Bob Saget
Guests: Bob Saget
Full transcript · Read the full conversation in order, with its original context.
Contents31 chapters
§01Transcript · 00:00–04:34§02Transcript · 04:34–09:16§03Transcript · 09:16–14:08§04Transcript · 14:08–19:00§05Transcript · 19:00–24:16§06Transcript · 24:16–29:33§07Transcript · 29:33–34:38§08Transcript · 34:38–39:38§09Transcript · 39:38–44:26§10Transcript · 44:26–49:29§11Transcript · 49:29–54:48§12Transcript · 54:48–1:00:11§13Transcript · 1:00:11–1:05:21§14Transcript · 1:05:21–1:10:49§15Transcript · 1:10:49–1:15:48§16Transcript · 1:15:48–1:20:54§17Transcript · 1:20:54–1:26:20§18Transcript · 1:26:20–1:30:59§19Transcript · 1:30:59–1:35:40§20Transcript · 1:35:40–1:40:36§21Transcript · 1:40:36–1:45:39§22Transcript · 1:45:39–1:50:36§23Transcript · 1:50:36–1:55:51§24Transcript · 1:55:51–2:01:21§25Transcript · 2:01:21–2:07:25§26Transcript · 2:07:25–2:12:25§27Transcript · 2:12:25–2:17:16§28Transcript · 2:17:16–2:22:10§29Transcript · 2:22:10–2:26:45§30Transcript · 2:26:45–2:31:39§31Transcript · 2:31:39–2:33:24§01Transcript · 00:00–04:34
yee-haw bob saget i am happy i am actually excited to be i'm excited to be
anywhere but
i'm especially excited to be talking to you i'm excited to be talking to you
too thank
you and we tested you you're clean buddy i am you're free and clear of the
virus i did
i usually have like uh uh trump had someone take his sat i usually have someone
take my
covet test for me did trump have someone take his sd yeah true yeah it's true
apparently but
i don't know what's what's true right what the hell is true anymore well
anything before
the internet is hard and even during the internet it's hard because they splice
things up and
edit oh it's all sound bites you could you could hate anybody or love anybody i
know it's you
know what's weird man is um when the the deep fake stuff like how long do we
have before
you don't know what you're seeing how long do we have before you know we see
like a world
leader declaring war on us and we don't know if it's real yeah correct how long
i i say
now i mean somebody could do it right now i mean but i don't i don't know
because north
korea could could fire a missile and it wouldn't go anywhere i don't think i
like how they introduce
new players like now you have to be worried about the sister right i noticed
that like the evil
sister and she's thin so you probably think she's mean she will be she's gonna
be very mad oh
she'll be a karen a karen imagine if your kid's named karen what a bummer that
must be
if you're a nice person named karen and then karen well it's like corona beer i
mean i can't
believe they had to stop that that's that makes me sad i mean they stopped the
name that's what
i'm told they stopped making it now i don't know if that's true that's the
source i heard but i still
enjoy a corona i'm not a fucking child i like corona light but what am i gonna
do and then and
then aids candy that was a smart move you had to stop that diet candy yeah it
makes you lose weight
it's ironically sad most people don't even know what we're talking about it's a
y d s right correct
that's what it's called it was a diet candy like a chocolate yeah that you
would eat i never took it
i mean it's like the x-lax for dieting oh is it like a well x-lax actually
helps you diet also
but all it does is just get rid of the food that's in your body it's not
healthy no no i was somewhere
once that i was on a modium because i was having a rough day i don't know what
happened that's another
diuretic right or it's constipator yeah i mean it's it's it it solidifies
suppressant candy oh so
it's an appetite suppressant so it's not a no it's x-lax x-lax makes you yeah
it's a laxative it helps
it makes you shit diarrhea explosive explosively if you eat the whole box you
can shit yourself to
death you could od on it what is barf what is barf barf detergent it said oh
that's funny
barf barf detergent is that real they didn't discontinue it because people
vomit did they find
out they really did discontinue corona beer that sounds so ridiculous it sounds
that's what i heard
from somebody classic there was also a candy called anal warts that they
decided to take off the market
you know that's the kind of shit that i see why do i do it you never went there
you couldn't help
yourself i i you know what it is all those years of full house they were taking
these actions in order
to comply with the measures taken by production of corona beer halted the group
see and i don't
understand why it had to be because they're fools they're just chicken shit
that doesn't make any sense
nobody gives a fuck you're not gonna doesn't even correlate it doesn't
correlate to me no it doesn't
what it's not called covid by the way right and corona coronaviruses occur
every single year and now
we can't see those ads of cool looking people gorgeously shot at the beach with
the lime and the beers
right there mark norman had a funny bit about that so he put it on instagram
but like it's almost like
they already knew because like they're always someone alone yeah it's one
person in an ice bucket with
four beers or two people i think i don't think it was because because of the
name corona i think it's
just because of the like lockdown period when people couldn't be at work bro
somebody sent me
something about mexico holy shit i had no idea there were that many deaths
every day in mexico
there are so many murders right now in mexico yeah holy fuck it's crazy this is
a bad week for murder
yeah this is this is bad for mexico mexico but all over the states too it's
been like crazy crazy in new
york city well they told cops that first of all cops are trying to they're
retiring left and right in new
york and um then they told them they can't restrain people by putting weight on
them they can't put a
knee on their back or their neck or any other place and they can't administer
choke holds and there's all
§02Transcript · 04:34–09:16
these jujitsu guys who train cops that are they're like henner gracie put a
video on his instagram page
he works a lot with cops jamie henner gracie and um explaining why this is a
terrible idea like
you can't control someone any other way unless you use violence unless you hit
them with things they
used to be the old nut squeeze is that back in the day well you can meet
somebody yeah so he's a
warning to mayor de blasio but de blasio is a fool man he's he's a foolish
person well we have to have
order but we also have to have peace well i don't know how we are so we are so
up right now so up it
got so far gone in so many of these precincts and so many of these uh these
these look at this one guy
who literally does not know how to grapple and this cop tries to take him down
and well do you think
there's adrenaline and adderall on a person that that is that i think that cop
didn't know what the
he was doing this is the thing these cops don't they they should all be you
know um andrew yang said
it best he said every cop should be like a purple belt in jujitsu he's right
everyone should know or
judo or something they should know no you're right how to wrestle how to defend
themselves and a lot of
cops don't know anything they literally don't know how to defend themselves so
then they're left with
weapons there should also be a psychological training oh yeah as well i
understood i heard someone speak i
believe it was um who's our carl sagan uh he's neil degrasse tyson lovely guy
um is that what you're
talking about uh neil degrasse tyson yes thank you sorry i didn't hear the
first part i'm going deaf
slowly are you i don't have corona but the left ear's out really no i took a
day quill did you
ever play in a rock band or anything i have really well i i i can beat i play a
guitar i play guitar
stamos plays the drums yeah true you guys get together we do he has a band room
we haven't done
it in a while because we can't right now yeah you can just get tested well you're
not going to get
mike love from the beach boys to take covet i don't think no you won't do it i
love that you gave me
one i love that you personally but i love that i had one just now well it's i
think it's important
for everybody to know because you can get a mind yourself and think you have it
i've mind myself a
bunch of times like am i short of breath we've all done it we do it at night it's
a panic attack yeah
and it could be just i get allergies and i've also had walking pneumonia
because when i'm on the road
over the years you just are on planes or international stuff and you go like
you're you're heavy breathing
and then i find out oh i just did 10 dates in a row then i come back and my
doctor says bob you have
pneumonia yeah road funk right yeah and you don't know what the is coming out
of the vents on the planes
it's just being next to people that are farting in your face too literally yeah
actual yeah they
freckle you they walk by when they go to the bathroom and people don't know
what freckling is
i'm not telling you yeah there's a product called freckled and they're taking
it off the market i wonder
if people are going to go back to no masks in public i think there's going to
be a certain number of
people that are just going to keep wearing masks i think you're right and when
i was in japan i didn't
understand the mask theory which was but not about i don't think it was about a
contagion type thing
it was about cleanliness it was about the air quality i think it's also about
being polite the
japanese culture if you have sniffles or something like that you don't want to
give it to someone else
you know they're more thoughtful and considerate now that is what we're lacking
here yes the people
that are yelling i'm not wearing a mask you're taking away my rights did you
see that lady in florida
yeah a bar giving away 100 free meals to the people that don't wear masks yeah
florida has the fourth
number of coronavirus cases on earth if florida was a country it would have the
fourth on earth yes
well they they opened it up to prove their point that their petri dish was impenetrable
well they
opened it up to disney world they did they opened disney world and people love
the idea of not waiting in
lines so they're willing to die what is it get any video of disney world
opening day i'll find it
there's a video i saw this going around on saturday that there was some
influencers that went because
there's a lot of people that on youtube that just go to disney parks all the
time yeah yeah and they
were saying they felt sick and they just went the next day and they're like oh
we're this is fun but
we all of our throats hurt real bad oh my god i think they all have it unless
they were faking
they're probably there's a lot of views and then there's splash mountain i mean
there's things that
there's no way droplets don't come out of you and go into the mouth of the
person behind you ever
see the movie outbreak years ago with dustin hoppin yeah so there's an amazing
shot in the movie
§03Transcript · 09:16–14:08
it's a point of view of a phlegm ball and it literally follows phlegm a guy
laughs it's a comedy
of course laughs a piece of phlegm comes out of his mouth they follow point of
view they do cgi or
beginnings of it and it goes into another person's mouth and that's how in a
contagion way that they
should represented how this thing can travel and uh i wear a mask was funny
when you had bill burr
on here who's a mutual friend people do not understand that i was goading bill
into going on a rant i was
fucking with no they don't you wrote it out like i really don't wear i have a
mask in my fucking pocket
me too day no you're it's funny because everything's out of context everything's
serious but when that's
that's what i'm trying so hard because i'm an i'm a newbie at this i'm i'm on
my 33rd episode you're on
the hebrew calendar you're 5748 episodes you know you're 10 years of doing
something that revolutionized
this okay so i just started it because i this before covet i started it because
i was doing shows
and i'd be in a theater and people would be yelling at each other and i would
go guys what do you what
are you doing or i'd have a bit about prejudice when i was six years old when
there was profiling when
there was uh segregated bathrooms and i started talking about it people would
get angry
in the in you at me for at the world one guy yelled the south will rise again
well this is pre-covid pre-covid
the guy yelled out the south will rise again my response was sir we're in boston
he i was at the
wilbur he was serious he was 100 serious and then they went and went to tag him
and i said no leave
leave him be you know unless someone continues i i deal with it we deal with
the south will rise again
fucking boston well it's they've had a long down time you know i mean you lost
in 1865 you're gonna
rise again the other thing is they're pulling down statues right so the statues
are like they're like
chocolate uh easter eggs um easter bunnies the ones that are hollow so if a
statue to me is less
than an inch thick of the lining around it and it's hollow inside right i think
an inch it could maybe
stay up if it's heavy enough but if 10 guys could pull it down with a rope and
it's made of aluminum
that's got to come down that's like a jiffy pop it really here's the thing
about these statues
this is one thing that people need to understand i'm only laughing about it by
the way because
i'm trying to find humor in what's so chaos it's chaos yeah the dismantling of
history correct some
of it should be dismantled some of those right statues should go they really
shouldn't be there but
they should take them and bring them to some sort of a civil war museum or
something like that but
a lot of those statues there's look there's genghis khan museums right there's
museum pieces on genghis
khan he killed 10 of the world's population while he was alive there's
something about those statues
though that a lot of people don't realize like they were really cheaply made
and put up very quickly
in response to the civil rights movement right that's what people don't
understand that those those aren't
like these long-standing homages to these great generals no they were in
response to the civil
rights movement so they started putting up these confederate statues you know
that's why they're
made they're made like they're made really quickly tinfoil yeah they're garbage
we could make them
i bet we could pie pans yeah but then you go to grant you go to see grant's
tomb or grant statue i mean
it's made of molten lava well they probably want to take his thing down too
this is the thing is they
want to take everything trump said something and everybody thought he was
joking like what's next
they're going to take down lincoln they're going to take down uh george washington
and everybody's
like get the out of here and they're not going to do that but they are doing
that they are trying
to take down george washington statues and people are saying you should get rid
of george washington
statues because george washington owned slaves and george washington was a
white supremacist and he didn't want to
own slaves he wanted to abolish it from what i've read and from what i
understand it would be so hard
to know it would be so hard to know other than what he wrote and and you know
unless you have a
fucking time machine but it would be so hard you're right we don't even know
what history is right now
yeah right we're being fed i i try to watch all news things or none um i try to
watch every single
channel because i want to see where the world's at well i think that's the
worst way to get news is off
television i think you get so much nonsense and so much posturing and virtue
signaling and so much
bias like when i watched cnn i was watching cnn when they were correcting trump
on these these things
that he says it wasn't even news it was like this weird i know opinion piece
that was it's tabloid it's
it's all tabloid fox's tabloid uh all msnbc some there's there's jewels in all
of it though there's
§04Transcript · 14:08–19:00
reality in all of it because you'll get just the right uh broadcaster an actual
broadcaster and news
journalist you'll get a couple of people that are that on every one of those
networks yeah and then
you'll get a guest that feeds the beast rather it's become like south park and
it's going to be
offensive to some people what i'm going to say it'll be like we have here the
president of the united
states and it's a split screen and also a midget you know and then they'll have
just because everyone
has a voice and and that's an offensive word by the way um midget president of
the united states
no rim shot please don't hit the button but um but that's what they would do or
a man in a hoop skirt
you know they they would do that on south park constantly and we've kind of
become that here's a
person that has you know 10 million people looking at them on whatever site you
look at and then
someone who has 5 000 people who has a youtube page that people go to but it's
just to start everybody
goes to the news source they want that validates what their opinion is or to
get angry my tune into fox
news just to get angry or tune into cnn to get angry if you're on the other
side it's uh it's a weird
time man but it's got to come together i know that's what you you try to do
that i know that that's
what i mean stand up is the root of that in a way yeah because you can make fun
of ideas that maybe even
someone agrees with the idea but if you mock that idea and it's so funny it
gets them to laugh they have
to think about it you know like if you like say if you're how beautiful is that
amazing to be able
to do that and how bad do you want to do it right now oh yeah i'd love to do it
right now i need to
do it i'm i had this bit about trump and i had this guy come up to me he goes
he goes i'll tell you why
that joke's good he goes i love trump and that joke was hilarious like when you
can say when you can
make fun of something that someone loves and they still think it's funny right
yeah then they have to
think there's a skill to that i try to do that too i try to it's impossible to
come up with something
that pleases every side and every perspective but i'm trying but that's why i
end up talking about
my dick so much because it doesn't it does lean left and it's a pleaser it is a
pleaser
i might have to say that again sometime it's a pleaser it is a t-shirt you
should sell t-shirts
on your website it's a pleaser you just got me some merch ideas that's a good
merch idea right there
yeah it's it's impossible to make everybody happy because here's one thing
everybody doesn't want to
be happy there's a lot of people that they love being miserable they like being
angry it's easier to
be angry yeah than it is to dig out and wake up positive and go i'm going to
try to write some
things today yeah not right i mean r-i-g-h-t make things better in the world by
putting out my energy
by trying to if there could just be a fucking discourse yeah it's just there's
also a problem
that don't agree but there's also a problem that we have timelines like we have
a deadline we have a
deadline our deadline's november or the world's going to fall apart we got to
get rid of this
motherfucker by november and everybody's clamoring and trying to figure out how
to do it and pretending
joe bryden's brain isn't melting and everyone's running around trying to put
together some sort of
a well actually they got a mic stand duct tape and a pipe cleaner he's going to
be fine he's going to
be there he's they're going to weekend at bernie's him all the way to the
fucking cabinet he's been
doing some goods putting out some stuff that's pretty they where go online he's
been giving some
tweeting no just some videos speeches things that are a little bit more
promising than some of the
other deep fakes that's not even him that's the guy is there a guy who does a
good biden impression
i have not heard a good biden if we were doing stand-up there would be a guy
who would have there
would be some comic out there i would think dana carvey would be able to do it
he said he could do
anything have you had him here no i'd love to though oh he and i love him so
much yeah he is one of the
purest sweetest people i've ever known he was the his character of lauren michaels
was the original
dr evil right yes and mike myers sort of mike myers and they hung out and it
would always be the
pinky in the mouth and uh yeah yeah it was it was dana is an original dana he's
brilliant yeah he's
brilliant he's uh we would sit around back in when you were i think you were
six but we would go to fab's
this uh italian restaurant on uh van nuys and we would be with our wives uh fab's
fab's he stayed
with his wife my wife and i got divorced but i have a new wife uh she's
congratulations thank you
van nuys used to be a hot spot i was looking at this video or this uh there's a
i think it was the
la times had a photographic essay of van nuys boulevard in the 70s and it was
amazing it was all these
§05Transcript · 19:00–24:16
people with bell bottoms and these cool cars and they used to on saturday
nights drive their cars up
and down the road it was fun yeah but it was like a place where people would go
to cruise yeah it was
boogie nights without the heroin and and people getting harmed giant prosthetic
mark mark mark
prosthetic dicks so so we would sit there and it was right before he got saturday
night live what year was
this uh uh 86 it was one year uh before he got that and before i i had been in
a richard pryor movie
that was the first thing of consequence and then what movie was that critical
condition you got to work
with prior i got to spend a month with him and i got to hang out with him
because i was one of the hosts
at the store for eight years and you got to work with prior when prior was
prior well it was after the
fire but it was still it was a hundred percent trip was after the fire it was
after the fire he did jojo
dancer uh it was and and critical condition was directed by michael apt had a
great director who
did uh coal miner's daughter made a lot of important movies did the seven up
series do you ever see that
seven up 14 up 21 up took seven people through their lives from london and
followed them every seven
years did a documentary about them oh wow it's just a real special brilliant
lovely man he was head of
the academy for a while anyway so what happened was but but um but working with
prior we were
you know when you're doing a movie we were in a shower stall in an old hospital
and it was supposed to be
uh rikers island or whatever the hell that prison is off there is that is it rikers
which one in new york what what's the um i think that's rikers right yeah yeah
i think that's what
it was it was representing that but we shot it in high point north carolina
with really good actors
joe montagna and ruben blades and all these randall text cobs some really cool
cool weird eclectic
group and um i just watched him the other day in raising arizona he's a great
actor that's great man
he's that movie was that movie was wild that's one of the best that low point
of view shot in the
supermarket the image images in that in a lot of coen brothers movies they're
the best
come on it's fucking shit i love brother big lebowski is my wife every day it's
like let's
just watch the big lebowski you know she's she's a classic man it's the dude
floating in space man
sorry i was interrupting you so you're working well that's what i do with prior
so we're in a shower
stall and uh and we became friends we would go to dinner i would i i was the
guy i'm i'm always
wanting to make things better somehow i was raised that way by my dad and my
mom to try to make peace
for people that's the thing and and he liked that i would invite him because
people didn't invite him
to because he was kind of unapproachable to some people oh right so we would go
to dinner and we would
laugh and i would make him laugh we had to do one scene 40 takes because one
shot that was a long
steady cam shot we had a dead body in it that was covered in water and i was
supposed to say
something like oh the guy was in the drink we found it but it was such a fake
looking body and every
time i said this serious line it was this young doctor richard just cracked up
and so he's looking
in my face and there's no bigger honor look at you look at you baby face
motherfucker fuck how old were
you then 26 27 and wow that was a good scene that's ruben wow i remember all of
this really that he and
i so he couldn't the fact that he couldn't look in my face and kept laughing
and it was a serious scene
do you know what an honor that is so the guy that was an idol so i'm i'm
sitting in the shower with him
and he takes shows me this thing this is graphic he shows me this scrubbing
brush and one side soft
the other side is just bristles and he says i don't think he'd mind me telling
you this i always think
about when you talk about someone that you love that's deceased would they be
okay with what you're
saying so it's not tmz garbage so he would take the the hard scrubbing part and
he said this is what
this is what they took my skin off with after the fire they had to scrub my
whole body with this
shit and i just sat there and i remember crying i think there was a the
combined empathy and then i told
him of like my sister that died and then he was telling me you know you just
get close with people
and then one night i didn't invite him to dinner because he'd had a hard day
and he was mad at me
the next day and i was like oh my god so he was enjoying so i said but he but
he was he was in a
rough place he was you know he was not he was complicated human but i i
remember saying to him because
when you're acting you're just i don't know i was green i said so you're upset
with me i'm so sorry
this means we're friends right because i upset you right and then he went we
went to dinner again
because because that's like he's the classic complicated comedian right yeah
classic with the
hardest drug addiction all the chaos growing up in a yeah everything yeah he
§06Transcript · 24:16–29:33
grew up in a brothel
yeah i mean that's his headshot on the wall over there yeah yeah i mean he was
i think he was 19. and he was
doing the button down bill cosby way of doing stand up yeah but it's still when
you look at everybody
goes oh he went and flipped like george carlin and all of a sudden he was a
different guy he was
still the same guy you still saw even though cosby i know was mad at him
because he thought he was
lifting some of his stuff or but cosby would get mad at a lot of people but he's
doing fine now
um well i think everybody starts out in imitation of the people they really
love and respect
who did you start out richard jenny a lot yeah he and yeah i remember on stage
once
i caught myself like a year in the comedy i was like jesus christ like i'm i'm
aping his mannerisms
like i was i was but i don't see that when i got rid of it i realized that you
know you become who
you are but in the beginning you know i think it's normal i mean it happens
with bands you know
look stevie ray vaughn was deeply influenced by jimi hendrix it's like yeah you
and then he became
stevie ray vaughn even when he does a voodoo child like if you listen to stevie
ray vaughn's cover
a voodoo child it's stevie ray vaughn it's still it's voodoo child but it's stevie
ray vaughn's
version he became his own man and i think all of us in the beginning got into
comedy because we wanted
to be some comedian that we really admired and when i was just starting out i
got a chance to see uh
rich jenny a few times and i remember being baffled by his ability to turn over
material
it was stunning it's so prolific so you're gonna make me cry because i i was
close with him as close
as you could get because he had such mental health issues i didn't believe he
died and uh i uh dave
coulier instant messaged me that's not how you want to find that out so i
called his number um and his
girlfriend the next morning and his girlfriend answered and just said it's true
bob and i went
oh fuck because i didn't believe it i couldn't believe it i met him a few times
um i saw him live
a few times in the early days and then once you know this was like when i was
an open miker i mean
i went to see him live at catch rising star in cambridge when i was just
starting out and i sat in the front
row and he made fun of me it was great because i had seen him on the tonight
show that the first time
i'd ever seen him was on the tonight show and he did a bunch of appearances on
the tonight show and then
i'd seen um one of his uh tv specials one of his hour specials and then um i
got a chance to see him
several times and i've told the story forgive me if you heard it on the podcast
folks but uh we were at
esod comedy club and uh he had just been there and the host was just he i got
there like saturday
night after the late show and the host was like he did four different hours he
did two different
hours friday night and two different hours saturday night and murdered and they
were like jesus christ and
this is me i was like three years in a comedy and i remember thinking god damn
that is so that was so
impossible to even imagine yeah that someone could be that good then i got this
chance to see him a
year later at um um the comedy works in montreal as a part of the festival the
just for laughs festival
he was in that little you remember you ever worked that place jimbo's place no
no no i just did the
uh i did a show there at the plastazar for some broadcasted show that i hosted
jimbo the guy who owned
the club in montreal had this little tiny club that was upstairs he had a great
bar downstairs yeah
yeah yeah yeah i did it the night before i was there yeah i was there that's
where you go
yeah the night before anything i did it with jim norton and uh i did it with norton
yeah and brewer
yes i did it with brewer too yeah yeah yeah yeah it was fun as shit i was going
where the what the
fuck am i doing always you can't always play gigantic well you're taking over
the world you're
you know you're i like little places too man though i love that you play spaceships
now i play big
places but i i still i admire the fuck out of what you're doing by the way i
have to tell you that
because you know there's like five people kevin hart thinks he's two of them
that can
but you know comedy rock star shit yeah i subscribe you know well he's doing it
and and you're doing
it and to be on a thing with chapelle and to be able to do that and to be able
to go out there
especially where we're at right now and this is not i'm not there's no nothing
on my nose right now
i'm just telling you the truth from my heart um it's i do this i've always done
it but more so now
i'm 64 years old now even though i look you know 63 um but you're what you're
able to do if you can
unify people um in a room and or we're in a drive-in or at these giant places
that you're doing
um it is absolutely beautiful and especially now uh whenever you're able to do
§07Transcript · 29:33–34:38
those dates that are
coming up people will never forget it when we come out of this that's very nice
i don't know if we're
going to be able to i've kind of resigned myself to i think we will i'm fine
listen like legitimately
i'm fine working in comedy clubs for the rest of my life i don't give a fuck i
just like doing stand-up
and that's one of the things that i've gotten out of this you know i've been
doing the last few years
i've been doing arenas and they're great but so is the or at the comedy store
yep that's great too
i'm fine with that i don't i honestly i just like doing stand-up if we can
never do arenas again if
no one ever no rock bands no ufc ever does an arena again no football games or
ever in a sold out arena
okay i don't you can't do ufc in in the or well they're doing ufc with no crowd
that's true and it's
amazing i love it i've called uh two yeah two fights now with no audience and
it's i enjoy it man
it's great i still i'm just happy that the fights are happening and like when i
did uh i did shows in
houston a couple weeks ago yeah i was talking to you wanted to talk to you
about that yeah me tony hinchcliffe
and brian moses we uh we did the houston improv we had a great time first of
all it's a great room
it's a great room i was supposed to go there i had to i had to not because of
what's going on now
yeah but you went in i i was like wow brave brave motherfucker we wanted to we
just wanted to
you know first of all i missed i miss doing shows but i miss hanging out with
comics on the road
it's fun you know and my buddy mike young i i we always sure tour together and
it's like um with my
brother yes it's fun you you and you know and that's that's the big thing is
like touring on the
road with people you love it's the best because like moses is the best i love
him and i don't know
i love tony he hosts roast battle oh i know he's great and i love my best
friends so it's like to be
with these guys we were just from the moment we saw each other we'd go to
restaurants we'd do shows
it was all smiles and laughs like holy we're doing stand-up again this is crazy
moses had done the
weekend before he did um i forget oh he did american comedy company in san diego
he did that place
which is apparently was open and now they're closed again they closed la jolla
again too they were doing
the la jolla store sorry to hear that well you know they got to take
precautions listen man i was
pretty nonchalant about it in terms of like not worried but as more time has
gone on in terms of like
getting sick my my fear is getting somebody else sick that's not number one
well that's that's the
key is empathy that's what's lacking and that's what's lacking from our
administration that there's
empathy we we need empathy well we were talking about that earlier we were
talking about mary trump's
book i read some passages out of it today i haven't read the the whole book but
right i read this long
piece on it about was she close with him as a kid when she was young i don't
know but it's his niece
um her brother was his uh or her father brother was his brother um and you kind
of understand i mean if
she's being honest and i'm soon i assume she is first of all it's very well
written she's obviously
extremely intelligent like very eloquent like the way she's writing it and and
i believe she has a
background in psychology um and the way she writes it it doesn't it's not like
a hateful thing like
she's basically explaining why he's so up and why he lacks empathy and what she
said was that the father
was like a sociopath and the mother was never around and was absent and didn't
give him any love or
attention and only you in according to her use the children to comfort herself
instead of being there
for them and that he developed this narcissistic self-centered personality in
response to that and
that his father would you know would any time he showed emotions or anytime he
showed knee his father
would cast that aside and squash that inside of him that's very clear yeah so
he developed this that's
the thing that's most disturbing about him when i talk to people that are fans
of trump
and they say why aren't you like what do you least like i go would i at least
look first of all i
don't understand the economy so when people say he's good for the economy he's
good for business
is that short term what does that mean long term that was pre-covid that that
that's all that was
the world's economically post-covid he is not the president for where we're at
right but the thing
that bothers me he could adjust if he would but he's not capable the the
problem is the lack of empathy
like when he would make like when he talked about john mccain he said i i like
soldiers that don't
get captured remember that yeah that is a crazy thing to say to a guy who's a
war hero i mean it's
funny you know you're laughing at it because you're a comic but i'm laughing at
it because of the it's
ludicrous it's ludicrous yeah i mean i'm not laughing at well none i mean it's
§08Transcript · 34:38–39:38
horrific this is a guy i
unfortunately will be the first person to laugh at the worst gallows of course
you're a comic right
and then it'll get misquoted and then i'm a right and you've been misquoted
lately terribly there's
no way around that no especially in this day and age when they could redefine
you with something out
of context but the point is that what what they're what it shows this the lack
of empathy is the last
thing we need right now well we need empathy we need someone who can say
something that calms people
down and brings us together and inspires us man people need inspiration and we
need to know and
understand that we are all in this together and we can go forth and pretend we're
not and keep burning
buildings and keep going crazy and screaming in the streets for the heads of
politicians and kill the
cops and all that crazy or or take your mask off that's my right and you he
never he wants love that's
the crazy part he wants to be loved he thinks he's don rickles he wants to when
he puts people down
and say punch him in the mouth and stuff he he's trying to be that guy i've
known people like him
who are just assholes but don rickles wasn't an asshole that's why it was like
a dad to me he was a
lovely guy that's why it worked when he would on you it's like when guys it's
like the pope right exactly
like you know when guys some guys can on you and it's look that's the beauty of
roast battle
brian moses's show the beauty of roast battle is these people are shitting on
the most embarrassing
aspects of each other and they're both laughing at it and it's great and that's
what jeff ross that's
his whole theory is i only roast the ones i love yes which comes from the old
friars and old maskers
before that and that's ross's thing i mean he loves those he buddy hackett and
all that in new york
he would be like i'm going to the friars club you want to come like what the is
wrong with you you
gonna hang out with a bunch of old dead men like that's how i look and how much
fun did you have i
didn't go oh but he was but he was always that guy was you really didn't want
to be with a bunch of
old dead men listen man i back then in particular i was crazy like this is uh
what were you doing 24 25
oh i just i had just stopped fighting i was i was just no longer competing so i
was still i still had
like this maniacal mindset i was a crazy person you know i just wanted to play
pool and go stay up all
night and were you single then yes i didn't want to hang out a bunch of old
dudes right old dudes and
listen to some old jokes and listen to them talk about the jackie gleason show
like no no gotta go
bro the only thing i had one fun experience that jeff took me there for lunch i
go there this is maybe
15 years ago i think i was there because i was doing the jack black roast which
was at the hilton i was
the host i was the the whatever you call it the mc the roast master yes the and
and so jack was being
roasted it's for charity and so i go there and i hadn't been in the friars and
i sit there and and
i'm just sitting with jeff and i get the phone there's a phone next to me and
the phone rings they go
mr sagat the phone's for you and i pick it up and a man goes look to your left
and i look to my left and
it's an old jewish guy with orange hair and he goes fuck you i went what he
goes well red skelton i don't
know he looked like red buttons i don't know and i go what do i know you he
goes fuck you welcome to
the friars and he hung up that's hilarious and that was that to me was kind of
cool i now it's probably
a covid petri dish now i don't think so those guys don't make it i think it's
gone yeah i think
the friars club is gone yeah i would have like now as a person who like appreciates
the history of
comedy i kind of wish i went to one of those things just to see what it was
like to hang out
with those guys i got to be red skelton once that was pretty cool that's really
nice that was at an
nbc event back when i was i think i was on fear factor but it was um it was
cool to meet him did
you enjoy that character yeah i enjoyed the money that's all i enjoyed i
enjoyed the people i worked
with they're fun people i enjoyed what year was that when did you start 2001 to
2006. i enjoyed um i
enjoyed some of it i enjoyed like when nice people won i enjoyed i enjoyed like
helping people
overcome like this a situation where they're really nervous and i could coach
them and talk them through
because it brought me back like i used to i used to teach martial arts and i
used to coach a lot of
kids in particular i bring them to tournaments and i would i would train them
and then you know like
these 14 15 year old kids i take them to tournaments and they'd be fucking panicking
and i would talk them
through it and i would say you're gonna get through this and you're gonna be a
better person because
you got through this because it's so scary when you get through something so
scary you become stronger
and this is something you just have to go through and if you just shy away from
§09Transcript · 39:38–44:26
this you'll shy away
from this your whole life but you can get through this other people have done
it and you can do it too
and i took a lot of that over to fear factor and that's what i what i loved is
those moments
where you would see someone overcome and then they would be so happy and i'd be
so happy too i cried
a bunch of times that people that's why you're so good on it i was doing the
video show and um there
were things i was like well this isn't my personality uh and other times i go
okay these are people are
flying in they're being flown in to la they made a video of their kid reciting
all the presidents when he was
two right uh they're all there and then i go and what are you gonna do with the
ten thousand dollars
and the father says i'm gonna make a down payment on our first house and the
guy's like 50 years old
and i'm like i'm glad i got this job right yeah that that's when i go it was
worth to see all those
people get hit in the nuts for no reason yeah that's like there's there's
moments on in these
competition shows where you really do feel like you feel like the world got a
little lighter like people
got elevated when you see someone win you know we see people win things we see
people i love watching
people do better i love watching them overcome i love watching them like go
through some difficult
thing and figure it out and get through it and that the feeling of relief and
of of of just
watching the adulation and and everybody's cheering and they're like yes and
the surprise
and yet the producers know they've got something special but will it deliver
howie mandel's a
dear friend forever and he's on america's got talent so here's a show that i
always was against
competition shows i wouldn't go on star search when i was broke i just didn't
believe in comedians
competing against things yeah and then did you ever go on any of those
competition things no no i didn't
so i'm watching america's got talent and they have a handicapped person come
out who sings
just like you've never heard anyone sing so good and then you see the true joy
in the people it's
not just showbiz selling something and that's that feeling that's that you came
from something that
you never it's a dream fulfilled and it's about the human spirit the human
spirit yeah that's real
i mean it's not people it's so fun to be cynical for some people and the on
that but
some of my favorite moments i used to be more cynical and it's easy to be
especially as a comic when
you're struggling when you're making your way through the you you know we we
joke about the
worst things where you know a lot of us are bitter a lot of us are jealous i'm
not bitter but i do joke
about things i can't i can't do it i know i need two minutes to tee up some
horrible joke and then
three minutes to get the out of what i just did and that's going to continue
because i can't not
say stuff it is a part of being a person who's a stand-up comedian that you
know that there's a
thing you're not supposed to say and you're going to say it and if you do say
you know i'm going to
laugh and you're going to say it and i'm going to laugh we're going to go you
motherfucker i can't
believe you said that because when do i've asked us of many comedian friends
and people when do you
think i mean is it is it the teenager in us is it that guy that's being told
don't do this um is it or did
did you lock in at 16 do you feel i kind of feel sometimes i locked in at nine
because that was the
world hadn't fallen apart for me i didn't see what how up everything was i mean
you could go deep
psychologically with it but i think at the end of the day we enjoy first of all
when comedians are
around comedians is when that's the worst right that's when the most gallows
humor oh i try to out
worst everybody just because and that's how i made friends well that's when you
take those things
out of context in quotes that's when you're going to get the most in trouble
people don't they it's
they're it's gonna for a non-comic to understand some of the horrible we'll say
at canter's deli
at two o'clock in the morning it's fun and be laughing like dying falling under
the table and all we're
trying to do is make each other laugh it's not we're horrible mean people
secretly hoping everybody gets
cancer that's not what we're doing we're just we're saying inappropriate things
because it's fun to do
because i know you're a good guy and i know you don't mean it that's the only
way it works it's
letting air out of the pressure cooker yes it's stating that's why people go
how could you do
that it's too soon you don't do that joke sometimes you don't do that joke i
mean you know brian
holtzman uh vaguely yes brian holtzman is a legend for doing material way too
soon that only makes
comic slap but he'll do it on stage do you remember susan smith she's a lady
who drowned her children
yeah and at first she said someone stole the car or something like that and
§10Transcript · 44:26–49:29
then it turned out
brian holtzman's on stage the week that happens and he goes i heard those were
bad kids
he goes i heard they sat that close to the tv they never put away their blocks
they spilt their milk
those kids will not be missed and people like oh my god it's the whole they had
it coming thing
that we were crying we couldn't believe and you know people would say oh these
horrible comedians
they love this shock and they're just mean and they just want mean comedy it's
not even that
it's hard to explain to a person that's outside of the business but to to me
like like if i'm around
jeff ross and something like that happens i expect that he's going to turn to
me and say something
fucked up wants to be the first person to say it of course and i go jeff no yes
but i i'm saying no
with love yes of course of course kenison i actually uh i'm going to date
myself uh i don't have to
now because i'm married that's the kind of jokes i shouldn't do no that's the
ones but i know as i'm
saying but i still say it can't help it it's a dad joke thing yeah bill burr
said to me he was a guest
on my my my my nubile podcast and bill said to me uh you know what your act is
sagat he said your act
is all the lines you couldn't say on full house and you just say all around it
that's what your act is
and i went what what do you say and then he pummeled me for 20 minutes and i
fucking loved it and then i attacked him for like 10 minutes but he is he's one
of the best people
he's one of my favorite people he's one of my favorite people on the earth he
went to my wedding
to wind him up oh i was i was i had nine stories to start but that's why this
is i'm so happy to be
doing this thank you my pleasure thank you i haven't talked to anybody i know
you've been stuck right
well i had a zoom last night uh night before with uh norman lear and a bunch of
musician friends oh wow
and we talk about the world and we talk about what the are we going to do and
and it's just uh
interesting it's it's and we used to we would do it in person we'd all sing
songs for four or five
hours into the night and have different friends show up stamos came john mayer
came dave coz always
comes to it and it'd be music you play right no i thought you were a musician
no zero musical talent
but you love i love music love it yeah but it's one of the things i love about
music
because i don't know how to do anything i don't know how to i mean i love it i
can just enjoy it
you should start a band though just for the fuck of it nothing yeah yeah just
get like three people
that can't play no i'm a bit too busy but i do i do love music i love it one of
those but one of the
things i love about is the fact that i have no skin in the game uh you know it's
like i love comedy
but i do it you know so when i see someone make a great bit part of me is like
god i wish i wrote that
right you know what i mean i don't get jealous but i go like yeah or i'll see
it and go wait i did that
20 years ago well there's always that right there's always parallel thinking
but the other thing that
gets me is like if i see someone really kill i want to go home and write it's
like i get inspired to
create whereas music just makes me happy like if i like i've had like my
friends honey honey come in
here and play and gary clark jr's been in here and wow everlast has played in
here like i've had a bunch of
people play music in here and there's there's something about watching someone
do something
that you have zero talent in it's really special well i think comics really do
we want to be a
musician we worship music people some yeah some i mean i yes not all of them
obviously yeah i never
had any desire to be a musician at all zero no burr plays the drums like a son
of a bitch well i was
talking i was going to say something about him i finally did something that
actually stayed on topic
i think um he came to my wedding and then he had to go do a gig and he does the
gig and his wife
stayed um and he comes back in a different outfit like a pink jacket he left my
wedding and is such
a good friend he came back again because he was so happy for me because who the
else would want me
than uh my wife um and he's just um i was there in philly at the at the in camden
at the tweeter
center it was called when we were on the opian anthony virus tour so it was tracy
morgan myself louis
ck is that the one where don marera got heckled and he went on and he literally
attacked the crowd
it made bill burr a legend that was when bill i was he roasted philadelphia i
was standing there
i was at under the monitor right through the curtain that i was going to come
out i had the sweet spot
you know bob will do like 25 minutes in the middle because i'm yeah i was just
a bitch so then they put
me there and it was a sweet spot because you take a lot of bullets coming up
with a philly audience you
know in a jersey audience and bill i'd i'd known him but i'd known him through
clubs but i but he got
§11Transcript · 49:29–54:48
out there and they were booing him and he's so fucking awesome his the way he's
made that whole
fucking boston brilliance and he just started to pummel them back and said the
worst things you can say
every inappropriate thing you could possibly say calling talking about their
cheesesteaks and the
sixers and just you know the thing you saw yeah i've seen it and i watched it
and i'm like this is
fucking great fuck you and fuck the liberty bell exactly it's 15 minutes he did
it yeah and at the end
the boos were as loud as the cheers i think he got a standing ovation he didn't
see it he comes
off stage like a fighter he's all sweaty did you see that it was fucking
horrible what the
fuck was that i went bill that was great are you kidding that was amazing i
never killed and then
he still didn't believe me and then i said you're going to remember this this
is going to you don't
know what just happened here if there's a tape of this this is this is going to
change you don't even
know and i bring it up to him and he's like he doesn't want to talk about it
but it is it was a
defining moment for his everything yeah no he's he's that guy that can just
take a
moment and rant on things like he knows how to rant better than anybody i know
in terms of like in
the moment pick things apart and piece them like that's what his podcast is one
of the brilliant
things about his podcast he does it two times a week and it's just him yeah it's
just him ranting
which is crazy that he's got that sort of muscle that he can just rant on
things by himself just
starts reading things and getting pissed off about this you know what here's
what the problem is and
then he just goes off and what's amazing is he knows what you know what i what
i what i know uh
that you're not he's not alone he's talking there yes all of it so he's ranting
to people that love
him and he knows they love him he's he's comfortable and he he loves people
yeah he's one of the sweetest
he's a great guy he's a great guy but he does something that that chappelle
does that i that i
find them both so uh brave that they know where their a point is and they know
where their their
end game is that's really well phrased but uh it's like they dive into they
they make a statement
then they dive into a pool with no water in it you know metaphorically and then
they know where their exit is they know it and the exit comes out strong and it's
it's amazing yeah
and sometimes it's not quite as close but then they still know how to fluff
that fluff the the final
well they both know how to take a subject and i mean it's one of the cool
things about being at the
store is you get to see like the beginnings of those bits that a guy like chapelle
or burr or anybody will
start out and then flesh it through and figure it out and then tighten it up
and then by the time
they're filming a special so it's a weapon i gotta go there more i was starting
to come there more in
fact you were nice enough to bring me up oh yeah it's close i meant come there
more disease a lot
of people in the back of that store i got stories i mean disease stories no
people people are there
do you kenison i i i got kenison his first spot at the store you got him his
first spot yeah like you
were there the first time he went on stage yeah i met him in what year is this
uh
a long time 80 80 i didn't have a gig 83 84 i don't know and that's crazy
because 86 he was famous
yeah what happened was this so he'd already been teed up for mitzi to watch but
i had set up the i
told her to watch him i met him in houston and he was kicked out of the comedy
workshop in houston
because of the shit he would say on stage because he had been running his you
know tent show of faith
healing with his brother bill and uh they would they told me some real fucked
up stories about
shit they would do it was a bit charlatan and a bit trying to help people but
also talking about jesus
quite a bit and um he he was cynical about it but also very confused very
conflicted about it about
what what is it because uh and he's dying on on the ground supposedly he looked
up at the sky and
was talking to god that's what bill tells us when i met him carl le beau says
carl le beau was there
carl was there yeah carl was there when it happened that's a whole complicated
uh non uh
non-story right now because it's a heavy sparks my it's very heavy yeah their
story is really very
heavy i was around yeah i was around for all of it i i was there in the
building for those six seven
years so what happened was um when i met him you would have had the same
response he goes they won't
let me work here i met him at the comedy workshop meet me at one in the
afternoon he shows me he posted
he shows me this uh telephone pole and he had put a picture of himself on it
and he kept putting up
they kept taking down he was in the houston chronicle on the front page of the
arts entertainment
and he dressed himself because they banned him from the club in a diaper um and
§12Transcript · 54:48–1:00:11
a crown of thorns and
blood coming from the crown of thorns down his face with his eyes rolled back
in his head
and said that he had been persecuted just like jesus from playing the comedy
workshop
but it's pretty heavy you know and he had made it quite a name for himself and
had a following there
and i don't know what to do man i want to come out to la and i went well i'll
help you out um i was
playing the laugh stop in houston in river oaks yeah i used to work that place
i liked it i did a guy named
howard um oh who was the owner then um out uh
oh i'm trying to remember anyway this is our first dead air it was great yeah i'm
trying to remember
what happened what happened was uh sam i sat in with next to mitzi in her booth
he got on stage and he did the whole bit before he had done the young comedian
show that i was on with
that rodney did rodney's first young comedian show and it was the whole thing
about you know the the
kid in the whenever they do those world vision commercials with a starving kid
and you know it's
famous the most famous one of the most famous things that any comedian's done
which was just a truism
yeah which is the cameraman can give them a sandwich starving kid go get out of
the desert go to where
the food is that's a bit that i used in a conversation with a guy it was a
weird conversation there was a
guy who wrote a book on comedy he was teaching a comedy course at a university
and he was sitting here
talking to me and he said that the best comedy always punches up because there
was a time when people
really believe that nonsense like that there was a formula to comedy and that
comedy should always
attack the the large power structures and that the small people should be you
know elevated by
comedy so he's sitting here telling me this i go that's nonsense like one of
the greatest bits of
all time is literally about starving children yeah there's no listen to carlin
no further down that
you could punch one of his other great bits was about dead people getting in
the ass you remember
that yeah the bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who would pay money to be with
the freshest male
corpse those are two bits where you're punching down as low as you can someone's
dad died and this guy's
fucking him i mean it doesn't it doesn't get any there's no further you can
punch down he was on stage
in the main room and he was doing a bit where uh he says this is what happened
to my marriage and he would
unplug the mic this is my dick you know i mean you know without he did not need
a mic to prove the point
but he would lay on the on the ground with his girth and he was pretending he
was having sex with his
wife from behind and he goes this is what happened to my marriage and she as he
says i'm trying to
fuck her and he's like she's like we got to fix the fence and he goes shut the
up i'm trying to
fuck you this is it needs a new coat of paint you know but we can't you know
you can't do that now
really i mean you could if you were sam he could do it again he could if he was
alive now he could
do it first of all he was uniquely he was uniquely qualified for that kind of
comedy because you he
was short and he was fat and he was going bald and he wore a beret and the long
coat and he was hanging
out with all the rock and roll and porn people the coat he came on stage like
he was a child molester or
something yeah i mean that was look at that look at that picture that's him and
bill hicks uh i love
bill wow that's a crazy picture bill was the sweetest most timid guy does bill
have his nails done there
so he's got nail polish on what's going on with his tips oh it's shadows but
that was sam was a sweetie
then so when you see him then i mean when you go on stage he's that was part of
why it worked you
know it wasn't like you know if he was john mulaney and he had that act you
know handsome and slim that
you know now to pull off right you had to be you had to look like you got over
he looked like he got over and he did and he did and he did and he was doing
faith healing shows and
they told me a story where he had been i wasn't gonna tell it but it's weird
yeah so they're healing
people so this they're in some god forsaken place i don't know where and he
goes come up here and we're
gonna we're gonna heal you and like a seven foot tall guy with drawstring pants
and a t-shirt he said he
was like lenny from mice and men there was he was mentally impaired he said he
was gonna come up
and he was gonna do the whole thing with him and get out the spirit and all
that and as these guys
coming up he runs up to the stage and he's so tall he hits his head on a beam
and he splits his head
open but he doesn't fall down bill his brother will tell you this story and the
guy's pants fall down
and he had the biggest dick in the world and so his head is gushing blood and
his dick is swinging
and he's going like young frankenstein um peter boyle and it's horrifically
upsetting and the way i it's
been told to me i don't know if these stories whisper down the lane is that
they went back to the same
§13Transcript · 1:00:11–1:05:21
place after a while the guy came back and he had some other mishap i don't want
to say he hit his
head again but he fell he was just trying to have a redo to get healed oh i
mean i don't know what's
more embarrassing well if your head gets split open but the whole room can see
you've got a giant cock
maybe it's a blessing and a curse i don't know there's probably a few gals that
hit him up after that
but drawstring pants means there's not a lot of cleanliness down in the junk
well you could wash
them up if you're a gal looking for a big dick like there it is if or a guy
looking for a big dick
or maybe a guy you can trick into you yeah that would be the the move or
something you could play
like you do with a bat and baseball right it happens to that yeah it's the top
it's that it's that make
that sound again i can't do i can't i don't know and i can't roll my r's either
but then the answer
to kennison how quick he popped was after that set like a week later rodney
came in to see him
and i'd known rodney rodney liked me i like you i met him at this in la jolla
he came up to me you're
funny man you're a jew you're never going to be happy you got a fast mind you're
all up man you're
never going to be happy and he was trying to clean up at la costa and he comes
in he goes i can't do it
man no booze no coke no pot no pills i can't do it and he's with two women and
uh and we and i hung
out with him all weekend he stayed at the he kept coming to the condo and hung
out with me and kennison
he saw sam and i love this guy so i do the young comedian special on hbo i had
a great set right
before sam i had a 15 minute set sam had a 15 minute set i was in it for three
and a half minutes sam
was in it for 15 minutes because it was it was a monumental it was and then a
year later he was in
back to school yeah so that's why it was a three-year deal with him that's
crazy and he was a sweetheart
when i was uh 19 i worked as a security guard at great woods center for the
performing arts in
mansfield massachusetts and rodney was there and he was backstage and uh i i
was like i didn't get a
chance to meet him but i was backstage it was like a hallway it's hard to know
if this is a real memory
because when you're 19 your brain is mush and it was so long ago and i got hit
in the head a lot but
there i remember they were talking about how he didn't have any pants on no
never he had a a bathrobe
yeah balls out i remember him pacing back and forth and uh looking down the
hallway i know i definitely saw
him at least once and i definitely saw him on stage with the bathrobe on but i
remember looking down the
hallway seeing this guy i'm like how crazy he doesn't have any pants on he's
going to go on stage
like this is what and then him up there just didn't give a i mean didn't give
had no to give
he was a movie star he's become a at 58 by the way it was caddyshack that's how
long it took him
yeah i saw him and apparently smoked a shitload of pot every day and went on
stage my wife
and just just murdered i mean one punch line after another punch line and
people don't know the story
about him quit doing comedy for years and became an aluminum siding salesman he
was born jacob cohen
changed it to jack roy and then a club owner called him rodney dangerfield that's
how he was named by
what club i don't know i don't know but he had a rough go yeah he had his rough
ago he had the no
respect thing was if you're going to pick a brand a catchphrase it wasn't a
catchphrase it was his
mantra yeah well that that that made him you know i got no respect i'll tell
you no respect at all
when he started doing that he would have loved he would have loved you like
loved you because of the
he always said and i've said this before so i'm sorry if anybody has heard me
say this but he always
said the key man is you just go like a tank like a tank because nobody wants
you to make it everybody's
trying to stop you you just go like a tank them all just go like a tank because
he had come up it took
him so long to get anywhere and he would go on tonight's show and there if you
look at any of
these clips that they're running all over the internet it's fucking killer and
carson's hitting
the desk and it's just it's real special well he was a special guy the story
was special too because
it showed that you know he was trying to make it and it fell apart and then he
took a long didn't he
take like 10 years off it was aluminum siding was many years yeah and then he
came back and became
the biggest movie star in the world but he couldn't it it took him to 58 and
they put him in caddyshack
and a lot of the jokes were his yeah and and then a lot of them i mean it was
you know harold ramus
and stuff so it was the a-team genius movie and those movies were so good bill
murray in that chevy
was great and everybody's great in that remember when he's he's in the
classroom and kennison's teaching
him oh yeah
kiddison played a fucking off-tilt vietnam vet who's uh screaming
§14Transcript · 1:05:21–1:10:49
he just wrote him into it too i was there that's a great movie back to school
oh it's a
great movie yeah and easy money was really great yeah oh he had some classics
man caddyshack
he had some classics he was awesome i officiated his funeral oh man it was
pretty pretty intense uh
to put him uh away i was with him in in the uh emergency and the uh sorry i got
a little uh in the uh
uh intensive care he was in a coma so i'd go in and talk how old was he when he
passed 84. that's
amazing he did all that coke and he made it to 84. he stopped doing coke he
just liked pot but he did
a lot of coke when did he stop i think about 10 years before he died still
amazing 74 years old doing
coke going i got another 10 years i'll tell you what i can't how do you stop no
booze no coke no pot no
pills yeah i want to go back to something you were talking about it's
completely off comedy topic
because but we'll come back to it i don't know it's your show i don't know what
to do
there's no structure here trump trump's niece the book i cut you off one
passage
the it was just about empathy you know it's just about why what's wrong with
him psychologically
you know and um when you whenever you see someone that seeks power like that
seeks seeks that kind of
adulation that's that kind of spotlight like what what is causing that like
what is that
you know what what makes someone want to be that person is like you're fired
you don't see any love
out of them any sweetness there's i think as a as a nation at this time we need
we need someone
who has got a real message not some bullshit canned speech that's prepared by a
focus group where
they figured out all the right beats to hit and but they're not even doing the
right things i mean
the mount rushmore speech could have had five six minutes in it that could have
added some people to
it well it's he's not that guy obama was that guy obama if obama was stuck in
this situation i really
truly believe he could have given a speech that made us all feel like we're
going to be okay a hundred
percent a hundred percent he was an incredibly good uh cheerleader and
empowering and uh he was also
like you knew his story his story is the opposite of trump's story trump's
stories he comes from a rich
father you know the father gives him money he starts his businesses he's known
for being kind of shady and
you know obama's the opposite he comes from a single mom grows up in hawaii you
know is uh
it's just different like you know that he he's gone through some to to get
there and had compassion
yeah we need that we need someone who sees that we're hurting you know that
this nation is hurting
man you see what we're talking about earlier with the cops and all these
murders that are happening in
new york city and chicago's got record murders oh it's it's it's horrific it's
crazy yesterday was
horrific every day is and there's no real hope in sight in terms of uh the
economy because everything's
getting more locked down like today what was that what got passed down today in
california they went back
to almost stage one they shut down all the gyms what do they shut down
yeah my yoga teacher's been trying to get me to go to yoga i'm like isn't that
like a hot room i do
it you can do it on uh online i do it at home bro california close to indoor
rest to close indoor
restaurants movie theaters and bars statewide as coronavirus cases rise did so
did say gyms as well
um hair salons barbershops fitness centers worship services oh my god worship
services so that's
churches and synagogues yep everything well it's got it worked when they
suppress it it works in
countries well here's the thing though they keep saying but it's okay to
protest you can't but then
they're saying that i then you hear and i don't know where i hear it it might
be left uh information
uh that a lot of protesters were protected didn't get sick is what i'm hearing
i can't believe that
does that make any sense it doesn't make any sense they don't want to say that
these incredibly
significant historical protests have created an uptick in the virus that will
likely lead to deaths
they don't want to say that but both those things are true those those protests
are very important it's
they're important and they may and and they're moving the needle yeah and the
life is going to
change so that is uh a positive for people that have been neglected for so long
but it's all at
once it's like some supreme weird litmus on the whole every whole universe it's
like and i don't think
it's a sci-fi i don't think it's over i think we're gonna get hit with a couple
more wacky moments
yeah well the meteor that's not far or solar flare that takes out the power
grid we just don't want
to lose our wi-fi that's all the wi-fi is first i thought this was germ warfare
is what i thought
this was i didn't think this was and wet markets are open again is is what well
it's not from the
wet market that's what i want to know talk to me all indications seem to point
§15Transcript · 1:10:49–1:15:48
to the fact that this was
a virus that had been manipulated i had brett weinstein on my podcast he's a biologist
and he
in terms that i will not be able to recreate explained all the different
factors that when
they examined the virus would not be very likely to have happened in nature and
certainly not as
quickly as they had that the all these different aspects of the virus point to
the fact that it had
been something that had been manipulated the fact that there was a level four
lab in wuhan this is
not you know people love to use the term conspiracy theory but this this level
four lab where they
studied coronaviruses that come from bats is there it's in wuhan why are they
studying why are they in that
same lab had been two years ago had been in trouble for violating safety
protocols they look china's
it's it's not america it's not it's not the same and they they do things
differently over there they're
completely intertwined with their government they can get away with things that
we can't get away with
here and they you know they don't have as strict a protocol when it comes to uh
handling diseases well
you know the the word on the street is often that it's uh wealthy people
wanting to have their
endangered species fix that's what you hear what do you mean that the wet
market bat is like a
delicacy and that's how it got spread i've not heard that i don't know if that's
true i don't know
where i imagine it would be more like people are starving and they need to eat
whatever they can
eat and they eat bats but i always pictured it laid out like lobsters at the
farmer's market that's
what i was picturing that'd probably be safer um it's not what happened i don't
believe that's what
happened and brett weinstein's very careful in not saying that this is
definitely what happened
but he he put points to all the factors that lead to this very likely
conclusion that this is something
that accidentally got out of a lab there's the reason why it's so contagious
that spread so easily
that it takes on so many different forms and has so many different reactions
and so many different
people it's almost like we're dealing with a bunch of different diseases
anytime you mate humanity with an
animal there's a serious problem i'm not talking sexually although i've seen a
couple goats in my
life that kind of had a twinkle you you you had a smile while you're doing that
because you knew you
shouldn't have did it and you did it anyway i couldn't help it i mean i'm just
saying it'll work
out well but you know it didn't work out well at all no but you're enjoying
that but the other thing
is i wanted for the kids out there listening don't fuck animals no don't fuck
is that okay to put that
out there what if the animal really wants you to fuck it that's what i was
saying a goat with a gleam
in his eye this is where i double down on not working yeah um what about a
small animal
no that's mean fuck something that can kill you if you're gonna have the balls
like an elephant like a
bear yeah a large predator yeah don't don't something that you're you're the
bully hold that rabbit down
and him so it's the revenant i mean yes what he did was get inside a bear
literally not sort of yeah
eventually right took a while right yeah i think this is how i try this is how
i deal with how horrible
this is this i go to a place that's fucking asinine and that's what my dad
would do just stupid just
stupid because the i know that china is completely fucked up with this and they
they're apparently
out of control and they don't know how to stop what's happening is what i'm
hearing also well it's
doing better than we're doing china's uh they've got it way more under control
than we do how do we know
that though because we don't you know they lie about everything the the other
thing about what's
weird is like why why did it go so badly here like if you look at the uk the uk
is basically our
restaurants are open again um new zealand has zero viruses now they're they're
back to normal i mean
they're not letting anybody in but they are they are literally back to a no
virus situation it's like
the resistance of the united states is down because so many not the resistance
but the our immune
system is down because there's so much hatred there's so much weird i wonder
what would have
happened i mean it's really crazy that you know they you know that expression
the wings of a butterfly
could become a hurricane yeah but what would have happened if that george floyd
thing didn't happen
if that day did not go down that way if it was just a normal day if maybe george
floyd just hopped in
the patrol car you know or maybe didn't give them that counterfeit 20 bill
never got arrested what the
would we be looking at it's kind of amazing when you really no it's a it's a
change of history
in one moment in in a in a a an instant and in an incident between two people
between one cop and one
man and then the world sees it because one girl 17 year old girl filmed it she
§16Transcript · 1:15:48–1:20:54
she puts it up the whole
world sees the horror of that guy leaning on that man's neck with his and other
people standing by
and then the world explodes or our country explodes but imagine where would we
be it'd be really
interesting to see two different timelines you know see a timeline where that
never happens
i think it was bound to happen anyway we've been i mean but that was so egregious
it was so it was so
heinous that that's the point that that's the point that led to this explosion
whereas if there was
nothing like that i mean because uh the the guy who got shot by those vigilantes
was just a couple of
weeks before that remember in georgia i do if this george floyd thing that was
like teeing the ball up
you know and then this george floyd thing happens and boom the powder keg blows
i think uh the enough
is enough moment happened and everybody's holed up in quarantine and everybody
can't pay their rent and
nobody can do anything but watch all this of all this racism and all this all
of our bureaucrats
spewing a bunch of lies and garbage at everybody my favorite part of it was the
black and white video
the actors made to try to fix it oh my god i will no longer stand by like what
are you talking about
imagine the imagine video also that was that was the beginning of the
coronavirus this was after that
these these actors hadn't worked in months and then desperately needed
attention so they all got
together made that stupid video do you see what jim norton said about the
imagine video no what'd he say
he said when i saw that video i got all choked up because i tried to hang
myself
it was so embarrassing well you know there's something great about people that
have a heart
for it that are well known whether it be acting or sports or whatever
music that people are that look up to those people but it's saturated when it's
just people doing it
because they're getting publicity that's all they're doing it that's why they're
doing it they're doing
it because they this might be an opportunity to let other people know that they're
awesome
that's that's what they're doing and that's their fake way of pretending they
have a heart it's just
doesn't look do you know i mean there has to be some heart in there of course
of course it's not
like they're evil but that's narcissism there's a there's a there's a certain
amount of narcissism
there that's foul it smells bad it's like when you know you open up some
leftovers like oh i can't
eat this that's what it is it's got a smell that's 100 right yeah it's it's the
smell of narcissism
the smell of ego the smell of the preposterous idea that you're going to sing
your way out of
people dying and that's what we're living right now that's what we're listening
to right now but
when i see jared kushner and i'm sure he's a delightful guy i bet he's not no i
i was being
totally uh facetious i hope i oh great i think he's awesome oh i love him pinky
swear
bff but what what it is about he really looks like central casting to play the
nazi in a movie
he so looks like he's gonna have that collar on and be so good yeah exactly
yeah yeah but but uh
apparently he's running the whole show i don't know that's crazy i don't
believe i don't know what
the fuck i don't know what to believe anywhere i just want some where are we
going to get truth
where are we ever going to get it weren't they mad that he was the one saying
that the coronavirus was
going to be nothing and to not yes he was one of the many uh like the bullfrogs
in there mitch
mcconnell and lindsey graham they all look like something out of dr dula
imagine you're the president
and you're like what's going to happen here hey let me go ask that guy who's
married to my daughter
he seems pretty smart he's married to my daughter my daughter my daughter my
daughter girlfriend
wife just imagine that too imagine that he hires his family well that's a that's
a monarch i mean
that's yeah that's a dictatorship and a monarch but it's just those the only
people probably that's
because he wants love and i think they do love him they must love him and i've
known people that know
him i'm sure you do too that uh have said i worked with him he was horrible and
i've also talked to
people that are hung out with him he was great yeah i've talked to people that
know him that really
like him yeah i've heard that too and then it's a performance that the moment
it happens it's a
performance it's well ross told me that ross told me that he had a good time
with them when they
were roasting him and he ross told me that he was telling them like listen when
they're making fun of
you you gotta laugh like if you laugh ross just likes that he liked him i think
you're right
i think you're probably right all right buddy maybe you're right buddy yeah
maybe that's a good point
it's a real good point it's just it's just a sad time and we gotta i we have to
punch through it
§17Transcript · 1:20:54–1:26:20
that's why i love the problem also is the nature of this business is that the
way politicians are
taken apart their past is taken apart things are taken out of context they make
these attack pieces
they look into their finances they look into their past relationships they try
to find every
fucking little piece of something that might indicate there's a character flaw
nobody wants to go through
that so no person who's really like a person that you'd want to be president
wants to be president
there's like a few of them bernie sanders tulsi gabbard there's a few that i i
looked at i said i
could like tulsi gabbard she's young i could see her running this country i
really could and i think she
would do an amazing job at it i think she's a genuinely good person right and a
real leader and i think
you know bernie has some interesting ideas and i would i would love to see what
would happen
if we went like with some of those ideas particularly like fixing inner cities
man doing something to
fix these crime-ridden drug-addled gang-infested communities that have been
stuck like that for
decades and decades drug infested parentless infestance i mean that's it that's
one thing that i
that will hopefully goodness will come from is that they will send people to
help with mental illness
and drug rehabilitation and guidance and if that can happen how does that
happen how do you send people
into the depths of chicago where a lot of the pandemic of that kind of
lack of love and it has to be done locally and it has to be done in each
individual place by someone
who understands the community it has to be done locally in each individual city
each individual
city has unique problems i don't think you could use baltimore's solution on
detroit i think you have
to have your own solution you're right for each individual place based on
people that actually
understand how they got how it got to where it is and what could be done and
mayors and their regime
need to be heroes they need to be people and the other thing is you were saying
you know what every
you get looked into every single scrap of your life comes up you did something
wrong you dated
someone wrong you paid someone you did something you did drugs sometime uh i
think that should be right
there when you come out of the gate when you're up for you give get give just
give the schematic on the
person just in i want to run for uh president here's all the i did here's my
tax evasion here's
i didn't know she was 19 um you know i didn't know that her mom was my
girlfriend you know
like that yeah i never put my finger in that dog that picture is is uh photoshopped
yeah you couldn't
help yourself i don't know i mean that's how diseases start that's not how they
start but
you put your finger in a dog's butt no you just get sick you don't get a
disease maybe you don't
get sick i think people out there could give a you know people out in the
mountains
looking at their sister oh you know in that way i had a this is the kind of
person i was when i was 21.
so jay leno's at the store one of my first nights and stand-up uh letterman
brings me up that's how
my old man stories wow so this is my first night mitchy said you got to quit i
was going to usc
what year are we talking here uh 78. wow mitzi said uh i was going to go to usc
film school i got
into their grad program because i'd won a student oscar for a documentary i
made about my nephew having
his face reconstructed i was going to go serious filmmaking uh and that's what
i wanted and i was
also a stand-up since i was 17. so mitzi said now don't go there work here you
work here you're good
i'll put you in you work here and you won't get paid but work here i went okay
because that night
when i moved to la and and i quit grad school like the day i quit usc grad
school i went there for three
days um i i went up at the store letterman brought me up the lineup was leno
michael keaton uh billy
crystal um uh jeff altman argus uh prior went up later in the evening this on
one fucking night that's
insane and you're part of the reason that place came back you and a bunch of
the people that came in
you brought it back i mean it was not long ago that place was gone yeah it wasn't
looking good no it
wasn't looking good no you you did that that's that's the empowerment that's
takes a strong thing to go
wait this place is history and i like these rooms i need to do comedy what what
was i i want to know
what was your decision making process and how did you find because you were
already on your way to
wherever you wanted to make your playground well i i was gone for seven years
you know i was gone from
2007 to 2014 and that was the that carlos mencia incident that i had at the
store i got banned
and not even by mitzi i got banned by the former management and there's just
some weird going on
behind the scenes and they had negotiated something where were you working out
before then i was at the
store oh there's a store from 94 to 2007. i moved to la in 94 and uh the first
§18Transcript · 1:26:20–1:30:59
thing i did is go to the
store that was mecca when i was in boston and i was an open miker i had heard
about the store i was in
in 1988 i started and that was when sam kennison was huge and you know i start
i literally started
comedy that's right when i left so i missed you i missed you 94. right well i
always wanted to ask
you what it was like because when you did full house you basically had to stop
doing stand-up because
you were on this squeaky clean did it you still did it yeah and it's i started
to morph and i started to
uh get really up on stage um and i was it was fucked up how uh fucked up on uh
i would go okay that's
what i'm doing during the day and here's i know when you did news radio they
wanted you not to do
stand-up as much is that kind of no not really no the the only thing that ever
happened on news
radio is one of the producers said why are you still doing a comedy you're an
actor now like it
was if it was a great thing and i was horrified i was like what yeah like what
but i'm gonna stop
doing stand-up for this that's because they don't understand they think a lot
of people use used and use
stand-up to get a show to get a writing gig to get something and i'm like i can't
stop being one i am
one yeah it's part of my hard drive well it was the most fun too like they were
asking me to do this
thing that i was basically like i'd never taken any acting classes i had i'd
just gotten a development
deal from mtv half hour comedy hour right and they said do you want to be on a
sitcom i'm like okay
and so they made me like get an acting coach and i took a few classes but it
was really annoying
and then next thing you know i'm out here in l.a on a sitcom and so when they
said like why are you
doing stand-up you're in action i was like what the are you talking about right
you don't you've never
killed i'm like you're saying this because you never killed they also didn't
believe in hyphenates
at that point you can't do three things you can't do four things i'm sorry you
can only do one thing
that was also when i started working for the ufc and when i started working for
the ufc they were acting
like i was doing porn they're like what are you doing and i was like yeah i'm
going to alabama to
do uh post fight interviews for a cage fighting event and they're like what the
is wrong with
you that's because you're a original they don't know what that is well it was
just no one had done
it before right there was no nobody could slash cage fighting commentators find
me another one ever
but it was just one of those things where like i was like i don't care i'm
going to do this because
i want to do this and they were like you really shouldn't do this like this is
probably bad for your
career i'm like whatever i don't even know what that means i'm just going to do
what i like to do
tell me again where where you had left off about the the mencia thing with the
carlin so he had
made some sort of sneaky backdoor deal with the store to have them ban me and
he would put his
name on the marquee which he never do would do before like he would do spots
they would just show
up and bump people that was his thing he liked to just show up and he didn't
didn't let them put his
name on the marquee and sell tickets with his name because he would do big
venues around town this was
around you know the mind of mencia days he was a big star you know he was
selling out large theaters
he was doing really well and uh i wasn't doing as well with stand-up i was on
fear factor and i was
doing pretty good with comedy but i was mostly doing clubs uh he was more
advanced career-wise if i'm
i'm being honest and so when they said that to me that i was banned and i knew
it was wrong i'm like
i know i go you guys are you you sell art you sell art this is what you sell
like you this you have
an art store it's just a it's a spoken art and you are you're basically taking
the side of someone
who's stealing a vampire you give a vampire of all the other performers not
just a vampire but someone
would who if you were going on stage he would go on before you and do your
closing bit and then bring
you up there was a lot of dark going on people were scared they had lights they
would flick in the back
of the room when he was there to let you know if you were on stage guys would
just stop doing their
act i wasn't there for any of that it was not good it was not good it was it
was accentuated by his
celebrity when he became famous it got way worse but it always existed he was
always a thief
and so i i said okay um i'm not coming back i'm i'm letting you know like you
think this is going
to be like a two-week deal or something like this you can go yourself i'm not
coming back
so just make make this decision understand this is not this is not a temporary
thing where you're
gonna ban me for a little while and i'm going back and forth with the manager
well mitzi i go
don't don't don't tell me mitzi said because i was on the phone with mitzi an
§19Transcript · 1:30:59–1:35:40
hour ago before
this and i told mitzi what was going on i told mitzi that we are gonna make
this video about him
stealing material because it was a horrible situation there and i told her i'm
like i go
you know this is just what it is she goes all right just keep away from him she
goes when you
want to go up and i go when do you want to put me up she goes all right how
about 10 30 i go perfect
i love you she goes i love you too it's the last time i talked to her last time
i talked to her and
then they call me an hour later and say i'm banned and i'm like what are you
talking about i just got off the
phone with mitzi i go who's running the fucking store you're running the store
you're you you're
running the store i work for you get the out of here and so i got furious and i
just started working
the improv and i did the ice house and i just said okay this is what i do now i
don't work at the
store anymore and the store and i put the store's phone number on my my blog
and told everybody the
whole story and i'm like feel free to call them and let them know how you feel
and it was a ghost town
there for years it became so what yeah it did i crashed that place years yeah
yeah so what brought
you back ari shafir was doing his comedy special he was filming and and adam egott
you know adam i'd
known adam i like adam i love adam and he was uh he's he'd been on the podcast
before too um i've seen him
adam was uh at the tempe improv years before that and i became friends with him
when i worked there
and then he came over and started being the talent coordinator at the store and
they came to visit me
at the improv he said we'd love to have you at the store he's like tommy doesn't
work there anymore
he's gone it was the manager that i had the issue with right and uh mince had
long been just he had
long been outcast from the comedy community like that video and the subsequent
all these other comedians
coming out and telling stories about him everything fell apart and this is what
i told them was going
to happen i was like this is not it's not going to go away this is real this is
not like people make
mistakes they they accidentally do someone's bit because they forget it was
someone's bit or you come
up with you do come up with the same thing people yeah there's a lot but there
there's good people and
then there's people that are victimizing people and he was one of those that
was victimizing people and
with the worst i've ever seen and so this had happened and i knew when adam
came to visit me at
the improv i knew um well i knew adam was a good guy and i'd thought about it
but i was like i can't
i'm not i can't i can't go back there and then ari was doing his special and r
was filming his special
in the or and ari was one of my best friends and i had been friends with ari
from the time that he
was a doorman and i was like he had gone through this journey of being a doorman
to i i started
taking him on the road with me so i'd take him on the road and we would do all
these gigs together
and now here he is he's got his own television show and he's doing a comedy
central special
and he's filming it at the store i'm like i gotta be there so i came there on tuesday
night
he was filming on wednesday i came out on tuesday night and i was there for
roast battle
and jeff ross introduced me to the crowd and i got to see roast battle and it
was wild
roast battle was wild it was so beautiful it was like it was creative and it
was fun and it was packed
i was there one night being a judge jeff brought me and said bob you got to
come down you don't know
you don't know cool yeah it's wonderful if it comes back it still is so cool
but it'll come back
and then um the next night i came back and i i saw ari i watched ari film a
special and then i said
okay i'm gonna start doing shows and so i think uh maybe like a couple days
later i did my first show
back there and that was it then you were there and you were playing almost
every night of the week
right i was there a lot yeah until the lockdown i was there many days a week i'm
gonna come back
and do it right and sign up put my name on the thing i do drop-ins but they're
five minutes i don't
know you don't want to drop in i don't i don't i don't i want to do sets and
when i was doing the
drop-in it was just it would be just to i wasn't sure you know i wasn't sure
that i wanted to
go up and and be part of a lineup is it competitive do people take your stuff
do people no there's none of
that there now there's none of that that's that was my you know i have ptsd
from eight years right
and i had a love affair with mitzi i was like a nephew to her so i was kind of
like family even
at her funeral i was like family um even though i hadn't been around but there
was one time in vegas
where uh i had a weird experience and i was trying to keep somebody sober and i
had to stay up all night
to keep them sober so that she didn't find out and as a result i hadn't slept
§20Transcript · 1:35:40–1:40:36
and i had a week set
in vegas at the dunes and then after the set she came backstage and said you've
lost it you're not
funny anymore oh no and that was like you don't say that to a sensitive jew
comic neurotic
motherfucker she didn't give a fuck though dude she had zero filter no and and
you know what happened
it hurt me and it's just like you teaching martial arts to the kids it's like
well i better get
fucking funny yeah i better get funny again and i can't have an excuse no there
ain't no excuses
no you could just and i just worked harder and harder and now i mean i want to
do i might do some
drive-ins i don't know what i'm gonna do but i i'm enjoying the podcast thing
because i get to and i call
people and talk to them and that's an interplay with people you get to around a
little and i have
some guests that you've had that i love people that are friends and but the
point is i'm born
this i'm born to do this you're born to do this and she was she taught me
something and she loved me
and i loved her but she got really sick so i i you know it was really uh tragic
some people hated
her and some people loved her all the way to the end i loved her i know she
helped me
yeah she wasn't helped me too man if it wasn't for her when i became a paid
regular that was like
the most important day of my life at that moment like i was like holy i'm a
real comedian i'm a paid
regular see i didn't know what that meant i showed up one night and then they
put on the website
bob saget paid regular and i i wrote to the email or i don't know i texted
somebody whoever did the
thing i went you don't have to call me a paid regular i mean you know you can
just say i showed
up can't you he goes no no you don't understand it's an honor i'm like but i
don't take the pay
i never take the pay i'm paid regular i don't but i didn't realize it is a rite
of passage like a badge
of honor it is it was something stripes it was something important when that
happened i was like
oh my god because like i said when i started out in 88 the comedy store was mecca
that was the place
like i wanted to be there that was where richard prior performed that was where
kinnison performed
that's where hicks performed i wanted to go there and when i was there i was
actually there it was a
dark time man i was there in 94 it was a shithole oh it was i went in when it
was over i went in it was
empty i mean you know 20 p it was socially distanced well it was a there was a
bad perfect for now a bad
run for about six years where it wasn't very good from 94 to around 2000 and
somewhere around 2000
started picking up again did paulie paulie really stepped in and peter peter
did a lot right well it's
just better talent started coming around right that's all it was it's like
there was a lot of guys who
would i think there was a week this is my own personal theory and i'm only basing
it on the timeline
of kinnison's death kinnison left the comedy store somewhere around like 90 and
then he died somewhere
around like 92 somewhere around there in 93 and then the the you know so many
guys had gone off and done
sitcoms and like jim carrey had gone off and done movies and in living color
and there wasn't there
wasn't that many people there and then there was also a lot of really bad
talent there was a lot of
guys that's that that is a fact there are people that could have been accountants
and instead chose
comedy as a career and they learned how to walk the stage yes and they learned
how to hold the mic and
they learned how to talk to the audience right they're like a plumber they
learn to trade it's not
and they weren't even good at it they're the plumber you don't want the plumber
that's gonna blow your
toilet up yeah the plumber puts the wrong gasket and it runs so i saw a lot of
those guys and i was
really disappointing like i was like one of my first nights there i remember
there was like 15 20 people
in the audience the acts were terrible i was like this is so weird this is the
comedy store that's why i stayed
away because it made me sad but then every now and then like martin lawrence
would show up every now
and then damon waynes would show up every now and then dom arreira would show
up every now and
then someone would show up and i showed up i wasn't there when you were there
that sucks i didn't see
you there for many many years many years but that's why i was asking about like
the full house days
was it hard oh that's interesting because it'll bring because you were you had
a dirty act
but it wasn't as blue until after and full house and the video show were
simultaneous and they were
family you know seven o'clock at night on a sunday i'm hosting videos i can't
say here's another
fucking video you know you can't do that right and i didn't say that much in
fact a few years
ago dice called me he goes sag it i got to tell you something we got to see
each other but also you
know what man you stole my my shit after you uh after full house ended you
§21Transcript · 1:40:36–1:45:39
stole my i said what did
i still well you didn't used to say as much so i i stole was he joking kind of
but not really
but then he wanted the tour with me so it was kind of like see dice is always
half pranking you
i love him he's always half with you i started going on the road because of
dice
i was just doing the store and this is when i was on news radio and one day he
uh we're in the
background he goes hey you should go on the road and i'm like yeah and he goes
yeah you're funny he
he goes you don't want to be beholding these cocksuckers he goes these motherfuckers
and these
their movies and their shows he goes he goes you go on the road you make good
living and i was
thinking about it i was like why don't i go on the road so i just started
booking gigs i literally
just listened to him because first of all you know i'm 27 years old i can't
believe dice is talking
to me right and i'm like i'm talking to dice like and then he tells me to go on
the road i was like
he's right why don't i go on the road so i started doing gigs here and there
you know and then um
when i really started going on the road like really was when i left the store
that 2007
time when i left the store that's when i started touring that's when i really
started touring because
i was kind of angry too i was like you know i put all that time into that place
and and i was i
thought what we were doing like that mencia thing i thought that was we're
doing the right thing i
thought that was a real problem and so when that was the reaction i was like
okay i'm gonna show
you motherfuckers i had this this attitude like i'm gonna show you and then i
did my best work
after that there's nothing wrong with that yeah that was my best work was after
that because i was
you know my best my first real big special was 2009 which is two years after
that
and then um you know and i don't have any hate for that dude and i hope he gets
better like i hope
he's doing great i really do i think i think he has learned his lesson i hope
he has i hope people
forgive him too i don't i think that's a problem you know i think many people
have had it you know
some real famous people have had it no i don't mean that yeah many people have
had that like robin
right you know a lot of people had that that and his and his loss is so and his
talent is so gigantic
that he was just a vacuum cleaner of of stuff he didn't yeah yeah and i loved
him beyond and he was
he's he was so yeah he's he's he's from every hundred years of robin williams
comes here this is what
it's i mean you you brought up what was going on doing those family shows and
then doing yeah yeah
richard jenny comes into play here it's kind of an interesting thing that you
brought him up because
he hits me in the solar plexus i did a uh special while the two shows were in
the top 10 full house
in america's funniest home videos those long names to say they sound like i'm
saying porn when i say the
names of the shows that's like dirty to me full house oh that's so filthy bob
um but i love doing
family entertainment that's my uh many different sides i love doing stuff the
whole family can
watch together i don't look at that and go oh that that's bullshit you know
that's that's not the
cynical guy that can come out and be blue for the sake of blue i i wasn't blue
for the sake of blue
i just did what i did you know just like you did what you did you know your ufc
stuff it's like
i i wasn't doing anything athletic but but to i did an hbo special and it it
did well but in the
ratings or whatever but it was not good and i i made it so you can't see it uh
and richard jenny
loved it and he would say to me i loved that special and i was i was saying it
but it was like an hour
long and it took a half an hour it was about me being in a dream trying missing
my gig so i was
trying to make a film because i wanted to be a filmmaker and then the next half
hour was basically
a half hour stand up and i just didn't do any of it right you know and but
there were a couple really
funny moments and a couple good bits um and richard told me he thought it was
one of the funniest
specials and most invented that he'd ever seen and i was always thrown by that
and and and i started to
get more like well what do i want to do in stand up and i was like i i just
want to make people laugh
i just want to and then when the shows ended i started directing some stuff and
then i did a special
called that ain't right and that was the hbo special that upset a lot of people
and also put me in
rolling stone and newsweek and all that was because it was dirty it upset a lot
because i was it i was
at uh subject matter as well no yeah a little bit i used as a verb a few times
i don't i don't you know
you know if it's expressive right but it was your huge i mean it's what i found
people because that's
what you had always been doing but they didn't expect that out of you because
§22Transcript · 1:45:39–1:50:36
they wanted full
house and america's funniest home but who would go to see that what am i going
to do hug people and
clean you know well they wanted that sort of howie mandel thing look how he's
blue he is blue sometimes
but not anymore no he's still but he doesn't stand up i saw him at the laugh
factory he's actually talking
about the dangers of doing a bit that could get him fired from the show oh he
actually talked about
that on stage that if he says anything wrong i mean he's on the squeakiest of
squeaky family
entertainment you know he went from deal or no deal to this other thing that he's
doing now what is
he america's got talent or yeah yeah i mean he's i've been talking to him a lot
and he's a great guy
he's a great guy and he's been had a lot of mental health issues that he talked
about in a book and
his ocd is just the outskirts of it how bad is it now with the fucking
coronavirus he's holding on a
germaphobe yeah have the whole world right currently so by the way somebody
wrote that down the whole
world is howie mandel now yeah i said something like he's a prophet i i forget
who it was i forget
who wrote maybe it was gaffigan someone someone said that like that someone had
a quote i love i love
jim yeah he's great but anyway uh so you know i don't know why people think
that you're like a
character you play in something well because you played that character for a
long time for so long
and this was pre-social media this was pre-podcast they just associated look
bill cosby okay for the
longest time people thought bill cosby but i got it out on stage bill always
was offended that i talked
blue on stage because he said you don't need it and when i would see him i
would almost hear like he's
saying motherfucker in between what what did bill cosby think about kenison i
want to know that i
would have loved to seen that i'm sure he just he just disapproved anything uh
blue but the truth is
look what he acted out in his real life i would just do it that is why yeah
that's the boys club that
he was in my boys club or i hate to say that because it's so misogynistic but
it was a guy that looks
like i know what i look like i look like your dentist your accountant or
somebody maybe your
gynecologist if it's a good week but not yours but but um i'll continue i swear
i just had a moment
of doing like 10 of those that go nowhere but but the truth of it is for me to
say that is the joke
for me to and that gets nowhere also so i have to have content and the more
specials i did and the
more i've done stand-up like i was about to shoot a new one this year i've got
like an hour and a
half of stuff of course everybody's going to have 12 minutes of covid but i don't
know what it's going
to be but it was really i was about to talk about racial injustice ready to go
because i've got all
this stuff when i was a kid and segregation and i was living it and didn't
understand it when i was six
seven years old in virginia so it was like i started to have more much more in
it's much more intent in
what i want to do right now um and make people laugh i gotta throw a dick joke
in just to make myself
happy well stand-up comedy is supposed to be here's the world through my eyes
whenever some other comment
comes along and tells you not to do your version of reality they can go eat and
usually
there's something wrong with them and that's obviously the case of bill cosby
there's something
wrong with him 100 his need to have everyone deliver this g-rated comedy was
you know he was he had
some dark dark going on the back of his head and i looked up to him so much
when i was young i'd watch
him on i spy with robert kulp and it was this you probably didn't watch it back
because i'm older
he was so great and then you know he he got his doctorate after just two years
they gave him a free
one at temple i went to temple university also but i graduated and i i didn't
uh you know tranquilize
people and ejaculate congratulations thank you for the non-ejaculation clause
but he um
you know you can't preach and then be full of it's like that's what he got away
with for his
whole life though i think that's how he like covered his tracks like nobody
would believe it
who raped you bill cosby oh go on there's no way that's what they would think i
know i guarantee you
that was part of what was the hustle was it's like a priest like if if no one
knew that priest raped
kids and then you came home and said mom the priest raped me your mom would be
like what the
fuck are you talking boy scouts look i mean there's a fucking ad right now yeah
i can't believe there's
an ad i'm glad there's an ad what do you mean there's an ad it's a commercial
if you if you've
been sexually molested by a scout master yeah yeah so all this shit that's that's
the cleaning that
seems to be happening that's positive that people are getting called on stuff
that's been going on for
thousands of years and in this country for hundreds of years and terrible
§23Transcript · 1:50:36–1:55:51
terrible terrible shit so that
i that's a good calling out that's a good i mean well this calling out is one
way to look at it but
what's really happening is the the lines between reality information like truth
information and
people like how how accessible is truth it's their way it's there's way less
distance to travel
to find out reality than there used to be and we we're remapping our version of
the world because
of that and you know this is what we're seeing with everything with police
brutality it's what we're
seeing with taxes that's what we're seeing with with government and the
environment and you know
climate change and fill in the blank every single problem in the world the
pandemic is just a giant
fucking representation of all of it well it's a wake-up call to all of us that
there has been way less
funding and planning and strategy to deal with pandemic viruses than should
have ever been put
in place bill gates warned us about this in 2015 i don't know a lot of people
think bill gates is the
devil now for some reason have you been paying attention to that yeah they
think bill gates is like
trying to depopulate the world or some shit i don't know i don't know whether
to get off facebook
tick tock i don't know get off all of them there's a guy in uh when they were
trying to keep uh
huntington beach or long beach open no it wasn't long beach was it huntington
beach it was huntington
beach it's a republican area right so uh they had all these people in the
street we're not going to
wear a mask we're not going to stay inside it was the early days of the
pandemic right and this guy is
going you know do not wear a mask do not give in bill gates is the devil so he's
got a fucking
bullhorn he was yelling this is like pre-george floyd all that shit and i
remember that to me
topped off the madness of that particular moment like bill gates the devil the
guy who made microsoft
the guy who wears sweaters yeah bill gates is the devil like but it's a funny
sound bite it was crazy
to listen to but so many people do believe that we're all over the place people
are all over and
it's like one side's over here so liberal that i'm not allowed to say anything
i'm talking about just how
not as a narcissist but as a human artist how it affects me how it affects you
and then everybody's
over here so far right it's fundamentalists on both sides can't we just cut off
the little hands on
each side and just have just a or can't everybody have a if there has to be a
dream discourse it's not
going to happen this is this is how change happens you have to correct polars
you have to have polar opposites
yes this is just a natural fundamentalism and it is it's the same thing you see
on the left as you see on the right
their ideology varies but what their goal is is the same their goal is
compliance they want you to listen
they want to have power and control and then there's people that are fairly
reasonable that can see other
people's perspectives that lean towards the middle those are the healthy people
but these people that
want you to use 78 different gender pronouns and they only want to give money i
can't keep up i'd make
so many mistakes it's not mistakes man well i did a thing in austin which we
both love and i did a thing
for uh the ally coalition um and it's it's for the lg i always it up it's lgbt
q q but q is questioning or
queer it changes yeah it's questioning or or queer at that moment and then a
now you know a's in there
too what is that asexual they got thrown in the mix i'm fine with that so i'm
not i'm not i did a joke
at that their game i did a call i did it for them because they're a wonderful
organization that helps a
lot of people and it was it was i loved it and i was with jay farrow uh who i
loved being with and a
bunch of people bunch of comedians were on the thing and i was the i guess the
headliner of the
thing that they brought in this gorgeous structure i don't know if you've seen
it it looks like the
inside of a mac store but it's outdoors in austin it's like a monolithic
looking cool thing and uh
so i made a joke something about lgb i did all the letters and then i said that's
my record locator
on my flight and that got an awful quiet response and i didn't understand it
because
i i was i'm i'm with them but i'm not making fun of them i'm i'm part of them
maybe the joke just wasn't that good i think so from your response it's
possible too you're carrying
it around your head but then i did another i did a song about transitioning
that i'd written for the
event transitioning what to a female from a male to a female and me having a
relationship because i do
comedy music in a purest way because i love writing songs and singing and i've
always done that in my
stand-up i started as a musical act that we would all ridicule um and um and i
had to pull before i
got to the end of it because it was just uh it got quieter and i heard crickets
and i felt so bad
because i was doing it as saying hold on hold on stop stop does that do well in
clubs that bit yeah it
§24Transcript · 1:55:51–2:01:21
was killing i did it on a special but but you're doing it at an lbgtqa positive
event that's because
i'm a fucking moron yeah and i care about people more i i care about all human
beings i don't i don't
have a racist bone in my i don't understand anything i'm an idiot i'm a fucking
what i heard your dick's
racist my dick is so don't thank you thank you you saved me you know my dick spits
at racism but you
know that that's not a comedy look i don't do any sort of benefit and the
reason why i just donate
money i don't do benefits because it's not my sister died of scleroderma and i
do but donate money
no but would you do a tape for my my viral event in october i wouldn't do three
minutes on i wouldn't
do she died joe i wouldn't die listen to me i wouldn't do acrobatics in a
benefit to help people
with uh spina bifida no no spina bifida is hilarious by the way i don't know if
you've had it
no i got people that are crippled okay i'm not right you know what i'm saying
like you're doing comedy
in an event where people are talking about a serious issue that maybe they've
been maligned and
misgendered and just disenfranchised their whole life and then you're on stage
telling you know a
questionable joke that wasn't your best joke and then a song about
transitioning and you're wondering
why they're not laughing it's not funny to them because it's not a it's not a
comedy show you're
doing comedy at a thing why weren't you in my life sooner i don't know you
could will you manage me
no so here's here for advice so if you want here's the thing the the thing i do
i'm part of the
scleroderma research foundation because my sister died of this disease what is
this disease it's a
hardening of the skin uh sclero uh means uh hardening and derma means skin and
a lot of people
have it uh different people people a lot of people and proportionately uh hits
people of african descent
not unlike coronavirus it hits the lungs um queen latifah's mother passed away
from it i know other
people who've um had it um it's it's uh and i lost my sister and my dear friend
and the first person
to ever do the benefit benefit was robin williams and he did it seven times
afterward and we've raised
53 million dollars and we're curing people that's amazing people are what do
they get into remission
what do they do for the cure like what how do they get there's new therapies uh
my sister was
mistreated and guinea pig they gave her cortisone and prednisone which drives
you nuts and um they
just tested stuff and the the rheumatologist that did it to her is no longer
alive and and i mean
how do you sue somebody that didn't know what he was doing but now there's
centers at johns hopkins and
at uh ucsf and stanford and they're really new drugs like really great ones so
it's always been a
comedy benefit and there are people there patients there and i've always had
everybody's done it
chapelle did it for me in la at the beverly wilshire and i had it was it was
wonderful i mean i think it
was um john mayer got up on stage and um i think it was ray romano and um i'm
wondering if it was gaffing
i've had almost every comedian do it but chapelle made me put on the invite uh
and dave chapelle might
come says dave chapelle says he might come and he flew himself out and he did
the damn thing and
he couldn't do material because we didn't lock up phones and he did a half hour
of being the beautiful
person that he is that's awesome and so all i was saying was robin did it seven
fucking times so
here's my question so richard jenny uh patrice brody you know all these people
sam uh chris farley
wasn't a stand-up but why do really truly funny people have to die shouldn't
there be some kind
of universal law mitch hedberg throw him in that mix mitch had bill hicks well
you know people die bro
it's part of life i know but they but temporary but the love when you say robin
williams to somebody
anybody they get emotional you know because he he could have never done stand-up
and just acted in
movies when 9 11 happened um you know about 9 11 right yeah okay uh can't do
that
that you can't do that joke it's not a joke it's just me being an ass thanks
for thanks for sitting
through this with me um i need i haven't had my shrink in a while you go to a
shrink no you're smart
as fuck so anyway sensory deprivation tank oh do you yeah well that's cool yeah
you get alone with your
thoughts for real i've done it have you yeah i got one here you do yeah and it's
all salt and you get
it and then you play music no tones of any kind no just your thoughts just my
thoughts i just do
breathing exercises i know that you you know the readings of terrence mckenna
because i was a mushroom
boy back in the day his brother there's no yeah his brother dennis is amazing
holy crap yeah yeah i was
gonna see i was i had a 420 show in vancouver he lives in bc now he's a expat
he bailed out of this
fucking wacky country and went to it just as wacky one right but i love vancouver
i mean he picked a
§25Transcript · 2:01:21–2:07:25
good spot i love vancouver um let me just finish the robin thought please yeah
because i apologize
um so 9 11 happens and i'm home and i'm alone my kids i was divorced my kids
were at their moms
and um all the channels are running the footage for 24 hours and fox television
runs mrs doubtfire
and i'm like what a great thing they did for me and for people and i know a lot
of people that i've
talked to over the years that go yeah i watched mrs doubtfire that night they're
on their
network which was still kind of a new network in a way they ran it and it's a
story about divorce and
what he would do to get back to his kids yeah and his acting in in that is you
know it's a sweet movie
it's a sweet movie that's a movie that i gave as an example when someone saying
uh i because someone
was saying that trans people are never funny and a straight person in drag is
never funny i go you
can't say it's never funny and i said you don't think it's it's never funny
when someone pretends to
be a woman and the guy says it's never funny i go mrs doubtfire tootsie well
that's a good one too
but there's a lot of them mrs doubtfire is a very strong example but it's not
about that's not about
that it's about having to do the greatest disguise to be able to see his kids
yes but he's still
pretending to be a woman and it's hilarious yeah yeah yeah well he he was all i
was saying was if
he had never done stand-up if robin had just been just been a great actor or
like what eddie murphy's
doing now i mean eddie murphy was one of the best stand-ups ever yeah stops
yeah and now he just does
films i have a i have a story for you about him that i think you'll dig uh so i'm
hosting the main room
thinking i'll never get a career everybody's off everybody's gone arsenio's
gone uh howie why
what do you mean you think you never get a career i i i was on the road not
making a lot of money
but in the meantime i would host uh for years the westwood store which was no
more which was fun
actually sam so you're really young at this time then mm-hmm in my 20s you
weren't going to have a
career yeah already in your 20s yeah i was depressed all my 20s my all of them
that's crazy i was i'd be on a
plane and didn't care if it went down that's how stupid i was really i should
have been gone to a
doctor is what i should have done be that depressed so i'm there and i'm
hosting and um eddie murphy
comes in and this is not on the bill he didn't call for a spot so eddie comes
in and he's working out
raw and i don't know that it's raw but then he comes out and he's in i can't
remember if it's the
the blue leather or the red leather suit but he's in one of them and he looks
like a god
i mean he looks i i've never seen anyone more beautiful i want i look at him
like oh my god look
at it his skin was like butter i mean he's i wanted to kiss him he's still
beautiful he's he's amazing
he's one of the most he wanted to be the beatles of comedy he is he he he is so
i'm the host on a
friday night and it was uh sam's gonna go on later and he comes out and the
place standing ovation the
walls shake and he does about 50 minutes on a friday night wow and i'm watching
it and it's good
and it's and i'm laughing and i'm seeing it he's working he's working it yeah
that's why he's there
and he's get and he's getting ready for something because he's dressed in his
wardrobe for what will
be the suit that's going to be the show the movie and then um he finishes and
it and it great applause
standing ovation but what you would expect i was there the next i was there all
the time i lived there
which is why i went away for a long time besides work happened i was on broadway
and whatever the
happened just on the street you know i was just begging but i uh but uh a week
later a week one
week later the following friday he comes out in the other color suit i don't
know if it was blue or red
i have a feeling it was blue that that other friday one friday later and i
asked had he gone up at the
improv or laugh factor anywhere and they said no he comes up and he does an
hour and ten standing ovation
when it starts i watched how great he is with my own eyes ears and heart it was
i never saw anything like
it i've the the when he was done he had crushed it so strong in a way that was
so funny because it was
it had emotion in it and it it talked about racism and it talked about just and
it was dirty and it was
great and the wall literally the building shook and that building's got like
dead mobsters underneath it
that's very solid that building there's cement down there i'm not kidding the
wall i thought it was an
earthquake and it it was minutes minutes of applause and i come back out on
stage you know and he's he's
face to face with me and i go that that was amazing and he just gave me a
nod like yes sir and then he was gone and he was always very kind to me too uh
but i got to see that
i got to see in one week what brilliance it took for him so what do you think
he did do you do you think
he just went and reviewed the material and if he didn't perform at all that
§26Transcript · 2:07:25–2:12:25
week he he must have
so not necessarily no i think not necessarily is the answer no i think he just
did what we do when
we're good and went over it and over it and over as long as he worked at it he
there's no way he
didn't work at it well sometimes he didn't just leave it there but sometimes it's
not that sometimes
it's just inspiration sometimes you feel different sometimes you just feel
better like sometimes you
go on stage you just feel loose yeah he's got an idea of how to do it you feel
physically better maybe
like maybe you're more well rested or maybe he didn't like the set the week
before so he didn't
thinking about it for all that time i could tell he didn't after that first set
because he was his mind
was worrying like it does when we're trying to work something out well listen
man that's the weirdest
thing about doing a special you leave that material to the ether it's gone and
then you start from
scratch you have no weapons so here you have these people that come to see you
oh my god it's bob saggin
i love bob saggin i'm so excited and you ain't got for them i did i did that
scrambling everybody did
that after my last special look every time i do a set at the comedy store after
my special comes out
i don't have anything i have a few scraps i have a few ideas a few premises you
know this last time i got
lucky that i had a couple that i couldn't really do in my last special i never
really fleshed out i could
start with them i could kind of get going get get a little bit of momentum and
then piece together and
act but that desperation is what creates your your your act that's this last
after that happened and
what i i could feel what was happening in in the world the past and you could
too for the past year
year and a half of what was what we were going toward with trump at the helm
and all of the
the shit that's been happening and all the people at each other so i it started
happening fast where
new stuff was coming to me and i was reflective over my life and reflective
over
real things more real things not just a bunch of nonsense or just so you wanted
to do
more real thoughtful storytelling things that mean something to you rather than
just jokes but i but
but i could can't help myself as you could apparently tell without taking
little asides to throw in
something that's just like what when you say that you want to do this though
like how much time
were you working how much stand-up were you doing uh quite a bit i've been on
the road and i've been
wanting to be on the road more than i've ever wanted to be on the road wow that
so up until pandemic
i was set to go to canada and they closed canada the day before actually they
closed it the day after
i pulled on vancouver and they were basically just touring back and forth and
just doing a lot of
a lot of clubs getting everything a lot of clubs a theater a bunch of theater
runs little theater
runs not not big ones getting everything nice and loose yeah and when were you
thinking about filming
i was going to go fall this year me too i was i was already i know where i'm
going to shoot it i don't
even want to say because i have some real cool uh that i have that i want to do
that it's part of the
place a part of it but it's just the i can't look like it's bad i can't feel
like it's just gonna what
we're all going through is just gonna make me it mean even more everything we're
gonna get to do
when there's a vaccine when we find out if their vaccine works we find out what
the all this is
when we get to go out and really do a room that's 100 full and we don't know it's
you don't know what's
coming with your big dates coming up i think they're all getting canceled if i
had to guess i mean unless
something happens between now i mean i'm supposed to do madison square garden
october have you played
there before yeah i played the smaller room but i'm doing the big room in boston
garden back to back
two weeks in a row motherfucker and i don't know if that's happening chappelle
and i have a bunch of
gigs i saw i don't know if that's happening but you'll just move them you'll
just move them a year
right yes a year a year's likely but even then we don't what kind of a climate
are we looking at
what is the world going to be like that's the least of my concern right now i
mean doing stand-up is
great i would i would like to do stand-up again right it's a selfish concern
right right now i just
want to look if we never do stand-up again man life is beautiful i want to
appreciate life i want to
appreciate my friends i want to appreciate my family i appreciate being able to
do this podcast this has
been one of the the nicest things that there's a place that i could sit and
hang out with people
and talk and learn like this this podcast has made me grow a lot as a human
being it has a lot i've
listened and watched it's uh it's shifted my perspective it's made me way more
aware of how
much responsibility i have doing this thing when we first started doing this
§27Transcript · 2:12:25–2:17:16
podcast it was you know
me and brian redband and you know whoever the guest was joey diaz or eddie bravo
or ari shafir
whatever it was and there would be like a thousand people listening at the most
you know we'd get
like a thousand downloads would be crazy and so we got to practice when there
was like no stakes and
you could still listen to them some of them are terrible and some of them are
getting me in trouble
now because some of the ridiculous we said right trying to make each other's
laugh but that led to this
and did you for whatever reason we just kept doing it or i just kept doing it
it became this did you
have any vision in your mind that it would be what other people look at as like
an empire no
chance no you just did it just did it i'm a grinder i'm i'm i'm a person that i
see something and i try
to get better at it and i know that i had a bunch of podcasts that weren't that
good and so i'd go what
was wrong with that one well i talked too much or maybe i interrupted too much
or maybe i didn't have
enough to say about the subject so maybe i should be more prepared maybe i
should right be more focused
and then i really like what what is what's a distraction like make sure people
don't look at
their phones make sure you're locked in be really engaged be in the moment in
the conversation be
better at that and i just kept doing it that's kind of you're an influence on
me in a huge regard
because i didn't come to podcast because every person on the earth the kid
across the street has a
podcast you know my the guy ups guy the other day had a podcast really no but
but it's okay but
but i i'm like on number 33 and i'm i'm learning very fast because i'm a broadcaster
you know i had
i know how to do things but it's not it's it's a conversation that's why i'm so
drawn to what you
do there's people listening this is the most important thing and it's and they
love it and they
and they need it but it's also you have to listen to the way you sound you have
to listen to the way the
conversation's going like it has to be there has to be something in what you're
talking about and
the way you're talking that makes people want to listen i don't know how to
teach that i don't
i mean i don't know i think but you get better at it it's a skill there's
something to it that's
just like everything else man it's like i don't play the piano but i would
imagine it's like playing
the piano or learning any other skill the more time and focus you put into it
the better you get at it
and it's to me it's it's fascinating still to this day if i get a scientist in
here or a researcher or
someone who's writing a book on something yeah elon musk with a flamethrower
yeah it's fascinating i i i
when when i'm having those conversations i'm i'm locked in man i love it i
enjoy it and i never
never thought i'd be doing this and this is not a plan there was no plan to
this isn't that the best
it's great i don't know if it's the best but it's great well it's the best i'm
enjoying it i think it's
the best because it comes from an organic place and that's why it worked that's
why it works i mean
that's why it's going to even i don't know if you read but you're you're you're
moving it i don't
know if you read about it yeah that's right here some people that work for me
to tell me that yeah
it's moving somewhere i can't remember where but i just moving somewhere big
apparently yeah i you know
and that's a that's a mind too because now it's like there's more scrutiny on
it there's more people
paying attention and criticism and everything but it's also it's like i just
keep doing it i just keep
going and i just keep focusing on that and that's the real challenge right as
it gets bigger can you
keep doing it the way you're doing it can you keep getting high and get drunk
and have friends here
and just talk yeah i'm gonna see until the wheels fall off they're not they're
not gonna fall off
because you're you're a special guy i'm just telling you i'm 64 i could say
like that
what if when you're 62 did not let you no i wasn't allowed
i was talking to norman lear the other night he's gonna be 98. how's he doing
he's a genius
on the ball at 98. we were we had a zoom with a bunch of music guys like i said
and he is
one of the most beautiful people i've ever i will ever know and smartest to
being sharp at 98. he cares
about humanity he um you know he changed television he gave us all in the
family and sanford and son and
good times and the jeffersons isn't it crazy that none of those shows you could
do today
but they're doing them they are doing the live ones on abc jimmy kimmel and he
are doing those
what all in the family and uh jeffersons have been running new episodes what woody
harrelson's archie
bunker and marissa to may is uh edith shut the fuck up but uh sorry you really
need to google this is
this actually happening this is gigantic a couple months ago what yes before
the pandemic yeah what
§28Transcript · 2:17:16–2:22:10
this is about as real as it gets how the am i just hearing this how can you i've
i told you something
you don't know wait a minute this is woody harrelson that's woody and they sing
those were the days
bunker and get the out of here and it's awesome joe it's awesome wow and norman
lear and there's
marissa this is crazy you have to watch it it's i can't believe this is real no
it's it's how do you
know about are you joking no i didn't know about this well i gave you what didn't
you tell me jamie
i gave joe intel live in front of a studio audience all in the family holy so
it's norman
and kimmel and abc and it's one of the producers yeah they do it together and
it's wow it's
fucking it's so special because the stuff is about racism because people didn't
quite understand
some people were just loving archie and not getting
the sadness wow they're all dressed like they're in the 70s yeah so it takes
place in the 70s look at
the collars yes
and on the jeffersons you had jamie fox i mean this is what yes this is how the
do i not know this you've got to go and watch it you've got to look it up you've
got to watch a
little bit i'm that old man that doesn't know anything anymore i'm completely
out of the loop
i'm so relevant you're the relevantest guy i've ever met no the most relevant
is norman lear
so he's 98. look at this this is crazy it's absolutely who's going to do sanford
and son
i don't know if they're going to do that why not i don't know if you can do red
fox d.l hugley
oh he could there's a few people i love d.l i do too i think he could do it so
he was on stage
at zane he's in nashville and he passes out and he's got coronavirus i know how
good is his uh tour
manager that caught him as he was falling asleep yeah isn't that amazing he
could have had his
head cracked oh for sure he was going down you know what i'm so this is what i
was saying about
all these comedians that we love and i got i'm so fed up with that because i i
love comedians so
much i started i don't reach out to d all that often we see each other once in
a while i started
texting him are you okay it's bob saget please don't think i'm weird i can't
take i can't
fucking take it anymore that is you please don't think i'm weird and and then
no he texts me back
he's laughing he's going i'm okay i said well i wrote something else i'm sorry
i texted you
then the next day i called him i said what the fuck man how sick are you he
goes i'm okay i'm okay
he doesn't seem to be that sick i saw him talking no he seems like a little bit
of a cough you know
brian cowen got it yeah and he's fine now he was a strong uh mechanism his
instruments pretty together
well he didn't take any medication um brendan schaub his friend took medication
and he was fine
four days and count it took him like 11 or 12 but he's fine now he said he
feels good
um i'm concerned with long-term effects from anybody that has this because i
was talking to
a friend of mine who is a doctor who is saying he's treating a basketball
player um who three
months and a guy in his 20s three months after covid is still having issues
with his endurance he hasn't
gotten his endurance back to where it is like his his lungs are not working at
full capacity so there's
perhaps some damage or something i've heard from people that are scarring yeah
that happens
it's terrifying you know what is this jamie scans reveal heart damage in over
half of covid-19
patients in study oh great maybe they should go with more patients there was
something else i could
send this to you there was another well it's not necessary but it was
essentially saying that uh
in the autopsies that they're doing on people who died of covid they're finding
blood clots in all
of their organs and their liver their lungs their kidneys everywhere yeah this
is a weird disease man
and they don't know if the vac and what i've been hearing with the vaccine they
don't know
if you get it if it doesn't if it can keep you safe they don't know they don't
know but they
don't know first of all they don't know if a vaccine is going to be even
possible normally it takes
a vaccine upwards of four years to develop and they're trying to do this and
fast track it and
they're also trying to do something called an mrna vaccine it's a different
kind of vaccine that doesn't
use a live version of the virus but instead forces your body to create proteins
i don't see we could
pull up what that means mr i remember i'm a moron so when i say these things
even though i use the
right words i really don't know what the i'm saying very important to remember
you're becoming me um mrna
virus see if you can uh excuse me mrna vaccine i typed it in but it's not
saying what it like
that's it we'll never find out the definition of mrna vaccine messenger rna
messenger rna see it does
something to the body and forces the body to create proteins that fight off the
§29Transcript · 2:22:10–2:26:45
virus another thing
that's really important is vitamin d um they are finding and this is what you
were talking about with
african americans having a particular problem with covet african americans have
a particular problem with
vitamin d as well because of course with their skin color their ancestors all
came from africa where
your body had all this melanin to protect itself from constant sunlight so they
didn't have to worry
about absorbing so much vitamin d from the sun because they were in the sun all
the time this is
the reason why irish people are so pale the reason why they're so pale is
because where they are there's
no goddamn sun so their body has to be like a solar panel for vitamin d your
body produces vitamin d
because of sunlight and it's not just a vitamins it's actually a hormone which
is i'm really uh been
getting into this lately do you take a lot of supplements vitamin d yes my wife
says 5 000 i use a
day so i was talking to your guys before i came in here and they were saying
yes you got it i've been
out in the sunlight because i've been out go go to the pool that's like hawaii
for my wife and i
and she's you know that's been helpful it feels good that's good but you're
also getting a little
bit of sun damage there too right you got to be careful about that yeah i put
on the
but is that protecting you from vitamin d as well probably what you should do
is get blood work done
and find out where your vitamin levels are it's not hard to do go to a good
doctor they can do blood
work well my wife wanted me to take supplements she says she as right before i
came in here she said
that's what i've been trying you don't take vitamins she said i do i do but i
don't take too many
you should take vitamins you should go to a doctor that really understands this
kind of
shit and could look at your blood work and say hey you need niacin you need
vitamin d you're low
in zinc and all those things protect you is it a normal doctor or is it a
person that we'll talk
afterwards when you have a body that is deficient in nutrients that body lacks
the the strength to
prevent illnesses it's the the part of what your immune system is is your your
body has a an army
that fights off bad diseases right right and when your body doesn't have any
building blocks your body
doesn't have any nutrients your body is is deficient and all sorts of critical
nutrients that it needs
for all these different functions it's not going to do the job it's real simple
when your body's weak it's
not going to do the job but fortunately for us in 2020 you can take supplements
and vitamin d is not
expensive it's not prohibitive but it has a huge impact one of the things that
they're showing is
that and this is something that dr ronda patrick uh talked about when she was
on the podcast she went
over all these different studies that they've done in places where covid
patients were in the icu
and in one of them in several but one of them i can recall 80 plus percent of
the people that were in
the icu for for covid had vitamin d deficiency four percent had sufficient
levels of vitamin d and
there's multiple studies that point to the exact same thing is that this is it's
critical in your
body's ability to fight off illness and particularly effective with covid so
when you're talking about
african americans um one of the things my doctor told me was that when he was
uh doing tests in manhattan
with african americans some of them had non-detectable levels of vitamin d so
these are
people that first of all their ancestors come from a climate where they're
supposed to be in the sun
all the time now they're not because they're in this northern hemisphere cloudy
it's in the winter
they're not getting anything in the sun and they're not taking any vitamins so
they're just not getting
it it makes them particularly susceptible another thing that makes people
particularly susceptible is
obesity that that is uh according to my friend who's a doctor in new york is a
huge factor in people that
are in the icu that quite obesity is a huge factor obesity vitamin d those are
two big ones zinc zinc
does something that stops the the virus's ability to get into the body i don't
i don't know how that
works but something about your your body's uh the the virus's ability to enter
into the body is somehow
or another stopped by zinc i've always had a problem taking too many
supplements i went on a lot of kicks
i had doctor a couple doctors recommend certain vitamins and d was one of them
for sure and biotin and
d's huge man most people are deficient does it upset your stomach because like
c upsets my stomach how
does it upset your stomach i don't know i have an acidic stomach it just what
are you talking about
it feels like it's burning a hole through it when i take a vitamin c well do
you take it with food
that's what i've done wrong first of all you should know when i fart it's like
a white cloud
a white cloud yeah are you looking in the mirror while you fart how do you know
§30Transcript · 2:26:45–2:31:39
it's who doesn't
i mean you've never looked over and farted in the mirror i haven't over the
shoulder i don't
think i have maybe we should do a photo session maybe not let's say not and not
we didn't you
should take vitamins with food most vitamins are they they get better before or
after well
i think the best way to do is probably in the middle of your meal like eat so
when you're when
you're eating elk which i've seen a lot of photos of yeah a lot of elk pictures
would you take the
d in the middle of four pieces of elk yes i have a hard time telling people to
do what i do
in basically everything because they're not i don't mind it because you're kind
of like
a perfect human specimen but they're not going to do it they're not going to do
what i do physically
they're not i might i take advice i have a stack of vitamins it's like it's
like this like a
fucking monopoly board and i pull those bad boys out when i eat and i i pour
four of these and two of
those and ten of those and i just eat those and i eat them with my food that's
what i do when i'm eating
i'll stop in the middle of the meal and i go out and i get my box and i have a
box let me let me ask
you a question fish oil and right fish oil right yeah what does it do this uh
probably not a good
topic but what does it do to your uh stool what happens i don't know i always
do it do you have a
nice one is it regular all right is it tapered like a hammer bro comes out
hard residual or no it's just shit it's regular shit okay so it's not in
compartments it doesn't
come out all separate like vitamins no you don't like like 40 vitamins no
shit capsules it doesn't have anything to do with your it's uh what
you know just your comes from food waste that's what is yeah i didn't know
that it's mostly fiber for a lot of people when you eat uh meat only that's
what's interesting
yeah you were on that you just did all you lost a bunch of weight on that yeah
i did
um when i did that i had smaller shits it was interesting it was like i was
eating a lot of
meat but your body absorbs it and you know it's meat is mostly water right
right so you've got like
the the the tissue and then the water and the amount that you is surprisingly
small whereas when
you're eating a lot of salad and you're eating a lot of like celery and fibrous
foods all that stuff
your body doesn't really digest it but it's good for you right i don't know i
don't know everybody's
saying that we need to have our vegetables right not everybody some people are
saying you need to have
the vegetables and then there's some people that are on this carnivore diet
that say you don't need
any vegetables some people are vegan like my wife's a pescatarian she worships
fish and i am on i'm be
positive blood so my 10 year old goes is a humanitarian someone who eats people
i've i mean that's gonna
happen soon i think we're already happened we're on the but i i mean i think it's
gonna become popular
you think so yeah i think one day what if lab created human meat is the best
thing to eat at a
restaurant it's like the veal we have uh some beautiful lab created human lab
created buttocks
you can get it at umami they would have that if you go to mommy has people a
restaurant they come
out and they have one of those like bugs bunny silver things where they pull
the top off of it
and it's a dude's butt it's just a perfect butt like a like an athlete i ate
the best ass today
and he's like this we're gonna crock pot this it's gonna be a beautiful
beautiful roast for you
and it's not it doesn't not a part of an actual person it was all created in a
lab
right so someone who's always wanted to eat a guy's ass simulated i mean who
doesn't pull that top
off that and show them simulated man ass like if you go to morton's they come
by with this this
the steak tray yeah and they show you this is the ribeye this is a beautiful
marble cut
to come by with the man five asses i mean they're making lab created meat why
not make lab created
human meat do you eat that stuff i have never because it's not available but i
would try it but
i mean not man uh oh that fake yeah no the soybean terrible my wife gives it to
me i don't really love
it it's supposed to taste pretty good but it's not good for you it's not good
for you if you want to eat
vegetarian or vegan eat vegetables eat actual real vegetables don't eat some
fake beef that's not real
food i need my meat well eat meat then yeah there you go but it's not supposed
to be good for your
heart says who well people but have you looked into that no yeah see that's the
thing that people just
keep saying yeah they hear what some yeah you know what's bad for your heart
man sugar sugar and refined
flour no fat's not bad for you fat's essential you need fat it's actually food
for your brain i thought
it's also good it helps lube up the meat so you can better perhaps listen we
can go down this rabbit
hole but it's already four o'clock it would take a long time for me to explain
§31Transcript · 2:31:39–2:33:24
nutrition to you yes
mother time flies in this room you're you're enchanted how the do you do this
you sit you talk yeah you have a good time a couple hours pass by pow pow i
love this it was fun
glad we did it bob i love it tell people about your podcast how they get it uh
it's on uh you know
it's wherever you get them right it's wherever you get them apple it's uh spotify
is it uh it's on zigzag
is it on youtube as well or it is but i i got a brand new youtube site i'm a
newbie so i just it's up
there for uh zoom videos because i've been talking to people beautiful but i
have really good guests
i've been having that but i call people too to see how they're doing and
instagram just bob sagat yeah
instagram twitter uh i got tick tock until china pulls it don't don't get off
the tick tock they're
they're watching you ever move are they really yeah the chinese government they're
in your ass right now
checking you out maybe i need that maybe you do but what about what about uh
you know uh alexa
isn't she listening to everything she's listening to everything everything so
is uh the the apple
thing the apple home the motherfuckers listen to siri's listening siri's
listening siri's
me every day yes yes she knows everything all of them all of them her yes she
and alexa should take a
slow boat to there you go let's end with that bob sagat i love you i love you
thank you buddy thank
you it was a lot of fun this is great goodbye america and the rest of the world
see ya