JRQE #6 - Duncan Trussell

00:00The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. It's good luck. Yeah. Are we rolling? Are we rolling? We good? We're good. How smoky's in here? We all right? It's nice to do. It's like fog. Look at this. This is the fog of confusion. That's what's in the air, Duncan. The fog of confusion. Yeah. The smoke of mystery. Hmm. So, we went to Skinwalker Ranch, and we found a lot of crazy. Yes. We found a lot of crazy. Yes. It was an interesting place. I'll tell you what. Mike Miller, the gentleman that we talked to that lived with his cool dog and had seen the orbs. Yes. That guy I enjoyed talking to. He seemed like a real down-to-earth guy that had no reason to lie to us. He didn't seem like he had any agenda. Sure. And his story, although it sounds completely crazy, while he was saying it, did not seem in any way like he was being deceptive. It seemed like he was telling us a real account.

01:08He was like, I know it sounds crazy. Yes. But, you know, it's what I saw. Yeah. And I believe him. I mean, I believe that he had this experience. What it was, you know, you would have to be there. You'd have to see it. And even then, if you saw what he saw, the way he explained it, you wouldn't really know. And I think that's the real problem with any completely unique experience. If you had it and no one else had it, what kind of a burden? You know, walking around, like you've seen these rainbow-colored orbs that are the size of softballs, and they're flying around your house and going through walls. And your dog's looking at them, and you're shining lights on them, and they're avoiding the lights and flying around. What do you do? It's over. It's gone. They leave. You're back to just sitting at home. The TV's still on. Yeah. Your dog's still there. Yeah.

01:58And all of a sudden, you know, you're forced with this decision. You're faced with this decision. What do you do? You tell your friends about this? Yeah. Do you keep that to yourself? What would you do if you saw a bunch of crazy orbs flying around your car and then disappearing off into space? And then, you know, other than your own strange memory of what just happened, life is exactly the same. Yeah. What do you do? Do you tell people? Yeah, you tell people. You've got a responsibility to tell people. You've got to be brave enough to tell people because if you don't tell people, then you're discrediting your species. If there's some kind of brand new thing that's happening that no one's observed before and you see it, you've got to have the guts to get out there and tell people.

02:44Sure, they're just going to look at you like, oh, this is the typical dusty, cement-laying desert recluse with a filthy dog who's been huffing paint and hallucinating orbs. That's all anyone's going to think. Like, that's the problem. But I think that you must tell people because if you don't, then no one's going to investigate it. And if no one investigates it, then these things will remain in the land of the crazy instead of coming into the light. And if they come into the light, think of what that would do to all of society. If we can prove that there's hyperdimensional orbs that traverse wormholes to communicate with dusty old cowboys in the middle of Mormon country, wow. What a great way of putting it. Yeah. There's a process called evolution that was happening in the world. What if Edison never spoke out when he was stealing Tesla's ideas? Yeah.

04:10You know, and it's really interesting because when you stop and think about what you're talking about, this flying thing, you know, why is that any stranger than fish? Why is it any stranger than something that breathes water and does whatever it wants in this three-dimensional world under the ocean? Right. Why is that any weirder than birds? Yeah. Yeah. Why is that any weirder than... I saw an eagle the other day when I was in Seattle. I saw an eagle. Yeah. A flying, knife-faced death machine. Yeah. That was a dinosaur. Yeah. That survived. Yeah. It survived and figured out how to fly and steal fish from the water. Yeah. If someone came up to me and said, listen, and I'd never seen an eagle, and they're like, which do you think is real? A floating orb that is alive and follows you? Or a thing that evolved from lizards that has a knife on its face and flies through the sky killing fish? Yeah.

05:03It has like bone cutters. Yes. It's even sicker than a knife. It's a pair of scissors. Yeah. It's a flying pair of scissors. A giant, scissor-faced monster from 65 million years ago. Yeah. That carries away your cat, your chihuahua. That survived a giant five-mile-wide chunk of stone and metal that slammed into the earth and killed just about everything except these cunty flying lizards. Yes. Exactly. And also, look, go down under the ocean. Yeah. Go down into the deep, deep parts of the ocean where you see those creepy, glowing goblin things that just live down there. Absolutely. There's things that are self-luminescent. Or bioluminescent. Like, they glow. They make light underneath the water. Yeah. How crazy is that? Yeah. Why is that any crazier? Why is a flying orb crazier than that? It's really not. Especially when you consider what that orb did.

05:57It's not like that orb stole his cat and flew away with it and ate it on top of a rock like an eagle would. Right. An eagle would steal your cat, man. No problem. Yeah. An eagle has no problem. Leave a baby alone with an eagle. Watch what happens. Sure. That's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy, man. But here's the difference. Orbs just fly around the baby and take off. Nobody gets hurt. We don't know. Maybe the orbs plant seeds in the baby. Oh, change the thought of the baby. Yeah. Change the way the mind works. Hypnotize the baby. Maybe the orbs drive the baby insane. But the difference, of course, is that there's a million pictures of eagles. Yeah. There's very few pictures of orbs. Yeah. There's a million pictures of undersea death goblins that glow. No pictures of UFOs. Well, there's photos of orbs. There's photos that people put online that they claim to be orbs. The problem is they're very much like our guide in Utah.

06:53You know, I don't know. Maybe everything he said was 100% factual. But it was so crazy to hear someone who says they've seen Bigfoot. They've seen orbs and bulletproof wolves. They've seen all these things themselves. And they're telling you it's just this spot. This is this crazy spot. Maybe he's telling the truth. But it's so fantastical. And that is sort of the same thing that comes along with all of these tales. Whether it's orbs or wolves or any of the crazy things that we were told that these people saw. If they are real, you're dealing with some crazy, unique experience that really I commend you for coming out and talking about it. Because I might keep my mouth shut. You know, I probably wouldn't. I'm pretty stupid. I would definitely talk about it if I saw something cool. I would. What am I talking about? I would talk about it. But some people didn't want to talk to us.

07:45And I could understand that first couple that we met that we were supposed to talk. And then the day of shooting, they got cold feet. And they were like, you know what? We don't even want to talk about this. It's like the last thing I want to do is be that person on TV talking about something nutty. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not doing it. Like they just were done with it. They thought about it. It probably kept them up all night. Wisely so. But Mike didn't give a fuck. You know what, man? Yeah, he didn't give a fuck. It didn't bother him at all. And he told it to us just matter of fact. And I was with him every step of the way. I believe that guy was telling us a true encounter. I don't know what it was. I don't know. Who knows? He might have had like a misfiring of like several key elements of his brain. Sure. And they might start producing hallucinations in front of him.

08:31Who knows how much whiskey he drank right before he saw these orbs? Yeah. Who knows? Who knows what cold medicines he mixed up? A lot. Who knows? But the bottom line is this guy, when he was telling us about this, I believed him. And if you and I had just gotten to see it, man, what a world-changing event that would be. But that seems to be a part of the narrative of all this really crazy, fantastical stuff. It's like, if you could be there and see it, boy, it would just change the world. But when you go looking, nobody finds shit. Ever. Ever. Ever. It doesn't matter if you're looking for Bigfoot, if you're looking for UFOs, if you're trying to find the Loch Ness Monster, you never find shit. People finance these giant missions. They take these huge radar machines and troll the Loch in Scotland every couple of years. They spend so much money looking for something that's probably never been there.

09:36But that's what we do. That's what human beings do, is we try to expand our understanding of the universe. And part of that expansion means investigating claims of bizarre creatures and aliens and UFOs. We have to investigate it. But the difference between science and these people is science is comfortable with what they call a null hypothesis. They're comfortable coming back with no results and saying, it's not there. The thing that these people don't seem capable of, or at least the guy who had seen the bulletproof wolf in Bigfoot and everything, is he saw everything. He saw everything that could be to see. He hit the supernatural lottery. He saw Bigfoot the first night he went looking. Yeah, the first night. There are people up there. There are people up there for years, slowly going crazy under the moon. This guy goes out one night, Bigfoot shows up.

10:28Just did some calls that he learned from watching TV. TV Bigfoot shows. So, you know, man, the problem is that those people are... Super lucky. The problem is they're just lucky. Just super lucky. Just he's a magnet for paranormal activity. Yeah, that's definitely what it is. That's what he is. He's a magnet for the paranormal. I just think that he is... That would be hilarious, though. If it was. He was just like this guy who is just, you know, not that most charismatic guy. Doesn't seem like, you know, any different than you or I. Yeah. But yet, the aliens just decided, this is our guy. This is why you... This is our go-to dude. Don't be an alcoholic. Well, maybe this is why don't live around really stupid people. Because maybe the aliens landed in his town and everybody else is like barely a monkey. They're just apes. Apes with a language. Yeah. And him in his town, he's the dawn of the town.

11:22Like, he's the smartest guy for miles. That's a rough town. And they looked around and they said, you know what? This is our guy. You know, maybe they didn't do a really good, accurate assessment of the entire population and find out who's the smartest guy here. Okay. Let's go talk to Neil deGrasse Tyson. He seems to be totally on the ball. He seems like the best guy we could communicate with. No. They showed up in some meth-addled shithole of a town. And there's fucking tumbleweeds flying by. And people shooting up in the corners. And it's just a mess. Everywhere you look. Gambling addicts are stealing money. And everyone's on some fucking form of crank. And they found old Ryan. Ryan was washing his truck and listening to conservative talk radio. Misogynist dog. Seems like a normal guy. Yeah. And they're like, we found the guy. This is the best America has to offer. They just didn't.

12:11They look at us like we're so stupid. Like, the way we look at chimps. I mean, it takes a long time of studying chimps before you figure out what's the bad motherfucker chimp. What's the one chimp that figured out how to take the stick and whittle the end of it so he can get the ants easier? Yeah. What is the one chimp that figured out how to mimic human behavior and do certain things? It takes a long time to find that guy. So if there's so much more advanced than us, than we are from chimps, if it's like that much of a leap, they probably... Well, look at these idiots. They probably look at... This is a sea of idiots. Oh, I find this one idiot that's not eating his own poop. Oh, let's grab that guy and scoop him up. And let's show him everything. Let's show him everything and see if he can, you know, perhaps help us enlighten this crazy species. Man, I think you're right. It might be.

12:58By the way, if I'm studying chimps, I'm going to pick the crazy ones. Because it's more interesting. Who are you going to take? The normal chimps? Are you going to take the chimp that's off by himself by a tree, drinking mini vodkas and staring into the sun, making weird noises to summon a mythical creature? Get that chimp! Exiting an Indian casino way drunker than anybody should be and be allowed to walk on their own, screaming expletives because they lost all the money they've ever made ever on a game of chance. Yeah, exactly. That's the chimp you want to study. That's the guy. Maybe aliens don't believe in crazy people and they try to prove that crazy people exist by finding them and taking pictures of them. Or maybe aliens are smart enough to avoid credible people and they figure the best way to get the information they need is to find someone who already has a penchant for stretching the

13:48truth and abduct that motherfucker. And then when you're done with them, go, go tell your friends. Tell everyone. Go tell your friends. That's what they say. They put them in the front door and they go, go ahead, go tell your friends, dude. And he's just sitting there like, fuck. Hey, you dropped your tequila bottle. Don't forget your tequila when you leave. Oh, don't worry. You've got plenty of meth in your urine. You're going to come up clean. Get out of here, dude. So the guy goes to the police department and tells a story, pisses in a cop and they go, get the fuck out of here. What's in here? This can get me high. I can drink this and get high for a month. Yeah. Beat it. Get out of here. Scram, storyteller. It's really smart. It's genius. It's a genius thing to do. It's true. The last thing you want to do is abduct some logical. Yeah. Obama.

14:33What if Obama feels compelled to tell the world and they actually listen? People alter their behavior, start looking for UFOs, put on special glasses like in They Live. You know what? The movie, Roddy Roddy Piper, John Carpenter, old school. No one's going to believe Obama. How dare you? No one believes him now when he talks about anything, much less aliens. Well, maybe that would be perfect. That would be the ultimate cover. It comes straight to Obama. And that's the one thing that everybody's like, you know what? This guy, we got to get him out of office. Everybody's fine with drones. Everybody's fine with paying off the banks. Everybody's fine with arresting people for medical marijuana. Everybody's fine with everything. But he says he saw a UFO at this motherfucker. Let's get him out of here. Get him out of here. You're lying to my children. God, that'd be fun to be an alien, wouldn't it?

15:17You get to suck anybody into your ship and do anything you want to them. No one can call the police. Just drop them off and go tell your friends. Yeah, tell everybody. Go tell your friends. By the way, we're invisible to everybody but you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you don't think that they can make you invisible? I mean, it seems to me that if you can come here from another planet, pretty much you can do anything. Yes. Whatever you can manipulate in our world. Yeah. You might be a bulletproof wolf. Maybe that's like the best way to show up. Sure. Just be a wolf that you can go ahead and shoot me. You pretend that they hurt you and then you fly away. You turn into mist and you vanish. Why would we assume that they're limited in their ability to exist in matter the way we are? Right. Just contained by this biological prison. Yeah. Maybe they can be mist. Sure. Maybe they can do it. Maybe they just appear out of nowhere.

16:06Maybe they don't get in big stupid ships like we do and fly through the air. Maybe they're like, oh my God, they're still doing that? Do you know that you can just become mist and appear as like a wolf or something? Yes. Maybe they do that. Why not? Wouldn't you? No. Listen, if... Now, this is a big if, but one of the gentlemen that I talked to, Tareel. What's his first name? Rich Tareel. One of the gentlemen that I talked to, this guy, Rich Tareel. He's from the JPL Labs. All right. This guy's super smart. JPL Lab. I don't know what they do there, but it's very important. Very important rocket science-y type stuff. Yeah. Well, we were talking about simulation theory. And one of the things brought up about simulation theory was if you don't know that you're in a simulation, and as you're in that simulation, you create another simulation.

16:55Like, wouldn't that sort of mimic the fractal behavior that the whole universe seems to exist or seems to show that exists everywhere, everywhere you look? Whether it's the Fibonacci sequence, the way it applies itself to sunflower seeds, or just the fact that you go into the atoms themselves, and there's so much space there. Yes. It's almost like the universe. And if that's the case, and if what we're looking at is just a representation of an artificially created world, and inside that artificially created world, we're working feverishly to create another artificial world. If that's the case, then maybe alien life is just simply someone who decides to present itself as that inside the simulation. I mean, if we really are completely in a world of ones and zeros, we may really be limited by our imagination more than we're limited by possibilities.

17:53We just seem to only be capable of imagining things that someone has already documented, whether it's a tiger or a shark or a tornado. These things are documented, so we'll accept them. Yes. But maybe if it's a simulation, there's some shit out there that we just haven't seen in the game yet. Yeah. There's some new levels to the movie where you pass this area, and all of a sudden you're in a magic land, and bulletproof wolves exist and turn out a mist. And they land on your porch, and they look at you, and you shoot them, and they vanish. I mean, the ability to have wireless communication existed when people were beating each other's heads in with rocks and worshiping golden cows. At the same time. Always been there. It's just they hadn't discovered it yet. So it's true.

18:43No doubt there's some amazing technology or some amazing law in the universe that we haven't quite discovered yet that eventually we will, that will be as disruptive to society as every other invention or discovery like that. But these discoveries are not made generally by people who stink of gin and who go wandering drunk through the desert staring up into space. These discoveries are made by people who have an inclination, an impulse, and have studied a lot of science and know the process that you can uncover these laws. Which is why it's so important to approach these things from a scientific perspective. Because otherwise, you end up with an unprovable thing. Maybe you saw something, but the fact that you're not approaching it scientifically immediately discredits you. You said something that was very important, and I want to reassert it.

19:41You said that the ability to communicate wirelessly always existed. We just hadn't figured it out yet. Yes. But it always existed. We didn't have the technology to unearth it. That's such an important point that you made. And I don't think people could really wrap their head around that. It's really hard to. We can sort of see the future, like a little bit in the future, like we think about it. But whenever we've tried to guess, we're always so off. Do you ever watch Space 1999? No. It was a great show. It was a great show, but it was 14 years ago, supposedly. Right. I mean, the show was made in the 70s or the 80s or something. I think it was the 70s. And it was supposed to be about the future in 1999. Like Space 1999. This is going to be crazy. We're just going to be living in the galaxy in 1999. Like, they're so off. Everybody's always off. Yes. But you know what they never saw on Space 1999? 1999? Google.

20:39Right. They didn't have all the answers. They didn't know where they were going. They didn't have navigation systems. Yeah. They didn't have any of that shit. They didn't have cell phones. Okay? Touch screens. They talked to each other. It was like a walkie-talkie type situation. Yes. You know, like in the Enterprise. Kirk out. Nobody saw what we have right now that is completely insane. That's right. I mean, we literally have the power of immortals if we lived a thousand years ago. We would be some strange freak existence. Yes. That, you know, people had never seen a guy with a cell phone. Never seen a guy in a car pull up with a cell phone. Never see a guy step out with sunglasses on and have a machine gun in his hand. Yeah. All the things that we have today that seem like insane, impossible, unimaginable things a thousand years ago, they're totally, completely, 100% commonplace. Yeah.

21:29You pluck someone from a thousand years ago and drop them into any city in the world, and they might go crazy. Or pluck someone from a thousand years in the future, and who knows what kind of shape you can take. Right. Who knows whether or not you can even teleport consciousness into other objects and ideas. We have no idea what's going to be possible. And once they start figuring out a way to put technology deeper and deeper into our lives, or we ever become part technology ourselves, some form of cyborg, anything is fucking possible when that happens. That's right. Anything's possible, and it's the people who have the most open minds that end up making the discoveries that transform history. So that's why it's important for people to not be afraid to explore these things. It's just the way you explore it has got to be precise. Right. Because if you aren't precise, then you end up in a lot of trouble.

22:21I mean, best case, you end up wandering through the desert. Maybe you fall into an ant's nest because you're a little too drunk, and you go home with some stings. Worst case, you've got a little bit more charisma than that fella had. And then you start telling other people like you that you can communicate with Bigfoot. And they'll say, what? Really? Yeah. I communicate with Bigfoot. And he told me that I should start a church. And the next thing you know, you've got someone who started a new religion about worshiping Bigfoot, surrounded by equally nutty people who have no interest in proving anything at all. And then that's how religions start. And then you know what inevitably happens next? The person says that Bigfoot came to them in a dream and said that they have to have sex with your wife. I don't know why he wants me to do that, but he wants me to do that.

23:12He wants me to do that or the bulletproof wolf will come. And that's how religions start. That's how it starts, man. And that's why it's dangerous. And that's why people like that have to be held to actual scientific principles. Because if they're not, then they can cause a lot of problems. It's also what we talked about before. It's important to hang out with people that are smart. If you hang out with a bunch of dumb people, especially if you're that guy, if you can just tell them things like that, like you met a bulletproof wolf, and like, whoa, where's the wolf? You can tell that guy anyway. You start making things up just to keep yourself entertained. Because you're dealing with an ape. Your friend's an ape. He's completely stupid. There's people out there that are just like that.

23:56Once you have a person near you who believes that you saw a bulletproof mist wolf, you can definitely get them to give you a blowjob. Easy. Easy. Yeah, easy. You can tell them that the aliens told them that you have to give them a blowjob or everyone will die. Babies first. Yeah, you gotta do it. Just make it up. I don't want to, by the way, I don't want you to give me a blowjob. This hurts me more than... It's the last thing I want. But if you don't, all the babies die. Yeah. This thing eats babies, and it's gonna come from a wormhole. All right. Wormholes are great, too, because you don't have to show a launch area. You don't have to pretend that there's a secret spot where you gotta go to. Right. You know, when it's a wormhole, it's something as simple as a wormhole. It's just, it's there, it's not, whatever. Yeah. You know. We got a mic problem. I'm sorry. What's wrong?

24:47It's loose, and every time you move, you pull it on the side. Me? This? On the cable. On the cable? Yeah. Every time you move. The cable connecting. Oh. Yeah. Okay, here, I'll put it in the front. Thank you. No problem. Okay. Baby eating monsters. Do you want to talk? Where was I? You were talking. Babies. Baby, yeah. You were saying, yeah, you were saying you convince these people that the bulletproof wolf eats babies if they don't give you blowjobs. Yeah. It's not likely, but it probably could happen. Not likely. I mean, God, look at religion. Look at religion. I mean, I was just telling you about this on the, I don't know if we, I was just telling you about this on the phone, but Joseph Smith would tell girls that they had to marry him or they would be damned to hell. Now, what's the difference? See, that's the problem. If someone had gone to him and said, look, you've got to prove this thing telling you

25:43that you can have sex with my daughter before you have sex with her. I want some proof. Measure it. Show me the tablets. I want to know who this thing is that's telling you to stick your penis in my daughter religiously. You know, you have to hold people accountable for stuff like that or they will hump you. That's the inevitable result of this, man. The slippery slope ends with you laying back in the desert with some guys sitting on your face like a saddle, humping your mouth. Isn't it kind of, doesn't it kind of all go back to what we discovered when we went looking for Bigfoot? It's really, it's kind of, there's a simpler thing going on because it's all people that are getting very little physical affection, you know, and this is why they have the free time to be out there looking for UFOs. Yeah. It's like nobody wants to fuck them.

26:37And so because of that, you develop this deficit, this desperate need for mystery, desperate need to somehow or another validate the emptiness that is regular normal life with Bigfoot. Right. Or with UFOs. Or with fill in the blank. Whatever crazy thing you believe. Jersey Devil. What do you believe in? Loch Ness Monster. Chupacabra. UFO abducting. Whatever it is. Levitation. All of it. Channeling. Oh, she's a channeler and a healer. Oh, really? It's very Freudian of you because that's what you, it's like from a Freudian perspective, what you're saying is that the repressed sex drive manifests in these kind of hallucinations or wish fulfillment. Delusions. Delusions. And, you know, also I think it puts you in a community of people that. Are also idiots. Yeah. Are more likely to hump you. And because, because I like. More gullible. Yeah. And yeah. Easier to have sex with because they're gullible.

27:36Because they lack critical thinking skills and you can tell them crazy stories, they're much more likely to have sex with you. It's not a new idea. It's not a bad idea. Look, if we know that the primary motivation for most males, 18 to 34 or whatever the hell it is. Is spreading love. Is spreading happiness. Spreading sexuality. Getting, getting into position to have as much sex as possible as often as possible with people that are as pretty as possible. We all agree to that. We know that it's the motivation behind flashy cars and jewelry and $50,000 watches. If there was only men on the planet, do you think they'd sell any $50,000 watches? No. No one would buy one. We wouldn't give a fuck. No one's going to have sex with you. You know, unless you're gay, you wouldn't buy that watch. Okay. But if you factor in all the reasons why people do all the things they do, buy the biggest

28:27house, wear the fanciest clothes. He's always sharp. They're setting themselves up to be a primary sexual candidate. And when that no longer applies, where's your motivation for life? Where's your motivation to get up in the morning? What are you doing? What's going on? There's no more libido and you're not even remotely attractive. So you can either scrape up enough money doing what you do really good and pay for it, which always feels gross, I'm sure. Never done it. Never. Well, yeah. Me. You know what I'm saying? Never do that. Even if I did. What I'm saying is, it would be sad, it would be sad to be some 60-year-old dude who worked his whole life to put together a meager bankroll. And every couple of months, he'd blow some of it on an escort. And in between that, he's looking for UFOs. Yes. Just out there. Just, we've got, we're basically locked down. We've got 100% proof now.

29:20What we got here is the smoking gun. This guy actually told us and signed an affidavit. We got the gun. We got the smoking gun. It's right here. Look, it's Bud's done. If you don't believe in UFOs, you're crazy. Okay? Because we got it all. We got it here. We got it now. This is a very exciting time. They're going to release this information. There's going to be no denying. We've got top-level people from all areas of the government who come out with amazing stories. And once you hear those stories, it will be undeniable. And then they give themselves this sense of excitement along with reciting this stuff and talking about this stuff. These mysteries are going to get uncovered. But they never do. They never do. It's a mating dance. It's part of the mating dance. It's like a tail feather. It's an aberration. They pop up the Bigfoot tail feather, pop up the UFO tail feather.

30:06You do that after a few drinks, you know, in a kind of dark bar. You'd say like, look, I don't tell a lot of people this. But I had an incredible encounter in the desert a few weeks ago. And look, I probably shouldn't tell you. No, what? What happened? Well, first it started off as a mist. You know, you're looking to see if they believe you. And it turned into a wolf. And then you start maybe a little crying, like you're a little upset about it. But next thing you know, you're back in the days in enjoying a nice roll in the hay with somebody that you've probably drugged. You know what's weird about the people that tell these stories to? This is one thing that I've been noticing. There's people that will tell these stories and they'll tell it to you in a way where you feel like they're recounting a memory. You know, like Mike Miller. That's his name, right? Mike Miller? Like Mike Miller.

31:05He felt to me that he was recounting a memory. But other people that we talked to just were saying a bunch of words in order. It's like there's a complete flatness to the way they describe these encounters that doesn't register with you at all. Like they talk to you. They're like, well, I went into the woods and we started doing the sacred howl. And all of a sudden we saw the pyramid in the sky open up. And from it came this alien craft. And you're just hearing a bunch of words. You know, there's nothing connected. This person is there's nothing connecting them with that story. And there's nothing connecting you with that story. They're not trying to connect you with that story. They're trying to say the words in order that they think would make sense if you were talking about a crazy incident that happened. But it was clearly an incident that didn't really happen to them.

31:58And there's a sense that we all have for that. It's not bulletproof. It's not it's not 100 percent. But there's a sense that you have when someone's telling you a story where, you know, they're full of shit. Yes. And that's a weird thing. It's a weird thing to be in front of people when you know they're not telling you the truth. But we all know what it's like. It's not that people can't trick us. People certainly can trick you. But when you know someone's full of shit, you really do know they're full of shit. You know what I'm saying? Sure. It's not 100 percent. It doesn't work with everyone. And there are people that are sociopaths. There are people that are really good at lying. There are people that are very charismatic and can, you know, they're con people that can, you know, steal your money. Yes. They can bilk you out. They're experts at lying. Sure. Actors. I mean, what is being an actor?

32:43It's being a liar. Yeah. You know, I'm not saying that they use it in their personal life, but Daniel Day-Lewis would be the greatest fucking liar in the history of the world. Think about how good that guy would be at lying to you. You know? Did you spill the milk? And he comes in and he looks like he hasn't eaten in a week and he's fucking hobbling and shits his pants while he's talking to you. You know, that guy would, you'd be like, oh, for sure, that guy didn't spill the milk. He wouldn't lie. He's telling me the truth. He's crying. This poor guy's like, he's got cerebral palsy or something. Yeah. And you take him in the bathroom, clean him up, and he punches you in the face and rapes you. You know why? Because he was faking it the whole time. He just wanted to get you to where you were alone with him in a bathroom washing his ass because he can't wash it himself.

33:20And then he just beats the shit out of you. What are you doing? This is like erotic Daniel Day-Lewis fan fiction. I don't even know what it is. I don't even know what I'm doing. I went down the road. How did he end up in your house? We started talking. I just made all that up. Look, that's the universe giving me a little gift. It's a gift of, it's called creativity. I don't even know where it comes from. No, look, I love the idea of drag. I don't even know where it comes from. It's just a gift. I love the idea of like, someone spilled milk. Daniel Day-Lewis comes in. You're like, did you spill the milk? He's like, no. Suddenly you're washing his asshole? He shits all over himself because he's scared because he scared him. He pretends that he's really sick and feeble. And you yelled at him, so he just defecates all over himself. He's crying, but he can't wash himself.

34:02And that's one of the reasons why he's crying. I mean, snot's coming out of his nose. He's weeping. He can't even breathe. He's doing it so well. You feel terrible. Yeah. And you're like, we'll clean you up, buddy. We'll clean you up. Yeah. So as you're cleaning, he just beats the shit out of you and fucks your mouth. He holds you down, just punches you in the face till you're unconscious. And you know, you wake up because you can't breathe out of your mouth because it's filled with cock. 50 shades of Daniel Day-Lewis. You're trying to get some air through your nose while Daniel Day-Lewis is just fucking your mouth. Why? Because he's an awesome liar. He tricked you. He got you, bitch. Again, and I think that's one of the most important... Things a person could talk about. Points. I think that's the important point is that there is a slippery slope when you're around

34:46a liar that will end with that liar's cock in your mouth. Well, I think there's a real slippery slope with human beings if you are around someone who's trying to be deceptive in order to profit on something or trick you into something. Yes. Someone who gets really good at figuring out how to pretend that there's something they're not or they've seen something they haven't just in order to get something from you. Right. Whether it's your attention or whether it's your money, there's a weird thing where people realize like, oh, I don't have to tell the truth. Right. What I have to do is just make up a good story that allows me to get into a situation where I'm on TV telling this story. Yep. And so that's what they do. They just sort of like lump together this idea in their head and maybe they rehearse it. Maybe they wing it.

35:38And in that case, you just keep asking them about it over and over again over a long period of time. And they slowly start twisting that story around because they don't remember what the hell they told you. Listen, there's so much money in it, man. So much. So much money. Books. Look at the Vatican. I mean, my God, the moment you can convince people that you're in contact with a thing you can't take pictures of or prove and they believe you, you are loaded. You can get so rich. And religion has shown this again and again and again. I mean, these people take it to the nth degree. There are these, you know, the people we ran into in the desert. The guy thinks he saw a wolf that turns into a mist and Bigfoot. If we drive 10 miles in any direction and go to a church, I can sit you down with a person who thinks that there is living in the sky, an invisible man that is going to destroy all of humanity.

36:32And it's all going to happen in Israel. Now, that's within 15 miles. And the difference between the guy wandering drunk in the desert and the person wearing the funny priest outfit is the priest has people who give him money every week to listen to that story. They drop it in the they drop it in the collections plate and send that thing around and just listen to that story again and again. The man in the sky forgives your sins and he comes down. He comes down. If we're all good and ready, he'll come down and take us away from this terrible planet. No more bulletproof wolves. No more Bigfoots. Just peace and love forever. That's a gigantic business right now. Those people don't even have to pay taxes. They're such good liars. Did they have convinced the United States government to not take taxes from their multi-billion dollar businesses? Wow. That's amazing. And that's the end of the thing.

37:28And that's the end of the thing. So they're the same thing. They're the they're on the spectrum. They're the successful version of it. The non successful version is the guy who stinks of gin wandering through the forest pointing at mud puddles and telling its big foot footprints. The successful version of it is a guy wearing robes in gold and sitting in a golden throne and telling the planet that they shouldn't wear birth control. Yeah. I think you're right. Totally makes sense. These guys, it's almost like they can't help themselves. Have you noticed that? It's almost like no matter what you talk about, they just have a story. It just comes out. Oh, yeah. The ones that are telling like a lot of stories. That's why, you know, it's always they don't just see one thing. Oh, they've seen chupacabras. They've seen Nessie. They were on vacation in Scotland. We saw Nessie. It's real. They'll dare you.

38:18They've seen everything. They can't even help themselves. Oh, no. They want to tell you. They want to lie to you. Well, it's you know, I think there's an evolutionary advantage to it. And I think that the moment you begin to realize if you're OK with telling lies, you start making tons of money and people will start having sex with you. Then you could see how there's like a profound evolutionary advantage to being a liar. And the ultimate liar is the liar believes in himself who's told himself the story so much that he started seeing it. There's a huge evolutionary advantage to this sort of thing. So I that all being said, the real problem here is that in this sea of horny liars, there's a few people who've seen something real. You think? Yes. OK. If you had to put all your eggs in a basket and pick. I'm going to give you three subjects. Ghosts, Bigfoot and aliens. OK. What are those?

39:13Which one of those do you think that anybody has ever seen a real had a real experience, a real experience? Like actually something actually happened? I think people have seen hyperdimensional entities that could be classified as ghosts or aliens. Do you think that they've seen these while sober? No. That's the problem, though, isn't it? There's a variety of chemicals that radically affect the way you see reality. And so the real problem is, do we just set as a standard the level of chemicals that exists in a normal human being without any outside help? And we'll call that like the baseline. Do we accept that? Or tweaked out of their gourd on magic mushrooms? Because that's also a state of consciousness a human can achieve if they consume the right foods. I mean, that really is what you're experiencing. So if you, under that situation, have a real honest-to-goodness alien encounter where

40:17you exchange information and you come out of it a better person, like enlightened by the face of this experience, even if it didn't really happen, it still happened in your mind. That's right. It's still something you experienced. That's right. So that could be an entity. Well, this is why we need a NASA for psychedelics, because that's when people are experiencing these things. Let's explore it. And I think, you know, a lot of people, and, you know, I've done this myself, when someone tells you a crazy story, like, were you high? Like, that discredits the person. But what if the mind is an antenna? And what if certain chemicals allow you to tune in to other frequencies that exist around us at all time? And everyone knows that we're surrounded right now by all kinds of invisible frequencies, ultraviolet light, radio waves, wireless signals.

41:09We are in an ocean of information washing around us that our computers and our technology are able to translate, to digitize and put it in a form that the human mind can understand. So in the same way, the human mind, it's a biocomputer. And maybe these psychedelics create an upgrade to the operating system that allows a temporary window into the unknown. And when you see that and you come back to this world and talk about it, people think you're nuts, because you can't take pictures of something that your mind is seeing after it's gone into a specific state of intoxication. You can only take pictures by describing it. Now, also, if you believe that psychedelics can rewire the mind to allow us to see the invisible world that exists around us at all times, then maybe people who are a little crazy see these things poking out from behind the lattice of reality.

42:07Maybe they do see it in the same way that when a person who isn't crazy, for lack of a better word, takes psychedelics. So in that way, perhaps the lens of our perception, when it's altered in some way, whether because you're a little on the nutty side or because you've taken some mushrooms, maybe when that lens has shifted, it allows us to see so much more. Yeah, that's very possible. It's very possible that that's exactly what's happening in this area in Utah as well, because this area, besides having this one spot where everybody claims all these events are happening, you know what else it has around there? Cattle. Ah. Cattle all over the place. The guy had a cattle ranch. We drove past several ranches where there's cattle. And where there's cattle, there's cow shit. Yep. And with there's cow shit in a place where it rains all the time? Yes. There's a party. There's a party.

43:05You're going to get some magic mushrooms growing on that cow shit. Yes. And if that's all you're doing, you're just hanging out in the middle of nowhere in Utah eating mushrooms, staring at the rocks, you're going to see some shit. Look, man, I've told you this story before. I've eaten mushrooms. I've been attacked by elves. I've seen hyperdimensional entities. I was on mushrooms and I saw it. I'm not going to go around saying that elves are real. But I'll tell you, when I was laying on that lawn chair at the spa with elves swimming through my body and making fun of my thoughts, it seemed very real. And it didn't seem fun at all. It was an unfun, terrifying experience. And if I'd lived 200 years ago and had just been foraging for food and happened to eat some food and had that experience, I would go back to the village and say, there are elves in the woods. There are elves. They swim through your body.

43:56They make fun of your thoughts. They're magic. They're magic. And so I think that psychedelics are a component in the experiences that people have of this nature. But I don't think that that means that the experience, I don't think that invalidates the experience. Well, it also brings into account the fact that the brain itself produces psychedelic chemicals. Yes. Without any help whatsoever, the brain produces dimethyltryptamine, 5-methoxydimethyltryptamine, dopamine, serotonin. There's a lot of shit going on in that brain. Melatonin. Your brain's producing all of these chemicals. And they come out in varying amounts. Just like we have varying dick sizes and some people have shitty eyesight and this guy was born with a bad liver. Guess what? Some people also get endogenous dumps of psychedelic chemicals they can't control. And so they start seeing things. Yes.

44:49And this is something that's very difficult to measure. They've just recently figured out how to measure the pineal gland of rats to prove that the pineal gland itself is a source of dimethyltryptamine. Wow. Until really recently, it was just a theory. So now they know that for sure. But the way they had to do it, they had to cut open the head of a live rat. You know, you're not going to let a, no one's going to let a person do that to them. So we're not even going to find out what's going on inside a person's head as far as the production of this stuff. And we certainly are not going to be able to figure out when it's active and when it's not. And these big rushes and bursts, unless we get more advanced medical equipment or unless we can get right to the source of it, cut open someone's brain while they're in the middle of an activity. Neither one of those events is very likely.

45:30So you're not going to be able to tell whether or not someone who had this crazy experience just had this rush of naturally produced psychedelic chemicals that we know exist in the brain. That's it. Exactly, man. And maybe when they have that rush, they're actually perceiving something that is there in some form. Something that exists in the same way radio waves exist, in the same way that ultraviolet rays exist. And we'll never know that until we stop the prohibition on psychedelics and start studying them again. But that's probably never going to happen. The experience was still fun. You know, I enjoy going to rural places and the scenery there was beautiful. And Mike had all of those pieces of petrified wood that he had found in that area. Apparently he said it's all over the place. You just find petrified wood. And it's really, really super common. It's just a very strange place.

46:32Like, it's very beautiful. And they said there's a lot of cougars out there. They see, like, not the chicks that are looking for action. They're over 40. That's not what they meant. They meant, like, mountain lions, a lot of mountain lion activity. And one of the women, what's her name that took us up there? Shannon. Shannon? Right. That woman, Shannon, while we were walking up to the top of that bluff, she told me she heard a cat. Yes. She said she just didn't want to upset us. I go, how do you know that you heard one? She goes, you can tell what they sound like. She goes, but they didn't want to have anything to do with us. So I just didn't want to alarm y'all. And I was like, Jesus Christ. We heard a mountain lion, like, right next to us in the bushes. And she's like, don't worry, keep it moving, keep it moving. It's only nighttime when they hunt. You guys have to be careful with this show, man.

47:18Yeah, you're telling me, man. Wandering up in cougar. That's why I send you to weird spots. Yeah, it's bad. It's dangerous. Look, we're up in cougar country. Who is guiding us? Captain Crazy Face. Yeah, we're being guided through herds of cougars by a lunatic. I prefer to refer to him as the bulletproof wolf wrangler. The orb caller. You know the horse whisperer? He's the Sasquatch whisperer. Yeah, he's the Sasquatch whisperer. I think it's... If only founding Bigfoot knew about this guy. You know, if we knew about this guy when we were looking for Bigfoot, we would have saved a lot of time. Yep. To be the guy's just a magnet for the stuff. Yeah, bring him out there, hang him from a tree. Like bait. But when we're around, man, even though he's a magnet for paranormal activity, when we're around, we're such losers that we just jinxed it for him. Well, that's what he thinks.

48:16That's what he thinks, probably, yeah. I wonder if he saw some stuff while we were all out there together, but he didn't want to bring it up unless we brought it up because he wasn't sure if it was real. Do you guys see my grandmother? No. Go just checking. Yeah, I didn't really. Hey, that's not Abraham Lincoln there telling me that I should blow up the federal building. Abraham Lincoln dressed up like the silver surfer with a swim cap on. The area was beautiful, though. You know, it's the ranch itself. When we were overlooking the ranch, it's gorgeous. I would love to have a ranch like that. It looks so badass. You know, it had a ranch house and beautiful trees and a beautiful field. I think that's the real gift that hunting for the paranormal gives you is it gets you out into nature. Yeah. That's one beautiful thing about it, man. This thing takes recluses out of their basement and into nature.

49:10Unless you're going for ghosts. That one sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Indoor ghost hunting. But still, at least you're driving to other houses. And a lot of people go to cemeteries and go outside to look for ghosts. This is nice, man, because people who otherwise would just be sitting in moldering piles of old diapers, spraying deodorant in the air to cover the stench of their rotting cat that died three weeks ago while they stare in the Internet at conspiracy theory websites. This gets them out into nature. And I think that's a beautiful thing about it. It is. And you know what? Normally in nature, just wandering around, they'd probably start getting depressed. They'd probably start thinking, what am I doing with my life? But when you're running for your life inside of a graveyard because you know a ghost is chasing you, it makes things way more interesting. Way more interesting.

50:00It gives you a spark of excitement. You, in fact, lived the exact same life even if you imagined that this would be happening. If you pretended that this would be happening and convinced yourself, you would live the exact same life as if an actual ghost was really chasing you. So your goofy, shitty brain decides to throw some chemicals down the hatch. Hey, listen, this guy's barely hanging on. Let's reward him with a little of the good stuff. Ha-chunk. So he opens up some valve in your brain and psychedelic chemicals flow. And, you know, all of a sudden your shitty life that you're like barely hanging on and really thinking hard about jumping in front of a train. Yeah. All of a sudden it's transformed and, like, you're the one who's been haunted by Richard VIII from another dimension. He comes out of the ground with a fucking turkey leg in his hand. Yes. He's chasing you around. Hey. It's great.

50:52Why not? It's better than his real life. His real life sucks a fat one. Yeah, man. Well, I mean, right. This is the eternal problem is do we embrace the phantasmal and the invisible to make our light, our lives glow with the light of lies? Or do we just deal with the fact that we exist in an impermanent part of the time-space continuum? And in a matter of time, a few cosmic blinks, our atoms are going to go spraying apart into infinity and we're going to be worm food. That's a hard thing for a lot of people to digest. So maybe they create these mythologies to comfort them a little bit. But all that being said, I think that there's some people who maybe actually have contact with this stuff. Just because crazy people believe it doesn't mean it's not real. It's like that old saying. Just because – how does it go? Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't following you.

51:50Well, just because you're crazy doesn't mean that there's no Bigfoot out there. It's true. So we can't just say because the sources have all seemed to have burnt antennae. It doesn't necessarily mean that the phenomena doesn't exist. Let me ask you this. Have you experienced any blowback for your willingness to engage in any of these ideas, whether it's UFOs or Bigfoot or anything spectacular like that, anything paranormal, anything out of the realm of normal everyday life? Have you experienced any blowback? Blowback? Yeah. Is there any people judging you for being a wacko conspiracy theorist and talking about Harper, Kemetrails? No, not at all. Everybody thinks I'm a very rational, logical person. I think a lot of people think I'm a scientist. I'm actually being nominated for a Nobel Prize, I believe. My research is bulletproof.

52:48No, I mean, honestly, I have not gotten very much condescension because I hang out with you. I mean, look who I hang out with, man. I don't get a lot of that judgment. But I think, actually, it's the other way around. I think you tend to get more judgment from people when you're a skeptic than you do if you're a believer. I think skeptics take a lot of heat, man. You know, I took more heat from the chemtrail episode than anything else I've ever done. On Twitter, more people were upset at me because they believe that I'm, like, contributing to geoengineering by the elites. Oh, yeah. That the global elites are mixing aluminum in the jet fuel and using it to control the population. Like, whoo! That it's actually nanoparticles in the chemtrails that they're heating up with HAARP, and they're using that to control the population. Like, golly. At a certain point in time, you just go, wow.

53:41What am I doing even communicating with you fuckheads? Well, I love the idea of following that all the way through. So this is what I like to imagine is the meeting where you're in an underground laboratory surrounded by federal agents. You're like, listen, Joe, I think that they're catching on that we're spraying aluminum into their playgrounds. You're a charismatic guy. Can you do this show? Calm everything down a little bit. What do you want? An island will give you an island. Immortal life. And by the way, look, I can turn into a lizard. So then they send you back into the world to do a show on the sci-fi network. That's their answer to the problem. Yeah, that's how you control the problem. You get dirty comedians who also double as cage-fighting commentators. And you have them disseminate the information because everybody knows they are so reliable and accurate with their view of the world.

54:30Well, it's not like he's fucked up at all. Well, no, it's not like the guy's a marijuana advocate. Hey, listen. We need to convince these conspiracy theorists that there isn't actually chemtrails. Give me that guy with a DMT molecule tattooed on his arm and the other guy who's got that YouTube video of him projectile vomiting. Yeah, man. It's a grand conspiracy. You figured this out. Dickfuck79 on Twitter. You silly bitch. Yeah. Yeah, there's no getting around the fact that because of the internet, you get to communicate with a lot of people that you wouldn't ordinarily. There's people that you would gravitate towards and you find them as well. But there's also people that somehow or another show up at the party and you're like, oh, God, what is this? And you're going to have to deal with that. That's part of the whole openness of the complete experience of the internet. Right.

55:23Is that you are going to have to deal with that. It's part of the problem. Part of the fun, man. Yes. But, again, that's why I think that you have to hold people with extraordinary claims even more to the fire of logic and truth than other people. Because you've got to – I really believe that there is, for lack of a better word, a supernatural realm. There is something outside human perception that is populated – that is possibly populated with sentient beings that aren't embodied. I think that that's possible. It's been reported in every religion, every mythology. It's a story that keeps coming up again and again and again in everything. And your own personal experiences. Yes. So having had these personal experiences, it's something that you not only accept it yourself, but you feel compelled to tell other people about it. Yes.

56:21And the history of humanity is one where humans are being led by an invisible being. The world religions have controlled society for a long, long time. And these world religions all have at their root, outside of Buddhism, the notion of an invisible entity that has an interest in guiding humans. And so this is not just some imaginary thing in the sense that it's something that people talk about who also huff glue. This is something that's been controlling the flow of history for thousands of years. So I think that it's very important to try to get to the truth of it. What's the core? Is it just the brain? Is the brain just some drug dealer? Are our brains just a Grateful Dead parking lot that from time to time spray hallucinogenics into us? The back of the bus explodes and acid flies through the air like confetti. Yeah. And everybody just sticks their tongue out. Yeah. Is that what it is?

57:22Or is it is that all it is? Is it just that the neurons in our brain misfire a little bit like a like a electrical cable in a puddle and it causes it to see these entities? Or is there another universe that exists that we can see if we learn to control our minds and our consciousness? And I think it's important to explore those ideas. I think also that our life in this dimension of conscious reality is filled with so much uncertainty and so much confusion. And we have such a inclination to follow others, to follow smarter people than us, to follow the leader, because we're all basically terrified of what we're doing. We're all going through life barely hanging on because you don't really want to think about the entirety of it all because it's too much. I just got to get to the work by X time and, you know, I punch out at six and then I'm going to go do this. Like that's that's filling your time.

58:21And it's not by any small coincidence that that's filling your time. It's because if it wasn't, if you really were spending all of your time contemplating your existence, it would almost be overwhelming. It would almost be too much for you to wrap your head around. Right. And because of that, we seek to define our universe in very certain terms. This is real. That's nonsense. This this is wood. You know, there's no elves in space around me. You don't know what you're talking. And we are like adamant about our version of reality to the point where people get upset at you if you want to escape this version of reality. Oh, you're looking for a way out where you scan a reality. You can't handle reality. You got to take drugs. Yeah. People will say that to you. What are they trying to do? They're terrified of other people escaping reality, too. They're terrified of reality.

59:16They're terrified of different definitions that they have to have to consider of reality. Everyone is. It's not something we address, but it is subconscious. It is there all the time. Yep. It's true, man. And I and I think that the impulse behind skeptics is a is a is a great impulse. And it's an impulse that changes the world for the better. When I don't I don't know who was the first person to say that there were that diseases were called caused by germs. I wish I did. But if that person who started figuring out that, oh, I think there's invisible entities that crawl into our body and make us sick. If that person hadn't explored that in a scientific way, then who knows what could have happened to humanity? You know, we all the all the different cures and antibiotics that we have that wouldn't have happened. I mean, eventually it would have happened.

60:09But if somebody who had that initial impulse, I think there's invisible creatures that get as sick. When they started saying that everyone around them or they thought they were insane. You know, the story of the I can't remember the name is a doctor who ended up in an insane asylum because he started suggesting that doctors wash their hands before they deliver babies. You would say if you're touching a corpse, wash your hands and then deliver the baby. And doctors at the time said gentlemen have no need to wash their hands because they didn't know that there was viruses and bacteria existing in the world because it hadn't been proven. So this guy who came up with this idea that doctors should wash their hands, he ended up in a mental asylum. He went crazy because he knew this was real. He went insane because he knew that there was something called germs and nobody believed in it at the time.

61:00So that's the that's the great problem. All the people out there bugling about UFOs, bugling about wormholes and Bigfoot and missed wolves. They have to let skeptics interrogate them in the most intense way, not to disprove them or show that they're crazy, but to get to the core truth. And sometimes the core truth is just theirs. They're the only one who really have access to it. And if it was some sort of a hallucination or whether it was real to them, but we can't perceive it because we weren't tuned into whatever frequency and radio dial of the universe that they were at the time that it happened. The bottom line is you got to bring something back in order for me to take it totally seriously. Yeah, I'm listening. I'll listen. I'll try to put myself in your footsteps.

61:53I'll try to put my myself in your head and try to figure out what you possibly could have been experiencing while it was all going down. But unless it's happening to me, it's all just nonsense. You know, and that's that's a real part of the reality that these folks are experiencing. And it should be. It has to be, you know, unless I can experience it myself. There's nothing that I've seen that compels me to believe anybody. There's nothing I've seen that compels me that this is an actual UFO landing site, that this is a guy who's been aboard a spaceship, that this is someone who's been abducted. Apparently, there's some people that tell me that they're going to tell me the story of what happened to them. And I'm going to believe it. And you're going to meet one of them. You're going to meet this woman named Nicole Dome. And you're going to sit down with her.

62:40And she apparently has some sort of an alien implant that she claims she got inside of her body. I don't know the full story, but you're going to learn it. And I figured it'd be perfect for you. That's your type of person. Yeah, this sounds like an e-harmony date for me. Freaky, tattooed up, very pretty girl who's been abducted by aliens. It's my soulmate. That's it. You're on the path. This is exciting. I've never met a person that has been abducted by aliens. I've met a couple of people that told me they were abducted by aliens, but I'm pretty sure they were bullshitting. Like, I've never met one person who had a story that I was like, wow, this seems to be real. But I'm told that there's a woman, her name is Nicole, and you're going to meet her. And this woman apparently has an incredibly believable, compelling story.

63:35And people that have talked to her have said, you know, wow, like you walk away from it and you go, I believe her. I don't know. And I but I trust your judgment. And it's she's right up your alley. She's really hot, freaky looking, covered in tattoos. And she's been aboard a UFO. So, I mean, this is my soulmate. She's your soulmate. That's amazing. So go meet her and talk to her and, you know, tell us what's up. Great. I'm there. E-Harmony date. Okay. Tell me about Nicole Doan. Well, you're right. She's a beautiful woman. Tattoos, interesting tattoos. Tattoos, she seemed very grounded, focused. She did not seem anything like Captain Crazy Cake from, what did you call him? Captain Crazy Face. She didn't seem anything like Captain Crazy Face. She was very focused, calm, open. She definitely experienced something. Okay. What was her story? She's leaving a diner with her friend. They want to go play pool.

64:46It's late at night. This is a small town. She's driving down the road. And suddenly they witness this hexagonal light above the car. And so she, they decide to pull over to look at the light because they're experiencing a UFO. And suddenly she's driving down the road. She's a mile down the road. And she gets to meet her friends at the pool hall. And they're pissed off because she's an hour late. And she should have been there in four minutes after leaving the cafe. So she had the type of, what do they call that? The time. Hypnotic regression. No, not hypnotic regression. She had a time. Time loss. She had time loss. And she, and her friend seemed drugged after the experience. So that's, that's her experience. Her friends seemed drugged. Yes. When they were driving down the road after having decided to stop to look at this light, they're further down the road with no memory of what's happened.

65:45They have the typical form of amnesia that abductees talk about. Her friend seems like she's drugged. Her friend seemed like she's been anesthetized or given some kind of drug to knock her out. They both, she's, her friend's groggy. I asked if they, if her friend was drunk or that they were high. She said no. And where were they coming from? They were coming from a diner. Is it possible that someone dosed them in the diner? Absolutely. Absolutely. Right. That is possible that they were. That seems much more likely. Someone who's being an asshole who's working in the kitchen, decided to slip some LSD into their Cheerios or whatever the hell they ate. That seems much more likely. Well, she, yes, definitely that's a possibility. Now, her story is not that she ended up in somebody's basement tied to a chair on Cheerio-laden LSD, or LSD-laden Cheerios.

66:38She, her story is that psychics started telling her that something on the left side of her body was off. And this happened a couple of times. And so she went to a UFO convention. And why are you looking at me like that? Well, because here's, here's my feeling. You know how I feel about psychics. And I think you know how I feel about people that find out something really special happened to them. All of those things are very suspect. The psychic thing is incredibly suspect. Also, a lot of people are very susceptible to suggestion. And a lot of people are very susceptible to attractive girls with tattoos. That's you. Now. Yeah, so I knew you were going to have a problem with reality here. Whereas if she was a fat guy with three teeth and she smelled like Heineken, you, you, you, you'd feel like this guy's an asshole. He wasn't aboard a UFO. He was trying to get me to look at his stomach, man. It was gross.

67:46He kept lifting up his beard gut, asking me if I had a black light. And I was like, this guy's going to try to fuck me. I got to get out of here. That's what you would have said. You were hypnotized by the sweet nectar of youth and the reckless indignation of a girl with tattoos on her tits. That's what happened with you. You got caught up in the tsunami that is the sexuality of that woman. And you were willing to like, oh yeah, I've been aboard a UFO too, kind of. Hey, you want to Skype? Think I can see your implants? I mean, you know, the alien one. Right? It's natural. It's natural. That's why, you know, I mean, it's, it's, for some people, it's very, you know. I'm not going to argue with you. The, the vehicle telling the UFO story, if it is a, if it happens to be a beautiful, young, tattooed girl, then yes. You know what? My ears are going to perk up a little bit more.

68:50But I will say that I've run into a lot of pretty tattoo girls who seem batshit crazy. They seem like they've been staring at the sun, sniffing glue. You know, it's just because you're right. So, I will say that, and you can review the tape, I will say that she seemed very centered, focused. Her, she believed her story. And, um, the most compelling evidence that she has is that apparently there is a scar on her stomach. That if you put a black light over it, you can see it. It wasn't there when she showed it to us at the bar. The problem is she's getting this information from a psychic. The problem is she's getting this information not just from a psychic, but someone who says they're a psychic. And almost everyone who says they're a psychic is full of shit. Absolutely. It might be 100% of them, but it's at least 99, okay? Yeah.

69:45So, the odds of her finding the 1 out of 100 that isn't full of shit, those odds really suck. So, then you have a person who is a nice person, but a person willing to get tattoos on their tits, okay? She's gangster. She's willing to take some chances. Look, I have tattoos myself. She's willing to take some chances, okay? Yes. She's wild. She's willing to go with it. She's willing to go with it. Yes. She's willing to go with an idea, and she might be willing to go with a memory. That's some crazy fucking fake psychic plants in her brain, and it sounds real. And when you convince yourself of shit like that, if you're so inclined, especially, and I believe she probably is, so inclined to believe the fantastic. It's common for people who have UFO abduction experiences to have, like, an inclination towards that type of thing. They believe in that type of thing. Yes. Which aids the experience.

70:34Confirmation bias. And she's only talking about memories. That's right. Well, here's the provable part. She is going, apparently, these beings abducted her. The memories that she has are of being put on a steel table, and they did something to her ovaries, possibly put an implant inside of her. She's actually going to get tests within the next few days to see what's going on down there and to see if there's some kind of implant there. And also... It's an IED she forgot about. She had an IED put in when she was in high school. It's just, fuck, where'd that thing go? I, look... Don't use that. She has no evidence right now to prove... Of course she doesn't have any evidence. But she's going to get it. No, it's not going to happen. She's not going to happen. How about that? How about, hold your breath. It's never going to appear. There's going to be no evidence. It doesn't exist. You're never going to find it.

71:34It lives inside the imagination only. I'm going to scan her with a black light. It might be a real experience now, okay, as far as memories go. Her memory might be as real as my memories of some stuff I did just a couple of weeks ago, which are very shady at best. If you asked me about my trip to the mall to get my laptop fixed two weeks ago, and I had to recount everything that happened... Yes. If you could see inside my memory about how shitty it really is, and how little I really remember about my trip to the mall, I remember almost nothing. If you told me I had to pick out where I was parked, otherwise I couldn't drive home, I'd be like, shit, I don't know where I parked. I have no idea where I parked at the mall two weeks ago. And that was me. And that was real while I was awake.

72:19So these memories that this woman has that are pulled out of a dream state, okay, pulled out of a hypnotic state, suggested to her by a psychic, they don't even live in her conscious memory. A memory that she's piecing together from something that someone told her about some dreams. Maybe, yeah, might as well be my trip to the mall, okay? So to her, it is real. So when she's telling you that it's real, she does feel it's real. And when she looks down, first of all, why is this freak looking at herself with black lights? Well, that's the story. Whoever looks at themselves with a black light. She was at a UFO convention. Ah, naked. No, seriously. Looking at her belly button. No, this is the story, for real. UFO convention. You know what shows up under black light? Loads! They do. They show up like ghosts. This is a cut.

73:07Take your little woman and have a little party on her upper midsection and then flash a black light. Shut the lights off. Close the shades. Use a black light. You're like, oh, now I get it. Yeah, that's a scar, honey. She got caught with a gunshot of load. That's what it is. She got caught in the crossfire and some of it was still stuck on her side. Can you please not talk about Nicole like this? It wasn't even really Nicole. I never met her. To me, she's an imaginary person. But I need to tell you where the black light thing happened because then you can really start making fun of her. Okay. So how did she find out about this scar? She found out about this scar at a UFO convention. She said that there was a booth where someone had written in black Sharpie, scans for alien implants. And you go into the booth and they make you take your clothes off and they run a black light over your body.

74:01And they tell you if you have an implant or not. Life is beautiful. It's really beautiful. Life is a beautiful thing because it's a play. It's we're watching it all play out. It's really a grand piece of artwork that's constructed for our amusement. There's no other way. There's no other way that could be real. There's no other way that someone could have a booth at a UFO conference where you have to take your clothes off and they look at you with a black light. Which, oh, just so happens to show loads. All the loads on you. All the loads on you glow like one of those Panther paintings that you had in high school. Remember those black light posters that you had? The Panther had like yellow teeth and claws and yellow eyes and a little red with his mouth. My drug dealer had one. Those were the shit. That's what they're looking for. The idea is so hilarious that that's how she found out about this.

75:03That it really feels like we're in the middle of a Coen Brothers movie. Yeah. That this is a real person. And this is really happening in today, in 2013. In the modern era of smartphones, pressing Google, asking it where to go. It gives you directions. In this world, someone finds themselves naked with a black light going over their body while some white guy with dreadlocks is telling them about scars that they got because they were picked up by aliens. She said the guy worked at NASA. Of course he did. He's a clean up guy. He cleans up the spooge. He's a NASA clean up booth guy. They have a peep booth at NASA. A lot of those astronauts do a very stressful job. They need to unwind. They like peep booths. This guy, he's the official mopper. He also shows up with a black light at parties. He keeps everything rocking. This fucking guy's got his own black light. Jesus Christ.

76:04He's probably got glow sticks too, the dickhead. I agree, man. But you believe this woman. I believe... This is the part that's going to get on TV. People don't think these are real podcasts. Now you know, you fucks. I believe that she experienced something. You believe that she's hot and hypnotic. Let's start with that. She's hot. She's hypnotic. And you and I both know that you've always had a thing for tattooed up girls. Especially girls with good work. Let's be honest. Who doesn't? That's a dangerous woman willing to take chances. And if you're a stand-up comedian, that's the type of person you need in your life. Yes. Right? Okay. Okay, that's all true. She's gangster. Yes. Okay. So you like that, right? Yes. Me too. All right, go ahead. So you're infatuated. You're intoxicated. This beautiful woman. God, you're so close to her. You can smell her. And she's showing you her little scars. And you're like, wow!

76:57Yeah, I can totally see it! Yeah, I mean, maybe we can get a black light and, you know, we can look at each other's bodies. I mean, it's cool. I mean, I'd like to know if I have one shit. I mean, if you do, maybe I do too. Next thing you know, she's wearing your fedora. You're both naked. You still got your socks on. Black lights. Going back and forth in a dressing room somewhere. Yes! Yeah, easily, man. I can see it. Okay. You're not really going to give me an accurate assessment of what really went down. I need to be there with you. I need to be there with you to watch your chemical makeup, to watch your body shift like a giant human mood ring. All of a sudden, you're just green with horniness. You're glowing like the Hulk. If you were a mood ring, it would start cracking at the seams. You wouldn't be able to take the G-force of green that's pumping into the sides of this poor fucking mood ring.

77:57Here's the thing. Crack. Like a big aquarium trying to hold in sharks. Explodes and takes your finger off with it. Just because a pretty girl is talking about aliens doesn't mean that a person believes... Showing you her skin, lifting up her clothes. She's going like this. It's right there. It's right there. It's about seven inches from my pussy. If you went from my pussy up with your fingers, you would just go like that. It would be like seven inches. Look, man. All of what you're saying is accurate. It doesn't mean she wasn't abducted. Exactly. Exactly. It's like you said earlier. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not following you. Yes. Just because you're a beautiful tattooed girl with an invisible scar doesn't mean that you didn't get abducted by aliens. Just because you're a crazy liar, it doesn't mean you haven't really been aboard a UFO. That's right. That's right. That's exactly right.

78:57So, you know, that's why I'm looking forward to getting the results of her tests. Are you guys going to stay in touch? I'm looking forward to... Are you going to send her an email? You're not going to believe this, but they just came out with a new type of black light that works best on naked girls. It's amazing. It's amazing. I'm an Amazon Prime member, and it's already here. Look, it's here. You can come over and try it if you want. I mean, I'm totally cool with it. It is dark out. She has a boyfriend. Okay. These are just jokes, folks. We don't mean anything we're saying. Not at all. Okay, but what I am saying is that I'm not entirely sure that you were the hard-nosed private eye that I would have liked on the case. Not at all. No way, man. No way. You're not going to get an ambush interview out of me in that situation? Of course not. Of course not. God, man.

79:50Hey, man, even if it was a charismatic man, okay, I have often wondered if Tom Cruise was trying to convince me of something. I've seen Tom Cruise give interviews. Yes. He's incredibly convincing. Yes. Okay? I've seen Tom Cruise argue with people about stuff. You don't want to be in an argument with Tom Cruise. No. And if Tom Cruise is telling you about his UFO abduction, you might be inclined to believe it, man. He might be inclined to believe it. He might be so charismatic that he can just hit every note exactly the right way with the right amount of pause, the right amount of sincere emotional content. You know, man, I have no proof of this. And I'd say if this goes on the show, you're all getting a huge lawsuit. But I heard that Tom Cruise pays guys to come into his gym when he's working out and rape him. Let's edit that out. Okay. All right. We wrapped up Nicole Dome.

80:42Can you just start with a question in case we don't know? Okay. Okay. Okay. Impressions. Okay. So what were your impressions of Nicole? She was a very focused... All right. We already got all this. Good. And then can you... For more of this, go to sci-fi.com. There's more. For more information about this, much of this conversation, you're not going to get all of it. Okay? That's fine. Sorry. Sci-fi.com. They're not going to show all this shit. But for more information, go to sci-fi.com. We have a lot more of this up there. We had to edit this. It's a 44-minute show, folks. Yes. Um... Okay. And then... Can you... What? It's all right to say the cameraman. I think that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't matter. The only one that might be funny is, like, ask each other what would happen if you got abducted. Okay. If you got abducted, each of you. Okay. And then I think we're good. Yeah. They're all serious.

81:40Um, what do you think would happen? We good? We good? Yep. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you were abducted? Yes. What do you think would happen? I'd cry and scream and try to keep whatever I could out of my asshole. Would you or would you worry that if you didn't give up, they would just, you know, paralyze you and do horrible things to you? Maybe even kill you. Yeah. I mean, I think that that is what happens is they end up paralyzing you. Do you think that people have ever been killed by UFOs? Yeah, I don't think so. I don't know, man. I mean, killed by UFOs? Yeah. No. No. I don't think people have been killed by UFOs, but plenty of people say that they've gotten sucked up onto these ships. And some people think that it's UFOs. Some people say it could just be government agents.

82:39By the way, if you're a, here's the thing, if you're an inventor, but you're also a perv, all you have to do is have a levitating craft that can suck people into it. And they're totally cool with getting product. You have to be so ahead of the curve, though. And to fund that thing, you'd have to sell it. You'd have to sell them to fund it. And then it would go public, and then it would get out, and then people would be careful. They would wear special tinfoil hats that doesn't allow them to get sucked into your giant rape ship. People talk about it. If you get sucked up into a UFO, and you get probed, as they call it, people talk about it. Yeah. It's a sexually violating experience. You get taken into some guy's trailer. Like, if that happened to you, or you're just walking down the street, and somehow you got hypnotized by a spiral in a trailer park,

83:22and you ended up getting probed by some redneck who wanted to shove his water bong inside of you, you wouldn't talk about that. Right. That's not a story you share. But somehow, if you get taken up into a silver trailer in space, and get probed by a thing, it's like, hey, I got probed. Well, it's always a medical experiment. It's never sexual in nature. Yeah, that's what every creep says. So... Aliens are creeps! Okay, so if you were abducted by... Are they... Who's creepier? The alien or the zookeeper? The alien. Why? Because they do it to people? How about the guy who works at SeaWorld? Tells dolphins they have to flip or they don't get fish. Who's creepier? I'd say the aliens are less creepy. Because they seem to leave us in the wild. They don't seem to keep us. They don't seem to be, like, kidnapping people left and right and sucking them up into giant space zoos.

84:17I'd say the aliens are less creepy than the zookeeper. Let me ask you this. If I told you that I drove around in my car and from time to time picked up stray dogs and shoved my fingers into their assholes and then put them back out in the street, would you think I was creepy? Look, I love you, man, so I'm not the best person to judge. I'd forgive you. I'd say you probably shouldn't do that, man. It's probably bad karma. But it's not like I would rat you out for something like that. We're friends, dude. But I think that, I mean, I don't know, like I said, I don't know anyone who I legitimately believe their alien abduction experience. So I don't know what's happening. I don't know if it is just, in fact, a memory that someone has introduced into their mind. And they relay it as if it was a fact. But much like my real memories, they're very sketchy. I've had some beautiful moments in my life.

85:15And I look back on them and there's flashes and try to piece it together. Try to piece together some of the most memorable, spectacular events in your life. And they still, they come off like weird slideshows of blurry images and a narrative that you can follow in your head because you know it, because you remember it, and also because you've said it a bunch of times, you've told people about the experience. But the reality of your memories, they're terrible. So it's so hard to say what exactly is going on. Well, you know what those gray aliens look like, right? They look like, and I think someone else has posited this theory, but if you look at the gray aliens and you take a doctor with a medical mask on and you look at him delivering a baby, the first thing a lot of people see is this, that kind of shape, that kind of thing.

86:05And when you're taken out of the womb and suddenly they're running medical tests on you, which is what happens when you're born. They weigh you, they do all this weird shit to you. I don't know exactly what. Then that is a very traumatic experience. And some people say that alien abductees are actually reliving the trauma of birth. That's what they're experiencing, is the trauma of being yanked out of a very warm, safe place and being poked and prodded by beings that you can't possibly understand because you've never seen another human being in your life. It totally makes sense. And it also sort of makes sense why there's such a clinical nature to all these experiences. It's always these cold tables and pokes and no one's talking to you, no one's loving and warm and comforting. It's always just medical and cold and sanitary and very dark and bleak and the room seems impossibly large and bright. Yes.

86:57It's exactly what it is. It's probably just an implanted memory that's distorted radically over the years and added to with dreams and all sorts of other paranoias that you gather up and stew together over the course of a lifetime. Yeah. And then while you're sleeping, they all come boiling together. And my ship! They're taking me away! Meanwhile, you're just a baby. Yeah, you're just a baby. You're just a little baby, shitting all over yourself. Screaming. Screaming for the first time. Staring at a fluorescent life when you've been inside of a pussy for the last nine months. Yes. You don't have a fucking clue as to what you're seeing. No, you're just... How would you not remember that? That was a big question. Why would we assume that kids don't remember that? Because some people say you try to block it out of your memory because it's so traumatic. Maybe so. It's a horrible thing.

87:44Especially if you get circumcised. Yeah. You come spraying out of that thing and they snip the tip of your cock off. Exactly. Exactly. And how about if it's done in an orthodox Jewish way where the moil has to suck on it to stop the bleeding? I try to forget it. Yeah. How the hell are you going to remember that? You don't want to. I don't even want to think about it happening to other people. Well, you answered my question for me. What? About how I feel about being abducted. I was going to turn the same question to myself. What would you do? Exactly. Try to stop something from going to my butt. That's it. That's what you do. That's what you do. Because it probably doesn't really happen. You know what? I don't think it really happens. And if it does really happen, I don't think it happens physically. I might be wrong. I might be wrong. But I don't think it happens. Just not enough. No videos.

88:32There's not a single security video of a guy leaving his body and flying through the walls and aliens come and taking him away. And the wife getting up to pee in the middle of the night. And the husband's gone. She calls 911. And ten minutes later, he just appears magically underneath the covers. There's no proof. There's none of that. There's no video. There's no nothing. Nope. There's a bunch of weird people that are telling weird stories. And that's all you get. And that's all you're going to get. Bank on it. Put it all in the bank. Bet it all on black. You don't have a fucking chance. No one's pulling anything back. No one's going to get a picture. No one's going to have an implant that's worth a shit. No one's going to have a single photograph that doesn't look like bullshit. No one. There'll be nothing. There'll be no evidence. Until there is. There'll be no evidence.

89:18I think that we never get to that point. How about that? I think human beings get lodged into a simulation long before we ever figure out how to really live this planet. And I think that probably happens exactly the same all throughout the universe. I bet the only space travel that people do is inside of simulations. I bet no one ever gets past it. This is what life does. Life creates an artificial reality as soon as it knows how to and jumps in there. They create an artificial version of what they would like when they figure out that the human synapses are just a bunch of ones and zeros. And you can boil it down and copy it and duplicate it. Yes. I think they just. That's what we do. No one ever gets anywhere. Well, I mean, it's so much more economical, too. It is. It's really nothing. I'm afraid that you may be right. It could just be a subjective experience. It could be some kind of traumatic memory.

90:36It could be a lot of things that are in the subconscious mind. But one thing's for certain. A lot of people have had this experience. Now, why they're having it, who knows? But, yeah, you would think with the number of people who are having this experience, you drive down the road and look to the side and see people getting sucked up into the sky and clouds coming back down, confused. People have things, Duncan. They have seen things, Duncan. You just don't know the stories. You know, you're sitting here all smug. But if it happened to you, man, imagine. Imagine if it happened to you. And no one wants to believe your story. You're worried about telling people at work. They might think you're crazy. You lose your job. You can't feed your family. Right. Okay, bro? Because you're sitting here all smug. It must be nice. It must be nice to be a stand-up comedian living in Los Angeles.

91:22I'm in a trailer park in Oklahoma. Someone sucked me out of the sky. And now I can't tell my boss at the coal mine or I might lose my fucking kids. My wife's doing meth. My fucking tire's flat. Okay? What do you want me to... You're kind of an asshole, Duncan. You know that? Do you want me to hold you? Talking a lot of shit about people that have actually had unique experiences. I'm sorry about your life. You don't know my life, Duncan. You don't know what happened to me that night changed me forever. Yeah, I bet. You're like the worst of the... Do you ever think how bummed the aliens are when they abduct that guy? Oh, God. He's playing golf drunk in the middle of the night and they scoop him up. Put him back. You guys are dicks. Okay? If I was super fucking advanced, I wouldn't just be stealing people while they play golf and spitting in their face and shit. Put him back over. What are we dealing with this guy?

92:16But that's... You know, that is one thing, man. That like... What if... You know, what if you could just like overpower the aliens? Like you never hear about people getting abducted and then wrestling the aliens to the ground. These are apparently these frail little beings. What if you could fight them? I think that the idea is that they've reached this point where they control matter with their mind. That's why they have these giant heads that are way bigger than ours. And that's why they don't seem to talk with their mouths. Yes. Look at me. I'm like adding to the folklore. I'm just making shit up. I don't know what... If any of this has ever happened ever. But I'm like culminating a bunch of different idiot stories. Well, they communicate with their minds. Yeah, they do, Duncan. What they do is basically implant ideas in your brain. By the way, JPL. You mentioned JPL. You know where that comes from, right?

93:03That's John Parsons' laboratory. You know who John Parsons was, right? John Parsons was a... Is that the rifle man? John Parsons was a devotee of Alistair. Jack Parr. What? Jack Palance. Parsons. Parsons was a devotee of Alistair Crowley. That's his laboratory. So that Parsons, he believed in extradimensional entities. And he would say prayers before he did any of his tests with rocket fuel and stuff. And L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, stole his girlfriend because they used to hang out. You can look that stuff up. It's all 100% true. There's a crater on the moon named after him. Now, Alistair Crowley, he once tried to summon an entity. This is way before people were talking about aliens. And the drawing that he drew of the entity looks exactly like the gray aliens. You can look that up. Exactly like a gray alien. So follow that weird maze. Maybe it's Jack Parsons. I can't remember which Parsons.

93:59That's the rabbit hole, son. That's the rabbit hole. We're done. Anything else? We good?