Christina P

00:00he's a 50 now dog mommies put your jeans up high and tight Chris Christina Oh Mike I'm so honored that you did that I've even put it in the Instagram post oMG I can't believe it I don't even know what it means you don't mommies mean why does everybody call you guys jeans it's silly it's just stupid it really started with like what's the dumbest thing we could call a show your mom's house jeans and mommies and it's dumb it's hilarious like your shows a very fun silly show you you guys like obviously have a good time we have the best time it is like it's hot Tom and I normally are and then we just put microphones which is good it's stupid farts and I don't know I love it I feel like - I feel like we we serve a demographic like okay for instance I was at the Rite Aid I was gonna go use a toilet and this guy stocking the shelves goes Chris happy and I was like yeah how do you know and

01:06he's like I'm a mommy this is these are the people like the people that are stocking and driving the trucks and like sitting in cubicles and these days the podcasting world yeah of humans yeah people that are doing other stuff yeah yeah yeah so it's not like super watching a show like if you're watching a show for the most part you're sitting down or watching it but if you like listening to a podcast you're doing other stuff yeah are you cleaning the house don't whatever and you know laughing and you guys put up videos as well like how much of your show is video what percentage of your audience oh oh that's funny video stuff what do you mean who watches like what's the difference if you like the youtubers versus the audio it's smaller yeah yeah the audio is the hardcores and then and then interesting videos secondary yeah like a lot of people would have thought no way like video is

01:56always going to be seeing it as better this is an added element yeah but I have a theory it's because our show we play like porno clips and fart sounds and stuff that's not appropriate for the workplace so if you've got YouTube on your earplugs yeah at your speakers or whatever and then it yeah no were her yeah god damn I can't believe Tom you met her I know and I was like texting him like don't forget your family you have a child with me don't lie like you would ever you know yeah I know I know I can't that's the craziest part no but yeah it's been a great show and it's you know we have you to thank because you were the one that told us to start it I tell everybody started though under people but luckily 50 of them listened yeah you know thank God 30 probably but some of them are really good there's some really good podcasts that have come out of my stupid stone suggestions are

03:02you kidding me you're the the great motivator the great Challenger the great beginner of fat shaming campaigns that was right I can't take credit for that that fat shaming was all Bert and Tom talking to each other but then you came up with the idea George the challenge yes the weight-loss contest well we sat down we tried to figure out what to do you know like we should have like something fun like some sort of cut cuz there's also an issue that's going on like it's going on right now with Ari and it was going on with them we're people on the outside think it's serious and this is probably a good time to address this like people on the outside to think that we're actually mad at Ari or that Ari is actually like not good for his word that's this is a these are jokes folks we're around you know I mean this is all just and so all you people that take it seriously don't

03:50take anything sir we say this is serious don't take it seriously like all that bird is fat Thomas fat stuff they were we were having a great time with it they were having fun with it and the Ari's a welcher stuff that stuff is all right Ari is like for real one of the most honest guys I've ever met in my life and for sure he wasn't excited about paying for those guys to go to Europe for a soccer game right cuz it doesn't mean he wouldn't have honored his bet but then it got complicated because I paid for the bet and I sent those guys to a basketball game who was he it's not a big game it was yeah for sure at the time I don't understand did get it no do I get it go to a basketball game oh it's the most boring thing in the world for me watch some guys throw balls best players in the world are on those two team oh I'm sure they do really good at throwing the ball in the hole really

04:39really good at it you do you like sports at all about really I thought for sure oh not football no I get so bored oh it's but bores the out of me too and and Tom's been trying to explain this to me for years and I'm like I don't I don't okay they run five seconds and then the stop and then and then comes the show after the show or the four white guys talk about the game they just watched for two more hours making the stupid jokes you can't find funnier people let's skip bayless cuz that's his name duck on a plane with that guy right now he just keeps talking you with breath oh god yeah the bad guy I shouldn't talk I'm a terrible person I'm sure and they're all you know dogs they're all bad looking dudes yeah well you know what I like terrible boring things though I like my watch I've watched professional pool i watch hunting shows like my wife comes home

05:39she looks at our DVR she's like what the is wrong with you this is the DVR kick boxing MMA bow hunting bow hunting bow hunting bow hunting you know like real crime stories at that time saying what the is wrong with you like murder killing killing punching murder it's like most of it though is hunting I'm so obsessed with hunting like most of like my DVR is like these bow hunting shows but that's your jam so that's your hobby and are you watching it for tips and yes and stuff like well you watch I can figure out what to do in certain situations which seems ridiculous like we just shoot the animal what the get near it shoot it it's it's one of those things on the outside it looks like very simple but the inside it's very complex so that's how everything okay like surfing oh god oh that's super easy nobody that's like the hardest thing in the world to learn to do have

06:31you ever seen an indoor one no dude these indoor ones they have a woman Austen bro you get on a surfboard and you you can go on it for like 10 minutes like they say it's an amazing way to get good because you you don't have to wait for waves uh-huh it's a machine so there's this huge pool you get in there with a surfboard and you surf like crazy doing it and you don't have to paddle paddle paddle turn the board around it's also you that's all I would imagine you're developing those stabilizer muscles right like I was talking to guys look you just surf around and you get used to like balancing so this would be a good way I don't like that guy is it'll be a good way to develop all those weird like that's one of times that you realize when you start doing yoga is that there's all these weird muscles that you didn't know that we're weak these weird stabilizer muscles in

07:33your feet like the number one thing that bothered me when I first started you and doing yoga is my feet my feet would give out before anything else like this is so weird they would just give out your ankles you mean no my feet like the heel like the huh because you're standing on one foot and you're balancing so you know it has to kind of like do all this like you know like yeah yeah justing and while that's happening like my foot is like getting fatigued like the arch of my foot starts hurting and I have to put it down damn yeah that's like took me a long time to get past that so now were you a huge fan of hot yoga before you came up with this challenge yes yeah I've been doing it for a few years now now am i doing I was pretty seriously for two years I did it on and off for a couple years before that but I got real serious about two years and two months

08:18ago I just started doing it every week now what's the benefit of the heat heat shock proteins there's a and this hasn't been proven but there's a study they're doing right now I think at Harvard about this because it's been proven that sauna there's a woman that I have on the podcast all the time she's brilliant her name is dr. Rhonda Patrick and she's like one of my favorite people and her she's done a bunch of work on saunas she's kind of obsessed with cryotherapy cold shock proteins and heat shock proteins and you body has a response to extreme heat extreme cold by producing these anti-inflammatory cytokines and when you go into a hot sauna I think it's four times a week if you do it four times a week it reduces mortality amongst all causes by 40% no stroke heart attack cancer everything and it's because most of the issues that people have health-wise stem

09:12from inflammation and it's inflammation from sugar poor diet but it's all you can mitigate a lot of that inflammation with sauna and I think yoga mimics the sauna because it is so hot in the room right the room is 105 degrees and then once you start exercising your body's through the roof I mean I am like a lot of times of doing poses and my arm straight out and I'm watching water just pour out of my body onto the ground I don't have a shirt on right so it's not like it's coming out of a wet shirt it's just pouring off my body drip drip drip drip just squeezing all the water out of my body and I drink a large 64 ounce bottle of water during the entire class so in that 90-minute class bananas 64 ounces of water yeah so there's a tremendous amount of stress on your body from that heat and from the poses themselves and so I would like to see what happens when the results of this

10:10study come back because I think they're gonna show probably a similar effect it's like the anti inflammatory markers in the blood that you see from sauna that's I did not know that yeah sauna is amazing if you can get a sauna like near your house this morning man they some that you can like install a small one like the new studio has a sauna that's so crazy yeah I'm on that a primal diet I've been doing it since yeah for like I don't know almost a year now I mean that's the big thing she says my trainer I take Pilates she said it's the inflammation it's the inflammation you don't want to be inflamed yep no I see I got it from a woman once she told me she's a trainer and she said and she was talking to me about back issues issues that people have and she was one of the it's gonna sound really weird but one of the best ways that we figured out how to help people

11:06with back issues is get them to go on a gluten-free diet and I was like what this this was like a few years back I was having like some neck problems and she was I was like a gluten free diet why she's like well gluten causes inflammation a lot of people I was like oh that sounds like some New Age hippie right so then I started looking into it and then I realized like oh there's something to this and then I'm like oh it's not just gluten it's actually refined carbohydrates and refined sugars and all that stuff but gluten too you know um Maynard from a tool you know that dude Keenan I know but I know tool is he's awesome it's great really good dude but he he also has his own vineyard in a restaurant in Austria you ever do one in Austria's I didn't know what told me yeah it's a small restaurant that serves like small plates it's like sort of like tapas

11:54that's like a similar Italian Tabatha I don't know but anyway he has they serve pasta that is heirloom pasta huh and I'm like what what do you mean he's like we will use heirloom wheat because the wheat that they used to sell like wheat that people used to grow like way back in the early days was much more low yield it's so the same thing that people have done to tomatoes and a lot of things by making them more robust when they did this to wheat they they made a much higher yield wheat so if you have an acre of wheat you get much more wheat out of it but it has much more complex glutens in it and it's more difficult for your body to process so one things that I noticed when we went to Italy is I was eating pasta over there and it didn't give me this horrible brick in my stomach feeling right if you want to die laughter why is this why is it different

12:44he was explaining he's like your body is struggling to process this modern gluten this modern wheat but he sells this stuff that's heirloom just sort of like those ugly Tomatoes those delicious near loom tomato I loved his same thing that's what a tomato used to be like they used to be this like weird funky looking but super delicious almost like a fruit oh yeah you know I don't even eat pasta I haven't had it in like a year like you know every now and then I have a nibble but the thought of eating a bowl of it now it's repulsive just that empty there's no nutrition right there's nothing in it it's just dog and it's gonna turn to slop on your body you know I don't like it yeah I used to love it it's gross you did every now and then I still eat it I ate the other day I made sausage and put pasta like that I bought some of that Italian pasta yeah the real

13:35deal the real deal you get it I think it's called double zero wheat the type that they have yeah that's what it is and you can get it from Italy like get it on amazon.com yeah cuz i order eggs that are like super organic fancy with eggs oh do you have chickens oh yeah I love that you guys have a nice yard but yeah I I want to get chickens yeah cuz I like you know in Europe the yolks are nice and bright orange yeah it shouldn't be yellow no really nasty no that's why you see vegetarian fed chickens like they don't want that chickens want bugs and worms and beetles and mice they their little monsters nasty but it's such a good deal like you give them food you let them roam around your yard they pluck at the grass and the heat bugs and you know and they give you eggs it's like a super sweet deal now do they everywhere everywhere I've got two dogs okay your dog's gonna

14:42eat all the chicken it's gross Marshall goes in the yard and just goes on a chicken like Easter egg hunts so gross the circle of life right just gobbling up chicken turds you're like dude you're so nasty it's a nasty dog then he wants to run over and kiss you yeah of course and then does he sleep in your bed - no way no no no the doggy sleep he sleeps in his dog bed Oh in your room though no no no no somewhere else in the house no he sleeps in my office oh he's cold dog bed he's got a sweet little setup this is the puppy you just got yeah he's 11 months now oh he's a big boy now he's full grown I would golden retrievers they get to be like full-grown pretty quick he's a sweetest dog awesome there are such great dogs or so and there's such grips more manly dogs yeah and he's really smart you know like he just know he gets it you know like you could talk to make everybody like

15:36you just comes yeah that's it he's like the communication with them is very simple you know and he's like always happy you know just a big sweetie yeah they have a good demeanor those dogs yeah but they're in full can he chill alone or does he need to be with the person no he chose along you know I can just go hey bro once you see coach on the back yard and he goes out in the yard by himself which is kind of hilarious like the pools there and the air diving in water by himself and then as he's what's what's really silly is as he's swimming he's paddling and he creates these splashes and he tries to bite him up so its splash it's like it's so silly so silly I love doggies yeah they're great I want a hole I want like ten of them I have these little dogs these they're called Brussels Griffon that's my breed they look like pugs but with more fur and they're just so stupid and I love

16:27them but they always want to be next to you they always want to snuggle course I am yeah they want to be near nice very snuggly I don't know people that don't like dogs like what don't you like about them they're sweet but they're loving and they're stoked to see you all the time there's a weird thing now with people that only like dogs and don't like people it's like ah that's too much yeah it's like your personality probably sucks man the person that's strictly dog is that what you mean that's fine that's a therapy problem you know the next step is enforce people for SIBO there's horse people my neighborhood I judge them I I don't I don't like horses yeah them I don't want to ride them I don't like them and they smell bad I mean they're pretty for notice the Whitney no I know I see her an Instagram she loves her horse what is she what do they love so much about these horses

17:26Whitney's crazy yeah yeah she's very smart like one of the smartest people I've ever met but she's insane in a good way but but like she has so much information every time I talk to her to Google something like what what does she know about tell me Holly damn weird she told me about weird violent sports I didn't even know existed when I think she was telling me is why people have a fear of public speaking this is something that she said the last time she was on the podcast and I said why she's like because in the past when you spoke in public because you were trying to make a case for your survival oh wow that's interesting they were looking at you like you up and there was a big group of people judging you I was like oh that's interesting I would think it's fear of alienation from the pack at the same reason people are afraid of success it's because you don't want to

18:13lose your connection to the tribe because it separates you from the tribe well a comic don't you notice that when people get to be a certain level of success there's some of them like some of them some of them just stay cool and they just hang no matter what like Ron White Ron White is always just hanging yeah all right and he's about as big as you get I mean Ron White has sold out arenas right but you know he's the best right but like some people they get insulated and they get weird and then they lose touch with everybody and then their comedy suffers yeah well because you can't be removed from the world to talk about the world that doesn't really work that way does it no I think well like how do you stay normal you're super successful just I think one of the reasons could I do a lot of other like the yoga yeah I think doing yoga like it's difficult doing jiu-jitsu

19:08bow hunting bow hunting is one of the hardest things I've ever done it's hard it's super difficult super difficult to get accurate super intense pressure on the line when you have to execute a shot and a living creature and then you know just to get obsessed with the whole the methodology behind it and all the technique and all the and learning and studying it and just I get obsessed with things so by doing things I suck at like yoga bowhunting in jiu-jitsu you get more humble you know I suck less a jiu jitsu than I do with other things but I still suck in comparison to people that are really good that's really interesting I like that because I started baking very domestic and I suck at it I'm terrible at you have to thing but I have to think and I'm learning and I in its for the thrill and the joy of doing it it's not it's not result oriented and I think that's the

20:02difference between hobbies and career right there's no who gives a like there's no results that need to happen with you and bowhunting if they happen great if not whatever but it's for the enjoyment of the activity versus like results you know like well why should I play the piano I'm not gonna get to Carnegie Hall with it who cares you don't have to who says you have to get to Carnegie Hall just enjoy the activity yes hobby well and being obsessed with the process of learning yes you're a beginner whereas opposed to like if you're some mega celebrity superstar comedian that sells out giant arenas you're not you're not a beginner man I mean you're and if that's all you do if all you do is something you're awesome at and everybody loves you and you go out like there's a weird disconnect that happens with people and you see it with certain comics I mean you see a clear

20:53progression in their stardom and their act falling apart right what's but and that is because of the loss of touch with mm-hmm reality and what's normal in the world and also you get to comfortable you're at complacency yeah yeah and you start believing that you're awesome right now you're not the the self-critical aspect of you know analyzing your ass going over with a fine-tooth comb like when you just did this special right I'm sure you must have been spent a lot of time like combing every every every word mattered every sentence mattered every joke matters that's why you're really good yeah that's that's the whole thing like you have to hate yourself I so much I'm so glad you said that because uh cuz I I you know like I said I've told you before we wrote like October 9th I was just some douchebag who sold two hundred tickets in Portland and I'm still that person but I'm saying like

21:50October 10th a hundred and eight million people now have access to my stack yeah it's a bit of a mindfuck but the good news is I'm still self-loathing enough to be like you gotta grind like you still I'm still gonna go to Comedy Store sure work out this next hour and it's always the work of it but you do have to hate you can believe the hype that your great no well you you know yeah you know all the various incarnations your act has gone through and each bit has gone through when someone comes to see you like we're gonna go see Christina mommy's the first time here and all the material and they love it like oh my god it was amazing yeah you know better yeah you know you've gone through it all and you picked it apart and you know I was telling people like I've done I'm not like the biggest fan of me of your of your comedy you're so and you're like one of the most thoughtful

22:43thought-provoking funny articulate like oh you know what I mean you're really deep and good I've known myself too well I don't believe yeah you can't you can't that's what's talking about Soufan this morning we're walking and I was like that I think that's how you keep your career is if you you you struggle as though it was the first yeah you know I mean like you you don't think you're all that do stuff that you're sucking at - yeah do the baking do the the hot yoga do Pilates Pilates is very underrated it kicks my ass I hate it I don't like to exercise but after I had my kid I was like I don't want to be brittle right and hunched over and shitty at 50 like I'm looking 250 and Pilates like a core thing yeah works your whole core and that's the thing that the people don't think about it's like a hip word to use like core right working my core what is that

23:37what is that I don't know if that was it what it really means what you really got to work is not just your muscles like your thighs or your arms but work the stuff that keeps you upright yeah all those muscles that stabilize your back all those muscles that allow you to have good posture oh yeah all those muscles that keep you discs from compressing yeah like all and that's one of the things that yoga does it stretches you out and Pilates I get back in Tommy yeah I'm gonna go yeah yeah like when I had a kid I up I got sciatica because you know your body literally splits in half you know this is to two bones right that come apart and the baby comes out and then it has to heal so I'm two years postpartum and it's just now kind of coming back but yeah I dude it's Finland it's it's brutal I'm sure being 39 or 40 when I had a baby probably wasn't you know

24:26helpful I don't know but that Pilates it kicks mine and I'm bad at it too I suck at Pilates and I make fun of myself the whole time I'm like I don't have perfect form am I the best at this you've ever seen like but I do still do it yeah I'm still push yourself well doing things that you suck at I think is giant for anyone doing anything because I think that if you get you get to certain levels of proficiency at things you can get lost in that thing and I think one of the best ways especially maybe I don't maybe I'm just looking at in terms of creative endeavors because like stand-up obviously is so dependent upon your ideas so dependent upon creativity that one of the best ways for me to have other thoughts other than like just my immediate act and doing shows and travel like that's the worst thing that happens to comics right they start doing airplane jokes because they're on the

25:18airplanes all the time at hotel jokes and yeah they just lose their perspective right yeah do other what live a life yeah live a life and dude stuff that's hard ya know have some struggle so that the stand-up struggle doesn't seem that stand-up is the easiest part of my day right after you know doing it for 14 years yes the easiest part you know it's so interesting - I was thinking about you know I've been I've been doing it for 14 years before I got this first special and I was like thinking about the crazy you go through to to be a comic and like the horrible positions I put myself as a woman - it's especially up because you're like a feature act and you're staying in like motels where the door faces the parking lot and you're doing some hibachi grill and some weirdos gonna try to pay you with a fur coat instead of like what kind of sickness was I in in my 20s and

26:2130s where I thought that was okay you know you really would only do it when you're you want to start that right now it would be such a grind like guys like da El Rey like give it up to that guy yeah didn't even start doing standing up to you is like I think it was like 46 or some crazy like that Dean's in his fifties no yes he looks great looks great you know why he looks great you look like just a few years ago he he got off sugar completely oh that's right he was eating candy all day he had like a real sugar problem he went to the doctor the doctor said hey bro you're gonna get diabetes you are right now pre-diabetic he's like see this look at your blood you see the shut on the blood markers like you're on the way like you are right now officially pre-diabetic what do you do and he said well I got me bears and candy all do that's crazy so about that sugar is the worst for you

27:20that's the devil that is a double yeah but they say your body doesn't really differentiate between fruit and candy I had a trainer losing I had a trainer that called it nature's candy he's like uh-uh fruit nature's candy he used to live with cowboy boots on don't beat that nature's candy a minor yeah yeah he was telling me about nature's candy the evil of it and I was like that's true it's just sugar yeah but it's so good oh the other day oh so delicious yeah nice ripe mango they make you to do that makes me I don't that's like lightning y'all makes me what coffee caveman coffee sometimes I like the other day I and I could tell my seven-year-old about it yeah tell her she's like Daddy you almost done cuz I was playing with her and I had to take this horrible I just yeah taking her to martial arts class and we got home and I go I'll play with you but for

28:26us I had real potty and I was in that like five minutes just like daddy you almost done I'm like look this I took was so huge I was almost gonna show it to you yes I say the poop I don't see I don't know why you don't curse in front of it I do occasionally but here's here's a problem when when she was three when my youngest was three we were skiing she's been skiing since she looked too and we took her skiing and we're putting all our stuff back in and we had everything stacked up but we're putting the bags away we're getting ready to leave and my wife goes you honey you didn't put your helmet back in in the bag she looks to helmet she likes the bag she just it's great and my wife goes yeah and we were trying not to laugh to encourage her but it was hilarious cuz it was a natural she's like that's are you supposed to say that I says well that's the problem is that our our

29:28son has two comics for Paris day he was throwing a tantrum and then he pushes Tom and he hits it and we're just like almost 20 22 months and we're starting that potty training stuff so we got to come up with the word like you said poor right so where we started using dump because we want to be like I was good because I'll be really funny when he's in schooling is like I have to take a dump yeah it's not dirty so we started with dump but he can't say it so it's turn to poo poo poo poo yeah yeah you want to give you a kid a word for that they can't say no I that's right so it's got to be pushed right very simple now did your my son insist on sitting on my lap while I take a sometimes oh Jesus Christ differencing the way kids treat the girl the mommy and the daddy mommy they cling to you know me did you breastfeed or did you pump her I did yeah I did for both

30:46use a pump thing they both manage it all formula breast so they're just connected to you just like physically you are the source of nutrients you're the source of a love you're the source of life there's like so much going on so crazy what does it feel like powerful yeah it's the best it really as far as being a woman and society society it's not that great but I will say that like reproduction stuff it's awesome how is it not great societally well okay I mean you know we're still second-class citizens let's be honest women are yeah you know your power isn't it there's not I don't really feel it's not really you know blah blah it's not really but you don't exist in a corporate world so where are you going but where do you find the deficit well and stand up definitely yeah yeah I mean I think it's starting to come around but if you look at like where we're at now

31:38feels a little regressive in terms of where we were in like the 90s with the female comp I would say yeah that is that's I I cannot I don't know I don't know I think 9/11 changed us made us more conservative in some ways a little more insulated I don't know I think it's just a lack of quality I think when someone like you comes along look for real I've told you this before I mean I saw you at The Comedy Store like four or five years ago when I went to rent up to you like one set that you had and I go dude you're one of the funniest people alive I can't take thank you you're very you know you're so encouraging of me and I always am so thankful you're the reason I got a special I was in here years ago and you're like you should have an hour and I was like I wasn't even thinking in terms of being like what were you thinking what's and just like I just want

32:34to be good at this I just want to be good but that's the right attitude oh yeah ironically yeah the people that are like I need a special now those people suck right like the people that are trying to do something that's way out of their reach like the people that are like you know I need to be filling arenas like no you need a good ten minutes you piece of like we're talking about like those are the crazy people right the people are like really good at promotion but really bad a stand-up but then however there's people who are really talented who don't have enough business savvy so I think there needs to be some kind of like thing where you start to learn the business and you become responsible for that end of it and I think I was not taking responsibility I think the main thing about stand-up is that there's very especially today and there's a difference between today and

33:1910 years ago or 20 years ago because there's more opportunity and because there's more opportunity because of there's YouTube and there's you know social media these people that have become very famous just through Twitter and Instagram social media so all this new opportunity has opened up more possibilities so people are less stingy and there's more of a sense of community for whatever we are tick you'll early in la la has a very good sense of community so even if you're not like the most business savvy you could be around a lot of people like myself or like other people that are encouraging and then help yet and then tell everybody about their friends and like it's one of the cool things about comedy like you go to like Tom's page if someone else is doing something to be like hey check out you know full trolleys hilarious you know check out Ian Edwards

34:04by the way Ian Edwards punt he's at Laughing Skull in Atlanta all this weekend I've been trying to figure he's he's that what it is oh yeah I mean when he talks you like what you like come on come on come on come on he's like the opposite of me he's vegan he falls asleep constantly that will sit down and in five minutes he's out cold oh no I took pictures of him on the plane the other day because he we were flying to Vegas it's a 40-minute flight he's out cold you know got like a protein dude it's a lack of vitamins for sure because he doesn't eat well it's not it's it's he does eat out cold but he he definitely doesn't he doesn't pay any supplements he doesn't like make sure that he has a complete balanced amino acid profile to his foods and like I was telling to you that either though his on work but that's how you want to do it if you want to be jerk he

35:05said he would eat elk good he said he would eat it because I killed it you know he knows where it came from it's not you know a factory farmed he doesn't have to participate in the whole factory farm system so I'm gonna cook him some meat try out I'm gonna turn him we get okay are you gonna put on an Instagram I would love to see it the film that I'm gonna have Jamie set up a camera a tripod the new studio grill of course yeah cuz of course it has a grows big iron yoder pellet grills it's amazing so so you're moving on money next week it's enormous gonna be a good time can't wait very excited that's super cool but uh so we're gonna turn in when he gets oh okay yeah yeah what why is he he was is it is it as a moral thing it's a moral thing it's a health thing it's a budget he was eating very poorly he was eating like junk food and just food pizza and burgers and stuff and he

36:07felt like and he made a decision for his health and then along the way started examining the moral consequences of factory farming and yeah he's just a really smart guy he is smart guy super smart and just again Atlanta laughing skull this weekend he's one of the funniest guys alive I just worked with him so mellowed is the most I think I've known Ian for I want to say like 25 years I serious yeah we've been friends we've been friends since the early 90s what what where when how New York has he been comic that long yeah he has but what what Ian did is ian is a really good writer and one of the things that happen along the way is he started getting a lot of jobs writing yes writing on television shows and that happens to guys where they do that it happened if it's Simmons who's also one of the best comics alive and they get distracted by other people's work and

37:06then people don't realize how good they are at stand-up if you get a chance to see Greg Fitzsimmons he is one of the best comics alive and Greg and I started out literally a week apart from each other are you serious same club in Boston he's great I like him he's best I was loved and he's a great human being too and he's super funny he's super funny and super smart and just a sweetheart he just dis is and just ridiculous he's so funny ah that's true about writing for other people and cuz I wrote for cartoons for many years and I do feel like it sucks your your juice out of your your voice and then I you know worked on Chelsea for a minute and wrote on that show and I was like I can't I can't do you feel like you're cheating you know your own voice well you're working so much on other people's stuff and then not at all at your own stuff and then all of a

37:54sudden your thing is done and you're behind yeah instead of like at the same spot you were when you started you're behind because you don't even know your act anymore you got to go over your material you're not really working anymore it's not in your conscious it's not always there was it louis c.k I was talking about when he was a writer on some late was at The Tonight Show or something I want to say he was a writer on one of the big late-night shows and he was he got it pretty young too and he was like this is the best job I could ever hope for and I think I'm gonna hate myself if I stay here because you know that I know I want to be a comic I know somewhere that I wear something out there I need to be doing so it's like this gilded cage of being a writer yeah well it's also you know a sitcom we'll do that being our sitcom did that to me for sure oh yeah like you weren't

38:39doing your full potential was working all day and then I was still doing sets at night but I wasn't writing any new material at all I was just doing the same set over and over again and I started to sock started having some hard sets and one one night the writers came to see me I'm gonna win a blade at The Comedy Store and ate a platter of dicks just a full like and I just realized like I've become a bad comic like I used to be good when I was young and then I got this show and then over the course of the four years five years ago I was on the show I just might act deteriorated and I realized I got to get back on the horse and that because of that one bombing said um like a year and a half later something like that I got my first album that I did on Warner Brothers oh wow that was like 10 years in a comedy so the whole thing was like a velvet cage you know like it's like oh

39:42this is it I've made everything's gonna be beautiful now but it's not because you're not doing your thing you're not using its face someone asked me like well what do you want to do Christina what do you want to do and I was like I'm kind of doing it like yeah the podcasting world is amazing stand-ups great like I'm doing what did you imagine kind of freedom that your podcast yet has never do me dumb meetings we'd have to have what the higher-ups about you can't see jeans you can't talk about mom he's a kid look we've got a survey and people don't understand what jeans is you calling each other jeans like I don't mind if you do it once just don't just don't do it every show and the mousse soup lady what's that about the thing and I don't want to I don't like answer any people for stuff yeah I don't like the other notes no yes some douchey unfunny producer those telling you guys

40:33how to do your show well and that's what that's what it can be yeah all the time oh yeah yeah how many times you can say one thing or yeah it's the worst when you were an actor when you acted on this show would you get lines that you were just like I can't how do I know no not on Newsradio because Newsradio was so good and the writers were so good and the the guy who ran it Paul Simms the the executive producer the creator the show he was a genius and one of the things that was brilliant about him he was he's still alive still a genius one of things is brilliant about him is he let everybody ad-lib like Dave Foley was like almost like the secret producer of that show I love it's amazing but because he was on Newsradio right after kids in the hall like he did kids in the hall where he's one of them primary writers he's a really good writer so he would he would see like you know the

41:24thing is if you ever been on sitcom before you ever work on sitcom know one of the things you do you do a run-through so you do a table read when you go down everybody sits down you go over the lines you find out what's funny everybody laughs the writers will go back to the writing room and they looked weak stuff a little bit and then you go to the floor and you run it and so what you're doing a run-through is you'll you'll like you start off okay we're at scene here in the break room ba ba ba and you know maybe it just doesn't work maybe it seems like it work but it doesn't work and Dave would be the guy that goes um Andy why don't why don't we try this like Vicki why don't you walk in here and Andy you walk in at the same time and you guys both say the same thing at the same time and then you know he'll like come up with like a whole new scenario to get

42:08this point across to move us into the next scene and he would do that in front of the producers and they would go love it perfect let's go with that and so they'd rewrite the scene and put Dave's lines in and I swear to god that might have happened 40% of the time I Wow so if you see that show like maybe 40% of the scenes at least were tweaked by Dave Foley that's bananas and did he get the punch up credit and credit but that was the thing it's like everybody was just working to do but oddly enough Phil Hartman did zero of that no Hartman was just like stick to the script and kill it but but his character was such a beautiful character to write for this sort of obtuse ridiculous guy who was just like just completely you know just didn't get it and was like full of himself and he was so good at playing that character that they would just nail his character I mean he would just go

43:02out and smash it that's crazy yeah I was a little too young when I choked him out and good to see it but Phil Hartman holy right yeah holy yeah crazy and I was I like I like Rodney Dangerfield and did you ever hear that back to school when he got that script it was kind of a turd and the story goes that he took it and he rewrote like he wrote jokes in all the margins and then go and send it back to the studio and they're like this is hilarious can we make this movies like yeah you could pay me whatever $10,000 a joke and all I can do it that way like that's awesome do like that's a Dave Foley should have been like I think that's what money Kevin Hart does with movies where like he has a negotiation for the movie right they say I will give you you know X amount of million dollars to the movie when they go but we want you to promote it on your social media

43:55what you put on your Twitter and use a ho ho ho oh yeah that's a different deal yeah this is all my thing I'm gonna like if you want that you got to give me more money for that that's what's up Kevin Hart and then like what like yeah but if the movie does well your movie you're giving me money so you want me to promote it on my Instagram my social media like that's a business he's built up a promotional business yeah that guy's a genius fantastic absolutely yeah fantastic why not why not you should be compensated for that that's your following especially him that's his whole deal so I mean most of what he became he became because it was Comedy Central special and then relentless the social media stuff like really yeah mass about it and obviously is really funny super funny if you don't have talent he's one of the rare guys that has talent and he's really good at promotion

44:48whereas most you know most of the people that are like really like there's a lot of people that are good at promotion but they're not talented right you need to have some kind of meat for the bone you know who was great at that so I mean the og gangster of it was Dane Cook if you think back to was it even like Friendster MySpace yeah and he does it he was the first dude she came famous through social media it's the first guy ever yeah yeah that's crazy well you have to have that in you I guess I remember reading a People magazine article I was at the dentist and there was a People magazine article that said that Dana 250,000 myspace followers it was like what what I was like that's insane it wasn't followers it was friends friends I don't even know yeah that's weird and you're like I don't know what that many people you know what's really crazy is that myspace just

45:40evaporated it did it really but it's weird what though when it took a Facebook token took its place but myspace still there like Jamie go to myspace Sheeran watch Miley Cyrus perform on carpool karaoke link and they people love that car karaoke show people not not normal people no one that's healthy okay what all this sucks why does everything suck it doesn't necessarily all suck but a lot of it sucks a lot of I mean I'm on the Apple TV I tried it I try to find stuff I'm like this it's stupid the only thing is interesting about that is that they're actually in a car and they're actually driving right you let him drive I'm just right how do they film that they fill the GoPros and like this is my space but this is so strange it's like who's on this who's going now it's like a news site who are the people see if I'm on its toes Liz she's a musician oh there's Iggy Azalea I did I try to

46:43delete my page a long time ago and they wouldn't let me look at these comedians I know all of them these guys are top are these people come on look at that guy with the hair no I went to see him I would be super upset if you didn't shake did you take funny comedy pictures ever in the beginning your career no the wackiest yeah I took the stupidest picture ever I had a fake mugshot picture with lipstick kisses on my face I think I tried to like put a bra on my head too but oh oh so embarrassing I had a business card did you ever do that I never had a business card I don't I don't think I did and I had to pick I was a picture of me at four years old like making a funny face ah that's actually cute yeah is painful now all right now do you yeah I don't have one why don't I get one yeah yeah hey will you sign a picture for Zoey I'm like you have a picture for me twenty

47:45years ago pictures man you know there's like you see have pictures at the comedy clubs coming next week and you put up a headshot oh I don't even have one what are they put up of you know I did just like they just find some online they print it you put it up but see that's how I feel now like come on man I'm online print that out yeah it's all there yeah you don't need to have my name at the bottom of it at it you can write that yeah all right I guess I can Sharpie B it is a the headshot thing was always a big deal in Boston because in Boston the there was like the old guard does these guys that have been around forever that we're like the top dogs and like the local scene those guys were like if you have a headshot you probably suck no one ever worked on their head shot yeah like the young guys would always have like these new fancy headshots the old guys they didn't have anything they

48:33were just murder Steve Sweeney playing at the kowloon restaurant and just murder no headshot try to find a headshot off him it's sad you gotta pull it out of a window he's sitting there from the ladies so true whoever had their together most as an open mic er was definitely the unfunniest like well there was a bunch of good you remember it probably wasn't around with you around but there was a thing called the comedy USA industry guide know when I first started out there was a thing called the comedy USA industry guide and they would send it out to all the industry and I was always like like super in awe of the guys that had a big page and like a lot of it was like college acts like a college act back then was that was the pinnacle that's what you wanted to be you want to be a college act because if you're a college act you can make like a thousand dollars a college or two thousand

49:22dollars of college like holy and you would think about oh my god I could do two colleges on a weekend I make $4,000 crazy this is insane and I knew guys who were doing it I knew guys who like managed to clean your act up so you do college that was that was the best when I started to it was you got to work clean you got it otherwise you're not gonna get on The Tonight Show you're not gonna get on the thing and then the internet happened and everybody was like you and you're clean you know there's different outlets now you don't need to you know there's cable this is that it's not it's just not the same you know what's really gross to the mediocre comic that suppresses the talented guys that are coming up you ever seen those guys that like tell you what to do what not to do yes oh there was this one guy who was the host of like open mic night in Boston at the time and he was

50:12aggressively mediocre his act was horrible but he was like he would he would go on stage and even if he killed even if you had a good set he would on the fact you had to swear you broke the meter you were out there breaking the meter like what like you know you can't do that on TV there's gonna be a lot of guys that are on TV and they're gonna be on TV and you're gonna be back here doing the same jokes saying the word all the time like what and I was like well what about like the comics I like like Andrew Dice Clay or Sam Kinison I Got News for You Man you're not Dice Clay yeah yeah they looked her mind you where you are on the on the totem pole I was like well somehow like this is not this is not good advice no no I remember being told back to what with comedy I think right now for female comics I feel like right now there's a particular dichotomy between like the

51:03Madonna thing like either you're you know young and hot you're talking about like sexual stuff or lay your me you don't get mom I'm talking about mom stuff there's it's very it's different it's not like you could be just a person I don't think so right now but but why do you think that because I think you can I think anybody can be a person if you just own it you can it's I don't know if I don't know you just marketing I think it's the marketing and I think it's it's just marketing see I just think you don't you don't seeing it I don't it's not that it can't be done I think people look at archetypes right they think that looks like something that's already been carved out yes Sarah Silverman she's pretty inch tops dirty I can do that I've seen that and you see like these you know Patrice O'Neal used to call them babies like I've got a lot of babies in comedy like

51:47you know this is my Dave Attell got a lot of comedy babies right and they Dave Attell had a ton of comedy babies because people would imitate what they saw that was successful they saw that thing and you go oh I know that I can do like that I could talk like Dave and so there's these people that sort of like imitated his cadence and his rhythm and like some of them egregiously like some of them you like Jesus Christ you're like borderline a thief yeah yeah yeah you know I think too it's easier for the audience to identify a woman as this is the one I have sex with or this is Monica I'm serious and I don't even mean this is like a woe is me like like it's just it just I feel is either there's women that you and then there's women that you that are off-limits that are somewhat maternal I leave that's what my experience in the comedy world hanging out with dudes it was like the

52:36best thing that ever happened to me was hooking up with Tom Segura because it put like a magical lasso immediately one of the friends yes yes I became a off-limits part I became a person and it was great like it and I find that as I get older and become more like less the fuckability stuff goes down I really like I really like just being a human I was gonna go with this no I know what you're saying but do you think this is all in your own head yeah maybe yeah yeah all reality is Right aren't we all living in our own yeah because like a lot of the like these archetypes that everybody sort of claims are inescapable right then you'll see someone that doesn't fit into that at all and you go oh well I didn't see that coming you know well I'm trying to give like the big the big female comics and they're usually either one or the other right it's either mommy or we're about Ellen

53:34very asexual right yeah she's neither she's like short hair and it's probably it's a ton of I would maybe she just gets hers eating now eat up she gets her toes done and just hit the box eaten I'd love to hear her talk about eating and that would be like my favorite thing ever yeah wonder why don't she makes a face I know I did when she eats opposed to maybe she'll you know maybe she's super gross about it I think she's super gross I think I think it's people are super one-way publicly maybe privately I've always thought about that about comedians you know for the nicey-nice ones well it's not just the nicey-nice ones but the over-the-top like defenders of women that turn out to be super pervy Holly we know a few of those always get busted yeah like you know like just people that you can trust like you know you know where you stand with Joey Diaz yeah absolutely

54:47I love Juliet and I trust him because I know that's it like I don't trust my comics I don't talk about their dicks or jerking it or jerking off or pussiest up likey what do you what's the yeah where is your darks the shadow self or whatever if they say if you're not addressing the darkness the darkness comes out elsewhere right the dog comes out of braces yeah I always wonder what Jim Gaffigan freak is he's so clear I don't know he might be the exception to my be right cuz he's so nice Family Guy yeah I think he really likes being a family I don't sense that from him but Cosby yeah God was a that was a surprise yeah was it done did you did you ever hear the rumors no see I did in show business circles because briefly I lived in the actors world right when I was on Newsradio and I would hear it here back then that he would drug people really yes yes yes

55:43yeah you would hear it yeah it was like one of those weird rumors that would go around Bill Cosby drugs people Wow dude dude it was going on forever that's why Hannibal no matter when Hannibal talked about it on stage and it all blew up which is kind of crazy if he had Hannibal you know there's he just happened to be talking about it and then someone happened to be filming it and then the rest the world was like is that true is that true cuz Bill Cosby he's always telling people to not swear talent especially like he was big on telling young black comedians not to swear not to talk about sex and he's like he goes Bill Cosby tell now at least I'm not raping people and everybody's like what that was like the rumor was always around yeah I thought I didn't I'd heard some creepy a little creepiness the but I didn't know but it was that extent well no no when someone

56:34does something like that to people like that's one of the like that's one of the creepiest things a human can do to another human and the idea that this guy who was America's father right in a lot of ways he was our black dad you know he was the moral authority he's like that who's mr. Huxtable yeah you know and then the fact that that guy someone described him as the biggest serial rapist in the history of America like that really might be the case because if he really did drug all these people that he said he did like how many people have raped more he might be number one which is crazy insane it's been crazy and the whole time with their hip put in the hoppin on so yeah he's a darkest ever dark is drugging them watching them placer oh that's and he's got kids I know that even more up the crazy part was someone else's baby and sticking his dick in I'm while they're

57:33unconscious it's so evil it's evil now what about Harvey Weinstein oh yeah and he's one everyone knew about two apparently apparently yeah that's the that's like that's the cliche right the disgusting boss of the studio that wants you to suck his dick to get a role I know it's funny because you do think like well it's not kind of why you become like a show business executive like to get chicks not to rape chicks sexual assault it's always off the table but but did he still rape them or did now it's coming out that there's there's rape last I checked today I know he's man he is not a looker like he's definitely looks like he type of guy that would be the type of guy he is yeah which is what's up my suicide threat prompts police response whoa Oh were there huh hmm fight with his daughter this morning and they had to she called the 9-1-1 damn cuz he was gonna kill him so I get something I

58:32don't know well he must be so overwhelmed with guilt and fear and remorse and just self-hatred and you know he sounds like an addict you know yeah yeah and that he's also probably a power addict you know like he's this guy who's like this gluttonous man like if you look at his physical self right his face is overflowing on his collar and he's just gluttonous like more food where's the coke there's this gluttonous existence it's not like a measured thought out contemplative introspective existence where he's just trying to enjoy his time here like wow how lucky I am that I get to do this and make these amazing movies you guys are all great like that's how I expect from like Steven Spielberg I expect Steven Spielberg to be like this really like introspective thoughtful guy was enjoying the process of making amazing movies right but yeah but he's a creative thing Harvey's an executive guy

59:38can copy our nothing it is so nasty so gross but okay now on the other hand on the other hand I was like you know Hollywood is such a labyrinth in terms of like getting done and getting deals clothes and how this doesn't happen it would kind of be nice to be like you want a Netflix special just go psycho that's all I have to do it suck that guy's yeah come over here you nasty ha ha there's your special right way easier would you have to have a conversation with Tommy listen Tommy this is not sex yeah this is this is a job yeah it's work right and then it's like cut and dry and it's an exchange you know I was in law school for two weeks and I remember two weeks and I dropped out in contract law it's an exchange of something for something else right seems pretty straightforward well that's a prostitution is right which is one of the weirdest things that massage

60:35is legal but prostitution isn't it is it is odd because we do not like genital pleasure like genital pleasure for cash like genital pleasure has to be for love love has to be given free it's the only thing in civilization that we require to be given away for free everything else you can exchange money for it's an interesting change money for food right it's not prostitution if someone cooks for you right that's normal it's a totally normal thing but it's a very intimate thing feeding someone yes yes of course it's not a hair salon the washer head yeah I bet this people out there that like foot massage is one than like head ah yeah for sure for sure for sure right but then you put a camera in front of two people totally now it's legal you Pam so what's we're yeah that makes no sense a bees yeah we're growing up babies but maybe because you can come modify that and that's a

61:41capitalistic thing maybe it's more commodify about as a product honestly I think there's two two factors one is the tax factor very difficult eeeh taxes from people that are prostitutes no no no that wait where's that money going it was give us our cut yeah and then the other thing is the sex trafficking sex slavery aspect like protecting people that are sex traffickers because like you know you could have someone that was sold into sex slavery or you know in some way bartered their you know trip to America and had some sort of a sex slave deal that's where it gets up but there's been arguments that what makes that exist in the first place is that prostitution is illegal here yes the prostitution was legal it would be that stuff would all go away much like the argument is with illegal drugs like if you made marijuana legal you wouldn't have as much of the Mexican drug you

62:42know trade which you are seeing you are seeing in in America of course it's and I wait but wait but the Harvey he was the guy that would give girls the shoulder rubs he would tell them to massage him oh he massaged them didn't massage him he would do according to these girls I don't know if it's true but he'd be the guy that I'll be right back and he comes back in a bathrobe he's a bathrobe I mean to make light of anybody sexual assault or whatever it was or harassment but other working on the Ruffini wonderful but but what I but here's the thing how many women said yes definitely a fuckload oh yeah that was his move what we're seeing is his missed pitches right right he a lot of triples and home runs knocked a lot of balls out of the park but occasionally he was whipping occasionally he was like I got this one of the back boys and she's like off you Pig he's like oh

63:41come on just come back to my room no no it's like I wasn't connecting I wasn't connecting but listen I got all this as a girl wants to be in the next this movie and avatar sixteen and all right and she's willing to do the thing to get the part and that's kind of okay yeah then it's like that guys they can get the part and get your money and get on with it how many girls read the story when it broke and could still taste the asparagus caviar flavored come just the cocaine vodka in his loads I bet he has like a Flemmi like Monique on he's a kind of white spittle and the corners of his mouth when he talked to you when I was trying to hit on you yeah that's a gluttonous man yes out of control it's not attractive it's definitely not my favorite too is that he would jerk off into did you hear this but but that's such a desperate thing like come over here can we get it can I have it no okay

64:59stay here then you know like it's so maybe was hoping they would just dive on the grade thank you but I'm also like I was thinking to look I've I've seen so many dudes jerking off in public like homeless guys I never got anything for it is it you know good point yeah yeah guys look just admission that here's the thing about male sex versus female sex right is the accepting part of female sex versus the giving like trying to get take this take it yeah okay and the other thing is that men take it literally are constantly building come yeah while you're alive yeah your is backing up yeah so if you're if you're not like I just have the bit in my act that was it was really based on Vice that I used to give friends when they're like ooh groans your burns I listen me jerk off first and then think about it hmm I give your if you're having a hard time with someone and you're you don't

66:02know what to do and you're gonna see them jerk off first and then see them and then you'll be able to deal with them without any sexual lust you won't mean make it Isis me as a Perez a young man this is a real issue with me when I was in my 20 because I was so horny it was like I was a drug addict so I'd be like I would be like making agreements with my self yeah she's annoying but she's gonna let me have sex with her so listen just let's just change our behavior and mold to what she likes and then you'll get the that's what you need like otherwise and just be beaten off but I remember one time I was supposed to go out this girl and she was just so preposterous ly annoying it was so frustrating she just was always negative and before moving out before I went to go get her I've jerked off mm-hmm and I was sitting there I was going what am i doing like I don't even enjoy her

66:49company like she's not compatible with me like I don't if you can if you just like someone as a person and you like having sex with them that's a relationship yes but if you only like having sex with them you have some sort of a weird barter deal and that's a lot of men a lot of men getting and I'm sure a lot of women probably too but I can only speak for men like men get involved in these relationships where you're really just in a relationship so that you have a continuous supply of sex especially you're young and stupid when you're 20 years old you're basically a monkey you know you're just like a little eighth person just trying to and you're just trying all over she's really cool and why do you love her because she smells good because her tits feel good in your mouth like what what is really going on right like do you actually enjoy her company as a human being outside of sex

67:38it doesn't matter right most the time you don't and so if you just jerk off first and then hang out with someone you actually like them like then you have a real relationship like oh I really like you I like you yeah you clear out the the pipes right you clear out the testosterone and now you can just think clearly yeah it's super smart but I think I mean I'm just guessing mmm I've never been a media mogul but I would imagine there's a bunch of fat who's going on first of all there's a bunch of people that are constantly kissing his ass yeah and rubbing I saw a picture of him with Renee Zellweger and Renee Zellweger was like cuddling up with him and she had her hand on I mean he had his arm on her and there was like some other celebrity to his right and they were like yuck yuck got it up but he was like pawing her he had ahold of her and I would imagine that there's all these people that

68:31recognize that he's this like epicenter of power and success and you want Harvey Weinstein of Miramax to love you and you would get close to him and you have a couple of drinks and you're doing coke together yeah look at that hand on his laughs yeah and he's got Russell Crowe to his right and Renee Zellweger to his left and she's smiling they're probably hammered everyone's on xanax next thing you know he's got his dick in her butt that's crazy dude and she's like imagining Bridget Jones diary number two number six great that really happened my point is that it's not just that he was predatory and it's also that he lived I'm just guessing okay I'm not an apologist folks but I would imagine that he lived in this world where he was like royalty he was essentially like the king of this Empire right so he had all these employees is one of the Articles that I read today I think was from The

69:31Telegraph where this guy was saying that he was at a party or one of his friends was at a party and they were having a conversation with this girl who worked for Harvey and Harvey just said her name from across the room and her face went pale and she immediately just ran away from him to run to her like didn't say excuse me I'll be right back just ran out of fear who knows that is obviously it can't be interpretation after the fact Frank could be exaggeration of what the actual circumstances were to fit a narrative but you gotta imagine that this guy is this multi multi-millionaire just OG astok gluttonous Jabba the Hutt just getting us these girls can't get and he's like close to them close to anger that is he is unbelievably him and I have to say and I know Hugh Hefner was a big mogul and he did a lot of cool not that for me that would be a tough gig to like living in the mansion

71:05and being one of the girls like over for movie night you know and he's in his pajamas and you know that he them because he don't want anyone pregnant so that's what I read and what is it Holly Holly Madison wrote but I wrote a book is that her pocket name dolley Madison's the pastry them so that they didn't have to worry about birth concerns correct and then there's a lot of like he would make the girls make out in front of him and then he would masturbate to it's also kind of I think is a way of avoiding possible pregnancies Wow yeah we developed a strategy over years of like ducking pregnancies Wow that's a weird thing to write to like be putting yourself out there as this person with a lot of money who really likes young girls and the young girls go all I have to do is catch one load right foundered stories about athletes that girls put holes in the condoms or the

72:05girls take the condoms out of the trash and squirt them into their imagine how was I born mommy well lovely story your mommy your mommy took a condom like one of them pastry bags well your mother fish - filthy condom out of the trash they intended to throw it in the toilet but I had one saved in my mouth I spit that one in the toilet and that's why you're alive wild Wow but then I heard that the Playboy Mansion she wrote that it was rundown and they had like bunk beds and from the rooms and like it's not it wasn't as glamorous as everybody I can attest later yeah Fear Factor Playmate edition and I was like huh this is it I got to go see that at the righto the grotto was they were the people that work they were very nice the girls are very nice but there's like there's a thing that you're you're experiencing was like they don't have a whole lot of options yeah so it's like

73:14it's an option for them to be a part of this and some of them loved it for sure some of them it was what they wanted and for some of them there's like a sadness to it it's like and it's also some of them when we did Fear Factor like some of them were like older playmate so it had been playmates like 10 years ago or 15 years so they were like pushing 30 yeah and maybe older they're like what am I gonna do soon like what am I gonna do in five years what am I gonna do in ten years and then there's not a lot of answers on the horizon so they'll you know go looking for maybe some old rich husband type character or maybe some way out financially you know maybe of some business they can start you know some clothing line like the everyone's got like a hustle and a scam but they essentially don't really have a career they have like this sort of like opening

73:59into this world and then they would have the mansion parties right which I I went to one for the Marijuana Policy Project I hosted this thing this event and it was average is very weird and I was like they have bands playing and stuff and you just walking around there's pot everywhere and everyone's still another mine it was it was extra surreal because the pot factor but like you go by like where he had pets like birds and monkeys and shits eyes but it's just the the the there was no playmates for that one that was weird because that was one of the ones you rent out and so as lecherous guys went there right out they rented it out Suites not only only rent out them the use of the mansion I didn't no no yeah oh so you can use the garage you can come in the grotto where everything else comes like a general public I was there to monitor the grotto I don't know if they

74:53absolutely let people in the grotto when I was that I don't remember was quite a long time ago but I do remember like the the grotto had this phone from like the 1970 corseted old ass fart of fumbling upkeep on a place like that it's probably super expensive there's the phone and you know he wasn't gonna put money into renovating that cuz he was old he was like I'm dying okay I also think there wasn't money I don't think that the mansion I mean the mansion was like a location that actually made money right because it was like a destination and they would rent it out for stuff but I don't think the magazine was making money I think the magazine was really struggling once the internet happened and you can get pornography for free yeah and you can actually see everything whole thing yeah why why by Playboy like the oh I can see purely care but you like did you see

75:47when they took the people they took nudity out for like a whole year what are you talking about they did yes why because they were getting crazy and they're like we're gonna be Maxim now oh like a lab showgirls yeah okay who cares how they did for a little while and just the sales tanked yeah they crashed even first Maximus my did you know on a military base in the British ones that they let them look at titty mags like they can get Maxim magazine and stuff not in the American military does not allow you to look at titty mags well the American military has a very high rate of sexual assault I do know that I've been to the Middle East Afghanistan and a lot of those bases and I've heard bad stories it's apparently a giant issue yes that is very suppressed because you're not you're not dealing with like law in terms of like civilian law you're dealing with like military right so yeah

76:41I don't I don't know what the real numbers are but I've read quite a few stories about the that's a real issue if you don't give them an outlet you know and you have a bunch of people watching their friends heads get blown up that's the thing yeah I mean your your whole reality is out the window when you're at war and I'm not excusing anyone for sexual assault but I'm saying like the the world that you're living in at and then you are in Afghanistan and bullets are whizzing by yeah who knows what these kits go the kids right who knows what the they learned back home who knows what their situation is who knows if they got into the army has some sort of a parole deal that happens with a lot of guys as well I know guys that had to go in the army or go to jail yes I heard that in the Navy they take a lot that they used to do those deals a lot yeah it's kind of good though I mean

77:29when you think about it I would choose military oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah I think you're right I think because I was in Kuwait I think and they were talking about you know guys coming out of active battle and they're just so whacked out and I think that's what happens when they assault women and stuff they don't who knows yeah it's crazy also have PTSD you also have CTE which leads to impulsive behavior CTE chronic traumatic encephalopathy and what's the actual war at cephalopod encephalopathy it's brain damage essentially it's what football players get what boxers get and I'm a fighters get it people with head injuries and one of the things that is a part of that is that you get impulsive and you do irrational things thoughtless things and almost like you can't help yourself and they think that it's responsible for erratic changes in behavior violent behavior amongst

78:28athletes that have it especially football players you see like some of the like really aggressive up things that football players have done like they they attribute some of it to CTE mm-hmm yeah it's terrible we are the NFL in 1962 researchers say the professional bull rider who killed himself at CTE today yeah of course of course you're riding a 2,000 pound monster animal do you have his balls tied up in a knot do you have you have you ever done like the military stuff during in an active war zone no it's I only to have Candace Tannen a few years ago like in oh seven or something I can't do it again I was so it's just so it's so nutty you're right and it's boys it's like 19 year old your boys that are just getting blown up stepping on IEDs like I'd go visit boys and in hospitals with shrapnel and their faces and and the crazy part is the guys that are injured

79:23they feel bad that they're not out fighting next to their you know fighting with their company or their they feel guilty that they're not still out there and you're like have you ever read Sebastian Junger he ever read any of this now he's got a great book called tribe and it's a lot of it is about what happens to people in times of war and what happens to soldiers the camaraderie that they share together and that even though is these harrowing you know death filled moments of their life that when they look back at it it was their favorite time of life isn't that interesting yeah because people apparently his I mean a lot of people believe this that people without extreme struggle don't find meaning in life and that the the dull grey cubicle life stuck in traffic eating fast food watching TV going to sleep like that is the torture yes that's the torturous

80:22existence not the existence of a battle and the camaraderie that they share when these soldiers are side-by-side fighting for their lives and defending each other the camaraderie is incredibly intense and the emotions are incredibly high I would imagine too that that high stakes your life is at stake dude and you have to take care of each other and that's so true there is nothing more depressing than the gray the gray is the worst the Sisyphean thing like they're pulled up push the rock up and then the rock come think that that music yeah that's absolutely true the drone the drone of a nothing existence yeah it's just I mean that is what most people sell their time for you know they sell their 8 hours every day plus commuting the drone time just droning on and there are a lot of people a lot of those people are listening to this right now and one of

81:15the things about podcasts that's amazing for for that is like people get a chance to hear the way other people live and think and then realize like there is a way out I am alive I'm alive and my brain is working and I can think and even though I'm stuck here because I have to pay my this is not permanent I need to figure out my exit strategy and I need to start moving on now and they start doing that and that doesn't that's a that's a huge factor in people's futures to hear the fact that other people have been stuck I don't know you've been stuck he's ducking jobs hey yeah I mean I did it I had 22 jobs in four years when I graduate from college yeah I had a philosophy degree and that was you know totally useless and I tried everything before I became a senior training but you name it dude dog walker parking attendant production assistant I worked in a cannery and I've

82:08done it like a cannery a cannery in Chatsworth I worked in a cannery william cans like these cans here yeah like Laverne and Shirley works at the beer thing whenever I worked in a cannery very very short job because I wanted to know what the world was about I didn't know what the world was about and I didn't know that I I just didn't fit in anywhere I was a paralegal I was an immigration paralegal a corporate paralegal a guy and at the time you didn't need to have any kind of like accreditation you just had to have an attorney say that you were and so I just listened it was crazy yeah pretty much an attorney says yep here's your stamp you could be an immigration partly because I worked enough not right now now you need to get a certain location yeah I'm a minister you are yeah I'm an ordained minister congratulation that's phenomenal I did it online you did how long did it take

82:57five minutes the training yet there was no training yeah no of course I just like I think I sent I send in some money I don't remember I married some people though you did yeah I married these two people that one for your factor oh nice couple married them that's nice of you to do people asked us to marry them and more like I don't know do it again you're right I've had people a sense that I'm like nope I'm want to know and I think they're still together so that's good worked out but as an addendum to what you were just saying about that cubicle life that gray life and I don't know if this is a function of like turning 40 for me but I've had this thing lately where I'm really acutely aware of my death like I've always been very existential like I've always loved thinking about my death because it frees me to be alive but now 4141 and I'm like why I'm knocking on death's door like a I get

83:50this weird thing of like it's so short like you don't really have a lot of time on this planet and it's really weighing on me now more now that I have a child and I'm like I just want to stay alive to see my son yeah grow up but then you realize like how much of your life are you gonna piss away doing you don't want to do working in the cubicle job you don't want to have like you know you don't get many years you don't mean you don't get many great years right huh when does your body start to really take a like 70 when you're 70 you're rough 70 is a rough thing like you have a lot of bad days I would imagine yeah I think one of the big keys and this is very hard for people to imagine that don't enjoy exercise is exercise is not an option it's a necessity yeah it's a necessity for body maintenance so all these people to go oh I don't want to work out oh you know I just I'd rather

84:42just you know eat whatever I want and live while I live and you know we're all the dice and they'll be fine no you it doesn't you don't just have a heart attack and die you slowly rot away and then your body gives out yeah like it's not a quick and easy process it's not like you and you the quality of your time is not the same the quality of your time with exercise is far superior than the quality of your time without exercise because you're you're more relaxed your body functions better you're you're stronger you can do things you know you don't have to be helped in so many ways like there's a lot of people that can't even open up a jar of pickles you know there's like their body is just not good it's not working good you know that's you don't want to be that person I'm not saying you should be a bodybuilder and these should have a six-pack you don't have to do that but

85:34you should devote a certain amount of time per week for body maintenance and you'll feel better it'll give you better decision-making abilities you'll you'll you'll be calmer you'll be more removed from the stress of the everyday grind because your body is experiencing some stress some workload and by doing that and putting out that energy it frees you oh my gosh and I just tell you that I've met so many people on the road who come up to me and say please tell Joe Rogan's thank you because I lost a hundred pounds because I've been listening to him I lost 50 pounds I started exercising because I've been listening to Joe and thought it out so just know that people totally listen to you until they have changed her life it's a lot of responsibility but but yeah I don't like Pilates I hate it but to anybody listening that hates it the way I do then pay somebody pay

86:24somebody who holds you accountable and then you have to show up and they they make you do it just just go come and pay somebody you know what and here's the thing people don't have any money if you can listen this podcast it means you have a computer right hopefully if you have a computer or if you have a phone if you have a regular iPhone or something like that you can go on YouTube and you could play a yoga class there's a ton of them oh yeah you don't need ray you know and pay I mean hot yoga I think is better because it's like more straining your body but guess what regular yoga is fine it's great for you you know YouTube yeah it's also for body weight exercises I tell people that what they want to know kettlebell exercises like yeah if you can afford to have someone teach you how to do it correctly that's good but you can learn everything you want to

87:11learn on YouTube that amazed it's incredible i unclogged our drain one time for soup from YouTube I was like we'd have any money and the bathtub was full and up and I was like I'm not gonna pay some guy to come here and just snake this thing and then that's it and I wanted to do I went down the hardware store got the thing what to do but I got one of those once I got one of them power snakes yeah great snake the out of my I might wash my dogs in the shower yeah and it was just caked up with hair it was ridiculous I had just like hair pie like I would pull it out of the drain like these big wads especially Brutus my my shiba inu English bulldog mix he's got a lot of hair and when I would wash him in the shower I would pull these hunks and Marshalls the worst though the goldens the worst you pull these giant chunks you know just people's hair clogged everything up

88:05so I just got one of them snakes shoved in there and it follows our way it's way down and cleans it all out and the water flushes don't pump that Drano down there though that eats away your pipes right it's not good you know what I was thinking I should have become like a plumber or an electrician while I was doing stand-up in the beginning like as a day job because I when some happens to your house and you got to call that and they come out they have all the power the guy who knows how to just fix your plumbing or your electricity it's not a small job it's not easy I'm not saying that but the guy that knows how to do that has all the power in that situation and you're so vulnerable you know and your lights don't work or the hell yeah you're like oh you have the knowledge is the power to do this please help me so you think you should have become a plumber just to

88:53learn it so you can do for yourself yep to do it no it's a gig that should have been my daytime good if you do that as a gig like that's not an easy gig to get it's not easy you have to have an apprenticeship you learn how to do a union good skill it is but it's also super long hours like you're working you working hard like plumbers work you know but it's the long hours I was hoping I could make my own hours a bit more well and the good thing about something like that though is you would have your nights free that's what I'm talking but you'd be so tired yeah you need a lazy day job that's what I found for standup it was the best just to have like a nine-to-five that he didn't give a about didn't have to expend too much energy what was your would your nine-to-five job that you when you first started making it yeah well the best job I ever had was that the Girl Scouts of Greater

89:40Los Angeles yeah the fun is John was part-time and I would like help the Girl Scout cookie drive sale I would answer phones and I was on Chelsea Lately at the same time so I would go do the round table and then go work at the Girl Scouts like the next day that's crazy yeah it was fun it was fun though it was like a easy paycheck gonna let girls in the Cub Scouts now yes no is it vice versa to the Cub Scouts are gonna join the Girl Scouts I don't think any boys are gonna sign up for that why how dare you how binary yeah super binary about my son Oh wherever so binary in our house we just buy my son a football football book it's in the shape of a football and explains football to the boy you should do that and right next to it put a little dress and see which one to choose okay if I can tell you right now it chooses it's so it's so funny now that I have a son and I'm like this is the kid

90:39likes dirt he's playing in the trash just muck he's a hundred percent heterosexual well I'm unhappy he might be just like a super bear yeah I got a great a muscle bear I'd like that bear character cuz if he's Tommy's boys gonna be hairy as hairy a wolf back here imagine if he's a little baby and starts growing back baby what the babies with back hair baby Russian manly little baby was sick back hair that's hilarious like what is the youngest-ever child that had been okay there's got to be some weird genetic thing like her suit is hairy baby Jesus Christ that baby's ass ever clean that's the hairiest baby ass ever oh that's incredible baby a kid's got no shot that kids now werewolf oh look at that Harry baby that's the Seine that baby's entire back is covered in hair okay kid I thought the kid's gonna be a savage I bet he's built like Wolverine yeah big traps and giant shoulders covered

92:03with a fur yeah we took my son to some hippy classes you know and they teach whatever they say like we're stimulating his frontal lobe right now right he's bouncing balls it's called bouncing the ball and then she brings out a box of dolls and there's girls and boys in the class and my son is like no I ain't read that like he just totally doesn't want it and then she tells me you know we should teach him to like dolls too and also be sensitive I'm like don't worry about it yep oh yeah first of all my kids not interested he's not gonna fight I'm not gonna force him to play secondly he knows how to be gentle we have dogs in the house he he learns to be he's not a stupid idiot kid like you know but the forcing of it I was like alright we know it whatever it's not weird that someone first of all the the idea that you would know what a child should play with at

93:012:00 and and and you this person who doesn't even know the kid yeah right and does she have babies of her own I don't know yeah I don't know probably should know that too yeah so this is like theoretical nah that she's trying to apply to a living human in some sort of experimental way and teaching it as Dogma yes I know and it's always those that don't have kids right weird macrame they smell like patchouli and incense and they drive Priuses stickers oh they're choking those baby baby spawn Australia that's kind of cool kids smiling you know it's really creepy baby chiropractors people yeah they take their babies to chiropractors and the chiropractor's adjust them yeah crack the next newborn babies not enough money in the world of their mind yeah I would never do it it's sick how do you even find a school for your chiropractic for you get the you can help with colic earrings reflux

94:09asthma allergies sleep problems ADHD and bedwetting Batman and it makes them psychic yeah you can see the future they read your mind shut the up it doesn't do any of those things you course not baby cracking that is a one of the creepiest things and this is the other thing to have the best possible start everything is marketed that if you don't do this for your child they're going to be developmentally behind every other well I have to tell you I've known the human race now for 41 years I'm not impressed and I'm not worried my kid is behind all these because most people aren't really doing much anyways so I'm not so worried about getting ahead he's fine but cracking his neck yeah he needs his neck zero evidence that does anything by the way zero I don't but I don't know about it I do know about it yes fortunately yeah I went into it I had a lady on who was

95:02written articles about it and it was all in vain guy who is a magnetic healer in the 1800s it's one of those things it's grandfathered in that we like to think of as being a legit source of like medicine yeah if they call themselves doctors there's no medical school it's like mooching or something like they put leeches on you not that kind of well it's just leeches might actually have a medical benefit yeah but the only thing that seems to help is adjusting lower back for some people alleviate some pain but the problem is this like some psychosomatic going on with people there's like some you know placebo effect like is that feel better yeah oh yeah like you're looking forward to feel better just being touched feels better you know getting a massage feels better but there's no like want like look if you go to an orthopedic surgeon you have a tear in your knee they replace you

95:48know your ACL that's real you know they really fixed you if someone just takes you goes okay relax relax I want you think about your chakra I got it you know and it's terrifying it's terrifying to have somebody do that to you yeah I'm doing it you know girl died last year some Playboy Playmate chick character she got adjusted and develop some sort of a blood clot and died cool good and someone someone I talked about that and people that loved chiropractors or are chiropractors they emailed me you you're splitting a negative about chiropractic that woman had a medical issue that she did not dissolve just listen to me if she can get through life and not have a stroke until someone adjusts her neck how the hell is adjusting your neck good yeah yes she had a medical issue what what medical issue yeah what she doesn't like getting her neck strangled like what what is going on she did she

96:46bleed easy was she he Mithila act like what's causing why are you doing that there's no evidence that that works it doesn't do anything I don't know I don't know about it I don't trust it though I don't let anybody crack me it's crazy how it's everywhere we had a girl tell us when our son was 8 weeks old and he was crying like around 5 o'clock every night it's like it was his witching hour newborns often have run its harm a day they get cranky she goes this is our our nanny at the time she goes you know I I sense his energy is off it might be because he's sensing her your anxiety and well I have a friend that does Reiki and she normally charges $100 an hour but no she'll charge you 50 because he's so small oh Jesus Christ that's when they do this like have you ever had somebody do make you will want to blow your brains out I had a lady do it to me and I don't know what

97:43it does but she they hover over you right over your chakra whatever the that is and the whole time I'm like I'm so angry that this person is doing yeah because I want to try it because I have heard about it and I was like well is it like a massage I didn't really know enough right and it's not a massage it's nothing oh she doing a Reiki treatment session please give me some volume so I can understand how she's healing her vagina she's hovering over go to a doctor what's up with your socks that's always giving up on life at those socks yes she's shutting it down hold on chocolate she's super healthy you not near her eyes you crazy no it's her third eye Joe that's why it's infuriating it lasts forever super healthy look at how she's got a chart on the wall so it's got to be legit chart legitimizes it I know it's wrong like a 1960s kung fu diagram right look this is where the death touch

99:10is well Shh my stupid chart I had a lady cornered me at the Comedy Store and tell me the cheese are a Reiki healer and she made me put my hand down and I go what what are you gonna do she's like I'm just gonna just so you can feel it and I go what am I feeling she was just put your hand out and just empty your mind okay I put my hand out and she just hovers her hand over I go what are you doing and she's like you're not open this is not gonna work if you're not open I'm like oh it's not gonna work that cuz you just hover in your hand over me she's like I'm a Reiki healer I might picture crazy yeah your mind no she's a shyster these are hucksters yeah they believe I don't know if they believe some of them but I don't want to generalize them into one giant group but some of them must believe they're doing something well I think you have to believe it's working - it's that book yes exactly

100:00I mean look I've been hypnotized to stop smoking cigarettes and it's been 11 years that's different but you know yeah but no this is legit yeah and I think that's one I've been I've talked I'm gonna see if you agree with this I think that's what stand-up is I think when you're killing like say if I watch you if you're on stage and you're killing and I'm sit in the back of the room I'm letting you think for me I'm like caught in your trance right you're like I'm not I'm not thinking I don't know if I agree with her and maybe she's wrong yeah I don't like her dress right I'm sitting there and I'm allowed like you're killing and I'm locked into you and I'm really enjoying the show I'm allowing you to think for me mm-hmm and I'm falling into like this trance in sort of a way and when and when you're making me laugh then like I have confidence in your thought process that

100:50I'll let you take the reins and I'll just sit back and have a good time I think there's something to that because I was hypnotized for the first time last year by a friend of Mines name is Vinnie Sherman and he does a lot of work what he's a hypnotist but he also does a lot of work with fighters and he puts them in this state and it's you're entirely conscious while this is happening but he puts you in his very very relaxed state and you go over things that you would like to work on or go over things apparently bothering you go over things that are bothering you about the past but what it is is about putting you in a state of mind where you can just relax and think and not be overwhelmed by extraneous information or things outside of your control that's real that's that's like as real as meditation as real but this we're gonna hover over your vagina and pretend I'm cooking

101:42you're not open Jo you're just not open to it if my hand was a marshmallow right now I'd flip it she covered her everything when she got to the vagina she stayed there for a long time she was like this is this is the area of your troubles this is where it all stems it's just but people always want to fight like there's something wrong with me I have anxiety I'm living in traffic I don't like my life someone fixed me I'm gonna put needles in your head and all over the place that's a bunch of dog - have you done acupuncture only once once - and I hated it I was so angry the whole time it hurts it Hoyts if it hurt for me it did I meant maybe she was doing it wrong yeah I was having migraines like 10 years ago but it's because I was on this birth control pill that was with me oh no no no it's because you didn't get the needles you know why it wasn't open enough to the relevant array key ah

102:50maybe if you just Reiki the fist right in there now go ahead and make a fist and then put it in your own ass mmm be all the energy mmm massage your inner : I only did it once and it was a doc the guy was a chiropractor too so he had double going on yeah he adjusted my neck and then he stuck needles in my head and he was trying to fix my shoulder have that guy need to get over now what do you think about psychics and mediums artists yeah yeah I think I go with I think it is entirely possible that we sense things that we don't have an understanding of like sometimes you feel something weird like I was thinking about a friend of mine yesterday and I hadn't talked to him in a while and he emailed me the blue right I don't know if that's coincidence right I don't know what that is but the odds of it happening you got to think of how many times do you think about your friend and they

103:59don't email you right right like why is it then when you think about them they do is it just going I don't know but I think there are times where you sense things that you don't have a sense for like there's a feeling that you get what you don't understand and I think we we sense things about each other and maybe there are social cues that we're picking up on maybe there yeah maybe people give off pheromones when they're upset me and maybe those trigger you because we're like sort of designed to avoid confrontation in certain individuals but I think this idea that they can look at you and like your family is from I sense a farm does they're a farm they're farming you know plants selling plants is a potted plant sit by those yes yes there was a potted plant and you are close to a woman yes mmm who would that be my mother my mother was a woman mother yes yes I see your mother I'm

104:59trying to picture out her name is there an A in her name yeah dude I want to see this lady she knew everything about my mom a friend of mine went to a chiropractor another chiropractor a psychic same and same entirely he went to the chiropractor knew all about my grandmother I go yeah don't you know about your grandmother you know about your grandmother right so your contractors telling you you already know or your psychic brother still in the chiropractor right now is a Reiki healer know about things that you already know so they're telling you things you already know if you're not psychic right you're writing you they're pointing questions out of you they're getting answers they they're giving you leading questions you're answering them in a very naive way and you're giving them the information because they're con artists tell us an to tell you what your future is tell me

105:49tell you what the lottery number is how come they never pick the lottery these that's right and Houdini had this thing where it didn't he work it out with like his wife or something that there was like a code word so that when he died he would go from beyond having the word that they would know and it never you know happened maybe didn't like her I go by Penn & Teller I'm friends with Penn and love he just tells me it's a hundred percent horse yeah like 100 percent flat out you know they have that James Randi challenge you know that guy is offered a million dollars to anyone that can prove actual psychic powers no one's taking him up on it no one's ever James Randi it's the James Randi challenge not even the the what's the Long Island yeah I think she might be a artist I one time I think I got hosed I did a show a podcast and the lady was she was good because I

106:45think I think what it is is people can read your unconscious it's one unconscious mind reading another unconscious mind I imagine I feel like your father was an artist am i right but that's the thing they're telling you things that you already know firming what's already a belief or whatever in you versus new information what do you think about stralla Jers that's stupid right yeah can I tell you something whenever it I made a girl and she's like what's your sign and I'm like gem and I just like I knew it you're such a jam and I who what's your husband and I'm like don't please don't like I can't pretend like I like I can't I can't subscribe to it yeah yeah how can you not believe you're such a Scorpio it's just now it's silly but you can find traits in people and all sorts of people that match all sorts of different like I could be a Virgo I can't be up Taurus

107:41yeah are you so stubborn you're god you're such a Pisces that woman for such a Leo how could you not believe you're such a Leo yeah because I could read any any horoscope and it would probably apply what I really wonder about well those are the real horoscope thing when you talk to the people that are super into it they they literally want to know what time of the day you were born what part of the world you were born right and then they're like well you're a Gemini with the cancer rise it makes my pucker like even hearing it it's like a familial alarm bells are like dum dum dum dum I can't I can't I go yeah Stanhope you said with quite a bit about it get out coast funny bit about how ridiculous it is it's just it's watch it it's fun but it's it's silly well we're searching what people are always searching for meaning you know we're always searching for someone who

108:36knows something that we don't hidden knowledge the secrets to the universe because there's so much uncertainty that leaves open this possibility that someone has like I have been gifted I have a gift yeah and you're like yes great tell me oh it's a psychic once just I was I went to an audition in New York and I was just like what are we doing with my life yeah walking to train station like when we go to a psychic so I went to the psychic and she's like you have a brother no I don't a psychic brother I feel like maybe you have a brother you don't know about no my mom had me when she was 20 I have a sister shut the up yeah she made up a bunch of stupid she was talking about you're not sure what you want to do with your life I go yeah no I know exactly what I want to do yeah like what this is terrible you don't know what you're doing I had a lady just tell me

109:26right before I shot my special a psychic she goes I go what do you see in my future and I knew that the special was coming and she didn't even know what I did for a living and she goes I see you it's like an interior designer just guessing yeah you've a real flair for style I go I certainly do not this is the last thing I'm good at I'm wear two different colored socks yeah look at me I'm an animal I don't know what I'm doing crazy lady why did you go because there's a podcast there was a friend's podcast where shape they have mediums on and I thought it'll be it'll be silly it'll be fun and you know I got I got suckered in that day I think I did I really did I know if I'm being honest because my mother died two years ago so I was kind of like and I now that I'm looking back she did totally lead me down like your mother was kind of nutty though my mother was

110:17mentally ill yeah like legit like she was a borderline personality disorder and then had schizophrenia too so it was whackadoo do you have to do like self-audits you mean aggressive therapy for the last check yourself before you weren't yourself type yeah like do you look at your own brain go a my wacky 24/7 yeah yeah well not 24/7 anymore but i because i was i grew up alone with my mom my parents split and then i was raised by a crazy person and so I've had to like relearn how to think and what's what's the right way to do stuff and like I said I've been in therapy for a decade so I've had to learn you know like I just had to relearn and it's totally you totally can you know that's the thing like I and I that's why I talk I don't talk about it to be like oh poor me I had this thing but just to let people know if you did grow up kind of wacky you can fix your brain you can

111:08reorient you can you can change how you think it doesn't have to stay sick yeah how often you go to therapy every week dude and if I don't like I feel it like I started I gotta have a whole regimen it's the exercise it's the therapy it's eating right it's sleeping it's you got to do it all right otherwise I mean you know I get out of whack and what do you get out of the therapy uh so I believe in psychotherapy like getting back Freudian I like to go back to the initial wound to the root cause hmm I like to go back look cuz what happens is you get wounded way back when right the childhood trauma the thing and then you grow up and it gets triggered by whatever stuff happens as an adult except now you're all fired it up and you're all angry and you're so overreacting you don't know why well it's probably not because what happened today it's what happened back here yeah

111:58so if you resolve the back here then what happens today becomes a lot clearer and it works for me yeah well that makes sense right don't think about what's going on right now think about why you feel weird about what's going on ya know what is it really did my husband really just look at me funny and that's why I'm so furious about this little thing or is this something that's mommy daddy way back here yeah cuz I think a lot of us live from the past you live from the past wound you make all your decisions based on on that programming so if your wires are crossed you're gonna make bad decisions over and over and over yeah and I would imagine that any time spent thinking about your behavior thinking about the way you think just examining your own mind is as long as you're really doing it justice really being like so many people don't ever think about the way they think you

112:47know they're just caught up and the whirlwind of life the momentum of their own existence and the next thing you know they're like miserable and 50 like what am i doing right or it's the the divorce and then the remarriage to someone this is gonna be better right I'm gonna fix it he's gonna fix it he's my he's my soul mate I'm gonna have an affair I'm gonna do that I'm gonna asked out here how's that gonna work for you yeah or I'm gonna I'm gonna start doing you know drugs alcohol overeating whatever gambling compulsive that'll that'll clear I'm this stuff right the gambling ones the weirdest one to me yeah so many people that are compulsive gamblers and I see the itch in them to get that itch yeah I'm so scared of gambling you go to Vegas I don't I don't I don't like it I know it's not from your work there I have yeah yeah um I work there a lot you know I work there like three or

113:43four times a year you know for the UFC yes and I now spend zero time and casino yeah I used to spend time because he knows cuz I would stay in a casino and then I would work in a casino but now I just stay outside of the casino because it's just I don't enjoy being around that energy I agree there's this frantic gambler energy we see these people you walk by the card tables and they're just looking and they're like whoa you're like watching people in an opium den yeah yeah yes yeah it's depravity it's low energy low frequency there's the lightest synthetic the air is synthetic the time stops the I don't like that and you know it's what I figured out too is that everyone's got the the addictions the gambling the compulsive behaviors because we're afraid to feel the feeling you're just afraid of the feeling it's that but I think it's also there is a reward to winning and you're

114:35chasing this reward constantly I don't necessarily know if it's a being afraid of the feeling as much as being addicted to the reward you know that's a team like I was reading this article that the guy who created likes on Facebook was saying that you know not only does he not use Facebook now that he's got like a thing set up on his computer where he can't go to Reddit and his phone is set up where he can't download apps like he doesn't like he's like that whole like thing we go to check to see how many likes you got on a Facebook post two million or something like that like that reward system is like entirely it's addictive and it triggers this this thing in people and that it can hijack your mind I mean that was like literally like the title the article is that like this technology can hijack your mind without question it the reward system right like little rats ding ding ding I

115:24got the cheese I got the cheese let me see those people in front a little sloppy yeah yeah it feels good just droned out but then when you're in the reward system you're not thinking about the stuff that's bothering you yeah everything's great Mike's love me daddy good good good think about that gambling is a weird one man yeah I don't understand it because you're really self sabotaging you know Gamble's up a storm no dice really oh yes I've heard this yes he's a mania yes hundreds of thousands of dollars a night what yes mania dad I did not know Savage Wow yeah Savage what do you thinks the what's the motive there what's Leo loves it I loved him by the way as a child I did too I think so so funny I have to say I love being friends with him I love that I'm friends with dice oh it's the coolest no I'm but Joseph talk to me you love him but it's um he loves the thrill of

116:27gambling so but I don't know but what it but the thrill the way I avoid gambling altogether I'm far too frugal but is it the is it the thing of like I can lose everything there's a little there's a there's a the rush of winning - it's not just a note the notion that you could lose everything it's the rush of winning Wow Dana White's a giant gambler he's gambled he's lost as much as a million dollars late night this is the circuit as a surfboard or ski president of the UFC oh sorry oh I think you know is he a band is he Dana wine boy band member I think it's a b-boy you know what I've been getting into lately um break dancers I love break dancing I love that whole I love that era there's a Instagram page yeah called stance elements okay holy these guys are on another level yeah there's this young Korean kid the that he does like defies physics I think they call him like

117:26Pocket Kim or something like that as his name he's on that stance elements page dude there's a school you can go to and learn I don't know I'm having a hard enough time with English that's the guy yeah what is it named Bobby pocket b-boy pocket b-boy pocket okay go to his watch this band check this guy yeah but no you can't believe this he can do look at this what do you think look at this no dude seriously what in the what it is come on I mean what in the this guy is on such another level than anything I've ever seen before he's like taking this to some completely new place he was looking at Tim Ferriss his Instagram page I like to embarrass ok yeah and this was on this guy was on it and I was like what in the and then I started following Stan's elements on Instagram and once I started following on Instagram I realized like oh my god I had no idea this was even happening like

118:30there's and it's girls - there's a bunch of girl scroll down and see some of the girls like you see like long there was a girl with long hair with a hat on that keeps scrolling down just keep scrolling down there was a girl on like dance floor type situation with long hair and a hat like keep going you'll find her keep going no no that might be one of them yeah that's one of them watch this gross there's a bunch of them okay but these girls can do crazy too like they're unbelievable athlete so give me some music there Jamie but it's like it's a crazy like gymnastics rhythmic gymnastics art form thing like so they do the dance thing where they're standing up and then they get down on the ground that's so hard - oh it's pretty imagine doing this now no but what's really interesting is a lot of these people that get into jiu-jitsu are particularly talented at jiu-jitsu

119:26because they have some amazing control over their body one of our best students from 10th planet jiu-jitsu is Gio Martinez and Ritchie Martinez his two brothers and they're both break dancers they started out breakdancing and now they're savage jiu-jitsu fighters and it's big one of the reasons why is because they have this incredible control of their body in that pet but I'm faster I go to that every day I'm like what's the new freak that's fine you find your Instagram jams right oh you have a lot of jams on Instagram what's your other Jan let's go oh boy I don't know I've followed a lot of nature pages oh nature yeah nature is metal is one of my favorite cool never been sure is metal nope I'm ganna horrific animals killing each other you do like that cuz I you always do post like look at this beast and it's like some crazy animal yeah I gotta tell everybody

120:18look at that one yeah I did these wolves fighting over a deer that they killed that's banana yeah the covered in blood there's a one that's going on right now it's not visual but it's a story on my friend Remy Warren on his Instagram page they were on an island in Alaska and they got attacked by a giant grizzly bear a giant Kodiak brown bears a thousand-pound bear knocked them over ran through the camp one guy was literally riding on the Bears back as it ran down the hill they litter the bear literally attacked and there was so many people and everybody scattered in certain directions and nobody got killed but they easily could have gotten killed and it's on his Instagram page there's that video but there's also an Instagram story if you're using the app and you click on this little icon it's like one of those where you see like a hundred dots in a

121:06row and he broke I don't know how he did it he broke like a long video down into 15-second chunks you record the whole video and then take you gotta take time to put it up on the story but but how do you do how do you do one will they seamlessly go into the other where there's no breaks just use the next 15 second part oh god it's a little bit of a pain the deck is there a better way but the way he did is so seamless it seems like there is a better way maybe they're better at it now anyway um a thousand-pound huge Kodiak brown bear charge them because they had killed an elk and they had the elk in camp they had the meat in camp and this bear just ran over the top of the hill full blast at them knocking people left and right and they said it was only because there were so many of them that they survived and nobody got hurt one guy hit the bear in the face with ski poles with like

121:56drum holes ah and the bear scrambled like he said literally there was giant gnashing teeth inches from his face and everyone went for a little bananas everyone went full reptilian they didn't see it coming they had bear spray and pistols but they couldn't get to him in time they're like you think you can handle this like you think you're your propeller I would have done this next time you should do this like there's no next time there's no you-you-you're no idea how you're gonna react when a thousand pound bear runs out you hell no hell no oh I mean I had we had a rat in our house and I was like terrified of killing it and seeing it dead in the but I was excited to put down those traps you know like the snap traps I was I gonna kill this thing yeah I wanted to get like a night-vision camera just make sure you know read bedside up yeah he captured it on film like the the rat getting great

122:47in the tree it's horrific screaming right now in the trap gets like I know I know but when that all over your house and in your kitchen that's all I want is to see the desert in the Hills yeah when you're in the hills you get rats there's no way around it no no I know what's so silly is that that rat thing I mean we eventually caught it because I poison the out of our yard I loved it it was it felt good to kill it but dead one day my kid was playing right next to it I was like oh my god it's here and I was all stiff and I got to like throw it away and it was good but it really made me realize maybe this is like whatever tangent but I think I'm becoming more of an atheist too cuz you started to realize that it really just is like humans versus the elements like it's just us trying to build a house trying to keep the rodents out trying to keep your safe bears from

123:42eating you trying to keep your young safe trying to get them raised it's it's we're just animals but we've got like cars and iPhones and you know yeah well there's definitely a lot of that vision screams oh yeah is it that is it down I was trying to find it I remember exactly where he had it he's got it up somewhere on Instagram I caught them good for him this is a good trap we have this one too it's an electric one I believe but he was hearing them in his walls and oh god damn it have you ever seen rats on Netflix uh no dude the movie stop what you're doing cuz I'm about to ruin rats on Netflix no bro it's amazing it's so scary they're nastiest many there are there's sorry oh my just tangled tonight on your city overrun know they say the weight in humans and the weight in rats might be the same I'm sorry really the weight the women's and the weight of rats like there might be as

124:53many like pounds of rat as there are pounds of people a that's one theory they don't know like it's just guesswork how many rats there are but they're convinced there's as many rats as there are people there's 7 million rats but they say it might be as high as the body mass like the biomass of rats and the biomass of people yeah see that's why I knew when I found no when you find one there's a bunch these unfortunate rats were not part of the comb study were found hung by the lower Eastside resident last summer they hung rats why they hang those are horrendous why they hang them just a letter the other rats no listen you let this be a warning have you seen those cuban rats i mean i'm cuba my husband went there once and there they're called nutria oh yeah yeah they have those in the south like they hunt them yeah good apparently they taste good yeah ok yes yes people

125:56cook them apparently it's like God did Anthony Bourdain have it on his show there was on no it was on another show what was on someone's show somebody had a show about like edible wild animals that people take for granted I forget what it was called but he cooked nutria and it was delicious he made like this or something was he in Uganda I think that was in Uganda no I sure yeah in the south cuz I think and you gonna want 10 they fed I'm a rat and he was like it's delicious and you just knew that he was big it was in a yellow curry sauce I had squirrel I hear it's greasy the way I had it wasn't greasy but it was good yeah it's good it didn't taste bad didn't taste bad but it's not good I think it's it's eating acorns you know it's like though they yeah just like it's like rabbits like have you ever eaten rabbit yeah it's probably saying I've had a rattlesnake jambalaya

126:51really that's okay I've had Algar I like alligator I'm supposed to go hunt alligators with a buddy of mine those are good I'll hunt for alligator dinosaurs do ya you're basically shooting the purse when I was on road rolls back in the 90s we went to a crocodile farm whoa yeah and one world rules yeah really this one TV yeah yeah the red-haired stepchild of the real world dude I was in a Winnebago we went to Australia how about the red-haired step shot was it the same producers or something same company bunam Murray and the real world was like the flagship awesome show and then like a fraction you know watched the road rule do you know Matt Kuhn it's one of the guys who was the pretty no Matt yes yes the guy was a producer of Fear Factor oh that's right yes yes yes that's a friend he's a great guy there's a lot of good forever yeah yeah good people come on

127:48but anyway we were to the crocodile farm and this is back in the Dayton area look at you and not wearing jeans by the way dude you're a baby I know you're like a baby that's crazy that's human yeah sumit honor low-res guys Wow in a better version how old were you then like 20 Wow crazy haircuts really like nineties hair isn't it funny that like how people get on those shows and they like wait maybe something will happen I this how few people things happen for good never you know who like Michael Michael yo do you know Michael yeah yeah I do no show I'm the first ever episode of fear factor really yep but he's really good he's been farted he's a great guy too sweetheart have done but he was like one of the rare guys that made it through fear factor oh my god and how many how many people do you think came on fear factor being like someone's gonna see me and I want to be like discovered

128:46probably a few right but you know it's not that wasn't the show like it's not American Idol no even American Idol we think about all the people that were on American Idol that like what is the percentage of people that are on America's Got Talent that actually have a career afterwards it's well you know who actually did was a Melissa Villasenor she was on a GT a GT is the kid say who's the muscle mom Melissa theater she's now on Saturday Night Live she's the an amazing impressionist I mean this girl was on Instagram every day doing like Gwen Stefani jelly hold what's his name Osment hold nut six jelly suck my nuts she would do these obscure things and they were spot on and she came on your mom's house and pretended to be Gloria Estefan and was fantastic we played the call for Gloria Estefan and she was like oh my god this girl is amazing like wow so she's on there so I

129:41would say that's for sure I know Melissa via señores I mean that Terry Fator guy he has a Theatre in Vegas at the March but wasn't he always I thought I thought he was successful prior to being on I don't know I mean he won America's Got Talent that's like his credit it says winner of America's Got Talent and they have a theater named after him in Vegas it's banana the Terry fade or theater season 2 season two what are they up to like season 90 now hold on who's that season 10 guy he's trying to beat hairy feet or this what's he doing Paul's are doing this it'sh Canadian yeah I mean look he's got puppets like there's not a whole lot of guys with puppets in America like stop and think about that one of the numbers of people that have like a puppet act that are comics today well we got the big one what's his nuts boo oh yeah yeah yeah that guy Jeff Dunham

130:34Dunham huge huge he's judged yeah he sells out arenas arenas and in like crazy markets that you wouldn't want it she wanted good for you Darcy she's 12 yeah that's ridiculous like if I can get her off the stage just know what she's doing Michael Knight but that's named the Simon Simon Simon sucks I'm such a yeah Howie and then that's spice what's her name Scary Spice yeah the comedian that was dead very well he made it to the finals his first like thing he did in LA I think was on kill Tony he was on kill Tony quite a few times whoo that's how his name's preacher Lawson no and he made it all the way to the final designs good tonight high-energy comedian yeah you that Wow got a lot of energy yeah very muscular as the kids say he's taking a chance wearing tight clothing to hell yeah distracting from his from his stage persona see do you see now that's an

131:31interesting we're talking about this with Brendan Schaub on our show and he doesn't like to dress too attractively like showing off his physique on stage and women had two similar problems you I have huge tits and so one of my problems with my special was like how do I cover up these enormous cans jokes too but it's yeah please you know something about Ted's well they're your first thing we're talking about this the beginning right when you're born and your mom goes here you go and you're like these are great yeah where can I get more of this Plus like tits all right guys stare tits with the hope that like almost like like when you stare up at the sky every now and then you see a shooting star if you stare at it every now and then want to pop out like whoa does that really happen yeah nip slips are real I've seen nip slips I've seen girls like they bend

132:31over to like fix their shoe and the tip pops out oh my god did you see that like don't worry it's no big deal I looked away as soon as I saw it I'm being respectful so what what age is that like what age does that all calm down and you become like a civilized human question just Narnia Lana I think we stopped working look at Harvey Harvey Weinstein's like 70 years old right how old is he disgusted getting his rape on he's too old to be that Raby viagra cocaine ya see it 60 supposed gonna 65 parts when he comes this nasty nasty hard yeah of course he farts when he comes look at him oh here's a question how does a guy bounce back this is not bouncing ball no no so what do you do especially in today's culture where it's there's no Hall Pass anymore for this right he's just got to go into hiding or like Bill Cosby do the complete deflection like I don't know these are

133:43talking about like total denial but he's also blind that's the Cosby's almost completely blind and so that it's weird when you look I don't want to go cockeyed it's like it's almost like his body is rebelling on his reality he thought the evils making him blind I was a fan of his in a big way when I was a little kid course I remember listening to Bill Cosby himself I mean oh yeah he's all his eyes are all up now yeah guys like really aggressive glaucoma going one above in a quitter it's the aren't the folded hands like Rudy look at that picture right there come get Kody yep that's the mugshot restaurant it's just so weird go from that picture to the one the upper right where he's smiling like what happened like this was this was the guy we thought we were getting right you know we're getting jello booting America look look and he's smiling imagine if you

134:45were the girl who this guy raped oh my god I knew how to watch him be like America's Sweetheart and you're like no you're a monster you're you're you're taking people's humanity that's so crazy like the Hugh Hefner thing he's just a freak yeah you know they know what they're signing up for he's not drugging anybody that's true and and everyone's kind of aware yeah hey guess what you're it's creepy it's not gonna be great but there's an exchange here you get free rent you know it's a pajama thing even Harvey's not drugging anybody I don't know that we don't know yet I don't understand I'm just talking yeah but I mean for the stories that I'm here and he's just like just crying like again throwing he's he's missing a lot of pitches like over the years right so if 25 women have come forward how many did you just knock it out of the park inside the mind of Bill Cosby why I

135:37wish we could really get in there like pills rerecord that out homing in people asleep yeah how is that you're the favorite to like I need you to be totally dead I don't know um I've heard theories what theories that I heard that was kind of interesting is that when you are that much of a celebrity in a time where there's no repercussions pre-internet right yeah that your your thoughts of who you are in comparison to who other people are is that you really literally feel like you're royalty but you are you're better than other people you know I worked at a casino once and they told me that this is before Bill Cosby got arrested this is when the allegations were just before they were even emerging this is before anything happened they were talking about how weird he was and that he made the employees all sit down and watch him eat curry he he had to have everybody in

136:34that was working their door people box office they had to sit in the room with him and watch him while he ate mm-hmm and then he had a security guard tuck him in to bed like literally talked him into bed at night when he went to sleep what's with the curry though I wanted people to watch him eat and then watch them take a I mean you could you could be generous and say well maybe it's like his way of getting over stage fright like he gets over the feeling of people watching him there's all these people staring at him and then going onstage like it could be an effective strategy like if you really think about it hmm if you have a roomful of people that are just staring at you and you're just doing normal stuff and then you go on stage it's like you've kind of relaxed sure do the does that make any sense I mean also I know not I'm it does it does for somebody who would who would

137:23I just for me personally the power move of doing that is such an like hey everybody stop we were doing watch me eat curry it's so absurd it's like do you really need that is that this is the woman who was working there was just stupid that's how she was thinking of it she's like he's so weird I was like house out and then she was just telling me all these stories blue in the dressing room I'll be standing around that's a Power Move though 20 people that's a power that's that's hey do what do what I say yeah talk to me in tuck me tuck me in I keep it climb in bed like a little burrito burrito I'm asleep now leave that's so dark well hey you know like a lot of these people have like a whole team of handlers you know yes open the door for mr. Cosby you know like mr. Cosby sits down you know you might want to buckle him up buckle up mr. Cosby mr. Cosby just sits there

138:25you buckle him up and he just drives yeah it's I'm not even like I don't know I can't connect I don't know some people I think I probably like the idea of royalty like being royal fine I get jail it sounds terrible I I follow on Instagram Kate you know the new royal kate of kate of berkshire whatever print princess kate shia and it's such as this kate middleton yeah Kate Melton yeah and the fantasy and I think in addition to the like thing right that that's sort of whatever culture is the culture of people putting forward their best image all the time you're not really posting yeah and could you imagine the absolute hell of being that 24/7 I mean I would hate it so much but does someone look forward to that like I went to someone go oh I wish it was yeah some girls dreaming of being mm-hmm Kate no it would be amazing I want to be Kate look at her she's ya know she's fantastic

139:32do you things got a hog on them know what tall skinny guy might have a hog I you know the Brits are not known for hogs I lived in England for a year I did not do anything I didn't touch an English hog but I had a gay friend that was touching all the hogs and he was like I'm not impressed not impressed yeah well Italy this comment goat scrote great-grandfather John committed suicide at age 30 43 his sister Julia remained a spinster her whole life I believe she lived with brother Evan ease or the shipwright guys leaving a bunch of comments yeah just weird yeah this Iran deal what kind of a truce candle as' and disgraceful gnosis is this I'm not one of the grand and glorious vetted ones privy to the global secrets like oh this guy's a nut hmm this guy's leaving some interesting comments this is a Kensington Royal Instagram page how many likes they have there hundred nineteen thousand Conor

140:36McGregor shits on you Royals he shits on your numbers too 2.2 million dat that you know it's a great Instagram is passenger shaming oh it's fantastic it's a it's a flight attendant and she takes photos of people putting her nasty feet up on the seats and on the trays and acting like fools and then she puts it up and they talk some it's fantastic yeah see people look at this look at this nasty yeah people are gross putting your feet up on the thing oh yeah I just had someone do it last week to me they put their foot in between the seat see how that dog is you saw the photos right there do you say anything no I just took a picture and put on Instagram yeah just like it is nasty people are gross and sometimes their feet will touch you yeah like if someone's hand touches you no big deal yeah put your stinky feet the other day the same one that's making me wear this Kate bracelet that

141:37daughter made this bracelet for my 7 year old she's hilarious she had a bandaid on her finger and she kept it on all day and she goes dad smell my finger I'm like a finger she was come on smell my finger I don't want to smell your finger she goes it smells like roses and I smell it smell like Joey Diaz his feet she's laugh which is like that's disgusting she thought it was so funny that she got me to smell it that I gave in after I go okay tiny little seven-year-old like it's just so funny to her it's so good it's funny when you're gonna see this about your son as he gets older they have their own little way of talking and thinking about things and yeah communicating with you and the little calculated way of interfacing with the world he's so weird I see it already I see some manipulation to talk he's starting to yeah words words like that done you can say certain things

142:32yeah it's cute as I love it oh it's so amazing I like it so strange you're making people it's bananas and I always but we look at him and I'm like tweet we made this dude like one weekend in Virginia Beach when you're at the funny bone dude we're reading it roots Chris yeah do you guys like when you see Tommy now with this crazy fitness routine I mean he but he looks fantastic I mean I saw him the other night I was like Jesus Christ look how great you look and like he's like he lost all that weight from the weight loss challenge and then just ran with it he is so much happier now and I I sing the praises of the fat shaming campaign and I think that shaming is such a wonderful tool to get people to jump start whatever it is that they need to but people don't want to hear that no but shame is a wonderful it's not it's not necessarily bad to feel shame shame is okay in small doses it's more

143:30motivate you yeah yeah some people need to be motivated yeah and in whatever way they can get but the thing is it makes you people feel bad and people don't want people to feel bad yeah well feeling bad is what makes you change but some people in ashame you they're shaming you because they're just being mean any positive consequences that come from that are just inconsequential they're just they're just lucky yeah you know but in this case I think it was a constructive shame and now they were both wanting to lose weight in their Tom and Bert were both on each other equally back and forth yes so crazy but what was interesting was like fans got really into it and we're really mean about it yes and and really funny about it we got many submissions on your mom's house international submissions of like English teachers and their classrooms like teaching them how to say bird is

144:19fat in English and they're like speaking Indian or something it was it was really cool so many mum started doing like local TV stations and talking to them about how fat bird online and it just got so crazy yeah you know and then people would go to birth show and yell out Tom's fat yeah you know and like Tom's shows people yell up why is Bert so fat I definitely think the bird is fat campaign took off a lot more I would say that got some heat and I think his podcast Bert's is struggling in comparison to Tom's you guys have a much more powerful presence online yeah and it's like he dude he did he did was wrong dude now sober October we are how many 11 days in yesterday yeah today's the 11th yeah everybody knows I'm not smoking pot alright why because I got shamed into it because our was being a he's like you can't smoke pot I'm like I can it's just that wasn't part of the deal and I

145:19thought about it on September 30 first asset or whatever it was what is it thirty one thirty thirty and I was like this only I don't need to smoke pot I'm gonna take the whole month off pot too so I've taken the whole month off pot and one of the things that's interesting is my dreams really hence I had a dream last night and maybe it's because I pay attention all this Harvey Weinstein I had a dream last night that there was some Russian woman who was like married to some Russian dictator dude that was seducing me missing you or there's no girl oh yeah yeah the woman was she was like some really hot Russian woman but I was terrified of her because she was like the wife of like some really powerful man and she was like making me hang out with her and like I didn't her in my dreams but like I was like you know basically like being submissive to her you know it was very strange

146:15and we were on a boat somehow or another like it was super vivid looking out and I looked out the window and another boat was really close to us but it didn't collide with us but it was like super vivid and I was thinking like wow like and um this is last night yeah and I was thinking I didn't have any alpha brain before I went to bed either it wasn't like one of those dreams but it was it was really vivid like real and that's one of the things that I'd heard when people stop smoking pot is that their dreams become very vivid and you remember your dreams now in my therapist will do dream analysis on me and it's usually people who represent either feelings you have or you don't really dream you dream and symbolism right so the Russian lady could be whoever and I could be your mother your sister your wife your blanks represented power to me like the feeling of being like you know

147:05like it's it's very unusual for a man to feel like they're in a position where a woman is power of them unless it's your boss right so for me it was like this feeling of this woman who I couldn't say no to and I was scared of and because she was like though she was married to some dictator you know and she's like coming to my room with me she was really beautiful it's like okay yeah sure do whatever but I was like really like nervous around her and she get it on no not in the dream now unless I forgot that part yeah I mean it was really weird it was like because I was like I better do what she says like one of those things yes and I was thinking like me money would that that's if that's what it feels like to be like like someone had to deal with someone like Harvey Weinstein like that's what planted that seed in my head like if I was a young starlet hoping to make it in

147:54the business and he was the guy that held you know possible my future in front of me right well also the dreams anyway my shrink says that when you do your dream analysis a lot of times its feelings you can't deal with in waking life so you it's the feeling in the dream all right what do you how are they would say what do you think they would say about this ring I don't know because I don't know enough about your personal life mmm it would have to know more about your dynamics like between your wife your whoever else is in your world because it always represents other people you won't you won't ever dream like if you have problems with your mom and your daddy it's not really you never for instance whenever it's just so weird but whenever I dream about my father I actually dream about Howard Stern - yes Howard Stern shows up it's they have a similar sense of humor and I grew

148:38up on Stern and I see Stern is like a paternal you know he could be my dad like in a lot of ways he's my comedy dad like I grew up just worship anyone's time yeah so whenever I dream about Stern I know it's like oh I have it's a dad issue would you be weirded out if you did a show I would have loved it so much it's my dream that's one of my I don't get geeked out on celebrities I don't really care P would be the only one that I'd be nervous he was the most important thing that I ever did for sure to me in my mind he was like like I didn't give a if I was on tonight's show doesn't mean anything to me I was never a Tonight Show comic like my in my mind like all those things were like for people who wanted to do 7 clean minutes and I was a Kinison guy you know I like Kennison I liked I liked dice I liked you know I liked Richard Pryor like I didn't want to be that kind

149:26of kwikki clean comic so to me Howard Stern was like this ground breaker like he was like the first guy to ever just do an all talk show on regular radio right I mean he used to do songs used to play records but then it became just the stuff in between the records was even better and then it became all that and when I was a kid I mean I heard like there was some funny shows in Boston what back in the day when they had real DJs and like that but I had always heard about Stern you know and then once I first started listening to them and it was like he was on in Boston as well and I was thinking like that that's the that's the Holy Grail like that's when you get there especially then back in the day when he was on like regular radio and everybody was listening he was like you know you'd get like 18 million people listening to his show crazy there's nothing I never liked that

150:16before or since no and I used to I worked in my dad's shop my dad had a forklift repair shop and I'd have to work there every summer and I remember starting at like 12 years old I started listening to Stern he was on like the radio here in LA in the mornings be so bummed when those four hours were over and then I polysemous where were was on after like whatever fake nonsense radio and then like but Bongo Fiesta came out yeah that was the and they had like the you know the KKK guy no uh so it was so radical was so funny yeah I remember private parts of course I've seen it a million times yeah you know to me too he also represented this fight against the suppressive free speech of the right-wing people that were in power at the time because the FCC went after him in a huge way they were finding his station hundreds of thousands of dollars for doing like potty jokes or someplace

151:07and talking about penises like they would attack them and like literally find them hundreds of thousands of dollars it was a direct assault on free speech because it wasn't even words they were saying right it wasn't even forbidden words it was like topics they were deciding what people couldn't couldn't say and he was for all of us who were comics he was at the front of the line of that I mean he was he was the guy that was taking the hits and in a lot of ways it boosted them you know because everybody was aware that he was like being attacked and people were outraged yeah but it was it represented when Bush was in office when Bush was the president and we were all kind of freaked out by that this was happening you know this this guy who was this really funny guy they were deciding he was a criminal and they were finding his station hundreds of thousands of dollars

151:55for what for for making people laugh like so crazy yeah so for me just represented so much it was just so it was so crazy it was just I had that was the most nervous I've ever been in my life I the night before I did it and actually I did yoga the night before I did I did yoga in my hotel room to calm myself down and it worked yeah yeah super super calm dude that would be like what about wasn't gonna say I don't know got mommy brain oh yeah I got mommy brains a real thing right yeah for sure is it totally changed I don't sleep through the night anymore I wake up all nights to write like what's going on everything okay I sense everything man my spidey senses are always on as a mother imagine no no what's that get a little human you made with your own body it's bananas I don't know why women act like it's not the biggest deal in the world it is the craziest thing in the world

152:55what women act like it's something biggest do I feel like it's very normal for some people like I just I just like I feel like we need to be like blown away by it constantly and we're just not blown away by it enough well you know what you don't have a you know 50 hour weekday job for a husband you know yeah I mean those men I get kids so I guess I gotta feed it I don't know I mean I think it's the experience is different depending on what kind of relationship you have with your partner yeah definitely - sounds like you have a gay girl my guys did that to me about his girlfriend once well you know me and my partner we've been living together for a while I'm like what your partner a partner that's what that's a homosexual yeah yeah Tommy I want his wife is part yeah that's that soup that's only for gays in crime you guys criminals it was just such a weird way describing my

153:53partner Monroe for too close for comfort or a strap-on on you bro yeah we were watching as good as it gets last night and Greg Kinnear that movie oh really angry well part what made you angry because he's a racist they're gonna fix it with a pill Oh stupid it was so stupid as they like she seemed like this really sweet woman who had a kid and Jack Nicholson was his old and that's as good as it gets like what kind of messages out for people this is so stupid the writing was so dumb there's like oh you're gonna fix his racism with a pill get the out of here that is so stupid I don't hate this poor lady she seems so nice like maybe find a nice guy swing to you she just settles for this old shitty racist repo who needs to take drugs to make him somewhat normal he takes drugs to make him not a racist it's the stupidest idea ever Annie kind of manipulates her by sending

154:59the doctor over to care for her child she's she's in need she has no money as good as it gets yes is not as good hang in there sweetie you can get better you could do lot better that's pretty tender Jack Nicholson she couldn't swipe right she could not swim you know there was no swiping bagman you just gotta find some other nice dad and kid gets along with their kid and you have another Brady Bunch that's right what's her name Alice just died right yeah who's alive still dad died of AIDS that was bananas right found out that dad was actually taken in the case had no idea when he went Greg Kinnear his character his parents disowned him because he's gay and and last night tom was like can you believe this this is like what 20 years ago this was that was considered a thing like you would disown your child yeah now yes it is but I cherish it yeah South Dakota they kill you

156:08I run out of things to say they were free ball they bow hunt yeah the queers the button quiesce hunt the gays no no the gays aren't edible do you imagine I was reading this thing about cannibalism part about the I know it's a weird thing I guess you had to dance around you couldn't be like my boyfriend my girlfriend it was his wife he was calling it was Connors partner people are so up well it's almost think that a guy like that is like so programmed by like liberal sensibilities that he's like he wants to put her in equal ground it's not my wife I don't own her she's my partner we're in this together totally drinking like the kool-aid yeah made men there's so many just made men out there that just wearing slippery shoes and walking around with tight pants on they can't take a punch they just it's just barely getting through life let's talk about early men

157:16there girly men you know what it's so funny because Tommy yesterday he goes you know Ann frisina your you're like a 1930s man well you know I'm a little untraditional I actually am very traditional about this kind of stuff good look the truth of it is the guy wearing the string bracelets and the thumb ring and the ponytail and your chakra lineman and the Reiki that's just a thing for him to get laid at the end of the day he's just trying to convince you to him well he's just trying to play the spiritual angle that's right yeah that's his game well this is what I was saying on stage last night you know I did Jeremiah Watkins show you would do that show no I have to I hear it's so fun stand up on the spot you just make up things people yell things out at you but one of the things I was saying we were talking about male feminists somehow the subject came up and I was

158:10saying if you could give any one of those guys a pill that would turn them into that Thor dude that Chris Hemsworth dude they would all take it yeah and then they would just be themselves yeah they wouldn't have to like I was talking about this tweet that I read that literally made me want to punch my fist through the laptop this guy said I'm not calling myself a feminist until women tell me I'm doing feminism correctly like literally cutting off his dick and offering it on a platter I don't need this I'm not about that I'm spiritual well and here's the truth of I mean at least for me I appreciate when a man is down for the cause like I get that but it's not sexually it's not attractive to date a guy that's like a girl for me personally I like I like men exist it totally a hundred percent exposed yeah probably I don't know what is I don't even know I feel like it's

159:05okay for a girl to want traditional gender roles it's very suppressive if a guy wants them that's the thought process oh I see you're saying yeah because we have the option to be like the stay-at-home mom or the career lady but if you want like a guy to be a man that's okay but if a man I like a woman just shuts the up right let's be banger right right people like what right you're considered yeah we should say I like a guy who just grabs you by hair and my mouth right like whoa yeah whoa she's so and Howard Wow there's a lady that she's not slut-shamed yeah she'd be yourself I don't know I don't know I don't know you know what I don't know I think I just all of our issues stem the real issue all of our issues stem from actual sexism actual discrimination if we didn't have that if we just had people judged by on the merits of their behavior and the character and what

160:00they're capable of and we would just look like this one of the things about the stand-up comedy world like maybe audience members like yeah I mean you would be able to tell much more than I would that they you know I definitely think that some guys see a girl go up and they go is would shoot for me that was the whole environment I came up in for sure arms folded yeah is this girl gonna be funny great how long was she up for 15 minutes maybe I should take a piss yeah 100% good for ya but in the world of comics it's very egalitarian yeah if you kill you or you're a comic right like nobody and none of that nobody in the comedy world looks at Ali Wong as a girl she's amazing she's just a comic yeah she happens to be a girl but she's just a killer right that's how everybody looks at her yeah like there's like there's like a thing there's like a level of the video game that you get to

160:53when you slot into oh this is a peer she's a killer you know yeah and that's that's an interesting thing about the world of comedy like when you're a killer people think of you as a killer it doesn't matter if you have a vagina or penis if you're gay or straight if you're murdering it you're you're in that group right it's the great leveler right yeah yeah it's a very it's very true yeah because like nobody can hold your hand for you once you get up there no no and it's it's a it's a very ballsy thing to do and and either you fail and you fail hard or you succeed you succeed hard there's no there's no middle ground but I definitely think women have a way harder go at it because I think that sexual topics that you either are the like you were saying before or they're weird right because if you're just a regular woman and you're talking these strangers about like how you like your

161:43licked and you're really embarrassed about it people like what the you know and girls would get mad at you if you're attractive girls get married because you're their husbands laughing like I think that's funny oops she's disgusting yeah and then politics are almost off level you mean people get mad at you they will get mad at you if you like if you're a trump supporter and you're a woman and you're on stage and there's a bunch of people in the audience they're a little bit mad forget you're a liberal on stage and there's Trump supporters in the audience and you start on Trump they'll get mad at you stick to the joke yeah well what I've noticed is that at least history's my my thing I have hope for this the Millennials I think they're changing how comedy is consumed the podcasting world its Millennials the early adaptors and they grew up watching Sarah Silverman Lisa Lampanelli all

162:34these bad so now when the millennial comes to a show that 20 year old boy doesn't have the same bias that the men who I started in front of had you know what I mean it's a given that if woman is a comic now it's really cool it's way different but don't you think there's I would like to think I'm not a millennial but I'd like to think there's less sexism ya know it's less accepted yeah I mean when I started featuring I literally called the club in the Midwest and I was on Chelsea Lately like okay can I uh can I do your room kind line or even just feature no feature well you know Christina I've already booked two women this year whoa yeah whole year the whole year guys that's 52 weeks 50 of them yeah and uh and I was like wow I'm never under your club again but you know I heard like that the whole time I booked two women imagine if that was a guy guys it was that hard to get into colony

163:30party booked two dudes you only have so many swingin dicks I know but you know but without feminism and I I try not to look at the the problems of the world like I try to transcend it like I can't even I used to be so much angry at feminism all this when I was in my 30s and then I now I'm just like you know what I don't give a I don't care what society wants me to be or what the rules are I don't care you life is too short for me to even worry about what this person thinks or the society is thinking well I think that like what you're seeing like college campuses where people are super radical left-wing progressive is and I think you've seen that with young people as well I think people are just trying to work out the world you know and sometimes they work out the world by assuming some sort of behavior pattern and that behavior pattern could be right-wing or it could be left-wing I

164:21mean it could be feminist it could be you know whatever they could be gender queer they'll try that out for a while I'm gonna shave half my head and wear a nose ring and say cisgendered men people get weird yeah that's true and they just assume these patterns and try them out for a while almost like dressing punk rock you know I start wearing Doc Martens and rolling your big jeans up you know I love that yeah I was really good at that Did you touch my lane I was punk dude Gotham punk for any weird piercings in the face yeah those are the delusions no I know I was too sensible cuz I knew it I'd have a hole in my face oh I was so controlled yeah I only have one shitty tattoo I got a stamp in the 90s on road rules whoo yeah do you think that that control thing was because your mom was nuts yeah yeah my world was out of control so I was like I have to be responsible I was the one that was

165:15responsible from the time I was you know a little little where I grew up fast that makes the parentis a child yeah that's that's you find that a lot it's interesting it's like I have this dilemma I've talked about this with Bryan Callen as a lot of my friends are dads it's like all my interesting friends came from up childhoods but I don't want that for my kids no right so what is that like all my favorite people came from fucked-up childhoods game recognize game son you know what I'm saying yeah but it's because your your wires are whatever crossed a certain way same way similarly but you don't want to up your kid I have the same dilemma believe me I don't want my son then again I'd be super thrilled if my son grew up and was like I'd love I'm gonna be an accountant I'm just gonna be normal would you yep I don't want to be in show business like this is the this is craziness

166:05yeah this business is not for normal people especially the avenue that you've carved stand-up yeah what do you mean you too yeah yeah we've carved a bull it's crazy it's bananas and I was just I mean when I look back on who he started with like 14 years ago and the attrition rate I mean there's no real it's just bananas that we can even make a living at this like there's no reason I should be it's crazy what's one thing that you know you start off and you suck and you keep working at it and it sucked less and then you start getting laughs then you start doing better and they start working and you keep building and you keep moving as long as you keep moving and sometimes you'll have some setbacks like probably you and you were doing Chelsea Lately and me when I was doing news radio and you know and you just if you can get back on the horse and get back moving yeah you can pick it

166:57up and next thing you know you got a it's available right now and we'll wrap it up with this mother inferior available for scream streaming screaming and streaming both right now goddamn it christina pazsitzky ladies and gentlemen and make sure you watch and listen to your mom's house fantastic podcast and let's do this more often thank you so much for having me thank you - all right folks we'll see you soon bye oMG we did it