Todd Glass

00:00like with insulated walls put in 5 4 3 2 1 someone's got a new Netflix special so you do have new Netflix special I do I don't want this to be like an interview no but appetite but I but I I like it I'm actually proud of it you know it's like I'm still proud of it you know usually a certain amount of time will go by where I'm like ah look at the time even now I've gotten it better on the road because you know I've you know the day after you shoot it you go out in the road and you're a murderer and you have a little fun with it yeah and that's when you go and then you go I but I'm still proud of it it was my favorite thing I've did the guy did Jeffro was the guy who and Scott Moran but just everything I wanted they did it perfect that's awesome the look let you do it I did it it did lyric but and the lyric is great but there's no desk is the lyric in LA the lyric is in LA it's I get

01:07Melrose and Melrose and La Brea uh-huh pretty but but they sort of used it as a shell and it's already a pretty cool Club but you know some of the biggest compliment I got someone said you know what's weird about your special I want to go there and it doesn't exist what it looked like like where is that they had good set people they it just looked like a cool jazz club in New York City that was maybe but not it wasn't small cuz it was an after you know sometimes it's small but it's shitty it's that's the look and it's cool sort of a heat what's the word kitschy here yeah I don't know what that word mean and that's the look they want I didn't want that not that I think that's bad but because some people have done that really well and it's a cool way to see a comedian just in a cool little raw space but I wanted small but like like it's a jazz club in New

01:53York City but it's like 150 bucks to get in and it wants 100 people it's like a bat type of thing run like a theater well you helped design one of my all-time favorite clubs helium and Philly you helped design that place didn't you well when Marc Marc he Acme and Lewis Lee said you know Todd's from Philly he'll probably love to give you advice right so when it was just a warehouse like cement and I met him down there and he's like I'm thinking of opening up a club and you know I told him a lot of stuff I wrote I I i made like well email you know like six pages of you know here's very detailed things and you know what he listened to a lot of it I got give him credit you know that's awesome it's great Club it's like there's something about those intimate spaces like one of the things I've noticed one I'll take people on the road with me I said guys who have never worked a

02:50theater like it takes a few tries to get they go oh okay this is a whole different thing there's so many people here you've got to kind of project out to them it's like a different thing it's not you don't feel them the way you feel them at in the oh are right unlike a Wednesday night right or Comedy Works in Denver or they're on top of you like you feel the people there more yeah yeah and then you learn it pretty quick though yeah you know do you ever do the belly room at the store I have done it a few times and of course it's I love little room yeah like I love like when I used to do Tempe you always did that side room on purpose you don't do the big place but the side place you know not to get to but you get it yeah I was jealous I remember I came over I was in the other the the regular one which is great I was having a good time is but one one Joey and I went next door and watched

03:47you I was like this room's better well even in DC which i think is a good example DC has a 60 seat room and whenever I'm in there I go I give it I had a two piece band playing we they put black tablecloths on all the tables the lights are gelled blue so now people are turning the corner into this thick blue room with two guys with black suits playing jazz as they're being seated and eating so now I don't feel like it's an afterthought you're what you just said and I'll take it as a compliment the other comedian that's in the main room there which is an awesome room yeah but that you look into the little room and you're like it just looks like something's going on and that's how I want it to look no we make sense yeah no it does make sense it's uh it's more of a hang right there a big show and your style so loose on stage like lends itself to intimacy you

04:39know lends itself to those nice compact spots yeah do you ever do the ice house that the annex room I mean not forever but yeah I know what you mean I think that was the craziest the ice house is about as deep as this room that's it goes sign aside a little bit I think the whole room that annex only gets what is it like 70 people maybe 70 people and all the chairs are like facing the audience yep see that says oh no no no no no you're sitting here you're gonna say goodbye to your friend for a little while Yeah right look past the person next to him they're trying to feed you food too like you were working in a half restaurant the thing about I will say this about a good Club most of the food's been served or I couldn't do what I'm about to tell you that I've done so if the club has to at least be good to go now we get the food out we have food we can get out but

05:30a time the show started we try to have the whole room service so in the event and like helium does that but so I started making this announcement and I would tell people cuz I do my own pre-show announcement it has to do with what you said about when they're sitting sideways right and I'll just go real calm real I go other than that folks hey now's a good time to turn your chair around you're always gonna have to annoy someone - the writer left you but now's the time to do it and once all the chairs are facing the stage we'll get this thing started play a little house me and then you know what they wouldn't do it but I'd another 30 seconds I'd go so we're just waiting for all those chairs you could turn around and then we'll get it started so it looks like we're close to Showtime and the second time boom boom boom boom boom boom every chair in the room

06:08they're like oh they're not but you know I get it it's a pain in the ass and if I was in the audience I wouldn't want to turn my chair around but guess what once someone made me do it you'd enjoy the show better and they do we got you know this if you ever do those use those yonder bags you know those bags on to make you put their cell phone and a bag Denver has them yeah Denver uses them for all the shows now I started using them for all my shows so you just a company comes in and just does it for you yeah you hire them they come in and then when they put the bag the phone in the bag they still hold on to their phone they can leave the room if they get a phone call like you have a kid or something like that and someone's watching the kid you could always get out of the room make a call but you can't call people when you're in the room and I was having people calling

06:52people and talking on the phone you could see them talking on the phone while the shows going on and people around them would be getting pissed off and someone on Twitter comments on it and you just everyone's got their phones up and look I know I've done it too I'm totally a hypocrite when I saw honey honey with Gary Clark he can perform in this little tiny room and downtown LA was a midnight showing like a Tuesday and I filmed it and put it on my Instagram so I know I'm a hypocrite but that was a rare occasion and it wasn't a comedy show I what it's like a comedy show you have to pay attention to what the going on if you if you're filming it you're not definitely not paying full attention right it's it's not you're gonna miss some stuff it's just not the same thing when you're filming like everybody is just and even if you're not you're checking this and checking text and boy

07:39we got a real addiction problem in this country these are new things well you're new objects I realize because I'm not delusional that the the amount of it I can put most of it to rest with a pre-show announcement where I'm at in my career but again as you get two different levels there's different intensity so I don't I get it but um the my pre-show announcement when I went to see Brian Regan the person next to me they were texting I couldn't hear them matter of fact they even had their that light down so you think well what could bother me and it did and it didn't matter if it was right around I know what it was I wanted the person next to me to be loving him as much as I was loving him yeah and the fact that I saw him on their phone online even they weren't making a peep it started to bother the out of me I was getting angry and then I went no that's I'm

08:31gonna do the same thing at my show I go don't turn your thing all the way down I go I know you think and you pull it out into your knee I go seriously if you pull your phone out after this announcement you look like a dick I go and then that we're glad you're here and you know what it you just you have to pinkie that announcement a little longer but it worked I'm worried about people I really are this is a really new thing the more I'm thinking about it the more like looking at your phone constantly is really only ten years old right like 2008 ish the not the iPhone came around 2009 right before that people were a little texty people some people more texty than others they really got into text messages but what's that iPhone came out and once people started doing a bunch of stuff and apps and stuff on your phone it changed the whole game you know I don't know with this

09:21topic if I'm like I could be way off or I could be off kilt but the way I come to my conclusion about like you know you know it is it is a weird thing and even me I can acknowledge it otherwise I don't acknowledge it and then you're never gonna tell some of the opposing side if they don't think you get one yeah you see it but it just seems like in the past now this could be different with no no snarkiness at all this could be a different thing every time they think there's one of these things like TV radio just seems like can we get past it oh I think we'll get past it you know what I mean I didn't think the world was gonna explode no I'm worried about certain I'm not worried about the human race but I'm worried about the lives of certain people if that makes sense because it's like saying like are you worried that cracks can destroy the human race no I'm not worried that crack

10:08is gonna destroy it but I do think you can destroy the lives of some people and I feel right the same way about this right like the texting like it's not just that it's it's like being plugged into electronics to the point where that's where you're getting most of your stimuli from you're getting artificial stimuli my concern this is a real concern is that we're getting really into that and then we're gonna let it take the next step which is some sort of an implant I feel like this is like we're in a movie we're in a movie about a person that becomes a machine and we're watching this rationalization process as we slowly get more and more ingrained and interconnected with technology we'll definitely in our lifetime have somebody hundred percent I try like what you were just addressing like we said before like I I catch myself and I really try like if I had to

11:01give myself a grade on how much I've improved and turning the phone on like loving it for what's great about it I get myself maybe a c-minus but it means I've made some strides and like he's running it off you're not an F not an F not before a matter of fact I remember a week ago I was going to the Grove and I went I'm not meeting anybody um and I left my phone in the car strong move to ideas and I was high and I didn't want to write him down I went a that's the thing about leaving your phone in the car take a picture show someone a picture or it doesn't have to always be but anyway I try to go and you know never never walking through us never walking through a line that actually could encourage you to write you know you could use but I mean saying you see you can only use your phone when you have a note or an idea that's the only time you could use

11:55it well that's like a loophole like I'm pretending that I don't even have this phone unless I need to make a note you know what I could put it on airplane mode you could put it on airplane mode they still have tell the other stuff although ways my pants down oddly enough hmm that's true good conversation right he does do that no that's why I like fanny packs cuz people just mock me relentlessly can I tell you something there's no way I say it all the time when I go especially if I have my Altoids and then I have a pipe yeah and then I go what the you're a pipe guy I still do for some reason old school what else like what are you like jazz clubs you're like what do you do like what is your typical way it's mostly joints or they pens you know it's the rolling of the joint that I am I have a question for you okay and I think you might know the answer I smoke I'm not

12:47gonna like you know you know pressure blame you if I something happens I know I can switch conversation completely but know what afterwards I have two things I want to ask you a question okay did I interrupt no no no um I smoke now seven nights a week Wow so I'll have like a joint I would say if I had to put it in joint size maybe a joint per night so it's not that that's tremendous amount not just at night not that I'm saying I don't I want a prize for that just for me it works better at night but I say I quit and I did I quit smoking I used to smoke around a pack and a half a month is this is bad pack and a half a month is pretty it wasn't horrendous play quit because I had a good day yeah yeah is this smoking seven nights with just a joint as bad as when I smoke cigarettes no it's not it's not the same thing it's not even close no no design clothes there's no evidence

13:40that marijuana smoke causes cancer Duke is get respiratory irritation you can like it can with your voice that's hard like you could avoid all that stuff is what I was gonna say with a vaporizer I know the way to go but it is a different high oddly enough vaporizer seems like a little bit more clean in some weird way like it when I get high with a vaporizer I'm always like whoa this is like a it's almost as if this is gonna sound so crazy there's something that's there's something that has to do with the fire interacting with the plant that connects you to nature there's like something about a lit joint just you take it in and you just you I feel natural when I've a per eyes I feel alien when I vaporize I feel like this what this is it's like let's extract all of what it is to be a living thing and get to the molecules what's the molecule what temperature to heat those

14:41up where I can shove them right in your bloodstream that's what the vapor I perceive the vaporize like hang on hand up like whoa like it's just it's you're not connected the same way it's connected at different weights both they're both amazing I'm people probably agree I agree with you most people do I think yeah they'll be like yeah I know see even a joint I don't roll joints because I'm lazy but whenever someone has a joint and they put it I go this is when I this just happened so yeah I get I get a little higher I like the smoke joints they it's a it feels like it's real clear what's happening you know there's a lot of these vape pens you gotta press five times then hold them and you're sucking it in you don't know what's in that oil man who's making that stuff yell at you when you can't do it just press it twice all right it doesn't work you see rice with the press it twice I

15:33got one more thing do you ever around with spray jello spray you ever around with jambo do you know what John boas he put it in the water so now it's super organic really high-end edibles and spray and this spray will put you on the moon Wow do you have any well but I have to drive I have some someone hanging with me today John Ben Wagner yeah a shallow thousand milligram like if you drank the whole bottle it's a thousand milligrams to much to have yeah I wouldn't have a half a sprite anything I'm safe to do it right now it's always fun a little spray especially because you're saying to do it you know I'm you know it's more comfortable because if something happens to me and I can't blame me let's let's do what you want to do it now doors crack dealer ever you do now well I mean everybody wants to do it taste let me have a look at and then I want to I do

16:34have a question you know you might have the answer what did you have a half of sprite I had one sprite good enough what is the other question do you think why am I asking you this but I think you might have an answer so but I'm totally honest I am exhausted from dealing with like it's like not like it's a big deal but it's like the first time you whether you can omit major things in your life like oh I have a drinking problem let me stupid little things you know mine is eating like I am exhausted from doing it the wrong way and everything comes back to me for self control so when people want to tell me about a diet I know it's not portions I know what portions are I just want to eat more so it's all down to how do I get self-control I have zero I mean if I'm not gonna call it zero self control then I don't know what the hell I'm gonna call it but as you learn like funny I

17:27know you're very hard on yourself I think you have self-control Todd I think you're a wonderful man but you're you're hilarious and one of the reasons why you're hilarious is because you're so you're free you're impulsive and that sort of that it's very difficult for that to lend itself to dietary planets like how when I eat it it hey yeah if we can eat it right that's you with it's also part of what makes you such a hilarious comic it's like you have these impulses they feel better you don't want splits the difference at least with what you're saying you don't want this comfort and you want to have fun it's like it's right there they want to I want to eat that food it right instead I thought of me like picture me at the canter shoving cheesecake him in my mouth and my friends are looking at me because I'm creative okay so I don't have control over this there's also

18:38problem there's another problem with discipline this is a promo discipline how many think that hit me already yeah for sure no that's probably just the weed yeah it takes a little while for the spray again yeah usually a few more minutes and then that um I forget my point point about the self-control oh that when you if you really discipline people and comedy they don't go well together that much either because if you're too driven and to disciplining that's almost always Dicky you know I mean like you'll be able to disciplined too rigid too determined and and too liked too enthusiastic about success you get Dicky let me ask you this yeah and I'm up I don't this thought could be wrong like I'm okay with thinking something and then maybe finding out but whenever a comedian and I bet there's funny ones out there definitely because over the years I remember him I can't think of which ones

19:38but they definitely exist they are funny you know they are funny but they've never smoked drank can you be a good comedian if you haven't done those things I think you you be a good comedian if you're a man you could be a good comedian if you're a woman you could be a good comedian if you gay or trans you just you're a good comedian if you're a good comedian is that why do I ask that because I should be embarrassed to ask that just a lot of people that are really good that don't do and never yea they don't they don't have a desire to you know it's just everybody's brain works different and some people like the idea of losing control with a substance is not not fun right they don't like that feeling and but they can keep their together you know I know a lot of people that don't drink they don't do anything but they keep their together and maybe that's better for them they feel like it

20:31is I don't know right you know as I asked that you gave me the answer that you know to go you're right you're right but like is it means that I had question about that and I and and that I think I've talked about this in the past and once I was like somebody was saying well they may but what if you're not experimenting and it but no there's a billion ways to to do those things okay you use pot to do without the pot off well I think are you understand I use yoga for that too man I love going to a hot yoga class hard and it's like a drug like you get a lot of thinking done in there man when you're just holding these poses and there's no no music no nothing just everybody in the class breathing it's a 90-minute class there's some sort of psychedelic effect there there's some sort of cleansing in the mind and I think that's one of the things that we overlook when

21:22it comes to mental health your brain needs to be cleaned out you can't just like stagnate and think on thoughts your brain needs to your physical body can clean your brain out a little bit can get rid of some of the stress and tension and you can see things clearer like those terms stress reduction tension relief what does that mean it means the way you think okay you're doing something to your body that radically alters the way you're going to think about things and everybody's supposed to do it and one of the problems in societies that you don't do it but you have these instincts that are built into your body from thousands of years of what the the you know that what people asked of their bodies 20-30 generations ago we're all those same people so if we don't deal with what our body just some physical activity get it got to get the blood flowing if you don't your hope you like

22:15you're like an overflowing battery or something I as far as the stopping thing think I have a great idea for people to do to get a smidgen of what it's like to stop if you go okay I won't meditate or I won't do this I get it I get it but this if you do it I promise whoever does it that's listening will go you'll get a little taste of it and it all happens naturally but it started by accident but then I we started realizing it's about stopping so like one night it was about like probably 10 years ago after dinner or before dinner I had some hot washcloths and I was like oh just so I get a Chinese restaurant joking around but we all did it and then we realized wow that really stopped us the heat putting it on your face Brian so now I make it I have a ritual that I do I have it all figured out I get like the less people the better because the hot washcloth has a short shelf life it has

23:06to be so scorching hot when you hand it to people so it by the time they get it to their face you know you can't take warm so use the tea kettle pour it all over like six of them and here's the rule the radio goes off sometimes you think I leave it on I don't feel like walking over and turning off no even if it's jazz off and I ask everybody check the pulse of the room if if everyone if you take yours off and you're ready to start talking but you see all three people still have it on their face Shh and I go I'll break it but just once the hot once you get the hot washcloth in your hands like what's gonna be hot you're gonna want to go I'll it's hot it's way too hot it's hotter than you think it is so just get ready I give everybody one they put it on their face no one even has to tell them to take a deep breath you naturally do after like a second because you need to see you go

23:51then you let it out and then I go WOW and then you literally spiritually you shut down and then you wipe your hands literally take some of the dirt off your answer in the day and we always think holy resetting yourself that's a simple way to get a taste yeah and we always make the joke we're like oh we're just gonna eat and then we're gonna go throughout the whole day and then open our food okay yeah you know of course stop you got us in that hot washcloth it's vaak I think your brain has requirements for those things those kind of things I think so those those kind of moments are really good for your just good for your outlook a reset I think that's like the same feel min a maybe a primitive man would get when he would like walk up to the edge of a cliff and see like some crazy view and see nature and birds flying around the Sun Wow you know hey you know this is yeah I'm getting chased

24:45by leopards every day but look this is amazing a renewed enthusiasm about life about life itself and the simplest things obviously yeah I have a theory I don't give myself any credit when I have these talks when things are going well like it's good it helped you know like but if I can be in a tense moment and get out of it right where I would have then I give then I'll be proud of myself yeah that's the thing about all that motivational speaking stuff right like yeah it's like the guy who's doing all the motivational speaking if he's pulling up in a Rolls Royce and he lives in a big mansion it's like yeah you're enthusiastic look everything's going great hi how are you if someone takes all this stuff away then and it becomes right I can use can you be stoic can you be at peace when you're broke and you're by yourself and some one bedroom apartment somewhere can

25:38you can you do it all over again the suburbs you know could you imagine someone told you Dane Cook was the first one ever heard talk about this so give him credit for that he said I would never want to try to do stand-up again I don't think I could do it like that it was so hard to do then I would never want to start and do it again did you ever think like what it would be like you got to start again like right now you won't you have zero jokes you've never done stand-up but somehow or another you have this vague memory of the grind that it takes to become an actual professional I think I do in a heart I think definitely definitely right definitely definitely but that's because you already know right you already know you could do it it would be a totally different thing question now that I think about a Dane Cook just can't detain don't get upset but

26:33I'm saying if you if you think about it like that doesn't even make any sense because of course you would know that you could make it so it would be way easier even if you just start it all can't believe in 21 again to it stand up this is ridiculous are you are you 21 again or you just are you are you'd have to start from scratch I just do it to get younger but then once you made the decision you would in unless you live in some bizarro world we're allowed to live two lives you would never even have memory right you'd run 21 that's what I thought you would you all I'd have to do is just say yes yes 21 again it's a stupid question it's maybe yet maybe having a little off maybe he'd be like now I said this and then I don't think he thought it through you said something a minute ago that's what I should write down was it about the food thing no no no what were you just talking about before

27:25the we're talking about discipline like hard asses and then then we got to like how difficult it would be to start over do it I think anything like if you said that to a brain surgeon you want to start from scratch start from you know right right after you graduate high school you want to take it from day one freshman year college no that did you ever think of like I know two things I would have done like before when did you start stand-up eight excuse me you know I was 21 did you is there a job you when you were in high school did you think you thought you knew what you wanted to do maybe for a living not really my number one option was teaching Taekwondo which already was doing that's what I was doing Oh see you were already yeah but I didn't I didn't want to fight anymore and I didn't think that I didn't think that did be like a real future in me teaching I didn't really like teaching

28:22everybody I only like teaching people that were super enthusiastic because I was I was young at the time like when I was first started teaching on my own I was 19 I was teaching at Boston University I had my own school for you were 21 of 19 Wow yeah and in Boston yeah in Boston the a time I taught a pass/fail a class like they can get credit for it and I would say all you have to do is just show up and you get an A just try just trying to get an A it's has nothing to do your physical performance because the idea that everybody's starting on the same page is ridiculous some of these people have like serious athletic backgrounds some of these people never worked out a day in their life and they thought it'd be fun to try something new so the idea of like grading them against each other I said I'll give you guys all an A I know you and and you are their age are you

29:08allowed to do that that's the teacher like they they really the worst thing you do is fireman or didn't care because it only paid like 200 bucks a month or something that's right it wasn't expensive wasn't a valuable thing but it was a prestigious thing like I'm teaching at a university and I'm 19 did most people get the a everybody got an A no I mean all the times I taught I talked for a couple years one or two people just didn't show up you know you're always gonna have that yeah why don't you people just say they off but I just made it fun you know I was their age and so we just we did a lot of cool and kick pads and I taught them how to turn their hip and stuff and how you know how to get power and things you could see them it's a there's something very enthusiastic about someone regardless of what their physical ability is getting a little bit better and seeing it you know even if

29:55they start from nothing and then you see just yes yes you're getting it you're getting it and then see them beam like this that that to me was what I was into what I wasn't into is people that needed to be motivated they they just didn't they couldn't they would they just half-ass things they weren't enthusiastic they were distracted maybe they were talking too much like you could do all that stuff another time but if you want to get good at this there's only one way you have to be really interested in getting good at it you got to be really focused on all the things you're doing right or wrong whenever I see a comedian like you go back a year to a club you saw a comedian he's a newer comedian if he has been going up at least twice a week and it's 52 weeks later right it's fun to see that type of improve oh yeah and you're like wow like yeah if maybe I've gone up

30:41what 300 times since you've been here yeah but you can tell if they haven't do you have any friends that you knew when you were professional and they were open mic errs oh you mean like they're professionals now oh yeah yeah we're a full-blown prefer so you met them when they were an open mic or huh yeah matter of fact it leads me to a little plug oh it does look like you set me up for it but Blake Wexler is a comedian he's a professional comedian now and he met me when he was like 15 or 16 at helium and he was wearing a Conestoga shirt that's where I went to high school so of course you're like you know and he said he's a new comedian so right away right went your high school he's doing stand-up comedy him was with his dad we talked like I go hey if you want to come back with your friend Saturday I said here's my number I'll put you on the guest list and then you

31:27know year's year goes by I was in Philly I called them I said hey Blake you know thanks for it was whatever it was it would be a message I was leaving hey I got your friends on the guest list for Thursday and then there's these messages then we became good friends so he told me I saved every one of your messages about a year ago I've had people say that before but then they go they got a race there when they you know oh I got my computer and I lost them he came over about a year ago with like 50 messages and so we put him on a CD and put him on iTunes and it's 12 years of messages from Todd glass to blake Wexler simple name but the reason I think it's really pure you know which is a weird way to maybe say it but it's just for me to him like right now there was probably three or four at the end where I knew they'd probably end up on there but I mentioned it I go now this whole thing is

32:17ruined because I know you're making that CD so now I'm aware of it but most of them I never thought they'd end up on a seat so it's just me talking to Blake and it sort of tells our friendship you see the friendship grow but it's there there there's some very funny to hear them years later that's uh that's a cool it's a cool thing to watch someone like that become a pro right and just see them when they're first starting out and that first year so who the knows what's gonna happen you know you did you decide I want to try stand-up and then you start going to open mic nights that first year who knows what's gonna happen I mean you might eat it a couple of times and dad be like all right this is just too painful this and what other job is that painful when you up I know I couldn't even I couldn't even think about getting a weekend like cuz you did the MC die it was on Wednesday and then

33:06sometimes you would host that was a thing you got to host the open mic night and then do Thursday best of Philly but getting a weekend I remember one sitting around with my friend he goes do you think you'll get a weekend ever I don't know like I don't know why I didn't think I mean I was home but that's what you think when you first start now right no some door guy told me I'd get he goes you're gonna get a weekend Wow you know what I thought he doesn't know what the he saw I thought cuz I'm not gonna be so stupid to think Oh Tony knows I'm gonna get a weekend but he probably did know he was he was around comedy alot he probably knew something you know yeah yeah he's gonna be big in a weekend you know I got a weekend all right yeah man when you when you talk and when you're talking to an open mic er it's like you're talking to someone who's gonna make a journey that like if you had a

33:56hundred open my girls what are the odds that they become professional they make it to you know a working stand-up I'm guessing I want to guess it's 100 out of a hundred well it's when you say it that way it is a bigger number but if you take an isolated area like Philadelphia or whatever city and you have any of these you know you go into a town sometimes I'll know like some of the newer comedians they they hang out a lot sometimes they work at the club because they're doing but there's like a group of them and out of that group whatever city it is I always think somebody's going to maybe to even maybe three different level one or two at each level but there's always a hundred guys right like I started out with a B I'm just meeting the cream of the crop you definitely are if it's in LA right no no I thought about like when you're on the road early or New York oh

34:47when they come in you mean like Bloomington has a scene and you think a lot of those people you two years later like Wow good they're doing and they're in New York now and they're now so in a small group but yeah and the probably on the all the comedians in every city that are doing it right now I guess it's a lot lot lower yeah if you what I'm saying is from the person who makes it on stage the first time every week at the Comedy Store you're dealing with how many what do they get it now 16 people in a night and probably more 20 people on an open-mic night because they do three minutes each let's just say they get up 20 people a night how many of those people are gonna become professionals it's might be one out of a hundred it might be yeah and that on that because yeah and then how many people some people go up once yeah you know so mics are crazy I encourage

35:36anyone if you're not even into doing stand-up just to go watch an open mic night and see the mania and the madness and what you need some of it is just someone who you you what you're seeing is potential right or no potential you seen one of those two things either you see it's someone where you go that person is never going to be a stand-up comedian there's no way there's just no way you know like there's no way and then you're seeing huh maybe oh yeah she was funny oh yeah sometimes when you say the first one where you go no way it's not even they did a bet it's never based on we're basing it on something it's still a guess but we're going to go to something pretty fair it's not like they're joke didn't go over and we're going on though it's sometimes it's the vanilla nosov the personality might not lend itself to be you know sometimes their brains

36:29broken to some people just their brains not working right and they can kind of get by and regular life kinda but you see them like express them selling something and bring it to the stage and then people go what and the is going on your head sir there's those people and you're just not this is not gonna happen you may I mean may they be might be perfect for music they might be perfect for being the front of a punk band or something this is you know certain people like I think it might be one out of a hundred like if you bomb onstage with a song it's got to be pretty bad too right but you have like the others yeah obviously the people that have just so nobody thinks for being babies here the people that have physical risks that's a way worse thing right first responders police officers things along those lines even in sports I always say I can never

37:22do it because in a comedy show and often it happens everybody can win in one night like if you're on the road and you're with two other comedians or three or whatever there's so many nights where everybody wins you great but in this or it's as you know I'm always thinking I could I could I can't the pressure and I'm not even into sports I don't give a about sports but when I watch a game I get a stomach ache for the other team I'm like I can't take what some of comedy is a sport you know why it's cause like you're attacking things aren't there right like you're going after stupid laws and dumb that happened and like you you're literally by using your words and the way you're describing things literally having a little battle with something that's not even there I call them verbal I hope I say write verbal what's up women in prison they what do they do chibs right isn't it SHIVs

38:10we're so white shank shank a verbal she don't you ship them ship them with your shank so you okay sometimes when a comedian like has just turn a phrase that would I always go out of them with his words he's just a verbal Shiv I think that was correct that's correct it's fun to watch hmm yeah and somebody knows how to do it good yeah it's that's what roasts battle was all about Rose battles essentially a sport they they would mock each other mock each other's lives in jokes and be really mean you know and some of it was like oh Jesus they would talk about their looks like oh my god some of them were it's painful and I went enjoyed it I saw it up because it's almost a parody of a roast battle thing i sold at the Comedy Store in the little room and it was crazy but so what I'm watching I'm like I'm too sensitive I would it would crush me it would just crush me I

39:09don't want to know the jokes that they would make and of course yeah some people don't care but to watch other people it was it was exhilarating a great joke writing exercise it is unfortunately some people are really good at that and then but when it comes to their act they don't they don't explore as much so the thing about like if you're writing about someone like there's some people my point is that there's some people that I've seen that are really good at that roast battle I see a lot of people do it but then you see their set their actual stand-up setting like mmm it's missing a spark right there was a spark that you had when you were in combat with this other person because you knew they were gonna be firing at you so you were firing at them and it was all fun but it was also a chance to flex your comedic writing skills well then when you're on stage and it's just you then

39:56woody what is is there any where's the juice are you upset are you excited are you like what are you just like pretending it's not a big deal that you're on stage with microphone in front of you because that's a real problem too are you pretending it's not weird that your voice is amplified everything just motivate someone it's a just a great way to say that like why are you pretending you don't have to jump down but come on what's going on where are you why are you pretending you're you not fully aware the people are standing in front of you hanging on your every word there was a comedian like that in I don't even say the city but they had a they had a roast a battle a roast battle but there were so like people from the history like in Napoleon and it was it was creepy because it was also a week that's why I said it was a writing sample because you know if you were writing

40:50jokes you can also make statements political statements and go back and no one gets hurt because you're making fun of Hitler right but you still had to write great jokes and one guy that did it he was amazing like what the and I just thought oh he should know that he should be writing because he his stand-up is exactly what you just said and it wasn't it was but the wrong I was like oh this I hope he knows like oh that's your strong point the thing is the stand-up like when when you're doing something like that you have a little bit more freedom it's more open-ended but in the stand-up right people are paying to see you and you you're supposed to be getting laughs right and when you're not getting laughs this is feeling a disappointment in the audience and when you're doing new stuff man this is there's a distinct possibility there's gonna be no laughs in

41:36the spot where you wanted there to be laughs he likes a fun your idea or maybe I just up the way I said it or maybe I just have to stretch it out and figure out where the good spots are and then start hacking it up and editing it uh-huh you know but it's gonna be a real problem with bombing you're gonna gonna be have to be comfortable with saying a joke that's just not that good and some people just aren't and so they get to that spot and they go that Susan tried-and-true boom let's hit him with some proven stuff boom I know you got me nervous one night at the comedy stages yeah you were like just everybody you were right you were like okay all new stuff everybody knew and then I was like ah oh because we're supposed to that was the show or somewhere and I was like I was up on stage I'm like oh maybe he's never seen this one this is well we have that wasn't a stand-up

42:24on-the-spot show there was Nick Youssef show right his new new stuff show I think it was that I forget what it was but that show you're supposed to only work on new you supposedly work okay it's like a weird rule Youssef and I came up with it we were like it can't be any older than six weeks old and he bit that you have to self-police but any bit older than six weeks old you got that's a good move right six weeks six weeks is like you got some time you're saying it's fresh another it's yeah it's it's new enough but it's also like you should have worked it out a little bit oh yeah that's more than fair more than fair right it's more than fair might even be four weeks four weeks might be the real should pull it back a little vehicle back a little three three weeks maybe Wow three is dangerous I mean that means you've said it five six times what more do you want

43:15sometimes there's a bit that works real good and then doesn't you ever see those bits they just die yeah this one's gonna be a quarterback and then sometimes I never know either if I videotape myself maybe I'd learn do you record yourself I'll demo I don't and I and I'm so embarrassed because I know how good it is to do it I did it five or six times in my whole career and it was it did so much good that you would think they want because I'm lazy you know you know what you're just saying about you go to a joke and it's just dead which you know it's just like I started doing this thing and it really helps me get out of those moments so I'll just I'll hit the punch line nothing so whatever I could play and then it was my make up a punch line it was blue but you know what then I realized instantly see here's what I just did sometimes in comedy ladies and gentlemen you get to an end of a joke

44:02and it's not the crowds fault cuz you're great but it just doesn't land and it's uncomfortable for them they feel bad for you so what I did when I hit that period about 30 seconds ago I just been talking nonstop ever since and now we're here everybody's happy that's perfect that's a perfect shoe for like 15 seconds and then they figure out I always say are they gonna figure I go so about 15 seconds ago I hit a punch and it wasn't your fault now everybody's great oh hey and then the whole like a whole new premise whole new premise launches those like that's like Jesus Christ it's like building a house you're planting a seed then you're watering the ground and then the tree comes out you don't wait for it to grow then cut it oh oh you're talking about a hole not eat nada or start a whole new premise like we're out there premises or premises you've never discussed before things you never

44:57thought about before you need go into a whole new way of thinking about stuff there's so much fun isn't it yeah it's awesome it really is I still get like it really is just and the end up and um you know with the recorder like on the phone let's change that because I don't like writing stuff down I could say that's changed my life did you do do the text speech-to-text yes what you just talk into it and write your notes for you that's amazing that's everyone I can just put jokes on there but I write you know the recorder mm-hmm well that recorder man that just clean my head up yeah recorders giant it's a big deal yeah man ain't anything where you can catch those slippery thoughts like I think Neal Brennan said it best I think he called his notebook he's like this is like a net where I catch ideas I was like whoo that is a great way of looking at it that is a great way of looking at

45:45it because some idea is to just go away like they're so profound they're so profound but then a couple hours later you're like what the was I thinking that always used to get me where I'd have this amazing idea what I thought was an amazing idea and then I go oh that's such a good idea I'll remember it in the morning and I go to sleep I know I still pull that no no no I still pull that I go what are you doing it's my phone if I didn't have my charger now I finally got a cord and it's next to the bed so I always have a cord to plug in my phone but never why do i and it not not half the time never and I still have the nagas out no cuz that's a good idea never Hedberg had a joke about too lazy without being too lazy to get up to get a pen to write something down so I just convinced myself it wasn't that funny in the first place but what's great is that that was a bit he did on stage and it

46:37would kill ya I'm out I didn't do it well I don't remember the way you got the juicing you get the gist wheat you know they used to we were thinking I used to do drugs I still do but I used to - yes so last thing we were saying I used to do bench head birds I used to do drugs I still do but I used to - I mean I still do but I used to - okay I know I let me back up for a second so I do Mitch doing Rodney Dangerfield you know I do Rodney if he did Mitch I'll be like I'll tell you the other day guys I used to do drugs I still do but I used to to you know do anything that's had Burke joke is Rodney and it's you know it's killing each other the other day against me for wanted a banana you know I said no I want a regular one later so alright you know I'm gonna do it so I you die do they used to I hope this goes somewhere so I used I did the Al Tory are used to

47:32do drugs I stood my friend asked me if I still do that he go I used to do the Mitch Hedberg I still do drugs but I used to - I still do but I used to to do something it's amazing that you kept it all together I did used to to the use $0.22 it makes sense you nailed it you dismounted I shouldn't try feet flat on the ground it's a solid dismount there's no no stumble no it was good it was very good thank you it's very good Mitch he's like to me one of the more amazing comedians ever because what he would do was complete non sequiturs he would go from one non sequitur to another non sequitur nothing connected together other than here here's some other I thought up you know here's another I wrote down and even though not through probably a good idea for everyone to know that does one liners that there's still it has to be an essence of you and them like even though he's jokes didn't

48:26segue together like they seem you're still you knew who he was most jokes obviously like the yeah oh he had a you know he definitely had they're not just individual jokes just glued all together they were all so silly - right exact outs the thing I've always said like the best way to describe him he's like one of my favorite silly comedians I know it's funny a lot of people you don't hear always a complimentary but silly and that's what I realized later after he died like how silly he was silly so silly so that was who he was very silly so that that's what you know about him you know he was a type of comedian well he would get into his rhythm like I would listen to him a lot of times on the way to the airport because I was you know you see that traffic on the way to the airport's annoying you just wanted to just chill out and giggle so I'd put on some Mitch Hedberg and just be

49:12giggling like in and when you're just smiling when you're not when he's you know in between punchlines just have a big smile on your face because he he would put on this silly vibe and you would get caught up in it because it was really fun and then he had such great writing too and playful yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think in Rodney had a lot of that too you know Rodney's seriously seriously underrated comedian and his style there was a great article about it recently didn't we talk about this on the podcast that rod there was an article that was written recently about Rodney I forget who wrote a like Esquire one of those things but they were talking about how long it took him to become a good comedian that it wasn't until he was like in his 50s that he figured it out and it's like talking about him boiling down his act and talking about how I'm cutting all the

50:08fat out of his act if you go back and listen to his early performances you could see his more meandering and then it was more stand-up II yeah I I realized that a few years ago and you listen to the old ones and he would not in other words a joke could be it was still Rodney but it would be like this is more of a joke a comedian would tell not really one line I'd be like right you know they're you know you're getting old when you've you know a family tells you you know and you when their family talks in front of you hey you know hey pups in the garage we got people coming over you know pop just sits there drools you know but that was more like a piece yeah and I forgot about that Rodney mm-hmm and then there's a lot of you know just there's short little stories but they're not Anne and all of a sudden the one I saw him my member Bob Nelson yes Bob Nelson open for him and I

50:54got to Rodney backstage through Bob and you know it is when you think you know something it applies with everything sexism you think you know what it is but you really don't there's still a lot more to learn of course I knew what timing was before I saw Ronnie I could tell you I was a comedian for ten years at that point right but I know timing is but then when you saw Rodney I went all that's timing it was so like I knew what it was and I just got a doctor and what it was I just saw it delivered like the best of the best of the best and it and I go now that I like I I mean it was just crazy with the but every turn and every and then just just when you think how can he take you anywhere and then the band kicks in and then he starts like you know doing betting music this the other day and my wife rochedo and then the BAM pump they got bigger and bigger then he

51:40started singing this song cuz everybody sang them but Ronnie did it in his own way he starts going you know something about to dream they whatever the song isn't then he he does about ten seconds of it and then he goes what the my singing for I'm watching him I'm good oh my god to you they're just a band but he goes I know to this band to you they're just a band but to me they're a bunch of idiots and then the band has their talk cuz they're all you know musicians from that city obviously they're taught you know so they he goes no I'll tell you what they are they're not and then they all stand up and they go I got to see Rodney when I was 19 when I was working as a security guard a great woods great woods is a concert place in Mansfield Massachusetts and Rodney was there in the bathrobe era did you see bathrobe Ron Rodney oh he went out on stage in a bathroom naked

52:40through the bathrobe on the improv he would show up and you're saying he was doing man arenas this place is big break I love thousand people isn't that great in a way he was a maniac he was a maniac he was amazing he was so free he was hanging backstage and apparently his is enormous his and balls were just hanging out he didn't give a he just got this bathrobe on and he's got his legs crossed his sack is hanging down and and the security guards would be like what the didn't I didn't see that I only saw him it's like a Bigfoot sighting and I met him later in life but to me like in 99 I hadn't even thought about doing stand-up yet but I was such a huge fan of it he walked from you know like like you're looking down the hallway to where his dressing rooms and he walked from one room to another was like what Bigfoot sighting like I saw him for a second I saw Ronnie it's it's

53:36like that it's you know I said seeing Rodney was like it's not like seeing the the like guys you saw Paul McCartney yeah you'd freak out but seeing rodney was like getting to see if you saw Fred Flintstone you can't see Fred Flintstone he's a cartoon Rodney is so larger than life that it was overwhelming you weren't just going taking in someone that was a celebrity who's seen on TV there he is there he is like three feet from you and you'd be like that's Rodney what is that between his legs no shut up I'm covered by something is that real yeah oh that's his balls that's the sack or his dick or both he's an animal Bob would have bombs out someone I've great stories about like and they were so specific and you knew Rodney said them and it was just so a couple came up to him after their wedding and they go do you know this one no and they go rot I think if he was

54:33trying to gamble you know right Rodney we just got married what do you think and he goes uh you both could have done better that's a well disguise insult I'm telling you that's a beautiful joke those people won't know that it was an insult till they get in their car wait a second that means he says we're poet what we're both ugly it's get canceled now let's play ping pong in their head who's that insult to that wife goes it's an insult to you I think it's both of us you yeah that's when you find out who the boss the relationship is joke like that why who has to take it's me who's taking the hit yeah who feels bad about this one maybe you both be honest and just to make your both maybe that's a great thing when someone feels like they're too good looking for the other person in the relationship and that you could they be wrong yeah they could be wrong I mean

55:30there are there are people that like different things you know there's people like different looks some guys like big girls you know who knows people like different but if you think they don't like you as much as you'd like them can I tell you what you do to prevent that what do you do I hope I'm answer him is that but because you know when people tell stories would be like and and and everything was great I think this is addressing when you say everything was great and then it's just he or he or she or she or she whatever the relationship is somebody else goes and they wanted and that everything was great because what do you want them to do wait I'm not saying there's not rules and feelings and how you present it but I think most of the time everything is great and then you realize one day you wake up and I've had to me I must have been on the other end of this and you

56:22know they just don't want to be in it but they stay in it because that doesn't mean they don't not care about you so they stay in it and it gets bad you see it coming but so I always say I always let someone know let him know you're not crazy that like you they learn that by what you tell about past stories like and I once said this to someone that was very loyal early on but I said I have a feeling I practiced it in my head and I was glad I did and I was like twenty three or four at the time I said I have a feeling that I like you more than you like me well and I said I it's okay I go let me say this because I don't want this to be the day where I threw you off if I'm wrong I really like you so if I just read it wrong that's great but but if that's the I don't think that's there I go I won't of course I'll be sad but I won't hate you I won't be I I'll be okay

57:14so and then and then he was like you're right and because I said in a way that I could that he would be comfortable to say you know what right I put a little bit of choke a little bit of like sois but I was okay and and I want to know that so that's much of your question be delusion I don't want to be delusional I felt it and I asked and I asked the fact that the fact that I put that preface in there look I need to let you know this not to make you feel bad but I do like you because I don't want to find out ten years later I thought you were giving me walking papers so I had to be clear with my feelings but mainly let that person know and that way I didn't end up in a relationship for another year where I knew the other person might how could that go bad what I did there's no way that could go bad no especially if you're hanging out with adults right you

57:59know when I was a kid I think one of the things it took me a long time to get past was it was always thought that if you talked about your feelings and your emotions that that was weak that was a weakness it's not something you did with your friends and it's not something you wanted to do with a girl you didn't you just you didn't want to talk about your emotions you didn't want to talk about how you actually felt about things you wanted to play it stoic you wanted a Charles Bronson your way through life you know that's a lot of guys tried to do yeah and that not understand like we don't one of the big problems with people because you don't really know who you like until you're around them for a while you really don't and then sometimes you're like ooh I'm not into this person this is I'm so bored I can't have anymore these conversations I can't do this I can't do

58:49it I'm panicking I got to get out and then but everything was perfect everything was going amazing no no no you thought everything was going amazing it doesn't mean everything was going amazing means you didn't even check in right or the other way but no board is with dudes it's no of course we're it's the same thing that's I always say that like I'm uncomfortable having the only reason I get nervous having relationship discussions when somebody's going too heavy on women are crazy I'm like yeah that was any truth to that you look at same-sex couples if if it was trade by there's a lot of women to think men are crazy yes if that was true if there's any truth to that it's people there's people that are evolved and there's people that are you know have a level head on their shoulders of because if there was any truth that one sex was crazier there's a science to disproving

59:37that then in lesbian relationships they'd go hey how's your relationship and they'd go well of course we argue teeny bit here and there but no no we're both women so we're getting along great know what we got rid of the problem and in male male relationships it's the same problems it's all you go oh yeah we don't have the crazy women so when it's two guys date and everything's great no same exact problems so it's not the sex it's people does that mean you're a hundred percent correct you could not be more correct and there's a real problem we've got to really avoid this there's people that'll say things like you know women are all dumb or men are all and that that's nonsense this these gender-based generalizations are so stupid there's nice people that are women there's nice people that are men it's just there's plenty of them yeah if you can't have a

60:25few bad relationships and turn on other people and every person has the same gender and also like take a good look at yourself because if you really you know there's there's some people out there that do generalize like that like look at who look at your thinking that you're just diarrhea sprang out into the world that's you know I mean that's really what it is whether you're a sexist against women or a sexist against men you've just such a piss-poor way of looking at things everybody knows you're wrong everybody knows you're wrong you think that I mean whatever it is any generalization whether it's a racist generalization sexist homophobic it's all to everybody who's listening knows what it is you know what it isn't someone makes a generalization like no no you're not looking at right you don't know nice people that are black you don't know any nice people that are black

61:14that's ridiculous like who the are you like how can you make this judgement when I've met so many but you're not meat enough people or they meet you and they go oh this guy's a so they avoid you so everybody's got this thing that they're spreading about you yeah that's why younger people tend to you know just by being around I wish there was a place you could go if you couldn't afford college because I don't think it's the education at college that you probably learned the most from it's the being forced to be around other who where you go oh I'd rather hang out with that group that I hated because we have the same taste in music and you learn it because you're forced to live together right but I wished it wouldn't it be cool if there was like where can you go if you're like why don't afford college but I want to put my kids around all some parents wouldn't want to do it but

61:56kids could I just want to be around every type of person but you don't know to do that college that's the thing about college and I didn't go to college I didn't even graduate high school but it isn't that true that that's where a lot of growing does with young kids when they're fortunately around other people some kids they're living with really suppressive parents and the only way they even know the they are is if they could sleep in their own bed with open their own door with their own key going to their own room lie down and then just be alone be away from these other people that are constantly giving you these rules that you have to follow and have these lofty expectations for your success and like Christ you don't even know what you want to do and they want you to do something that's gonna pay a lot of money we're spending a lot of money send you to school Todd

62:38we want to make sure that you're productive productive Todd no drinking no gallivanting cuz in their work work work meanwhile you know you just finally get a chance to listen to some music they'd never heard before and hang out with some people from some part of the country you never been maybe you smoked weed with them you hang out here you know you're 18 19 years old you just figuring out the work a lot of stuff yeah and you're free of the parents that's a big part of it man free of the parents in every generation every generation is more aware of how stupid the previous generation was like there was some grandpappy days back on the farm when they would you know they would talk about their grandparents and their grandparents were wiser than them you know that's not the case anymore the people today are more informed than any human beings that have ever lived ever by the way you might

63:30have just said the only thing that I agree with when it comes to because I always say look of course there's things we should go back and get but mostly tomorrow's the better day but I go when there's something in the past that oh that's drug oh we should go back to that and learn that right I'm not just saying but very rarely does someone get me mostly I always go now and I buy but that is something but it explains everything that's going on right now that you kids well I always say kids are getting smarter than their parents way smarter and the and I'm I makes me want to be like a a progressive bully like I try to say I called you I called he said that about you on so Marc Maron not that word but I go I need people that are like I think I might have said a bully but on the right side of history so as a compliment thank you what I meant is a big guide it's

64:14like yeah but that's what I said so I'm recipe but but you still you still when I say it like as a character like you still you know you look you still you you have clean thoughts and you and you and you've changed your views on things but when I say it like I want to be so mean like I want to be so mean the other way like John oh it's mean like Dice Clay but just anybody you know what gay marrige died already go home and die people live drop dead I hope your baby just the most vicious things but all about people that won't like the quote you know all about does it mean ya know there's definitely some merit in that just people realize how stupid it is because you're mocking it so relentlessly and everybody's cheering along and then someone who might be entertaining those thoughts is gonna listen to it there's a guy on sam Harris's podcast this week waking up with sam harris his name is

65:06christian p Collini and he used to be a white male supremacist and he got recruited when he was like 14 years old and was in it for like I think he said eight years or something like that and just was talking to sam harris about these horrific decisions that he had made in this group that he had got connected to and they were committing violent crimes against black people and like all this the crazy that he was talking about and then you listen to him now as this guy in his 40s is like super rational and very intelligent and well-read and it's like saying like look i just got caught up in this ideology i went down this road and i just other people were doing the thinking for me and we were all doing it for each other they became this horrific group think that he got swept up in i think that's happening with progressive people - i think there's a this this this need to

65:59be right and to shout down each other and and ruthlessly mock each other like that has to be used like nuclear weapons like only in in the case of like severe issues where like you've got a country another country is about to develop nuclear weapon they're gonna go after you first or they've already done it and you have to disarm their nukes got to be nicer to each other when it comes to talking about these ideas because every time someone from the left attacks relentlessly and ruthlessly and viciously someone from the right because of their ideas you just start a back-and-forth you know you're not looking at it in a way like there's got to be some way to communicate your ideas in a friendly way you know what I do now and believe me I'm guilty of this and I when I even from when I did my Netflix special to now the way I do for jokes are like I changed it because that whole

66:51thing looked odd do you want to take people with you or because you someone said I don't want to be Tucker Carlson to the other side so flip it and so snarky that so I go okay that's maybe what I am I don't see it when I agree with the person so if I see someone that's snarky but I says everything I agree but I go so I do want to sometimes bring people so change the way say go in a little softer member you're trying to bring somebody with you and bring them over right but sometimes I want to split the difference and I could be wrong because sometimes I think when I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and I literally have to take a break on the podcast you know about something maybe that gives and it's about a transgender issue something I'm not going through but I'm able to scream it so someone that's going through it goes god dammit house he's so close or

67:34when I can yell about a women's issue so god damn it scream at the top of my lungs because they say scream about what you're not because you can get angry or maybe I give someone their dignity back maybe sometimes screaming into the canyon is okay but not to another person's face right right into the podcast yeah yeah but when it comes but but then you have to decide because the podcast is always a canyon I think it's also you have the ability so someone is going to attack you maybe the only way they have the ability is to do it in a you know Twitter post or a blog post I mean they're all people with their own opinions too right yeah yeah that's why you got a look at things yeah always yeah that's why I said I you know you then that's why I'm very aware of that now trying there's just way too much stupid fighting there's there's there's debate over issues about real things

68:24like right now what's going on with this what do they call and walk for our law March for our life like yeah go ahead just real quick yeah I have a few times and there's one even one post I want to take down because it's a woman that's actually mean it turned into a sexist words flying back and forth and I want to take it down if I could post why I'm taking it down because I think when somebody's or even when your fans are defending you I like when someone corrects their fans no no that don't defend me with those words right you know don't so you're talking about before about when the verb is just you know on so always try to go in I think you're responsible if you're if they're flying things back and forth and you're on a Twitter if somebody's saying something go in and say no you know the word you don't just are thrown around these words there's nothing to do with the

69:09topic if they're just that's the way they express them so it's like the way people disagree about things can change like the way they communicate their disagreement can change how it gets resolved you know and but what always happens is if you go hard they go hard back and I think we're dealing with that back and forth in this country and what I was going to say is about this walk far out of March for our lives March for our lives is that what I'm seeing that's very confusing to me is from people who are gun supporters like the NRA supporters who and some of them have even mocked these kids for getting attention by going to these marches and stuff like that and they're saying that nobody would have heard of you or nobody to know who you are like this is a ridiculous way to look at it they it's very defensive because if they're feeling like someone's coming after

69:57their guns so they're they're going on the attack in some ways that's just really not recommended like the way they're doing that makes me you know mark they're mocking what the what the reason would be for these kids to be on TV that got shot at these kids they've got shot at and they're sixteen years old and they're gonna be on TV and someone's mocking know would know who you were if it wasn't for this thing like yeah of course but they went through that thing they're the few kids that have gone through this thing in the country that are standing on the public stage and saying look at us you got to do something you can't have the same happen over and over and over again and maybe they don't have the most complicated solution but they're right and they're there's they're forcing people to talk and if anybody should be forcing people to talk it's the kids that were around their

71:03friends that got shot who realized their parents are working all day and they come home tired and no one's gonna fix nothing no one has the time and the initiations are all in bed with the NRA and all these different organizations if they're on the left and everybody's beholdin to their special interest groups these kids are seeing all this and they know nothing's gonna happen nothing's gonna happen more kids are gonna get shot more kids are gonna get shot and then what are the NRA people do they mock these kids that's crazy at what point doesn't someone pull you aside and go sure I don't believe in violence obviously in relationships but in the old movies when somebody was at the stop right yeah that's full disdain for any retaliation trying to hit someone with the best part you know you hit someone to back your hand it's just the back your hands generally more

71:51sensitive it's like it's it hurts like if you hit some in the back hand you can hurt your hand like I know a lot of guys who broke in their hands in a fight because they hit someone with a spinning back fist with the back of their hand it's not protected so that's just letting some blow I'm so an you see we were just saying how to beep more peaceful I'm what I'm saying is when somebody it doesn't even mean we're not I'm not saying don't have a conversation and don't disagree of course I'm us we're saying the person that wants to shake you and stop you is once you start making fun of these kids someone even that agrees with you that there should be any isn't there's someone on that side they can go stop and I guess there are but when when they say you know you should learn see Rick Rick Rick what's his name Rick the the guy who said if they the kid should instead of looking

72:40for someone else to solve their problems they should learn CPR Rick Santorum yeah that does that makes you not like that doesn't even make sense he actually said that nobody make sense doctors were tweeting it brilliantly like you know like that's like so you're saying John Lennon would that be alive if Yoko Ono knew CPR say just got to use CPR to repair that blown out liver and they explained that to him but then you know you talk about combating kids I thought that was a great way just some really clean tweets from doctors breaking it down very clearly this would not doesn't make any sense harm is a Republican uh-huh so that's but if I just stop me just one thing I really feel like is really important to this I think both the people on the right and the people on the Left have way more in common than they think then they have a part and I think that a lot of the the battle the

73:34people on the Left have is is they've chosen to be on the left the same people on the right they've chosen to be on the right so anything that happens on the left they completely disagree with they immediately go that's a left-wing liberal idea and they just have these little back-and-forth with each other that are completely unnecessary I think the majority of people just want everybody to get along not have crime you think Bernie Sanders maybe could have done that not could he have won what would happen if the problem with Bernie is the same reason why he let those black lives people take his mic and start screaming into the thing like hey buddy can't do that you're running for president you're showing right here that people just storm the stage and take the microphone from you like you should say I would love to have a dialogue with you let's do it publicly

74:21let's schedule it now we'll come back we'll get a large group of people and I'll speak with you on this stage if you represent this very important political movement but here's what you can't do you can't disrespect this campaign speech because you're literally stopping people from ever voting for me if I let you do it because that's the fact what if he slashed him do that and they'll go you can't let kids just take over your show you can't you're the guy who's supposed to be running the country you can't even run this thing you got this one thing you're standing on the stage in front of 300 people three of them just took your mic congratulations you don't have leadership ability what it's over there what about other than that that's a big part that's big that's that's not good that's not good but you know what in the moment he made an doesn't mean that's who he is he's a

75:08part of problem is with people judging you by these moments that you have right and it doesn't define him he might have done that and go well you know I was just trying to be nice I didn't expect that I thought security was gonna get them out of there but they didn't you know they didn't it would they wound up on the stage with him screaming I thought maybe he I didn't I seen him do when he did those type of things a few times I'll see the video what's his thing I thought it was his way of saying look I get it what it must feel like to not be able to be heard and it's not my fault that no one's ever listened to you so far but what do we have to do and then maybe he feels they go up and they just I was a sane person who would lead it would lead the same person when you ignore that long to just grab a mic and maybe he goes I have to be a part of letting this person spill out a little

75:52yeah but the problem is then who doesn't spill out everybody can spill out everybody can jump up for their own cause whether it's white power or Jews lives matter whatever it is you could just decide you have a group now and your group may very well be valid but you can just decide now you're just gonna yell out whenever there's some sort of a political speech and then it'll be your chance to talk you're just gonna take the mic and make it all about you yeah there's gotta be civil there are a lot of things we need to be concerned with we need to be concerned with war we need to be concerned poverty education health care all these different things but you can't just represent each one of these very very important groups and jump onstage everywhere and start yelling do you know what I thought does that make sense yes I should be I should be just done with

76:39this you know know why it's cuz the subject is like it gets so exhausting I know let me add one more thing no cuz I by the way you know you have these theories in your head and then sometimes somebody will respond and blow it out it you know just on your own my god I never thought about that but I had this theory it was a weird way that I thought about it well two things one kids do I'm stealing from the act a teeny bit but just because it's a you know a stat I use something right kids do if there was a yelp review young adults have an amazing yelp review for being on the right side who they who they root for who they I think music oh you're dealing with some left-wing Democratic out he kids like what you ever talked to some kids from Alabama bunked over to bet on them the masses of kids that that March oh the ones that Maher ones the March the ones that get involved if you go

77:30back and look at like you know Kent State or you know I'm sorry I'm Emma I'm sure we could we could pull up 50 but so with that said now I'm not saying we shouldn't doubt them if I had a gun to my head and someone said if we had a crystal ball are they making the right choice about Bernie Sanders these kids and I go wow let me ask I gotta talk about that for fire I gotta watch me campaign I gotta watch a debate I can't how's he gonna hair handle public policy how's he gonna like it just add I think we're gonna shoot you in your head I go with kids overwhelmingly kids like him yeah he's gonna do the right thing and I think if there was a crystal ball here's my theory but yeah I don't know I've never said this I think out loud that maybe 50 years from now just like we're learning about history they would talk about him in the way that you know this guy came into office picture kids and

78:17they're telling him why maybe 2022 started to be these good times and there's and they're talking about history and they well what guy came in the office and he really didn't know anything about the the he didn't really know about he was not you know he didn't know about war he didn't know about no and no one thought he could really do it but he was one thing that you wouldn't think would answer our economical problems you can be a nice hearted person but that's not gonna answer your economical problems but it ended up doing that because he did truly treat everybody kind and it ended up that when people started to be treated fairly if the world worked better with less depressed people I'm not saying everybody but people who torture people we had someone in power that was overwhelmingly kind right and people felt the wrath of that almost very quickly right maybe we got and then you

79:02know what no one ever thought this then some of the economical problems worked out them work themselves out now that is based on no science yeah that but that was in my head see the the economy is apparently a very complicated thing that can be interpreted many ways like there are many people right now that will tell you the economy has never been better stock markets booming black people are more employed today than ever in history and these are like the magg of people right they'll jump on that and other people tell you no we're sitting on a bunch of huge bubbles a commercial real estate bubble and credit bubble and all this different that could go down at any moment there's all sorts of problems we're getting an automated car soon it's gonna put thousands of people out of jobs if not millions you know it's hard to figure out who the right it's hard it's

79:58though when you talk about like a dummy like you or myself and trying to prognosticate like what would make people successful and what would make people not what I don't know about the economic part but what I do know is as long as you have a person who's kind but also firm like a person who's kind but you also you're not worried about them if something happens with China or Russia like we live in a crazy world we live in a world where there's really basically three superpowers but one of a superpower and that's us but we're run by a guy who used to host Celebrity Apprentice okay like it's gotten super squirrely it's super squirrely and there's all these other people that are other super powers that are going huh what's going on over there that place don't look so healthy that place looks a little up right now and this is like they're expelling Russian diplomats and all this

80:57crazy shits going down and then Putin just won another election and we're watching this thing go down between the top three super powers and one of them is run by a maniac maybe two of them are but one of them is run by God we knows a maniac and we put him in there and a lot of people are still going along with it and they like it so I I get a question for you okay with no not not like snarky or anything because I was trying to think like you know like there's more things you said we have in common then there's got to be some commonalities well freedom what freedoms number one what would be one that you could like because I always think like anything I can't get defend Trump on even if it's stupid I go out of my way to defend it one time someone it doesn't matter what it was there were two times and I did I went now that's that he didn't do anything or that but what's something positive

81:47about drums that you or what they want to go to bill they want to pass or something they want to do that you think I'm okay with that like what order some of those things are there any as far as bills like something you meet in the middle you haven't seen anything that like made me very excited I've seen more things that made me very nervous the offshore drilling that makes me very nor nervous obviously those things break sometimes we've had a few of them in our lifetimes the Alaska one that was a big one I remember that it happened right when I was in high school or no I was right when I was starting to do stand-up that's what it was like literally right around then the Valdez had crashed and leaked all that oil and just destroyed this delicate ecosystem with millions of gallons of oil or whatever it was how many thousands of gallons or whatever the it was but that

82:35they're gonna they're gonna have more offshore drilling that scares the out of me they they're getting rid of certain public parks and shrinking them and opening up these drilling these these areas for drilling and natural resources that make people very nervous though in doing this they could be damaging rivers and that these delicate ecosystems where people go and hike and camp through and they're gonna close these down that's the real concern the real concern is that gonna that people are gonna somehow or another we're gonna suffer because so that some companies can profit incredibly off of natural land you know natural resources that are on public land that's a big fear because that's some that is really unusual about this country and some some that Teddy Roosevelt saw way way in advance he saw the benefit of doing this of having these massive national parks

83:30yeah sure but wait a min those the drab one what about positive I was there that's the number one negative all this social stuff I mean I feel like the the most hilarious thing is that kim jeong-hoon actually wants to talk to him it was like this guy's so crazy maybe maybe I'll just talk to him I mean like what he wants to do yet nobody else wanted to have meetings with that guy right wanted he's wanted to talk to a president for the longest time and they were dog to hit right they don't want to give him that good photo opportunity at the very least that's hilarious they're worried about their Facebook page would we witness that if they talk yeah we would witness it and Trump would tower over I'm gonna be so creepy Trump's a big guy and you see what happens when you ever see pictures of him with Dennis Rodman you ever see pictures of Kim jong-un I'm good dude

84:25kim jeong-hoon is a huge basketball fan apparently and loves Dennis Rodman so Dennis Rodman goes to North Korea parties well right right right Dennis Rodman like if Trump was smart I know Trump hired Omarosa Trump should definitely hire Dennis Rodman a hundred percent like a hundred percent say Janice Rodman please would you be my emissary look at that we got big Dennis Rodman is that's a large fellow and he's not even big compared to like a really big guy right like LeBron what if he ate a big please yeah what's his name King King John what kim jeong-hoon they still kids say get a picture of Kim Jong Kim Jong with Dennis Rodman what if you were like you think it'd be bad if he went like foot high platforms there they are but he denied it yeah he probably would and he had long pants trying to cover them well he's Korean well he's North Korean there's some

85:15Korean folks that are pretty big I'm a member when I was a kid the kid who won the heavyweight national titles named Jimmy Kim he was a big Korean kid big heavyweight kid who was really good six foot five yes I don't know how big Kim Jeong RunAs but I bet he looks tiny compared to Dennis Rodman two foot three I just looked it up and live Wow I was quick I think um it would be a weird meeting but it might actually be okay it might be good this people got it something's got a break over there like what they're doing is just insane the way they keep those people essentially hostage there's no food the people that have escaped had horrible parasites in their body and like yeah I feel bad I I don't know it was so guys escaped and got shot at out on the border fascinating footage if you're saying they keep them hostage who are you talking about the people of

86:08North Korea they're essentially held hostage I mean they're they're they they're trapped by Dear Leader know what they have to do like if when when the dad died these people were all weeping in the street and they had a weep like outwardly loudly as long as they could do it and if you stopped weeping early you'd be punished and people who they felt weren't weeping enough got six months in jail it's a crazy place and everyone turns on everyone everyone rats everyone else out on everything they do you're supposed to meet together you go in front of this these people and you rat each other out for all the different things you do Michael Mouse has a great book about it is it called dear reader is that the name of his book dear leader or dear reader why do I feel like it's dear reader he's a funny guy Michael Mouse but it's North Korea you ever hear something you're like I

87:02should know that I guess yeah I should know it too that's one of the way you do things about this podcast is just being able to talk to it is dear reader being able to talk to people on this podcast and you know get like a little quick three-hour persuade elopes and what the going on in North Korea so Michael was amazing for that and you know welcome Henry Rollins was Henry Rollins went over there as a a tourist who wandered around over there that guy's an animal the guy goes everywhere and what he just went over to what was the prison was there Rollins just picks a spot on the map you should listen to his podcast he did with Ari Shaffir that's the one that really got me I mean I changed my the way I look at Henry I always I was like this music I always like to spoken-word stuff and his acting stuff and this is attitude just no sort of a guy he's a got a little saying that he put

87:53on the back wall of one of the clubs that I worked one of the theaters that I worked about the people that worked there you know that that you know how you're the lucky one so you should you should be very thankful that these people who work way harder than you make way less money than you and I'm like that's a guy that's like looking at it the right way so he takes it he takes a spot points it down on the map and he's like okay let's try Bahrain and he just travels to Bahrain you know he'll go to the middle of Africa go to Cameroon he just travels there he doesn't know anybody there he buys water when he gets there brings his camera and some clothes and a laptop and he takes pictures and then he writes it he doesn't do any shows her and he's a animal dude he's crazy no she doesn't she shows anymore doesn't do shows anymore he does spoken-word performances he doesn't do any music

88:43anymore he says I've done I don't want to do it anymore and just writes books and just writes a lot of articles writes articles for like a bunch of different publications but I mean he's super prolific and I really enjoy his writing his writing is it's like it's crisp it's energetic it's like he writes like the way he talks in the way he behaves like he appreciates your attention span you know he's enthusiastic about what he's talking about and he's got some to say BAM that sounds like something I I'm not a good reader but I could get it on books on tape because just hearing it - right yeah because I get I I like when someone speaks to me very specifically yeah me too um what did I have to say about Rollins he went to North Korea - he's an animal look I went everywhere hey how long will he go somewhere like a couple weeks whatever the he wants he's

89:37Henry bronze and he has money so you got say the nicest do whatever you want there's no nice hotels this place is where there is no nice hotels really there's no nice well do you not living in the lap of luxury in Cameroon it's like you know you take what they got and you know you just hang with the people you'd be like the locals you know meet some cool people hang out with them that's that's the reality the guy was just um you know feeling his travel oats and really got into it and now it's like a it's recreation it's not just recreation you know it's it's a recreation but it's also like a life perspective altering bursts that you give yourself you know you give hackus tan you wandering through the streets of Karachi and Pakistan like what how did I do this like this is crazy and he's got to actually survive he's got to get out of those places I don't like have so much admin I mean I

90:34know who he go through something like that your your spirit your spirituality your about and I that part I admire but then doing it I just yeah I'm just I don't want to be in like you have to be uncomfortable and hot and oh yeah oh yeah you know what I mean it's comfortable you for sure well I mean he's gone everywhere but yeah I'll just watch the documentary there's something about one of those places though right oh of course even a few places I've gone yeah I go camping uh-huh was last time um was - maybe no no no about a year ago this year ago where'd you guys go went to oh I shot a pilot sound so called camping with Todd oh really and we went we we shot it up it was me Zach Alvin accus and John Doerr and Eddie Pepitone and Oh sounds awesome close to letting it happen it happened you know it's weird we didn't end up we shot the pilot even a bad pilot but that's the premise

91:34I really did think and I don't ever think this but once in a while I do hope you just be honest with my thought I'll be like I think this is gonna sell because just camping with Todd it's okay you're ready fire people are comfortable they talk you have a musical performance who was playing the guitar that was that was John Doerr but he was just being silly okay and um as long as he's only being silly and I will not tolerate some real live singing by a fire and then at the end we did we had someone come out with like a trumpet and a guitar and they did a real so kumbaya so public domain and um and then we and then we tried to sell it and you know no one was really interested so it's okay you know what is that thing that people do where they like hire someone to play acoustic guitar and sing songs in a restaurant they like walk over to a table have you

92:19ever seen them Oh like a mariachi or not even a Marriott or just a guy with the guitar I was at a restaurant of the day and this woman she had an amazing voice she was singing that Dolly Parton song Jolene and she like just out of nowhere like I went to the bathroom came back this lady's singing a song like I don't have this what happened here magicians used to do that oh those the worst dude that's the worst slave who did that would interrupt a conversation you'd be in the middle of a conversation I'd like you to pick a card man come on I'm not interested thank you but if you say thank you you're the dick I just came here to work food I don't want to do tricks even though I love close-up magic I really do to me it's the only magic there is but yeah if you're in the middle of a conversation ya can meet if that's the name of your place it's magic in me and everybody

93:10knows position and the magician is gonna come over and come to the table and do his stuff in front of you that is totally cool not against that like knowing but if you're in the middle of a conversation then the magician comes over and also wants you to pick a card like come on man we have some we have to talk about just because we're at a public place doesn't mean you can join in like we're supposed to be sitting we're paying we're paying here and then you can either be a magician or some people would say conversation stopper yes you gotta go-what talk to what do you put in your card yeah and then it's not even his fault is this the job that's his job what is he gonna do like that's what they hired him for hey you want to get work for us sure I need a job okay you're gonna be a magician you're gonna walk around the tables and do magic in front of people though okay it's not his fault

93:58all right that's why I restaurants fault that's why I always err on even though I was interrupting the conversation I just I get it so I'm pretty polite and I and try to enjoy it and it's usually pretty short but yeah I'm always wishing yeah we're just into this intense conversation yeah it depends on how high you are right if you're high you let the guy talk but if you had a cup of coffee like hey dude I can't with you given 500 me if you own or manage a restaurant you need a close-up magician twice ever and it wasn't the worst thing in the world it's I just feel like people unless it's in the name of your restaurant you probably shouldn't do that it's not like something that happens a lot there's a magician about I like magicians I love working the comedy magic club I used to back in the day before I used to book my own show there when I would do a show I

94:53would work with a magician oh it was always like one comic a magician and then maybe one other comic I think that's how they did it they do it a bunch of different oh yeah in the most of each yeah that place is amazing that place is amazing that that place is also like a museum comedy inside with all the they have like Popeyes outfit that Robin Williams wore it's framed in the wall and those signatures in that wall in the green room it's just great it's a crazy it is array of signatures on a wall from the last 35 years or 40 mm-hmm yeah it's crazy that's a long time to be someone mm-hmm and he's such a nice guy too it's um I think that's the second oldest comedy club in the world right now I think the Ice House is number one and comedy Magic's like just slightly younger in terms of a club and then where do you go after that the Comedy Works in Denver pretty first for olders

95:45like how old is the Comedy Works in Denver can only be like 23 years old or something I thought it was 8:30 is it you might be right yeah he didn't Rosanna start there maybe Roseanne started there in Detroit the it's that his name is in the time but still we're in the 80s right I mean there used to be some places the ice houses from the 60s the Ice House start oh no no I'm sure I didn't mean older I just meant we're next on the list where do you go to yeah these places over now yeah but I mean there's like a there's a few the old old old places that are still around those are like historical places like The Comedy Store is the most historical but there's a lot of historical places helium's historical now because how long has helium been around for 13 years yeah that's a spot where universally people talk about that place I feel like Acme Acme in the Minneapolis is laughing

96:44skull Atlanta that place is off I have the charts intimate ninety people maybe you don't yeah yeah the curtain that goes amazing you know that's a good example of a room you're going down a hall waiter at a restaurant picture everybody everyone has to go to a club for the first time you're going it's in the back of a restaurant you go down a hallway then all of a sudden even though it's a simple room there's a there's a sound booth there's lights the curtains shots lights go down and then what I think every second you're in a club like that where they have production you're like oh this is something you know like the audience that might not know what to expect now they know it's gonna be good sometimes even before the show starts just the way that please conduct itself and then the house lights go out it's like a big deal so I love that that room is great spot a lot of fun in that room

97:32it's another one of those really intimate places I don't even think that's 100 people right 85 80 people is that what it is amazing yeah those spots man I counted I have a clicker because I'm gonna do it oh no no I don't know that happened one someone did that like on stage made everybody call out a number had a club somewhere oh because probably they see like if there was more than they say exactly he was working on some sort of a door deal and he thought there was more people in the room then the club owner told him so he had the audience individually count out a number what like we're gonna start from this table over here when I move to the left just you're number one ready sir go number one - and people would just like can't wait - three more number they'll just be sitting there 36 that proves that people just some people want to yell out that was fun for them no um

98:24yeah how many people were going alright we don't need to do this dude but I think it was like a 350 seat room Wow yeah so he didn't have the material maybe risible totally possible but whatever it is that's how he found out and he got past the number that this guy said there were and then there was like still 50 more people I wonder if that's true no I think it's true I think it's true I think that's the waitstaff is what told me about it and I think they were very enthusiastic with their descriptions so you think he caught them like a club owner trying to hide how many could be the good clubs that have been around forever overwhelmingly I've had almost perfect experiences the clubs that they're all pretty decent so I forget sometimes what some of the sheisty or ones yeah because you hear stories about people in the road like manipulating the money and stuff but you do hear that

99:20that can happen with some clubs I think some club owners devel a very Anna mastic animosity what's a-- is that word an Tomas dick that's not even a word it isn't I know what you're gonna say that right when it came out of my mouth right as it was going out I was like is that a real word no you can't exactly towards comedy but they developed this animosity between each other the club owners don't want to book you you get mad at the club owners then when you make it like that guy I want more money tell me him you know and you there's this weird thing that happens like they knew you and you sucked and then you know like as you're coming up there's you know they don't want to pay you more or and you're like but I make more now I'm a headliner and you get into this weird sort of thing with each other you know I think that that that poisons the well for a lot of

100:10like comedian club owner relationships but we need them so bad like you and I are not opening up a comedy club it's not going to happen right we need the improv we need these clubs you need to haha in North Hollywood we need them like they like we all have to work together like it's should be we should all figure out a way to be nice to each other like we need each other yeah we're not gonna do that well that's why I try and I don't I try I do it to as much as I complain about when they do it wrong I always spend twice as much time giving clubs to do it great a shout out to do and throw and love their way there's a lot do alright there's no important and you know what when I go to it I thought the mic was coming at me how dare you when I go to a place first like like Portland the helium in Portland Philadelphia but where there's a manager or and they run the place look

101:10I know they're stressed out but they're good at hiding it yeah yeah they're professional always and I thought I couldn't do that I'd be frantic but always like hey sorry know how you do mm-hmm and I think you know I try to I try to go wow that that you know give a club like that you know I would not exist I go I don't even know how they do it like it's so good I don't know if I could derive and those guys like do you member Tom Sawyer from San Francisco I know I know of him yeah you never worked for him I don't think so really you never worked at the old cops no of little cobs I'd once did you work at big cobs no I had opened up for I did some shows there like through you know like a festival never through the club yeah well I just I don't want to beat on it too much we're just so lucky though we have places to do it you know it's just a weird relationship that comics and

101:57when it gets I know I guess yeah because both part both parties have some work to do it's really if they were in therapy you both got some things you can fix and as long as because it is true it's like I'm not unaware of what you're saying because it's just comedians for every club owner that maybe rip somebody off which of course they exist there's also the comedian that thinks everybody's ripping them off and nobody is right there's both so cool yeah well it's just that when you're not getting booked it's real easy to develop that sort of animosity between you and a club there's just if you're not you can't work and you think that other guys are not as good as you and they're getting work and you get frustrated and you're young and dumb already you know you can have that sort of weird complicated relationship it's just one of those weird things club owners and artists

102:46have always there's always been disputes right I think we've backed into the day where they that do jumped off the roof of the hotel next to the Comedy Store yeah that was that was not a protest between the comedians protesting against the club right they walked out there was a strike there was a la comedy strike cuz no one was getting any money and these clubs were smashing it and we weren't getting any of the money like this always been that way and that still goes on today like the UCB UCB doesn't pay people don't have to if you're doing great I mean just some forces them they could keep doing whatever the they want to do so there's also that there's there's some good blood out there too sure but yeah they you know with there's a lot of good little communities to work guys put together a comedy night somewhere you know yeah so and some do a great job I'm always it always in all

103:38that one so when you go to a comedy night and someone did he like you know they took a one you know a bar I made it a you know every little thing is right sure it'll get Purdue some people really know how to produce a show yeah for sure it's always fun to walk into that and they just find a good spot to there was a good spot that I worked at only once and it was in Encino it was really weird it was I'm telling you I mean it was awful a five minute walk from my house that's when I lived in see no I lived off a white oak and I could just walk down there and go to this weird comedy club I never worked there the entire time I lived there I never worked there when I did one set there and I was like what is this place this place is one club I don't remember all of it but it was a bar in the front and you'd go past the bar to this back room and it was like all people that I had

104:28never seen do stand-up I've never seen him at the store never some of the Laugh Factory no some of the improv it seemed like they had either just started or they were crazy it was maybe was this tonight that I was there but I was like this place is nuts and how long ago is this more than 20 years hmm yeah this is like 95 I think yeah it was weird so weird little comedy like there's this whole another world as worlds out there man dislike and if you go like into Orange County and in San Diego San Diego's got its own scene right right you know a Santa Barbara head oh yes yeah it's a Santa Barbara yes all these different place Santa Barbara I don't think has that comedy club anymore I heard that come is see if Santa Barbara has comment that thing once a month a they do I about it might have been like six months ago San Francisco has a scene they got a scene Seattle's

105:25got a scene you know there's some scenes out there there's some comedy scenes it's just like how many of them are really thriving it takes a lot of club owners man that's the thing is what I'm saying to these people that don't get along so good with club owners if they're not doing it we're not gonna comedy hideaway in Santa Barbara says closed right now ours is it does it mean closed forever okay oh they'll he'll do random shows like 1:00 p.m. and he still does he still has shows it's just always under comedy hideaway and that's where you found that always doing it there is doing it there okay oh no I get it so it's a hideaway so it's like a gig like oh he goes to different spots okay so sometimes you'll be in the same spot for the weekend sometimes it's bounces around okay I know I'm his manager I'm telling the kid he's got to be more specific with a

106:17social come on yeah I don't know man it's like but what makes a scene is a club owner like Wendy Wendy from the Comedy Works in Denver she makes the scene that's the club owner she's the one who puts her finances at risk she's the one who manages it she runs two clubs and in those two clubs as she ran she runs currently she created the Denver scene Mitsy created the LA scene at the store I mean Mitzi's guidance her like her what she tolerated what she enforced and what she preferred and what who she gave enthusiasm to she she like shaped she shaped so many comics man you know so there's a few of those club owners they're like super super special like really really important people they just they create an environment where pops out of I know I say it's the closest thing like presenting knowing how to present something especially when it's comedy I'm in off whenever somebody

107:13you know we think you would do that I mean you've designed them do you ever think you would they could want to own a club because I get it comedians can be hard to deal with some of them are just crazy yeah some of them just you just can't you just can't you can't do it I get it I bet well you know you know the other reason I was close once maybe but but because let's say there's somebody I like as a comedian but maybe the tragic hotel I don't need to know that and let me be mad at them Oh what happened we don't talk to blah blah blah anymore because I make my club in Philadelphia real nice and then he went in and he you know they tore the curtain down in the room I don't want to not like him for that so let me not own a club and deal with anybody I on a business level that's a good point I'm very good people do it and it's hard but they'd empathize with what I'm

107:58saying more than anything so it also says we're not delusional when we complain about clubs because it says yeah we get it there's some right there some when they when they do it right there's some comedians the on it grew in a condo that they're trying to make it work well I get it but overwhelmingly it's probably no it split trying to be fair no you're you are trying to be fair there's just certain amount of people that are nuts they're kind of places up gonna ruins they don't go to the club or whatever they ruin the relationship that the club has with some other business you know it's just comedians are crazy okay here's me on the phone what he's she for what that's not even normal is a good one yeah I mean I know he's crazy and then somebody that I value you know he said he'd wanted to pay for the steam cleaning well I don't know we'll get new carpet yeah diarrhea man wouldn't spray

108:58diarrhea before I love it you know why because that's to me if you're saying the wrong thing so it sounds like just just and diarrhea all over just the wreckage but you knee that's not even your fault with a lot of people a lot of people it's like they don't probably realize what they're doing they're doing it and they think they're right but they're just looking at it from their own personal selfish perspective because they're excited about what they're saying and because they're engaged in a contest it's not just that they're talking about stuff they're engaged in a contest they're trying to win that's where the diarrhea comes out they're just throwing it at you and get in your face it's like oh this is this a contest they'll suck you in suck you into it see that's what I think one of the big things is wrong with people today and it's been wrong of me in the past

109:49you get into these conflicts for no reason it's not worth it there's no fun in that it's stupid so you want to get in conflicts should be doing difficult with your life there's a lot of different difficult things to do don't like get in arguments with people have you done it in the past ever arguments of people or nothing yeah for sure use in the car window you know no thank you look you feel like it's such a loser after you get out of there like what did I even say yeah we've all done that somebody cuts you off or someone's on their phone they almost slamming you and you freak out and they they give you the bird and you're like you yeah for sure and now almost 0 almost 0 almost 0 most the time I'm pretty cool I just but I it's a matter of always thinking about it it's a matter of always recognizing like these are just stupid impulses don't just follow any childish impulse like some

110:39thirteen year old he's got his first boner like use your brain don't yell just use your brain I always still I just more than anything because it's usually not even involving me when I still witness the finger out the window you go from a complex who are you and you know what I've seen it a civil person that probably is about to sit down at a restaurant and probably a relatively nice guy but that's us if you're 40 years old or 20 or whatever age the younger the more understandable but when you see let's go with a 40 year old putting this finger out the way Fogg I go who are you where are you going how can you be it the most value to your children's lives if that's the way you express yourself don't tell me oh I'll do that but I'm a good now that's got a leak into everything you do you're putting your hand out the window forty fault you like what who are you who are

111:34you you should treat everybody in the other car as if they're a giant friendly linebacker like don't ever say I'll you up don't ever say I'll kick your ass treat them with like some have a little bit of fear of them don't want to be mad at you lay back that's how you should treat everybody if we all just did that we'd all get along great you know you don't look at some giant ass I go to this gym these NFL players go there it it's hilarious man I'm gonna excuse me pardon me okay duck another dudes elbows and trying to get to the weight stacks their enormous people I mean some of these guys are like 6 foot 4 300-plus pounds just enormous enormous people just show a little have a little respect if those guys weren't cars all around you you wouldn't be yelling you pull over pull over pull over you wouldn't do that these guys will smash you they're not even the same thing as you know the

112:33reason that it makes me laugh at behavior is because it's not always a maniac in real life but they should see their behavior maniac like because it is it's like do you know what's wrong what do you know where it comes from just not being able to express yourself no no when you're in a car you're worried your your your your senses are ramped up like if you're if 10 is like full awareness you're like 6 or 7 we're normal I feel I get one like you're already like kind of wrapped up because everything's moving fast around you and try and stay calm and someone's doing something to try to get your leg all your piece of you're wrapped up already right that's why when you're late you know when you're late for something even me and I'm a pretty civil place civil person and I try to stop it but if I'm super late and nervous I will say to the person doing the most mundane thing what

113:25the are you doing exactly at least I never go I will say this go into traffic zero out the window zero I'm talking about this is in the kid but even in the contents of your own car you have to be you should be proud of what your behavior but at least I know well enough when I'm doing that that's got to be for me and I should work on that too I had a dude scream at me and take his shirt off to show me his tattoos and then and then he called me a rich piece of I was not rich at the time but I did have a white suburban and I guess white suburban made you think I mean I wasn't famous at the time he didn't know who the I was but I don't remember what it was about but I remember the dude took his shirt off to show me his tattoos and I started pointing out I'm laughing oh my god did you take your shirt off - show me your tattoos - so that I'll think you're a tough guy is

114:19that what you just did I'm like that is hilarious and so I'm yelling this at him he's getting more and more red in the face and I go that's hilarious you took you goes I'll kick your ass you you rich piece of like rich piece of Wow bye I just drove at least I was thinking at least I'm driving this big ass truck like he slams into me he's gonna get up is no huge nobody thinks two is ever ready for like to be called out because he knows why she's so stupid he thought I'd be scared of him cuz he's got tattoos everywhere meanwhile as soon as you took a shirt off I was convinced I could him up I was like this doesn't work out there's no way he knows anything there's no way I mean he's just like a guy you know it wasn't like a scary guy but he had tattoos everywhere like all over his neck and and there weren't even good I like tattoos it was just such a stupid thing but I

115:18mean I bet if I knew that guy in real life and we were just together in a office building and like he worked in one office and I worked to know like what's up man what's going on everything cool right we've been friendly it's just this weird thing when you're on the highway and everybody's ramped up everybody's nervous you don't even realize you're nervous even if you're calm and you're good you're ready to do this yo he's ready somebody do not know she's hit the brakes oh look at that is the thing in the wrong you're always ready for that you know why right for that that's why when I go to my house to Silverlake some people want to get on the highway and I go I don't know I don't want to get on the highway first of all it always ends up being about the same time and even if it's five minutes longer on surface streets on a highway I'm I feel like I'm getting too out

116:03there in this highway world I just want to go somewhere where I'm not on the highway right do you know what I mean on this on the side road I can handle it right but on the on the highway I just get stressed out a little more so I'm like I'll say if it's ten minutes longer I don't care yeah there's not a bad idea it's not a bad idea it's chilling it's more relaxed it's chill I'll take slow down no one's driving that fast yeah I'll take Pico from Center City to my house yeah I like be have an arrow I like going over Laurel Canyon you know when you go into Hollywood it's like it's more chill it's kind of cool get that cool drive down that winding road down that winding road down it's excellent man it reminds you you're in LA yeah and I always think of like these bad that live right there on the road like well who do you have to be to be so confident in people that you

116:48buy a house right there on Laurel Canyon around those corners where someone could easily miscalculate and slam right into your car and slam into your house you know those streets like well in particular it's like there's a lot of like jockeying for position on Laurel I saw a guy the other day take a chance move and dump into the left lane to oncoming traffic to pass a guy on Laurel and I was like whoa that is a that is AIT's like you're committing to being a like you're going down this there's you there's no way you know if someone's coming you don't have enough time and if they're coming up the hill like you're coming down the hill the same kind of ashiness we got a real problem here like you're gonna know left lane that's but that it's right next to your house what these people's their houses are right there man like you could like reach out and smack their mailman in the

117:37ass let's drive by it's crazy I always think that like on the highway when there's an apartment building so close to the highway that you could forget something and go hey I'm pulling around in the overpass come over to the window and throw me my shoes like an episode of The Honeymooners or some right yeah cats yeah they have a string maybe they run from the I don't know whenever I look at a science fiction movie about like the future like district 9 remember district 9 great movie man um but one of the things about these like super uber congested cities you look at them and you go okay is that coming is that like gonna be everywhere are we gonna be really living in this sort of weird dystopian future I mean New York City is in the perfect spot right cuz it's not quite dystopian but it's definitely exceptional like those views that you get like a buddy of mine

118:31you have an apartment in Brooklyn on the water facing the city which i think is even I don't know if it's better than being in the city but it's pretty stunning and I just was in his living room going holy man this is crazy like this view is great it's beautiful like stunning but if that keeps going right then it becomes this monolithic huge favela like you know some crazy like completely stuffed with people and chickens and dogs running around and I mean like there's all these future dystopian movies they're all everything wrong it's not like everything's amazing in the future we have these huge super populated cities and everything's perfect no it's all like way more crime way more craziness oh well it's just thinking I think people are improving and you think people are improving yeah we both do we think life isn't pretty I mean you're you're kidding no no no it could be but

119:32I'm saying there is a problem with the numbers the actual raw numbers of us like if you go back just a few decades the amount of people was like 5 billion less and then it's not that long I mean if you I think you go back to like the 80s with it what is what we've done this before and I know I always forget and I probably should remember it but what was world population in 1985 that's when I got out of high school I want to say it was less than 3 billion that's what I want to say no I'm wrong 5 billion a little less than 5 billion okay I feel a little bit better anyway during that time from 1985 to 2018 it's now is it 7 billion or has it hit 8 because the world population was real close to 8 7 man that's a lot of people you know what's gaining more than 2 billion people in just a few decades so you keep doing that you do that a few decades more does it accelerate you must because

120:37there's 2 billion more people having people so it's got to accelerate expedite every problem you list I feel like I connect you right back to old people like the population we just live in a society that oh you have kids have kids no one goes and will learn about yourself and when you really know what your patients are right then if you start you'll see it a certain time you might be but no no one looks just that type of you have to have kids okay that's older people you know that put that thought out there the energy problem if like kids were if we were just living kids lead we'd have electric cars already you know they like they already had that information back then and we just the real problem with rich cars to the batteries well I mean it's like there's troopers well what about just um I mean Elon Musk is pretty much at the top of the heap when it comes to figuring out electric

121:24car technology I don't think there's anybody that's ever had it nailed down like him before I mean there's a few different car companies that make really good electric cars Fisker makes a really good one but it's those batteries like this is like this is not something we could have had 30 years ago and what about solar powers solar power is absolutely viable and especially in California where it's never raining I mean it's been raining out here for a few days and it was like it's amazing it's like we live in in Seattle you know everything's all green and but it's sunny most of the time and we could just be collecting energy for that this is there's political issues with that there's like you know you'd have to get the infrastructure ready you'd have to you could sell back to the grid there's that you know people do do that there's a lot of like difficulty

122:07though apparently Bryan Callen went through that when he he got his house solar-powered and he said is really a lot of red tape and he goes and it seems like they're trying to discourage you from doing it and make it difficult for you to do it for you to switch over to electric because he had his installed and hooked up four months before it got switched on with the grid it was like a real issue and then even more so I think if you want to go off-grid so you can use solar power and have no connection to the grid that's that's a slippery slope and in some places I don't know if you can do that I think some places might actually prevent you from doing that which is really weird they can prevent you you will only use all wrong no one else's dogs should be in your head that's what they're saying because that's not the tone they say with your power anymore but thanks no

123:00how do you think they would sell that like just pull it just guessing like how do they make that make sense they would have to say have some regulations like we don't know about your solar we don't we don't know if it's dangerous we don't know what you're up to so I mean they can sell it in any way they want if they're doing it in order to save their constituents money or in to you know do the bidding of whatever special interest group is lobbying for them to do it I mean they that's why they do those things they don't do those things cuz they make sense you know they don't throw those things cuz they're logical hey don't don't get that free power you know let me make it confusing to get that free power make it real hard for you turn on I just got stretched it out a few months you got to keep paying me for a few months if they can just do that with a

123:46million customers you have three million more months of billable hours if they wanted to do it that way if they just made it a policy to act slower I don't know how it works man I mean it but I know how money works I bet there's truth to what you're saying there's so much money involved and they don't make power companies because they're altruistic beautiful people want everybody to watch TV because they want that cash baby you know that's why they're gonna drill holes right next to the river come on that's one of the good stuff is if we the salmon they're just gonna get in there it's just start drilling they don't give a man people are just who just want money don't give a this is what's the problem with guys like Trump this is what the problem with the guys like he brings in there's so many that like the number one thing is not making money the number one thing is sustainability

124:35that's the number one thing living off the earth that's the number one thing can we live off this earth okay good number two thing we got to be safe okay how can we be safe well first of all we need to be able to talk so freedom of speech is hugely important when it comes to being safe you need to be able to say things without fear of repercussion you need to be able to communicate 100% honestly amongst each other and so we could figure out how you really feel tell me how you really feel about this then I can understand you I don't really understand you yet because you're hiding how you really feel about partially about life parts of life that's where freedom of speech is so goddamn important just one aspect of it being important being able to protest about stuff all that diff tepee so would you vote no no we just did that somebody just did that the other day and

125:22handed me a note I have to be how long we going well it was Pat Miletich yeah it's 1:30 what did we start at like 11:15 so you do the math I'm too stupid for that that's why you eat the food that you shouldn't be same reason the foot you get that at gene after midnight yeah it's our head oh I do it sometimes I came home the other day from the Ice House Saturday night and I cooked a steak at 1:00 in the morning I got the cast-iron skillet out and I put some butter down I had steak and kimchi while I watched TV at one o'clock in the morning whatever the it was delicious very amazing it was amazing you can I'm lucky that I the reason I want to stop is not because I haven't get sick I really have an iron stomach if there's that's good but it's just I you know it still makes me feel a little bit like I don't get sick but I you feel a little heavy in the morning dude I took two whole days

126:23yesterday and the day before or 8:00 yesterday I a groll's the day before I had a big bowl of pasta and I had a cupcake I just decided it it's Sunday or Monday or whatever it was Sunday and Monday let's just have some fun so for two days I was eight whatever the I want I just decided I want to do that I had the worst farts of my career I mean my career of farting he swear that these were the bombs to end all bombs my body's just not designed to do that anymore it just doesn't want to do that anymore cuz I've been eaten so clean so regularly that just a couple of days of pasta and and egg rolls and my body was like you I felt lethargic I was like I just want to sit down all the time my workout sucked it was hard to push myself I was like wow like this is not good like eating just this is what most people are doing most people are doing all day they're eating candy bars and

127:29mainly not get any nutrients you I mean I know candy bars well here's what I mean I'll eat very bad why you should be good you're a smart guy why don't you uh why don't you approach it like you're taking in the artwork of these people who cook food for you or learn how to cook yourself ike here's the problem o is that i during the day i I juice everyday like kale carrots celery ginger beets every single day so you don't eat a healthy well no that's just because my only thing I could do to say okay well I have this shitty diet I can at least say to my body I think of myself as my body going thank you for giving us some good stuff we wish you wouldn't need that other but thanks for something that's every day I'd use but then it gets bad late at night I mean if it's but that's good though so you're not all bad you have a lot of good habits like you're very aware that you need nutrients when

128:27you do do that stuff and juice one of the things that they say we should probably look this up right now because I'm obviously not a nutrition expert but I'm pretty much sure they say that vitamins are absorbed better when you have them with some healthy fat so I think they recommend coconut oil if you have some coconut oil with vegetables when you drink a vegetable juice it actually can enhance the absorption of some of the well that's good to know yeah so some people mix it in or mix MCT oil medium chain triglyceride oil fat soluble vitamins you won't get enough vitamin D from drinking vegetable juice it's found mainly in fatty cheese fatty fish cheese mushrooms egg yolks beef liver and fortified foods you need vitamin D that's a yeah all right that's different they're saying this that's they're just saying that vitamin D is very difficult to get if you're vegan

129:15that's all I do eat food too but I like some the thing is like I night I'm so hungry so I think I'll go to the Von's I'll be like well listen I'm gonna want candy no matter what right and I had dinner like 5:30 this is like now 9:00 so I don't really need dinner I hate dinner so I go I'm gonna get dinner I murder one candy a second dinner whatever you want to call second Denine at the tree so I go I know this is bad but the last like few weeks I'll be there and I'll be like you know what I'm gonna eat I'm on candy I'll just get candy and then I'm proud of myself you didn't need food and candy yet food or candy when I get candy I get candy it's not like I'm do you bet in like a jumbo Snickers bar what are you doing I told someone that helps out at the podcast when they're at the Vaughn's they get me a candy bar they brought me back a candy bar a little I'm like are

130:03you Maureen what a Reese's Cups I said get some Reese's Cups they brought back two Reese's Cups in a pack Oh little ones yeah when I say Reese's Cups I mean a bag the guy had this fantasy now the fantasy that I had of eating Reid's cups non-stop for 5-10 minutes was now you all know I've gone love love Reese's Cups do you like to double the big ones did the other two did the action yeah the big thick ones and I like to have them on ice cream all right so I've done that many times all kinds ice cream chocolate ice cream it what strawberry I don't give a you know but what would we say no to bro I know what I would rather have but you take a double Reese's Cup put it in the microwave for literally 10 seconds and then get the vanilla ice cream and just smash it on top it's absurd absurd there's something about ice cream and some cakes like a warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream whoa

130:58holy chocolate cake with with vanilla ice cream oh my goodness I could warm chocolate cake in vanilla ice cream oh oh apple pie though with cinnamon and vanilla ice cream holy Todd glass holy holy that's good the French fat French apple pie with vanilla ice cream because you get that apple pie is American I don't know where you get this French from you should do they even have apples and speaking about the pie McDonald's should do this take your glass a clear glass that you can see right right they picture the commercial they'll shoot it right then put the apple pie in there apple pie on glass and then fill it with vanilla ice cream and put some caramel sauce and go to call it their apple pie a la mode mmm and it put a spoon and you get the apple pie the vanilla you scream a little bit little bit of sauce at the top tube telling them this on the show you should

131:56go to them with a proposal the Todd glass apple pie it's a great load and they have all the stuff there to need it already their spokesperson the commercial this is my ID right well I think it's amazing just do it that way look on the side there's the apple pie in the ice cream sauce on the towel sounds dig in it's apple pie a la mode it's a great idea unless it was a deer especially if you could figure out how to nuke only the apple pie well they could so they have to put it together that boy is already hot it's in there drop it in they drop it in ice cream I drop the ice cream on top that's genius it takes a couple seconds to make right you don't just grab it you gotta drop one in there it's very easy to yeah bang bang it's there there yeah right that's a great idea that's a really good that's the best idea I've ever heard on this podcast thank you oh they have it

132:44this isn't McDonald's you know the restaurant that made this exact dessert the way you're describing it in a glass yeah exactly I'm not saying the ideas I'm saying it's that they have all the ingredients to do it they have those glasses they have apple pie well they should just serve it cuz I bet it would be a big seller cuz those apple pies are not bad either those McDonald's know when you want one those are not bad - no what's that - for a dollar is that what they are yeah wow that's pretty good here's my bad I call it junk it's junk its food for this junk yeah but not candy junk food right so I like to get the biggest McDonald's hamburger there is like whatever it is that I can get in the menu I look okay can I get that with nothing on it's just a plain burger no cheese no nothing okay then they get an Egg McMuffin you can either do two things one you could take

133:28all the ingredients off the Egg McMuffin and put it in the hamburger so you have a hamburger with an egg a piece of ham these it's so good or take the hamburger put it and let the egg mcmuffin be the bread but it's pretty good that sounds pretty goddamn good that sounds like you're doing you're doing God's work they can't figure out they figured out some impressive things they figured out how to make a juicy delicious pancake that's the top of a McMuffin those McGriddle z' that is my all it's one of my all-time favorite cheap foods a goddamn McGriddle those is delicious you want to talk about like the good feeling in your mouth for a buck like how much like how much bang you get for your buck if you're hungry with the cheese and the egg holy here's my point how much I agree with you and now we're not saying the ingredients or anything if you took that McGriddle

134:21yeah I say this with a lot of foods I'm just using this as an example because you just said this that actual item but I say this with a lot of things put it on it you take that McGriddle put it on a chopping block right at a French restaurant and what and then all you do is put that on the chopping block and then maybe put some syrup all over it delivered to a table there no one's gonna go it's good but it's not like it's know they're gonna go shut the up yeah it's nice you know what I say that about Papa John's cinnamon things they do you know where they take the bread they put the sound of they put the butter on it but then the vanilla glaze all over it they put it in the oven if you were anywhere they go out at about 6:00 in the morning if that they put the fresh cinnamon tarts out you know and then you took a Papa John's put it on no one would eat

135:06it and go no it's good it's sugary it's doing the job there they'd go what what if you had a McGriddle with ice cream on it Wow ice cream in between like in between the layers you put the McGriddle down with the sausage just be absurd to be for sausage oh I didn't think of a sausage sauce I just thought the bread and the syrup and style let's see no you could definitely do it I've always loved Hawaiian pizza the pineapple and ham together me two people some people you know what I'll argue social issues but ended for because I think there's a good side of it but some people I'm okay to let go when people go I can't believe someone would like pineapple on pizza okay right I'm not I can't believe you like two Pixies okay you know what I've resolved I'm a pineapple pineapple and anchovy I know it sounds disgusting it tastes amazing it's one of my all-time favorite pizzas

136:12it might be my all-time mine's pineapple and sliced sausage what are you watching Jamie this is a McGriddle no this is make you know being rolled into those gold ice cream things that's popular right now oh it's almost what you just described but not quite and it looks actually and then turned it into those things yeah you're seeing those stuff and they chopped it up and flattened it out it's like barely food it's barely food that's so weird oh wow so it's the the not the inside of the McCrystal no yeah yeah it's just the outside starts over here again they turned it into this thing to do it yeah but that makes sense if it's the inside of the McGriddle because it's all I mean the outside rather because it's all just that doughy anyway well so they poured the batter on it and show how it is everything yeah it's the meat - oh that's crazy how weird might be good I don't know it

137:05might be good yeah look it's it's probably an interesting way to eat I mean it's no different than what you're doing when you're masticating it that's what you're doing you're making that out of it it's just making that already just maybe you don't want to see it I found out this past weekend that ground beef was invented by the Mongols ground meat I want to see the Genghis Khan exhibit at the Reagan Library Shh living back then dude you think it'd be hard to start over as an open-mic true comic I just started off in a mongol camp wait why was ground beef invented they invented ground beef apparently Mongols invented the Mongol Empire is either indirectly responsible directly responsible were they invented like a shitload of things someone here with happy what year would it be I think that was like that twelve hundreds that they well they existed that they first

137:54came to be what were they before that they just ate steak no but I mean look they all whatever you I think they probably just yeah they just probably look cooked meat and just ate the meat and then someone figured out where you can take tough cuts cuz they would eat you know whatever the they could take a tough cut and grind it up you can cook it and eat it easier to figure that out you don't eat meat right I eat a lot of me oh you do yeah why do you think it wouldn't eat meat I don't know it's you know maybe one of those guys well no no I I would say free I would just say I I listen to always I'm open to listen to new things to sway my opinion but I like the stance of I heard someone talking about at least free free range now I know the opposing view on that too but I just thought you know if you're say if you're thinking I get it that there is a food chain this is what I heard this

138:44person speaking on the I'm not saying it but I made it's made sense to me know there is a food chain and we don't have to torture animals of course but there is this but you know untoward animals that then I would be like I would if I was gonna I wish I could if I was gonna eat me I do eat meat yeah but I wish I did it that way I'd be proud of myself I committed when I hear someone that does that that will I'm like oh I I have admiration for that would you ever consider killing an animal that you were gonna eat would you ever consider like raising a cow and killing it I couldn't but I don't what about hunting do you think you could hunt no no no could you oh you do yeah yeah but I don't I'm not I just couldn't hunt I'm not problem don't want it yeah it's not something you're interested in I beat you listen there's nothing wrong with that yeah it's uh

139:36it's like I shot a guy in the face once at camp who shot a man in Reno I shot him remember when he's singing that song he was in prison which I like that he went back and performed there that they can do not they don't have to be lost yeah and then he he goes I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die in there let's not glorify that yeah listen I'm here it's not times guys don't have to I bummed out about it yeah I'm bummed I'm singing it it's not good don't need someone just do a stand-up special inside of prison Jeff Ross Jeff Ross that just goes another comic did a black comic you know the John Barrymore is that it yeah how do you say is that how you say his name see Wow I like the background you have behind you more than the background bottom yeah what's it called I think it's bigger than these bars oh nice you got to use a bathroom yeah okay I'm sorry

140:44you're not gonna say oh you know we could wrap this up - why you go to the bathroom if that's okay okay Mongol eating meat thing I just pull up this article from the New York Times it said that horse meat being tenderized under their saddle is a myth I don't know if that's yes yeah yeah I don't tenderize under their saddle that said that steak tartare was horse meat dish that originated from the horse he marvels of Central Asia who swept across the East and Central Europe eight hundred years ago the most entails the Tartar the tater teeth how do you know I would you say that tater tot her daily our horsemen would put a slice of horse meat beneath their saddle in the morning and retrieve it tenderized by the pounding tea raw for dinner they supposedly left their raw meat eating habit behind and according to one version of the story it was carried by the German sailors to Hamburg

141:36where the taste for ground beef began begat both hamburgers and steak tartare that's interesting is that where I kneel hamburger is that where a hamburger came from that guy's hamburger I'm just died use the bathroom that's cool is that okay I wanted to ask about that because that's interesting I wonder if the Reagan Library has old information in their exhibit it's been passed around as a member since like 1920 you can't just say that if you're running a museum you should probably know that that's not true unless they they figured out chopped meat and this is not the same thing right maybe it's not maybe originally was but I would feel like if someone wanted to do that that would be a way to tenderize meat no I mean I would the same restaurant I was describing that I worked at before was no Mongolian barbecue grill we'd cook with swords literal metal swords on a

142:29flattop when it was supposed to be representing their shields that the Mongols would cook on back and they hunt whatever and they were just shredding meat that's the only way you could do it so right they were shredding beef I don't have his ground but like definitely shredded yeah when we cooked in the field with Rinella for the first time when we shot a deer he pounded it flat like he took like a chunk of the back strap and then put it in between what he put it in between but pounded it flat before it cooked it like to tenderize it and break it down a little bit I just watched a video of a guy pounding an aluminum foil roll and making a knife out of it badass like a knife like a shiv or a shank watching you go watch the and I can watch the knife making things yeah it's just like it it's a ten minute video of him literally taking the whole roll I pull it up I want to see that that's

143:19crazy some dude made a knife out of an aluminum foil roll that's when you really want to somebody up please trapped in a restaurant hey I have a question go ahead we probably should whereat go for the claws look at this look at this guy he's gonna hammer down this aluminum foil until he could turn into undid it all like in a kitchen too he just uses a regular old of a stove gas stove did you just hammer it down then fold it is that what he did he leaves it here I was just kind of skip ahead there's a good idea for bad unless you were trying to use that to build your kids a Ford then you're a nice person you bake a hammer whoa we turned it into metal yeah you could saw this is crazy a lot of times sharpening it down this is crazy whoa this is nuts oh he turned it into a real piece of aluminum oh yeah yeah and then Wow that is bananas and he sharpened it yeah that is crazy

144:18Oh gave it a handle oh my god and then put it in at the end puts in a package and shows like chopping stuff but did mean it must be so weak though I mean it's aluminum oh he sells it they're probably my try would you want to buy it just because I'm an I want a pie and lumen file knife I need it you know every time people come over the house you go this knife is made out of aluminum foil I have a video we want you to watch he made a knife out of pasta just shiny oh he makes it no I didn't anything that's good about the story that Chris ryan told about the guy who made a knife out of and it was frozen or they're frozen and I have to kill one of his dogs cuz he was like a sled dog ER and he was starving to death Wow yeah was that true or did he carve his way out of an ice hole with a shovel frozen shovel you the only guy that comes with notes do you know what I only have I wrote can i plug

145:20someday yeah definitely okay so I'll get through this rule about your special first word is that I was our special Netflix it's called act happy I wanted to call it suck my pigeon dick but I was the only one that was raising my hand I wish I was there I would've backed you out it was it was it's a juggling act and who the hell would have not forgotten I know why right suck my pigeon deck that's hilarious can I tell you something the last time I wanted to time's up and I know tell any stories like you know all this person no no this is two things I think and I think I want to learn my lesson because my book I wanted to call that I wanted to call my book all I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl with the terminal disease and then and then other stupid things I said to keep the closet door shut I would add that as a subtitle even though I hated the word closet that's how I tried to

146:08sell it to him because a closet and anything to do with any words you know that of climb this and out and so I go okay if I can call it all I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl it was the first title was with cancer all I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl with cancer and other other thing other stupid things I said to keep the closet door shut because there's a story in there about me literally me and my friend you know so it does make sense and it's not mean it's not insulting cancer I think that still should have been the title of the book the problem is people are gonna see it and go oh he's just a mean guy that wants girls to die that's the boil down dumb version I don't really look into it consider that well you're wishing how about terminal disease no you're right it brings up a guy a dumb guy writing a book you know what yeah that's how you know what I'm

147:07stubborn in certain ways but in other ways all you gotta do is cleanly explain something to me oh yeah that they're right I don't want to call it that I never thought about that to go to for the wrong audience to see it on a shelf somewhere even yeah I think we should all be able to change our opinions about things I try hard to work on them I do too I think it's a big thing about being a person be able to look at things and not think that you are those ideas you're a person you're not those ideas like you just you don't just because you thought of it and you you subscribe to it you believed in it at one point time it don't let it define you it's just an idea and if it's wrong be honest about it and say this is what I thought it was real and people will respect that because they'll know that when you're talking you're saying what's really on your mind whether you're right

147:53or whether you're wrong you might be incorrect but if you are incorrect you gonna let them know you're incorrect and you know what the way to look at that I think and I remind myself every time I talk about this stuff to say how many of the things are you doing because they're right or you just think time equals validity right because there probably are some things that should you should have been doing for the last 40 years but so let's not go issue by issue here's a wider scope for someone to put themselves under fair judgement right if you're 45 years old and you haven't had I'm just throwing out numbers I'm okay I'll pour down the number but you'll get the gist what I'm saying if you're 45 years old and what are we talking about I'm sorry I got high but if you remind me I'll I'll go right back I'm not exactly sure where you were going with it oh marijuana it's that goddamn

148:40marijuana I don't even nothing Jimmy what was he talking about no we'll figure it out don't I want to do so and then I have to play remember that hell we were talking about people being nicer to each other we're talking about being able to change your comedy special being able to change your opinions on things I think it's very important to be able to just change your opinion and that you are not your ideas the you believe something doesn't mean you should be locked into it because oh oh I remember okay a good way to judge yourself is to go if you're 45 years old and you haven't maybe in the last so many years changed your view on something how about we start with that we won't even take issue at hand well what does that say there's no way that you shouldn't be changing simply should right so if it's not it doesn't have to be everything but we'd say in a 10-year

149:36period where there are two things that you are adamant about maybe in two areas not everything sometimes you're right you're right but if you can honestly not just outwardly to be right in an argument go y'all change my opinion but go inward no one's around be honest with yourself and then you might be able to go in the dark of your own asking yourself go I guess I really haven't yeah and then be aware of it and then there starts your change and we'll be back right after this our guest Tobi yeah for sure get these in and folks let me let me just say to you if you're in a place where Todd glass is performing so I'm the best stand-up comics working in America today a very funny guy and I do it right I get the two-piece even while you're being sat there's a two-piece it's alright the minute you get in there okay jazz Texas I'm gonna go to a jazz club it's not a comedy club they reached

150:28out so in in 8th April 22nd 23rd where's that it's called it's in San Antonio ah jazz BAM I like this gets crazy you're real close to Mexico buddies make a mad run across the board right there how far is it from San Antonio Texas I don't know I think they could shoot each other did I say to Texas I meant Mexico yeah but I like Texas when I was telling him to now the first time you said it right okay if you're that close to Mexico like what's the closest city we have is Laredo Passos El Paso El Paso is the closest I've in El Paso I heard El Paso like bullets have hit buildings like the buildings in El Paso bullets from like the drug war have hit I was at Juarez is Juarez right next to El Paso Juarez is a particularly dangerous place but hey don't go there go see Todd glass top great performance that's what I'm trying to do a fast I always feel guilty about but what's your

151:34website my Todd Glass's glass comedy me no well I think it's that probably talk best comedy Todd no Todd glass at Gmail Todd glass no not your email address your website address oh no worries Todd glass calm or something Todd guys calm okay okay then I'll be at the Blue Room is Blue Room and I hate reading the Blue Room in Springfield Missouri and that's the 7th through the 9th of June two more that's right Blue Room I like the pictures Rory old comedy theater in Hopkins Missouri it's hot it's the Royal comedy theater this is this place is what I love it and then it's in Hopkins my saying that right Missouri Minnesota Minnesota Minnesota he's gonna punch me in the face June 21st through the 24th and then you're the stir-crazy comedy club in Arizona Glendale Arizona come on Vardhan Glendale thank you stir-crazy in Arizona I need that just now what I just did yes

152:45no lie my heartbeat exhausting exhausting yeah because you're funny you don't want to do that no did it I'd also be reading it so difficult so hard how do people do it you were reading pretty good did it trance all right brother well that was very fun that was great that was so much fun right from Todd glass calm go see him and Netflix special out right now suck my pigeon deck right yes yes act happy act happy don't look for sucks my pigeon death may be in the maybe the next given the cave bye