoos put those jeans into me yeah wow is your dad gonna do the podcast

100:35he could we talked about it we talked about it yeah yeah yeah we kind of went away with COVID Would you approve of that? That was the Germans. That's right. No! It's never going to end. Third Reich. Oh, no. I'm stuck. Oh, my God. I'm out of breath. Mentally, I'm stuck on this. This is awesome. This is awesome. I'm just now like, how far can he go? He can never stop. I think it'll surprise us.

101:05I mean, Third Reich was crazy. That's pretty good. That's right is great. That's right Six million beans. I was watching. I don't know if we have I was Jamie have I played it before these Scottish guys with Tourette's on here? Well, that's great. It's like my favorite fucking This is just a fun thing Mental diseases and speaking out from tongue. I was watching it first off Scottish is the funniest possible accent There's a documentary, I think it was National Geographic a long time ago, and I watched it when it came out. Y'all, these guys rule. Hold on, this isn't it. They all dress like you. Yeah, I know. I went over there, I was like, these are my people. I am Scottish and Irish, obviously. Hold on, we'll find one. Oh, no. Different one. These are the guys, though. You're Irish, though, right? Yeah.

101:59Are they going to yell out? Is that what happens? There's three dudes. Hold on Jamie find the one with three dudes link up and go on a Is this like a long documentary and is like a section of the documentary? No, the whole thing's hilarious. It's just a different video. Oh Yeah, if you type in Scottish Tourette's butt Let me see it I mean obviously the highlights Go to YouTube go to that one four minutes. I swear I can't help it funny No, hold on. Funny highlights? Well, those are also hilarious. Okay, let me hear this. Here's something. Let me hear something. I'm trying my best to hold the end. Hold the end. Chugging. Fuck off. Thank you. Work is a ten-minute walk away from his home. Hey!

102:54Oh, my God. It's never nice shit to you. When we're together, we feel some kind of harmony. Hold on. There's a connection somewhere. There's one part though, because the whole point of it is these three guys link up that have it severely And they're like, we're gonna go We're gonna start a commune, or not a commune We're gonna find a place where we can chill Out in wilderness, they go to a lake Scream at each other And all they do is they play a game where they're Trying to hit each other in the knots with a ball It's so funny We're having pub quizzes and stuff at the center Something like playing charades Charades Let me hear a little bit of them talking I want to hear them figure out I'm never ever the person that stands up and has to act out what film it is or whatever, because I can't keep it to myself.

103:37I'll stand up and I'll say, Jaws! And I'll go, right, that's my turn over. I didn't get a word of that. He said, I can't do charades because I'll just go up there and say the answer. He goes, what movie is it? He goes up and goes, Jaws! We're going to crash! What? We're going to crash? The border between England and Ireland. The border between England and Ireland. Wow. Hold on. Holiday. Type in holiday. I'm a chicken. Bam, I'm a chicken. These three fucking rule, dude. Paul doesn't just tick around Carol. He constantly ticks around their children. Hold on.

104:16He's ticking around the kids. It's hilarious. That's dangerous. There's no flies there. National Geographic. It's funny that they swear. Hold on, Jamie. This is the best part of the whole thing. Right here. He taps him on the head. Watch. That's so good. That's good stuff. It's probably cool that they get to hang out together, right? So they don't care. No. That's like the only time they can be here. Yeah, they should have a podcast. They should. That would be hilarious. Try to hit each other in the nuts with a ball.

104:57No defending. From behind. That's a weird choice. They got long balls. But they're playing like a really serious, sad music moment. And then they cut to what they're doing. I thought you guys might enjoy these guys. These guys rule. They killed it. Couldn't find the right clip. They killed it. Yeah, that's pretty good. All right. I stepped on it. That's nice. That's Geek. That's Geek. That's the last one. I can't believe you guys said Ari fucking Tad. That's so crazy. Twice. Norman, I'm certain you don't remember.

105:34I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I don't know if I was here. I remember you jumped on everybody. You jumped on the whole pile of people. Norman did. You were killing him with an arm bar. Then I jumped on to try to help. I held on way too long. I told Jiu-Jitsu's gay. Fuck you pussy. I got a photo. That's how long. I fucked my shoulder up. Well, you wanted to play football. You were trying. Yeah, I thought I was doing good with the pushing. Yeah, but the problem with that is, like, I want you to push me. Yeah, you just pulled me. Yeah, I'm like, good, I arm dragged you. I'm like, this is fun. It was fun. I had a good time. It was pretty ridiculous. Until I punched Ari. We got all scratched up.

106:14Everybody got their knees all scuffed up and their elbows all fucked up. On a carpet. Carpet burn. Yeah, meanwhile, we have mats here. We're too drunk to get to the mats. 25 beers and that's going. I'm sorry. You know we were too drunk to make it to the mats the best point You guys are going at it like crazy and Carl is just like That's literally like pretending to drive a car when there's a car right next to you, right? 20 steps yeah, that's too far when you fuck your girl in the bathroom the beds right there, but you couldn't hold it Yeah, but that's fun something exciting. Let's see what the sink can do yeah Yeah, let that sink in. Sink can hold you up. But if it doesn't, that's a real problem. If it breaks. I've had a few problems. That's why I never get up there. When a girl takes me to the bathroom, I never jump on the sink. I've pissed in the sink at least a thousand times in my life. Oh, yeah.

107:06How many times have you pissed in the sink? Oh, yeah. More often. Yeah, I've pissed in the sink many times. There's a lot of people who don't like that. They don't need to know. You run the water. I like it. They don't need to know. I love it. I like it. I piss in the shower every time I get in the shower. Same. Of course. Every time. I went to, oh yeah Every time Every time No, no, no But I went to Wells Fargo for you And we went to the 676ers locker room

107:27All the urinals start up here It's crazy Oh, the giant guy? Yeah, then John Stockton comes for a visit He's like, what the fuck, man? He's white I think I might be one of those Scottish guys He's got a gun He's white Groundskeeper The best thing about pissing in the showers When you don't even acknowledge that you're pissing Like you're just washing yourself and peeing at the same time? You let it flow. God, it feels good. Like our ancestors used to do. They used to just pee. They didn't hold it in. Why would they hold it in? But even a dog like Ben's. In the shower, you're just like letting it fly.

108:02Peeing in your own backyard feels good. You feel like an American. I pee in my own bed. Whenever I take my dog out to pee, I pee. That's nice. I pee all the time outside. That's nice. You got it. You still got it. It still counts. You hit like a half a second delay. It's like the five second rule where you drop food. Oh, that five second rule really helps. I'm just thinking about all the ass that Norman's eating and think about how ridiculous it would be to not eat food off the ground. Facts. Yeah, you got to do it. Yeah, eat fucking leftovers at restaurants. I ate yours when you went to the bathroom. Why not? At breakfast. Norman would just see like at the cellar stuff coming back and he goes, whoa, whoa.

108:43I'm telling you. Give me that. It works. This has never not worked for me. You go up to a table that's been sitting there for a while at a restaurant. You go, you want me to clear this out of the way? And they go, oh, please. And you just take their wings. Wow. It's never not worked. And you just eat their wings? Yeah, it's wings. But then they find out that you're not working there. It doesn't matter. They run out of the way. They probably watch. That guy just took our wings. He's eating them. Yeah. They've never questioned it. They just run away.

109:07That's so weird. How many times have you done that? Geez, a dozen. Norman is the biggest Jew I know. That's so crazy. Is it because you don't want the food to go to waste or you're hungry? Both. Well, you have money. I had no money back then. But now it's just a rush. But now you just do it for the goofs. And I had no food in my house as a kid, and I think it fucked me up. Also, it's right there. It's right there. When we were at Bonnaroo, and Norman went off to hang out, have some fun somewhere, and then came back. There was a staff party, crawfish boil. Comes back three hours later. It was like, oh, what a crazy night. Look at all these unused heads. Just sucking out crawfish. Sucking the heads.

109:41Like Lily Phillips. Sucking the heads is delicious. Oh, yeah. You got to suck the heads. You got to do it. It's all the flavor. You get like a big juicy prawn and they cook them in garlic and you suck the heads. You've gone from shrimp to prawn? You're gonna lead us to it. No. Shrimp's great too, but prawns are different animals. What's the difference? They're longer, it's weirder looking. They're kind of cool. Prawns, they have like a long shelly head. Fucking whiskers. You suck on that head. Whatever those things are. You suck on that head and get that brain juice. Yeah. I never sucked it.

110:12All those guts and brain juice. I thought it was the same thing. I did the same thing. You know when you have peeled shrimp, when you have to peel it? Yeah. I don't peel it. You just eat it? You eat the shell. Damn. You do it with peanuts. So you eat ass. Who doesn't? Who doesn't eat ass at this point? I grew up in a time when nobody ate ass. That's true. Because back in my day, nobody shaved. It was chaos. Harry Butler. Porn, that's porn's biggest victory. Porn's biggest victory over culture is shaving a pubic hair. Hear, hear.

110:41I used to do a joke about it where if aliens came and they were studying the development of the human race, they'd be like, what happened to the pubic hair? There's no documented direction. Nobody told people to do it. It's not a public health concern. Nobody issued some sort of a statement that you should start shaving your pubes. But everybody, when they started seeing porn, they all started shaving their pubes. Great. Also kind of taught them how to give head, too. Yes. They're getting a little rowdy with the head, the ladies do to porn. When they get a little rowdy and they start gagging. Yeah, because of porn now every girl does that. Right. I've used porn to watch how to eat out, maybe get some tips. I think they're exaggerating. I was talking to our friend Whitney Cummings. I never get that reaction. She didn't know. She was the one, the gagging conversation. She was saying that she went down to this guy. She started gagging.

111:27He was like, stop, stop. What are you doing? Yeah. Good for you. I thought I was supposed to. Yeah, it's overkill. It's overkill. You're just showing your enthusiasm. I did a joke in my special about that. Oh. I've had girls get, like, yeah. I'd be like, this is, you're like, don't. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. But isn't it? Yeah, yeah, fucking right. Isn't it because they think that you want that? No, I think that's porn. I think it's porn swap. Right, right, right. When girls give a head, now they're like. But isn't it weird?

111:51It's because, like, it started out just people having sex. And then once people saw people having sex, they're like, let's kick this up a notch. Yes. I like that part. Yeah, why don't you tie each other up? Why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? You remember that one guy that got arrested? Ron Jeremy. No, no, no. He went to jail for there was something about the way that they tried him in Florida He was famous for like horrible stuff like he would open up girls buttholes Oh yes! Yes! Oh, Rocky, Rocco Sofredi? No, no, no, no, no. He was an American guy He had a cowboy hat. I know what you're talking about He had a very disgusting style of porn that it was the idea of like these things keep accelerating Yes Getting more and more deviant because people get bored. Max Hardcore Hardcore

112:32That's it So that guy wind up because they tried him in Florida. Jamie's corny ass new. Jamie's like, that's disgusting, Jamie. That was back when. Typical Buckeye. That was back when. Typical Buckeye. Typical corny ass freak Buckeye. His championship week. You guys are ready to show the throats. He fucks a Buckeye. Jamie's ready. Cuckeye. You can't hear it. You can't let him do that. You guys have to bet. You have to win your money back that he stole from you at the blackjack table. He stole from me. That's what I said. That's what I said.

113:09The money he stole from you. No, no, no. What is Steve Thomas? O.H. J-Mo, pull it up. Dude, that's your job. You have to pull it up. This week. Jamie, pull it up. Pull it up. Can't find it. Jamie, you have to pull it up. Jamie got some money from Shane. Can't find it. Jamie borrowed money from Shane and didn't give him a cut. Didn't give me a cut. Oh, really? What do you mean? You gotta give him a cut of the winnings. I didn't need to. Get one of the Navy SEALs.

113:32You gotta give him a gapper. Don't you know what a gapper is, son? I know a gaper. Hold on, wasn't it? We're on my side on that one. You stake somebody. No, a gapper. So let's say if you and Shane are playing pool and you're gambling and you don't have any money, you say, can you give me $100? Yeah, of course. I give you $100. You win $300 off of Shane. You throw me $50. You throw me a gapper. You give me the money. You give me a little bit. You give me a piece. You give me a piece of the action. That's right. You were going to have to pay me $100 back anyway. So it was like, you know, I gave you the hundred bucks so you can get an action

114:02So even though you really technically only owe me a hundred bucks if you want this to keep happening in the future You throw me a gapper. Yeah, so you throw him 50 bucks. I do like it. I do have an important question An important question for the podcast Jamie who's the Epstein pedophile that paid for Ohio State's roster this year This is information. I mentioned to you before so I don't know that it's even true Jamie always takes the establishment position. Who's the Epstein guy? Do you want to talk about the Catholic Church? Lexner? No. Lex Wexner. Jamie. That's his name. Now, Lex Wexner, what did he do and why does he pay for your entire roster? And most of your campus? He donates a lot of money to Ohio State. Yeah, what did he do, though, that's suspect? He's a big businessman. I don't know what he did specifically. Did he do anything weird? I don't know.

114:51Did Jamie have the insinuations to make? No, I mean just insinuations. I have no idea what he did. I don't know either. Google him. Do you want to go on Reddit? Just Google him. See what he did. Jeffrey Epstein worked for him. Jeffrey Epstein worked for the guy who paid for your roster. Oh, boy. Interesting. Disgusting. You're going to get a head coach spazzing on you again. Well. Oh, boy. Interesting. Ryan Day can spaz all he wants. At least Saban is the goat. Interesting. Ryan Day, born on third, thinks he had a triple, can talk all the shit he wants.

115:19Born on third. Wow. Third Reich. Wow. Oh, you missed it. Yes, we got it. No, but if we do bet, we're definitely using the spread. What's the spread? We're not going Moneyline on this. Why is that? Ohio State's favorite by 10. Yeah, but you can't do that. You're afraid? You already think you're going to lose? No, you can't ask for a spread. Well, if we go Moneyline, I'm getting the spread. What? Shane would be happy if Notre Dame loses by 9. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You won't bet 50-50? Probably not on this one.

115:53Because you're okay? I only bet with real fans. I only bet with real fans like Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow. Wow. The true Buckeye fans. Ouch. We're in Texas gear at the Texas Ohio State game? This is outrageous. Where is this game taking place? Pull that up? It's Atlanta on Monday. Pull that up? Are you guys going? Hot Atlanta. I'm definitely going, yeah. Jesus Christ. That'll be fun. I'm able to go. Bring my father. Tony's going.

116:21Big Phil? Phil made it to week one and then he had a heart attack week two against Northern Illinois that put him in the grave. Is he alright? He's back. He's been training Consistently to get to this game. Hell yeah Notre Dame. See I get plus 280. Why do you favor by so much? We can go Moneyline. Moneyline's ridiculous. If you guys are men, you gamble. Whoa! Put the money down, you quips. You bet a hundred bucks, he bets a hundred bucks. Oh yeah, deal. J-Mo, you're broke. How much were a hundred bucks? I thought it was my house. What were you thinking? What were you thinking going to go to? A hundred bucks was a good thing. A hundred bucks is great. He thought it was going to be the amount of money that mattered to him. How about you do a hundred bucks? Do a hundred bucks. That Gucci shirt you bought. Yeah, do a hundred bucks. Whoa, what is he getting on your shirt?

117:04Oh, wow. The shirt you took the picture with Trump with? He's talking shit on my shirt. Bro, that shirt. Damn. That photo with you. I sent you guys that the other day. Yeah, that shirt's nice. That shirt's nice. You bought that shirt just to go to the fights. Yeah. A Gucci? Versace. Versace. Versace. Do you have that shirt, Jamie? We need the photo of that shirt. I don't know, but he does have a ponytail. Yeah, J-Mail's clinging to that hair. Yeah, you are. Jamie, I sent you the Leonardo DiCaprio meme, too.

117:34Please, I haven't seen that one. This is the one that you get banned. All right. You get banned from fucking Twitter for this one. Shane's blurry. He's been drinking. He's so blurry. Trump's pretty tall Trump's a big fella And he's old so he probably used to be taller That's true Well Barron's like 8 foot 9 He's a fucking giant He's huge He's the one who told him to come on here And Dana White Dana White's the guy who got him on here Legitimately Did you hear a loved one take the vaccine And they took this down That's not even fake news

118:15That's an in the future idea It's clearly a joke. Isn't it crazy, though? Kooky. They took that down. Kooky times. Well, they didn't take it down. I should say the government told Facebook to take it down. It was one of the things that Zuckerberg talked about. He's like, what the fuck? We're not going to take down humorous memes. This is crazy. And that's when they started bringing him to court, and it got ugly. They had to, remember? Yeah. And he was drinking water like a lizard. Yeah. Which I give him credit for that. He's freaking out. The amount of fucking photographers in front of him. Did you ever see that?

118:42Not just that. He's freaking out. I'd spaz too. You're literally talking to the government who are thinking about shutting you down. Yeah, and then that one guy was like Are you worried about the weight of all the data? sinking an island What he goes y'all the way something megabytes No, right then he was like no, I'm not worried about how about dudes were asking him why am I talking to this guy? Weren't dudes asking him like Google questions. Yeah, he's runs Facebook like it was the whole thing was like so on un, like, they were unprepared. Yeah. Right. A few of them. But that's the thing about being, like, a congressperson. Like, how many of them are there? Like, I don't care. I just care about logging. How many congresspeople are there? I have no idea. AOC? How many, Jamie?

119:29435. 435 congresspeople. That's a lot. Have you seen that one wacky lady with the crazy glasses from Connecticut? Is that where she's from with the blue hair? Taylor Greene? Where's that lady where people were, like, bringing her up? Because she was, God, I forget what the ridiculous argument she was making about. And everyone was like, who is this crazy lady? Miss Rachel? Some nutty equity argument. But with these bananas glasses on. Like a character. Who's a hot lady battling the trans in there? Mace? Nancy Mace. She is kind of hot. Is trans battles? She's battling the trans. Well, she's like American gladiators with those big fucking cute tips. She's like, we're done with trans, baby.

120:07Well, the thing is, there was a first openly trans congressperson, and she was saying that person's not going into the women's room. Oh, right. Yeah. And then the trans lady was like, I just won't. And everyone's like, how dare you? That's the crazy lady. Look at that lady. Look at that lady. That's hilarious. Look at that lady. She sits on a plane. She looks like a macaw. You got to listen to some of the things that she argues. Some of the things she argues is hilarious. Wow. She's like fully, fully woke. like with her purple hair. She's like deep, deep in the trance. Like an art teacher. She probably put a mask on the moment she was done.

120:43I'm amazing she doesn't have a mask on when she's up there. I see people with masks on every day. Still in Tejas? 100%. Every day. Every day. I see them every day. Did I send that to the group text? Yeah, you said that. That's so funny. That guy's killing me. Who? There's an account of this kid that's like, we need to be wearing masks at all times. Don't even talk about that kid. He'll kill us. That guy seems really dumb. He's had five years of remembering to mask up really not yikes Yeah, well these you mean there's a lot of people like that that they cracked They cracked see the video the guy driving over a Trump sign then he got the flat tire Yeah, they put they put like yeah

121:21Nails on nails you see the video the guy who wired his Trump sign with electricity Get that fuck genius the guy who ran over it was like I fucking hate this Why'd you run over it? Yeah, he blamed on that guy. Yeah, people are so nuts I saw a video this lady she hit and run this look this other lady and She's running away and the lady catches up to her and she's filming her and she's screaming Don't you have a fucking heart? I'm broke and she starts screaming and like pulling her fucking shit out of her glove box It's all chaos Yikes some people are just Cracked yeah people and Trump being president like ultra cracked them Yeah, because they were told that this is gonna be the end of all their freedoms. They're gonna get locked up No, one's gonna be trans. They're gonna throw gay people off the roof Shane's got the glasses on it. I saw Norman Norman went for it. Let's do it. I told myself I'd do it at 3 p.m Get crazy. I was at a bar with DeRosa last night Matt Edgar What do I see on top of the shelf behind the bar? DeRosa like let's do shots. I'm not doing shots. Terence loves shots. Loves shots. Loves ruining her night. He loves talking you into it. And I was like, I will, though, have a beer the right way. And I looked up behind the thing. No way.

122:35This fucking thing is up there. Fuck it. Get me that funnel. And the bartender goes, what funnel? And I'm like, that American flag, that American eagle. Wash it out. Bring it. Give me that. He didn't? He didn't let you funnel? No, he didn't wash it out. You don't want to wash that. He brought it over. No one's out there eating ass. You can wash it out? How'd you know that? The bartender's like, how'd you know that? And I'm like, I just know things. Bro, I put that on the map. Yeah, you better believe I am that eagle. I'd love to see what the sales did with this show At freedom funnel big spike This show has been a giant boon to the smelling salts market

123:26gone through the fucking roof. Yes. Daniel Boone. It barely was around. Nobody cared. Nobody cared. Now kids are doing it when they work out. You see those videos? Some kid can't lift the bar and he's like AHH! Wow. It works. It works. You see those videos where they're giving them to, like, just strangers? No. They go to, like, Walmart and they're like, here, try this. And then people are like, is that fentanyl? What the fuck did you just give me? It's kind of sad, actually. You guys want some? No. I'm okay. No. It sucks. If Joe wants it, that'd be fun. I'd like to do it from far away. You get the hit. This is a strong one, too. This is a strong one. Oh, this is a strong one. I can smell it from here. Oh, my God.

124:00Good Lord. What are they? It's like my ex. What do they smell like, though? Good golly. Oh, Jesus. This is strong. Ready? Here we go. God burns! Bernie Sanders. Hey, by the way, how about these parks in L.A.? We're protecting them, huh? Yeah. They're on fire. We're here to help. We have protected them. I think we're protecting them. Got a whiff from here. Get in there, Norman. Get a big whip.

124:29Come on, man. Keeps cleaning in. It hurts. Oh, that stings. What are you guys enjoying about that? Give it to Shane. Like a puppy around a clown. Give it to Shane. Give it to Shane. He's going in. He's going in. Take it. Get in there, son. Oh, this is going to suck so bad. Burned bad. Nose hairs. Goggles. Golly almighty. Get in there like a man. Like a man. Hold on.

124:54I got a little there. Yeah, yeah. I can get a big one. Theo took a huff the other day. A dab will do you. There you go. You barely got any. Fuck you, Joe. I got a beard. He knows you're right. He turned pink. Wow. Ari, get that beak in there. If you can see my eyes, you know I got it. You got it. I can tell that when you got it. Get in there, Ari. Get that schnoz to work in. Yeah. Is this dangerous at all? It's kosher.

125:19No, it's good. With that nose. It's kosher. I checked that guy. Here, hand me a beard first. It's kosher. That guy on that video said it's kosher because I threw it in the ocean. Remember when we could just do blow? Yeah. The old days. We still can. Oh, that was a big one. Oh, he took it. That was a whopper. He took it on the chin. Oh, man. Brian Simpson still has the best reaction. Really? Brian Simpson took his headphones off and ran out of the building. Pull it up. It's like sour.

125:44It's like black people when they laugh or see magic. Jesus. Or when they're at Walgreens. Or see magic. Lock up the deodorant. C. Magic's playing at Kill Tony's band. Oh, man. That was fun. That'll wake you up, man. You get a hangover, that'll cure it. They used to give it to fighters. Watch Brian Simpson here. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, man. The rest of this episode will turn to me smelling stuff. Bro, this hurts from here. Oh, man, Joe. Oh, God. It really is. Brian has no idea yet. The work of the devil.

126:19Here we go. Get the camera on him. He didn't even take the headphones off He just ran away with them on his head Wow Great impression of his dad It's still burning Got the fuck out of there Brian's the man We lost him Brian just did a show with me He was in Dallas or San Antonio That whop bit Is one of the best bits It doesn't get the credit it deserves It's one of the best fucking bits I've ever heard in my life. It's such a good bit. No, Wet Ass Pussy. It goes into like the the England Empire and like it's such a good bit. It's long. Never having a song about wet pussy. Such a well-crafted bit. It's so good. It's one of those bits where you see you go, that's a piece of art right there. That's a fucking he takes you on a journey through history. He could write ends it with a bang with jokes all the way through. Oh, so you're such a funny guy.

127:22He writes, but he effortlessly kills more than anyone I've ever seen in my life. Effortlessly kills. I think he was high as fuck. We did San Antonio's. Think. No, but I know. I was with my. Think. Was he on stage? Yeah. Yeah. So everybody else is like nervous. And then you look over and you see him and he's. High as a kite. Barely see his eyeballs. He gets on stage and he's no problem with silence. Just talking. Yeah. And then killing. Like everybody else would get up there and be like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Right.

127:51No, he's composed. He's composed. He's great. Military man. Such a fun guy, too. Such a good dude to hang out with. Yeah, he's fun. One of the best green room hangs. And when you crack on him, he laughs hard. Yes. That's the key. Like a dude who can take a joke. Yeah. Some guys are really good at dishing him out. I can take a joke, but Ari did not tap his place. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a different one. Just for the record. I definitely did. And you whimpered. Oh, I do remember the whimper.

128:17You made a noise. You're a little girl. I'll remember you. A little nasty ass jumping in on this. Deflect. I'll remember you faking you cocksucker. I got right on top. You tried to save me from Joey Rogi's, but there's nothing we can do. You didn't even notice I was up there. I was like a chihuahua. He's a problem, dude. Yeah, you got some real beef on you. Well, that was a moment where I had to show Shane what the fuck was up. Whoa! There was some alpha going on. You got a little crazy with the football stuff. Yeah, but there was no... I was 100% aware of what was going to happen. There was no part of it. Oh, you had a gleam in your eye. I thought you thought you could take him.

128:52Yeah, for a second. You're like, I got this guy. He's four foot eight. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. We've had this conversation I think every protecto party. Yeah. Every time you two have no clue how life works and are like, I think the three of us could take him. Yes. I'm the only one every time that says he would literally kill all three of us.

129:11I know he would. I'm instigating. I got him in a chokehold. You got him in a chokehold. Funzies. It's just funzies. Look at the arms. The arms are pretty big. Look at the thighs! Weak ass. Compared to a lot of dudes I know. That's the thing, there's a lot of dudes I know that can fucking murder me easy. That's what's uncomfortable about being around the UFC. Yeah, too many murderers. Get delusional! I know a 135 pound dude that could fucking take your life. What was up with that last fight where Herb Dean kept calling it, he kept being like, stop, work, work, and you're like, throw a Malley fight. Yeah, I don't know what was up with that. with that yeah I don't get the guy in trouble no I mean I think he's getting instruction from someone who's telling him to keep the action moving when

129:56fighters go to the ground they're not doing anything keep the action moving I think I don't think that's Herb's call I think someone's directing him because one of the things that hurt and I think by the way I always say Herb is the gold standard yes as good a referee as ever existed he's like there's him there's Mark Goddard there's a few guys that are like right up there that are like elite Like you see them refereeing a fight like they're gonna they're gonna handle it. It's gonna be perfect It's just like you know, it's a tense job Yeah, and if people are breathing down your neck saying to keep the fights moving You know what's he said something to the something along the lines of if someone would like me to just let them Fight out on the ground no matter what I wish someone would tell me that So that means that someone's probably told him yeah to keep the action moving that's yeah They want it to be more entertaining. They hate those fights. You know who probably told him that? That's white He hates a fight like that where there's no action the guy just takes the guy down and hits little punches He hates that shit even if you're winning he wants guys to go for the finish. He wants guys to fucking brawl He wants it to be exciting. Yeah, I guess. He wants it for them too. He's like look you want to make money in this sport You got to leave the fans wanting to see you fight again. Yeah, that's true And the difference between a guy who's a champion who you know can make good money versus a guy like Conor McGregor is Conor McGregor gets people excited about seeing him fight. He puts asses and seats He knocks people unconscious so when you see that guy fight, you know You're gonna see some wild shit either he's gonna win or he's gonna lose

131:29But it's gonna be a fucking brawl guy's never been in a boring fight in his life No, he knows how to promote he knows how to promote that old guy That guy didn't really deserve that. Yeah, that guy swallowed that punch, too. Yeah. Well, it was not much of a punch. It was more of a smack. Yeah. I give you a smack. A little smack. Who the fuck is that guy? I give him a smack. That guy you hit probably had a drunk chin. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So like a pub in Dublin. Yeah, pint. Right. 70 years old. That guy must have been hit. He's been knocked around a million times.

132:01Hey, I remember the war. Those Irish people, but they're still fighting. I was reading about France World War one and World War two France lost 25% of their men in World War one and another 25% in World War two 25% 25% you guys watch the Chamberlain thing on Netflix. It's great What now is it wait? Churchill Churchill oh, what did I say? That was the guy before him. Oh, sorry out though. Thank you Norman Norman, but yeah, the Churchill doc is incredible. This is good Ron Howard did it Yeah, they bombed the shit out of Dresden That right yeah, okay, they just bombed like killing civilians like The IDF those slaughterhouse five that's Kurt Vonnegut Dresden. Yeah, that's right. It's a good time It's kind of crazy when you think about how that was not that long ago No, these people lost 50% of their men. Wow. Yeah, fuck man in that wild fuck and now we have people doing it again They're saying let's do it again And they would just bomb London randomly like Hitler was oh, you're gonna push back on me Just go blow up building they knew the codes They couldn't say let's stop these like bombing because then they'll know we have the codes Yeah, like try to evacuate the right people the right time Crazy they were sleeping in the suit in the subway Who does it keep calm and carry on? Yeah, yeah But then FDR

133:30Kind of shit on Churchill. Yeah, and then he playing games made friends with Stalin who is a big fucking liar Well, what was it? I just watched You would know this better than us the Stefano was trying to explain this him and Giannis were on that Churchill had a wild idea to invade Russia at the end of the war I think at the end of the war it was Churchill he recognized the Soviet Union was like a major problem they got rid of Churchill as soon as the war ended basically he lost after that even after he won the war he lost the new election he wanted to fire it up again he wanted to fire it up again I think Patton was ready to go Yeah, and the Soviets and Eisenhower there was a lot of people that went yeah, it's Batman for Superman Like you can't allow this guy unchecked you can't allow Russia operation unthinkable That's not related possible future war plans developed by the British Chiefs of Staff Committee against the Soviet Union during 1945

134:29The plans were never implemented the creation of the plans was ordered by British Prime Minister Winston Churchill in May 1945 and developed by the British Armed Forces Joint planning staff in May of 1945 the end of World War two in Europe One plan assumed a surprise attack on the Soviet Union or Soviet forces stationed in Germany to impose the will of the United States and the British Empire upon Russia. The will was qualified as a square deal for Poland, but added that does not necessarily limit the military commitment. The assessment signed by the chief army staff on 9th June 1945 concluded it would be beyond our power to win a quick but limited success. And we would be committed to a protracted war against heavy odds. The code name was now reused instead of instead for a second plan, which was a defensive scenario Don't throw it Don't throw it I don't trust my arm Defend a Soviet drive towards North Sea and Atlantic Ocean, withdraw American forces from the continent Jesus, that's fucking terrifying Yeah That's terrifying It was These motherfuckers love war Oh yeah That's their business Soviet Union was Yeah

135:42evil well also they lost a lot of people during the war and they were a little bitter about that and they knew they were about to get the nuke oh yeah oh it was like now america's the only one with the nuke and they got a bunch of those rocket scientists from the fucking nazis and if we get it done now we're the only ones that ever have the nuke right the crazy thing was the rocket science they're like listen paperclip i know you're a nazi but who knows we need it we don't care come on over. What's the lady that wrote the... Jacobson? Annie Jacobson? Anne Rice. I just listened to the paperclip. Anne Rice. I just wrote the... I just listened to the paperclip book and it's like... Terrifying. Terrifying. The nuclear one's the scariest. The nuclear one's the terrifying one. Operation Paperclip's crazy too because she delves deep into those things. But the nuclear one's like, oh my god. This is the Russian version of it. A secret Soviet operation in which more than 2,500 German specialists, scientists, engineers, technicians who worked in several areas from companies and institutions relevant to military

136:44and economic policy in the Soviet occupation zone of Germany and Berlin, as well as around 4,000 more family members, totally more than 6,000 people, were taken from former Nazi Germany as war reparations to the Soviet Union. War reparations. Humans. It took place in the early morning hours of October 22nd, 1946, when MVD, previously NKVD and Soviet Army units under the direction of Soviet military administration in Germany headed by Ivan Serov rounded up German scientists and transported them by rail to the USSR. By rail. Much related equipment was also moved, the aim being to literally transplant research and production research centers as well as a V2 rocket center of middle work from Germany to the Soviet Union and collect as much material

137:35As possible from test centers such as a Luftwaffe Center Milit Central Military Aviation Test Center at say that word. What's that word? Erpobungsdahl Erpobungsdahl Recklin Recklin Taken by the Red Army on 2nd of May 1945 Fuck what type of German goes and works for the goddamn Soviets Nazis, they're just taken away and say what you will about national socialism But at least it's an ethos That's a question from the Big Lebowski. Oh, okay. Can I get some cubes in here? I'll pass you that. The CIA guys? Oh, yeah. Can we get some more ice cubes? Please. There's ice in there. Young Jimmy. That's ice. Oh, there is ice in there. Yeah, that's why I passed it to you.

138:20Oh, he poured it into his glass. I don't want to take all of it. It's all right. Well, don't drop it back in now. Dirty fucking hands have been all over your ass. It's all yours. It's been a while. Disgusting. Pervert. There we go. You got a few. We'll get some more. Sniff, please. Hey, I'm scared. Okay. The whole fucking Nazi scientist thing is wild. They just accepted those guys. You go to Alabama, it's all Braun. That guy Braun built everything out there. It was an asset. It was like gold.

138:47Like golden land. That kind of thinking was too important. Yeah, we need the gold. We need the Nazis. Bring the scientists over. What town is that in Alabama? It's got a club there. Huntsville. Huntsville. That's it. It's all Nazi down there. It's all Nazi. Yeah. It's like Nazis and black people. That's it. It's quite a town. Yeah, it's an urban club in the middle of it. Single comedian that goes there must do the same joke. I did it. I did it. So you guys have fucking nasty you fucking Rockets going up About that one they had a rocket factory in Florida that was run by a Satanist What yeah an open Satanist during the middle of the whole fucking rocket development program

139:28Yeah, this guy was he ran this place That's now like one of those haunted places where people go to visit and then if you go there There's like spray paint all over the place and like devil signs and shit. Oh nice people have gone there And like tried to find ghosts Jack Parsons. So this guy Yeah, this guy was like literally one of the fucking main rocket and horny are there any cults or any guys cults Guys are so horny so horny practice the occult and led a sex cult It was also one of history's most important rocket scientists Fucking fucking free whack off you idiot. Let the guy cook Twisted back then did he back then all those scientists were getting crazy pussy. Oh a wild freaks They were they were banging their graduate students Oppenheimer. Oh, yeah, they were all banging everybody a whole movie Just fucking this wife That's true. I thought we'd already done it. We did wife, yeah. Dude, do it again. He was a good look for the hebs. Oppenheimer for the Jews, yeah. Yeah, he did well. Fucked hard. Killed a lot of people. Great joke.

140:32Did a lot of fucker. Great joke. Feynman fucked a lot too, right? Fucked a lot of Asians, like a Jew. I think Feynman was into pussy too. They were all chasing tail. Turns out dudes like pussy. Well, that was the thing about scientists. Never. They were like rock stars back then. Yeah, well, I don't know about Einstein. Well, he was a little old. That's fine. Fine. But yeah, he was a little old. That was part of why those guys wanted to be famous. Sure. They wanted to be intellectually famous and be the big man on campus that all the ladies loved. Neil deGrasse. It's still happening now. All these guys become all the scientists.

141:12Elon's got a lineup. He's got 74 children. They just weren't fucking because they couldn't. And now that they can have Instagram accounts, they're fucking. Yeah, they're probably fucking. Oh, yeah. Neil deGrasse is up Uranus. Hey. A lot of black holes. Oh, Jesus. Quasars. There we go. Put a ring on it, Saturn. Oh, no. Jesus Christ. No, that sucks. I've been drinking. So when you saw these drones, did they make any noise? Not really. They were so high up. But how could you tell how big it was?

141:46It was really high up. I mean, it was pretty fucking big. You couldn't miss it. And they were fast as shit, too. Really? If you missed it, you missed it. Wow. Yeah. And it looked like a UFO. It looked like an SUV with lights on it on the bottom and propellers. What was the shape of it? Kind of a... Sorry. A little semen. Like, you know, kind of like a rectangular, black rectangular with lights on it. And you could see the propellers? Oh, yeah. Wow. But they were quick. They were moving. The thing about these things is they're able to stay up in the sky for five hours at a time five hours

142:19The one I got my nephew bar mitzvah 30 minutes. Yeah, that's most of the ones that we have in America Fucking bizarre that that kind of just went away Well, Trump said he's gonna say what they were but then it kind of fizzled Just say it well He said they know what they are when I get into office It's one of the first things that I'm gonna disclose to the American people. Yeah, I think it is I heard they're they're missing weapons What I heard that I heard that one that they were they were scanning the sky they were looking for a radioactive signal There was some guy that was a drone manufacturer in America We played his video and he was saying that they do have the capability to look for gamma radiation Radiation and that there was a nuclear warhead that was unaccounted for yes They were worried that someone slipped it into the country, but that's we've been diving down that rabbit hole It doesn't seem like that makes sense. Mmm. Oh, don't be right. And why not just say that's what they're doing Yeah, I don't know because then people would freak out. I always go with that mass hysteria reason I never buy it Well, here's the other thing if they don't have to tell you why would they tell you they don't want to but because it just makes more work for them And this isn't mass hysteria I guess it's not it's not yeah just minor hysteria. No one really cares Yeah, there's so many things going on simultaneously like I'm sure it's something else. There's two fucking wars You know there's a shit blowing up in Syria Things are happening left and right Syria Syria like they'd lost their government. Oh my god It's all like that guy fled like like Ellen Did he die they killed him right?

143:55We're trying to figure out if he's his plane blew up we heard his plane blew up and then we heard it didn't Did you see this clip? His plane went off the radar. No What is the clip? I'm talking with Tim Pool. She says they're going to do disclosure and that there's two kinds that they don't know what it is. Well, click on that shit because this is Shane's girl. I want to see this. He loves her. Oh, she is pretty. Unexplained. What's the company? Full screen. Aero. It's a government agency that investigates UAPs. They investigate a lot of other things as well, but they'll be doing this, I am told, starting this year. Oh, and all my senators in a gamer chair. That's where you know things are good. And they will explain how they've been debunked. I've been briefed on this. and then some of the ones that are unexplained, they will also release to the public.

144:33They're also going to... I didn't know what the hell that meant. What did she say on this one? Classified information, you can't talk... Is that... That's interesting. Why are you skipping ahead? Because they're giving their idea on what they think it is. That and Mark Agnon? She's the one from this together. Okay, let me hear what she says. The government is going to start putting out some of the information on which ones that they have debunked and how they debunked them, because I think that information would give more trust in the process, too, with the government, because I don't trust them. I don't trust, at this point, any government agency, because we've been lied to for so long by all of them. But then while they do that, they're also going to release information on what is unexplained. What's the company? Aero. It's a government agency that investigates UAPs.

145:21They investigate a lot of other things as well, but they'll be doing this, I am told, starting this year, starting over the next couple months, start releasing information on videos and photos that they have debunked and they will explain how they've been debunked i've been briefed on this and then some of the ones that are unexplained they will also release to the public so i think that's that's a great first step in some transparency have you ever met any of the arrow beautiful eyes uh old macy isn't it interesting though that a congresswoman can go on uh an internet show and say i don't trust anybody in the government now And everybody's like right yeah, right yeah, that shit never happened before I know but now it's like oh We can't be saying that you're the government, but here's the thing. It's like an age. She's but she's a representative Like she's not like someone in the deep state She's not someone working for the military industrial complex, right? So but you never saw that on any television show in the past meet the press would never say not a chance in hell They edited it out and the congressperson would never do it. They would never say that The world is I don't trust government agencies the world fucking different. It's fucking different now Yeah, she's on a podcast politicians are on podcasts. It's all kooky. Well people are it's probably millions of people watching her Oh for sure Versus you know you go on CNN you get five minutes and 35,000 people are watching it Yeah, right. That's real. Those are real numbers. Damn. Yeah It's it's a the world has fucking changed it's flipped and then this time around here's what's really crazy So many people are trying to go to the inauguration like everybody wants to go there really yes Celebrities want to go there business people want to go there. It's a totally different vibe. It's like pictures

146:56This thing about just about going with a B. It's not the best guy to go with best Twitter follow cracker of the year Let's go Best Twitter follower out there easily hilarious. Yeah, Jamie told me about it first. I was like what just funny as it gets He's fucking hilarious. He's supporting the Irish quite a bit. Is that right about that Jameau? That CTE SPN shit is hilarious. Whatever you need. I mean, as long as it's not Lex Wax. Are you guys betting or not? I'll bet him a hundred bucks. You got to bet a thou. Jamie, a hundred bucks? Let's go higher. Yeah! You got in the cash arena? Come on, tires. That's tires. You look a little nervous. I'm not nervous. You look like when Ari was choking you. Oh, you're going to take it twice. That's twice.

147:40We already did it twice. That's the second time we did that. That's twice. That's okay. That's okay. You got to be able to reuse them with this. You have to. This is going to keep rolling. We got to find a fresh one. You got to grab them wherever they are. Yeah. They're like Pokemons. No, I'm not nervous. Go, Ash. There you go. So what do you think? All right, Jaymo. It's going to be a good game. We can do 500. It's going to be a great game. Let's do 500.

148:02Jamie, 500? Five even. You guess? No, no, no. You've got to do it. Jamie would have no idea how much of an advantage he has. It's not money. It's something embarrassing. But you make way more than him so we got to even it out. I mean he's But he doesn't spend it on any video games. He makes a hundred grand a year. I don't spend it at all. He intentionally bought a dog who doesn't eat a lot. J-Mo's frugal. Yeah J-Mo. Yeah! Welcome to the club. He's got that money saved. He's not frugal at you. He's got a nice car you piece of shit. What do you got a Tesla? I got a Hyundai from 1987. Damn J-Mo. Got that Model S son. Did Lex get that movie? That plaid. Lex? I'm not even saying the right name. He got that plaid. What's his name? I know.

148:42Elon doesn't. Les Wexner? Les Wexner? Les Wexner? Les Chester. Ari, how come you still haven't bought a nice car? Why are you hurting my feelings? It's in New York. Why are you hurting my feelings? When I get out of New York, I will. Come and move here so you can get a car. Done. Get a space laser. If I buy you a car, will you drive it? Oh, yeah. Okay. Your special comes out. Yeah, my special's out for that. If you move here. Yeah, right now. If you move here, I'll buy you a dope car.

149:11What's it called? Hold on a second. Hold on. You make more money than him. Yeah, you make a lot more than me. Hold on a minute. You make more money than him. Well, I helped you pick out your car. I told that fucking salesman to shut the fuck up. I'm like, let me sell this shit. You pick that white thing out? I love that car. It hugs you when you make turns. Oh, that car's so beautiful. It gives you a nice hug that your father never gave you. He got the Mercedes S-Class. It is a beautiful vehicle. Oh, that's a Nazi car. It's an amazing vehicle. True. It's so well engineered.

149:37When you're in that thing, you just float over the bumps. It's nice. It's such a good car. It's nice. We've done it before. You've got to keep going. Pokemon cards. Take them when they have them. Look at that. Ari, why'd you do it in that jungle? Well, there was all these empty fucking- Ari, this is outrageous that you did this. Tell everybody you spent on plants. Tell everybody out there in the public. You're an asshole for this. How much did you spend on plants? How much did you spend on plants? You frugal my dick, dude. $85,000. You spent $85,000 on those plants? That's insane.

150:06It was a bargain. I like it, though, dude. It's a total new look. Original. Yeah. Dude, I love it. This better be funny. Oh, it's not funny. If you bomb in the jungle. What are you, Vietnamese? I like it, dude. Is it going to stay out there? Does it have anything to do with the theme of what you're talking about? Yeah. He's in the shit. Oh, nice. I saw it last night at the creek. All right, you have the best backgrounds. You did the candles in your last one. Oh, that's right. Yeah, my backgrounds are boring as shit.

150:31I just have a career in comedy. Great background, bad jokes. I'm not good backgrounds. That's what you want to be known for. I think we can all agree the worst background was Aziz. When he had that background sideways, we could see people walking around the background. See people walking around. Distracting you. Spike Jones directed it. They tried to get wacky. They filmed him from the side where you could see the people mulling around backstage. Like, what are you doing? Imagine performing, too, with someone who's in your face, and the crowd has to see a guy circling you with a camera. With a steady cam. You have to ignore it. Yuck. Yuck. Damn. Anyway, my new specials out right now America's Sweethearts on Netflix everybody This is no diss on Aziz. I like Aziz. Yeah, it's not that it's just like filming it like that. Here's the man

151:12Why would you do that? Aziz is cool. That fucking R. Kelly bit that R. Kelly bit is a banger his R. Kelly bit. I Don't know that one. Oh, it's great. It's like his early days like when he's first popping Okay, great bit. It's great bit about in the closet the whole fucking in the closet video series, which is amazing I've never seen those Oh my god You ever see him singing in jail? No. He looks like he's having a good old time in jail. They all love that R. Kelly's in there with him. He's singing with these dudes. Oh, hell yeah. Well, P. Diddy's in there now. It's basically the barbershop. Just having a good time with some fellas. You know, Luigi's in the same jail as P. Diddy. No. That's crazy. Olive oil meets baby oil. Blah! We're going to talk about this Luigi guy. How many panties does Luigi get in the mail?

152:05Oh, I sent one. Ask me how many beers I've had. Shane, hold on. Hey, Shane, how many beers have you had? That's five. I can see the look in your eyes. I still was waiting for it. Whatever lead you need, I'll give it to you. Guess when you thought it was over? No, I was going the whole run. You've got to set some of them up if you want to keep it rolling. You've got to set some stuff. I got one. I'm gonna get another beer this joke has to come out Shit there's spotlight so one guy go that's ice That they arrested in California they arrested him he had a blowtorch in his hand The neighbors arrested him, the neighbors grabbed him, they called the cops, they arrest the guy and then they let him go. Damn. They let him go. There's no evidence that he was doing it. I read they didn't let him go.

153:06He just didn't get charged with arson. He got charged with him. He didn't do it yet. He had a fucking blowtorch in his hand. Well, he was an illegal. Is this guy the guy that had been deported already and came back in? That was the guy who lit the lady on fire on the subway. That's right. He kept coming in and out. The fact that there's the guys that are doing this are illegal immigrants It's very funny to like work your way the whole way to get here and then and then just set a lady on fire You're acting like it's hard to get in here It's pretty hard to fucking get in here for some people, but I think a lot of people are just Well, how many people died in the Palisades fire and that was arson? 100, 200? Instead charged with felony probation violation Her? Investigation remains active. No, that's a lady Oh, she's Choi Could be Choi Dominic?

153:51Dominic Choi is her name Dominic Dominique no it's not really that's I think that's a lady a Citizens arrest so she made the citizens Rasputin Renata Cramp Granada bro She goes they've got video people lighting the fires Are these copycats now that everyone's just trying to do it? I don't know if it's organized or not because the way they're doing it is very clever So they're doing it in the correct place that you would start a fire if you wanted to win the blow straight through the Palisades I mean it doesn't it's not like an idiot who just lights a fire that's like near it They're writing a fire with the wind blowing the exact direction and they did it in specific Strategic locations if it's all arson it was done very strategically because like the way it burned through the city The fucking videos are insane on the hill too the way it lights up on a hill It's just like it just goes so wind There's a hundred mile an hour winds Ari like trucks fell over on the highway You see the the highway no people driving by the highway and there was fucking 18 wheelers just tipped over all over the place Yikes yeah, that's how bad the wind was the guy he said he was trying to smoke weed. Oh, yeah Butane torch which he couldn't afford a lighter. Hey, buddy a blowtorch It wasn't a blowtorch, but it was like a Couldn't afford a lighter you go into a restaurant get lighters for free or just light it off a house No, you need a torch to do dabs. If you're a dabs guy, you need a torch.

155:16Oh, he's a dabber? He's coming from Mexico to dab in America? Well, Louis is from Puerto Rico. That's America. Yeah, good point. Sort of. It's America where you don't pay taxes and you can't vote. Oh, shit. Yeah, a lot of guys go over there. You know, that's the scam. That's like the Peter Schiff scam. You go over there. If you live there like 51% of the time or whatever it is, like there's some number, you don't pay taxes, so you don't pay federal income taxes, and you can't vote. Is that where the Paul brothers are chilling? I don't need a vote. Are they? Big Buckeye fans. Yeah. You got a lot of them.

155:46Yeah, that's why they go over there. They go over there for tax reasons. Oh. It's like a Swiss bank. Like, Peter Schiff talked about it on my podcast, and a bunch of fellas hopped on that bandwagon. He was like, ooh, nice, I'll do that. Yeah, because he was explaining why you should do it. That's kind of why we're in Texas. He's like, we have an amazing year instead of Woodland Hills. Yeah, but listen, Texas has very high property tax. Yeah. Like, you wind up paying. That's why you rent. You wind up paying. Yeah. If you want to rent, you can do it. Yes. Florida, no income. Yeah. Here too. Same too.

156:13Oh, really? No income tax. What? Yeah, but we're saying that like property tax. No. Why the fuck do you think we all mean? Yeah, that was the reason. Oh, I thought you just loved Tony. Yeah. You want flying cockroaches? Flying cockroaches. They have those here? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And there's a lot of Christians here. That's Christ. Yeah. Yeah, baby. Good to have you back. The guy you killed, bro, right when we thought we were over. That's Christ is great.

156:38Yeah, it's a classic. Now I'm upset that I haven't got one in. Come on, Rogo. You got to think. Plan ahead. There's not a lot of those words left. Yeah, start rhyming in your head. That's what you think. They're out there. Then it comes up. I thought that was a lead up. Oh, I wish. Oh. Bro, I was watching this video with this lady who is in the middle of surgery, and she gets a call from United Health seeing if the person who is undergoing surgery needs to stay over. Why does a person need to stay in the hospital? She's in the middle of doing surgery, and she does this video. She goes, okay, I was just in the middle of surgery. I had to stop scrub down take off my stuff answer the phone because United Health was trying to figure out if the person who I'm Operating on right now needs to stay Why they need to stay in the house you can't just get an assistant to do they just try to

157:25Fuck you insurance is out. This is why I don't have any well Here's the thing about the Palisades the Palisades is gonna be crazy because I'm wrong A bunch of those insurance companies, they stopped fire insurance. They all bailed off. Exactly. Yeah. So it's like, how many of those houses are ever going to get rebuilt? Who has the money? Well, the Hiltons. So they'll be bailed out to still be crooked? Well, here's what's probably going to happen. A bunch of people are going to step in and offer them pennies on the dollar for the land because they don't have anything anymore and no one wants to be there anymore and you can't afford to rebuild. There's going to be a ton of people that can't rebuild. Yeah. Take the money that you get in insurance and just get out. So let's say you rebuild. You spend a few million dollars to build a fucking house there, and then you can't get fire insurance on that house. And then next year it happens again.

158:14What if it happens again? It happened in 2018. It happened just six years ago. Remember those crazy videos where they're going up to 405 and it looked like Armageddon? I heard a lot of it was because the last two years was so flush. They called up the drought in L.A. for the first time in 20 years. And they go, so there was so much shruggery. That died. Those died. and then now that's all like burning. Yeah. Well, they didn't clean it up. Right. They didn't clean it up and the fucking reservoir was empty. And then the utilities don't help. The reservoir, like 11 million gallons was just sitting there empty. Damn. The whole thing is so mismanaged and so insane.

158:47And then on top of that, arson. And then also those winds. And the way they deal with crime. The people, it was climate change. The fucking climate hasn't changed since 1877. They've never had wet. We got good rain. Two years. It filled up everything and they were like, great. The drought is over. Scientists called the drought over in LA for the first time since I've lived there. I remember that. And it was like, nice. And then that made a new problem. They didn't do anything. Well, here's the thing about raining. When it rains, then it means more vegetation. So then when it dries up after the rain, you're extra fucked. Because now you have extra dry shit. Get a two-month dry period, you're fucked.

159:18Yeah, dude, I got evacuated three times. I've been there. Yeah, I've been there where the fucking two houses in front of my house burnt to the ground. My neighbor's house survived. My house survived. But on our street, there was like four or five houses that were gone. Dude, I was in Cuba when they had to evacuate people, me and Bobby there. Hurricane came. It was so orderly. Really? They had three people rush to the hospital. That was the only problem. A pregnant lady and two old people. That was the only problem they had. And these are hobbles. Yeah, but they get with hurricanes all the time. But these are hobbles. The Red Cross goes door to door, says, you come, you come, let's go. And everyone just goes. Red Cross does it. I think so.

159:50That's what he said. In Cuba. Maybe I'm wrong. I think so. Interesting. But then they just go door to door, like, let's go. But they've already mapped out which ones have to be evacuated. Like, you're going to a gymnasium. Let's go. Let's go. Everybody's completely forgotten about North Carolina. I know they got 750 This is the thing about the Epstein Island It goes from assassination attempts like everything just goes away fucking news cycle so fast now It's our brains are it's so tick-tocked. Yeah, we're all tick-tocked Good verb tick-tocked. Yeah, it's tick-tock. We got tick-tock brain who Elon said he might buy which You got too many things Let them buy it. Let's fucking go. Let them buy it. Wow. That's a lot of platforms, Elon. I love these circular ones. You want a circular one?

160:32Yes, please. It is nice. Here we go, baby. Let me touch it because you touched the ice. Yeah, we don't have any attention span anymore. It's fine. Jeez. Yeah, well, how about the lesbian running that fire department? Yeah, she's doing a great job. That's dyke. No, he got one in. He got one in. God damn. You're next. Joe Joe how did I not get that Joe when it gets in your head sit on it be ready yeah yeah I'm a leash no for like a like a big like when there's a heckler and you're like oh wait till they say something again I got something you're gonna get one while you're commentating do one we're supposed to commentate that's right we're supposed to I'll do it

161:18I'll do it. I'll stick one in. I'll stick one in. That's fine. We might not even have the fights in LA next weekend. Oh, they're supposed to be there? Yeah, Dana's talking about maybe moving it to Vegas if the fights, if the fires get worse. He said, right now, we're still scheduled to be in Los Angeles. But if the fight, if the fires get worse, they'll move it to, they move the Rams? Yeah. Did they? Brands playoff game. When was that? Oh, that's right. Two State Farm Stadium. I was wondering why the fuck they said that. Two State Farm Stadium. What day was that? What day was it supposed to be? Tonight. This past Sunday or tonight?

161:47Oh, yeah. This is all conspiracy It's Monday today's Monday the fights are Saturday so we don't know also like Just move it right just move it just move they're going through shit Yeah, and I'm sure some people want the fight, but also like dude they're dealing with shit right now Yeah, yeah, there's no one there also if you're gonna move it move it now So we don't get hotel rooms and all that shit cuz you got to go to Vegas can't be there anyway You got to get flights. Yeah might get Yes! Yes, Shane Gillis! Vegas and Utah and San Diego are about to get an influx of people. Oh, they're coming here hard, too. Yeah, San Diego, too. I've been able to rethink it. Florida. People got to rethink a lot of things right now. San Diego underrated. San Diego is a great city. What do you mean underrated? This place is the best.

162:36It's the best. It gets lost in the SoCal argument they always talk about. It's a great town. It's a great town. LA weather without the cunts. I thought about abandoning LA and going down to San Diego. I was like they have the fucking comedy store in La Jolla Work out of there I can work out of there Norman's gonna be there. I'm doing my special in San Diego later Good San Diego's the best great comedy town. Yeah good people first place ever did in a read Oh We did a 420 show there and I was like can we do an arena the first but I ever did an arena Nice, it's a great fucking town. It's also a military town, too So people are like a little bit more fucking they got their shit together, right? Yeah, there's no acting there's no They just they're so oddly conservative they had to sue the city to get medical dispensaries open They're like if it is medical you have to provide a couple of these so ridiculous and all the Christians and conservatives Like we don't want this here. Well, it's the military. They don't want all the soldiers Fucked up on hash fucking machine gun in the wrong plane That's what they're worried about, reefer madness. They're worried about the propaganda they distributed themselves. I'm so high. Well, when you got a bunch of people who don't get high talking about what happens when you

163:52get high, you got problems. But they got it, though. Yeah, they got it. Okay. New York's got mushrooms. You see that? That's crazy. What, on the ballot? No, we sell mushrooms legally now. That's wild. Yeah, they're at bodegas. Well, you need them. Not legally. Not legally. Those people get lit on fire. There's packaging on mushrooms. It's crazy. They're not trying to hide it. It's about to be legal. The way they're packaging it, nobody's concerned. So it's not legal?

164:17No. Oh, it's not? No. Well, these bodegas are going for it. Yeah, but also the bodegas that sell weed that they can't. They go, hey, do you have any marijuana? They go, wait here. I'll come right back. And they go next door. That's not legal. But it's great. They're hiding them in the fucking basement with the Jews. They're hiding my citrus skull in Queens. When the Jews have the tunnels. Oh, really? Oh yeah, that's where they put them. They're making dispensaries. That's the best place to make mushrooms. That's true. Did you see that Kingpin show? It's humid.

164:44You see that Kingpin show? Penguin. Sorry, Penguin. Penguin's in there. Penguin's good. Penguin's great. Colin Farrell. Fucking amazing. He's the name. Hard to believe that's him. One of yours. You ever see him talking in an Irish accent with the fucking suit on? Yeah, it's weird. He's thanking everybody. Thank you for the fucking great show. It is kind of sad that that's how scared we are making a new show that we're like, this is tied to Batman, but it has nothing to do with Batman. We have to get him in with the Batman. I think it'll eventually have something to do with Batman because at the end of it, spoiler alert, remember they throw up the bat sign at the end of the show?

165:16Yeah. Fucking dark series, though, huh? Great. Great. Great time. Great. You would think, like, I'm not watching a show about the pain. Is it one or two? Exactly. Yeah. But he's so good that it carries him. What's going on? How many is this for you? This is my first one. No, you did one before. No. Oh, okay. I'll get back to it. Were you trying to get that twice again? No, differently. Nah.

165:35This is a different one. After he gets this down, we're going to ask him more about that bet, Jamie. Ooh, J-Mo is very confident with this moolah. This is great. This is the life. He should be confident. He's a fucking eight and a half point favorite. That's crazy. How's it like working for Bud Light? Are you enjoying it? I enjoy it. Bud Light. I mean. Fuck. That's the easiest one That's a fucking super easy one Bud Light No, it's been awesome, those guys rule Yeah, you brought Bud Light back You really did, Bud Light's okay again I never left, bro

166:17Kid Rock drank a Bud Light on this podcast It's over We gotta get Dylan Mulvaney on here, let's hear her side of it Is it true that that person became a man again? I have no idea I genuinely don't know That was a TikTok thing I don't know It's gonna happen I mean, if Zuckerberg made that transition, she will. She's next. Can you hear me a beer? Absolutely, buddy. Thanks, brother. Yeah, they must love these shows. I mean, this is a giant commercial. Honestly, I think that's how it happened. Oh, for sure. Coming on here with Joe. Yeah, and Joe being like, if you go back to the first couple, Joe's sitting there going, Bud Light should sponsor you.

166:55Yeah, that's right. Think about the amount of millions of people that have seen you drink 50 Bud Lights in a show. Bud Light gave me a commercial once. Responsibly, responsibly. Bud Light gave me a commercial once. I had to play a carpenter, which even though it fits, doesn't fit. Jesus Christ. And I was like, hey, I'm not right for this. I play HR guys. And they go, we had a massive campaign with Carlos Mencia, and we felt bad, and we want to just give you money. Really? Yeah. They should have given him money. He's the one who out of it. Yeah. I'll take it. See what I mean? Bud Light rules. Bud Light rules. That's hilarious.

167:28Are they back? Are they coming? I know they lost it. I don't know. I don't know everybody's drinking her now. I did a comedy tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron. That was a Bud Light tour No, yeah in the day. Bud Light. Oh, yeah Oh Jesus That's propaganda Why do I have overalls on? That's hilarious. This is back when you could have white people in a commercial He said he would give me a Bud Light if I carpeted the house and I went nuts. There's no no trans people at all in that commercial? No, no interracial couple nothing What are you doing in the ceiling? What was that? I put carpet in the ceiling. I wanted Bud Light so bad. Who are you? You was a carpenter. That's horrible casting. Look at this guy.

168:09It was bad. It really was reparations. I guess so. That's hilarious. I was like, I've done a bunch of these. This one doesn't make sense. Yeah, but hey. That was so hilarious. That was back when they paid moolah. Big bucks for the commercial. It was not bad. It kept me in business for a while. Mailbox money? Ari was getting in business for a long time by winning poker tournaments. No way. You played? Commerce Hollywood Park when Ari frugal Ari back in the day like when he was making money Like he started making money playing poker like but Ari was like super successful these fucking poor found out a key secret that Mexicans that get drunk on payday are not the best But you would play like it was a job. Oh, yeah, I'd get in there also once I was just starting to get high and I could see through people I've had nine lines.

169:00Yeah, when I'm high, I just see it. You see the fear. I just know what you have. I just know. I wasn't good like, you know, real pros, but in like minor pros. You can throw those guys off by sucking. Dude, I read a book of Poker Tales once. I was in the World Series, Cashed World Series, main event. Did you really? Yeah. And some guy was playing against a pro. And so there's 5,000 people in there. And you're playing a pro, everyone knows. That's a legit guy. And I just read this Mike Caro's book of Poker Tales, which is hilarious. because there's a whole section on race. That's a whole section on race, which doesn't apply anymore, but it's in there. And one was, if you look at someone's chips, that's because you have a strong hand, and you're looking at those chips like,

169:39those are going to be mine. This is good stuff. Was bluffing, knew that guy, knew that tail. And as I was bluffing, I just glanced at his chips real quick to give him a fake tail. And he's like, nah. He read me, but he didn't read me. Well done. So you did, you faked him out. You double faked him. Yeah. And did you win? I cashed. How much? It probably won like five, six, seven grand. I don't know. Damn. I cashed early. That's huge. I was up a lot. Yeah, for sure.

170:08That's fun. Holy shit. That's fun, though, that you pulled that off. This is crazy. You can win like 15 grand. If you won a commerce tournament, you can win like 15 grand. It kept me. And then you had to get a walk to the car. Is there an advantage to having a little performative? Like you can be performative. Yeah, people talk a lot. They're bluffing. Old white dudes who bet back at you, just get out. They're just looking to play. Right. They don't want to take chances unless they have it. Leave them alone. How about that? Interesting. Yeah. Bravado is like, hey man, are you going to call or not?

170:38Oh, yeah, now. What was that? You go to the shades? Did you say that to them? Did you talk shit to them? No, I just called and just knew it. Do you ever talk shit? No, not there. No, really? I'd just be fun. Talking shit is an extra element of shit. How about that guy? Talking shit at a poker table is crazy. Dude, me and Lawrence Har, my agent, one time we were playing in the World Series, and there's big breaks every five hours. You can go for an hour, go have whatever. And I'm like, fuck, we're both complaining about bad beats. I'm like, fuck, this fucking sucks. This guy called me all the way down to the river, hit a two on the river. Fuck him. Right then, one of those guys in a wheelchair, those all heads, you know? He wheels by, and we're like, this fucking sucks.

171:16Eh, life's pretty good. Things are all right. Things are okay. All heads. That's my insurance. America Sweethearts on Netflix right now. Messages like that. $80,000 in plants. $85,000 in plants. I never want to hear you talk about fucking money. How much did the candles cost? The candles cost less. 5,000 candles. What? A dollar a candle? It was a lot. They're all a lot. I don't have kids. How much did the candles cost? I remember being less. We were spending more than the fucking candles.

171:47Man. Really? You had audience plants. But the candles, you got to keep redoing, too. You got to keep redoing them. So you have to hire handlers. And then they burned out faster than we thought when the AC was on. You had to keep lighting them? There were 24-hour candles. Then we put them in. She tested them. It was like, 24 hours. You're fine. And then in the room, the AC was on. It's like they turned into four-hour candles. And we had to source 5,000 candles overnight on a Saturday. Whoa. Man. What's with you guys and candles? You guys. What's with you guys and Nobel Prizes?

172:21Constantly setting the curve. Adam what's it with Germans and engineering? Why what's the reason for that? Like why were they so good? Yeah, why that I think they have no fun over there. They're all business their cars are great You think it's a meth thing? Right well their porn is weird, too That's a nice way too. Oh guess this I found this out today. What's the number one? City in the country for drug abuse Drug abuse? Wait, per capita or totals? Yeah, yeah. Like totals, like percentage of people that are abusing drugs. But major city. Otherwise, it's going to be some minor town. I'm going Salt Lake City. Nope. That's a big one, though. A lot of meth there. It's going to blow you away. Hold on. Let's all guess.

173:03It's going to be some... Springfield, Missouri. Nope. Montpelier. Nope. Phoenix. Ah, I mean Coke. Coke and meth. Oh, Coke. They were talking about Coke and meth. They were talking about the percentage of the population that does Coke and meth. I thought you meant like degenerate drug addicts. Not like any of us. Apparently it's because that's the trafficking route where the coke comes across the border. Right. Because, you know, it probably comes through the bottom of Arizona and shoots through Phoenix, and everybody gets coked up in Scottsdale. Yeah. They got a lot of money out there.

173:35They love coke and herpes. Oh, they love coke out there. Oh, yeah. Well, coke makes you forget about herpes. Who cares? Yeah. We have coke. She's got coke and herpes? Like, good. Fuck it. I only have herpes. Those cougars out there, they're all in golf carts and fucking dentists with fake tits. It's a great place to be divorced. If you want to get divorced and you want to party, open carry too. Let's fucking go. You want someone out of the house. Free wings. Let's go. Yeah. This is nice. It's a fun place.

174:05It's desert though. It's a nice idea. They don't have any comedy clubs though. What, Phoenix? Phoenix does. Phoenix does. Phoenix does. But Scottsdale. State of Lava was just here last weekend. Yeah, Scottsdale is one though. Do they? Yeah, the- What are they? Omaha ranked as the worst city for drug use through the United States. Oh, come on. This weighted system, what's the weighted system? Highest drug rate? They are fed. They had Phoenix at the top for cocaine. Yeah. Take cocaine out.

174:29Just put heroin in meth. Yeah, heroin was Omaha. Yeah, but what's the- go to the numbers, go back up. It didn't have numbers. Yeah, the percentage. Cocaine is back, by the way. See, this is all I'm talking about. Scrolling out. People have used meth 15%. Hold on, Jamie, go to that chart. I'm trying to show you what it says. Jamie, just go to that chart, make it bigger. Phoenix, number one. 15% of the population has used meth. See what it says? See what it says? This is what it is. It's number one. It's Phoenix. This is whites. Populations that have used meth.

174:50Wow, that's just true. Meth and cocaine. That's whites. Isn't that crazy? 15%. We got that already. 1,500,000. We're three hours in. We're repeating. It's 63 people, and 15% of them are doing meth. That's wild. That's wild. That's a lot of people doing meth. Meth is good. It works. 15% of them. Yeah. There's people listening to this on meth right now. Look at substance use estimated by Citi. Number one, Albuquerque. Marijuana.

175:19Alphabetical. Look at this. 61% marijuana. What's the lowest percentage of marijuana users? Denver, 64%. Look at all the percentage of marijuana. It's so crazy. Everywhere it's like 60 plus percent. San Fran, 54. That's low? Wait, what? They're lying. What? San Fran's lying. No way. That's the lie. Literally no way. Do not trust. They're lower than Wichita. Shut the fuck up. Zero chance.

175:40It's San Fran. They're known for it. Virginia Beach, 61%. San Francisco, 54%. Dude, or fuck off. This data is bullshit. You ever done it? You ever done meth? No. Oh, dude. Didn't you do it accidentally once? Yeah, you clean. What's it like? You start cleaning things? Yeah, but it makes you really horny. It just heightens everything. Really paranoid, really horny, really... You want to do shit. It's like Adderall. Is it the same as Adderall? Do you have the same feeling?

176:04Yeah, but it's times a thousand. A thousand? Maybe not a thousand. Times a hundred. Whoa. Yeah, it's a good time. What's this? Makes ballplayers immortal? What is this? Oh, it's called greenies. Greenies yeah, they did not launch until 2006. Is that the doc? It's some kind of look at some kind of like outfield mess and Adderall sort of Dexedrine Wasn't that like he didn't know that he was gonna have to play Yeah, yeah, tripping balls showed up Johnson on acid something dark holiday No. Doc. Doc of the Bay. And it was one of the first animated stories. It was so well animated. It was a great story. Doc Ellis.

176:47Doc Ellis. No hitter on acid. Ellis Island. I wonder what that was like. He was hitting people. He was throwing walks. What's he? Yeah. It wasn't like a perfect game. No. It wasn't perfect. But nobody hit him. That's crazy. So he was walking people. Oh, really? Hitting people. Oh, so everybody makes it seem like it was a perfect game. It was still great. It was incredible. It was great. Can you imagine?

177:09We've all done shrooms or been high on stage and had to pull it together for an hour. This is a fucking Major League Baseball game. Right, but he's only doing one thing. 20,000 people watching him. One thing, though, but he's like, no one's watching back then. I mean, it was fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire. Oh, never mind. I take it back. Wait, what? I started having a crazy idea in the fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire. And once I thought I was pitching a baseball to Jimi Hendrix. Whoa. Who to me was holding a guitar and swinging it over the plate. Whoa! That's insane. That's amazing. Just dealing. By the way, in 84, you got real acid. That strikes. Oh, yeah. Ah!

177:48Yes! That's a new one! That's a new one! Yes! Yes! That's incredible. They don't have full footage of the game. Oh, how come? How do they not have footage? They didn't record everything back then. Oh, that's true. They didn't broadcast it. Right, right, right. They didn't broadcast every game. You got to film everything. That's right. The olden days. That's right. He films everything. I'm friends with Matt, so I'm not like talking to him. He's a nice guy.

178:18Now it's like a Scottish Tourette's tick where I'm sitting around my house and I just go, Matt Reif. Yeah. It's going to be. And people are like, what the fuck? He is killing it. Oh, yeah. He is. That's a whole new. He's a good bro, too. He's a good guy. He's a good bro. Very good guy. It's a whole new kind of comedy. Yeah. You're talking to the audience always. Always. Always. I feel like that could bite you in the ass, though. It can, but it hasn't. It hasn't yet.

178:44If you're good at it, you can keep doing it. I mean, I know guys who do a lot of crowd work, and they'll do shows, and the crowd's yelling shit, and they're like, this is the stand-up portion. And they have to wait, and the crowd's like, oh, we don't care about this. They don't care. We want to hear you talking to us. No, but that happens to everybody. Like, I'll go up there, and people are like, dude, drop. Right, right. Yeah, no matter what. Remember when Chappelle's show was on? Chappelle had a real hard time. I'm rich, bitch. They would just yell it out. People wanted to yell it out. They just wanted to yell it out all the time. Yeah, that's a problem. Yeah. Hey. Whoa, man. That thing came a-flying.

179:23All right. Where are we eating tonight, huh? Science is nice. Steak? A little bit of meat. Let's celebrate my new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix right now. Is it out right now? It's out right now. Guys, watch it. All the way through. Is it out right now or is it out tomorrow? It's out when this is out. Okay. He says some crazy shit. Was it out like midnight tonight? Yeah. January 14th. Wow. Out right now. Let's go. Some real ballsy material here.

179:47Zincan, they fucking listen to you. I like to fuck around. When did you film that, Ari? What? When did you film it? Dude, I tried to get a Kanye song. Can't. How much? That's why I asked each of you. $500 million. No. How much? Dude. He's not one of your people. I'm trying to appeal to a sense of, there's a whole thing about how we should respect Kanye's music and not listen to his fucking tweets. And I'm like, maybe I can appeal to that. Modest Mouse was like, we'll be cool if you want to. But Kanye's people will go, first of all, are you not referring to him as Ye in this?

180:16Uh, Ye. Yeah, and I'm like, this is lost. You have to refer to him as Ye in your special? I'm like, well, if I was tweeting. Can you pick that Kanye and just... Yeah, maybe. I'm sure they'd want me to re-edit it. Just like have Ye, have it say Ye. Ye, not Ye? Have a little blurb. Kanye. Yay. So if you just cut it out. Yeezy. Yeah, but if you just like, he calls himself yay, right? So if you just like cut off the con and have like a dead, like no air. Sure. I'd say that's not worth the song at the very end. It'd be funny. What song are you going for? What?

180:48Which song? Black Skinhead. Yeah, I knew it. That's a great fucking song. My whole tour. This is like, when all that anti-Semitism was happening, Christine Oakerson called me. She goes, hey, I know. He's like, I'm supposed to be on this minute, but have you heard Black Skin? It slaps. Fucking great. It does. It does. Bro, no Church in the Wild? He's got some banger songs. I'm a monster? Come on. Flashing lights. Bangers. His new album is fucking amazing, too. He's a killer. A sick fuck.

181:14He's a fucking killer. Yep. The Jungle-y song in that new album is so fucking good. The crazy thing is he goes on conservative podcasts and he wears a fucking stocking over his face. Alex Jones was the funniest. Oh, yeah. Have I talked about that on here at all? I think he's done more than one of those. He texted me. Yes. Did I talk about that on here? Say it again. So I was on a flight back to New York when he was on Alex Jones saying he loved Hitler. And I was just watching it on the flight. With the holy Bible. Hand on it. And then I landed in JFK and the first text I got was, yo, it's yay. And I was like, this is one of my friends. They're fucking with me. No chance.

181:55and then I get a phone call that's like, do you want to fly to Miami right now and do a sketch with Kanye? And I was like, I don't know, man. He just said he loved Hitler. Today. Earlier today. I just got done being canceled. Give me a couple weeks. We put a pin in this. The idea for the sketch would have been incredible. I think it was me as Trump and him as Kanye. Oh, that went huge. I know. I should have done it. I regret it. You can do it later. You can do it now. You do it tonight. I would love to do it if he ever wanted to. He'd be here to do the funniest thing ever.

182:29Call in. As long as you refer to him as Ye. He's the best. He's awesome. He really is. He's awesome. Everyone lost sight of it. Listen, if you want a great artist, you're going to get a crazy person. Exactly. Period. Whether it's Kinison or Kanye or fucking Jimi Hendrix. They're out of their fucking mind. Everyone. That's a giant bit in my special. Yeah, I was going to say that. Oh, really? About Van Gogh. Everyone forgot Van Gogh was cool. What the fuck, bro? Jesus Christ. Can you see through that?

182:53Hilarious. I love that he does that You can't say shit He's an artist Yeah he's a wild man too Wild dude You want those songs? That's what you get You don't get those songs from some fucking Pollyanna You ever see Genius on Netflix? I loved it It's so nice It's really well done It's just a documentary One of the guys that came up with him made While Kanye was coming up Old footage It's like beautiful Through the wire You forget about That's a great song

183:21Him and his mom In his mom's apartment Yes, in Chicago. She's like, oh, that's great, Kanye. It's just like he's in my notes. It's amazing footage. I'm going to put this in my notes. You never saw that? No. Oh, it's a classic. No, it's really, really awesome. Really good. Makes you love Kanye. Yeah, he's just like a little scared boy. I was just like, what do you want from him? Just listen to the music. I think they want him to stop shitting on Jews. Yeah, man, listen. He's having fun. He's having fun. I forgive him.

183:48I forgive him. It's fine. Now it would be nothing. You can ski and listen to it. Now everybody's doing it. Yeah, it's just too early. That's true. He's ahead of his time. They're keeping notes. You better be careful. I've never said anything bad about the Jews. Every few years, the Holocaust numbers come up. They're running the score up a little. Every few years, the Holocaust numbers. Trying to get those numbers raised. It's not too late. People try to bring them down. 7.4. A lot of people try to bring them down. Oh, yeah. Which is weird.

184:17Either way, it's weird. Hey, they had blacks, retards, and gays on that. Gypsies. And gypsies. Hella gypsies. Catholics, not a big deal. You don't hear us belly aching. Yeah, they were inclusive. I think they killed like seven of us. Seven. Twelve. I was in Slovenia. I heard somebody doing a tour, and they were talking about Nazis, and they were like, you know, a lot of Slovaks also were killed, so in some ways it's worse than the Jewish part. Everyone's like, bro. Jesus, bro. Hold on a second. I think Slovakians? Yeah. Yeah, they got fucking murdered. How many?

184:50Less than six million. If you look into, no, I think it's- More? If you go into the Balkans and all that area, they got fucked up. Damn nice. Balkans are wild, too. Again, those people, they're like, women can't drive. Is that right? They just got through the war. Stopped. Oh, yeah. Half the cars work. In general. I mean, sure, they probably let women drive now. But, you know, it's like those hard, war-torn. Yeah. That's the reason why the fighters that come out of there are so fucking scary. Of course. Like Marab. Marab, Wabish Willie. No.

185:22terrifying those guys that have been through like Chechnya those Chechnya dudes Dagestan dudes like Hard people have to have somebody tell you how to pronounce someone's name. Yes Fuck it up all the time over and over some of them are ridiculous some of them I get like during the weigh-ins They don't see anything like what they sound really the weigh-in is my most stressful time in all of Commentating the way in Why because I have to remember all these fucking names and they're hard dude sometimes after write them out phonetically Some of them don't look anything like the voice. They got like an O with a line through it. It doesn't work. Just have someone say it. The earpiece, it's so loud in that thing, and you're yelling it over a microphone. I can't hear them tell me. Sometimes they'll correct me. I'll have to say it the second time. I say it right. But they don't look anything like what they sound. Yeah, put respect to the name. Especially like Russian names. Yeah. They're crazy. They must get that, though.

186:14Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Backwards forward here. Every few weeks, I forget how to say Khabib's last name. Nurmagomedo. Yeah, when you're drinking it's up. I fucked it up. It's impossible. Real bad ones. It's one of those, like, there's so many... Wait, is that a clip? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucked his name up so bad. My mouth didn't work right. It's a tough name. My mouth just didn't work right. But he's fighting for the title this weekend. Umar is. Umar is fighting Marab. Marab Gavishwili. Yeah, that's crazy. If it happens, I mean, where is it going to be? If they move it to Vegas, is there a place that's open, I guess? Like, where do they put it? Like the pearl is just to have it. I mean is the T-Mobile even available like Jamie on a Saturday What's at the T-Mobile this Saturday night? Where's T-Mobile? Can you cancel one of your shows? Wherever you are the arena It seems like they don't have an event booked unless there's Nothing until the somebody's bar mitzvah so we from today. Okay Jews bar mitzvah, so they do have it open If there's a 70-mile-an-hour win tonight, pshh.

187:22Eww. They said the Lakers and Clippers were supposed to start playing again, and they're playing where the Clippers – or the fights are where the Clippers play. Okay. So if they play tonight, I'd say they might. They have separate stadiums now? Are they going to play tonight? Yeah. Wow. That's a tough time. They have separate arenas now? Yeah, new arena. Yeah, a giant new arena. They should. It looks sick. It's like they've lived in the shadow for too long. Good name for a rabbi, Clippers. Yeah. Cut that dick off. Who has more holidays, Jews or trans? Trans have holidays?

187:50What are you kidding? Trans Remembrance Day, Transvisibility Day. Look at that screen. That giant screen that goes around the whole thing. It's like the biggest LCS. It's in and out. Inside and outside. Smart. Where is this? Is this the sphere? Right next to SoFi. Wow. That's the home ball. Fucking huge. I gotta go there. That place is sick. Wow. What about the homeless? This thing right here they said is called a wall. It's just one from the bottom all the way to the top. Yeah, like Tottenham.

188:13And you have to be no, like they're not going to allow any opponent's fans to sit there. You heard me. What? Why won't the opponent's fans sit there? It's home field advantage. Wow, that seems dirty. Yeah, the Yankees, when you buy Yankee tickets, if you had an LA credit card, you can't buy these tickets. Really? Yeah, they were like, we want home. I'm like, I live in New York, I'm a Yankee fan. That seems so crazy. Jesus Christ. That seems crazy. It's Steve Ballmer's place, so you get to make the rules. I guess. I guess. Hold on, what were we talking about? Jews? Wait, before that.

188:47America? UFC? UFC. Yes. I had a thing on UFC. Oh, the female fighters are getting hot. You like them? Yeah. Which ones do you like? Well, I don't know their names. I don't watch. But I see the weigh-ins. Damon weigh-ins. Hold on. Pull up some female fighters. Damon weigh-ins. Underrated. Underrated. Valentina Shevchenko's hot. What's her name? Valentina Shevchenko.

189:12Pull her up. She's the 125-pound champion. A little fat for me. That's age She doesn't fight you have seen anymore though. She was doing bare-knuckle boxing also And she's hot She fought another hot lady, Bare Knuckle, Rachel Ostovich. It was the hottest fight of all time. Is Paige the one that got kind of mentally fucked up from that Connor throwing the thing at the bus? No. Who was that? I don't know. It might have been Rose Yamanu. Maybe Rose. She might have gotten fucked up. That's Paige. She fought Bare Knuckle. She fought a couple of times. Oh, yeah. She's cute. Doesn't really look great in...

190:05Bare Knuckle. Where's she from? Well, beat up. Nobody looks great, Ari. Utah, maybe? Yeah, they're duking it out bare knuckle. I kind of like her beat up. Jesus Christ. That's such a crazy way to make a living. She's got ribbed tits. There was a bare knuckle fight this weekend that was so fucking bloody. For her pleasure. It was the crazy. Go to the Jackson Wiggle John Twitter page. Wiggle John? Who's that? That's the Greg Jackson Mike Wiggle John. Wiggle John. Sounds like a bluegrass guy. They posted a clip from this bare knuckle fight that was this past weekend. It was so horrible.

190:39This guy's face was just a tomato. Just a big red wound. And he was still fighting. Look at his face. He was like a hellraiser. Is that Jamie fighting him? Bro, this fight is crazy. It's me and Jamie after last week. But meanwhile, with that blood, he drops this fucking guy. No, he won? I don't know who won. I just saw this clip. I didn't even know the fight was going on. But this guy's face is a mess. In the UFC, this is stopped. Nah. By now it's not stopped? If it's a woman. He's still gone. With that much blood? Renee Aldana, her face was fucking horrible. His face looks like period sex. Bro, these guys are both just duking it out. And every time you're getting hit, you're hitting by bones. So bad. But look at that guy's eye just blew up from that last punch. I mean, this is fucking horrible, dude. Oh, good lord. Look at this. I mean, this is the guy with the fucked up face. Just drop that guy. Everyone's cheering with her. Oh my god. It's so primal. Did he win is that yeah the end of the fight that's okay? Oh, where's all that is crazy?

191:42What are these gentlemen's names we should say their names yeah? Oh, yeah, does it say? Cody Cody East and Dylan rush that probably American fuck Albuquerque of course Do not piss test these gentlemen you want to fight on Matt Yeah That guy's you know how hard it is to fight with a face that's that broken I mean every time something hits you it's just like jolts of electricity going through your skull. Look at the beginning of the fight and the end of the fight. Fucking insane. Oh, you got a hand of the guy. And he won. Fucking insane. That's pretty terrible. Now imagine if that was Paige Van Zandt. Still would. Still would. Of course you would. Stitch her up. Put a towel down. Stitch her up, let's go. Put a towel down, like period sex. Exactly. But who was the other one you said? Can I hunt you? Valentina Shevchenko. Shevchenko. She's hot. Pull her up, will you? Sloppy jalopy. We lost Ari.

192:44Shevchenko. And the chick she fought, Alexa Grosso, the former champion. She's hot, too. Oh, jeez. Bring them all in. There's a lot of very pretty fighters in the UFC now. There's Valentina. She's very pretty. Yeah, very pretty. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's great. I like the rock. She's sculpted. Very ripped. Very ripped, dude. She'll fucking kill you, too. But not too ripped. She'll fuck you up. She's also like a competitive shooter. She does like those competitive pistol events. She can also actually kill you, too.

193:14Oh, she's like a legit assassin. There's nothing you can really do. She's like a legit assassin. She's a terrifying woman. Damn. That's wild. Hot and terrifying. Would you mind if your daughters did this? That's tough, huh? Rough. I think if I had sons, I'd make them at least learn how to fight. Yeah. But I wouldn't want them to fight. Like don't first of all if you're my kid you're growing up with money you're fucked You're gonna find some hungry animal that grew up poor right unless you're a real complete psychopath And you can fucking rise past that most rich kids are just not gonna do well Yeah, you're not gonna have that that hunger, you know when it's never had to worry about food Crime and you've never been beaten up and you've never been you know Yes, you it's possible you could have a champion that came from a wealthy family, but I don't think I've ever seen champion. His life. The real killers.

194:05Christian McCaffrey, running back, his dad was an NFL guy. Yeah, Grant Hill. He grew up with a dad that was like, this is how you play football. It made him a freak. I don't know. I think in football it can work. I think football's a little different than fighting, though. For sure. Because in football there's a thing, there's a play, it goes down, you do your best. You're not duking it out in the fucking fifth round where your leg is imploding and your liver's bleeding and your fucking, your ears are ringing and you're still trying to win. Yeah. That takes a specific type of poverty in your background. I was just fighting growing up. But what if you got like a tutor for fighting since you were five? You know, these kids are getting

194:45jujitsu classes. I think that's where, I think that, I could be wrong, it could be where the sport heads. To rich kids. Where like, people with, but boxing never did. But poor kids are gonna train too. Yeah. And they're gonna be angrier. Yeah. But if you start training jits at like five years old. Jits is different. You're gonna be a master at it at 18. Jits is different. Jits is different because you're not getting hit. But like boxing, boxing never got that. Like that's why there's no,

195:11I mean now there's some white boxers, but like. Well you got like Tyson Fury who's a fucking gypsy. He was a gypsy. So like his whole family have been duking it out since they were kids. Just retired. They used to have Jewish boxers. He didn't retire. I thought he retired. No, he's not retiring. He did. He's on ESPN today. No, did he today? Today he retired? On ESPN it said Fury says that's it. Pull it up. Really? I think he's done that once or twice. Is that Jamie?

195:33Wow. I'm never right. Well, good for him. Good for him. That was today. It's been like three times today. Tyson Fury retires. Wow. Well, one of the greatest of all time. Yeah, I don't believe him, says another guy. Well, he might come back. If they offer him the Anthony Joshua fight, I know they talked about that. Didn't he retire before? Is that Bruce in the lift? Joshua or Tyson Fury? Yes, he did. Yeah. He retired when he was having real mental health problems. He almost committed suicide. He almost drove his Ferrari off a bridge. Whoa, is that right?

196:06Yeah, he was losing his mind. Tyson? Yes. You ever hear him talk to Ari Hillrani about the, he called him, they were interviewing and he was like, hey, today's the anniversary of when you first took the, you ever hear that? Oh, yeah, that's really nice. The heavyweight title. That's a really cool speech. Yeah. I mean, it's sad. It's sad, but he's like, how do you like it? He goes, honestly, it's pretty shit. Yeah, when you beat, what's his name? Who's the Ukrainian boxer? Oh, Vladimir Klitschko. Yeah. Isn't that who he beat to get the title? The guy who was the mayor of Kiev. Is that right? Oh, really?

196:32Whoa. You're doing a great job. Cool mayor. That guy's got a PhD out there. Is he or is his brother the mayor? He's the mayor, right? His brother, Vitaly, was the mayor of somewhere else, too. Vitaly is also a politician. Jesus Christ. That's crazy. And they both saddled up to go to war, too. So did Lomachenko. Yeah. He saddled up, too. Look at that, guys. He's the mayor of Kiev. Yeah. So what was his... He's the mayor. So Vitaly's the mayor. So Vladimir, what is Vladimir's position?

197:01What does he do? So Vitaly's the mayor of Kiev, and I think Vladimir's a politician as well. Isn't the Filipino guy a politician too? Yeah. Yep, Manny Pacquiao. He's a politician? Yeah. What? So what does he do? Does he have some sort of a... Ukrainian army. Whoa. These guys are the real deal. Yeah, I saw him with the fucking machine guns. Yeah, terrifying dudes in those series phenomenal boxers, too, especially the brother fatality was an animal They're both animals. I mean yeah, but he was more technical than his brother his brother was a destroyer Just fuck people up man. He was a giant dude, too, and they would they're both brilliant. They're both of yeah PhDs PhDs. Yeah, do you see this? What's this? Crosslock You can fight in lacrosse like you can in hockey watch no you're not allowed Who is this?

197:55We're fighting. The referee's not doing shit. They wait until they go to the ground. No, they're fighting, dude. I know, but they can't get it in because they'll get punched. So they wait until it goes. Now they get it. Yeah, but that was one and done. But they let them fight. It's because they're all Canadian. That's the same as hockey. They let them go until they're on the ground, then they break it up. Yeah, but that's what I asked. Is it like hockey where they let them fight? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at this. That's brutal. Toronto. Toronto versus Buffalo. That's crazy. Oh, poor Buffalo guy.

198:18So if lacrosse does this, it might become famous. It starts like they're playing. That's true. It might get huge. Take it off the gloves, too. Stepping up for his boy like hockey. Man. Bro, that's crazy. That was worse than those Duke was on. So this is a new sport where you're allowed to punch in the face. That's true. Because this was never the case in any other sport. Like, if this was basketball, they would have stopped this a long time ago. Oh, yeah. So they're letting guys box. Because this is different, too, because you have shoes on. So you can get grip and movement. And you can really punch hard. The thing about hockey is, like, you're hampered. You fall fast. Yeah, you're flopping around in fucking skates.

198:50But he was probably disqualified forever after that. I don't know, man. They let him fight. They let him fight. Really? Yeah, it looks like you're allowed to do that because the referees didn't jump in. That's true. It's a penalty, but you're back in that game. Bro, that changes sports. That changes sports. Oh, yeah. Start throwing that into basketball? They used to. In the 80s, the NBA was all that. Imagine if they allowed it. Paris, people fucking punch Lambeer all the time. Lambeer, bro. He punched all the time. Lambeer, shout out Notre Dame. But here's the thing. What are you allowed to do?

199:18Like, are you allowed a leg kick? No. No, if you leg kick, that's gay. Draymond found out you're not allowed a leg kick. It's what? It's gay. Draymond found out. He tried to leg kick all the time. But if you're in a lacrosse game and you leg kick, you can't leg kick? It's gay. Everyone knows leg kicks are gay. Why are you laughing so hard? Because I know how much you love leg kicks. They hurt. Yeah, but I mean, if you're trying to hit me, why wouldn't I kick your leg? Who's that boxer that went against the UFC guy? We're going against the rules. We're not playing. I know. Now it's a fight. Now we're fighting.

199:49I'm going to kick your fucking leg. Yeah. Especially if I think you don't know what to do. A Bellator guy kicked me in the leg, and he went in slow-mo, kicked me in the leg. It hurt for a week. Calf? No, right above the knee on the side of the thigh. Yikes. It fucked me up. Yeah. He's just tapping you. We had a couple drinks, and I was going, come on. Have you ever seen Alex Pereira gently leg kick this lady? Yes. No. She asks him to. She's like, just don't hit me hard. He gently taps her leg. It hurts so bad. She falls to the ground. Then she took a photo of it afterwards.

200:25Her whole fucking leg was bruised. Wow. How about that fucking Asian guy that was swallowing those? You see those? No homo? Oh, yeah. That guy in Korea. Yo. Bro. That guy's an animal. Who the fuck is that guy? Who knows? Wait a minute. This fucking maniac. Whoa. This is nothing. And by the way, that hurts like fucking hell. This guy's getting mad now. But he's not hitting them full blast, but he's hitting them pretty hard, man. She bangs. She bangs.

200:52Look at this guy just dancing. That's crazy. Look at that. He took it. That guy's an animal. I swear they showed another one where he's like body shots. Look, he tells him to hit him again. And he hits him hard. Watch this. Look, go ahead. He hits him pretty hard, dude. That's kind of crazy. Pereira's a good looking guy. He's a handsome fella, especially with the suits on. Yeah. 26 leg kicks. That is so crazy. Now watch this girl. This was me at the wedding. That's when I got kicked. It hurts so bad.

201:28But wait for it. Watch when she shows what it looked like afterwards. She shows what it looked like afterwards. Isn't that crazy? He just touched her. Just touched her. Now imagine that fucking dude. He just literally touched her. Imagine that dude ate like 20 what of them? 26. 27. That's crazy. Yeah. Wow. He might be dead. He might be dead. He might have just been really good at putting on an ad. He might be Joe Biden. He might have been Joe Biden himself. It might have been Joe Biden himself. There's people that are just built different, man. That's true.

202:02That dude is obviously just built different. Something's going on. Leah Thomas. Yeah. She shows up to the swing. That's a guy. That's a guy. You guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra at a Penn swim meet? Yes. That's Guy. There it is. There she blows. That's fun. No, I just did another one. You do it. Are you going to pee or am I going to pee? What are we doing here? I'm good for another 20 minutes. It's almost 5 o'clock already. I say we keep it rolling. I'm having a nice time.

202:40I'm having a great time. Let's keep it rolling. You got on the coffee. I like that song. Keep it rolling. Joe, Joe. Keep on rolling. What happened to you? It hurts. It's so cold. It's good now. Too cold. Give Norman one. Norman has an apple. I'm sticking with the liquor here. Shock him. Cowardice. Yeah, Norman and I got a second ice cube. Sorry, trick what you want. Good rapper. What is your shirt, Ari?

203:04What is that? Is that from your special? It's from my special. Oh, that's you. Dude, give me one of those. You got one of those for me? Stay positive. Oh, nice. Yeah, I would have wore it for the show. Not too late. Oh, you got one? HIV? Why stay positive? Is that the name of the special? I hate his fucking positivity. The whole theme of the special is like, fuck the news. He's trying to get himself out of his anger. He's so angry all the time. If he's not in here. America's sweetheart. The whole theme is like, get off the news, live your life, touch grass.

203:35Come up from a guy with a severe social media addiction. I know, right? It's kind of hilarious. Thatta, baby. That's Kyla. That's Kyla. Perfect. Let's go. What size? XL. Oh, that's too big. The back is from my closer. About this Holocaust I made that died. XL. That's what you are, right? Yeah, larger XL. I can wear either one of them. That's nice. That's how I want to wear it. Positivity is special. It's just like, guys, this shit's fine.

204:02Oh, hell yeah. Kanye is nice. That'll go viral. That's a fatty. Nice. Jesus. What a Nwangatan. Jesus Christ. The Congo. Oh, my God. All right. That's crazy. That'll sell some shirts. That is Excel. It fits good. Yeah, dude. Damn. That's crazy. Available at arishafir.com right now. Arishafir.com, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to pay for this special.

204:29Yeah, he's got $85,000 worth of plants to cover. Netflix did not cover it. Please help. I love the trailers like, coming soon on Netflix. Yeah, right? Netflix didn't cover the fucking... Fuck, no. They didn't cover the plants? They didn't cover enough. I'm out of a lot. Bro. At least they put that fucking special on. At least they put it up? And they're putting Jew up? Yes. Nice. Are they? Oh, nice. Yes. Yes. Yes. Beautiful. Like April or May or something? Yeah. Netflix is taking some fucking chances. I think that fucking roast, that Tom Brady roast, that turned it around, baby. That was the number one most watched thing on Netflix ever. They must have been like, oh. Yeah. Oh, this woke shit. It's not really selling.

205:06Who wanna laugh? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Sports and comedy coming together. Fucking fun. Have some actual fun for once. And it ruled. It ruled. It was funny as hell. It ruled. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. By the way, that probably saved Tony's ass. Because then people say, oh, that's what he does all the time. You ask Tony to do Tony at a fucking political rally. Yeah. Which is all he can do. Which I told him, don't do it. But he doesn't want to listen. We have the same agent. He was like, I'm getting death threats from Trump guys. Like, if he doesn't win, I'm going to die.

205:36All right. They might actually kill Tony. No, they had stories already written blaming it on Tony. Already written. I love those leaked stories that come out once in a while. It's like, oh shit, that didn't happen yet? They had the stories ready because they don't write the story based on who wins. They write stories like if Trump wins, we're going to blame this. And if Kamala wins, we're going to blame Tony Hinchpin. What happened to journalism? It's done. The internet killed it. Clicks. It's also the format sucks. The TV format's the worst. And then the news format, you want me to read paper? But also, they became so self-important. It's the same people that gave Chappelle a 0%. Yeah. And it's like, oh, right, you guys are trying to be part of the story instead of just reporting on it. All those little things just led to the end.

206:21And that led to the fire. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. I mean, you want to red pill people? Burn their fucking house to the ground. Oh, ain't that the truth. That'll red pill people. And then watch the governor do a little shimmy when he talks about acquiring the land. A little shimmy about Well figure out a way to Where's Gavin Newsom from Satan from hell That's Christ He's back in hell now Let me find out about this man Is he from Ohio I don't know I think he's from Northern California He was the mayor of San Francisco at one point

206:54How long has he been the governor Where did he go to school? Stanford? He's been the governor for a while He's friends with a lot of people we like They're all friends I know, but I'm just saying, it's all... Behind closed doors, I think he's like us. I think he's a regular guy. He puts on college basketball coach vibes. Incorrect. Oh, yeah. We'll talk after. Santa Clara. Yeah, from California. He founded Plump Jack. This guy... Billionaire heir. He's just a fucking rich one. I knew he was it. I knew it. His whole thing has been preparing for him to run for president.

207:25He acts like a president. He talks like a president. And if it wasn't for this past election, he probably would have ran for president. Now he's fucked, but he thinks he's not fucked. So he's talking like he's got it all under control. They're going to change everything and make everything better. Click some early life stuff. I want to learn about this, man. I want to know. They're talking about fast forwarding the application process for all these people to rebuild their homes. Where are they going to get the money? Newsom's aunt was married to Ron Pelosi. An attorney for Getty Oil. Look at what Jamie just said. Oh, boy. Hold on a second. Get a conspiracy theorist in here. Not actual note, eh? You dumbass. That's all I can see. I don't know.

208:01Nope. I can tell. I don't know this one. It's going to be a good game. Went to a French-American bilingual Catholic school. I want to learn about this. Redwood High School. Jesus Christ. Redwood to Red now. He had severe dyslexia that still affects him. Our mother. Oh, dyslexia. It's like the people that we get to pick from. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like there's no real options. Well, he got recalled and they still won. Really? They tried too early. Yeah, if they did it now, he'd probably lose. Yeah. But look how many people in California this year voted red.

208:36Like a giant chunk of California. Really? A giant chunk. Wow. You compare the map from 2020 to 2024, it's like most of the state is red except for the high population centers. All those areas down south, like near San Diego, all that shit went red. So it probably is when you get a DEI hire as your candidate. That's DEI. That's it. That's close. Jamie toss up some Jeremiah Love highlights Put them on What are you guys betting What is the bet I think it should be something not money wise Embarrassing Blow each other Ass fun each other No one wins You have to drink out of Jamie's asshole You want to funnel the beer into his asshole

209:23And then you have to funnel it back in your mouth What the fuck Maybe trade jobs for a week You do that. That'd be good. Oh, yeah. Jamie at Arena going, ah. Jamie on tires. Yeah. Yeah. J-My-Love highlights. J-My-Smith, you mean? J-My-Love. Your freshman, ultimate wide receiver in the country, 18 years old. No, J-My-Love. Good luck, Ohio. He's turning Ohio on you. He's a coward. He's trying to turn it around. When's the last time Notre Dame beat Ohio State? Oh, shit.

209:53Because they haven't played for a while. I know, but they played six times in the last, like, 20 years. In the last 20 years, zero. Wow. Probably like 94. I think we won that one too. You guys won 95. Rivalry renewed. Have Irish people ever complained about that mascot? No. That's what's great about the Irish. You know what else the Irish haven't complained about? Slavery. True. That's true. Or England. Yeah, that guy. That guy's ugly as shit. He's a small little midget. When I was a kid, all the Irish guys. They complain a lot about England.

210:26That's true. Yeah, could you play kneecap and Jeremiah Love Highlights at the same time? What's kneecap? A band. You're going to love kneecap. Rap band. Can you play Get the Brits Out and we can drink a little? What's kneecap? I got a book for you. It's a rap band. Irish rap band? From Ireland? Irish rap band? From Ireland? Irish rap band? Yeah. Really? Whoa, I can't understand that. Whoa, I want to hear this. I want to hear this. I want to hear this.

210:46I want to hear this. Sometimes they rule. Like House of Pain? Listen to how good this is. All right. You don't need to watch. Get the Brits up I like the illustrations We're on our mad one Shout out my boys Are they still around the Brits? Back in the news It's your favorite Republican hoots Every 12th winter I choose Oh, bro, I'm putting this on the Spotify. This shit's nice. I'm putting this on the list. Is that the queen? The queen and the bra? Yeah, that is the queen. Lizzie's in a box. Lizzie's in a box.

211:35Go for a dance. Go for a dance. Go for a dance. What's the song called? That's called Get the Brits Out. Get your Brits up Got it It's in Shit rocks It's on the Oh that's them huh That's terrifying Oh yeah No they're Irish Guar No that's not true They're actually good They're actually good Dude they're pretty good Guar is fine They're awesome How do I not know about these guys

212:00Let me hear what they sound alive Go for a dance Oh same song Go for a dance Go for a dance These are tough people Rapping in a polo shirt But it's out. Crazy. How many people do you think live in Ireland? It's not that big of a place, but it has such a huge influence. Like, think about America. It's because they all came to America. Exactly. But there's so many. Yeah. There's a lot. You ever read Born Fighting? They don't love condoms. Great book. Oh, about the Scots Irish?

212:38Scots Irish. That's a lot of it. Well, it's Catholic. Yeah. It's Catholic. They breed. They're supposed to have a bunch of kids. And Protestants. See if they have any Philly footage. I was at their show in Philly. Were you really? How do I not know about these guys? How come you never told me about them? They're new. They're the best. In Philly, this is maybe not my best story. This is the last time I did cocaine. Oh, come on. The last time? It was. It was with these guys.

213:03It wasn't the first time. It was with these guys. It's not the last time. They have a movie. And it's really good. But my girlfriend and I watched the movie. And I was like fuck I forgot I told these guys I'd go to the show tonight I was like why don't you stay home, and I'll be back. I'll probably be back by midnight And then we were out till I got home at like 5 a.m. And the door was locked She has to lock the door it's fine man. It was a right. Yeah You know, the key you have to. What are you going to do, go to sleep with the door wide open? Yeah. Just so drunk-ass shanky. Come home at 5 a.m. It was an elevator. She could have left in the lot. That was the Philly one. That was an elevator, yeah. No, no, no. You got to bring a key, bitch.

213:51Key bump. I said no. That's the Philly place? The first couple times, but it was these. That's ice. It was these bros. The guy in a fucking mask. I got one. You guys scared about it. It's the snow. It's not even ice. Snow. Is that the Philly place? Yeah. That was a good place. It was a great place. Never got any furniture in there. Never got it? You had to. Do you like it when you go back for a little bit? You like it when you go back for a little bit?

214:11I loved it. He's the king. Dude, we went and did the 999, all of us, and we're walking up to where the Phillies play. And this is Shane now. Yeah. And just walking down the street, not that many people, when they did recognize him, like, what the fuck? He's the hero of the town. Philly rules. Dude. It's the best. That's nice. I do love Phillies. I threw it up in your toilet. You did, and then you denied it. I blamed it on O'Connor. I knew it was your nasty ass. Obviously. Who did you blame it on? O'Connor. It was O'Connor.

214:42O'Connor was asleep. And O'Connor was blacked out, and he was like, it might have been me. Possibly. Possibly. That's denied. That was the 999. That was tough. Oh, my God. Wait, did we tell you about this? No. What happened? What's a 999? There's a challenge. Go ahead. There's a challenge that no one should do. Help me out. Help me out. I remember this. It's nine hot dogs, nine beers, and nine innings. The baseball, yeah. And the games move faster now.

215:10Yeah. So it's tough. It's two and a half hours. But we got there early and we were like, all right. Nine hot dogs, nine beers? Nine hot dogs during a baseball game. Shane hooked it up with the booze. Yeah. We got the booze and the hot dogs stocked for us. Not the booze, the booth or whatever. Yeah. The box. Yeah. That helped a lot because we can get 12 ounces instead of 16. God damn. And no lines for the bathroom. But O'Connor, we got there early. O'Connor had seven hot dogs done before the national anthem. He just started pounding? He was like, I'm going to handle this well. He was sick the whole game.

215:42In the third inning, he was fully asleep like a heroin addict. Wow. In the eighth, he woke up like, dude, you got five beers left. He woke up and we were like, bro, you're so close. He got the beers easy, but we were like, bro, you're so close. Just eat three hot dogs right now. Yeah. He did it. Hot dogs. Who did it? You failed. You did like 15 beers. I couldn't eat the hot dogs. Yeah. Foley lost 17 beers. Shockingly, Foley did not do it. Where's the room? Really? Where's the space? Where's the space? Like nine hot dogs.

216:11It's a fucking pile of food. Are you allowed to puke? I said you're allowed to puke. Colin puked. Get it out. Literally every single person. Colin puked in the bathroom into the sink for no reason. Probably couldn't make it. Stuffed it up. Probably couldn't make it. No, no. He's just making bad decisions. He knows better. He said nine beers. Yeah. Nine beers are going to make bad decisions. The beers is easy. Who did? Who did it? Nine beers during a baseball game is a three-hour game. He had 15 easy.

216:35I was being the goalkeeper at people giving me beers. I was like, nope, not done. Yep, counts. It was with Are You Garbage, Chris and Tommy. Oh, nice. It was wonderful. Great guys. Yeah. Seven dogs before the national anthem was. Jesus Christ. I watched him do it, and I was like, O'Connor, what are you doing? You're starting to do it fast. You're going to die, bro. They're not digesting it. You want to do it over the whole course. Horrendous. Let your body break it down. He's not a big guy. No, he's got abs. Does he? Wow, there you go.

217:02Connor's a fucking beast. God damn. When was this from? July? Yeah. It depends on when you've eaten, though. If I haven't eaten all day, I could eat nine. Oh, we didn't eat. No one ate all day. Although Foley was sitting down hitting. He was doing chicken wings for the reason. There was other things in the box. He was also eating like a cheesesteak. A cheesesteak. I think it was while I'm in Philly. I think I could eat nine hot dogs if I haven't eaten all day. The bun, though. The bun is what gets you. The bun will get you. And you had to eat the bun. We're allowed to fix this.

217:29Five years and nine dogs. Well, when you see those dudes doing the hot dog eating competitions, no bun. They dip it. No, they dip the bun. They dip the bun. Right. Yeah. They break it down a little bit before it gets in there. 23. That seems like it's cheating. It's rough. I had two hot dogs right away. I was like, I forget. I don't think they should be allowed to dip. I hate hot dogs. They're disgusting. No, don't dip. I don't love them either. Why are you dipping? Do it real. Who eats a hot dog that way?

217:50Eat a hot dog like an American. I agree. Fucking pussy Joey Chestnut. And you should probably have some mustard on that thing. Joey Chestnut. Yeah. Fucking pussy ass Joey Chestnut. What's the other guy? The Japanese guy. Kubiashi. Yeah, he quit. He quit the biz. Couldn't beat, uh, couldn't beat Chestnut. He couldn't beat Joey. I think his health was deteriorating. I'm sure. Probably ate fucking a million hot dogs. And he's not a big guy. No, he's Japanese. So he's stretching the shit out of his gut. Oh, yeah.

218:15Ugh. Yuck. Oh, that fiend. Oh, you got videos. How many hot dogs is that guy eating? What's his record? He was up there. Six million. No, like, what does he eat? 63 hot dogs? Wow. So what's Chestnut? He's bigger than that. I want you to think of a bucket full of hot dogs. That's what that is. It's like a bucket full of hot dogs. 66. Young Chestnut. Did Chestnut win? Yeah, he's the current champion. The crazy thing is these aren't big guys.

218:47No, no, it's a gift. Jeez. Have you seen some of the other shit they eat, too? Look at the size of the stack. Look at the stack. Look at the stack. Now, the one above that, Jamie? The one above that? Yeah, that one. The one you got up there. Look at the size of that stack of hot dogs. We're just eating hot dogs for the sports. That's fucking insane. That doesn't even make sense. Like, how does it fit in his body? He can do it. It doesn't seem like it would fit, though, right? Well, if we have fast tabulism, you know, some people have it faster than others. But no, I mean, space. Like, physical space. They burn it.

219:17Like, where's the last hot dog? It's got to be, like, right here. Is that his wife? She's pretty hot. His wife. champion. There's a female champion? Nice. Oh, yeah, they got a female division. I'd like to meet her. She can swallow a wiener. That's crazy that the females went, too. It's a belt, too. That won't fit. Can you imagine dating a lady that was a fucking hot dog champion? I'd rather date a porn star. There's more fucking honor in that. Yeah. You gotta put mustard on your dick to get ahead. It's my wife. She was a hot dog eating champion. Jesus Christ. 51 this year? 51! 58!

219:57Oh, man. The woman ate 51 hot dogs. Who the fuck is this record? Who's Mickey Soudou? Jesus Christ. She's a beast. Look at that. They used to have 30. It used to be 30 and three quarters. They gave her a three quarters. That lady got 39 and a half. 48 that year? That's like when you're five. I'm five and a half. Imagine she didn't swallow. You're like, come on. This is crazy bitch you ate so much ketchup Sick 10 minutes she ate 51 hot dogs in 10 minutes 57 in five minutes That's more than 10 a minute. That's so crazy What the hell? Is he swallowing everything? Nine hot dogs in four hours will put you in a coma. This is crazy. Dude, we told Aaron Judge we were doing that. We told Aaron Judge, the MVP, that we were doing that. He was like, oh, cool.

220:58Cool, guys. We should see that. We should see that. What? I want to see him eat 57 hot dogs. Pull it up. Pull it up. I want to see how they do it. Are they chewing? Barely. They slide it down. It's wet. It's soggy. Do they throw up right away? No. It's like a comedy store waitress. Are you allowed to throw up? Look at this. Look at this guy. Look at that. He's just wolfing.

221:19He's just dipping it and shoving him in his mouth. That is insanity. The salt would kill you, too. Oh, yeah. What do they win? Nothing. Money. They win us talking about it. What are the groupies like for this sport? Imagine eating pussy, that guy. Nice shirt. American flag. Nice shirt. Oh, in this case, he's doing it for charity. Oh, my gosh. This is so disgusting. Every five, he eats his $5,000 getting donated. Oh, man. The guy with the camera is like, I'm going to get barfed on. Did somebody say something about Gary Busey? Yeah, I thought that guy looked like him.

221:50Bro, that guy's wild. Have you seen his Instagram lately? No. You know, Gary Busey had a horrible motorcycle accident with no helmet on and shifted his skull. What? One of his eyeballs is down here. So is he normal now? No. No, that's when he became not normal. If you go to before that, like when he was on Lethal Weapon, he was a great actor. He was in a bunch of fucking great movies. Yeah, he was great in a lot of those movies. What was that reality show with him? No, but that was post-Impact. He almost died he fucking hit his head on a curb That makes sense Yeah look at him See how that left eye is lower than the right eye Left eye Lopez Was that carrot cake? What's he saying?

222:30He's Listen to him talk though too He's just I don't want to eat it too fast And this is actually That ain't Gary Busey He should run for president Sounds like Joe Biden for real. That's what I'm saying. It is a baby squid. Oh, there it is. There it is. That's Busey. He's out there. I had a conversation with him on the phone once. A friend of mine was at his house, and he goes, hey, Gary Busey wants to talk to you. I talked to him for like three minutes. It was just like rambling, just crazy talk. Sounds about right. I think he was talking about Jesus. There was like a lot of nutty shit talking.

223:09His son's around, too. His son's an actor. Oh, yeah? Jake Busey. Jake Busey. Oh, yeah. He's a great actor, man. He played that guy who was trying to blow up the world in one of those movies. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He played the guy who blew up the space machine in Contact. What? You remember in Contact? The first one blew up, and then the fucking watch had to go off. Jodie Foster? Yes, that movie. He blew up. It was her fucking father the whole time. Remember there was this machine that lets them go to this other planet. You remember it spins around a circle it drops it that's him he played he played the Christian preacher He plays the Christian preacher that That's his son it looks like that sabotages the

224:02Sabotages the space machine imagine your dad is you remember that movie? Yeah, that movie was fucking great I like that. I saw it in the theater. That's Carl Sagan's book. That's right. Yeah. Joey Foster was all right. She was all right. McConaughey was good in that movie, too. McConaughey is such a fucking beast. Yeah, he's in everything. Gee, look at the chompers on that guy. He played a very good fucking psychopath Christian. Yeah. Solid movie. He looked like a cult leader, for sure. Legit. What's that other one? Interstellar? Interstellar is so good. Yeah, the other mechanic.

224:32McConaughey movie. Fucking great movie. Don't watch that on a plane. That turned me around on McConaughey a lot. You didn't like him? I didn't like rom-com McConaughey. Wow. Tropic Thunder was the first thing that I was like, McConaughey's all right. What about the AIDS one? That was after Tropic Thunder. Bro, that movie fucked him up. Yeah, it did. Physically fucked him up. When did Dallas Buyers Club? Was that before? That was after. Do you know that movie's about Vouchy? Shut up. Oh, yeah. Come on. That's what it's about.

225:00Get out of here. It's about suppressing therapeutics for AIDS because they wanted everybody to take AZT. Yeah. Dallas Buyers Club, 2013. Oh, that's way later. He got wrecked doing that movie, man. Because he had to become an AIDS-y guy, so he had to lose a ton of weight. Never really looked the same. Even Wolf of Wall Street. He got down to 135 pounds in five months. Whoa. Bro. Wolf of Wall Street, he still looks a little gaunt. Nothing's worse than The Machinist. Oh, nothing's worse than that. Christian Bale. The amount of weight he lost for that is. No, he almost died. Yeah. Yeah, that's literally like starvation. Your organs are failing.

225:33You get down to that kind of weight. That was the craziest and the movie sucked He's one of the greatest actors of all time didn't do that in the movie sucked Here's the thing if you're getting that low you don't got the energy to put in a really good performance, right? And then the script sucks What that's the DMX no way yeah, he's a dime and then he got big again remember when he was in the Super Bowl That's why. He had to hang upside down for like 40 minutes while he was waiting. But that's why. He got big because he's like, fuck this. He went the opposite way. I mean, he got crazy. He used to be ripped, remember? Oh, yeah. 50 Cent used to be fucking jacked. He used to be on stage. He would look like an MMA fighter. Plowing Chelsea Handler. He was on a liquid diet for nine weeks. Yikes. I'm doing liquid diet right now.

226:24Hell yeah. Jesus Christ. I'm gaining weight on a liquid diet. That is a weird thing that Robert De Niro started everybody off on. Remember he gained all that weight for Raging Bull? Oh, yeah. That was like the first time an actor had ever gotten really fat for a movie. Yeah. Matt Damon did it, too. He got real thin for Liquid Courage. How about the lady from Monster? Courage Under Fire. The monster lady. Oh, yeah. Getting ugly. Oh, yeah. Charlize the Rock. The world getting ugly for a role. Shaved her eyebrows off. Got fat and shaved her eyebrows off to play a serial killer. Eileen Wuornos.

226:55Awesome. That's it. Fucking great movie, though. Yeah, it was. Shout out to my friend Patty. Why? Put that movie together. Patty Jenkins. It's like just randomly? That's her movie. She directed it. She directed it. All right. And Charlize Theron fucking gained like 100 pounds from that movie. That was crazy. Yeah. She got super fat. He did it just for funsies. Oh, no. This was one of the best ones. Wow.

227:15What did he do it for? He got so sick of actors letting the character get in shape in season two because the actor gets like a personal trainer. He goes, no. In life, you get fatter. Oh, that's funny. So he just ate for an entire season. What movie was this? No, it was So It's Always Sunny. Oh, that's hilarious. He's a hunk. Because he was a hunk and then he decided to get fat. He was slightly a hunk, then he got very fat, and then he became a super hunk. And now it's just him and Ryan Reynolds being hunks. Owning soccer teams. Being silly hunks. Being silly hunks. Which is the funniest guy. Yeah. Yeah. The hunk guy.

227:48Everybody loves that guy. A silly hunk. At least Joe keeps his shirt on usually. Most of the time. Yeah, Van Wilder, based on Burt Kreischer. Isn't that nuts? That's so crazy. Isn't that nuts? It's literally a movie based on Burt. It really is. Yeah. They wrote a story about it for Rolling Stone magazine. The original title was The Interruption. Ah! It reminds me of me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Secret time, secret time, secret time. You guys have such good birds. Secret time. All right, you gotta go pee. Come on.

228:24Nope, I'm okay. Damn it. I'm gonna pee for the third time. The third time? Wait, the third time? That's thrice. Ah! That's a new one. That's the one you're waiting on? That's a new one. That's a new one. The fact that you can still get one this many hours in. I was waiting for you to get a turn with for so long. I'd do another one. I'm doing it. He keeps pulling out these knives. I'm getting nervous. Sorry, sorry. No more knives. That's the rise. Every five minutes, Norma's pulling out a knife and no one's even noticing.

228:54Don't do it. Thanks. Thanks. Oh, my God. I just did a Something's Burning. That show's still going. It's about L.A. now. It's doing great. Now that it's free. Sorry. Now that it's free, the shackles it was in. That story is nuts. Contract disputes. Nuts. That story is for Bert to tell, but for us to go, what the fuck? Wait, what? Yeah, we can't talk about it on the show. Sorry, geez. Off the air, we'll tell you the whole story. Oh, no. I don't know any about this.

229:26And you'll go, what the fuck? Business fucking sucks. Everyone you think is cool sucks. It doesn't have to be that. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be that way. You're good at it. You're good at, like, let's make it cool. Let's have everybody pass around money the way you should. It's supposed to be. Oh, right, right, right. Everybody should be fine. Have a good time. Let's all have fun together. It's not – but that's not how it is. Everybody wants it all – they want the giant chunk of it. You know, we were talking about – the other day, we were talking about festivals. Yeah. You know, these festivals, they'll sell, you know, tickets for a giant arena, and they'll take a giant chunk of all the money and they have all these comics up but everybody's there to see the comics but you're you are making up what we have employees why do you have employees like what

230:08is this like what is your business your business is like selling other people's art at a cut a cut rate right because you get them all together because they're all here like it doesn't make any sense you know what led to the way cab drivers were so shitty that alleged uber yes that led to Burt's tour. Burt's fun festival tour. I'll just run it myself then. Cut you guys out. They offered me one of those once and it was so ridiculous. You did one at Toronto? Which one? I think you did JFL 42. No, I had my friend. JFL was going on and I did an arena. I did it with them, sort of. Yeah, exactly. But it wasn't the same thing. It wasn't what they do. Because what they were doing was Like you would go and do one of those big shows with all these names on it and they would give you like Let's just say a number like X. Yeah, I was like, but how many people are coming to see me? I'm like you're gonna put my name on the thing

231:01Exactly you're gonna take you're gonna give me a tiny amount of money in comparison to what I would make if I did the show And I could just do a show like this doesn't make any sense and it was all because they have employees Like why yeah, but then they went under there you go. Oh, yeah Yeah, because it's like you can't – that doesn't make any sense. It's management funds too. Because you get to a certain point when you're selling tickets. Like why would I not make money when I'm selling tickets for you? It doesn't make any sense. But is there a thing where sometimes you do a fest and the fest helps you sell tickets? Yeah, maybe when you're coming up, right? But once you already can sell out big places and they're asking you to sell out a big place but they want the money, like what are you talking about? This doesn't make any sense. There's like five people on this show that can sell at a 10,000-seat arena. and they're all getting a fraction of the money and you guys are getting most of it. It's like there's a bunch of those things that happen without names. Like the South by Southwest was the craziest one. They offered to have me come down and you know what they were going to give me?

231:58They were going to give me free tickets to watch the other shows. I'm not bullshitting. What about drinks? I'm not bullshitting. No, that's South by. That's South by. No, they didn't offer me drinks. They didn't offer me drinks. They didn't offer me a hotel. They didn't offer me flights. Damn. There's no hotels. No flights. Sorry, we already used flights. Yeah. Use it again. It's there. Keep it going. But like those things, that's fucking crazy. Like that's crazy.

232:21Like what is your business model based on? Yeah. Like your business model is based on selling tickets. So you have artists perform. You sell the tickets. You make all the money. Hold on. He's going to hear us right now. Fuck that. He's probably in the lobby. When he comes back, anytime you're quiet, he has to talk. Oh, he panics. When he comes back, just be silent. Well, he panics if he doesn't think things are funny. He's going to go. Like if you start talking about like fucking weird DNA shit or something He's the most successful autistic person in the world How is his stack of notes looking? I haven't seen his ass How's his stack of notes? They're still sticking out of his ass like a tumor?

233:05They get a festering pus wound in his right cheek Like what is going on with your ass pocket? You're going to want to see Jeremiah Love score a touchdown versus Penn State You think it's gonna happen wait now hold on that was fun. Oh look at this air. That's insane now Wait to wait to see the ground. That's insane Effort he put in to score that show that again. Oh, it's crazy that it that was that leap right there. Look at that. That is insane That's so impressive. He's got a hurt knee. Look at that. Yeah, look at that. He's got a brace on his right knees fucked up He didn't get a lot of touches. That's so crazy. Wait till you see the touchdown he's yeah Yeah, he did that all with his left leg. Yeah. Like he's favoring his right knee even when he goes down. For an extra two yards. I know. That was like a loss of yards. Yeah, that was like two. Just give it up. But that's a fucking player you want on your team. He's the first player Notre Dame's had in a while that's like a complete mutant. Wow. What's wrong with his knee? Watch this touchdown run.

233:56Just watch the effort. From the two, Irish trying to take the lead. This is anybody's game at this point. He handed it off to Love, who stays on his feet. Love is in the end zone. Wow. Wow. Wow. I mean, fuck Penn State. Some child's getting fucked today. Don't get me wrong. Fuck Ohio State. Damn. For sure. But fuck Penn State. We needed that win. Yeah. That was the closest game of the playoffs. My whole childhood was on this game. You know, I never went to see a live football game until I moved to Texas. I see them all the time now.

234:28UT? Yeah, UT. I went to Dallas and I saw the Cowboys play the Jets. Awesome. Cowboys stadium is great. It's incredible. Amazing. It's literally incredible. It's so fun. The tailgating at college is unreal. Yeah, you've got to get to a college now. Oh, I've been to a bunch of UT games. I shot the cannon. Oh, really? I shot the cannon. It was so dope. I was so scared of that fucking cannon. It's so loud. It's so scary. And they've got a bull wandering around, like a real bull. I touched the bull.

234:52I was afraid of the bull, too. I touched it like an autistic man. Dude, I went to the University of Montana game. Oh, really? Like an autistic man. And they were like, you can touch it. I was like. I went to the Montana game. We were going to tailgate hopping. And so I was like, we should do something. It was the opening game. We just made 200 jello shots. Oh, you told me that. Walked around. The people that are into jello shots could not contain their excitement. They'd be like, what the? And they're like, what's this for? They're like, for the whales. And they go, okay. Go whales. For the whales?

235:20Yeah, just to make up. We'd make up charities to raise awareness for homeless moms. Nice. Okay. And then we got into the official tailgate, and we got talking to it. We were like, you can't pass out alcohol at a place where we're serving alcohol. and we got kicked out. It was so fun. It was so fun. People love jello shots. That makes sense. Do they? Oh, yeah. Creek in the Cave has jello shots now. Oh! Get over. Get yourself a red or a green. All right. Get out of town. Yeah. Mothership's got to start doing jello shots.

235:52Yeah. Uh-oh. What'd I miss? Oh, shit. I saw the eyes. What? That's eyes. That's eyes. That's eyes. Fuck. It's a new one! You got out of it. When you left I was like just be quiet Mark will hate it. Yeah we got that right. Eve's silence out here for you. I blew it. I don't want to do tricks when guys go pee. Are you guys gonna go kill Tony tonight? Yeah. I don't think I am. Who's the guest on Kill Tony tonight? It's us. We are. Protect our books.

236:26I did the arena with Kill Tony on New Year's. Fucking amazing. The hebe? The head? I did the night before the 30th. He sold out two nights. Twice in a row. Two nights in a row at the arena. Two years in a row, two nights in a row at the arena. Mad packed with fucking crazy fans. Dice Clay performed. It was amazing. The fucking Kill Tony experience is so different. It's such a fun thing. It's a new show every time. It's a new show every time. And the fans are so rabid. They're so happy to be there. It's fucking incredible. When he did MSG, all the comedy clubs in the city filled up with those fans. They're like, well, I'm here with Tony. Let me see the stand.

237:06Let me see the cellar. And it was just like, you were a hero everywhere you went for like three days. That's how it should be. You know, we could do that here. We could have Austin like that all the time. Keep expanding. I need to buy a theater. I'm going to buy a theater out here. You're going to do it? Do it. I think that's the next move. I think the next move is buy a big place where big names can come in for the weekends. You know, and just give them a sweet deal. Give them a deal the same way with the mothership. Like, give them most of the money. How much would a theater? Like what's that money If you have a theater that can entice like big-name people to come in yeah You can only get such a high name to do a 250 seat room unless it's a weekday Weak days easy guys like to come and fuck around like our Tuesday night shows are some of the best fucking shows My Uber driver, he was like, you come a lot?

237:58I was like, I mean, I used to come once a year, but now it's like, I come to a podcast, I'm like, may as well, my buddy built a place to just do spots. The greatest playground on earth. When we were there the other night, that fucking lineup was bananas. I saw that online. That was sick. Crazy. It was Ron White, Theo, Shane, who else? Who else was on the show? Was Brian? Segura. That's right. Segura, Simpson, me, Tony. Fucking incredible show. Perfect. No women. No, no ladies. But we have some funny fucking chicks there, too. The night before was Whitney. Oh, there you go. Bro, Whitney's killing it right now.

238:32Something about having a kid made her extra funny. That did it to Louis. Ah! No, Louis said that. He was like, I had a kid, and I was like, I got to get to work. Right, right, right. It's been the same hour for 10 years. You can't dilly-dally when you've got mouths to feed that aren't yours. Exactly. It gets heavy. You've got one coming, right? Yeah, one week. One week. It's like right now. No, it's not mine. If it comes out black, you're cool. You drink this one. You're free. That's true. What are you going to do? It's fucking Matt Raves.

239:00Yeah, what are you going to do? How nervous are you? How nervous are you? I'm a little scared, but I'm excited to meet the little guy. Oh, yeah, we haven't discussed this. That's not interesting. Disgusting. Any retarget of a kid, crackheads have kids. That's true. And who are you doing it with? Your wife. Ari Shafir with the fucking ninth inning. Here we go. Ninth inning. A little rally cap. Yeah. That a baby. Rock and roll Internet Slavery Books

239:29Ow Easy Come on Hock to her America Sweetheart On Netflix right now America Sweetheart Available right now Do you know what you're going to name the kid? Yeah, we're going Jussie Smollett I do, I can't say Is it a boy or a girl? It's a boy It's a boy You don't want to set your kid up No, no, no For trolls when they're not even born. They're going to have some privacy laws for the minors. Yeah. Well, they should have privacy laws for everybody.

240:02The laws are weird, man. It's like, it's journalism. Like, nah, nah, nah. Well, the weird one is when someone buys a house. And even if they buy it under an LLC, immediately the house gets put up on the internet. They show up where the guy lives. This is the fucking plans of the house. Right. This is the best place to stalk. These are bushes where they can't see you. Yeah, that's not good. It's weird. It's weird. I know everything about you. Wow, it's like we're moving into this place where no one's going to have any secrets anymore. With all this encryption that's going to get broken because of quantum computing, we're fucked. So think about, so 2010 was the year we gave up privacy. Really? Everyone started filming everything on your iPhone. You had a camera on you.

240:37Yeah. And we just kind of all agreed, we're done with privacy. Well, it's going to become a point where encryption fails. Yeah. And so all this iMessage shit, like everything's going to fail. It's a Black Mirror episode, isn't it? It is. All secrets get out. Really? And then it's like, oh no, it's Westworld. and then it's just like it's just mayhem and war. People are fighting against each other. You think it's going to be that? Westworld season three. I think it's going to be an understanding. Not at first. Well, if everything's out. Not at first.

241:04Someone fucked somebody's wife or girlfriend two years ago. All that gets out. It's a South Park episode. You tried even to do it? Really? Yeah. I think it's people going to be I swear to God The Cloud there's an episode where everybody read everybody's text. And then it's just We got to move our techs over to fucking WhatsApp and delete them every day. But if everyone's techs are out, no one can get canceled. Yeah, but ours are worse. Ours are worse. That's true.

241:29We set the bar. That's pretty bad. Shane is fucking rough. Just the memes alone can cause real problems. A couple in there. A couple in there. My whole algorithm right now is just Hitler playing basketball. His is juice. Jamie, I saw that one. Can you please put up a Hitler highlight video? It's about as funny as it gets. playing basketball? It's so good. It's him walking into the arena. Him playing football is so good. What is it, AI? It's AI. It's just the... Yeah, they just superimpose him onto Patrick Mahomes. Does he win all the time? That's concerning. Does he win? They show him walking into the arena. And everybody goes crazy? It looks shitty.

242:10Is there a Hitler in the UFC one? Probably. Because you mentioned that. Oh, this is so crazy. This is so crazy. It looks shitty, which makes it funnier. It has to look shitty. I've seen a lot of George Floyd versus Derek Chauvin. Did I saw a guy at the park once playing, it's a black guy playing with a Klan outfit on. He was just dunking on this white dude. There's a Derek Chauvin versus George Floyd fight and it's McGregor versus Eddie Alvarez. It's so funny. I've seen him pick him apart. Damn. AI is amazing.

242:49It's pretty funny. What it can do now with those did you and LeBron did you see the video that kill Tony had made? Yeah, before the MSG show fucking no no no before the recent one pull it up for the recent one The New Year show they those got the door brothers did it. You know those guys. Yeah, those guys are fucking incredible Yeah, the door. Look at this. It's so good Jamie will find it. It's so good you watching you know This is so wild this like William Montgomery's in it David Lucas is it. It's crazy and God blows his brains out and it's fucking wild well that fucking Biden Trump thing you guys then say is that 30 million what's this leave this give me the volume how has red band oh where's the volume naked red band rules man Muslim band what are we doing oh the show's over are they putting my All we know is red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum. Did they not? What the fuck? They didn't act these out at all for them? No, this is all AI. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of these guys are really doing this. What? This is all fake.

244:10It looks so good. 100%? 100%. 100%. Whoa. This is AI? Yeah, it's all AI, man. Holy, holy, holy. Look at this. Whoa. It's the girl, too. I know it. Oh, look at that. Whoa. That's good Oh AI's gonna fuck us Imagine another 10 years I've seen that In real life I've seen that exact face David Lucas

244:59He stabbed somebody David Lucas won't leave a breadcrumb Isn't this crazy? That's crazy Whoa Look at this This is freaking me out Isn't it amazing? That's amazing None of this was acted out Imagine what this is going to be like in five years from now Exactly In a year It looks really good It looks amazing William's my favorite Jesus Hey Damn it They got me Oh Jesus

245:44I love Puerto Rico I love Puerto Rico He's dressed like Woody Is this amazing? Yeah, how about Trump throwing Tony under the bus Selling out Tony Trump dog was just like, I don't know him I don't want to know him He almost lost the fucking election He goes, I don't know him, I don't want to know him It wasn't cool What's he going to do? In the middle of that, you got to denounce it? You got to denounce it Vice President Guy said, he goes, I haven't seen it, but guys, shut up already with jokes. Oh, yeah. J.D. Vance. That would have been a cool way to do that. I don't know. I don't want to know.

246:21What were they talking about? Because he was like, why are we talking about this? Let's talk about homelessness. Yeah. Well, they were just trying anything. They were trying anything. Internal polling, like they were lying. Like their internal polling is we're going to get wiped out. And they were lying. And they were trying to make it look like it was going to be. Yeah. And they were going to win. And so everybody would be excited. And they were asking for money, like the whole time. And then asking for money when it was over. But they were asking for money when they knew they were going to win. And then they were asking for money when they were losing. Mark my words. They were asking for money the whole time, and then after they lost, asking for money. Wait, Mark, your words what? He's going to do Kill Tony one day.

246:57Trump. Donald Trump. I bet. Trump versus Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could do it. Tony's garbage, not special, but clip, whatever set, when he set it up, he was like, I just wanted Shane as Trump with Donald Trump. He's calling it garbage. It would have been cool. No, he called it that. No, that's what his show. His special is called Garbage. Easy. I thought you were like, Tony's Garbage Special. I was like, what? Literally called Garbage. Garbage Island. The one that he released on Twitter. Genius. You're like, what the fuck are you doing, bro?

247:29That's our friend. I like Tony. Trump could still do it. He could still do it. He could still do it. He could still do it. He could still do it. He could still do it. He could still do it. And Kill Tony's going to keep killing it. Trump likes that fun. Yeah. It's also it's like you realize what it is now tell miss like that's what the guy does watch him in a roast He's awesome at it watch him do stand-up. He's awesome at it. That's what he does and all the shit about things All the canceling helps the numbers Damn it did bro. He went on stage in the middle of it all on stage It was like fucking the Rolling Stones just showed up. It was He went on stage at the store at the mothership brother and they went fucking bananas or two might as well be It's funny main room. I call that other room I never call it the reaction the comedy audiences give to someone who's like outed whatever you want word you

248:11want to use is like they're just like we support you yeah so when they know what's happening and they're like we don't like it you're our guy yeah yeah they know what's going on it's like that cancel shit doesn't work anymore it's fucking stupid especially over a joke like that yeah shut up I know shut up but it was funny because he got canceled once and then he got over it he's like bro I thought the first one was bad he said he didn't sleep until I endorsed Trump he was the first time I had any sleep in two weeks he lost weight whoa he was so scared he lost weight what yeah yeah extra he couldn't eat it's blowing away in the Santa Ana winds he was like an ember taking out a mansion ember alert say Sam when he's flaming Sam Morrell has some friend that lost an 82 million dollar house Expensive house to ever burn in the fire what friend of Sam? Yes, I didn't even ask him like if you want to tell me you could tell me I'm not even gonna pry handler. He knows somebody like that Somebody had an 82 million dollar house. It might be Sandler. That is a good guess. He's friends with Sandler. He is if anybody's gonna have a 82 million dollar house You see the conspiracy theories why is Tom Hanks house not get burned down? They did that Maui too. They did the same thing. Why did this? Why did this? Yeah Those conspiratards are the best. And then they have an answer. They're like, it's because of this? And they go, nah.

249:38No, no, no. Deep state. Deep state. EMF, direct energy weapons. Russians, Chinese. Deep state. It'll come back. I mean, Katrina fucked the whole New Orleans up, and we're all back and running. It'll come back. Yeah. It'll take 10 years. Palisades? But, yeah, man, it's not even like some homes. It's all the houses. How do you even get started with a Mexican going, build our house? Bro, it's bigger than Manhattan. Larger than the size of Manhattan is burned. Like, by, I think, two and a half times. I think it's, find out if that's correct. Palisades is that big? I know it's what burned.

250:16Not just Palisades, but all the fires together. It's larger than Manhattan. Still, Manhattan's huge. Manhattan's not that big. Fucking huge. I know, but east to west. It's 14 by 2. Your place to my place. And then imagine going up to, like, old stand-up New York. All fire. Like that had to be rebuilt? And the whole Central Park. Yeah, it's crazy. Just Manhattan's so dense with tall buildings in the same area. The Robneys, the Cherry Room. So this is just residential homes, but the size of land is bigger than Manhattan. They'll never, I mean, it's going to be a decade before they even start on some of the houses. Also, they've got to go through the Coastal Commission. That's unbelievably brutal. What does that mean? The regulations.

250:55Yeah. It's fucking brutal. Try to build a pool. They'll fuck you. Imagine a new house. It's crazy. Pretty sad. What's that lady, the fitness lady? Suzanne Powder. No, the other one. Suzanne Powder. The dark-haired lady? Julian Michaels. Yeah, Julian Michaels. Julian Michaels was just talking. She was on a podcast. We see it. It took her, after the last fire, a year to get the permit to clean up after the last fire. There you go. A year. She said she had dead animals in her pool.

251:23A woman can't clean up? She couldn't clean up the pool. She said there was animals that died in the pool because they were trying to escape the fire. What do you mean they couldn't clean up? They weren't allowed to clean up. You have to get a permit to clean up. What? Fucking government. A year. Everyone's, it's the right, it's the left. It's all of them. But that's that coastal commission. The coastal commission is unbelievably... That one there? The bureaucracy. Yeah, but that's the left, brother. Too much government. Too much government. But it's California is uniquely retarded. Yes, that's true. Especially the coastal area.

251:52Bill Maher has been bitching by that for 20 years. It's uniquely difficult to build there. Like, I had a friend who was building a house there. He's like, don't do it. Don't ever build a house here. He goes, it'll drive you fucking crazy. It took years and years and years to get approval. Yeah, live somewhere else. Just look up your ass with a fucking microscope with everything you're doing. And they have the ability to do it. So, of course, they act on that. You know, they have power over you. They have power over these rich people, so they flex. And I'm sure there's a lot of pay all the moving around. Oh, yeah. But it's just a little bit of that. You want to go on a vacation? You want to buy my yacht? Why don't you buy my plane? You should move to Mechanicsburg. Yeah, that's the spot.

252:27That's the spot. Especially if you're Shane Gillis. I love passing that sign on the way to I don't know what club. You pass Mechanicsburg. Pittsburgh. It was me and Colm and Nate were driving. We're like, oh, wait, that's a real place? That's it. It's not just from movies? What, Pittsburgh? No, Mechanicsburg. Mechanicsburg. Is Mike and the Mechanics in there? What's that? Mike and the Mechanics? Is that Mechanicsburg? No, Poison is from Mechanicsburg. Hey. Are they really? There you go. Jim Henson's from University of Maryland.

252:52We got Poison. That's something. It's pretty good. Yeah. Poison rules. Jamie, play a little poison. Fire it up. Is it 18 to life? No, that's not. What's Poison's big hits? Where are you from? Every Rose has its thorn. Every Rose has its thorn. Marilyn. Marilyn's got stuff. Oh, Marilyn's got a lot of rocks. Edgar Allan Poe. Jackson. Dave Rove. Wait, who's A Nothing But A Good Time? Keys.

253:15A Nothing But A Good Time. That's them too, right? Isn't that? Dave Chappelle? Dave Chappelle, yeah. He's not from Maryland? Yeah. Yeah. He was from D.C. Oh, D.C. Just outside. That's different. No, it's just outside D.C. in Maryland. Well, it's just outside. Everything's just outside. It's just outside D.C. into Maryland. Oh, okay. Ain't nothing but a good time. That's Mechanics for Pennsylvania. Just waiting with Dinko. Oh, no.

253:45Uh-oh. You, I told you before. Interesting choice to play a better song in your music video. Yeah. That's bold. The old white dishwasher days The old bosses Great head of hair Oh my god that's all they did Yeah Look at that Come on bro that's what Mechanicsburg does Kicks open the door to a fucking concert I don't want to wash dishes and why were you watching it at all with that going on cause he's trying to make it in the band Ari gotta pay for the van man this was gay it's so gay it's so gay

254:35it's crazy they all wore makeup that's bye that's gay that's bye how'd they stay so thin back then Cocaine! I will do it. Iggy Pop still ripped. Isn't it crazy how they used to dress? Like the hair and everything? What happened? Nirvana killed that like a bullet. They're like, actually you guys are super lame. Cut your fucking hair. When Nirvana came along, it just died. It killed hair metal. Killed it. Killed it. Nevermind killed it. You guys are phonies. Rightfully so. Rightfully so. But it was just crazy the shift in culture. This needed to stop. Well, you know what?

255:18Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin. That's a great quote. That's a t-shirt. Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin. Yes. Yeah, because they killed all the psychedelics, right? So the 60s were all the psychedelic. The 70s, everyone was just recovering. And then the 80s come along and everyone's doing coke. And the music got awful. Bravado music. It's just weird. Everyone's wearing makeup and they're all fucking dancing around with their tight pants on. 80s had some jeans. Eyeliner sure teased up hair. It was even the cool ones like you're still like Don't you And then Iron Maiden our maidens killer yeah, so you get you get a lot of weirdness Misfits you get dudes dressed up like gay bikers. Yeah There's a lot of that. Look at these fucking fruits. Fucking YMCA.

256:15Pantera, the glam metal day. Bro, look at Pantera. Pantera was fucking rocking the glam look. If you see all these guys on the side of the highway, you'd be like, oh, they're hooking. It's so funny to be that fucking fat guy in the group like, guys, are you sure we all want to dress like this? I'm allowed. It's not fitting. You want to wear wet? It's just dress normal. That's with no shirt? Come on. If you're a fat guy and you're a glam band, you better be playing drums. Put that guy behind the symbols. That fat guy would be like, are you sure this doesn't suck? How weird is this? There was a time where you dressed in a way that no one would ever dress in public, and it was cool. Well, the best was me and Diaz were at the griddle. Look at that! Caution tape.

257:00You'd see those people on sunset at like 3 p.m. Damn, I would fuck with like three of these guys. The guy on the left is not bad. The guy on the left is like, I would take. If you're doing med, the guy on the right is sucking your dick. That guy was an Olympic. He's jerking you off with those studs on his hand. What order of who you choose? I go left, right, left, middle, right, middle. I go, now it's different. That guy on the right, he beat the Olympic boxer. They got a fifth member of a football. That guy's boxing for Algeria now. I go, one, three, two, four. Judas Priest was the craziest thing. Four one is hot one obviously one all the way left I'd go all the way to the right all the way to the right fuck Dude, that's number four That's the guy that sucks your dick if you're on the left Third is second third is second Which one could go trans the easiest? We've all fucked worse

257:52Which one could go trans the easiest? Lower left Bottom left They're knocking at the door Lower left is already a girl Culture club is there Look at that lipstick that's so crazy They're wearing lipstick Look at the nails And they're fucking They're fucking more than we have Who the fuck is Crytop? Who the fuck are these guys? I've never heard of them This is why, they went too far They went too far They went way over to being a girl If you tried to do that now People would think you're culturally appropriating trans people It's true The rules of glam metal You know what's really funny? The straight girls who put fake dicks in their underwear

258:26And they get a lot of money on OnlyFans They trick me They're a poison tribute band A poison tribute band Shut up, dude. You can't spread poisons in the house. If you have a trivia band, you're real. Damn. Poison trivia bands. You know how many underwear I had to shop through on Amazon to bring out my fake dick or fake pussy on Kill Tony? Oh, how many? What do you mean? They have starter pussies for trans people. Oh. You attach a pussy to your dick so it looks like you have a pussy. Oh, boy. That's what I defined to get on Kill Tony. Attach a pussy to your dick. Yeah, so there's a hole where you can stick your dick in to hold it, and it's got tendrils to hold it in. Oh, boy. And so you have a puss.

259:01Oh, God. What? Yeah. Like a fleshlight that you strap on? Yeah, and then Harlow Williams figured it. But there was also a hole right through the bottom. Look at this dude on the left with the double chin. They're crying tough. Look at Anthony Cumia. They're all cool me up. If you want to, this is cool me up. That's Dave Portnoy. That looks like Rich Voss. Second from the right. Voss used to look like that. Yeah. He used to have a burn, too. Jerry Girls. This is a whole different band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ross in the early days.

259:30This is a 1984. This is not the cover band. This is a different band. This is the band we're looking at. This is Cry Tough? Yeah, this is a demo track from 1984. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Vamos. Eyes of a Killer. Not bad. Got a little Zeppelin. This kind of music makes you shake your butt like this. Like Gavin Newsom. Gavin Newsom, yeah. Yeah, trying to appropriate some land. You ever hear of Charles Manson's song? Yeah. It's good. It's not bad.

260:03It's good folk music. Charles Manson, he got together with Brian Wilson. Oh, they work together? He was threatening Brian Wilson's life. So, like, producers for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got in with them. Like, you know, probably brought a bunch of the hippie girls around. When do you guys fart over that? A while ago, yeah. It's good. It's not bad. It's folk music It's better than Bob Dylan Bob Dylan sucks Does it smell like shit? Does anyone smell it? I don't smell it Let me hear some more of this Let me hear some more of that man He's not going to get any money from us

260:45Yeah Not bad It's not bad Kind of Neil Young-y It's not bad I was on a Fuck Bob Dylan train for a while Yeah Then you start listening to some Bob Dylan Here comes the story of the hurricane Hurricane is a fucking great I will say that movie is a waste of time I saw the movie Well apparently they made a little They fucked around with reality Yes Bob Dylan's still alive We have Google Why are you changing the history? They added a guy What do you call them biopics?

261:29Biopics There you go Biopic Am I wrong? You guys are all wrong. You guys are all wrong. It's biopic. No. They fucked around with the actual story. They added a bad cop. You guys are the expresso. Yeah, they added a lot of shit. Yeah, it's biopic. And then the dummies took over and called a biopic. Chalamet killed it. I'll say that. It's biopic. What's that? Chalamet killed it. Killed in what? Timothee Chalamet?

261:50He's Bob Dylan. Oh, did he kill it? I didn't see that. He's great. He killed it in a good way. Biopic. It's just an un... Oh. Biopic. Biopic. Oh, then I'm wrong. Well, guess what? I'm wrong I'd like to take this moment to apologize Jamie's a little nasty ass will do that Fuck you You know what? While you say something, Jamie's a bitch ass Go Irish And free Palestine All of this because of you, Jamie

262:17You did this That's not right Jamie, what's the bet before we wrap this up? Push-ups Why don't you guys pick stuff out of each other's hair? That's lies Haven't done that one That's good Okay. That's not bad. Yeah. Consider we're reaching for straws. We're reaching. We're reaching. What's the bet? That's tough to say. I mean, we do have a very real. You guys have something like real. Who's that running back that punched his girlfriend in the elevator? Ray Rice. Jamie, what did you say?

262:47You have a what? We have an advantage in the – I don't know. I got one. It's not fair. I got one. To bet straight up. Jamie. Really? If you lose. I got one, too. If you lose, Shane has to take care of your dog for a week. Shane, if you lose, he's going to take your girlfriend for a week. If Notre Dame loses, I get your dog. No. Oh, shit. Damn. That's a sprint. He might die in a week. He will. He's already puggy. He's already barely alive.

263:12But he said, if Notre Dame loses, I get your dog. He tricked you. Did you hear what he said, Jamie? He tricked you. I wasn't saying yes to him. But he almost tricked you. I get Carl. He almost tricked you. Carl. He was setting himself up to win if he lost. That was genius. There's not many bets I can win in this situation But you gotta bet like men 30 pushups? Like bet even That's too easy Why is this too easy? If you're talking shit It has to be a bet bet He's gotta do a 5 minute set 5 minute set at the mothership

263:40Ooh I like that If you lose And then Shane loses He's gotta take over the board I'll take over the board Jamie will you do a 5 minute set if you lose? I don't have any material You can put something together So what? How much time do you need? We're all just put together five minutes. Have you seen Kill Tony? What's the equivalent of me doing that if we win? Dude, Kill Tony! You do one minute. Each of you do it. What's the equivalent? I don't know. Yeah. He has the same work in the board. Yeah, that's not the same.

264:07It's not the same. Do you have to let Ari get you in a triangle? I already got him in one. No, but from the back. No. Real triangle. Everybody knows you didn't. Dude, you whimpered. Everybody knows I wouldn't whimper. You see the picture of him breaking my shoulder and giving him a thumbs up, dude. Everyone knows I didn't whimper. You tapped. You tapped twice. And you went like a... With him, yeah. Yeah, bro, your shoulders broke on their own. They were very brittle. Yeah, they were fucked up. Did you get the stem cells in there? No. You gotta do that.

264:34We were all hurt after that for like a real week. Just bloody knees. Yeah, I wasn't short. They like bled later. Yeah. My knees were all scrapped up. Didn't care for it. Yeah. To be honest. Well, especially you. You've been through the staph. You know what happens. You get infected. Oh. That's right. I don't know, man. The Irish, everybody the whole time has been saying Notre Dame's gonna lose. Every week so go on even up in the title game 500 bucks even up. What could you know 500 bucks Jamie five minutes said He said it's fine 5,000 whoa That's more fun. Now we're talking with the spread deal That's just a bad bet on my part I could place that bet online and you have to bet

265:23It's not like it's a real bet. They're going to mayors bet each other on their fucking sportsbook. I'll bet against a real fan. I'll bet against Tony or Matt Rive. Oh. Come on, man. The true Ohio State fans. How about $500? You don't think he's a real Ohio State fan? Even up when you go $500? No. Ohio State's represented by Tony and Matt Rive. Put some money up, J-Mo. Even up? You won't go even up for $500? $500, I'll go even. $500. I would add a zero. You should. I did. I'm not afraid to. That's the point. I know.

265:56It's not fair. You're already conceding to feed. It's not a fair bet. It sounds like you're conceding to feed. It's not a fair bet. Yeah, but if you're going to talk shit, you have to take a not fair bet. I'm not talking shit on... It's a football game. They start in the beginning. There's the same amount of athletes. There's not. They bought more athletes. What do you mean? So is there more playing at one given time? No, it's still 11 on 11. But they bought more athletes because they have a sex offender's money. Lex Wessler Friedman So How much will you bet even up How far will you go even What's his name Wexner So he What was his ties to Epstein

266:37Epstein ran his money for a little while Epstein ran his money And then he controls Most of our He paid for all you guys libraries and shit He donates a lot of money Donates a lot of money. Yeah who gives a fuck getting into the weeds here. This is about academics I'm just I'm just wondering Like he's trying to back and spend any money on their players Where they get their money just guys with good education Catholic Church Oh! Where's that money? Goddamn, you boys should thank the fucking church for the Western civilization. Go ahead. Thank the Catholic Church for Western civilization, you peasants. How dare you? They're going to let the gays be priests now. Is that right? Yep. That's a bad idea.

267:31That's wrong. They've been the priests. No, but they allowed them. It's okay now. Oh, really? Yeah. What do you mean? The Pope just made a ruling. The gays can be priests. What? I mean, most people are gay. But the heteros can't fuck either. So fine. Hey, look at me. I was going to say, hold on a second. I don't believe this. Wait, did he say that or no? He did say it. Yeah, pretty did, right? I think it's like one of them army things, like don't ask, don't tell. Remember when that was cutting edge of liberal?

268:02Just don't tell us you're gay and you're cool. Yeah, that was Obama. From the Obama administration. Clinton. I believe it was Obama. I believe Don't Ask, Don't Tell was 2012. I thought it was Bill Clinton. Pull it up. When was Don't Ask, Don't Tell? They were both against gay marriage. Right, they were. Until 2013, so was Hillary. I think originally it was Clinton. What year was Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Jamie? I think it was Obama. I'm pretty pop. 93? Okay. Really? Yeah, that's Clinton. Oh, wow.

268:30That is Clinton. And he was cutting edge. You're like, hey, Gaines, just shut the fuck up. God, I thought it was way later than that. That's pretty old. I gotta be honest. Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I'd love that now fire it up fire it up when did they call it don't fire it up I don't want to hear about it shut up all you fucking non-monogamy people too shut up they repealed it they repealed it in 1994

268:52whoa look at that repeal of don't ask don't tell that was quick okay so until 2011 yeah it was in effect until 2011 interesting that's hilarious who repealed it oh then they just let gays in and now they give you extra money for a sex change What? I'll take some of that. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, people, you could join the military and get a sex change in the Biden administration.

269:17Is that true? Hachimachie. See if that's true. Does that pay for it? Yeah. See if the military will pay for your transition under the Biden administration. I'm actually all right with that. They were trying to do it to illegal amery. If you get through boot camp. Get your dick off. You should get some nice boots. These boots are made for walking. You're running around to Sinatra's daughter now. We've gotten all the way there. We went all the way around. That's an article from 2021. Whoa! 2021? $15 million. Not that much for them. Of the 243 gender reassignment surgeries performed on military personnel since 2016,

269:5950 of them took place between 2016 and December 31st, 2017, and 193 occurred from January 1st, 2018 to December 31st, 2019. The first two years that President Donald Trump announced via Twitter that he would bar transgender individuals from serving in the U.S. military. Dave Smith has the best idea about that. Him saying, transgender shouldn't be in the military, and all the liberals are like, how dare you? He goes, oh yeah, right, because your stance should be, transgender should also kill unarmed people in the Middle East. How about just don't kill? Right. You guys are getting it wrong It's just weird if they're paying for their surgeries Are their surgeries paid for by the military? I don't know if that's the case Oh, that 15 million? You missed that stat? 3.1 was surgeries And 11.3 was psychotherapy Oh Interesting Which is also made up gobbledygook

270:53It's trying to talk them out of it Pentagon spent $11 million Look at this Pentagon has spent $15 million in the past five years to treat 1,892 transgender troops. How much is that per troop? How much do they pay for the regular troops? Including $11.5 million for psychotherapy and $3.1 million for surgeries. That's wild. They did pay for the surgeries. That's wild. Removal of breast testicles, hysterectomies, and labioplasties. Creation or resurfacing the flesh around a vagina. Reshaping it. That's good for the middle. I know a bunch of girls who need that. A couple girlfriends that should enlist Get a tune-up

271:36A little tune-up A little tightening How wild is that? Russia must be laughing their fucking asses off They are You ever seen the commercials? The Russian commercials when they shit on America? How many genders do you have? It's very funny It's always just mocking all the crazy gender shit we're involved in How long before that just goes away? It might. I think it goes away. It could be a fad. Yeah, it was a fad. It drops down to the stable 1% that it's been forever. Yeah. Yeah. Could happen. I think it over-reported. I think young kids growing up in it now are going to...

272:11Well, the problem is now they have these gender reassignment surgery centers that are trying to make money, and they're still open. And if they're open, they're going to try to make money. It's like COVID testing spots. They just ram kids through there. They just give them hormones. Like, yeah, yeah, you need it. Yeah. They're trying to make a ton of money. There's so many of them now. If you go back to like 2007 and see how many gender reassignment surgery centers there were, and now in 2024, it's bananas. They just erupted like Starbucks in the 90s. I think the reassignment will end because it's like when they said like your dick doesn't make you a man. So then like, well, you can be a woman with a dick, right? That's acceptable. So like then just be that. You don't have to reassign. Some people want to get snipped. Well, that's just cosmetic then. Your dick or your pussy is not what makes you a man or a woman Yeah, but

272:59Someone you need to affirm You need to affirm Well, who cares? Notre Dame, Ohio State Why don't you guys bet $1,000 even up? Nah, it's not money Why are you doing this to me? Because I want to see you pay off the line It's literally like a title fight Why don't you guys spend so much money on your team? Notre Dame spent $20.4 million Side revealed by quarterback Riley Leonard In eye-opening take Wow side revealed? The teams that don't have to officially reveal their finances. What does side revealed mean? Yeah, this means nothing. This is called literal fake news. What is this from?

273:32X. X is always right. Yeah. What is this from? Jamie. Community notes. Jamie. Yeah. Check the community notes. Jamie. Are you going to be sad on Tuesday? Oh. Am I going to be sad if Notre Dame loses the national title? Will you be? You will be. I don't know. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this.

273:46I'm going to go down there. I'm going to take my dad. I'm going to say I'd love Notre Dame to win one in front of my dad. It'll be nice trade dads. I won't rub it in. I'll tell you that much you will what if you What if you have to wear a shirt on your podcast? That's not bad. I'll do whatever it takes. Yeah, okay. That's fair. Both of you Five minutes. What does the shirt say? No, it's my dad Maybe that's a ten-point spread Jamie is my dad That's literally I think of it think of Jamie's my dad is not a bad shirt to wear This is no big deal you get out of a thousand dollars sure you're gonna what are the odds the odds? What though the odds be greater small or whatever, but what? What is it plus 295 so that's like a UFC fight of guys plus 295 sometimes they win they do Strickland versus Adesanya. Exactly. Fight math. But we're not betting even on that. I'm getting plus 295. But it's not about the money. It's about the push to your team.

274:54It's about the, like, I support my team. You have a lot of money, Shane. If I was you, I'd just throw that money down. No, do the T-shirt. I'm not afraid to throw the money down. Wear a S.U. shirt. A thousand bucks even up. You wear a Notre Dame shirt. A thousand bucks. Jamie, a thousand bucks even up? Okay. Okay, we got it. That's it. That's it. That's it. A thousand bucks. Incredible bet for Jamie. I hate it. Incredible bet for Jamie. I hate it. Do the shirts.

275:11Do something embarrassing if you lose. I want to see that. Cash. Pay me with my own money. You still owe me a couple thousand. You owe me five thousand. Oh my shit. You owe me five thousand dollars from Vegas. Really? What happened in Vegas? That's where I... He didn't get a gapper. You get all the winnings now? He had nothing. I paid for this man to live. That's not how it worked. You got a booch? It's not worth either. He didn't draw him a gapper. You freed the artwork. Jamie the mooch.

275:37What happened? He didn't draw him a gapper. We talked about it. That would be like I didn't have any money when we went to the casino, but that's not how it started. Sweet Jamie the Mooch. Wait, so you just took your piece of cheese and ran away? That's nice. No. He took more than money. I gave him half the winnings. I gave him half the winnings, and he should not have gotten that much money. I thought it was gross. You gave him half the winnings? Yeah. Oh. Wait a minute. Oh, all right. Yeah, you did. Hold on a second. I thought he just gave you the money back, you son of a bitch. That's why it's been a thing for three years.

276:04No, but he was so upset about it. No, no, no. You're wrong. Oh. Yeah, you're wrong. You got it. That's what I'm saying. No weddings. That's actually a lot. Jamie, you sat through four hours and didn't bring up that information that would have silenced him in the very beginning. I brought it up for a year and a half. I know. No, Jamie. I don't pay attention to your game. He goes on the Flagram podcast and starts talking shit. Sorry I called you a mooch there, buddy. Everyone thinks it's something different. Meanwhile, he gave you more than a gapper. Shut up, Jamie. He didn't have to give you half the weddings.

276:28That's crazy. A quarter of a top. Because he could have lost it all and he would have to pay you that money back. No, well, it wasn't just one gapper, was it? What do you mean? I had to keep doubling down because of your hand. Do you want to explain what happened now? Didn't I? We're going to tell lies. Tell it out. No, go ahead. Oh, that's lies. That was a lie. It was a $1,000 hand. $1,000 hand. Two aces come out. How much did I put up on the $1,000? Two aces come out. You got them. I split the aces. How much did I put up on the $1,000?

276:51I paid for that. You paid for that. The second time aces came out, I didn't have enough to cover that one. I had $400. I borrowed $600 from Shane. A fourth time, it happened again. How many times did you get aces? Four and a half. Everyone at the table then bullies Shane and they're saying you have to pay the thousand. I did. And then we won all four hands. Wow. And we're starting to collect the money because everybody else won too. There's chaos at the table. And I said, that's mine. And he starts going, how much money do I get? And I gave him a stack of chips and I said, is that good enough? And? And then he turns into Shane and he goes, I don't know. What are you getting? I didn't say no.

277:26Wait, was it 5K though? Well, we only won 8,500. So I think I ended up giving him like 4,200. Wow. Okay. That's a good mensch. I think it was fair. Bro, it's more than fair. How are you talking shit about that? I was just making fun of him. Yeah, and then he was just talking shit. You just lied. I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed, too. He gave you more than he needed to give you. I'm crushed. You got the story wrong and said it, and I sat back and let you say it wrong. That's what CNN does. Oh, my God. They do worse. Who's the real fake news now?

277:55Wow. Jamie wins. Jamie wins, and I feel like he's going to win this bet, too. I feel like he's getting a thousand bucks, and you're going to have to wear a t-shirt as well. A thousand bucks and a t-shirt Jamie's my dad Or Shane is my dad I don't get the dad thing I don't know what the dad thing is What about Shane's my bitch Or something Jamie's my pimp I am Jamie's bitch That's a shirt You make the shirt I'll get it made I'll get it made on T-MU T-MU You guys would all turn on me and that's fine. J-No.

278:38Whenever you're done. Jamie, the show's not about you. The show's not about you. This is the longest you've ever spoken on the show, I think. Jamie, could you toss on Michigan-Ohio State highlights from this year, please? Oh, shit. Go blue. They did beat Alabama, which is nice. Toss on Michigan-Ohio State. That's not your team. I'll play Northern Illinois highlights if you want. That's not even the whole Illinois. This is getting nasty. Jim got a nasty tone to his voice. Did you notice it? He is a little nasty. He's thinking about that $4,200 and giving you $1,000. It's crazy that he kept it quiet that whole time, though. He could have given him $1,000. You guys got to understand. The extra $1,000 pays the money back and gives you $1,000?

279:18He should have been happy. I was happy. He would have to pay you that money back if he lost, right? I didn't care at all. If he lost, he was going to pay you that money back? No, no chance. How much of that Versace shirt? That was free. Oh, no, that's free. You gave it to him. You gave it to him. It wasn't a loan. If you gave it to me, why'd you give you any money? What? If you gave it to me, why'd I give you any money? Because you did the right thing. Snippy! I gave you that money for free. He did give the right thing, and you've been fucking with him this whole time. I've never fucked with him. He went on complaining about it.

279:46Oh, come on, bro. You can break it up. I didn't go on the Flagrant podcast and talk about it. Jamie's been complaining about it ever since. Ari, how do you feel about this? I feel a little betrayed. I feel betrayed. It's like when you find out a new story. It's like not the real thing. Yeah, Ivermectin. This is Ivermectin. You guys think I'm the one who betrayed you? Man, I think you just cursed Notre Dame. I think it's gonna be a blowout this weekend And then next protect our parks Jamie's gonna just trounce you. I will not do that I was gonna pass the next to our parks. That's good t-shirts. He's gonna piss in your butt right So now and you're not even gonna notice because you know you guys are turning nasty Obviously you guys don't know how to handle booze you guys are starting to act like rotten fucks And that's fine Act like hunts that's fine. I'm having a nice time. I'm enjoying myself Jamie. Can you put up Jeremiah love? I think you guys need to bet $4,200. I don't mind that. $4,200 even up. I said $5. Yeah, but $42 is the right amount.

280:51But that's where you got it. What are you paying this guy a year? Give it to a straight. $34,000. Jamie makes a good amount of money. Oh, really? More than Red Band? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's not what Red Band said. I don't know. Well, I don't know what Red Band makes. I'm guessing. Oh, I thought you paid him yearly. Yeah, but like I'm saying like right now, like Jamie makes more money. Jamie, you rolling in. Because Adam and Eve is not your main sponsor anymore. Fleshlight. Yeah, Fleshlight. I'm actually just like, we should go mainstream. I saw some thread that was saying that my whole show is like a deep state operation. Thank you.

281:24That's a good loss though. And then someone was saying, yeah, a deep state operation that was founded in 2009 by the Fleshlight. Fleshlight. It's really Fleshlight fans. I like that. Who's good to gain? Who's follow the money trail? It was such a fleshlight. I think the boys had fun. Imagine if the deep state was so clever that they created this podcast. That would be a fucking genius move. Could you imagine? You just get a retard who's an MMA commentator and used to host Fear Factor. Like, this is our guy. You're an industry plant. A comedian who says a lot of ridiculous shit. This is the guy. I reach your Fear Factor. Slowly build. What'd you do? Burn yourself?

282:00Almost, and then I dropped it. Sorry. It's funny you bring that on. Want a new one? You want a freshie? I saw that article. You don't need to be sucking on that thing. There was an article that Joe was compromised in Deep State. Oh, really? And I was like, I almost, and you want to reply. You're like, no, he's not. It's so funny. That's exactly what they would say. You can't say. There's no denying it. That's how you know the conspiratards have no boundaries. Like, everything's a conspiracy. Like, they'll keep going forever. Nothing can just be legitimately successful. No band. Yeah.

282:29No nothing. No movie. There must be a reason. You must have done something. You become a famous actor. For sure somebody fucked you. Yep. You know? For sure. Big Jay had that joke in Dogbelly where he's like, try to defend that you're not racist. Like, no, my cleaner's an Asian. You can't do it. You can't do it. You can't do it. Well, that's why they use that all the time. Of course. They turn it on you and you have to say, no, I'm not. And then you're already fucked. It's uncroble. You hate women. Wait a minute.

282:55No, I don't. Oh, it's already out there. I fuck a woman in the ass. It's already out. Oh, she loved it. Ask her. I'll show you the text messages. The video of you fighting the guy on Fear Factor goes through my algo once a week. Oh, yeah. Ready to go. Yeah. I don't know. Did you actually fight him? No. There's a lot that was cut out of that, though. Oh, let's hear it. Well, that guy had already, they had warned me about that guy because he had. Really? Yeah. He did something to his wife, like physically. And he also, like, there was a counselor on another show.

283:27He threw the counselor to the ground. He was a violent guy. Uh-huh. And so when he was in my face, I'm like, this guy might hit me. And so I just decided to grab him but yeah, I pushed him away from me a couple times And that's what they didn't show he said something and and I pushed him away from me So you don't fucking touch me. I go over what bitch then I pushed him again I go what the fuck are you gonna do and I pushed him again? I'm like, all right, we're doing this So I just grabbed the back of his head. I'm like I'm gonna do one of two things I mean they're gonna strangle him or I'm gonna knee his fucking face into another dimension So I just grabbed a hold of the back of his neck and I'm like if this guy hits me I'm gonna figure out what I'm gonna do if he hit me hard I was gonna knee his brains into oblivion and if he didn't hit me hard. I was gonna strangle him Thank God, I was a family feud so just holding him I was just holding him because it was like it was too dangerous. He was screaming He's very he'd already had a history of violence. He was in my face So you can I could get sucker punch like anybody else here, and if you get sucker punch you get fucked up Oh, yeah, you don't know a punch is coming you get rocked you can get knocked out Anybody can happen to me and if he knows how to punch someone could just swing a punch and just because you think you're a tough guy You get hit in a jaw so I was like this is too close So I just like clamp I just grabbed a hold of his neck

284:38I'm like what we nervous about your gig at all worried soon. I was never nervous You're in the moment anyway. You're not thinking it out. What's crazy is those dudes did think like if I was ever about to fight someone that was like a fighter too close and like push me away or like in any type of fucking actual cognizant Hold I'd be like I gotta leave this guy alone. When you grab a guy's neck and he's never had his neck grabbed you grab the back of his neck and clamp your forearms down on his neck like that and you realize you can't do anything. Can't get away. I have to go forward. That's not good. You have this feeling where you're like, uh, uh, uh, uh. Hey, let's talk about this. But I was like, okay, if I do this, no one gets hurt. But if I do this and he hits me, then I have to do something. So that was what I did. The best one I saw live was there was a heckler at the comedy store. Oh, now we're talking. Terrible. Ruined the whole show. Rogan's on. They run him out of there. And Joe's just like, shots for everybody. He bought the whole place for shots.

285:36It was crazy. Yeah, when we kicked people out of the comedy store, I would buy the whole audience shots. I was like, this is a bad feeling. It was like a bad feeling. I was like, let's just buy everybody shots. The guy in the front patio comes up afterwards and is like, you fucking bitch. And Joe was just so calm. You read him. And you're like, you're not going to do anything. And the guy was like, oh, fuck it. He's like, you won't though. And then, I mean, whatever. Yeah, whatever. We don't have to tell the whole story. Well, hold on a second. You knew the guy wasn't going to do shit. I didn't hurt him. You knew the guy wasn't going to do shit, and you just called him on it. It was pretty funny. Man, a lot of shit went down on that patio. That was the Mencia thing, too.

286:13There was no crowd control. There was no crowd control. Murder went down on that patio. Yeah, I got shot. There was no crowd control. And so there was no security. Like you had wild, crazy people that were drunk out of their ass looking to start fights. And there was no crowd control. Hookers would show up. That guy ruined the entire show and they never got kicked out. The early days of the comedy store were crazy. There was no crowd control. So like a group of drunk guys started yelling at people. That was the night. They yelled at you for the whole night. They ruined the whole show. And they were like, can someone? No one did anything. One of the best was Jim Painter was on stage once. He was a door guy, but he was doing a set. And then some guy started heckling.

286:54He's like, hey, you keep shutting up. Someone's going to throw you out. He's like, who? He's like, me, as soon as I get off. And then the guy heckled him again. He goes, I'm done. And he just grabbed the guy and pulled him out. He's wearing a store shirt. He's like, that's not my job to throw you out. It was just so crazy because we had comics that were door people, and some of them weighed 18 pounds. Me? You said to some guy, he had a heckle in the main room. And he goes, you got to go. And then I was like, I guess it's me. I went over there like 130. I was just starting and I was like you gotta go the guy goes no There's something about that place that just attracted the most psychotic people Do you remember the fucking guy that you almost got sued by because I said that you were his lawyer? At least schizophrenic and I told him Ari is your lawyer I'm your lawyer and then in the conference you called me good. Hey, somebody's gonna call you you're my lawyer I was like what it's like wait somebody's coming out good. You're my lawyer

288:00Ari came down and was like negotiating like legal points of this fucking completely insane And then the guy says he's gonna sue him so he sends like a legal letter Oh, I had to actually get a lawyer to help me out. You've got to fight back. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what he sued me for? What? All the riches in the world. Wow. It was on his document. That's pretty good. That's how you negotiate. Shoot for the stars. That or $88 million. He said one or the other. Or $8 million. Who is it, Dr. Evil? That was fucking insane. God, he really... He was like, didn't he think it was Jesus or something? He thought he was Jesus.

288:36King of Kings. King of Kings. I mean, I kept him on the line for about a year. Oh, it was nuts. I kept talking to him. He'd call. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, he wanted to sue the San Diego State Hospital, which definitely fucked him up. Definitely fucked him up. He might have had a case there. Yeah, yeah. I'd be like, you actually should contact the red lawyer because it sounds like you're messed up. Call Morgan and Morgan. Bro, there were so many crazy people there. God. It would just attract the most bizarre people, and we would always talk to them. We would always be in the back parking lot with completely insane people. Complete lunatics. No security. You're right on Sunset. That was like the heart of us.

289:07It was crazy. It was also The Magnet. There was something about that store. He made a deal with the devil. It was just like, that's why they won't burn. It's already been burned. There's something about that place. They tried to kill it with the fucking landslide. They reinforced the wall. Like, fuck, keep it up. There was a time where the back area was bowing so hard from the ground. It was so close to a landslide, I wouldn't go in that back area. Wow. I was like, guys, I would tell them, when it rains, don't go back here. You would see things go, like mini landslides. Rocks would fall. And the thing was bowing like they had these big timbers like these fucking beams these pressure-treated beams And they were bowing and I was like guys don't be back here. This is how people die This happens and I was telling the store. I was like you got to do something like this They're harsh on my mellow man. They didn't they didn't want to spend money. They didn't want to spend any money Landslide I would not go back and when I would be back there

290:02If I was feeling paranoid, I would fucking try to be close to the door. If you heard something, you'd have to dive through the door. I was really thinking about it. They finally fixed that. They fixed it and reinforced the shit out of it. But it was sketchy. One time it did fall. Remember, there's a bunch of chunks that fell where the cars park. There was an earthquake one day. You get out there. We didn't feel it in there because it's Satan. And you get out like, what the fuck happened out here? Yeah. We had a little mini landslide back there. I was telling him, like, one day, this whole fucking thing is going to come through. Look what you're stopping it with. You're stopping with a couple of beams and some, like, rebar. Like, this is not going to hold this. It was already going like this. Like, ah! Also, we were just animals.

290:44We were playing, Brody was playing drums, like, just, like, turned over trash cans, like, playing drums. It was like 3 a.m. Chairs. We're all out there, chairs and pails. And then somebody up there who bought a house thinking, oh, Views of Sun didn't know this was going to happen. And then just goes, it's like 3 a.m. And he goes, guys, keep it down. And Joe Rogan, as I go, keep it down, goes, move. You can't live behind the comedy store. We're not changing. Tell people to keep it down. You got to move. They were just like. You live in a terrible spot. They thought they were going to get us so sorry. I know. This is not a place for a home. Well, comedy used to be so lawless and wild westy, and then it got weird rules. So many places to fuck at the comedy store. back there from Kinnison. Kinnison shot the sign.

291:32Exactly. And they didn't even fucking ban him. They cleaned that bullet hole up, Ari. That's great. They cleaned that bullet hole up. They fixed it. Yeah, but they fixed the sign. No, a few years ago. They fixed the sign. Why would you fix the sign? The broken glass was there because Kinnison shot through it. Leave it there. What? Damn. It's still lit. I didn't know they did that. Yeah, they fucking replaced the glass. Don't replace it. No. That place was crazy.

291:57It was so fun. Imagine being there during the Kinnison days where they're all on coke. Oh, my God. Fucking in the back room. Marin said that he did so much coke with them, he had voices in his head for a year. A year. A year. Good Lord. A year. That's first podcast. Nah. Those voices. I remember a time before digital cameras, somebody was like, to Dice, was like, can I take a picture with you? And he's like, sure. Hey, Ari, you take the picture. And he gives me their camera like this. He goes, hey, Ari, you take the picture. And he hands it to me and goes. Because he knew you wanted you to cut the heads off in the picture. Yeah, and I was like, man. And then he goes, did you get me in it at all?

292:32I'm like, no. And he goes, nice. I'm like, guessing what he meant. Who did this? Dice. Now all that fucking guy does is take pictures. That's true. I'm sitting in the green room. He comes in. Who are you? Are you the one that wanted the picture? His whole thing is performance art. Even back then, he was doing that. He would go on for two people. He would say to the comics, he goes, watch how, come in, watch me, see how long I can go before I say anything. Wow. And so he'd go on, he goes, hey, put his thing down, tap his fucking cigarettes, didn't light him, just chewed him. And then he goes, so is that the, you know, when you're out there and talk to the guy and, you know, you're taking the thing and for like six minutes. Just not saying anything. You just did a flight with him, right? I saw a video of you guys on flight.

293:22This guy looked like me. Oh, my bad. It wasn't you? I bought it. I thought it was you. I posted it as if it was me. I totally bought it. What picture is this? I was like, where are they going together? Yeah, some guy was just bugging some guy trying to get worked on on a flight. Yeah, I thought it was you. He bought a first class flight. Pull that up. It looks like a spitting image, too. It's on my Instagram. Oh, my God. I scrolled through in two seconds, but I thought that was you. Yep. What's he saying? What's he saying? With me, and she does, like, everything I need, like, with the phone.

293:52You know, like the Netflix. You know what I mean? I got it. You know, I'm not her. This poor guy. We've been doing this for a little bit. No, I'm just, you know. All good, man. I think just maybe aggregate your questions. Aggregate your questions. Some tech guy. Flying in to do the Facebook algorithm. He's like, I got work to do. Damn. Like, I was all excited. The middle seat's empty, and then here we go. Dice. He's fucking with me. That's Dice. He's not fat at least. This will be good.

294:34But you know, like, what a healthy ego you have to have. We got that. We got that. We got that. Dalmatian. First guy to ever sell out Madison Square Garden. Sold it out like 100 times. And here he is. 100 times? Talking to people. He sold it a bunch of times. Madison Square Garden. I think he did twice early on. Dice sold Madison Square Garden a bunch of times. A bunch of times. I think Louie's got the record. But first time to do it. Yeah, I think so. But when Dice did it, no one had ever done it. No one had ever done it. And he did it twice right away.

294:58And then in the middle of that, in the prime of his fucking career, he releases a two-CD set of him bombing. It's him bombing into a club. The day the laughter died. That's right. You can hear Ice. Danger Fields. Yep. He was like, how do I follow the biggest album, maybe of all time? I go the other way. The other way? Yeah. Yeah, just bomb on purpose. With Rick Rubin producing it. Let me show you what stand-up is. Whoa. Damn. And Rick Rubin loved it. He was trying to do well. No. But he was doing it to a crowd he knew wouldn't like him.

295:26No, no, no. He didn't have any material. You need to go back and listen to that again. He had no material. He had no material. He was just making things up while he was up there. This guy gets up, you're about as funny as a glass of milk. Some fucking tourist. There's 20 people in the audience. And he's filming or recording a two-CD special. Whoa. Back then, albums were what specials are. Yeah, but more. More so. It was huge it was here, but it was crazy like that he did it was it I haven't heard in so long Was it enjoyable or how it's horrible? Okay? It's all concept it's all concept it's bombing. He's bombing it's nonsense And he's doing it on purpose Rock said it's his favorite album. Oh, well, it's just crazy because he's just you can't believe he's doing it, right? Yeah It's like a Banksy, but it's just crazy It's his favorite album because he just had the balls in his prime to do something so insane like as a piece of performance

296:20Art performance art weird he just doesn't get the credit he deserves because so many people hated on him for a long time They hated on him because of his success They didn't like the fact that this guy was doing nursery rhymes and he was like selling out arenas They didn't like it. They said like it was dirty but it was they were looking for excuses because before that when he wasn't famous they all would go see him They would all see him at the store. They all loved him Everybody like dices up and they'd all watch him and he would kill and then he got famous and they're like what? I don't like what this guy's doing. It was like the first cancel culture shit. That's how it always is, that people are just bitter about someone's success. It's like if they were open micers, they'd be like, no, that guy's great. But their theater act, they're like, fuck them. Well, you remember when he did MTV and he got banned? Uh-huh. The same thing with Tony doing Madison Square Garden for the Trump administration. They asked Dice to do a fucking set on one of those MTV Video Music Awards things. And he did Dice? And he does Dice. Wow. And they banned him for life from MTV. It was a big deal.

297:16It was if he's like the fucking tampons And they were like no They told him not to do that material apparently like yeah Of course he did it and he got banned for life and then everybody went on the I hate dice train and comics like professional comedians who were like I must have I guess now that I know I know now That are like alt comics and the guys that weren't doing as well as him same kind of shit you always hear and they found some reason why he's everything that's wrong with comedy you know it was just it was so dumb man it was so it was so weird that is a bummer but it's crazy to see people's arcs like look at dice now look at Roseanne now oh where are we gonna be dice is interesting though I talked to him at the stand last week two weeks ago and it was like of all the guys who started but way way back then they all moved into either quit or became actors whatever dice stayed in stand-up comedy yeah for 50 years oh yeah he did movies and TV. He just did them. He never left stand-up. He only did Ford Fairling. That was the big one. He did one big movie and it didn't do that well. And then he kind of just went back. And then he's been in stuff. He did that TV show. Remember you had that TV show? Yeah. Bless This House

298:28I think it was called. Natasha Leggero. Was it Natasha? She's on it. It was on Amazon. I remember. He's been in a lot of stuff. Jamie. I was just looking at it. One item of cool. He's just in these. Ford Fairling was his thing. But the Ford Fairling was the big one. But this is like episodes of shows. Holy shit. Dharma and Greg. I did that. Bro, you remember Dharma and Greg? Yeah. So he did Dice Undisputed, 2007. Tosh.0, Blue Jasmine. But what was the show that he did? Dice. Dice. No, no, no, no, the TV show. Television.

299:00Was it called Dice? Yeah. Dice, yeah. Was it? Wow. 13 episodes. I guess so. 13 episodes. It was actually great. Dice was pretty good. Really? Yeah. I saw it. It was good. Down and Dirty with Jim Norton. bless this house that's it bless this house that's the show oh that's he tried to go 95, 96

299:17that's dice yeah that's dice he came back he's a little wife in the white thousand words to do wow was he in Rugrats did I see that yeah he was in Rugrats bless this house what the fuck is that that's an old look at him he was in a sitcom he really tried to do straight up sitcom and he kind of changed his fucking act

299:39for a little bit I hear this it looks like he didn't Yeah Oh that's enough That's enough That's just King of Queens That's all of the sitcoms We don't want that Remember Grace Under Fire? She was a pill head She went nutty and threw a drink In the face of Chuck What's his name? Chuck Laurie That was it That's why you never see that show in syndication She was a feisty cooze There was a few of those moments that happened with comics where they went nutty and then you never see that show again. Titus. Chris Titus.

300:14Yeah. Oh, is that right? Yeah, that show disappeared. What happened to him? He buried that fucking thing. What happened to him? He became like a cool, tough... What is this? Future Guys clan Rugrats. Rugrats. Ah! Let me hear it. Let me hear it. Let me hear it. ...a service. If we can't fix it, it's time to nix. A dog? I don't like dogs. I probably saw this episode. It's probably... How weird.

300:38Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Voice over. What did happen? Show business is strange, you know? It is. A strange fucking business. You got to take what you can get. I think the strangest thing that I was ever a part of was when you were getting kicked out of your own show. Because you wouldn't do a special on Comedy Central. That's gold. Isn't that wild? That was the wildest thing to be a part of. Because you were freaking out. You were explaining to me on the phone. You wanted to get money to pay the staff. You were like, I'm going to pay everybody. I'm going to do it out of my own pocket. And I said, wait a minute. I'll go and host it for free.

301:11Remember it was that? Yeah, they were like, no. I said I would host it for free. I said I would take over his job and I would host it for free. I said I'd do it for free. They wanted to punish him because he didn't want to do a special on Comedy Central because he got a Netflix deal. This is when Netflix was popping off. And Comedy Central was about to be what it is now. And his show was one of the most successful shows on Comedy Central. Great show. Yeah, This Is Not Happening was one of the big shows. It had billboards on Sunset. Yep. It's so wildly it kicked off your own show. Yeah. they're like nah we can do this but bro you showed integrity you showed integrity he wanted to get on netflix he was going to give all the money he was going to give he was going to pay the entire staff he was going to go into debt to pay the entire staff because he knew that they were getting fucked they had all signed off for that so you know if you're a cameraman or if you're whoever the people that are working behind the scenes there's a whole crew of people that were

302:02going to be out money because of him he's like i'll pay those people five seasons they worked They blackmailed me. They go, either sign with us or these people will all be out of work with two weeks to go. Good luck paying their rent. How do you want to play it? Fuck. And I'm like, wow. They said it that way? Yeah. Motherfucker. I was like, I'm not prepared for this. I'm just writing dick jokes. Not only that, but you were within your rights and your contract to do that special on Netflix. Yeah. Yeah. It was in his contract that he could do that. I was allowed to do what he wrote. It was like, I made one on my own. And I'm like, we want it. I'm like, I'm done work.

302:31Imagine a Netflix wanting an Ari Shaffir special. But it was one of the last nails in the coffin for Comedy Central because it was one of their best shows. And Roy Wood did a great job. Roy Wood's hilarious. But the problem was everybody knew what happened. And then I wasn't there editing it anymore. Yeah, but everybody also knew what happened. And they were all grossed out by it. They were like, what? Because you were real public about it. You did my podcast. I should have been more public about it. I could have stopped it if I went on here and be like, hey, Viacom is blackmailing me. I wasn't that big back then. It wouldn't have done it. It wouldn't have done it back then. It wouldn't have had the impact that it would have if you did it today. They'd be fucked. Oh, yeah I mean it would kill their fucking career. It would kill the the network and you and Roy are cool You guys worked or he called me and said no Because unless I get permission, I want to do it and I was like no we need to save people jobs Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was the move it was the move, but you know you showed so much integrity

303:23That was a ballsy move because most people when the shit hits the fan like that They're worried about losing their gig they cave in yeah, and you're like I was poor for too long. Mitzi made us poor for too long that I was like, well, I already have no money. Yeah, and you could always tour. You could tour. You could probably make more money doing stand-up than you would do in a show anyway. Yeah, you editing it was the secret sauce. Yeah, you were so dedicated to it. They said we couldn't use a comedian's input on their own stories. What? They were like, I was like, no, I'm going to let them tell me what they want. That's insane. And they go, no, no, that's a precedent. We can't do that. I was like, and then I go, oh, I'll just call them directly. Yeah, it's like I'll just make it my notes. Yeah, just show me what you want out and stuff. What a mensch. No, you did an amazing job It was a great show you and I was there when you developed that show You did a great story on it. Oh, yeah, great one the fuck the woods the Alabama woods True story too. That's crazy. That was a crazy one crazy story without who who is the fighter?

304:21I don't wanna say okay Leave that guy alone. The guy's had gone through enough. But I saw you develop it at the lab, at the improv. I was like, what is he doing? I was like, what is he doing over here? What is Ari doing? He's like, storytelling shows? Like, what is this? It was weird. It was like comics have cool stories. I know, but it was like you had a vision and you started piecing it together. And then all of a sudden it's on fucking Comedy Central. I'm like, look at Ari. Like, this is crazy. You pulled it off. Do you ever feel like, hey, why am I so judgmental? Why am I judging him for trying to story show and then it blew up? Hey, what's he doing? Oh yeah, for sure.

304:57But in the beginning. It was a month-a-month show. It wasn't that much. I was like, you see your friends doing dumb shit. Sure. You go, what the fuck is he doing? Nine times out of ten. Well, Ari gave me the worst advice of all time. Ari gave me the worst advice ever. He's like, gotta edit your show. We're two hours over. No one's gonna listen. Two hours over my advice. No one's gonna listen. You gotta edit your show. It was a fun live show. We had fun every time. People would do it. And then eventually it was like, I guess TV. Yeah, dude, you fucking killed it.

305:24And you should bring it back. Yeah, you should. Netflix should do it. Maybe I bully them too. Ooh, I like it. They should do it. You should bring back this. It's not happening. Why not? Do you have the name anymore? Who owns the name? Neither one of us own the name. It's both of us. If we do anything with that name. How about you call it, this is happening? This is happening. This is still happening? Yeah. Wait, who's neither one of us? Neither Comedy Central nor me can do it without the others. Well, just wait a year.

305:47Comedy Central's. Yeah, they will be for sale. You could probably buy them. Yeah, they got burned up with the fires. What are they now? They're like all South Park. They're just a production company. They're not even South Park anymore, right? South Park's on Hulu. Paramount, right? South Park's on Hulu and Paramount. Daily Show? What's left? Daily Show is not on Comedy Central either. It's not. I think it is. It's a Comedy Central production that's on Paramount on Hulu. So what is on Comedy Central now? Old reruns. Of The Office? Of The Office and Seinfeld.

306:10Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Wow. Damn. It used to be the spot. It's sad. The Chappelle Show. It's sad. It was a great outlet for comics. One of the greatest sketch, if not the greatest South Park. Tosh.0. Yes. Second best sketch ever. Workaholics. Isn't that crazy? He and Teal. Yeah. That was a more improved version of it. Yeah. Kind of amazing when you think about their downfall. It was a great spot. It was big.

306:34Remember they wanted to do like an app? Like, we'll do your special on their app. Oh. And everyone's like, who's going to get your app? Why would they not let Joe Rogan just, it was Rogan, Segura, Kreischer, they'd all host Ali Sadiq. They're like, no. Anyone we suggested, they're like, no. Yeah, we said we'd host it for free. Save money. Yeah. You don't have to pay the fucking guy hosting it. They were so butthurt. Oh, dirty pool. So dirty. That's so dirty. So dirty. Yeah. What a dumb fucking thing to do. They fucked themselves. So did I wear an Ari Shafir shirt on that season?

307:05Because he was under contract with Comedy Central because I can't pull out. But I'll wear a shirt that says you. So crazy. So does the best. So do rules. Yeah, he rules. Did you make any money on that show at least? I did back then, but... Alright. It was a big fucking show. You remember the Stern debacle? Yes. Stern shit. Who's this guy? Nobody knows him. And Ari stands in front of his billboard on Comedy Central. No one's heard of you. And then tells him to fucking go to Netscape Navigator to look it up. I know you old people don't understand Google. Jamie helped me with that video. It was really Jamie.

307:40I was like, can you help me make this? It was genius. Because you were kind of kissing his ass while you were doing it. I meant no disrespect Old man Half an hour talking about you like he was gonna ruin you and you Owned him at all and then he never talked about you again. Yeah, I think his staff was a guy bro You should not not the staff the fucking internet like the beating that he took from that was yeah It was like such a checkmate move because the photo of you standing in front of a billboard on the odds of it happening while the billboard. That is humorous. That's like karma. Why was he going at you? I said something about. Radio is dead. He did it on my podcast. He went off. He was saying something. I was like, fuck him. Fuck Stern. He's out of touch.

308:29Him and Clint Eastwood should go blow each other's wrinkled dicks in their old man camps. Yeah, that's what he said. And then right at the time he was saying podcasts are not the future. You got to do radio. And it was like, bro, it's okay. You're out of touch. You gotta be a broadcaster. You gotta work your way up 30 minutes He spent on me. He thought that was real back then. That's funny They all thought it was never gonna go they thought the podcast thing was just a what are these guys wasting their time? I know so funny look at him now Burt Kreischer on some radio show He had they had an ad for like me on these or something and Burt was like how much you make for that because I do okay And he goes let's because I have them who is a sponsor and he goes okay. How much do you make it same time? And Bert loves that. Same time. So they go, okay. And then at the same time, he goes, one, two, three, go. And the guy goes, $75. And Bert goes, $3,500. And he goes, what? And he goes, $75. What? He goes, yes, CBS is taking all your money.

309:23Louis did that to Schultz. You see that episode? No. Where Louis did a flagrant. He was like, because Schultz just put out a special behind a paywall. And he's like, you did that. I got the idea from you. And I made a ton of money. and Schultz's like, well, what did you make? He goes, you go first and Schultz goes, five million. He goes, that was stupid. You shouldn't have told me because Louis wouldn't say. Wow. But he made way more than that. Yeah. Well, also with him, that was the only way to see him because it was in the height of,

309:49so the thing about people wanting to rebel against cancel culture, they had to go to his website to get it. He was always the first step, Louis. That time and then the early time, $5, no one else had the success he had it with that first one. Yeah. Genius. A million dollars in a day. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Genius. genius and he's self-funded he made it so easy to get you you'd be better off buying it than stealing it and also he realized from that point on like hey like i'll just do all my own stuff now that way they can't just take it away from me yeah like i always have a direct connection to my fans he always had email lists yeah and his email is he writes things it's like it's good yeah it gives you a newsletter yeah but it's funny it's like it's it's genius even his tv show was different yeah i don't want notes so i'll just take less money yeah and he fucking edited it all on a little MacBook. He edited it all on one of those little

310:38tiny 14-inch MacBooks. He's a different breed. And now, you can't fuck with him. You can do whatever he wants now. He's basically got his own fan base. They all gotta leave him alone. Kind of amazing. He's got new material. I'm killing. He's always killing. He took about a year off, right? He took a year off. Just chill out. After the garden. Yeah, he's like, I'm not doing stand-up anymore. Every time I talked to him, I was like, well, since you're a former comic, you wouldn't understand. Shut up, Ari. How's your sculpting class going, loser? He did love that sculpting. He loves sculpting. Yeah, hilarious. All right, boys, I finally have to pee.

311:21All right, Jesus, that's unbelievable. Yeah, I've gone five and a half hours without peeing. Solid. Did we do five and a half? At least. I think we did. 130. We did five, for sure. Go watch an Ari special. Go on Ari special. It's on Netflix right now. Go bigger and blacker. America's Sweetheart. $85,000 worth of plants. Watch it all the way to the end. Even if you can't watch it, watch it all the way through. You just wasted $85,000, huh? No, we spent it. We could have gave that to us. Look at it. It's beautiful.

311:47To the fire. America's Sweetheart. What do they do with those plants after? Just throw them out? Strain the trash? The flowers we gave to the staff. You saved the park. That's right. That was the biggest park we had. All right. Praise Allah, folks. Praise Allah. We may be drunk. Do the restores. Love everybody. I'll be the rhyming.